Incestuous Relationships Thread/Family Matters Edition

Can I be apart of the pastebin?

http://pastebin.com/u/signasfabon

>>27927732
Does it count as Incest or Selfcest if the princesses sex Nyx?

>>27927759
>Pastebin dedicated to incest.
Yeah I can throw that in there.

>>27927732
>trashbians

>>27927732
>Not linking the last thread
>>27842711
Oniichan, dont' fuck it up

>>27927805
You're right, but were not doing this a third time.
Thanks for covering for me.

>>27927732
>interfamily relations
That's not incest you fucking retard, INTRAfamily is incest.

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>>27928146
Guess what?

>>27928146
I guess that's something to keep in mind when the next thread is made.

cmon, I want to cum inside my sisters already.

Woah woah woah, is the Pie family one complete? Cause that's what the pastebin says. Shame if so. I really like that one.

>>27929875
Yeah, Frostybox said he had no other ideas for his story. He's got quite the following on it, but he's decided to focus on his other story instead.

>>27929839
Don't we all.

>>27927732
Hey Onii, just letting you know I went ahead and updated the pastebin from last thread, and to the anons reading, sorry for the long update times, chemistry is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

http://pastebin.com/X8xpizr6

>>27929910
Ah fuck. I hope he comes back to it.

Alrighty, so I heard you all from last thread and >>27930203 >>27929875 this one too apparently. I decided to go with this Anon's >>27915065 suggestion and have came up with more Pie sisters for the next foreseeable while. As a side note, I like the cousin AJ idea. I may not use it in the main story but I will strongly consider making an offshoot wherein AJ and Pinkie plan to seduce each other's older brothers and convince them to be blindfolded, only for the girls to switch and take their own brothers for themselves.
So that said, the Double Suncest story will be put on hold for a bit. Now we continue where I last fucked off.

>>27912203
>You and dad dust yourselves off as best you can outside.
>Each pat only send tremors of sore pain through your body.
>You grunt as you return upright.
>Dad chuckles, and plants a firm hand on your back eliciting another grunt from you.
>”You’re just working those Pie muscles after a long break away son, It’ll get better as the week goes on.”
“Yeah dad, hopefully not too long right? That Tart guy seemed like a good guy.”
>Dad’s lips form a firm line, his eyes look away from you, “Y-yeah, he seemed an alright sort, but… I think I’d like to look at more offers before I make a decision. It is the Rock Farm after all eh?” he says with a jovial tone at the end.
“The Pie Quarry-“ you correct him, which drops the smile on his face, “-has gotten plenty of offers from what Gneiss tells me.”
>”Bah! Gneiss is good with the books Anonymous, she doesn’t understand the heart of the farm. Not like I do, like you do, like Limey does.”
>You roll your eyes and reach for the door handle.
>Pulling it you meet resistance.
>Looking up you see dad’s hand planted firmly on the door.

>>27930790
>You turn to him, he looks back at you with a proud twinkle in his eye, “Listen, son…” he struggles with what he wants to say next, “I- you looked good out there today. I promise I’ll settle on a buyer I like, soon. And uh… don’t forget to get the dirt behind your ears, I always used to when I was helping my dad.”
>He releases the door and you both walk in to warm greetings from your mom and sisters.
>Limestone in particular seems particularly giddy to see you.
>Or well, that wicked smile on her face is what you’re going to classify as giddy for her.
>”How was the first day on the farm big bro?” Limestone asks, following it with a firm pat on your chest.
>You try to stifle it, but you groan as quietly as possible.
>She snickers, “It’s the farm’s way of getting back at you for leaving her behind you know?”
>You roll your eyes at your oldest sister.
>”But… she’ll be good to you Anon, just keep it up okay?”
>That was… oddly sweet.
>Her hand traces small gentle circles on your chest for a moment, the light pressure actually does feel pretty relieving, before letting go.
>Her hand retracts, covered in rock dust but unsurprisingly she doesn’t seem to mind.
>Your other sisters try to get your attention, but your mom ushers you along up the stairs, “He’s not going anywhere yet girls, but those stains him and your father are leaving might just stay forever if they don’t get along to the tub and wash up.”
>Still, Pinkie at least follows you up to yours and Maud’s room.
>”Had a fun day at the farm Nonners?”
>You groan as you bend down to grab a towel and some clothes for changing into after washing up.
“Yeah, SUPER fun.”
>”Alright! Limestone owes me five buckaroos then” she responds while rubbing her palms together.
>You give her a firm look.
>She stares back, slowly her hands rub less and less until she’s just got them touching, “You were being sarcastic weren’t you?” she asks somberly.

>>27930813
“I was being sarcastic Pinkie” you repeat flatly.
>Her cheeks puff, “Oh man! But you got to use the sifter right?!”
“I got to use the sifter yes.”
>”Then you are clearly l-y-i-n-g. You know what that spells?”
“Annoying sister?”
>She nods once, “That’s right annoying- HEY!”
>The scrunch she makes with her lips at you breaks you.
“Look Pinkie” she stops sticking her tongue out at you and straightens up to listen, “I dunno okay? I’m an archaeologist, I like… caution and quiet. The far- the quarry is almost entirely the opposite. I-I have about the same size team sure, but the work load is orders of magnitude more.”
“Yeaaaaaah, but those are the best parts! You get to tell the guys to make with the BOOM BOOM CRACKARUMBLE!”
>Her body jiggles slightly as she motions the detonation stage.
>”And then because the team is so small and close you get to roll out with your buddies and use the hugarooni machines and make with the rock piling!”
>She also charaded her way through the truck driving and backing, almost backing into you as she did it, and the shaking that the sifter does.
>You find yourself smiling a little at how much work she’s putting in to trying to save herself from paying five dollars to Limey.
>And… not only that actually.
>Hearing your day be described with such energy and wonderment, even though you know she’s just trying to sell you on this, there is still some part of you that did… value the 180.
>It was more, instinctive, maybe?
>Not being careful, not staying in the same spot for hours working on the same square meter of dirt or ruin.
>You are nudged gently on the side, “So… what do ya say? Wanna hook up with your little sister?”
“WH- uh, what?”
>”I asked if you’d hook your little sister up, when mom asks if you liked today just tell her yes.”
>You are REALLY wiped aren’t you?
“Sure, Pinkie, I’ll hook you- I’ve got your back.”

>>27930826
>Pinkie grins, “Yes! Thanks bro, you’re the best!”
>She begins to go for a hug, pauses and looks you over, then shrugs and dives in anyway, “I’ve gotta wash up before dinner too anyway” she explains.
>You part ways and head to the bathroom with clothes, towel, and cleaning stuff in hand.
>The water takes a little while to get hot, you sit on the edge of the tub dipping a hand in every few seconds to check.
>You hear activity on the other side of the door during your wait, chatter of some kind and footsteps, but nothing that seems to linger long enough that you think you need to worry about it.
>Once the water reaches a good temp, you shimmy out of your filthy clothes, aching during the last leg of the shirt removal part and wincing a little while kicking off your pants and undies.
>You step into the tub and feel the hot water on the soles of your feet.
>It feels really nice, you stare at the tap and consider a bath for probably longer than you should before begrudgingly forcing the water through the shower head.
>The shower head sputters, sending a jet of cold water on you before catching up and sending out the hot.
>You yelp a little from the quick sting of cold but quickly relax as the hot water pours over your worn body.
>A relieved sigh escapes you as you stand there and let it soak in as deep as it can.
>You hear a faint knock at the door.
>Huh?
>”Nonny?” Marble’s voice calls out to you.
“Yeah Marble?”
>”It sounded like you hurt yourself or something?”
>Were you really that loud just-
>Oh right, the walls in the bathroom are really thin.
>Dad had to replace the original walls because they got moldy, the mold resistant ones don’t stop sounds as good.
>”D-do you need help?” she follows after expressing her concern.
>She always was the nicest.
“No Marble, I’m okay. Just startled a little by the temperature of the water.”

>>27930826
Whoops, Made Pinkie's line in the middle here not >green, my bad.

>>27930837
>”Oh, It has been a while hasn’t it? And I don’t think you used this bathroom when you were living here right?”
“No, I shared with Pinkie and Maud in the other one.”
>”I can help you with this one if you’re having trouble Nonny.”
“I’m good now Marble, thanks for checking.”
>You resume rinsing and rubbing yourself down in peace.
>Pop the cap to your shampoo and dig it deep into your scalp.
>It kinda hurts to raise your arms up like this, but you deal.
>And now to scrub down with…
>Uh, with your…
>Oh no.
>Aw damn.
>You forgot to bring a washcloth.
>In the tub is a dark blue loofah on a suction cup hook, a bright pink puff ball with a smiley face on it, and a bar of soap that has purple hairs on it.
>This is on a different level than borrowing toothpaste, so using their stuff is a no-go.
>You could probably make do by just rubbing the body wash on you, but you really need to scrub down if you want to get actually clean.
“Marble?” you call out to your sister, hoping she might still be nearby.
>”Anonymous?”
“Maud?”
>”Yes.”
>Well, that works too.
”Maud can you do me-“
>”Yes”
“-A favor?”
>Wow, emotive she isn’t but she can be quick sometimes.
“I need a washcloth. Can you bring me one? I probably only need it for today. I’ll go pick one up tomorrow before work.”
>”My bar of soap is nearby Anonymous, you can use that on your body if you’d like.”
“I’ve got soap Maud, I just need a washcloth to really get the dirtiness off me.”
>Maud is silent for a bit, you thought she left to get you something but you hear her speak after a moment.
>”I’ll go find something for your dirtiness.”
>You wait for a bit before hearing the bathroom door open.
>You turn away from the curtain and curl up a little to better obscure yourself.

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>>27930837
>she was always the nicest
>nicest
>incest

>>27930859
>This morning springs to your mind, and you’d rather not put Maud in such an uncomfortable position again.
>Maud stands on the other side of the curtain for a second, you watch her shadow slowly reach over to the edge of the shower curtain.
>A dark blue square of cloth peeks at you from the edge.
>You reach over and grab it.
“Thanks Maud.”
>Maud hums in response, she steps back and stays in the room for another short while before turning slowly and leaving the bathroom.
>The door shuts and you resume your shower.
>So maybe Maud’s not as quick as you thought.
>She still came through for you.
>You lather up the cloth and go to scrubtown on your skin.
>It kinda hurts to really clean yourself, the hot water helped loosen you up a little, but the soreness is still there.
>A little slower than you’d like and a lot more achey than you’d prefer, but you de-grime to your level of satisfaction and hit the taps.
>You wring the cloth Maud brought you as much as you can and lay it over the shower head to dry some.
>A slower toweling session passes, you slip on some clean duds and consider yourself good enough.
>You open the door to the bathroom and start making your way for the downstairs.
>On the way your bedroom door opens and Maud peeks her head out.
>She turns to look at you, “Are you done with that cloth?”
“Yeah, I left it on the showered to dry a little. I’ll go and wash it before too long and get it back to you.”
>She blinks once, “No need Anonymous, I’ll take care of it.”
“Oh, okay, thanks Maud.”
>She opens the door fully and marches on to the bathroom.
>Maud closes the door behind her.
>You shrug it off, everybody’s gotta go sometime after all, and continue on downstairs.
>Dinner passes by largely uneventfully, Limestone and Pinkie exchange faces after mom asks how you enjoyed the first day on the farm- quarry.
>You try to help with the clean up, but everyone except dad outpaces you.

>>27930873
>The time you spent sitting down and talking with everyone really drove in how worn out you are.
>You are barely making it up the stairs.
>”Are you okay Anonymous?”
>You look over your shoulder and see Maud looking up at you.
“Yeah I’m good, just really tired and sore.”
>Maud title her head slightly, “Sore, where?” she asks expressionlessly.
“Damn near everywhere it feels like” you goad, only somewhat though.
>Your sister blinks once slowly, “I can help you with that. I give dad massages when his back is acting up.
“Yeah? I’ll be honest Maud, I think I could really use that.”
>Maud hums in acknowledgement, “Go change into your pajamas, they’re on our bed, and lay down. I need to get something from the living room and bathroom, but I’ll meet you up there.
>You nod and continue up the stairs.
>You lock the door to your shared bedroom, no repeats, and slip on the shorts and button up cloth pajamas that your sisters picked out for you.
>They’re emerald green and have black question marks patterned all over them, not as good as just boxers, but it looks pretty good.
>The doorknob rattles.
>”Anonymous?”
“One sec.”
>You unlock the door and open it, Maud stands before you with a dvd tucked under her armpit and a small bottle in one of her hands.
>”Go and lay down on your stomach.”
>You do as she says, the original intent was to slowly lower yourself down, but an aching pain in your tricep flops you down on the bed unceremoniously.
>Maud stands in front of the t.v. in the room for a bit, the bottom of her frock is about eyeline with you while you lay on your belly.
>The bottom of her frock travels above eyeline you realize as she is bending over to fiddle with the back of the t.v.
>You quickly look away and try to ignore the faint view beyond the shadow of her dress.
>Footsteps sound out over the start up sounds of the movie Maud put in.

>>27930879
>You look over again and find Maud standing right in front of you, putting you about face level with her crotch.
>You keep your eyes locked to her relaxed face.
>She bends over slightly and hooks you by the armpits, “You need to scoot up more” she explains while pulling gently on you.
>You shimmy up some until she stops pulling.
>Seemingly satisfied with your position she walks around to the side of you.
>And then further on to the back of you.
>What is she-
>You feel the bed shift and hear it creak.
>Something brushes the side of your thigh, then you feel a weight on them both.
>You turn back, letting out a little hiss of pain as you do, and see Maud climbing up onto you.
“What are you- Ah!- doing?” you ask with a slight hiss as she puts her bodyweight down on a sore spot.
>”I need to have leverage to give a good massage Anonymous” she explains.
>With that said, she continues shimmying her way up until she is straddling just under your butt.
>You can feel her body heat concentrated at the very end of your thighs, her knees are forward and squeeze your hips just slightly.
>“Now just lay down and relax Anonymous.”
>You turn forward again and bury your face into the bed.
>Maud’s hands press down on the band of your bottoms.
>You can feel her slowly press down harder and harder onto your bony backside.
>Her fingers curl, slowly grating them across your lower back over the hems of your pajama top.
>Then you feel something different.
>The soft warm skin of her fingers on your back.
>She must have slipped them under your top.
>Her hands slowly travel upwards, your pajama top catches on her wrist and is dragged up with it.
>”I’m sorry Anonymous, I forgot to ask you to remove your top.”
“You want me to take it off?”
>”I could remove it for you if you would prefer?”
“Uh… can I just unbutton it?”
>Maud is silent for a moment, “That would work also” she concedes.

>>27930892
>You put your weight up on your elbows a little and as quickly as you can, unbutton your top.
>Maud reaches around to your front and carefully pulls the top apart, her hands graze along the length of your sides as she ensures none of it is still pinned under you.
>Satisfied that it’s completely free she withdraws her hands.
>You feel her shift to the left some, her body digs into your left thigh a little.
>She sets something down near your arm.
>You turn and peek at what it is.
>A remote control lays next to you now.
>Maud returns to where she was before straddled over you.
>Her legs squeeze a little on your hips and you can hear a faint squishing sound.
>Before you can ask what she’s doing, two cool sensations make themselves known to your back.
>You tense up and instinctively arch your back.
>Maud presses you back down on the shoulders, “I’m sorry the lotion is a little cold, it’ll warm up in a second.”
“S’okay. Felt kinda nice actually.”
>Maud hums and slowly trails her hands down from your shoulders to your lower back, digging in firmly the whole way down.
>You try to stifle it, but a low groan rumbles in your throat.
>Maud compresses your hips a little again, but quickly follows it by bearing down near the base of your spine with the palms of her hands.
>A familiar jingle starts playing.
>It’s familiar enough that you life your head up a little to see what Maud put on.
>Oh no…
>Now you know why it was familiar.
>”-learning that makes your brain as strong as an ox~!"
>”And that’s why you’re ready for… Geology Rocks!~”
>Maud digs in a little further out from your spine, you grunt from the surprise pressure.
>She makes a small noise of her own, you can feel her sit down a little harder on your butt.
>You really hope she knows what she’s doing and this wasn’t all some kind of ploy.
>All so she can have you to herself...
>Just to force you…
>Into a damned Geology Rocks! marathon...

>>27930898
And that's all I've got for now. So hopefully this is good, and I'll more soon. But for now it's very late and I need to sleep. Good Night thread.

>>27930860
I see what you did there Anon.

>>27930790
FUCKING BASED!

>>27930898
>Gets to have Anon's used towel for masturbating later
>Gets to give Anon a fullbody massage and watch a marathon with him
Boy, Maud sure is racking up those social link points.

>>27930913
What did we do to deserve such good writers?

>>27931731
Pagan rituals under the full moon.

>>27930099
No Prob, just keep up the good green. Studying chemistry? Where and since when? I will start physics in regensburg later this year. The fact that it is hard just proofs that it is god tier knowledge unlike some liberal arts or gender bs.

>>27930898
>Then anon hears *VVVVVVV*

>>27930913
Can't wait for the nextpart!

>>27932179
In the middle of chem 2 learning about acid and bases as well as equalibiriam, they cram so much stuff in one month that you rush through the material at a break neck speed.

The pastebin still is incomplete.
If Nayaa, Sal Monela, and Frostybox could drop their respective links I would be extremely grateful.

bumping for amazing green.

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Some one edit this with Sunset/Dash/Fluttershy

rib

>>27930826
>>”Then you are clearly l-y-i-n-g. You know what that spells?”
>“Annoying sister?”
>>She nods once, “That’s right annoying- HEY!”
I giggled

>>27931133
She's really outpacing her sisters, that's for sure.

>>27927732
it's called Oedipus General

>>27936212
Not anymore.

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lurking

>>27930860
huh. now that I see that, I am surprised I didn't notice how close those two words are.

>>27927732
Here is the best incest green I read so far
http://pastebin.com/ZQjcFXmg

>>27937594
He actually finished it?
Last I read that Peppy girl from his school had saw him bone his Aunt Maud at the beach.

>>27937651
I don't know I just started reading it.

Eagerly awaiting more suncest.

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no die

>>27937594
Oh shit, what ever happened to CIA Guy?
I miss him.
He certainly was our big guy.

If you want one of the best related stories, let me give you some guidance: http://pastebin.com/qapKs0VJ

>>27937868
So I had an idea of what Anon's magic stuff might do if put under a high stress environment, however I'm not all that sure if it fits with the current thread theme. That being said Anons, Do you guys want incest stories with plot and the incest on the side, or the incest as the main plot point and various small adventures on the side?

The former is what I have now, the latter I'd need to write up from scratch...

I'm also worried that is might be edgy and a bit cliched/cringe

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>>27939115
I'd plan on writing a story that was more like slice of life that just happens to have incestual relations, but that's just me.

As for you, I'd imagine the majority of the story revolving around Sunset and Anon's relationship. With little moments of real life that expanded their characters personalities.

That being said none of the stories currently going have much entanglement with magic and a parallel Equestria. I'd imagine that since both of them are from that world that you would want to expand on that subject more. Helping to build their characters, and maybe run a few side stories or plots entangling these elements.

In the end, you write what you want to write. That's how I feel about writing. I envision a story. Write it in such a way that makes me happy, and if people don't like it so be it.

>>27939115
Do it however you intended just dont abandon either side too much balance sounds pretty good imo

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Would indirect contact still count? Maybe if she got a lust for her brother during?

Bump

>>27939288
When is Sarge coming back?

>>27939963
he said friday will be the shatterpoint my dude

if you're talking about the star wars thread sarge

>>27940623
Oh, thanks anon.

May the force guide us all.

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>>27930898
>”And that’s why you’re ready for… Geology Rocks!~”
Oh, fuck! Kek!

>>27930860
Oh, you.

I love Anon's problems with the farm- quarry. And that all his sisters want him to stay. Forever. Inside them.

I ask for more.

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>have incest kink
>am only child
>mom is fucking cunt
>cousins all live on other side of the country
>know for a fact that none of them are into that anyway

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>tfw this thread is on EQG and anthro autism

>>27927773
>Does it count as Incest or Selfcest if the princesses sex Nyx?

It's incest if Celestia does it, and selfcest if Luna does it.

Anyone mind linking me the long dash incest pastebin?

>>27941589
Ok im sorry but i finally gotta ask ive been here since April and i gotta know... What the fuck is nyx from?

>>27942186
It's a shitty black alicorn filly OC
Report if you ever see it posted

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>>27940883
I'd guess that 98% of the writefags in this thread are only children.
I have a little sister, and while I enjoy reading about incest-y things happening to characters (because it's usually comfy vanilla stuff), the thought of doing anything remotely sexual to my little sister disgusts me.

>>27942186
Some shitty autistic fanfic from way back in 2011. Hasn't really been relevant in years, but for whatever reason she still gets brought up occasionally.

>>27942295
>doing anything remotely sexual to my little sister disgusts me
Age difference?

>>27942610
About 6 years.

>>27943010
It's 9 years between my sister and me, and I'd totally bang her. (she's in her 20s now)

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>>27943024
I'm 20, and I really hope that I don't start thinking that way about my kid sister, ever.

>>27943049
Just you wait till she grows boobs and walks around the house in her panties.

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>>27943084
>yfw go swimming with your cousins
>yfw they're all hot
>yfw it's just you and 6 of them
>2 of them are twins
>One asks "Anoooon, carry me on your shoulders"

>>27943161
You lucky bastard.

>>27940634
half robot anon is best anon

>>27943049
that picture is fucking amazing

>>27942295
Name me a single reason why you shouldn't fuck your sister if she's mature.

>>27927732
O say can you see, the great waves of green!~

>Slamming the door shut you sigh looking around the movie theater in the muggy heat of the evening.
>You could be having fun with Sunset and enjoying some nice food.
>Instead you're just sweating your ass off in the middle of the night as you trudge to the front of the theater looking around for that distinctive green and yellow hair.
>Where in the hell is this girl at?
>You're just shy of saying fuck it and go back to the restaurant when you hear a shrill yelp near the alley way by the movie theater.
>If you still had your old ears they'd be pricked up in interest now as you jog over to the alleyway.
>Just as you reach the entrance to the alleyway you can see pale pink legs fruitlessly kick around the corner!
>Son of a Yakinstanian whore!
>With no time to call the guard you take off down the alley way and take the tight turn into the narrow alcove.
>What you find disgusts you, three punks wearing black leather jackets and far too many piercings surround Zest while she keeps kicking against the bigger one.
>Upon seeing you Zest perks up in shock and surprise going slack against the larger thug making him grunt in surprise
>At hearing your rapid approach the other two turn to you with smarmy grins, "Hey no guv, ain't nothin to see here, why don't cha get a move on?" The one with a mohawk says fingering something at his hip.
>It's too dark to see if it's a gun or a knife, but you can't just bail on Zest.

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>>27943819

>>27943819
>"Cor Ted, can't we let the fella join in? Be less of a hassle that way ain't it?" Asks the one who looks like he has more chrome than teeth.
>"Shut up Gin, I'm already pissed ya scared off the babes with your act earlier."
>Looking over the dank alleyway for something you use while the two argue, you notice a broken mop nearby in the garbage dump.
>Meanwhile the one holding Zest simply says, "If you two don't get rid of him, I'll just start by myself." Roughly he squeezes Zest's chest making the girl squeal in fear.
>Shit.
>"Fine, I'- holy shit!" Shouts the mohawked thug as you narrowly miss him with the mop handle, "You little shit! C'mere so I can gut you!"
>Could have made this easier if you had just landed that hit...
>Keeping both of them in sight you hold the shaft steady in your hands, just pretend it's a spear, can't be much different...
>Gin simply slips his hands into his pockets and you tense ready for the sign of a gun.
>You slowly relax as instead Gin slides on a pair of brass knuckles, good you'd rather fight them without needing to get shot.

>Crap!
>You narrowly avoid being swiped at by the knife Ted had pulled as he cackles, "Should have just minded you own business kid!"
"Fuck you, I'm your age at least."
>"Oh look at the baby, think's he's a big boy now." Gin taunts you as he cracks his knuckles together sending sparks flying.
>In response you send a swing at Gin making him duck and you reverse the sweep into quick downward strike cracking Gin in the head.
>"Gah!"
>"C'mere!" As soon as you overextended to attack his friend Ted had charged into you shoulder checking you into the wall.
>You grunt, but keep a hold of your make shift staff and slide down the wall before a burning spike in your chest hits you.
>Celestia damn it, it buuuurns!
>Hissing you bring you knee up once, twice, three times before Ted lets out a whine falling away.

>>27943830
>Adrenaline pumping you lose your focus as you shove Ted away and use your good arm to rain down a series of blows on the stunned thug.
>You start to see some blood on the wooden shaft before a blaring alarm of pain takes you from the side and you're knocked down.
>Your staff goes clattering away from you as you land on your back.
>Straddling you is that ass Gin and he starts to rain blows on your head.
>You shield as much as you can, but the metal encasing his fists is just too much for your arms to handle.
>Gritting your teeth you jerk out your hand in a wild swing cocking Gin in the side of the head.
>If anything that just angers him as now the blows rain down on your face with a fury.
>More blows start to break through until you've had enough and thrust your hips up against the prick!
>With a startled oath Gin falls to the side and you roll atop of him fully intent on returning the favor.

>Schnick!
>You stiffen in pain as you feel a skinny hand grab your shoulder, slowly twisting the knife in your back, "Thought you were a c-cheeky cunt, kneein' my nuts like that, eh? Well how bout this for fair play!"
"F-fuck you."
>You're thrown backwards at that little comment onto your back and can feel blood start to flow out from your deep stab wound.
>Unfortunatly you fall back just far enough to see Zest's wide crying eyes of shock and fear at your state.
>Weakly you start to struggle back up only for a heavy boot to crash into your face.
>"Just fuckin' stay down you cunt!" Gin, or was it Ted says

>>27943843
>Still you struggle to rise, just to spite him if nothing else when another boot lands on you.
>Then another.
>Soon enough it's nothing but more boots and kicks as they rain down on you.
>It's getting hard to see with how bruised your getting.
>You tried to grab onto one of them to trip them, anything to get an advantage and at least let Zest get free.
>Instead you just got a kick to the head, you nearly blacked out from that one.
>Despite that you endure even as you fell something crack inside of you.
>Eventually the duo tire of kicking you and pant before laughing at each other, "Ha, fuck this little shit's tough, hey Gin, let's make the little hero watch."
>"Dude that's a little gay."
>"Pfft say's you, I wanna see him crumble after being such a little nuisance."
>"Whatever, yo Just, rip her clothes off will ya?"
>You can barely make out anybody with how bruised your face is, but that's quickly remedied by Ted? lifting your head up.
>"Ello guv, just wanted to let you have front row seats as we fuck your girl. Up ya get."
>Despite his skinny frame Ted manages to leverage you up against the wall and cackles at hearing Zest scream as Gin and Just tear at her blouse.
>No...
>Though her blouse is ripped, her modesty is protected barely by her bra.
>"Can't have that now Gin, rip it off!"
>You start to stand again, but feel a blade at your neck stopping you cold, "Where you think you're goin, eh?"

>>27943856
>You can't let them do this!
>Come on think!
>Just holds Zest down chuckling darkly to himself as Gin starts to unbuckle his pants.
>You can feel your teeth grinding down to the gums as you strive to come up with a better plan than just watch.
>Seering the leering looks on the thugs infuriates you, the tear stricken face of Zest breaks your heart even as she looks to you for help and finding none.
>Rage burns through you and you can feel the faintest feeling of something, just at the edge of your mind...
>They tear away her skirt leaving her with just her bra and panties exposed.
>A faint green and gold sparkle springs to life around your body...
>Gin leers slowly pulling the panties down despite Zest's vigourous attempts at kicking.
>You snap.

>Simply not caring anymore you rip your arms upwards catching Ted by surprise!
>There is the faintest feeling of something scratching your neck, but you pay that no mind.
>Nostrils flaring as the blood pounds through your frame you let out a roar as you pump your legs and shove /hard/ into the wall with Ted.
>You thought you felt something give, but you pay it no mind as you can feel steam pour off you small sparkled of green and gold interspersed through the steam.
>Teeth clenched hard you shakily exhale at the two encroaching males on your territory.
>They look fit to piss themselves, good. They should be afraid.
>Bellowing out a wordless sound of challenge you sprint towards Gin who scrambles to get up.
>You clothes line him just as he managed to stand making him flip from the force.
>Before he can land on Zest you grab him by the back of his jacket and throw him into the wall.
>You ideally note a crunch as you do so, but your eyes are simply left on the last male that dared step in your territory.
>He takes a step back and you notice a small puddle at his feet.
>You bear your teeth and snort, steam flaring out.

>>27943864
>That spooks him as he tries to run, but you're not having it.
>Running in another sprint you jump up and kick.
>Nailing him in the back you follow him down body surfing his face into the pavement as he slides for a foot.
>Kicking over the fat lard you see him crying for his mother, a snarl crosses your face.
"You dare?"
>Slamming a foot down on his back you pick up his arm that flops bonelessly.
"After what you just did? You /dare/ beg for your mother to save you!?"
>You start to pull on his arm feeling the muscle strain against you to hold it tight.
>"S-stop man! I'll go clean! I-I, It's hurts! STOP IT!"
"No, you get to suffer for it!"
>Bringing your foot up to finish this snake in the grass you bring it down intent on his head.
>"STOP!"
>Freezing an inch away, you look over to the voice.
>Zest is sitting up clutching her blouse together shivering as she looks at you with fear, "P-please don't k-kill him..."
"...Why? This...this scum, after what he nearly did to you?!"
>"I-it doesn't mean he has t-to die! J-just call the police, l-let them deal w-with it." Zest says before pointing behind her, "You already, s-stopped the other two!"
>Panting heavily as your body seems to get heavier you look over to what she means.
>You just shov-
>Was there human sized hole in the wall before?
>Or the rather large dent in the garbage bin?
>W-was that you?!
>Swallowing heavily you look down at your hoof, no foot. It's a foot not a hoof.
>You then look at Just, seeing him blubbering not to die.
>Ashen faced you set your foot down and slowly walk to Zest.
>You can make out a look of surprise and relief on Zest's face as you do.
>Walking to Zest you take off your suit over coat and drape it around her shoulders.
"Here..."

>>27943875
>Man it's hard to swallow for some reason.
>"H-hey you're bleeding..."
"N-no really, I hadn't noticed...my trucks up ahead..."
>Shakily you help Zest up and notice the glow of magic fades away from your.
>You feel so tired...
>"S-stay awake, you can't fall asleep."
"Mm, yeah...u-sue phone, c-call 'ister..."
>"Stay awake t-till we get to the truck at least..."
"...Kay..."
>You barely remember pulling your keys out and unlocking the door.
>You do remember however falling into your seat and the engine starting.
>What you don't remember is driving however.
>There was something about Sunset needing to talk with you.
>"Anon! Anon talk to me what happened?!"
"S'okay...just, sleepy now..."
>"Anon don't fall asleep!"

>Softness is the first thing to register to you.
>The sound a fan blowing nearby is the second.
>Then the sound of soft crying is the third.
>The last one draws you from your slumber and you crack an eye open.
>There's a blurry form of a familiar mash of red and yellow.
"Sunset?"
>A small gasp and the red yellow blurs looms into view.
>"Anon!? You're awake?"
"No, I'm just... sleep talking."

>>27943881
>Coughing you start to ask for water before a cool glass is already before you.
>You try to reach for it, but are so tired you merely flop your arm instead.
>The glass is brought close to you as Sunset cradles your head to help you drink.
>Yet just as that cool refreshing nectar was about to get into you, Sunset holds it away, "Anon, what you did was stupid, brave, foolhardy and just you, but stupid."
>Whining under your breath you try to reach for the water while pleading with Sunset.
>It's useless as she looks down on you with a mix of worry and justified anger, "Anon you almost died from that fight, you need to promise me, promise me you won't go looking for trouble like that again."
>Feeling how serious this was to her you look her in the eye and slowly nod.
>That's when Sunset lets you drink and dear sun kissed buns of Celestia's butt did water never feel so good.
>You drink deeply before you struggle to swallow and cough.
>Sunset draws away the glass, "Shoot, I'm sorry Anon, your throat. It got cut up during the fight."
"H-how bad?"
>"If it wasn't for your magic, I think you would have died Anon..."
>Sunset squeezes you tightly to her chest careful of your bruises.

>Hugging Sunset weakly you grunt in discomfort as your chest twinges.
“Can I at least see?”
>nodding with your head to your covers Sunset nibbles at her lips in worry, “It’s pretty nasty Anon…”
“Just let me see Sunset.”
>nodding once the girl peels back your covers to reveal a swath of bandages wrapped around your chest.
>Small portions of it are dotted with dried blood, yet the bandages are still firm around your chest.
>Letting out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding you look over at Sunset and grin.
“Hey, chicks dig scars right? Think I’ll get some nice ones at least?”
>That little comment just earns you a small whap to the head, “Dork.” Sunset murmurs softly coming back to sit beside you.

>>27943893
>Looking over at the plethora of medical equipment around you, you let out a sigh.
“I’m in the hospital aren’t I?”
>”Anon, you were stabbed, of course you’re going to be in the hospital. Where else were we going to take you?”
>Shifting under the covers you grumble to yourself.
“I just don’t like hospitals, you know that.”
>“You should just worry more about relaxing for now Anon.” Sunset says with a small frown marring her features, “Please for me at least?”
>You know you should really find a defense against seeing her use that face.
>But damn it, is it hard to say no.
“Fine, I guess I can get pampered by the staff here and enjoy the fine dinin-shit.”
>“What?”
“I need to call work and let them know I can’t come in for work.”
>“Oh, that, I already took care of it for you Anon.”
‘You did?”
>”Mhmm, though the man on the phone was weird.” Sunset taps her chin leaning against the bed letting her head fall back beside your hand.
>Odd, why does she have a impish expression?
“Weird how?”
>“He asked if I was the girl on your phone.”
“...”
>“Anon you didn’t happen to share that picture did you?”
“Nooo.”
>“Liar~” Sunset simply sing songs out at you with a grin.
“I wasn’t- I didn’t send it or nothing, I saw it while on break and one of the guys had been peeking over my back like a creeper!”
>Sunset breaks out into laughter at you.
>“Oh my Celestia Anon, relax. You really need to learn to take a joke.”
“It’s all well and good to have jokes, not so much when you’re the butt of the them.”
>“Knucklehead.”
“Still your knuckle head though.”

>>27943901
>At that comment Sunset simply smiles and nods, turning up and facing you as she laces her hands through your own.
>Her soft fingers play across the bruises scrapes and scratches.
>You know they should hurt from being touched, but the gentle way Sunset cradles them is soothing.
>It reminds you of home, before the bad times...
“This is nice…”
>“If you let me I could make it even better.”
“Think that would be the opposite of relaxing Sunset.”
>“Only if the doctor finds out.~”
>At the cheeky comment you start to reply only for the door to click open.
>Walking inside is one of the staff with large wire glasses and a stethoscope around his neck,
“Good Morning, I’m Doctor Scopes how are we today?”
“Sore, bruised and feel like I took on a rusty chainsaw.”
>“Anon, play nice.”
“Am I wrong?”
>“Yes, well according to this you should have wound up dead, to be quite frank with you. Two stab wounds in the abdominal area, one across the neck and multiple contusions and a possibly cracked rib which will take a month at most to heal.” Scopes says adjust his glasses.
“Jeez, when you put it like that..”
>“I told you, you’ll need to rest up a bit.” Sunset admonishes you lightly her tender caress never stopping during the lecture.
>“Quite so, seeing how you are awake however, we can go over your treatment options.”
“Alright, hit me. Just you know, not literally.”

>>27943911
>Chuckling is your only response from the doctor before he dives into it, “Of course, now then we can have you stay with us for another week or so before discharging you, I’d recommend it as we would be on hand in case of any complications occur while you are healing. Alternatively we can also keep you overnight for observation and have you discharged by tomorrow, you’ll need at least a week to properly heal. What is it that you do again?”
“Automotive work for the big supermarket in town.”
>“Oh dear, then I would suggest at least a month before returning to work at the bare minumum.”
“Can I at least get a note saying when to come back?”
>“Of course!”
>Sunset leans closer to you whispering, “Anon, are we going to be able to afford a month without pay?”
“I think the insurance will cover it...I think.”
>“If nothing else I can get a job too.”
“Hey now, no. It’s the older brother’s job to provide for their sister you know. It’s why we get born first.”

“So, what’s the other option Doc?”
>“We can also discharge you now, but I wouldn’t recommend i-”
“Done, Sunset let’s get out of here.”
>“Sir you can’t ju-”
“Sure I can watch me.”
>“Anon I really think you should rest.” Sunset places a hand on your shoulder even as you try to sit up.
“Which I can do at home, so c’mon. Up!”
>You say holding your hands out at her.
“Sunset? Come on help me up!”
>You flex your fingers in a grabby motion in emphasis.
>“Snrk…”
>Why is she snickering?
>Wait a minute, a brief memory of little Sunset begging to be carried around all the time comes to mind.
“Don’t you dare.”
>“I-I can’t- haha- oh jeez, Anon you look so-”

>>27943928
“I see how it is, fine make fun of your poor defenseless older brother in his time of need.”
>Crossing your arms you turn away with difficulty.
>Soon arms wrap around you as a voice whispers in your ear, “No one said I wasn’t going to help you, lazy.”
>“Ma’am I really do insist th-”
>Turning to address the doctor Sunset quickly nips the problem in the bud, “It’ll be fine, besides if a patient refuses treatment you’re not obliged to force it on them right?”
>“Yes, but he cannot be allowed to do anything strenuous!”
“Yeah Doc, I’d figured I’d go and bench press three hundred or so to stay in shape.”
>“Not the point, regardless, if you are insisting on this then let me go and fetch the treatment plan.”

>The doctor soon leaves you two alone with a simple click of the door.
“I really am sorry.”
>“I know you are, but why?” Sunset asks sparing you a long look of thought.
“She sounded scared and alone, I couldn’t just let her be could I?”
>“No, but you could have at least brought me along.” Placing her hands on her hips Sunset stares you down.
“Hell no.”
>“I could have helped!” Sunset stomps her foot in emphasis
“Or gotten hurt even worse than I did!”
>“I’m not a foal anymore Anon!”
“You're still my little sister no matter how old you get.”
>“You do this every time!” Sunset explodes throwing her hands out in exasperation/
>Excuse you?
“What?”
>“That self entitled I’ve got to take everything on my shoulder’s mood you’ve got!”
“Is it self entitled when I have to?”
>“You don’t /have/ to, you just do.”
“What else am I supposed to do, just not do anything?”
>“Ask me for help, like I did with you!”
>Sunset explains poking your shoulder with a finger.
“Which I still had to help you fix something.”
>You remind her, oh that doesn’t seem to have appeased her at all.

>>27943937
>“I didn’t just dump the whole mess on you and expect you to clean it up Anon, I fixed it /with/ your help.”
>You hold her glare finding the measure of her conviction that she would be able to help you with the things to come.
>Sure you might have taken the lion’s share of work when it came to financial problems and other assorted troubles that cropped up.
>But what good brother wouldn’t for their little sister or their family?
>Though, it would be nice to relax a bit.
“Alright, fine. Fine, the next time some terrible calamity is about to befall us I’ll let you know ahead of time so you can help.”
>“Good.” Sunset says with a firm nod before she crawls into bed beside you wrapping you in a hug.
“That was rhetorical.”
>“Don’t care, still holding you to that promise.” She replies rubbing her cheek against yours while you sit there, unamused by her antics.
“Ugh…sisters…”
>“Oh don’t complain, you still love me.”
>Silent you endure the loving cuddles coming from your sister before a wry chuckle escapes you.
>Looping your arm around gingerly you bring Sunset closer to you.
“...Yeah, guess I do, huh?”

So I felt a bit iffy on having that fight scene in the upper portions but I wanted to show off Anon's magical talent, if you can guess what his cutiemark used to be kudos.On the hospital scene I tried a different way of writing by just going with pure dialogue and adding in some scenic stuff as needed. Which was better you think? I was able to crank out the hospital scene so much quicker than what I usually do.

>>27943755
a) She's not mature
b) real life is, in fact, a hell of a lot different than fan fiction, and you're not supposed to bump uglies with your own blood, anon.

>>27943966
>you're not supposed to bump uglies with your own blood
Why?

>>27943966
Nah I'm pretty sure you can sex them, just not get them preggers otherwise you'll have game of thrones offspring, right?

>>27944146
Because according to most modern societies it's wrong, and I'd like to continue living in a modern society.

>>27944165
And even then you have to be really unlucky.
Real bad shit only happens after a few generations.

>>27944165
I've never understood why people always think if you have children with a relative, that kid will automatically have something genetically wrong with it.
Genetic mutations caused by incest happen over generations, not just from sleeping with your sister.

https://imgur.com/a/15Nga

>>27943964
Damn Comfy quite a lot of lovely green you've got there. I won't be able to sit down and read it for a bit, gonna go grab dinner and catch some pokemon for a bit but I'm looking forward to this when I get done with all that.

I do however have time to drop what I've been working on for the last little while before I head out though.

>>27930898
"Mnn..."
>Maud's hands continue working your aching back.
>Her hands lift up and expose your back to her as she kneads the muscle just under your shoulders.
>You bury your face into the pillow Maud handed you and try to hold back a pained groan.
"Mrrrr" is what manages to get out.
>Oh god this hurts so much!
>But it is working, once she finally moves on to another spot you can feel the little spots of tension and pain are mostly gone.
>Your back arches as she works a particularly sensitive spot on your back.
>Her body shifts up a little to get back into position as she had moved slightly when you dug your legs into the bed.
>As rough as this is on you, this must be taxing for her.
>She's not saying much, her focus is placed entirely on the show, but your butt is very warm from her body heat.
>So much that you can feel a bit of dampness on your bottoms.
>"Please don't hold back for me Anonymous."
>You lift your face back out of the pillow as she gently strokes down your back with alternating hands.
>She plants her hands firmly into the spot just under your shoulder blades and digs her thumbs firmly into them.
"Nnn ahh!" you gasp.
>Maud's leg's tighten up on your hips for a moment, you can feel her body shake a little on your rear.
>"I need to hear you" she explains.
"Got- Ah! G-got it..." you whimper as she digs her thumbs in and traces small circles into your flesh.
>She continues working your ragged body, and you are more loose with the grunts and groans as she digs into your knots.
>Apparently they're pretty numerous, you can just about feel each one she loosens up.

>>27944495
>Problem is they hurt so damn much to loosen, and you are riddled with so many that you have to beg her to stop and move on to another area for now.
>She complies each time, and even goes as far as to gently go back over an area she worked hard and just wipe small smoothing circles into the hot and freshly loosened muscle.
>The feeling is so good that relief doesn't do it justice.
>So good that you can't help yourself but praise her for it.
"Oh Maud... yes! That's feels so good..."
>She remains silent, only continuing to work as your voice guide.
>You can hear the commentary coming from the t.v., Maud must have seen it many times and you are certain that she's completely enraptured in this.
>Well, maybe not completely, you can feel her shifting her weight around on her seat, and you can feel it because you are the seat.
"Ah! N-no more Maud... I can't take it" you whine.
>"Just bear with it a little more Anonymous, I am almost there."
>You bury your face into the pillow and grip the sheets firmly in your hand.
>The sound of skin rubbing deeply on more skin sounds out between your pained groans.
>You can feel the knot she's trying to get at, it keeps slipping away the moment she digs in hard.
>Your back arches, Maud presses down hard on your rear, most likely to keep herself in place.
>She keeps shifting around as she continues working your body.
>Your body tries to squirm away from this, but her legs keep your hips firmly locked in place under her.
>You can feel her breathing getting heavier as she works your upper back.
>Doing it for this long must be getting to her.
>You can definitely feel sweat on the back of your upper thighs, given how hot it is where your bodies meet, you can't say your surprised.
"Ah! M-Maud..." you grunt her name under your breath with the intent to beg her to stop and just leave it but you are cut off mid way.
>The door behind you slams open, "SURPRISE!" Pinkie shouts as she stomps into the room.

>>27944505
>You jump a little from the shock, Maud just stops and keeps her palms placed on your back.
>You let out a thankful sigh as Pinkie begins walking closer, Maud slowly digs her fingers into your flesh again.
>Though this technique is a little different to what she was doing before.
>"Sounded like someone was having fun without their favoritest little sis-" You can hear Pinkie stop to gasp, "MAUD!? I-I can't believe you would do this-!"
>Pinkie runs over and rounds the bed, her eyes fall on you, laying flat on your stomach and face in a pillow.
>Then to Maud, sitting on your butt, hands tucked under your unbuttoned top.
>Pinkie's eyes widen, they dart between the two of you for a moment, then she tosses one glance over to the t.v.
>"Th-th-that you would... w-watch Geology Rocks! with out me! Maud! You silly" Pinkie says with feigned outrage.
>She leans over you, putting her exposed belly near your face. just to grab Maud by the shoulders and shaking her back and forth as she explained.
>You can smell her frosting scented lotion as she steps back.
>Maud shifts around a little, the room is uncofmortably quiet for a moment before you hear her speak up "You don't like Geology Rocks! Pinkie."
>Pinkie responds with a booming "Ha!" before continuing, "Oh Maud, you're the real comedian of the family you know? Of course-" she slugs Maud on the arm as she said it, "-I like the show! And watching it with two of my favoriteist people in the world? SIgn me UP!" she chirps before running out of the room.
>Maud blows a puff of air through her nose, she lifts one hand off your back and lightens her weight off of the other.
>This means she has to sit back and press down onto your legs.
>You can hear the sound of skin rubbing on skin and can only assume she's rubbing her arm.

>>27944509
"You can probably stop Maud" you explain while lifting up your tired, but much less pained, upper body off of the bed, "I know that you know the show well enough not to be bothered by all this, but I think that Pinkie would get annoyed by my whining if-"
>"No way! Don't stop on our account Nonners."
>Our account?
>You half turn and find all three of your other sister in the doorway.
>Each of them holding a blanket in their hands.
>"What are all three of you doing in my room?" Maud asks.
>"You can't have a marathon session with our Nonners all on your own Maud, duh" Pinkie responds.
>"Yeah Maud, you konw that we would love to listen to... the extra commentary too" Limestone adds.
>Marble hums approvingly of her sister's responses, "A-and you don't have to stop because of us. If you want we could even trade spots with-"
>"No" Maud quickly dismisses Marble's suggestion.
>Quickly too...
>Though you understand, Maud is the strongest of your sister and you can tell the amount of effort she has to put in on you, your other sisters don't stand a chance of doing much.
>Maud looks at you, her face unreadable as usual.
>She blinks and puts her hands back down on your shoulders, and pushes you down gently, "Back down Anonymous."
>You do as she says with your head turned to the side on the pillow, you watch your sisters filter in and settle themselves in in front of you on the floor so they can face the t.v.
>Maud gets more lotion on her hands then plants to cool cream on your back.
>You shudder unintentionally and try to relax as Maud slowly spreads it all around your back again.
>She starts out slow at first, the feeling is very soothing.
>The boring dry commentary of the show puts you into a lulled state while Maud starts digging in a little harder.
>You can see the tops of the heads of your sisters in front of you, with a little effort you can peek over the edge of the bed and see them all bundled up in their own blankets, eyes glued to the screen.

>>27944529
"Mmn!" you grunt suddenly as Maud finds one of the knots she left behind on your shoulders.
"S-sorry girls" you say under strained breaths.
>Your sisters each mumble back responses about how it's okay.
>So many things have changed since you've been away, they ALL actually like Geology Rocks!
>Maud presses down particularly deep with her thumb along your shoulder blade, getting a squeak and a low extended groan as she works to untangle that knot in your deeper muscle.
>A quiet squeak in front of you gets your attention, you can see your sisters all swaying a little in their spots on the floor.
>You don't get too long to focus on that as Maud finally gets that knot she was digging at.
>You let out as muffled a gasp and sigh of relief as she traces light circles on your recently worked flesh.
>Your breaths out make an occasional coo as the heat from Maud's hands travel into your skin.
>The room feels oddly charged as you bask in the brif respite Maud is giving you before she prepares to dig into another knot.
>The show is boring, but oddly it seems like all your sisters are on edge, you can see it in the way they're all sitting.
>You can feel it in the way Maud is compressing your hips between her thighs.
>You try paying attention to the show but find yourself unable to do so for very long.
>Maybe it's something that has to grow on-
"Ohh! Sis! Too hard!" you whine as she suddenly decides to bore into the unsuspecting supple flesh of your back.
>"I'm sorry Anonymous, I have to. I've almost..."
>You can tell she's right, it's that damned knot Pinkie interrupted her on before.
>You grin and bear it as she really puts her weight down on you.
>You feel bad for your sisters, as into the show as they are you know that this must be bothering them.
"Mmnn..."
>"Almost... Anonymous..."
"Gah! Ha! Aaahh" you groan loudly with your face in the pillow, she keeps pushing the damned thing but it just refuses to.
"Oh! Oh god, Maud!"
>She did it!

>>27944545
>You think you hear your sisters call your name in front of you, under their breaths.
>Almost certain that they are sick of your shit but you don't care, she finally got that damned knot.
>Holy hell did that hurt!
>But... oh that feels REAL good now that she got it.
>You are breathing heavily and letting out small sounds of pleasure with each breath as Maud lightens up and resumes gently rubbing your back.
>She's not really letting on but you can tell she's pretty wiped from it too.
>Her legs are swaying back and forth gently on top of you, her hands are really more caressing your back than they are looking for any more knots.
>Your sisters seems more at ease now.
>Marble and Limestone are leaning back against the bed rather than sitting up right like they all were.
>Pinkie however is still sitting up and shifting around a lot.
>She growls quietly then jumps a little in her seat, "Oh, I know..."
>Pinkie's head dips down below the edge of the bed, your sisters lazily look in her direction, then quickly pull their blankets closer to themselves and further away from Pinkie as she does... whatever she's doing.
>"Pinkie, what are you doing?!" Limestone huffs.
>Pinkie's legs pop up over the edge of the bed and come to rest on either side of your head, "I'm so close, to falling asleep, and the uh, show, isn't quite getting me to where I want to be."
>She wiggles her toes, "Nonners? Would you do me a favor and give my feetsies a little rub? I'm sure that'll do it for me."
>Marble gasps, "Pinkie! Y-you can't, Anon will- he's... hurt."
>You let out a satisfied hum.
"A little still but because of everything Maud did I feel SO much better now."
>You hear a raspberry being blown and Marble scrunches her lips, "See, it's fine. Just relax sisters of mine" Pinkie retorts, "Now big brother of mine~" she sing-songs while wiggling her toes again.
>You stretch your arms out from under the pillow Maud gave you.

>>27944555
>From the knee down, Pinkie has her legs resting on the bed, her knees are bent on the edge of the bed and her thigh must be planted against the side of the bed for her to lay like this.
>Just below her knees is the edge of the blanket she has herself wrapped up in.
>You reach out and take one foot in each hand.
>Pinkie kicks a little and a muffled yelp comes from down below, past where your line of sight ends.
>You wrap your fingers around the top of her foot, her skin is silky smooth and warm in your palm.
>You curl your hand and press your thumbs into the balls of her feet.
>She takes in a sharp breath and lets out a low sigh.
>Marble shifts a little, Limestone looks up from where Pinkie is on the floor and looks straight at the t.v. with a slight frown on her face.
>Maud is still gently caressing your back with no discernible intent.
>Her hands slowly trail down the sides of your back, she lifts her palms and gently scrapes her fingers along your sides.
>The sensation sends a light shiver up your spine, your back arches a little and you can feel goosebumps on your back.
>Her hands come to rest right at your hips, she leans back some and spreads her legs apart to separate your hip and outer thigh from her knee and inner thigh respectively.
>She slides back some, allowing the hot damp spot on your pajama bottoms to get some air.
>You glance over your shoulder and catch a peek at your sister.
>Unsurprisingly you find her eyes locked to the t.v.
>No longer distracted with fixing up your back she can focus completely on the show, her hands idly play around with the band of your bottoms and occasionally graze along your naked sides.
>Your hands get a gentle push back, "Mnn, Nonners..." Pinkie whines.
>You turn forward again and lay your chin into the pillow so you can watch the show with your sisters too.
>Hands and Pinkie's feet in your periphery, you resume rubbing them with your thumbs.
>Pinkie's legs sway a little at the knee as you work her over.

>>27944564
>Limestone sneaks occasional grumpy glances towards her sister on the ground.
>At one point she blows air loudly through her nostril and pulls her blanket higher up around her.
>She might be overheating, you can see a faint redness on her cheeks from the light coming off the show.
>Marble keeps her eyes forward, almost forcefully so with how stiff her neck looks.
>Pinkie makes a small noise before following it with a request, "C-can you turn it up Maud? I'm having trouble hearing it."
>Maud doesn't move, her hands still keep playing with the band of your pajamas.
>"M-maud, please..." Pinkie begs.
>Maud wordlessly puts her weight down on one of your legs again and leans forward.
>She reaches out to the remote beside you and accidentally pushes it forward and out of her reach.
>You could hook your arm around backwards and grab it, but you feel the bed shift down on your other side as Maud's other hand plants itself firmly into the cushion.
>She bears down on your more as she stretches out to reach the remote.
>Silently she pours over you, digging her knee high up in-between your legs.
>Resting her belly over your butt.
>And lastly planting her chest on the middle of your back.
>It's only once she's laid completely on top of you that her hands can grab the remote.
>She turns the volume up on the t.v. making it harder for you to ignore the special editions commentary.
>Once done with that she sits the remote beside her and places both her hands on your back, just below your neck.
>Maud rests her head on your shoulder using you as a body pillow.
>You consider protesting, but if it weren't for her you'd be hurting far more than you do.
>You'll give her this for the next little while.
>Besides... it's kinda nice.
>Your back was starting to get cold with all the lotion on it.
>And the rhythmic warm breaths she blows out over your ear make it easier to drown out the show.
>Pinkie's legs continue to sway gently as you massage.

>>27944572
>Her toes curl and both her feet will tighten up for a moment before they both relax and stretch out again.
>These actions continue for the next little while as the show goes on.
>Then she does something differently.
>Her toes curl up like before, and her feet tighten too.
>But then she digs her heels into the bed.
>Her legs stop swaying and transition more into... shaking.
>You keep rubbing her feet through this and hope that you're not hurting her but you're pretty sure you're not doing anything different.
>The screen shows a desert screen for a moment as they discuss the features of sandstone.
>Through the brightness of the screen, you can't say for certain, but it seems like the blanket wrapped tightly around Pinkie's thighs is shaking too.
>Pinkie makes a noise from down below and lets out what sounds like it might be yawn.
>Then all at once her body relaxes, toes uncurl, feet loosen up, heels come off the mattress, and knees come away from the bed as well.
>Her feet go mostly limp and during the bright transition shot you note that her blanket isn't shaking anymore.
>The current episode comes to an end, Pinkie withdraws her feet down over the edge of the bed and bounces back up shortly after with a beaming smile on her face, "Whew! Boy do I sure love that show!"
>Pinkie lets out a big yawn and brings up a hand to her face to cover it, her nose wrinkles a couple of times before she puts her hand back down.
>She grips her blanket tightly to her chest with the other hand, and clamps the blanket further under her other armpit.
>Marble and Limestone rise as well, both keeping their blankets very close.
>Maud is still on top of you, but without her you were feeling pretty cold yourself so it makes sense to keep the blankets so close.
>Your sisters all look at you, then their eyes slowly trail up to look at Maud.
>You can't see their expression very well with them all blocking the t.v. like they are, but they don't look too pleased.

>>27944587
>"Goodnight Pinkie, Limestone, Marble."
>"Isn't that bed ready to be picked up yet?" Limestone asks to the room.
>Ah, now it makes sense, Maud probably drew the short straw to get stuck with you, the sooner you've got your own bed the better.
>"I think we got a call about it this afternoon" Pinkie responds, "Isn't that right Maud?"
>The room is silent, you can feel Maud shift around some on to of you, "I don't remember" she responds.
>"That's okay Maud, I was in the room when you answered it" Marble says, "I didn't hear everything but I remember them saying it was here"
"Oh sweet! Maud said it was probably going be a while" you chime in.
>Marble hums sweetly, "Don't worry Nonny, you'll be sleeping better... on your own, soon. Pinkie and I can go get the bed tomrrow for you, isn't that right Pinkie?"
>Pinkie smiles and gives you a thumbs up, "You betcha, you can count on us!"
>They bid their goodnights to you and Maud before leaving the two of you alone.
>They all try leaving around the same time so they push the door wide open as they pass through.
>You are far too lazy and massaged out to even consider getting up to shut it.
>Maud seems to be in about the same position, her eyes linger on the door for while.
>You shift around and gently push her up and away from you.
>Maud is slow to follow your directions.
"I've got the same side as last night yeah?" you ask her.
>It's at this that she finally moves off of you.
>Now free, you snatch the pillow under your head and start to drag it over to your side of the bed.
>You're too tired to bother with the buttons of your top and frankly it's much more comfy this way.
>A hand grasps yours and holds you back.
>You follow it back up to Maud, she blinks once slowly, "That's my pillow."
"What? This?" You respond giving the pillow, and her hand, a little shake.
>She nods once.
"Well... I had my face buried in it for a good while, I didn't know it was yours. Why don't we switch? You can have the one I used last night."

>>27944605
>You let go of that pillow and reach out for yours.
>By the time you've grabbed it and turned back around to give it to Maud she has already laid down with the other one and is facing awya from you.
"Uh, Maud?"
>"It's okay, I flipped it over" she responds flatly.
>You shrug and place the pillow back where you had it, you scooch over on the bed and lay your head on it.
>You start to close your eyes then realize that you're still facing your sister.
>Her shoulder rises and falls a little with each of her breaths.
>You roll over in the bed and shimmy a little to get yourself comfortable enough to sleep.
>"Goodnight Anonymous."
"Goodnight Maud, Goodnight Boulder" you respond.

And that's all from me for now, hopefully the ride thus far is still enjoyable. Later thread.

so much green

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>maud cockblocking her sisters

>>27944587
Did...did Pinkie just masrurbate while Anon was giving her a foot massage?

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>But then she digs her heels into the bed.

>>27944738
...Yes?

>>27944247
>Because according to most modern societies it's wrong
And that matters why?
Plenty of idiotic norms have come and gone over the centuries.

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>>27944610
God damn, Frosty.
That's some good shit right there.
Not even just talking about the subtle lewd, I just really like your writing.
I really wanna see you continue this.
Don't be a dickhead writer like me and start a Pinkie story only to vanish and never come back.
I don't think my heart could take it.

>>27944610
still enjoying this. easily my favorite story in the thread right now

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>>27944610
>>27946193
Easily my favourite on the board rn, honestly.

>>27944610
Frosty, I love your style. Just don't abandon it. I'd hate if this went the way of JaGoG or Magicboy

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>>27944610
Can't wait for the next installment. Keep up the good work, Frosty!

>>27944610
Frosty. You need to put this in your pastebin

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>>27944610
Keep it up dude. Amazing work

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>>27944610
>Anon enjoying what he thinks is some fun bonding time with his sisters
>in reality they're all getting off to him
Being big brother is suffering.

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>>27944610
I really like how touchy Maud is, like she shows emotion through physical contact rather than through body language.

>>27947583
Maud would be the Tactile lover.

I'll be just fine guys, Frosty will continue the Double Sun story someday, right?

WAKE ME UP

>>27947974
Shh, shh. No tears only dreams.

>>27943964
Nice, although the fighting could have been more dramatic if he had passed out from blood loss no matter his magic after he beat them bloody and almost killed the last thug instead of being able to still make it to his car and driving with a cut open throat, still a 8/10

>>27944610
Holy shit yes I'm still enjoying this.
Two things I especially like are how each Pie sister is taking a different approach to Anon and how well you're crafting each scene to be obviously lewd to the readers but completely ordinary to Anon.
This is good shit, son.

>>27943964
I like it!

I originally thought you were going to have Lemon lure Anon out alone and seduce him while not actually being abandoned, but I enjoyed this more. Now I can see Lemon developing almost the same kind of attraction to Anon that Sunset has.

The magical reveal was enjoyably tense, as well. Looking forward to seeing where the dynamic between the two of them is going.

pmub

>>27950033
bumping dubs for good luck

>>27949440
Yeah, Lemon isn't going to leave him alone after this. If she was attracted to him before she's going to be like a lost puppy following him around now.

>>27943964
I think the dialogue worked best. I mean, we know why he's at the hospital, we don't need that much exposition. With Sunset there, their interaction was paramount, so I'd say it was a good call.

>>27947424
>>27933514
Here you are

http://pastebin.com/Y2enwxeD

>>27950697
thanks

>No momcest yet
What have you guys been doing all this time?

>>27952052
I think mostly it's been avoided so far becuase Oedipus General concers people. That said, I've done some in the past although it was all
>With hooves
just as a forewarning.

Fluttermom helping her blossoming boy
http://pastebin.com/S2by8Wan

Rainbowmom acting out of desperation to still be "awesome" in her teenage son's eyes
http://pastebin.com/SPt7xLQG


Implied lewd between a young prince Anon and his mother Princess Luna after learning that her role as Princess of the Night used to involve duties to young colts of royal families
http://pastebin.com/UDG4H6Wu

Slight lewd on this one, it was really intended to just be silly, Derpy wants to be a good mother to her teenage son, and has just learned that she's missed a crucial step in child raising
http://pastebin.com/PFtVbXS3

An /ss/ short with a studious Twilight Sparkle convinced by her oncoming estrus that she needs to conduct a special experiment with her young adopted human son Anonymous
http://pastebin.com/CstaR5y9

And lastly, just a set of comedy shorts about a lusty Lyra and proper Bon Bon mom as they try to raise their slightly dopey teen son Anonymous
http://pastebin.com/zFbw9AAC

>>27952435
Got a bit of an incest fetish there Frosty?

>>27952472
Maybe so Anon, maybe so

These were all written last year among a myriad of other things, some binned and many not. I was largely exploring a bunch of different types of stories to try and see what I liked best. Ultimately I never settled on anything and now I range from absurdly silly to heavy feels (or at least my attempt at feels anyway).

>>27934871
Sauce?

live

Anyone have that short oneshot of Sunset and Anon having sex and the humane five listening on?

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>>27952435
You da best Frosty. Keep writing when you can.

Page 10 Bump

Saving bump.

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>>27954683
>>27954686

>>27954683
>>27954686
UNF

Can wait for a green where actual baby making is involved.

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>>27944610
Seriously man, yes.

>>27952608
Hello from the RGRE thread! This is really good. Please keep going if you aren't too busy or sleeping or anything sempai

>page 7

>>27952608
Based Frosty

>>27956225
This

>>27955371

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>"Anonymous, sweetie, is this the thread? Is this it?"
>"No, mom, t-this isn't the one."
>"...It looks like it."
>"It's NOT the thread, mom."

>>27957990
What thread are Anon and Sunbutt looking for?

>>27958049
Momma Celestia I think.

>>27958200
Think that thread will be starting back up sometime soon.

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>>27940883
I know that feel in its entirety, only exception is have a single sibling who is a boy, mom is morbidly obese and even if she wasn't I know for a fact she isn't into it, and all my cousins are too far away for anything to ever work even though one of them 8 hours away would probably be down for it

>>27942295
Faggot

>"Mommy? Why does daddy call you "mommy" too?"

prompt: some mare awkwardly explaining to her filly exactly who her father is

Got a day off from work and will write an update for later today.
>>27959167
Yeah the lack of greens involving other family members is a concern, but I already made my choice for writing way before this thread came up.

>>27959231
the shatterpoint will soon be upon us.

>>27957288
Sick numbers breh

I'm tempted to dump/continue my Pinkie mom story here since my attempt to revive the Derpy thread with my story failed.

>>27960714
Do it man. Its a great green. I miss it.

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>>27960714
Do it. We will read it.

>>27960714
Which story is that? Something you started in another thread?

>>27961029
this>>27937594

>>27961053
I think

Will Nayaa ever come back?

>>27960714
Write it you fucking slut

More Shimmercest when?

>>27960711
Ayyy check'd

>>27959231
>8 hours
Suuuuuuuure

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>>27937594
>no hooves

D R O P P E D
D

R

O

P

P

E

D

>>27960714
I-is my big guy back?

>>27963669
Faggot.

>>27963669
>He doesn't know what thread he's in

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So awhile back I wrote a green where Moondancer was Anon's stepsister and they fugged. I can't for the life of me find it and I completely forgot my batstepin username. Does anyone have the pastebin link or a link to the thread? It had this exact image in the OP

>>27963611
Yeah it's taking longer than I would have liked to write it, but it's almost done.
Plus, the out pouring calls for Frostybox is kind of disheartening to my writing. Not to say his story isn't good it's just I'd like better feed back than.
>Write more faggot, or
> Thanks for killing time for the REAL writers.
I get the same thing from the Star Wars thread. Where no one has any genuine critics. While other writers seem to have ten times the avid followers. Doesn't make it easy, but perhaps I should just be used to it by now.

>>27963744
Holy shit dude I loved that green.
Is it possible that you can make a sequel or new story?
I enjoy your writing style.

>>27963744
Fuck. I want to read it, but I don't know what your talking about. Also, SAVED IT!

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>>27963745
i wanna read your story dog. I wanna read it bad!

>>27963782
Post link if you got it. Preferably his pastebin.

>>27963782
Maybe. I need some sleep tonight but if this thread is up in the morning then yeah.

Does it count as incest if they're step-siblings? If so, explain your reasoning.

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>>27963745
I've been a writefag here for three years, and I've seen way too many of your type.
Shut up or man up.
If no one's replying to your story, make it better.
No one owes you a reply. You should be writing because you want to, not to get (You)s from strangers with a family-kink on the internet.

>>27963834
Legal siblings still count and can get you into trouble. So yes it still counts.

>>27963795
Sadly I don't. But I think it's in the Moondancer pastebin archives.

>>27963744
Haha nevermind, I managed to find an archive that actually worked. Fished the PB out of the original thread.
>>27963786
Have fun
http://pastebin.com/R0nF0j9v

>>27963857
I don't know what will make it better though. If I did I wouldn't say anything.
That's why I'm asking you guys.

>>27963889
BASED!

>>27963895
I didn't really want to chime in yet because I wanted to finish this thing I'm writing (I don't like to just post without some story to contribute) but I want to weigh in on this because I know EXACTLY what you're feeling right now. I'm ashamed to say that I've dropped countless stories because of this exact feeling.

Unfortunately I don't have an answer to give you, >>27963857 this Anon is right, but sometimes it's not so easy to just "do it because you want to". This is all done voluntarily and it takes a WHILE to write stuff that's even half decent. There are so may other things I could do instead and if it seems like what I'm writing isn't really getting across to people then it doesn't really feel worth it.

Sadly thats kind of the way of this place, if a thread gets a "main" writer then the other ones, no matter how well they do, don't get much feedback which is pretty important to know how to improve, not just as a confidence booster.

You're not alone Onii, and I don't blame you for doing what you think is best. For what it's worth I'm going to re-read what you wrote and give you my thoughts on it after I finish writing up my thing.

>>27963834
>Does it count as incest if they're step-siblings?
Only if you want it to

>>27963963
>it takes a WHILE to write stuff that's even half decent
Word.

Any old faggot could shit out crappy green if they wanted.

And, mostly, they do. But because /mlp/ is starved for quality content they lavish it with praise anyway, even if it comes in three-or-four-post chunks.

>>27963885
That's super dumb. The whole point of incest laws is lost when the people involved aren't related. And in regards to fiction, "step-siblings" is a cheap cop-out.

>>27964053
Meh, I still like it either way. But that's just my opinion.

>"What's the matter Anon? We used to play naked leg wrestling all the time when we were kids!"

Okay, so finally done. To break up the bro/sis stuff and go a different avenue from oedipus, I decided to go Electra.

>You think you hear a noise outside your room.
>The quiet moans you were losing yourself in stop.
>One hand still firmly cups your breast.
>The image in your mind of his strong calloused hand doing the cupping fades.
>When you hear the front door shut with a thud, you know that you definitely heard him come back.
>Slowly and steadily you withdraw his old replaced electric toothbrush from your butt.
>Your mind goes hazy as you feel the pull, you imagine him slowly drawing himself out of you after having pumped his thick hot fluid deep inside you.
>A small gasp escapes past your lips, when it comes out completely.
>Your body shivers as tingles run all over you.
>Each breath that comes out is shaky and comes from deep down.
>Your face is all hot, and your body is coated in a thin sheen of sweat.
>You rise from your bed, leaving a small patch of arousal and lotion behind and squat down to pull your thong and yoga pants back up from around your ankles.
>The slick feeling between your thighs feels like a mix of embarrassing and satisfying.
>The cloth pressed against your wanting lips is getting damp, you didn’t actually finish.
>But he’s home now, and maybe…
>Maybe keeping yourself on edge like this will finally give you the courage to approach him.
>You look yourself over in the mirror.
>The black fabric hides your moisture well while still showing off the only curve to your body.
>You give your flat chest a gentle lift with your hands and frown when you let them drop and they remain mostly static.
>Unfortunately your tiny stature and tiny chest are a hand-me-down from mom.
>At least that what dad says.
>Your butt was too, but years of scootering have transformed it to be all yours.
>And there was plenty of it to have.
>You tussle your purple hair a little to get it less matted to your forehead and neck.

>>27964297
>Despite what you were just doing, the lotion you use has a strong grape smell to it that you’re certain masks you well.
>Satisfied with your appearance, you step out of your room hoping to get another form of satisfaction tonight.
>You walk into the living room to find dad’s jacket thrown haplessly on the couch.
>You hear some commotion in the kitchen and make that your next destination.
>Rounding the corner you find Dad flipping from one cabinet to the next.
>”I know they were here yesterday” he grumbles under his breath.
“Looking for something yummy Daddy?”
>Dad jumps a little and spins around on his hell to look at you.
>The very brief wide-eyed stare he gave you with his beautiful bright green eyes make your heart skip.
>He averts his gaze upwards, “Yeah, I was looking for the oatmeal raisin cookies I saw yesterday.”
>He starts walking over to you with his arms outstretched, “C’mere Scooty.”
>You practically skip over and bury your face into his chest while his powerful arms envelop you.
>He grunts happily as he gives you a gentle squeeze.
>You inhale his after-work scent in deeply, and fight to keep yourself from trembling in his arms.
>He steps back and releases you before turning back and resuming his hunt.
>”How was your day kiddo?”
“Good. Pretty boring really…”
>He nods while peeking around in the cabinet above the fridge.
“I uh… ate the cookies you’re looking for daddy.”
>He freezes, slowly he closes the cabinet he was searching through and slowly turns to you, “Really? All of them?”
>You nod.
“Sorry daddy, There wasn’t much left for groceries and I was hungry after school.”
>He purses his lips, his eyes glaze over as he goes deep into thought.
>A hand comes up and combs through the rugged hair on his head.
>You stand there transfixed as each lock tumbles back down once his hand passes over it.
>He hisses, “Yeah, sorry kiddo. Busy couple of days at the factory.”
>You smile at him.

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>>27963963
I truly do appreciate it. Now onto that juicy green I promised.

>>27906293

> The next day goes by relatively quickly. Work was hectic and you won your game 4-2 going 1-3 with a double and a walk. Not great considering your opponent was just an average team.
> Sunday was more of the same with a longer day of work, but thankfully you didn’t ever have practice on Sunday. Deciding to do some training of your own with Dash.
“Today’s leg day for me how about you?”
> “I think I’ll just do some light lifting today. Just to keep me loose. Still have practice for two weeks.”
“So do I, but you don’t see me taking it easy.”
> “But you should. You’re body’s got to rest from time to time. Last thing you want is to get injured before the season starts, and have to fight your way back into shape.”
“That’s because you weren’t given a perfect body like mine.”
> You couldn’t argue with her there. Her muscles were as tone and firm as rubber, and the only reason you knew that was because she made you massage her sore muscles.
> Thankfully she wasn’t cruel enough not to return the favor, but still.
> Both of you warm-up by stretching. Taking the occasional glance at your sister. She maybe related to you, but damn was she hot.
> She looks over at you a couple of times, but you just appear uninterested in what she’s doing.
“Why do you keep staring at me?”
> “What do you mean?”
“I know you keep looking at me?”
> “Why would I do that?”
“Because I have an awesome body. That no one can deny.”
> You got that right.
> “You know you’re full of yourself right.”
“Do I have any reason not to be?”
> “There’s this little thing called humility Dash. You should look it up sometime.”
“Never heard of it, so are you ready yet or what?”
> “Yeah I’m good.”

>>27964306
“It’s okay Daddy, I know you’ve been busy. Honestly I didn’t think you’d be home this early tonight.”
>He quirks an eyebrow at you.
>A toothy grin spreads across his face.
>”Oh?” he responds playfully.
>Slowly he advances towards you, his tall powerful form loom more and more over your frail tiny self.
>Your heartbeat starts pounding in your chest, your thighs clamp themselves tightly against each other.
>”So you weren’t… planning on sneaking a guy in or anything were you Scootaloo?” he goads.
“Uh… N-no daddy! You know I would never-“
>He walks by you and continues on past the living room.
>”So then… if I were to say, stroll into your room right now I’d find no boys in there right Scooty?”
>You roll your eyes at him.
“Of course not daddy. There’s nothing in there-“
>…EXCEPT HIS TOOTHBRUSH AND A BOTTLE OF LOTION!
>You zoom towards your room just as he is approaching the door.
>You grab the handle and pull it to keep it shut.
>His hand hovers just over yours...
>You slide yourself in-between him and the door, putting him inches away from you.
>His brow is furrowed, his bright green eyes bore into you.
>Your legs are getting shaky just from the intensity in his look alone.
>He leans down, putting his face closer and closer to yours.
>You’re not sure if it’s his body heat or what but your face feels extremely hot.
>You can feel his hot breaths on your neck.
>He stares at your for what feels like an eternity before he lets out a deep chuckle and pats your head playfully a few times.
>”You are a terrible liar Scootaloo. Play it up all you want, but if you actually had someone in there I’d have known the moment your stepped out of your room.”
>He walks back towards the kitchen chuckling to himself along the way.
>You fall back against the door and clutch your chest.
>Your heart is racing.
>His scent is still fresh in your mind.
>The piercing look in his eyes.

File: Dissapoontment.jpg (24KB, 500x333px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 500x333px

>>27963895
Plenty of online resources on how to make your writing better.
How to write beliveable characters, how to write engaging dialogue, how to set up plot points clearly and follow through.
How to convey meaning through passages, how to write likeable/unlikeable characters, absolutely anything.
It's all there.
You just have to take the initiative and do it.
No one here is a critic.
None of us have any qualification other than "Oh yeah I write too."
The only person that can evaluate your writing is yourself. People thousands of miles away on the internet are one of, if not the least, reliable sources of feedback.
You know what you're bad at. Read what you wrote. Evaluate your own self and work to get better without relying on trying to get pity "U can doo eet" and "Ganbatte!"s off a 4chan board.

>>27964320
>The knowledge that, if he wanted to, in a flash he could have pinned you against the door and taken you right then and there.
>It’s wrong.
>You know it’s wrong to think like that.
>The slick feeling between your legs only reinforces how wrong that is.
>But…
>Ever since that day, those kinds of thoughts have only grown stronger in your mind.
>”Scootaloo?”
>You jump away from the door and spin around to face your dad who is standing in the living room.
>He holds his phone up for you to see, “I’m thinking I’ll pick us up some take out for tonight. I’ll try to get us groceries tomorrow morning before I go to work. Sounds good?”
“Y-y-y-“
>You can’t even form words right now, so you nod.
>He accepts the response and walks into the kitchen.
>You let out a sigh and take a few deep breaths to try and recenter yourself.
>Maybe keeping yourself on edge wasn’t such a good idea.
>You’ve been going to further and further lengths to nudge him in the right direction ever since you learned what he liked.
>”Forgetting” to close your bedroom door in the mornings when you’re changing.
>Having your big t-shirt “accidentally” get caught on your panties while walking past him at night.
>Working on your scooter out on the patio, where you knew he would see you, with only a loose t-shirt and no bra.
>You could never prove for certain that he was watching you, but you were pretty sure and the idea that you were seducing your own dad had you equal parts aroused and guilty and weird.
>Some of the less fun feelings faded last week however.
>When you did the boldest move you’ve ever done so far and “innocently” brushed his thigh with your hand while snuggling him during a movie.
>You were certain you felt him.
>He didn’t say anything to you at that moment.
>But shortly after, before you could force yourself to do it again, he had excused himself to his study.
>You learned a few years ago what he does in his study.

>>27964336
>Knowing that he must have been getting off to you like you had been doing to him for years made you feel strange.
>You were moving past the fantasy, and dragging your dad along with you.
>You felt dirty for doing this to your father, but at the same time more turned on than ever before.
>Because you had done it, brought such a strong man down-
>”Scooty?”
>You shake your head clear of thoughts and look up from the couch you must have wandered towards and planted yourself in.
“Buh- Y-yeah?”
>At least you can talk again, sort of.
>”I ordered us some Italian. Figure it’ll fill better than Chinese in case I can’t make it out to the store tomorrow morning, you can have that tomorrow after school.”
>You nod.
“Sounds good Daddy.”
>He smiles brightly, “Alright, I’ll be back in a few.”
>You nod again and watch him leave.
>You turn a little and fall back onto the couch with a flop.
>Just above you, still dangling on the back of the couch is dad’s jacket.
>You reach out and drag it down.
>It slips over the edge and drapes over you.
>You pull it close to your chest and cover yourself with it as much as you can.
>His strong working scent is all over it.
>Your hand slips under the jacket and begins to trail down your chest, grazing slowly down past your belly.
>You close your eyes tight and bite your bottom lip as you slip a finger into the band of your pants.
>Then you force yourself to sit up and look around for the remote.
>Doing it right now, right here, with Dad guaranteed to come back soon is too risky.
>Plus... the chances of him reacting the way you’d prefer aren’t great.
>He’s a very reserved person.
>Back when he was still dating that bitch Lightning Dust, he was pretty keen on not getting too PDA.
>Especially when you were around.
>He was like that with mom too from what little you remember.

>>27964343
>It wasn’t until he finally broke up with Lightning Dust that he was more open about that kind of stuff, when it was just the two of you.
>He hugged you for longer.
>Touched you more often, innocent stuff like on your shoulder or messing with your hair.
>Let you kiss him for longer, again, innocently like on the cheek or short ones on the lips.
>After Lightning Dust you and dad became really close.
>Not at first though, for the first couple of months he spent a lot of time at work.
>He already spent a lot of time there, working hard to make sure he could give you a good life as a single dad and support his girlfriend at the time.
>When he was home, he would spend a lot of time in his study.
>Upstairs are the guest bedrooms, and from up there you can peek into his study.
>You may not have liked Lightning very much, but she was still company, and when it became just you and dad you got lonely.
>So the lonely curious sixteen year-old you were decided to see what your dad spent all his time doing in there.
>It was a mix of things, usually work related.
>However one thing that was constant was that he was watching porn.
>And more than just watching.
>When you first saw him doing it, you felt shocked.
>You learned about sex of course, but you hadn’t thought of your dad as a sexual person until then.
>It just seemed weird, like, he’s your dad.
>Dad’s just take care of their daughters and stuff, they didn’t do things like that.
>It was kind of appalling, but also intriguing.
>He’s wasn’t very open back then, so as much of a shock as it was to see this side of him it was at least a side you hadn’t ever seen before.
>It made you curious to see more.
>And you did, your stomach twisted up in knots every time you watched him but you did it.
>Just for a little bit at first, then longer, and eventually you watched him go all the way.
>It made your heart race and your nethers tingle.

>>27964353
>Eventually your curiosity and interest got the better of you and you decided to push for more.
>You waited for a day when you knew he would be working late and slipped into his study.
>You brushed a hand along his chair, the one he sat in while he was enjoying himself.
>Then you followed it up by sitting in it yourself.
>You sank yourself deep into the chair, like you imagine he did.
>With a quick stroke of the keyboard you logged into his computer and flipped through his browser history.
>What you saw pushed you past the realm of what you had convinced yourself as just “bonding.”
>A video with a young looking “teen” girl doing anal.
>You watched the beginning for a bit, listening to the girl talk about herself as an 18 year old, then clicked ahead in the video to get to the actual sex.
>Her eyes rolled into the back of her head while a guy was ravenously thrusting himself in and out of her butt hole.
>It was all too much for you, and you powered off his computer rather than just close the browser.
>You sat there in his chair in a complete daze at what you had seen.
>There was a building dampness between your legs.
>You knew that sex like that was all fake, or at least not normal.
>But it was turning you on so much right then.
>Knowing it was what he liked, made it seem sexier.
>It was already really sexy in a dirty raunchy way.
>You only confirmed his tastes when you had built up the courage to look through more of his history and found almost all of it related to butt stuff.
>It changed the way you saw dad completely.
>Knowing that under his sweet reserved exterior was a dirty man.
>You had played around with yourself in the past, what healthy teenage girl didn’t?
>It never seemed to do what you were hoping it would.
>That is until the night after you snuck into dad’s study.
>You stripped down quickly and ravished yourself.
>Your fingers became slick very quickly given how drenched you were before even entering your room.

>>27964360
>Thinking to what you had seen you decided to give it a try.
>You traced a wet finger around your back entrance.
>It tickled a little and sent nervous tingles through your body.
>You took a deep breath and applied some pressure.
>It slid inside, just a little.
>The shock from doing it made you clench up tight and as a result you hurt yourself a little.
>With some more slow breaths like you saw those girls doing you relaxed enough that you could slide your finger in further.
>Your other hand vigorously rubbed your burnin lips and occasionally trailed up your body to grope at your little beestings.
>Your heart was racing, more than it had ever done before, even more than when you did the breaknecker on your scooter.
>Doing this made you feel dirty and the just made it all exhilarating.
>Your legs were quivering, your breaths came out as quiet moans that you couldn’t stop.
>It was then that you realized why people did it.
>The orgasm you felt was incredible.
>After it wore off however, reality came down on you hard.
>You realized all that you had done, today and the days before.
>The dirty feeling was no longer exhilarating and you just felt gross.
>The following day you found yourself watching your father again and suddenly all the negative feelings you had were fading away.
>From that day onward you didn’t let those feelings drag you down.
>You embraced them, the thought about being dirty turned you on.
>So much that you knew that your fingers weren’t going to be enough.
>And after taking his old electric toothbrush that stopped working, you learned that that wasn’t going to be enough either.
>It wasn’t until dad started being more open with you, until you two became really close over the last two years that you knew exactly what it would take…
>The front door opens and dad walks in with bags of food in each hand.
>”Scooty? You still up kiddo?”
>You slide his jacket down to cover you from the waist down.

>>27964367
“Yeah, I was just laying down for a bit.”
>Dad hums happily, “Good, cause I sure won’t be able to get through all of this myself” he jokes while holding up the food in his hands.
>You help him set up the table for the two of you and fight with him for a bit on who gets the first breadstick.
>You did, of course.
>Dinner goes by pretty smoothly, Dad asks how school was and you give him a run down.
>The only real thing of note today was how Sweetie Belle laughed at something you said and milk came out of her nose.
>You and dad shared a hearty laugh at that, especially when you played out the scene for him as if you were Sweetie.
>By the time dinner was over, dad had put away his third beer.
>You didn’t really like him drinking, he really only picked it up after him and Lighting broke up, but he doesn’t get as bad as you’ve heard some kids at school say about their dads.
>He takes all the plates while you collect all the leftovers.
>You make it a point to put the food in the bottom of the fridge, bending down low in his direction to put them away.
>The plates clatter somewhat loudly in the sink causing you to jump up and turn around.
>HIs eyes are locked to the sink.
>You shimmy your way over to him and reach over him to grab the sponge.
>He grabs your wrist and gently pushes your arm back, “S’okay kiddo, I got it.”
>You withdraw your hand and remain there standing next to him.
>He nods his head back towards the living room, “Why don’t you go watch some t.v. or something?” he asks while never looking over at you.
“Okay daddy” you respond sweetly.
>He fiddles around in the kitchen for a while as you absentmindedly flip through the channels.
>Eventually the light from the kitchen go out and you hear dad walking into the living room.
>You sit up straight and scooch over, away from the edge of the couch as he approaches.
“You wanna watch a movie daddy?”

>>27964376
>He scratches at his chest, over his shirt made damp from watching dishes as he ponders your request, “Yeah sure, what’s on?”
>He motions you over even more, to which you comply, before he plops himself down on the edge of the couch with a beer in hand.
>You pick a decently lengthy movie that had just started.
>Dad mentioned during dinner that he had a later shift tomorrow so you knew he wouldn’t object to the movie.
>As expected, he squirms a little and settles himself in with a comfy sigh.
>You watch the movie next to him in content silence for a while, covering yourself with his jacket to keep yourself warm and surround yourself with him.
>After he finishes the beer he had, you offer to get him some more.
>”Yeah, grab me two would you Scooty? I’ve got the late shift tomorrow” he happily reminds you.
>You do as he says and bring him two beers.
>He already looks pretty tired, relaxed and content, but also tired as he takes them from you.
>You sit yourself down roughly on the couch.
>The bouncing on the cushion, coupled with the time you spent curled up under his jacket makes your lower dampness very known to you.
>You shiver as you note the slick feeling of the lotion between your cheeks.
>You take the opportunity to slide in close to your dad.
>He grunts questioningly, but you pull his jacket up over you and snuggle in close, ‘I’m cold daddy.”
>He lazily lifts up an arm and lets you slip in even closer before he drapes it over your shoulder.
>His body is hot, you love the way it feels against you.
>You slip an arm in behind him and curl your other one over his stomach.
>You close your eyes and immerse yourself in him.
>The movie didn’t matter to you from the start, this is what you were after.
>Or, well, this is the start to what you’re after...
>As the movie progressed and his drinks were finished, dad was starting to doze off with you on him.
>This was about how it was last week.

>>27964388
>When you made your move and confirmed his interest in you.
>Your heart is racing and your throat is dry just thinking about doing it again.
>The place between your legs is getting very hot and wet.
>So much that you can feel ti trail down your nether and join with the lotion.
>You squirm a little and even wake him up some just so you can tuck a foot underneath you for more stimulation.
>He grunts and takes in a sleepy breath before settling back in and closing his eyes.
>Your press into yourself some and take in a deep breath of his scent.
>You are getting really wired right now, not getting off earlier is making you very aroused now.
>Dad shifts a little to make himself more comfortable, you let your hand innocently slip down lower because of hm.
>Said hand is trembling with excitement.
>You go for it.
>He is very warm against your palm.
>You gently brush against him.
>Just the fingertips at first.
>Gently prodding around until you’re sure that you’re touching him.
>Then you press down harder, with the underside of your fingertips.
>You rub up and down his thigh, until your certain you know where he ends.
>You slowly curl your fingers, pressing your palm into his member.
>This is wrong.
>What you’re doing is so very wrong.
>You know that and yet…
>Your breathing won’t slow.
>Your free hand is trembling.
>You can’t stop squirming on your foot.
>Dad grumble a little, making your blood run ice cold for a moment.
>Then you feel it.
>You feel him.
>He’s getting hard.
>And SO big…
>Not that you have anything to compare him to, but thinking on his toothbrush the prospect of his hard-on makes you nervous.
>Dad shifts around, his hand comes up from around your shoulder and he rubs his fingers over his closed eyes.
>You are completely paralyzed.
>All you can think about is his hot thick member in your grasp.
>”Mmn- Scoody? What’re ya- The fuck are you doing?” he asks, mumbling at first then more clearly as he wakes up more

>>27964397
>This was bad, he joked around a lot with you but rarely did you eve hear him swear.
>Your heart is threatening to burst out of your flat chest.
>Jaw won’t stop trembling.
>You can’t even get a single word out.
>This isn’t how you wanted things to go.
>You had always envisioned a more romantic moment, something that progressed naturally like how you two had become so close in the last two years.
>But you know that was just a silly notion.
>If that was what you had wanted you wouldn’t have walked around in your underwear so often.
>Dad shifts in his seat, separating himself from you.
>The moment your hand comes away from him you react.
>Without really thinking you jump off the couch and stand in front of him.
>He says something but you can’t hear him, the pounding noise of blood rushing through your ears drowns him out.
>You slip your fingers into the waistbands of your yoga pants and thong.
>The confused shocked look in his eyes is too much for you to bear, but your body is too riled up to truly stop.
>You turn away from his gaze and pull your bottoms down.
>Your butt is right in front of his face.
>Words try to form in your brain, you try to explain to him how you feel but the words come out faster than you can refine them.
>In the end you say something like .
“I-I’m sorry Daddy, but I need you. A-and I know you want this. I’ve seen all the videos you watch in your study. I-I know what you did when you went to your study last week during the movie. I’ve been practicing every day for this, w-with your old toothbrush.”
>He is silent.
>None of that sounded like you wanted it to.
>Your face is hot with embarrassment and excitement and shame.
>In an act of desperation, you bend over and try to pull your cheeks apart like they do in his videos.
>Your fingers can’t get a good grip with all the arousal and lotion near your butthole.

>>27964402
>Panic sets in and you are about ready to try running for your room and never leaving again until he breaks his silence.
>”I-is that lube?” he asks hesitantly.
“L-lotion. I use- ha!”
>You gasp the moment you feel it.
>Feel him.
>His strong calloused hand planted firmly on your buttcheek.
>You can feel his fingers dig in to the supple flesh, his thumb press near your back entrance.
>He pulls your cheeks apart exposing your privates to him like you were unable to do yourself.
>He mumbles something to himself, you were too worked up to hear him properly.
>Dad rises up from the couch, he takes his hand of your rear.
>You stand up straight, still facing away from him.
>Fear and excitement grips your heart, you have no idea what he’s going to do next.
>His hands plant themselves on your slender hips and slowly he guides you around until you’re facing the couch.
>He pushes you forward, you gingerly obey his command and reach out to grab the back of the couch with both hands to steady yourself.
>His hands come away from your briefly, your head is swimming right now but you think you heard his belt jingle.
>You bend down and force your butt out towards the open air in his direction.
>A hungry desperation fills you, you want his hands on you again.
>You want him inside you.
>And like a good daddy, he makes gives his daughter what she wants.
>His hands clasp down on your cheeks with a slap.
>You yelp and arch your back as the slightly pain ripples up your body with a violent arousing tingle.
>He presses down on you, taking greedy handfuls of your exposed rear.
>Your squirm around some, trying to shift your weight and spread your legs.
>When you find them restricted by virtue of your still barely on pants and thong, your body seems to turn the sensitivity up to 11.
>Knowing that your completely at daddy’s mercy, unable to run away…
>You squeak when you feel a hot pressure against your backdoor.

>>27964408
>The stubble on his chin grazes against your cheeks, it sends more tingles up your spine.
>Your pussy is soaking wet even without stimulation from him.
>He’s giving you all the stimulation you need.
>Daddy’s tongue laps your crevice over and over, each one making you twitch with pleasure.
>His tongue pokes and prods at your entrance, you think you taste blood but can’t stop bitting down on your bottom lip.
>He backs away from you after a while, his hands slide over to grab you by the hips.
>With his thumbs he pulls your cheeks apart just slightly.
>You realize as it’s happening, that it was just enough so he could guide himself towards your pucker.
>He pushes up against you, your mind is reeling, each breath that comes out of you is ragged and heavy.
>His warmth is vastly different than the toothbrush, it’s so much better!
>You groan as he begins to push his way inside you.
>He is SO big.
>Your body tenses up once his cocked slips inside.
>Daddy groans and whispers your name.
“Daddy!” you moan back, and push yourself back against him.
>You want more of him.
>You want ALL of him.
>His hands clench and he pulls you in further on him.
>Your hands are gripping the couch as hard as you can.
>Your pussy is dripping with arousal.
>The mixture of pain, anxiety, shame, excitement, and pleasure are leaving you breathless.
>Your head gets all fuzzy and your hearing fades.
>Your mouth is wide open, you can feel the vibration in your throat but you can’t hear anything.
>The feeling of daddy's body pressed firmly against you, his long hard member buried deep inside, the gentle caressing of his hands on your hips and belly are indescribable.
>Your orgasm fades and the pain of taking him all the way inside begins to rise.
>Your breaths becomes moans and the moans become whines.
>The pleasure is the only thing keeping you in place.
>That is until daddy begins to bear down on you.

>>27964412
>You can’t support him on trembling legs so you fall forward slightly and dig your knees into the couch.
>Arms give and your face plants into the couch.
>Daddy starts pulling back from you.
>It hurts, less than just moments before but it still hurts.
>It feels like he’s going to tear you apart.
>You squirm but he’s too heavy, too strong.
>There’s nothing you can do…
>Your heart starts racing again.
>Daddy forces himself in again.
>You let out a low guttural moan.
>The pleasure is beginning to overtake the pain.
>He pulls back, your head raises and when he pushes in again you find your face pressed right up against the back of the couch.
>He slams against you with a wet slap.
>HIs balls slap agains your soaked lips sending a jolt of pleasure up your body.
>The feeling of fullness made your mind go blank again.
>The moans escaping your raw throat sounded like something out of his porn movies.
>Daddy must have made the same connection, he started getting more vocal.
>Each sound of pleasure that came out of him sent rippled of pleasure through you.
>Daddy’s hands clench tightly around your hips.
>He thrust his hips to slam his thick member down to the base inside you.
>Daddy follows it with weak thrusts, you can feel his cock swell to the biggest you’ve felt so far.
>At the first burst of heat inside you, you came again.
>Each pump of hot cum his shaft left you feeling more and more full.
>You had done it.
>Claimed your strong loving daddy for yourself.
>You feel forward into the couch, completely spent.
>Dad brought an arm in front of you and gently guided you down to lay on the couch.
>He slipped your thong and pants off completely for you.
>The moment he had, you realized that you weren’t prepared for the after part of anal sex.
>You mumbled out an apology and rushed to the bathroom as quickly as your rubbery legs would take you.
>By the time you had returned the couch had only your bottoms and dad’s jacket.

>>27964420
>Dad had gone to his room and shut the door.
>Your heart sank.
>Just like before you felt all the wrong kinds of dirty.
>You debated going inside to talk to him but panic was gripping your heart completely.
>You instead went to your room and buried your face into your pillow and cried.
>Your body went completely limp with exhaustion, and your butt was very sore but it wasn’t for that that you sobbed.
>Fear was coursing through your veins, you may have to leave your home, dad may never talk to you ever again.
>It could only have been through sheer exhaustion that you fell asleep and woke up the next morning.
>You went through your normal routine, trying your best to convince yourself that everything is still normal.
>After your very thorough shower, you timidly walk into the kitchen.
>Your bottoms and dad’s jacket still remained littered on the couch.
>Dad is sitting at the table, in front of him are two mugs.
>“Scootaloo.” the way he said your name had you fighting to keep from tearing up right then, “Sit down. We need to talk.”
>HIs eyes follow you as you walk over to the seat across from him.
>They look away once you wince upon taking your seat.
>He remains silent for a time and so do you.
>You look down into the mug.
>A dark creamy liquid swirls lazily inside.
>You take a sip and find it delicious, he made it just the way you like.
>It’s warmth flows through you, giving you a small comfort.
>Dad clears his throat, getting your attention, “Scootaloo, what you did leading up to last night was… I don’t know. I don’t even know what words are the most fitting, manipulative, and- and… perverse.”
>Your head lowers and you can feel the sobs welling up in your chest.
>He sighs angrily, “God, and what I did last night was even worse!”
“I-I’m s-sorry dad” you whimper.
>He doesn’t respond for a while, just stirs the mug in front of him.

>>27964426
>”If anyone found out what we had done…”
“I kn-know. I’m sorry…”
>You can’t stop yourself from sniffling.
>”What- what brought you to do this? Did one of your boyfriends pressure you into this or something? Scootaloo I just don’t understand-“
“NO! I didn’t get- Nobody made me do this. I…”
>”Well nobody just jumps straight in to something like this Scootaloo.”
“I-I did…” you mumble.
>”What was that?”
“I said I did. Dad… I-“ you mumble back between light chokes.
>”Scootaloo, no matter what I love you. I will always love you, but sweetie you have got to be straight with me here because I just don’t understand.”
>You slam your hands down on the kitchen table, through blurry eyes you can see dad jump in his seat.
“I love you too okay! I-I love how close I am to you n-now… I love how much time we spend together… I h-hated Lightning Dust and I’m glad that she’s gone, but I was sad to see you so lonely and I was always here for you but you didn’t seem to notice so I- I had to make you notice and- and- and-“
>Your body is trembling and you can’t get another word out at this point.
>You feel a gentle warmth on your back.
>Dad’s soothing voice is right on your ear, “Shh shh, okay baby, okay… It’s okay…”
>You turn and bury your face into his chest.
>Your hands reach out for whatever part of him you can grab and you squeeze him tightly.
>He wraps his arms around you and pulls you in even closer.
>You sob against your dad for so long that you actually cry yourself dry.
>All throughout he supports you and keeps telling you that it’s okay.
>Once you have calmed down enough he slowly releases you and kneels down beside you.
>”Scootaloo…” he wipes your face free of tears and keeps his palm against your damp cheek, “I love you kiddo, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me okay?”
>You stare back at him, unable to respond.

>>27964435
>”Okay?” he repeats, asking more assertively.
>You can feel your head nod in response.
>”Scooty I am so sorry that I ever made you think otherwise. That you thought you had to do… all that… just to get this statement from me.”
>His eyes are puffy and red with tears, you can see his bottom lip quiver as he formulates his next sentence, “I think I’m starting to understand why you got to this point. I don’t know how I feel about it yet, but I’m starting to understand you at least.”
>You nod again.
>He caresses your cheek with his thumb and sighs, “And If I figure out how I feel about this, regardless of what I decide, this stays between us y’hear? You’re an adult now, but that doesn’t make this okay, right?”
“Yes daddy.”
>He smiles at you for the first time in what feels like too long, “That’s my Scooty.”
>You pull on his arm and he immediately lens forward for another hug.
“I think I’m late for school” you mumble into his neck.
>”I’ll write you a note to take with you tomorrow” he responds while gently rubbing your back.
>You can feel yourself smiling for the first time in what feels like too long as well.
>He starts to lean back but you hold firmly to him.
“Daddy?”
>He’s silent for longer than he should be to respond to that, “Yes?”
>You can’t help yourself, the question was burning in your mind the moment you two separated.
“Was I… good?”
>He sighs and remains silent for a while.
>HIs hand stops rubbing your back.
>Your heart feels like it’s beating erratically in anticipation of his response.
>”Scootaloo…”
>Your heart begins to sink.
>”Yes, you were good. Very good.”
>Only to be washed over with a strange mix of pride and relief.
>”Now, since you have the day off from school. We have groceries to get yeah?”
>You hum in agreement and break the hug.

Okay, that's it for this one-shot

>>27964316
Sorry bout that m8, please continue dropping your delicious green.

>>27964442
No worries. Now I have something to read once I'm done.

OH SHIIIIIIIT

BIG ASS FROSTY UPDATE

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>>27964316

> After an hour and a half of steady exercises you both call it good. Being more conscious not to stare at Dash, but she didn’t make it easy though.
> Doing everything from squats, thigh abductions, leg press, and leg lifts. Giving you plenty of opportunities to ogle that ass with your eyes.
> Once you were back home you all enjoy a nice dinner before retiring to your room. Dash takes her shower first. Letting you focus on homework for the next half hour.
“Hey Anon shower’s open.”
> “Okay thanks.”
“Say you got a sec?”
> “Sure what’s up.”
“It’s just that your birthday is coming up soon and I wanted to know what you wanted.”
> “I don’t really care Dash if it’s from you it can be anything.”
“God your so good and sweet it’s going to give me cavities. Seriously, there’s nothing that you want?”
> “I mean I had planned on getting myself my own computer, but that’s way outside your price range.”
“A computer? But you never spend money like that.”
> “I know, but mom won’t upgrade that piece of junk we have in the living room. Which is why I’m taking matters into my own hands.”
“So there’s really nothing I can get you?”
> It was rare to see your sister concerned about you like this. It made you really happy.
> “You’re so cute when you care sis.”
“S-shut up you want anything or not!?”
> “How about this. Promise me we’ll spend the day together and I‘ll consider that your gift.”
“Spend the day together. What are we ten?”
> “All I want is to spend time with you Dash. It’s so rare that we aren’t both either working, training, or doing school work that we get to just hang out.”
“I-if that’s what you want I guess I can do that.”
> “Thanks.”
“Well goodnight.”
> “Night.”

>>27964442
Shit.
Scoots sounds like she needs to talk that shit out.
That got real fuckin' serious at the end there man.
Damn.

>>27964316
> > Her firm muscularly toned body was exactly what you looked for in a woman, but god had to go and make her your sister. Which is why you were an atheist.
I snorted at that, pretty sure I did the first time too.

Okay, so I'm refamiliarized again, and caught up to current. Here's my thoughts so far

Your writing is for the most part technically good. Occasionally your statements don't have the right punctuation, like a question ending with a period, but nothing I found too grating. Your choice to reverse what is considered "typical greentext format" is odd, If you have a good reason to do it then by all means continue, but otherwise it does take a bit of getting used to and occasionally confuses, for me anyway. The choice to use script dialogue when there are multiple characters talking is a bit of a lazy way out, not quite bad really and in this case you didn't do anything wrong, but again it's atypical.

What I think is really a flaw in your writing is that you aren't really showing me much, you're telling me. For everything that was posted in the last thread I guess if it was all set up for the "Main story" to take place then it's probably acceptable, but if that is how you envision the rest of the story continuing I'd suggest re-evaluating it honestly. Everything in the last thread felt like a checklist being done rather than a story being told. Anon is fit, here's Dash's thoughts on why. Anon's a rough rider here's a very cliche "thug fight" to prove it. etc. You can show all these points as backdrops while the characters in question do things. Narrate a scene where Anon is walking through the hall to get to class and make it known to the reader that he's regarded as an outcast without actually saying it. It allows the reader to draw their own conclusion rather than just be spoonfed and makes the story more engaging that way.

The potential is there, I can see it and I like it. But the execution is... dry I guess.

(1/2)

>>27964442
But why you never finish other greens before starting over

>>27964630
So my biggest suggestion is to show and guide the reader to what your story goals are, not just list it out for them.

If you want help I'll do what I can to give it, not saying I'm much good at it either but I'll try.

One thing that I think might help is ask yourself if some of the scenes in the last thread were really necessary. The thugs, the run in with Twilight, Derpy. Will they be very relevant later on or not? If they weren't then consider how you might get the same idea across in a more subtle way. I'm thinking Derpy is certainly relevant, Twilight could be, but the thugs to me seem unnecessary (maybe you needed them for the cop, but I think there is a better way to introduce him). If they're meant to be primary antagonists somewhere down the line then I'd at least re-write that segment to make it seem more meaningful. Give a unique characteristic to them or at least just the sohphomore. If they were meant to address the disparity between rich and poor, probably go a different route

So I don't want you to get totally discouraged because of me, as I said, I can see the potential. Anon and his sister relying on each other in a dog eat dog world can totally work, and so far their interaction with each other is great. Using snark to conceal feelings because expressing them is a sign of weakness in the environment they grew up in, goading each other on in a morally questionable game of chicken until they reach the inevitable conclusion. I like that a lot, just the way you go about establishing the stuff around them could use a little tightening up.

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>>27964630
Yeah, I sometimes hate putting in certain sentences that describe how the story goes rather than telling it. I just feel if I don't put them in the story doesn't have enough context for the reader to draw the conclusions that I'm trying to point out to them. Maybe that's a bad thing, but I'll continue to fiddle with it.

When I first started writing green I assumed the > implied that a certain character was talking.
Ex. > Be Rainbow Dash: Followed by all the >lines were indicating her thoughts and dialogue. I sometimes change perspectives and use this to help the reader understand who I'm trying to focus on.

As for the script dialogue indicating who's talking I thought it be easier using this style rather than using (said Anon or exclaimed the faggot) at the end of every sentence. It would read more like a book, which is how I would like to write. I just don't know if that type of writing would be appreciated here.

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>>27964584

> After school the next day you make your way to the locker room and tell coach Biceps that you wanted to spend the afternoon exploring the Robotics team.
> He said he’d allow it, but only if you gave up your right to play in the next game. Had it been the regular season you wouldn’t have even considered this. However, since they were just scrimmages you didn’t really care.
> Let the younger guys get some experience.
> You weren’t sure what you were expecting when you heard that your school had a robotics club, but you sure weren’t expecting this.
> At least twenty students were divided amongst themselves in small groups. Surrounding a small 10’x10’ foam tile field. Each working on a small metal creation.
“Hey you made it.”
> “Yeah. How are you Twilight? Boy this is a lot more organized than I thought it would be.”
“It’s mostly thanks to Mr. Stenson. He’s the one who oversees everything.”
> You’ve actually had him for an instructor in two of your classes. A real stand up guy with a real cheesy sense of humor. How had you not heard of this until now?
“Most of us are in the troubleshooting process right now. Why don’t I show you around?”
> “Great.”
> Not fifteen minutes later a few uninvited guests waltz into the room.
> Great now you were going to have to make a scene in front of all these new potential friends.
> “What do you want Jordan?”

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>>27964744

Jordan: “I heard you were skipping out on practice today. What’s up with that? Think just because you’ve started varsity since last year you don’t have to work as hard?”
> “First of all, no I don’t think that. Second, I cleared it with coach Biceps, so it’s fine.”
Jordan: “Really? He just let you skip practice just because you wanted to?”
Twilight: “Is there a problem here gentlemen?”
> “Just hang back for a second Twilight I can handle this.”
> “Listen, if you don’t believe me go ask him yourself otherwise you can get lost. I don’t want to have to make a bad impression in-front of my new friends.”
Jordan: “You don’t get to tell me what to do Anon.”
> “Yeah because Mitch already does that for you.”
> You could see you hit a nerve with that last one. It looked as though he was going to take a swing at you any minute.
> “Why don’t we take this outside. Don’t want Mr. Stenson to interfere.”
> He gives you a quick nod while continuing to shoot daggers at you. All the while hearing him exhale out his nose in frustration.
Twilight: “You can’t do this. Fighting is prohibited on school grounds.”
> “Don’t worry Twilight. I deal with this kind of stuff all the time. I‘ll be right back.”
> As you walk out you could here the whispers circulating. You may be able to come back, but you may not be welcome.
> Following Jordan to the gym you make sure to keep an eye out for anyone who might see you, or help Jordan fight you.
> Thankfully you didn’t see anyone. Good maybe you’ll still be able to talk your way out of this.

>>27964694
Hit a bit of writer's block with Pie Family (Which I'm over now and continuing with) and wanted to put something out for a dry thread that is, as far as I'm concerned, finished. Forcing through writer's blocks doesn't work with me, I prefer to be flexible and return to stuff when I'm ready to.

>>27964728
Context amount is always a gamble certainly, there have been many times where my intent is completely overlooked and hurts the story as a result despite me thinking beyond absolute certainty that it was good enough. If I knew how much to use every time I'd happily tell you, but sadly I do not. There are ways to help push idea across in your writing. Like repetition, rephrasing a certain thing you really want the reader to pay attention to or literal repetition, most times you want to avoid starting lines with the same things in too close a space
>You ate thing
>You washed plate
>You put it away
>You walked out

But if you want to convey an emotion for instance without saying it, and really draw the reader's attention like instead of
>You feel determined
you could do

>You will not quit.
>You will make her proud.
>You will give everything you have and more.
>You will win!

Something like that (It's late for me so my ramblings may be shit but I hope you get what I mean)

as for formatting, for me, it's a minor issue. A little jarring sometimes but nothing too bad, some find it more troublesome though

In general though blacktext is reserved for the pov character's dialogue, everything else is all >green
As long as we know who the POV character is, then it makes their dialogue at least easy to follow

>>27964297
>I decided to go Electra
Oh shit.

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>>27964800

> “So are we really going to do this Jordan? Coach won’t be happy if he finds out.”
Jordan: “He’ll only find out if you squeal about it, so if I beat some sense into you I don’t have anything to worry about.”
> Well there goes that plan.
> “Funny I was going to say the same thing to you.”
“Sure you were. Since you’re no good at fighting you have to try and weasel your way out of fights.”
> “Well, I know that I’m better at fighting than you are at hitting.”
> Jordan doesn’t even try to backtalk this time. He just lunges for you.
> He starts with a long right hook, but you sidestep it and counter with one of your own. Hitting him square in the face.
> He stubbles back for second. Rubbing his nose for blood.
> “Can’t say I blame you. I’d be angry too if my batting average was below 200.”
> He charges you again. This time opting to overwhelm you with a flurry of punches.
> You hop around him making him flail wildly. Before tripping him up. Turning him right on his backside.
> “You guys think I’m a pushover just because you gang up on me all the time. Never took the chance to see if you could take me on one versus one. Well now you know, and I hope you get it through your thick skull that I’m not someone who should be messed with.”
“Don’t talk down to me you fucking gay cunt!”
> As you plant your foot a shooting pain in your chest freezes you in place. The fight from last Friday.
> Unable to recover in time Jordan upper cuts you. Followed by another hook.
> It’s at this point you know you have to finish the fight now. Otherwise he was just going to clobber you.
> Taking a step back to gain momentum you charge at him with your fist held high.
> Jordan anticipates a direct punch to the face; which he blocks, but what he doesn’t expect is your other arm firmly planted in his gut.

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>>27964862

> He recoils giving you enough time to wrap your arms around his head before bringing it down right into your knee. Then, as a finisher you grapple his waist and shirt before throwing him over your shoulder.
> He lands on the floor with a thunderous bang. Before writhing all over the ground in agony.
> “Tell Mitch if he really wants to pick a fight so bad he should do it himself. Otherwise, don’t waste my time with your petty bullshit.”
> Walking out before he could say anything you wonder if it’s even worth going back to see Twilight now. She undoubtedly must have figured out who you are by now, and would never want to see you again.
> You suppose you won’t know if you don’t try.
> Upon entering the room you could tell just by looking that your fears had been realized. Just about everyone was intentionally avoiding eye contact with you. While others looked at you with disgust.
> Not that your surprised. You should probably just grab your things and go.
“Anon?”
> You stop. Hearing a familiar voice.
“You’re really ‘the’ Anon.”
> “Yeah I am. Sorry for causing you so much trouble. I’ll just be on my way.”
“Wait you don’t have to go. You can still join us if you want.”
> “It’s okay Twilight. I’d just be a distraction if I stayed. What happened today is likely to happen again. It’s better if I don’t come back.”
“No wait we can work something out.”
> “I’m glad you’re so persistent in wanting to let me join, but I don’t think anyone else feels the same way. I have a lot homework tonight anyways, so I’ll see you around.”
> She continues to plead with you, but you simply block her out.
> Don’t look back. Don’t let her see you cry. Just keep moving forward.

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>>27964388
>>You watch the movie next to him in content silence for a while, covering yourself with his jacket to keep yourself warm and surround yourself with him.
That is really adorable.

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>>27964909

> By the time you get home you were numb with depression. Becoming so accepting of it you fool yourself into believing that it’s always there. Hanging over you as a constant reminder that this was your life, and it was never going to change.
> You simply head to your room and plop down on your bed without saying anything.
“Anon you okay honey? You’re home earlier than expected. Did everything go okay?”
> “Yeah, turns out Robotics isn’t that interesting after all.”
“Alright well dinner well be ready in about fifteen minutes.”
> “Okay thanks mom.”
> So there you lay. Staring at the wall with complete indifference when another wave of sadness washes over you. Tears welling up in your eyes, but you don’t even bother to wipe them away. The bed cushions will soak them up.
> It’s times like these you wish Dash were around. She was the only one you could really talk to. Your mother was okay with the little stuff, but she couldn’t comfort you during your lowest moments. Your sister was the only one capable of that, and she was off with her friends somewhere doing who knows what.
> Night falls and your still stricken with this soul crushing depression. It was a long shot, but you try to call Dash’s cell.
~(The number you are dialing is unavailable. Please hang up and try again.)
> Typical her phone is off.
> You try watching some cartoons, but nothing good was on. Maybe you could look up some funny videos online.
> As you sit down at the computer waiting for it to boot up you couldn’t help but think what Twilight must be thinking. Did she really want you to join? Was she genuinely concerned about your feelings?
> Probably not. She more than likely just said those things out of self-interest. Just like everyone else.
> Wi-fi is down.
> Okay fuck this.
“Going to bed!”
“Okay goodnight sweetie.”
> Not even bothering to change clothes you slither under the covers and slowly cry yourself to sleep.

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There.
Ended this update on a more somber note, but don't worry.
It's only going to get worse from here.

>>27965052
>It's only going to get worse from here
Onii Chan pls, my heart can only take so much.

>>27964297
Electra is not a good thing.

>>27965573
Shut the hell up.

>>27965584
Still true.
>>27965052
Why? Why would you do that?

>>27965599
I guess, but this is fiction.