Anonymous in Equestria Thread#1101

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Green soon fellow Anons

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Reminder that Anonymous's media library has been classified as a weapon of mass discord.

Discord is mad jelly because his antics never earned such a classification.

Gib requests.

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>>28001755
birbhorses acting like birbs

>>28001784
Thas a big birb

Short update to Anon the Barbarian. http://pastebin.com/4A7K0Rj8

>-----Later in the Dungeons-----

>You are Steel Will (No relation), Solar Guard.
>And more importantly you've been placed in charge of interrogating the violent warrior that invaded the castle.
>You missed the battle, being on patrol on the other side of Canterlot.
>But the captain briefed you well. He even showed you the warrior's axe. It was bigger than you.
>Something you could have done without seeing, still some liquid courage fixed that.
>Now you're ready.
>Marching into the dungeon, stoic look ready to intimidate, you stop in front of its cell.
>Only to realize you are not ready.
>The creature looks like nothing you've seen before.
>Twice your size, it sits on the floor facing the bars. Legs folded up like a pretzel, forelegs ending in some kind of stubby tentacles rest on its knees.
>Its eyes are shut. And you just manage to stop yourself asking if he's awake.
>"Alright you, whatever you are. It's time to answer some questions."
>The warrior doesn't get up or open his eyes.
>"Ah, you seek knowledge. A wise man said the only true knowledge is knowing that you know nothing."
>What the buck does that mean?
>"Who are you?"
>"A wise man once said you must know yourself before you can know the minds of others."
>What?
>"I KNOW WHO I AM! Why did you attack the castle!?"
>The warrior is unmoved, still sitting with his eyes closed.
>"There's a saying. As the wheels follow the Ox that draws the cart, the wind cannot overturn a mountain."
>"THAT MAKES NO SENSE!"
>"Or does it make perfect sense."

>>28002281
>-----Five minutes later-----

>"TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE! TEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
>You are Anon and the guard is rattling the cell bars and screaming hysterically.
>His mane is all messed up and he's got a crazy look in his eyes.
>The Infuriating Buddhist ploy is a resounding success. Annoy your enemies into submission.
>"WHO ARE YOU!"
>The guard yells again shaking the rusty door with all his might.
>Your eyelids snap open and catch his eyes with an intense stare. The pony stumbles back in shock, falling on his butt.
>"I am Anon, Barbarian, Last King of destroyed Equilonia."
>Scrambling to his hooves the shocked and probably slightly terrified guard bolts out of the dungeon.
>Standing up, you move to inspect the cell door. The rusty bolts attaching the bars to the wall are coming loose.
>But not quite enough to kick them free without making a racket.
>You'll probably need to do this a couple more times before you can escape.

Bumper

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>>28001444

>>28001124
Tripfags in ThisLand

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>>28002064
4 u
u

>>28001784
#OneDayOneShot

>Your house is dark
>Your house is always dark
>Despite the sunny world outside you are trapped in total blackness
>The ponies have prohibited you from opening your curtains and without electricity you only have candles to resort to
>Smoke filling candles lighting up every room with no escape to the outside
>A choice between sight and suffocation unless you want to spend time outside
>But outside sucks
"That's it! I don't care anymore!"
>You fling open the curtains letting the portals to that beautiful world shine free
>Blue skies, golden rays of sun, grassy green meadows
*thunk*
>Grey pegasus
*thunk*
>Blue pegasus
*tap*
>Yellow pegasus
"Stop flying into my windows!"
>"Hi Anon!"
>"Ow. What gives? You're supposed to keep those things closed."
>"S-sorry."
"I JUST opened them. Every other house has windows. Why do you keep flying into mine?"
>"I didn't see it."
>"But yours are so clear. They're like an invisible force field."
>"S-sorry."
"It's called Windex. Learn to clean your shit."
>Birbhorses keep hitting your window
>You got in trouble and Twilight confiscated your bottle of Windex
>Man, fuck horses
>Why do you get punished for their stupidity?
>Lucky she didn't find your spare
>You are going to leave this dump and move to Griffonstone
>And you are taking your Windex with you

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>>28003463
bueno

>>28003580
comfy/10

>>27998723 I hope the link works
Your story is reminding me of Equitech's MLR, which I absolutely loved reading. Speaking of him, is Equitech dead or something?

Also moar plz

somewritefag when?

>>28004473
Really? Neat

as for your demands for moar, I'm currently working on a lewd for another degenerate thread outside /mlp/. I can share if you want to follow the pre-alpha

TRIGGER warning: not pone related

>>28001124
How does one request access to the pastebin lists? I've got two finished one shots, and a WIP or three

>>28005488
You pray to whatever heathen gods an Australian might follow and hope 8th hears your plea. Be forewarned I have heard that spiders and kangaroos are a key component.

Also link your paste for the bugger.

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>>28005517
You forgot the boomerangs and drop bears.

>>28005517
kk
pastebin.com/u/Jathma
SPOIDAH ON 'ROO 8TH I SUMMON YEW

>>28005537
Oh yeah. Good luck Anon, you'll need it.

>>28005544
>No public pastes
Fix your shit

>>28005610
Fixed. Should I shoot myself now, or write more first?

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>>28005693
Shoot yourself, then use the pain and regret to fuel your writing.

You're on the list ya fuckstick, have a tiny horse

>>28005872
yee

.22 LR, .38 Special, 9mm or 00 shot?

>>28005872
More notMoonie when?

Gift prompt from RGRE thread.

>Ponies have object permanence similar to that of a baby when it comes to Anon because he has no magic in him to sense.
>pones neighing loudly when they cant find him.

>>28005891
All of them at once.

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>>28005891
This >>28006021

>>28005936
When I reach that precise level of self-loathing and drunk that seems to spur the imagination.
Or when I stop being a lazy cunt and get an idea, which ever comes first.

>>28006033
But I like it when you try new things.

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>>28006042
Give me an idea mate and I'll give it a go.
Can't promise it'll be post worthy but I can promise to try.

>>28006056
Alright, get this
There's Anonymous
Right, listening?
We take Anonymous
Right, right
We take Anonymous
Oh my god this idea
We take Anonymous
and we put him
Listen
We take Anonymous
And we put him in Equestria

Also he can't ride a bike.

>>28006104
>Anon gets sent to bikequestria
>All ponies ride bikes 24/7
>They are born riding bikes
>They ride bikes while they sleep
>If they fall off their bike they're banished
>No laws are made for what would happen if a pony walked because it's literally unthinkable
>Anon walks into town

>>28006119
>Mass chaos ensues
>Princess Bikestia and Bikuna convinces everyone it's okay because Anonymous is not a pony and doesn't know any better
>Ponies become convinced that Anonymous is missing out on the bike life
>They can't help but get involved and try to push their ways onto him
>Anonymous gets fed up with all the bike racism

>>28006104
>Be Anonymous
>Day Bike Riding in Equestria
>Because magic and poorly drawn sketches, a few of the ponies have been able to make you a bike.
>It makes travel around the place much easier.
>Well, it would if only you could ride the damn thing.
>Who knows how many skinned knees later, AJ arrives and begins watching.
>"Try to keep your balance," she calls out.
"Yeah, I know that already."
>"Doesn't look like it."
>You sigh as you get up on your bike again. This time you manage three rotations of the pedals before you fall.
>In the process you skin your one clean elbow.
>The sudden pain causes you to spew out random obscenities and swears.
>An awkward Applejack inserts a soft and marshmellowy hoof into your mouth.
>"It takes a real cycle-path to use so many no-no words at once."
"I thought that was Pinkie's job.
>"It's good to branch out once in a while," she smiles.
>She looks it over before a cartoon light bulb appears above her head.
"What was that?"
>"I have a wheelie good idea," she says as she leads you up to her barn.
-----
>AJ later appears with your bike, this time with two training wheels.
>"Give it a go."
>As you stand up from your spot on the grass, your knees crack and ache from all the falls.
>"You know, I think I'm too tyred right now.

Happy?

>>28006129
>dem puns
>dem buns
Happy? Very
Satisfied? Never

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>>28006129
>puns
I laffed

>>28001444
>the cold grip of death finally takes you, seems lubing a sword doesn't really change much
>you awake upon a desolate plane devoid of anything, except for a tall figure wrapped in darkness
"Anonymous the human, I have come to guide you into the next realm. It is there that you will be judged for your every action in life, be it good or otherwise. Before that however I will share with you my wealth of knowledge, finely tuned over countless eons. Choose your question well, for I will only answer one."
>"Where is Equestria?"
>you asked without a second thought, believing your whole life must have lead up to a moment like this
"What?"
>the figure seems confused, either by your question or your eagerness to waste an infinite amount of knowledge
>"Where is Equestria?"
>the stranger remains silent for a moment, finally answering with an inquisitive tone
"Don't you want to go to the afterlife?"
>without thinking you grab the strange figure's robe and pull him close, rage and desperation filling your body
>"I WANT TO FUCK A HORSE!"
>the stranger's hood falls back revealing a skull, but you don't care. He then takes up a cowardly stance and pleads with a fearful tone
"Holy shit, please don't hurt me! It's a few galaxies north of here! Listen, you were going to be judged worthy and sent to the realm of light but you weren't supposed to die for another 50 years, so I could send you to Equestria for the rest of your natural life!
>"DO IT"
>a wicked, yet slightly pathetic, smile stretches across your face as the skeleton places his boney finger upon your chest
>a great darkness overtakes the once empty plane and you hear one last thing before passing out
"Fucking creep..."

Oneshit request: "DJ" Anon and Vinyl Scratch don't get along, she threatens to break the macbook he mixes all his sick beatz on.

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>>28006616
That's not a bad prompt actually, but he doesn't head onto /mlp/ for another 11 hours or so, as far as I know.

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>>28006721
>but he doesn't head onto /mlp/ for another 11 hours or so, as far as I know.
I'm so confused

>>28006721
Others can do it.

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>>28006158
>>28006160
>>28006164
>>28006167

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>>28006158
Posting draw fag edition.

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>>28006160

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>>28006164

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>>28006167

>>28006129
>An awkward Applejack inserts a soft and marshmellowy hoof into your mouth.

Like, the entire hoof, into his mouth? Just imagine that. He's on the ground swearing and she shoves her ENTIRE HOOF into his mouth. Imagine his reaction.

>>28008120
Has any particularly autistic anon figured out the diameter of a pony's hoof yet? Also what is the "official" size, like 4ft tall or something?

Ok, I made a pastebin for my story.

Detective Rarity, in: The Canterlot Summit
http://pastebin.com/Gfdp04Xd

I'll be working on this tonight; making edits to what's there and finishing up the chapter. Might post an update here if I finish it.

Also, this is the tripcode I'm 'linking' to my pastebin. If the resulting hashes from the keywords change a lot then I'll discard it.

>>28008366
No official size, mostly head canon. To most people they seem to come up to the hips, or below if you're like 6'6 or something. Their hooves seem to be about as wide as an apple though.

>>28008366
>>28008611
Mouth is at dick height for proper worship of the apelien god.

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I'm lazy and can't write so imma throw out an idea I've had for a while. Writefags, do what you will with it.

>Anon the mediocre MTG player gets sent to Equestria
>Through the power of the ________ of _______, a mystical artifact from ________________, Anon has ability to cast the spells from his deck.

>>28008768
>Through the power of the mini fridge of fucker Steve, a mystical artifact from New Jersey, Anon has ability to cast the spells from his deck.

>>28008768
>Through the power of titties and beer, a mystical artifact from your mom. Anon has ability to cast the spells from his deck.

>>28006326
I like it
7/10 made me have a giggle

Cross post.

>Be anon.
>You decided to rob a gold bank stealthy solo.
>You step inside the side entrance and are blinded by a flash.
>You look around expecting a guard, but instead you see nothing but the regular bank.
>Eh, whatever.
>You wait for a guard to come by on its regular run.
>But no one comes by.
>Huh lazy sob's must have gone on a early brake.
>Oh well easier on you.
>You go through the back door to reach the tellers.
"Everyone ge-.... What the fuck is this! "
>Instead of tellers you find two small pastel horses.
>You look around.
>There ALL pastel horses!
>One of them looks at you and starts to speak.
>"Um, Mister we only accept bits here not... Weird metal tubes. "
>Okay someones fucking with you!
>The cops probably found out about your plan and set this up to fuck with you!
>These are probably robots!
>You walk up to the horse teller and squeeze its cheeks expecting to feel a metal.
>"Oooowww! Stop iiiittt!"
>Instead of cheep fiber and metal, you feel soft fur and pudgy cheeks.
"Ok, what the fuck? "
>"Okaaaay! Well take the pipe just stop squeezing my cheeks! "

I dont know how to continue this, if someone wants to take over they can.

>>28009820
"Not this one though!"
"Here, take the backup one"
>You pull your trusty Ruger SP101 and give it to her
"Hell, don't have a firearm for you though..."
>You say to the second mare
"Here, have a knife at least."

"Now, team, lets get to the greatest heist of recent history!"
"Do any of you know, where the vaults are, by the way?"

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>Finally stumble on Gadget's Trix of the Trade.
>Fuck yes I remember when he was writing this I wonder how it turned out.
>That ending

I'm not sure how I feel

>>28010208
They lived happily ever after
Oh noes!

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>>28008768
>Anon the mediocre playa gets sent to Equestria
>Through the power of the pimpass medallion of Game a mystical artifact from tha club, Anon has ability to cast the spells from his dick.

>>28010482
I'm more upset that there never actually seems to be a Vinyl Scratch story that makes it past the first two chapters. The image of rainbow dash watiing for months on end for Anon to come back for a single date is equally heart breaking but there's like a million stories with her getting the happy ending so it's a shorter lasting pain.

>>28010548
Because there's literally nothing to her character and for whatever reasons Anons never gravitated to her like they did to Derpy. There's a reason you don't see lots of stories with background characters.

>>28010845
That reminds me I need to work on a few things

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>>28010517
GOD-FUCK YOU BEAT ME TO IT

>>28011247
Are you going to be ok?

>>28011587
I'm never going to be okay

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>>28011624
If I give you some candy & a hug will you be okay?

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>>28007661
>>28007669
>>28007673
>>28007684
Oh hey, I made that!

Here's the single version.
>pic related

>>28011752
>Oh hey, I made that!
u shud make something with rarity

>>28011796
Fuck you, it needs Applejack.

>>28011880
>background horse
I bet you're a fan of the fandom

>>28011796
I can't draw for shit. All I did was colour it.

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Friendly reminder that Twilight Sparkle is worst waifu. If you waifu Twilight Sparkle please seek professional help immediately.

>>28008768
>>Through the power of the Medallion of Sonichu, a mystical artifact from Christian Chandler, Anon has ability to cast the spells from his deck.

>>28011929
And you're a fan of sluts.

>>28006616
#OneDayOneShot

>Day House Beatz in Equestria
>You got yourself a great gig here
>Armed with your macbook, your music library, and some bullshit magic charger you can finally live your dream of being a DJ
>You got the club scene pumping and you can just say you made all of these sick beatz
>You also have like no competition. If a club wants to bounce they come to you.
>There is one exception though, a rival in your stolen art
>DJ-PON3
>A white unicorn with rose speckled glasses, an electric blue mane, and a musical note cutie mark
>Despite looking like something out of a dubstep video she has actual mixing skill
>Fuck magic, it’s so unfair
>And thanks to a promotional DJ battle you now have to face off against her, but you do have an ace in the hole
>Pony lyrics a shit. Your stuff has style, your stuff has pop. When the music hits the ponies cannot help but dance in rhythm. You have gleefully received many a grind.
>Alternatively her music has energy but it always has a mellow midtone as if someone is about to start spewing a life lesson or something. It really kills the vibe.
>Her latest track comes to said midtone, easing down the kick and calming the crowd
>You punch up the volume dropping the drum and bass
>The party goes straight back into full swing, ponies moving around like crazy into and on top of one another
>DJ-PON3 got nothing on DJ-HACK4
>She gives you a very incredulous look. You smugly mouth to her
“What you gonna do?”
>Blue magic captures your laptop, ripping it from your stand and silencing the song
“Hey! What do you think you are doing?!”
>She flips it around, studying the strange piece of technology
>You worry for your music machine, but she sets it down safely and you can see the reflection of many folders in her glasses
>Everyone watches in quiet curiosity letting her do her work

(1/2)

>>28012536

>The DJ finds something, her shades lifting slightly with a naughty grin
>She throws a disc onto her turn table and then jams a plug into your laptop
>She doesn’t…
(Open both)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsfNjZohKuc
https://youtu.be/s2resBFG53k?t=10s
>SHE DOES!
>The jumbled jamboree sings into the night
>Ponies hoot and cheer, finding partners and busting some moves on the floor
>That bitch
>She waves to you, a cheeky smile on her face
>You just pout at your podium
>You’ve been beaten today

>>28008405
Oh good. I was worried you might be dead.

>>28012550
Stupid embeds don't do the time skip, so push the mlp one to 10 seconds ahead of the other

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>>28012550
I liked thing.

>>28012550
>Oh good. I was worried you might be dead.
I'm worried you might be tone deaf. I kid, I kid.
I tried syncing it like 8 times and I never found an offset (Including 10s on MLP) to do it any justice. That or I might be tone deaf. Liked the Chobits opening though.

I've been procrastinating. I've had the pastebin open for like 3 hours now, but I just keep switching to that Crunchyroll tab and watching more Jojo Diamond is Unbreakable. Fuuuuck.
I'll work on it now.

CRAZY NOISY BIZARRE TOWN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0CG1C1DEp4

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My balls hurt and it's distracting me from writing.

Fuck, the draw thread got deleted because mods are being gay. Now there's no more drawing until tomorrow :(

>>28012840
>I'm worried you might be tone deaf.
Maybe. It was a pain trying to find two songs to mix rather than grab someones remix and my music knowledge is limited. I more enjoy the implication that DJ Anon is a huge weeb.

>>28013446
Nvm. It's literally back up right away.

>>28011972
Thank you again !

>>28013397
fap

>>28013447
>DJ Anon is a huge weeb.
He would be the kind of huge weeb that has a black and neon fursona in all of his shitty youtube videos but SWEARS it's not a fetish thing.

Quick, someone give me a single line of greentext for a prompt

>>28014202
>"Anon, I don't want to use a litterbox. I use the toilet like you do."

>>28014220
Oh the places I could go with this

thanks, me

>>28014220
one question, which pone is this?

>>28014372
Which one you want?

>>28014397
someone... uncommon, looking for really tiny, underdeveloped names

also, anyone have that writefag achievement chart posted last thread? I cannot into archive

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>>28014405

danke

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>>28014405

>>28014500
>tfw you haven't seen the show since McFlurry was introduced
>tfw you've forgotten horse names

who is Flitter?

>>28014513
I think so.

>>28014500
>>28014528
I love the idea of Flitter, but I've already got this ground based, flitter lives in the clouds.

any mud horses or horn heads need love?

>>28014537
There's always Lyra and/or Bon Bon.

>>28014537
Mayor Mare

>>28014544
But Anon, they get way too mu...

It's perfect, may God have mercy on my keyboard

>>28014545
too formal for what I wa...
HOLY SHIT SLOW DOWN, I'VE GOT LIKE 5 DIFFERENT PASTES OPEN

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>>28012184
So is your father

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>>28014583
absolutely savage

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>>28014583

and so it begins

>5:59 AM
>6:00 AM
>BZ-*click*
>your alarm barely starts the song of it's people and you instantly smack it
>you quickly throw back the sheets and dive under the bed
>there is a soft thump as a weighted net lands just wher you were
>you grab your best line of defense
>your Super Soaker CPS 2k
>you roll from under your bed to between your pirate chest and closet
>reaching inside, you grab a confetti grenade
popping the pin, you quickly open and slam the door closed, tossing the nade inside
>you hear a loud bang and a louder scream
>you get up and throw open the door, watergun at the ready
>you see a flash of teal
>"LET ME TOUCH YOU"
>SPLOOSH
>Flitter hisses and flies out of your bedroom now thoroughly soaked
>you grab another grenade, your last one, a shoulder mounted flashlight, a spray bottle, tool belt to carry all this shit
>and the prize of your collection; your very own hand made serving platter body armour
>you're ready to face the world

>>28014583
My mother is a saint! It's my Aunt Betty who's a whore.

Poor Uncle Barney. And she told him they had to adopt. He deserves better, but somehow whenever I see him he is always laughing.
Fuck you Dad, you're supposed to be his friend.

>>28014659
>My mother is a saint!
The saint of easy lays, maybe.

>>28014673
Someone stop this madman!

>>28014673
My you be blessed with crossed legs and an eternal wizardry.

>>28014644
>holstering your CPS, you pull out the spray bottle sidearm
>setting it to jet, you brace against your bedroom door, listening for any noice
>clear
>you slowly turn the latch, just barely unseating it from the frame
>then kick it the rest of the way open
>you scattered three ponies waiting, but the Mayor is charging down the hallway
>"LET ME LOVE YOU"
>three squirts to the face is all it took, and she too has been driven off
>you stealthily walk down the hallway, spray gun at the ready
>Guest bedroom, clear
>Bathroom, clear
>Kitchen
>the lights are on, and there is a plate of steaming scrambled eggs and what smells like real bacon on the counter
>fucking ponies
>you grab a fork and lightly toss it at the plate
>you score a direct hit on the bacon and the entire plate explodes into a purple gas
>you put on your mask and grab a sealed protein bar from the cabinet
>a pony falls from the ceiling, snoring on the ground behind you
>you pick him up and unceremoniously toss him into your living room
>pocketing your breakfast, you ready your CPS and go to the front door
>you have five different locks on this motherfucker and every single one of them was picked
>you never should have told those ponies about Skyrim
>you turn back to your sleeping guest and say
"Ollabac Otidlam Onamuh Resnune Esritr Esrecerap"
>the poor soul shimmers and glows a dull silver, his body seemingly twisting to look like you
>yeah, magic bitch
>with the victim in place, you stand on the hinge side of your door
>one hand on the doorknob, the other holding your CPS
>pulling open the door, there is a flood of ponies rushing in
>they see your doppleganger
>and rush him, snuggling under his arm and giving him belly rubs
>'poor bastard' you think to yourself as you walk out into the world

>>28014644
>>28014739
and that's all for tonight. IT's 3 AM and I'm fucked right now

will continue, for now, let me know what you think so far, and where you think this might/should go

>>28014755
>stay up until 3am
>wake up at 7 for work
>fuckmerite
Also page 9 bump

Thread Archive: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/wcmx6hd2fkcfy1q/jloKD7pJTX
IS DOWN!

OH MY GOD! I only have 1-100! What to do!

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>>28015695

>>28015695
Usec op link

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>>28015695

>>28015695
Call the president

>>28015695
>404
Someone better upload archive again.
Mega or Driver maybe.

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>>28015695
>Laptop
>Forget download Thread archive.
Oh shit.

Happy Friday.
Have some green.

>You look down at the brush Twilight is offering you with every imaginable ounce of annoyance. This is the third time this week that Spike has refused to brush Twilight's hair for her, and the third time she's come to you for help. She can't use her mouth to do it properly, and it requires someone with actual digits, according to her explanation. Why she doesn't do it by magic, you'll never know. Honestly you think she's probably just stuck up at this point.

"Again," you grumble. "What did you do to Spike to make him go on hair-strike this time?"

"Just do it" Twilight says to you around the brush clenched in her teeth.

"Nope, not until you tell me why Spike is telling you no."

>She rolls her eyes at you, then sets down the brush on your knee. You brush it off like it's an unwanted crippled kitten, and watch as she glares at it on the floor, then back up to you. Her face grows red, but you're not sure if it's with anger or embarrassment.

"Fine," she says, practically spitting the words at you. "He won't brush my hair because sometimes I make...noises that make him uncomfortable. Does that make sense? I mean, I thought it was rude, so I stopped giving him food, but do you understand what I'm saying?"

>You blink down at her as you try to wrap your head around what that means. Noises? What does she...oh. Oh my. Does Twilight make sex noises while she gets her hair brushed? You've been so distracted the last times you've done it, you weren't listening. Well, there were those whimpers when you tugged too hard, but you didn't think much of those. Wait, does Twilight whimper during sex? Another thought for another day, pay attention to the here and now. You have, in that brush, the ability to make Twilight Sparkle make sex sounds.

"So is it every time?"

>She shakes her head, then flushes lightly.

"No just when it's...particularly intense."

(1/?)

>>28018192

>You adjust yourself in your chair so that you're not sitting on important aspects of your anatomy, then clear your throat.

"Well, if you insist, I suppose I can help you."

>She sighs in obvious relief.

"Oh thank you Anon, I don't know what I could have done without you."

>She picks up the brush with magic (again, why can't she do this to brush her hair?) and hands it over to you. Then she turns and sits before you, head held regally high. You see her shimmy her shoulders a little as she adjusts into place and readies herself for your attention. You smile as you raise the brush, knowing what your goal is.

>As the brush meets her mane, you pull down in a long, sensuous stroke, making sure to linger over areas where the brush catches and pulls. You go all the way to the end, then briskly tug away at just the tip, so that her hair fluffs a little with your movement.

>Her body shudders. You're on the right track.

>Once more you glide the brush through her mane from the top of her head all the way to the tips of the hair, pressing in so the bristles move across her neck. She shivers once more, and you think you hear a small squeak from her of exertion. Is she trying to keep quiet like a good little princess? You feel a swell of power, and penis, as you again raise your hand to make another brushing stroke. Then again, and again. You can see her muscles contracting, pulling, and she fidgets uneasily like she's trying to hold back.

>You begin to hear a soft rumble in her throat, almost like a purr, and those soft distant whimpers you'd thought you'd heard before. She sounds like she's being wound up, about to let loose. With each brush you feel her body tremble under the bristles. Soon now, she won't be able to hold back.

>At last you see her lips part, like she's panting from the exertion of keeping silent.

>You're so close. That's right baby, moan for me. Whimper and moan for me, Twilight. Quake with pleasure.

(2/3)

>>28018197

>Your brush catches a small snag, and her body goes taught as you tug against it a little. Ah, there it is, that magic button that will make her release. You smile as you steady the brush against it, ready to pull firmly, gently through it. Ready to hear your sweet little roommate moan uncontrollably at your mere touch. You grit your teeth, grab the brush, and give your purposeful tug and-

PPPPHHHHHHHTTH!

>The sound is unmistakable, but even if it wasn't the sudden vibration in her flanks tells you exactly what she just did. You freeze, looking down at Twilight. She slowly turns to look at you, smiling very sheepishly. The soft, wafting smell of horse flatus winds its way through the air to find your nostrils. You simply stare down at the conniving little form of Twilight, not believing what you've just heard and smelled.

"I...did say it was an uncomfortable noise," she practically squeaks out.

>You don't answer her. Without saying another word, you lean down and gently grab the length of her mane in one hand. Then, with the brush, before she can protest, you rapidly brush all the hair in the opposite direction against the grain. She squeals like some small rodent, but it's too late. You press the brush into the epic rat's nest you've created to leave it there, then stand and walk away from the protesting princess. It'll take all the magic she's got to untangle that mess now.

>You're not sure what the fuck any of this means, or why she thought this would be ok, but one thing is for certain: This whole roommate situation stinks.

-END-

(3/3)

Bin: http://pastebin.com/HsNe4c1M
Yes, it's a fart joke. I'm only moderately sorry. Have a good weekend everyone

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>>28018206
You got me all worked up and then left me in utter disbelief.

To quote google on 'Contempt'

"This action displays an arrogant contempt for the wishes of the majority"

>>28018394

It definitely does. This should surprise no one.

>>28018206
I knew it was coming. I absolutely knew it was coming.

Pencils, I never thought I'd say this but you're becoming reliable.

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>>28018206
I laffed

>>28018206
I had an giggle like the immature little shit I am
Excellent, albeit predictable, one shot

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>>28017966
>>28018018
>>28015695
It's in the OP ya dingusees

>>28019140
You will always be my pencils.

>>28019182
y-you too.

>>28014739
I did another do

>you need to stock up, otherwise you'd have stayed home
>first of your to-do list is to visit Pink horse for more confetti grenades
>she also told you that she was getting something new in stock last week
>you walk carefully to Sugarcube Corner, occasionally spooking the odd stalker pony
>you arrive relatively unharmed, save two foals hugging your legs
>a jaded cynical fuck you may be, but not even you had the heart to spray foals
>you rub their heads and shoo them off
>It's only 6:15, so the store isn't even open
>you walk around the back
>you look at a conspicuous wood barrel with the words "NO ENTRY UNDER HERE" printed on it in red ink
>you will never understand these horses
>pushing aside the barrel, you expose a trap door
>knocking out "Let me in" in morse code, the trapdoor swings inward
>you step down into the darkness, turning on your flashlight and pulling out your Spray bottle
>Ponk promised you it was safe down here, but it never hurt to be careful
>you wank to a think steel door at the end of this short hallway
>giving it one good smack with your fist
>a small slot slides open and a cute pink snout pokes out
> a gruff sounding, but still feminine voice calls out
>"What's the password"
>you take a deep breath
"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little bit-"
>the door shoots open
>"HIYA, NONNY! I was wondering when you'd get here"
>the pony is hanging from the ceiling by a thick rope tied around her middle
>you greet her with your customary hug
"Hi Pinkie, how was your week?"
>you don't like conversing, but this is the fastest way to get supplies
>and it nets you a sweet discount too
>"Ohmygosh, ItwasgreathTwilightandItriedgoingintotheever-"
>she starts her rambling, and you look around eyeing the stock
>confetti bombs, cake-mores, party cannons, cupcake rifles, SMGs (Sprinkle machine guns), smoke bombs in various colors and an assortment of various contraband weaponized party materials
>it's a wonderful place

>>28019522
>most of this stuff isn't enough to keep ponies off you, but the confetti bombs and cake-mores are good for stunning and spooking the colorful little shits
>Pinkie grabs your shoulders, hugging you from behind
>"So how about you, Nonny?"
"Oh same old, same old avoiding fluffy death from the cuddles. I spared two foals today, it felt good."
>you pick up an SMG that reminds you of Jacket's Piece google it ya lazy bums
"Specs on this?"
>"Ohh, that's a good one, shoots 1000 Sprinkles per minute 300 sprinkle capacity, or, if you want the Jelly bean version it shoot about 300 beans per minute, and has a 80 bean capacity
>"and if you get that now, I'll give you an extra 5 magazines and a weeks worth of sprinkles or beans for a quarter of the price!"
"Good stuff"
>you put it down, and move on
>there's a strange blacked out glass display case
"What's in that?"
>"Ohh, you'll like this"
>Pinkie releases your shoulders and floats over the the case
>she taps on the top, causing the glass to clear
>It's... beautiful
a 5 shot revolving action hoofgun with a 7 inch inch 00-cupcake barrel
>"Say hello to the Hoofheld Party Cannon!"
"I'll take it"
>"It, what?!"
>Pinkie stares at you in shock
>"But I haven't told you the price or anyt-"
>you cut her off with a boop
"cuddles are no object"
>one of the few advantages of having the most touchable body in Equestria is that those that you DO want to work with take cuddles as currency
>for reference, your suit only cost an hour and a half of couch cuddles with Rarity

>>28019739
"I'll take the SMG-Bean and the extra supplies, your new hoofcannon, 5 confetti grenades, two cake-mores and three green smoke bombs"
>"Yepper, Nonny!"
>Pinkie Pie dropped down from the ceiling and bounced to a register in the back of the room
>you followed her grabbing each of the items you requested and packing them into your toolbelt
>the holding enchantment was wearing out, so that was your next stop
>"Let's see..."
>she pulled a bookie's cap out of fucking nowhere and started tapping keys furiously
>"3500 bits for the SMG, 250 for the extras, 10000 for the Hoofheld Party Cannon, 100 for the confetti, 200 for the cake-mores and finally 45 for the smokes"
that comes to a total of 14095 bits, but since you're so nice I'm taking 1095 from the tab for a total of 13000 bits."
"and how much in cuddles?"
>Pinkie placed the receipt and looked you dead in the eye
>"ten hours of solid cuddles including kissing, or"
>her gaze lowered from your face to something *else*
>"two hours of 'fun'"
>you contemplate how to pay her, you don't have ten hours, and neither does she
>while you've always been weird, fugging your arms dealer is just out of your league
"How about you hold onto the gun and Hoofcannon, I take the bombs and come back later this evening, to pay the rest off"
>you wink at her, and pet her mane
>damn that's soft
>she considers it, her face scrunching up in concentration
>then you scratch behind her ear
>she relaxes into your hand
>"That works, Nonny. See you this evening"

that's all for now, will post more later

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>>28019764
Pic related

>>28019827
no u My Arch-Nemesis, Captain Capital, Could Strike At Any Time, I Must Be Constantly Vigilant

>>28019979
YOU'RE MINE NOW

>>28018896
Souce. because i can't find a shit.

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>>28020287
Oh wait nvm. I think i better go to sleep.

>>28020300
>>28018896
I can't find it!

>>28020401
Newfag gtfo

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You know, I never thought I would procrastinate on writing a story by drawing something as a joke, knowing I might go full out on it, go full out on it, and then have to force myself to stop because it's been 2 hours. What the fuck is wrong with me.
Enjoy literal cancer.

>>28020438
It stares at me in horrible pain.
Please just delete the file and end its suffering.

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>>28020431
No, not until i get a fucking link to download 100 - 1000 thread.

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>>28020438
There. I made it 20% better.

>>28020543
Holy fuck this is great. Kek'd real hard.

>>28020257
shit, i need to run1

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>>28012720
>That filename
I feel like I'm being lied to.


FFFFFFRIDAY NIGHT!

Tonight's thing: Large mentally handicapped Anon molests Applejack in the barn. Big Mac tries to stop him and gets cornholed for his trouble.

#OneDayOneShot

>Day Idle Hands in Equestria
>You not sure what that word means but you no care
>You best farmer in Questara
>Small ponies says so
“Opljuk. I bring Bugmuktush.”
>That you did
>You have red pony under your arm
>He always look tired so you gave carry
>You good friend
>”Thank ya, Anon, but I didn’t mean fer ya to carry him.”
“Oh.”
>You drop red pony and let him fall
>He make loud noise and Opljuk make funny face
“I do good?”
>”Uh, yeah. You did good. My fault fergettin’ ya take things too literal at times.”
>”Eeyup.”
>Oh boy!
“I get treat?”
>Both Oopls laugh but you not make joke.
>”Right. Go on and find Applebloom.”
>To treat giver!
>”No carryin’ this time, ya hear?”

>You run to tree house
>Ground get shakey when you run and ponies no like that
>Makes stuff fall from trees
>But unimportant
>You reach tree house and lean on the tree to peek into the window
>The three littler ponies are inside and Oplbum is at her poe-dee-um
>”Alright, our next order of business is—”
>You tap on the window with one large pudgy finger
>”Anon? What’re you doing here?”
“Opljuk say treats.”
>”Okay, but you have to wait until the meeting is adjourned.”
“A-jurn now.”
>”It doesn’t work like that.”
>”Aw, he’s hungry. You should go feed him, we can finish later.”
“Yeah, yeah ,yeah.”
>Seethibuhl good friend. She calls you gentle giant
>She get nice pet after treats
>”Well duh, the big guy is always hungry. He could eat all the food in Equestria and still want more.”
>No nice pets for Skootooll
>”In a minute. We got important stuff to cover.”
“A-jurn now!”
>You shake a rather large branch causing the three to wobble.


(1/5)

>>28021169

>”You better do it before we lose the tree house.”
>That only make Oplbum angry
>”Anonymous, you have to wait!”
“No want wait!”
>You reach your large hand into the window and grab her, carefully though; she is squishy
>She waves to her friends as you pull her through and place her on your head
>”Sorry girls, I’ll be back soon.”
>To the house!

>Despite the promise of treats you go slow for little pony and try to be steady so she no fall
>It long way down
>She say she can see all of Sfeet Ooplackers from here
>She stay mad though
>”That was very bad of you.”
“Nuh uh”
>”I said to wait.”
“Friends say yes.”
>”That doesn’t matter. I told ya it’d be a minute.”
“And Opljuk said no carry.”
>”Fer someone lookin’ for a treat you sure are being bad.”
“No bad. I best farmer.”
>You puff out your chest
>”But you’re carrying me when Applejack told you not to.”
“Cause make you happy.”

>You wait for her to reply but she is quiet
>You reach up to find her, landing on her back and patting hunched over shoulders
>Oplbum pout
>Need big guns
“Hold on. Gonna run.”
>She frantically adjusts herself on your head
>”Anonymous, no!”
“One”
>”It’s not safe.”
“Two”
>”Yer gonna get us both in trouble.”
“Two and one twos.”
>Clumps of your hair suddenly hurt, but it okay
“Ready?”
>She gives a tiny hum of worried approval
“Three!”
>You run
>You run like a mad man
>You not mad man, mad man bad
>But you go fast
>You hold out your arms like big aeroplane
>”YEE HAW!”
>Oplbum happy. That make you happy
>A loud barking starts chasing you from behind
“No Winininininini, my treat!”
>She chase anyway, and you laugh
>Oplbum laugh too
>And that’s how you three race to the house

(2/5)

>>28021180

>After your peanut butter sandwich you go back to barn to help
>Peanut butter sandwich make your mouth sticky. It funny
>Peanut butter sandwich made Wininininini’s mouth sticky too. It hilarious
>You should trick Opljuk and Bugmuktush to eat peanut butter sandwich
>Next time
“I back.”
>You try to hide your laughter to protect your future trick
>Opljuk and Bugmuktush watch you carefully
>Act cool
>”Anonymous, was that you I heard runnin’ across the yard?”
“Noooooo.”
>”You wouldn’t lie to me and Big Macintosh, would ya?”
“Nuh uh. I best farmer.”
>She stares at you
>Oh no. She knows.
>Maybe you should come clean. Lying bad.
>”Alright, but I’m keepin’ my eye on you.”
>Lying okay.
>”Now that yer here, ya mind helping me up to the loft? SOMEONE happened to break our ladder.”
>Lie about that too!
“WASN’T ME!”
>Bugmuktush gives you a ‘this nigga serious?’ look
>How you know that word?
>Maybe you should try saying it
>The angry look from Opljuk suggests otherwise

>”Now what did I tell ya about fibbin’? We all saw you try to climb the ladder.”
>Shoot
“Sorry. Only wanted to help.”
>”We ain’t mad at ya for it, but until we get a new one you gotta stand in for it.”
>She chuckles and Bugmuktush rolls his eyes
“I don’t get it.”
>She blows up her cheeks and then huffs
>”Yeah, yeah, my humors too good for the lot of ya. Just help me up will ya.”
“O-Kay.”
>Placing your open palms to the ground Opljuk steps into your hands and takes a seat
>You lift her up, putting one hand on her belly to keep her steady while your other hand pushes at the rump
>Tail tickles
>Once as high as you can go she stands to try and grab at the lip of the loft, but her hooves make for a poor grip
>You pull back and cup your hand giving protective sides to her seat
>”Woah there big guy. Don’t be getting’ any ideas ya hear.”
“Safety.”
>”Safety?”

(3/5)

>>28021191

>With a powerful thrust you rocket her into the air
>She fails to even attempt at grabbing the ledge and you catch her in the same position ready for round two
“Ready?”
>”Now just wait a minute and—“
>And away!

>She at least goes for it but misses
>Again!
>Bugmuktush stands on the barn floor with straw in his mouth, his eyes following the orange pony
>Up and down she goes, flying through the aid and landing butt first in your hand
>”Ooof, not so—“
>”Will ya hold—“
>”I can’t feel my—“
>”Woah nelly“
>”You best stop—“
>”Anonymous, I’m—“
>Opljuk bad at this. She barely trying anymore
>Good thing she has padding, but your hand is getting wet
“Opljuk, why my hand wet?”
>”H-hush!”
>”If you’d stop—“
>”We wouldn’t have—“
>”This problem.”
“What about the loft?”
>”Forget the cotton picking loft!”
>You stop with the bouncing and bring her to chest level
>She pants in your hand trying to recover herself
>You pet her shaking body with your other hand
“Opljuk okay?”
>”I’m…I’m fine. Just a little worked up is all.”
>”You should go take a shower. It’s just hay. It can wait.”
>”Nonsense. I only need…a minute.”
>”Anonymous, can you put Applejack down?”
>Little pony heart beats fast in your hand
>Your no-no tingles
“I don’t wanna.”
>”I ain’t askin’.”
>”Let’s everypony calm down.”
>You press her close taking in the scent of oopls and sweat and protectively cuddle her
>She lets out a small ‘eep’ caught between her teeth
“Nah uh.”
>Bugmuktush marches forward
>You back away
>”You ain’t in trouble, she just needs ta go to her room. It’s fer her own good.”
“I’m good and I feel good.”
>”Don’t make me do this, Anonymous. Put her down and we can go get dinner.”
>You turn to run and he chases you to the door
“No, Buugmuktush, no.”

(4/5)

>>28021198

>Before you can make it out he jumps into your back, the deceptively strong pony knocking off your balance
>You fall on your side careful not to hurt Opljuk
>Bugmuktush follows with a diving tackle
>You let Opljuk go to save yourself from the threat
>Catching him midair, you then wrap your arms around him and hold him tight
>He wiggles in your grasp, his entire body awkwardly rubbing against you
>”Lemme go, Anon.”
“No. You hurt me.”
>”I promise I won’t hurt you.”
“No.”
>For some reason your happy stick has gotten larger and your hips really want to move back and forth
>Bugmuktush starts fighting harder to get away making you pull him in even harder
>”Anonymous, I promise! On my pride as a stallion! Just let me go and we’ll forget everything.”
>Your pants are getting wet

>Two solid hooves clack into the side of your head
>”Sorry Sugarcube.”
>Pain shoots through your cerebrum, opening portals to unorthodox concepts deemed too heretical by the layman to be considered
>Hey is that the formula for returning home?
>Hey is that the crippling pain of blunt head trauma?
>Hello darkness my old friend

>Who knows how many hours have passed by the time you wake up
>The only thing for certain was that it was dark and you were left in the barn with a couple of blankets placed on top of you
>The door opens allowing the flow of the moonlit night illuminating the silhouette of a guilty pony
>”Sorry again, Anonymous. It wasn’t your fault, I got too carried away. I hope I didn’t hit you too hard.”
>Raising your tired hand you brush Applejack’s cheek. She walks into your touch easing herself beside you.
>”Maybe next time we’ll have to go somewhere a little more…private.”
>You whisper sweet nothings into her ear
“I was only pretending to be retarded.”

(5/5)

>>28021206
Okay, fine. If you're doing it then I might as well do it too. I'll go work on that story, finish the chapter, and post it here.

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>>28021206
Turned out better than I dared to hope. All hail our new King of FNF

>>28021263
Every day until you like it

>>28021381
Noh!

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More gay green when?

>>28021881
WHEN YOU SUCK MY DICK!

>>28021881
We don't allow faggots here.
The exit is behind you.
There may or may not be a firing squad right past the door

>>28021881
give me two characters and It'll go on the bucket list

I have achievements I need to get

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>>28021902
Trouble Shoes, Cranky Doodle Donkey

>>28021923
fuck you
I might be able to make it work, do you mind reading from Cranky's perspective?

For those who are too slow to get it, I'm calling him an ass

Writing idea:
>Anon gets to equestria, his body and mindset are sent back to when he was 16 and he's told that he has to relive highschool.

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Oneshit prompt:

Anon goes to Equestria and he thicc

>>28022272
That's just '16yr old goes to Equestria'

You're probably 16 right now, if that request is anything to go by. Why don't you write it? You're the one who's living it right now.

>>28022478
Not really, It's just the usual age where people do stupid and wacky shit. Then again, most AIE stories are written in this mindset so it's kind of null.

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Ok. Didn't finish the chapter, but rewrote all of the dialogue in the previous scene and wrote some more after. If you're not caught up, or want to read the dialogue I changed It's literally been overhauled then my Pastebin is here:

Detective Rarity, in: The Canterlot Summit
http://pastebin.com/Gfdp04Xd

"Oh no, that's fine dear," you say, in between deep breaths, "It's well after close time, I wasn't even sure you would still be in."
>Sassy trots over to where you both lay on the floor, and magically lifts the two of you up, placing you back down in an upright position.
>"I had some more orders to finalize, and I didn't mind staying a little while to reorganize the storage closet," Sassy says.
>Anonymous wipes off his dress pants and blazer as you and Sassy reorient your luggage.
"Well, we'll be sleeping in the office for tonight, since our hotel room isn't booked until tomorrow. I couldn't get a room and a ticket on the same day without renting before we arrived, and that would just be a waste of bits,"
>you say before magically pushing all the luggage towards the window display on your right.
>"But, what are you two going to sleep on? I don't remember seeing anything like a comforter or pillows in here!" Sally exclaims.
"Oh don't worry dear, There's enough fabric and squishy things here that I'm sure we can make a suitable sleeping area."
>"Okay then," Sally says, "I'll just go finish up my organizing and then I'll head out." Sally walks over to the sewing room and disappears behind the archway.
>You look around the boutique, basking in the sights of your second successful dress vendor like it was the sun on a warm, summer morning.
>You notice Anonymous eyeing the display by the luggage that has your most recent Shadow Spade line showcased.
"Anonymous?" you ask.
>"Yeah?" he responds.
"I'm going to go find something we can sleep on for tonight. Feel free to have a look around."
>"Got it."

>>28022627
>Trotting into the sewing room, you see some fabric laying next to the sewing machine on the table in front of you, and a pile of completed and not-so completed orders in some bins across the room.
>You look over to your left, and notice a bin with a pile of letters in it about halfway down the table.
>You walk over in front of the pile and begin sifting through it with your magic.
"Junk, Junk, more ads from those delivery services," you say, weeding through the mail.
"Ooh, what's this? That's creative."
>The letter in your grasp had a large portion of it replaced with a transparent plastic, allowing you to see the print of a pony inside holding a platter of assorted baked pastries and asking you to open the letter.
>You tear it open, and slide the pamphlet out.
>It's an advertisement for a new confectionery that just opened in Canterlot a couple of weeks ago. You decide you'll check it out while you're in the city.
>Tossing the advertisement aside, you continue your rummaging.
>Near the midpoint of the pile, you spot a fancy looking letter.
>The address of the letter says it comes from the Royal Castle.
>It was sent a week ago from today.
>You slice the letter open with your magic, making sure to be a little more careful this time.

>>28022631
>After sliding the letter out, you compliment the designer on his choice of gold embroidery and read the headline.
>"The Royal Assemblage Association of the Royal Castle invites you, Rarity, and a guest of your choice, to the Political Houseparty of the Canterlot Summit of International Policy and Affairs!"
>You wonder for a second why you'd received an invitation to an official event at the Royal Castle. Especially one concerning political affairs. And why it's such a mouthful.
>You take a second to digest the title. It still doesn't make much sense to you, even with your refined knowledge of verbiage.
>As you read on, the letter details a political gathering dated next week, with conference panels interspersed throughout the event, culminating with a royal dinner. The event is invitation only, and only VIPs and political figures received invitations. So then why were you invited?
>The letter was a piece of cotton paper folded in thirds. Unfolding it revealed sections detailing the contents of the conference panels and, surprisingly, a menu teaser for what to expect at the royal dinner. On the back, a diagram showed all the rooms that had been selected for the conferences to take place in, and what times they would be held.
>On the bottom corner of the letter, there was an elegantly written note sprawled onto the diagram.
>"Dear Rarity, I've been meaning to repay you in a favor for the dress you made me. To this day I still can't believe how nice it looks. I'll be wearing it again to the Houseparty, so I thought why not invite you along as well? It will be a great time to get to know some Ponies and other creatures alike from all over Equestria. Also, I've allowed you to take a guest as well, so you still have somepony familiar to accompany you. This wasn't extended to the other guests, so I hope you appreciate it. Your dress loving princess, Celestia."
>Oh wow. You didn't expect the Princess to offer you an invitation to an event like this.

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Man, even the hippies can't get enough of the D

>>28022899
I like thing

>>28022899
Hello Flutterrape.

>>28021206
Could have used more cornholing, but I liked the dumb Anonymous thing.

>>28018206
Spike is smart not to do things for Twilight. Anon needs to learn this lesson.

>>28019522
>you wank to a think steel door

Did Cherilee shit on it?

>>28023494
Ah good times

>>28023494
You shouldn't make fun of her digestive problems.

>>28019764
It cute

>>28021206
It's like a classical American tragedy

>>28023290
The big problem was Anon's size. If there was penetration Bugmuktush would probably have bled out.

>>28025447
How could that not be the hugest inspiration?

>>28022639
I can see you're building to something. Still not sure what. So many options open. Keeping note of the pamphlet. Could have been extra detail could have been a future clue. Feeling 50/50.

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SPOONLICKER ANON 27

>4 months between updates
Seriously guys, you got to start yelling at me for shit like this. Accept no excuses.
Anyways, onto the story.

Summary: Anonymous is a child that no one can understand, not even Flutters. However, Twilight has been steadily making steps to develop a new system of language based on gestures and mannerisms. The creature she once discredited and then feared has become something of a special interest now that she understands a little more on what, or rather who, Anonymous is.

Last Chapter: While Pinkie Pie runs off to talk with the Cakes, Spike asks Anonymous questions using the drawings and sign language to get some clues as to where Anon lives. This works well for a bit, but after hitting a speed bump Anonymous breaks down crying. Fluttershy rushes to sweep up Anon. Twilight notices the disheartened Spike and takes him into the kitchen where the two go over the evidence together.

Last Chapter Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/BdDy3jC6

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>>28026377

>Warm pollinated air fresh with the scent of harvest seared by the late morning sun wafts through the Apple family’s kitchen as Spike takes his leave out the back door.
>Alone once again and safely held in silence within your protective bubble you muse over the makeshift study one last time, your sight instinctively drawn to Ponyville proper. There is never a dull moment in the town you have come to call home.
>And although at times it feels like trouble goes out of its way to find you Ponyville’s colored history tells that your absence was no exception. From its founding to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash’s latest pranks the wide cast of characters share the blame.
>Speaking of, where are those mares? There has been no sign of Rarity, Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo either and it is well passed their usual time.
>Meh. Big things, Twilight.

>Deciding to instead worry about cleaning up you gather everything in your magic then lower your shield to the sound of…quiet.
>Good. It must be safe for you to return to the living room.
>Sure enough, the first thing you see when you enter that well aged room heavy with the scent of oak and yarn is Anonymous curled up on the love seat fondly held by Fluttershy who whispers while nuzzling the top of Anon’s head.
>”All better now?”
>Anon remains still, their sore eyes honing in on you. You try your best to offer a motherly smile.
“I’m back, and I brought your drawings. Sorry, but we needed them for a bit.”

>Taking things a step further you join the two on the love seat, squeezing in on the other side of Anonymous. Anon’s gaze follows you the whole way refusing to let go, but once you sit down they lose interest and sink into their seat.

(1/12)

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>>28026385

>As you and Fluttershy offer the close contact so crucial to the little hominem the newest generation of songbirds testing their skills seeps into the room from the outside world; their chorus dancing in harmony while the distant sounds of a shovel hitting dirt or the slow turning wheels of a loaded wagon add pivots to the tempo.
>Your friends hard at work for another day.
>A soft creaking of wood, only noticeable due to the prevailing calm, cuts through the symphony. Like the opening of a crypt the front door swings with the greatest of care and the head of a white horned spy pokes in just enough to sweep the area.
>Unfortunately for her the reflection of two ponies staring right back invades the still waters of her deep blue eyes.
>”Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.”
“You’re not interrupting anything.”
>Receiving your blessing she enters like any other family member carrying a very thin bundle of yellow fabric.
>”Good, good. Applejack mentioned you were having an important discussion when we arrived this morning and I was hoping you were done by now.”
“We did, and it is. There’s always more to consider though. In fact, one should be coming through that door any minute now.”
>”Are you referring to Spike?”
“No, I’m waiting on Pinkie to get back.”
>”Ah, I see. Then where is Spike off to?”
“He’s going to get some of his comics for Anon. He’ll be back.”
>”Isn’t that sweet. Purely his idea I presume.”
”Yup.”
>“Such a thoughtful boy. Anyway, I suppose I should make this quick as there is still much to do outside.”

“Has Rainbow showed up yet?”
>Rarity’s casual yet peppy demeanor catches on the name, her lips squiggling before recovering.
>”No, not yet. I’m sure she’ll turn up soon; not that she can be much later.”
>Hmmmm.

(2/12)

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>>28026395

>”But I’m here because I have something for little Anonymous, assuming that is okay.”
>As she indicates the need of an answer you look to Anonymous who so far ignores the commotion. Fluttershy also catches your attention after she herself takes a similar look, neither of you showing much of a certainty one way or the other leaving you to press Rarity further.
“What is it?”
>Faint azure lifts the neatly folded yellow cloth she brought then spreads the article out for a full display.
>”Well, after yesterday there was a lot to think about; what with our conversation at lunch, the awkward dinner and Rainbow’s outburst. I couldn’t exactly go to sleep, so last night I did what I always do when I need to think, and shut myself in my inspiration room. This…was the end result.”
>Starting from the held up center, three equally sized holes huddle together near the top while the rest of the sides continue downward for a great length but at sharp angles with four distinct peaks. Sort of like a dress or poncho turned vertical. Peculiar, though perhaps functionally the same.
>The real kicker is the lack of anything to break up the solid color, the single accompaniment being the fuchsia edging along the bottom rim. The only time Rarity did not add some imagery or flare was with your birthday dress which she obviously designed around capturing your practicality, and even that had a ribbon. This, however, looked…
>Modest. Yes, modest. That’s the word you are looking for.
>Still, there should be no harm in such a gift and it could be really useful.

“That’s really nice of you, Rarity. And I see no reason to say no.”
>“Please dear, it’s nothing special. I simply cut some holes into an old blanket I had laying around. I mean, I did TRY to come up with something more…fitting; something that accentuated Anonymous’ figure and personality, but it was inevitably fruitless. As good as I may be I’m afraid I am at a loss.”

(3/12)

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>>28026412

>”Never-the-less, I remembered what you said about their clothes tailored more towards security than warmth and made sure to use a light sheet. If Anonymous does prove to be cold here in Ponyville we can easily use a blanket instead. Hopefully by then I will have a better read on our friend and can pick a truly appropriate color. Perhaps green?”
>”I-I like the colors.”
>Of course you do Fluttershy.
“Now, whether Anonymous will accept it or not is the big question.”
>You give Anon a nudge.
>All you get is a careless gaze ready to abandon you at the earliest convenience. Before that can happen Rarity floats her gift closer earning at least a portion of that lacking interest.
[Rarity] [Give] [This] [You]
>Those powerful arms wrapped around Anon’s chest squeeze ever tighter and they turn away.
“Hey now, that’s not very nice.”
>A well-mannered cough interrupts.
>”Allow me.”

>With a steady clop clop clop as unobtrusive as the opening of the door Rarity walks up to Anonymous with that ease and elegance denoting her namesake.
>She stops right in front of Anonymous standing as tall as possible, the closest the two have ever been. In response Anonymous sinks farther into Fluttershy’s side.
>”So you’re in one of those moods, huh?”
>Rarity merely waits without any signs of annoyance, a small compassionate smile painted on her face.
>Anon’s curious eyes try to sneak a peek, but they find the patient onlooker and freeze like a rabbit caught outside of its hole.
>A white hoof rises and places itself on Rarity’s chest.
>Next she slowly wipes her brow while taking a deep breath.
>Then her gift weaves next to her which she points to.
>Finally, she daintily presses a hoof to Anon’s chest.
>[Me] [Work] [This] [You]
>As she rests her hoof on the hominem the gift controlled by her magic sets itself down in their hands. Anonymous takes a single glance at the fabric being explored by their fingers, then looks back to Rarity.

(4/12)

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>>28026421

>Rarity again moves her hoof and points to herself.
>Then holds out her hoof followed by pointing to her eyes.
>Another point to Anonymous, and finishes on her lips.
>[Me] [Want] [See] [You] [Smile]

>Anonymous goes to reply with the same hollow smile offered to Fluttershy at breakfast, but that same white hoof covers their lips.
>”When you mean it.”
>She does not sign a translation, instead letting her soft voice hang in the air.
>”Okay? [Yes]?”
>[Yes]

>Rarity steps away from the love seat with a pleasant hum. Anonymous sits up, popping free from the nook of Fluttershy’s wing but remaining close.
>”Well, that’s the best I can do.”
>Where are all of your friends learning these tricks?
>Your inner thoughts must have spilled into your expression because when Rarity spots you a sly smile crawls across her lips.
>”Aren’t you the one who said Anonymous is basically a child? I have quite the experience when it comes to dealing with pouty ponies.”
>And here she was near the bottom of your initial list; topping Rainbow by a comfortable margin. If she was originally more eager to be with Anonymous where would she be now? Which pony would you be asking?
>You are going to have to keep an eye on this girl.
>Rarity heads for the door smug as oats in honey while you try to match Argument A with Example B.
>”Alas, the temporary life of a farmer cruelly beckons me once more. We can continue this at lunch.”
>A string of high pitched notes squeal in the distance bringing her to retrace her step.
>”But it seems your wait is over. I believe that’s Pinkie Pie down the road.”

>With a final ‘tata’ she leaves you and Fluttershy to prepare for the coming storm.
>At least you expect a storm, but oddly enough your thoughts are calm. Your answer will be here any moment, and you have done everything you can.
>”What do you think they said?”
“I guess we’ll find out.”

(5/12)

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>>28026429

>Pinkie Pie enters with her stock cheeriness. Suppose that is a good sign, or at least not awful.
>”Hello everypony! And Anonymous! Didja miss me?”
“There she is. Given how long you were gone I bet you and the Cake’s had a lot to talk about.”
>Mmhmm~ “We sure did.”
>”What did they say; if you don’t mind me asking.”
>”A whole buncha stuff about responsibility and courtesy and making rash decisions, but don’t you worry I told them that the whole thing was your idea. Now they want to talk with you and closed the store early. They never close the store early. You’re gonna get all of Sugarcube Corner to yourself!”
>She threw you right under the wagon.
“Lucky me.”
>Well, to say you did not see this coming would be a lie.
“I best not keep them waiting. Are you coming too or did they want you to stay here?”
>”They didn’t say, but I’ll stay here. It’s no fair that you guys got to spend so much time with Anonymous.”
>You roll your eyes, landing on Fluttershy who gives a reassuring nod.
“Alright, you can stay. I hope you brought earplugs.”
>”Why would I need earplugs?”
“No reason. Let me just say goodbye and I’ll be off.”

>You fidget in your seat to bring a hoof to Anon’s cheek though a curious stare is already on you.
[Me] [Go] [That way]; [Me] [Here] [Shortly].
>Rather than reply their arms tightly clutch the recent gif. You could almost get away with that, but their giant eyes hungry with a forlorn hope beg a question you would be cruel to ignore.
[You] [Stay]
>The answer brings a renewed pool of tears already forming a tiny cascade which you catch with your hoof.
Shhhhhh. [Pinkie] [Stay] [You]
>Giving up your seat Pinkie hurriedly takes your place pushing her muzzle right into Anon’s hands and constantly brushes against them.
>”Hiya Nonny~”
>And there is your distraction. Best make your escape.

(6/12)

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>>28026445

>Safely outside you give a relieved breath before setting off.
>Another set of friendly voices converse in the distance, one pleading with the other.
>”Sorry, sorry, sorry, super sorry. I didn’t mean to be so late. I just lost track of time.”
>”Lost track of time? You were gone ALL MORNING. I was worried sick. This is not what I anticipated when I said you could be A LITTLE late.”
>”I know, I know. I really wanted to be here, honest, but things kept happening and I got distracted and then before I knew it half the day was gone.”
>”Just look at you, you’re a mess. Twigs and leaves are all over your tail and mane. And the bags under your eyes; did you even get any sleep?”
>“About an hour or two.”
>”Alright, that seals it. Come down here so I can clean you off, and then it’s straight to the house with you so you can take a nap.”
>”No way, I’m perfectly fine. Wide awake and better than ever.”
>”I will not hear another word. You will get down here this instant and after we’re done I am having Fluttershy make sure you get some rest. And when I say a ‘nap’ I mean a ‘nap.’ I am not having you mess up your sleeping schedule.”
>You cannot help but smile as the grumbling Rainbow Dash descends, and you make your way to town.

>Same as the last time, ponies walk the streets with their usual day to day until you approach where they turn to stone.
>You, however, pleasantly trot on by throwing greetings and salutations.
“Good afternoon.”
“Hey, how are you?”
“Lovely weather we’re having.”
>Applying Luna’s lesson you act as a role model.
>Sure enough the ponies take to your enthusiasm with pride. Bystanders sing good day, vendors try to peddle you their wares, children point and cheer, and you receive many many questions about Anon. A few even ask if you will be at the library later today.

(7/12)

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>>28026456

>Ah to have the town alive again, and to be part of it to boot. Sadly you must keep your replies brief, letting ponies know that in regards to Anonymous an answer is coming. Doubly sad, you must also tell them that no, you will not be at the library. However, you do mention that Spike may be around to help them.
>Though they all refer to your title you finally feel welcome again.
>A jolly door chime announces your arrival in the abandoned entryway of Sugarcube Corner.
>Well, you did.

>Okay. Happy face, Twilight.
“Hello? Mr. and Mrs. Cake? You wanted to see me?”
>…
“I’m here to talk with you about Anonymous.”
>Quiet hooves clock down the stairway bringing the shop owners with them; Mrs. Cake at the front.
>”Just putting the babies to bed. You know how they can be a hoof-full sometimes.”
>Oof, going right into it. They are playing hardball.
>”We didn’t want to risk them interrupting. I’m sure we have plenty to cover.”
“Yes, Pinkie told me a little about that, and I would just like to start with—“
>Mr. Cake stands tall, taller than you have ever seen him, with a dark brow upon his innocent face.
>”Princess Twilight, forgive me but I must insist you let us go first.”
“S-sure.”
>”We like Pinkie Pie. We’re willing to do a lot for her. We want her to be like an Aunt to Pound and Pumpkin. However, we will NOT jeopardize our children for her. When she asked us about keeping that thing here we thought she was getting ahead of herself as she sometimes does.”
>”Way ahead of herself.”
>”When she told us it was your idea we couldn’t believe it. We’ve known you to be sensible, so why in the world would you think we would say yes?”

>Your chests heaves and your heart sits in your stomach. They have dug in and are ready for a fight.
>This is going to be far from easy; even you have doubts in this idea. Yet you have been wrestling with those doubts for days now and this is where you have settled.

(8/12)

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>>28026471

“You’re right; I did ask Pinkie knowing full well that it directly affects you and your family. I certainly did not expect you to say yes, but I did expect to at least be able to plead my case. Given the fact you have both asked me to be here I am assuming that I was not mistaken.”
>Husband and wife turn to each other sharing a steady glance. Mr. Cake then boosts himself back up.
>”We are more curious as to why in the name of harmony you would even ask.”
>Good. Your probing has brought their own admission to being curious. This is not a solid no.
>It is small, but you have wiggle room.
“Let me start by saying that I only started to consider you as an option AFTER finding Anonymous to be safe. I have seen Anonymous with fillies, and in this world that must seem so strange to them it was fillies who were Anonymous’ first friends. Never once has Anonymous shown anything even remotely resembling hostility towards them.”
>”Pumpkin and Pound are foals not fillies, and you are going off of what, a few days?”
“I know they are foals and are more vulnerable than fillies. However, I have also seen Anonymous with smaller animals such as minks and the results were the same. Minks are not ponies, but they are small and fragile like a foal compared to a filly. Anonymous has shown to recognize this and adjusts their manners appropriately always keeping their touch soft and gentle. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie can vouch for this.”
>”Our point still stands.”
“Yes, we have only known Anonymous for a total of five days, but those are five ENTIRE days. Ever since the first day there has not been a single hour where Anonymous was alone. Even when somepony is the best at hiding their personality after a day or two things start to slip. I will not pretend that this gives us a complete understanding of what Anonymous is like, but it gives us a good idea.”

(9/12)

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>>28026487

>With each sentence your heart refinds its home. You are in the thick of it now and everything you said is factually true.
>You have taken that wiggle room and pushed a wider hole. Like a crack in a dam you hope to make that hole grow until the pressure destroys itself giving complete victory.
>Mrs. Cake steps forth to join her husband’s side; a far more benign yet just as dedicated expression.
>”That is all well and good, but why us? Why here? There are hundreds of ponies in and out of town that Anonymous can stay with. Why jeopardize two foals when there are so many safer options?”
>Steady girl, this is the real test.
“Because I believe the risk to be minimal for every reason I stated and because Anonymous is not from here. They do not know anypony. The best solution for everyone is to have Anonymous stay with one of us. At this point we have SOME familiarity.”
>”Then shouldn’t you take them in?”
“I lack the experience you have and am liable to make a big mistake. I am an option, but not the best. That falls on Pinkie, and in turn you; because of who all of you are.”
>Alright. This is it.
“You are a family. I am taking a big gamble on attempting to adapt Anonymous to pony life, and no one better symbolizes this than you. You are adults who have experience and control, Pinkie is a young adult who has the energy but still needs your guidance from time to time, and the twins are newborns who have a whole world ahead of them. You have nearly every aspect of pony life inside your home.
Your home is also a shop where a wide array of ponies comes to visit. These daily examples will help Anonymous understand us and discover where they might fit in. Not only that, but you have myself and the others nearby ready to support you in any way that we can.”

(10/12)

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>>28026499

>”That is very touching, but we are just ordinary ponies. There is nothing special about us. Wouldn’t Anonymous be better placed in the hoofs of someone with a cutie mark for this sort of thing?”
“There is no such thing as an extraordinary pony, only ordinary ponies put into extraordinary situations. Remember how when I moved here I was just another unicorn? Yes, I was…”
>Don’t think about it, Twilight. Let it come from the heart.
“I was Princess Celestia’s student, but she has had literally hundreds of students over the years. That didn’t make me special or tell of any great destiny. When Nightmare Moon showed up I had no idea that I would become a bearer of the elements, and especially not of becoming a princess. I simply did what I felt I had to do. Before that I was just the unicorn sent from Canterlot to oversee the festival, and afterwards I became the town’s snarky librarian who occasionally had to protect the world with the help of her friends.
You even hosted my birthday party that year and treated it like any other. I was a regular pony, and I liked that. As far as I am concerned I still am a regular pony. I just happened to be thrown into irregular situations.”
>Mr. and Mrs. Cake hold a silent conversation based solely on looks with each other.
>This gives you the chance to ease the butterflies. Impromptu speeches based on emotion were never your thing.
>Did you get your point across? Were you too ranty?
>They conclude their conversation with a nod; Mr. Cake’s posture more neutral though still reserved.

>”We don’t really want to be in irregular situations. We want our foals to grow up to live a normal life. Imagine what it will be like if they become known as ‘the ponies that live with that one creature.’ And what about the store? Having Anonymous here might drive customers away and then we won’t be able to afford raising our children.”
>Hmmm. There is that.

(11/12)

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>>28026512

“I plan to get ponies used to Anonymous. Not as an attraction but as a citizen. I promise to help in any way that I can and if that includes financially then so be it. You have my word that your quality of life will not be endangered.”
>”And if we say no?”
“Then Fluttershy will take Anonymous in.”
>Candy wrap! Hope they don’t take that as a convenient out.
>”…We still don’t like this.”
“Does that mean you’ll say yes?!”
>”No.”
>Mrs. Cake follows her husband’s firm denial with a reassuring smile.
>”It means we will think about it.”
“Oh. Well, thinking is good.”
>She chuckles.
>”We will discuss it and talk with Pinkie Pie tonight. Meanwhile, why don’t you take a muffin for the road?”
“Um, thank you. Not to be pushy or anything, but can you give me an idea which way you are leaning? I’d like to get started planning the move.”
>”To repeat my husband; no.”
“No?”
>”No, we cannot give you an answer yet. If you want us as your first option then you are going to have to wait.”
>You lower your ears while accepting the muffin Mrs. Cake held out for you with a guilty frown.
“I suppose that’s fair.”
>”Now run along. I’m sure Pinkie will fill you in first thing tomorrow morning.”
>No doubt about that.
>With a final thanks, for their consideration and the muffin, you leave the shop into the open streets.
>And while you would have liked to have come to some sort of conclusion you relax and take the time to enjoy a nice savory bite.
>Whatever the outcome you have a contingency plan ready to be put into action.

(12/12)

Done.

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>>28006326

>It's Cider Day or Cider Season. Cider Something.
>The day the Apples sell their Cider.
>It's a big deal, for one Twilight got you up at 6am for this shit.
>And there's a queue a mile long, literally. It's like every adult pony is here.
>Who the hell is looking after the kids while everyone gets sloppy?
>You'd rather not think about the poor DD who got that job.
>"How much longer are we gonna be standing here Twilight?"
>"Not much longer, the Apples opened five minutes ago."
>Well that's two hours of your life you won't get back. How did those star wars nerds do it?
>Looking up and down the line it's clear the ponies are beyond excited.
>You can see Dash up ahead and she looks like she just spotted Daring Do clopping.
>You're excited too in a way, not for cider. Cider is a woman's drink.
>You wanna talk shop with the Apples. Get tips on distilling your own booze.
>Making vodka was harder than it seemed.
>It was a legendary quest, venturing into the Everfree for potatoes, fighting monsters, risking death.

>-----Flashback to the Quest for Vodka-----

>"Get the stick, get the stick."
>*Manticore noises*
>Making an underarm throw, the manticore dashes off into the trees.
>"Stupid Manticore, there's no stick."

>>28027397
>-----Back to the Present-----

>Twilight asking "What's alcohol?" still sends shiver down your spine.
>Your train of thought is interrupted by Pinkie walking past carrying 2 dozen mugs.
>They sell it by the mug? Fucking hell this shit better be good.
>Like 40 year old single malt good.
>Now you feel ashamed of your foul tasting slav juice.

>Finally you reach the stall.
>"Since it's y'alls first time Anon, it's on tha house."
>Why is it frothy? Nevermind, putting it to your lips you take that first taste.
>The taste that's got the entire town worked into a frenzy.
>The taste of apple juice?
>...
>Another sip confirms it to be indeed apple juice.
>An entire morning wasted for apple juice.
>Shoving the tankard into an orgasming Rainbow Dash's face you march back toward ponyville.
>Maybe if you find the CMCs and ask them to make a hay Milkshake they'll accidentally make you a beer.

>----Back at the Cider Stall----

>"What's the matter with him?"
>"Maybe he doesn't like cider."
>"Now that's just crazy talk Twi."

>>28027412
>Maybe if you find the CMCs and ask them to make a hay Milkshake they'll accidentally make you a beer

>Be anon.
>you asked the cmc for water.
>you got volka.
>ask them for hay milkshake.
>whiskey.
>ask them for milk.
> salty milk and a flustered big mac.
>...
>never ask them for milk.
>you ask for grape juice.
>you actually got grape juice.
>taste great too.
>but for some reason twilight was watching you drink it wings expanded.

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>>28027564

>>28001124
I just finished whipping up my first story in about 2 years, drawing inspiration from HP Lovecraft's "The Tomb". Will post shortly. Hope you all enjoy it. It's rather short.

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>>28027962
>On the outskirts of Ponyville, right on the edge of the border between the town and the Everfree Forest, there was a small, long forgotten cave.
>The cave had very strange attributes that set it apart from caves frequently found in the Everfree. The most obvious of which was its mouth.
>Two large pillars sat in the middle of the mouth; both rectangular and covered in moss, dust, and a strange gray film which seemed to reflect moonlight.
>If one looked closely enough, they could make out strange runic looking symbols carved into the stone. Symbols which, while crudely drawn, portrayed a clear enough depiction of what seemed to be a large ape-like creature.
>Its arms were outstretched, rising far above its head, and it appeared to tower menacingly over two earth ponies.
>Below this canvas was some more strange runic symbols. Symbols which looked similar to that of the Equestrian alphabet.
>It was the night after Hearths Warming Eve however, that the mouth of this cave was disturbed by the feet of a being long ago forgotten to the ancient lore of the land.
>The moon shone brightly overhead, the light being caught on the pillars and reflecting.

>>28027970
>A deep, throaty groan could be heard within the cave, followed by loud, disjointed footsteps.
>Closer and closer the footsteps came to the mouth of the cave, and out of the shadows stepped an ape-like creature. Similar to the one portrayed in the drawings on the pillars infront of it.
>The creature wore what looked to be a plain, black suit. Only it was tattered and grimy. It stuck to the creatures pale skin like glue. On the creatures face was a long, scraggly looking gray beard, the hairs of which were not too different from the unkempt thinning long hair which sat upon his head.
>The creatures tired old eyes looked longingly out at the town which sat just out of reach of the cave, and the creature lumbered forward toward the opening, grunting and groaning in pain with each step it took.
>Right as it reached one of the pillars however - the two pillars suddenly began to hum and glow a sickly green color which lit up the mouth of the cave, and the creature was surrounded by a bright green aura.
>The grime and dust covering the pillars disintegrated as a brilliant energy blasted the creature back into the bowels of the cave.
>That night, residents who lived on the outskirts of Ponyville could hear what seemed to be loud moans from an animal in the forest, but if one were to listen closely - they could make out the fact that it was not moaning... But in fact mournful sobbing.

>>28027978
That's it.
Just a very short story.
I wanted to toy around with the idea of Anon being some type of resented creature that ancient denizens of Equestria cast into the cave as some sort of eternal prison. How'd I do?

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>>28026521
Fuck yes, Spoonlicker.

4 months was a hell of a wait but I knew you'd be back eventually. This still stands as one of my all time favorite pony stories, I really struggle to find any nits to pick. Even if I lose interest in pony I will still check periodically for updates to this story just because of how much I love the way you write the characters.

no homo

>>28027978
Not bad Mango.
I always like these kinds of tales and they're rare for AiE to get one

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>>28019764
Help, I'm descending into madness what do you think of the name, y/n?
I do apologize for the anemic posts, I'm getting ready for a month long trip next week and it's been hectic.

>you pull your hand down the back of her head and over her jaw to hold her chin
>leaning in you giver a quick peck on the forehead
>you're not a fan of this lovey-dovey shit, but it buys you good boy points
>removing your hand, pinkie falls forward onto her counter, completely out of it
>you walk back out of the store, turning to tip your colander
"Ms. Pie,"
>and you exit, closing the heavy fun-proof door behind you
>the trapdoor is open
>and you've got *that* feeling
>the one that is your body's way of telling you you're fucked
>thinking quickly, you pop and throw a confetti grenade down the short hallway
>you're too slow on the draw though, as it flies back at you encased in a vivid golden hand
"SHI-"
>there is a loud bang and a bright flash of light
>you're blinded, deafened, and covered in confetti
>this was going to happen eventually
>you square yourself, ready to fight off your attackers
>the first horse hits you square in the chest staggering you
>you stumble losing your footing
>the second goes for your knees, taking you down
>you land hard, the breath knocked out of you by Bonbon, sitting on your chest struggling to undo the knots tying your armour together
>Lyra and Bonbon crawl all over you, a mess of prying hooves and roaming kisses
>smiling, you accept your fate, you finally get to do it
>you point a finger gun to the ceiling

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>>28027978
Pretty neat, Anon. Hope ya stick around and write more shorts or whatever.

>>28027970
>>28027978
I felt a little feel

Please continue writing

>>28028700
"Ban-"
>BOOM
>a sudden cannon blast covers Lyra and Bonbon in cake batter and shoots them back into the wall
>Damn it, you didn't get to do the thing
>Pinkie Pie comes shooting out with the hoofcannon held in her mane and dual smgs on both sides of her body
>she chased after Lyra and Bonbon yelling various pone profanities
>"AND STAY AWAY, HE'S MINE"
>your Internet friends always said 'never bone crazy'
>but at this point, you don't have a choice
>and she is kind of cute, but you'd never admit that to anyone, not even when blackout drunk
"Thanks Pinkie"
>you salute her
>she beams at you with glee, and bounces over
>"Since you've been so nice to me, I think I'll let you have this early"
>she tossed the handcannon and a bag of something at you as she passed
>"Remember to get here around 9, that's when we close up top."
"I'll remember, have a good morning"
>you wave
>she waves back with her tail and the heavy door closes behind her
>you sit up, groaning
>Lyra and Bonbon did a number on your armour
>there's now two fresh hoof marks on the chest, and two of the straps are broken
>you right your helmet, and examine your mystery present
>it's a full 36 spheres for the gun, pre packed and everything
>you grab one, and load it into your gun and spin the barrel
>this is gonna be fun

that's all for now, will continue at a later time

>>28022899
For some reason I keep reading her dialog in Lebowski voice

>>28029200
I love the "I'm a pony, dude." It feels exactly like a lame throwaway excuse while in fact making total sense.

Just imagine a green where fully half of anon's questions about things are answered the same way.

>>28027751
>>28020438

>>28030432

>>28008768

#OneDayOneShot

>You are Anon
>PLANESWALKER
>At least that’s what you call yourself
>In reality you are just a nerd with a deck of cards living in a strange rainbow horse world
>She calls you names
>BUT!
>Through the power of the MacGuffin of Bullshit, a mystical artifact from my ass, you have the ability to cast the spells from your deck
>TO ADVENTURE!
>Actually, for some reason the MacGuffin is making you kind of tired
>To bed
>THEN ADVENTURE!

>Darkness, nothing but darkness. An endless void yet you are consciously aware
>Usually your dreams have more substance than this. How dull.
>”Anonymous.”
“Who dat?”
>”Anonymous.”
“I’m right here, next to the…uh everything.”
>Faded blue light emanates from a sharpened horn nearly invisible in the backdrop of the abyss.
>Behind the mask of shadow a harsh face with dead set eyes push through the veil.
>”Anonymous, we have sensed a great disturbance.”
“Here? I got to say, for a nightmare this is pretty lame. Usually things are a lot more…edgier?”
>A steel blade thrusts through the nothingness, piercing through her chest and splattering crimson blood on the nonexistent walls.
“There we go.”
>Bright red eyes like fiery gemstones pierce into sight just as easily as the blade, moldy flesh supporting a decaying jaw line cruelly smiling the grin of death.
>”Look at you, so weak and frail. I can smell the innocence on you. To think you would be the catalyst that dooms them all. How delicious.”
“Hey, uh, Freddy Krueger wannabe, can you not go around stabbing my exposition princess?”
>”What I have done to her is only a taste of what horrors await you.”
>The dreadful head steps forward, the rest of his tattered body coming into the light of the still impaled corpse of Luna.
>Scaled armor caked in rust are his dress, rags are his gauntlets. A large round shield painted with the colors of an old war dangles over his frail arm, a rotten fur cloak the only hair on his body.

>>28031600

>”I will gnaw you to the bone while you live, mortal, only stopping to drink your blood just before your final moments. A weakling such as you will be but a suckling pig on my unending conquest.”
“I gotta admit, you’re one of the most convincing nightmares I’ve had. A welcome change from the crippling loneliness and waking up in tears.”
>”Your mind is stronger than I gave you credit, or you are a fool. Regardless, I anxiously await tomorrow’s slaughter.”
“Are you going to become a recurring dream or something?”
>He’s gone.
>Nothing remains, not even Princess Luna.
>You are alone again.
>Oh no! Not alone!
*WHAP!*
>A powerful sting smacks you across the face.
>You instantly shoot out of bed flailing your arms.
“Ow! What the hell?!”
>Hate. Four legged blue seething hate stands above you peering restlessly into your eyes.
“Christ Luna, that hurt.”
>”Get up, Anonymous. We must go face your demon.”
“Wait, is this a dream within a dream? Man, I need to stop watching Inception before bed.”
>”No, this is real, and so is he.”
“Holy shit, nuh uh. He wants to eat me.”
>”We know you have gained a power, and that power has brought him here. You can and must defeat him.”
“If I’m supposed to be the one to beat him why are tagging alone?”
>”He stabbed me!”
“In a dream.”
>”It still hurt to Tarturus!”

>You do not argue with angry alicorn lady
>You like your sanity
>You do not plan to ever get on her bad side either
>So now you walk through a filthy disgusting swamp pestered by bugs because this guy is obviously some black deck loser
>Man, all you wanted was to go on an adventure and have some fun not chase down horror ghosts that plan to eat you
“Okay, this is kind of boring. Do you happen to have any filler on who this guy is or what he is capable?”
>”No we do not. All we know is that he has a very stabby sword.”
>It’s a one track mind with this bitch

>>28031602

“And how do you know I have this ‘power?’”
>”Rainbow Dash has told us of your ability to alienate everyone around you without effort.”
>Ouch.
“That’s what you are going on? Do you plan for me to awkward him to death?”
>”Our plans are our own.”
>You take a long hard look the deck in your hand
>What have you gotten yourself into?
“Guess I’ll just have to believe in the heart of the cards.”
>”See? There is that great power.”
>Double ouch.

>The armed zombie sits on a log sharpening his sword to a fine point. His eyes break from the task to spot you and he lifts himself at the ready.
>”You are early, and you brought a second course. Understanding, no one wishes to face death alone.”
“Um, before we start can we establish some ground rules here? I’m kind of new to this so is it exactly like the game? Do we draw cards and take turns or what?”
>”So, it is the fool you play. I will not listen to your nonsense for I am hungry.”
>He raises his sword and preps his shield, Princess Luna flares her wings and dawns her horn
>You draw seven cards
>Crap. All lands.
“I’m going to mulligan.”
>Luna narrows her eyes at you.
“What?”
>Zombie man charges
>Crap, this hand sucks too
>Lands, spells and enchantments but no creatures
>He’s getting closer
“Uh, I play a plains and pass my turn!”
>Luna intercepts the enemy creating a buckler of magic to match his blows
>Now face to face with her opponent she nimbly dodges and parries the incoming strikes, never once being touched
>He in turn uses his own shield to push and maneuver her magic in an attempt to break through
>Draw a card
>Plains
“I play another land and place down the Elixir of Immortality.”
>Elixir of Immortality : Cost 1 mana. Spend any 2 mana to gain 5 life. Shuffle Elixir of Immortality and your graveyard their owner’s library.
“Your turn.”
>Neither pays attention to you

>>28031608

>Small arcs of lightening coalesce from Luna’s horn gathering at the base before a large beam drills into the ancient shield
>Reworking his footing he holds firm and thrusts into the shield wall
>Although the sword ends up caught it does make it deeper towards its targer
>Untap land
>Draw card
>Staff of the Sun Magnus: Cost 3 white mana. Whenever you play a white spell or a plains enters the battlefield under your control gain one life.
“Another land”
>You throw the plains card to the ground
>You now have the 3 white mana, but you won’t get the benefit of the staff until next turn. You can activate the Elixir of Immortality and play the staff next turn before your next mana drop.
“I spend 2 mana and use the Elixir of Immortality to gain 5 life.”
>Is this even working?
>You don’t feel different and the other two don’t seem to care.
>You watch the two engaged in mortal kombat like a spectator just standing there with their dick in their hands.
>You didn’t even deal awkward damage despite its growing power level.

>”Thou fights well for a back stabbing coward. What is your name so I may remember it after vanquishing thee?”
>”You also show some skill for being a caster reliant on magic. I am simply Dragur. One of many”
>”And I am Princess Luna, though you may refer to me as the Night Bringer.”
“And I’m Anonymous!”
>Ignored.
>Pout.
“F-fine. I play Staff of the Sun Magnus then play another land bringing me to 26 life.”
>Untap
>Tap
>Play
>Draw card
>More land
>If you don’t get any creatures you really are going to be a nonfactor.

>Luna’s shield waning, she blasts Dragur back and takes to the sky
>He cannot get her now, but her magical glow of her horn is very dim
>Idea!
“Hey, idjit! Ignore the horse and come get me. I’m the one you want right? Look, I don’t even have any weenies to protect myself with.”
>Dragur’s gaze shines at your offer and his anxious steps bring him close faster than you care to witness

>>28031631

>Running probably would be a good idea right now, but that’s not how duels work
>Luna shouts at you from her place in the sky
>”Anonymous, what are you doing?”
“Relax. It’ll be like 3 damage at the most.”
*Shrrnk*
>Cold steel burns through your side, your kidney crying blood.
>FFFFFFFF! That wasn’t a 3. This feels more like a 7!
>A ghoulish chuckle echoing from the throat reverberates through those clenched skeletal teeth
>You desperately clutch your side, a wallowing tightness sapping your very breath
>You draw a card and throw another plains in his face
“20”
>”20 seconds is what I give you. 20 nibbles into your flesh; 20 cups of blood to wash it all down; 20 screams before I grant you your end.”
>His open maw creeps closer to your neck, the sword still jammed inside keeping you still.
“It’s not you turn.”
>”What?”
*Shrrnk*
>A dark blue spike protrudes through Dragur’s chest; the wight’s lustful visage turning to disbelief.
>Flames of magic encompass the horn swelling with an otherworldly heat that neither burns nor chills.
>You at least.
“Destroy black creature.”
>Maximum Awkward Drive!
>Critical Hit!
>”Noooooooo!”
>The unfortunate undead becomes a pyre, sword and shield dropped to the side while the armor melts into the skin
>And then poof, nothing but ash

>You press against your wound in an effort to keep the blood in
>Luna tears off a feather, coating it with magic and placing it over the bloody entry point.
>Miraculously the flood stops, but the pain, the pain remains.
“Hey Luna.”
>”Yes?”
“Being stabbed hurts.”
>”Like a bitch.”


Done.

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>>28031637
Liked the Magic stuff. Thought it was pretty funny. Kek'd medium. Only criticism is Anon feels immature in the sense that he wasn't completely fleshed out in the beginning. But, as a result of that simply being a feeling and can present no evidence, a gold star is awarded for a green without reasonably review-able flaws.

>>28031747
I'll take it.

>>28031791
n

>>28032293
>n
da fuk?

>>28027978
huh

>"Hey Anon, why do you eat so much ice cream?"
Because fuck you I do what I want Pinkie.
>"Okie dokie!"

So on the Pastebin, are the ones listed all there is for Pinkie stories?

>Once there was a green faced man called Anon who lived in a town full of ponies.
>He had friends and a home and fun adventures.
>But he had one problem, he had no money.
>Because the green faced man had no job.
>"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT." yelled the green faced man when he discovered he was out of food.
>And so he resolved to get a job.

>He first went to the mayor and asked for job.
>"Certainly Anon, I can always use help with paperwork. You start by signing off on those papers there."
>So the green faced man sat at his desk with a smile.
>"Bit low tech, but can't be that hard." he said as he picked up the quill and began to write.
>But it was hard, the ink ran and flowed and the paper became a blotchy mess.
>"Oh dear" said the mayor looking over his shoulder.
>"I didn't realize how hard it might be for you to write with those waggling wigglers. Maybe you should try another job."
>So Anon left the building grumbling at his misfortune.
>"Stupid ponies, fucking primitive, invent a god damn ballpoint."

>>28036132
>Next he went to the Apple Farm and asked for a job.
>"Well sure Anon, y'all look pretty strong. Why don't you try bucking those trees."
>So Anon kicked the tree. And nothing happened.
>"Need to do it a mite harder Anon."
>So the green faced man kicked the tree again. And it shook.
>"Come on Anon, it's a tree. Don't be holding back."
>So he kicked the tree as hard as could. There was crack and apples rained down.
>"OH GOD! FUCK! MY FOOT!"
>Cried Anon as bark gave way and his foot lodged deep in the trees trunk, splinters pricking at this ankle
>"I er, I think I'll go get Nurse Redheart. Ya'll stay here."
>"FUCK!"
>"Eeyup" Said a large red pony.


>The green man left hospital that day to continue his search for a job.
>Baking he thought. It's safe and I know I can fucking do that. He thought to himself.
>So he went to Sugarcube Corner.
>"Sure you can work here Nonny, OOOOOOH Why don't you bake a human cake!"
>So Anon went to work. He whisked the eggs, sliced the butter, did flour things with flour.
>And then he added the sugar.
>"Nonny, why are you not putting any sugar in?"
>"But I am Ponk. See?"
>The green faced man held up a small cup, a quarter full of sugar.
>"You call that adding sugar!?"
>"Well how much would you add?"
>The pink pony hefted up a huge sack of sugar.
>"Ponk, that much sugar would kill me, or make me american."
>The pony scrunched her snozzle so hard that even lemons thought, Dayum that's sour.
>"We don't take kindly to your type round here."
>And so the green faced man was fired.
>"Stupid ponies, immune to diabeetus, grumble grumble" He muttered.

>>28036138
>So Anon went to the pony called rainbow dash.
>"I don't know about this Anon, you can't fly."
>"But I can shoot the clouds down with some sort of gun."
>"What's a gu-on?"
>The green faced man grew still, the world faded from his conscious.
>Vision of firearms flashed before his eyes, ak-47s, M16s, BFGs and Strogg getting gibbed.
>Three weeks later the ponies found him in the Everfree Forest.
>And he was muttering about charlie and killing fitty men
>"Anon, what is a fitty" said a purple pony
>"God damn gooks, controlling weather, tinfoil keeps out the mind rays" He muttered


>"Hey Anon, why are you lying in the middle of the street?"
>The green man in a suit ceased staring into nothing.
>"Because I've no job and I've lost control of my life." He muttered
>"Job troubles eh?"
>The goggle wearing pony sat down next to the green man.
>"You ever try your hoof spiders at music?"
>The faceless man's green face creased in thought, I did play guitar. He thought.
>But Anon was still doubtful, human baking hadn't gone well.
>However he had nothing to lose, so he said "Worth a shot."
>"Cool, you can open for me tonight."
>Anon's face turned a paler shade of green.
>"You what mate?" He whispered but the DJ pony had already gone.