FimFiction thread - Now with 76% more mad libs

Futamac get

File: twilight_sparkle_and_pinkie_pie_doctors_office_by_paris7500-d586tfl.jpg (234KB, 600x450px) Image search: [Google]

234KB, 600x450px

http://pastebin.com/2VAfBkJE

...
Give it to me straight, doc. It's cancer, right?

>>29028222

It's n^2 cancer which saved the patients life. Their cancer got cancer and died from it you see.

http://pastebin.com/tEzeGkWg

If anyone wants to spend some time reading a thing I've recently written for a prompt thread, I'm looking for some advice. It feels like I'm often getting lost in what's like 2 or 3 sentence structures over and over. Are there any general tips how to spice up greentext style writing structure-wise?

>bump

>>29028898
>a ~16 yo teenager has beaten a 7 feet tall giant with almost 70 kills behind his belt
>there's a gladiator arena in EqG where people fight for death only for shelter
>"How do I say this, my parents were killed in a car accident and I've been homeless for five years."
I like this universe more than the canon EqG one tbqh
So how the fuck did he survive for five years with no income at all
Also I bet Sunset killed his parents

>>29028333
>general tips how to spice up greentext style
Try asking the drawfag thread. We don't really do greentext here.

>>29028814
>Then imagine the pink Jesus whose birth marked that year the EqG calendar.
Buddah was obviously yellow, right?

>>29028860
So this death-match pit plot point was brought up, resolved and then ignored in the span of half a chapter?

Something tells me it's not going to be brought up for the rest of the story either.

>>29029979
You mean writefag, surely?

>>29031132
Shit, yeah

>>29030846
I really hope that doesnt fulfill the murder quota of the story

>>29028222
>Slowly focusing on Twi and the cakes...
>"You! You're up. Ahahaaha" giggles
Are you writing a show script or something? Because this style is really throwing me off.

>>29028333
>greentext style
I have no clue as I don't write or read greentexts.

The writefag general may be able to help more.
>>29028192

TRIPLE BUMP

Wow this thread sure is popping today

Does anybody else read 7DSJ's chapters over about 15 sittings? I can't deal with Shinz's retardation for long durations.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/220615/twilight-manages-to-screw-up-more-than-usual

I kept reading this after checking it out for some anon in the last thread. It's one of those "alt M6" things, this time featuring Twiggles and all your favorite meme horses. Fics like that are normally garbage, but in this case it works out pretty well. It avoids trying to rewrite S1, aside from the one chapter with Trixie, which was definitely one of the weaker ones. Instead, each chapter is a SoL friendship-problem episode, including actual non-meme characterization and development for the meme horses. On top of that, there's an overarching plot about Twilight studying the Elements and learning how not to be an anti-social shut-in.

Overall: 7/10

>>29035535
>Does anybody else read 7DSJ
Why on earth would anyone do a thing like that

>>29036498
>Was the author on drugs when he wrote this chapter?
Love is the most powerful of drugs, Anon.

>>29036498
How the fuck
Did he just ask Luna to put on a fursuit and disrupt classes? Who are the rest of those people anyway, we don't have any friends. Our last month was spent harassing Rarity, sitting alone at lunch and fighting deathmatches.
Was the point of this whole chapter just that the author wanted to show off this really cool song he listens to?

>>29035535
>15 sittings
Dude, are you for real? Most of his stuff is not even that bad. It's only on occasion that it gets really exceptionally crazy, like the SIRENs' backstory, or the unnecessary incest in the setup for one of the ritual murders.

And don't forget, 7DSJ is babby tier. Even at its craziest, it just can't compare to AAG's casual war crimes, Sweetie Belle sex golem, or this lovely chapter from an AAG prequel:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/146048/9/kind-hearts-coronets/ix-just-an-illusion-we-believe
(That chapter's largely self-contained, by the way. Go ahead and read it even if you don't know AAG - it's "fun".)

>>29038037
I just think he sucks at writing. It's hard to sit through "what the fuck is going on" as well as "What the fuck was this guy thinking" all at the same time as "this dude has no idea how to do what he's trying to do"

>>29037555
checked
We all assumed that the suicide attempt mentioned in the description was about the edgy backgrounded, friendless permavirgin gladiator, but now im almost thinking its rarity

>>29036450
>>29036458
>>29036463
>>29036469
>>29036480
>>29036491
>>29036498
Found the party animals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUN9GzwUNZA

>>29038432
That would make for an interesting twist.
At the end, the mc's outrageous attempts drove Rarity to insanity and the only way out she found was killing herself.

>>29038455
I was thinking more that she realizes that panks moving in on her man and shes lost her chance with the gladitorial murderer who has enough juice to make luna dress up like a rabbit, and that being the worst possible thing she jumps off a building or something. because despite being a friendless loser, he still manages to be a stu

http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/697548/author-clusters-question

So Bad Horse ran PCA on a bunch of authors to group them based on their followers. The results a re kinda interesting. I'm especially curious as to how DisneyFanatic23 ended up with all the cloppers.

>>29038768
disney fans are even more perverse than horsefuckers? Somehow I can believe that

More like fandicktion

>>29039828
Aren't you fuckin clever

File: damn.png (223KB, 639x912px) Image search: [Google]

223KB, 639x912px

guess hes not dead afterall.
though this does constitute further proof that he doesnt know how to write an ending and will willingly blueball everyone on anything that isnt a one shot

>>29036450
I have not been paying attention, but isn't anyone going to cal foul on the narrative following a character who isn't >you in a 2nd person story? Like, how the hell do you know what she's doing behind a closed door? Much less her internal monologue?

>>29038768
What I want to know is how in the fuck xTSGx managed to land in the same cluster as Bad Horse and Cold in Gardez.

>>29039924
It's a 2nd person omniscient narrator, not like a pleb like you would ever understand the writing genius the author possesses.

Rereading The Best of All Possible Worlds now. The comments in the first couple chapters by people who have no idea who Voltaire is are kind of depressing. Like, I know he isn't studied in most high school history classrooms (I've never heard his name in the classroom before), but the guy's writings were kind of important and had a massive impact on the development of modern society. Shouldn't anyone who grew up in the Western world at least have heard of him?

File: 21424124124.png (221KB, 450x450px) Image search: [Google]

221KB, 450x450px

>>29028155
Any of guys read Discord's Rewrite?

I fucking love this one and I can't wait for it to get updated again: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/343766/discords-rewrite

>>29040827
I tracked it since it piqued my curiosity, but the "Possible Harem/Marem" makes me dubtflul.

>>29040784
I blame pulbic education. how can anyone seriously not know who voltaire is?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3bKmOqXXjc

>>29041058
That joke was already made multiples time, both on this thread and in the comments section of the fic.

>>29041677
it remains mildly amusing

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/335006/flurry-hearts-hip-dysplasia

This is... a little weird.

>>29041949
I don't get it. What is the author supposed to be accomplishing?

>>29041949
I have a fibrous dysplasia on my left femur, can I claim this fic triggered me?

>>29042607
I dunno. Seems too weak to be trolling, too short to be an "hurt-comfort fic" (not to mention spending too much time on the operation itself), and I think that a few things are medically inaccurate so not a great gore fic either.

Perhaps it's just one of those things.

>>29042803
Plus, the whole uh... "twist" ending is far too short to be effective.

>>29040784
> No Voltaire in high schools

If you're right, then American education is even worse than I thought.

>>29042864
I'm Canadian actually. But yeah, the last time I took world history was in fifth grade. Everything after that was North American history, mostly focusing on the one or two somewhat interesting things that happened in Canada.

What's the last story you wrote?

bumb

File: so i told him to come out of my screen...he actually did it! the absolute madman haha.png (527KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

527KB, 600x600px

Has the absolute madman himself been ponified yet?

File: Hello there.gif (2MB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 400x400px

>>29044978

File: 1480872296825.gif (549KB, 508x508px) Image search: [Google]

549KB, 508x508px

>>29028155
Is this fic any good?

I don't wanna start reading it if it's boring:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/249782/magical-mystery-oops

>>29045155
I bet if you read it you'll know if it's boring.

File: 14769490854661.png (77KB, 604x505px) Image search: [Google]

77KB, 604x505px

I'm looking for a romance story, lewd optional but not unwelcome, and maybe some decent build up/pay off so not just oneshots.

However, I have a peculiar taste: They have to be Stallion/Stallion

> create an OC villain because autism
> write a lengthy story featuring her
> realize she's pretty much a carbon copy of Sunset Shimmer, even the colour scheme is similar

What do?

>>29046184
just use sunset shimmer as the villain because why not?

>>29046211
Thought about that, but the story is supposed to take place after season 6, so how could it make sense? She's a good guy stuck in a disgusting human body.

>>29046221
just slap an AU tag on it and give her a 1500 word background on how she got there

>>29046221
>so how could it make sense? She's a good guy stuck in a disgusting human body.
because there arent twenty thousand other fics in which 'good' characters become evil villains.

all you need is an excuse for her to be a horsepony instead of a horsegirl

>>29045677
Haven't found much in the way of dedicated M/M stuff that's really notably good (granted I'm not usually looking for it), but the closest you'll probably find is ChuckFinley's works. A lot of his stories involve bi/gay stallions even if they're not the focus or the romance. There's a pretty good oneshot involving Shining Armor and Flash Sentry having this sort of homoerotic-military-brotherhood thing going on despite him courting Cadence (who gets in on the action in the sequel). And then almost anything in his "Pipsqueak's Day Off" series is worth a look, it's mostly about the various foal characters being a bunch of teenagers getting drunk and fucking each other, and there's some gay stuff in there.

Best I got, anon.

>>29045677
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/104295/brushed-away

>>29047217
Oh yeah that is a lot of gay. whats it up to now- 4 sequels and the optional side clop?

page 10

>>29048817
why?

>>29048911
she likely deserved it.

was anything of value actually lost?

I'm smart enough to not bother posting many comments on there to keep out of trouble, so i dont know- whats a ban get you on fimfiction? are you completely locked out, or still have access to your shelves and shit?

>>29049010
>but is Fimfiction really worth all that effort?
if you can remember half the shit you were tracking maybe

but honestly at this point, probably not

>>29048911
>outright telling someone to kill themselves
>not bringing down their self-esteem down and abusing them for months until they themselves think suicide isn't the only option.
Good. You deserve to be banned for such a sloppy work.

This be a bump

>>29049967
yarr

Ce n'est pas un bosse

File: starlight_glimmer_is_angry_by_stelar_eclipse-d8ofii6.png (323KB, 2370x2185px) Image search: [Google]

323KB, 2370x2185px

>80-3 like ratio
>no feature
What the Luna-loving fuck?!

>>29051236
time/heat is a factor

>>29051253
So basically because not enough people read it in time, it didn't get the feature? FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

File: 2352362362362374.png (189KB, 1024x1024px) Image search: [Google]

189KB, 1024x1024px

>>29051236
What story?

>>29051264

Heat has more to do with people reading a story at the same time; that's why stories featured by the RCL often end up in the popular stories list, and occasionally the feature box, for a day or two after they get posted. Upvotes do appear to matter, but not nearly as much as just sheer number of readers.

The feature box is for the stories that a lot of people are reading 'right now.'

>>29051264
At least you got a decent like to dislike ration, man. Be happy with what you have and try again.

>>29051283
A shitty comedy/le so randumb story about balls.

>>29051275
This actually makes me feel better. It makes me feel like I don't suck as a writer.

File: slowpoke.png (87KB, 1237x1199px) Image search: [Google]

87KB, 1237x1199px

>>29051338
Oh the Pinkie Pie one?

>>29051288
everyone aspires to the featurebox, especially those denouncing it as the hugbox.

>>29051338
with that description id almost expect it to be one of bleedys masterworks

>>29051345
Yeah. My story about Adagio and Hitler having sex didn't do too well, so I thought I'd do one where I specifically pandered to the fimfiction community.

>>29051368
>Adagio and Hitler having sex didn't do too well
should have done adagio and trump.
because thats more modern and with it, and trump is literally hitler or so im told

>>29051386
Hitler doesn't rape women, though.

>>29051386

Hitler at least had the common sense not to trust Russia.

>>29051402
but you just know he grabbed eva braun by the pussy

>>29051413
sign political and economic pacts, then invade. what could go wrong?

>>29051434
If the US hadn't sided with Britain, Germany could have taken down both Britain and Russia at the same time.

>>29051468
Even lend/lease only did so much. blame the japs. the US would have sat out the war if we werent dragged into it

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/356848/sunsettle-for-this

So Aragon just released a multi-chapter comedy fic. It's good to see a return to form from him; he one-shots are nice, but I always enjoyed his longer works more. Of all his stories, this feels the most Pratchett-esque, which is nice.

>>29051468
Think about it--Germany would have had to mount something like Operation Overlord to invade Britain, and they didn't have those resources, especially once they opened an Eastern Front.

>>29051882
wouldnt have needed to. brits left most of their equipment at dunkirk and didnt have the transport capacity to launch their own invasion. britain could have been kept holed up indefinitely

It always comes back to tiger fucking tanks

>SS&E has three fics in the featured box right now

>>29038768
>tfw you're clustered with norsewords

>>29039924
The narration in a second person story can be either omniscient or limited.

>>29043630
Batpony fetish clopfic. It went over terribly, but I had a blast writing and/or masturbating to it, so I'm not too upset.

>>29046184
Not sure how you could have finished it without realizing it (the whole "former student of Celestia becoming bitter and power hungry" alone should have risen flags), but the simple, yet hard answer is to do a rewrite.

>>29048911
Keep the edginess on 4chan. Don't you know how to dawn the various social masks depending on the website?

>>29051264
If it's a multichapter you're doing, there's a high likelihood it'll get one of the three update slots when you post the next chapter.

>>29051468
>Germany taking down Russia
Nah, they were fucked no matter what. By the time they finally got to Moscow, everything had been moved past the Urals.

>>29053059
>tfw you're clustered with norsewords
thats unfortunate

File: BackyStahp.png (137KB, 650x672px) Image search: [Google]

137KB, 650x672px

>>29053059
>The narration in a second person story can be either omniscient or limited.

I'm sorry, generally I respect you, but that's stupid. Think through it--unless the "you" of the story is an omniscient god rather than the reader, that makes no sense.

Isn't second person shit enough already without compounding it with narrative incoherence?

>>29053783
If you think of second-person as someone narrating your story to you, then it makes sense that the narration could be omniscient. It's something that you occasionally see done in verse (like in songs, though I can't think of one at the moment).

>>29053059
>Not sure how you could have finished it without realizing it (the whole "former student of Celestia becoming bitter and power hungry" alone should have risen flags), but the simple, yet hard answer is to do a rewrite.

I didn't finish it, I just wrote quite a bit. And I don't know why I didn't notice earlier. Autism, I guess.

I'm considering making some backstory changes and switching the gender. We need more villains with horsecocks, anyway.

File: 513377213_preview_CivilizationV 2015-12-28 22-30-07-67.jpg (846KB, 1680x1050px) Image search: [Google]

846KB, 1680x1050px

I love Civilization V mods.

File: comm__under_the_tree_by_pridark-dalh1m1.jpg (105KB, 762x1048px) Image search: [Google]

105KB, 762x1048px

What do you guys think of The Abyss? How come he's so popular even though his story and overall writing style is so mediocre? Are people really paying him to write such stock material?

>>29055242
>How come he's so popular
he does comfy SoL and pleb tier light fetish clop, and you have to ask that question?

>>29055469
Link pls. I would read that.

>>29055469
Yeah, she writes the two most FB-baity types of stories and she's an editor or something at Equestria After Dark. It's not really a surprise that she's this popular.

>>29055127
What mod is that?

>>29056151
http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=513377213

File: 819.png (1MB, 1172x610px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1172x610px

>tfw managed an average of 300 words per day for the past week.
>tfw even if I falter for a day or two, I may still be able to finish a chapter of a long neglected story before Christmas
>tfw feel like less of a shitty person
It's a good feel.
God, I hope this lasts.

File: nothingProductiveAllDay.png (194KB, 419x720px) Image search: [Google]

194KB, 419x720px

>>29056810
I'm happy for you!

File: 1481149661543.png (2MB, 1091x1077px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1091x1077px

>>29028155
Bleh.

I have some interesting fic ideas but I feel like people might find them shit.

Should I just throw the idea at the wall anyway and hope it sticks?

>>29057299
Post it and I'll tell you why it's terrible and you should feel bad

>>29055469
To be fair, comfy SoL is pretty fucking ace.

>>29057323

Dumb question, but does anyone remember a story about a human guy who knows about the show and he heads to Equestria, tells Celestia and Luna a bout it then he more or less sees what the ponies do first hand, and he gets worried about messing with the timeline if he helps them.

I can't remember if it's regular ponies or anthro, but I haven't been on Fimfiction in months and can't remember the name of it, in case anyone has an idea what I'm talking about.

>>29058954
>does anyone remember a story about a human guy
No

> ponies or anthro
Jesus, I was just kidding. Why would you voluntarily read anthro?

>>29059196
Anthro is only good for smut or for EqG, and EqG is cancer unless Aragon does it.
I guess it could work in some sci-fi setting, wherein the ponies are just helper androids/pleasure bots or whatever, but otherwise no.

>>29058954
going to need more details than that, because 'self insert brony in equestria' covers an entire sub-genre

File: t2zg-1432480456-97639-full.jpg (95KB, 894x894px) Image search: [Google]

95KB, 894x894px

Anyone else read this?
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/97639/the-bold-the-brash-and-the-beautiful

Basically a ponified Westworld with Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash as the central protagonists, though it is obviously based on the original 1973 movie and not the new TV series since the story was uploaded three years before the show even premiered.

>>29053783
>that's stupid
Welcome to second person stories.

>"you" of the story is an omniscient god
The narration isn't being done by "you" though, it's being done by a different entity. The only time omniscient narration really can't be done from a strict standpoint is when it's first person, present tense. First person in general shouldn't be omniscient, but there can be some leeway if it's past tense and the character doing the narration then has additional information.

Now, you could argue that the reader shouldn't have access to certain information as "you" aren't there to get it but that just gets into the retardation of second person stories--the fact they're really just first person/limited third person stories but use "you" instead of "I/he."

>>29055242
>What do you guys think of The Abyss?
Pretty indifferent. Because of my fetishes, clopfics rarely interest me and oneshot SoL/Comedy fics are so easily forgettable it's unlikely any of them he's wrote that I may have read I remember.

>Are people really paying him
Chengar Qordath (author of Winningverse) gets $119.00 every time he updates/posts a fic.

>>29057299
Post the idea here so we can poke holes in the plot.

>>29058954
>brony in Equestria
>possibly anthro
A better question is why would you want to remember it?

>>29056810
Good for you. My writing speed has fallen off a cliff since NaNoWriMo, but I'm still managing to average a couple hundred words a day.

I hope you can keep it up; it really does feel great.

I am going to write a HiE.
And kill off the human in the second chapter.

>>29028155

>>29062164
An excellent and thought provoking post, anon

Just finished reading http://www.fimfiction.net/story/290256/precious-blood

This story is what would happen if you combined Disney's Beauty and the Beast, Bram Stoker's Dracula, The Twilight Saga, and MLP into a single story. And surprisingly, it works out quite well, much better than it has any right to be. The author takes the best parts of each story, and merges them together to tell a Disney-esque love story with some decent worlbuilding about Vampires that also includes other aspects of Romanian folklore while also staying true to MLP, and tops it all off with characters based on Canon characters that keep their characterizations surprisingly faithful despite being set in an AU that draws heavily on other stories.

On a somewhat related note, this story made me realize that the Twilight Saga could have been a pretty good series if Stephanie Meyer was actually good at characterization and writing romance. This author takes a few of the elements that were interesting from that series blends it into this story to make it more interesting.

7DSJ update supposedly is coming tonight. Who is hype for disappointment and/or trademark Chink 'what the actual fuck' content?

>>29063607
It's already up. 13,900 words, and supposedly it contains some kind of big reveal. Should be "fun".

>>29063759
And now it's mysteriously disappeared. Hopefully it will be back up soon.

>>29063831
Never mind, it's back. No idea what Shinzakura is doing right now, but I've got a copy loaded in my browser, so I can read that even if he keeps messing with it.

>“This has been willed where what is willed must be,” the figure said sadly, “but I have done enough. And now it must begin.”
How ominous!

Can anyone recommend me good fics that specifically have Twilight as a non-immortal alicorn? Wondering if there are any.

>>29064086
Past Sins

>>29064146
He said "good", not "extremely shitty and over rated".

>>29063607
>>29063759
Holy shit you guys. This chapter is a fucking masterpiece, like beyond AAG tier. I'm losing my shit over here because this ride is too goddamn wild and I can't handle it. I still have to read the remaining 1/3 of the chapter, but if my sanity is still mostly intact by the end, then I'll write it up for you all tonight.

>>29064248
Was it worth the wait, with last week's chapter being kind of mediocre and not-insane?

>>29064270
Hell yeah it was. In terms of level of crazy, the only thing that comes close is the forced-marriage/duel chapter of AAG:KH&C. Even shit like the blood golem can't compete. And in the duel chapter, the crazy shit was spread out over the entire chapter, while here it's entirely concentrated into a single scene.

File: 1478935056188.gif (178KB, 309x309px) Image search: [Google]

178KB, 309x309px

>>29064203
Name a better one then faggot

>>29064314
Then stay sane - we need to know what you have borne witness to in your write up.

File: 12670629_853915251402561_9040879700881449767_n.png (211KB, 859x929px) Image search: [Google]

211KB, 859x929px

>>29064382
>>29064314

Well, I'm looking forward to this shitstorm.

>>29064372
How about Eternal from roughly the same time period?

File: 7dsj-sunny-800px.jpg (110KB, 800x800px) Image search: [Google]

110KB, 800x800px

>>29064681
>7dsj, book 4, chapters 18-19

A bunch of plot happened but nobody gives a fuck. Here's the good part.

Background: Ponk really fucking hates Sunset for something Sunset did a while back, but has totally forgiven her, but a while back told Sunset that she still hates her, but has totally forgiven her at the same time, and best of all she won't fucking tell Sunset what it is Sunset did that's got Pinkie so mad. In chapter 18, Pinkie goes off on Sunset again, over this shit that happened ages ago, which she has totally forgiven Sunset for but also still hates her.

In chapter 19, Sunset is crying in her room because her friend is a fucking psycho and also probably Sunset did something awful to her that she doesn't even remember. The M5 show up, which I figured was for Pinkie to actually work shit out with Sunset, but instead they sit around downstairs with Twilight and Octavia, plan out their upcoming vacation, and generally chill, all while their good friend Sunset is sobbing her eyes out in her room upstairs.

Finally, we get a scene with Sunset. She spends a while talking to Pony Twilight on her magical interdimensional cellphone, and after that Pinkie shows up and they talk. Well, mostly Pinkie talks. And oh boy, does she talk...


Pinkie's story:

> Ponk has a family history of degenerative nerve disease and also bipolar disorder
> At a young age, she gets an experimental treatment that cured her nerve disease, and later develops bipolar disorder
> For some reason she thinks she's bipolar because of the nerve treatement, and not because she has a fucking family history of bipolar disorder
> Anyway, she's on lithium now

(continued)

File: 7dsj-sunny-red-800px.jpg (105KB, 800x800px) Image search: [Google]

105KB, 800x800px

>>29064854
Later, during Sunset's reign of terror:
> Ponk is dating this wonderful guy, Royal Atlas
> One day, Sunset steals Pinkie's backpack, which has her crazy pills in it
> Obviously Ponk is going to somehow fuck up while off her meds and ruin things with her wonderful boyfriend, right?
> SURPRISE! Literally nothing happens
> Royal Atlas just gets his stepsister, Sweet Cicely, to buy her some more pills
> Now Ponk loves her boyfriend even more, and is also good friends with his stepsister

> One day, Atlas and Cicely invite Pinkie to a party
> SURPRISE! It's a >rape party
> Atlas and Cicely gave Ponk fake pills that contain that old mind-control date rape drug from Book I
> They had a running bet over who would get to fuck her first
> Atlas, Cicely, and an unknown number of future MCDR club members fuck Pinkie while she's mind-controlled
> Also, Atlas and Cicely are also dating, by the way
> Also also, they probably aren't even real high school students, since nobody ever met their parents and they skipped town a few days later

> SURPRISE! Ponk's pregnant
> She got knocked up by one of the 20 random dudes at the rape party
> She goes to that one sketchy clinic (you know, the one that's perfectly happy to do abortions for teenagers without contacting their parents) and gets the good old Fetus Deletus
> Ponk is horribly traumatized as a result

Now, just to be clear: THIS is the thing that Pinkie has been secretly hating and/or forgiving Sunset for since way back in Book I. Meaning, Pinkie somehow blames Sunset for all of this fucking bullshit. Sunset stole her bag, so she needed new pills, which Cicely provided, so Ponk trusted Atlas and Cicely more, and followed them to the party, where she got raped, got pregnant, and had to have an abortion. Clearly Sunset's fault, since there's no other way Pinkie could ever reach that level of trust with her boyfriend who she's already madly in love with. Yeah.

File: 7dsj-vibrate2.gif (1MB, 800x800px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 800x800px

>>29064860
Now, I hope you didn't think we were done. Because THERE IS MORE

After Pinkie finishes the story, there's a bit more dialogue, and then:
>“You’re the one that saved me.”
>“What?”
>Pinkie, for a second, looked as if she was going to regret something. “Please don’t hate me for this.” Pinkie then pushed Sunset down on the bed.
>And kissed her.

PONK IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH SUNSET SHIMMER

Pinkie hated Sunset for YEARS (because of the shit described above), but then the M6 did the Fall Formal thing, and after that she somehow went from completely hating Sunset to falling in love with her. Apparently, it went like this:
> "I had honestly considered suicide and I talked it over with the girls."
> "They begged me to reconsider, because if a girl like you could change, there was something worth living for."
> "And so I did. And eventually, I started living for you. Eventually, love came from that."
SEEMS FUCKIN LEGIT MAN

Oh and by the way, the rest of the M5 already bailed and left Ponk to spend the night. Also there are no parents in the house. HAVE FUN, KIDS

>>29064854
>>29064860
>>29064866

At least there's nothing about le scares

>>29064866
So... ponk/shimsham sexytimes?

This needs to happen.>>29064896

oh, they're there, the chapter ends on a fucked up moment with team black getting all freaky, but that wasn't the big, blow your mind shit this time around.

>>29064896
There was some actual plot developments with the SIRENs but I left it out because this shit with Pinkie is 1000 times better

>>29064903
>So... ponk/shimsham sexytimes?
I guarantee Shinzakura is going to keep mentioning this incident for the next 10 chapters while being completely vague about whether they did or did not actually have sex

File: 13866721_10153978974554472_1645774341_n.gif (323KB, 480x270px) Image search: [Google]

323KB, 480x270px

>>29064917
I've seen way worse pairings with Sunset.

Thing is, hasn't Sunset turned down like, at least one other chick, stating she's 100% straight? So I doubt anything will happen. But honestly, I kinda hope Shinzakura caves on this one.

>>29064934
>Thing is, hasn't Sunset turned down like, at least one other chick, stating she's 100% straight?
I think she has, yeah. I think the current situation could go either way, but I don't expect to see a concrete resolution any time soon.

File: large (1).jpg (480KB, 1280x960px) Image search: [Google]

480KB, 1280x960px

>>29064961
Maybe Pinkie's so desireable she turns straight women gay? Maybe that's her magic power, and really the entire thing has been all about how Pinkie is the sexual center of the universe?

File: 1452639920659.jpg (31KB, 615x456px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 615x456px

>>29064866
>>29064860
As a staunch Pinkiefag, this wounds me.

>>29064866
So...have we reached peak Chink? Can he possibly be more insane than this if even the sex golem shit is now not even a high point for insanity anymore?

>>29065442
>has an in with the writing team
>is laughing at how little faith you have in how deep the rabbit hole can go.

I can't believe Handyman is fucking dead.

Rip Bad Mondays.

>>29065514
Is he? To be fair BM hasn't been all that great this year anyway

>>29065594
You mean in his update speed? Or complete lack there of?

I always enjoy BM updates, to be honest. I don't think I've ever actually thought a chapter was bad so far.

>>29065627
Updates have been shoddy, but i was thinking more of content

>>29065887
Yes, elaborate.

>>29064086
>non-immortal alicorn
Wouldn't that technically be any fic that didn't directly mention her immortality? I mean, the only other way to qualify would be if she dies in the story.

>>29065915
Just the direction it was going, events and character development.

I honestly dont remember a lot of the details at this point

He spends the vast majority of the story being an unrepentant asshole, then in recent chapters he goes out of his way for people that shouldn't mean a damn thing to him

He gets fired from his job by the closet thing to a friend he has for political reasons then for no reason decides to go to equestria to help out the ponies who have done nothing but chase, harass and attack him at every turn.

I vaguely recall other things but its been so long since ive read it that its just a blur

>>29065964
>He gets fired from his job by the closet thing to a friend he has for political reasons
It did strain the fuck out of their relationship to be fair, and he did end up forcing him to take him back. Publicly.

>then for no reason decides to go to equestria to help out the ponies who have done nothing but chase, harass and attack him at every turn.
Equestria? You mean taking Spike over to the dragonlands right? And as far as I can remember he's getting a pretty good payday out of it too, isn't he? It's not like he's doing it for free.

>>29065964
Oh, and he may act like an unrepentant asshole, but a lot of the time he can't seem to help but... help when he can. Reads like a guy with a lot of current emotional issues, especially with the whole 'forcibly turned into a creature of darkness' thing that's clashing with his religious ideas.

So I posted the draft of my story last thread that some people reviewed thanks for that but I'd really appreciate if someone would read and criticize what I have so far. I'm pretty insecure about my writing and nobody is really giving me any criticism.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/356252/a-neighbors-job

>>29065922
It could be like Winningverse and blatantly say Twilight and Cadence lack extraordinary life spans.

>>29065981
He got a job back, not his job back. Went from being the kings pimp hand to normal knight, right?

And i don't recall what he was getting out of helping equestria aside from briefly owning spike

And then theres that crippled chick that he was spending time with for no reason

>>29066120
Because of his relationship with Shortbeak.

You're talking about her sister right? The girl with the crazy plague?

>>29066125
Yeah the one that's like half stone or whatever.
Old handy wouldn't waste his time or energy on that

>>29066314
That's called character growth, anon.

He's becoming less of a bastard. Still a bastard, but less of one.

>>29066329
Character growth would require some sort of catalyst for him to start giving a damn about anyone but himself.

This was literally shortbeak taking him to a freak show and bam suddenly he wants to keep visiting the circus. Its out of character and devoid of growth. It was just a switch getting flipped

>>29064980
its pank. in a shitosaurus fic.
She'll grow a horsecock. assuming she wasnt born with one

>>29066444
>an unintentionally promiscuous Pinkie with a natural born horsecock
This is probably my fetish.

>>29066626
only eqg pinkie with a horsecock. quadruped pinkock does nothing for me


so totally the wrong place for this, but this is the only horsefucker venue I associate with.
Recently I got bored and started playing corruption of champions again, and with all of the horsecocks and dog people, I started wondering if anyone had gotten around to doing a pone mod for it?
There is an mlp related event in it, but I'm looking for something more

>>29066650
What would a pony mod for that even do? Replace the entire setting with Equestria? Add more pony-related items/mechanics? I'd be interested in something like that, but I only know of one general addition mod, and that one basically just extends the CoC setting and features.

>>29066653
pretty much. maintain game mechanics while replacing existing races, mobs, locations, etc with canon ones. have to tweak the narrative quite a bit and edit a whole lot of text though

>>29066664
Nothing pony-related going on with it as far as I am aware, though it wouldn't give much coding effort to rewrite everything into Equestria.
https://github.com/Kitteh6660/Corruption-of-Champions-Mod

>>29066670
>coding effort
more like just a whole lotta find/replace

and its not like the guy that made it is going to bitch. he abandoned coc for tits anyway

>>29066676
Just replacing it is plain lazy. Actually making it into Equestria, geographically and demographically accurate, should be the goal, not just replacing "urta" with "pinkie pie"

>>29066681
Not word for word, but almost every block of text will require rewriting.

No urta wont be replaced by pinkie, because pinkie is already in the game :^)

But all followers and persistent characters need reworking. species changes obviously, but backstories and interactions as well. most of the work would be in recreating those

recreating equestria would actually be less work. forest, lake, deepwoods, desert, plains, swamp, mountains can all be easily reworked into canon friendly areas. places would need a bit more work than that.

As funny as it sounds, even the combat mechanic is mlp compatible, since there is so little actual killing. its usually just slug it out until one party is too weak to defend itself from being raped.

I just think it could be a fairly interesting project despite having no experience with flash

>>29067117
While at it, why not make it so sex-centric while at it? Always give an option to just fuck right off, unlike some specific quest lines.

it would be a good opportunity for the "no I actually do write" faggots of this general to actually write.

>>29067125
You can fuck nearly every mob in the game nearly immediately and most npcs after a few interactions at most. Only a handful are really somewhat time consuming, so i really don't see much benefit to having a big 'just fuck already' button

>>29067137
Not "just fuck already", a "fuck off button". Get the fuck out button.

but a hidden menu to recall some frequent scenes would also be nice

>>29067142
ah i get it, fuck off and never encounter them again. i could see wanting to avoid bumping into the same character over and over and over again.

Need to find someone that actually knows actionscript though to add new features.

honestly ponifying the game and adding an imagepack that actually corresponds to shit in the game would be enough for me (the one i use almost seems like just a random furry porn collection), adding content would be great

>>29067168
It is basically a random furry porn collection.
First order of business would be wiping out the original copyrighted assets, which requires someone with non-null knowledge of copyright laws. I am not that man.

Then, I guess the beginning will be the same? As in, you will start as HiE, which we can easily parody. You also get molested by Spike or something.

>>29067171
Speaking of copyright law, we might just say "fuck it" to that from the get go seeing as the names of basically all canon characters are copyrighted by the big H themselves.
Either that or do the Doxy thing and rename to something ridiculous but analogous.

>>29067171
>It is basically a random furry porn collection.
thats what ticked me off the most honestly. the text describes a character and all attached images vaguely almost fit at best

>First order of business would be wiping out the original copyrighted assets, which requires someone with non-null knowledge of copyright laws
original coc assets? its free abandonware or abandoned freeware. regardless i really doubt theres much to worry about legal issues

>Then, I guess the beginning will be the same? As in, you will start as HiE, which we can easily parody.
If we could find an actual coder Id like to see the start be dependent on what you choose to be at character creation, but a human dropping into a portal to equestria seems like the easiest way to start.

instead of a champion on some grand quest to do what the fuck ever the point of the game was supposed to be, human drops in and establishes a camp near his arrival point.

we need a reason for corrupted creatures to be rampaging around raping things though. maybe a sombra wins AU backstory or something

>>29067177
im inclined to say fuck it, because how is big H going to track down a bunch of anons to serve C&Ds to?

what specifically about fighting is magic caught the lawyers attention exactly? were they trying to monetize it or what?

>>29067194
Fighting is Magic, unlike a porn game, was popular. It got a lot of press. The lawyers will land on fucking ANYTHING they can get their hands on, as long as it looks like it might change the public view on a company's property.
That means that this one would be getting shut down right the fuck away.
Which also means it would most probably just get developed in the darknet.

>>29067197
>That means that this one would be getting shut down right the fuck away.
i dunno. Fim garnered a lot of interest fairly early in the fandom. i really doubt this would get anywhere near the level of interest for lawyers to take note of

File: post.png (155KB, 360x325px) Image search: [Google]

155KB, 360x325px

>>29067962
I haven't seen that gif in close to 10 year, blast from the past.

>>29067217
>i really doubt this would get anywhere near the level of interest for lawyers to take note of
OK, but if you go ahead under that assumption and you turn out to be wrong, then the project gets killed and we end up with nothing.

page 10

>>29066067
Ehh, fanfics with a focus on original characters aren't really my thing, but I still read the first chapter, just so I can provide some precious feedback to you. I know how hard it is to get it when you're a beginner.

So, first of all, it's usually a bad idea to start with a weather description. It used to be so common back in the day that it became a meme and a cliche ("It was a sunny day in Ponyville..."). It's bad not only because of that, but because it doesn't make me interested in the story. You want to hook the reader in with character action and dialogue, or possibly exposition if you can do it well. Almost never with description, because it's slow and boring (read about pacing in writing, there's some decent guides out there).

Your writing seems somewhat decent. However, there's some issues common in beginner stories. You need to cut down on repetition (the words "house" and "wood" are used a bit too much in the third paragraph, for example) and there's some inconsistency with tense ("as Jackson fondly remembers", followed soon by "Jackson opened his eyes").

Your language is a little dry, which would be great for a formal paper, but not fiction. Don't use phrases like "This resulted in..." and don't use the same sentence structure over and over again because it's dull. There's also a few punctuation and grammar issues, but those are little pests that'll die with practice and rigorous editing.

The story is very slow paced and it feels like absolutely nothing interesting is happening. Describing Jackson's morning routine doesn't exactly make me want to read your story. See what I wrote above, start with a hook.

>>29066067
(continued)
Don't have entire paragraphs dedicated to dull monologue. It's usually better to describe a character's feelings and thoughts by showing emotion instead of spelling it out. And when you do want to include thoughts and monologue, make it short.

I don't really have anything else to add. You need to practice more and hone your writing. Read well-written fiction and helpful guides. You can't build a house without foundations, and neither can you write a story with lacking writing skills.

bampu

o shit
new chapter
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/60344/grossly-incandescent

>>29070385
>a year and a half since the last update
Stuff like this gives me hope.

>>29070613
it happens often, just not to the stories you like and then more often than not it immediately fades back to inactivity

File: 1476975679448.gif (208KB, 312x322px) Image search: [Google]

208KB, 312x322px

>tired after long day of doing jackshit
>check on the unfinished chapter of a story I haven't updated in well over a year
>suddenly get an idea on how to continue a scene
>start writing in a frenzy
>finally finish one scene
>finally hit 3,500 words
Good heavens, I may actually end up updating Blankness before the year is over.

And again

>>29064866
>I talked it over
Now I want an EqG short where Pinkie walks in and casually asks Girls, do you think I should kill myself?
Cue the laugh track and Seinfeld bass riffs

>>29072517
Credits come on layered over the back and forth of a hanging corpse.

File: 1443914123427.gif (94KB, 567x567px) Image search: [Google]

94KB, 567x567px

Y'know, with how easy it is to make Love Poison, I'm surprised there aren't more fics where somepony accidentally makes some.
Like, imagine a mishap on the weather factory that makes some liquid rainbow fall into a vat of clouds, then an intern gets thrown inside to clean it up.

(Cloud + Rainbow) stirred with pegasus wings = Love Poison

Then more shenanigans, and some clouds get loaded with the concoction and a few weeks later, love poison rains over an unsuspecting town.

File: scoots about to be dominated by sweetie.png (125KB, 1893x1734px) Image search: [Google]

125KB, 1893x1734px

>>29073461
Why aren't you writing it?

>>29073461
That would probably take some actual talent to write well

>>29073468
Because I finally got out of my ass and got back to work on Blankness. Then I have to finish my Sparlight story and get started on that Eldricht Horror story I talked about here months ago.

>>29073677
>I finally got out of my ass
how did you get into your ass in the first place?

>>29074411
You wouldn't believe the things I do to procrastinate.

File: final-solution.jpg (364KB, 1024x717px) Image search: [Google]

364KB, 1024x717px

>still no update

>>29074575
as if thats something out of the ordinary

>>29076002
It's been updating monthly for years, now suddenly there's been nothing for the last 3 months while he "finishes writing the ending".

File: moss.png (892KB, 735x750px) Image search: [Google]

892KB, 735x750px

Are there any good non-darksouls knight/swordsman anon stories? Showcasing some blood and iron type of human grit without getting too edgy?

Recommendation bump.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/357530/sleeps-embrace

After Rarity neglects several nights of sleep in order to finish several dresses, she is visited by the embodiment of sleep.

>>29076553
Looks interesting. I'll give it a read later. Thanks.

>>29076117
>anon stories
No. there aren't

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rDcOzEDpe0CB67M2pLMcGoyrL3LkmtG4vlXcPEbGPik/edit

thinking about putting this out tomorrow, feedback is appreciated so I don't end up throwing it up on the site completely unpolished

>>29077198
I'm gonna take a stab in the dark, and say Carrot Cake fell in love with Pinkie, but he still loves his wife... so he kills himself?

>>29077508
close, but nah
is it too vague and pretentious? I understand that pretense comes with the territory (especially when you go full fag like I am and try and do "artsy" shit with pony fanfics), but I don't want the style to detract from the story

>>29077198
I also need help coming up with long and short descriptions for this, if anyone would like to give that a shot

>Read and enjoy a story
>See that it has a sequel, excited to read it
>It inexplicably takes place in someone else's verse, despite the original story having nothing to do with it
>Can't get into the story when it starts out with a casual mention that Twilight was kidnapped by some evil forces some time ago, even if it doesn't affect this story
>Also, has apparently teamed up with someone else to write the story from two perspectives, one from the main character of the first story, and another from the other guy's OC which apparently is a main character in this story

Why do perfectly competent authors do this? It's like, I know a lot of people have good ideas but lack the skills to execute them, but this is the opposite problem, a skilled author making questionable decisions about their story.

>>29079070
That has thankfully never happened to me, and I can't think of a story that does that.

What story are you talking about?

>>29079078
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/120195/the-necromancers-ambition

>>29079070
everyone has a bad idea once in a while. since most of us are pretty lazy, nothing ever comes of it but every once in a while someone decides to test the limits of stupidity

>It inexplicably takes place in someone else's verse, despite the original story having nothing to do with it

sort of like a story about a bipedal horse having anthrokids and buttloads of drama stemming from some other guys story about applejack being a werewolf? or is it even more off the wall than that?


On a similar but unrelated note, I once read a fanfiction of a fanfiction. it was like an autistic inception. I almost wanted to see someone write a fanfic about it

>>29079691
It's not a major issue, but it's the little things that bother me, like Twilight being inexplicably kidnapped at the start of the story. I feel like I just stepped into someone else's story, a story that I didn't want to read at the start.

>>29079691
I mean, The Sweetie Chronicles: Fragmens has a chapter where SB ends up in the world of Pink Eyes, which is a fanfic of FO:E, so that's technically a fanfic of a fanfic of a fanfic. Hell, any fanfic involving Nyx of FO:E is probably a fanfic of a fanfic.

The rabbit hole is an infinite void of autism; it's just a question of how deep you want to fall.

>>29079792
How about a self insert fanfiction of a self insert fanfiction?

>>29079872
xTSGx and MCA team up with Lance "Girokon" Greenfield and his merry band of fuckwads to go up against the biggest threat to Equestria yet: Bloodgash Darkmane, the Bleeding Equine.

I need something edgy

I for some reason wanna read something where a human ends up in Equestria but instead of the usual Ponyville or the Mare 6 give him the cold shoulder or start treating him like shit for reasons and he later on he gets back at them one way or another somehow

Is there anything that fits?

>>29080177
I can write you something like that if you like

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/357573/a-thing-among-things

Well, I finished it. H8, r8, masterb8, whatever

any sort of feedback is appreciated, even if it's just to tell me to kill myself

http://pastebin.com/u/sometwifag
Anyone know if sometwifag ever finished his story?

>>29080543
bumping for this

>>29081199
I'm busy right now, but I promise to give you a more or less thorough review in a couple of hours.

I'm a lil shy but I really wanna show off a rewrite of an original fic I was writing and I'm would get hate or something should I be worried to post it here?

>>29081413
Just post it. If you don't like the kind of feedback you get, then just stop reading it and close the tab.

>>29081413
(me) o-okay just go easy, I'm trying something new when it comes to writing
Link in spoiler https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mJKoTHW6yG4VxmAB-uYAO8HvmjUKNlk5lWzcyoofFMc/edit?usp=drivesdk

>>29081531
Shoot did I give out an edit link, if so please don't change anything

>>29080543
Kill yourself

File: Readytodie.jpg (168KB, 1600x1456px) Image search: [Google]

168KB, 1600x1456px

>>29081619
can do

>>29081664
I was about to say that you faqr

>>29081531
>SKOTW
What is this?

>ponies are anthro
Why? What are you doing in this story that can't be done better either with real ponies or with humanized/EqG?

> The sky was a clear, vibrant blue with the warmth and glow from the sun above as ponies down below working, playing even driving the magitech; a self sustaining magic-powered technology, vehicles through the streets.
This sentence is a clusterfuck. The description of the sky is a little overdone. You're missing a verb to go with "ponies down below". The definition of magitech disrupts the flow and is unnecessary - most readers already know what it is, and anyway there are much better ways to explain it if you really need to. The punctuation around the definition is wrong - normall you would want em-dashes for that (though like I said, better to remove it entirely). And finally, you're missing a conjunction for the three activites in your list.

> These vehicles...
> To get up to the clouds...
> A few vehicles pulled out of hull...
Way too much exposition. Your readers aren't dumb. You can just say something like: "A massive sky ferry from Ponyville pulled into the Cloudsdale terminal, and a bright-yellow school bus pulled out onto the street." This is 21 words instead of 121 and conveys nearly all the useful information.

On the second para:
Seems weird to compare the bus engine to the students talking
"Buzzed" suggests the bus engine sounds just like IRL, which is disappointing
You don't need to tell us that some students are louder than others
"One of sed students" - "sed" should be "said", and also this is a clunky way to structure that sentence
The book title is way too long
Too much detail on the characters' appearances, all at once
"Colt" is mistakenly capitalized
The teacher probably isn't a "they"
The dialogue is missing some punctuation
"the bus had passed a sign that says" - both verbs have the wrong tense

Gonna read the rest quickly and try to give some higher-level feedback.

>>29081799
Skotw is ananogram of the wip title

I sorta felt like doing anthro cuz everyone hated the setting of the original where it was in the eqg world and having magic it the way that I wanted the story to play out wouldn't make sense

also how would I shorten the exposition ?

>>29081799
>>29082100
Here are my thoughts as I read through the rest of the chapter. Note not all of these are meant to be negative - sometimes I only wanted to point out what I thought about something, so you can decide whether or not that's the impression you want the reader to have.

>At night...
I don't understand this. Is the Cloudsdale FCMEL somehow also near Canterlot? Or is there another, separate FCMEL in Canterlot?

>The city is bustling
Which city? Are we in Cloudsdale or Canterlot now?

>but tonight a hooded stallion
So it's night time. Is the field trip happening at night? Or was that a totally separate scene? If so, it was an awfully short one.

>Pressing a button the zoom amplified
Are these magitech binoculars? Is the fact that his binoculars have some kind of automatic adjustable zoom supposed to suggest that he's from the military, or otherwise well-funded?

>he front flipped off the building
Why not jump off normally? This sounds like some kind of anime/"rule of cool" thing.

>his heads up display
>a symbol in the corner of his eye that said "auto aim"
OK, so this guy is definitely either a secret agent or (Anthro) Pony Batman.

>the knife in the camera warped away and teleported into his grasp
This is getting way too anime for me.

>with his magitech modified blade he charged towards the building's entrance.
There were only the two thieves, right? So what's he after?

>>29082232
>(INSERT)
No, remove. There are better ways to give a character's appearance than directly saying "the mare had a green coat and a pink mane and her cutie mark was a pineapple".

>pomf
It's just like my chinese cartoons!

>The bully laughed as he messed with Swift
Isn't the teacher looking right at the class, while they do Q&A with the scientist? No bully is that bold.

>technicolor winged pegasi
That reminds me: gradient wings are a big no-no. Even Cadance would be better off without them.

>the generator is gonna overload
Must be a shitty generator if that's all it takes to set it off. May be better to describe the fluid in the generator sloshing wildly, pieces breaking loose inside, sparks flying, and so on during the quake. Then it will seem less strange for it to be in a bad state.


>The knight threw one of his assailants threw the glass door
Where did these guys come from? Two drove up in a truck, shot the guard, and got rekt already. Were there more guys in the back of the truck, who ran inside before the knight arrived? Or is he now beating up the night shift workers/guards?

>"Did I come in at the wrong time because I feel like i'm making things awkward."
I wasn't thinking of your character as being an action-movie hero, so having him say this line actually is pretty awkward.

>glew
Okay, I was trying to ignore spelling/grammar issues, but this is the third time and it's getting on my nerves. "Glew" is not a word. You want "glowed".

>the edge of his sword glew purple just like his fingertips were
Are his fingertips glowing right now? Or is this a comparison to a previous time when his fingers were glowing?

>his blade teleported into his hand just to make contact with the pipe
Damn. I was pleasantly surprised to see your overpowered protag actually getting his ass kicked, but it seems it was not to be.

>he tapped into their comms
This supersuit he's got really seems OP as fuck.

>>29082239
> "sir you gotta deactivate the stabilizer coupling." He said as he skimmed the article.
Are you really trying to say that this kid is better at running an industrial mana generator than an actual professional, despite his knowledge coming entirely from ten seconds spent reading the wikipedia page?

>The Knight attempted to the same
Why are you calling him "the knight" now? I would understand if this field trip is part of the knight's backstory, but if he's already the knight, then that suggests you've given a high schooler a heaping pile of top-tier military hardware, which would be bullshit.

>you're a genius kid!
Again, how is he able to outsmart professionals who work on this generator every single day?

>both his hand and the coupling glew in a magical aura
Okay, hold up. If the kid is an earth pony, and he's also the knight, how is an earth pony doing all this magic? Magitech is fine, but the glowing hand and the teleporting sword sound a lot more like magic that he's doing on his own.

>With wide eyes he peeled this pants away
Is he seriously flashing his underwear to the entire class?


>looked into the mirror as an older Swift Winds stared back
Since you've got this anyway, I'd cut all mentions of "the knight" from the field trip chapters.


Gimme a few more minutes to write up overall thoughts and reply to your reply.

>>29082242
The way how it was switching was implying a jump between past and present

>>29082242
The overall structure, alternating scenes between young Bruce Wayne and present-day Batman, seems perfectly fine for an intro chapter, or even a whole story if you have enough to talk about for both parts.

Your protagonist seems massively overpowered. At no point in the knight scenes did I feel like he was in any kind of real danger. All the trouble he ran into was due to bad luck, and was easily dealt with once it happened. Even the younger version is apparently a super-genius ninja who can solve any problem with minimal effort, up to and including a full-on nuclear meltdown.

It really seems like you're trying too hard to make your protagonist seem cool. The main offenders here are unnecessary parkour (backflips off buildings), and the teleporting knives and katana. These are overly flashy and will set off massive alarm bells for anyone who's read a bad self-insert or two.

>>29082100
>Skotw is ananogram of the wip title
Obviously. I mean, what does it stand for?

>I sorta felt like doing anthro cuz everyone hated the setting of the original where it was in the eqg world
I suspect you've only made things worse by going anthro. EqG at least has the benefit of being mostly canon. Whereas anthro is the exclusive domain of lazy writers and bad clopfics.

>having magic it the way that I wanted the story to play out wouldn't make sense
I don't understand this. You mean having pony magic the way it's depicted in the show would conflict with your guns-and-magitech approach? You could always do a low-magic AU, like Harmony Theory (among others) did: "1000 years have passed", "stories of unicorn magic are remembered only as legends," something like that.

>also how would I shorten the exposition ?
That's for you to decide. It's your story, after all.

>>29082315
>The way how it was switching was implying a jump between past and present
I assume you're talking about calling the kid "the knight"? As I said later on, you should cut this.

>>29082239
>Is he seriously flashing his underwear to the entire class?
Just reading this part made me break down laughing XD, but really he pulled it away so that he could see his mark, not taking them off all the way

>>29082426
Right, I understood his intent, but I don't see how he could do that without letting half the class see his tighty-whities.

>>29082410
so this is what i get from this
>go humanized
> make him less flashy/ get wrecked more
>less exposition
>separate field trip and canterlot factoryinto 2 chapters
am I missing anything?

>>29082451
oh and for the other questions like how hes an earth pony with magic, i'm explaining that in a back-story arch right after this and the reason right after is that in the original i never really fully explained his back-story fully but in small broken up parts and was too confusing

>>29082489
You didn't understand the guy perfectly, I think.

>Go human

Your choice, not Actually yes according to most of us, since anthro is rarely done correctly necessarily better to make it humanized. Pony could work too, and, if you think you've got the skills, anthro, to a very limited extent

>Wrecked more

No, that will just make him an anti-sue. Just dial down the "look at me I'm awesome", but he doesn't need to fail miserably, especially not in the first chapter. Just show that he actually needs to do some effort to get through.

>Less expo

Not if done correctly

>Separating

Could be done, or could be fused into a single prologue.

In the end, it's your choice, not ours.

>>29082544
hey I'm just trying to figure out how to make it better with some advice and not just all criticism

>>29082566

Well, criticism is advice. We point out what's wrong according to us, you choose how to make it better. The best thing to do is asking some editors to read your text, and I'm sure lots of guy (2) on this thread will want to help you.

Don't base all your ideas on a single anonymous guy, although his criticism is very valid.

>>29082581
makes sense, i just, well my original version of this story was complete shit and hated buy a lot on fimfiction. im just so lost when it comes to making it better, cuz if i went back and fixed it, they'd still hate it. i know there will always be haters but, having more hates than likes just sorta puts me down on the whole thing you know?

File: finish NH.png (42KB, 859x407px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 859x407px

>>29082613
Well, the only way to stop haters is to take a step back to take two forwards. I'm the guy who wrote a story about five ponies and a tank, you can imagine how well that went.

Just stick around here or another editor group, ask for advice and learn from it. Don't take the whole matter too seriously, you have to remember it's a fandom built over pastel horses made for little girls.

>inb4 finish NH

I-Im trying

>>29082489
>go humanized
Going humanized is fine, though pony would be better.

Also, I forgot to add earlier: why is this a pony story? You've got no canon characters, plus guns, computers, and lots of high technology. Why is this story better with a pony connection than as original fiction?

>make him less flashy/ get wrecked more
Less flashy, definitely. For the other part, he doesn't actually need to lose more, he just needs to look like he MIGHT lose. I think if you have him win against tougher odds, he will still come off looking like a badass, without you needing to give him loads of exotic weaponry and equipment.

>less exposition
Less expo dumps, mainly. I don't want to read a long-ass sentence where nothing happens except that I learn what color the teacher's hair is. You can weave stuff like that into other parts of the narration, or cut some of it if it's not important to the story.

>separate field trip and canterlot factoryinto 2 chapters
Don't. That was the best thing about the chapter. Instead you should extend the first scene, which currently has only a big expo paragraph and one paragraph of actual story, and also never call young Swift "The Knight". You're showing the connection clearly at the end of the chapter anyway, and calling the kid by the name of a fully-grown military badass is more confusing than enlightening.

>am I missing anything?
Yeah, find a good proofreader. The grammar is really bad in a lot of places and makes the story hard to read.

>>29082520
I suggest you post the idea here (I know it's spoilers and I don't care) so we can tell you if it sounds like a good plan or not.

>>29082632
well for one there are many magitech scientists in the world, mostly unicorns but there are some who are earth pony and some pegsi and Swift is one of them and lets just say hes not the best when one of his engines he designed ruins another stallions life (wife dying and son in a coma) which leads to the stallion to crashing his vehicle into Swift and his brother's (Solar) car later on where Solar take the hardest blow from it (not killing him cuz that was a red flag in the original) maybe crippling (im not sure) and he does some things to try and make it up to both stallions, participating in a original sport for Solar and running into Luna to help with a magitech project that their scientists are working on, it goes wrong and the accident ends up giving swift certain magical abilities from it which ill explain but in my next post

>>29079083
Heh, I happen to be acquainted with the author on TV Tropes, surreal to see that come up.

That series, or at least the two parallel fics, are adapted from some kind of role play the authors were part of. The Twilight thing was actually from another story by the first author, though it's certainly not clear from the page.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/14061/evils-twilight

>>29082632
okay so where was, okay now these magic based abilities where supposed to be certain traits from each pony, like maybe enhanced strength from earth ponies, pegisi agility(maybe speed too) , and general magic like levitation a wonky teleport that warps objects to him (thats how his gear warps to him) and to learn more as the story goes along. to make it seem less convenient he wont be able to control it at first using magic dampeners(like the crystal that shut down shining's magic in s3 premiere ) to weaken it to a controable level with over time learns how to do it without the dampener, so what do you Think so far?

>>29082728
>the accident ends up giving swift certain magical abilities
This seems concerning. What abilities does he get, specifically? And how many others have similar abilities?

>>29082820
at the moment just him but i plan on extending it to a few others, maybe adding the mane 6 still thing about it also did you see >>29082807
too?

>>29082630
>I-Im trying
Well try hard, bitch nigga.
seriously, it's not often that an idea posted here makes me genuinely interested.

>>29082870
To cheer you up, there was that Chilean author who took 14 years to write a book about some courrier chilling with Neruda. Pretty comfy SoL-historical book.

quick question I have a line that a character says to get the attention of some bad guys who have hostages that goes like
>"Did I come in at the wrong time because I feel like i'm making things awkward"
now should I keep it or make it more threatening cuz i don't want him to sound like an edge lord bu not too light hearted either

>>29082807
Too many, too flashy, and too unique. Don't give him cool shit for free, make him pay for it. He can definitely keep the mudpone strength, since he's a mudpone after all. He can MAYBE have one other simple power, like pegasus agility, if he has to train hard for it. Before someone rips my head off over this, I'm thinking of Star Fall from Harmony Theory, who does just fine having both pegasus flight and years of training in unicorn-like magic. Anything beyond that is a bad idea.

In general, it's better for him to have fewer powers, and for the powers he does have to be more common (not unique, special-snowflake shit), based on training (not instant, inherent badassery), and less flashy. Earth pony strength is not flashy and is well-established as something that all earth ponies have. Pegasus agility doesn't count as a common power, since no other earth ponies have it, but it's not that flashy and making it something that doesn't come naturally to him will help your case. Even better if there's some significant restriction, like he loses his earth pony strength for a while if he channels his freaky pegasus powers.

To be clear, the weapon teleportation thing is right out. The only character who's ever teleported anything in canon is Twilight, who is an extreme special case. Plus I've already complained about how flashy that particular power is.

>>29082923
I initially read that as him being a "smartass action-movie hero" type, which could be fine if that's what you're going for, but it was a bit of a surprise. That part of his personality hadn't come through in the writing up until that point.

>>29082923
Well, what tone are you aiming for in that particular scene? If you have a tense moment with the hostages and the kidnappers, then that line could be a way to release some of the tension in the scene.

>>29082928
i see where you are coming from with this but for baby unicorns, when they get their magic for the first time it could be uncontrollable and with swift being so much older it could be even more crazy, but not to the extent of flurry heart or twilight getting the 3 other alicorn's magic but not like the one cake kid who's a unicorn. and may i point out
> starlight teleporting trixie out of mounticore's gut from a good distance from her
and also i may have a work around to explain it though it would probably sound crazy

>>29082951
>>29082941
well for that hes in a stage where he says stuff like that to both let him express himself as his inner quirky self and to in a way keep himself calmed down being that hes going up against so many compared to himself

>>29082923
Fine sir could I bring into the attention the fact that your mechanical efficient but lacking tap on this electronic machine's board is quite hard to comprehend for people of education? Please excuse my rudeness, but the words and sentences formed from cut bits of words squished into condensed words and general lack of adding commas or dots for the arrangement and continuity of sentences makes comprehending your message a more difficult challenge than reading the writing of an anonymous individual who has learned the art of calligraphy and punctuation through years of strict study that is generally required for publishing your stories for viewing by intellectually inferior beings of the club known as "Fictional stories of varying themes based on the series about magical equine beings named Close relations between individual is composed of supernatural fantastical forces beyond the realm of science."

Sincerely,

sir Anonimus McAnon Nona the 76th

Damn diagramming this shit would be a chore.

>>29082976
I'd disagree with the guy you're replying too about teleportation, but I still consider it a very high level spell. The only ones to have it in my fics are implied to have at least university level education specifically in magic, and still struggle to use it more than once per minute.

>>29083025
i just... i have no words, for someone in /mlp/ that was way to formal for this board but I applaud you for that
( i many have forgotten to fix the punctuation there when I self editing this a while back)

>>29083057
Just write here as you would write normally, which usually means punctuation and capital letters if you want. It's easier to understand, and lets you show off your elementary school diploma.

So I started reading The Lunar Guardsman, and holy shit this is probably the best pice of writing iv'e found of Fimfiction. What do you guys think of it?

>>29083039
he may be an earth pony but only seeing that magitech is a unicorn majority topic the only classes are at unicorn schools like celestia's school for gifted unicorns which could maybe have a course that requires a student to replicate a teleportation spell using the technology and not pure unicorn magic and maybe he's applied that lesson into skill set and just remember technology is used to may things easier for humans, why cant that philosophy apply here as well? (i feel like i'm thinking way to much on this)

>>29083092
>(i feel like i'm thinking way to much on this)

Clearly, you think so much you can't put your idea in a correct sentence.

>Earth pony doing extremely high level unicorn magic

lolwut

Also, CSGU is canonically shown as a school for GIFTED unicorn, accepting only the best unicorn near Canterlot/in all Equestria. I don't see why an earth pone could even think about going there.

>Philosophy

lolwut

>>29083092
(me) *make*

>>29083092
It really sounds like you're making him too special. Of course he can't be totally average, because then there wouldn't be much of a story. But if you keep piling on unique character traits, eventually it will break suspension of disbelief, and the reader will stop caring about your story.

>>29083109
im tired af right now , also i was using that school as an example,but think emails were used as a faster and easier way to send a letter , cars were easier for the sake of both carrying things and people from point a to b so why cant the same thing be done for teleportation?

>>29083120
> being a fan fic based in a world of techni colored horses that can fly and do magic
> brings up suspension of disbelief
lolwut

>>29083133
(me) based off of a world with techni colored horses is what i meant to say

>>29083128
>I'm tired

Cunt, I'm in EST (00:35 atm) and just finished a 2k word lab report. Think I'm less tired than you? Unless you're a yurofag, it's day right now for you

>Emails

Because emails rely on a totally different technology that you can't apply to cars or humans. Emails are (qasi) instantaneous, like teleportation. Cars and humans are bound by time, and sure as hell can't get sent in 001010101010. It's literally apples and oranges.

>>29083133
>lolwut to make anons think it's me

lolwut

If that's your argument, so be it. We've also had a certain Decanus bring up the "muh don't need proof because the show is fantasy" argument a while ago.

>>29083133
Just like any work of fiction, you get quite a bit of leeway in setting up the background and the premise, but after that you have to explain how new aspects of the story fit into the reader's existing understanding. If you keep providing explanations that rely on extreme circumstances or bizarre coincidences, eventually the reader will write off your entire story for being overly contrived.

>>29081531
>SKOTW
What?

>rewrite
Why?

>In alternate equestria, where ponies are anthro
No.

>>29083151
once again those were examples and actually i'm in the same time zone as you and yea i know the whole fantasy is real dumb but the whole thing this is based on isn't even real to uas in the first place unless you're talking in terms of the my little pony universe (which you are most likely are) that makes a lot of sense and if so i was thinking of tech that could mimic that to a degree if that helps or not and a way so that he doesn't abuse it if that seems better

>>29083208
anagram for swift knight of the wind
rewrite cuz original was shit and i felt i could do better
anthro cuz well i figured it could make sense with what i wanted to do, also /mlp/ being /mlp again.

>>29083209
>Examples

Which don't work.

>Fantasy is dumb

Then why do you write Fim fiction?

>This isn't based on MLP

Then go to Fanfiction.net, not Fimfiction

File: writings.png (10KB, 504x264px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 504x264px

>>29083208
Sacred Kurwa of The Week

>>29083209
Here, have come of my spare punctuation marks:
.....
,,,,,
!!!!!
?????

>>29083249
no what im saying that the fantasy thing was a dumb excuse coming from me and that it uses characters and locations from mlp,but it isnt those character's story its swift's

>>29083266
some

>>29083279
What the fuck are you even saying?

>It's a fantasy magitech story
>The fantasy is a dumb excuse
>It's an anthro story because human doesn't fit with the magic in MLP
>lol disregard all of MLP's canon this is my OC's story

>>29083315
i speak nonsense when im tired so ill be off to bed now, night ;)

>was going to have my story reviewed
>instead, bleedin derails the thread with his latest shitsterpiece

fug

[Pt. 1]

>>29077198
Left some comments. 4/10. The first half was decent and seemed like it was setting up an adulterous/forbidden love kind of thing, then it dives straight down the pretentious hole in the second half.

It's probably just a personal preference, but I hate stories that I can't visualize, and a lot of that stream of conciousness-y kind of stuff where it rambles on for five paragraphs about useless stuff that doesn't really matter to the plot (i.e. what's actually going on) and can't even really be mentally painted as a scene just drives me nuts.

Those last few paragraphs really illustrate that. It takes several careful readings to really get that he runs to the hospital and then passes out on the floor from all the stress. That's actually interesting: a SoL thing where a parent deals with their child's injury, not some bullshit about when the couple first met at a river and then drifted apart.

Also, how did Mrs Cake drop one of her kids into a vat of boiling water? Seriously, how is that something that any even lobotomized parent would get anywhere close to doing?

>>29077538
In short: yes.

>>29080177
There's that one where they treat him like shit, so he tries to an hero, fucks up, and they hate him even more and section him for it.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/185453/it-never-really-ends

The story has succeeded in dying where the protag failed.

>>29080543
Hey, I was right. It was Pinkie.

>>29081531
>not enabling comments
>anthro
You're making it really hard for me to review this. I don't want to have to fill five comments in the thread with greentext spellchecking and concrit.

>>29082100
Why not just use an AU pony Equestria? Anthro's literal only real purpose is so people can fap to clopfics and try to damage control it by saying it's human anatomy. It's like second person--totally worthless as there are two superior choices (humanized and pony) that can accomplish everything it can do--and more.

[Pt. 2]

>>29082807
>OC gets magical abilities unique to each pony race
Red flag just went up.

Why not just one thing? An earth pony that gets levitation through some catastrophic magical accident. That's a whole fic right there, if properly leveraged. You got injury drama, learning a new ability, possible stigmatizing from unicorns and earth ponies alike, family drama--and that's just from the basic premise. There's all sorts of directions you could take it. Maybe other earth ponies want levitation too. Maybe he wants to join thhe royal guard and do shit. Maybe the princesses/government conspiracy wants to fuck around with him to learn more about interspecies magic. Maybe his previous sporting ability is tainted by a new magical advantage that kicks up dust in the sporting world.

A lot can be done with one single thing. There's really no reason to have him win the radiation superpower jackpot.

>>29082923
What's the tone of the story? Fits quite well with a Die Hardy action fic, but if it's some serious hostage drama, it's gonna feel really out of place.

>>29083092
This is sort of what I'm getting at. Instead of one single power that you can really think about, refine, and center the story and the plot around, you have to wildly wave your arms to explain the half dozen abilities he gains.

There's a reason superheros usually have one shtick: it means the writers can wring as much out of it as possible. I'd really advise doing the same.

[Pt. 3]

>>29083128
>why cant the same thing be done for teleportation
If we're deconstructing teleportation, it requires an enormous amount of energy--whether the magical kind (Twilight, the most powerful unicorn Celestia had ever seen, became quite winded teleporting three ponies a moderate distance) or the Star Trek kind (compute the location of each atom, convert it into energy for transport, convert it back into atoms, and put them back where they go).

It's not economical for things like mail or viable transportation. The only thing it could be useful for is short travel, such as in a battle or reaching difficult to access locations (think replacing the light on a cell tower).

>>29083133
Suspension of disbelief is still very much a thing no matter the setting. It's just tailored to the setting. Just as Picard suddenly adoring Q and children shatter a Trekkie's SoD, so would an OC pony suddenly gaining all the abilities of all the pony races shatter a brony's.

File: lg.png (11KB, 527x85px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 527x85px

>>29083086
>this is probably the best pice of writing iv'e found of Fimfiction
I don't believe you.

>>29028155
Do u guys have any good diaper docs? Seriously asking please no hate let's all be mature.

>>29084816
>good diaper docs
theres no such thing, deviant

>>29084816
Yes, I've spotted one masterpiece laying around in one of those big shower rooms in Oswyetim. Ought to check'em out.

>>29084159
>Also, how did Mrs Cake drop one of her kids into a vat of boiling water? Seriously, how is that something that any even lobotomized parent would get anywhere close to doing?

I was with you until this
Kids are hard to take care of, especially at a young-toddler age

they nearly kill themselves every five minutes, they're barely functioning on any level, physical or mental, and simply not paying attention to them for five seconds can lead to deadly consequences

It really isn't all that hard to fill in blanks there; a good story doesn't explicitly state every single detail. I really think people shouldn't be spoonfed everything in a fic or story, and it's much more rewarding to think about said story after the fact and piece shit together

File: You can see the moment her heart breaks.webm (74KB, 278x338px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 278x338px

>tfw a fic about an underappreciated ship you like is posted
>tfw you realise it's anthro

>>29085127
being this much of a little bitch
you deserve to be unhappy
what ship is it anon

>>29085150
>what ship is it anon
Sparlight

>>29085171
okay, yeah, no, you definitely deserve to be unhappy

whatever happened with that riff of Edgelord Rapist at Canterlot High? did he decide to give up just when it was getting good?

>>29085459
this to be desu I'm still waiting for his suicide

File: 1475899010930.gif (82KB, 681x493px) Image search: [Google]

82KB, 681x493px

>>29085459
I too, look forward to it.

>>29083698
Dont blame me for general idiots.

>>29084816
Good luck with that. the good authors are gone, the only ones left are Backup; Daxn; SuperPinkbrony12 and Symphnic Writer, and they all suck ass.

>>29085821
what exactly differentiates a 'good' diaperfic from a pardon the expression shitty one?

>>29085857
different Anon, but here's my two cents
I get off to almost everything, and diapers are the one exception; I can't handle them in any scenario. Even scat, if set up properly, can be appealing. So coming from that frame of mind, I can see how some dude would read a diaperfic that was just "Fluttershy shit her diaper" and the author clearly didn't try or was so autistic they could barely put together a coherent thought, and then there are the ones that actually bother to set up a little scene and give context to why the fetish is... desirable to them, I guess.

To me, I'm thinking of the difference between two incest fics; one was just written "oh yes daddy please fuck me harder" and had no fucking effort or soul put into it, and another bothered to develop the relationship between Shining and Twilight or AJ and Big Mac or whatever. The second one is obviously going to be more enjoyable because you can detect the passion and effort someone put into it, and it FEELS like a ponyfic instead of some furry fetish story someone put pony names into.

>>29085857
A good diaper fic has a plot that isn't directly related or even relies on the fetish. This means that, for instance, the entire plot isn't going to be about the diaper part of incontinence, or on how they may be stress-relievers for some while not showing WHAT stress are they steaming off. (Everyone's a little guilty of it, maybe SuperPinkbrony12 and Daxn are less so, but they still count).

Then it has be decently readable from a technical standpoint (Daxn's diaper stories are not, and SymphonicWriter seems to be physically unable to spell correctly).

Afterwards, depending on the kind of story, the author's honesty on the fetish part of the whole thing, as a story which tries to conceal the author's kink under piles of "Generic Baby Cuteness." If you wanna write about adult ponies from the show being helpless and absolutely depending on their caretaker/love interest, don't try to shoehorn in stuff like pacifiers and baby toys, or selective mental regression [seriously, maybe I'm autistic, but I cannot accept that a physically regressed character speaks with a lisp: either they speak normally or you make them young enough to have still-developing vocal chords and thus mute. Not to mention when people think that babies don't feel when they have to go (they perfectly can, that's why in the first months of life they tend to cry more, it's just that their bowels and bladders are too small to meaningfully hold the waste) and thus have characters wetting and shitting themselves out of the blue]. If the story is not a regression one but one featuring incontinence, don't use ultra-rare medical cases (reality may not be constrained by probability, but your story should) to justify incontinence: either use common causes, or go out of the way to use the show's setting to justify it plausibly (so no "I wanna try out this incontinence spell! Whoops, it backfired!"). Also, acceptance of the condition does not equal wanting to be a baby or even fetish.

>>29085857
[Part 2]

Having plausible reasons for the characters having this fetish, as well as portray realistic reactions from other characters instead of going for the "insta-tolerance&acceptance" route without any rhyme or reason, goes a long way in making the story good.

Finally, if diapers are an emotional thing for you and you want to write about them that way, for you sake... don't: it is very hard to write a story in which diapers are deprived of a sexual component or yourself, let alone to a large public that has contempt towards what you like and does not recognize that aspect. There is no way such a story can be good. Literally. It's not going to please anyone: fetishists won't like it because there is little to get off to, people liking cute stories won't find it cute because it's weird, people like you will object to this or that aspect they don't share, and, last of all, publishing it on FiMFiction means sharing to many users that will not stand your story's existence and will downvote and troll. and, in all, you will have a handful of ash, in terms of improvement, at the end of the day, however you've written it.

So, that is all.

>>29086253
>wasting any time whatsoever on a crackfic written by a banned guy
no thanks

File: angkor wat.png (596KB, 640x480px) Image search: [Google]

596KB, 640x480px

>>29086292
You sound rather upset about nothing.

>>29086174
If I had to take a wild guess, the autist will do some romantic/autistic cliche while approaching Rarity at the sleepover, she tells him to fuck off and then he will finally kill himself.
Or at least attempt to, because of course he can't die.
Or maybe Sunset tells him that she killed his parents. He spergs out, Rarity defends Sunshit, he kills himself. I'd be okay with that as well.

Is it common in fics to have villains that you've been longing to see get their comeuppance, either because they've caused so much harm, everyone else has been an idiot to let them get as far as they did, and/or they've just beeen that smug- and then, after they've been apprehended in the climax, Luna shows up and does something so insanely dark to them that you're still uncomfortable? I've seen that in three separate stories now (each one harsher than the last, at that).

>>29086753
Yes, it is. Far too common, in fact.

>>29086160
>Need I remind you guys that this is taking place in a high school?
And this is 'after' they were learning about physics, right?

>>29086160
>A little joke wouldn't hurt....for you of course.
Hold on.
Is that a stealth Bane joke?

>>29086866
no.....

Was anyone else pleasantly surprised by the magitech guy's response to criticism?

Given his initial post (>>29081413) I thought for sure I could bait him into a complete meltdown with no direct insults, just one or two posts of polite, honest feedback. But instead, it seems he actually sort of listened, rather than going off on a tirade about how "you guys don't understand my artistic vision!!" like some previous authors have done.

>>29088449
>But instead, it seems he actually sort of listened, rather than going off on a tirade about how "you guys don't understand my artistic vision!!" like some previous authors have done.

Would be nicer if we could know what he was actually trying to say.

File: Lewdness.png (669KB, 1814x1754px) Image search: [Google]

669KB, 1814x1754px

Read any good clop lately?

Page 10

>>29088803
The Clocktower Society verse is pretty good for BDSM clop. I have great difficulty enjoying >rape so their emphasis on Safe, Sane, and Consensual is really nice.

File: Twins_are_gone_S2E13.png (405KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

405KB, 640x360px

>>29085108
If only the Cakes had some sort of device in a room far away from the hazards of a bakery kitchen they could place their children in.

If you want me to piece things together, then Mrs. Cake is a terrible mother who committed a felony by--at best--letting her young child wander around a kitchen, waddle onto a stove and climb into a pot of boiling water or--at worst--either intentionally or unintentionally picked her child up and dropped them into a pot of boiling water.

>>29084816
>tfw you're looking up the pic and you remember there's a whole scene of Pinkie wearing a diaper in Baby Cakes

>diaper
>sensitive hooves/feet
>full bladder
>macro/micro
>soft vore
>facesitting
>farting
>petrification
>flattening
How many fetishes has the show actually shown off?

There's Pattycakes. It's not exactly what I'd call fetish material, though.

>>29085857
I'd assume, like any fetish story, a high level of detail would be optimal. Now, detail about what I have no idea.

>>29086101
> a plot that isn't directly related or even relies on the fetish
Glad I'm not the only one who enjoys "casual" inclusion of their fetishes in a story.

>>29086253
I forgot power armor anon wrote that.

And I don't care if the story's actually about a resource war over iron, I'll forever remember it for the power armor.

>>29086753
No, but I've experienced a blueballing of that effect, where the villain you crave to get the comeuppance and are in fact reading the whole story to get to, ends up completely winning in the end. Fucking Aegis Shield.

page 10

>>29089864
>I'll forever remember it for the power armor.

I have been frequenting this thread(s) for a while now and I sill haven't understood why the mention of power armour made the guy infamous. Can somebody please explain it to me?

File: screenshot 2016-12-19 002.png (9KB, 381x156px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 381x156px

>yfw you're struggling to write 1k words.

>>29091329
In terms of technology levels / fitness for the setting, adding power armor is awfully close to adding guns. Also, as I recall, the Pony USSR was supposed to have super advanced power armor, while Equestria and everyone else had nothing remotely comparable. Which doesn't make a whole lot of sense given Equestria is, by all appearances, the most advanced nation in the ponyworld.

I think there was more but I don't really remember

>>29091704
It just keeps getting better. A guy with a 68-0 record killed over a hundred people. A mob of killers going autistic over our hero. A mob of killers with a clear line of sight losing him. Six hours of "boring adult things". Rarity sending him to his parents' house, instead of, you know, home, just to trigger him. Sunshit dressing up as his mom while in a literal gladiator arena. Rarity hugging him so tight she falls asleep.
I barely understand what is going on, but this fic is a gift that just keeps on giving.