Robits and autism #3

>>28976542
>robit filly

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>>28976542
Do we remember our mission?

>>28976892
To become "cool", which means we must become "MLP"

>>28977352
Good, then all we have to do is hope our writefriend fobs is

>>28969519

>"What do you remember?"
"Elaborate."
>"Do you remember anything from before you woke up?"
>Searching for files predating last boot up.
>None found.
"Negative."
>Scanning immediate area.
>Desk beneath unit is comprised of mahogany.
>Likeliness of continued support: 45%
>Removing self from desk.
>Engaging in standing.
>Searching for door.
>Door located.
>"I guess you wouldn't be happy to hear that I put Dr. Goldbergstein on a train to a camp I used to run then."
"Is Dr. Goldbergstein relevant?"
>"Well, yeah. H-he's why you're here."
>Evaluating yellow human.
>Carrying concealed weapon? No.
>Showing signs of aggression? No.
>Strength level? Low.
>Threat level 0. Proceed with interaction.
"Why am I here?"
>"Oh my, that's a long story."
>"I bet if we wrote it down, it'd be at least 14,534 words long."
>"That's oddly specific."
>Evaluating quality of interaction thus far.
>Interaction deemed sub par.
>Chances of receiving useful information from females dropping rapidly.
>Searching for other forms of information gathering.
>Suggested: computers
>Approaching door.
>"Wait, don't you want to hear what happened to you?"
"Affirmative. However, I am unlikely to receive that information here. I will leave now."
>"You can't go out looking like that. Just take a seat and let us explain. Celestia, will you do the honors?"
>"Thanks, Lauren."
>White human cataloged as Celestia.
>Red haired human cataloged as Lauren.
Engaging in waiting and listening.
>"Well, I guess I should start back at the beginning. Are you ready?"
>Deploying nod.

>>28978073

>"It all started back in the early 50s. Jews were becoming a big problem in Equestia, so I gathered a small group and started something. A movement, if you will. We quickly gained traction, and soon enough, we started slaughtering the jews by the gorillions."
"That is not a number."
>"There were so many we had to make a new number."
"That is highly improbable."
>"Look, do you want to hear the story or not?"
>Evaluating.
>"Well?"
"Continue."
>"Deja vu."
>"Fluttershy, please. I'm trying to help Anon."
>Cataloging yellow human as Fluttershy.
>"Right, anyway, there were some jews who didn't want to take their demise lying down. The worst of them was known as Dr. Goldbergstein, a world renowned scientist who we later discovered had been engaging in, among being Jewish, various other illegal activities. We sent squads into his lab, but never found anything except for some metal plating and advanced optic technology."
"My optic technology."
>"That's right. We never found him, but it's clear now that he went into hiding until Gill Bates created Windows. With that, he was able to build a proper AI and program it to get his revenge. You, Anon. You were his first and greatest machine."
"You began hunting jews in the 1950s."
>Calculating time differences.
>Accounting for estimated ages.
"You are 83 years old."
>"Jeez, Anon! Keep quiet about that stuff."
"Why is your skin as smooth as a newly installed toilet unit?"
>"I use liberal amounts of sunscreen. UV rays are very damaging to your skin. Well, my skin. You kind of ripped most of yours off."
>Detecting sarcasm.
>Formulating retort.
"Beauty is on the inside. My smooth metallic scalp signifies staggering inner beauty. Your rainbow hair is a symbol of compensation."
>"Why did we spend all that time fixing him, again?"
>"W-wow, Anon. That was cool."
"What is cool?"
>"C-cool. You know, like popular."
"Is cool good?"
>"Yeah."

>>28978153

>New directive: become cool.
"How do I become cool?"
>"W-well...y-you could come to my h-house and watch MLP with me..."
"Why?"
>"B-because..."
"Why?"
>"I mean, y-you know. There's a lot to watch and I w-want to watch it with...with you."
"Define 'a lot'."
>Detecting quick movement.
>Preparing defense measures.
>Fluttershy has presented object.
>Scanning object.
>My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Ultimate DVD Experience.
>Includes all 12 seasons, starring Tara Strong, written by Lauren Faust.
>Abundance of seasons imply show is popular.
>Popular is cool.
>MLP is cool.
>New directive: become MLP.
>Acquiring DVD case.
>Scanning back for extra information.
>Located picture of Lauren Faust.
>Picture matches files on Lauren.
>Updating catalogs. Lauren is Lauren Faust.
>"Are you connecting the dots?"
>"Windows 7 operates fast, huh? I knew we made the right decision updating his OS."
"Lauren Faust, we must talk."

>>28978194

>"Oh? What about, Anon?"
>Scanning Lauren Faust's face.
>86% smug.
>Proceed with caution.
"You are the lead writer for My Little Pony."
>"That's right. I started the show to show how the power of friendship can help us overcome anything, even the tyranny of jews."
"My Little Pony is popular."
>Detecting nod.
"Lauren Faust, I must become My Little Pony. I am willing to negotiate terms."
>"Funny you should mention that."
>Scanning previous statement.
>No comedy found.
"No it is not."
>"It's a figure of speech."
>Cataloging comedy as figure of speech.
>"Fluttershy, how about we all have a party at your house and marathon the show?"
>"A-are you sure, Celestia?"
>"Of course. I'm not your principal anymore, so there should be no legal problems with snuggling up on a couch and watching little girls shows together."
>"W-well...ok. L-let's go."
"Negative. We are negotiating terms."
>"You'll see when we get there, Anon."
>Departing from school.
>En route to Fluttershy's house.
>Approaching Fluttershy's house.
>Scanning abode.
>Trap? Unlikely.
>Entering home.
>"You can sit on the couch. I-I'll start the DVD."
>Locating couch.
>Scanning material.
>Couch lacks structural integrity to support weight of this unit.
"I will stand."
>"O-oh. Alright..."
>Viewing TV.
>Increasing audio input.
>"My Little Ponyyyyy My Little Ponyyyy AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>"I never should have agreed to the metal intro."
>"We hope thou didst not forget the popcorn!"
>"Luna, I almost forgot you were there the whole time."
>"We hath reached a level of stealth that far surpasses any foe thou hast seen before, dear sister!"
>Scanning text on screen.
>Season 9, episode 1. A new friend appears.
>Detecting several small horses.
>"Wow, Twinkle Bright. Those are cool wings you have."
>"Thanks, Flitterapprehensive. I got them for being so friendly to people."
>"Oh myyyy DAHLING, they're so GLAMOROUS!"
>"Not as glamourific as your beautiful dresses, Scarcity."

>>28978289

"I have watched. Now we will negotiate."
>"Shhhh! We're getting to the best part!"
>Viewing television.
>Detecting new character on screen.
>"Hello. I am new here."
>"Well hello DAHLING! My my, those are such GLAMOROUS clothes you have."
>Scanning new character.
>"I request friendship."
>"I can be your friend!"
>"So can I!"
>New character matches files on...
>"What's your name, new friend?"
>"I am Anonymous."
"I am MLP?"
>"That's right. Anonymous became a fan favorite after I rewrote season 9 to put you in."
"I am MLP."
>"Take it as a token of my thanks. You're a good man, Anon."
"I am MLP."
>Unit has become MLP.
>Mission complete.

>>28978310
10/10

>>28978310

And that's it. The end, guys. Thanks to every who's been reading. It's always nice to take a break and do some comedy. Writing a happy end was weird though. Anyway, here's the completed pastebin for those who want to reread or anyone who is new and wants to catch up http://pastebin.com/iUagqiix

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>>28978335
thank you man, always a pleasure to read your greens
It was a short thread but a good one

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>>28978335
That was really good, thanks for writing it.

>>28978310
10/10 bby, loved every second of it

>>28976542
don't be a general now pls

>>28979223
Don't worry
>>28978335
Is over now

>>28978335
Fucking golden/10

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>>28978310
>>28978335
Awesome stuff man.

>>28979335
Not if some anon starts writing a COO COOOOO story out of nowhere, you never know....

>>28978335
HAHA
TIME TO MARATHON IT

>>28978335
GOLD

Don't go too far.

>>28976542

>>28982818
It's over, anon.

It's done.

>>28980813
I could toss in some green for that. I haven't seen that for some time.

>>28984121
Please do view granite

>>28983961

>>28984121
please

>>28984264
>>28987023
It was a long day, thank you for your patience. Now, here we go.

>You and Fluttershy have been together for over two months, and you can safely say that it has been the best time of your life.
>Watching Magipup every Friday night while cuddling under the blanket has always been the highlight of your week.
>"This is my favorite part."
"Oh yeah, isn't this the episode where Fashion Pup whor- I mean, tricked the Copper Cats?"
>"Mm-hmm." Fluttershy answers while laying her head on your shoulder.
>This is where you move your arm around her--
>Just as you were about to make your move, someone knocks on your front door.
"I'll get it." You grouchily say to her before throwing the blanket to her side.
>You march over to the door and open it up to see an unpleasant surprise.
"Flash? What in the fuck are you doing here?"
>He takes a deep breath in, implicating that he ran here from fuck knows what.
>His hair and clothes are soaked in some kind of slime.
>"Dude, you gotta help us."
"Help you how?"
>"On getting a girl."
"Excuse me?"
>"Anon, what's going on?" Fluttershy walks up and stands right beside you, wrapped up in your blanket.
>"YOU!" Flash points at Fluttershy, almost in a threatening way.
>"M-me?"
>"How else did he swoon you into the Order of Lulu?"
>"Erm, I'm sorry?"
"Okay, what in the flying fuck is going on?"
>"Didn't you hear? Every guy in school is trying to serenade a girl by doing your ritual."
"Care to tell me in a way that makes sense?"
>"The coo-ing and kicking dirt on their shoes!"
"Ohh."
>You turn over to your girlfriend.
"I swear, I thought when your friends were saying that, I thought that they were loosing it, Fluttershy."
>Now that it's true, you turn back to Flash, ready to ask him the most important question of all time.
"Is it true that you made a birdsona?"

>>28987309
Mmm that's good stuff

page 9 no

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>>28987309

>>28987309
>"Is it true that you made a birdsona?"
KEK

PRAISE LULU

>>28987309
>"Well, I usually wear it at the meeting."
"A meeting?!"
>"Yeah. We discuss about our progress and wonder on the conspiracy."
>"Now you're scaring me." Fluttershy starts to hide in your blanket.
"What conspiracy?"
>"How you succeeded."
>You and Fluttershy look at each other.
"Dude, sparknotes version; we just found common ground."
>"From what I've heard, you two argued over a cartoon for kids while you were coo-ing."
"DID YOU EVEN BOTHER TO READ THE PART THAT IT'S FOR ALL AGES, YOU BASTARD!?"
>"Anon, what did we talk about those outbursts?" Fluttershy sternly asks you.
>You scratch your arm, looking away from them out of pure shame.
"They're rude and unnecessary."
>She hugs you.
>"That's right, my snuggly bear."
>"See!?"
"Talk to them, don't copy someone else and expect it to work. Also, what's up with the sticky shit all over you?"
>He was in shock when you asked that question.
>"It's a dumb story, you wouldn't want to hear it."
"You interrupted our night, you may as well tell us if you even want our help."
>"Okay. Five minutes ago..."

>You ring the doorbell.
>The last few tries might have failed, but you're sure to win on this one.
>Bon Bon opens the door, irritated as she looks at you.
>"Hold on, I'll call you back." She hangs up on someone.
"Hey, how's it going?"
>"What do you want?"
"It's Friday night and I was wondering if you wanted to head on out to see a movie."
>She raises an eyebrow.
>"I guess I'll give it a shot."
"COO!" You yell out in glee.
>She nearly jumps out from your calling.
>"Forget this." She grumbles out before shutting the door.
"It's cool, I'll wait for you to get ready." You say out of optimism.
>She opens up the door once more, holding a gray carton..
"What's up with the eggs?"

>>28994416
Top KEK continue this faggot!

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>>28978310

>>28987309
>"Is it true that you made a birdsona?"
Ayyyy

>>28994416
you continuing this nigger?

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>>28994416
>"What's up with the eggs?"
You have to eat all of them

Le Bump

COOOOOOOO

>>28999988
Le COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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>"Anon..."
"Hi there, kitty cat! What's up?"
>"I h-have to tell you something"
"Ooooh, this sounds serious. Well, go ahead, Flucchi, I'm all ears"
>"Very serious."
"Whatever it is we can solve it"
>"No, you don't understand. I meant VERY serious"
"Sweety, the only VERY serious thing I could think of involves you having a penis, but I already checked that that's not the case. Now, seriously, go ahead and tell me: every minute you're not smiling or happy feels like a boulder on my heart"
>"...I love you..."
"I love you too, Fluttypie"
>"Well, ok, there goes:"
"I'll be by your side no matter what"
>"...I don't watch MagiPup anymore"
"..."
>"I think...I kinda grew out of it..."
"..."
>"...'Nononon, you ok?"
"You...FUCKING SLUT!"

>>28994416
"She pelted you with eggs?" You nearly chuckle when stating the obvious.
>"What else!? She certainly wasn't going to make me an omelette, that's for sure." He scoops up some of the yoke and throws it off his jacket. "I need you to come with me."
"Uh, no."
>"No?"
"I'm having the time of my life right here; watching Magipup with my love bird."
>Fluttershy opens up the blanket to hug you. She warms you up by rubbing herself on your chest.
>"Coo~" She calmly replies.
>"So, all of this shit that you did..." He slowly thinks about it before losing his mind. "How in the living world did you win the lottery by being so... autisitc?!"
"That's your problem, not mine."
>"Fuck this, and Lulu a shit!"
"DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT LULU!"
>"Anon!" Fluttershy says out of shock.
"COO! COO!"
>"COO, COO! RIGHT BACK AT YOU, YOU RETARDED SON OF A BITCH!" He starts to kick some dust on your socks.
>Before you were able to retaliate, Fluttershy pushes you back inside and shuts the door.
>"Go away!"
>"WHY DON'T THE TWO OF YOU JUST GROW THE FUCK UP ALREADY?! YOUR SHOW IS NOTHING MORE THAN A GLORIFIED TOY COMMERCIAL!" Flash shouts through the door.
>"I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT IF YOU KEEP ON TALKING, ASSHOLE!" Fluttershy screams out and slams her fist on the door.
>There is a moment of silence before you can hear Flash walking away.
"Whoa." You admire Fluttershy's sudden outburst.
>"I, erm..." She clears her throat. "Didn't want him to ruin our night any further."
>You use the blanket to capture her in your arms.
>"Eep!"
>You give her a quick, but very passionate kiss before picking her up.
>With no time to waste, you walk back to the couch to continue on with the episode.

>>29001987
Anon better take her to bed and spend the rest of the evening gently tongue punching her anus

>>29001987
whoops, didn't notice there was someone else doing this. My bad.

>>29001932
>>>"...fuck's sake, what's happening to those two?"
>>"I don't know exactly, Dash, but I seem to understand they had a fight"
>>>"Over what, Rarity?!? Until last week they were cooing like viagra addicted pigeons 24/7!"
>>"Darling, love works in weird ways..."
>>>"...ah, so that's why you keep changing suitor every 2 weeks..."
>>"...good suitors are hard to find, now shut up and let me finish. As I was saying, love works in weird ways. Remember when they first hooked up? They were pissing each other off every day"
>>>"More like Anon was pissing off Fluttershy..."
>>"Whatever, what matters is that in the end they found a deep appreciation for each other, thanks to this"
>>>"Rarity, it's Anon. Any girl who speaks to him more than 3 minutes per day titillates his micropenis."
>>"You don't know about that, darling"
>>>"No, no, I asked Fluttershy to take measur-"
>>"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT"
>>>"Don't scr- wait, what are they doing now?"
>>"Uh, I don't..."

>"No, you are acting stupid!"
"SHUT UP, FOR GOD'S SAKE! AND PUT THAT PUSONA DOWN!"
>"...n-no! It's time for you to take a stance! ME OR YOUR PRECIOUS PUPS!?"
"..."
>"Pick, LOVE"
"...h-hah, as if! The pups, of course!"
>"..."
"...A-AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT TREACHEROUS SLUTS (except for Fashion pup, but she's a slut exactly like her fans)!!"
>"...I see."
"W-what? You crying, now...?"
>"S-suit yourself, Anon. You're so stupid."
"Wh...no, hey, put that matchstick d- WHAT THE FUCK?!? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BURN THE PUPSONA!?!?"
>"...that's what I t-think of your precious show and their characters. Now, go to h-hell, you m-moron!"

>>29002013
This.

>>29002016
Goddamnit.
Also, are you the original writer?

>>29004204
...nice catch. Am I so recognizable? Is it the shaky english? Or the weird abuse of ellipsis?

>>29004247
It was definitely the ellipses, I don't mind the English that often since there are many writers out there who make a bunch of weak green. Still, good to see you around and I would love to see on what you have in mind. That is, if you plan on continuing that post while I try to work on mine.

>>29004289
>what you have in mind.
It's pretty random, actually, I'm not fit for long greens. Short weirdness is my thing.

>>28978310
I feel like this story could use... A reboot.

bubump

>>29002016
>"Anon?"
"..."
>"Anooon?"
"...go away."
>"AAAAAAAAANOOOOOON!?"
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, PINKIE!?"
>"Whoa there, cranky."
"Pinkie, I'm trying to...to..."
>"To what?"
"T-to be alone, dunno! Point is you should let me!"
>"Let you?"
"Let me do it!"
>"Do what?"
"B-be alone!"
>"Pfft, nonsense. You need someone to talk to, and who's better than good ol' Ponk, at that?!"
"The list of better qualified people would be probably too long to enumerate"
>"...see? Healthy sarcasm! You're already feeling better!"
"..."
>"Come ooon..."
"Ugh, no, seriously. Thank you for what you're trying...kinda desperately...to do, but this is not a thing I can talk my way out of it."
>"Oh, shut up, you silly head! Love quarrels are ALL about talk. Unless you expect Fluttershy to come back at you 'just because'."
"A-and I-I don't even want her to! She has been an unsufferable b-burden all the time we were together!"
>"Ah yes, that's definitely the face of a guy who has just been relieved from a burden"
"...fuck you..."
>"...you wish, boyo. But come on, seriously!? Do you want to lose her due to...a stupid...CARTOON...?"
"..."
>"...a STUPID CARTOON? Anon?"
"...I-I get what you're trying to do, but...I'm not in the right mood now."
>"They are not real"
"..."
>"Archetypes. Made for an audience of kids"
"..."
>"Nothing short than western animu"
"OK THAT'S IT!"
>"Oooooh! That's more like it! Come on, Nonny, do your thing!"
"you..."
>"I'm waiting"
"..."
>"Anon, my shoes are here."
"..."
>"Still clean"
"..."

>>29007970

>"Come ooon, listen to aunt Pinkie! Don't you want to chirp at me?"
"Ch...what?"
>"Yes, the thing you and Fluttershy did all the time"
"IT WAS COOING, NOT CHIRPING"
>"Same thing, still involving that meme. What was it? Pepe?"
"LULU! Jesus fucking Christ, Pinkie! At least try to remember the basic concepts!"
>"And you know the fun part? Even tho I don't, my life still goes on."
"..."
>"Because everyone of us is a different cupcake flavor: Twilight is raspberry, Rarity is Vanilla, Sunset is bacon..."
"...and I suppose I'm the turd"
>"Uh, no, that's gross and you should be ashamed for even thinking about it. I was about to say Anise"
"...who the fuck eats anise flavored Cupcakes?"
>"...which brings me to the next point: yep, it's pretty much rare and weird, and that's exactly why you should treasure her. Or him if you was gay, but considering the amount of time your eyes spent on my chest, I don't think that's the case. Or it, if you happened to like animals like Fla-"
"T-too much information, thank you very much"
>"Now, seriously: do you really want to lose a rare anise connaisseur due to a cartoon?"
"..."
>"Just a cartoon"
"...Pinkie."
>"Yes?"
"...being a p-pupfag is what I am. I couldn't be anything else."
>"Yes you could! You already did the impossible and g-"
"No, seriously, thank you. But I really need to be left alone"
>"Anon, wait! J-just think about it! You CAN be something else, you just have to fight for...anon? Come back! Anon!"

>>29001987
>In a undisclosed location...
>You and a few members, all of who are donning a cloak, all light your very own candle and bow to a sketch of Lulu.
>"Luna!"
>You look behind you to see one of your students approaching you, carrying his outfit.
"Is there something that I can help you with, Flash?"
>You pull down your hood.
>"I'm starting to regret this."
"What's upsetting you?"
>"I was in this society for... point is, what do we do?"
"Ah, my young, naive student. It is all a matter of time."
>"What is? We worship a fucking bird- I mean, you and everyone else here are bowing down to a crude drawing of it!"
>"Should we tell him?" Atomic Atom whispers to you.
"No, it's too soon. Besides, the die is cast, and may our foreseeable future be expected!" You extend your arms and face the sketch one more. "It's only a matter of time before we satisfy our most beloved creation!"
>"Do you even hear yourself!? You can have this stupid bird suit, I only made it to learn whatever 'secrets' you psychos have." He throws down his birdsona. You catch it and hold it in your arms.
>"COO, COO!" One of the members retaliate to Flash's disrespect to the order.
"No; let him. If he chooses to leave the order, then so be it."
>"And not a damn thing you guys can do about it." He turns around and begins to walk away, fading into the darkness.
>"Luna--"
"Capture him in the alleyway and hold him in 'The Box'." You cut off the member to order him and another on a dangerous, but crucial task.
>They run off and do your bidding as they take Flash's outfit away.
>"Luna, I need to talk to you about... them."
"They will deliver, and we shall complete our important objective."
>"But, what if they don't?"
>You turn to Atomic Atom and chuckle.
"Don't worry, they will."

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>>29008075
>The following morning...
>The alarm on your phone wakes your ass up.
>You move out of your comfy spot to mindlessly move your arm around and begin smacking it, hoping it would end the annoying noise.
>The phone falls off of the nightstand, but it manages to stop the alarm.
>Someone laying right next to you moans.
>You look over to see Fluttershy, stretching under the sheets.
>"Good morning, love bug." She happily says to you.
"Morning, sleeping beauty."
>You boop her nose.
>"Did you rest well?"
"I always have a wonderful night when you're around." You lay back in the bed and slide into the sheets.
>She curls next to your right side and digs her head on your chest.
>"Anon?"
"Yes, my little dove?"
>"Do you ever wonder about us?"
"What do you mean? I'm happy with our relationship, aren't you?"
>"Very much so. It's just, I've been thinking about... you know, what will it be like in the future."
>Oh shit, not this talk. It's just too early for it.

>>29007985
Fuck, you're driving me insane for the next part.

>>29008075
>"You and everyone else here are bowing down to a crude drawing of it!"

IT'S YOUR TIME TO SHINE ANONS.
What drawing is being praised by "The Orden of Lulu"?
Draw your best Lulu.
Winner get 15 GBP

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>>29008748
The original sketch

>>29008163
>Oh shit, not this talk. It's just too early for it.
Anon is going to have to learn about the birds and the bees eventually. He can't keep avoiding it

Le Bump

Beep bop son

>>29009572
Fukken saved

up

Le Bump

>>29008748
>mfw can't draw
>mfw no talent
Kill me.

>>29009572
I need more Lulu

>>29018261
keep at it

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>>29018261