Anonymous in Equestria Thread #1110 We need to stop having to

First for Pinkie Pie is worst pony

>>28996002
What about Crotch Rot the pony who has venereal disease as her talent?

>>28996067
yo momma

>>28996550
But my mom is not a pony.
Just a really really fat human.

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There's this lovely place by Ghastly Gorge that she wants to take you.

>>28997095
You mean Anon has to explore her Ghastly Gorge if he ever wants to see Earth again.

>Pony knows about that thing you did, that really bad thing you don't want anyone to know you did.
>What do?

>>28997769
Send the pony disgusting pictures of what I did because I have no shame.

>>28997788
>She is aroused and starts stalking you.

>>28996002
That's not how you spell Starlight Glimmer, silly.

>>28995976
What happened to this place? Where did everyone go?

>>28997908
They drank the magic bleach.

>>28997908
I sometimes wonder what happened with those who were here in the beginning, like... shit, I can hardly remember their names.
Aether was one, right? And then there's Bastinator, I think. And many more.

Do you think they all still visit sometimes as Anons?

>>28998111
>Aether
You feel her shit next to you for $12 dollars per 1k words.

There was Gadget, Bolding, NOF, Gatorbait. . .

Shit, now I'm forgetting them.

4chin working again?

>Pinkie Pride

>Another day, another... bit.
>Though it can get a bit dull manning your stall all morning.
>Pony watching is not the most interesting thing in the world.
>Speaking of. There's a weird one.
>Poncho and cowboy hat, kind of squinting like Clint Eastwood too.
>Must be one of Applejack's relatives.
>The poncho pony stops at your stall, finally a customer.
>"Get three cupcakes ready."
>You what?
>"I sell fire logs. The bakery is on the other side of town."
>He ignores you and walks off. Still squinting.

>Simple Ways

>Not sure why you let Twilight talk you into coming here yet again.
>The Hayburger is... very hay based with its menu.
>And so your options are limited to salad with no hay.
>Twilight however can really put those burgers away.
>But again they're hay in a bun, it's not quite the same weight as a pound of beef.
>"Sorry Anon, sometimes I get up in a book and forget breakfast."
>"No worries."
>The hell is that outside?
>"Twilight. Why is Rarity dressed like an Apple?"
>"An apple? Don't be silly Anon, Rarity wou- Oh you don't mean the fruit."
>"Well? Any ideas?"
>"She may have a little crush on someone. Please don't tell Spike."
>If Rarity has a crush on Big Mac you're pretty sure Spike is gonna find out.
>And you're not looking forward to the catfight with Cheerilee.

http://pastebin.com/LsRTPhwb

>>28996002
die

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>>28997095
What did she mean by this?

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>>28998111

>Do you think they all still visit sometimes as Anons?

I hope they do. Hey, Nether! Pic related!

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>>28999610

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>>28999496

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>>28999628

...people actually care about those?

I always cared more about replies in the threads.

>>28999663
yep

Pinkie Pie challenges Jokester Anon to a Goof Off.

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>>29000335
>Pinkie has just finished a grandiose routine of silliness, one that has apparently left the crowd's mouths agape in wonder.
>She turns to anon, expecting a feeble challenge, but instead discovers the true reason for the crowd's hush. He appears to be vigorously masturbating while staring intently at a deeply conflicted Rainbow Dash.
>"Anon... What are you doing?"
"Beating you at your own game. We're in a-"
>"A GOOF off, Anon! Not a-"
"I'm not stopping."

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>>28999610
For you.

>>29000397
Kek

It looks like the prison thread is kill.
Guess I better dump my art and green so far.

>>29000870
You pony prison guys are all welcome to come hang out with us here.

crosspostan some things
>>29000067
>>29000087
>Be Anon in Equestria.
>At home in bed.
>You are now awake.
>Because there is some sort of loud shouting coming from outside
>You go and open your front door to see what is going on
>"DOWN WITH FETISHISM!"
>There are lots of ponies with signs that are chanting and shouting.
>The signs say things like "Femdom killed my sister" "Celestia hates fetishists" "Behead those who fetishise violence" "Make war not love" "Cock worship is a sin"
>At the front of the crowd is a very familiar yellow pegasus.
>"Um... What do we want?"
>"NO FETISHES!"
>Fluttershy sees you and comes over to talk to you.
>"Good morning Anon, is hating fetishes your fetish?"
>You just got a boner.
"I hate myself so much right now."
>Fluttershy smiles.
>"So do I Anon, so do I."

>Anon is in cloud bar.
>Lightning meets Rainbow as she and Anon are leaving to go get sum fuk.
>Rainbow demands a rematch over who is worthy of the top cunt hat.
>Anon must judge.
>Top cunt refers to she who can fly the highest.
>Rainbow and lightning are fighting over who is the better flyer.
>Anon is being denied his sum fuk because of this.
>Luna comes down from the moon, takes the hat, and fucks Anon right in the pussy.
>"Didst thous ponelets really think thy meager altitudes were worthy of behatment? Gaze upon our superior form and weep at your inadequacy."
>Bottom cunt goes to the best miner.
>Earth pony version of top cunt.


>Anon in submarinequestria.
>Anon has to live in the submarine-ponies.
>This is extremely sexual to them.
>There is no land.
>Just sapient watercraft who get off on having a crew.
>"Oh YES ANON! Sleep in my quarters! OH CELESTIA THAT'S GOOD!"
>Battles for anon between mares that wants to experience that for the first time in their lives.
>Even the boy ships want Anon inside them.
>Bombshell is a full of mines and torpedoes sub.

>>29001009
more

>Vulva inspection day.
>Like penis inspection day but RGR.
>Anon is a gym teacher.
>Anon's job in the inspection is to ensure there is enough shame for those who are not up to snatch.
>He sits in the gymnasium's seating whatsit, you know those stepped seats like statiums have? that. and judges.
>Not like a judge.
>He does not rate them.
>He judges in the sense that you are ashamed that you do not meet his standards and you know you should be doing better.
>What would your poor old grandfather think of you?
>If he saw you like this it would kill him.
>Can you even stand to go home after this?
>So much shame.
>There are many things to be ashamed of.
>Vagina too small.
>Clitoris not winking deep enough.
>Flappy bits being too flappy.
>Horsecunt wrinkles being more like grandma wrinkles.
>Perenium too short.
>Is it still called a frenulum on females? That being either too short or too tall.
>Still have your virginity at 16.
>Improper wiping.
>That one kills your grandpa right then and there from the overwhelming shame.
>He can feel it from the other side of the country.

>Everything goes in their permanant record.
>Their future employers will know their failings.

>If they aren't up to snuff Anon gives them the floppy dildo of shame
>It functions as a hat too.
>It has "DUNCE" written in blue permanent marker ink.
"This is the closest to a real dick you're ever going to manage. Sorry kid."

>This is still better than some of the alternatives.
>The chastity belt of the worst. A vagina so bad they aren't ever allowed to breed.
>To enhance the shame they feel and the anxiety of possible failuree, those who fail badly are belted.
>That is, they have a chastity belt locked on them so that they can not breed and nopony else has to see their horrific excuse for a vulva.

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>There are anons browsing RIGHT NOW that have never even attempted to write green.

What do you have to say for yourselves? Why not make some contributions rather than shamelessly bump threads?

>>29001111
Everything I would write would involve extreme autism and fetishes that only pathetic permavirgins would entertain.
You really do not want to read the kind of stuff that I would write.

Nice numbers though.

>>29001111
>”ANON GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD DOWN!” Commander Johnson yelled as mortar shake the earth around you with concussive bangs
>You dive head first into a nearby fox whole with the commander and a dead solder
>Landing in the fox hole with your legs sticking out you quickly pull them in and, Swivel yourself up right.
>Laying up hill in the hole you and Commander johnson buckle down and pull the fallen solder over you who was shredded by shrapnel
>you start crying and begging god that a mortar does not land next to you.

>Pinky Pie Invited(more like ordered) you to the “Come welcome Anon to ponyville” party at the town hall.
>Over Half the town was going to be there at the party to welcome you.
>You were constantly reassured it was going to be nothing but fun and smiles.
>You agree to go to the party begrudgingly after her begging you for an hour.
>You think she was also threatening you with cupcakes from what you could tell.
>And when you entered the town hall from what you saw it was going to be awesome.
>Over half the town did show up to see you.
>You were pleasantly surprised by the crowed intel the first cannon went off.
>Then Qu 20 minutes of you flipping out after 20 cannons went off one after another under the floor boards shaking the ground.
>According to lovely Fluttershy you sprint jumped onto a table making a pair of its legs on one side collapse causing all the food and dishes to slide off.
>Then you grabbed a split up Cake In the shape of a Small Human filled with red frosting, and hid under it.
>Then while holding it over you, as you cowed against the table and started crying, yelling obscenities and “HELP ME JESUS!”.
>All while covered in Streamers and confetti.

Happy now jew? Is this what (you) whanted? Me using the word you 1000 times must annoy (you). Any ways got some constructive criticism?

>>29001284
I mean, aside from the grammar mistakes, it's not bad for a one-off. It's my firm belief that anyone can be a decent writer, even professional, if they just learn their grammar and give it a shot.

Although you probably should've used a transition sentence for such a big jump in setting.

>>28998156

Does anybody have a screencap of that?

Or a that collage of all of our symbols?

>"All right Anon, are you ready?"
"Yes. This... well, this is amazing, Twilight."
>The purple princess pony smiles at you, the warm light of the sun glinting on her coat.
>Gods above she's so pretty.
>The corners of your mouth involuntarily twitch up.
>"I know you're excited. Think about it, this will be the first controlled trans-planar psychic dsiplacement spell!"
>You shake your head.
>This fucking nerd.
"No, Twilight. That's not what I'm smiling. Well, er, that is to say, yes, I am excited, but that's not the reason I'm smiling right now."
>"Oh, why is that?"
"You're a very pretty mare."
>She turns beet red immediately and sticks her head under her wing turning slightly away from you.
>"muffle muffle"
>You hold your hand out to your ear in an exaggerated motion and waggle your fingers.
"I'm sorry, what was that Princess Twilight? I said that you are very pretty but I cannot hear your response to the fact that I said that you're very pretty!"
>She sticks her head back out and stares daggers at you.
>"You know, I can always NOT cast the spell."
>You roll your eyes and cross your fingers.
"Oh please. As though you could resist the idea of getting your hand on some alien knowledge."
>She rolls her head side to side, smirks, and jumps off at the ground, wrapping her forelegs around your neck.
>Your nose is buried in her fluff.
>She's so soft and smells so wonderful.
>Just like lavender.
>And she became much lighter since she ascended - before you actually had to exert some effort to lift her - she weighed about fifty pounds? Now she weighs 30 at best.
>So it's just like holding a very light weight that smells great and is hugging you.
>You return the hug, squeezing her firmly but not too tightly.
>Don't want to bruise her.
>A couple of moments pass.
>Well, your heart tells you it was a couple of moments.
>The cold part of you remarks that the minute hand moved about 5 ticks down.
>She slowly lets her hooves go and you gently squat and lower her down.

>>29001578
>LIGHTWEIGHT BABY
>She takes a step back and looks you up and down.
>"I have to say Mister Anonymous, you're pretty good looking too."
"Y-you too."
>Smooth.
>Suddenly she rears on her hind legs, gives a big ol' beaming smile, and clops her hooves together.
>"All right, well! Time for the big event. Are you ready?"
>You set your jaw and nod firmly.
"Ready as I'll ever be."
>Her horn glows and suddenly the floor of the castle starts glowing in geometric patterns, and then in a flash, there is a super-complicated arcane circle.
>Like, you've seen her do these before, and you thought they looked like filigree then.
>This?
>If those were filigree, this is like some molecular shit or something.
>You let out a low whistle.
"I'm impressed, Your Purple Majesty. I've never seen anything like this."
>She gives another bright smile.
>"Hey, I didn't get these wings and this knowledge by collecting stamps. All right - now go and sit in the center."
>You oblige and sit down in the center of the circle which happens to be entirely empty.
>She floats over a pile of rocks and places them to your left.
>She explained that those will be the counterweight to what the two of you will be taking from Earth.
>Unfortunately for you, it can only be alchemically inert matter.
>Then again...
>You're not sure you want to come back.
>You do however pull a thick wad of papers out of your pocket.
>They're sealed and have your old address on them.
>You didn't have any Earth postage - you're not even sure the spell would even target your home country - so you taped a bunch of gemstones to it that you "borrowed" from Rarity.
>You put it down on the pile of rocks and notice Twilight looking.
>Her eyes are glimmering with tears.
>You stretch from your position and gently touch her on the muzzle.
>She presses herself against your hand.
"Hey, hey. I told you. I found the best thing ever here. My entire life and world was on one end of the scale. You were on the other. Guess which won?"

>>29001581
>She closes her eyes and you begin scratching her under her chin before reaching over and giving her a quick peck on the lips.
>And just as fast the kiss is broken and she steps back.
>"O-okay. Now clear your mind."
>You sit back and focus on emptying your mind, just like you taught Twilight.
>Apparently you knew of a meditation technique that just blows all pony meditation techniques out of the water.
>You imagine that your mind is an empty void and there is a small flame inside the void.
>You begin feeding your worries, your pains, your aches, your concerns, your thoughts - everything goes into the fire which is growing bigger and bigger but the void is still there bigger than the fire still.
>You feel your body go entirely still and your heartbeat slow.
>There is nothing but the Flame and the Void.
>Off in the metaphorical distance you see Twilight rise up into the air, her magic suffusing her, and reaching out towards you and the circle.
>You remark that the rocks are glowing red, and the space opposite of you and the rocks is glowing blue.
>You yourself are actually absorbing the light of the circle, further corroborating Twilight's idea that you're some kind of magic void.
>Which is why Twilight is using your thought patterns to smash through dimensions like a lead bullet, grab a hold of some inorganic matter from Earth, and then seal the wound before reality had a chance to notice.
>Immediately you start thinking of knowledge.
>Except this cannot go into the Flame.
>You keep it at the forefront of your mind.
>The light gets brighter and brighter.
>Suddenly there is a wrenching sensation.
>It's almost like a pang when you have diarrhea - the sensation of a stabbing pain in your abdomen - but many times worse.
>The Flame and Void shatter, as the pain overwhelms your senses.
"Yyyeaaargh!!"
>"NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONO!"
>The last thing you feel is Twilight slamming into you, pushing you out of the spell.
>Then all is darkness.

>>29001581
kek.

>>29001584
Almost immediately, you wake up.
>You're lying against one of the walls of the castle, Twilight is sprawled across your lap, horn smoking.
>Immediately, you reach out and check her pulse.
>Oh thank the gods.
>She's still alive.
>You start to exhale loudly - and then wince.
>O...kay.
>You hope you didn't fuck up your rib.
>That would SUCK.
>You try to take a deep breath.
>Yep, hurts like the dickens.
>Well, you're no doctor, but you'll need to ask Nurse Redheart about that.
>You gently touch Twilight on the nose and feel her moist breath on your hand.
"Twilight? Twilight honey you need to wake up."
>Her ears perk up and twitch in your general direction.
>"It is I, Princess Twilight, spellcasting from my dome-shaped... dome in the Forbidden Zone. A zone... that is, yes... forbidden to you!"
"wat"
>She gives a shake of her head and winces.
>"Oh, Anon!"
>She throws her hooves around you and hugs you.
"Ow."
>You did not realize your voice could come out so high-pitched.
>She pulls her head back and looks at you quizzically.
"I uh. Think I may have broken something."
>She looks at you with concern and opens her mouth, then closes it, and nods.
>"You're right. I also feel a bit light-headed. That was some terrible feedback. I could have a concussion and you probably damaged your ribs or lungs or something. We should go now. Can you walk?"
>Pressing your back against the wall you slowly clamber to your feet.
>Your vision goes dizzy momentarily.
>You swallow and use your hands to stabilize yourself and take a small step, holding on to the wall.
"Yes I'm fine. Can you-"
>FUCK.
>YES.
"TWILIGHT! YOU DID IT!"

>>29001592
>Her ears perk up once more.
>"Huh?"
>She turns her head towards the circle where you're pointing.
>A big pile of books is lying in the circle next to you, opposite of the rocks.
>Her eyes widen and she gasps.
>"Sweet Celestia, look at that! There must be like, 50 books there! Full of human knowledge, manuals, textbooks!"
>She tries to get up but her legs buckle beneath her.
>"Oh dear. Anon, I think... I think you'll need to carry me."
>You frown at her.
"Maybe we should call the doctor here? If you're injured can't I potentially do you more harm than good?"
>She shakes her head.
"Nnnno, I'm fairly sure I'll be okay if you carry me. Alicorns are a lot more durable, so it will heal on its own. I'd rather Nurse Redheart look at me anyway."
>You give a nod, squat down, and place your hands underneath her.
>Literally you marvel every time how soft she is.
>You engage your core and lift her up...
>She immediately nuzzles into your chest.
>Huh.
>You thought you'd be in a lot more pain.
>Maybe your ribs aren't broken, just bruised?
>Fingers crossed.
>Gingerly, you carry her out the castle.
>Almost immediately, you are stampeded by a herd of pastel ponies.
>Except you aren't actually.
>You always wondered at how they manage to make so much noise and move in such tight numbers and yet never trample anypony - or anyone - and yet how imposing it looks.
>Maybe an old defense mechanism?
>Rarity speaks up.
>"What happened? Oh look at the two of you? Were you practicing forbidden magics again?"
>Twilight scrunchyfaces at the white unicorn.
>"You summon one Nightmare aspect and suddenly that's all they can think of. No, Rarity, we tried doing a thing with Anon, and then it didn't work, but it actually did, except there's now an explosion."

>>29001597
>The herd goes deathly silent.
>You can't facepalm but you close your eyes.
>Rarity slowly arches a well-manicured eyebrow.
>"I see. Darling. I may need to tell you about... hmm. Well, we'll talk about that later. I assume you were going to a hospital? Well, the ambulance is pulling right up."
>You open your mouth to protest, but suddenly it's full of hoof.
>"Now quit yer bellyaching Anon. I know y'all can trot on down there, but I think that'd be mighty foolish of you. Now git along to the ambulance."
>Applejack butts you in your stomach with her head, pressing you backwards into the vehicle.
>You sigh, turn around, and lay Twilight on one of the sretchers, then look at the other one dubiously.
>The EMT Pony, Pulse Pressure winces, and whistles for another gurney. They latch them together and you lie down on it.
>They push you into the ambulance, turn on the sirens, and the ponies start to canter off.
>The others start yelling their farewells.
>"Bye TwiNonny! We'll visit you in a bit!"
>"See y'all later!"
>"You better be okay, Anon, or I'll buck you in the ribs! And Twilight, you're an egghead and as fragile as one!"
>"I hope you feel better, Anonymous and Twilight."
>"Get well soon, dahlings."
>You take another shallow breath and close your eyes.
>Rest would be nice but...
"So Twilight. Are you excited?"
>She shifts next to you.
>"Anonymous. You have to understand. If they were to use me as a spell focus channeling my excitement, I could turn Equestria upside down. Can you IMAGINE?! Knowledge from beyond this world! You're nice and all, but you don't remember everything. We'll work out the kinks of this spell and cast it again and again until we can learn all we can!"
>Heh.
"Twilight, this is why I love you."
>You reach out and squeeze her hoof.
"Not the only reason, but definitely one of them."
>She stifles a small laugh.
"Though, I have to say, when you get this excited, I have to worry that you don't turn into Nightmare Sparkle."

>>29001601

>She mutters something underneath her breath and starts to laugh.
>You join in but gently.
>You'll check on the books when they let you out.
>There's nothing to worry about.
>This day is going to be perfect.
>It's not like anything dangerous came through?
>They're just books.
>What's the worst that can happen?

-END PART I-
http://pastebin.com/kpXCZbqx

As always, comments, critique, complaints, and commendations are welcome!

Also how do you avoid these kinds of updates when the last "entry" is like maybe 300 characters?

>>29001605
>ponys getting information on human advanced human weapons such as automatic guns and nukes.
>Inb4 equestria becomes Germany
oh anon you silly

>>29001605

>A copy of A Modest Proposal made it through.
>Ponies don't understand it's satire
>Scootaloo ends up hog tied with an apple in her mouth.

Applejack walks in and is angry big mac is getting a blowjob from another mare.

>>28999663
After the last chapter that lovelymuffins made with typos, and losing the only thing that made the story worthwhile (exploring how humans did magic differently) and replacing it with a generic love story was what made me write the story off as a loss.

How often do you guys talk about oldfags now? You guys used to flip out about it all the time. And now it's all gone.

>Be Anon.
>In the Sanitarium.
>You never should have told Twilight about your divorce.
>They have you in solitary confinement because, "You are a danger to everypony around you."
>Stupid horses. You lived around them for years without a problem, but now they know you used to be married and that it didn't work out you're a monster.
>They do not have a therapy that could "cure" you.
>The best they can do is have the nurse give you a blowjob once a week with the idea that blowjobs fix everything.
>All they do is keep you from going crazy.
>Well, maybe not entirely.
>Maybe you'll face fuck the nurse pony who totally isn't Twilight in disguise. Get her mascara running down her cheeks again.
>Then in the afterglow tell her that you are "cured" and are ready to get out.
>You suspect it won't work though.
>Purple horse is probably just hording your seed. Keeping it all to herself.
>She could have just asked.

>>29002588

M-maybe they'll come back? The musicians will come back, the drawfags will come back, only this time they will be purged of the cancer and the bad kind of autism, and it's gonna be like the glory days of old 2010 and early 2011?

>>29002831
This sort of thing happens. The fanbase got a little older and does not have all the free time it used to. That and people do move on.

Not me though.
I still fantasize about going to Equestria and annoying ponies.

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>>29001385

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>You wake up in a daze with your ears ringing, for some reason your back feels heavy.
>The last thing you remember is driving home trying desperately not to fall asleep.
>You try to get a hold of your surroundings.
The ground is cold, hard and wet and the air is thick with a dank musk.
>You're certain your eyes are open, but the place is pitch black.
>Upon further inspection, you feel that the ground and wall you're laying against is made of brick.
>Your attempt to stand is cut short by the rattling weight on you back halting you from going any further.
>You panic, nothing good can come of being chained to the ground. you struggle and pull against the chains until something gives and you are set free.
>Getting to your feet, you find the roof of the box you're in with a heavy thud. As if you needed another blow to the head.
>Another?
>That's right, you crashed on the side of the road ad hit your head on the steering wheel.
>Your seat belt and airbag must have had a sense of comedic timing.
>You sit back down against the spot on the wall that's still warm with your legs crossed.
>Where are you?
>Why is this room so small?
>Why aren't you in a hospital right now?
>You hesitate to ask yourself who or what brought you here.

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>After what seems like an eternity you decide to see exactly how small your room is. You crawl on your hands and knees while waving your hand in front of you until you reach the other walls. What this room lacked in height, it made up for in length and width. You even found air holes on the circular vault like door to this room. At least you wont suffocate before whatever it is your captors have planned for you.
>Whoever they are, you hope that they aren't just some sickos wit a "tricked out" basement.
>You take the chains in your hands, what with them being the only thing you can interact with and all. They didn't feel rusted like you expected them to and the links were pretty thick. How did you break them?
>Then you strain a bit but you manage to pull them apart. one of the links must have made in china printed on it. Shitty chains aside there's not much you can do here besides wait for someone to open the door and bash their shit with the good chains.
>That is if they even open the door, they might just slip food in from another slot or door you couldn't find. Even if you're supposed to be chained to the floor.
>Maybe if you tackle that door a couple thousand times you wouldn't have to worry about someone having to come in.
>Until then, we wait.
>99 bottles of-
>No, none of that.
>Shame on you.
>You hear metal turning and a door creaking open. Light blasts you in the eyes with pin-point accuracy from those two air slots.
"Fuikin ell" your voice cracks.
>You hear the echos of hoof beats getting louder as you inspect your poorly lit prison. You find a chain still attached you a decent size of broken floor.
>If the hallway is big enough to ride a horse in, then that same horse will be your way out.

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>You sit by the door with weapon in hand ready to strike.
>The hoof beats draw closer and the light in coming form the air holes gets obscured more often than before.
>You can hear a pair of women talking more on the way to the door.
>"Are you certain this was necessary?"
>"After it swatted 4 of my guards away like flies I couldn't be to careful."
>You have more questions than answers.
>"I trust your judgement, do you have any Idea what it is?"
>"I've never seen anything like it your highness."
>Highness? and they've never seen a human being? Perhaps they've never seen a man before, if that's even possible.
>"The only thing he closely resembles a centaur, but his face and legs are off. I can't describe it"
>Ok, you've never hit a woman, but these bitches are insane. You aren't going to feel a damn thing.
>"If it is as strong as you say, I would like for you to stand back"
>You guess "the queen" wants it first, you'll have to deal with the other one when the door opens.
>The door clicks and rattles and shifts, you can faintly see something on your side turn be for the door opens.
>There's a dim spotlight over the place where you were supposed to be chained.

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>>29003071
>"The beast escaped!?" you hear the butch one yell.
>Come on, investigate.
>She steps in on all fours and you bring your ball and chain crashing down on her head.
>"CAPTAIN!" you hear the queen yell.
>You dart out of the door with your fist balled ready to fight.
>You push past the small white horse to find...nothing? You could have sworn you heard two voices. Maybe she was on the phone.
>"Hold it right there" you hear the queen say.
>You feel something grab you and you turn to swing swing back at it full force.
>You strike the white horse in the jaw sending her flying into the back wall of your cell.
>...Did you just punch a unicorn?
>No, you punched a unicorn with wings.
"What in the FUCK IS GOING ON?" you yell.
>You arm yourself with one of the torches mounted on the wall. Why is everything built so shitty?
>The unicorn shakes her head before looking up at you and stroking her chin. "I would like to know that myself creature." She gets to her hooves and approaches you with her horn aglow.
>She spoke.
>The magical Pegicorn spoke.
>You feel that weird grabby feeling you did before. You look down to see that your glowing.
>Then you figured it out, it all made sense.
>You're on here and you need to get out of drugs. You make a break for the door at the other end of the hallway. Your steps are more labored now that you're glowing. You look behind you to find the pegicorn is flying after you with her horn pointed. You throw the torch at her but it glows the same color as her horn before just missing her.
>Why is this hallway so fucking long!?
>"HALT CREATURE!" She shouts, it sounds as though she's right behind you. You foolishly look behind you to confirm and her eye's are glowing white. Is her mane on fire? You'll be having none of that. The light is finally getting closer, just gotta keep running.

>>29003081
>"I SAID STOP RUNNING CONFOUND YOU!"
>Nope not one bit of that.
"IF YOU DON'T STOP-"
>Just a bit further.
"YOU'RE GOING TO-
Made it!
>Your celebration is cut short when you realize you've run out of ground to run on!
>You fail to stop yourself from careening off of the building you were on. Then you pass through a layer of clouds.
"SHIIIIIIITTTTTTT"
>This is how it all ends, you'll be chasing another light soon enough. there's nothing to grab onto, no springy awning to land on, just you and the very short looking green grass.
>You can almost make out the candy colored shapes dotting the earth.
>Then your falling slowed significantly.You are met face to face with the pegicorn from earlier when you reach a complete stop, the expression on her face seemed relieved if not a bit annoyed.
>With her wings spread and her mane and tail flowing in the wind, she looked both majestic and powerful.
>"Now that I have your attention, would you care to explain to me what you are and why you're here?"
>Better be quick about it, piss her off again and she'll probably drop you.
"I'm a human, a human that is sorry for hitting you and thankful that you caught me"
>"Good answer. Now why are you here, h-you-man?"
>So far so good.
"That, I was wanting to know myself, all I remember doing was driving my car, hitting my head ad waking up in that dungeon."
>"So you don't recall the last few days, interesting." She knits her brow in thought.
>Days?
"Days? How many days?"
"Counting the reports of a strange new creature in the Everfree, 12"
>What could you have been doing for 12 days? And that's when they spotted you, it could have been even longer.
>Once again you find yourself with more questions than answers.
>The captain talked about you fucking up her guards, how many times have they tried to catch you?
>"Since your capable of conversation, I assume you have a name. What is it?" She cocks her head quizzically.

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>>29003094
And I forgot the pic like a nooblet.

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>What is your name?
>You forgot your name?
>YOU HAVE A NAME WHAT IS IT?
>"I asked you a question hewmin."
>She's getting there. It can't hurt to be honest can it?
"I can't remember." you admit. "Wait! I know."
>Your drivers licence, Duh!
>You pull out your wallet and find 68 dollars, your father's employee badge, and nothing else. What the hell, you never take it out of your wallet.
>The pegicorn is getting impatient.
"I had a card with my picture and name on it."
>"Who is on the card your holding?"
"My dad, Mark, the last name isn't on here like it used to be though." You show her the card.
>"You look a lot like him, minus the goatee. However, so long as you can't recall your name, you shall be Anonymous."
>Anonymous huh, you've heard worse names.
>"I am Princess Celestia and because of your heartfelt apology, I will not drop you here nor will have you executed for assaulting me".
>Hey, that's pretty good.
"However, I don't believe my little ponies are mentally prepared for a creature such as yourself. I'm sure you understand."
"yes ma-Your majesty." you correct yourself. Then you worry, "does that mean I go back in chains?" you ask.
>"I don't think that would be wise or necessary".
>Your balls collide with your diaphragm when she Lifts you with her telekinesis and flies back toward your prison.
>Whoo boy, are you never gonna get used to that, it's a good thing you don't have a fear of heights.
>"Since you aren't a feral beast, I believe we can make the Ventus Hammer a bit more comfortable." she says over her shoulder.
>The building you're headed towards very closely resembles a sledge hammer with the handle dug into a cloud. It looks much larger now that you're seeing it from the outside. It makes you wonder why the room was so small in the first place.

>>29002998
>remember watching ghost do the first few drawings
I miss the tinychats

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So this is where I'm taking my prison shit?

>>29002998

Man. What are the odds that we'll ever do another metafic about our Anons or us as writers?

>>29003148

I gotta admit bro, it wasn't bad, other than some odd stylistic and formatting issues. The issue that I have is that I think we've seen literally every single iteration and variation on "How Anon Got to Equestria" and it can be reduced down to an algorithm.

If you want to tell a story about something, don't bother setting it up with backstory - that should flow organically in the main text. I know because I've been guilty of it.

Unless of course, you have a new unique twist on how Anon got to Equestria, in which case, proceed.

>>29003674
>The issue that I have is that I think we've seen literally every single iteration and variation on "How Anon Got to Equestria" and it can be reduced down to an algorithm.

I don't think we have.

>>29003769
>You both touch down in the mouth of the hammer and are greeted by a smaller Pegasus with a bleeding gash on its head and spear in its mouth.
>You stifle laughter stone faced as that red picture of the crow with a knife in It's beak comes to mind.
>It was cute, objectively speaking, it had a simpler body and face than a normal horse much like the princess, only here it narrowly avoids the uncanny valley due to how large its eyes are.
"Princess, I'll run him through at your command." she mumbles through her full mouth.
"At ease captain, I've spoken with this Human, and he only acted out of fear"
>Hey you got it that time.
>"Yes your majesty," she says before standing at attention spear in hoof.
"I'm...sorry for hitting you too."
>She glares at you for a moment before returning her gaze to Celestia. You don't blame her.
>"What do we do to contain this "U-man?" Princess?" ,she says still audibly scrunched at you.
>"We ask him nicely" Celestia replies. "Anonymous, follow me, We'll see what we can do to better your living quarters."
>Celestia starts back toward the door along side the Guard Horse and you follow.
> Though you don't see how she can improve your cell without any tools. Perhaps she has a throw pillow in her mane that would tie the room together. Come to think of it, a pillow would be a vast improvement.
>You nearly trip over one of the foot prints you left in the seemingly solid stone. Everything here just seems to crumble in your hands.This must be how superman feels.Or maybe it's just low income housing and you weren't being careful.
>That's when you notice her tail and mane are still flowing despite how far into the "hammer" you've gone. Not sure if magic or her hair is that light.
>Neither would surprise you.
>The Princess stops in front of you door and her horn glows brightly. You hope she isn't going to lift you back in there. You can- oh, she's standing up.

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>>29003788
>When she stomps the ground, it changes into some shiny grey tiles and a surge of sparkling magic sweeps through the room. you hear the stone shift and shape itself into something new before you poke your head into the door.
>The roof is rising, those holes in the floor and wall are filling in and smoothing out, there's even a skylight forming in the roof.
"This is amazing! How are you doing this?" you ask the princess.
>"Magic" she replies smugly.
>You guess all princesses have let it go powers.
>The color scheme of the room is white and blue, with a grey marble floor. Your shackles and chains are replaced with a table and chairs, two chairs. Looks like you'll be having visitors then.
>The last thing to make itself was the bath tub and toilet around the corner. She wasn't kidding when she said more comfortable, this is a night and day difference. It's actually nicer than your apartment back home.

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>>29003808
>You step out of the shower after your morning routine, one hundred setups, one hundred push ups, one hundred squats, and a ten minute sprint in place.
>Hey, you needed something to do, and fuck these horse language books. You're fortunate that fantasy world horses even speak English, not even you expected them to write in English
>Bam bam scratch bam.
>You rest from your workout and stare through the open window. The clouds always manage to shift into something interesting. You take a sip of your bomb ass cloud water and sigh.
>Boom
>For the 50th day in a row. Despite the decor you are still a prisoner, and there's no one here except for you, your guard mare, and what ever the hell's making all that noise above you.
>"RRREEEEAAUUUUGGHHHHHH"
>Your neighbors moved in on day 37. While it was a welcome change from the howling wind at first, it's beginning to wear on you. If the princess visit's back with you perhaps you can convince her to fly you around the place, or at the very least let you punch those bastards upstairs in the mouth.
>The guard opens your door visibly shaken. Your food tray falls off of her back but you step in and catch it before it hits the ground. She must be new.
"Hey it's alright, I'm not going to eat you." you assure her while bending your tray back into shape.
>More hay, an apple and three carrots this time. You've been using the hay to make bales and fortify your bed. You asked for meat, but the Captain's a bitch and she may have ignored it, or the guards you ask are afraid of her and don't relay the message because she's a bitch.
>"Y-you won't but t-they will." she answers back finally
>Fucking pronoun game.
"and just what are they?" you ask annoyed.
>"M-m-manticores" she stammers I-I have to be in the same room with those monsters and feed them steaks" she says to her self.
>STEAK?
"Steak? All those times I asked for meat and you give it to manticores? Where's the justice?" you shake your head.
>"Behind you" says the Princess

>>29003852
DAMMIT ANON KEEP GOING

I HAVE A BONER FOR GREEN

>>29003852

>behind you
I chuckled.

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>>29003852
>Celestia looks mildly amused as your Guard stands at attention.
>"I didn't know you ate meat Anon, I'll have them adjust your menu. Are there any other wrongs that need righting?"
>Your eye twitches at the banging going on upstairs.
>Heh, banging.
>If you weren't mad you'd laugh.
"May I go upstairs and punch whatever's doing that in the face?" you ask politely.
>"Are you sure about that anon? Unlike you the manticore is a wild beasts." she replies.
"A manticore has been eating meat and keeping me awake for the last week?"
>She nods.
"I'm sure."
>She and the guard walk you out of your cell and up the stairs to unlucky son biii.... >That is a lion. A lion with wings, horns, and a scorpion tail. It's much bigger than a lion, big enough to make all that fucking noise on it's own, and big enough to catch these fucking hands for doing so.
"If you would like to reconsider I understand." says the princes in a slightly worried tone.
"No, this is personal." you arch your neck to crack it on both sides. The guard grimaces at the sound echoing through the room.
>The manitcore looks at you, his nostrils flare and his pupils narrow.
>"Very well. Guard, open the cage and let Anon in."
>"But Your Maje-"
>"That wasn't a suggestion." Celestia cuts in.
>The guard bows before opening the cage and letting you in. She slams the door behind you and runs behind Celestia.
>Your opponent is salivating and tensing to strike. You put up your dukes and get ready, he may be big but you ARE gonna knock a mother fucker out today.

Be Celestia
>Your guard is audibly sweating while the two circle each other.
>"Princess, I-I apologize, I haven't fed the manitcore yet." she says while looking down at her hooves.
>You grin.
"I know"
The two lunge at each other and both catch a mean right hook. When anon is the first to stand back up, you already know the outcome.
"Anon likes his steak medium rare." You tell the Guard before teleporting back to your castle.

>>29004088

suggestion:
"Anon likes his steak medium rare." You tell the Guard before teleporting back to your castle.

should instead be

"Anon likes his steak medium rare," you tell the guard before teleporting back to your castle.

Unless Celestia is referring to herself as a deity, in which case both You's would be capitalized.

>>29004088
>"Anon likes his steak medium rare."
>medium rare
>not well done
dropped
not really i already read all of this in the prison thread and i remember enjoying it and wanting more, thank you for posting it again here

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>>29004088
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40JmEj0_aVM
>Be Sterling Sheild, Captain of the guard and Celestia's right hoof mare. You along with the Royal escort are on your way to free the human. It's been 4 months since you were given the order to feed the human meat.
>You still don't know what difference it made.
>You expected to see manitcores sent here guarding the parameter, but they must be inside.
>Just then one of them bursts from the hammer's wall. The wall begins to fix it's self soon after, runes and all. You notice one of it's wings are broken when it tumbles to the ground below.
>Just what in the hell is going on?
>You and the escort swoop into the entrance. You've sent thirteen Manticores to this place and the first one you see when you get here is now a pancake.
>If that's happening to them, you can only imagine what's happening to Anon, you only care because If he dies then you can kiss your chances of moving to general goodbye.
>You knew you should have checked the place more often, but after that blow to the head you had to take a breather.
>When you get to the manticore cage you can't believe your eyes.
>Is this human fighting two of them? AND WINNING?

>>29004108
Thanks family I didn't even notice that. Also should I start a new line if I want to capitalize the next sentence after Dialogue?

>>29004126
>He wants his steak burnt.
As you can see, a few things are going to be different to improve the story, I'll also be working on my formatting.

>>29004149

I think that's a matter of preference. I generally try to make it one line = one sentence or two if one of them is short, like:

>Luna rolled her eyes. Gingerly skipping from stone to stone, unaided by magic at all, she forded the stream, seemingly without effort.
>You were certain she'd be a little bit winded, but no - her breathing was regular and she still smelled like a cool night-time breeze.

But I think that's more personal preference.

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>Be Anonymous.
>You have half a mind to go after flappers, but you got bigger problems. You've only got two more kitties to play with, and you'll be damned if they escape.
>As expected, Spike wants it first. You dodge the tail whips that used to cut you and tear your clothes. The next time he turns around you deliver a roundhouse kick to his jaw. That's when you notice fluffy making a break for the closing hole in the wall.
>Pshh, he thought!
> You take long running strides to catch up with him. "Oh NO ya don't!" You grab him by the tail and yank him back into the room before the hole closes.
"You guys are inside cats remember? Now come give papa a hug."
>They're coming alright, but you have the sneaking suspicion that they aren't trying to hug you. Fluffy swipes at you with his claws but you block with your elbow and uppercut him into the ceiling. His brother launches the spikes from his tail at you.
>Damn do you hate projectiles. You duck, dodge, and deflect as many as you can before he grazes you with one. Aww, he's forcing you to approach, you should give him a treat after this. You dash left and rip a bar from the cage with some stone still on the end of it, ignoring some dumbfounded ponies in the process.
>This isn't going to be like that one time, your ready for him. Just as you thought Spike's fur sharpens to a point in all directions and he stands upright with his forelegs spread. You jump and come down on his head with your bar. No Iron maiden for you thanks.
>Spike sways with his eyes crossed before falling over. The reforming ceiling squeezes him out and impales him on top of Spike.
>Mourning the untimely loss of Fluffy, you walk over to the end of the cage to the ponies with their jaws on the the floor. Even Hard-Ass McBitch horse is at a loss for words.

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>Their eye's are following you, but they aren't all the way there.
"Hello? Words? Like, the ones you use to communicate!" you yell.
>"You just killed two manticores" The captain replies.
>Did your 619 really kill Flappers? He was your favorite one! Now how are you gonna practice your air combos?
"Are you sure? I know he left the building but he can still fl-"
>"His wing was broken"
"Oh, I see. Well there's more where he came from right? Or did I just endanger this species?" You ask.
>"It's likely you have. Pray tell anonymous, where are the others?
"You see, what had happened was, the first guy had it coming cuz he was an asshole. Screech caught a bar to the jugular for waking me up one day. Nibbles bit me one too many times, so I tore off his jaw, Aaaand the last seven, well nine now, were accidents."
>"Uh-huh." She states in disbelief. "Well, the Princess requests you at her castle this afternoon, She has recognized your ability and believes it will prove useful to the crown."
"YOU MEAN I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE?" you say a bit louder than you wanted too.
>"Yes. Yes you are you are." She un-scrunches her scrunch but her ears are still pinned back."She also asked that you wear this". One of the work horses holds a suit on a coat hanger in it's mouth.
>Snazzy.
>You never had a suit fit you so well, it's almost like a second skin.
>The shoes fit perfectly as well. It must of been tailored, but then, how did they get your measurements? Sompony's got some explaining to do.
>SOMEBODY, SOME-BODY. Damn it, now they've got you saying it too. You were doing well for the past few months.
>Your carriage awaits. It's strange to see a horse drawn carriage in a world populated by horses.
>The human equivalent would be one of those Chinese carts people run with.
>You sit inside across from the captain and watch the other guards seal the door on the place you've called home for the last 6 months. You almost miss it, but that might be the Stockholm talking.

>yfw you will never be able to write like JazzTeeth even though you try and try to emulate his style

>>29003651
If you want. Nobody's gonna force you to if you don't wanna.

Also, sin.aie is dead. Can I get a direct link to the Skype group?

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>>28997095
No thanks. I hear ponies disappear there and are never seen again.

>>29004488
8th here, give us your Skype info. My account isn't dead so I want to try adding you to see if that works that way.

>>29004676

"drayakir"

>>29004676
>8th here
Literally fucking who

>>29005110
Some fag literally nobody cares about. Writes those fucking trash Moonie stories.

>>29005199
Nice digits.

>>29004257
>Their eye's are following you, but they aren't all the way there.
"Hello? Words? Like, the ones you use to communicate!" you yell.
>"You just killed two manticores" The captain replies.
>Did your 619 really kill Flappers? He was your favorite one! Now how are you gonna practice your air combos?
"Are you sure? I know he left the building but he can still fl-"
>"His wing was broken"
"Oh, I see. Well there's more where he came from right? Or did I just endanger this species?" You ask.
>"It's likely you have. Pray tell Anonymous, where are the others?
"You see, what had happened was, the first guy had it coming cuz he was an asshole. Screech caught a pipe to the jugular for waking me up one day. Nibbles bit me one too many times, so I tore off his jaw. Aaaand the last seven, well nine now, were accidents."
>"UH-huh." She states in disbelief. "Well, the Princess requests you at her castle this afternoon, She has recognized your ability and believes it will prove useful to the crown."
"YOU MEAN I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE, you say a bit louder than you wanted too.
>"Yes. Yes you are you are." She un-scrunches her scrunch but her ears are still pinned back."She also asked that you wear this". One of the work horses holds a suit on a coat hanger in it's mouth.
>Snazzy.
>You never had a suit fit you so well, it's almost like a second skin.
>The shoes Fit perfectly as well. It must of been tailored, but then, how did they get your measurements? Sompony's got some esplaining to do.
>SOMEBODY, SOME-BODY. Damn it, now they've got you saying it too. You were doing well for the past few months.
>Your carriage awaits. It's strange to see a horse drawn carriage in a world populated by horses, you guess some things just work.
>You sit inside across from the captain and watch the other guards seal the door on the place you've called home for the last 8 months. You almost miss it, almost.
>The captain gives you a once over. "You clean up well." she says mildly impressed.

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We doin secret Santa again this year?

>>29001111
I can't write for shit and am very boring/unoriginal. Also lazy but, mostly the first things.

>>29004126
>>not well done
you mean ruined?
(You) basic bitch

>>29005488
This was asked last thread and the one before. Yes. Just wait for shit to be organised nigga

>>29005472
>That may have been the first nice thing she's said to you.
>The Carriage starts up and you're pushed into your seat. It reminds you of taking off in an airplane, except for the open windows.
>Your stomach drops when you take off, but other than that, it's a smooth ride.
>The captain closes the window and gives you another once over.
>"It looks like I was right to put you in the hammer Anon, Celestia only knows what you would have done if you left the Everfree."
"About that, I'm still foggy on the details. Could you fill me in?"
>Her eyes roll back in thought.

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>>29005809
>nigga
Please do not say the n-word, thank you.

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>>29005812
>Be Sterling Shield 8 and a half months ago.
>These rumors of the "Night walker" are getting more and more detailed. You sent a search party to investigate, but all they found was a path of deep prints and broken trees. If you want something done right you'll have to do it yourself. It's been I while since you've been on a bounty hunt anyway.
>You and your team set out armed to the teeth, literally. Your not taking any chances if one creature's been doing all this damage. It may even be more than on-
>"ugh,I'm GETTING NO WHERE!" somepony yells. He may not be what your after, but it's your honor and duty to help. You follow the incoherent ramblings to it's source. He sounds like he's at his wits end, which is understandable. It's easy to get lost in this forest.
>It looks like the one in distress IS the night walker! He's standing upright with tattered clothes just like in the ponice sketches.
>You stay just out of his line of sight. If you can take him peacefully It'd be much better.
"Stailons, ready the net and be on guard, I'll distract him." you whisper, they nod and and follow your command. "Hello? Is anypony out there?" you shout to the beast.
>"Rangers? I'M SAVED!" He drunkenly stumbles toward your hiding spot. Just a little closer....
"NOW"
Your team swoops down on the beast enveloping him in the net. This only serve's to peeve him as he flails hysterically.
>"WHAT THE HELL? GET OFF ME!"
>You're most powerful Stallions are flung every which way. One was fortunate to enough to be launched straight upward, the rest not so much. You narrowly avoid Regal before he splinters a tree beside you. Your vice captain is groaning in a six hoof crater and that new recruit was thrown so far that you can't even see him. Good thing he can fly.
>The creature screeches in rage before turning his eyes to you. You daftly maneuver and doge his swipes.
>He tears holes in trees and shatters rocks with his stray swings. You've got to find a way to take him down.

>>29005839
You're not my real dad, you cunt nigger.

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>>29005839
And what are you gonna do about it, you double nigger?
>>29005855
Are these old or are you still writing them and finding/drawing images simultaneously?

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>>29005855
>You hear Victor's sonic rain-boom overhead and it gives you an Idea. There's now way he can get back up after a tackle at mach 2.
>Victor must bethinking what you're thinking because he's headed straight down towards the clearing.
>The Night walker is hot on your trail as you run back to the clearing. Just a bit further, you can make it! You reach the clearing and take off to clear the way for victor.
>The creature nearly yanked you out of the sky before he collided with Victor in mid air. Just what in the hell is he? The crash left the Night walker in a creator of his own and victor limping. Much your surprise, this thing is still breathing, he's to dangerous for a regular holding cell.
>Although it was meant for Chrysalis,you may have just found the Aether hammer's first tenant.
>Anon is stroking his chin in thought when you finish your story."That would explain the splitting headache I woke up with, and why the place cell was so small." he finally says.
"You didn't really talk much until you tried to escape"
>"I was conscious?"
"You ate what we gave you and you'd look at us when we opened the door. Other than that, you would just lay there staring a the wall. Sometimes you would mumble something but you would never repeat it. So you can imagine my alarm when your chains lie broken on the floor."
>"Nonny doesn't like restraints." he coyly replies
"The princess had visited the 5th day of your stay. She was curious about the whole "Night walker" business as well." you continue.
>"So am I an urban legend now?"
"We still get sighting reports so, that would be a yes"
>"Huh. neat." he smiles.
"Just don't let it go to your head." You warn him.

>>29005972
I've already written them, but I'm editing the writing as I go.
I did all the drawings myself.

>>29004676

Still waiting for my invite.

>>29005809
who was running that last time nigga

>>29006052
You need to use the proper rituals to summon 8th, watch.


VEGEMITE.

>>29006164

Koala! Boomerang! Wallaby! Oi oi oi!

>>29006164
He comes from a land down under
Where ponies grow and Anon's blunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the wonder
As we all learn, we all rediscover

File: Anon&Death.png (266KB, 565x746px) Image search: [Google]

266KB, 565x746px

>Death has come for Anon. Unfortunately, she has her work cut out for her.
>You are Anon
>And you do believe that you are screwed.

>Standing on your doorstep is a mare.
>While not unusual for this time of morning (Yellow Quiet is probably on her way right now), the mare herself isn’t what you are expecting.
>She’s tall, far taller than you.
>For the first time since arriving in Equestria, you actually have to stare up at a pony, instead of down.

>It’s a little intimidating.


>No wonder ponies didn’t like it when you hold stuff over their heads.

>You can’t get a good look at her though, as most of her body is hidden behind a dark cloak.
>Only her wings are visible, the large appendages appearing to grow out of the cloak itself.
>From within the folds of the cloak’s hood, her eyes glow with some other worldly power as she stares blankly down at you.

>“Anon Mous?” she asks, her voice echoing eerily and you can swear you hear dozens of voices whispering beneath hers.

>>29006637
>You swallow thickly before answer.

“Y-yes?”
>Oh shit. As you speak, your breath fogs up.
>Why is your breath is visible? It’s the middle of fucking summer!

>The look that the mare gives you doesn’t help the shivers that are running up your spine.

>“It is time,” she says.

“Uh, time for what exactly?

>“It is your time, young one.”
>Slowly, a hoof emerges from the folds of her cloak and for a moment you catch sight of what’s within.
>Bones adorn the interior of the cloak, clinking together softly as the mare moves.
>You can’t see her body though, as a swirling darkness blocks her from view.
>Then, the cloak falls back into place, cutting off your view.

>She holds up a small hourglass in her blackened hoof.
>It’s adorn with a miniature human skull.
>Your name is etched along the base, and it appears that all the sand has fallen into the bottom half.

>“It is your time,” she repeats again, staring unblinkingly at you with her glowing eyes. “Please, come with me.”

>You stare at her blankly for a few seconds before your eyes narrow.
>Wait a minute...

>>29006656
>You scoff and roll your eyes.
“Nice try, Fluttershy, but dying isn’t my fetish.”

>This causes the mare to blink and she tilts her head to the side. “I’m sorry…?”

>You repeat yourself.
“Snuff isn’t my fetish, Fluttershy.

>“I… I don’t…” the mare stutters, giving you a bewildered look. “What are you talking about? I am not Fluttershy.”

>You roll your eyes.
“You’re starting to lose your touch.”
>Slowly, you begin to close the door.
“This was a pitiful attempt. Go home, and try harder tomorrow, okay?”
>Before the mare can answer, you slam the door in her face.
>You lock it just to be sure before turning and heading for the kitchen.
>At least, you attempt to.

>You only manage to take a couple of steps before your entire house suddenly shakes violently.
>The skies outside turn dark, and thunder booms.

>“YOU DARE MOCK ME?!”

>>29006677
>Whirling around, you see a sight that causes you to let out a shrill shriek a manly shout.
>The mare is currently phasing through your front door as if it was nothing more than smoke.
>Her muzzle is scrunch up in a snarl, and dark energy wafts from her eyes.

>A thick layer of frost begins to cover the walls of your home as she pulls herself the rest of the way through the door.
>She has to stoop to stop the top of her head from hitting the ceiling.
>Even so, she still looms over you, a look of fury on her face.

>“Do you know who am I, mortal?” she hisses.

>“Fluttershy…?”
>This causes her to growl, and the temperature in the room drops even further.

>“I was there at the beginning of existence,” the mare says with a snarl.
>“I was there at the dawn of time.”
> I was there when life first began, and I shall be there when it takes its last breath.”
>As she talks, she moves towards you, gliding effortlessly through the air.
>Frost spreads out across the floor from beneath her cloak.

>Okay, this is starting to not look good.
>As the mare draws nearer, you begin to back up until your back suddenly bumps up against the wall.
>You look around for an escape, but the mare is blocking your path to both the front door and the staircase.

>Slowly, she lowers her head until she face-to-face with you.

>>29006703
>“Through me, the way to the Darkened City.”
>”Through me, the way to everlasting peace.”
>”Through me, the way to eternal sleep,” she breaths.
>She’s so close that you can smell her breath.
>It smells like… lilies?[/spoilers]

>What the fuck?

>You don’t have time to wonder about that before she pushes her muzzle up against your nose.

>“I am the shadow that haunts every nightmare.”
>”I am the terror that freezes every heart.”
>”Nothing came before me, and nothing shall remain after.”
>”Ash shall return to ash, dust shall return to dust.”
>”None shall escape my decay, my execution, my calling.”
>“Now do you know who I am?” she asks.

>You slowly thickly, having to lick your lips before replying.

“N-not Fluttershy…?”

>>29006724
Shit...

>>29006724
>The mare straightens up and gives you an unamused look.

>“I have had enough of your games,” Death says, her voice returning to normal.
>A hoof emerges from the cloak, and there’s a flash of white.
>She now has a long scythe held in her grasp.
>“I have come for you, and I will not be leaving empty hooved. One way or another, you will be coming with me.”

>You stare up at her, wide-eyed.

“W-what?”

>“You are Anon, the human, correct?” she asks.
>A large book appears in the air before her and, with a gust of frigid wind, it opens.
>The pages flap about before coming to a rest.
>The mare hums softly as she drags a hoof down the page.

>“Here it is,” she says suddenly, tapping the entry.
>“Anon A. Mous. Died today at eight-thirty in the morning.”
>She pauses, any eyebrow raising.
>“Slipped on your own semen after masturbating and hit your head on the tub?”
>Her eyes dart up to stare at you, and you rub the back of your head.
>Your hand comes away red.

“Huh… how’d that happen?”
>You chuckle weakly, wiping your hand on your shirt.

>>29006767
>Death closes the book with a snap, and it disappears from existence in a flurry of frost.
>“If you’d be so kind?” she asks, holding out a hoof for you to take.
>“I have other creatures waiting.”

>You stay where you are, eyeing her scythe fearfully.

>You try reasoning with her.
“T-there has to be some mistake. How could I have died by simply hitting my head? I’ve done that dozens of times. Hell, Rainbow’s crashed into the ground face first at Mach One and she’s still up and kicking? Why don’t you go after her instead?”
>“I’m well aware of whom you speak of,” Death says, her expression impassive.
>“I have an appointment with her next week. I’m not here for her right now.
>“I’m here for you.”
>She takes a step forward, and you scamper quickly along the wall.

“I can’t be dead! You have the wrong guy!”
>“You are Anon A. Mous, are you not?” she asks, gliding effortlessly after you.
>You move to put the couch between you and her.
“No.”
>She gives you a deadpan look. “Really? You aren’t Anon Mous? The only human in this land?”
>You shake your head.
“Nope. You have the wrong house. Sorry.”

>This causes her to sigh.

>>29006781
>“Do you take me for a foal?” she asks.
>“I’ve done this job for an eternity. You aren’t the first to try and pull the wool over my eyes. I know who I’m after. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“But I’m so young! There’s so much I haven’t done yet! So much I haven’t seen! So many ponies I haven’t messed with yet! Can’t you come back in say… a month? Maybe a year, tops?”
>“You can not postpone your passing,” she says, a hint of anger beginning to work its way into her voice.
“Look, I’ll cut you a deal. You see, there are these three fillies that—”

>“Enough!” Death booms out suddenly.
>Her wings flare wide until they seem to take up the entire room.
>Shadows seem to lengthen, and an oppressive pressure descends upon you.
>In a quick, fluid motion, she raises her scythe and brings it rushing towards you.

>With a scream, you dive to the side, narrowly avoiding the sharp blade.
>Your couch, however, is not so lucky.
>The scythe cloves it in two with no effort, like a knife through butter.

>As you scramble frantically to your feet, Death advances towards you, her scythe held aloft once more.
>“I gave you the chance to come with me willingly,” she growls, “but you have elected the way of pain!”
>She swings the scythe again, but you duck.
>A long gouge appears on your wall, right where your head had been seconds before.

>Letting out another shrill scream, you scamper quickly along the floor on all fours, Death hot on your heels.
>Another swing of the scythe and one of your potted plants suddenly explodes, bits of broken pot and dirt flying everywhere.

>>29006790
>“Get back here!” Death growls, taking another swipe at you.
>Your coat racks falls to the floor.

>“This… this is ridiculous,” she huffs, turning to try and keep you in her sights.
>You dive beneath the coffee table, but quickly roll out again as she brings the scythe down upon it, smashing the furniture into pieces.

>“I’ve dealt with changelings less tenacious than you,” she shouts. “Accept your fate, mortal!”
“Never!”
>Grabbing one of the couch cushions that had been sent tumbling when the couch met its fate, you toss it at her.
“Leave me alone!”
>There’s a flash of steel, and the pillow falls to the floor in a shower of stuffing and fabric.
>“Enough,” Death snarls, advancing towards you again.
>You turn to run, but find yourself trapped in a corner.

>Death smirks.

>“I have you now,” she sneers as she moves forward, raising her scythe.
>“Hold still. This will be quick… but not painless.”
>As she brings the scythe falling down upon your head, you make on final attempt to escape.
>Trapped and with no place left to run, you take refuge in the only place available to you.

>With a Tarzan-like cry, you dive into the folds of Death’s cloak.

>>29006801
>All noise ceases, and a calming darkness surrounds you.
>It takes your eyes a few seconds to adjust to the dim light, but when they do, you peer around your hiding spot.
>Bones cover the interior of the cloak; mostly leg bones though several wing bones and spines are mixed in.
>They clink together softly as the fabric of the cloak shifts and sways.

>You yourself are currently crouched beneath Death’s barrel, and it takes you a moment to realize that she’s standing on just her hind legs.
>You take a moment to study her body, only to find to your surprise that she’s not as skeletal as you assumed she’d be.
>She has a healthy layer of fat on her to the point where you might even call her a little pudgy.

>You poke her stomach experimentally.

>“What the…?” comes a muffled voice from above, and she takes a couple of steps back.
>You quickly shuffle along, keeping yourself within the folds of the cloak.
>“What are you… stop that.”
>A hoof slips within the cloak, reaching about, searching for you.

>You quickly maneuver yourself around until you are positioned about her flanks.

>“Get out of there this instant!” she grunts.
>You suddenly feel the telltale build-up of magic.
>Without thinking, you quickly grab a hold of her rump, and not a moment too soon.
>In a burst of frost, she teleports across the room.
>Luck for you though, since you’re touching her, you are teleported as well.

>>29006813
>“This is absurd!” she cries. “Come out at once!”
“No!”
>With clumsy movement, you pull yourself up so that your straddling her back.
>She’s surprisingly warm, considering who she is.
>You cling to her barrel and refuse to let go.
>She stomps about, trying to dislodge you but your grip is too tight.
>She flaps her wings, but still you do not budge.
>A few more attempts at teleporting, and she’s starting to become flustered.

>“Begone from our cloak, mortal!” she shouts as she tries to reach you with her forehooves.
>Unfortunately for her, while ponies here might be more flexible than their Earthly counterparts, she still can’t reach her back.
“No!”
>“Get out of there this instant!”
“No! You can’t make me!”
>“Mortal, get out of my cloak this instant or so help me Lux!”
“Fuck off!”
>“That does it!”

>The sound of magic being used is the only warning you get before the scythe’s blade suddenly rips through the cloak, stopping inches in front of your face.
>You eye the blade nervously, sweat beading up on your brow.
>There’s a pause before the scythe is pulled free, leaving behind no indication that it had ever been there.
>You gulp.

“Oh shit.”

>>29006819
>The scythe blade appears again, this time nearly taking off your leg in the process.
>Before you have a chance to recover, it’s gone again, only to reappear this time by your hand.
>Oh hell no!
>This bitch is trying to shank you!

>With that in mind, you begin your frantic attempts to keep your head: namely, wiggle like you’ve never wiggled before.
>Like a squirrel in a tree, you shimmy around her body as she continues to stab blindly with the scythe.

>“Will… you… hold… still?”
“No!”
>“Stop, unf… moving. This is for your own good!”
“Like hell it is!”
>“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
“What? You thought I was going to come quietly?”
>“Yes! Most ponies do!”
“I’m not a pony!”
>“Stop this immediately, mortal! You are only delaying the inevitab—GAH!”

>A loud crashing noise comes from outside, followed by the thumping of several large objects landing on the floor.
>It appears Death has just knocked over your bookshelf.
>That doesn’t matter much though, given what’s just happened within the cloak.

“...oh, wow.”
>“WHAT IN THE NAME OF—WHAT ARE YOU—GET YOUR ARM OUT OF THERE!”
“I’ve got to give you props, lady. That’s impressive.”
>“GET YOUR ARM OUT OF THERE THIS INSTANT!”
“I wonder what happens if I…”
>“NO, WAIT! DON’T DO—GAH!”
“Oops… my bad. Maybe if I just.”
>“Gnnn, n-no, wait! Not there—NAAAAAH!”
“Hmmm, that didn’t help either. Maybe if I…”
>“NAAAA-AH-AH-AH!”
“Huh… that, kinda did it?”
>“M-mortal, heh… your… your suffering will be, unf... long and painful.”
“Says the mare that can’t catch me.”
>“That’s not—”
“And I appear to have a good hold of you… right here!”
>“GAH! THAT DOES IT!”

>>29006829
>With a smile on her face, Fluttershy trots up the front path to Anon’s house, a pep in her step.
>So far this morning has been a good one.
>The sun is shining, she has a belly full of delicious breakfast, and she has a fetish guess today that is sure to win Anon over.

>Climbing the steps of the porch, she approaches the front door.
>Pausing in front of it, she takes a breath, runs over the idea one more time in her head, and then lifts her hoof.
>She knocks once, twice, thr—

>CRUNCH

>Suddenly, a large, sharpened blade emerges from the door right beside her head.
>It’s so close to her that bits of her mane get sheared off, the hair fluttering down to the ground.
>She stares at the quivering blade with eyes the size of dinner plates.
>A shriek comes from the other side of the door, and the blade is pulled back inside in a shower of splinters.

>Fluttershy continues to stare at the place where the blade had been, her pupils the size of pinpricks.
>Something warm trickles down her leg.
>Looks like she’s going to have to change her guess this morning.

>Opening and closing her mouth wordlessly, she eventually stutters out, “Is…. is w-watersports y-y-your feti—”

>Another shriek came from within, followed shortly by something large being thrown through the front window of the house.
>With a crunching noise, half of Anon’s favorite armchair landed in the yard.
>The other half followed a moment later.

>Fluttershy stared at the two halves of the armchair.

>plop

>“O-oh, um… i-is… is s-s-scat—”

>A portrait of Anon (one that she had drawn months ago) suddenly joined the armchairs in the yard, a large gash across the figure’s throat.
>Fluttershy took one look at the massive knife mark across the face of the painting and hightailed it out of there.

>“I’lljustcomebacktomorrowokayThanksbye!”

>An unearthly shriek echoes from the house, the wail chasing Fluttershy up the road and sending nearby birds flying in terror.

>>29006839
>Death slumps against the hallway wall, breathing heavily.
>From within her cloak, you do the same, still clinging to her sweaty body as if your life depends upon it… which, actually, it does.
>Though you can not see it from within your safe haven, your house is now completely trashed.
>Your various bits of furniture lay in ruins, scorch mark cover the carpets—most of them still smoking—and large gouges mark up the walls and ceilings.
>Death’s scythe is currently embedded in the mantle of your fireplace, in which purplish-blue fire is now burning.

>After a few minutes of silence, Death sighs.
>“You aren’t coming out of there, are you?” she asks.
“Are you still trying to off me?”
>“...”
“Well?”
>“I must do my jobs, regardless of your wants and desires.”
“Then fuck you, I’m staying put!”
>You squeeze her barrel even tighter.

>Death scrunches up her face.
>“Be reasonable, Anon. You can’t stay in there forever.”
“Challenge accepted!”
>“You do not have the willpower to pull this off. Eventually, you will get tired or bored. Why not just surrender now and save us both the hassle?”
“Ha! You’re talking to the guy that’s been systematically going through Twilight’s entire library collection and whiting-out the words of her books, one page a day. I’ve completely erased nearly forty books and she hasn’t noticed yet.”

>She groans before pushing herself off the wall.
>“I don’t have time for this,” she mutters under her breath. “I’m late for my next appointment.”
>Giving herself one last experimental shake, she sighs in defeat when you remain firmly within her cloak.
>“Fine, have it your way,” she growls, “but you can’t stay in there forever. You’ll have to come out of there eventually, and when you do, I’ll be waiting.”

>A loud farting noise comes from within the folds of the cloak as you blow a raspberry at her.

>>29006847
>Grumbling under her breath, she lights up her horn and, with the screech of metal, pulls her scythe free of the bricks that make up the fireplace.
>She checks the blade for damage before disappearing it in a burst of frost.
>Within the cloak, you shiver as a gust of cold air flows between the folds.
Then with a soft pop, the scythe appears within the cloak as well, though it’s a lot smaller than it had been.
>It hangs on a small clasp sewn onto the cloak’s interior, where it jostles and bumps against the decorative bones.

>“Word of advice,” she says as she begins to walk, “don’t cut yourself on the blade. Or do, if you’d like. It’d make my job a whole lot easier and take care of you in an instant.”

>You eye the miniature scythe warily.
“Why? What happens if I cut myself?”
>“You die.”
>Yeah… gonna put that right up there at the top of your ‘Things-To-Not Do’ list, right above eat Celestia’s cake and give Luna espresso.

>Death heads for your front door, but as she pushes it open, the hinges give out.
>With an echoing thud, the door falls upon the patio.
“What was that?”
>“Nothing,” Death answers quickly.
“Don’t ‘nothing’ me. What was that noise?”
>“Nothing,” she repeats.
>Grumbling darkly under your breath, you maneuver yourself around until you're clamped onto her chest.
>Twisting about, you poke your head out from the folds.
>Upon seeing your destroyed door, your eyes narrow.
“You’re paying for that.”

>“I most certainly am not!” she cries, staring down at your emerged head.
“Yes you are.”
>“No I’m not.”
“Then I want to speak to your manager!”
>“M-manager?!” she yelps, gaping at you. “I’m Death! I have no manager!”
“In that case, I’ll just leave a negative review. Zero out of ten, worst experience ever, never gonna use this service again.”
>She growls before taking a swipe at you, but you quickly duck back inside her cloak.

>>29006852
>“Still your tongue, naive,” she grunts. “I have more souls to harvest, and your shenanigans have already put me behind schedule.”
>With a hum, her horn begins to glow and the large book from before appears in front of her.
>She skims quickly through the pages, muttering to herself.

>“Got him, got him, got her, got him, got them, didn’t need to get him, someone else got her, got him, got him, got herself, got him… couldn’t get him.”
>She growls, and you can almost feel her glaring at you from behind the fabric of the cloak.

>“Now, let’s see,” she mutters.
>“Granny Smith, swallowing and choking on her dentures, was supposed to be picked up three hours ago.”
“Does that mean she’s still choking on them?”
>“Quiet you.”
“I could give her something else to choke on if you’d like.”
>“I said quiet!” she pauses, and you feel her chest vibrate as she hums to herself.
>“Now, which way is it to Sweet Apple Acres?”
>She’s silent for several long minutes, and you notice that her tail is flicking back and forth in agitation.

>>29006857
>After a few more moments of silence, you speak up.
“You… you don’t know where it is, do you?”
>“...maybe.”
“How can you not know? You’re Death!”
>“I am not from this area, thank you very much!” she shouts. “I kindly ask that you keep your judgement to yourself!”
“...”
>“...”
“...”
>“...”
“Go down the path and take a left at the fork in the road.”
>“...thank you.”

>She does as you say, gliding silently down the path, heading for Sweet Apple Acres.
>Suddenly, an idea pops into your head and you grin.
“Hey, when we get there, can I be the one to reap her?”
>“We shall see.”
“Really?!”
>“No.”

>You grumble under your breath, but don’t press the issue.
>Death continues on her way, with you perched on her back beneath the cloak.
>All in all, not the strangest day you’ve had in Equestria, and hey! At least you can cross another item off your bucket list.

>After all, you’ve never ridden bareback on a hearse before.

>Fin

>>29006870
That was pretty good m8

I imagine the Sweet Apple Acres visit will be a bit awkward.
>"Hi Granny Smith! Are you ready to die? I'm death's assistant now!"

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>>29006870
Nice story, got a good laugh out of me.

>>29006870
You made me laugh like a retarded dolphin the whole way through good job.

>>29006052
I was at work. I've sent you a request.

any recommendation!

>>29007504
Suicide

>>29007510
you first

>>29002998

>Day 1825 in Equestria

"Has it really been 5 years already?"
>"Yep!" Twilight says. "Seems like you only arrived yesterday doesn't it?"
>5 years here, so much time has gone by. So many memories made.

>And you're still a virgin. HOW?

>Wasn't that the whole point of coming here? So you could get some hot pone poon?
>Many other Anons were able to do just that! Almost instantaneously! Alot was promised from their adventures!
>What the fuck is wrong with this version of Equestria you got stuck with? Is it defective?

>Looking to Twilight, you say:
"Do you think I'll ever find someone who wants to fuck me?"
>Alarmed, Twilight quickly replies "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!?"
"I don't know! Maybe all I ever wanted was a cute horse to hug my weenie with her bit maker. I've spent 5 years trying to get some but no one wants to do it!"
>"Anon." Twilight says. looking over to you. "Ask yourself this. Who in Equestria really wants to do something as taboo as having sex with a human?"

>"I DO!" Lyra yells off in the distance, unnoticed.

"I guess you're right."
>God damn ponys with standards.

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>>29007625

im looking at an old shitty piece of shit story i wrote a while ago and am thinking maybe i will tidy it up and write a continuation
https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/26817708/#26819783

>>29007947
wait oops i called it shit twice its bad but its not that bad

>>29006870
Lots of chuckles from me, well done.

>>28986864
>The next morning you’re up and about early, eager to get out of the hard and tiny bed in the hotel room you’d found
>You were up so early no one but the skeleton crew of workers needed to keep the station running were up
>Another benefit to being a bitch of science, you didn’t need much sleep, just 2 hours in a 24 hour cycle could keep you going in desperate situations
>The lack of people made leaving easy
>Situated back in your acceleration couch you calculate and provide a flight plan to the computer
>The sleek black metal ship pulls out and accelerates away at a tremendous pace, the gargantuan mining settlements fading to microscopic dots in the vastness of space
>You access your mission intel
>Whatever you were looking for had been lost mid-transit between systems
>Apparently the small armada of ships protecting it had come under attack
>They’d jettisoned off the thing through a warp jump before they’d been overrun
>Unfortunately the wormhole had been forcible closed, externally by the attackers, causing the damned thing to portal out at the wrong location
>Whoever the attackers were they must have some obscene tech to close a wormhole
>You had three possible destinations as to where the device may have appeared based off its last received transmission
>Sector S12, S09 and S16
>From the look of the spectroscopic analysis sector S12 had the gas giant with the greatest percentage of He-3, something you’d require to fuel your flight back, plus it wouldn’t hurt to actually scout for future settlement locations, because you know, money
>You send S12’s coordinates to the computer and fire up the Jump nodes
>StankButt’s acceleration increases further as an infinitesimally small event horizon opens up kilometres ahead of the ship
>The wormholes radius rapidly expands as the Jump nodes pour all their energistic power into tearing apart the reality of space-time
>Your craft slips into the spherical rip

>>29008016
>Through the small windscreen of your ship nothing but white could be seen
>Extending the ship's sensor arrays gave no input
>The space between space tended to have nothing in it
>*WARNING! Event horizon within hazardous zone, temperatures exceed shield’s capacity. User action required IMMEDIATELY*
>Fuck! What?! What the hell was happening with the gas giant at sector S12?!
>*WARNING! User neural input insufficient. Performing emergency jump shutdown*
>…
>Wait what?
>*Ship eject in 3…2…1…*
>Oh fuck!
>The tunnel of space around you collapses as your ship rushes through
>The universe reappears
>Sensory arrays deploy as you check up on the star system
>The first thing you do is pinpoint the location you were meant to emerge
>It was just a few hundred million kilometres off course
>Damn that was really good. It was a surprise you’d even ended up in a star system at all, let alone the right one
>Having a look at your intended exit you realise the issue the computer had picked up on
>What the initial scans had thought was a gas giant had been a very small sun, it must have been obscured by something while they were taking the readings! God fucking damn that is a bitch
>But you’re grateful to be alive
>The guys who gave the go ahead for this system? Well once you got home they’d regret being alive, for a time at least
>You turn your attention to more pressing matters
>Not that what you’d just done took more than the time for a thought to enter your head
>The more pressing matter of course was your ships current position and the fact you were out of control
>Your ship was above the single planet in this system
>Just not above it in orbit
>You were under 600 meters from the surface
>You could see the nature and shrubbery below you without the aid of your ships sensors
>Fuck that’s too low

>>29008027
>On instinct alone your mind sends a quick order to angle your now out of control ship towards a medium sized natural lake
>Your next action is to activate all the drag wings along the hull and blast your reverse thrusters
>You release as many modules from you ship as possible, the storage, living quarters, purification and recycling systems, extra ammunition, anything to lighten your craft
>Each pops from the fuselage of your ship and sails to the ground
>StankButt plunges into the lake with a splash imitating a miniature atomic detonation, virtually still impacting at full speed
>Thanks to your accel-couch you were spared from the massive impulse of the crash
>Only some of your ship's systems had managed to stay online
>Diagnostic capabilities were still enabled
>You set it into action and run through the damage report
>The lower hull was fucked beyond repair and multiple systems were offline, likely for good
>Too many systems just came up blank
>Something you’ll have to deal with later, because apparently water was rapidly rushing into the lower levels and your ships flotation buoys had yet to inflate
>The best thing you can try before thinking of abandoning ship is to turn it on and off again
>You signal for the ship's computer to restart
>When it does you’re temporarily left in pure black for what feels eternity, the quiet sounds of rushing water entering your ship below and the unsettling groans of the hull matching the mood with terrifying perfection
>The system attempts to restart multiple times, failing upon start up
>But you persist for a good ten minutes, sending initiation commands to the central computer
>Finally lights flicker back on and the ship judders as the buoys burst from their covers, expanding out into the murky depths as the ship come back online
>Slowly the craft beings to rise through the water
>With the system rebooted you run through diagnostics again

>>29008040
>The second you connect fully you’re blasted with a warning message
>*30 seconds until Nodal meltdown*
>*User evacuation attempts: INADEQUATE*
>*Forced evacuation in 25 seconds*
>Having been cut from the Swallow so suddenly your Jump nodes had been overloaded with excess power and were about to light up
>And when they went, by god did they go
>*29 seconds until meltdown*
>You have to move fast
>Thank fuck most of your equipment was in the storage module you jettisoned, along with some ammunition
>Assuming they hadn’t vaporized on impact
>You tear from the couch before it can properly detach from you, strands of peculiar, almost living, fern like cloth pull at your skin before popping off and drifting back to the chair
>You sprint to a storage slot and pull out your hand held chemical projectile weapon, the Nix .50, it was more or less a modern analogue of the Old World Desert Eagles, and make for the exit with all the speed your enhanced body could manage
>The doors hiss open and you step out into the light
>At a first glance the lake you’re in is surrounded on all sides by dense shrubbery
>Something far off on the shore line stirs the bushes
>You don’t have time to inspect further as you jump up onto your ship’s roof
>Your feet thud heavily as you sprint up StankButt’s hull
>There was one last thing you needed before you could ditch this death trap
>*15 seconds*
>Thundering to a halt at a small dodecahedral outcropping on your ship you firmly wrap your hands around it
>Biosynthetically enhanced muscles strain at the effort and the outcropping quickly tears away
>It was the ship’s Warp beacon, your only hope and means of sending an FTL distress signal
>Pulling out your pistol you shoot the buoys
>*8 seconds*
>They deflate with a hiss
>The immense weight of the ship plus the water filled lower half quickly drags it back under

>>29008049
>You startup your enhanced sprint again and dive as far from the rapidly sinking ship as possible
>You sail into the water which turns a thick bubbling white as you churn at it with your powerful legs, propelling you effortlessly from the heaping wreck
>*2 seconds*
>You reach the shore and turn around to see your craft had been completely submerged once more
>With it gone from view you can see directly across to the other side of the lake
>It’s there that you find the source of the previous stirring you’d noticed
>A pair of indigenous beasts were at the lake, likely getting a drink
>But the little guys were so adorable!! Some kind of horse analogue
>This place may not have a gas giant but it could make double the amount it would as a mining system if it were used for tourism
>Who wouldn’t pay thousands just to have a look at those guys, so cute!
>*1 second*
>Aw, the poor little things were going to get such a fright
>All inputs from the ship to your brain vanish, your mind feeling empty
>In mere moments a gargantuan sphere of destructive energy expands from what was once your ship
>All and any matter which made contact was sucked into the void between space-time, left to nothingness for all eternity
>As suddenly as it grew the sphere shrinks and disappears, all in complete silence
>Once it’d vanished half the lake had been drained of water, all of it sucked into the void
>Damn, here 30 seconds and you’re already giving it that old human touch, irreparably altering the environment
>Although it’s not your fucking god damn fault
>You’ll still be getting one hell of an earful for this though. God damn
>Those two adorable creatures had run off somewhere

>>29008058
>You pull apart the casing on the Warp beacon and manually activate it
>It takes flight from your hand and vanishes into the sky
>The beacon should remain in orbit for a number of days, sending out its distress signal, but who knows when rescue would arrive? Or if it’d ever arrive
>The Warp beacon only broadcast on military frequencies, meaning you could only wait for official rescue, and that involved a lot of paperwork, therefore time
>Well then, it’s time to collect your shit, not that you’d had much left now
>Thankfully each module of your ship had its own electromagnetic tag, making locating your equipment beyond easy
>Unfortunately only two tags were left transmitting, the storage module and living quarters
>You set off into the brush with the plan to get situated on this new planet
>Which you’d yet to thank for being habitable, nothing would have pissed you off more than emerging to an atmosphere of sulphur, or a planet that rained molten metal
>Your supplies should consist of your armour, additional weapons and ammunition, dried food, and various operations equipment including a case of Neural nanonics
>The nanonics were specialised nanoscale tech wired directly to one’s brain, they’d been a leftover from the ship's previous operator, you already had military grade hardware installed
>You move out
>If your living quarters hadn’t vaporized on impact you wouldn’t need to worry about building your own shelter
>One could only hope, and the active tag was a good sign

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>>29008545
Nah, there's only room for one seductress in my life

>>29008552
Rarity will never seduce you.
Rainbow Dash will never try to get you in the back of her van.

>>29008782
Fluttershy will never take you into the woods alone.
Pinkie will never trap you in the basement.
Twilight will never panic afterwards and attempt to hide your body.
Big Mac will never dump your drugged, anus bleeding form in front of the horsepital at three in the morning.
Applejack will never wonder why you are so twitchy all the time and why you avoid ponies.

>>29008087
I remember that story from long ago.
There is more but you haven't posted it yet.
Have you wrote anything after that?

>>29001111
>be me

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>>28970374
Been a week since the last update, sorry, but Path of Exile has taken up too much of my time. Anyways, continuing.

>You’ve been walking for about three hours now, making good progress. Twiggy Piggy lags a little bit, but can fly up hills, more than making up for her time and keeping her fresh.
>You’d made the decision to keep provisions to yourself once it became apparent that most of Twilight’s “edible” plants were grasses and leaves completely indigestible for humans.
>You break for lunch in a small grassy clearing. Apparently grazing is deemed barbaric in pony culture, so Twilight instead uproots a patch of grass and puts it on a plate.
“Enjoying your meal over there?”
>It’s quite evident that she’s not. “No, anon, and I don’t appreciate you holding your meal over my head.”
>Your food mostly consisted of apples and apple accessories. Not the most nutritious meal plan, but tasteful. A benefit of living in a town where the staple crop is something sweet. You also had some expensive multivitamins to ensure that you wouldn’t drop dead from malnutrition either.
“Perhaps if you stocked less books and more practical backpacking, err, saddlebagging equipment, you wouldn’t have to settle for grass.”
>With no response immediately forthcoming, you look around. The woods here are wild, but not as the Everfree. The hilly terrain and abundance of seasonal vegetation reminds you of Appalachia.
“Hey, Twilight?”
>”Yes, Anon?”
“Why is there no settlement in this country? The landscape is rich and obviously fertile, and if it’s anything like its counterparts on my world, it’s probably loaded with natural resources too.”
>”At this point, it’s mostly due to tradition and superstition. But up until a century ago the magical fallout from some of Starswirl’s more unstable experiments prevented stable habitation.”

>>29010169
(Fuck, forgot to change that first line. Read it as ten hours.)

This alarms you, and you immediately wonder if ponies have Geiger counters, and if you should be equipped with one. “Fallout? What kind of fallout? Radioactive fallout?”
>”No, Anon, magical fallout. We didn’t even know what radiation was before you told us, remember?”
>She sees that you’re only slightly calmed by this explanation, and elaborates, “Powerful magic occasionally does strange things in this forest. It gets stronger as you get closer to Starswirl’s tower. Most of what remains nowadays is occasional chaos magic.”
“So, like Discord? Could these trees turn into hulking monsters at a moment’s notice?”
>”Doubtful. The worst we’ll probably see is the odd patch of Poison Joke, although we should probably be watchful just in case.”
>After further reassuring, Twilight convinces you to continue further. She agrees to write down any anomalies in her journal for you to research later.
>For three days you hike onward, and by the end of the third night, you’re only about a kilometer from the tower. It’s dinner time again under the protective magic bubble.
“How do they even get guards and supplies out this far, anyways? Do they live in the tower?”
>Twilight looks up from her salad of tasteless grass and leaves. “For strong pegasus ponies, it’s only about a 12-hour trip by flight. All but one of the guards are pegasi, since they’re effective enough at stopping intruders. One unicorn lives on-site for anywhere from one to five years at a time, as the captain.”
“What about provisions, though? How are they all fed?”
>She simply looks down at her bowl of greens and back up to you.

>>29010187
“Right. So then this path is only trodden down once every few years?” Explains a lot of the obstacles and delays.
>”Most ponies are still too scared of the magic that laces this forest, even more than the Everfree. Although, as you’ve seen, it’s in reality much less dangerous.”
>It’s true, your trip was fairly uneventful. The only noteworthy magical occurrence was when a tree uprooted itself, turned 360 degrees vertically midair, and then replanted itself in the same position.
“Yeah. You should really encourage settlement here, I guarantee there’s either ore or fossil fuels beneath the surface.”
>You’d made a pretty penny by designing and selling the rights to the gasoline-powered motor. Although you may have greatly accelerated the industrial revolution here, you’re slightly concerned about oil conflicts in the near future.
>”Perhaps, but we’d need better infrastructure first. This road definitely won’t do for those purposes.”
>She tucks her legs under her like pic related. A sign that pony is tired and ready for sleep.
“Let’s hit the sack now, and get up early tomorrow. I’d like to get started searching the tower at the first opportunity.”
>You truthfully didn’t know exactly how large this tower was, as you still had a sizable mountain obscuring your view ahead. If it was especially large, you would want all the time you could get to search through it.
>Purple pony yawns in agreement, “Couldn’t have said it better myself. ‘Nite, Anon!”

>>29010197
>The following morning you break camp quickly and set out. It takes less than an hour to reach the perimeter fence. It’s new and of strong construction, there must have been renovations. Their tall height and intertwined metal wire leave no doubts that someone or something is being kept out.
>The road leads straight to a gate in the fence, where both a small guard tower and barracks are located. A male voice sounds from the tower.
>”Halt! This is a protected area. Identify yourself and state your business.”
>You let Twilight handle the formalities. “Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle, and servant. We’re here to investigate the tower and conduct research.”
>Servant?
>You can’t clearly see the guard, but a shape moves in the tower, and the gate opens.
>At last you get a glimpse of the tower. It is old and crumbling, although it appears structurally sound. It’s not as large as you’d hoped, perhaps even a bit small, but certainly larger than most illustrations.
>As you walk through, the guard flies down to greet you personally, and the gate closes behind you.
>”Forgive my brunt welcome, your Highness.” As always, Twilight is visibly bothered by ponies acknowledging her royalty. “The journey must have been long if you have brought a creature such as this with you. How is the road? We’ve not had someone travel it since Captain Cream joined us three years ago.”
>”The journey was fine, thanks. And the ‘creature’ is actually my friend and colleague, Anonymous. He invented the motor powering your gate.”
>You were aware that the technology had spread wide and far where unicorns could not power mechanical devices, but were honestly surprised to see it this far out.
“Yes, which means your defenses must be fairly new. Why the security? As you said, there isn’t anyone out here.”

>>29010222
>The guard shakes his head and points to the high fences. “Nopony, sure, but there are still creatures out there that give us trouble. Most of the worst ones are gone now, so this fence keeps most of ‘em out.”
>As he finishes his sentence, a male unicorn with a light tan coat and chestnut mane emerges from the barracks. Captain Cream, presumably.
>”Visitors! I never thought I’d see the day.” He looks you up and down, but continues before you get a chance to respond. “Although certainly not the type of party I’d expect. Are you Princess Twilight? If so, forgive me, I’ve only been able to hear of you through our recently-arrived guards. What are you here for, if you don’t mind me prying? Whatever it is, I’m sure we can help.”
>A talkative fellow, that one.
>Twilight speaks up before you, “We’re here for research, actually. Is there anything we should know before heading into the tower?”
>He considers for a moment, and then once again unleashes a torrent of words. “Not really, we never go into the tower unless there’s need to. The only time that’s happened in the last fifty years or so was two years ago when some birds had made a nest in the top floor window. Can’t have something like that in a historical landmark! But, if you need us, just send a shout, I have a few spells on this place so that we can be kept aware whenever something happens. Also, you big tall thing, do mind your head, I doubt most of the ceilings are tall enough to accommodate you.”

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>>29010227
>Nowadays, most buildings were tall enough for you due to pegasi being considered in their design, but an old structure like this would probably require you to duck your head.
You decide to cut this conversation short to save time. “Thank you then, we’ll be on our way. Have a good afternoon.”
>The tower is located in the center of a large, flat valley. The trees around it have mostly been cleared, as opposed to the dense forest which seems to go on for miles in all directions around you. Instead, a comfy meadow with warm summer flowers graces your final walk to the building.
>The front door has obviously been replaced, as its wood is nowhere near as rotted as you would expect from a building this age. Or perhaps the unicorns have a spell that stops its decay?
>You opt to go first, ducking your head to enter. The door creaks loudly, but opens without much resistance. The interior, at least on this floor, is devoid of windows and thus pitch black.
“Twilight, could you please put up a light?”
>Purple light emanates from her horn, illuminating the dusty interior. Books, inventions, and strange devices are everywhere, and remarkably well-preserved. The place has barely been touched since its sole inhabitant passed.


End update, more tomorrow or Thursday. PB: http://pastebin.com/pUGK5fhy
>>29010187
I fucked up the organization, my bad, there's supposed to be a post split here where three days pass.
>>29010197
>pic related
I fuck everything up

>>29006870
http://pastebin.com/999cZv1m

What if Anon is a Russian teenager who learned basic, broken English through CS:GO?

>>29011396
he'd be a Russian teenager who learned basic, broken english from cs go

>>29009840
pastebin?

>>29001284
I kek'd. More scenarios of Anon getting flashbacks when?

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>>29010248
Ended up writing more because I had the time and inspiration. If only I could do as much on my manuscript...

>There must be a spell in place to stop the decomposition of so much paper. Perhaps you should’ve been more surprised to find it all rotted away.
>Of course, this is just the cramped ground floor. A living room of sorts, evidenced by the couch, chair, and small table. These too, however, are covered in notes, books, and devices.
>Assuming this is how he left it all, Starswirl obviously did not expect his demise.
>”Ho-ly shit.” Twilight’s cusses are rare, and generally well-deserved. “There’s so much just in this one room! A primitive ultraviolet magic detector! Experimental magic receptacles! Blueprints for machines and vehicles I could never hope to dream up.”
>She was right, and you were equally awestruck. Some of the blueprints and devices bear a striking resemblance to technologies not developed until the 1900’s on Earth. Of course, these are all magic-based.
>It’s much like how you imagined Da Vinci’s workshop to be.
“Wow. It is pretty fucking incredible.” You’re about to pick something up, but pause, “I’m gonna defer to your judgement before I touch anything. Some of this might be incredibly fragile What do you think?”
>Although she can barely contain her excitement, she lets out a sigh and agrees. “Yeah, probably best to keep our hooves off. The books, however, will not be spared!”
>With that, Book Horse delves into a book, sporadically squealing with delight and launching discoveries at you. “Wow! He knew about the critical energy effect of magic centuries before anyone else! Oh, and here, he talks about applying it to the fourth Fillydelphian Law of Magic! Also unknown for centuries after this tome’s writing!”

>>29013500
“I thought his writings were all stored in the Royal Archives?”
>”I thought so too, but evidently some of it was left behind. There are some variables and concepts here that even I don’t know about, and I’m, like, the third highest authority in Equestria on magic.”
>She reluctantly puts down her book and stands up. “Perhaps his unfinished writings were never copied. If that’s the case, we definitely need to look around more. I’ll probably just ditch as many of my books as needed and transcribe them myself.”
“That sounds like a pretty time-intensive project.”
>She rolls her eyes. Normally the gesture doesn’t bother you, but from most ponies, it’s just all the more pronounced at dinner plate sizes. “Maybe for you, Anon, but I can just cast a duplication spell. We’ve been over this, it’s how we can copy so many books without the printing press.”
>Of course. Another device you wished to “invent” but it never caught on. The sole prototype is currently in use at the Foal Free Press.
>The room you’re in is relatively small, but the only one on this floor. A winding staircase cuts floor space from the sides, with ascending steps to the right and the entrance to a basement on the left.
>Twilight gives the room another look-around before moving towards the ascending flight of stairs. “I’m sure there’s plenty to occupy us here, but it’s really just the guest room. There’s probably so much more everywhere else.”
>The stairs, thankfully, have a stone base and are easily climbed. You hit your head on the ceiling on the third step.
“Ah! Shit! Stupid pony architecture…”
>Ignoring you, Twilight continues moving upwards. Thanks for the concern, I’m fine, don’t worry.

>>29013504
>The next floor is unremarkable, apparently Starswirl’s living space. A Spartan sleeping space and kitchen take up most of the room, with a small dresser and personal book case at the end of the room. A small balcony is the only source of light on the floor, cleverly positioned to keep the sun shining in at all daylight hours.
>Although you’re ready to move on, Twilight’s having a field day. You keep forgetting that this is the ancient home of her idol, and she’s now one of only a handful of ponies to have ever seen its interior in millennia.
>”Anon! Look! Look! This is where he ate dinner! Only one chair, that’s kind of sad. But still AWESOME! What kind of magic do you think is in it?”
“I think it’s just a chair, Twili-“
>”And look, wow! There’s a book on his nightstand, with a marker on a page!”
>She eagerly picks it up and begins reading the page. You catch a glimpse of the cover, ’50 Shades of Hay.’ Like most coincidental horse puns that occurred in this world, you can safely assume that the topic of the book closely resembles its earthly counterpart.
“Much as I’d like to read through a riveting tale such as that, we have, like, at least three more floors to explore. And you’re my flashlight.”
>And so once again, Twilight pries herself away from a book and leads the ascent to a higher floor of the tower.
>The next floor will likely be the most valuable to you. It is a workshop of sorts, although the walls are entirely covered in cabinets and bookshelves. Diagrams, drawings, essays, and reference material are scattered about, haphazardly at first glance but somewhat organized on further inspection.
>You can see Twilight itching to read every last letter in the room, and so quickly push her to the steps to the final above-ground level.

>>29013509
>At the top of the tower is an observatory, although it is much less well-kept than the other floors. This is probably due to the large windows and balconies that surround most sides of the room. To your surprise, the roof also appears to open up, and you realize that it is not made of tiles but rather wooden scales which can be retracted.
>A total of five telescopes can be found in the room, although the smallest and largest ones are both broken. Unfortunately, there are still many hours of daylight left, and an investigation of the surprisingly advanced optical devices will likely have to wait for later.
>The view, however, can be appreciated immediately.
“Twilight, look at that. Starswirl certainly had an excellent view of the landscape from here.” The south view is certainly the better of the two, and in truth the valley is something of a horseshoe in shape. While hills block off the north past a mile or two, you can see south towards a large and desolate prairie.
>”I suppose. It’s just that you lose an appreciation for sweeping vistas when you can fly.”
“Well that’s a shame. Are those the Badlands, to the south?”
>She comes to the southern balcony before giving a firm nod of affirmation. “Like I said, less than a day’s hike to the end of the world. Out there, the changelings are often the least of your troubles.”
>The two of you soon abandon the upper floors to head down to the basement. You’re not entirely sure what to expect, but it’s likely to be sizable. A tower like this can’t easily stand without something rooting it down.

>>29013515
>After descending the ground floor’s left set of stairs, you immediately realize that the basement is multi-leveled, as a second set of stairs is placed directly to the side of the first.
>The room has also lost the confined, circular fashion that defines the rest of the structure. It is much larger, and rectangular in shape. That, however, is not what surprises you. The room also has short hallways leading out on three sides, towards areas that appear to be much larger.
>You and Twilight begin to head down the right corridor, as you can discern a source of natural light nearby it. A few paces later, and you realize the exact nature of the basement.
>You turn to Twilight, who is visibly shaking with her tail between her legs. “I… I’ve never seen a private library like this.”
>Before you is a massive, multi-leveled library which puts even the one in her castle to shame. The entry room and hallways were merely a foyer, and the platform you stand on the centerpiece of the massive complex. The room must be three hundred meters long on each side, and further rooms and hallways lead off from the lower levels. Enormous columns of smooth, gray stone rise from the floor two stories below to the ceiling, intricately adorned with figures of ponies and other creatures. You recognize some fables on them, such as the telling of Hearthswarming vertically across one of the pillars.

>>29013524
>The entire area is naturally lit, with holes bored in strategic locations across the ceiling that allow light to filter in. They’re small enough to be hidden by the meadow outside, but large enough to dimly light even the lower floors. There is also a large opening in one of the room’s corners, allowing light to flood in and illuminate the partially-ruined wing below. The rest of the place, however, appears pristine.
>Breaking with the gloomy cobblestone present in the foyer and upper tower, the entire interior seems to be composed of smooth marble, granite, and gray stone to match the pillars. It is also cleverly designed so that each floor is easily accessible, yet provides a view of the center through carefully-patterned placement of its stone bookcases. The entire place appears majestic, and more royal than many parts of Canterlot.
>And just to top it all off, to place the finishing touches on this idyllic scene, four streams of water run out from each side of the foyer directly below the platform you stand on, creating a massive artificial fountain visible from almost everywhere in the library. Adorned along the banks and center of its channels are expertly-made marble sculptures, depicting ponies in battle, laughter, sport, or simply going about their lives. These are also present on the upper-floor balcony you and Twilight stand on.
“Even on Earth we don’t have places like this…” you say to yourself more than your companion. “Why didn’t you tell me about this? I’m never going to have enough food to sort through all of these… Twilight?”
>Twilight is still staring, mouth agape, at the rows and rows of library shelves stretched out before her. Cartoon ponies certainly live up to the appearance of this world with cartoonishly exaggerated expressions.

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>>29013533
“Hey, Twilight, snap out of it.” You snap your fingers twice in front of her. “Did you even hear me?”
>”Y-yeah Anon, I h-heard you…” She slowly corrects her posture and replies without looking away from the library below, “I’ve just honestly never seen any reference to this place. I mean, the records mention him having a private library, but I thought that was just what we saw in the aboveground tower!”
“The Princess of Reading missing out on a place like this? For shame.”
>”Anon, I really don’t understand how you can joke at a time like this. This place is unknown to us! There could be so much down there that even the Royal Archives doesn’t have!”
>She finally turns around with an expression of unrestrained joy on her face. “I can’t believe I never came here before! I just feel so silly for never even, just, wow!”
“Hey, don’t forget who got you to come here in the first place.”
>She surprises you by jumping over and hugging your waist with a tight squeeze. “Thank you so much Anon!”
>You just smile, bend over, pick her up, and give her a real hug.
“Don’t forget, you’re helping me out too. Thanks for agreeing.”
>“A-non!” She grunts out, seemingly out of breath. “You’re squishing me.”
>Oh, right. No matter how many times you give a pony a bear hug you forget that they’re not really built for that kind of squeeze.
“Sorry.” You gently put her down next to you. “So… Where do we start? I don’t even know what to do in a place like this.”
>Twilight smiles. “How about in the history section. Let’s learn where this place came from.”

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>>29013540
>Nine hours later, the sun has almost set and you and Twilight have pored over history books. Even skimming books and skipping known tomes, you’ve only touched a fraction of the literature in that section.
>About an hour in you managed to find a book all about the library itself. Apparently, Starswirl was remarkably well-paid as the greatest wizard to ever live, and his benefactors were not limited to the state. Wealthy ponies – and individuals of other races – showered him with gifts in exchange for the occasional insight on his research.
>However, Starswirl was a pony who lived within his means, preferring to live a Spartan lifestyle in his tiny, backwoods tower. So what was he to do with all the money he earned? About twelve years before his death, he began to pour it into the construction of the greatest library the world had ever seen.
>However, construction kept meeting delays, and the library was only finished and fully stocked a month or two before Starswirl died. He’d only acknowledged its completion to a few benefactors, and the grand opening ceremony was slated for half a year later.
>And so, nothing more than reports of a library in the woods surfaced in Canterlot or anywhere else, and only Starswirl and the minotaur construction team (who had been specially commissioned) knew of its full scale. The book itself was hastily transcribed by one of the workers, at Starswirl’s request.
>You and Twilight had begun to outline a plan to go through the library and tower. You were definitely going to need more than a few days here, and would have a letter sent out to make sure neither Celestia nor Twilight’s friends in Ponyville would be concerned at a prolonged absence.
>But, first thing’s first, you have to consult the guard.

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>>29001111
>be anon
>day xd in equsteakn
>sleeping
>dog comes
>then aj
>tell her to fuck off
>go sleep

>>29013551
Alright that's it for tonight. Comments/criticisms/compliments always welcome. Other anons, write more green, Make AiE Great Again! After all, even if it's shit and you get embarrassed, you're posting as anon or can just make a new name. You might even be good at it and enjoy it

>"Hey Anon, what are you doing?"
>"What are you planning with that freaky finger thing of yours?"
*boop*
>"Heh, all right, you got me. Now about this-"
*boop*
>"Alright, once was enough, we got work to do."
*boop*
>"Cut it out Anon, the joke's over."
*boop*
>"What is your major malfunction today?"
*boop*
>"Anon, I swear to Celestia, if you do that one more bucking time..."
*boop*
>Hospital.

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>>29009840

>>29013759
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y75GoxDdimo

>>29001111
I contributed in the anon was a dragon thread but I got RLed and thread was killed when I got back

>>29006870
MYYY SIDDDEE!

>>29007625
>"I DO!" Lyra yells off in the distance, unnoticed.
Kek

>>29002998
I'm crying. how many years i been staying here?

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>>29014522
Not enough. Get back to work.

>>29008087
>Not five minutes into your romp through the native vegetation do you realise you’re being followed
>You activate your Neural nanonics to filter out most of the noise around you aside from that of the soft rustling from behind
>By the sound alone there were two of them, four legged, not very large
>It couldn’t be those adorable ponies from before could it?
>Your head darts around but there’s nothing there
>Your enhanced eyes straining against the thick shrubbery yields nothing but shadows
>You continue onwards to the little marker flashing in your vision
>Technology is magic
>And whatever was following you was soon to find out that would be a harder task than they’d anticipated

<| °_° |>

>You had no idea what it was, you had no desire to know what it was, all you knew was it couldn’t be good
>”SWEET CELESTIA! Ratch it destroyed the lake! We have to get it for that! I liked swimming in there!” Your zealous friend yells as she jumps about
”Did you not just fucking see what happened! What that thing did!? And it was huge! I don’t wanna mess with it.” you bleat back to Sky, desperate to avert her growing intent
>You really did not want to tangle with whatever /that/ was
>”What it did? The alien didn’t do anything! It was the massive black triangle which did it, the alien’s just a weak wimp who made it blow-up.”
>As Horizon Sky continue ranting and raving about getting back at the creature you can only think of one thing
>You focus back on Horizon, who was still going on about something

>>29014672
“What did you say before?”
>She stops and looks at you annoyed
>”Weren’t you listening again Ratchet, I swear you zone out way too much sometimes.”
“I know but what did you call the thing? An alien?”
>The word itself sparked a little excitement inside of you
>Mainly at the prospect of super advanced technologies you could reproduced and use to form the most powerful company in the known world of Equis
>”Of course I called it an alien, it fell from a hole in the sky and exploded, what else does that?”
“Fair point.”
>If it truly were an alien, then that would make the triangle his spaceship
>Now if you recall correctly that thing just disappeared with half your lake
>Then that would mean
“Oh no…”
>”What, what is it?” your excitable friend enquiries
“We can’t hurt it, we have to help it. If he’s an alien then he just crash landed; he’s stranded on our world!”
>Sky’s anger flows away with the breeze, worried concern washing over to replace it
>She dives at you and pulls your face as close to hers as possible without fusing them, all the while shouting at you, spittle flying over your forehead and muzzle
>”WE NEED TO HELP IT!”
>As quick as that she vanishes into the underbrush

>>29014674
>Sky had outpaced you during your gallop to the other side of the lake
>So as your hooves clatter to a stop you find her anxiously waiting for you beside the appallingly obvious tracks left behind by the alien
>”Hehe, this one must be a real fatty, look how deep their hooves sank into the dirt!”
>Her hoof presses down into the print
“Uhh, I don’t think those are hooves Sky.”
>The hoofprints were weird, a kind of bean shape with five little circles at the front
>”No duh! What else was I meant to call them?”
“Bean hooves?” you suggest
>She doesn’t reply, instead walking beside the tracks, leaving you to your lonesome
>Fair enough
“Hey wait up!”
>Rushing to catch up to Sky you notice something pressed into the muddy soil
>It was a, ah? Um? Well you had no idea but it was flat, rectangular, shiny and had a glowing purple outline
>Magical alien tech? You’ll be having that!
>Small rectangle now in your little side pouch you move up to your friend, who had decided to wait for you after realising you weren’t following
>“Will you hurry up! By the look of it they’re only walking, but their stride is almost double ours.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know we have to help this thing, but come on, aren’t you even a little scared? Not even just apprehensive?”
>She just stares at you like you’re a fool
>You could see the thoughts passing through her mind
>*How could Ratchet even think that?*, probably because you understood preservation of self
>”No?”
“How do you work?”
>She grins
>”Come on nincompoop, let’s go”

<| °_° |>

>Despite its size the alien hadn’t covered much ground
>Coincidentally it was its size itself which had been slowing the thing down
>The vegetation may not be that restricting for yourself or Sky, but quite obviously the alien wasn’t enjoying it
>Or that was your assessment after seeing the massive hole ploughed through the forest
>”Is he angry?”
“Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

>>29014679
>She glares at you
>”No need to be a dick.”
>Your head shakes, dispelling Sky’s assumption
“Not what I meant. I can see it way down there.”
>Your hoof directs your friend to a currently thrashing segment of the forest off in the distance
>A few glimpses of the black and gold alien could be seen amongst the movement
“If we sneak up and watch it we can see how best to deal with this, if it’s angry well… It destroyed half the lake so…”
>Sky’s normally cheery face droops with worry as she continues watching the furious thrashing
>”You know what, sneaking sounds good.”
>The two of you draw as close as you’d dare and watch eagerly
>Up closer you realise what you’d originally thought to be a coat of black and gold was actually a peculiar one-piece article of clothing
>The alien itself didn’t even have a coat!
>By the more ‘Angular’ shape of it you’d say it was a male
“He looks like a tall minotaur had a baby with a hairless ape.”
>Sky doesn’t reply
>You tear your gaze from the alien to look over to her
>She was gone
>Your eyes dart about searching wildly for your friend
>Where was she? Had the alien got her? You’d been watching him this entire time so there was no way!
>You spot her even further ahead, slinking ever closer, laying low to the ground
“What do you think you’re doing!?” you angrily whisper
>Her head twists over to look at you
>”He doesn’t look mad, he just causes a lot of destruction, besides.”
>She turns back to the alien
>”He’s so adorable! Just look at the cute massive thing, and those tiny eyes! Can we take it back to the village? I promise I’ll feed it and everything!”
>The mare gives off a high pitch squee and shuffles closer, not willing to even wait for your response
>Which would have been an automatic no-fucking-way
>Besides wouldn’t it be sapient? It’s an alien
>And how in Tartarus was that thing cute? It looked like a killing machine, a dragon with no scales

>>29014647
O-ok.

>>29014685
>dragon with no scales
Don't worry babe, you gonna see Junio Anon.

>>29014685
Moar please?

>>29013759
>hospital
Its Horsepital good sir

>>28995976
No TV and no internet make Anonymous something something.

>>29015235
Where is green when Equestria havae Internet or 4pony?

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>>29015316
Tex and I did that a while back.

>>29015316
http://pastebin.com/Vt1qUpJP

>>29015348
>>29015361
I came.

>>29015235
Wait till you see the menu. Hope you enjoy being a vegetarian, too.

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>>29015235
Go crazy?

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>>29015316

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I miss Tex.

>>29016249
Goto general, say hi

>>29013572

>Pastebin gets dozens of hits
>No feedback
C'mon cunts

>>29016823
Welcome to my fucking life.

>>29016823
Bots. I have random shit i have never shared on mine and its at between 50-100 views.

>>29016823
I think you're handsome.

>>29016823

I want to do a collab with you.

And by collab I mean I want to put my penis into your penis.

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>>29017157

It's only because I don't speak Latin, and all texts must be written in Latin when discussing the Word of God.

>>29017859
Ipstay edorafay

>>29013572
>>29016823

I don't understand how you can write so much, so quickly, and not have it be of average quality or worse. I think eventually I'll get my lazy ass up, and then back down and try to write something.

You totally missed the opportunity to make Anon and Twilight's journey interesting imo, but maybe you did that on purpose

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>>29019402
Indeed, only wanted to set the setting with the journey and emphasize the remote location. I write web content as a source of side income, and years of that has taught me how to write original content quickly with minimal errors. I haven't actually had to proofread an essay since freshman year of high school. If you'd like to try your hand at it, there are many websites out there with varying standards of quality for their writers. For example, Constant-Content allows you to write about whatever you damn well please and lists individual articles for sale, but they have high standards. Sites like iWriter have virtually no standards but pay jack shit. There are many out there you can try out, although most require you to be a native English speaker.

Writing as a hobby helps you learn to enjoy it, but writing to put bread on the table teaches you to be efficient with it.

>>29019476

Wait, you can make money doing this shit?! Say whaaaaaat?

>>29019573
Not sure if sarcasm or not. If so, yes, easily. It's how 13-year-old me got his first gayming PC. Generally, even as a beginner, you shouldn't take anything less than $.0075/word or so, and once you have an established profile you can ramp that up. If you're a good enough writer for Constant-Content, which you probably are if you're a tripfag, you can make $.08/word starting.

PREVIOUSLY: http://pastebin.com/kpXCZbqx

>After a long, drawn out comical sequence, the two of you are released.
"Wow, Twilight! I sure am glad you're a powerful archmage! Otherwise we'd be stuck in that hospital while they did evil experiments on us!"
>"Indeed! And I am glad you're so strong, that you were able to fight off Doctor Foal...napper...colt and rescue me! That was so exciting."
>The two of you burst into laughter as you make your way back to Twilight's castle.
>It may be a horrible blemish on the face of Ponyville and even all of Equestria, but...
>No, basically you still hate it.
>Twilight grew to like it because her friends did some kind of memory nonsense up in the main hall, but you remain unconvinced.
>In any case, you made your way back.
>Both you and Twilight are almost shaking with excitement.
>She's excited to see what sort of alien knowledge came through via her magic.
>And as for you, even though you gave up on your old world - well, it would be nice to see something from home.
>You enter the main hall.
>Immediately the two of you rush over to the pile of books.
>Twilight's eyes go bright and wide.
>"Oh Sweet Celestia, this is amazing! I am so glad that the universe works in funny ways, that Equestrian is similar to your "English."
"Yeah. Imagine I had to learn a whole new language? I'm sure there would be many odd shenanigans involved."
>She covers her mouth with a hoof as she giggles.
>"Yep. All right, so what's this one?"
"AH HA HA HA LET ME JUST TAKE THAT FROM YOU!"
>You quickly grab the book out of telekinetic field.
>She frowns and furrows her eyebrows at you.
>"Anon, I want you to consider carefully what you're doing. If you take books away from me, I will literally turn you into a potted plant."
>You make an innocent face at her.
"Well, Twilight, remember how I told you some of Earth's past was... less than pleasant? That's one of those books."
>Of course luck would have it that she grabbed "The Prince" by Machiavelli.

>>29019682
>And the last thing you needed was a new Equestrian Princess becoming some kind of scheming Italian noble.
>Celestia would lock you up in the place where you were banished to.
>And you're not ready to be some dragon's prison bitch.
"I promise you, Twilight, I'll give it to you. But I want to sort this out and give you a reading order. So that the culture shock doesn't hurt you."
>You pause.
"Or that the ideas that you read in these books doesn't hurt Equestria. I can't have that on my conscience - and that book is full of ideas that could be badly interpreted."
>She opens her mouth to say something, but you talk right over her, pressing a finger to her lips.
"You were the one who always told me that knowledge is power. Well, as you know, humanity never had spells. But we had ideas. Ideas that led to mass murder and sometimes genocide."
>She quirks an eyebrow at you.
"See? You don't even have a word for it. Just think of this as King Sombra's spellbook for now."
>You remove your finger from her lips.
>She swallows nervously, closes her eyes, and leans into you.
>You immediately start running your fingers through her mane.
>Her eyes immediately roll back in her head.
>"Mmm. Fine, you convinced me. I'll defer to you. Besides, this will be more fun if we do it together."
>She rubs herself against you, and whoah hey - your dick is starting to get hard.
>Goddamn evil purple witch.
>You bet she planned this.
>To have sex on a bunch of books.
>Well, if that's the case, she's gonna be on the bottom.
>You reach over for the next book and bark a short laugh.
"Eh heh heh. Okay, next."
>Mein Kampf.
>Just... why?
>Next one.
"Art of..."
>"Art? I bet Rarity would like that one."
>No. No she wouldn't. Not the Art of War.
>You reach deep into the pile and grab a couple of books.
>"The Collected Works of Franz Kafka?! Thus Spoke Zarathustra?! The Decline and Fall of the... dear Celestia, what the HAY was I thinking?!"

>>29019687
>Oh yeah.
>You've been in this place for too long.
>But more importantly, what the hell was wrong with this spell?
>Twilight looks at you with some concern as you sputter and pick through the books.
"The Commie Manifesto?! The Protocols?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"
>Twilight puts her hoof on your shoulder while you cover your face.
>Is this...
>Is this IT?!
>There are more books but you're not hopeful.
>Is this what Earth culture really is?
"Twilight. I have a very important question, but you can see how distraught I am. I need you to tell me something."
>"Yes Anon."
"This spell used me as a target. Tell me, how much did my personality or thoughts or whatever influenced the books that were pulled through?"
>You deliberately avoid looking at her.
>She had too many 'tells' you knew.
>In fact you shut your eyes.
>Maybe she wouldn't be able to tell that you had a couple of tears forming beneath your green mask.
>"Anon, I can tell you this - I only needed you in the spell so that it would anchor to the right plane of reality. Nothing more. The spell chose things based on the weight of the rocks."
>You exhale loudly.
>You... hope she's not lying.
>She likes you.
>She loves you.
>She wouldn't lie to you, would she?
>No.
>Of course not.
>But you need to make sure.
"Twilight, please guide my hand."
>You feel her put a hoof over your palm as she pushes it over a book.
>"Here Anon. This one looks nice. The cover has some kind of... human, sitting in a chair in front of a tower?"
>You cringe internally.
>Something horrible no doubt.
>You open your eyes and look at the book.
>Immediately you start laughing.
>Thank the stars.

>>29019694
"YES YES YES YES!"
>Twilight beams at you.
>"So, what is it, tell me?!"
"Ah, well. It's a fiction book. It's science fiction. It's about an Empire that's about to fall, and how one man used science and math to save it."
>Oh Isaac Asimov.
>You couldn't write a character to save your life, but goddamn did you do a good job on the world of "Foundation."
>You grab the next one.
>It's a little more depressing - most Russian literature is - but "Crime and Punishment" should be an interesting read for a society that doesn't know murder.
>Oh?
>Origin of Species.
>That... that'll cause a revolution.
"Oh my god."
>A copy of the book that Pasteur wrote about germ theory!
>And this is a tome by Faraday.
>This is amazing.
>You go through a couple more books.
>Apparently all the shitty books bubbled to the top.
>There's a LOT of textbooks here as well.
>But that's not what catches your eye.
>You pull out a small volume.
"The Five Ages of the Universe, wow. This book. This book made me what I am."
>Twilight looks at it.
>"It's a book about the stars?"
"Yes. I wonder if they work the same way here. Considering Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. Hmm..."
>"But how did a book about stars make you what you are? That doesn't make any sense."
>You grimace.
"This is going to be a bit stream of consciousness - but to make a long story short - our world was going to end."
>She gasps.
>"Is that why you-"
"No no. It was going to end in like. A million times a million times a million years. More."
>Her mouth goes slightly open.
>"That is a very long time. But I still don't see it."

>>29019700
"Don't you? The world was going to end. Because it was built into the fabric of our very Universe. One day it was going to run out of energy and that's it. A literal void where nothing moves, when all is less than dust. That is the fate of our Universe."
>"An insanely long time away."
"Well, yes, but think about it! That means that literally nothing we, as humans did mattered! Assume that the average human lived to be 80 years. Then compare. Does anything matter from that perspective?"
>She seems a bit taken aback by this.
>" I don't know. With that kind of logic, no it doesn't."
>Instead of responding immediately, you wrap your arms around her and kiss her.
>Your tongue darts inside her mouth.
>She doesn't reciprocate immediately as she is deep in thought.
>But when you slide your hand under her wing you feel her moan slightly and her tongue starts grappling with yours.
>Some time passes and you break the kiss.
"But see, Twilight. That's wrong. That just means that those 80 years? We get to fill them with meaning. Sure, they don't matter in the grand scheme of things, but here and now we're alive - and there are things that mean the world to me."
>You look directly at her as you say that.
>She looks at you for a moment.
>You feel the books behind you rise up into the air and get arranged into neat piles.
>Suddenly a telekinetic force slams into you and presses you against the wall.
>You give a small smirk as the purple alicorn starts unbuckling your pants with magic.
>She looks up at you, lust burning in her eyes.
"You really do know the wrong things to say to a lady, don't you Anon?"
>Your pants drop to the floor.
>Anon Jr. is straining against his boxer prison.
"Going off on this whole spiel, and then using logic and philosophy to give me the biggest compliment."
>She reaches out with her mouth and pulls your boxers down.
>She never liked using magic for this.
>Your dick hits her on her nose.
>She looks up at you again.
"Good thing I'm not a lady."

>>29019707
>She swallows your dick down to the hilt.
>Oh god.
>Her throat is like warm velvet.
>She begins bobbing up and down on your rod.
>Her tongue wraps around the base of your shaft, while the tip is being massaged by her throat muscles.
>This is what blowjob heaven must feel like.
>How can human women even compare?
>Suddenly you feel the pressure on your body vanish and you jerk momentarily as you stand on your two feet.
>Immediately you pull your dick out Twilight's mouth.
>Before she has a chance to react, you drop down to the floor, and grab her flank.
>She squeals as it jiggles under your fingers.
>You start turning her around, and comprehension flashes on her face.
>She positions her rear over your face.
"Oh yes. A lady would never be this wet."
>You reach out and spread her lips.
"This horny."
>She shivers a moment, as a drop of mare juice drops down on your chest.
"This dirty."
>You crane your neck and give her a little kiss.
>She moans and mashes her marehood straight into your mouth.
>Your tongue darts out and starts teasing her clit.
>She gives another moan and swallows your lobster johnson again.
>Your body spasms as you place both hands on her cutie mark.
>She twitches as you squeeze.
>Mare juice is getting all over your face.
>You feel a the pressure build up in your dick.
>Suddenly Twilight twitches violently, as her wings flare out to the sides, and you're rewarded with a scream of ecstasy from the mare.
>She slowly lifts her butt from your face as she goes back to work on your shaft.
>Almost...
>There...
>FUCK YES!!!

>>29019713
>Your dick spurts out semen into Twilight's waiting mouth who closes her eyes and swallows.
>The two of you lie in each others arms for a moment.
>Twilight shifts next to you and nestles deeper into your arms.
>"Mmm. We should talk philosophy and rut more often."
"Hmph. My marefriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading."
>Twilight just glares at you and throws your pants back into your face.
>"All right, let's get cleaned up, and then sort these out."
>You start putting your pants back on.
>And suddenly another book catches your eye.
>You grin hugely.
>As far as books to experiment with your marefriend, the "Illustrated Collection of Human Erotica" isn't too bad.

-END PART II-
-END STORY-

Link:
http://pastebin.com/cjumbj6e

Yeah, I dunno. Comments, critique, complains, and concerns are always appreciated, but I dunno. This was definitely forced. And I couldn't write a good ending. Or pick the right books. I really dislike this piece.

>>29019687
>Not reading Mein Kampf with your waifu
I mean, aside from the whole "genociding my ancestors" thing, Hitler was a pretty cool guy.

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>>29019721
Also, yeah, as a general rule I wouldn't end a SFW fic with clop, especially not so hastily. Why did you choose this ending? Couldn't think of anything better? I see a number of opportunities for either better endings or continuations that you seemed to just gloss over. In any case, your dialogue is good, certainly better than any I can write. The story itself just seems... uninspired? Especially as compared to part 1.

>>29019864

Well, as far as that goes, it was a prompt from /ntt/. Write a story about how Anon and Twi go over some of his favorite books, which leads to sex.

Realistically, that doesn't happen too often. If at all. The smarter thing to do would be to have a philosophical debate between the two, but I aim to please. Dunno.

We should do a collab.

So I can put my penis inside your penis

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>>29019872
Sorry, kid. I work alone. Nothing personnel.
*teleports behind you*
I'll spare you... This time. But don't forget... *tips fedora*
I serve no man, and trust is an illusion.
*throws down a smoke bomb and disappears*
I actually don't even know how to set up a collab, much less write one

You will never ever ever sleep next to your favorite Pony.

>>28997769
Kill and eat her too.
No one must know that I'm Hannibal Lecter: Pony Edition.

>>29020295
This of course is always a viable strategy.

>>29014685
>You didn’t want it in your house
>Suddenly the beast stops thrashing through the bush and twists around, staring intently into the foliage which hid you
>Your body seizes as his piercing eyes pass over you
>Just. Don’t. Breath.
>With an unnatural speed and agility he’d not being utilising earlier the alien vanishes into the dense green surroundings
>How the fuck did he do that?
>”Aw great, you spooked him!”
“Hey! I’m not the one squeaking from the bushes!”
>The two of you trot to where he’d once stood
>Sky looks along the ground in the direction of the fleeing creature
>”How’d he do that? One second he’s crashing along like a bear, the next he’s slipped away like a shadow.”
“Is that really surprising? He is an alien, for all we know he can do anything, plus imagine what powerful magics he could have.”
>She shifts anxiously between hooves
>”Ugh, I know I wanted an adventure, but this is getting crazy and we’ve only been watching him. Do we really have to help?”
“We’re ponies of Equestria, what do you think?”
>”Damn, you’re right. I’ve got to stop being such a scaredy pony.” Sky asserts, bolstering her morale
>There was just one slight issue
“How do we find him now?”
>”I don’t know if you picked up on this, but so far he’s been walking in a dead straight line.”
>You think back upon your trek and look to the trail you’d just come down
>Sure enough it was perfectly straight
“Not strange at all… So what’s your idea?”
>”Simple, we keep going that direction, he must be heading towards something, maybe we can beat him there, that way he’ll have to talk to us to get whatever he wants.”
>Solid reasoning, although you didn’t fancy a direct confrontation with whatever that was
>But now there was another problem