Dubs decides what green I write

>>28894876
Adventure of no green

>>28894876
stand up comedy clopfic

>>28894876
I want a green of OP hinging himself

>>28894888
Trips don't count, try again

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>>28894888

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>>28894888

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>>28894888
Sweet celestia

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>>28894888

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>>28894888
Holy shit, how the fuck would anyone go about writing that.

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>>28894893
>hurr trips dont kount!!1
Fag

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>>28894893
Just fucking do what he asked for you faggot.

>>28894922
Dubs confirm, I'll get on it.

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>>28894922
Dubs wasted

>>28894876
Edgy 2012 memes, with >rape

>>28894876
Russian Trixie.

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>>28895002

>>28894995
>>28895002
Combine this together
Thanks

I want Glimmer dead.

I want Glimmer head

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>>28895011
noice

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>>28895011
Op we are waiting

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>>28895011

>>28895011
>>28895025
>>28895035
>>28895047
see
>>28894888
>>28894922
>>28894926

>>28895011
>>28895035
>>28895047
Sorry fags, I'm already about 1500 characters in on a standup comedy clopfic. Much more difficult to write than anticipated.

>>28895011
>>28895060
But you promisse to write green about this?
And I will stay on this ride to se how fucked up it can get

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>>28894922
>>28895011
OP now has to do a stand up comedy rapefic with edgy 2012 memes involving a russian Trixie.

You better deliver OP.

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>>28895080
My want
Op cancel mine orders, and bring one of thoese

>>28894876
Coco Pommel gets FUCKED.

>>28894888
>>28894922
ZOOMED WORDS

>>28895111
He said dumb, not trips you dumb cocoroch

>>28895112
Mom are you recoding? Mom are you recoding right now?

>>28895080
Except I don't know how to write Trixie and I haven't been here since 2012

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>>28895149

>>28895149
Oh it's just when chocolate milk and IWTCIRD threads started to pop out
Also trixie can beat twilight

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>>28895080
>OP now has to do a stand up comedy rapefic with edgy 2012 memes involving a russian Trixie.
Well fucking done /mlp/

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Z O O M E D W O R D S

>>28895225
uNzOoMeDwOrDs

>>28895060
I look forward to reading the abomination.

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>>28895112
REACTION IMAGES

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Oh it's screencapping in progress better play my best card here

OP here, about halfway done. It's about to get real lewd, fast. I'm not funny. I need some pony jokes ASAP. Don't have to be good or anything, just something.

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Did somebody say zoomed words?

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>>28895328
Oh for fucks sake.

>>28895327
Some of these will work
http://www.jokes4us.com/animaljokes/horsejokes.html

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>>28895268

Setup is done, getting to lewd now. Should I post the start or finish the story first?

>>28895372
Post the start to get them hooked.

>>28895327
If you are going to use a little whorse do ut for prostitution instead of a sore throat why would a pony use the sore throat version.

Run why would the chicken cross the road unchanged not every joke needs to be related to horsedom.

>>28895372
Post iiiiiiit

>How the hell did you get talked into this one, Dash?
>You look out on the crowd of expectant, oddly scrutinizing ponies waiting for your act.
>For some reason Pinkie REALLY wanted you to do this.
>You finally agreed after she offered to bake you a cake and fork over some bits.
>Well, the cake was eaten and the bits spent, so unless you wanted to wash dishes for the next week you had to do it.
>”And would you all please welcome our final act, Ms. Rainbow Dash!”
>That’s your cue. No more anxiety, time to give this act some good ol’ Dash bravado.
>You rush out onto the stage and greet the crowd.
>Some mild, polite stomps for you, with the exception of Pinkie, cheering at the top of her lungs.
>”WHOOOH YEAH LET’S GO DASH! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU!”
>That’s an understatement, it’s been five fucking hours at this run-down joint.
>Hey, that could be a joke.
“That’s an understatement.”
>A couple chuckles greet you. Easy crowd.
>As you prepare to start delivering jokes, you suddenly realize you spent exactly zero time thinking of the actual content of your act.
>Uhh, shit, what’s something that everypony can laugh at?
>Self-deprecating humor. Of course.
>And best of all, nopony at all would take it seriously, knowing you.
“So I was talking to my good friend Luna the other day. Yeah, THAT Luna. And eventually, the issue of her exile was brought up. So I asked her, ‘Luna, what did you even DO for a thousand years?’”
>You chuckle to yourself and hang your head, setting up the punch line. Even though it was a pretty shitty joke. Anticipation builds.
“So she just smirks at me and says, ‘Thinking of better jokes than the garbage you have planned for your comedy skit.’”

>>28895465
My fucking sides

>>28895465
>The room erupts into laughter. Pinkie goes even crazier than usual. She’s almost blushing from how hard she’s laughing.
>After things settle down, you move on to something else.
“Some of you long-time Ponyville residents may remember this one. It was a bunch of moons ago, but at least for me, the memory hasn’t even faded.”
>Of course, the story is 100% false, but they probably won’t give a shit. Or assume they were out of town.
“So, I’m on cloud duty, as usual. Keeping the skies fair. Trouble was, I was really out of it. Had been racing around Sweet Apple Acres’ perimeter late into the night.”
“I probably had an hour or two of sleep at the most, but who cares, I’m Rainbow Dash! I can get through anything, sleep or not.”
>You smirk and shake your head. A couple muffled laughs and comments emerge from the audience.
“Well, at some point, I ran into a particularly big and troublesome cloud. Couldn’t get it to budge. So, I tried slamming myself down on top of it.”
“Turns out it wasn’t a big cloud, it was a lot of small storm clouds packed together. And when I smashed through the top, I started tumbling through. Some of you pegasi may remember what happens to a pony who rubs against storm clouds too hard.”
>A few pegasi begin to grin.
“All of a sudden, KA-BLAM, the sky lights up and a huge thunderclap sounds. All of Ponyville came out to see what happened.”
“Just in time to see me crash headfirst into a mud puddle with my butt on fire.”
>The room erupts. That wasn’t even the fucking punchline. Holy shit, do ponies actually get paid for this?

>>28895494
>Your eyes land on Pinkie who seems to be… overreacting to the joke. Again. She’s panting pretty hard, probably from laughing her ass off. She’s not really pink any more, either, more a shade of red.
>Riiight… Moving on.
“Being in the Wonderbolts, we have to be updated on the current security situation in Equestria. We’re a crucial part of the defense force.”
“So, Celestia asks us what we can do to ward off any potential Changeling invasion. She claimed they were bringing drugs and crimes, and that they were rapists. Everypony had some idea. Spitfire wanted to build a wall.”
“And so I proposed, ‘Why not both? Let’s build a big, beautiful wall on the border, and make the Changelings pay for it!’”
>The room once again launches into laughter despite you not reaching the punchline. For some reason, building a wall to keep out rapists and drug dealers is hilarious.
>Pinkie is literally screaming with laughter. Actually, what the fuck?
>A small puddle has formed beneath her, and one hoof is nowhere to be seen. Is she… to a fucking comedy act?
>Alright, time to wrap this up and talk to her about it. Thank Celestia that the rest of your friends weren’t here to see this.
“Well, everypony, it wasn’t too long but that’s all I got. Have a great night!”
>The huge response you get is a bit much, especially considering you only got off three half-baked “jokes.” But whatever.
>Pinkie is apparently still recovering from her… ordeal. You’ll wait for her outside of the comedy club.

>>28895507
>It’s about ten minutes since everyone else has left, but Pinkie is still inside the club. Maybe you should just go home and try again tomorrow.
>As you start to leave, the door bursts open and a slightly dizzy Pinkie walks out.
“Pinkie! What the fuck was that? You’re lucky nopony saw you!”
>She turns white. Well, not really, but definitely a slightly lighter shade of pink.
>”Oh, uhh, you saw that? I thought I was being discreet… Hehe.”
>Somehow she still grins as you give her the stink-eye.
“Would you care to explain WHY you were pleasuring yourself over my half-baked comedy act?”
>As sheepishly as she can, Pinkie responds, “Well, I suppose there’s no point in hiding it. Good comedy is a huge turn-on for me.”
>What the fuck
>”But that’s not the only thing that does it.”
>What the fuck
>She flushes red, and steps forward.
>”You do too.”
>Oh fuck, she just grabbed you by the collar.
>Oh fuck, she just kissed you.
>Oh fuck, that’s a lot of tongue. You don’t like this.
>Do you?
>Suddenly she breaks away.
>You open your mouth with the first of many questions.
>She quickly tosses in some kind of tablet, and you swallow out of reflex.
>’Oh shit’ is your last thought before you black out.

>>28895494
>Just in time to see me crash headfirst into a mud puddle with my butt on fire
Heh you weren't kidding about the quality of your jokes
>That wasn’t even the fucking punchline
Nevermind your hilarious

>>28895517
>You wake up in a dark room. There’s a single candle in the far left corner of your vision. You realize you are tied down on a table.
>You can make out a shape moving in the shadows. Suddenly, Pinkie’s voice emanates from the figure.
>”Oh good, you’re awake. Don’t bother yelling, by the way, we’re underground and soundproofed in here.”
>You should’ve known that basement was for more than storage.
“Pinkie, what the fuck is this? Why am I tied down?”
>”I’ll answer your questions, but first, answer one of mine. What do you call a pony who lives next door to you?”
“What?”
>”A NEIGH-bor, silly!” She pauses for a moment, emitting a low but noticeable moan. “Oooohhh yeah.”
>Alright what the fuck
>”NEXT QUESTION! What do you call a baby donkey?” You’ve heard this one before.
“A b-burrito?”
>A much louder moan punctuates the air.
>”Ohhh yess yes yes! Very good, Dash!”
>THWACK
>OW, WHAT THE HAY?
“Did you just fucking whip my rear?”

>>28895507
>Why not both
Did you miss a line here?
Also this is gold

>>28895523
Working on what follows this. It's getting more disgusting by the word.

>>28895507
I am ligitimantly impressed by the way you are covering up your poor punchline skills.

>>28894876
A story about anon's waifu not loving him and dealing with it like an adult and being understanding about it.

>>28895523
>”That I did, Dashie, that was your reward! Don’t worry, there’s plenty more where that came from.”
>Please no
“Pinkie, I swear if you release me now I’ll never tell a soul about this. Please.”
>”I dunno Dash, your dripping marehood seems to want something else. Who’s a wet vagina? Who’s hungry for more?”
>You are tied to a table as Pinkie Pie is talking like a baby to your admittedly very aroused genitals.
>THWACK
“Gah! Can you please not do that?!”
>With a giggle, Pinkie innocently responds, “Oh, Dash, you do realize that would take all the FUN out of this, right?”

>You’re about to raise a protest but another THWACK keeps you quiet.
>You hear a concerningly loud schlicking noise somewhere behind you. You try to keep the mental images of what is going on back there to a minimum.
>”All right Dash, we’re gonna take things up a notch. You’ve gotta get this one right, or there will be consequences!”
>Oh for Celestia’s sake

>>28895628
>”Why are most ponies in shape? Think about it, everypony around here is pretty fit.”
>This is true, and no matter how much you think, you can’t find an answer.”
“I-I don’t know. Please don’t hurt me.”
>”It’s because they’re on a STABLE diet! Isn’t that amazing?!”
>Her voice is both saucy and filled with humor. Disturbing.
>You can’t deny that the unique situation you’re in is pretty hot, though.
>”OK, time to find you a punishment. Ooh! This one will do!”
>Oh no wha- OH CELESTIA WHAT THE FUCK
>What must be the largest dildo you’ve ever taken is unceremoniously rammed up your cunt.
>This is at least 6 inches in diameter, and it hurts. But also orgasm.
>”Wow! That really did the trick for you! But I’m not done yet.” Pinkie is unmistakably gleeful. “This one should be easy for you. What do Wonderbolts eat?”
“Easy. A protein-rich diet with high calorie intake but low fat.”
>”Wrong, silly. Ohhh man I’m getting worked up just thinking about this one. They eat – giggle – FAST food! HAHAHAOoohhhhh”
>Well now that was a scarring sound.

(Side note, there's a lot of variation in line length, hence why some parts are really short like this one)

>>28895639
>”Haa… Haa… Well, *pant* I guess since you got that wrong, we have to find a punishment.”
>You hear the unmistakable sound of a vibrator starting, right before Pinkie shoves it up your ass.
>Oh fuck it’s squeezing against the dildo.
“Pinkie – hnnnnggg – I can’t take this! Stop!”
>”We’re almost finished, don’t you worry. Final question: what does Twilight like to call Rarity when she’s not around?”
>You’re about to cum again, you can barely get the answer out.
“A massive WHORSE! Ahhhhhh!”
>You hear a scream-moan as Pinkie joins you in orgasm. Holy shit, you can literally hear her dripping onto the floor.
>You feel your mouth being yanked open and another tablet thrown in.
>As you fade out of consciousness, Pinkie simply says, “Sweet dreams, Dash.”
******************************
>You remember absolutely nothing the next morning, but Pinkie assures you that the comedy act went well. You agree to do it again next week.

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Alright you shitters, I haven't wrote much yet, and pretty much no lewd. Tell me how I did (and keep in mind this was a weird AF prompt) and maybe I'll write something longer and better for a general.

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>>28895657

>>28895657
this was pretty good OP.

>>28895657
Was pretty decent. Not quite as graphic with the clop as I like. But hey, do you.

>>28896088
>>28895675
>>28895674
Thanks m8s, I'll probably grab a trip and hit up the generals as a new writer then.

>>28894893
Trips count, stop stalling faggot and start writing you little shit.

>>28896604
Shit, I posted too late didn't I. Well fuck, I'm fucking stupid.

Mornin bump