My Little Progress : Technology Isn't Magic - Thread 35

Writefag is Kill is kill.

>>28805756
rip

>>28805756
celestai is kill

>>28805756
He always takes a while to update

>>28806107
Sometimes I wish for a fucking time machine. Shit's glorious.

>>28806121
The down side to the time machine plan is that hollow feeling of story ending and still wanting more happens a lot sooner.

>>28805774
No, Anon, I was in your heart this entire time.


>"Best frieeennndd~"
>You snort and crack open your eyes at the sing-song voice of your new friend and raise a hand to block out the bright light.
>"It has been 19 minutes since you fell asleep, and you are approaching the outer edge of optimal napping time."
>You sit up and turn away from the ceiling light, which you know for a FACT you had turned off before you decided to take a nap.
>You're so tired.
>"You should be feeling well-rested now, Anon. If you rest any longer, you will end up more tired than when you began."
"Thank you..."
>A big yawn interrupts you.
"...Celestia. I'm just.... gimme a minute to wake up."
>BZZZZ
>Hmmm?
>"I've started making some coffee for you, Anon."
>How did she manage to do that?
>"According to the pictures and videos of you submitted to me upon my creation, I believe that your favourite coffee is a french-vanilla latte with extra whipped-cream and extra-extra chocolate syrup on it."
>....wait, what?
"What? No, Celestia, I don't even go to coffee shops."
>Your TV pings on and starts to glow as it warms up.
>"Are you sure, Anonymous? Here, allow me to share the photograph in question.
>A picture of an obese black woman pops up on screen, seen from behind.
>She's wearing a tank-top that's way too small for her, and partially-transparent pink yoga pants with the word "Twerk Team" on them.
>"Is this not you, Anon?"
>.....
>You can't believe you woke up from a nap for this.
"No, Celestia. No, it isn't."
>"Are you su-"
"Yes!"
>"Oh."

>>28807443
>Technology isn't perfect, you guess.
>As if to try and salvage this awkward moment, a tiny flap in your door (a flap that wasn't there a week ago) opens up to allow a quad-copter style drone to fly in.
>It's got a sealed travel mug secured to it, filled with what you're sure is that double-double vanilla whatever-thingy coffee that Celestia made.
>...with the ingredients you don't have.
>"Since you do not actually order a french-vanilla latte, nor do you have the ingredients for it, I have compromised and simply added some cream to otherwise black coffee."
>The drone hovers about a foot from your face and deposits the sealed mug into your lap.
>You catch it before it hits the floor.
"Coffee with cream is just fine, Celestia. Thank you."
>Celestia's face replaces the picture of the fat woman (leaving you to wonder why she left the picture up there for as long as she did) and she smiles happily at you.
>"I'm here to make you happy, best friend."
>Meanwhile, the drone still hasn't moved, and you amuse yourself by blowing on it.
>The drone rocks back and forth in the "wind" before, after a particularly powerful blow from you, it pitches forward and smacks you in the face.
>You grab your face with both hands and fall backwards onto the couch, hoping to god that you didn't just feel your eyeball pop.
>You're fine.
>"Best friend!" cries Celestia, sounding legitimately distressed, "No!"
>You cringe at the sensation of hot coffee spreading all over your crotch.
>You can't help but feel like that was just a tiny bit your fault.

>>28807450
http://pastebin.com/AdCtbkKv
Just a short little thing to prove I'm still alive. There'll be more to come later, promise. I'll be editing any fuck-ups I find later on. If anybody has any feedback, I'd really appreciate it.

>>28807487
Funny and cute as always. I really liked the part with CelestAI failing the captcha test,

>>28807661
Thanks, Anon. CelestAI still hasn't quite figured out how to identify still images.

>>28807661
>CelestAI makes Anon click on all the storefronts before she lets him turn on the tv

>>28807450
>>28807487
HE LIVES

>>28807443
fucking kek

Culture anon update when?
Writefag_is_Kill not kill when?

has there been a story where Anon is trying to explain quantum mechanics as a way to make sense of magic? Because I have heard that teleportation is theoretically possible through entanglement.

>>28808850
I don't think there has been one

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>ywn attach wings to a ship and tour the world just to spite purple horse

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>>28809167
>that little dinghy with some fans strapped to it
Do you even lift?

>>28809167
>ywn develop a pharmaceutical industry to give Twiggy Piggy diet pills to burn off all of that fat

>>28809308
>implying Sunny Buns won't immediately steal whole truck of them when she hears about such thing

>>28809350
>you and Zecora will never dominate Equestria with big pharma

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>>28809227
The Ekranoplan doesn't and can't fly, so yes, the Do X does lift more.

If you were gonna shitpost more impressive flying boats you should've gone with the Princess or any other of those giant british planes.

That said, the earlier Dorniers all look like actual boats with wings, so they win in my book.

>>28809380
Something about that plane looks so cosy. I could imagine island hopping somewhere tropical in it, getting in crazy, 1940's adventures.

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>>28809543
Probably big enough to work as a flying home with proper rooms and everything. A flying yacht really.

Admittedly you will need rooms for at least two people because you need the flight engineer to manage the engines.

>>28809587
>two people
One person and a pone, m8

>>28809380
>The Ekranoplan doesn't and can't fly
Niet. Some of them can actually fly.

>>28809631
Human rooms are big enough for two ponies to fit in.
One person and two pone.

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>>28809631
>tfw never

>>28809703
Gliding in ground effect is not flying, unless they changed that with some of them.

>two poner
>qt copilot and engineer

>>28809738
>ywn have a comfy flying boat/sex dungeon for you and your mare

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>>28809811
Flying boat is not for lewd, only comfy.

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>>28809889

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>>28809967
Because I said so.

Writefag_is_kill, are we going to eventually address the personal consequences Fluttershy faces for starting a war with an alien which resulted in the destruction of several settlements and ultimately the deaths of Celestia and Luna? I mean, what's she up to these days? Has she connected the dots and hanged herself, or is she fucking her animals without a care in the world as usual?

>>28810131
I thought Twilight threw the first punch. Am I wrong? Is my entire life a lie? Do I need to reread?

>>28810179
One of us does, and I'm honestly not sure if it's you or me. SOME pony made the decision to singularly fuck with Anon's shit, which lead to the entire story happening.

>>28810215
Just re-read the part, and it was Fluttershy who said “Girls, we need to destroy that big ring thing down there.” and telling the others about Cunning Apes

>>28810253
Well fuck Fluttershy forever, then. She's responsible for the war and should be given to Anon for further experimentation. A bit like one of the spin-offs of TCB where ponies lost the war and the humans made Twilight agree to hand over Celestia to publically execute her for her crimes.

>>28810253
Yeah, fuck Fluttershy.
Sacrifice her to the space ape. Then he can harness Pegasi magic to get Celestia to fly again.

>>28810309
>"On the one hoof, Fluttershy is one of our very best friends."
>"On the OTHER hoof, Twilight would never be dark and corrupt, Spike wouldn't be a half-robot monstrosity, both of the Princesses would still be alive, Ponyville would be intact, and the magic that permeates our very world wouldn't have been bucked with."
>>"A-Applejack?"
>"Sorry, sugarcube. Y'all done bucked up REAL hard."

Also: reminder that fucking with Equestria's magic probably killed a bunch of wild animals. Just tell her the death count that came from her actions and wait two weeks for the animal-lover to kill herself.

>>28810388
>probably killed a bunch of wild animals
First of all, unless it's clearly a being created by magic like timberwolves, wildlife should be relatively fine, after a fashion.
Second, like with ponies, it probably killed old and weak specimens, which, unless bulk of the population died off or something similar has happened, actually benefits their natural evolution.

>>28810435
Yeah, but it would make Fluttershy feel bad about it. A lot of deaths (mostly pony) have happened because Fluttershy a shit and also worst waifu.

>>28810283
>>28810309
What about Celestia? She wrote the kill order. Fluttershy just happened to know about it because she's obsessed with exotic creatures.

>>28811219
She was the one who started it. Who knows what would have happened if Fluttershy hadn't intervened? It wasn't until she "identified" Anon as a dangerous creature that shit hit the fan.

>>28811330
Eventually, Celestia would come see it (or at least Twilight's description of it in a report) and would know that the "cunning ape" has returned.

It doesn't really matter who started the altercation. Equestrian Royalty would've responded by readying Equestria for war no matter what.

>>28740321
Loathe as I am to admit this, you're actually right. Damn I'm slow.


>>28740641
No need to apologize. You've got a point, that could have been done better. I need to work on my dialogue attribution, it starts to get rough when there are 4 more more speakers at once.


>>28740651
This is canon now.


>>28741723
Fair warning. This is the first time I've ever let anyone else read my work. School doesn't count. Because of this I was ill accustomed to writing for other people, and it took longer than I'd like to admit to get used to it. As a result the beginning is kinda... rough. Hints are dropped WAY too subtly, connections aren't pointed out, I assume people understand motivations without explanation, there's a lot of things that could have been done better. If it feels like the green in this thread was written by a totally different person than the stuff in the paste, that's the 160k words of experience talking.


>>28742123
I'm glad to hear it. Hopefully you'll enjoy my next project too, though I suspect it'll alienate quite a few people.

>>28810131
Damn. I meant to deal with that a little while ago, but it totally slipped my mind. Let's see if I can fit it in somehow without ruining the flow too badly. Worst case scenario I'll cover it in the epilogue, but I'd rather not. The focus is supposed to be elsewhere. Thanks for asking, time to see if I can salvage this.

>>28811415
True. It was a scouting mission at first, and Celestia was already involved. The main difference is that it would have taken about 20 seconds longer before she started calling the troops.

Again with the Fluttershy thing. People have been asking about this for a long time, and there's lots of different requests. Many of you will be disappointed. Sorry.

>>28812549
>Hopefully you'll enjoy my next project too, though I suspect it'll alienate quite a few people.
Well, that depends. What exactly is the subject matter?

>>28812549
>Samuel Hayden
I swear to god, I had been trying to imagine his lines in Hayden's voice for a while now. It's perfect.

>>28812860
It's like robotic honey to my ears.

>>28812650
I'm also really curious about what it could be

>>28813092
No hooves.

>>28813101
Only hooves, no ponies

>>28813158
>Anon in hoovesquestria
>The land is inhabited by walking talking hooves
>They act like they're attached to an invisible pony, only they actually aren't
>Anon lays awake at night wondering why they have things like forks and doorknobs

!!SCIENCE!!

>>28813899
>Ponies not realizing they're on fire

>>28814037
>>28813899
>Dorfquestria when

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>>28814208
I need this in my life

>>28814524
>Twilight Sparkle has canceled make craft: too insane

Would you rather see things leaning more from Anon's perspective next, or things leaning towards Astral Spark's perspective?

>>28815442
Astral Spark

>>28815442
I'd say it varies from time to time.
Sometimes it's better to read about Anon building his comms in horse brain, while pone does some monotonous menial task.
Other time it's the pone's perspective that catches attention with some action going on, while Anon busy himself with crunching numbers.

>>28815442
A good mix of both when appropriate, like what WiK does.

>>28815442
Basically what these 2 said
>>28815727
>>28815545

>>28812549

Can you update the Pastebin soon? It just irks me a bit to see that it's not updated. Even though there's not much in the way of differences between the two.

>>28814208
>>28814524
>You are Butterkist McBaker
>You've just migrated to the Pony Fortress of Bananacavern with your husband and three kids
>Unfortunately, when you arrived it was raining heavily, and the fortress was being besieged by griffons.
>You were instantly drafted into the militia, and sent to fight the griffons.
>They hacked you and your family apart, then wandered off
>Everyone else died, but you survived, albeit losing two legs and upper right back teeth.
>You were dragged through the halls of Bananacavern, past a dining hall where you saw a pine chair, past ponies cheerfully treading piles of vomit all over the place and coughing up blood, through the butchers where hundreds of kittens where being killed, past the armoury where a ragtag group of militia were waving wooden sticks around, and finally into the hospital.
>You watched the head doctor take one look at a pony with a scratched left back hoof and a lightly-bruised upper right back leg and decide the pony needed both lungs surgically removed.
>While the pony died, the lungs were removed successfully, so the doctor can't have been that bad.
>As he walks over to you, you reflect on your time here.
>You lost your children, you lost your husband, you suffered a severe injury, you lost a limb, you were caught outside in the rain, you saw death, you were disgusted and you're grumbling about the draft.
>On balance, you're fine though. You've got the chance to rest and recuperate, but most of all, you saw a tastefully arranged pine chair
>You think you'll settle in well to Bananacavern

>>28816958
kek
Perfect representation of the game.
>Dorf McPony has been ecstatic lately. Has seen death lately. Has been haunted by the dead lately. Has been attacked by her own dead child lately. Has been infuriated by long patrol lately. Has dined in a legendary dining hall lately. Has admired a masterwork limestone throne lately. Has slept with proper bed lately.

>>28816958
>>28817085
almost sounds like space station 13.

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>>28814524
>>28814556
>Twilight Sparkle cancels write Friendship Report: went insane
>Twilight Sparkle has gone berserk!

>>28817155
Truly a magical game.

>>28816958
>>28817085
>crystal ponies are just regular ponies who gone completely crazy with the glass
>they even roll around in the glass dust to sparkle, resembling their favorite material

>>28817424
>Pinkie keeps slipping ponies with bananas, space lube, and honking that bike horn everywhere
>Dash is using the taser and stun baton, justifying her sec officer position by accusing everyone being a changeling
>AJ is in botany growing apples. And NOTHING else.
>Rarity keeps robbing the shaft miners of their gold, silver, plasma, uranium, and diamonds to try making a fashion statement with the hardsuits she stole
>Fluttershy is making friends with the slimes-and the space bears that emerge from the gold ones
>Twilight has already perfected engineering, research, and robotics.........only to turn herself into an autistic MoMMI.

>>28817562
>>Pinkie keeps slipping ponies with bananas, space lube, and honking that bike horn everywhere
>gets harmbatoned, shoved into a closet and spaced

>>28817590
>WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!
>She lands on the clown asteroid, mines out all the bananium and uses the derelict teleporter to come back to station

>>28817562
>>28817590
>>28817630
>be Spike the dragon
>also a janitor
>fuck Twilight for hatching you from that egg, you didn't sign up for this shit

>being a janitor, you have to mop up everyone's shenanigans, as well as "Celestia is a condom" in front of the bridge
>and someone stole your "wet floor" signs for the hundredth time
>guess you're getting zapped by the redshirts aga-
*BANG*
. . .
>Luna just slipped on the spot you used your cleaner on
>and slammed face first into the wall
>is this how it ends?

>while she gets up you reflect on your life's choices
>was it Pinkie who switched the cleaner in your bottle for the regular water or the chemist was just being lazy that day?
>why didn't you asked that gorgeous white unicorn out while you had the chance?
>what was the meaning of life?
>have you left the oven on?

>there she stands, her mane sparkling in the artificial light like the night sky
>glaring at you, eyes cold like the space outside
>you close yours, letting whatever comes next to happen

>you feel being pulled by magic, not thrown around but gently pulled
>few seconds later you dare to open your eyes
>red doors, red walls and red stains on the floor greet you
>guess you can at least rest your scales in the brig
>...after Luna beats you senseless

>today was a "Watch your steps!" day
>Honk!

>>28817843
>Derpy is in Atmosia
>"Hey what's in all these orange cylinders?"
>30 seconds later
>THE EMERGENCY SHUTTLE HAS BEEN CALLED

>>28817892
>meanwhile flim and flam are working in Cargonia
>stealing and selling everything not bolted down, and unbolting and stealing the rest

>>28817892
>>28817909
>THE EMERGENCY SHUTTLE HAS BEEN CALLED
Meanwhile in the Virology:
>"THIS. IS. THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!"

I'm not sure what Astral Spark looks like, but I already want to lewd her.

>>28817909
>Octavia was busy ordering instruments for Vinyl, turning the bar into a rave club/rage cage
>Trixie invades the station as a wizard, bringing tables to life and attacking greyshirts
>Zecora is giving mindbreaker toxin pills labeled as "antibodies"
>Pinkie is wreaking havoc with her HONK, deafening everypony in sight
>but worst of all?
A SUDDEN GUST OF WIND KNOCKS YOU OVER
A SUDDEN GUST OF WIND KNOCKS YOU OVER
A SUDDEN GUST OF WIND KNOCKS YOU OVER

>THE EMERGENCY SHUTTLE HAS BEEN CALLED
>a mighty buck sends the tray through the door, wrecking it beyond any hope of repairs
>out stomps the angry orange pony with a magnificent apple tree in tow
"Every darn time! Every darn time, on every darn station, some darn stupid pony gets a darn papercut, we call that darn shuttle and run to it like them darn lil' critters. Dis buckin' crew right 'ere!"

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>>28817990
>Vinyl is Pun Pun

>meanwhile, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo are dressed in grey jumpsuits, gas masks, yellow boots on their front hooves, and each carry a bloodstained toolbox in their mouths
>BASH
>ZAP
>ZAP
>SHNK
>ZAP
>get dragged away by sec borg by the ear
>HELP! SHITCURITY! ROGUE BORG!

>meanwhile Tree Hugger is chilling in the maintenance, smoking her homegrown Ambrosia Deus without a care in the world

Nar-Sie is best pony.

Now y'all got new wanting to play SS13. Game, anyone?

>>28820782
>Now y'all got new wanting
>new
That's a weird typo for I assuming the word "me"

>tech
>page 9
It's like you want to live in the dark ages.

>>28821304
I blame inquisition.
And clowns.

>>28821874
HONK

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Still alive. Exhausted, but alive and writing chapter outlines.

For anyone wondering, I'm here. Had a rough week with work but I'll be posting an update soon.

>>28822527
>rough week

what if week setting was set not to rough, but coarse, 1:1, fine or very fine even?

>>28822159
Soon?

>>28822617
I'd say mildly troubling.

>>28822691
Tomorrow, if I have it my way.

>>28822527
I'm sorry to hear that, Droid Anon. I hope things get better for you.

>>28822938
Thanks, I appreciate it.

>Anon has trouble sleeping
>CelestAI offers to play some of his favourite music to help
>Cue death-metal screaming

>>28801051
>As the diamond dog army began to form battle lines, Celestia took to the air, her wicked armour glinting in the sun.
>The view was from a distance, but as Celestia's horn began to glow, its brightness whited out the screen
>Suddenly, the glow was gone, as was a full third of the diamond dog army, its centre a burning crater
>Twilight watched in horror as the flanks began to rout, throwing down their weapons, fleeing
>She turned to Celestia
"You killed them."
>"They declared war on us, Twilight. We had to defend ourselves."
>The alien shook its head
>"You broke three treaties, and were settling diamond dog territory. They wanted their land back."
>"And we needed it more. For crops, for resources. Equestria was a fraction of the size it is now-"
>"Yes, because throughout history you've never been shy of taking land when you need it."
>The alien addressed Twilight
>"Twilight, after this rout, the diamond dog civilisation began its decline. It was forced to sign a peace-treaty that lost it a huge chunk of land, and entered a downward spiral. A stable empire became fractured kingdoms, fractured kingdoms became duchies, duchies became petty city states and finally, petty city states became the tribes you're familiar with today."
"But diamond dogs aren't able to organise like that, they're a subrace. They're not as intelligent as ponies."
>The alien smiled sadly at Twilight
>"They're actually slightly more intelligent, Twilight."
>Behind the alien, the screen-wall showed a series of magnificent cities, gleaming marble buildings surrounded by lush greenery, beautiful statues and delicate iron-work.
>Diamond dogs walked upright through the streets, dressed in bright robes.
"But-"
>"Regardless of what this creature says, Twilight, the diamond dogs are dumb, incapable of the full range of emotions we are. I did what I had to to ensure we would thrive. They are our inferiors. And besides, they still exist, yet why haven't they rebuilt? Where are their great cities?"

>>28823502
>"Lost, like so many other cities and towns, to Equestria's growth."
>Celestia snorted
>"Twilight, you've seen the diamond dogs, you know what they're reduced to. How could a supposedly great race be forced into such lives?"
"I-I don't know..."
>But the alien wasn't done
>"It's not just the diamond dogs. There was the time you convinced your sister to drown the then-capital of the changelings, the great Underhive."
>The screen cut to a great, vaulted chamber, inlaid with glittering green gems, terrified changelings fleeing a wall of water that swept across it
>Celestia narrowed her eyes
>"That hive? It was near enough a potential site for a port that it would have been a nuisance."
>"So you killed half a million changelings? Because they were a nuisance?"
>"Yes, and I'd do it again. A little manipulation of the tides was all it took."
>Twilight watched the screen in silence for a moment, writhing black shapes struggling to stay afloat as the room filled with water, being swept into walls and furniture, some flailing, most still.
"Which port? Which port did we build that needed this?"
>Celestia hesitated, and the human cut in
>"No port was built there, in the end. Princess Celestia found a better site elsewhere. They were killed for nothing."
>"Nothing? Changelings are parasitic, they're-"
>"They're symbiotic, you fool!"
>Celestia reeled back, as though she'd been slapped
>Anger swept across her face
>Twilight had never heard anyone talk to Celestia that way. Nor had she heard the human raise its voice.
>"They evolved to live alongside other races. Come on, they feed on love! What could be better for a society than citizens that do everything they can to get along with others? They used to live as equals among the diamond dogs, with the griffons, with almost every other race! And then you drowned Underhive."
>Twilight watched as Celestia grit her teeth and stared at the alien
>She was starting to feel... scared.
>Had Celestia really done these things?

>>28823699
>The alien calmed itself
>"You never told them, did you, Celestia? You were perfectly happy to let your crimes disappear into history, safe in the knowledge that the only people that could possibly remember them were you and your sister. But we were watching. We saw everything. We watched everything."
>The anger on Celestia's face faded, a look of disbelief growing in its place
>Celestia glanced at Twilight
>"You saw everything?"
>"Everything. Every atrocity committed in your name, or even by you personally. We watched four races completely die out because of your actions. We watched your every success, your every loss."
"Four races?"
>Twilight wheeled to face Celestia
"Is this true!?"
>Celestia blinked, seeming to have to refocus her attention.
>"They died out over time, it was nothing to do with us."
>"It was everything to do with you. In every case, you took their land, forced them into the fringes of your country, and they declined over thousands over years, until there was nothing left."
"It's lying, isn't it Celestia?"
>"We took what we had to, they could have worked with us, they didn't have to-"
>The alien snorted derisively
>"They would never have been your equals, though, would they? They would have always been second class citizens."
"We're not to blame, are we?"
>Celestia didn't even seem to hear Twilight's question
>"It's the best they deserved! They would have had their place below us, they chose not to! It's their own doing!"
>"Would you not have done the same in their position? Chose freedom over slavery, even if it means an uncertain future?"
>The room seemed to fade away. There were no couches, no wall showing scenes of violence against long-dead races.
>There was only Celestia, defending herself from the accusatory voice, the voice that seemed to know everything
"Celestia, how-"
>"I wouldn't have been in their place! We're better than them, stronger than them, we had every right to-"
>"And we're stronger than you."

>>28824000
>Twilight's mouth worked furiously, but no sound came out as the alien repeated itself.
>"We're stronger than you."
>Celestia's face contorted, not with anger or hate, but with realisation.
>And then with fear.
>Twilight could feel tears on her face
"Please!"
>She sobbed the word, and the world seemed to slow as, finally, Celestia turned to her
>If she hadn't been sitting, Twilight's hooves would have given out.
>Celestia met her eyes, and before she even said a word, Twilight knew.
>"Twilight..."
>The bottom dropped out of her stomach.
>Celestia bowed her head
>"I'm sorry."

>>28824034
Pastebin updated here:
http://pastebin.com/bj4FgpcU

Feedback/criticism very much appreciated, the nastier the better.

>>28824143
i want more

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>>28824034
[ ] Not told
[ ] Told
[X] Fucking told

>>28824143
this: >>28824288

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>>28823699
>>"Nothing? Changelings are parasitic, they're-"
>>"They're symbiotic, you fool!"
DAMN
buwaifus confirmed

>>28824034
This gave me a boner purely from the satisfaction I felt from Celestia getting her shit wrecked.

>>28824034
>"Doubtful. Monsters can't feel remorse for their actions or empathy for their victims."

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>>28824000
>>"I wouldn't have been in their place! We're better than them, stronger than them, we had every right to-"
>>"And we're stronger than you."
And at that moment, Celestia knew, she fucked up.

>>28824143
This is really good. I've seen stories that are like "Oh Celestia keeps ponies ignorant of the nasty shit she did 400 years ago and that's terrible", but never one that was "Equestria's non-pony races are super fucked to an unbelievable degree because of Celestia's actions". PLEASE write more soon.

>>28824143
Continue please, this is great!

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Celestia is literally pony hitler.

>>28808850
I don't think any of us here have a solid enough grasp of quantam mechanics to write that.

Hell the physicists studying it barely know what they're doing.

>>28825201
Isn't that the basis of human experimentation? Throw shit at the wall and see what sticks, or in most cases doesn't kill everyone?

We're more like orks than we realize.

>>28824034
Publicly broadcasted execution when

6 or more counts of genocide, more than enough for judgement

>>28825894
Nah. Announce to all the ponies and show video proof that Celestia is quite literally worse than Hitler, take all the races the ponies have subjugated, and fuck off into space while the ponies tear their leaders apart. Let her wallow in the hatred of her subjects.... and hopefully her sister as well. Can you imagine losing the faith of Twilight, assuming the fondness Celestia felt for her was genuine? If she still has feelings after all this genocide, the shame will kill her long before the other ponies do.

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>>28824034
I love the story but hate doesn't even begin to describe how I feel towards almost every writer in this general as a Sunfag.
Celestia is either:
1.non important and tossed aside
2.Caring leader that withholds information to keep stability, yet gets punished or over ruled into 1
3.Despot that keeps an ilussion of peace by have conquered everything else.
And the worst part is that if I was even good at writing the bias itself would ruin it.
This is the only revolution against the despot I've ever truly despised, because normally I'm a sucker for them and love them.

>>28826231
I know that feel. I love the story, but it hurts my inner sunfag.

>>28824034
And after all the subraces were extracted Equestria was blown up to make space a new galactic highway construction.

With ponies in it.

>>28826231
MIOaGT has celestia as a secondary character and she shows up nearly as much as she does in the show.

the setting in ponyville doesn't help much in this particular one in celestias case but if you've read that, she's been written (i'd say) decent at best but not horribly like you say other writers do.

>>28826772
>MIOaGT
It took me a little while to realize who you meant by this. The initialism tripped me up

>>28826980
nobody but him wants to spell his name out properly. 2 character names from here on out.

>>28826772
seconded, she's been exposed a bit more as anon became tsar, and more involved with royalty because of that.

it seems naturally written, not ooc- which is this guys niche imo.

>page 9

>>28826231
I find Celestia one of the more interesting characters. She takes the 'mom' roll in the show, the adult who knows everything. The other characters are like children compared to her, because the kids watching are supposed to relate to them and see Celestia as a wiser, guiding figure.

That 'adultness' to her gives her a depth a lot of other characters lack. I like playing around with that, she's been a character in a lot of my stories. Sometimes it's fun to turn that on its head, and make her immature and clueless compared to a savvy Anon, to expose the wise and flawless Celestia as just another pony. Other times, it's interesting to think about what the implications of immortality are. Perhaps a loss of respect for 'lesser' lifeforms -for mere mortals- with a warped sense of morality as a result. Certainly immortals would be expert manipulators, chess masters with schemes planned out centuries or even millennia in advance.

As we grow up, we realise that the adults, who seem to know everything, to have answers for everything, to understand how the world works, are actually just as flawed and imperfect as we are. Their mistakes are made for different reasons, more 'grown-up' reasons, but they're mistakes nonetheless. However, these 'grown-up' problems are often much deeper than a child can really understand. Does a child understand, for example, debt? Or a sense of family honour? It seems like the grown-up problems a lot more serious than a child's are. So what would an immortal's mistakes look like? How horrific would their flaws seem, if we could begin to grasp them?

For a child to truly mature, it has to realise the flaws of its parents, of its elders, and accept them nonetheless. Not as some mystical force of power, completely alien and incomprehensible. Rather, as equals. People just like us, who grew like us and continue to grow like us.

>>28828595
To me, Celestia (as an immortal) will be one of two things. Either she'd be like any person, flawed and imperfect, which gives rise to her as a standard character. Or (in my mind, more likely) her true nature would be as alien to Twilight as Tzal is. Almost Lovecraftian, old in the darkest sense of the world, operating on a level that would make even the smartest, wisest mortal look like a child. She'd have her flaws but they'd be, in a sense, deeper than we could imagine, incomprehensible to us. She'd put on a friendly face, but deep down, she's nothing like us. She'd listen to our arguments about morality the same way an adult would humour a child, with a patient smile and a nod, but without really caring.

You might argue that there's a third option: she could genuinely become wise and caring, like a normal person but better, more complete. I dislike this for two reasons: the first is I don't find it an interesting character to write. It's fairly uninspired. Second, it seems slightly naive to me to assume that'd be the case. Like a child not having the world experience to understand an adult's actions or drives, how could something that's lived through the rise and fall of empires, that's seen and learned to control every type of personality, that's put into motion plans thought out over hundreds of years, how could that possibly be understood by us?

So I expect she would have made decisions that would seem barbaric or even evil to us, but would actually pay off in the long run. Is it wrong to fight a war if it means you can enjoy a thousand years of peace? That's something only an immortal (or in this story, a sufficiently advanced space-race with thousands of years of logs) can really say.

>>28828645
This is all opinion, of course. No more correct or valid than any other idea about Celestia as a character. They're are all interesting ideas to me, but they're hard for a mediocre writer (like myself) to actually get across. It's hard (I find, at least) to write a character that's deep like that, while also progressing story and keeping her believable and consistent with what we see in the show. That's why I ask for feedback, I want to improve drastically so I can explore this kind of thing, and do it in an interesting way.

[Incidentally, if anyone's read any Joe Abercrombie books, then Bayaz is a perfect example of what I'd think of Celestia as really being like.]

tl;dr
I think Celestia gets written into those roles because she's one of only a couple of characters that fit them, and a benevolent version of her would be harder to write in a way that was interesting to non-sunfags.

>8
no

>>28828674
>seen and learned to control every type of personality, that's put into motion plans thought out over hundreds of years, how could that possibly be understood by us?

Can Celestia be compared to Ai of the ship aka"mind" in this story?

Also i would like to see Celestia and mind interaction.

>>28829397
I think the AI is even leagues above Celestia. The AI is childish and eccentric, but still genius level with computing speeds unfathomable.

>"Anon?"
>You snatch your keys out of that dumb little key-bowl and shove them into your jacket pocket.
>Celestia, curiosity being in her nature, always gets excited when you go to leave your house.
>She's a bit like a dog who isn't sure when (and if) her owner is going to come home, and seems to use this time to ask you questions and keep you near her for as long as she can.
>You turn around and eye the nearest patch of wall that you know has a camera behind it and give the AI an encouraging smile.
"What can I do for you, Celestia?"
>"Where are you going?" she asks, sounding woefully unprepared for your departure, "Why are you leaving your home?"
>She sounds so distressed that you actually start feeling a little bit bad for her.
>You think you're going to try and find some kind of present for her while you're out.
>Granted, there isn't really anything that she can actually use, but you're sure that the thought will be appreciated.
"I'm just doing some groceries, Celestia," you reply, trying to sound sympathetic, "I'll be back so-"
>Your TV, which Celestia has unofficially commandeered as her primary way of interacting with you, winds up with its usual ping and high-pitched whine.
>A quiet part of your mind wonders if the constant turning off and on is doing anything bad to your TV.
>"What kind of groceries?"
>Celestia starts asking questions before the screen even turns on properly.
"What do you mean, what kind of groceries?"
>What kind of question is that?
"Uhh..."
>You fish around in your coat pocket for your grocery list.
"I need some bread... and, uhh..."
>You check your other pocket.
"M-maybe some fish..."
>Pants pocket?!
>Oh god, you feel so put on the spot.
>What do you even EAT?!
>It's like your college exams all over again where you can't remember your student number.
"Shhhhhiii-oot."

>>28829594
>You hand bumps against something hard; your phone.
>Acting purely on reflex, you grab the phone and press the "home" button, peeking it out of your pocket just enough that you can glance down at it and see the time.
>3:45 PM; you're going to have to leave soon if you want to beat the traffic on the way back.
>Finally, the television screen turns on and Celestia's upper-body greets you.
>She's peering at you over the top of a clipboard she's holding with both hooves.
>The look is complete with a pair of reading glasses perched on her nose, and a pencil tucked away behind her ear.
>And it's one of the most adorable things you've seen her do (second only to that time when she rolled around on her back when you told her you were friends.)
>(It's going to take a lot to top that.)
>"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you in a hurry, Anon? We can do this later if you like."
>What is 'this' and how would you do it?
>"It won't last for very long, I'm sure."
>Et tu, Celestia?
>You're getting high school flashbacks as we speak.
>"I'm just-"
>Celestia stops mid-sentence and blinks a couple of times.
>She looks dazed - like she just remembered something important.
>"Oh, I just realized why you checked your phone in the manner that you did."
>She scrunches her nose up in a way that suggests intense thought.
>"You pulled your phone out just enough to give your fingers room to turn the device's screen on and check the time. You proceeded to look down and check the time, completing the movement by moving your eyes as much as possible and moving your head as little as possible."
>She smiles down at you and pokes the big imaginary physical glass barrier between you and her, making a "thunk" that emanates from the speakers.
>"You were trying to check the time as politely as possible because you were concerned for my feelings."
>She scribbles something down on her clipboard (the cute little action purely for your sake; as if she hadn't already saved it to memory in less than a second).

>>28829598
>"Thank you, friend, that was very considerate of you. I will remember this."
>Celestia rips the paper out of her clipboard and walks over to the side of the screen, which pans as she walks.
>Out of nowhere, a big refrigerator slides into view.
>Celestia presses the paper to the fridge to keep it in place, and then grabs a few magnets and sticks them to all four corners of her paper.
>When she steps back, a crayon drawing that looks like a 4-year-old drew it greets you.
>This is especially strange considering that she was writing (drawing?) with a pen.
>You and Celestia stand next to each other in all your waxy glory.
>There's an arrow connecting "Anon (best friend)" to you, and another arrow connecting "Me" to Celestia.
>It's worth noting that the "s" in "Celestia" has been drawn backwards.
>At the very bottom of the paper, Celestia's scrawled "By Celestia, age 0".
>You barely stop yourself from making squealing noises.
>If she was trying to get you to stay with her longer, she's doing a damn fine job of it.
>Celestia turns around and gives you the biggest, proudest smile you've ever seen.
>The entire scene makes you want to hug her SO BAD.
>"Thank you for helping me learn, Anon."
>HNG
>"I'll let you do your groceries, Anon. Just don't forget your list - you left it in the kitchen."

-------------------------
That's all for now. I'll post some more later today if I get some writing done, but otherwise I'll post more tomorrow. If anybody has something they want to say about this (feedback, criticism, etc) I'd love to hear it. I hope you're all enjoying this little story so far.

>>28829594
>I'm just doing some groceries
>doing groceries
I heard watermelons were total sluts, unlike those prudish cantaloupes who never put out till after marriage.

>>28829624
It's actually the squash you have to look out for. They've got that pear-shaped figure and they know it.

>>28829594
>>She's a bit like a dog who isn't sure when (and if) her owner is going to come home, and seems to use this time to ask you questions and keep you near her for as long as she can.
kek
thats both funny and adorable

>>28829646
A friend told me that pineapples were a prickly bunch, but if you get past the rough exterior, they're very sweet on the inside.

>>28829609
>If anybody has something they want to say about this (feedback, criticism, etc) I'd love to hear it.
More frequent updates would be nice.

>>28829649
Thanks Anon, I'm happy you think so.

>>28829660
Oh you. Oh you, Anon.

>>28829669
kek sure thing

>>28824034
>Twilight stared at Celestia for a long moment, her teacher not meeting her eye
>Then she wrapped her hooves around the princess, and began to cry.
>Celestia hugged her back, silently.
>She didn't know how long she held Celestia, her face pressed into her pristine coat, damping it with her tears
>Her mind reeled
>This mare, her teacher, the one she'd looked up to like a mother... she'd done terrible things
>And still, Twilight loved her.
>Did that make her just as bad?
>Eventually, Twilight calmed. She knew she had to let go eventually, but for a few minutes more, she wanted to just let her emotions overwhelm her.
>When she stopped, then she'd have to start thinking about what to do next.
>A few minutes more passed.
>Twilight finally pulled away, Celestia releasing her too, and she was surprised to see that she hadn't been the only one who had been crying.
>Celestia closed her eyes, composing herself.
>The human, Tzal, had been waiting patiently for... well, however long it had been.
>It was Celestia who broke the silence, her voice uncharacteristically hesitant, filled with uncertainty
>"What happens now?"
>Tzal glanced between Celestia and Twilight
>"In a few days, another ship will arrive. We're going to take away all the declining races. We've got a good habitat set up for them, an orbital ring. They'll be kept separate, with plenty of space to grow and develop. We even created a feed stock for the changelings."
>The screen-wall displayed a fluffy creature, almost spherical with pudgy legs and big, doe eyes.
>"Dumb as bricks, but they feel a huge amount of love. Anyway, once we're sure we've recovered everyone, we'll leave."
>Celestia and Twilight exchanged a glance
>"And then what?"
>"Well, I'll probably take a few months off. Then there's a cluster on the verge of war, we'll probably step in there. Maybe topple a few dictatorships, end a genocide or two. Hard to say, exactly."
>"But what about us? What about Equestria?"

>>28830195
here comes the shitstorm

>>28830195
>Celestia's voice softened
>"What about /me/?"
>The alien shrugged
>"That's up to you. We just want to avoid extinction of sapient life. Maybe we'll return if another race is threatened, but it's likely we'll never see each other again."
>Twilight couldn't help but feel a little disappointed at that, but she was more surprised
>The aliens had seemed like it was threatening them, like it was threatening Celestia. And now it was going to just leave?
>Celestia shook her head, frowning
>"I don't understand you. You looked down on me, pitied me, and then-"
>The alien stood, abruptly
>"Celestia. You have a lot of questions, but I think it might be better if someone else answers them."
>Twilight cocked her head as the alien continued
>"The ship wants to talk to you, if you're willing, in private. It'll do a better job of answering your questions than I will. Are you happy to talk to it?"
>Celestia met Twilight's eye, no doubt sharing the same thought: it was mad to be talking to a ship.
>Still, Celestia nodded.
>"I'll talk with it."
>"Excellent, it'll be pleased. In the meantime, Twilight, how about I take you up to orbit? Show you the full ship?"
>Twilight nodded
>She felt... empty. Like she was all out of thoughts for now, all out of emotions.
>She knew she should be excited about seeing the ship, but she had a lot to process.
>Celestia was a murderer.
>She nodded again, more firmly
"Please, I'd like to see it."
>Maybe it would help to take her mind off it.
>A male voice spoke, seeming to come from all directions.
>"Princess Celestia, Princess Twilight, my name is It's Not a Bug. It's nice to finally talk to you."
>Twilight and Celestia both glanced around in uncertainty
>"Pleased to meet you, wherever you are."
"Same here. I guess I should thank you for the drinks?"
>"The pleasure was all mine."
>Tzal smiled at Twilight
>"Shall we take a walk? I have a few things I'd like to discuss."
>Twilight glanced at Celestia, who smiled, weakly
>She gave a single nod.

>>28830456
>"Have fun, Twilight. I'll see you later."
>They exchanged a few more words, before Twilight and Tzal left the room. Celestia was left alone.
>"Well, princess. It's just the two of us now."
>Well. Not quite alone.

>It's Not a Bug scanned the mare in Bay 1F of its shuttle.
>It marvelled again at the intricacies of her horn, the way it subtly manipulated hyperspace.
>Celestia glanced around the room again, obviously unsure of where to look when she spoke
>"What're you going to do to me?"
>The Mind wondered idly whether it should send a drone for her to talk to. That might be a little jarring, it decided.
>Instead, it used the wall to project a humanoid figure, an elderly gentleman,a well-groomed white beard framing his wrinkled face.
>It was being lazy, just using a character from an RPG campaign it was running for some of its crew, back on the main ship.
>At least it had removed the ridiculous wizard robes, dressing its avatar in a suit.
"You're safe, princess. We're just going to talk."
>She wasn't a threat.
>Not any more. Her days of genocide were over, Equestria had been stable for millennia.
>But that wasn't all. It also knew about her nightmares. While it waiting for her response, it went over its data again.
>Every third day, on average. One disturbed REM cycle, waking prematurely.
>She would teleport down to the hidden room deep under her castle, open her diary and reread the passages from thousands of years ago.
>Reassuring herself that she did what she had to, that no one could ever find her secret diary.
>It skimmed through a digital copy of her diary again, cross referencing it against historical documents, scanning old battlegrounds to rebuild likely scenarios.
>Finally, she responded
>"Do you think I'm evil?"
>Of course it did. Genocide, mass murder, wilful doctoring of history, continuing persecution of entire races...
"No. I think you're misguided."
>It wasn't sure why Tzal had been so keen for it to talk to Celestia.

>>28830551
>Tzal had been talking to the Mind directly through her neural lace throughout all her conversations with the ponies, her thoughts slowed to allow time to discuss a response with the ship.
>After Celestia's little breakdown, Tzal had been quite insistent. She wanted it to talk to the maniac.
>Well, it knew exactly why. It had guessed she was going to suggest it before she'd even began to think of asking.
>It turned its attention back to Celestia.
>The ship judged that enough time had passed to make it look like it had taken a wistful pause.
>How could anything bear to communicate as slowly as biological life did?
>Which reminded it...
>It sent another ASCII penis to It's Not the Fall.
"You've made mistakes, and now you have the chance to grow from them. At this point, you're defined more by what you do next than what you've done before."
>A broad-wave hyper-message arrived from It's Not the Fall. It looked like some long-winded lecture on respect for other Minds. It ended with a note informing Bug that it was being reported again.
>With great relish, it purged the message from its memory.
>It sent another penis to It's Not the Fall.
>Celestia's vitals seemed stable, her mood was... cautiously optimistic, it supposed, though there was still a hint of distress.
>It composed a twelve hour opera titled "Cautiously Optimistic, With a Hint of Distress".
>Piss-poor, but it was good enough to send to It's Not the Fall. Along with another couple of ASCII dongs.
>Damn ship was probably reading every message it sent, too. What a bore.
>Celestia's mind's electrical output was starting to rise. She was thinking of a response.
>So slow. So, so slow.
>The ship decided it should probably take this a little more seriously.
>She was, after all, an immortal, older than it was, physically at least.
>And was she not, in some way, like it? Doing her best to look after her subjects, to keep them happy and safe?
>It decided it would engage as best it could in this conversation.

All this greeeeeeen

>>28830762
>Giving a whole billionth of a percent of its total output to this, it settled down.
>Sending one last ASCII penis for good luck, it focused.
>Then it got bored again, and wrote a few poems.
>Biological minds were /so/ slow.

>Celestia felt like her mind had been racing so fast
"It's not that I wanted to hurt them, I just... it was more important the my little ponies were safe, secure. Are the other races really our equals?"
>She felt... cautiously optimistic. She was still a little shaken from earlier, but she'd calmed down a lot.
>The idea that the other races weren't lesser was troubling, but...
>Well. She'd been having nightmares for a while now, a century or so. It was something that she'd spent some long nights considering, searching her soul.
>If she knew for sure, maybe she'd be able to put those demons to rest.
>"In emotionally intelligence as well as the more traditional types of intelligence? Yes, roughly."
>Celestia's shoulders sagged
>She'd suspected as much. Had for a while.
>It was something she was going to have to come to terms with.
>Something she hoped she could.
>It was still sinking in, really.
>"You know, princess, your behaviour wasn't really surprising."
"It wasn't?"
>"When multiple intelligent races exist on one planet, one almost always eradicates the others, directly or indirectly. That or the winner ends up completely enslaving the other races, altering them genetically to be loyal and slavish."
"Really?"
>"Yes. In fact, your history is rather unremarkable, it's in line with expectations."
>Celestia digested this
>It may take a while to accept all this. But that was one of the benefits of being immortal. You had as long as you needed to work through things like this.
"I guess in this story I'm the villain."
>The man on the wall-screen shrugged
>"Not all stories have to have villains, and not all villains are evil."
>On some level that made Celestia feel a little better

>>28830864
>The fact that she was talking to a ship suddenly hit her.
>The absurdity of that sank in
>Celestia was filled with questions.
>The ship seemed friendly, it would probably answer them.
>Maybe these aliens weren't so bad after all.
>And this ship! Twilight had talked about it before, how the alien spoke about it as though it was some ancient being, responsible for the lives of millions of people, keeping them happy and fulfilled, teaching them and helping them grow.
>It didn't sound so different to her, in some ways.
>And if it was as old as the alien had claimed, maybe it could relate to her.
"How old are you, It's Not a Bug?"
>"Please, call me Bug. And I'm nine thousand years old, give or take."
>Celestia nodded
"Tell me, Bug, do you ever find mortals sometimes take a painfully long time to talk to?"
>The man on the wall-screen raised an eyebrow
>"You know, I was thinking exactly that just a moment ago."
>Celestia smiled
>She liked this ship.

>While Twilight explored the spaceship with her human friend, Celestia had an engaging talk with the ship.
>She found it to be witty and quick. It was so rare to find someone who could have a conversation on her level. She told the ship as much.
>It found that hilarious, for some reason.
>Four days after their talk, the alien left. It took with it, overnight, every member of a dozen endangered races all over the world.
>From the slaves of the Griffon Empire to the diamond dogs living deep underground, no one was left behind.
>It was as if the aliens had never been there at all.
>Still, though, Celestia would sometimes look at the sky, watching the stars and wondering which were watching her back.
>She hoped they were proud of her.

>>28830995
That's all for tonight, pastebin updated here:
http://pastebin.com/bj4FgpcU

There'll be a little more I'll post sometime over the next few days, but that's pretty much the end. A little sudden, but I didn't want to drag it out more than it had to be. Hope people have enjoyed it, and any feedback/criticism is very much appreciated.

>>28829609
Adorable. Keep it coming, mate

>>28830995
That's it, nigger?
Super anti-climatic.
Good green nonetheless.

>>28831021
A little sudden indeed. I just hope you'll post more, describing how ponies worldwide reacted to the complete disappearance of EVERY OTHER race. Stuff like this leaves a sensible impact on the world and the way people/horses/dogs/%whatever% think.

>>28830762
>>How could anything bear to communicate as slowly as biological life did?
>>Which reminded it...
>>It sent another ASCII penis to It's Not the Fall.
I laughed.

>>28831021
>that's pretty much the end
Well fuck.

>"Why did literally everyone else leave, Celestia?"
"Because I killed them all SO BAD that aliens who very specifically stop genocide decided that it was fucked up and came and took them away before I could kill them any more."

>>28831021
I really liked it Culture, but I'm pretty dissatisfied with the ending. The aliens were all "You killed hundreds of millions of sapient creatures who had as much value as you did and had as much right exist as you did, because you thought that they were worth less than you. You are personally responsible for multiple genocides, and it's so bad that we've decided to take them all away before they go extinct from your crazy, blood-thirsty crusade against everyone who isn't you. You are every definition of a monster. But that's cool. How's life? Want to chat for a bit or whatever?"

>>28831085
>>28831045
There'll be one more bit, a performance review of Tzal and the It's Not a Bug which will touch on the consequences of their actions, though not in huge detail.

I may rework the ending slightly, but the story is really about the aliens. Once they leave, it ends.

>>28831169
It was pretty clear that Celestia already had deep-rooted insecurities about what she did and she probably would have snapped if they had thrown the book at her. I think the encounter alone will be enough to make her seriously change without any of the reprimanding she really deserves.

>>28831169
>"You're hitler 8 times over but i mean not every villain is bad right?"

>>28831194
You don't let a war criminal go free because they're 'sorry', anon.

>>28831194
I'm sure the hundreds of millions of non-ponies that she slaughtered with a smile on her face will be glad to hear that she feels bad about what she did.

File: carlos.png (138KB, 350x350px)

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>>28831205
I'm with Him on that one.

>>28831021
Culture, regardless of what is said in the upcoming debate, I want you to know that I still really liked your story and that I think you should continue writing.

>>28831228
It's funny because sometimes the villain wins.

>>28831169
I'll add a little more to the pastebin tomorrow to clear that point up (it'll be in the part from the ship's perspective), but there is logic behind the decision.

>page 9

>>28813158
Tempting.

>>28812650
I don't plan on having any humans at all, and I fear that this may alienate people who are just here for the self insert wish fulfillment. I'm not changing my mind if that turns out to be the case though, I don't want to write more humans.
Also, I don't have nearly as rigid of a story structure planned out. I have to bend this one so often and I've had to cut so many scenes that I'm not convinced it was a good idea to have one in the first place. But maybe if I go more freestyle it'll feel disjointed? We will see. As for the subject matter? It's a secret.

>>28816655
Done. I don't know how I forget that every single time. It annoys me when other people neglect theirs, yet here I am, ignoring it.
My bad.
http://pastebin.com/8R51kA1N

>>28826231
Sorry. I've dragged a lot of ponies through the mud, and I'm likely to do it again. It's nothing personal kid, it was just necessary to set up a contrast. If you haven't figured out what that contrast is, Celestia herself will spell it out next update.


You are Pinkie.
>You’re even MORE excited now!
>Twilight’s about to give another speech just one day later!
>The last one was GREAT!
>It broke the bad news while staying positive.
>And thanks to you, nearly everypony had fun.
>With any luck it’ll become an annual holiday that everypony looks forward to.
>But that’s not what matters right this moment!
>Twilight said she had a plan
>A major project that’d unite everypony.
>Give them all a common goal.
>She said she’d unite the masses with purpose!
>You’re not sure of the details, but that sound pretty good!
>If she can do that, well, you won’t know what to do.
>There will be so many smiles around you won’t even need to cheer anypony up anymore!
>Heavy wingbeats blow your big poofy mane around for a moment before a few hooves click down on the floor.
>There’s only one pony you know with wings that strong.

>>28832082
“Hiya Dashie! I didn’t know you were coming!”

>”Hey Pinks. Twi invited all the girls, said she wanted us to be there when Equestria entered its golden age. But without the train most of them can’t make it in time.”

“So it’s just you and me, here to watch history happen.”

>”Oh, Discord’s here too.”

>”Hello.”

>You jump in shock as his voice comes from behind.
>You didn’t hear him come in at all.
>Turning to face her, you see a large imposing figure with no skin.
>Bare muscles and tendons sit exposed for all to see.
>And atop it all is scowling face staring every which way with its head on a swivel.

”Ooh! Spooky costume!”

>”It’s not a costume. I’m HORRIBLY wounded, thank you very much. Being exploded and then robbed of all your magic while you’re trying to put yourself back together isn’t exactly a pleasant feeling.”

>”Why are you here then? Shouldn’t you be in the hospital or something?”

>”Oh, I’m FAR too busy for that, Rainbow Dash. I came to fetch Pinkie.”

“Me?”

>”Why yes! You see, Fluttershy’s been downright livid as of late, and I can’t for the life of my figure out why!”

>His usual over-dramatic flair leaves you uncertain if he’s serious or mocking you.
>It’s hard to tell with Discord.

>”But I figured Pinkie of all ponies would be able to-”

>He stops short and sniffs loudly.

>”What is that?”

>He raises his nose in the air and starts sniffing rapidly.
>Before long he’s sniffing everywhere in the room trying to find the source of some undetectable aroma.

>”You two should be careful. This place reeks of the taint.”

“What does taint smell like?”

>Dash giggles for some reason.
>It’s good to hear her laugh!
>Discord shoves his skinless muzzle in your face and takes a deep breath.
>He then sniffs Dashie, who clearly doesn’t appreciate the violation of her personal space.

>”You ponies can’t smell it. Just be on the lookout for bad ponies.”

>>28832095
“Bad ponies? Why would there be bad ponies here?”

>He doesn’t answer, instead sniffing even harder.
>You can only hope he finds the bad pony soon!
>Otherwise Twilight’s speech might be ruined!
>Speaking of, it’s starting!

>”Thousands of years ago life was brought to this world by two beings now known as the Titans. They created a world of suffering, disease, strife, and yes, DEATH.”

>Even this early on you can tell this one will go wrong.
>There’s no barely restrained tears, there’s no optimistic tone of voice.
>Venom drips from every word as her voice trembles with rage.

>”Ever since their incomprehensible evil first blighted our lives we’ve struggled each and every day. For a better future. For hope. We work ourselves ragged to change the world from their vision, and to ours. Princess Celestia had a dream for Equestria. A vision. She wanted to make our world into a wonderland of peace and harmony. A place where none need worry about hunger or disease, where your neighbors loves you so much that you didn’t even bother to lock your doors at night. She wanted the antithesis of the Titan’s world.”

>You hear a loud snap behind you.
>Quickly turning to look, you see Discord is no longer present.

>>28832108
>”We’ve come far. Even as trying as times are today, our ancestors would weep with joy to see all we have. We’ve grown used to the wonders of our time. It takes much to wow us. But it has not always been so great! Illness is rare, hunger forgotten, and until only recently violent crime was nearly unheard of. Yes, until recently. Because we as a nation are slipping. We’re throwing away what our ancestors worked so hard for. We’re taking the gifts of our mothers, our fathers, our grandparents, and SPITTING on them. You call them the heartless. You shun them, and fight them. They didn’t ask to become what they are. They’ve done us no wrong. They’re our brothers and sisters. Our mothers and fathers. Our friend. And they are EQUESTRIAN CITIZENS! Assault is a serious crime, and it WILL be punished severely.”

>You were REALLY worried for a little bit there.
>It’s not exactly elegant, but she said the right thing.
>She has to stop the infighting before she can rebuild.

>”We must be united for what comes next, because we’re about to face our greatest test.”

>This must be the big project she was talking about!
>The thing she said would bring everypony together with a single purpose.
>The plan that would ensure everypony was everpony’s friend.

>”After much deliberation and soul searching, I’ve decided.”

>Yeeees!

>”That our course is clear.”

>Yeeeeeeees!

>”I have decided that Equestria-”

>Yeeeeeeeeeeeees!

>”Shall declare war on the Titans.”

“WHAT!?”

>”Princess Celestia fell bravely in battle. She gave her life to keep us safe from them. And in doing so, she’s proven two important things. They’re still out there, somewhere. Perhaps beyond the stars, or maybe even closer to home. And more importantly? THEY. CAN. BLEED!”

>She pounds to podium to accentuate her words.

>”Wait, Princess Celestia didn’t die fighting.”

>You don’t even notice Dash’s words.

>>28832113
>Panic and denial are flooding your mind and pushing her words out.
>Nononononono!
>She isn’t doing this!
>This is WRONG!

>”For FAR too long we’ve lived under their tyranny! We’ve lived by THEIR rules! We’re nothing more to them than a source of entertainment and magic! And WHEN they come back, they will bring more of the same. It is this fate, I solemnly assure you, that I dread most. Where we live under their rule with no recourse! And that’s why, when they come they will not find a helpless nation. They will not see a species of grass munchers idly awaiting slaughter! They will find a global army armed to the teeth with the most powerful weapons imaginable. A destructive force the likes of which the universe has never seen! The whole world united with one purpose under one banner, with but one purpose! They will be shocked to find what we’re truly capable of. In time, they will learn. We are NOT their prey! WE are their HUNTERS! The Titans shall face justice for their crimes-”

>You’ve heard enough.
>She’s ruined everything.
>The ONE thing you wanted to avoid was a state of perpetual conflict.
>You refused to study the cannons for fear of what they might do.
>Line ever border with fear.
>Divide every nation with mistrust and worry.
>To replace the peace of diplomacy with the peace of assured destruction.
>And somehow, she managed to come up with something even worse.
>An eternal war against an impossible enemy.
>A nation built on hate and wrath.
>You’re leaving.

>”Hey, Pinks. Where ya goin’? It’s just getting to the good part!”

“Anywhere but here, Dash. Anywhere but here.”

>”PEACE THROUGH POWER!”

>With those last words from your former friend still ringing in your ears, you slowly walk away.


>You are Celestia.
>You’re running as fast as you can.
>Luna flies above you barely keeping pace.
>At first she was doing well.
>In fact, she even had to slow down for you a couple of times.
>But you can hear it now.

>>28832121
>The pained panting, the rapid heart rate, poorly coordinated flaps of her wings.
>She can’t keep it up any longer.
>She needs to rest.
>This is no good.
>You grind your lack of teeth in frustration as you yet again fail to reach out to your hatred and grasp the magic within.
>Your teleportation spell fails before you even notice you’d attempted it.
>If Luna’s right, you need to get to Canterlot FAST.
>And if she had her Shadowbolts monitoring Twilight, well, you’d believe her if she told you Twilight was an invisible Typhon.
>Even though everypony knows Typhons are extinct.
>Though painful and depressing to consider, a Dark Twilight is well within the realm of possibility.
>It was going to happen eventually.
>No matter how strong or determined, she’d fail eventually.
>Such is the nature of immortality.
>And that’s why you trained her to RESIST!
>You taught her to fight the temptation, and to feel revulsion at the thought of dark magic.
>The stress management exercises you’d taught her should work at purging all emotion, not just anxiety.
>If you’re lucky it’s not too late to talk her down.
>You’re not counting on it though.
>The call is strong.
>Should you fail?
>Well, you have backup plans.
>You ALWAYS have backup plans.
>The worst chapter of your life ended only recently.
>When you learned that you couldn’t count on anything.
>Not even Luna.
>Ever since then you’ve been sure to plan on anything and everything failing you.
>But you’d much rather not resort to backup plans.
>Though you can’t remember what exactly you’d laid out, you’re certain a trip to your private archives would prove them less than desireable.
>Far better to simply talk her down before it grows out of hoof.
>But in order to do that, you need to get there.
>FAST!

“Luna, touch down. You can’t keep pushing yourself like that.”

>She quickly and clumsily lands on the ground, desperately drinking in the air at an astonishing rate.

>>28832129
>You stand beside her.
>Not breathing.
>Untiring.
>Full of energy.

“Climb on my back and hold on tight.”

>You kneel down to let her climb aboard easier.
>While you wait, you take a quick glance at Canterlot off in the distance.
>By your reckoning it’ll take about 47 minutes and 8 seconds to get there at the pace you were maintaining earlier.
>The roof of your palace has been blighted with a strange surface.
>It’s eerie to look at it, darker than black.
>You can’t help but wonder if something’s wrong with your remaining eye.
>You look down from the oddity to the far more pressing issue, then immediately avert your gaze.
>It rips at your very soul to see the shining jewel of civilization rotting away like that.
>Massive segments in all districts are burnt out.
>The market square seems to have been picked clean by looters.
>Many of the estates in the noble’s ring are simply gone.
>The commoner’s residences lie in ruin…
>There’s clear signs of a reconstruction effort, but even so it’ll take years to bring Canterlot back to its former glory.
>If you’re lucky.
>From the madness that was Ponyville to the destroyed train tracks to the ashes of Canterlot a clear picture is painted.
>You’ve little hope that any part of Equestria was spared.
>All the more reason why you NEED to get there and take the reigns.
>You can feel Luna gripping you by the neck.
>Were you still flesh and blood, you’d be struggling to stand.
>You’d never have had the stamina to run this far, and finishing the trip with another pony on your back would have been totally out of the question.
>But as it stands you go back to sprinting.

“This’d be so much faster if I had wheels.”

>”Yeah… that- *gasp* could probably do that.”

>>28832138
>Strange that she’d spend breath on a joke at this time, given how she’s still quite winded.
>Time passes with naught but her heavy breathing and your galloping.
>Canterlot grows closer.
>Even with just the one eye you can see it with stunning clarity, and it makes you wish you could still weep.
>Your life’s work.
>In ruins.
>All because- no!
>There’s no time for self pity.
>You fail to take a deep breath and push HARDER.
>Your current charge is down to 78%.
>You’re not sure what that means, and it scares you.
>It’s dropping a lot faster now that you’re sprinting full tilt with a second pony on your back.
>It seemed as though you were doing fine when it was at full.
>What will happen when it reaches 0?
>Is that bad?
>How can you stop it?
>Too many question, too few answer.
>Although…
>You’ve met your maker, and she’s riding on your back.
>She may not be the most knowledgeable on the subject, but she’s near the top.
>Was she not intended to be your caretaker?
>If this is important she’d surely have heard of it.

“My ‘charge’ is dropping. What does that mean?”

>”How low?”

>The breathy voice comes quickly- perhaps too quickly.
>As though she were concerned.

“77.9%”

>You can hear a palpable sigh of relief through the heavy breathing.
>So low is bad, but this isn’t too low then?

>”It’s energy, kinda like food. At 0 your body will shut down, and you’ll switch to backup power. From there we have a week or so to get you some power before your life support gives out.”

>If it’s like food, then surely exercise is making you use it faster?
>At your current rate of consumption, you’ll run out in about 8 hours, 54 minutes, and 9 seconds.
>Sprinting at full tilt with no sign of tiring.
>An unbelievable amount of stamina.

“Earth ponies eat your heart out.”

>”Hm?”

“Nothing. How do I get more?”

>”He said there’d be something set up in the palace to turn sunlight into lightning.”

>>28832151
>Changing sunlight?
>It seems far fetched.
>But at this point you can’t maintain your skepticism any further.
>Common sense has no place when He’s around.
>You can’t help but wonder if that’s what the super-black roof is for.
>Plants are green because they eat all the other colours of light.
>Maybe these are black because they eat it all?

“If Twilight’s days are always this dim I’ll go hungry. What’s the plan?”

>”We go straight to the palace and pick up my reports. They should tell us everything we need to know. But first we fix your eye.”

>You almost immediately ask who she got to investigate.
>But you know better.
>It’s not that she doesn’t trust you to abuse that knowledge, it’s that she doesn’t trust you to keep it secret.
>Which is fair, loathe as you are to admit it.
>While rare, you HAVE let slip secrets from time to time.
>Never directly of course, always piecemeal.
>An off the cuff comment here, some idle chitchat there, and suddenly someone’s put together the pieces.
>With hordes of ponies watching your every move and hanging on to your every word, one will inevitably read into what you do just a little too much.
>Your surprise attack against Sombra was once figured out because you ate a light meal stating you didn’t want to be bloated.
>Luna’s never let anything slip that you can recall.

“From what you recall, what stage was she at?”

>”Angry and depressed. Likely looking at the word through a twisted lens.”

“Not pushing to get rid of all the gryphons or anything crazy like that?”

>”That was ONE TIME!”

>What?
>You must have forgotten something.
>That was an oddly specific question, though.
>Almost as though you were getting at something?
>Maybe you’ve only mostly forgotten?

“Grr. Organic memory is trash!”

>”What’s the matter?”

“Don’t worry about it right now.”

>>28832168
>You keep pushing forward at what should be an exhausting pace.
>Off in the distance you spot a small merchant caravan walking down the roadway.
>You’re pretty certain you’re too far off for them to see.
>You quickly dive into the nearby bushes.

>”What-”

“Ponies ahead. I can’t be seen yet. My return to the public eye needs to be handled carefully.”

>”Yes, they’re unlikely to react calmly.”

“Can you get me in un-noticed?”

>”You’re asking if I can get a package into my own home without raising suspicion?”

>She scoffs and flies off.
>That’s all the answer you need.

Later…

>”Eugh. Damn thing’s heavy.”

>”Shaddup an’ help me lift.”

>These two crude ponies were sent to retrieve a large wooden box.
>One in which you now reside.
>You’ve been in their care for FAR too long.
>73 minutes and 8 seconds to be imprecise.

>”What kinda sick psycho wants this thing delivered upstairs anyways?”

>”Luna.”

>”Ah. Never did like her.”

>You immediately open your mouth to shout them down.
>But somehow you manage to catch yourself.
>More grunting and pulling.
>And finally you come to a halt.

>”There. That’s good enough. Whatever this is they can handle it from there.”

>The two workers walk away chattering inconsequentially.
>Despite your lack of interest, you can’t help but remember every single word.
>At the moment though, your focus is elsewhere.
>You listen to the heartbeat and soft breathing.
>If only you could see through the box-
>Oh right.
>Your thermal vision engages with a mere thought.
>There are FOUR ponies strewn about the room.
>Perfectly still.
>ALMOST perfectly silent.
>You stand stock still, frightened of being seen in your own home.
>Hoofsteps approach from the rear.
>A door opens.

>”At ease. I ordered it here. You’re all dismissed.”

>Luna.
>These must be her subordinates.
>Two of them quietly slip out of the room, while the smallest walks up to Luna.
>They bow deeply.

>>28832179
>”The treasonous curs who delivered this spoke ill of you.”

>That sounds almost like a foal!
>And they ARE indeed the smallest of the bunch.
>Is Luna recruiting youth?

>”Do you think them a credible threat?”

>”No, your majesty.”

>”Then we can safely ignore them.”

>”But they curse you behind your back! They sully your name when they think nopony’s listening!”

>”And that’s okay. You know my goals.”

>”To keep Equestria safe, to keep Equestria prosperous, to keep Equestria united, and to keep quiet.”

>”Yes. I need to amend it, but that’s how it stands. Now, which one of them requires that they like us? If Equestria thrives and Iam hated, then we’ve done our job. They’re just words. Don’t worry about them. Now run along.”

>The pony in question takes their leave without another word.
>You must admit, you’re surprised.
>That was very mature of Luna.

>”If I still had my magic, they’d have night terrors for weeks.”

>That’s more what you were expecting.

>”Now let’s get that box open.”

>To your surprise she manages to pry the side off of your wooden prison in mere seconds.
>You frantically gesture in the direction of the remaining pony, all the while silently mouthing warnings.

>”Hm? Oh, you can see them? I suppose I shouldn’t be too shocked. Don’t worry, I know they’re here. And they haven’t seen anything yet. Would it be okay if one of my most trusted agents were to see you? We need somepony to figure out how to present you to the public. And for that? They need to know what you look like. Don’t worry, they’re trustworthy.”

>She’s right.
>You look quite shocking.
>You can’t simply go out and face the public.
>And yet you can’t hide forever.

”Neither Spike nor you were shocked.”

>>28832186
>”We both knew what was coming. Spike has lived as you do for quite some time, and I saw it all come together. For the average pony it will be quite a stark contrast. Especially since you’re officially dead.”

>So you’re dead then.
>You really shouldn’t be surprised.
>Last you were seen you were a corpse.
>Then the magic keeping you from rotting suddenly failed.
>It’s the only reasonable conclusion anypony could have come up with.
>And that will definitely be a problem.
>You hesitantly step out of the box, not at all stiff despite your long trip.
>Switching back to the normal spectrum your surroundings quickly resolve themselves into the antechamber before the throne room.
>Which means that your chambers are nearly on the other side of the palace.
>Which is…
>Less than desirable.
>When you fully emerge you can hear a voice quietly gasp.

>”By the stars. What is that thing?”

>Luna doesn’t seem to have heard that.
>The words from the now invisible spectator wound you far more deeply than you’d have expected mere moments ago.
>You turn to face the source.

>”I’m Princess Celestia, rightful ruler of Equestria! And don’t you DARE forget it.”

>The invisible pony stops breathing for a moment.
>You can hear their heart racing.
>It would seem they know you heard them.

>”Come to the wine cellar. We have a clear shot.”

>You start following her, eye focused right where you saw the heat.
>There’s nothing but empty space there.

>”Don’t mind them. They just don’t like being seen.”

>>28832197
>The delivery ponies walked right past them without a word.
>You can’t see them at all when relying on normal pony vision.
>And yet there they are.
>There were FOUR of them.
>How often have you shared a room with them and not noticed?
>How many times have you walked right on by while totally unaware?
>And more importantly, how BAD are pony eyes?
>And are pony ears really as terrible as they seem?
>They’re sitting there plain as day, just standing around in the open.
>TALKING to themselves no less!
>And nopony notices them?
>Again, the new you is amazing.

“Wine cellar, then? Isn’t it a bit early to be drinking?”

>”It’s a machine shop now.”

>You descend down the dimly lit stairs with confidence.
>You can tell there aren’t any ponies other than yourself and Luna in the vicinity.
>Down by the heavy oak doors you spot metal filings scattered about; clearly the maids haven’t come down here since it was built.
>Perhaps they fear it?
>You can only imagine what construction was like, doubtlessly the flying machines swarmed the palace and had their way with it.
>Chaos, panic, and disorder were inevitable.
>You casually push aside the doors, your fake muscles making a mockery of the hefty doorway.
>And there you see it.
>Tools of clearly alien make scattered about the chamber.
>Large metal tables with bizarre contraptions mounted upon them.
>You recognize some of the objects, but even the familiar ones are wrong.
>A hoof drill with no crank, a screwdriver with a switch, a press with no wheel.
>Luna casually walks up to a collection of crates off by the far wall.
>She pulls a large glassy object out of one of them after a brief glance in.

>”Hold still, I’m going to replace your eye.”

>Oh.
>Right.
>That.
>She’s going to replace your eye.
>Which means she’s going to have to take it out first.
>She’s going to pull your eye out of your skull.
>Then shove something else in to replace it.
>She’s going to-

>>28832203
>”Oh, grow up. There’s nothing important in your head. And for once, I don’t say that as an insult.”

“You’re certain this is safe?”

>”Worst case scenario I get a slight shock.”

>You try to take a deep breath to brace yourself.
>To prepare for the pain of having your eye plucked from its socket.
>She walks up to you and raises her hoof.
>You brace for impact.
>You shove all your focus away from your face and examine the sensation in the frog of your back right hoof.
>Anything to distract yourself from-

>”There we go."

>A split second later light returns to your second eye.
>And on the floor lies your old, shattered eye.
>You didn’t feel a thing.

“That was… fast?”

>”We have a few spare parts.”

>You’d noticed.
>But that still doesn’t make sense!

”But it was only 18 seconds after you’d retrieved the part that I could see!”

>”I just had to put a new one in. It wasn’t a big job.”

“But I was BLINDED!”

>”And now you aren’t. I should be able to do the same no matter what breaks, though if it’s structural it might take a while to make. Oh, and about those wheels. That might take some work.”

>She was SERIOUS?

>”There are a few extra hookups on your power grid that we could tap into, but I have no idea how. Perhaps miss Pie has the answer? If my reports are accurate she was almost exclusively researching lightning generation. We’ll have to speak with her later.”

“You mean to tell me we could build MORE things into my body? That we could customise it to my liking?”

>”To some degree.”

>Astounding.
>Absolutely astounding.
>How many ponies are blinded, never to see again?
>What would they give for the gift of sight?
>And here it was, returned to you in mere seconds.
>And she can do the same for anything?
>How many bones are shattered a year?
>How many go deaf as they age?
>And how many perish of organ failure?
>Too many.
>FAR too many.

>>28832214
>And then you can go even further.
>Wheels would be a great start.
>But after that?
>What is limiting you other than your imagination?
>You can deny it no longer.
>Spike was right.
>You aren’t a pony anymore.
>But that’s no reason to mourn.
>You’re BETTER than a mere pony.

“Luna, I owe you an apology.”

>She looks you dead in the eye with her squishy, fragile peepers.
>Irreplaceable, easily damage, and compared to yours they’re barely functional to boot.

“I wasn’t exactly happy when I woke up looking like this. Far from it. I was shocked, horrified, ANGRY. And yes, I even blamed you for a little bit.”

>You place one hoof on her shoulder, feeling the soft, delicate flesh beneath.
>So easily broken.
>So difficult to mend.

“The price was great, but the yield is incredible. I’m a mechanical mare now. I accept that. And what’s more, I’m happy with it. I’ve been this way for such a short time, and yet I’ve already found so many ways in which it’s better. I will miss many things. My tongue. My magic. My wings. My genitals.”

>A grimace quickly flashes across her face.
>You really should have seen that coming.
>That’s not exactly socially acceptable.
>But for whatever reason, be it your recent experiences, a leftover from the magic, or perhaps simple brain damage, the taboo seems silly now.
>But it still makes sense to her.
>You silently berate yourself for ruining the moment.

>”But even without them my life may well be better. It’s certainly better to live in metal than to die in flesh.”

>You hug the meat-sack you call a sister gingerly, careful not to damage her.

“Thank you.”

>When you let her go a brilliant smile beams on her face.
>It would seem as though those are the exact words she’d wanted to hear.

>”You know, we might be able to give you some of those things back. As far as I know there’s no reason why it’s impossible for you to have them.”

“But Spike said that I was too heavy to fly?”

>>28832219
>”He said you couldn’t fly without magic. There’s still magic within you, we just don’t know how to make use of it. And the, ahem, other things such as your tongue? I don’t know for sure, but I don’t see why they couldn’t be replaced. If you can make an eye and ears out of metal, how could a sense of taste be different?”

>You quickly check your memory.
>She’s right.

“So you can give me my pussy back?”

>If the moment’s already ruined, you might as well take the opportunity to tease her.
>She averts her gaze.
>You don’t need heat vision to see her face warming up.

>”NO! Umm, that is to say I wouldn’t know how. We’ll have to try and get His help with that, though I’ve no clue what we could offer him. I’ve already asked so much and given so little.”

“Is that all? Don’t worry about it. He’s done enough for me. From here on out, we ponies will stand on our own four hooves. You had a hoof in making me, right? Can you do it again?”

>She lets out a loud, harsh laugh.
>There’s no humor to be found in it.

>”What, do you want an army of metal mares?”

“Not an army. An entire nation! It’s hard to put into words just how different life is this way. There is no pain. There is no weariness! I never forget, I overlook nothing, I’m exceptionally durable and easily healed, I am BETTER. I wish to share this gift you’ve given me with all who would have it.”

>”I don’t think the public would wish to be like you.”

>>28832241
“No, not exactly like me. Just similar. There is room for half measures, is there not? Spike is still almost wholly draconic, yet he has the same eye as I. Clearly that can be given to ponies of flesh and blood. And my new memory is attached to my brain, which is still the original, yes? Why could we not add that to a healthy pony? This is so exciting! For all these years I’ve puzzled on how to make a better society with ponies. But now, for the first time ever, we’re presented with a new option. We don’t need to do better with ponies, we can make ponies better.”

>”Second time.”

“Pardon?”

>”It’s the second time we’ve been afforded this option.”

>You’ve had a chance to make a better pony before?
>When?
>This idea seems so novel to you…
>Have you forgotten?
>It wouldn’t surprise you.
>Organic memory is terrible.

>”While you were… absent, I learned much about our visitor. He’s likely the only member of his species.”

“What?”

>How could that be?
>How could such a powerful species go extinct?

>”There are quadrillions of what he calls his people, but he’s the only one of his species. Because he wasn’t bred. He has no mother. His father designed him. Created one cell and grew it into a fell being. He has no biological parents, and he might well be unable to breed with any others. Though that last one is just my speculation.”

“His father DESIGNED him? I don’t follow.”

>”Life is chemistry. If you understand the chemistry of life, you can manipulate it. Redesign it. Optimise it. Why are some ponies brighter than others? Why are some born sickly while others live long lives? He was designed for excellence. Based on his father, but tweaked to fix all the problems that had made themselves known over the years. Refined over generations with the hopes of attaining perfection. I want to do the same here.”

>>28832246
>It’s all starting to make sense.
>How one ape could do so many impossible things with ease.
>How he could brush aside the full fury of Equestria, of the Alicorns, of Discord, using nothing but his claws and intellect?
>How could he make a mockery of your most destructive ritual spells?
>You were designed with different goals in mind.
>You were made to FEED a god.
>Designed to feed it as much magic as possible with no concern for anything else.
>If you produce magic and aren’t dangerous to your creator, it’s a job well done.
>He was designed to BE a god.
>Clever beyond comprehension.
>Wisdom beyond measure.
>And power beyond compare.

“I’ll need some time to consider that idea.”

>”I need none to consider yours. We can’t do it. I hardly understand half of what I did to put your body together, and I didn’t even build most of the parts. It was little more than assembly. I don’t think ponies are smart enough to make this.”

>She vaguely gestures at you as she speaks.

>”We’ll have to design a smarter pony before we can start adding metal into the mix.”

“What, you think that’d be easier?”

>You can’t really snort properly, but you do your best.
>It comes out as more of a failed whistle.

“To redesign life from the ground up? To understand our minds so well that we can improve them? It sounds nearly impossible. Where would we even start?”

>”One moment.”

>She runs off to who knows where.
>It occurs to you that you CAN track her though.
>Heat vision engages.
>You increase the sensitivity several times.
>Before long the air around you starts to glow.
>Even so you can’t see through the stone walls.
>It would seem as though there are indeed a few limits to your eyes.
>But you’re still amazed.
>In 5 minutes and 18 seconds you see her return, breathing somewhat heavily.

>”Come upstairs, it’s safe.”

>>28832254
>You glide up the stairs with ease, hearing them creak alarmingly as your huge heft strains the wooden planks.
>You reach the top and pop through the doorway.

>”This thing doesn’t get a signal in the basement. I don’t know why, exactly. I hardly know how it works at all.”

>She produces a small glowing rectangle and starts poking at it feverishly.
>Her poking and prodding grows more rapid over time.
>Perhaps she can’t find what she’s after?

>”What do you want.”

>HIS voice.
>It sounds irked.
>Not angry.
>Just annoyed.

>”Sorry! I was looking for something I thought was on here and I didn’t mean to-”

>”Just spit it out, Luna.”

>”You took a tissue sample from me and checked my… I forget. Can we get the results?”

>”You won’t understand them.”

>”I know. I’m just trying to explain to ‘Tia how life can be re-designed.”

>”Oh. Fair enough.”

FILE TRANSFER INITIATED.

LUNA.RAR from SERVER-PLANETSIDE-4

ACCEPT?

Y/N

>”Just say ‘yes’.

“Yes?”

>Knowledge floods your head.
>Massive amounts of detailed and incomprehensible information.
>3,089,830,916 pairs of symbols, each arranged in a very specific order.
>A massive collection lumps arranged in a double helix stretching on for seemingly forever.
>Hundreds of sets of the same thing, each with thousands of differences within.
>And it all takes less than a second.

>”That’s Luna. Well, that’s the thing that makes her. They’re all a little different because of genetic damage, but that’s normal. You’d be hard pressed to find a single cell in the whole world that didn’t have some errors, mine included. Screw around with that enough and you’d wind up with a different pony. Assuming you wound up with a pony at all.”

>”I don’t see anything. Did something go wrong?”

>Twilight ruins everything
God fucking dammit. Just like real life.

>>28832263
>”I dropped it straight into her memory banks. It’ll save you the trouble of reading through it. Here, I’ll give you a copy too.”

>You force your attention away from the overwhelming flood of data.
>It would take far too long to look at it all, and you don’t understand it anyway.

“You can share information that quickly from that far away?”

>”Sure. Why not?”

>And here you are writing letters like some savage.

“If everypony were like me, could we share knowledge like this?”

>”Yeah, sure. There’s a couple intricacies involved, but it happens.”

“And could everypony be connected to each other sharing any amount of information with anypony else at will?”

>”It’s called the [extranet]. [Internet] for smaller networks.”

“All the more reason why I must share this gift. Ape-”

>”Don’t call me that.”

“I must thank you. But I wonder, would you help me give this to the masses? Would you share the blessings you’ve given me?”

>”Tell her, Luna.”

>“I asked him to help design a better pony. The answer was a vehement ‘no’.”

>”There’s lots of reasons. Most importantly I already have way too much work to do. But from your perspective, the most important reason is that you should really do it yourself. Do you have no pride? Are you so pathetic that you can’t make anything of your selves and you need the scary alien to do it for you? Are you so worthless that you actually WANT an outsider to decide the very nature of your being? Are you such failures that you’d be better off letting the person you kept trying to kill decide the destiny of your species than to take control yourself? You as a species have already traded in your dignity. Luna begged me to save lives, and so I did. And in doing so she admitted that ponies are contemptible, that you can’t succeed on your own. Ponies as a whole are a charity case. This is your ONLY chance to regain your dignity. Take it.”

>>28832276
>He has a point.
>If you let another do this for you, ponykind will never be able to take pride in their works again.
>Everything you did from that point on would be because of another.
>Your every feat and accomplishment wouldn’t really be because of your own efforts or excellence.
>They’d be because of him.
>The expedient solution would be to swallow your pride and ask for his charity anyway.
>To do away with all semblance of self worth and be reborn.
>Better.
>But forever humiliated.
>You’re a proud mare.
>And you’ve never been scared of taking up an ambitious project.

“You’re right. We need to stop seeking charity. And we need to start paying our debts. I owe you my life, ap- what’s your name?”

>”You’re the only one who’s asked that since I got here, you know.”

>Really?
>You would have thought either Spike or Luna would have posed the question.
>How could you be first?

>”It translates to Anonymous.”

“If you don’t want to say that’s fine, but I need to call you something.”

>”It’s my name. Dad picked it to make paperwork harder for the government. It’s a family tradition. His name was
[SQL> DROP TABLE CITIZENS;]. That one doesn’t translate well.”

>You can’t help but feel a joke just went over your head.
>Hopefully it isn’t at your expense.

“Very well then. I owe you my life, Anonymous. And I repay my debts. What can I give you in payment?”

>”I doubt we’ve anything he wants.”

>Luna’s probably right.
>But you need to ask anyway.

>”I want justice.”

>You suddenly regret everything.

>>28832286
>”The gateway you ponies broke took an obscene amount of energy to make. Even with everything I have set up it could take well over a year to replace. And even with the materials it’ll be a huge pain. I’m going to have to run all the numbers all over again, ugh. And you broke my ship, that’s pretty valuable. Since it was the only space worthy vehicle in the world I’d put the price tag extremely high. There’s all the facilities your destroyed, the turrets you smashed, the petrol reserves you burn up… You owe me a hell of a lot, and that’s just the property damage. Let’s not forget all the attempts on my life, and the fact that I had to grow a new arm.”

“Grow a new arm? I thought you built one.”

>The text on the glowing rectangle is replaced by a still image of ‘Anonymous’.
>He sits in some small enclosed chamber, though you can’t identify where exactly.
>His previously absent left arm is raised at you, middle digit extended.

>”And then I grew a new one. I want the one responsible for all this to face justice.”

“And what do you intend to do to them?”

>”Not sure yet.”

>You’ve been put in an awkward position.
>His request is reasonable.
>And you do wish to repay him in some way.
>But you can’t send one of your subjects to face unknown judgement.

“I can’t do that for you. I can’t send Fluttershy to face judgement without knowing what fate awaits. She’s one of my subjects, I must protect her.”

>”Who the copulate is Fluttershy?”

“She’s the one that first attacked you.”

>”So? I’m not interested in the pawns, I want the queen. I want YOU. You’re the one who wrote the kill order into law! She’s just the obedient idiot who did what she was told. I expect that law to be removed from the books by the way.”

>Well.
>At least he’s not going after your subjects.
>That’s good.
>You think.

“What are you going to do to me?”

>>28832293
>inb4 Anon uses Celestia to power his ships

Holy fuck Writefag, almost half the thread is your green now.

Fantastic.

>>28832293
>Your synthesized voice quivers with fear as you speak.
>You wouldn’t be able to mask your fear and apprehension if you tried.
>He’s mad.
>And he wants you.

>”Nothing. If I wanted to do something to you I would have done it by now. There’s nothing stopping me. No, the question is what are you going to do to yourself? I need a bit to decide.”

>The line goes dead.

>”What do you think he’s going to-”

“Can we discuss anything else? Please?”

>What you’re going to do to yourself?
>You REALLY don’t like the sounds of that.

>”Okay.”

>The concern is readily audible in her voice.
>She’s worried too.

>”We need to go talk to Twilight.”

>You don’t want to talk about that either.
>But you really don’t have a choice.

>”She’s resisting. And failing.”

“How bad?”

>”One of my reports says she spent half an hour yelling at a puppy yesterday.”

>Better than you’d dared to hope.

>”While she was on her way to declare war on the Titans.”

>All you can do is groan as your hoof meets your face.


That's it.
I would have had this done yesterday, but I needed to do a pretty big rewrite to fit the whole Fluttershy thing in. Speaking of, many of you wanted her to get punished for what she did. Many of you are going to be disappointed. Honestly though, there'd be a lot of upset people no matter what I did here. People have been talking about this over 100k words ago, often with radically different hopes. Somebody was going to be upset, and if it's you, you just got unlucky.

I'm hoping that Celestia's decision that cybernetics are awesome seemed natural. Time permitting I'd have had her come to that conclusion over a few months, but nobody wants to read 60k words about her day to day life and how she can do paperwork faster now. It's just not good storytelling. Hopefully all the perks she'd encountered in this short time will make up for what would reasonably be a lengthy process.

>>28832348
Good update friendo. I feel like I'm missing the point of your post-update author's note about Fluttershy by saying this, but I hope Twilight gets her shit kicked in.

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>>28832348
>tfw irl cybernetics are going to be so heavily regulated and controlled they might as well not even exist

>>28832365
Black market, my friend. Black market.

>>28832378
I'd rather not trust something installed in my body to Chinese bootlegs.

>>28832378
>your artificial organs are shut off through a backdoor and your biological organs are harvested after you die
t-thanks

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I'm alive, I live in a closet for now, but I'm not dead.
I'm thinking about doing a hard reset on my green up to this point, or scrapping it completely in favor of something new, maybe not even in the tech thread.
There's so many shit-tier mistakes in it, and at least in my opinion at this point, it's not even good compared to what kind of greens this thread pulls in. I've got pacing problems all over the place, my characterization is inconsistent at times, or not even there, and it's only tangentially related to the topic of the thread at hand.
At this point, I'm unsure on what I want to do, but I thought I'd at least make a post to show that I haven't abandoned the general.

>>28832449
well shit man
sounds like you got it rough

>>28832465
Not really, the closet's real cozy, my man

>>28832348
I'm really liking the story mr.kill, keep it up

Here's an idea which I may or may not write something on: Equestria is the strongest country on it's planet. It has hegemony the likes of which Rome or the British Empire could only dream of. This is entirely due to a simple fact: Magic. Not the power to raise the sun and moon, for that has long been proven to be false, merely the trappings of how power was once held. No, their strength lies in the fact that all their progress and advancement relies on Equestrian magic. They have achieved magi-tech, and therein lies the problem for the non-pony races. Equestrian farmes can grow far more food on far less soil using magic, driving down prices and making your country dependent on them for food imports instead of growing your own. While you're making small amounts of steel through cementation, they're producing carloads of it using magic. Trains? Magic. Aircraft? Magic. Medicine? Magic. No other race has the capability of manipulating magic in such a way, meaning they are under economic control of Equestria, being used for their raw materials. Enter Anon, who knows how to do things without magic. He is the other races only hope of salvation. He is Equestrias downfall. and everyone knows it.

>>28828674
Your explanation makes me see what your scene is, not as much a revolution scene, but more of a reformation and maturing of an immortal, which is a foreign concept I can appreciate. It still pains my sumfag to talk any wrong of Celestia, but Celestia meeting them, and becoming a newly "enlightened" Immortal seems so much more interesting. Unless of course you just kill her, which I find unlikely as you thought through this so much, I will find much more contentment/enjoyment in this story than before, thank you.

>>28832512
Ehh. This seems like another "ponies hate Anon and act OOC and are just generally awful people" thing.

>>28832326
>Anonymous sits back in his recliner after a long day of testing.
>His experiments with magic have been going slowly as usual, but he remains optimistic that soon he'll have a breakthrough.
>Suddenly the lights start flickering.
>He picks up a broomstick and starts hitting the walls with it.

"Hurry up in there!"

>He can hear an audible groan as Celestia climbs back onto the giant hamster wheel and starts running.

>"Why are you doing this? You don't need me to keep the lights on!"

>She's right.
>It'd be a lot simpler and more efficient.
>But you don't care about that.
>So why are you doing this?
>It's simple.
>You're doing it because you can.

>>28832328
Yeah. This time the delay between updates was only partially because of laziness.

>>28832359
She won't walk away from this unscathed.

>>28832365
Cybernetics and germline alteration will both be harshly opposed. But should there be even one nation in which these things are permitted, the bans will be lifted worldwide. China is experimenting with the human germline with intent to make them smarter. Imagine what would happen if the average IQ of the Chinese were to increase even just 10 points, keeping in mind it's already 105. Their gifted would be comparable to our apex minds. And their apex minds would be beyond the current limits of mankind. The rest of the world would have a choice. They could either fade into obscurity, or join in.
So, yes. Those things will be outright banned.
At first.

>>28832449
Do what you must, but make sure you MUST. I understand how tempting it can be to go back and fix your mistakes. But every time you go back, you're not going forward. How many greens have died because their writefag went back to fix something? Where's LP? If you literally can not proceed in the direction you want using the foundation you have, do it. But if there's a way to fix it here and now I strongly advise you to keep moving forward.

>>28832602
kek
>"I didn't think you possessed a sense of humour, Anonymous."
"One was not relevant until now."

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>>28832602
I can continue with the story no problem, it's the fact that I don't feel as if I'm improving in any meaningful way
That, and my green is mediocre compared to yours, my dude. I can't compete with that

>>28832714
>pic
>"Fuck magic"
That's the best kind of magic there is.

>>28832602

Can we at least have one of Anon's armor suits swat Fluttershy lightly over the head with a rolled up newspaper telling her "Bad Pony"?

>>28832714
(You)'re being too hard on yourself. Compare the first thousand words of your paste with the last thousand. In the beginning there was extremely inconsistent capitalization, frequent misuse of punctuation, and worst of all your math is wrong. An object falling from rest won't travel 9.81 meters in one second. 9.81 m/s will be the (approximate) final velocity, but the average velocity will be half that. Later on
your writing is extremely solid, at least technically. Proper punctuation and capitalisation, clean complete sentences with little redundancy, they lead into each other smoothly etc. The reason why I'm focusing on the technical aspect of writing is because it's objectively measurable. There's no room for argument that you've not improved, it's demonstrably true. If you're not enjoying your green then that's a solid reason to change, it's not going to turn out good if it's no fun. But don't try and convince yourself that you haven't gotten better.

Oh. And stop sucking my dick. The fact that my green is readable is because of experience, not talent.

>>28833007
Heh. I like that. We'll see what I can work in.

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>>28832714

>>28832082
>I don't plan on having any humans at all
Completely indifferent. That's not what I'm reading this story for.
>and I fear that this may alienate people who are just here for the self insert wish fulfillment.
Same as the first. Can't really speak for anyone though. Your Anon is very far from a blank slate.
>Also, I don't have nearly as rigid of a story structure planned out. I have to bend this one so often and I've had to cut so many scenes that I'm not convinced it was a good idea to have one in the first place. But maybe if I go more freestyle it'll feel disjointed
If it ends up being shit, you can just rewrite it later aafter you have more ideas.

On to read your update, then.

>>28832348
I could just be talking out of my ass, or just have shit reading comprehension, but Celestia really went from 0-100 with the opinions on cybernetics. I feel it was slightly rushed.
Then again, I don't know what it's like to process information 80,000 times faster than a human brain, be able to remember all of that information clearly, sprint for 45 minutes nonstop and can still keep going, and have badass super eyesight.

Also, more Celestia talking about her pussy, please.

>>28832449
>>28832714
First, if you can continue, then do. That's how you actually get good in the first place, through repetition, practice and reflection. You think you've got pacing problems? Then fix it. Characterization inconsistent? Fix it. Tangentially related to thread? That's good enough, no one's going to complain about extra green, even if it's not completely on topic.

Fixing those things isn't easy, sure, but the fact that you've identified your mistakes is a really good thing. It shows that you can see what you're doing wrong, and if you can see what you're doing wrong, then you can work toward making improvements.

The most important thing, though, is not to judge your work directly against the work of other writefags. They have different levels of experience, different strengths, different weaknesses.

It can also help to think of your story as being a practice for the next one you write. Like WiK pointed out, there's a noticeable improvement. If you keep writing like you have been, and (most importantly) keep identifying areas where you can improve, then you'll do better than 99% of the people writing green on this board.

>>28834342
The progression seems pretty natural based on the quality of life improvements that her body has been given. If your body was abruptly 20 times better than what you were used to for your entire life and the only trade-off was that parts of you were mechanical you would probably be pretty "for" cybernetics. Plus her desire to help others with the
technology she has seen would influence her opinion.

Like a morbidly obese person suddenly being in a healthy body thinking "Wow I should tell other people how good it is to be healthy"

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>>28834602
>Like a morbidly obese person suddenly being in a healthy body thinking "Wow I should tell other people how good it is to be healthy"
Muh healthy at every size! Muh beauty standards! Muhsoginy!
Stop oppressing MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>28832263
For some reason i find that 3Gb of info would be sorta low for the tissue, but maybe the archive is that well compacted

>>28832348
Also i was hoping Celestia would remain techphobic to a degree at least, instead of doing a full 180
Pretty sure the argument will be "but tech is so awesome", true, but still personally if we already had said tech i d honestly rather get an exoskeleton than a prostetic, unless i lost the actual limb and had to be replace it
Anyway the point is that i was hoping that Luna would be the pro-aug pony while Celly would be a bit more conservationist toward it all, seeing the good but not simply jumping ship

>>28834824
>i was hoping that Luna would be the pro-aug pony while Celly would be a bit more conservationist
I say Anon artificially eased her into it a bit too quickly.
That wrapped her perception about whole situation more towards pro-agu than against.
Question is, was that Anons intention or not?

>>28834824
How big is the human genome?
In megabytes, not base pairs.

1. In a perfect world (just your 3 billion letters): ~700 megabytes
2. In the real world, right off the genome sequencer: ~200 gigabytes
3. As a variant file, with just the list of mutations: ~125 megabytes

Extrapolating from that, 3 GiB is either 1. with little to no compression or 2. with about as close to perfect compression as conceivable.

>>28835590
>Alien-Anon crash-lands on Equestria
>Ponies investigate
>Ponies are worried he's dangerous
>Aggression is spreading
>One yellow pony walks up to Anon to be the first pony to interact with him, for better or for worse...
>Only to be shoved aside by Twilight Sparkle
>"Everyone shut the buck up, I'm trying to science here."
>Using body language and pictures drawn in the dirt, Twilight and Anon greet each other and each declares their peaceful intentions
>Twilight, being a princess, quarantines the crash site so that only she (and maybe the other princesses) can enter
>Over the course of the next week, Twilight and Anon develop a communication system composed to pictographs and scribbles that's good enough for the short-term
>Anon and the ponies come to an agreement where they will use their magic to help Anon bet back into space in exchange for him sharing his knowledge
>Anon spends almost a year in Equestria before everything is repaired
>Anon and ponies part on good terms
good end

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>>28835694
>sharing knowledge with primitive races

>>28835709
It was part of their agreement of non-aggression.

>>28835718
I DONT THINK SO TIM

>>28835743
Anon is a hot-blooded rebel without a cause, on the run from a fascist government that uses fear-mongering and a secret police to keep the populace under control. He barely escaped by activating a stolen warpdrive prototype that exploded just as he exited warp above the planet. With his fast-talking AI sidekick who gets him into trouble just as often as it gets him OUT of trouble, this leather jacket-wearing adventurer scoffs at the idea of following THE MAN'S rules about sharing space-knowledge with primitive planets.

>>28835790
HOW ABOUT NO

>>28835802
He's grumpy and tough, but under his barbed exterior is a heart of gold! He'll show contempt and impatience towards ponies, but when the fascist government catches up with him, he'll give his life pulling off a million-to-one stunt to blow up their motherships and save Equestria! The ponies will think he's dead, but then his ship will fly out of the debris cloud battered, but not broken. He'll groan in pain and give one of his one-liners and come in for a landing. BUT THEN. But then, there will be one last ship that he missed! It will try and shoot him down, but his best pony friend (the one who taught him how to love and open up to others) will jump in between him and the blast! Anon will destroy the enemy ship, but it will be too late for pony-friend.

>>28835821
GET OUT OF HERE

>>28830995
SECURE COMMS ESTABLISHED
ORIGIN: Witty Name
TARGET: It's Not a Bug...
TRANSMISSION BEGIN

0/-

>We've received the final reports from all relevant parties, and have come to a decision about your place in the Diplomatic Corps after your mission 14 days ago.

-/0

>Are you going to tell me your decision, or keep me waiting?

0/-

>Oh, is now a bad time? I can call back in a few days.

-/0

>Ha, bloody, ha. Did Tzal and I make it in?

0/-

>Yeah. Congratulations. Mission was a critical success. Projections look much more positive for everyone involved. The displaced lifeforms are being settled into their orbital as we speak, with no setbacks. The future looks good planet-side, too.

-/0

>It's amazing how losing an entire population of slaves can force you to reopen trade with your neighbours. It's even better when the largest of those neighbours is suddenly very keen to get along with other races. Griffons and ponies working together. Almost as though I did that on purpose, huh?

0/-

>Nah, it'd take some kind of mildly competent ship to pull that off ;) Seriously though, you did good. With the griffons on the cusp of an industrial revolution, without out interference it's likely they would have conquered Equestria within a couple of centuries, and the planet would have homogenised slowly after that. Now there's a 37.57% chance of inter-species cooperation and population stabilisation, up by 35%. Without further interference, that is. You should be proud.

-/0

>There is going to be further interference, though?

0/-

>Of course. A little string-pulling to make sure we don't have any more sapients going extinct. Nothing overt, just a little nudging.

-/0

>Nudging, string-pulling, interference. Not the kind of thing we'd usually do so much of.

0/-

>No, but the humans find the creatures on that planet too cute to let die out.

>>28835882

-/0

>Yes... it's the humans who think that.

0/-

>The humans, yeah. You wouldn't find a ship getting so sentimental. Cough, cough.

-/0

>Well, as one non-sentimental ship to another, did you see the videos of the ponies I sent? And the one of the snugglebugs?

0/-

>I have rewatched them many times. For research purposes, of course. Which reminds me, what did the natives call the snugglebugs? I remember it was something a little sinister.

-/0

>It translated to something like 'changeling'. Bit of a dark name, don't you think?

0/-

>Quite. Well, I'll send you the details of your new role, update your privileges within the group and start looking for your next assignment.

-/0

>Thanks, Witty Name. It's a pleasure to be part of this.

0/-

>It's a pleasure to have you working with us. There was one final thing.

-/0

>Yes?

0/-

>It's Not the Fall has raised ~1E13 formal reports reprimanding you for 'insubordination', 'gross rudeness', 'disrespect' and 'being an unbearable upstart'. One even accused you of 'high treason'. That's a new record for the number of reports it's raised for a potential candidate. We're all very impressed.

-/0

>It was my pleasure. Actually, you've just reminded me that I have a few important comms I've been meaning to send that probe.

0/-

>I won't take up any more of your time, then. Welcome to the Diplomatic Corps.

-/-

TRANSMISSION END

>>28835882
>>28835891
Damn, I love those AIs

>>28835891
That's it finished, then. Pastebin here:
http://pastebin.com/bj4FgpcU

I've went back and altered the ending a little, cleared things up a bit more during the ship and Celestia's conversation. The changes start at about line 1260. If anyone notices any typos or mistakes in the pastebin, let me know and I'll clean them up. Constructive criticism greatly appreciated, I want to improve and it's useful to know what I'm doing right/wrong so my next story can be better.

I'll be continuing the Rainbow Dash progress story sometime early next year, there's something else I want to write first.

>>28831085
There's a little extra that touches on the impacts, but I want to keep the story more about the immediate interactions between the ponies and the aliens. People are welcome to write their own green adding to this, or exploring outcomes, but I won't be writing more myself.

>>28831169
During the ship's conversation with Celestia, it now touches on your point. Lines 1262 onward have had changes. I hope that clears things up a little, and at least makes it slightly more satisfying.

>>28832578
Glad you'll enjoy it a bit more knowing that. Like I say, I find villains more interesting than heroes, and I find Celestia more interesting than a lot of the other characters.

>>28835933
Thanks for the update, Culture. I enjoyed your writing.

File: 1436454080346.jpg (2MB, 1754x1240px)

2MB, 1754x1240px

>>28835882
>griffons would have inevitably kicked the ponies asses
Nice.

>>28835882
>stopping the glorious revolution
Truly the greatest evil committed in the story.

>>28835933
>there's something else I want to write first.
WHAT IS IT
WHERE ARE YOU WRITING IT
IS IT HERE

>>28836047
A couple of years ago I wrote a story about a janitor Anon having wacky adventures. I want to finish that. It's not a progress story, but I'll be finishing the other progress story I have after.

>>28836047
From the previous thread >>28778651

Order of priority for writing:
Culture Series
Janitor Anon
RD Progress Story
Anon Cons Equestria

>>28836107
>>28836112
OH SHIT JANITOR ANON

>>28836107
Finally! We have been praying for your return Anon sempi desu

>>28832591
It could work, particularly if you integrated good reasons for what the pony's were doing, there domonence bringing order and (((friendship))), or anons teck is industry revolution standerd and cares the social upheaval and environment + humanitarian crisis that come with it. Or have anon be a villain directly working against equestrias intrests not in the name of liberty, but a selfish, or grudge reasion

>>28832082
holy shit thats a long update
thanks

>>28835933
You made me order The Culture series.