First attempt at writing a fanfic...

>>28934639
Not even 100 lines in and this story couldn't get any whiter.

>>28934639
cute

>>28935076
Not even 100 lines in? You just lost all credibility, bud. If you're not going to even give a chance, don't bother commenting.

>>28936568
Thanks. <3

At the moment, the fic is a romantic, slice of life story. There's some hints at something dark brewing, but I'm honestly just winging it at this point. The LiS tracks help set the mood, but again, it's an early work in progress, and I'm always tweaking things around.

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>>28934639

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>>28937366

>>28934639
Intro is very generic and very uninteresting, it is awkward that RD suddenly crushes on him like really awkward, it is extremely cringey.

It feels like EQG though, with all of its problems.

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>>28936983
nice blog post Xe

>>28937105
Yeah, I'm still working on the intro, but thanks for pointing that out. Rainbow is a very peculiar girl, so I don't find it too awkward how she suddenly crushes on him. That sort of thing is common in romcom settings.

>>28937528
Nice constructive criticism there, pal.

>>28937509
Can you give me some examples of how I can improve the intro? Felt I did a pretty good job describing the atmosphere of the school, and bullying is an apparent problem at my portrayal of CHS, as it is in real life.

>>28937676
Don't bother going through the person's backstory and just start the story, explain that other stuff rather.

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>>28937610
Im not your pal, guy

>>28937699
Interesting. Thanks, that helps.

I´m liking it so far, i´m not so demanding and I just want to have a good time reading some good, comfy and cute slice of life love story.

Please, go on!

>>28938071
Much appreciated, senpai. I will be making some changes to the story, but I'll be keeping most of what I have already. <3

>>28934639
I like it

I like the part where you wrote it like a fucking 4chan post, you meme-loving fuck. Learn some grammatical structure and stop being a basic ass bitch, posting your elusive frogs and maybe it would be worth looking at, but not likely.

Getting rid of the intro really did the trick I think. I can figure out the background stuff as I go. It's looking a lot better.

Why is this in its own thread? Why couldnt you have written all your non-responses into the original post instead of shitting this thread out without any thought?