Princess Applejack

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>>27955074
>Thread 149! One more and we unlock the Super-Apple skin for the fighting game!
But the super apple skin is just her normal Skin Recolored!

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Here is full archive of the stories in condensed, easy-to-read form with all chatter in-between removed.
Check out the pastebin here:
http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessApplejack

Curious what happened last time?
Check out the previous thread here:https:/desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/27896537
You are completely new and have no idea what is going on? There is a wikia with an overview of all characters, a complete timeline, previous thread recaps and explanation of the various concepts used in these stories!
Check out the wiki here:http://princess-aj.wikia.com/wiki/Princess_Applejack_Wiki

Confused about when a character first showed up or who they are? Want to know when an arc started?
Check out character notes and details here :
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1PsMAwLcIdC3IYxezAV9Ko4neEguNvc3eQqQqiTCxdDs/edit#gid=2119378650

Check out the 'Princess Applejack: Re-Cut Edition' here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15cv3kqExr_vOM0JkUh4dqnvVKxJ5Z-P1KHwE8Z7aG0k/edit?usp=sharing
And finally, while most of the thread is very much clop free, we have a pastebin in case you're feeling a little more naughty with your writing, find it here. http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessAJAfterDark please upload any like it to a pastebin so they can be added out of thread.
And above all else, enjoy your stay at /paj/!

>>27955074
Does this still count as a First for Badass AJ if he posted in the middle of the threadtree?

Cause damn I love that AJ.

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>>27955074

everyone back to the base, pardner.

And of course the Glimgalmbomb happens again just at the start of a new thread, this is going to be fun.

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Holy shit, the last thread is at page 10! I didn't even upload the pic, I was so worried it would sink.

Pinkie Prophesies!

>Shiny wants a good shining,
>Pinkie can't find Waldo
>Diamond Tiara wants to be little filly boom,
>Luna wants to know how bright moonlight is,
>Celestia should not coach swimming lessons,
>Dash gets mixed up with Hyphen,
>The CMC learn a valuable lesson about when to cross the street,
>Cadence is singing about free love!
>Shaking fanservice!

>>27955352
>Holy shit, the last thread is at page 10!

And now it's on the edge, and probably gone by the time I post this.

OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~

>Tia? Gotta question.

"And I have got a restraining order, start listening to it."

>Ah' serve the ponies, the ponies don't serve me.

"That sounds really nice until you realize you're talking about litigation, then it kind of sounds all dictatory."

>Well, since ya' brought it up, Ah' do have some concerns about our judicial system. Most notably... do we actually have one? Ah' have literally never seen a judge pony. Ah've seen everythin' from street sweepers to guards to police, but never a dang judge of any kind. Do we not, like, have juries or anything?

"..."

>We don't, do we?

"..."

>Ya'll just sentence every single solitary pony, be they purse snatcher or resurrected being of chaos.

"...it's all I get to do anymore."

>DANG IT CELESTIA! Our justice system is a mess and it's all yer' fault.

"Let me have this!"

>No!

"I hate you! I wish I was never born!"

*Runs off crying*

>That mare, more like a dang filly.. Wait a minute... get back here and help me do the paperwork to fix this gaddang it!

"I HATE YOU!"

>>27955399
It went up 9 again.

Guess the janitors caught on.

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>>27955352
I was cooking/fending off ants in my kitchen.

Thanks for the cover.

>>27955519
>fending off ants

>this is as noticeable as cooking

Do you live in Australia or something?

>>27955074
I kinda wanna put a saddle and bridle on her and ride her around now that she's big enough. Would a princess cowpony get off on being ridden in full horse tack with a crop and spurs or would she be more likely to buck you off and kill you?

>>27955519
No prob.

Seems I jumped the gun though, old thread slid back up to 8. Heh, even when she's can't get up anymore, it's hard to kill Applejack.

>>27955543
Think about how that worked out in the show when someone tried to ride her.

>>27955555
Quinty quints don't lie!

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>>27955555
Hooo baby. I'm sorry, I must check your quint 5s.

>>27955555
Yeah but that was in a totally different context. You can't tell me she wouldn't at least be a little curious about how it would feel to have a more reasonably proportioned rider that's not trying to literally enslave her, but is just doing it for a little fun, on her back. Maybe a kind anon would start to inadvertently tap into some of her latent horsey instincts by scritching her ears and feeding her sugar cubes and she'd eventually cave in to his polite requests for a pony ride. It'd feel strangely good and natural to her, and while the first ride would be bareback over time she'd demand the addition of the saddle, bridle, and spurs.

>>27955440
Have we ever seen anyone actually commit a jailable offense, stoneificiation notwithstanding?

>>27955619
Fuck off with your retarded riding fetish

>>27955619
>some of her latent horsey instincts

Then she'd just kick you off and stomp you to death.

Domesticated horses are waaayyyyyy different than wild horses, and took generations to be to the point where they're trainable to actually tolerate being ridden, a horse like her with no evolutionary breeding that allowed for such a thing wouldn't have any predisposition naturally then 'make it dead'. There's a reason old cowboys had the term bronco buster.

You're also probably barking up the wrong tree with who would find that fun, she'd just call you lazy and think you wanted to ride her because you didn't want to walk.

Dash might be into it if you could convince her it was strength training.

>>27955660
>stop trying to have fun and liking what I don't like

>>27955070
>When I said she did this before, I meant we had her in the snow trying to do this shit before.

I just did a quick scan, she never tried to do anything in the snow in the two stories I found with her out there, she just stared at the city both times. Was there a time when she used magic before I'm not aware of? She never seemed to want to do anything with it, she was just being conflicted and unsure, as opposed to what she did in that story, which was actually try to do something.

>>27955664
AJ enjoys farm work and hard labor. It wouldn't be hard for a clever anon to goad her into allowing herself to be ridden.

>>27955550
>It's at the very, very end of the catalog, which means it would have been the next one to be bumped off if the janitors hadn't arrived.
>Survived

Damn, that's kind of awesome.

>>27955760
Honestly, I'm more confused what changed. She was still in I don't want to go mode when she was seen last, what did she see that made her think she has to do this now?

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>applejack_visits_Applebloom_at_school.png

>>27957104
Ha!

Mornings, thread

>>27957429
Same, anon.

>Jet
“Spike”
‘???’
~~~~

Jetset never really considered himself weak. On the contrary, he viewed himself as two-thirds physically apt, one-third shades. Any good agent needed their gadgets, and to give what his job entailed, Jetset had his special shades. They gave him insight, knowledge, courses to take, a plethora of possibilities for every outcome.

But that didn’t mean his body could keep up with what his shades fed him, when they warned him to dodge this way, go there, or duck that- sometimes he just couldn’t meet the demand, and he suffered for it. And he cursed himself.

He was faster now as opposed to back then, his teleporting ability saw to that, but still not fast enough.

So without his shades, having to rely on instincts long since dulled over was probably why he was having a hard time against this ‘test’ his princess had arranged for him.

Namely, the purple dragon that had just finished dodging one of his strikes for the umpteenth time.

That, by itself, wasn’t so annoying… it was the fact that when Spike did duck around him, that pistol, Charity, was up in a blink, and more often than not pointed directly at his head.

“That’s, what… twelve? Thirteen? We’ll say fourteen, Jet-man, fourteen times you’re dead.”

>Then pull… the damn… trigger.

As he always did, Spike lowered his firing arm and shook himself, exhaling.

“Last thing I wanna see is your brains splattered all over this place. Virtual or not, that shit can traumatize, and I’ve already had my fair share of traumatizing moments, thanks. Besides, I’m supposed to be learning how to be less shooty and more resolute, and look! Every time, every single time I could’ve, but I didn’t! Claw’s not even on the trigger, admire that trigger discipline for a moment, I know I am. So, you know, by doing this, I’m learning some resolution, like ‘Tia wanted. The good resolution, of not shooting.”

1/?

>>27957842

There was something mocking in the way Jetset narrowed his eyes at the dragon, chest heaving with enervation.

>Wow… Spike, that’s….

The climb back to his hooves was long and arduous, but he made it, briefly wishing he had his shades so he could analyze Spike’s movements; he knew they were a form of martial arts- Jeet something- but for the life of him, he couldn’t catch the flow.

>…thats not at all what she meant.

Spike blinked.

“Um, yeah, she did? Look, either way, the only reason I’m not shooting you now is because gray matter is gray matter and I don’t want to see-”

>That’s exactly it, you don’t want to see.

The voice drifted over Spike’s shoulder just as the image of the Jetset before him faded like the morning mist.

And there it was, the chance to disable Spike entirely was there, as well as the urge and the longing… a simple grab-and-twist, down in one… but he didn’t, and not because Spike had yet to tag him with a bullet.

But because his Princess believed in him.

2/?

>>27957853

>She said you can’t be hesitant, that you have to be resolute… Come now, do you really think our Princess so basic as to give such a simple-minded lesson? Hesitancy and resolution, that’s just the basis; we have to dive deeper than that. The hesitancy the Princess spoke of stems from your own mentality, Spike, inside that jumbled up train-wreck of process you call thought.

A single shove sent Spike stumbling forward until he whirled around, his firing arm more taught than before.

>With that gun there you don’t have an ounce of hesitancy- in fact, you’re probably worse than I am in most cases from what I’ve heard and read. You possess all kinds of wrong hesitancy and none of the good kind. You don’t hesitate and shoot first, and then… and then you have the audacity to feel bad about it afterwards? No, you don’t get the right to feel jaded when you act without thinking. Like right now, the reason you haven’t shot me yet isn’t because you’ve suddenly become less ‘shooty’, a shift like that doesn’t happen in the span of hours- trust me, I know- but because you’d feel bad about it, because you consider me your friend. And to shoot your friend would weigh on the conscience of someone like you like an anchor, give rise to doubt and hollow thoughts. That’s where you can’t be hesitant, don’t you see?

Jetset had closed the distance between them while he spoke and once again pushed Spike, who again stumbled, this time frowning and rubbing at his chest.

“Hey, man….”

>You were given that gun and the privilege to protect… without anyone ever showing you how to properly deal with the aftermath of protecting in the first place. It’s not always going to be perfect, it’s not always going to be pretty… and you know what, sometimes you wind up hurting who you were trying to protect in the first place.

The two of them shared a single, solemn look of understanding.

3/?

>>27957862

>So you have to be sure that when you make the shitty call, and trust me, you will make that call more than you’d like, you have to own it. And you, Spike, you don’t own shit. Reckless as all hell, you complain and you shutdown and you mope and you turn into a brick, after nearly every single incident you either caused or didn’t cause. That’s not owning, that’s being owned.

Another shove, punctuated with the word ‘owned’, caught Spike unawares and he fell over completely.

Jetset towered over him, glancing down with eyes that not even a Manticore could match in ferocity.

>That’s what she meant by not being hesitant. If you’re going to walk this road, walk it smartly and without regret, or else find a new road. Because you know what? If you, or anyone else, ever threatened my Queen’s life, I would take you down, permanently, and not even lose a wink of sleep over it. Probably forget about you the next morning. I’d have to, because friends make the absolute worst enemies, and after you see them off to the next world they tend to linger like a bad aftertaste. See, I made my peace a long time ago, however terrible it used to make me feel. And if you want to continue wielding Charity without a constant cloud of doom lingering over your head and the heads of others then you need to do it t-

The bullet skipped past Jetset’s face before the piercing bang that followed brought him into a stunned silence. His cheek split from the friction, from the blistering heat of that near-fatal shot, and he blinked down at the dragon still on his back yet pointing a smoking Charity directly at him.

“Nice dodge.”

>Not nearly nice enough, that hurt like hell.

4/?

>>27957867

“Well, take solace in the fact that I won’t miss again, so you won't feel anything next time. And I won’t feel sorry for it either. I’ve hesitated enough, givin’ this thought, and I’m resolved to end you.”

>You say that, but that doesn’t mean you just start offing ponies left and right while you laugh against a backdrop of fire, either. That’s the other extreme.

Chuckling, Spike flipped himself upright, once more settling into that fighting stance that caused Jetset’s right eyebrow to twitch.

“You don’t gotta worry about that, Jet. Killing left and right like it’s as easy as breathing, that’s your bag, ain’t it?”

>Touché.

“No, I think with what you just helped me to see, I’ll be fine. Shoulda known ‘Tia would pull something like this….”

>In essence, we both need more self-control before we cause a war-level altercation. You, my angsty little dragon, need two parts the help with that, while I only need one. I’m already comfortable with doing what needs to be done to protect who I need to, I just need to do less-

A scaly elbow caught Jetset squarely in the chest and he gagged, swiftly pivoting to the right to avoid the following knee strike that Spike flowed into.

“Do less what? Talking? I’d say so ‘cause it can’t be good for your reflexes. C’mon, let’s move on to the next part of my training.”

>…Right. The next part….

A silvery cloud of magic snatched Charity from the dragon’s side where it soared neatly over to Jetset and flipped, pointing right back at its owner.

5/?

>>27957875

“Hey, what’re you….”

>The second part is something a simulation can’t teach, I’m afraid. My Princess was right, this weapon here… it's your crutch. Think back on all the altercations you’ve caused by whipping this gun out first and doing something asinine….”

The instant Spike made a move, Charity magically armed herself, freezing the dragon mid-step.

>You’re growing far too fast with this gun, and when used in combination to illicit fear and respect, that just breeds a bad case of hubris….

“Jet? Give me back my gun, right now.”

There was some form of consideration behind Jetset’s eyes as he gazed at the gun in his hold that caused Spike to scowl with a growing anger, his scales bristling.

“I said give her BACK!”

Birds from the surrounding trees took off at the dragons fierce yell and one could swear they saw tiny curls of green flame escape the sides of his mouth.

All it made Jetset do was blink, his magic hefting Charity high into the air, the muzzle still pointed directly at its’ owner.

>I gave up my shades, Spike. I gave them up for two reasons… to ensure the survival of someone I care about, and… just to see if I could manage without them. I feel like I’m missing a vital piece of my being if I’m honest, but I can’t deny I’m learning to rely more on myself, which is always a good thing.

“JETSET!”

>So I’m going to do what we all should have done a long time ago. I’m going to hold onto this gun until such a time as you ‘unlock’ yourself, as I can only imagine Charity here is the very thing that’s been holding you back all this time.

Not a single bullet had been fired but that didn’t stop Spike from looking shot.

6/?

>>27957880

“You… Damn it, Jet… don’t… don’t make me hurt you!”

Jetset’s response was quick, so quick Spike had barely finished speaking.

>Could you? No, would you? If no one is going to set you right, then I will, I don’t give a damn about your feelings. You want this crutch that spits metal back? Fine, but how far will you go to achieve that? Would you hurt me? Could you live with yourself afterwards? Maybe you’d contemplate suicide, or just spend months crying in that crying corner? Remember when I said friends make the worst enemies? Yeah, I’m that bad after-taste, Spike.

The rage-fueled trembling that continuously shook Spike from head to toe gave way to an exhale that shot a plume of roasting fire from his nostrils.

And then he was marching forward, determined and paying no mind to the weapon trained on him from above.

“Well, remember when I said I wouldn’t feel sorry when I shot you again? I was lying then. I’m not now. I’m going to get Charity back and then….”

>And then… what?

For a long while there was silence, a silence so loud it caused Jetset's ears to flicker... until the most tired, yet sincere smile surfaced over Spike’s face.

“And then… I’m gonna go check on my big wheels.

>…Excuse me?

7/?

>>27957905

“Yeah, they gotta be delivered by now, I figure. Probably stop by the Gee-See afterwards, get to work on some actual club activities.”

>Actual… club… activities….

“Yup. I got a surrogate family there, but we don’t hang out nearly as much as I’d like… Maybe… less explosions, more laughs…?”

>What about unlocking yourself?

“Considering the opposite, I really couldn’t give a changelings chitin anymore. Seeing you dangle Charity over my head like you are… it makes me feel smaller than a two bit diamond. And it’s not like I can scare you into giving her back, you’re not afraid to die and you’re definitely not afraid of me. Kinda just… drives the point home that ‘Tia was trying to make. Charity draws the fear, and the respect, and the power, while I draw….”

Spike shrugged.

“I’ll get ‘em when I get ‘em, those traits. For now, if they wanna laugh, let ‘em laugh. I’mma focus on turning Charity into a symbol of protection, like she always should’ve been, like she was meant to be. I don’t want the ones I’m supposed to protect to see her and be all like ‘oh Faust who’s he gonna accidentally shoot now’ or something like that. Gotta make it positive, you know? Want them to get behind me, not run away.”

>I see….

“Yeah, so, gird your loins, I guess, you and me are gonna do the rounds until I get Charity ba-”

>You pass.

“-aaaa- wait what…?”

8/?

>>27957915

Like a meteorite, Charity fell from the sky, and right into the hand Spike unconsciously held up. Confused, he glanced from her to Jetset, who issued a shuddering sigh.

>I said… you passed. Barely.

Even if that didn’t make sense, Spike’s hold on Charity increased ten-fold, until his knuckles turned white, like he was afraid his inability to understand would somehow get her taken again.

“I- are you goofin’ me right now? I don’t get it, I didn’t do anything.”

>Precisely. I don’t have time to explain, mostly because my own therapy is due to start soon, but if you were smart enough to pass, then the ‘how’ will hit you later on. Just… take it easy. Save as many as you can, make that weapon an extension of your help, not your need for respect.

“…I will.”

>Now start walking, that way. You’ll come across the simulation’s exit in about ten minutes.

“Right, I… oh wow, I almost forgot we were in a simulation….”

>I didn’t, then again my sense are sharper than yours, or it may be a side-affect of wearing my shades for so long… Anyway, get going, and tell my second Princess that I’ll be seeing her soon.

“Sure you don’t want me to stay? In case you need help?”

>No, you’re needed elsewhere. Until I get back, I’m passing both the Alpha and Omega into your care, alright? Think you can handle that without putting a bullet in it?

“…ha. Somehow, I think I’ll manage.”

>We’ll see. Good luck, Spike.

“Same to you, Glitch.”

9/10

>>27957922

It took a little longer than it should have for Spike to disappear from Jetset’s sight, but the dragon kept pausing, glancing back over his shoulder before continuing on.

>He’ll be fine… don’t you think?

A previously hidden figure stepped out from the tree closest to the agent, sniffing quite haughtily as they approached, leering after the long-gone dragon.

‘Fine is subjective, and you know I abhor subjectivity. I find it unprofessional.’

>You find everything unprofessional, ma’am.

The golden maned mare with the withered gaze of a hawk nickered most affectionately.

‘Well, not everything, Jetset. Your entire little speech to Spike, that was very professional. So professional, actually, that I seem to recall hearing it once befo- oh! Wait.. that’s right, didn’t I say almost the exact same thing to you when you were younger, back when you were all petulant and hardheaded? Yes, yes, I do believe you even threatened me when I took your shades away….’

>It’s a possibility, who knows. My memory isn’t so good nowadays.

‘Must be all that glitching headfirst into walls.’

>Very funny.

10/10

>>27955624
Just stuff we havent arrested
>Breaking and entering-Flash and Fizzle
>Assault and battery-Multiple
>Espionage-multiple
>Murder-Multiple
>Attempted murder-multiple
>arson-Changelings
>theft-multiple
>hacking-Pennydrop
>forgery-18
>impersonating an officer-56
>bioterror- technically Fawntine Futuristics
>inciting a riot-technically Fuzzy and the buzz
>Piracy-The fucking pirates

stuff we have
>attempted coups
>attempted regicide
>attempted murder by nobody on gov officials
>child trafficking
>and sugar smuggling

>>27957971
You forgot about the Apple Counter fitting... or did I never actually post that story?

>>27957971
>impersonating an officer-56
Damn Daniel, I forgot all about that.

>>27957933
Finally! And it's a pretty decent bit if CD too.

>>27957933
>Spike finally gets some decent stories

At last!

Thank you.

>>27957933
An interesting bit of introspection, but what I'm most interested in is the mostly unsaid implications.

It's interesting Spike is above JS's level like that in straight up fighting, to the point where he repeatedly defeated him, and it makes me wonder if JS was letting him to make a point or if Spike got a bit better recently. More interesting that it was JS giving the speech to let him know what his problem was and what Celestia meant, however, with the uncertainty at the end I'm not sure if he was off the mark, due to it being a repeat of what it was to him.

VERY interesting to finally see why JS is so able to go to neck-snapper mode so easily, and why it never really seems to bother him, and it gives context for why he mentioned to AJ that 7's inability to do it was a weakness. His test is going to be a curious one.

Glad to see Spike just wants to go out and hang out again, that was nice to see, and it's nice that he offered to stay and help JS out, but I'm more curious as to what his next move is going to be, so I'm glad he left.

Overal, very well done, and plenty to grow on.

>AJ
"AB"
~~~

The staff of the castle watched in awe, every one of them catching flies as the rolling, massive tank rolled by, weapons pointed straight down at the retreating pony in front of it.

>APPLEBLOOM YOU CUT THIS OUT RIGHT NOW!

In response, the tank's weapons popped out, and a missile or two joined the previous rain of bullets that tailed the pony just far enough out of reach it couldn't hit her.

"Oh, Ah'm sorry, that wasn't the stop button? Let me try this!"

A freeze ray coated the path in front of her, leaving a thin sheen of ice that sent the pony wobbling and sliding down while flipping over right onto her chin.

>APPLEBLOOM!

"Whoops! Let me help ya!"

A massive mechanical arm snapped out...

>DON'T YOU DARE-

And flicked.

>AHHHHHH!

She was little more than a blur as she rocketed forwards, spinning all around in massive looping curves before slamming headfirst into a wall.

"Wow, look at how protected Ah' am!"

>Oh, yer' gonna need protection alright. But ain't no force on earth gonna stop me from tannin' yer' hid... WAIT N-

One more flick and the previous ramming into the wall became a ramming through the wall.

>... ya' told me ta' put the bomb in, granny, ya' warned me, but Ah' didn't listen.

"Oh hey, what does this button do?"

>AH' DIDN'T LISTEN!

>>27957971
I think he meant in the show.

>>27958332
>It's interesting Spike is above JS's level like that in straight up fighting,

It kind of makes sense, since he can at least go somewhat toe-to-toe with 42, even if 42 is better than him on most days. When JS tried to fight her, she oneshotted him and left.

>Buffer
"Shine"
~~~

>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

>OUR FLOORS!

"OUR FLOOOOORS!"

>SO SCUFFED AND SCRATCHED AND BROKEN!

"SO DULL AND SCRAPED AND UGLY!"

>NOT SMOOTH AT ALL!

"NOT SHINY AT ALL!"

>"EVERYTHING IS AWFUL!"

>Is this karma!? Is this us being punished for our deeds!? Is this the gods telling us what we did is wrong!?

"We should double check."

>...what!?

"We should double check right now. You know, just to be sure. It might be unrelated."

>That...

"..."

>...is very scientific. Let's go test that out right now, in the broom closet.

"FOR SCIENCE!"

>>27958732
NC
>Twilight
"Celestia"
~~~

"Twilight? Why did you shoot two of my staff?"

>THEY WERE PERVERTING THE GREATNESS OF SCIENCE! LITERALLY!

>>27957933
So Spike's problem is he angsts a lot.

You know what? I totally buy that.

>>27958972
No no, it's that he has a hair trigger, THEN he angsts. Either don't have a hair trigger or don't angst, we gotta have rules here.

>Cantie
"Cantie2"
~~

>So, just to doublecheck, changelings are still awful, right?

"The worst."

>The worst of the worst.

"So worst, it's worse."

>That's accurate and clever, you should put that on a newsletter.

"I think so."

>But, despite that, that doesn't mean everything they make is bad.

"Even a broken clock is right twice a day."

>That's also smart and clever, and accurate. So that's why it's okay we don't feel bad about liking these things.

"They're likable in spite of the changelings, not because of them."

>Really, they'd be just as likeable if they came from a unicorn, if not more so.

"Accurate and brilliant, and not racist."

>Not racist, accurate.

"Right."

>...but these things are so cool!

"They're AWESOME!'

>Oh oh! Show me your senior prom again!

"I can't, the orbs are one time use!"

>Damn it changeling who understands supply and demand! Your wisdom in economics is bullshit!

"What do we do!?"

>Buy more?

"Buy more!"

>But they still suck!

"THE WORST!"

>>27957971
>>bioterror- technically Fawntine Futuristics

Is there such a thing as 'accidental bioterror'?

Cause Cordy wasn't exactly intentional.

>>27959199
The only thing more powerful than racism.

Fun.

>>27959341
Umm... I don't think there has ever been an accidental case of bioterror, so a term hasn't actually been made for it to specify.

>Celestia
“???”
~~

>Alright, time to give her a piece of my mind. Depresslestia is dead and she’s staying dead! Now is time for actionlestia, super edition! I’m going to get my letter if it’s the last thing I- Applejack! There you are! You ran by so quickly before, we didn’t get a chance to talk, is there something you have for me-

“NO! BAD FILLY! BAD FILLYYYYY!”

The pony ran under her, flipping her over onto her face once again. Hot on her heels, a massive machine rolled overhead, barely managing not to crush her with the massive tank treads the princess just barely fit between. In the span of ten seconds, it was over.

>…or you know what maybe I’ll just burn everything to the ground, that sounds nice too. Keeping my options open, that’s what I’m doing.

>>27959341
Well they damn sure made the Fusers.

And then tried to keep them secret.

...REMEMBER THE FUSERS, ANONS!? THE FUSERS!

>Vekir
"Watchdog"
'Siegfried'

>VEKIR DEMANDS FREEDOM!

'My beag demabs to be straid again...'

"No and if you promise to never say that freaky omelette thing again I'll take you to a doctor."

>Tier nanny!

"...what?"

>I do not know, I heard one of the angry catbirds say it before they stopped being angry.

'Thab's tyraneeg...'

>This is what Vekir said!

"Almost..."

>Neeeehhh!

"Almooooost!"

'My beag...'

"AHA!"

>VEKIR SHALL NOT...wait...are we-?

"In the fucking CASTLE!? THE PLACE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO THIS ENTIRE FAUST, GROGAR, FATHER BULL, AND SUNDRY OTHER STUPID GODS DAMNED TIME!? YES! YES AND YES AGAIN! NOW FINALLY! FIIIIIINALLY YOU CAN GO GET SUN BUNS' AUTOGRAPH AND WE'RE DONE!"

>...Vekir wonders why you didn't just say that is what we were doing in the first place.

"..."

'...sheb's righ', yuh din't.'

"..."

BOK!

>Oh no, Dog of Watches, you have blown a gasket!

'Literalleeb.'

"Hate...my...liiiiife...."

I want to chain princess appelhoers to the floor and fuck her marepussy.

>>27960081
Jesus, I forgot all about that...

>>27959955
I actually don't?

>>27960356
You drink too much Infusion at once you become a Not!Splicer

>>27958581
The show
Human trafficking Dash selling fluttershy
Breaking and entering Dash multiple times
Attempted theft rarity
Attempted coup and kidnapping-who do you think.
Mind control is probably illegal-twilight
Murder-twilight
I could go on but on phone.

>42
“Changeling”
~~~

“Um… here?”

The entire desk shook when he laid the sack down in front of her.

Under any normal circumstances, the soldierling would be furious that any would ever interrupt her official paperwork in such a manner. This, she had to admit, were not normal circumstances.

No matter how she wished it somedays, a massive sack big enough to smother a Queen full to the brim with bits wasn’t dropped on her desk everyday.

Unfortunately, it was uncommon for a reason, and the change also posed a lot of unfortunate implications.

>…who did you rob?

“Nobody.”

>Oh, I see, you ‘found’ a sackfull of bits on the floor or something. For humor’s sake, which cart did this just so happen to be next to?

“None of them.”

>Alright, humoring continuing… why, oh why, did you put a giant sack of bits on my desk, and where did you get them?

“Aren’t you supposed to tax stuff when I make a lot of money selling things?”

The helmet clad changeling blinked stupidly, staring openly at the strangely innocent looking face.

>…wait a minute… are you-

“Salesling. That’s apparently my name now?”

>Ah. Interesting choice?

“I didn’t pick it.”

She chose not to question that.

>So you actually managed to sell those memory orbs?

“Yep.”

>How much?

“All of them.”

She looked over to the giant bag that was making her desk creak and groan, and decided that made sense.

>Huh.

“Did I do good?”

The edge of her desk gave up the ghost, and shattered.

>…I think I need to call the Queen on this one.

>>27960863
Economics!

Odd to say that regarding a changeling...

NC
>Twilight
“AJ”
~~~

>Did I go too far with this? I think I might have gone too far with this.

“DANG IT TWILIGHT! ALL AH’ WANTED YOU TO DO WAS CREATE AN INDESTRUCTIBLE WAR MACHINE THAT ALSO WAS PERFECTLY SUITED FOR RAISING A FILLY AND ALSO COULD BLOCK A VOLCANO WHILE TREATING ANY WOUND YOU’D GET FROM A VOLCANO ALL IN THE SPAN OF A FEW HOURS WHILE I HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD! WAS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!?”

>…On second thought, not far enough.

“IT WAS THE RACING STRIPES THAT WAS TOO MUCH, WASN’T IT!?”

>Two
“Velvet”
‘Nightlight’
~~~~

>Monopony? Really? But nobody ever wants ta’ play that with me! They say it makes ‘em wanna eat ponies. Literally. Ah’ saw Shiny bite Mommy once.

“And that’s precisely why we’re doing this.”

>What?

“Nothing, sweetie, nothing! Let’s just start playing, it’s going to be a long game after all! Yes, a long… long game, that give aaaammppllee time for certain someones to get up into all sorts of naughty business! Someone like, say a son of mind and a daughter in law.”

>Shiny and mommy don’t do anything naughty!

“That’s the problem.”

>Wait, what?

‘You’re confusing her.’

“It’s a fair trade, because they confused me!’”

>Ah’ feel like Ah’ need ta’ call not-mom to translate.

“Yes! Call her here, and then she can be further away and stop keeping them from doing what I said!”

>But not-mom is the one bein’ naughty most times!

“Again, that’s the problem!”

>…so confused. Maybe Ah’ oughta call Eighteen, she can-

“No! Not that one, leave that one there!”

‘Okay, now I’m confused.’

“Multiplication, darling! Multiplication!”

‘How does that-ohhhhh… oh honey no, you-‘

“The math checks out!”

‘This is terrible.’

>…Ya’ know, we usually wait ta’ get crazy till after the game starts.

“WE’LL HAVE IT ALL!”

>>27960617
Them eating the cake was also illegal.

>>27962071
Even if it wasn't, that was pure dick move.

>>27962039
>She's rooting for her son to bang 18 for more grandbabes

Well, I'm pretty sure he'd get scarred for life if he ever learned that.

All the rents are fucked up.

>Pinkie
“Cadence”
‘18’
~Maud~
~~~~

>Ahhh, snickerdoodles, Shiny is gonna get mad I got his wife drunk.

“I can’t shee! I’m blind! Shave me monkey god!... hee hee, shave. Not what uh meant!”

~You would see better without the lampshade.~

‘How drunk is she? She’s just kinda fuzzy, not slurring hard like she normally does.’

>I’d say she’s just drunk enough to do something regretful, but not drunk enough she’d forget about it the next morning, the worst kind of drunk!

~Do not worry, Shining Armor’s first wife is with you, so anything regretful she does will not bother him, and he will want to watch, if my movies are correct.~

>They’re not!

~My life is a lie.~

‘CADENCE NO!’

“WHEEE!”

CRASH!

‘Why would you swing from the chandelier like that!?’

“I like flyin’!”

‘You have wings!’

“OH MAH GOSH!... I can fly!”

‘Regret.’

“WHEEEEE!”

CRASH!

>Ohhhh, that’s gonna make her less pretty.

~Fortunately, love means he will still want her even if her face is smashed up and ugly… or is that wrong too?~

>No, that one’s accurate.

~Ah.~

CRAH!

~…that is fortunate.~

‘CADENCE STOP!’

“AH’M INVISHIBLE!”

>>27960863
>Inb4 Chrysalis never changed her thread 1 policy, and it's still "I'm the Queen and you give me money.

>>27962264
Now that would be a dick move!

>Screwloose
“12”
~~~~

>Will you please drop that stupid ass toy?

“Nope.”

>Okay, no, you will not get used to denying me what I want! That’s a cycle that will not become a thing with us, do you hear m-

“Touch.”

>GAH!

“Heh heh.”

>Don’t fucking do that!

“Honestly, I’m still waiting for you to say it was all a joke, your butt-phobia.”

>It’s not a fear, you fucking nimrod! I just… it’s weird, touching back there….

“I used to bite you on the tail. Literally, I did, all the time, I gnawed on that thing like a chew toy.”

>You gnawed on my tail, not my ass, pervert, two totally different things. Although now that you make mention, you could stand to do that more often, my tail’s feeling neglected.

“I’ll get right on that after we get this doll back to my hivemate. Want to split up here, cover more ground?”

>Nyet. There’s only one kind of splitting I like to do and it involves flesh and a paper-thin, freshly sanitized scalpel, pervert. We have other things we need to be doing, and returning the doll of ass-fetishist is not one of them.

He stared at her.

She stared back, eyebrows pulled together in the most demanding scowl Twelve had ever seen, which was quite the feat considering all the sneers he used to get back in his job-hunting days.

“…He’s important to me, Screwloose.”

>I’M more important.

“He’s also one of the holy trifecta of younglings who every other changeling swore a long time ago to help and defend whenever the need arose. You can fuck up the Queen all you want and walk away laughing, but toss even a balled up piece of paper at the smaller three? The resulting war would give birth to the Element of Death or some shit.”

>…You’re joking. Right?

“Who really knows?”

>…

1/2

>>27962601

She layered another two levels of heat into her glare, determined to beat the changeling across from her through stare alone.

It was a valiant effort that was summarily defeated when Twelve rubbed his cheek against hers.

“I’ll give you a two-hour long hoof massage afterwards, no breaks.”

>…Tch, son of a bitch. I expect some lip service with that massage, too….

“Hey, my pleasure. Now, you go that way, I’ll go this way.”

>How will I know I’ve found the little cockroach?

“He’s small. Think mini-changeling.”

>He won’t… like… try to grab my… my you-know-what, right?

“If he does I’ll know where to find you based on the screams, at least.”

>Fuck you.

“Working up to that. Slowly but surely we're working up to that.”

>>27962615
You'll get in that booty, soon enough.

Soon.

>>27960134
Now she will soon have her dream:

A lemonade stand that she has haphazardly scrawled 'Embasey' on.

>>27962917
Too damn cute.

>>27962615
Yay! Finally got my SL stuff, a whole thread later.

I love this pair.

>77
“Cheerliee’
~~~

>Honey? I’m home!

“Hello, dear! How was work?”

>I fought a giant fillyscout with superpowers. You?

“Ugh, the kids were so unruly today! Screaming, trying to get out of their desks, one of them even tried to go home! It was a madhouse, I just don’t know what made them act up so bad!”

>It’s a mystery. But you kept them in check, I take it?

“Of course.”

>Naturally, you are the best teacher in ponyville after all.

“Oh, only in Ponyville? Well, someone doesn’t want to make me feel happy.”

>I like to build my compliments up slowly, if I just hit it the hardest at the very start then everything afterwards is going to seem disappointing.

“Metering expectations, you are going to be a good guard!”

>The greatest, no doubt… so how have the demons been?

“Actually? Weirdly quiet.”

>Oh, that’s good.

“…”

>Not good?

“Not good.”

>What does it mean?

“It means… well, maybe keep on your hooves, mister captain of the guard.”

>Ah. Lovely.

“By the way, did you get a uniform?”

>For the captaincy? I got a purple helmet, I guess, I don’t like it though.

“Put it on.”

>What? Why-ohhhhh.

“…”

>…At attention, soldier.

>>27963151
>The soldier is his knife
>His knife is an actual knife, but it's made of bone
>The bone is literally that, it's fully boned.
>Just like she's about to be.
>BECAUSE DEMONS ARE FUCKING PLOTTING SOMETHING YOU MORON STOP THINKING WITH YOUR DICK

>>27962532
>Implying that's not exactly why she'd do it.

Still Chrysalis! Wakka wakka!

>>27963151
>Demon plotting

As in all things, I blame Foalington.

>>27962195
18 would probably be all for it.

>>27962264
She did change the policy, otherwise they wouldn't have been able to buy the guns.
>>27963299
Taxes are a thing and if she gets the city off the ground she will be needing it.

>>27963473
>She did change the policy, otherwise they wouldn't have been able to buy the guns.

Oh right, they did that. She's actually been GIVING them money.

>Taxes are a thing and if she gets the city off the ground she will be needing it.

She's actually getting in some rather solid economic standing and some legit reasons other countries would want to trade with her. Aside from novelty and energy even.

She's got some good ideas.

>>27963544
The problem with her is she always could have made her own country, and it wouldn't even have been that hard. AJ was willing, if not desperate to get her out, Shiny and Caddy eventually would have done whatever it took, and it's not like she didn't have ample reason to leave.

She just doesn't want to.

>>27963708
Well, she has a lot of legitimate reasons to not want to. She's currently not very liked, has little in the way of allies, her army is unmatched but they are finite, and require preparation. Sure, canonically, Changelings with prep time > Pony army with prep time, but what about when they're they one getting sneak attacked because they're just plain not capable of keeping up due to lack of numbers?

Then there's the matter of instability, a reasonably fear they're invasion prone, and a lack of economic foothold and stability. Oh, and also the small matter they need ponies for FOOD. Literally! They can't grow their own, or hunt non-sentient species. They're the only ones who can't, even. Relying on Shining for love only goes so far when he's a hundred miles away.

Then there's the matter of immigration, challenges to her rule, and a whole host of other things on top of building an ENTIRE KINGDOM from scratch.

And, finally, of course there's the personal element of never wanting this, objectively the best time in her entire life, to end. She's happy now, actually happy, and loved now, ACTUALLY loved, so of course leaving all that for the aforementioned problems seem daunting.

But, apparently, she's doing it, so we'll see how it goes.

>>27960081
Oh, watchdog, Vekir has been on an adventure, she didn't remember that shit.

That's on you.

>>27963925
>canonically, Changelings with prep time > Pony army with prep time,

That was always the weirdest part of the wedding story to me.

She literally is all like "HEY! You are, FOR SURE, going to get attacked, there is GOING to be something going down on THIS DAY, get your fucking army primed up and ready to fight!"

Then they do, and are so on edge they flip out when they see TWILIGHT.

Then it happens and they totally get their asses royally handed to them, it's not even a contest.

It's so weird they included that.

>>27964421
Well they couldn't have them win. What the fuck would their new toys do?

Goodnight thread

>>27964951
Night anon

>>27964951
Bloomberg bloo blooo, goodnight to you.

>>27964951
>>27965089
>>27965506
Morning fellas!

>>27965955
And what a morning it is!

>>27964673
Could have had them put up a fight and have the other side when during the fight.

>SA
"Guard"
~~~

>Ahhh, crap.

"Sir? Aren't you going home?"

>Shiny sense is tingling.

"Shiny sense?"

>Shiny sense. It says I'm needed back there.

"Didn't you just come from there?"

>It never ends.

"Oh... well, why aren't you leaving?"

>I'm also needed back at the Empire. My Shiny Sense is going nuts right now. I apparently need to be in two places at one here, everything's going wrong everywhere.

"Well, that's unfortunate."

>That it is.

"..."

>...

"...Sooo-"

>So if I stand here long enough, one of them will balance out.

"Is... is that smart?"

>Yep.

"..."

>...

"...So, did you catch the hoofball game?"

>I'm more into OnO.

"You're dead to me."

>>27967062
>TFW you got too many bitches with too many problems

>MM
"Trixie"
~???~
~~~~

>Where did everyone go?

Even for a sudden giant monster attack, the city had become strangely barren extremely quickly.

"Maybe they're all getting ready to see Trixie's show."

>You're doing a show today? When did you announce that?

"Trixie didn't, they're just getting in line so when Trixie announces it they can be the first to buy before it sells out."

She didn't know what it said about her that she just rolled her eyes and moved on. It probably wasn't healthy how little it bothered her, in hindsight.

>Seriously though, where did everyone go?

"Maybe towards the giant crowd?"

The mayor blinked, looking all around as best she could, but seeing no sign of this supposed crowd.

>What the heck are you talking about?

"Over there, on the other side of town, there's a crowd."

>How could you possibly know that?

"Trixie knows when there's a crowd."

It said even worse about her than before that she didn't even question that, and began to mosey on over to the direction the mare had indicated.

Sure enough, as predicted, the mass of ponies she recognized from every single gathering or song number, complete with odd duplicates she never wanted to question, were lying in wait. All gathered around with their backs turned to her. She wasn't used to this side of them, and she quite didn't like it.

"All of these ponies, and none of them are looking at Trixie!? What madness is this!?"

>Alright, so what exactly is going on that-

~Mares and Gentlecolts! Listen to me! Are you tired of these constant monster attacks? Are you tired of the world almost ending? Are you tired of being afraid!?~

1/2

>>27967258

Every drop of blood drained from her face, and she couldn't tell if it was the voice or the elated cheers that followed that caused it.

~Well, so am I, and I'm sick of it! It's clear our 'leader' isn't capable of stopping this on her own! It's clear that we cannot stay as we have been! It's time... for a change, and I'm the one to bring it!~

When she finally saw the one up on the podium, every drop of attention of the crowd rapt on his smiling face, her heart sank.

~That is why I, Filthy Rich, am running my campaign for mayor of Ponyville!~

>...Oh, fuck no.

>>27967265
OH SHIT SON

That HoC story from long ago with Filthy is finally coming back around! Let's do this!

>>27967288
>Times up with the presidential election

Perfection.

>AJ
"AB"
~~

>ALRIGHT! AH'VE HAD ENOIUGH-

Her declaration was met with the same response all the other supposed ones had been.

A brand new attack to bring her pain.

>YEEEOW! TASERS!? YA' GOT TASERS NOW!?

"It's got all kinda buttons in here!... OH MAH GOSH!"

>GAH! WHAT!? WHAAAT!?

"There's a smoothie maker in here!"

>...really?

"Really! It even comes with apple flavors!"

>That's... huh.

"OH MAH GOSH!"

>WHAT NOW!?

"The chair has a massager, it vibrates!"

>Whoa, seriously!? Ah'd love that for me!

"It does! It's even got different settings! This is amazing!"

>What else does it do?

"It also does this!"

Twin flat disks popped out of it's back, and started to rumble.

~If you wanna be my lover!~

>It's got a dang speaker system!?

"Yeah! Ain't it awesome!?"

>How much is in there!?

"There's like, eighty buttons Ah' haven't pushed."

>...HOW MUCH DID THIS THING COST!?

"Ah' dunno, let me check the calculator."

>...

"....What does 'field too long' mean?"

>TWILIIIIIGHT!

"Oop! Found the wind machine!"

The air around her roared, and the thought of Applejack's hooves remaining on the ground where they belonged were but a distant dream.

>DANG IT TWILIIiiiiiighhhhttt...

"This thing is cool."

>>27967265
Aw hell, this is going to be fun.

>>27967481
>Twilight ended up spending the entire budget on it
Damn it Applejack!

>>27967288
The... the one from Partyland?

Mother of god.

>>27967770
>Partyland is coming back
>PL storylines are coming back

We... we can't escape it, can we?

>>27967815
>Five nights at Pinkies gets the surprise sixth night

>Basher
"Crasher"
~~~

>I'm telling you, it's not like that!

"I'm telling dad."

>Look, we all have what we like and don't like, we shouldn't be judged on that!

"My peacetrotter is doing it now, and I've got a freaking marefriend. It's infecting the others."

>Well, sounds like the problem might be with you, not me. That's what it's looking like.

"This is officially a problem."

>Look, I don't even know why you're so worried, it's not like she's saying anything negative.

"She's not saying anything at all, I'm noticing. Why is that?"

>Because her voice is too pure for this sinful world.

"..."

>I mean, that's what I've heard. Not from her, because she won't talk to me, even though I've triple checked and everything is functioning fine with her auditory stuff.

"..."

>It would just mean more from her, you know?

"Stop.:

>>27967953
>Guard 1
"Guard 2"
~???~
~~~

>...So, uh... should I report this?

"To who? Who could you possibly report this to?"

>Someone. Anyone. A mechanic, the IT guys, my freaking mother, someone.

"Quit being such a pansy. It's not that bad."

>It's not bad, it's just... uh...

The Peacetrotter lifted it's sign a little higher, and it's optic lights flickered on and off as it looked to the guard. Slowly, she pointed to every letter on the sign, reading 'Peacetrotters ARE for Waifu', complete with a little winking face.

>I just have no idea how to react to this.

"Just do what comes natural."

>...hey baby, how you doin'?

~Oh myyyyy.~

>That... that's the first time that ever worked. I think we're in trouble.

"There's clearly a point we should have stopped and we crossed it... but let's keep going and see what happens."

>...So, uh... you doing anything after our shift is over?

~Maayyybe?~

>...

"GO FOR IT!"

>...I'm afraid, but curious.

>>27968084
>Theyre reciprocating

Oh dear...

>>27968242
But not to the one who actually wants them.

Interesting.

>>27968084
NC
>Supplier
~???~
~~~

>YOU WANT TO ORDER A WHAT!?

~Look, my Peacetrotter is asking for this, not me, so can you get an attachment that-~

>NO!

~This isn’t as weird as it sounds!~

>…

~Okay it is.~

>>27968459
>Cue DT realizing they look like her mom.

The vomiting will never stop.

File: BLAAARGH.png (304KB, 1117x919px) Image search: [Google]

304KB, 1117x919px

>>27968749
Diamond Tiara! Now vomit-propelled! Because the rocket booster slot in Sexy needs to be occupied by mini nukes!

>Pinkie
“18”
‘Maud’
~Cadence~
~~~

>OH NO! NO NO NO NO NOOOOO! THIS IS THE WORST!

“Debatable.”

>No, it really is! This is the worst thing that could happen!

‘Incorrect, the worst thing is that she would die.’

>This is worse than that!

“…how.”

>YOU FOOL! Don’t you see!? She’s going to… going to-!

~Loooovee is the greatest thing in the wooorrrlllldddd~

>DRUNKING SINGING NUMBER- looooovveeee~

“Across Equestriaaaaa~whycan’tIstop!?”

>It’stoolate~Looovvveeeee across the wooorrldddd!~

~When looove touched the heart of mannyyyy!~

‘It can change the heart of anyyyy~’

>NicevoiceMaud-Loooovveeee!~

“HELP! Loveeeee~”

>It’stoolate-Loovveee~

>”’~LOOOVEEEEEEEE!~’”

>>27967687
It is clearly Twilights fault. AJ said as much.

>>27969091
She didn't want to build it, the blame shifter.

>>27969122
She should have known to build it on a budget of 0 bits.

>>27969161
Wasteful is what she is. Granny would've done it with two pieces of string and some spit.

>>27969492
I chuckled most fucking heartily.

>>27968968
>Crystal Guard
~~~

>I’m not even going to ask what’s going on in there… but I am a little sad they didn’t invite me.

>Cloudchaser
“Derpy”
~~

>Alright, this will make me the best weather captain, ever! For sure this time!

“Swimming lessons?”

>Brilliant, isn’t it?

“It’s nice that you’re doing something for the kids, but… what does that have to do with being a weather captain?”

>Water is wet.

“That’s factually correct, the second best kind of correct.”

>And rain is wet.

“Also correct, factually.’

>So, obviously if I can train fillies to swim well, then I can train everyone else to be good at moving in rain! It’s practically the same thing!

“I’m not clever enough to see the problems with that.”

>Come, Derpaderp! We shall teach fillies to swim today, and through the rain tomorrow! We have to pace ourselves, don’t want to overload them on the first day.

“But I don’t know how to swim.”

>Oh, thank goodness, I don’t either.

“Then… then why-“

>Because we’re both pegasi!

“Yeah?”

>So I figured we’d… wing it!

“…”

>…

“…you are the best pony in the world.”

>>27970395
>She's still trying

Points for tenacity.

>>27970607
You're not gonna the greatest anything If you quit.

Greatest failure is still a great.

>Rarity
“Moondancer”
~~

>And that’s why friendship is good~!

“GO AWAY!”

>Oh come now, I broke out the entire musical number for this! There was a symphony!

“I DON’T WANT IT!”

>Well, I just don’t know what else to do here!

“TRY LEAVING!”

>That simply won’t do!... oh! I know! I’ll call Spike!

“THAT… oh hey, I know him, maybe he’ll be able to-“

>Let me just ring up his gun real quick!

“HIS WHAT!?”

>Spikey-Wikey?... Oh dear, he must be out of range, he normally answers right away. Oh well, I suppose I can just track him real quick.

“Track him!?”

>Oh yes, I can track his movements thanks to the enchantments on his gun.

“Why does he have a gun!? That guy is friggen tiny!”

>Oh don’t be silly!

“He’s not tiny anymore?”

>No, he’s still that, it’s just that how would he be able to shoot the enemies of Equestria without a gun? He is part of the A-team after all.

“THE WHAT!?”

>Please, like that’s surprising. Diamond Tiara was one, and she’s still in grade school!

“WHY!?”

>I assume they wouldn’t let her skip class?

“NOT WHAT I MEANT!”

>Look, Spikey-Wikey is more than capable of taking care of himself! Why, he’s more likely to put someone else in the hospital than anyone else, like that time he shot Seven.

“WHAT!?”

>He’s a changeling.

“NOT BETTER!”

>Glad to hear you think that!

“WHAT THE FUCK!?”

>Maybe I should listen in to his conversations again, that might help.

“THAT IS SO WEIRD!”

>Oh sure, now you think it’s weird, but I didn’t hear any complaints when I made sure he didn’t kill surrendering ponies!

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE!?”

>>27970783
Oh shit, she is just old Twi.

>SA
“Guard’
~~

>…

“…so what’s it like living with a bunch of mares?”

>What do you mean? It’s nice.

“I mean… how do you keep up?”

>Patience, and a lot of headache medicine.

“Look, we’re both stallions, you can stop beating around the bush with the second hoof innuendo here, how do you manage not to die of exhaustion from all of those mares in the bedroom? Do you have to alternate nights? One at a time? Stamina spells? Cloning? How the fuck do you manage to, well, do that I guess?”

>Ohhhh… you poor soul. So naïve to think I actually get that.

“Bullshit.”

>It’s true! I haven’t actually had sex in… oh wow.

“Buullll, I’ve seen how many are after you.”

>Yep.

“…and not even a bl-“

>You have no idea what I would give for a good ‘shining’, but you know what? My wife didn’t even do that before, she hates it.

“So… so you have all those mares, ones who are political, solidiers, princesses and a Queen, and-“

>And not a single one.

“…I’m so sorry.”

>Don’t be, I’ve gotten so much more already than physical, I’m at peace with it.

“…Bullshi-“

>Yeah, I’d still hit that with the fury of an exploding sun if she’d just get in the mood for it.

>>27971137
There was a Brohoof left unsaid, I feel.

>>27971137
>Exploding sun

Freudian slip, Shiny?

She could use her Bubblehorse.

>Lightning Dust
“???”
~~~

>You’re sure this is accurate?

There was a curt nod, the singular jut barely visible on the one hidden away in the shadows of her room. With it, a near imperceptible hoof pointing straight to the folder laid out on her desk.

Her tongue rolled around in her mouth, cheek bitten ever so slightly in a mix of anticipation and worry as she trailed over the every picture and script laid out within.

>You’re absolutely sure, without question, she caused this.

Another, jutting curt nod was all she received in turn.

>I’m serious here, if one line of this was misheard, if one of these pictures was just at a bad angle, none of this will work and it will come back on me hard when I try to use it. I’m not going to lie, it’s tempting, but it’s tempting because it’s too good to be true. And not to put too fine a point on it, usually when something is too good to be true, it isn’t. I can beat her, but I can’t do it with lies, I can’t make stuff up, that will just take me down in the end. I can win now… if this is true. So unless you’re one hundred percent, totally and utterly accurate to every single angle, word spoken and action taken, don’t even show me this, I don’t want to be implicated. If you are…

There was no assurance made, no confirmation taken, not in word, in twitch of body, or in instance.

When the light suddenly turned on, and the corner of the room that had been bathed in shadow lit up with illumination, completely barren of any presence, she felt she had her answer.

>…Rookie!

The door opened up, and a frazzled looking, fresh cadet raced inside.

“Yes ma’am?”

>When Rainbow Dash makes it back to the city, inform her that she needs to come to the Wonderbolt headquarters, and quickly. We have something to… discuss.

It was time to make her move.

>>27971462
...Ahhhh, shit.

Damn it Dash!

>>27971521
>MM in trouble and might get ousted
>All the royals now on the brink of having a law passed to call them out
>Dash now about to get kicked out permanantly
>FS might actually end up arrested
>AJ is about to die by AB in a tank

OH GOD EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE

>>27971521
She tempted fate and then was cocky about her living without consequence, whatever comes next she deserves.

>>27971708
You forgot
>Celly is going to burn it all to the ground.

LAST THREAD RECAP, ARMED TO THE APPLE EDITION!
>Applejack finally snaps, and starts chasing after Applebloom, running over a ton of others in the process.
>Among those others, Celestia herself, who was out to demand her letter. After being run over, she decides to just kinda sit there, and lament burning everything to the ground.
>The SA/PP/Cadence/18 party continues, until Shiny senses Celestia needs him and floats off. Yes, floats. No asking how.
>They continue to party after that, and are soon joined by Maud! Also, licking happens. Don't ask.
>The Embassy continues to harass JJ/Acty.
>The changelings can't make money.
>AB senses Aj is after her, and tells the other CMC to run after she herself does.
>SB and SL do just that, in the other direction.
>The fillyscout reaches her final form, GOLD MODE! The super, ultimate, greatest power who has ever been easily and quickly defeated.
>Long story short, Domshy wrecks her, and turns her back to normal, leaving her with no memory of what just happened. Domshy understands she was just inexperienced, and says she'll wait to add her to the harem when she runs off.
>But it's not over yet, because the moment Domshy let's her guard down, she's attacked! By who? None other than Discord himself!
>The battle is on, with Domshy deflecting or absorbing all of Discord's attacks, strangely never using her magic to stop anything physically trying to hit her. He ends up pretty much reshaping the landscape with massive bombs and explosions, none of which land on her.
>The hint why this happened comes when a hit if finally landed on her, but not from the chaos god, but rather Rainbow Dash!
>She knocks her into the ground, where Harry is waiting, who uses a sledgehammer to rocket her right into the sky, where 77 is waiting to finish the combo!
>With stabs. He stabs her.
>Dash is not happy, since she's not sure that's not actually Fluttershy, and just wanted her incapacitated.
1/5Iamsleepy

>>27972374
>But no fear, she's not hurt, or even bleeding. In fact, she's so impressed, she offers to add 77 to her harem and show him such wonders. Interestingly, when he turns her down, she completely accepts this and just moves on.
>The battle is about to reach it's peak, with Discord about to summon a final 'something' that will destroy her, but he's cut off by the real Fluttershy! Who, even more shockingly, actually lets Domshy go, and even thanks her for helping out!
>Reluctantly, Domshy does so, even though she thinks it's a trick. And with that, the day is saved! Minus all the craters and destroyed fields, of course.
>Also, 77 thinks he should arrest either Dash or FS for, even despite them saying they'll 'turn themselves in', and it's only when Dash reminds him Discord is right there that he thinks better of it.
>The day is saved!... Or is it?
>Back at Canterlot, Twilight and Rarity won't leave Moondancer alone. Shockingly, she actually doens't care about the party, which is what Twi thought was the problem, but more thinks Twilight brings chaos everywhere she goes, which is kinda proven when the rabid Aj runs by.
>Scootaloo makes herself sad.
>Lyra and Bon hug.
>CC takes credit.
>Luna finally grows bored of the foursome's dreams and wakes them up, cue massive hangover pains, which she takes great pleasure in. Fortunately, 29 cures them with mind magic. Unfortunately, it doesn't work on himself, and Luna needs her amusement somehow.
>Afterwards, the foursome make it back to Ponyville, and... well, they react as expected to all the damage, and MM's attempts to find answers and learning that 77 is the new guard goes as well as could be.
>As does 29's attempts to get cured by Zecora, who just wanted him to eat a spider.
>While Celestia is preparing to burn everything to the ground, it's Shiny to the rescue! How? Chucking Two at her, and having her give Celestia a letter.
>It works, and she gets back on her hooves and hugs are shared.
2/5sosleepy

>>27972383
>Afterwards, Two has to get back to her grandparents, lest Shiny incur the wrath of Granny time.
>Shiny and Celly part ways, after a touching moment where they say they'll be there for each other.
>Zanta, the Diamond Dog with Honeyheart, the nurse, finishes killing all the 'nasties' and burying them, leaving the nurse shellshocked. But sadly, this kind act seems to have a sinister undertone, as he insists that she take him to the Crystal Empire now, and his reasoning for why is unclear.
>Applejack finally catches Applebloom! And... she just kinda hugs her really hard, and apologizes for letting her get this bad, and promises to never leave her alone again. Nothing is going to ever hurt her again, nothing.
>Ab is not appreciative, but is unable to stop being dragged off.
>Beneath the caverns of Mount Canter, a strange creature is carrying a seemingly sentient book. One which seems quite bitter about something.
>The Staff continue to have wacky adventures.
>32, JJ and Acty get a strange visitor, an actual changeling! One who even more strangely needs actual embassy work done! He needs a license to sell his memory orbs in Canterlot for market testing.
>Most shockingly of all, they actually get it done, and efficiently at that! 32 celebrates by cutting all all innuendo and just enjoying his win.
>Applejack demands the guard drop everything to watch her sister.
>Fuzzy and the Buzz keep you educated.
>Time Turner's house got turned into a blue box that's bigger on the inside.
>42 makes herself sad.
>Surprisingly, the memory orbs are a huge hit in Canterlot!
>Pom goes over the after-mission briefing, and when he finds out some peacetrotters may have been fried, he realizes he doesn't know where they came from, or how to get in contact with whoever built them. He instead resolves to go see some old friends.
3/5thisissleepytimeandIamnotsleep

>>27972390
>Shockingly, he's not the only one worried about the peacetrotters. There's also some concern from the machines themselves! Each one has been growing a personality, and the wounded one is afraid of 'dying'.
>AJ abducts Twilight from her mission to befriend Moondancer in order to build her a giant mech to protect Applebloom. Big ideas, way too much firepower, unreasonable expectations and so very much Smacking ensues.
>SP and 41's wrestling match got weird.
>88 and Lavan finally just ask if 32 was checked out, find out he was, and realizes he's in the crazy embassy. They're off!
>55 has something amazing to show braeburn! A clay that burns a bright red light that lasts a long time! What's he using this for? Fireworks? Selling it? Showing it off?
>Nope, he uses some designs for paper lanterns Ingrid showed him and has accidentally created signal flares, and he wants to give them out to everyone in case they get lost in the desert, like an unfortunate pair of mother and daughter did before. Though the two survived, 55 was devastated he didn't find them sooner, before the exposure and heatstroke got bad, and now wants to give a way anyone lost can be found, day or night.
>Braeburn, understanding, tries to nonetheless insist he can't save everyone. 55 actually agrees, and says he understands. Back in the fire when his old hive was stuck in trees, he tried to catch as many of his hivemates as he could. He couldn't catch all of them, but he caught some. But, more importantly, his Queen didn't try, and she didn't catch any of them.
>Breaburn stops arguing, and when 55 goes off he asks if the changeling is out to save as many as he can. This actually confuses the dim ling, and he wonders if Brae was listening. The point of the story was he doesn't have to catch them all by himself anymore.
>When he flies off, Braeburn understands, and agrees, and says all of Appleoosa will help, and be there to catch him too.
4/5WHYISPONIESNOTSLEEP

>>27972398
>Sweetie Belle meets up with Babs Seed!
>One of the guards waifus his peacetrotter. The peacetrotter insists PT's are not for waifu. Also, the guard has issues with the PT getting shined.
>Flitterneeded to stretch.
>Nightlight is feeling old.
>Blueblood and PJ learn a lesson, to invite Haymaker next time.
>FS wonders if her friends will be mad, Dash and Discord laugh it off.
>Pinkie releases bubbles into the party, but much to her horror, the bubbles have point one one one percent alcohol in it.
>Which means Caddy is getting smashed!
>Chrysalis is seen again, out in the snow just beyond the Empire. She keeps trying to use her magic on the snow, to make it 'change', but somehow she can't manage it, even with all her power. Though her home is tempting, she resolves to stay, declaring she will have her kingdom, and goes back to trying.
>Twilight finishes the mech! A marvel of weapons, abilities and comfort! The greatest of all her creations!
>AJ thinks it's neat, which nearly breaks Twi.
>What she doesn't think is neat is that Applebloom is gone! Where could she have gone?
>In the mech, is the answer. AB is in the mech.
>And she... is... ticked.
>Run Applejack Run.

As always, if I missed anything, you can yell at me but ha ha! I shall be asleep where you can't hurt me anymore! Point it out and make me the fool, but I will not see it with closed eyes! Who is the fool now?!

God I need sleep.

>>27972415
Sleep deprived or no, we appreciate it.

Goodnight, thread

>Book
"Creature"
'???'

Flop!

The book is clumsily thrown to the floor of a cave burrowed in the side of the far larger chamber. It flops open, resuming its purple glow as its ink forms into an illustration of an eye, ink moving to and fro on the page as it looks around, letters forming on the other page.

>You know-being me-I'm not well versed in the romantic doings of mortals, but this is an abysmal first date.

"M..."

>Hello?

"Ma...mmmaa..."

>Oh come on! I know you cannot hear me, but I am forming my ink very hard!

"Master...I have...found."

>...master?

In the darkness at the fringes of the book's light, something moves. A figure even more thin and skeletal than the pale-skinned creature that took the book slinks forward, pinpricks of white leering out in the darkness.

>...my, quite a land of plenty here, hm? Why is everyone damned near a skeleton!?

'Because I am a skeleton.'

Indeed, as the creature gets closer, a distinct absence of flesh becomes clear. The hissing quiet voice emanating from the former pony seeming to come from somewhere in its rib cage rather than its head, upon which sits a horn marking it as a unicorn.

>That would do it, yes.

"Master..."

The skeleton looks over towards the hunched and pathetic creature, malnourished and frail, all the hairs of its once wild mane fallen out.

"Your...promise..."

'Of course, you have done your duty, and I need to speak with my former co-conspirator alone, so I give you your reward: Walk outside this cave an into the maw of the first creature you find.'

The creature's face splits into a wide smile, highlighting its many missing teeth, tears stream down its face.

"Thank you...thank...you!"

It runs away, whooping with joy that echoes into the abyss...which are silenced mere moments later.

1/2

>>27973319

'Hmph, primitive beasts, that one I caught tumbling down here babbling nonsense about some metal head sending a rescue.'

>Good help is very hard to come by these days.

'Agreed, though weak minds are the easiest to dominate.'

>And as I recall, it was me who taught you that.

'It was, it was also you that made me what I am now. But I did not spend so many eons searching this cave for you to place blame, I did it so that finally...finally we can take our revenge!'

>On the ponies who are long since dead? I know the fellow with the hat and beard has certainly died by now.

'Starswirl...yes, but surely there are descendants! Surely above they built a civilization on what they thought to be our graves! We can take it back, destroy it, pervert it, bring about the end they deserve! What say you, Witch? Give me your power and we will wreak havoc anew!'

>Don't wanna.

Flop.

Darkness.

'...WHAT!?'

>>27973327
>'Hmph, primitive beasts, that one I caught tumbling down here babbling nonsense about some metal head sending a rescue.'

That kinda came off like it was supposed to be a "Gasp!" Moment, but not going to lie, it was so forced it was straight-up cringey. That was not a natural conversation flow at all, and was such blatent "oh so scary" exposition it just made the whole thing silly.

Not that guy always bagging on you, and I hope you don't take it personal, I'm just trying to give my honest opinion that line really did not have to be crammed in there like that. It didn't have a puch, didnt make me feel bad, and it didn't make the guy look anymore scary, it made him look silly and very hard to think of anything else than a "dark" character in the worst way, with none of the substance and all of the desperation.

Killing off a morlock in a 'sad' way didn't make him legit, it made him seem needy to try and illicit a reaction. Again, not bagging on you, and I don't mind the Lovecraft OC's, just keep that in mind in the future.

>>27973368
Point, maybe I should cut that line and just have him continue the conversation without even referencing it?

I should note this guy is supposed to think he's far more threatening than he actually is. There's a reason the book-or rather who's inside it- wants nothing to do with him.

>>27973398
>Spoiler

In that particular case, the follow-up line actually fits perfectly. It actually also makes the books line seem kind of witty with him being devoured and his only reaction is a sacarsitc snipe, and the skeletor takes it seriously with a smug line.

The conversation does flow a lot better without that line, it doesn't have the feeling like he just randomly decides to offer up information that makes no sense considering the context.

I wouldn't say redo it and delete the line, since it's just a single line and not really worth the effort. It's just important for future stories to keep an eye on that.

>>27973368
The whole thing came off really tryhardy dark and edge for cool, but the last line and >>27973398 makes me think he's just going to take the piss out of that for being so damn cringey, which I am so behind. I love it when we make fun of stupid stuff like that, it's damn fun.

>>27973453
I don't know if I want him to straight up make fun of it, parody like that works better when it's subtle instead of just having them do things and then pointing out what's dumb with it. Now he's got it now where the guy is trying but getting blown off as a bit funnier than if he had just had him saying that.

Morning /pa/ls! P9 Boop!

I want to drown Celestia

>>27974638
She'll go down for an hour? Then be as right as rain of fire.

File: 3__2__1___by_scootiebloom-d9fajye.png (1MB, 1421x1000px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1421x1000px

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your hosts the Pink Pony Club! It's during this time that content does matter, but sometimes you wanna go!

"I'm the pretty one <3"

'I'm the grumpy one.'

>And I'm the crazy one! How do you like my new bar?

'...what's new about it?'

"Hey, this one has a pickle barrel and pickled eggs!"

>Thank you! I'm glad SOMEPONY noticed.

'Ugh, you and your damn pickles. Why should I care?'

>Don't be such a sourpuss. Pickles are delicious! Last time my bar got trashed from the shadow Applejack incident, so this is the new one!

"Yay!"

'...okay, let me repeat myself. Why should I care?'

"I bet she's thinking this has skit potential."

>Exactly!

'I'm not seeing it. What makes you think it'd be good? I swear, this better not be another spin-off or it's gonna look like we're grasping str-'

Cheers Intro https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS0VQOHX7lM

>>27974704
This thread loves that song, this is the fourth one with it.

>>27974801
It's an amazing song.

>>27974665
An hour? I thought it was implied to be shorter than that

>>27975155
It's for relaxation, so it will probably depend on how much she needs.

>>27975155
>>27975275
This. She'll milk it for as long as she can.

>>27975275
>>27975301
That means Shining has been spending hours in a bathtub wondering how to bide the time while Celestia floats face down in front of him

>>27975370
NC
>SA
"Celestia"
~~~

>...pshhhhooo... so... you bout done?

"Blub."

>No, gotcha, no. Something happened again, riiiight... well, uh, good thing this bathtub is big enough I can see straight down in it, this would just be awkward if I couldn't see you.

"Blub."

>Right, blub, riiiight.

"..."

>...Do do dooooo...

"..."

>...badadananaana BAH, bananaana- you heard that song? Yes? No?

"..."

>Can't hear too well, gotcha. Soooooo, who whatcha know... onna them days, ain't it?

"..."

>One of them days.

"..."

>...I'm realizing that I could have easily been replaced by a brick, and don't know if I feel happy or not you chose me instead.

"Blub."

>Right, blub... right...

>>27975445
And the other way around would be Celestia relaxing for a comedy second, before realising Shining is still NOT immortal, and panic-rezzing him, ruining his special super-alone time

>Chrysalis
~~~~

Cold.

If there was ever a word so perfect to describe her entire state of being in that very moment, she could not think of one that embodied more of that perfection than the simple and common phrase at it's most basic. The normality and lack of elegance in the phrasing didn't bother her in the least, for once, for nothing better could put to words what she felt than those four letters.

Cold.

She was so very, very cold. Her body, her mind, her very soul was cold as frost metaphorically raced through her veins just as much as it physically raced across her chitin in white waves from the endless snow. The haze of film across her sight was every bit as much the result of the blurring white before her as it was the throbbing in her skull that threatened to make it break open at any second now, cracking like the block of ice it had clearly been replaced with when she wasn't paying attention.

Cold was the only way she could describe what she felt, when she looked across endless and near smooth plains of alabaster, and nothing else.

>...It didn't work...

Nothingness, in any sense of the word. No creation, nothing built, even her magic seemed to have been snuffed away like a candle in this very blizzard would be. She had given it her all, she truly had this time, so much that she felt as weak as a drone, and now felt every bit as useless. She had laid on her power, all of it into the plain before her, and nothing had changed.

She had unleashed everything, and yet she had created not a single thing in the snow. The cold had proved more than a match for her fire, and there was no denying that.

Both the fire of her magic and the fire within her soul, outmatched, and now she was left cold. Inside and outside.

>How... how...

1/2

>>27975671

She had not held back, the limp weakness in her body was proof enough of that. She had not been reckless, she had been as careful as a sculptor with her magic. She had not done it in halves, as she did with so many other things. She had not done any of it.

Yet she was rewarded with nothing but empty snow.

She had tried this time, really tried, and had been rewarded with nothing but ice in her veins, and the feeling she had been dunked headfirst into a frozen lake.

>I... I...

The chilling reality began to set in, slower than the chill of the wind had. It took longer for this one to make it past her barriers, her strength of mind that made her an impossibility to be pierced by any Changeling Queen's magic. It took longer, but it did not fail as she had.

>...I need...

Her blurry eyes flickered back to that beacon that had called her every moment she had been away, the tempting light that sang to her as it would to a moth. The light raising in the sky, waiting, showing her the way back from whence she came.

Back home.

Back to where her answers lie, even if she didn't want to admit it.

>... I need to get more power.

The chill of the tundra was matched, and exceeded a thousand fold, by the racing of cold down her spine.

>I need so much more... I need it...

With power, she could do anything, be anything.

>I... I...

The call intensified, but her hooves never moved. Instead, she looked on. Her slumped, hunched stance stiffened, and slowly that stance took on one much different.

She rose up, horn that had been low pointing straight to the sky, as her eyes began to burn again. The fire returned, in her sight and in her spirit, as she finally rose back up to the regal, powerful pose she held in her highest moments.

>...I am...

The city called her, beckoned her as it always had.

What she heard this time in that call was very different.

>I am the greatest Queen who ever lived... and I will prove it.

>>27975685
Well at least we'll have a reason for someone to meet Chitty and sunset at the heart.

>>27975685
GODDAMN IT CHRYSALIS

>>27975769
Relax, she is just being drawn like a moth to flame to her next beating.

>>27975793
I don't know about that, she's smart enough not to try to fuck over the entire Empire, but what exactly she's thinking about clearly isn't well thought out whatever it is.

>>27975370
NC/OutofCurrentCanonOrWhateverThePhraseIs
>Celestia
"SA"

>Almost there, aaaaaaand-

"..Mmgf-*........"

>Done!

"..."

>Now then, you relax while I finish off these eclairs, I tell you Pastry Puff is on a roll with them, don't you think?

"..."

>Ah yes yes, "don't let the cream get to you", but I've seen how you look at them, don't you get coy with me

"..."

>*munch munch*Mmm, lovely

"..."

>Is that... a grey hair in your mane?

"..."

>No dear, don't fuss, let me see for heavens sake

*splish*

"..."

>You ought be thankful your mane floats like that in the tub, I'm just looking out for you

"..."

>Ah, no, just the tubs reflection, my bad

"..."

>Phew, had me worried you stud, for a second I thought you were growing old on me

"..."

>Well good thing you don't have to worry about that, perks of being imm...or...t...

"..."

>How... how long have.... you been ....unconscious again?

"..."

>SHINING NO!

*SPLASHZAPPOW*

"GLGGGAAAAAGHRK!"

>SHINING DON'T YOU DIE ON MEEEEHEEHEHEEEE!

>>27975899
>>SHINING DON'T YOU DIE ON MEEEEHEEHEHEEEE!

That was cuter than it should have beem.

>>27975713
Only for all three parties to deadpan, "Not this shit again..."

>29
"???"
~~

>Oh, tis another woeful day.

The sly shuffling of the chitinous hooves against floor were as dramatic as they were annoying to any poor sap who had the misfortune of being placed beneath him. The dramatic ling flung the door to his apartment open with a flourish, as grandiose as pretended to be most days.

>WOE! To me, I say, woe! My death is upon me, I can feel it! Mine hooves, they ache! My head, tis so sore! My-

"Ass is talking, so shut the hell up!"

>LANGUAGE!

With a fluidity that shouldn't have been possible had he actually been as weak as said, his hoof flung to the side. To anyone living in the room, it would have been nothing more than a ridiculous gesture.

"UMF!"

"GOOOOAALLLL!"

To the raucous group of a dozen or so children only he could see, it was the source of great amusement or terror, depending on where the non-corporeal soap was aimed.

"You deserved that one you wanker-UMF!"

>LANGUAGE!

"He just said wan..."

The changelings stare was stern as it was tempting.

"...the W word?"

>There you are.

"Is that bad?"

>Does thou even know what the W word means?

"...No. Do any of you guys?"

The honest shrugs were a sight of both joy at their innocence, and a touch of sadness when he remembered why they all had that strange energy around them.

"Did you see that big monster fight, Mister Twenty Nine? It was awesome!"

He flopped down on the couch, honestly tired despite how overblown he made it seem. Though not as intense as he said, his hooves were throbbing and his head was splitting. It was unpleasant, even if not to the point of death as he claimed.

>Sadly, I missed it. Mine presence was too far away.

"It was so cool! Even if that one yellow alicorn was super creepy!"

>...Creepy?

1/4

>>27976221

"Yeah, she was in all leather and was whipping that monster with a whip-"

"Bloody L, mate! What else would the lass be whippin' her with?"

"Anything! You don't have to only whip stuff with just a whip, I could whip you with a towel."

"Then you're makin' that towel a right whip, aint'cha?"

"That doesn't mean-"

>Children! Do stop fighting!

They huffed, turning their backs on one another and crossing their hooves in annoyance.

>Ugh, I do not even wish to know what unfortunate happening changed such a being of demure into a... one of those.

"It was sexy!"

>...

"Please don't soap me."

>I shall let the off with a warning.

"BUFFHIT!-UMF!"

"D-D-DOUBLE SOAPED!"

The changeling sighed, inaudible beneath the loud and high pitched laughter of the children. Reluctantly, he leaned forwards, his body letting off little pops as it moved back into place, and with a slight twitch of his hoof he tapped on the floor.

>Alright, the next who has a request, bring thineself forwards so that it might be met.

The most shocking thing that had happened today, and this included the final boss made out of a fillyscout in chaos, was by far when the children stopped and stared.

"But... you just got home, aren't you tired?"

>The happy place waits for no long, bring thineself forwards.

His confusion, already high due to their strange actions, only grew when they all shared a unified, worried look among each other.

>What?

"Well, we..."

One of them, a chineighes looking sort who's voice had surprisingly little if any accent, shuffled forwards, but not so close he could reach them.

"Are you sure you're okay? We don't want you to get... tired."

Her reluctance was shared, not verbally but most certainly by the body language of every one of those in the room.

>Child...

2/4

>>27976233

He closed the gap faster than she could react, picking her weightless body up and holding her incorporeal form in his hooves through methods even he didn't fully understand. Gently, he placed her on the seat next to him, and laid a single hoof on her head.

>Does thou really think I will ever tire of thee?

She looked away, her eyes sparkling a bit more than they normally did. He did not need to see the others to know many had joined in desperately searching out anything but the changeling's smile.

>Little Ming... I shall never tire of thee, I'll never send you away... any of you.

"But you're trying to get rid of us now."

A colt had spoken that time, his voice filled with confrontation and spite. Even if none voiced their agreement, the look so many took on said enough.

>Get rid of you? Do not be silly, don't ever think something like that.

Gently, he brought the filly at his side closer to his chest. Nothing physical touched him, nothing was there to do so, but he would forever swear he felt something when her head made contact.

"But we're going to go away."

>No, no child, that's just not true.

Curious eyes of the entire room followed him, and hung there as a weary smile came onto his face.

>Tis like... well, tis like mine cousin, Fifty Six. He's not with me now, is he? No. But... does a one of you believe I wanted him gone?

They, who had seen all that had happened even though they had been unseen, could not deny that.

>No, I simply wanted him to go where he belonged, and it was not with me. It is far, that is true. I miss him, that is true. It will not be every day I see him anymore, that is true. What is not true is that he is too far for me to see again.

He looked to them, every one of their wide eyed faces, and he smiled.

3/4

>>27976240

>I do not want any of you gone, I will miss you when we are apart. But... you will be happy. You will be where you were always meant to be, in the place you will find the most joy. What you will find there, I do not know, just as I do not know what mine little cousin is seeing right this moment. But... you will be happy, I know this. I will miss you...

His smile mixed an indescribable feeling, happy and sad.

>But I will see you all again, in time. I do not want to let you go, I do not want you to go away for so long until I see you again, but I will...

They gathered around him, closing in to cover him before he could even move or blink. Their bodies, which had long grown cold in the real world, felt so warm and soft now, like nothing any earthly being could be compared.

>Because I want you to be happy, so I will let you go.

"... we-"

Light beyond compare covered the room. Light that was so much more than just illumination, so much more than the tingle of heat that accompanied every single flash of it. Light came, and it took away his sight.

When it left him, long after the light had gone away, he found that was not all it had taken with it.

>...I know.

He did not bother to stop the tears as he sat there, in a room void and vacant for all save himself. For once, any who stepped in would finally be correct when they assumed the changeling was talking to himself.

It had been a long, long day, and there would be many more ahead of him. And he would complain, he would whine, he would make every little splinter to be a sword stabbed into his heart, he would do all those things, even if he knew it was foolish. He would do it because that was who he was, and what he was. He would face hardships.

But through every one of them, he would eventually get back up.

>I know... and I do too.

For the children were waiting for someone to be there... and they had waited long enough.

>>27976245
Well at least one changeling isn't fucking up, even though they're an egotistical asshole 90 percent of the time.

>>27976245
So many weirdly heartwarming changeling stories.

What happened?

>>27976341
Just need a little light in the life, I suppose?

Still fucking weird he's one of the nicer changelings.

>>27976219
To be fair, 2 Queens who are hopped up on love juice sounds amazing for a final battle.

>AJ
"AB"
~~~

>PUT ME DOWN!

The pony's forelegs flailed, her vague swiping motions and hitting nothing but the air in front of her that stretched at least the size of a medium house between her and the ground. It was impossible to tell if the red in her face was due to all the blood rushing through it, or the unspeakable rage she let out with every shout. That or the pain of her tail about to pop out, one of them.

"Oh, ya' want me ta' let you down?"

>APPLEBLOOM AH' SWEAR AH' WILL TAN YER' HIDE AND PUT IT ON MAH' WALL!

"That don't sound very safe."

>IT AIN'T! FOR YOU OR ANYONE ELSE! AH'M GONNA TEAR YOU RIGHT OUTTA THAT THING AND BEAT YOU TILL MAH DANG HOOF FALLS OFF!

"That there sounds dangerous, Ah' better let you down."

>YEAH! YOU BETTER! AND WHEN AH' DO, AH'M GONNA-

She was gone.

Long out of hearing range before even a single syllable more could be said, sent flying by a rapid jerk of the machine's arm. In a second, she was an orange speck in the sky, heading out over the castle barrier, and into the city.

"...wow, this thing's gotta hair trigger on it. Ah' barely even touched it! Should Ah' feel bad about that?'

When the claw recoiled back, she couldn't help but notice more than a few blond hairs still inside of the clamp.

"...maybe a little."

>>27976945
>Cantie
"Cantie2"
~~~

>OH MY GOD!

"GAH! WHAT!?"

>Princess Applejack can fly!

"...yeah?"

>...........well now I just feel silly.

>>27977038
>Wait... can I fly?
"Are you a princess?"
>I am in the bedroom.
"FOR FUCKS SAKE DUDE!"

>>27976245
Nice.

Can we now stop with the dead children? The implication that Equeatria is literally sitting on thousand of neglected foal corpses isn't sitting well with me. Our Equeatria is shit and dark enough as is.

>>27977394
Yes please and thank you

This is getting neglectfully silly now that I think about it

>>27977394
>Can we now stop with the dead children?

...think we're a little late for that, MM and Trixie and Zecora are using them now even.

That said, it's kind of interesting because they use the same principal as the Changeling's. That is, their HISTORY is fucked up and terrible, and you occasionally have the sad moment here or there, but 99 percent of the time they're used for comedy and good feels. They all have wacky personalities and are nutty, and they even sometimes can surprisingly save the day/make a good plot point to kickstart an arc, and they're all silly and get a good end. Sure, their backstory is awful, but it's rarely dwelt upon, and it's more about where they're going than where they've been.

>>27977394
>Can we now stop with the dead children?

I like them, and they're sweet. I don't want to see them nixed before we get some sillies with them now that the other three ghostbusters can finally see them too, that's already a wasted revelation as it is. Sure, we occasionally use them, Trixie pulled off a funny move to beat Sunset and it was great, but mostly it just gets ignored, and I don't like that. This is cool! MM can see ghosts, even though she's an earth pony, that's awesome to have a unique magic. More of that.

>42
"???"
~~~

>Can I help you?

Forty Two, as a soldier, was used to a lot of reactions from ponies. A lot of different emotions she, as a warrior of the army who very nearly took them over, brought to the surface.

Which is why this emotion, which was to say no emotion, was throwing her off so badly. When a crystal pony mare walked into her office, sat down, and stared at her blankly without a word said, she reacted as she normally did in one of the many situations she poorly understood.

Professionalism.

>To repeat, I would like to know of your grievance, inquiry or otherwise need to be in this room at the present moment so as better to facilitate the resolution of this problem.

Without a word, the crystal pony lifted up her briefcase, and set it down on the desk.

"Good evening. The paperwork has been finalized, and I'm finally ready to begin my services for Her Majesty, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, in regards to the new proposal that has been approved shortly ago."

A single eyebrow shot up, and the changeling found yet another situation she didn't know how to react to. Professionalism.

This was a weird day to her.

>I see, and thank you for your prompt response. However, due to the vagueness of your statement, I am unaware as to the particulars of what service you provide.

"My apologies. My services as the newly appointed Minister of Energy Trade involve all things from coal to fissionable materials to magical storage used in the energy production, importation and distribution of the Crystal Empire."

>Oh... oh, I see, so then you are here in regards to the newest move made concerning the trafficking and usage of Sparklejoule based magical storage and use, and specifically the Changeling's ability to turn it into viable energy sources for public and private use.

She was the very first pony unfazed by the professional words, and Forty Two wasn't sure she liked it.

1/2

>>27977673

"Correct. The first order of business will be in regards to the prices and taxation on your end, and we will go from there as to how best to determine it's market value and trade value. If I may, I would like a starting point to determine the energy output, longevity and connectivity of your power source."

>Very well.

Smoothly, she pulled from her desk one of the smaller issue 'love harnesses', one fully charged and ready to go. Finally, she got a reaction from the pony when she saw it.

>As you can see, it's quite potent, and reusable.

"Yes, I do believe it is. This could really shake up the current magical market."

>...good.

"Do you wish to wait for your Queen to arrive before we continue the proceedings?"

She thought about that, mulling over how hard it's been to reach her today, and how often this problem arose. Finally, she shook her head.

>All things must be approved by her, but I am authorized to begin negotiations on the matter, much as you are to the royal family.

"Correct. Shall we begin?"

>That would be preferable.

Papers upon papers stacked up on the desks on both sides, until there was practically a wall between them.

>Before we go any further, can I just say-

"Yes, I also think it's super weird how you talk, and it makes me uncomfortable."

>Good, so long as we're both on the same page.

The paperwork stacks ended, and the pens came out.

>Let's begin with charging, recharging and rates...

>>27977680
>Chrysalis is all "I'M BEST QUEEN I'M GOING TO MAKE MY KINGDOM"
>42 is getting shit done

Best ling.

>>27977741
>Chrysalis wastes time acting like a brooding teenager monologueing alone in the snow
>42 gets trade agreements and taxation done

Queens were, are and always will be a waste of space desu

>>27977851
To be fair Chrysalis was the one who actually secured this trade deal in the first place.

>>27977909
>Chrysalis

I am sorry mate, but that's not how you spell CADANCE.

>>27977968
...okay, got me there.

As long as we don't turn the Changelings in the equivalent of Saudi Arabians, I'm cool

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>>27978001
...we... we have those already.

WE LITERALLY HAVE EXACTLY THAT.

IN CANON, NOT JUST HERE.

CANON.

THEIR NAME IS LITERALLY A PUN ON EXACTLY THAT AND THEY WEAR TRADITIONAL ARABIAN GARB

WE JUST HAD A DAMN ARC WHERE THEY WERE KEY PLAYERS

WHAT
THE
FUCK
MAN!?

>>27978019

Calm your niggerself down fampino

By Saudi Arabia, I mean:

>Discover shitload of (energy source) that turns it is in very high demand
>Become fuck off levels of rich from that sole resource
>Build fuck off state power using that sole resource
>Begin swinging their dicks around other nations for nefarious and straight up selfish means
>Become quietly hated but the provider of fucking everyone and cannot be removed
>Fund a terror group or six for the hell of it to shit on the neighbours porch
>Be untouchable because lol all ur energy are from us xDD

>>27978052
I don't think we have to worry about that, since changeling's aren't batteries, they're converters.

Sure, only they can turn love into magical energy, but they can't produce it. Which means it's gotta be a symbiotic relationship. Not-ponies or Non-magic want the ability to turn emotions to keep the lights on? Gotta work with changelings. Changelings want to not die of starvation? Better keep everyone else out of the reach of terrorists and nut up if something comes to wipe them out.

They're not gonna be untouchable, they're gonna have to make sure everyone ELSE is untouchable.

>>27977851
Don't be silly!

Without a queen, who would be Sunset's heavy?

>>27977394
>Stop with the dead children
Yeah, but like, they're not all from the same time period or even the same area. He's got a couple thousand years worth of souls to save, bare minimum.

>>27978396
One of them was even a diamond dog, so it's not like it's just Equestria.

One of them was from fucking PRE-BANISHMENT for Luna, so it's over a thousand years minimum. It's not like Equestria is a hotbed for child neglect(Even though in the show it totally is), it's just that even one a year means he has to deal with over a thousand.

>Fleetfoot
"Soarin'
~~~

>...

"..."

>...Now, let's not jump to conclusions-

"Stop."

>I'm just saying, maybe there's a reason-

"Stop."

>There might be-

"Stoooop."

>...This is going to end badly, isn't it?

"Why did I even join this damn team!?"

>>27978708
Didn't used to be this way, man. Bu times, they are a chhhaaangling

>>27977741
Gotta earn that caddy love!

>>27979413
I like how that attraction has almost overtaken the fact she's also thirsty for Shiny just as much.

>>27979696
It's more interesting, and while she's had plenty of loving moment with Shiny, her biggest ones are always with Cadence. Both Cordyceps and her mini were focused around her, even.

>>27979413
>NOTICE ME CADDY SEMPAI!
"Okay!... What?"
>...
'Don't bother, been barking up that tree forever, and I'M FUCKING MARRIED TO HER!'

>>27977741
>>27977851
42's always been the sane one trying to actually advance her species and get shit done. Seriously, in thread 4 she was the only one who cared about progress reports from 2, 18 and 29. It's not really surprising that when Chrysalis somehow stumbles into an opportunity she takes advantage of it.

42 would be a very effective, if uncharismatic and politically lacking, Queen.

>>27980333
She would for sure be shit at the more meet and greet sort of things, but she might be a good pragmatic sort.

Night, thread

>>27981163
Night anon

>>27981778
Morning instead

Way more fun

>>27982013
,Oh my?

>>27982353
Do not abuse the oh my!

>>27980728
She'd do okay. She'd just be super unsettled during it.

File: 18514__safe_pinkie+pie_tired_artist-colon-speccysy_tent.png (391KB, 900x900px) Image search: [Google]

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Man, I passed out. Drunk writing is harder than I thought, but at least I got a lot farther.
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your hosts the Pink Pony Club! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and the tipsy writing is real!

"I'm the pretty one <3"

'I'm the grumpy one.'

>And I'm the crazy one! Thanks for joining me at my bar!

"I'm glad I'm here!"

'I think our producer had one too many.'

>We can go on just fine! In fact we can do more shenanigans! I can do super lewd things now and my producer wouldn't care!

"Are you saying I can say poop head and I wouldn't get censored?"

>Yes! Actually, you could have said that normally, but the freedom is there!

'So I can say I'd like to fuck her right in the pussy?'

>Yup!

'In that case, Applejack is a bitch who shou-'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoSM9EmTWyw
>AHAHAHA wow I wish you two made peace, but that's all the time we have right now, so say goodbye, girls!

Pinkie waves enthusiastically, Cadence does a cute wave. and DT does an unenthusiastic wave.
>"'Byyyyyye!'"

>>27983081
>>AHAHAHA wow I wish you two made peace

Someday...

>Dash
"Discord"
'FS'
~~~

>I'm telling you, it's completely different!

"And I'm telling you, you're full of it."

'Please stop..'

>No! This is important! You cannot confuse a dash with a hyphen!

"It's rather easy to do. Watch, this is a - and this is a -."

>See? Completely different!

"You couldn't even see it! You cannot out crazy me, you just can't!"

>It's not crazy, it's logic. I out logicked, you, because I'm awesome at everything up to and including logic.

"Up to and including bullshit is more like it-"

'Discord!'

"What? It's not like any of us can see the child ghosts."

>THE WHAT!?

"Child ghosts. Ghosts of children. Apparently there's a ton of them all around us, all the time, and only four or so can see them through some insane story contrivance."

>...They're, like, there? All the time, just... there? Ghosts are real?

"Yes, talking small horse with the ability to fly and move rainclouds with her hooves into bouncable shapes, ghosts are real. Crazy, no?"

>...

"You're afraid of ghosts, aren't you?"

>M-... maybe...

"ARE YOU FU-UMF!"

'If there's fillies around, then no more swearing!'

"MRPHMM!"

>...I'm never sleeping again.

>>27983626
Why does everyone have soap at all times!?

>>27983781
Never know when you'll need it, obviously.

>Butlington
“Maidly”
~~~

>AHHHHHH!

“AHHHHH!

>AHHHHH!

“GGAHHHHHHHH!”

>FUCKING GIANT ROBOTS!

“IN THE CASTLE!”

>SHOOTING MISSILES!

“THIS IS THE WORST!”

>WHY IS THIS TOWN SO AWFUL!?

“I DON’T WANT TO DIE!”

>I LOVE YOU, SIS!

“I LOVE YOU TOO BIG BROTHER!”

>AHHHH!

“AHHHHHhhhoh she walked away.”

>Oh hey, she’s gone. Neat.

“Neat.”

>…

“…”

>…Do you want to stop hugging-

“NO. NEVER. EVEERRRR.”

>Me either.

>>27984299
Working for these assholes has got to be the worst.

>AJ
~~~

The stone architecture she had landed on crumbled around her, little flecks of stone falling loose and occasionally pressing down on her Stetson hat before it rolled free to join the others in the ground some twenty feet down.

She ignored the stares down below, all the questions call up if she was okay, all of the worry, and she scowled.

>Of course ya’ll realize, this means war-

Her words were punctuated both perfectly and in the worst possible way when a rocket shot overhead, and traveled straight to where she knew her rampaging sister to be.

She never saw the explosion, but she felt a shake.

Afterwards, she too began to shake.

>….OH HELL NO!

>>27984867
Uh

UHHHHH

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

File: ACTIVATE IT.jpg (50KB, 545x576px) Image search: [Google]

50KB, 545x576px

>>27984940
Due to what is going to happen in the Empire, it is clearly time for things to ESCALATE in Canterlot.

>>27984983
Again?

>>27985010
Apparently. I didn't start that shit. But someone clearly just fired a rocket at Canterlot Castle. Act of War, all that.

>Cantie
“Cantie 2”
~~

>Uh…

They stared, wide eyed and shaking, as the metal head crested over the edge of the castle. The pair, and all the citizens around them, stopped and stared at the titanic shining beast that loomed over all of them, still smoking missile cannons granting it an unearthly mist about it.

When they heard it move, they all jumped.

“So uh… is that a good guy or a bad guy?”

Two streets down behind them, they somehow heard someone ask if the princess was dead when she hit the building.

>Bad guy?

“Bad guy.”

>…Is it City-Gets-Wrecked o’clock already?

“FOR FUCKS SAKE-“

But the machine never stepped out into the city, it never got the chance.

Before a single step could be taken, a light shot across the sky, and a missile landed solidly right on the things chest, pushing it straight back from whence it came.

>…That’s new.

“Weirdly new, yeah…”

>Should we run?

“Let’s see where this goes.”

>…I’m game.

>>27984867
>>27985236
...I am so confused!

>Cadence
“Pinkie”
‘18’
~Maud~
~~~

>Freee looove, trueee lovvee~

“CADENCE STOP! That’s the third cookieloving song! We’re at too many! WE’RE SINGING TOO MANY SONGS!”

‘GASP!’

“I said it.”

~Pinkie, that’s so unlike you. Are you sure you’re not a changeling?~

‘HEY!’

~It is accurate.~

‘It’s racist is what it is!’

“Maudy, don’t be racist.”

~Is it racist if it’s true?~

“Yep! Because it doesn’t have to be a lie for you to feel bad!”

‘Like when someone says I’m neurotic and kinda bitchy!’

“Or when someone says I’m really loud and annoying sometimes!”

‘Racism is just that, but you fall under the net it casts.’

“Racism is the funny looking hair of an entire species!”

‘It’s magical, really.’

~Now I know.~

“And knowing is half the battle!”

‘…Did anyone else notice things just got quiet?’

“I assumed Maud didn’t speak out of embarrassment of how terrible all that was.”

~No, I just had nothing to say.~

‘I mean… wait.’

“…Waiiit.”

~Princess Cadence has stopped singing… and she is also gone, adding to that.~

“’OH SHIT!””

>>27985815
>Drunk Caddy is loose,

Fuck.

>Peacetrotter
“PT2”
~~~

>BZZT! What a lovely day this is!

“What are you doing?”

>The thing, I’m doing that one thing the cool robot does.

“You can’t do his thing, that’s not deliberate I think.”

>But it makes him so unique and cool! He does the thing and it’s weird and fun, and makes him stand out.

“So you’re going to do the same thing.”

>Yeah!

“So then, it won’t be unique.”

>But if it’s just the two of us, it’ll be unique still. Two out of thousands is unique.

“What if everyone else wants to do it?”

>Then they’ll have to stop. I’ll ask them, I did it first so I can.

“So then he can ask you to stop.”

>…would he do that? I don’t think he’d do that, he seems cool.

“…”

>BZZT!

“You’re trying too hard.”

>PERSONALITY IS HARD!

>AB
"???"
~~~~~

>... Am Ah' dead?

There had been a bright light, a flash of color, and a booming roaring sound. That was all, try as she might, that she could make sense of the situation. There had been all the telltale signs her end had been met, but shockingly, she remained. Still with the feeling of her heart rapidly beating in her chest, still feeling that cool breeze of the ventilation system on her face, still breathing somehow.

If anything, she felt downright pleasant, despite the fact she could still see smoke from her viewscreen, and the odd way she was tilted, it seemed she was in a crater of some kind.

It had been a direct hit, and she didn't even feel dizzy.

>Huh... Guess this here thing is safe...

A strange feeling bubbled in her chest, one she was all too quick to push down, and not think about a second longer. More important and less stomach twisting things needed her attention.

For instance...

>Who in tarnation shot me!?

The machines systems, apparently listening and eager to answer her call, focused in on a single patch of the thick smoke. A single point where it rolled different than the others, a single point where it just looked off.

A single point, that was just a bit brighter than the smoke and shadow all around.

A single point that was very, very loud.

"Freeze, dirtbag! Or is TBDRLIATU going to have to turn that giant eyesore into a red stained pile of giant scrap!?"

>... Ya gotta be bucking kidding me.

Somehow, she knew it would come back to her, someday.

"Well? Are you going to come quietly?"

But things had changed.

She wasn't the same blankflank anymore

>... Eeenope.