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BIRB THRED 2: NOW WITH MOAR BIRB

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Thread replies: 498
Thread images: 158

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Continued from >>27763223
>>
THEY ARE JUST PEGASI, ANON
>>
>>27833717
Das RACIS
>>
>>27833717

Yes.. We know.
>>
>>27833713
mutha fukin breadcrumbs
>>
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NEED MOAR BIRBS
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MOAR BIRBS. MOAR.
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COOKIE BIRB. MOAR BIRBS.
>>
>This thread reminds me of the time I hit a quail with my car.
>All I saw was feathers in my mirror.


So, can we get a quail horse bird?
>>
I haz an autism. My autism, let me show you it.

>>27833656

>"Don't ever do that again, you asshole," she says, through the tears. "You're probably the only p-pony around here who knows how awesome I really am."

Aw, c'mon, Rainbow, I'm sure there's literally tens of ponies in Equestria who think you're cool

>"You ASSHOLE," she says, laughing. She swats you. Gently, though. You hug her back as best as you can. "Seriously, though, don't ever do that again. That was...okay, there's no word for it other than awesome. But...wow, yeah, just don't. Okay?"

Since it involved nearly dying, apparently, it's not high on my list of things to do. Unless I get really bored one day and you're not around so we can clog Twilight's toilet again, and then it's ON, buddy!

>"You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?" says Rainbow.

Not a chance in Hell, Dashie.

>"Yep, still Equestria's biggest asshole." You boop her nose and both of you laugh.

>Twilight, who's standing at the foot of the bed, looks a bit...well, pensive. She's looking at nearly anything, rather than meeting your eyes, and right now, she's studying her hooves intently, as if she's expecting to find the secrets of the universe there.
>>
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Sparrow pone is cutest birbpone.
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>>27833824
We can't be too much of a dick to her...
>>
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>>27833713
>file name
>also the stage name of the drummer of my favourite band

Already off to a good start

Also textless version of last drawing, if anyone wanted it for some reason
>>
>>27833824

>You try to figure out how to break the ice. You finally give up. Because Dashie's right--the one thing you're REALLY good at is being an asshole, so why not go with what you're good at?
>It worked when the Princesses had you there to help with negotiations with the Yakyakistanis. A soft touch didn't work well with them, they NEEDED to talk to a fellow jackass. And you were the biggest one there.
>THATS_WASIS.jpg
>LEL UR A RASIS, ANON. JACKASSES ARE CITIZENS HERE.
>Oh shut up, Brainnon. Just work with me, I'm rollin' here.
>Besides, maybe that's what Twilight needs right now. Not a soft touch, but a good swift kick in her complacency.
>FIDO, motherfucker. Fuck it, drive on.

Twilight, nice to see you here. I hope I didn't tear you away from your cross-burning to come all the way out to Canterlot to see me.

>She looks mildly stung. Okay, scratch that. She looks pissed. Also, you're wondering if you should be talking about burning things when you were actively on fire less than a day ago.
>Also, you apparently explodiated an angry horse. Somehow.
>Or facilitated his explosion. Somehow. The doctor hadn't brought that up, but some of the nurses HAD, even if you didn't clearly remember that whole incident. Yet. Seriously, it really seems like a minor quibble at this point, doesn't it?
>>
>>27833842

Uh...your favorite band's drummer is named Fry Birb?

Because that's awesome, right there.
>>
>>27833713
>My drawing is in the OP
feels good
>>
>>27833832

She's got just a little bit of it coming to her. She tossed him out of her castle for him rightly calling her out as a bigot, remember?
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>>27833916
File name of the OP pic my guy
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>>27833930

Ohhh. You're a Man...or Astroman fan too?
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>>27833924
She is kind of a bigot...
>>
>>27833940
MOAM? for life
Wew, I never expected to find another fan on this board, let alone on birbs
>>
>>27834009

All is possible through BIRB, fellow traveler.

>Brohoof.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxQY0IXx_uA

>>27833908

>"I...think I should apologize for that," she says, slowly, uncomfortably. "I realize that what I did was uncalled for.--"
>And then you understand something, because you've seen it in yourself, too--the desperate need to save some sort of face, enough to hide your pride behind the mask.
>No. No, twilight, you need to hear this. I don't even give a fuck if you actually heed it, or if it actually hits home, or if you just deny it, but by whatever gods live in magical horseland, you're going to at least know what I'm seeing, because I know I'm such a goddamn dumb motherfucker, and if I can see it, so can everypony-else. And you're better than this.
You literally caught on fire and then threw me out of your HOUSE for calling you out on your bigotry. Yes, I pushed those buttons deliberately. It's what I DO, remember? I had years of practice doing it before I ever set foot in Equestria, and I did it for fun and profit. You put up with me for nearly a year after I arrived i in this place, and god knows I'm not easy to get along with. And bless you for that, because you're my friend, and right now, I know all the right buttons to spam.
>Rainbow is looking at you in shock. that's fine, you hope she understands why you're doing it.
>Twi is beginning to look indignant. "You ASSHOLE. I'm here because I bucking CARE about you, even now, because you're my best human friend--"
And let me stop you right there. Right there, there's the problem. THAT'S the problem. Do you understand?
Her mouth is open, and she's staring at you in shock. "What in the name of Tirek's dick are you talking about?" she snaps.
Let me spell it out for you. YOUR. BEST. HUMAN. FRIEND. HUMAN. FRIEND.
>You're nearly shouting. Your chest hurts. FIDO. Fuck it, drive on, motherfucker. .
>"YES! you're my BEST HUMAN FRIEND!" she screeches.
>>
>>27834153
You don't even realize you're doing it. But you divide everyone into categories, and I've seen it. I know it. Spike is your BDF and #1 dragon assistant. Fine, okay, he loves you like a sister, and he puts up with it, but believe me, he SEES it. I'm your best human friend, and god knows I needed some friends when I got here, but I saw it YEARS ago.
>"Dammit, I divide things into categories," she snaps. "It's what I do, what I've always done, a scholar has to--"
Oh fuck yes, I know it well, and yet, there's no specific category for "pony" is there? You don't have to qualify THEM. There's no asterix next to Rarity's name, or Rainbow's name, or Ponk's, or any of the others. Just mine, and Spike's, and the other handful of non-ponies you interact with regularly. You have to qualify US for some reason. Have you ever stopped to consider WHY you need to do that?
>Her mouth is wide open. You can tell that something you've said finally hit home. Rainbow looks distinctly uncomfortable, as if she'd rather be literally anywhere than here.
>You actually feel bad about her seeing this. But.. right now, it's unavoidable, and maybe in the long run, it's for the best. We'll try to make it up to you, buddy. Even twi, jackass though she is.
...
>Don't start brainon. Seriously. Don't. Goddamn. Start.
>Shutting_Up.jpg.
>Good. Moving on.
I don't know exactly WHAT happened to make you this way, Maybe nothing did, because god and greyhound knows that in MY world, my entire assholic race didn't even NEED an excuse to fucking see the Other as some sort of incomprehensible alien being, and we were fuckin' PROUD of it. Hell, I'm fuckin' guilty of it too, I practically used 'faggot" and 'nigger' as terms of fucking endearment. I'm a professional-grade asshole. But for fuck's sake, I've SEEN your world, and most of you are BETTER than that. And then there's you.
>her ears are at half mast and drooping..
>>
Gordon Ramsay wants to hunt down your bird pone for cooking and eating purpose, wat do ?
>>
>flying rats
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>>27834287
Wait for him to kick in the door and end him.
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>>27834287
We're eatin' human tonight.
>>
>>27834279

>Her eyes are wide-open, staring. She's shaking. You wonder if she's going to storm from the room.
>That's the feel of a paradigm shifting without a clutch, Twi. Embrace that feeling, because it's going to get more intense.
>You recognize that look, you understand that feel. You've seen that look of apoplectic rage staring back in the mirror every morning, you saw it before going to work, and coming back from work, after every date, after chatting online or going out with friends.
>You still see it, here six years after arriving here, for no readily apparent reason, because it's apparently burned into your empty fucking skull with a branding iron.
And you're the princess of Friendship and Harmony--the strongest magic that exists in creation, you were given the task to study it and how it relates to the world you live in. A scholar. And you've committed the single worst sin a scholar can create.
>She stares, her mouth moving. Nothing comes out. Way to roll your diplomacy check, ace.
You left your objectivity at the door. Your bigotry has BLINDED you, Twi.
>You gesture at your body, mostly wrapped in bandages, your right arm mummified in its dressings, numerous IVs in both arms and even stranger, arcane devices attached to you at seemingly random points. We'll ignore the urinary catheter for now, since there's no reason to even bring it up. Really.
>And yet, you're doing it.
>Again, shut up, Brainon. I'm fucking this mule, not you.
You see this? Did the doctor tell you yet? I was dead with a capital D when they brought me in here. I was pinin' for the fjords, shuffled off this mortal coil, gone to join the bleedin' choir eternal. I was dead, twi. I was a corpse with every bone busted and shit in my pants, and I died to protect my friend, who YOU thought was a piece of shit...and now, I'm alive, and I'm only alive now BECAUSE of my friend. No clue how, no ideas, no theories. Just the fact that we saved each other.
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>>27834287

If I dunno 'er, in the pot she goes!
>>
I'd kinda like to see a kiwi bird pone.
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> ~coon~
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>>27834392
Never underestimate meme magic.
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>>27834392

>"Thieves...she...they.." Twi murmurs the word as if it's a magical talisman.
That's exactly right, Twi. They're thieves. They steal things that belong to other ponies. They're ponies, yet they eat meat, and they kill other animals for it. They do weird-ass things that only start to make sense if you happen to start digging deep. And you refused to see it or look closer, and that's ALWAYS been your problem, and you've lost so many opportunities to learn about the world you live in because of it.
>You press harder.
And even if she IS a thief...do you honestly think she deserves to die for taking some snooty LoPPer booster's purse? What the fuck, have you ponies ever heard of "proportionality?" We're goddamn murder-apes and we understood it back when we were still shitting in holes in the ground
>And with that, you realize your energy is beyond depleted. You have literally nothing whatsoever left. You sag back into the hospital bed. Suddenly, all you want to do is close your eyes and sleep.
I'm alive, Twi, because friendship with somepony you despise saved me. I'm your friend. Maybe mine is worth enough to save you, too. And I think we're done here.
Thank you for coming to see me. Both of you.
>And, quite against will, your eyes slam shut, but you go down fighting the entire way.
>>
>>27834557

My autism shames me.
>>
Bullshit penalty.

>>27833827
Confirming more sparrowpone. Still not entirely set on her name.
>>
>>27834696
>Be Twilight Sparkle, walking out of Clydesdale Memorial Hospital with your mostly silent friend of many years now, Rainbow Dash.
>You're...not angry. It's LIKE anger, but distinct from it. You have no idea what this feeling is, only that it's awful and you want it to go away.
>You feel as if you've been punched in the stomach. You spend a few minutes trying to catalog the feeling, maybe find something else to compare it with. It's a distraction.
>And you're so tired and empty. You embrace that feeling. It's a distraction.
>Running on autopilot, you ask one of the doctors in charge of the Ambass--Anon, if he can see to it that copies of the medical reports can be sent to your home in Ponyville, for study after Anon and his doctor sign off on it. Your status as a princess opens some doors, you suppose. You can probably get them regardless.
>Another distraction.
You and rainbow are walking down the steps, when she says the first thing that she's said since you left Anon's room. "I love you, twi. You know that, right?"
>you stare at her. Where was this coming from?
>She embraces you, her warm wings around you. It feels like heaven, like homecoming.
>"We all do. We always have. And Anon is right." Her wing tip caresses your cheek, and her voice is so soft and so sad. "We've all seen it. We all love you so much anyway, but..we all saw it years ago."
>And with that, she turns and walks toward the train station. "I'll see you back in Ponyville, Twi," she says behind her.
>You stand there for a long time.
>>
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>>27834153
>>27834279
>>27834392
>mfw all those microaggressions

yeah you show that racist pony bitch who is the boss
:^)
>>
>>27834984

>Be Amber Eyes.
>And right now, you hurt. They're giving you drugs that knock back the pain and relax you, and they're helping, honestly, but they can't touch what's really wrong.
>Your family left you a little while ago. The Flock would have delay migration for a while to let you heal properly, but they'd all manage--after all, they'd done it before.
>She'd also said that the Flock Elders were beginning work on a new Memory Tapestry, the first in more than two hundred years, and that you and Anonymous were going to be figuring prominently.
>You'd hugged your sister and your mother and told them exactly how much you loved them, but the doctors and nurses had wanted them to go, and as much as you'd wanted them to stay, you were so tired. You wanted to sleep so badly.
>But lying there, you couldn't get comfortable. Sleep wouldn't come.
>The bed, no matter how you shifted, simply wasn't right. It didn't feel right, and it took you a while to figure out what, exactly, was wrong with it.
>Carefully, minding your multiple mending bones and hurts, you gingerly slip the edge of the bed. Carefully towing your IV harness with you, you make your way to the door and into the hallway outside.
>You don't need a map for this. The faint warmth in your heart is telling you exactly where you need to go.
>In a few minutes, you're on the other side of the hospital. Perhaps Lord Noontide was handing a bit of extra luck your way, because you don't run into anypony on the way.
>He was always a hopeless romantic.
>You nudge open the door and steal softly into the room, where you hear the sound of the medical monitors and oxygen line, and soft snores.
>You limp to the bed, and carefully climb up the left side, trying to make as little noise as you can, so as not to disturb the occupant, and then you carefully stretch out full-length next to him, as much of your body in contact with his as possible.
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>>27833811
>>
>>27835236
>You look at his face. The troubled, tense look it was wearing is easing, and you feel answering warmth from him, calling to your own.
>You nuzzle gently at his neck, and without waking, he gently puts his good arm around you, pulling you against him. Your wing, still aching and fragile, slips over him.
>And NOW you're comfortable.
>"I love you, " you whisper softly, just before you fall asleep.
>the last thing you feel before slumber overtakes you is his arm pulling you in a little more snug, and the warmth of his heart answering your own.
>>
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Here's a nifty owl pony some nice anon drew really late in the other thread
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>>27835305
>>"I love you, "
oh shit, it's time to waifu the Peep and have a Tweet!
>>
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>>27835391

My god, it's full of D'AWW
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>>27835305
http://pastebin.com/u/Speaker-to-Birds
>>
Have a phoenix pone.
>>
>>27835588
>>
THIS BURD THRED NOT LAST. MONGO KNOW.

BUT FUNDAMENTALS STRONK.
>>
>>27835443
Is that the end or just all that has been written?
>>
MONGO HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO BE WRONG BEFORE.

FROM TIME TO TIME

(THESE PONIES NOT REALLY BURD BUT DOING BURD LIKE THING)
>>
>>27835701

No, it's just what I've got written so far. I've got some ideas for where to take it. But this seemed like a good place to end a chapter. Because I've basically been writing this off and on since last night

Hope it doesn't seem too rushed. Also that it's not too horrible.
>>
>>27833842
I was going to draw shit today but was busy and ran out of time, shout birb things and I'll try and draw some probably tomorrow (probably only one or two to be honest, I am not speedy)
if not I'll probably end up trying to draw some kind of birb or astro-birb abomination since that came up kind of
>>
>>27835744
I kinda wanna do Anon doing awesome human things, like the fact that we can basically walk any other creature to death and beyond, and we can dissipate heat better than pretty much anything else alive. And figure out really creative ways to kill things that needs to be killed.

The magic thing, I honestly didn't plan for that to happen. It just sort of happened.

Also, finding out more awesome and mysteriously weird bird-pone stuffs. He's gonna be like the David Attenborough of Equestria.
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>>27835763

There are no words for how awesome this would be in any human language. Kudos to you, Anon.
>>
>>27835839
Awesome, always thought it was cool humans had that long distance endurance that almost no other land animal has. Dogs are an exception, and look what we did with them.
>>
Any of you bird fuckers at Bronycon?
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>>27833827
THE BEST
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>>27836104
>>
>>27835391
K that's just awesome.
>>
>>27835357
That's not just any old owl pony, that's Owl Eyes from the CYOA cuttie clash. I think anyways, you birdpone tend to look alike.
https://www.anonpone.com/clash/24146489/
Try not to get to invested, it was never completed
>>
>>27835839
Let's not forget that he can, in fact, EAT his enemies here.
Nothing says psychological warfare like seeing an nearly invincible ape monster cooking and devouring your fallen comrades.
>>
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>>27835588
>>27835612
you mean horrible oc pone?
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>>27835839
>Also, finding out more awesome and mysteriously weird bird-pone stuffs. He's gonna be like the David Attenborough of Equestria.

Aww yea. That's my jam.
>>
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how have I never seen this thread before?! ive been here for two years.
>>
reposting thing from older thread

>Day... something, in Equestria.
>You're enjoying a nice sandwich at the park.
>No flower shit too, which is a big plus.
>An expensive plus.
>You're savoring the taste of slaughtered pigs when you see a pony drop by a bird bath and scare the fuck out of all the birds there.
>What a dick.
>You tear a piece of bread off your sandwich and throw it at the Pegasus.
>She jumps and stares at you.
>Then her eyes trail to the bread you threw.
>She hops off and eats it.
>Then...
>She chirps.
>What the fuck?
>ANOTHER bird-pony?
>She stares at you in anticipation.
>She's looking at your lunch.
>You tear off a piece and throw it in front of you.
>Her eyes move from you to the bread a few times.
>She slowly crouches over to it, watching you.
>She chirps again.
>That was definitely her, too.
>She takes the bread and looks up at you again.
>You drop another piece beside you on the bench.
>She flies over and eats it.
>She looks up at you.
>She's pretty damn cute, actually.
>She chirps.
>You slowly reach a hand over to her.
>Her wings unfurl, looking ready to take off.
>She pauses and follows your hand with her big, blue eyes.
>Her breathing seems to be a bit heavier.
"It's okay, it's okay, I won't hurt you."
>You pull back, tear off another piece of bread, and hold it in front of her.
>She looks up at you, before slowly licking the piece from your hand.
>Another chirp, softer this time.
>You smile and reach a hand for her again.
>Her wings open slightly, then relax.
>You touch the top of her silvery mane.
>It's soft, and feels almost like silk.
>You gently rub her ear.
>It flicks.
>Her chest fluffs up.
>You smile.
>You also think you feel your heart failing.
>While this bird-pony was mostly a light sky blue color, there was a small line of orange that reached from her chest to her flanks, serving a bit as a barrier to the white fur she had below it, covering her underside.
>Her front hooves were completely black, though a little lighter than it.
>>
>>27837787
>Her hind hooves were mostly white, save for more black towards the bottom, at the actual hoof.
>You lightly scratch under her chin.
>Her head tilts up.
>She slightly leans into your hand and stifles a chirp.
>She closes her eyes and relaxes.
>Her ears fall.
>You move your other hand to her back.
>She doesn't protest.
>You start to gently brush her.
>Her hind leg slightly kicks.
>Her tail barely swishes from side to side.
>Her wings slowly unfurl in an unalarmed stance.
>You bring your right hand from her chin and go back to her head, petting an ear.
>She moves closer to you and rests her fore-hooves on your lap.
>You start slowly petting her back again.
>She's really soft.
>She chirps again.
>Then she snaps at your sandwich and demolishes it.
"WHAT THE HELL?"
>She hops off your lap and smiles at you.
>"Thanks for the sandwich!"
>Then she flies away.
>...Motherfucking bird ponies, man.
>>
>>27836104
Did I really inspire that with my 'cutest birbpone' remark?
And yes, YOU'RE THE BEST! THE BEEEST!
>>
I want to fertilize sparrow pone's eggs
>>
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i would fug the birb
>>
>>27835839

I just wanted to point something out that I noticed.

The whole big magic incident has a lot pf parallels to the phoenix.

>bird pone magic
>lots of emphasis on the fact that Anon was on fire
>Anon literally died
>Body pretty much completely destroyed
>Anon was resurrected
>He comes back almost better than ever, overflowing with magic

Not sure of this was intentional or not, but I think Amber might've tapped into some sacred firebird magic.
>>
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Why am I imagining sparrowpone small enough to fit in the heavy's palm?
YOU ARE SO SMALL, IS ADORABLE TO ME!
>>
>None of her friends wanted to call out Twilight on her racist bullshit.
Great friends.
>>
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>>27838350
>firebird magic
>>
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peep has a stupid face
>>
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>>27835357
She was serious waifu material.
>>
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>>27839412
If you like your waifus crazy anyways.
>>
>>27835357
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBgLytbB-uE
>>
>inb4 the hospital staff freak out because a patient escaped her bed only to find her snuggled with Anon.
>>
>>27839412

I'll grant you she's cute, but she has that whole "crazy eyes" thing going.

And you never stick it in crazy. I instantly recognize the sign of a bunny-boiler.
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>>27838350

>bird pone magic
>lots of emphasis on the fact that Anon was on fire
>Anon literally died
>Body pretty much completely destroyed
>Anon was resurrected
>He comes back almost better than ever, overflowing with magic

Noooooooo, it wasn't intentional, but goddaayuumn that's awesome.

Let me roll this around in my head for a while.
>>
>>27837458
If you think this is something then go read the last thread. Shit was epic.
>>
>>27839774
Roll around in that head of yours you crazy bastard.
>>
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>>27834470
There is one
>>
>>27839952
>That tiny frame.
>Remember the size of an egg they hatch.
>>
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>>27839484
Have a gif
>>
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>>27833713
Shrike Birb Waifu when?
> Birb waifu got you and her flockmate gilda a new grill.
> It's no secret. She eats meat. But never invited you two whenever she hunts.
> But LORDY LAWD LAWD LAWD. You never expected this. You can see the light from the Deer's eyes dim as it stops struggling.
"Hey Anon! Hey Gilda! You guys are late! I..I couldn't choose what to get so I took them all."
> Bird waifu shyly kicks the dust on the ground.
> It would be fucking adorable if the tree beside her wasn't full of impaled animals.
>>
>>
Not a pone, but a cool bird.

http://novataxa.blogspot.com/2014/12/caterpillar-mimicking-laniocera-nestling.html

A bird whose chicks look, and move, like deadly poisonous stinging caterpillars in order to keep predators at bay.

Any kind drawfags around wanna touch this?
>>
>>27839952

Oh man, that's hella cute.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>27837791

Fuckin' bird pones, man.

They owe me money
>>
>>27840283

Many lols were had.

I've got this mental image of a shrike birb warrior. She's gentle, sweet, chatty and when she gets mad and when her back's to the wall, she puts lots of holes in the source of her rage with punching-daggers and spikes.

Or just a good nailbat. A nailbat's fine, too.
>>
>>
>>
TOO MANY CORN NUTS.
>>
>>
>>27840677
Birb horse is to delicate to remove from this situation.
I guess I will have to remove the birb with the fountain and take the whole hing home.
>>
>>27840694

She really ties the room together, doesn't she?
>>
>>27840722
Just don't fucking step on her.
>>
>>27840283
Sounds qt as heck, will try to draw later
>>
>>27833713
birds are not that important tbqh
>>
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>>27840769
>>
>>27840769

BIRB is LOVE
>>
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have an awesome group of birbs
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuYnC6l9dS0
>>
>>27840169
She seems like a tough girl, she can probably take it. you're into impossible fits, right?
>>
>>27840811
Oh man, I love scarlet macaws.
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6aoTsKDfm8
>>
>>27840907
Bird-related music, you say?
https://youtu.be/k1H-VnGUiUU
https://youtu.be/D0W1v0kOELA (mandatory)
>>
>Be Anon.
>Be Anon, walking on a treadmill. Well, limping and cursing, really.
>You're cursing, because even with pony healing magic, your muscles have still atrophied from disuse, and you're walking on what's essentially a brand-new set of legs that have never really walked, or ran, or jumped.
>Not for the first time, you find yourself wishing that whatever saw fit to bring you back from the dead had also seen fit to just fix your ruined body instead of making you work to build it back up.
>"You need to step up the pace, Anon," says the PT nurse--you think her name is Tender Care, and you've all but decided that that name is a sick joke. She has the brusque manner of a drill instructor and a voice like a nasal foghorn. "Two kilometers, and you've only done one. You need to push harder."
>"Make more of an effort to walk normally." Cursing, you try to obey, pulling yourself up a little straighter and trying to limp a bit less, but you're still staggering along. She looks you over clinically, and nods.
>Grunting, you mutter:
I want you to know that I thank you for everything you're doing for me, and I hate you and want you to die. That is all.
>Her ugly face lights up with one of her rare grins. "That's good. Anger's a damned fine motivator. At the end of the day, you don't get function back without hurting a bit to get there. Like I told you when we started--all of my patients start out hating me. And most of them walk out the door still hating me, too. But they walk."
I can relate. My hatred for you burns with the fury of a thousand blazing suns.
>She chucklesnorts, then increases the treadmill's speed very, very slightly. You curse and step up the pace.
>>
>>27840938

>Free Bird.

There's no more appropriate song for a birb thread.
>>
So, I'll be drawing more birbs tonight, and I thought I should ask you guys what you'd like to see.

More sparrowpone and/or Peep? Or perhaps someone else?
>>
>>27840992
>On a treadmill beside you is a small, grey-brown bird pony mare, who is doing a far better job of walking than you are. Well, trotting, actually. And softly singing a song under her breath.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_X-dLTjXAk
>If you weren't so tired right now, you'd be able to identify it, because it sounded vaguely familiar. You're actually a bit jealous because she has extra wind.
Fuckin' showboating quadrupedal showoff.
>"Hey, you're just jealous because I'm so awesome," says Amber Eyes. Even through your own discomfiture, though, you notice she's limping a bit herself and huffing. "I'm amazed that you're so slow with those long legs, you should be able to cover a lot more ground than I can."
>Her wings flutter. She has yet to try to fly since arriving here at the hospital, but they've got her going through the specialized physical therapy that injured pegasi get. With some modification, the same exercises work for bird ponies, too.
>Human supremacy has been challenged? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
Well, you know that humans..evolved from hunters, right?
>Damn, you're talking like William Shatner now. Not enough air for a proper rant. Oh well...
Not fastest animals. Not strongest. First, best strategy was to walk prey to death. Just get up and...walk. They look around, there we are. they run, no matter how far, they turn around, there we are. Relentless. Finally they just fell over and we walked up and got 'em. And lunch was served.
>She looks suitably impressed, and so does Tender Care, oddly enough. "Okay, yeah, that's....actually kind of creepy," says Amber. "Like something out of a horror movie."
We're...like our world's eldritch abominations. Everything else was...bigger and tougher than us. Had to play to our strengths. Stand our ground long enough, do enough damage to something stronger. And it might go away.
>Bitch has turned the treadmill up even more, you know it. She's smiling. Why?
>>
>>27841083
Always the room for sparrow
>>
>>27841083
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7NsbDBT__w
>>
>>27841097

Quick question.
Are you going to start namefagging sometime? Cuz I think you've earned the right to namefag
>>
>>27839774
T-thank you senpai.
Looking forward to potential mythic birb lore
>>
>>27841097
>You're out of breath for the moment. You're going to need to stop talking for a while, until you've got a enough reserve wind to flap your gums.
>You're supporting a lot of your weight on the arms of the treadmill. Not for the first time, you find yourself looking at your right forearm.
>It's scarred, but the most interesting scars are where the Az'k'za she'd given you as a gift had burned a few weeks before, when a unicorn hitpony had tried to murder you both.
>the jeweled platinum ring centerpiece had literally burned its way into your flesh--even the center was a dead-ringer for the intricate pattern of the delicately woven feathers that had filled the ring. Pony regenerative magic didn't seem to touch it, no matter what they did, and it seemed like you were just going to have to live with the scars.
>Dermabrasion REALLY wasn't an option that was going to be on your table. Yeah, fuck that.
>Ah well, chicks dig scars, right?
[spoiler>Chicks? Bird Pones? Geddit? [/spoiler]
>Ah well, tough crowd. Fuck all y'all.
>You've got a little wind back.
So...tell me about this "Memory Tapestry" your Elders are making?
>Amber Eyes is breathing a bit harder, and her coat's a bit sweaty. Apparently she's nearing the edges of her own stamina right now. "I don't know a lot about it--the Elders aren't talking much about this one. We mostly see them in our temples, places like Red Sun Aerie in Zebrica.
>"The combined flocks come together every once in a great while when something important happens, and the Elders discuss how to record it.
>"Once they've decided on the details, they begin constructing a...well, an artifact. A tapestry. They don't just weave pieces of cloth, they actually weave memory and experience into it somehow. I don't really understand the process, other than it takes years to learn it, and then only if you're one of the ones born with the right combination of natural talents. Like my sister."
>>
>>27841222

Yeah, your sister's a genius. I mean that, she made the little feather-jewel-thingie for your MP3 player. The one that takes the place of the battery. What did you do with the solar charger, anyway?
>She's breathing hard. "Yeah, she took that apart--I was a little reluctant to tell you. Part of it she worked into the Az'k'za I gave to you. Said it was perfect for it. Most of the rest of it, she reworked into rechargeable charms.
I don't think I mind--I've got a couple more broken solar cells lying around, if she wants them. Not like I can do anything with them.
>She smiles. "That'd be awesome. But.. anyway," she says, "The tapestry actually contains memories. Anyone touching it doesn't just see what happened in the past--they're actually there, as much as you can be.They can learn things, they can learn new skills, sometimes, if the ponies who let their memories be woven in knew something. And you can see events they went through. .
>"They create one every time something of significance happens. Or at the beginning and end of an age. There's a bunch of them, some of them so old that it's said that the ponies you see in them don't look very much like us today. Or at least I've been told. The oldest ones are really fragile.
>"But...this age, is the Age of the Roc. the one before this was the Age of the Garuda, the one before that was the Age of the Cetan, and the one before THAT was the Age of the Rain Bird. It goes on for a while. Each age has certain attributes, spells a change in history and fortunes, and so forth and so on. I DID find out from mama that the Elders think that this age is ending. Or has ended. She wasn't really clear on that."
>She's breathing harder and limping. And so are you. "According to her. though, the Flock Elders are calling the age to come the Phoenix Age, and want to convene a meeting. That's what this tapestry is supposed to herald. The end of the Roc Age, and the beginning of the Phoenix Age."
>>
>>27841346

>solar recharger used on Az'k'za

Oh shit there's the link to sun and fire
>>
>>27841346

>You're just about at the end of your rope. You turn around and you're about to lay into the therapist with what little wind you have left, when you notice she's smiling slowing the treadmills down, and you finally, gently stop. "Awesome," she says.
I agree. It's totes awesome to be off the Tender Care Death March.
>You wheeze. Your legs are on fire.
>She snorts. "No, it's awesome that you walked 3.2 kilometers instead of two. I kind of lied back there." She beams. "Sometimes I do that."
Fuckin' slave-driving battleaxe.
>She laughs. "Flattery will get you nowhere with me. Your therapy is going awesomely well, by the way. " Tender Care guides you through a modified series of cooldown stretches and exercises, surprisingly gentle, while a pegasus therapist guides Amber through her own version.
>"You pushed hard. Don't be surprised if you're pretty sore tomorrow. We'll work on that." She hands you the cane Rarity had made for you--you've been off the crutches for a week at this point, which is awesomesauce.
>Even with the extra padding, minotaur-crutches don't work quite right for human armpits. "So...how does a half hour in a hot whirlpool bath sound right about now?"
Like a tender, delicious slice of heaven. A nice bath, maybe a morphine on the rocks...
>"Hah hah, no. We'll go with bottled water right now instead."
>>
>>27841483
>You still occasionally heard ringing in your ears. According to the tests the doctors had ran, you had roughly forty percent hearing loss in both ears, though to be sure because they were uncertain because they were dealing with a being with a markedly different range of hearing than a pony.
>Okay, scratch occasionally. Pretty much all the time, especially at quiet times of the day and night. The little pieces of shaped, enchanted graphite in your ear canals amplified sound, and, mercifully, they reduced the ringing to something manageable.
>Amber Eyes didn't get off scott-free in that regard--she had virtually no hearing at all in her right ear, though her left was normal. She had her own little earpiece, much more elaborate than yours. Still compact, though.
>You figured the medical hardware designers of this world had a few things they could teach the ones back on Earth.
>You still didn't really remember the events of that day clearly. Your last clear memory before waking up in the hospital was of picking up the injured bird pony in the street. Though you'd seen the pictures some of the more level-headed marketgoers had taken during the Incident.
>>
>>27841097

This video is most appropriate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg_nJwGXAk0&user=erikkfi
>>
>>27841546
>the most spectacular of them had been run in virtually every paper in Equestria, and from what you knew, many papers outside of it.
>It was a photo of you that a mare had snapped at just the right moment, of you crouching with your head down and cradling an injured Amber Eyes in your arms while a ragged beam of ruby-red arcane power from the horn of a snarling, undersized, impossibly-ugly unicorn stallion standing only a few feet away poured around you both--spilling to either side and over you, as if pouring across an invisible dome.
>Your face was barely visible, and your teeth were bared in a snarl, your right arm up in front of your face like a shield while you leaned into the beam. Rarity had said you looked astonishingly fierce and determined.
>But you knew that expression, and it wasn't bravery or determination, because you lived in this face and you knew how it worked--it was pure, unadulterated, pants-shitting terror.
>The headline the Manhattan Time had ran?
>EXTRA-EQUESTRIAN AMBASSADOR STOPS MYSTERIOUS MARKETPLACE MASSACRE
>Rainbow Dash had told you she'd bought over a hundred copies of that paper. You had no idea why, and when she'd offered to give you one, framed, you'd refused.
>You didn't remember it. You didn't WANT to remember it.
>It wasn't an event to commemorate. Too many ponies had died, brutally...along with one human .
>>
>>27841613

This explains the Fermi Paradox. It's not that they're not out there, it's that no one wants us to know they're there. No one wants us to escape.

We are eldritch horrors. We are terrifying.
>>
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>>27840283
Sketchy ass version
>>
>>27841801
>realising you spelled choose wrong
Priceless
>>
>>27841695

>Together, you and Amber Eyes are escorted to the whirlpooth bath area, where there are already tubs filled and waiting for you.
>Epsom salts, and you can smell various herbs and potion preparations they've added to the water, a peculiar mix of sweet and medicinal scents. It's not as jarring as you first thought, though you wonder if you're just getting used to it.
>As you understand it it's a combination of things designed and intended as carriers of magical force, intended to help encourage and speed wound healing and muscle recovery. Also, to reduce aches and pains.
>Interestingly enough, most of those things didn't work on you at all before the Incident, or if they did, they worked in bizarre, unintended ways. You remember a simple painkiller Sparkle had given you not long after you'd arrived, aspirin with a magical kicker, and it had turned your skin green and caused most of your hair to fall out. To this day, it was still extremely short
>The headache eventually went away on its own, of course.
>Anyway....you don't pretend to understand it. You're just glad it works.
>You shrug off your sweaty workout clothes, and with the help of two of the earth-pony attendants, you climb into the whirlpool tub, right across the way from Amber Eyes. "Oh Celestia," she breathes. "This is buckin' heavenly." She flutters her wings, fluffing the water through them, an expression of utter bliss on her face. She ducks her head under the water and stays down for several seconds, coming up with a gasp.
>She spreads her wet wings and begins to preen them, gently removing bent and damaged feathers from the right one. The left one's feathers are still growing back in, and according to what you'd been told, that's going to take couple of months with magical assistance, much longer naturally.
>>
>>27841813
Heh, prepare to never live that down.
Still pretty good, certainly better than what my candy ass can draw.
>>
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>>27841613

Saw this a long time ago. Seems relevent.

>inb4 hate cuz Tumblr
>>
>>27841801

D'aww, she's an adorable engine of death.
>>
>>27841847

>You look down at your right arm, and note how reflective and shiny the red-and-black mottling of the scars looks. It's almost beautiful, even if you know what it represents.
>And then you refuse to look at it anymore, instead choosing to watch as Amber Eyes carefully, unselfconsciously nips and works at her wings. Later, you knew, she'd use a combination of lotions and the waxes her own preen-glands produced to condition and waterproof the feathers.
>It's probably the single most soothing thing you've ever seen.
>You realize that no only could you watch it for hours, you'd probably fall asleep halfway through it. Just watching it makes you yawn.
>Preening was often a social activity. You remember how you'd awakened the first time she'd climbed into bed with you, with her sleepily nibbling on your hair.
>You let the sight lull you away from the dark place your thoughts had turned toward, and bask in the soothing heat of the tub.
>She interrupts her preening to look at you. "Say, uh, lunch is pretty soon, right?"
Yeah, right after we get out of here, I think.
>"Good," she says. Food is always a priority with Amber. "The food here sucks though. Think we can rook them out of some corn nuts this time?"
>>
>>27842000

Think I'll stop it right there for now. I'm pooped. I may do something else later but this was basically supposed to be a breather. One way or another, I'll do more, this thread or some other.
>>
>>27841896
anyone got screen shots of that story were humans make it to space but only find dead and suicidal species all around. where basically we started in the insane Bermuda triangle of the galaxy and our first encounter with other races they think we are demons?
I think it was beyond the veil or somthing
>>
>>27841195
You really think I'm that good?
>>
>>27842041
>>
>>27842062
thx
>>
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Sorry, I forgot I was working morning tomorrow, so there's not much drawfagging happening on my behalf tonight. I pray Boj will deliver.

I did manage a quick little Peep, though.
>>
>>27842117
Hnnnnnng
>>
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>>27842117

Holy shit, m-muh heart!
>>
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>>27842000
we will await your return, writefriend.
>>
>>27842117
Looks a bit like the Winnie the Pooh artstyle there. Also daaww..
>>
>>27842117
This is far too cute

I may be slow, but I will deliver
>>
birbp
>>
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>>27840283
>>27841801
>>27842642
W E W
1
>>
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>>27843382
2
>>
>>27843382
She's a cutie. A brutal cutie. A cruelty.
>>
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Birb?
>>
>>27841847

>Anon is green because of magic aspirin side effect

keked
>>
Page 9? Not on my watch!
>>
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bump
>>
>>27843387
>>27843382
Oh man. Thanks Famalamalam
>>
>>27844748
No worries my dude
>>
>>27840992
Name: Tender Care
Job: PT Nurse
Likes: Long walks on the Beach
Sunrise and Sunset
Breakfast in bed
Ruthless Hate fucking
>>
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fun fact geese have teeth on their tongues
what a nasty ass animal
>>
>>27839011
Underrated dubs
>>
>>27844817
> Man the grill worked like a fuckin' charm and Shrike waifu works it like a champ.
> You have to talk to twily later about getting you more Ice gems for your larder.
> All these meat and the grill is kinda heavy. Good thing a convoy of minotaur traders came by and agreed to let you ride.
>"WHOAH! Your great-grandfather is THE GLAD STEPPES?"
"P-please Gilda n-not so loud."
> The minotaur beside you pales within a second and gives birb waifu a thousand yard stare and opened his mouth.
> "Her ancestors is the stuff of nightmares for Griffons and Minotaur alike. I suppose your family hails from Tramplevania? A Great warrior blah blah blah...Impaled enemies....blahblahblah...raised from the dead...Bullmont family...Vampon-"
> Gilda joins in and it ended up like two nerds having a nerd-off, instead of games and other nerd shit they're talking about the alleged exploits of a blood thirsty warlord.
> Wait hol up. Tram..vania, Glad Steppes, Vampony and Bullmont family?
"He-hes not tha-t bad. F-from what I heard."
>Birb waifu tries to defend her ancestor and starts to tear up.
>Awww. Your boner is confused whether to let this continue to subsist on her qt-ness or or put a stop to it because you know... she's going to cry.
>Gilda sees it and hugs her voraciously. It's like trying to absorb her with her tuft.
>"Aww don't cry. Were not badmouthing your G.Grandfather. He's awesome."
>"Correct. It's only proper that a great warrior like him should be remembered." Cow man adds in.
"Thanks Guys."
>Birb Waifu gives you three a Heartfelt smile.Hnnngggh you gonna need to put that shit on lock. It's gonna kill someone, someday.
>>
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>>27845684
JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FU
>>
>>27833713
Where my cuckoo bros at?
>>
>>27846013
That's bad, but also keep in mind those fuckers can BREAK HUMAN BONES. Thats right, goofy looking waterfowl maybe a fifth our height and bodyweight can shatter our bones just by flapping their wings hard enough.
>>
>>27845684
Why do modern dinosaurs have to be creepy as fuck!
>>
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>>27845684
what the fuck
>>
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>>27842026
Looking forward to it.
>>
>>27846536
When I was a teenager I always wanted to wressle one once.
Never did it, probably for the best.
>>
>>27846598
You must be one of the fuck that thinks dinosaurs have feathers. Dinosaurs are reptiles not birds!
>>
>>27846670
Pick up a science textbook you peace of shit! There is a ton of evidence that dinosaurs had feathers and are birds!
>>
>>27846670
There is some evidence that dinosaurs did have feathers, and even if they didn't, birds evolved from reptiles, meaning in a way they are "modern day dinosaurs"
>>27846729
Rude.
>>
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>>27846670
https://www.allaboutbirds.org/they-had-feathers-is-the-world-ready-to-see-dinosaurs-as-they-really-were-2/

Open your eyes, Anon. They're birds.
>>
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>>27846781
Fear me and my dino powers Anon!
>>
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>>27846820
bring it bitch
>>
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>>27846670
But...what if birds ARE reptiles?
>>
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>>27846888
Can't beat those trips.
>>
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>>27846820
American Dino is best Dino!
>>
>>27847014
tough looking but cuddly eagle pone when?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIdZTSKLdBs
>>
>>27847037
That is so incredibly cute.
Thanks for this anon.
>>
>>27846820
I feel like I drew a chicken pony once...
>>
>>27847037
Wait so what bird call do they use on tv, because on the colbert report it sounded a lot different?
>>
>>27847126
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33DWqRyAAUw
>>
>>27847138
Could be a diffirent call for a diffirent purpose.
Like a mating call or a territorial call.
>>
>>27847152
eagles are just cuddly, is all
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RArGl2vkGI
>>
>>27847138
Wow those hawks are common where I live thats awsome
>>
>>27847189

I've been hearing those calls a lot more recently lately. Don't know if it's because I've started paying more attention or not.

Pretty cool nonetheless
>>
>>27847245

>recently lately

holy fuck I'm tired
>>
>>27846536
Yeah but what could we do to them?
I still fancy my own chances, there is a lot of neck to break after all.
>>
>>27847257
Shh... I'm trying to fearmonger here...
>>
>>27847257
A solid kick will kill them easily.
Also they are cowards unless its mating season or if they have offspring.
I was feeding ducks once, group of 6 geece came to me, surrounded me.
I was sitting on the ground so they were standing higher then me at that time, all they did was trying to scare me away.
All I did was pelt the most aggressive one with bread, was hillarious.
Though there was one sneaky git that got real close to my back, he ran off when I looked at him.
>>
>>27847245
They are very common in north America so its not surprising.
>>
>>27847326
>he ran off when I looked at him
sneaky goose pone when?
>>
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>>27847326
>>
>>27847066
You know ive seen a lot of chicken pony around here
>>
>>27842041
>>27842062
Please please post more. It's a very good trope
>>
>>27847814
http://imgur.com/gallery/w3nA4
http://imgur.com/account/favorites/S3npE

check these out been reading all day too bad the threads no longer exist
>>
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>>
>>
>>27842062
Scenario:

>Reputation as chaotic evil genius lunatics because we live in the Madness Place
>No one dares mess with us for fear of what happens if humanity snaps
>Alien menace from outside the galaxy comes calling
>Humans smash it flat because fuck you, we're orcs and death is fucking awesome, that's why.
>Galactic civilization saved. but we're still considered terrifying because we're all completely shithouse nuts

Holy shit, humanity is Anonymous.
>>
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>>27848947

What a cute, sprightly little bird pone!
>>
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>>27848947
anyone have any spare insulin, because I think this just gave me diabetes.
>>
>>27848947
>wake up
>open laptop
>see this
It's going to be a good day
>>
>>27842062
I like the one where a scout enters the "Veil of madness" thinking they are being sneaky shits and the humans are just watching on basically radar going "That's cute, lets send them a radio contact"
And watch them fly the fuck away in a panic.
>>
>>27848947
O boy, that's an adorable one! What species?
>>
last thread went over a week and over 500. How long can we keep this one?
>>
>>27842062
Anyone know other greentext/books/fictions/text like this? I love this type of stuff.
>>
>>27849446
https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/
>>
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>>27849453
Despite of >Reddit, thanks.
>>
>>27849475
It was Reddit, or get it from /k/
The lesser of two evils was Reddit instead of the murder jocks.
>>
>>27849446
>https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_Death_Ground

Anonymous Executive Synopsis: humanity and its allies accidentally stumble over a new alien species while exploring am unknown interstellar jump point that's implacably hostile, highly technologically advanced, feels virtually nothing resembling human emotion, and regards anything else that lives as either livestock to farm or obstacles to kill, and they're so mind-numblingly alien that they can't even comprehend how the rest of the galaxy communicates, much less why they'd want to.

There's several really awesome Proud Warrior Races in the book, and they're all still sort of in awe of humanity, because we're better warriors than any of them, we're metric fucktons crazier and we're STILL likable, awesome diplomats to boot.

"The Shiva Option" is the sequel.
>>
>>27849284
tis a chicken pone
>>
>>27849446
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Damned_Trilogy

Anonymous Executive Summary: there's two alien civilizations in a war. One of them is peaceful and can't fight worth a damn without going into catatonia, and the other can pull an unbreakable mind-whammy on their victims and force them to obey. The peaceful guys stumble across Earth, which is a Deathworld compared to most other inhabited planets, and find that we're fully sentient, ludicrously effective soldiers AND totally immune to the bad guys' mind-whammy to boot. In spite of how useful we are, though, even our allies find us utterly terrifying.
>>
>>27849523
>Space Australia.
>>
>>27845684
penguin mouths are worse
>>
>>27849446

Here's the whole text from Alan Dean Foster's "With Friends Like These.:

https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/2b79sa/text_with_friends_like_these_alan_dean_foster/

Anonymous Executive Summary: the "good guys" recruit humans and then seal them away for a few thousand centuries when the war ends, because they're afraid of what we'll do with no enemies left to fight. Later, Galactic civilization needs them again.

Awesomeness ensues.

Following, the planet began to move after the Tpin.

On board the cruiser it was very quiet.

"I see," whispered Rappan idly, "that they are bringing their moon along also."

"You get accustomed to something like that," breathed an engineer. "A moon, I mean."

Old Alo was making mystic signs with his tentacles. "Egg of the Code, I almost feel sorry for the Yops!
>>
>>27849523
I like the one where Anon is going trough Space Customs and is trying to explain that he does come from a planet that the alien at the desk notes is a death planet and doesn't believe his jack for shit.
But he just wants to go there so they get prepped and in the middle of this the place gets raided by some bugs or some shit and the clerk watches the Anon basically rip the fuckers to shreds and shrug it off.

Also something about him being a creature from a planet with a gravity so massive the clerk thought he was joking until it tried to lift his luggage.
>>
>>27849446
http://www.baen.com/Chapters/0671878794/0671878794___2.htm

"The Warriors" By Larry Niven.

Anonymous Executive Summary: a technologically advanced alien race stumbles across a human colony ship traveling to Alpha Centauri, and they decide to attack and board after telepathic scans indicate that the humans aboard are almost incapable of violence and the ship is entirely unarmed.

It's not, because a fusion drive is a weapon, we're really good at thinking on our feet and the reason we gave up war is because we're very, very good at it. The Kzin are good fighters but shit-tier strategists.
>>
>>27849446
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berserker_(Saberhagen)

Anonymous Executive Summary: Two alien races are at war. The "winners" used nasty, sentient, self-replicating robot warships that they programmed to sterilize any planet capable of supporting life, then return home for deactivation. It probably seemed like a great idea to someone at the time.

Now, a few thousand years later, a peaceful alien species gives humanity enough advance warning to start building up a defense, because of all the surviving species in this part of the galaxy, we are the only ones known who combine warfighting with high intelligence, advanced technology, strategizing, discipline and creativity and yet are still peaceful enough to actually be negotiated with. It falls to us to stop them.

There's a buttload of Berserker stories and novels. Some are very good indeed.
>>
>>27849446

"The humans, I think, knew they were doomed. But where another race would surrender to despair, the humans fought back with even greater strength. They made the Minbari fight for every inch of space. In my life, I have never seen anything like it. They would weep, they would pray, they would say goodbye to their loved ones and then throw themselves without fear or hesitation at the very face of death itself. Never surrendering. No one who saw them fighting against the inevitable could help but be moved to tears by their courage…their stubborn nobility. When they ran out of ships, they used guns. When they ran out of guns, they used knives and sticks and bare hands. They were magnificent. I only hope, that when it is my time, I may die with half as much dignity as I saw in their eyes at the end..."

Babylon 5. All of it.
>>
>>27849600
There is a story similar to this on the internet wher a council or some shit saw Humanity moving about in space and developed a massive space nuke and launched it.
The damn thing was going to take centuries to hit so they got to see the lanet go from frothing raving savages to peaceful, loving utopia.
By then the massive fuck you nuke was too far away fro them to stop and they end up nearly fucking over humanity if it was not for some colonies on other planets.
And the aliens got a signal from the survivors saying they know where they are,nd they are fucked.
>>
>>27849626
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeNBJ5o-b7s&ab_channel=Kettenring
>>
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>>27849629
I remember that. God, that was awesome.

If I was going to request a drawing, I would request a drawing based on the one to the left, with the stallion and the filly saluting a memorial to the human race while crying softly. Because fuck, we were kind of awesome.

Had to do something to keep it at least vaguely bird-pone related[/spoiler}
>>
>>27849650
>Saluting it.
>It gets randomly pooed on.
>>
>>27849657

Well, yeah. That's like getting two thumbs up from movie critics.
>>
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i just wrote 3 posts worth of green and the browser randomly crashed

guess thats a sign
>>
>>27849695
Moot is a demon ghost that ruins fun.
>>
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>>27849695
>>
>>27849545
>>
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>>27849545
.
>>
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>>27849545
Is this HFY thread now?
>>
>>27849520
A sexy chick, brah
>>
>implying birds are important
>>
>>27850128
>implying your opinion is important
>>
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>>27850128
>>
>>27849480

...I noticed more of the stuff coming out of /tg/.
>>
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Snek will eat Birb.
>>
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>>27850400
>implying
>>
>>27850400
>what is: mutual predation
snekpone is cute tho and those dubs are nice too
>>
>>27849446
There was one where Humanity was a computer simulation in a world based on evil, and then they became a computer virus and took over the real world .
>>
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How could you forget about the canon chicken pony?
Also, bump
>>
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>>27850941
>all this talk about chikun pone
>this hasn't been posted yet
>>
Any hawk pones?
>>
>>27833713
bump
>>
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>>27849873
>edgy religion section

Into the trash it goes.
>>
Before bed bump
>>
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>>27850941
Just drew chicken yesterday.
>>
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>>27850965
>>
>>27849695
>>27849709
This happens, so I write greens in docs. Although, I still sometimes lose green to the void.
>>
>>27839774
Thanks for writing, Anon. You are best pony.

Also, poor Twilight:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_MH4bIOFHo
>>
>>27852642
what a gruesome way to name your children
>>
>>27852751

You're welcome. There will be more, I think, but it will take a little while.

And damn, that's some good Avenue Q.
>>
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>>27850419

IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE, ANONS
>>
>>27846148

You know, cuckoos leave their young in other birds' nest to raise. the chicks hatch then eject the other eggs from the nest so the parents raise them without devoting resources to feed others.

How would that work for a pony, do you think?
>>
>>27852587
>>
>>27853122
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duIoRlbJKVQ
>>
>>27846536
I don't give TWO SHITS about broken bones. The ONLY THING I care about is MOTHERFUCKING TONGUE TEETH.
>>27848947
Qt.
>>27850413
It kinda looks like the snake and hawk are in cahoots and are about to fuck someones day up.
>"YOU WILL ALL FACE THE WRATH OF SNEK"
>"..."
>>27852642
That is the fugliest pone I've seen in a long time. The foals/chicks are cute though.
>>
For you
>>
>>27854077
Imgur link with uncensored version?
>>
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>>27854077
>>
>>27850413
>olrite son time to go home.
> NO! MOM. IM A SNEK IM THE TEMPTER DAMMIT.
>Keep that attitude and no dessert.
>>
>>27852587
That's a nice chicken.
>>
>...and I'll look down, and whisper "birb."
>>
>>27854077
Aren't they supposed to be basted with egg before baking them, not after?
>>
I want a pic of a big douchey goose pone hogging bread crumbs while a bunch of smaller duck or pigeon pones glare angrily
>>
Page 8? Not on my watch!
>>
>>27834511
This is why you get the sour gummies.
>>
>>27850128
Yeah well, your FACE isn't important. So thppppt.
>>
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>>27856436
you savage
>>
>>27850128
Gryphons.
>>
>>27833734
Aww yiss
>>
Bumpin
>>
>>27857833
Outstanding!
>>
>>27857168
Well, yeah.

I eat my steak underdone.
>>
>>27854895

Birb is Love
>>
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>>
>>27858076
>Implying being cute is better than being hot
>>
>>27858076
>>27858242
>implying cute ≠ hot
>>
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>>27858076
God that's fucking adorable.
>>
>>27858242
Shit, I meant
>Implying being cute ISN'T better than being hot
>>
>>27858271
We all knew what you meant to say, man.
>>
>>27858275
Naw, I'm serious. I'd rather have a gf who's cute and level headed than one who has tits to rival camel humps and is constantly trying to smash.
>>
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>>
>>27858372
Same.
There's more to a person then being hot, though its a real nice bonus.
>>
>>27858522
Cute.
>>
I want to feed birdpones sunflower seeds while I shoo off squirrelpones.
>>
>>27858883
>>
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>>27850400
>>27850413
>>27850419
>>
>>27859556
I want a romeo-and-juliet couple with a birdpone and a snekpone
>>
>>27859573
A CHICKEN POX ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES!
>>
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The eternal question among birdpone: white or whole wheat?
>>
>>27860039
Whole. It's healthier and tastes better. But if in doubt: Sour dough.
>>
>>27859598
Oh God English class is coming back!
I remember lines from this shit, fuck!
>>
>>27860100
Trying to think of other quotes I can turn into a bird or snek pun, but for the life of me I can't think of any good ones, though I suspect the 'O happy dagger' quote has something there.
>>
>>27860241
>"Hang thee young baggage, disobedient finch!"
?
>>
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>Kvass is a traditional Slavic and Baltic fermented beverage commonly made from black or regular rye bread.[1] The colour of the bread used contributes to the colour of the resulting drink.

Birdpone drink of choice?
>>
>>27854077
>>
>>27860842
So, essentially a type of beer, which definitely should be an option.
For the younglings there's always that oat-based alternative to milk.
>>
>>27861046

It's pretty low-alcohol. The Russians don't even classify it as alcoholic because the alcohol content is from 0.5 to 1.0 percent, usually. Getting hammered on it would probably be kind of rough. Probably not impossible, but hard.
>>
>>27861323
Still, it probably doesn't work too well with coco mix.
>>
Bamp
>>
>>27860039
Bread is actually bad for a bird's tummy. It's pretty much a really bad fatty food. Like McDonald's for birds
>>
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>>27860039
>>
>>27861046
They would probably have all the standards we use like rice milk and a buttload of different nutmilks.along with milder versions of ales or beers made specifically to have ultra-low alcohol.

There might also be sweetened, flavored drinkable versions of various porridges or polenta, served hot or cold

Coffee,tea and fresh fruit or veggie juices will always be options too. Maybe even stranger things--some cultures on earth make a habit of drinking blood from cattle, sheep or camels...
>>
Please thread, I need more owlpone
>>
>>27863264
who?
>>
>>27863603
That's the spirit!
>>
>>27835443
Soo good my friend...
>>
>>27863264
>>
>>27864721
What a cutie!
>>
>>27864721

Unf
>>
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>>27862790

So, assuming that they work like true birds in that respect, would there be anything bread-LIKE that bird-pones could eat relatively safely?
>>
>>27865697
Don't do it, Peep! IT'S A TRAP!
>>
>>27865697
That is a cute
>>
>>27866286

This thread delivers, hard.
>>
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>>27853245
>>
>>
I went to an airshow today but it got rained off so I'm going to draw some things if anyone wants shit
>>
>>27866719
Someone pulling on Fluttershy's tongue and she doesn't like it.
>>
>>27866719
A birdpone flying into Anon's window while he's lamenting the fact that this shit has to happen to him of all people.
>>
>>27866719
Birdpone sitting under a waterstream in a public fountain, pretending it's a bird bath
>>
Before work bump
>>
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>>27866750
go to the drawthread for that nigger, this is bird pone country
>>
>>27867723
She's got wings don't she?
>>
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>>27867781
(You)
>>
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Reminder that birdpones will forever hate her.
>>
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>>27866928
Sorry it's so sketchy I was more tired than I though
Herring Gull returns tho
>>
>>27868230
You tell 'em, Anon.
>>
>you will never feed hungry qt magpie pone
>magpie pone will never leave you heartfelt, probably stolen gifts in return
>you and magpie pone will never cuddle on the sofa through a rainy day

why live
>>
>>27868889
>the guards will never arrest your kleptomaniac waifu for all the stolen shit in your house
>you will never have to break into prison and free her
>you will never discover that your waifu has stolen all their swords, building a nest out of the shiniest things she could get her hooves on
>>
Page 9 panic bump.
Do not let birb die!
Would post image of scared birb pone but unfortunately I do not have a pic of that.
>>
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>>27869936
>>
>>27868889
>"Anon, what the flap is this?!"
>The black and white pegasus comes flying in to the kitchen and tosses a brown paper bag onto th countertop in front of you
>The bag topples over and its contents slide out on the hard surface: a couple of triangular packages wrapped in metallic protective sheets.
>You look at Maggie in confusion, and are met with a murderous gaze
"Uh... it's the lunch I made for you. Walnut and rye bread sandwich, plain. You know, you favourite."
>"No, what is *this*?", the mare asks and caws
>She picks up one of then silvery packages with her hoof and points to the wrapped meal with the other one
>Your eyes shifts back and forth between Maggie's clearly upset face and the object in her hoof
>You don't understand what the fuzz is about, so you don't bother getting snappy back at her
"Right, your sandwich."
>The mare slaps her own face with the package she's holding and let's out a grunt.
>She then sinks her teeth into the aluminium foil and start to tear it off from the food, piece by piece, and letting out an occasional caw in between.
>You had previously noted how Maggie's bird calls got more frequent whenever she got a bit emotional, and actually found it quite charming
>Once finished, the mare collected the rough shreds in her hooves and held them up to you
>"Why are you wasting such precious shinies by wrinkling them up and getting food all over them?", Mags asks almost in desperation
>She's actually serious
"Maggie, calm down, it's just aluminium foil. It's like two or three bucks a roll, and it's *supposed* to be used for preparing and storing food. Now give those to me so that I ca-"
>"CAW!"
>>
>>27870017
>As you reach your hand out towards her in order to recieve then aluminum shreds, she calls out and leaps away from you backwards
>"No! I will not let you ruin any more shinies! I will take them to my room and make sure neither you or anyone else puts their hooves on them!"
>She then quickly flies out of then kitchen and up the stairs.
>From the second floor you hear a door slam shut and a lock clicks.
>You hate when she does this shit.
>She's gonna hide whatever she found under the mattress and stay in the room all day and night to guard her new treasure.
>And the worst part is that you and her share a bed.
>Guess it's the couch tonight. Again.

The End
>>
>>27869983
Thank you.
>>
>>27870024
Appease her with entire rolls of foil.
>>
>>27870257
>Wait to the next morning and roll out an entire hallway with foil.
>Walls, ceiling.
>Floor.
>Pictures.
>Hear the door open in the morning and a thud.
>She is on her back, seemingly comatose, surrounded by a hall full of foil.
>>
>>27870310
>At first you think she's gone into a coma from all of the foil.
>You hear her speak, but only faintly.
>"..Shinies..."
>Good, she's still alive.
>You inspect her to make sure she has no injuries, these bird pones are fragile.
>Nothing bad, but she is drooling.
>Drooling from the foil.
>Maggie gets up and scrapes down a good amount of the "shinies" and brings them to your room.
>"SHINIES!"
>You have to put up with this every day.
>>
>>27870436
Worth it.
>>
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Thread will NOT die.
>>
>>27866439
>We've only just begun.
>>
>>27870024
There's probably some legendary artifacts under that mattress by now.
>>
>>27866153
They'd either have to do a substitute or it'd be a drug possibly.
>>
>>27869379
so she'd end up making a custom make iron throne?
>>
>>27872687
Princess Magpie rules the lands of Anonshome with an aluminium fist.
>>
>>27872687

>Bird-pony sitting cross-legged on a throne of broken swords, staring calmly at the viewer..

This demands to be made.
>>
>>27871970
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__VQX2Xn7tI

Birb NOT die.
>>
>>27872241
I imagine Anon having to check under the mattress every night.

"Mags, have you seen my keys?"
>"W-what? Your shini- your keys? No!"
*sigh* "Did you hide them under the mattress again?"
>"NO! I mean, no. I haven't hidden your keys under my side of the mattress at pillow level. Uh-uh. Nope."
"Are you sure?"
>She nods intensively
"...Imma go check the mattress."
>"M-MUH SHINIES -CAW-!"

>And then they ended up fighting on top of the mattress.
>And by fighting I of course mean having angry sex.
>It's a lot easier to grab her nicked knick-knacks once she's in afterglow and can barely even talk
>>
>Be Anon.
>Be a recently mostly-healed Anon, who, together with his-
>Okay, what IS she to you, exactly? Your friend? Your...you honestly don't know exactly Amber Eyes is to you, do you? You feel happier in her presence, as if she completely fills a hole you never knew you had inside somewhere. You've always made friends fairly easily, but you liked your space. Ponies on the whole were more sociable than any but the most gregarious humans, really.
>But...
>You feel happier when she's around. You feel stronger, as if the two of you can do anything, face anything. You feel emptier when she's away from you, as if you're between breaths, ending on an exhale and waiting for the next inhale. You feel...
>You don't know. You really don't.
>All you know is that literally no one you've ever been around or with has made you feel this way. And you're not comfortable examining it any further than that, not right now.
>She's here with you now, and that's really all that matters, isn't it?
>You remember how she looked three weeks ago, when she took a flight for the first time since the Incident.
>The look of momentary fear on her face, as the pegasi therapists encouraged her to do a simple glide across a twenty foot gap between two low risers, with lots of stabilized cloud padding between her and the floor, and a lightweight safety hardness tethered to another cloud and therapist attendant above.
>You remember seeing her bury her fear, and launch herself into space, and how she'd glided just a bit clumsily between them. How you and those therapists had cheered and hugged her.
>It was still amazing to see such wonders, things the ponies regarded as trivial, over six years after your arrival in this world. You wish they could see it through your alien eyes.
>Soooo...here you two are, mostly healed, about to leave the hospital where you've both spent the last three months of your lives, and both of you sport a nice .
>>
>>27873135
Ayyy
>>
>>27873135
...fresh set of scars.
>Steady hooves is there, as you're both taken to the front in modified wheelchairs. Rarity clucks and fusses over the new autumnweight suit she'd brought you/
Uh...Rares, I'm pretty sure you don't need to fuss over over your workmanship anymore, since it's pretty much perfect at this point.
>"I know, darling, but..." she tugs gently on the jacket, smooths a wrinkle with a hoof. "And I freely admit, the workmanship is good, but...I honestly don't know if looks that way to my trained eye, or if it's merely because I'm biased. And I simply can't take a chance. Measure twice, cut once, I always say..."
"Actually, it's more like, 'measure twenty times, pick up the scissors, put them down, and measure another thirty before picking them up again," pipes up Sweetie Belle beside her.
>In the chair beside you, Amber guffaws. Rarity has her in an ultra-lightweight dress that perfectly matches and accentuates her eyes. "Seriously, have you ever MET you?" she asks Rarity, still chuckling. "You've got an eye for detail a flock artificer would envy. This dress os high-quality enough that a dozen enchantments would probably take on it..."
>You can't understand why Rarity is worried, you really can't--the fashionista has a knack that virtually no one you've ever seen from your OWN world has, the ability to create something that looks as incredible as it feels.
>Before coming to this world, you regarded clothing as basically a necessary evil--you dressed for whatever work you were doing, came home, stripped at the door and changed into something comfy and ragged to wear around the house. Or just went naked. Seriously, though, kids, don't cook bacon in the nude. Nothing good comes of it.
>Odd how in a world where nearly everyone you met on a daily basis seemed to go naked.90% of the time, you find yourself turning into a real clothes-horse.
>YEAAAAAAAAAAH.jpg.
>Okay, Brainon, that's fair. I had that one coming. Anyway...
>>
>>27873247
>It possibly had something to do with the fact that virtually anything Rarity made was not only perfectly fitted--and she could do that without measurement, as much as she was loathe to do it--it was generally insanely comfortable to boot
>maybe it had something to do with the fact that ponies are absolute bears for being as comfortable as possible for as much of the time as possible. Or maybe
>ITS_FUCKING_MAGIC.jpg
>And you ain't gotta explain shit.
>You DO know that the fabric undershirt, socks and underwear have a light enchantment on them to both help dissipate heat and wick moisture away.
>Before the Great Equestrian Vacation, you wouldn't have imagined that you'd ever put a suit on just to lounge around the house, but now...
>All of your clothing was made by rarity, or with her supervision. Your initial wardrobe here was a freebie, and surprisingly extensive. After you'd become both self-supporting and reasonably well-off, you'd become one of her most reliable regular customers.
>Beside you, Amber tugs on her own dress and mutters, "Seriously, though, do I absolutely HAVE to wear this thing?"
>Rarity stops fussing with your clothes and starts messing with her dress. It's simple, it's elegant, it's as comfortable as wearing nothing at all, and Amber is absolutely desperate to get out of it.
>"Absolutely--right now, you're both celebrities of Canterlot, squarely in the public eye. Which means that the eyes of all Equestria are on you. You want to look as ravishing as possible, remember?"
And, of course, this is going to serve as free advertising for your Boutique
>You boop her nose while saying that, to show that there's no hard feelings about that and that you understand completely. You don't know much about fashion, but you DO know that it's cutthroat, as much in this place as in your own world. You don't turn away ANY free publicity.
>>
>>27873332

>Steady Hooves clears his throat to speak to you both.
>"You've both got the instructions I gave you, right?" he said. "You're both pretty much healed at this point, but for at least the next month, you should both take it easy. You're not exactly broken glass, but it's going to be at least a couple more months before your bones are at full strength."
>He gestures to the thick sheaf of papers, prescriptions and folders you have in your lap. Amber's as well as yours. Hers is very, very small compared to yours. You look idly at one of the prescriptions, and marvel that doctor's hoofwriting in this world is arguably better than handwriting in your own.
>"You should both keep up with the exercises and stretching regimen the therapists prescribed for you, and get as much of a balanced diet as you can, preferably high in protein--you're both still works in progress. In general, try to get as much exercise as you can, but that's good advice for anypony, really.
>"And, of course, if you have any problems, come back and see us. And YOU, Anon...I'm going to want to see you again in one month, and then every two, for at least the next year for followup."
>He pauses. "You were apparently as close to completely nonmagical before the...the incident as it's possible for a living thing to come, and...well, you're literally a limited edition of one now. This is unprecedented, and no one at this point can pretend to understand what's happened, or what WILL happen--"
Got it, doc. If I happen to notice anything unusual, like obvious facial tumors, maybe a second head or a fourth set of nards coming in, I'll come back to see you posthaste.
>He nodded. Sweetie Belle and Amber both snorted with laughter. Rarity just snorted. >Clothes Horse was not really a fan of fourth-grade potty humor, being that she was a a lady of refinement and breeding.
>Steady Hooves nodded.
>>
>>27873409

>Together, you proceeded to the main entrance to Clydesdale Memorial, and while the girls chattered around you, you wondered, not for the first time, what the hell was it with all the horse puns this world cheerfully gave you. And why it seemed that there were so many bizarre and nonsensical connections to your own world.
>And more than that, you're dreading the crowd that's waiting out front. Because there was no way to hide your discharge from the hospital.
>Amber was essentially Light Ray's Victim Zero, and that alone made her an object of fascination. But you were the one the press of Equestria had lionized as the one who had stopped the Marketplace Massacre, the single worst day of violence since the Changeling Invasion a few years before.
>Which made it the second worst incident of violence in over two centuries, at this point. And right now, reporters from from all over Equestria and beyond were waiting out front to ask questions of you both, along with well-wishers and ponies who just wanted to catch a glimpse of the alien.
>and to this day, you still couldn't remember what you had done, so how the hell do you intend to answer them? You wipe your palm surreptitiously on the knee of your suit.
>beside you, on both sides, Amber and Rarity both see the gesture. Amber's hoof reaches out and touches your right hand, offering silent support. She's as nervous as you are. and for some reason, you feel as certain of that as you are that you're sitting right here, right now.
>You look into her eyes, and she smiles.
On the other side, Rarity brushes your shoulder.
>"Nervous darling?"
Do I even have to say yes at this point?
>"No, I'd say it's pretty obvious," she says. "But the best reason to do this is because if you DON'T do this at least once, they're going to keep chasing you and they're not going to let up. This is the equivalent to...err, throwing meat in front of a bear, I guess would be the most accurate metaphor."
>>
>>27873464

Colorful, anyway.
>"I've spent a lot of time with Fluttershy, and you don't hang around her without getting at least a few carnivory-based observations. Anyway, answer a few of their questions, and then we'll away to a restaurant I've picked out for lunch, a nice, quiet spot, and with arguably the best food I've ever tasted in my life..."
So...you DO know that they're going to be chasing after us no matter where we go, right?
>She winks at you. It's literally the single most adorable expression you've ever seen on any face, pony OR human. "Well, as to THAT...I have a plan, and I think you'll like what I have in mind.
>You admit that, of all the ponies you know, Rarity has probably the most devious, wickedly-inventive mind for mayhem you've ever met. You sort of understand where Sweetie Belle gets her talent for calamity and chaos, and you idly wonder what would happen if they pooled their talents and used them in the pursuit of evil instead of good.
>Or at least in the pursuit of lulz.
>"As long as it doesn't have a roof," says Amber, shuddering slightly, "Then I'm good with it. I think I've had enough of closed spaces to last me for...oh, about the next thousand years of my life. How in the name of Tartarus do you ponies put UP with this, all the time?
>The doctors have given her medications to control the symptoms of bird-pone claustrophobia, but even with the magically-based antianxiety meds, it still shows through.
>She's talked at length about how incredible it's going to be to get shut of this place. It's just as well that she's even farther along in her healing than you are, since you're pretty sure that a team of wild horses wouldn't be able to drag her back in here again.
>Geddit? Wild horses? It's funny because...yeah, well, fuck you too.
>"I think you'll both be extraordinarily pleased by it," says Rarity. "And in answer to your question, yes--it DOES have a lovely outdoor dining area
>>
>>27873509

>Sweetie Belle hops onto your lap and whispers into your other ear. "You can relax, she's pretty much stopped paying attention to hoof ratings. the food at Falcone's is pretty good, thank Luna."
>You mentally wipe your forhead and go "Whew." You remember the last time you were together in Canterlot rarity had dragged you to a place that was very beautiful, very cold, and you were afraid to touch ANYTHING. The china was elegant and spotless, the silverware and table linens of the highest quality, the waitstaff were rude, abrasive and as cold the atmosphere, and the food elegantly proportioned and presented and as close to being utterly flavorless as humanly--as PONILY possible.
>Three Hooves. Fuck you right in the eyes, Zesty Gournand. You mentally give every place that bears the mark of her approval over the not-so-coveted Over 9000 Anon Dicks Rating. You'd made small talk, enjoyed it as much as you could, and then hit a Griffon joint for enough barbecued rabbit, grilled salmon and strong beer to sink a battleship.
>Yeah, seriously, fuck that lady right in the eyes with a barbed dildo made of AIDS of the cancer of the leukemia of the everything. She was a plague.
>Ahead of your group at the end of the corridor near the main entrance there are six of Celestia's Royal Guard who are talking to four constables, along with a bunch of hospital staff and Amber's mother, sister and two bird-ponies you don't recognize. They look...well, not worried, exactly, but concerned. And very, very faintly, past the soundproofing wards, even, you can hear the rumble of ponies outside.
>Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph, there's a crowd.
>>
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>>27873602
Moar?
>>
>>27873658

Yes

>>27873602

>You aren't aware that you spoke those words aloud until Amber's telekinetic hoof "grippers" squeeze your hand slightly, along with Rarity's hoof on your shoulder.
>The Royal Guard Commander turns toward you with a speculative eye. Enchantments on their armor make them almost impossible to tell apart-even to their gender--but this one looks larger and more imposing than the squad under him. he's actually larger than Applejack's taciturn brother.
>"You have no idea," he says, the armor adding depth and a metallic flanging to his voice.
>Seriously, in spite of their primitive appearance, the suits were practically enchanted powered armor. You'd studied what they were capable of extensively when writing the novel "Panoply" a few years ago, your first major foray into "original" fiction. "There's practically every reporter from every major news agency across Equestria, and half a dozen other countries. From a security standpoint, it's a logistical nightmare." He pauses and extends a hoof to you.
>"Commander Silver Star, at your service, sir...and ma'am," he adds, politely shaking hooves with Amber Eyes, who had been talking animatedly with her family in Flock Mothertongue. "We've screened as much of the crowd as we can, and they've got plainsclothes officers scattered throughout the crowd, as well as observers on the rooftops around. But I will admit, I'm not comfortable with this situation. Emotions are running high out there, and...well, with the rumors, we're not taking anymore chances than we have to."
>He's referring to an anonymous tip that had been received that at least one militant wing of the Unicorn League of Purity held you personally responsible for the events of 07-14-02, the date of the Market Square Attack, and that there was at least a hint of a plan in place to make an attempt on your lives.
>>
>>27873734
>In a society that both held freedom of speech up as one of the highest virtues, AND despised domestic spying, unless absolutely necessary, domestic intelligence was something of a crapshoot
>but, nopony was taking any more chances than they absolutely had to.
"You know," says the constable lieutnenant, having come up beside him, "If you want, you can just say the word and I'll have my ponies disperse the crowd."
>You consider it....strongly...and then shake your head.
No. Don't do that--if we start running, we'll always BE running. I know there's some ponies out there who are afraid of me in spite of what happened, and if we don't say something, NOW, it's just going to add fuel to the fire.
>You and Amber have been practically in a state of guarded seclusion for the past three months, but you know about some of the more insane rumors that are going around, the kind of things that, back on Earth, would be confined to the darkest,dankest corners of the internet or some moron's poorly-mimeographed newsletter with a dozen subscribers.
>Rainbow and Rarity both had brought a few of them to, just for laughs. And you had, though honestly, you weren't sure whether to laugh about them or cry hysterically. So in the end, you'd wound up doing a little bit of both.
>Privately, though. Anon has pride, you see, and none may see his tears. Except for that one time in grade school...and that other time on that date...seriously, she'd said she LIKED men in touch with their feelings, and what did she have against them crying about the restaurant bill?
>Women, amirite?
>....
>Ahem. Right then, moving on.
>>
>>27873764
Gimme just a bit here.
have to attend to something work related
>>
>>27873767
Bless you and your writing. I'll make sure to catch up after my shift.
>>
>>27873764
>>27873805

>"While I can't say I agree with your reasoning," he sighs, "I can understand it, at least. And in your place, I'd probably be doing the same thing. And if you were in my place, you'd be cursing the guy who made it necessary," he finished wryly.
Believe me, it wasn't by choice.
>He chuckles. "yeah, I know. And PR nightmare or not, we're grateful for what you did in July. At least I am. It was bad enough. But it could have been so much worse."
>he senses your growing discomfiture and changes the subject. "But anyway," he says "We'll get you through this as best as we can, and...well, I hate to ask...:" Genuinely curious, you ask,
What is it?
>"My son is kind of a fan of your books," he says 'And to be honest I am too. I don't suppose you could...?" He trailed off, hopefully, and you laugh yourself.
Sure, I'd love to.
>the lieutenant produces four copies of hardcover books, two of the aforementioned 'Panoply' and two of a more recent offering, 'Night Twin.' Rarity fetches a pen from her saddlebag, and you sign the inside covers with a flourish.
>I'm signing these, "To my good friends--"Uh...what IS your name,sir?" you ask>
>"Night Watch. And my son's name is Cold Stone." Ah. Apt. You've never figured out if somehow ponies are prescient, or if it's simply another quirk of Equestria's magic, because their given names often have some sort of bearing on their life choices.
"To my good friends, Night Watch and Cold Stone--Anon. Y. Mous." You know, "Night Twin" has a sequel coming out in a few months--if you want, I can set both you and your son up with some copies ahead of the release date? Just keep it on the downlow, okay?"
>He grins. "That would be great. But...first things first...let's get you through this shit-show alive, okay?"
One could almost call it...a dog and pony show.
>YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH.jpg.
>Everyone stares at you, a little blankly. "I...don't think I get it," says Night Watch.
>>
>>27873888
Err...some of these are just for me, I guess. Different world and all. Also, for what little it's worth, I'm sorry for the trouble you're having on our behalf.
>He frowns a bit. "It's a helluva lot better than the alternative, Mr. Mous," he says. He sticks the books back in his saddlebag. "Just a second, let me attend to something," and he turns away to speak to one of his officers, a mare had been trying to get his attention.
>Amber Eyes mother stops talking to her, and looks at you, her copper eyes gleaming. The older bird pony mare slowly comes over to you and sits on the floor in front of you, her eyes wide and looking into your own.
>After a second, she rears up on her hind legs, and throws her forelegs around your neck, trembling with emotion. She hugs you, pulling you in close.
>She whispers something in her own language to you, and then follows it in curiously bird-pone-accented Equestrian, the words whistling oddly. "You, who who saved my daughter from death at the hooves of a madpony, you have my eternal thanks, and that of all the Flocks of the Red Sun Desert. We owe you a debt that we fear we can never repay. Thank you, Anon Y. Mous. Thank you."
>She smells like sweet oilsmoke and herbs.
>White Thorn, Amber's younger sister, is covered with downy, dun-colored fuzz and has a funny little topknot of feathers, almost like a quail. She's sitting back on her haunches grinning and waving at you.
>"A gift she has for you," says--you blink for a moment, as you try to remember the older pony's name. that seems to be happening a lot to you, lately. But then, since Steady Hooves told you your brain was essentially smashed into paste, you darkly muse that it's probably not the worst thing that could be happening to you right now.
>Fire Light, you remember. Her mother's name is Fire Light.
Thank you, Fire Light. I'm honored by your daughter's gift.
>She smiles, and White Thorn digs around looking for her gift to you.
>>
I want this entire general to get hit by a bus.
>>
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>>27873937
>>
>>27873963
>She takes it out and chatters something in the Mother Tongue, and then hands it shyly to you.
>D'awwwww
>It's a necklace, a simple platinum chain and tiny crystalline flowers, with a tiny teardrop-shaped crystal pendant, with a tiny blue spark of fire burning within. You say, honestly,
It's...beautiful. Thank you.
>You, Rarity and Amber Eyes stare at it in fascination. Even the Royal Guard and Camelot constabulary seem a little impressed
>Fire Light gently puts it around your neck and kisses your cheek, before releasing you and sitting back down. She says something to the tiny White Thorn, who giggles.
Uh, Amber? What'd they say?
>She smiles. "Mama says you look very handsome. And, uh...'You're going to be very handy around the house when you get your full growth.' That's not exactly what she said, but that's the general gist of it..."
>She's blushing furiously. You wonder why.
>"Well. folks," says Night Shift. "You ready for showtime?"
>All of you give your assent.
>"Then...let's go."
>>
>>27873077

>Mags? I'll trade you this nice, shiny piece of quartz for my keys, okay?"
>She stares at the rock in your hand. It's a piece of cloudy quartz with tiny gold inclusions sparkling in the light. The rock is, indeed, very very shiny.
>She bites her lip, staring wide-eyed at the sight.
>"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay...you can have the keys." She tosses you the keys and you hand her the rock.
>Laughing, she scampers off to her aluminum foil-lined nest.
>Crisis.averted.jpg
>>
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>>27874065
>>27874108
you two are very beautiful people for providing us with this green

thank you both
>>
>>27874065

>The Royal Guardsmen go out first, filing out like machines through the main entrance, and then the constabulary follows.
Let's do this.
>rarity smiles. You squeeze Amber's forehoof, and feel answering warm squeeze back.
>"Once more unto the breach," murmurs Rarity. You understand that she's...well, been through things like this before. She's an Element. A national hero.
>Just who the fuck are YOU?
>With doctor Steady Hooves, Rarity and Sweetie Belle at your left, Amber to your right, her mother and sister to the right of her, and the nurses behind your chairs. you go through the main entrance and face the waiting crowds beyond.
>>
>>27874314

>Your mind almost shuts down.
>At the bottom of the steps, the plaza is filled with...ponies. Every color of the rainbow, every color, and some that literally defy description, every type, every description.
>There are goats, mules, donkeys, griffons, minotaurs, races you don't recognize. There's a few diamond dogs, here and there, and somepony--something--someONE--near the front that looks like a humanoid cat. A dragon, near the back, carefully holding what looks like a full-sized motion picture camera in its front claws.
>There are pegasi in the air, some with cameras.
>Oh so many cameras, all snapping pictures. flash bulbs, flash bulbs everywhere.
>Near the front, you see what has to be the world's fattest unicorn, literally so big you wonder how he can even walk, smoking a cigar. He's got a reporter's hat on, complete with a tag that says "Press" and he's smoking a cigar approximately the size of a road flare, to the annoyance of literally everyone around him. And you can smell that stogie even from here.
>You start to laugh at the absurd sight, and then stop yourself, because right now, you're afraid you might not stop if you start.
>Beside you, Rarity is whispering nonstop in an urgent yet soothing tone. "Just relax. Breathe, both of you. Just relax. We're here, and everything is okay. Everything is all right. Just breathe, both of you, and focus on my voice, because I'm here with you and everything is okay..."
>Beside you, you feel Amber's borderline panic as she takes in the sight of so many thousands of assembled sentients at once. her mother is whispering to her from behind and touching her, trying to reassure her.
>Her wings flutter. She's desperate to take flight, to escape. You take her hand and clutch it tightly, and she looks at you, her eyes wide and trapped and staring, her pupils pinpoints.
I'm here with you, Amber.
>You don't know if you spoke the words, or just thought them.
>>
>>27874429

>But it doesn't seem to matter, because she seems to get them anyway.
>Somewhere inside of you, you feel reassuring warmth, and without understanding HOW you know, you feel it coming from her, too.
>You wonder if this is what magic is supposed to feel like. Because it's a nice feeling, but you also wonder when you're going to start thinking in any depth about what's happened to you. Because you're still avoiding dwelling on it very deeply or for very long.
>And Doctor Steady Hooves is speaking to the assembled crowd at the microphone and podium set up there, telling them about yours and Amber's healing, therapy and general physical condition.
>The general gist of it is that you can't speak for too long, or answer all of the many questions everypony out there surely has, because you're both still not completely and recovered and presently under a great deal of stress. Which is entirely true.
>"Right now, you have no idea how much I want to just...disappear. just fly out of here, flap my wings and vanish over the buildings over there," murmurs Amber Eyes sotto voce beside you. her teeth are chattering.
>"And here I thought being cooped up inside of that building for months and months was the worst thing imaginable...boy was I ever wrong."
Hey, just imagine sitting in a park with me and eating corn nuts. Maybe planning a prank to play on some stuffy rich unicorn or something. Or we can get out the drum set and lay down some sick beats. Remember that DJ in Ponyville?
>DJPON3, AKA Vinyl Scratch, who's also on the engineering teams dissecting some of the electronics you'd donated not long after Arrival.
>You'd seen some of the breakthroughs her company were spinning off, though she was interested more in their musical applications personally. You'd been told they were on the verge of some truly stunning magically-assisted breakthroughs.
>Multiplayer Team Fortress 2 was going to be a reality for you again, in the not-too-distant future.
>>
>>27874556

>And now, the constabulary is up.
>"Sir, have you completed the investigation into the motive behind the Market Square Massacre?"
>Night Shift answers, carefully. "At this time, we are still pursuing our investigation, but we've managed to uncover some details by now. >"First, we know that the attack was carried out entirely by a unicorn going by the name Light Ray, who has been connected with a number of violent criminal incidents stretching back over a decade.
>"At the time, Light Ray was associated with a racialist organization calling themselves the Unicorn League of Purity, or ULOP for short. However, the group has strongly and publicly condemned and disavowed his actions and has released an official statement 'expressing regret' for them. Our investigation into a possible connection there is still ongoing."
>Your lip curls in disgust.
>Yeah. You already knew that the group was using a cutout to bait non-unicorn thieves--specifically bird-ponies--and attack them with the intention of killing them because apparently there was a real actual market for their wings, tails and feathers, especially overseas. They made a superlative form of magical lightweight armor, among other things.
>And some griffons and minotaurs both were convinced that ground, dried bird-pony wing bones were good for erectile dysfunction and increased virility. Seriously.
>Of all the things your world had in common with Equestria and vice versa, THIS shitnoodle bullshit had to be one of them.
>You wondered if you could get rich by selling your turds to them as an aphrodisiac, because the idea of feeding your shit to them and having them pay you for the privilege was really appealing right about now.
>Celestia would be...oh, who the hell were you kidding? You'd met her, and she was probably the most earthy, fun-loving pony you'd ever seen, and the fact that Twilight somehow refused to see it was true tragedy. She'd spend a month laughing like a loon at the idea.
>>
>>27874719

>You lean over and very quietly tell Rarity your notion.
>Her jaw drops in shock for a few seconds before she claps both hooves over her mouth to try to hold the bray of laughter in. She's literally crying.
>A few of the ponies in the press conference see her fighting not to crack up curiously. You smile and wave to them. It really isn't as funny as you'd hope, but given the stress of the situation...well, you know about "corpsing."
Hey, imagine it, we could get filthy rich, selling Anon's patented Turd-in-a-Box. Imagine rich idiots around the world paying bits to smoke them or something in hopes for strong boner reinforcement. We could make a killing!
>"You awful...awful...demented man," she says, gasping for breath.
>One of the closer Royal Guard escorts also heard you, and were fighting to hide their own smirks. And Amber Eyes, of course, was giggling like someone was tickling her. Most likely, she'd be thinking of ways to improve the idea, seriously or not, and she'd be ready and willing to try to make it thing that happens.
>the bird-pony equivalent to taking an upper-decker.
>>
>>27874822
K, going to take a break on this for a few hours. I need to recharge a bit and take care of some things.
>>
Bamp
>>
>>27874841
aight, we'll be eagerly waiting
>>
>>27874429
>You take her hand
Whoops.
>>
>>27875238
I'm sure its not the only goof I made. Theres quite a few of them. Cheerfully copping to them ^^
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>>27874841
Take your time, based writefriend.
>>
>>27840282
requesting a owl pone version of this?
>>
Bumpu
>>
Anyone got a penguin p0ne?
>>
>>27875854
>>27877044
I'm for both of these
>>
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>>27877044
>>
Saved from page 10
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>>27880180

"Nah, there's always room for bread!"
>>
>>27878648

Aww, that's cute--is Happy Hooves there brooding an egg?
>>
>>27874822

>Fire Light speaks Equestrian, but with nowhere near the same degree of fluency that her daughter does, and she didn't quite catch everything you'd said anyway, so Amber translates it for her.
>The older mare doesn't bother to hide her laughter from anypony else, press conference or no. She breaks up into laughter, and finally manages to get something out to her daughter through it.
>Amber leans closer to you, smiling, and says, "Mama says, 'Him, I like.'
>You're still chortling like an idiot, and oddly enough, Sweetie is holding it together better than the rest of you. You know how hard it can be to keep from laughing when you're trying to be solemn and silent.
>Silver Star, the Royal Guard commander is fielding some questions about the royal investigation into the incident, and his answers are formal, polite and mostly non-informative.
>Literally everything he says comes back to to some variation of, "I cannot confirm or deny at this time," and "Our investigation is still ongoing, and the details are classified until it is completed, but when they are, you will be the first to know."
>"Sir, have you investigated the possibility that the attack was actually carried out by anti-Equestrian foreign elements, and that we are now on a war footing?" The reporter who asks that...he looks vaguely familiar.
>Where have you seen that stallion before?
>Silver Star hesitates very slightly, and you wonder if anyone else catches it. "Officially, I cannot confirm or deny that the attack was linked to foreign nationals. Off the record, however, there is no evidence that it was, and no, at this time, Equestria is not on a war footing. The Princesses are expected to make a formal public statement regarding the status of the investigation later today."
>>
Anon officially being invited to join the flock as a full fledged member after enduring an initiation ritual like the Mandan okipa when?
>>
I want a green broadbill to think Anon is of their own kind
>>
>>27880803
That bird is retardedly green
It's like a feathery highlighter
>>
(Sorry. laundry and I nipped out to the store for a few things, and apparently they train all the new guys in the middle of the night. So it took me an hour and a half to buy toilet paper and a sandwich, most of it spent waiting at the register while the checker stared off into the middle distance with a blank look)

>>27880686

>Not for the first time, you curse your own defective memory. Since the Incident, it seems like your memory is full of more holes than Swiss cheese.
>"One more question, sir," says that reporter. "Has your office uncovered any evidence to suggest that there is a possible link between the extra-equestrial entity known as Anon Y. Mous and the attack?"
>The crowd murmurs at the su6ggestion, and mostly not in a friendly way. It's kind of nice to know that the majority of the crowd is in your court. Some of the reporter's fellows stare at him with their mouth's slightly open.
>One or two that you see, however, have a speculative look on their face.
>Silver Star frowns for a moment. "No, there is no evidence to suggest a causal link between Mr. Mous and the incident, or the perpetrator. Nor is there any evidence to suggest that the perpetrator was acting in concert with anypony else at the time of the incident. Beyond this, I have nothing further to say."
>>
>>27880735
>Looks up Mandan Okipa
>reads about ceremony.

I want you to know you've put a smile on my face tonight, Anon.
>>
>>27881259

>And then you remember.
>You remember the media furor after your arrival in Equestria, which apparently happened just after Discord was locked into stone.
>You'd met him a couple of times in the years since. Seemed like a relatively decent guy, weird sense of humor, penchant for pranks, and he really seemed into Fluttershy. You'd had beers with him, though he insisted on mixing his with chocolate. Surprisingly good combination, you'd found, as long as the glass wasn't drinkable too. That tasted kind of funky.
>Twilight had dealt with a mob of reporters and media then, many of whom were apparently worried that you had been brought to Equestria as some sort of plot by the Patron God of Chaos.
>the one who had asked the most aggressive, embarrassing, random questions--you had him pegged as the pony equivalent to Alex Jones.
>There had been three other assistants there with them, and this reporter had been one of them, though he hadn't said much himself.
>You and Twi had read some of the articles in the publication that reporter had represented--the New Aeon Times--and laughed like idiots.
>Seriously, it read like something printed on toilet paper--the stories focused on weird alien abductions, insane conspiracy theories, even more insane political ideas, esoteric fringe magical and scientific theories, adverts for "free energy" devices, weird religious groups, and "One weird trick that will wipe out your tax burden FOREVER!" crap.
>Seriously, your patience had already been put to the test dealing with that weird religious cult that claimed you were a figure known as the Ezezagun, who was some sort of doomsday/antichrist-like figure in some obscure pony religion.
>You'd responded to them by throwing a bucket full of your own rancid piss at them. Well, Rainbow Dash had helped fill it, bro that she was. They still occasionally pestered you.
>>
>>27880803
This. A little green filly that thinks Anon is her dad.
>>
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>>27881347
>>
>>27881315

>Seriously, you reflect to yourself, you need to stop using the word "seriously" so much.
>Seriously, broham, that's seriously irritating. Stop that.
>"I see him," says Rarity, after you point him out to her. "Fact Finder, from the Aeon Times. And believe me, that's...not an apt name. I had some dealings with him, after the Grand Galloping Gala incident. And the mare beside him is Gossip Monger, with the Fillydelphia Enquirer. Her name is, unfortunately, extremely apt."
>And speak of the devil, the next round of questions comes to you. You stand up, with the cane Rarity had made for you, and take your place at the podium beside Silver Star and Night Shift.
>there's a certain change in the attitude of the crowd, since you're taller and more physically imposing even than most minotaurs, and between the physical therapy and the magical assistance, they've managed to put a new coat of muscle on you that you didn't have before. .
>the first few questions are essentially softballs. One of them is a mare who wants to know who makes your clothes, which...seems less than a relevant question, all things considered.
Uh...well, my entire wardrobe was made by Ponyville's own Carousel Boutique, owned and founded by our very own Rarity Belle over there, and they've juuuuuust opened shops in Manehattan and Fillydelphia. Since I can tell you that these are the most comfortable clothes I've ever worn, bar none, well...that's pretty much the best recommendation I can give you.
>You glance over your shoulder, and see with some amusement that she's squee-ing and practical wetting herself in delight. You wink at her.
>"Ambassador Mous...can you tell us exactly how you felt during that afternoon in July, during the incident itself?"
>'How I felt?' I was terrified. the only thing I felt was concern for my friend, who was bleeding to death in the street at the time, and terror that she was about to die horribly.
>And you answer...
>>
>>27881415
>You answer more or less honestly. That you don't seem to remember much, and that the last thing you CAN recall with any certainty was being terrified that your friend was going to die there in the street.
>Honestly, what the hell ELSE would you have been thinking about?
>And then, from Fact Finder there in the third row:
>"Mister Mous, we have it in good authority that upon your arrival in Equestria, you were essentially a creature completely devoid of
magic, and that this was confirmed by Royal examination..."
Which is correct.
>"Yet, according to eyewitness reports, you somehow generated a magical field-effect which not only protected the pony--a foreign national--you held in your arms, as well as the ponies behind you, it also completely annihilated the...perpetrator himself, one Light Ray?"
...that is...
>"...and furthermore, according to documentation obtained from sources both in the Royal Office of Scientific Investigation and medical reports from Clydesdale Memorial hospital, you were not only dead when you were brought into the emergency room, you spontaneously revived? And that now you apparently generate an unprecedented level of possibly-dangerous thaumic flux of a heretofore unknown type?"
>....your mouth opens. You're actually having trouble figuring out how to answer. And he's still not finished.
"Sir, is there any truth to the rumors that, not only were you operating jointly with the perpetrator of the Marketplace Massacre, you are ALSO the alien vanguard for an extra-equestrian invasion force?"
>...and that's it. You suddenly feel extremely tired, extremely aggravated, and desperate for this entire nightmare to come to an end. Most of the crowd seems to be as irritated and angry as you're becoming, and it's directed mostly at Fact Finder.
>But you see a few of them are looking at you speculatively. And on some of those faces, just a touch of...fear.
>>
I have several eyewitness reports saying that Fact Finder is a douche.
>>
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browsing around my computer, i found a start to this thing i never continued when the last few threads died, so here, have it i guess.
and im sorry >>27881468 if i interrupted your update

"TWEET, NO!"
>Well shit, there goes your secret snack stash.
>You were going to save that for the Sunday hoofball game with Big Mac and Spike.
>So much for that.
>Tweet turns to you with a shocked expression, mouth full of gummy worms.
>Damn it, how can you stay mad at something as cute as that?
>You smile.
>Then you realize he's still eating your damn snacks.
"HEY!"
>He giggles.
>Daww...
>-Your snacks.
"HEY!"
>You grab the snacks from him and stuff everything back into the cabinet.
>Curse this birdpony and his curious nature.
>And his wings.
>You know that with how much he ate, he was probably going to have a rather bad stomach ache later on.
>Not even YOU could eat as many snacks as he did.
>"What's with all the screaming? Thought that stupid hoofball thing was on SUNDAY?"
>Aaand here's Blu.
"Yeah, well Tweet here got into my snack stash."
>You spot a small bag hidden under her wings.
"...Any idea how that happened?"
>"Woah, woah, don't put any blame on me here! I'm innocent!"
"I never said you weren't."
>"No, no, you got that stupid look on your face that says otherwise!"
>...Look?
>You glance at a mirror across the room.
>Huh, okay, that look does kind of give it away.
>"Sooo, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my room, enjoying the very fulfilling life of a non-criminal! Good day, sir!"
>The second she turns around, you lean in and take the bag from her wing.
>She instinctively lets out a few angry chirps.
>It's adorable.
>You look at the bag.
>Combos.
>Or the Equestrian equivalent, after you proposed the idea.
>You still haven't seen a single cent of all those damn sales.
>But whatever.
>Why Blu enjoys them so much, you'll never know.
>Her face grows red in a mix of anger and embarrassment.
>She scrunches.
>>
>>27881523
>"I-I paid for those!"
>You put on that "stupid look" and raise an eyebrow.
"Really, now? Because they sure do look like the ones I had in my snack stash here."
>"All the bags look the same! How do you know Tweet didn't eat it?!"
>You flip the bag.
>At the bottom is your signature in marker.
>She sees it and glares.
>"Wh-whatever! I don't like those anyways!"
>She slowly walks away.
>"Stupid Anon..."
>Secret stash or not, you got those for her anyways.
>All she needed to do was ask.
>Eh, whatever.
>You'll drop them by her later.
>You turn back to Tweet.
>He's trying to rip your cabinet doors open, and failing miserably.
>So that means Blu did it.
>Man, that bird sometimes.
>Something of a wildcard.
>You pull Tweet away, getting, well, angry tweets in response.
>You're just glad they don't have beaks.
>Even IF Tweet's yours, him with a beak would be the scariest thing ever.
>He'd probably peck your damn eyes out.
>You walk past a calendar in the kitchen and smile.
>Today was going to be a great day.
>And as if on cue, your favorite birdpony comes in through the door.
>You set Tweet down on the couch with his toys and run over to Peep, picking her up and squeezing her in one quick motion.
>She squeaks.
>"H-hi, Anon."
>You kiss her.
"Hey, Peep. Ready for today? Got great things planned!"
>"Y-you made... plans? You didn't need to-"
"Pft, of course I did. If anypony in this town deserves a special day, it's you, for sure."
>She blushes and smiles.
>"I love you, Anon."
"Love ya too, Peep."
>You squeeze her again.
>She coos and nuzzles you.
>Fuck human women, birdpony wives are where it's at.
>She breaks the hug and walks over to Tweet.
>You get a good look at that flank while she does.
>Just another plus.
>You grin and give yourself a thumbs up.
>You chose well, Anon.
>>
>>27881468
No...yes, I was , I have no idea what happened because I honestly do not remember, I don't remember THAT, either, and probably for obvious reasons, I couldn't tell you one way or another because I'm not anything resembling an expert in magic, no I'm not, and I am fucking done with this shit, in that order. And you can quote me. I'm done with questions today.
>And you see a bunch of press agents starting to yell, including Fact Finder...who suddenly shouts and drops his tape recorder.
>It's suddenly on fire.
>Along with the cameras of several press agents and reporters near him. The flash bulbs suddenly flare and burst explosively.
>Suddenly you're aware of a faintly-glowing barrier in front of you, with three of the Royal Guard--unicorns all--standing to your side and behind. And Rarity and Amber both are behind you, talking to you quietly urgently.
>the fires die down, and things stop...exploding. The crowd is loud.
>"Calm down, dear. Focus on your breathing. Don't panic. Breathe. This really isn't any different than what literally ANY other magic-user goes through, you're just doing it a little bit later than most. Breathe in, breathe out..."
>Silver star steps up to the podium. "No more questions today. Direct further inquiries to the office of the Royal Guard, or the Camelot Constabulary Office. Thank you. We're done today."
>>
>>27881523

Aw HELL no, don't apologize. This if fuckawesome! And I'm questioning my sanity about the 'press conference' thing...
>>
>>27881547
Or, you know, **IS** fuckawesome, like I'm actually an English-speaking non-mongoloid...
>>
>>27881537
Damn, now he won't be able to tell the paper how done with shit we are.
I bet he gets the order wrong too...
>>
>>27881537
>You look down at your right arm, which is tingling strangely. For some reason, you feel...strangely pent up. As if suddenly standing still is sheer torture.
>You want to do...something. You don't know what.
>Even through the sleeve of your exquisitely tailored suit, you can see the scars on your forearm.
>They're glowing, with a soft red and blue radiance. Amber is staring at them in wonder along with Sweetie Belle, and so is Steady Hooves, and Fire Light and White Thorn.
>And so you listen to soft Rarity's voice, and you focus down on your breathing. In and out, in and out, deep inhale, pause, slow exhale. Over and over again.
>And the feeling slowly passes. You look down at your arm, and it's no longer glowing.
>But it wasn't lost on the press, or the crowd. At least a few of them saw it, including Fact Finder.
>And he looks oddly satisfied.
>"This press conference is over," Silver Star barks into the microphone, and together, you leave, the Royal Guard and constabulary serving as icebreakers through the crowd for you. Amber Eyes and your little band of escorts.
>Reporters shout questions at you the entire time...but they can't drown out the rising rhythmic cheering from the rest of the crowd.
ANON. ANON. ANON.
>>
>>27881586
that bad, huh?
>>
>>27881616
Anon did kind of microwave his recorder.
>>
>>27881616
Yeah, good point.
>>
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>>27881521
>>
>>27881529

>Buy something for bird-pone
>Bird-pone still likes it better if she can steal it
>Anon now sets up most gifts so that Blu can "steal" them

Bird pones are like my cats.
>>
>>27881611

>the cafe is a little affair near Market Square, and it's a cool, autumn day. The name is completely forgettable. The food and drink they serve is not.
>Unfortunately, neither is the maître d'.
>"I'm sorry sir, but that...pony is not allowed in here," he says, slowly, indicating your friend with a hoof. Rarity squawks in indignation.
>"Why you, you sorry, bigoted CAD."
For the time being, you're still warranted police protection, and Night Shift starts to say something. Amber Eyes shushes him. She's irritated, but you can tell she's used to this.
>She pulls you aside. "Look, Anon, you don't have to die on this hill. I'm not going to say I LIKE this, but I'm pretty much used to it. All of us are, pretty much. You might have picked up on the fact that bird-ponies are NOT exactly popular in Equestria, for various reasons?"
>She takes a deep breath. "Here's the game plan--you and your friends there go in, you have a good time, you come back out--bring me a doggie bag, and a generous one." she smiles wickedly. "Then I come back later, when they're closed..."
Uh, yeah, no. I've seen how these snooty suckholes keep treating you. A bunch of them decided to kill you as a result, remember? No. This shit ends. Now.
>Lel, you're a--
Shut up, Brainnon, and you're right. Now I'm gonna fucking own it.
>HUMAN SUPREMACY ENGAGED. WE HAVE IGNITION.
>You turn around and look at the maître d', pull yourself up to your full height--most ponies barely come up to your groin--and you turn the full force of your humanity on him. He takes a step backward.
You know who I am, correct?
"Yes sir," he says. "You're the ambassador and author Anon Y. Mous. You're most welcome here," he says.
You lean down to him.
Now I want you to listen very, very carefully. You know who I am, and you know my work. I am in the midst of writing a traveler's guide for newcomers to Equestria, which will include a list of recommended places to visit...
>>
>>27881876
...and the reasons why someone should visit them.
>You lean even closer, so that you're practically nose-to-muzzle with him.
>He swallows, unable to tear himself away from your eyes.
It will also include a detailed list of places one should AVOID, along with detailed reasons WHY one should avoid them. And yes. I will name names. Lots of them. Ponies read what I write, oh yes they do. They will read them, and they will begin to avoid your place like the plague it is, and I will make certain that they understand that the reason they should avoid this establishment is...
>You glance at his name tag."
High Society. They will know that High Society is a cancer best exorcised from the body politic. You will never find work in the hospitality industry, much less any other, ever again. Also, rats. And roaches. So many roaches. ALL the roaches. But you can avoid this fate. Simply let me and my friends in, and we can put this behind us. Do I make myself clear?
>He swallows and backs up, his eyes wide and his ears drooping. "I...yes, sir. Sorry. There's...plenty of room in the atrium."
>>
>>27881902
Jesus he's like an asshole version of Castle with freaky god magic.
>>
Two threads and not a signle anon asking us "what's the word?".
>>
>>27881902
>As he scuttles off, Rarity pulls you down with hoof. "Was ANY of that true, Anon?" she asks, her eyes sparkling.
Nope, not a word. All of it was complete bullshit. But you know, now that I think about it, it's actually kind of a good idea. So who knows? I may do it after all.
>She shakes her head, giggling, and Sweetie Belle shakes her head. "Wow, Anon. Just...wow."
>Night Shift chuckles. "You know, if you write that, I might actually read it--I'd actually like to see what an Anon's Eye View of Equestria looks like."
>Amber looks at you. "I want you to know that I'm grateful for that, but I promise you, I'm still coming back here to pay them a visit."
I expected nothing less.
>the rest of the meal passes without incident.
>You all talk about...well, unimportant things, mostly. The air is crisp and cool, with that bite that tells you summer's over and autumn's in full swing, and the food and drinks are both plentiful and delicious.
>You learn from Amber that according to her mother and the flock elders, the Sea of Mareitania is apparently suffering the effects of an early, storm-choked autumn, which is going to make the late, severely delayed flock migration very difficult, or even impossible.
>This isn't the first time they've had to deal with this kind of thing, but...it's still going to make it extremely hard. Some of them are worried about surviving through the winter--it seems bird-ponies, especially young ones, have a sensitivity to cold that makes it difficult to endure a prolonged period of it, and Canterlot, along with most of northeastern Equestria, is far colder than what they're generally able to survive.
>"We also have...I suppose the easiest way to put it would be a kind of natural 'rhythm' that's easily disrupted. Our estrus cycles don't quite work like those of other ponies--when we don't migrate, we don't become fertile, and it takes several years to recover from it. Sometimes a decade or more..."
>>
>>27881934

THUNDERBIRD.

And how's it sold?
>>
>>27881914

>Jesus he's like an asshole version of Castle with freaky god magic.

That's exactly right.
>>
>>27881970
Someone needs to buy a bird horse heat lamp.
>>
>>27881984
>bird horse heat lamp.
I am just now realizing I am suggesting a light that makes bird horses go into heat, fuck.
>>
>>27881970
>She blushes. "So...we can sort of go through the motions, if you know what I mean. But we don't get anything FOR it. You know?"
>...you start thinking of ways to solve this.
>LEL
>Get your mind out of the gutter, Brainnon.
>It occurs to you that you've GOT a solution, but it's going to involve money. You probably have enough, though it's definitely going to hurt.
>Oh well. What the hell ELSE were you going to do with it? Besides, if you were going to learn anything else about bird-ponies, you knew you were going to have to dig deep anyway.
>Since you'd already half-decided anyway, out of the blue, you ask:
So, does anyone have a ballpark on how much a used Luxor-class airship costs?
>>
>>27882010

That would make an awesome green.
>Bird Pone stares at Hearths Warming Eve light display you put up.
>Bird pone starts drooling.
>She looks at you. "Anon?"
>"Uh...yeah"
>"It's beautiful. Now take me. Now."
>HORNY HORSE NOISES
>>
>>27882025
>[confused human noises]

have a green where all the bird ponies are shacked up in anon's home for the winter
he decides to celebrate christmas and spread his cheer with the birdponies, decorating the whole house from top to bottom with a lot of lights
lots and lots of lights

none of the ponies know of the other's heat, but they all want the same hot monkey dick

meanwhile, anon's too wrapped up in the excitement and cheer of christmas to notice

>damn it, the poster you got Peep is all soaked on one end for some reason
>and you dont see any leaks on the roof
>you scan the tube for a minute and shrug
>>
It looks like a green paint factory exploded in here, and it's awesome.
>>
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>>27882016

>Of course, there are members of the press outside, and a crowd has gathered, anxious to see all of you. And you're dreading trying to deal with it.
>And then you remember:
Rarity, I believe you said you had a plan to deal with this...?
>She smirks. "I do. Aaaand,..." she glances at her pocket watch. "They'll be here in just...pretty much now."
>She looks over her shoulder, at the trio of unicorns ponies strolling into the restaurant's atrium. And you recognize them.
>One is Vinyl Scratch, the gifted musician/eletronics expert from Ponyville. The second is Bon Bon, who...you haven't seen as much. She's cordial enough, though you haven't had much contact with each other, even years after living mostly in Ponyville.
>But the third...
Oh boy.
>She squees, and suddenly you're trying to remove a pony from your arm. "ANON! it's been so long! YOU'RE SO SPARKLY NOW!" Lyra cries. She swarms up your arm, and suddenly she's sitting on your shoulders "ONWARD, MY MIGHTY STEED! ONWARD!"
>For some reason, she's wearing one of your old boots on her head.
>You look down at Bon Bon, and your eyes meet.
So...she's off her meds again, huh?
>"Yeah, she says it improves her magic. And, you know, she's probably RIGHT, since I know what lithium and ADHD medication does to magic, but handling her when she's like this is kind of tricky. I'm mostly here to help her focus."
I see she's been in my house again. And my garbage. Please, please PLEASE tell me she didn't cook this time...
>Lyra has never once offered to steal anything even remotely valuable from you. In fact, you've come home from trips to Canterlot and other places to find that she'd dedicated herself to keeping it clean, tidy and wonderfully organized.
>Since she kept getting in anyway--she was convinced that she'd dreamed you were coming before you'd arrived and that humans were magical creatures like fairies--you'd finally started paying her as a housekeeper.
>>
>>27882168

>Which was a welcome windfall for her, AND for her roommate/life-partner both. And you got a kickass housekeeper out of it.
>As long as you kept her from trying to cook. Oh god...the memories...
>"PANCAKES PANCAKES PANCAKES PANCAKES!" Lyra is yelling, drumming her back hooves on your chest. "LAAAAZER CHEEEEEEESE!"
Owwwww.
>You pat her hoof awkwardly. She seizes it in a forehoof and starts playing with your fingers it in fascination, singing a song you're pretty sure you don't recognize.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj1heGiIehU&list=RDgMTeytJeSp8&index=8
>Amber looks at you. "So, uh...just out of idle curiosity, do you have any friends who are...you know, normal?"
>You grin and boop her nose. She squawks in mock-indignation.
Nope. Where's the fun in being a normie?
>"Okay, guys...focus here," says Vinyl. "So Rares...here's what we're going to do ..."
>She pulls what looks like a bunch of plastic tinkertoys and wires out of her saddlebags, and her and Bon-Bon quickly assemble them on the floor of the atrium into the rough shape of several ponies, and one humanoid. Basically stick figures made of wire. It takes less than five minutes.
>She sits back and critically surveys her handiwork. "Alright, I think that'll do. Lyra? You're up."
>"Did someone say my name?" she says, interrupting her song for the first time in five minutes.
>>
>>27882247
>She swarms down your body like a squirrel on meth, and bows low in front of Vinyl. "COMMAND ME, OH CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN!"
>"Vinyl is probably the best pony I know at manipulating sound. And Lyra is the best at illusion-magic. Sooooo...we're going to give the crowd out there something to pursue, while we simply slip out the back and away," says Rarity.
>Oh god, there's a reason you love this mare. Mayhem, thy name is Rarity.
>"And you sort of gave me the tools to do what I'm going to do with these." Vinyl's horn is sparkling, and so is Lyra's. They're each reading a piece of what you recognize as printout as their horns glow and pulse.
>The armatures are standing up. And coalescing around them you see layers of glowing threads, arranging themselves into polygonal shapes. And in under a minute, there are full-sized, perfect replicas of you, Amber, Rarity, Sweetie, and Night Shift standing there, looking blankly off into space.
>It's...actually really creepy.
Wow. Just...wow.
>"I know, right? says Vinyl, smiling. her horn is still glowing, the pulses coming faster and brighter. She's sweating a little. "Just...a little...there."
>the replicas blink and look at each other. "Say hi, Anon!" says Vinyl, looking at them.
>"Uh...hello world?" it sounds perfectly convincing.
>She grins. "Freakin' awesome. All: Program select: A," she says. "Execute."
>And they begin talking among themselves, sounding...well, pretty much like you'd do. As one, they walk out of the atrium toward one of the front doors, where the mob was waiting.
>Lyra is nodding and smiling at nothing much. Bon-Bon digs out some bottles from her own saddlebag. "Okay, Lyra? Please take the damned meds."
>"Awww, do I gotta?" she says. Frowning, she swallows a couple of the pills, one a soothing purple, the other blue.
>>
Oh fuck me, I know I made horrible grammar add pony pronoun goofs, reading back through this. I am ashamed, Anons. Beat me. Whip me, make me write bad checks

Seriously, I fucking suck dicks as a writer.

>>27882328

>"It'll last about...oh, yeah, fifteen minutes or so, before their charges run down," Vinyl says. "But they'll give the creeps out there something to harass, and they'll respond realistically, more or less..."
With gunfire?
>"Okay, not THAT realistically," she says.
>You see that one of the guys out there is Fact Finder. Good, let him chase a wire-frame phantom. Literally.
>Rarity produces several coats, hats and sunglasses--you have no idea where she hat the room in there to keep. them.
>"Wait, I think...Anon, let me take a look at that necklace." Amber says, and you lean down.
>She examines it with a critical eye. "Aw yeah," she says, smiling. "White Thorn built in something. Can my sister cook or what?"
What is it?
>"Just a little There/Not There," she says. She gently taps it and whistles. "It's got a little more punch than the one I had. Now, let's go."
I really...really...really need to get her some more stuff to work with.
>She smiles. "Everypony, stay close to Anon."
>You slip through the cafe, and everypony's attention seems to slip away from you as you make your way through the back.
>You stop once while Amber puts a hooftack on the maître d's chair.
>Nice.
>And then you're out. "I kind of wish I could see their reactions when the replicas run down," says Amber.
>"I'll settle for getting back to our rooms unmolested," says Rarity. Night Shift is calling to let his men know where you are and where you're going to be.
>Amber flutters up in front of you.
And you...we're going to figure out how to get you guys home.
>You boop her nose.
And..I'm going with you.
>>
>>27882437

Tried to fix the grammar goofs for the pastebin. Goddamn I've been going on this since midnight last night.
>>
>>27882444
Sure there's a shitton I missed in this goddawful trainwreck I've made.

http://pastebin.com/u/Speaker-to-Birds
>>
>>
>>
>>
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Sphinx.png
246KB, 1000x893px
>>
>>
>>
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>>27882792
jesus, fucking watermark much?

>>27882763
we have every pone here but that brown one, and i prefer the ones we have because they're not all recolors. also i dont get the auction thing- do you pay and get to use one as your OC or what?
>>
>>27882887

I don't really get the appeal of having an OC who is physically identical to every other OC except for a palette swap either.

I mean, if you're already paying for it anyway, why not pay someone to just draw you the OC you want?
>>
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>>27882948
because a lot of people are stupid and pay for recolors anyways.
>>
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theshit.jpg
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>>27882887
Unf
>>
>>27882763

Dont forget kids, the Peacock is a trap.
>>
>>27871516

BIRB is ETERNAL
>>
Page 6 bump.

Let's keep BIRB alive as long as we can
>>
>>27858270
D'awwww...

>Thread is full of d'aww and win.
>>
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>>
>>27882168
>ADHD Lyra
I'm not sure how to feel about this. I don't exactly like the idea of Lyra being like I was a decade ago.
>>
>>27883953

Don't forget the magical Ritalin- that'll straighten her out. Maybe.
>>
>>27883918

First you get the bread...
Then you get the bread crumbs..
Then you get the wimmens...
>>
>>27883953
Actually it's even worse than you think. Because I accidentally wrote Bon Bon in as a unicorn up there. This is literally the story that editing forgot.

God I suck dicks.
>>
File: 1442378938333.png (152KB, 428x920px)
1442378938333.png
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>>27884328
>God I suck dicks.
well, gotta pay the bills somehow, anon.

in all seriousness though you're doing good. unless we all tell you the story is shit, don't assume you're doing anything wrong.
>>
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the mysteries.png
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Here, have something I whipped up in 20 minutes that nobody needed or wanted: trying to work out how birbs would fit in in Equestria

I basically worked out some bullshit about birbs being created when bird eggs got caught in magical storms and messed with magically, and a birb being the result. I figure they would only be as magical ass the bird species they were so none of the cloud walking stuff.

Like I said, some bullshit
>>
What's the difference between bird ponies and pegasuseseseseus?
>>
>>27884446
Oh, never mind, this faggot>>27884432
Explained.
>>
File: 1444600419905.png (278KB, 938x898px)
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>>27884432
>that nobody needed or wanted
Anything made by you is wanted, your pones are fuckin adorable, mate.

>>27884446
maybe try looking in the thread for that answer, instead of asking for a spoonfeed, yeah?
>>
>>27881974
ICECOLD
>>
>>27884471
Thanks duder
I should probably do a proper picture of Sawdust there again soon, it's been forever
>>
>>27884469
>>27884469
I don't think there's any set canon .
>>
>>27884469
>>27884551
Pretty much, that was just my way of looking at it
>>
>>27884432
All birbs are welcome in BIRB.
>>
>>27884432

Is Skipper the asshole sort of Gull, Boj? I know that Black Backed Gulls are complete cunts from my experience- not as bad as Canada Geese though, they are worst birb.
>>
>>27884469
I guess you could say we encourage artistic freedom when it comes to the difference between birdpones and pegasi.
>>
>>27884684
Skipper is a Herring Gull, so one of the asshole gulls, but also a hecka big bird too
>>
>>27884723
Are there any wandering albatross pones by you?
They are the biggest of all flying birb. Max wingspan of roughly 11 feet.
>>
>>27885005
11 feet? Jesus. You learn a lot here.
>>
>>27885005
Not yet, been thinking of doing an albatross for a while though. Maybe I'll give it a go on friday or (since I'm away next week) next weekend, if you guys can keep these threads going
If nothing else it'd give me an excuse to post 'Albatross' by PiL here
>>
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>>27885048
>>
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>>
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>>27885622
A french fry pone that wants the fug?
>>
>>27885622
edible hair, sounds good to me
>>
>>27840782
Is this picture legit or photoshopped?
>>
>>27886982
When was the last time a bird flew into a window and caused a bullethole and stopped halfway through without so much as a ruffled feather?
>>
>>27887267
>>27886982
it didn't MAKE the bullet hole m8, it obviously flew into one that was already there.

if a bird can go into a bird house with a little hole, im pretty sure they can go into a bullet hole in some glass
>>
>>27887475
Alright, granted, but it still looks a lot like it was shopped to me.
>>
>>27884410
Writefag here.

Thanks.

Also: UNF. Dunno whether to be afraid of that pone, or aroused. On the one hand, she apparently has no gag reflex and an amazing capacity for cheerfully swallowing large objects; on the other, she's also carnivorous and her breath can probably kill cows at 50 yards given that she eats raw fish.

Also, she probably has tongue-teeth in there somewhere.
>>
>>27885112
>albatross
>Public Image, Ltd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEToKGfjlmM

I think my greens up there have a soundtrack, now...

Think we CAN get another thread out of bird pones? We're right at the post limit here and we've scraped the bottom of the barrel of what's available so far.

Then again, we're spinning out original content like some sort of vending machine...
>>
>>27887778
The OC must flow.
When the stories have all concluded and artists have stopped drawing or expressing interest in drawing we can stop.
>>
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bumpan
>>
>>27887778
>green soundtracked by early PiL
aw yiss it's getting bleak up in here
>>
Page 8 bump. New thread when?
>>
>>27889742
When over the limit.

>>27887778
It's not like we've ran out of source material. It's just a matter of creators to have the time and inspiration and step forward .
>>
Birb horse needs a shock.
>>
And a kiss
>>
And sum bread
>>
And some dick
>>
>>27889798

And so we shall.
>>
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>>27889798

Gonna be a couple of days before I can do more. Working this weekend.

But more's coming if anyone wants to see it
>>
>>27891161
tiny little horde of squeeky bufflehead pones when?
>>
>>27891159
>>27891161
Duck pones a cute.
>>
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>>27891847
dog pones are cuter
>>
Bump limit, page 8
New thread when
>>
Gotcha covered. New thread here >>27891967
Thread posts: 498
Thread images: 158


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