BIRD PONIES 7: CLOSE ENOUGH FOR GOVERNMENT WORK

Starting a thread with a bump?
That shouldn't fly.

We alive?

anyone here bird watch?

>>28500632
>Flutterharpy

Okay, why do I find this hot?

>>28504828
You probably have a drumstick fetish.

>>28504828
It's probably the hips that do it.

>>28505752
Also, this.

>>28500632
Is that a Grim Fandango reference?

>>28501198
We went 6 threads and 3000 posts.

There's life in the old birb yet.

>>28500632
I want a pet flect pone.

>ponies and Anon are talking about nostalgia and happy times of the past one day
>Anon mentions turducken in passing without really thinking about it
>ponies press him about it, but he thinks the description would scar them for life and he does his best to explain it without mentioning that it's a food or that it's birds stuffed inside other birds
>next Hearthswarming Eve, he wakes to find a pegasus snoozing in front of his fireplace
>there's a a smaller type of bird pony nestled down sleeping on her back
>and then a breezie on the birb, and a flect on the breezie
>they wake up and the stack begins singing holiday carols to him Acapella-style, sort of like a series of glasses with different amounts of water to change the pitch

>>28507261

there is no amount of d'awww in any human language to approximate the level in this post.

I will humbly submit the only possible add-on:

>the next morning, the snoozing pile is back
>At the bottom of the head, however, is princess Celestia herself, doing a damned good approximation of a swan.
>Complete with huge eyes.
>More caroling ensues, followed by booze and cake for breakfast.
>Drunken neighborhood antics ensue
>A good time is had by all.

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Have an alicorn Peep!

>Interspecies conference on...things.
>You, Anon, are the token human.
>There's some minotaurs there, and some griffons. A chimp. He's kind of an asshole.
>A dragon or two. A wvern, some yeti, because yeti are a thing here.
>You spend an enjoyable hour trading amusing anecdotes with a sasquatch who looks a lot like MST3k's Bobo. Even sounds like him, too.
>A yak, who gets drunk and gets thrown out when he punches said sasquatch in face for no sane reason.
>And then...there are the ponies.
>oh God in heaven, the ponies.
>There's all three of the pony types you've already met.
>And then there's the little rainbow-colored things that they call flutter ponies
>Moth and butterfly ponies all over.
>bat ponies, bat ponies everywhere.
>Zebras, who are basically ponies with stripes, and you've already met Zecora, and you SWEAR she drops the accent and rhymes when she's talking to other zebras.
>Giraffes, who are...ponies with long necks.
>Sea ponies, in special wheelchair-aquarium things.
>There's at least one Siren, who's basically...a serpent-pony. With lots of teeth.
>Speaking of which, there's a few ponies who are just that. Snekpones are a thing here, too. Several different varieties. Why the hell not?
>There's breezies, so many breezies. All the breezies.
>And there's the tiny little pones with bright mirrored wings who keep getting lost and bumbling into lights. There's one snoozing in your shirt pocket now. She's nice.
>And there are even more than that, and you're fucking dazed because there's like a hundred different pones you don't recognize.
>"Is there ANYTHING around here that ISN'T a pony?" you finally cry out?
>"I'm not a pony," says the floor lamp next to you. You stare at it for a while. Ask a silly question, you guess.
>"I, uh...shouldn't have said that. I guess," it says. "Just forget I was here, okay?" It tries to escape under cover of being a lamp.
>At least the lamp had a sexy voice, you think to yourself.

>>28507408
kek

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THIS BIRB IS TRYING TO STEAL YOUR WAIFU.

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Preening birb is preening and a birb.

Breakafast was beer, smoked salmon and cream cheese on cheese bagels with red onion. Just got off from work. This is not a bad way to end a work night.

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CAPTCHA SUCKS ALL THE DICKS

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MOAR BIRB. MOAR

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she has self esteem issues

>Be Anon, fallen on some hard times.
>Well, not "fallen," per se. Can't fall from the bottom. You never really fit in anywhere here. You survive by doing odd jobs for literally anyone who has a bit to rub together.
>unlike ponies, you have literally no natural talents and all the magical ability of a rock.
>Bird ponies don't fit in well, either. In fact, they're generally regarded as obnoxious pests here.
>You met her shortly after your arrival, and she was homeless and starving.
>And you took her home.
>neither of you are doing well, but...you're doing.
>You've got enough just bits that you've been able to find some meager edibles at the marketplace, mostly cheap stuff like bread. You haven't eaten yourself in a couple of days
>You hug her on coming back to the dilapidated hovel you both share, and offer her the bread.
>"Are you...are you sure?" She looks at you uncertainly, unable to hide the hunger in her face. She has a higher metabolism than you do, and with winter coming on, she needs it more.
>You smile at her, and you suppress the rumbling in your gut. You've had a lot of practice. "I'm sure. I've already had my share." You don't tell her that it's been a while, because otherwise she'd refuse to eat it, or insist on splitting it with you...and you know she needs it way more than you do.
>Humans evolved to be some tough sumbitches. A world where everything is trying to murder you tends to do that.
>You can handle it. You give no sign of your hunger in your face.
>She wolfs it down, eagerly, and you feel your heart soaring. And together you rest on the broken couch, almost the only piece of furniture in your home, and you feel her warmth and the beating of her heart as she dozes in your lap, content and full.
>You look down at her, stroking her mane and listening to her snore softly. You're going to survive. You're going to see to it she survives.
>No matter what happens, or what you have to do.

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we defend birb against the shit threads

BIRB MUST LIVE.

ALL GLORY TO BIRB

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>>28507444
ftfy

>>28507408

>A few hours later in the conference
>You attend a symposium on cultural divergence, and it's actually fascinating
>The speaker's presentation actually touched on where and how chimps and yetis diverged, evolutionarily speaking, and their similarities and differences from humans.
>That's you. Plenty of speculation about possible yeti from your own world, too. You got tapped to talk about yours. That was fun.
>The "anthropologists" were a goat and yet another type of pony, one that seems to be half-squid.
>the lower half is squid, anyway. The upper half is all attractive mare, and you're not sure, but you think you may be developing a tentacle fetish.
>You're leaving the conference chamber and chatting to another pony when something huge, black and yellow-striped suddenly buzzes at your head
>And it's LOUD
>NOPENOPENOPENOPE.jpg
>"YAAAAAAAAAAAA!" you observe intelligently, and start swatting at it.
"Anon, DON'T! It's--" and your companion can't quite finish before you club it out of the air. The giant hornet hits the wall with a thud and slides down.
>And...oh, it's not a hornet. Sure, it has wings LIKE a hornet, it's got antennae like a hornet and an abdomen like a hornet. Complete with a stinger
>It's also got hooves like a pony, a face and mane like a pony, and eyes that are doing a remarkably good imitation of Ditzy Doo's.
>And a lanyard with an ID card and photo on it.
>"It's the Vespidian rep. Sunbow the physicist.," says your companion belatedly. cringing back from the spectacle.
>He finally sputters out--after getting his bearings--"What the DEVIL was that display about?"
>The British accent is a nice touch. So's the muttonchops, you think. "I thought you were going to sting me," you say lamely.
>He was wearing glasses, which are broken now.
>"Well, I wasn't. Before, at least," he says, glaring at you.
>You spend the next few minutes dodging an enraged hornet-pony through the crowd.
>"I WANT SATISFACTION, SIR!" he screams.

>>28507596

>Birb of Paradise uses "Seduction"
>It's super-effective!

>>28507612

>Your companion is...you guessed it...another type of pone.
>You thought she was just a colorful pegasus with an interesting feather pattern But no, she's a bird-of-paradise pone.
>Of course. Explains the lack of a cutie mark, but she's apparently an author. Also, her name is Silver Skies.
>"'Kay, watch this," she says in the concession area, where you're going to get snacks. She takes a deep breath, and then...
>Suddenly her neck balloons into a colorful iridescent collar of shiny patterned feathers, and several swept-back quills with rainbow-colored disks on her mane sweep forward.
yes, I know it's supposed to be the males. Fuck it, I don't care.>
>"Huh? Huh? Is this kewl or what?" She looks like she' wearing an amazingly colorful mink coat. Combined with her delicate features, it's actually kind of...well, hot. Or at least cute.
>She's blushing furiously. Awwww.
>"I'd hit it," says a tiny voice from your pocket. You look down at the teeny little flect pony, which has finally awakened. Apparently your altercation with the wasp pone didn't wake her.
>She catches both of you staring at her. "What?"
>The three of you wander until you find a booth selling various honey-based snacks and drinks, which smell absolutely divine
>Also, mostly in shades of blue and green.
>You buy some popcorn balls from the changeling mare proprietor, and some fresh, ice-cold honey mead. It's easily the best thing you've tasted since you got here, and you say so.
>Silver Skies has eaten two of her popcorn balls and is starting on a third. The flect is nibbling on one of your popcorn balls and a small glass of mead you're holding for her.
>"I'm glad you like it!" says the changeling mare. "It's homemade, an old hive recipe!"
>It hits you that the honey is exactly the same shade as the nectar-glands on her thorax. You stop chewing.
>The flect looks up at you. "You, uh, gonna finish that?" she asks.

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>"But ANOOOOOOOON, I'm bucking HUNGRY!"
>Be Anon.
>More specifically, you're Anon, with an overweight best birdpone buddy named Peep, who is in serious need of some /fit/
>Seriously, she's sort of...well, ponderous these days. Actually, check that. She's damn near spherical.
>You had to free her from a birdbath two days ago. It took an hour and a quarter of baby oil to break the suction.
>And it would actually be cute, except that she can barely fly now.
>"It's only been two hours since lunch, Peep. Try to think about something else, okay?'
>She lives with you, and you, the doctor, the local vet and Fluttershy have all helped construct a diet and exercise for overweight bird ponies
>And, unfortunately, a number of them seem to need it now.
>Because not only do they love bread, SOMEONE has been giving peep hayburgers and fries.
>Like, daily.
>And it seems birb pones have an incredibly efficient metabolism able to store an immense amount of energy as flab, and quickly.
>She waddles behind you as you walk. You'd be jogging, except that you need her to be able to keep up.
>"Look," she says. "I'm not asking a lot here, I just want to sit over here in the sun like we used to do. Okay? Because walking totally sucks."
>"You wouldn't HAVE to walk like this, if you 'd drop a little extra weight. Then you'd be able to fly like you're supposed to be able to do."
>She follows along sullenly, puffing. "It wouldn't be a problem if they didn't keep buying me hayburgers. Totally not my fault."
>You smirk. "Yeah? Did someone else paint the 'Migrating: NEED FOOD" sign and force you to hold it at gunpoint while waiting next to the Hayburger?"
>She rolls her eyes and sighs. "Yeah, okay, I'll give you that. But...damn, it wasn't like I was eating the things every hour on the hour..."
>"No, but I ALSO know I had to keep cleaning discounted bakery products bags out from under your bed. Oh, and I got rid of that spinach quiche you were hiding."

>>28507875
>She stops and looks at you sourly. "That's dirty pool, Anon. Mess with my quiche and I will end you."
>"You'd have to catch me first," you say. "These days, you're basically a rolling health disaster."
>She sighs. With her metabolism, it shouldn't take too long for her to shed the extra pounds, but you know it's going to FEEL like forever to her.
>"When we're done here, we can go get a snow cone or something, if you feel like it," you say. As a side benefit, they'll help her stay hydrated AND they've got some no-cal, sugar-free options
>And here in Equestria, sugar-free stuff actually DOES taste decent.
>When you've got an entire population willing to go to war over ice cream recipes, they're going to take pains to make sure sugar substitutes actually taste good.
>Ponies are fucking nuts for their sweet stuff.
>She perks up at this She's about to say something when you suddenly hear someone making OINK OINK noises overhead.
>"BEEP BEEP! Wide load comin' through!" you hear. Two bird pony stallions are sitting in a tree nearby, laughing. You protectively step between Peep and your hecklers.
>"Why don't you two go find something else to do, like peck fleas off an ursa or something?" you say.
>"Why don't YOU let her fight her own battles?" says the other one. "Whatcha matter, cat got yer tongue or something?"
>You hear angry fluttering behind you, and you're about to say something else, when suddenly there's a pop and one of the stallions falls off the limb with a cry.
>A second later, there's another pop, and the other stallion jumps off the limb with a YIPE!
>You see a huge splodge of yellow paint on his ass. "MAURY! WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!" he screams, and hauls ass. A second later, his companion birb follows
>A white unicorn head with artfully-applied camo makeup pokes out of the bushes. Sweetie Belle tosses off a mock salute. She stows the borrowed paintball rifle across her back and vanishes.
>You smile. Life is good.

>>28507261

I would give good money to actually have anons with singing ability perform this and record it.

Also, a hard-drinking blackbird bird pone who sounds like, and sings like, Tom Waits. Because fucking Tom Waits, man.

>"DUCK LEFT!"
>Be Anon.
>You don't know how the plague hit, or where it came from. No one--no PONY--did.
>But practically overnight, the dead rose to eat and kill and slay the living, and now you and your companion Stratos are the only living beings you've seen now in the days you've been traveling to reach Manehattan.
>You understand him to be a bird pony--one of the outcasts of Equestrian society
>And, judging from appearances and his behavior, he apparently shares a family tree with a cassowary
>In spite of the colorful plumage on his face, neck, wings and head, he's probably one of the ugliest ponies you've ever seen, with a face only a mother could love and more scars than you've ever seen outside of a burn patient
>He's mostly silent and soft-spoken, but with the most disturbing thousand yard stare you've ever seen outside of a war veteran with a few tours under his belt. He's said almost nothing about who he was Before or where he came from and you're honestly afraid to ask.
>At night, when you make camp, he simply sits and listens patiently while you talk, nodding occasionally.
>One of the biggest differences between him and literally any other pony you've ever seen are his four huge razor-sharp dewclaws, one on the "wrist" of each hoof. They're literally built-in bony sickles.
>And he's apparently trained to use them in a fight.
>Rght now, Stratos is standing on his hind hooves, his forehooves spread and his sickles deployed. You throw yourself out of the way and a split second later, his sickles severe the head of the minotaur zombie you DIDN"T see or hear in time, and a split second later, the shambling pony-corpse beside it loses its own head as well
>You roll (amazingly gracefully, I might add) and come back up with a throwing hatchet, which embeds itself in the skull of another zompony

>>28508362
>Okay, you were actually aiming for the one NEXT to it, but you still needed to hit one of them, and that's good, right? Considering that before you came here, your sole combat experience was watching ZOMBIELAND on a loop.
>it still gives you enough breathing space to pull another hatchet, and the two of you find yourself fighting back to back, a bulwark of steel and bone against necrotic flesh. In a minute, you've managed to mow through the swarm, and the last of the undead falls.
>Breathing hard, Stratos folds back his dewclaws and sags back to all fours, and you join him. You're both spattered in gore and stinking of days of sweat and gore. You're far more winded than he is.
>After several minutes catching your breath and waiting to see if anymore undead show up, he finally asks, "Are you okay over there?"
>it's almost the most he's said at once since you met him.
>"Yeah," you say. "I'll make it." he nods.
>"They, uh...didn't cut you. Did they?" If a cut can be cauterized, the poor bastard usually survived. usually. >You examine yourself carefully, and you find he's helping you self-assess. You return the favor.
>You yank a tick from his back where it was just out of his reach and show it to him. Pones can't bend that way, unfortunately. He nods gratefully.

>>28508368
>You grab a canteen of fresh water and share it with him, then you use some of it to help clean his dewclaws and your hatchets, and then the two of you sit there in silence for a while.
>The sun is up, birds are singing, insects are chirping. if it wasn't for the decomposing corpses all around you, it would almost be a nice day.
>"So...are YOU okay?" you finally ask. He stares at you for several seconds.
>"Yeah," he says. "I've seen worse."
>You wonder what could be worse than a literal zombie apocalypse and the End of Everything, seeing as how the zebra hedge-witch you spoke with a week ago told you that this was striking across dimensions, across worlds, not just in this one.
>You finally decide you simply don't want to know. Instead, you change the subject. "So, do you think we'll find anyone alive in Manehattan? The Elements? The princesses and royal guard?"
>"I hope so," he says softly. He looks as if he might be about to say something else, and stops. You don't press him.
>Instead, you get to your feet, and together you continue pressing forward.

>>28508376

Heading to bed. I'll try to bump with more of my shitty greens in a day or two.

[SPOILER]KEEP BIRB ALIVE[/SPOILER]

>>28508387

Fukt up the spoiler tags, I'm a SPECIAL kind of stupid.

Lawl.

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Beady is a qt

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Do flamingo bird ponies change color every time they eat a different piece of fruit?

>>28510448
Owlpone a cute.

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So I'm new to bird pones and I was wondering if anyone had touched on the subject of flightless birds?

>>28514206
Boj drew a phorororacos pony. And one or two of us talked about moa pones.

There's also some cute kiwi birb art. Well, one anyway.

We need more flightless birbs tho.

>>28514235
Also I did an ostrich some time last year, so there are at least 3 flightless birbs kicking about

>>28514486
And I drew a penguin pone once.

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>>28514703
Penguin right here with some other birbs.

>>28512131

>You're Anon. Not your real name, which is Stuart.
>Friday Night in Ponyville, and you're done wage-slaving at the Hayburger for the weekend. W00t!
>You and your best bird flamingo pone bud, Trailer Park, are hanging out, getting drunker and drunker.
>Her name implies there's Equestrian trailer parks.
>This intrigues you. You wonder if the queers have ruined the soil there, too.
>But later.
>The conversation drifts around. You move on from hard apple ale to herb. 4:20 somewhere, right?.
>Trailer gets hungry and grabs an orange out of a bag on your table.
>Intriguingly, she turns from her hot cotton-candy pink to a nice bright orange.
She sees you staring in wonder. She grins and giggles. "Yeah, pretty wild, huh? What else ya got?"
>She throws down some blueberries from a bag in the back of your fridge, and turns royal purple. It's amazing! Something suddenly occurs to you.
"Hey, what'll happen if you eat a Zap apple?"
>You got some of the rainbow-colored fruit last week. Pretty awesome in oatmeal.
>"dunno, let's find out!" You toss her a couple of the fruit, and she chomps into one. "I've actually never had one," she says. "Juicy motherbuckers..."
>She eats it and then the other one, and you wait. And wait. "This is weird, it usually doesn't--" she begins, and then stops. her eyes go wide
>In front of your eyes, her fur starts crackling with particolored flashes of electricity. Suddenly there's an explosion, and you find yourself lying on the ground looking at the sky.
>You have a dazed impression of a multicolored colored streak of light and a smoke contrail, and then, far, far above you there's a rainbow airburst brighter than the setting sun.
>House is a smoking wreck. Also, you're pantless.
>You fish a beer out of the debris and solemnly pour it onto the ground. "Vaya con dios, trailer," you intone.
>Your neighbors are staring. You wave at them. They duck back inside, clearly jealous of your lack of pants.

>>28514946

That scarlet macaw pone has some major bedroom eyes going on.

The bald eagle pone looks like he hasn't smiled since Luna got sent to the moon, and it is awesome.

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>You'd think it has to be one 'o them "Incredible Journey" things.
>But no, it's just a trip to the 7-11.
>Everything's epic when you're riding a magical ostrich.

>>28508516
The best I absolutely love owls and holy is my favorite

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play birb?

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open wide

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dinner time

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>>28516912
Sauce?

>>28516919
https://inkbunny.net/submissionview.php?id=1199414&page=5

>>28516919
I don't think she chewed it enough for it to become a sauce.
I'm thinking maybe more of a chowder...

>>28515542
>meanwhile, from flamingo pone's perspective...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiIhauqMgTQ

>>28516912

>Don't know if want.

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>>28517352

Page 8 bump.

>>28504828
Kinda like a gryphon, but now horses a full birb.

I agree, it is a bit arousing.

Page 8 bump.

BIRB NAWT DIE!

>>28520600
I think there is room for harpy in birb

>>28516903

The artist also did one about...tooth brushing.

I didn't know that was a fetish, either. It was weirdly soothing.

I should probably revise my opinion of the internet. Upwards or downwards, I don't know.

>>28516919

Kanashiipanda:

https://www.derpibooru.org/tags/artist-colon-kanashiipanda

bamp!

>>28516254
I want to fuck the frigid ice in her heart right out.

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Who let this thread get to page 9?

>>28524422
we put a birb in charge

>>28522518
or birb in harpy

Birb must live!

>>28524422

Who, indeed?

>>28523817
I'm pretty sure that the ice is unthawable.

On the other hand, the hatefuck is probably awesome.

>>28528030
Sounds about right
I was gonna make a 'Groovy Hate Fuck' joke but then I didn't think anyone would get it

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>>28528472

NEVER SAY THAT THING AGAIN.

There's NEVER a bad time for a Groovy Hate Fuck joke. Ever.

>>28528632
>Listening to 'Cunt Tease' and 'You Look Like A Jew' with Beady
I didn't know I wanted this until now but I do

>>28528760

>Be Anon, working around the house on a sunny Thursday afternoon with some music playing in the background.
>Beady, on the other hand, is in the room she commandeered for her taxidermy/art/biological experiments. Or at least she was.
>She's kicking it in the den right now, on the couch
>Your house/human hideaway/fortress of Evil and Pancakes is currently a ghoulish museum of stuffed dead animals, skeletons, and various specimens in jars
>Some of them are animated. Not sure how the little minx managed that trick, but they can mix drinks and clean.
>You're not letting them cook anything but toast, though, after the Potatopocalypse.
>You rarely get pony visitors anymore, other than the recent run of weirdos who started paying money to see you. Which suits you fine.
>You flop down on the couch next to her for a breather with a couple of beers. You're long since out of Newcastle and Kirin, but the local stuff's grown on you. She edges away slightly.
>girl likes her space. You toss her a beer.
>You sit there in silence for a while, sipping your brews. You look at her out of the corner of your eye, and see her head bouncing slightly to the music
>"Whats' the name of this piece?" she asks.
>"Song."
>"Whatever." She finishes her beer. "What's the name?"
>"'You Look Like a Jew,'" you say.
>"No, I look like an owl," she says. What sense of humor she has is both ultra-dry and just a bit morbid. You're honestly not sure she's joking.
>"No, that's the name of the song. By Pussy Galore." The playlist segues into the next song. "And this is "Cunt Tease." Same group.
>"Vulgar." You listen to it for a while. Once again, she's sort of barely nodding to the music.
>"So what do you think?" you ask her. You pass her some jerky you keep in a bowl. No idea what animal it comes from, since cows are sapient here, but it's teriyaki flavored
>Just as well. Cows are decent people.
>She thinks for a moment.

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>>28529053

>After a long, long pause, she finally says, "My observation--it's atonal. Discordant, grating. Harsh, and irritating. Complex."
>One of her animated skeleton/muscle golem things wanders by, sweeping up the floor.
>You've nicknamed the little things "scutters," since they seem to share their creator-programmer's morbid personality, it's their function and that's what they remind you of.
>When they're not under orders, you see them in the back quietly playing cards. Or just staring out the window and brooding.
>You wonder if she'd appreciate Red Dwarf.
>"The music reminds me of you. What you say your world was like," she says.
>She's munching her jerky absently.
>"You find me irritating?"
>"I find everyone irritating," she says.
>She simply lacks a filter and says whatever she thinks. You asked a question, she answered honestly.
>You don't take it personally, If she didn't like you or get something out of this, she wouldn't be here with you in the first place.
>"Another beer?" You hand her another, and she takes it without a word.
>The playlist comes to the end of the Pussy Galore set and goes into Naked Raygun's "Soldier's Requiem." "Anon?" Beady asks.
>"Yeah?"
>"Would you mind if we listened to Pussy Galore again?"

>>28529100
This pleases me greatly.
Also Scutters

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>^Not birb, but punk pone, so related because reasons.

>>28529178

Everything's better with scutters. And I mean EVERYTHING.

Have some Fugazi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMOAXm94VWo

Honestly, I've got beady Pegged as a punk, industrial and goth fan. I think that her nonexistent mp3 player would be loaded with Fugazi or Nation of Ulysses or Sisters of Mercy and such. She's keep it going constantly in the background while working at...whatever it is she does. Dead animals and such like.

Also, just because, have some NoMeansNo:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m01lPNVv90s:

>>28529287
Fuck, man, I drew that picture.

That makes sense I guess, owls do make some harsh noises also.

RIP NoMeansNo

>listening to Bulldozer EP with Beady
>Peep comes in
>hurriedly skip Pigeon Kill

>>28529467

Hmmm...

>Peep enters the room where you and Beady are drinking beer and mostly sitting in companionable silence.
>"'Sup, guys" she says. Beady says nothing, but inclines her head slightly.
>Oh crap. "Just a sec," you say. You get up to randomly tap this next track on your laptop's music playlist before it can quite register with Peep.
>You're not sure 'Pigeon Kill' is going to go over well with her. At the very least, it's in poor taste.
>You sit down in time for the next song to begin pouring through the den's speakers.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY
>Oh crap. You get up and try to stop the track. Unfortunately, the player is lagging and unresponsive.
>Fucking iTunes is a POS, man. In all seriousness it is
>Peep's jaw drops in shock as Tom Lehrer's melodious voice echoes through the house, discussing the finer points of birb-murdering.
>And squirrels, because fuck squirrels.
>You look up up at an unfamiliar sound--Beady's chortling. You almost never hear it, and she's got an interesting laugh.
>iTunes finally gets the bug out of its ass and stops on its own. Shit. You look at the stricken expression on Peep's face.
>"I can come back later?" she offers.
>"Can we maybe rewind back to the point where you came into the room and just start over again? And pretend you didn't hear any of that?" you say sheepishly?
>Beady's howling with laughter now.
>Fucking drunk owlpones, man.

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>>28529581

>Forgot visual aid.

>>28529581
Poisoning Pigeons in the Park. Glad to see others appreciating Mr Lehrer.

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>>28529581
>Be anon
>Chillin at home listening to some music, as usual
>Playing some Killdozer, just flipped the record over to 'Side Of Beef'
>Put the needle down and it starts to play
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zVFsRGkSL8
>You hear the front door open and close, and a set of hooves moving through the house
>Beady noses the door open and walks in the room, taking a free seat
>You glance over your shoulder at her
>She seems to be listening intently and picking up on certain lyrics, a slight frown on her face
>"Anon, who is Ed Gein?"
>wew
>You look back from the record player
"He was this weird ass loner guy, lived on his own in a farm and made things out of dead bodies."
>She blinks
>"Hmph, a man after my own heart."
>You snort a laugh
>You guess she isn't a million miles away to be fair, but you're also pretty sure Beady hasn't murdered anyone and worn their skin
>You have the strangest friends

>>28530171
Motherfuck. That's awesome.

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>>28529467
>>28530171

/Birb/ has soundtrack nao.

>>28530218
Thanks
>>28530244
If the soundtrack continues the way it's going, it'll be mostly Touch And Go bands
Which is by no means a bad thing

>>28531338
And again

>ywn listen to Sisters of Mercy with your goth necromancer owlpone roommate.

End me now. I just want the pain to end.

>>28530539
So...what else belongs on the birb album?

>>28533033
Uhhh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoPCJisvlNE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPQIMA6H6F8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEToKGfjlmM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29MBGwzEhMc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i14YxRQ6VlI
Shit man, I dunno

>>28534628
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZThquH5t0ow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1f7eZ8cHpM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np0solnL1XY

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>>28535158
>>28534628

My own non-inclusive additions:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTOd_5azK7U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E32c92PJDGA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32Fwq8ZS04Q
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60xwTfVplv8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOVSIIYuyJg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDMQQnl_XPc

Story specific:
Anon and Amber Eyes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mnx8jnsYfc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8FUn8usPFk

Bread Cult-Thingie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p99a6K81zqM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KJjVMqNIgA

>>28535805
>Taco Wagon
>Shadowy Men
>MOAM?
Ur the best

Taco Wagon is my favourite song to play on guitar

GREEN INCOMING

>>28536688
Aw yiss

>>28535805
Fun fact I forgot earlier, Evert I Pipkin (and Muzak For Cybernetics) samples the song Superpussy by Rapeman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8oFkfX2Bzk

>Be Twilight Sparkle
>And you're watching half of the damned bird-pony's church burn to the ground while cackling like a lunatic
>...after making sure there were no deaths or serious injuries.
>Because you're better than them. You know it because you don't go around putting giant stone penises in other peoples' yards. Or the new sculptures of St. Breadwicke defeating the Learnean Hydra, said monster bearing an amazing resemblance to you.
>You'd sat on your castle's observation deck with your jaw hanging around your fetlocks staring at the tacky display, until you'd finally screamed, "THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL MYTH, YOU MORONS! THEY MADE IT UP LIKE LAST WEDNESDAY!"
>"AND IT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE ME!" you'd screamed, slamming the doors behind you.
>Sure they SAID St. breadwicke was taming it to ride, but it LOOKED like he was just rogering it
>With his lance, shaped like a giant stone dick.
>There was no way that it was coincidental. No. Bucking. Way.
>Honestly, you don't hold Anon responsible for this. You've met him, he's...nice. A little gullible. He's a little slow upstairs, maybe, but then again, most ponies are. Compared to you, anyway. Not that you like to toot your own horn.
>Okay, maybe he's REALLY slow upstairs and alcoholic to boot. And he thinks that the sun and moon are supposed to orbit the planet, which is pretty weird. But he's an extremely decent sort, for a primate-descended, interdimensional alien from a species that apparently regards murder as an alternate way to say "hello."
>No, the one you know is responsible for ALL of these shenanigans is that feathered twat Peep, you know she's just using Anon and the credulity of her fellow bird ponies for money and power.
>the credulity of her fellow bird-ponies AND your fellow non-bird ponies.
>And those diamond dogs you saw yesterday in saffron cultist-robes, selling breads and assorted edibles at a booth on the street.

>>28537183
>Colgate had told you that they were absolteuly delicious, but YOU knew better.
>That's just how they got you. One jalapeno-cheddar-infused loaf at a time
>And besides you were doing this solely to save civilization itself. Okay, you've made some money in the process. That's purely a distant side benefit. You're going to donate it to charity
>Yeah, that's the ticket. Charity
>Some of the bird pones are trying to save various bread-related artifacts from the blaze, and the Ponyville volunteer fire department is doing everything they can, but...wow, did someone use white phosphorus on it or what?
>Some of the witnesses had said the fireball came in from the direction of Whitetail Woods. You wonder if the Apples or Applejack herself had seen anything. You're a little worried about them, since you haven't heard from Applejack since before this ongoing disaster had started
>Some of your missionary teams disappeared over there, too
>You're going to have to go over there sooner rather than later. Besides, maybe you can convince Applejack that cake is something worthy of adoration
>there's even apple-flavored variants of it. They make apple cake and sell it and stuff, and it's delicious! You're absolutely made for each other! An alliance is perfectly logical!
>"Spike, take a letter," you say, finally stifling your chuckles. This will be letter #31 today. While none of them have met with a response after the ridiculous picture she sent you a few days ago, you still feel as if doing it makes things clearer for you, and besides, you want your teacher and mentor to have a record of events here
>Celestia loves cake, after all. "Dear Princess Celestia: This is day 7 of the New Era. Enclosed please find a copy of the new calendar and the enclyclical to be sent to all new branches of our church. Also, today, an event occured which I may consider classifying as a miracle, since it's made things much, much harder for those blasted bird ponies--"

>>28537188
>"Twi," says Spike.
>You notice he's not writing. "Err...what are you doing?"
>Your number 1 assistant/foster brother is standing there, looking at you sourly. He's no longer taking dictation, and he's putting the quill and the parchment back in his bag. "You're, uh, supposed to be writing down what I say here," you say.
>"I know," he says. "Believe me, I know. You've officially jumped from level 4 to 7, which makes this a perfect storm of OCD."
>You snort and roll your eyes. "No, Spike, I DO NOT have OCD. I don't spend hours washing my hooves, I don't climb stairs a specific number of times and flip light switches by prime numbers before I leave a room. I promise you, I'm psychologically sound and neurotypically normal--"
>"But you ARE incredibly literal minded, you spend all of your spare time organizing your book collection and you always insist that I cut your toast into these little jigsaw-puzzle pieces so you can put them back together and eat the pieces in order...which I don't mind, I might add..."
>"I'm sure LOTS of ponies like Puzzle Toast--it's fun to dip in my softboiled eggs."
>"..AND you go absolutely, verifiably batshit-bonkers whenever something happens outside of whatever carefully-crafted outline you happen to have for whatever the week is supposed to be like" he finishes.
>"Spike, LANGUAGE!" you snap.
>he sighs. "Look, I'm...just gonna go over to Rarity's for a few days, okay? Just until this blows over. I left you a bunch of those white-chocolate macadamia cookies you like so much in the kitchen, okay? And some almond milk. Your castle staff can take care of anything else, I made sure they knew what you like. I'll...be back when it's over, okay?"

>>28537194
>Without warning, he hugs you, and then he trots off. "Spike?" SPIKE?"
>"IT'LL BE OKAY!" he calls behind him. "WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T DO **ANYTHING** THAT INVOLVES INSTANT PURPLE GRAPE DRINK!"
>"Spike!" he keeps running.
>You stare after him. "YOU LITTLE TRAITOR! FINE! I'LL DO THIS MYSELF!! RUN AWAY LIKE THE SNIVELING COWARD YOU ARE! I DON'T NEED YOU! I DON'T NEED ANYPONY!"
>he keeps running.
>"AND I CAN MAKE MY OWN DAMNED PUZZLE TOAST! SO THERE!!!"
>You stare after him until you finally force yourself to think about more important things. Like meeting with your advisors to hash out some potential attack strategies, in case things went even worse with the fucking Breadists.
>Also, white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. It suddenly dawns on you what he said. FUCK YEAR, WHITE CHOCOLATE MACADAMIA NUT COOKIES!
>At least one thing's going to go right today. You can plan strategies while munching the food of the gods themselves. You trot back toward the castle, when you suddenly stop
>The ground is shaking underfoot. "An earthquake?" you say out loud
>Wait, Ponyville isn't in any major seismic zone. The last recorded earthquake was over a thousand years ago--
>Wait, wasn't your castle taller once? LIke, just this morning?
>Suddenly it hits you. You castle, your beautiful crystal castle of friendship and harmony and knowledge and the triumph of reason over superstition and chaos. Is. Sinking. It's falling straight down into the ground. Castle staff are jumping from the windows as it slowly subsides into a pit in the ground in slow motion.
>You count. Yep, thirty-one ponies. All of your staff seem to be okay. That's probably good, yeah.
>The tips of the tallest branches finally disappear into the sinkhole which you're pretty sure wasn't there this morning, with a crack and a cloud of dust.

>>28537203
>A pair of diamond dogs in saffron robes peek over the edge of the hole. Your eyes lock for a second, across the greensward. They wave at you sheepishly and duck back into the hole.
>You wave forlornly back at them.
>Your lord chamberlain, Sharpie Hooves, ambles over, swilling from a bottle of wine from your wine cellar. He stands there for a few seconds staring at you.
>"Well, that...was a thing that happened." he says. he takes another drink from the bottle and passes it over to you. Wordlessly you accept.
>He hoofs over a hoofwritten letter a few seconds later. You open it up.
>"Dear Twilight. Effective immediately, I quit. Signed, Sharpie Hooves.
PS: You are the most annoying pony to walk the soil of Equus. You need meds."
>"I think that should be self explanatory," he says, staggering off. "Have a nice life."
>"Uh...we can still use you as a reference, right?" one of the junior cooks asks. You stare at her as if she'd grown a third ear.
>Yeah, probably not a good time," she says. "I'll just come back later." She trots off with the rest of the group.
>You hear the sound of gleeful, high-pitched laughter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpIqSxFJ9co
>Across the greensward, in a tree, you see Peep and several other bird-ponies sitting laughing like lunatics.
>They're pointing. And laughing. AT YOU.
>Suddenly you see blood red. You'd always wondered who came up with that as a cliche, and now you understand. You understand all too well. THIS SHALL NOT STAND.
>With a scream of raw, equine fury, you telekinetically rip a chunk of earth roughly the size of a small factory out of the ground and throw it with all of your considerable might at the tree.
>They see the oncoming projectile just in time to evacuate into the air before it smashes their tree into splinters. Your teeth are grinding so hard your enamel is powdering. You're not completely sure, but you think you might have caught on fire.

>>28537183
>And he thinks that the sun and moon are supposed to orbit the plane

which was INTENDED to be "And he thinks that the moon is supposed to orbit the planet and the planet is supposed to orbit the sun, which is weird" but I'm drunk. Never greentext while drunk, kids.

>>28537285
>It's hard to tell, really. There's no other explanation for the patch of fused silica and scorched earth beneath your hooves though.
>You sit back on your haunches and wave your forehooves in the air. "PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP" you scream at the heavens.

>>28537367

I'll try to move the plot along again a little farther later. This seems like a good place to stop it for the moment.

>>28537375
Many keks, much laughs, wow.

>>28537285
Ayy

>>28536767

>Fun fact I forgot earlier

Never heard that before--that was awesome.

Seriously, we need a youtube playlist. The guy who did the albatross pone green, he needs to get in on this. Or just repost his old green.

Most of the stuff I listened to wasn't necessarily related to "birds" per se, it was just stuff I was listening to that seemed appropriate to whatever I was writing.

I think I picture Amber Eyes when I hear this though:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpGBTukJbOk

>She never sees me till the sun goes down
>Lives in a secret world
>Says: her career is in another town
>Life with a mercury girl

>>28537528
albatross green guy here
never left, just lost inspiration I guess
didn't save anything I wrote either, guess it's gone with the old threads

>wen you finally work the will up to draw and you get drunk instead
I have failed you

>>28537528
Rapeman are super underrated, probably my favourite Albini band.

>>28538741
No fail. Only brb now.

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Birb Booty Bump

BIRB MUST LIVE~

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>>28540737
L-lewd...

Peep looks nice from behind

Woke up with hangover. Braining is hard. Have work tomorrow so I'll probably try to get sum more green up here in in a couple of days.

>>28542607

Almost forgot to add link to the entire Bread Cultist paste, everything up to now.

http://pastebin.com/RjExt4w8

When I started, I didn't post it as discrete chapters like I did with my other stuff. I probably really ought to break it up for readability or something.

Boj, do you mind if I archive your green on my pastebin with it attributed to you? Or do you have a pastebin somewheres already?

>>28542645
That Ed Gein thing is pretty much the only green I've done so I've got no pastebin, go for it, man

>>28542774

Got it, mane.

Seriously, green moar. Your shit's good, yo.

>>28538387

So's yours.

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now this is your high-quality birb right here.

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Notice the alert eyes, good posture, shiny plumage. Good color here. That's a sign of good quality control, is what that is.

This...is a good birb. A-plus.

>>28542825
Maybe I will some time
For now though, I'll try and get something drawn later
Something Skipper

>>28544218

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Sketch for now, will try and finish soon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZThquH5t0ow

>>28546846

Totally adorbs!

>>28547693

Cowabunga! Gotta love the trashmen.

>>28548341
Mmmhmm, shame people only ever know that song though, they've got some fantastic stuff
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZNNI5PauGI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndREuYO9UJs

>>28547693
Birbs can parasail by just grabbing hold of the board and spreading their wings.

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"This is why I hid the bread Peep."
>"Shut up Anon and go get the butter."
"So you can butter the bread after you get unstuck? You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out."
> *CAW* "ANOOON!"

>>28551503

>>28552278
Sloooowwww Sunday

>>28552981
Very

>>28547693
Just got a new laptop, just finished setting it up so I'm gonna start on finishing this now
Birb soon

>>28550999
an important lesson

>>28550999
>Buttered peep ass
>hot

Amber Eyes when?

>>28560982
>>28560982
Was some last thread so there's that. Should more soon hopefully

>>28562308

DERPY BIRB

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>>28547693
Finally finished this
Sorry it took so long, I've been getting used to my new laptop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgUv7m2FBgU

>>28563588
Do you think they get board wax stuck in their hooves like you'd get something stuck between your teeth?

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It turns out that birbs are the keepers of the one type of crystals Sombra doesn't want to get anywhere near.

>>28566040

>This week on "Breaking Birb"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfUSyoJcbxU

>>28563588

Now that's fuckawesome, right there.

>Surfin Birb's already been posted, dammit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZsuQXKkPdw

Plot Bunny Synopsis: Anon and his birb pony sidekick(s) travel the world looking for the perfect wave and staying ahead of winter.

>>28542645
Buuuuuuuump

>>28567287
Bump

>>28565133
Yes, and I bet they need twigs and stuff to glop it out

>>28566471
>Anon joins a splinter group of sea birbs who constantly migrate across Equestria to stay in the summer and died

Green when

>>28567942
>died
Fuck that should say surf
Phone is not agreeing with me today

>>28567942
>Surfer birbs constantly are killed by sharks, but are resurrected via birb magic.

>>28567952
Let's go with it.

>Anon Jones leads a doomsday suicide birb cult to a distant land.

Yeah that's dark.

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>>28568006
>sharks
It's not the sharks the surfhoerses have to worry about.

>>28568107
They have to worry about seaweed more then sharks?

>>28568351

That's seaweed? I thought those were tentacular abominations.

>Consentacles peep whan?

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>>28567942
>>28568006
>>28568107
>>28568351
>>28569108

Page 8 Bump!

>>28569534

>>28570441

>>28568351
You say that like Equestria isn't a magical realm that has mobile plant monsters in it.

>>28500632

>>28572229
Good point.

>>28574209
Do u even chikun?

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>>28516912
Why am i turned on by this pls god no not another fetish

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>>28550999
>unzips dick
>put butter on dick
>let's the fun begin

>>28576280
Behold the power that is BIRB. Or gummi worms. I'm not sure which. But it's definitely one of the two.

>>28574209
I'm...confused here.

Is that Scootaloo eating birds?
>Disgusted_yet_aroused.jpg

Page 8 bump

>>28578704
I wish I had some gummi worms

>>28580421

>>28578037
I have no seeds.

>>28584121
You heartless fiend

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>>28581393

I have gummi worms. They're pretty okay.

>White gummi slushy is good.

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>>28584400

Imma get some suet blocks for local birds.

>>28588666
SATAN DEMANDS WE ALL DO OUR BEST TO KEEP THE LOCAL BIRB POPULATION NICE AND PLUMP!

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>>28588725
COMMAND ME, SATAN!

>Voice of Satan demands Anon buy suet blocks, birdseed, corn nuts and bread. All the bread
>Voice demands he leave them in a field or alleyway.
>This happens over and over. Sometimes Satan wants gummi worms.
>It's actually a birb pone with a microphone, voice changer and hidden speaker.

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>>28588725
>NICE AND PLUMP
im okay with this

>>28589126

>Guess what?
>Birb-pone butt.

>>28589144
Hot.

>>28592597

>"Wh-what do you think?" she asks nervously.
>She turns around, showing off the frock she bought for your evening out. She doesn't have a lot of money--most bird-ponies don't.
>Which shows you how much she wants this to be special for you both.
>Most ponies don't dress except for special occasions. Bird pones are no exception.
>You look at Peep critically, at the light makeup she's applied and the delicate perfume she's wearing.
>You smile. "You're almost perfect. But...just one thing. May I--?"
>Delicately, you reach out and find the clasp in holding her mane in its bun, and then you remove it. Her mane flows free, looking much more natural and comfortable.
>More HER.
>"NOW you're perfect," you say, and kiss her, and her eyes widen for a moment before drifting close. You break away after a few seconds.
>'...Wow." she says softly. "That was..."
>"Yeah."
>You smile and then hold your elbow down to her, and she grasps it with a wing "So, uh...our chariot awaits, I guess?"
>You mean this literally--you'd rented a chariot to take you both to one of Canterlot's nicer restaurants.
>One that DOES NOT have Zesty Gourmand's pawprints on it.
>You lead her to the chariot. You look over at her, grinning like an idiot, and you find she's doing the same. You both burst out laughing at the same time.
>You hold the door for her, and then you climb in after.
>Things_went_better_than_expected.jpeg.

>>28592865
This is nice
>tfw the story you originally drew this for will never be finished

Bluebird where art thou?

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>>28593810

>That feel
>I know it well

There should be more birb feel image. Birbs and feels go together like....like two things that really go together well.

I admit I have been drinking.

Buuuuump

>>28594726

>>28591365
You're just going to eat more fries, I bet.

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>>28598451
the deadest birb, sadly

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postin fat birb

>>28602486

Hummingbirb!

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>>28602681
Kingfisher

>>28500632
birds: not quite that important 2bh

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Coming soon to a thread near you.
I have to motivate myself to type everything up. I want to make it easy for people to write for her

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>>28602926

>>28603210
Aw yiss

DON'T DIE ON ME, BIRB!

>>28603210


Ooh, we're going to get a character sheet for Beady?

>>28591365

>"So, what have we learned?"
>"Uh...don't use the water fountains for a bidet?"
>"Yeah, that's half the lesson. Which you should have learned like, three months ago. What's the other half?"
>"I...probably shouldn't eat every meal at the Hayburger."
>"Bingo."
>"So...how about getting me out of here?"
>*sigh* "I'll get the butter."

>>28606960
She has a sheet, technically. It's just a design ref though. I'm actually just gonna type up info

>>28606951

>>28611843

What a sprightly and eager-looking birb!

>>28607391
ah

>>28610166

>>28615493
l-lewd...so lewd

Not that that's a bad thing.

>>28603210
For reasons that escape me, I can hear the theme from Happy Tree Friends whenever I look at this picture, and it pleases me.

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How would the birbs react to Anon wearing this?

Also, drawfags draw this please?

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Has anyone made pone version of this yet?

>>28619593
>profusely ilustrated
lewd

>>28619547
I might have a go at this later
Don't hold your breath, tho

>>28619107

>>28622191

>>28619547
>>28621519
I hope you weren't holding out on that drawing because my tablet pen just died

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>>28625302
The pen could not handle the glory that is birb

>>28625302
Oh god I'm going to suffocate.
Hurry up please I can only hold my breath so long.

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>be Anon
>be sharing a meal with your goose pone friend
>after swallowing her meal whole, she turns to you with a sultry smile
"Ok I'm gonna stop you right there. One, you have fish breath. Two your tongue has fucking barbs on it."
>"Aww come on Anon! The barbs make it better!"
"Better for making sure what goes in stays in maybe."

An older one, but meh, birb must live somehow.

>bird horses
>when birdhorses are already canon
What's next, bull horses that have one bull horn in the center of their forehead?

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>>28629729

>What a bullpony might look like

Birb is not pegasus.

Birb is birb.

>>28629703
will try to get sum moar green up in here in a day or two

>>28569108
I second this idea. It sounds both adorable and lewd af

>>28576289
I need a screencap of just this. I'd love to have it as a reaction image

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>>28629729
birdhorses arent canon
but horsebirds are

birbs are important

Chirp?

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>>28631630

That's an adorable horsebird. Have a bird, which is horse.

So what do pegasi think about bird ponies?

>>28636688
We've had a severe lack of Blue since the threads came back
Best birb pone

>>28636029


They think that bird ponies are posers.

On the other hand, birb pones pity pegasi.

BUMP 10!

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>>28637090
this desu
we need more love for fat birb

>>28640139
>You will never be screeched at by your next door neighbor Blue Jay every time you walk out the door because you're too close to her house

>>28634953
mating dance when

Damn, we really need to get the ball rolling again or we'll die for real.

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>>28644575

>If you die in /BIRB/ you die for real
>TFW

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>According to National Geographic: "Our best guess is that the birds use [the long penis] as a kind of lasso. The males have to chase the females, and even during copulation the females are trying to escape."

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>>28646258

>MFW this was actually a misfire.

>Be Anon.
>You're Equestria's first human. Though not the last, unfortunately. There's a couple others you've met. They live in Canterlot and they're both dicks.
>Settled in Ponyville, working in the Forestry Service as a surveyor. Easy job, good pay, and you like it
>unlike most ponies, you have little fear of the Everfree. You're on good terms with the sasquatch community out there, they're shy but generally pretty friendly.
>You've just moved into your new digs.You've even got a picket fence. It needs painting but you're pretty sure you can Tom Sawyer the fuck out of it with the neighborhood kids.
>This place was even super-cheap. Nice.
>The realtor had seemed relieved that he'd finally managed to move it. He said it had been on the market for three years now.
>You're taking out the trash, now. Tonight, take-out. Tomorrow, housewarming party.
>"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY HOUSE!."
>You find the source of the voice. There's a crap-ass dilapidated-looking house on the other side of the fence about ten meters away and a bright blue bird-pone in the window facing you.
>She looks pissed.
>"Uh...I'm in my own--"
"I SAID GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY HOUSE!" she screams again. You shake your head and drop the trashbag into the can, then put the lid back on it.
>"ARE YOU BUCKING DEAF?" she screams again. She has a voice like someone torturing a sackful of manx cats with a cattle prod. You decide you don't like it, OR her.
>Oh well, at least there's no shitcock crow-pony who takes it upon himself to wake up the entire neighborhood at 4 AM with his fucking music or an airhorn for no readily apparent reason
>"I SAID--" and you snap.

>"LADY, I'M FORTY FEET FROM YOUR FUCKING HOUSE!' you scream back. "I'M NOWHERE NEAR YOU! NOW FUCK OFF!" You actually hate to begin a relationship with your new neighbors this way, but damn.
>She squawks angrily. Seriously, she literally caws like a bird, and ducks back inside. She slams the shutters on the window hard enough that you're astonished she didn't bust the window itself.
>You're watching a rerun of Equestrian Idol a few minutes later and resting up when you hear a knock at the door.
>Grumbling you get up to open the door.
>Standing there are a pair of Equestria's Finest. Actually, they're Ponyvillian constables in uniform, and Earth pony mare and a Unicorn stallion. Not too much happens here that needs actual cops, thankfully but they're generally pretty competent
>Without preamble the mare says, "We got a complaint from your neighbor that you were tresspassing on her property, committing vandalism and harassment." She looks oddly apologetic when she says this. "She says you cracked her window."
>"I...see," you say slowly. "Did you happen to ask her how I managed to do all of that while carrying the trash to my garbage can a good forty feet away from her house while on my side of the fence?"
>"Uh...we spoke to your OTHER neighbor over there and the mare across the street," says the unicorn. "They were both outside at the time, and they corroborate you." He pauses for a bit and rubs at his eyes. "Look, I really shouldn't be saying this, but...your neighbor's kind of--special, let's say. We're going to speak with her. Again."

>They leave, and you go to bed.
>You're shaken from a dreamless sleep by La Cucaracha. Disoriented, you look at the clock.
>It's 4. This shouldn't be happening.
>You look out the window across the street. In front of one of the other houses on that side of the street is a familiar figure--a black bird-pone has set up a full DJ setup on the porch. You know that one was deserted when you'd moved in.
>Lights are going on all over the neighborhood, and you hear barking dogs everywhere.
>The bird-pone does a double take when he sees you. He weaves "AAAAAAAAAY, ANON!" he yells. "I JUST MOVED IN, MAN! WE OUGHTA GET TOGETHER FOR SOME BEERS OR SOMETHING!" He goes back to spinning something on the DJ rig.
>You have no idea how Aphex Twin is known in Magic Pastel Horseland. Nevertheless, there it is. Apparently they get around.
>"SHUT UP THAT BUCKIN' RACKET!" you hear. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP--!" Your blue bird-pony neighbor is standing on her front porch in a bathrobe screaming like a banshee.
>DJ Cock sees her, waves and yells a greeting. He points at his ears, signalling that he can't hear a thing over the music.
She sees you standing at your window looking back at her. "YOU! YOU NEED TO STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY BUCKING HOUSE BEFORE I CALL THE BUCKIN' COPS ON YOUR ASS AGAIN--!"
>You slam the window on a cacaphony of angry screams, techno music, barking dogs and crying foals, crawl back into bed, and slam the pillow over your head. "Kill me. Please," you mutter.

>>28646737
These greens are pretty great
Thank you based anon

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>>28646785

Thank you, oh great birdmaker. I will try to do some more later.

Birb must prevail/

>>28646737
laughingbatman.jpg

>>28646804
Haha, wow, I'm surprised anyone bothered saving that one
Maybe I'll finish it, one day...
>filename
What bird would a Rockabilly birb be?
My vote is some kind of Falcon, since the Gretsch White Falcon is Rockabilly incarate

>>28646946
>Haha, wow, I'm surprised anyone bothered saving that one
>Maybe I'll finish it, one day...
>>filename
>What bird would a Rockabilly birb be?
>My vote is some kind of Falcon, since the Gretsch White Falcon is Rockabilly incarate

Dayum, now I can't get the idea out of my brainbox.

Spitballin' here. He's got a band. He's alcohol and tobacco-fueled. If they're not drunk or stoned, they're on the way to getting drunk or stoned. They play better drunk.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEUw1t8RcZ0

How about White Flagg? Since Dire Straits is probably too obvious, Gretsch White Falcons are pretty awesome, Bill Flagg was a Rockabilly pioneer and it's kind of homage and a callback to Black Flag?

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>>28647068

Damn, thought you were asking about names

Birds...lessee...

Crow-pones are a shoe-in. Or maybe an umbrella bird. They've got a goatee and a built-in natural pompadour, and that's badass.

>>28647094
With a sweet hairdo like that it's pratically a shoe in
Now we just need one to play some Duane Eddy on a White Falcon
Psychobilly birb when

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>natural prey of birb

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>>28647237

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>>28647250

>"N-no, you're in the PERFECT thread! Let me just get the butter..."

bamp

>>28647606
Bump

>>28647237
>>28647250
>>28647325
haha

>>28625302
Have you gotten it fixed yet?

Repostan!

>"Anon, what the flap is this?!"
>The black and white pegasus comes flying in to the kitchen and tosses a brown paper bag onto th countertop in front of you
>The bag topples over and its contents slide out on the hard surface: a couple of triangular packages wrapped in metallic protective sheets.
>You look at Maggie in confusion, and are met with a murderous gaze
"Uh... it's the lunch I made for you. Walnut and rye bread sandwich, plain. You know, you favourite."
>"No, what is *this*?", the mare asks and caws
>She picks up one of then silvery packages with her hoof and points to the wrapped meal with the other one
>Your eyes shifts back and forth between Maggie's clearly upset face and the object in her hoof
>You don't understand what the fuzz is about, so you don't bother getting snappy back at her
"Right, your sandwich."
>The mare slaps her own face with the package she's holding and let's out a grunt.
>She then sinks her teeth into the aluminium foil and start to tear it off from the food, piece by piece, and letting out an occasional caw in between.
>You had previously noted how Maggie's bird calls got more frequent whenever she got a bit emotional, and actually found it quite charming
>Once finished, the mare collected the rough shreds in her hooves and held them up to you
>"Why are you wasting such precious shinies by wrinkling them up and getting food all over them?", Mags asks almost in desperation
>She's actually serious
"Maggie, calm down, it's just aluminium foil. It's like two or three bucks a roll, and it's *supposed* to be used for preparing and storing food. Now give those to me so that I ca-"
>"CAW!"

>>28651385
>As you reach your hand out towards her in order to recieve then aluminum shreds, she calls out and leaps away from you backwards
>"No! I will not let you ruin any more shinies! I will take them to my room and make sure neither you or anyone else puts their hooves on them!"
>She then quickly flies out of then kitchen and up the stairs.
>From the second floor you hear a door slam shut and a lock clicks.
>You hate when she does this shit.
>She's gonna hide whatever she found under the mattress and stay in the room all day and night to guard her new treasure.
>And the worst part is that you and her share a bed.
>Guess it's the couch tonight. Again.

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>>28640139
>>28600659