Stoned Writefag Requests

>>28104516
Slavic anon teaches spitfire how to shoot an RPG

>>28104516
write about that time Rainbow Dash gave Big Macintosh a blowjob and got caught by Applejack

>>28104523
"...and then be holding of tube like this..."
>Spitfire's breath catches as you position her hooves on the RPG, body rapping round her as you tweak her hold
"... tube is powerful. Strong."
>The mare's face reddens at the words
"... most important thing is to aim good. Once you go, they see where you are, become biggest threat.."
>You shake your head sadly
"Boris Borisokov learned that the hard way."
>"Who?"
>The mare grinds her hips into you, looking up at you with gleeful excitement
"Cousin from old country."
>"You're a man of mystery, Ivan."
"Now, when ready to fire, press here and wait for filthy capitalist pig to be destroyed by glorious communism!"
>The mare really likes that, moaning as she pulls the trigger.
>She gasps as a combat dummy explodes
>"Got him! Death to another of the enemies of the USSR!"
>You nod solemnly
"Da."
>Spitfire throws herself on her desk, raising her rear to you
>"Now, Ivan. I need to you to tear me out of this uniform and fuck me!"
>You pull a cigarette from your tracksuit pants, squatting to light it while you simultaneously will a bottle of vodka into being.
Cheeki Breeki

>>28104725
>while you simultaneously will a bottle of vodka into being.
What?

>>28104516
DUDE

>>28104529
>You, Big Mac, groan
>You've been bitten in the dick, by a snake
>Your fault, you had to admit, but still. Your dick is now poisoned.
>As your rustic mind springs into ponderous action, you're relieved to see a familiar tale hanging from a nearby tree
>Rainbow Dash was enjoying another snooze, the lazy bitch.
>Why should your tax money go to paying for a weather mare who spends ninety percent of her time slacking off?
>And don't get you started on the-
>Your horsecock throbs with pain
"Rainbow Dash!"
>She stirrs at the panic in your voice
"A snake bit ma dick!"
>"Again?"
>You nod
>"Same snake as all those other times?"
>You nod again
>"Fiiiine. I'll suck it out"
>After the most recent time, the doctor had decided it would be easier to just train everyone in town how to deal with a snake-bitten dick
>So Dash crawled underneath you, taking your soft length in her mouth
>You hummed patiently while the mutually platonically act went on
>Hoofsteps approach
>"Mac? Have you seen-"
>Applejack steps into view from behind some trees, freezing in shock
>You feel your face blush as she witnesses Dash's bobbing head
>Her face runs through shock, outrage and anger, settling on a kind of disgusted disappointment
>"Big Macintosh!"
>Dash doesn't stop as you hang your heads
>"Have ya been bothering that poor snake again!"

>>28104516
Write about Rarity pleasuring Sweetie Belle
Sexually

>>28104516
Its a regular day in ponyville, then robotnik shows up.

*This one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zhPhow2EGE

>>28104798
WEED

>>28104516
AiE but like Groundhog Day

>>28104843
>Sweetie's breathing is erratic, her chest rising and falling in short, sharp strokes
>She's lying, front up, on a chaise lounge, rear legs spread wide
>"How's this, darling?"
>Sweetie just moans in response, unable to voice a real answer
>Between her legs, her sister's hoof firmly circles her winking clitoris, letting off the occasional squish as it works the younger mare's pussy
>Sweetie rocks her hips back, trying to grind into the gliding hooftip, desperate for firmer contact
>It's always dancing just out of reach, though
>She looks up at her sister, who makes friendly eye-contact, patient smile on her face
>The animalistic heat inside Sweetie grows even more. She suddenly bucks her hips, the jerking motion dragging her sensitive clit right across Rarity's hoof
>Sweetie's vision blurs as pleasure courses through her, body writhing, contorting with the sensations
>After half a minute, her movements slow, then stop.
>Rarity wipes her hoof clean, waiting patiently for her sister's orgasm to subside.
>"Did that help, Sweetie?
>Sweetie nods, wearily. The heat inside her beaten back for the moment
>"But... but what if I get like that... desperate when I'm out? I don't know if I could ask someone else to-"
>Rarity shushes her sister
>"Your friends would be happy to help, I'm sure. Besides you know the rhyme: Be polite, It's only right..."
>"... Mares help mares to beat the heat." Sweetie finishes
>Her hoof idly makes its way back to her cleft, probing at the sodden fur as her sister bustles out of the room
>Her friends to help out, huh...
>A trickle of wetness runs from Sweetie's engorged lips as her hoof find her clit
>... Maybe her first heat wouldn't be so bad after all.

>>28104862
>Wake up.
>Wait for strangers to update stories about cartoon ponies. They don't.
>Shitpost.
>Bump general.
>Sleep.

I'm not good at non-fiction.

Stepping outside for more pot, will resume shortly.

Write about Octavia finding Vinyl's weed and mistaking it for tea

>>28104861
LMAO

>>28105000
>Vinyl Scratch shuffles through the doors to the kitchen, her housemate already cooking a sizzling breakfast
>Octavia's cello is propped up by the fridge. Within arm's reach, as always.
>"Good morning, Vinyl. How was your sleep last night?" Octavia asks, cheerfully
"Fuck you."
>"That bad, huh?"
>The white mare nods regretfully as she slumps down at their table, cradling her head
>"Tea?"
"Uhhhh."
>"Pancakes?"
"Uhhhh."
>"Coming right up!"
>Octavia bustles over with a teapot
>"I used your special tea."
>She pours out a cup of brownish, boiling tea
"Special tea?"
>Vinyl took a sip, trying to work out what Octavia meant
>It took a second for her taste buds to cut past the heat of her tea, but when they did, she almost spat it out
>Her ultra-conservative friend had somehow found her weed stash
>Although... Octavia obviously hadn't realised what it was. Maybe she could play along...
"Mmm, great tea!"
>Her forced smile wavered as she swallowed another mouthful of the drink
>If she could just drink all the tea before Octavia got a taste, then maybe Octavia never had to know...

That's it from me. For now. If the thread's still up tomorrow, I'll keep going

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So far the quality of these a pretty good for a guy that is stoned. My request would be the Royal sisters trying their hardest to seduce a guard into a threesome.

I can really get behind the idea of this thread

>>28104725
I feel like you've written cheeki breeki spootfur before.

>>28104831
This one was probably the weakest of them all so far.

>>28104980
>expandingdong.mp3

>>28105234
Hearty kek.

>>28105234
I was wanting Octi to drink it and turn into a stoned chav...

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>>28104725

is being stoned a requirement? I take shitty requests all the time, gibe the shittiest shit and I'll make an attempt

>>28106318
Twilight is addicted to heroin and desperately needs a shot, she doesn't have any money though so she needs to convince her friends to give her some cash while keeping her addiction a secret.

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write as if an in-universe fanboy pony is writing RD/Daring Do slashfic

>>28104516
/r/ to kys

>>28106318
Go for it. Stoned\drunk would be a plus but not mandatory

>>28106351
And inserting himself into it.

>>28105234
>"... and my great-great-great-grandmare was chief of blue flower arranging for the Grand Arch-Duchess..."
>With a heroic effort, Vinyl swallows the final gulp of nasty weed tea.
>Her idea of asking Octavia to talk about her entire family history was, well...
>On the one hand, it had given her plenty of time to drink six cups of tea.
>On the other, she now wanted to lobotomise herself.
>She glances at the dozen forks and spoons Octavia had laid out for her
>Which was the one for boredom-self-termination?
>Now the imminent crisis was over, her mind was wandering
>Her face screws up suddenly
>"... funny thing is, she'd never had to defuse a bomb before, so she-"
"Where did you find my weed?"
>Octavia frowned
>" Oh, that was marijuana?"
>...shit
"Uhhhh..."
>"It was in a box under your bed."
>Under her bed?
"The locked box!?"
>Octavia beamed
>"Yes, the one wrapped in chains. It had a note saying "Octavia, don't open this ever" on it."
>Vinyl started at her friend flatly as the mare continued
>"Well, inside that box was a smaller box, hermetically sealed and magically enchanted to open only for you when you touched it with a drop of your blood under the light of gibbous moon."
>"You... you got through all of that?"
>"I was having a spring clean."
>Octavia gives a little shrug, as though that's enough explanation
>"But how did you-"
>Vinyl caught herself. Octavia was actually being chill about the weed thing.
>"Never mind. Look, 'Tavi, you're being pretty cool about this."
>"We all have our little habits, Vinyl."

>>28106971
>Vinyl Scratch's face widened into a smile. This was the awesome roommate she enjoyed hanging with
>Even if they did argue most of the time
>"If you're happy doing such a common drug, then I'm not going to stop you."
"Ya know, 'Tavi, you think you know a mare, then..."
>Hold on.
"Wait... common?"
>"Yes. For the plebeians."
>Octavia pulls her cello over, spinning it round and tapping it with her hoof. A panel on the back falls off
>The body of the instrument is stuffed with bags and bags of white powder
>"A proper mare powders her nose."

>>28105295
>Stoic Heart was, as usual, waiting outside Princess Celestia's bed chambers.
>Not in a weird way, mind you. It was his duty to guard the princess over night. A lot of the other guards griped about having standing guard duty, but Stoic didn't mind it.
>He was a patient stallion.
>Slow minutes ticked into long hours, drifting lazily by without excitement or incident.
>No. It wasn't the waiting Stoic minded.
>The door behind him creaked open
>He stifled a sigh as a voice called from the open door
>"Oh, Stoic Heart~"
>There it was. The seduction attempt.
>The guard marched into his princess's room
>Every damn night, she tried something. Her and that blasted sister of hers
"Your highness?"
>The princess is lounging on her back, legs spread toward to him
>A dollop of whipped cream covers her... intimate area
>Celestia rolls a strawberry between her teeth for a few seconds, then levitates it out, sliding it down her body before gently placing it on the whipped cream
>"I wondered, captain, whether you might want something to eat..."
>She bites her lip, heavy eyelids batting at the stallion
"It's against regulations for a guard to eat while on-duty."
>She shifts slightly
>"Well, maybe we could make a special exception, just for-"
>Stoic salutes smartly
"That won't be necessary, your highness. I ate before my shift. Now, if I may take my leave, I must return to my post."
>With that, the guard turns and marches back to the door, leaving a sticky and unsatisfied Celestia

~

>Another hour or so passes quietly. Five more minutes and the shift will finally be over.
>The door creaks open for a second time.
>Stoic's heart falls
>"Stoic~"
>Even with years of dedicated training, the stallion struggles not to roll his eyes
>He enters the chambers again.

1/2

Random stallion being imprisoned and roughly used as a fuck/snuggletoy by Celestia?

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>>28104516
man eats ENTIRE ass in front of the whole town!

>>28107131
>Stoic Heart marches into the chambers and salutes, his face dutifully blank.
>It's... Well. He's not sure where to start.
>Celestia is tied down to some wooden construct, her rear legs forced wide. She's blindfolded, her moans stifled by a ballgag.
>There's a rhythmic slap every couple seconds as some...
>Stoic's eyes widen slightly
>... some kind spank-machine slaps her. It reminds him of a waterwheel, but with paddles, hooked up to what looks like a stream engine.
>Each one of the paddles had a picture of his face on it.
>The floor between Celestia's legs glistens, her wetness running down her legs and pooling beneath her
>A thread of pussy juice dangles from her netherlips, flicking back and forth in time with the spanks.
>The thing that shocks him most, though, is what Princess Luna is doing
>She's grinding her sopping marehood up down her sister's face, ending each grind by slamming her clit into Celestia's horn
>Stoic's face remains indifferent, though he's cringing internally
>He salutes
"Your highnesses?"
>Luna locks with him, her face twisted with pleasure
>"Mount mine sister, guard."
"I'm afraid I can't do that, ma'am. It's against regulations for a guard to have sex while on duty."
>Stoic isn't actually sure of this, but it sounds like a pretty common sense rule
>Luna lifts herself up, lining Celestia's horn up with her lips
>With a moan, she takes her sister inside herself
>"Guard, do you truly not wish to rut with two goddesses? We could show you pleasures you can't even begin to imagine."
>Luna begins to bounce on her girl's horn
"Sorry, ma'am. I already have a special somepony."
>Celestia's pussy convulses, her body thrashing. Her movements set Luna off, who lets loose a flood of juice all over her sister.
>Stoic waits patiently as Luna finally comes down from her post orgasm haze, loving eyes with the station
>"A special somepony? She's lucky to have a stallion as faithful as you."
>Stoic nods
"Yeah, he is."

>>28106351
>...and then Daring Do stabed the diamond dogs with the cerimonial sword
>"Bad dogs" she said
>But before she could see that the diamond dogs leader, Tough Mutt, was behind her with a big sword
>"Your to late! We already locked your friends in a box with spikes and acid!"
>Daring do wasn't fast enough to dodge sword which was coming in quick and sharp
>It hit her and her blood was flicked on the wall and she dropped her sword and she fell down and kept bleeding
>"No!" shouted two voiced out loud
>It was rainbow Dash and Shadow Hero
>"How did you escape the acid spike box!?!" shouted the diamond dog
>"I used shadow powers!" Shouted Shadow Hero back
>"She's dead!" Shouted rainbow dash at Daring do
>"You killed my girlfriend, Daring do!" Shouted Shadow Hero
>He moved like a blur and his katana blurred over the dogs head and it came off
>"Looks like I just taught this old dog... A new trick" said Shadow Hero cooly then he ran to Darings body
>"I have to use my powers to save her!" He shouted
>"It's to dangerous! I don't want to loose you to!" Cried rainbow at her boyfriend because he was both their boyfriends
>"I have to try" he said
>He stood over Darings body and single tear of true love cane from his eye and landed in her
>Them something magic happened
>All Darings blood went back in her body and she got up
>"Wow, that was so cool" she said and kissed her boyfriend
>"Leave some for me, hehe!" Shouted rainbow playfully and they all started kissing ( they were each others girlfriend too)
>And so the day was saved again by Shadow Hero
>Until the next baddies showed up... because a true hero like Shadow Hero knows theres always more evil to kill.
>The end.... For now...

>>28107237
>"Anon! There's been an emergency, we need your help!"
>You groan
"Why's it always me you ask for help with your stupid problems?"
>Twilight stomps a hoof
>"Anon, this is serious! 200 ponies are trapped in the town hall! They're running out of air!"
>You raise an eyebrow
"Running out of air?"
>"Yeah, the front doors are blocked, so they can't get out to get more air!"
"That's not how air works, Twi. Besides, what's blocking all the exits?"
>"Oh, it's only the front doors that are blocked."
>You stare dumbly at Twilight

>>28111127
"So why don't they leave through the back doors? Or one of the fire escape? Or a window?"
>Twilight's face screws up
>"Because... the front door's blocked?"
>Twilight doesn't seem to understand where you're going with this
>You sigh
"What did you need me to do?"
>"Oh," Twilight brightens up, "I need you to eat ass."
"..."
>You stare at Twilight, who stares back innocently
"..."
>She's offering no explanation
>You finally break
"What the fuck are you talking about."
>Twilight flinches at your swearing
>"Anon! No no-no words!"
>You bite back a retort. It's not the ponies fault that they're all dumb as bricks
"Twilight, why do you need me to eat ass?"
>She cocks her head
>"So the people in the town hall can get out."
>You resist the urge to hurt the mare, and instead rephrase your question
"Why is there an ass in front of the town hall?"
>"Oh, it's from the statue we were making."
"The statue?"
>"Yep." Twilight beams at you
>Patiently, you continue with your questions
"What was the statue of?"
>"Celestia!"
"Ohhh. The one for that sun celebration thing?"
>Twilight nods
>"It was going well, but the ass melted off and now-"
"Melted off, how did it melt off!?"
>You know she's going to misunderstand, as soon as you finished asking that
>"In the sun." Twilight clarifies
>You rub at your eyebrow with one hand, tapping the other against your hip
>You're going to have to work this one out yourself
>Was there a magnifying glass involved? Or was the statue made out of...
"Oh, God, was the statue chocolate, twilight?"
>She nods
>Well, fuck. They'd passed out some surveys asking what the town should do for the celebration, and you'd jokingly filled yours out. Chocolate statue was one of your suggestions.
"So you decided to make a chocolate statue on one of the hottest days of the year, and its ass melted off in the sun. That ass is now blocking the doors shut, and you need be to eat it?"
>Twilight nods hesitantly
"What?"
>"It's not really blocking the doors shut."

>>28111396
"You said it was blocking then shut."
>"No, I said it was blocking then."
>You raise your arms
"What's the difference!?"
>"Oh, the doors can open."
"So why don't the trapped ponies just leave?"
>Twilight sighs in exasperation, like she's explaining to a child
>"Because the ass-"
"-is in the way. Yeah, of course." You finish, bitterly
>If it's a hot day though...
"Won't the ass just melt? Why do you need me to eat it?"
>"It did melt."
>This is getting too much
"So what, it's just a puddle of chocolate?"
>"Uh-huh."
"Why don't the ponies just walk through it?"
>"Because then they'd get their hoofsies all sticky!"
>Twilight started at you, earnestly
>She wants you to eat melted chocolate ass from the floor just so a few ponies don't get their hooves dirty.
>This is definitely the time for your ultimate move
"Whoa, that sounds really serious, Twilight!"
>"Y-you think?"
>Twilight sounds alarmed as you nod
"Too much for me. I think you need to get the Elements of Harmony!"
>A look of grim determination cruises Twilight's face
>"I'll get them right away! And Anon, thanks. Your advice is always wise, even if it takes you a while to process things!"
>She returns your flat stare with a friendly grin
"Get the fuck outta my house."

I'm gonna go smoke. I'll continue with any prompts/requests in a bit

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>>28108309
>that ending

>>28104793
He is stoned, what's it that you don't get Anon?

>>28112315
Have people seriously not heard that phrase before?

Shit I'm off my face let's do this. Requests?

>>28104980
>Mares help mares to beat the heat

I like this headcanon.

>>28112508
You're not the only one high rn

Twilight goes to ask for a date to Big Mac, Fluttershy is there and Marble and her mom

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>>28112508
Do an image of night maid rarity with a bunch of gem blades telekinetically floating around her.

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>>28111127
>>28111396
>>28111580
thanks pal, you're a real nigga