Pony Transformation General

>>27809803
Anyone got a good TfTg into Mrs. Cake?

I know there is one pastebin thing out there, but I can't find it. Got anything?

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>>27809952
This? http://pastebin.com/Wk8pwS0u

>>27810120

Yep, that's it. Thanks!

Anyone know of any others where the anon ands up with Mr. Cake post-tf?

>>27810284
I don't think that's been written.

Any good human to pony stories with MC involved? Pretty broad I know, but i love the idea of mind change, so if anyone has any suggestions/recommendations that are specifically focused on that aspect that'd be awesome.

>>27810974
Here's one, http://www.fimfiction.net/story/110068/the-scratch

>>27810999
>that fic
>those digits
Thanks, reverse-Satan
I like that story so much

>>27811514
It's a pretty good story.

>>27810999

Just finished reading it, wow, great suggestion bud. Really well written and good TF progression. Thanks a ton!

>>27810974
You might also want to check the google doc for anything marked as mental changes, mind control, mind alteration, or mind wipe.

>>27814715

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>>27815892
I like to think that that's a Star Trek redshirt.

That OP sure looks nice in color

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>>27816704
It certainly does. I'd love to see a coloured version of this image too.

>>27816765
After I ink and color Flutterbat here >>27809941, I'll go about inking and coloring Saffron Masala.

>>27817296
Oh, also- if anyone wants to, they're free to use my art as a greentext/story prompt. Hell, I'd be ecstatic if you did.

>>27817296
Sweet. Looking forward to seeing these.

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Get your act together, ptfg

>>27819907
I'd choose to be a Twilight clone over Discord. That would be pretty cool, particularly if there were selfcest involved.

>>27820418
Porn

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>>27820438
Pinkie is the most pornographic horse.

>>27809803
Does this guy draw anything other than TF? I really like his art style but TF is literally the only thing I've seen him draw.

>>27821717
Assuming you're talking about the image in the OP, he does, this is his non-TF DA account:

http://acesential.deviantart.com/gallery/

>>27821608
That's a penis

I'd love to see a transformation spell turning really badly on a group of people because of one odd 'target' for the spell, it turns out this particular spell target actually had no subconscious desire to be a pony and had a hidden 'psychotic and murderous' personality sleeping under a shroud of innocence. The other who were transformed have now to fend off the evil, horror, eldritch demonic abomination whom was their friend.

>>27822802
While the others are ponies. Of course.

>>27823028
Indeed, it would play on themes like guilt, regrets, ambition and reality dissonance.

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Flutterbat done. Masala next.

>>27823101
That's awesome

>>27822763
Not any more it's not. Pony transformation has a way of sort that kind of thing out.

Wondering why a sizeable portion of what gets posted here is just tgtf and not just tf

>>27822802
So one guy turns into Discord and choatically torments his former friends, now pony victims. Could be fun.

>>27823256
Because everyone wants to be a mare!

>>27823427
Even better.

>>27823427
Make that one guy turns into Eris, and I'll be all over that in a heartbeat.

>>27823256
It's always been like that right from the start. I do feel a little sorry for those who prefer simple pony tf without any added fetishes, but personally I'm into it.

>>27823587
Ever better.

>>27823598
I can dig tgtf, it's fantastic. But too much of one thing gets old if that makes sense. I dunno, I guess I'm just bitching when I could do it myself.

>>27822802
>>27823427
But the real question is whether or not those torments are lewd.

So one person becomes Eris, and then proceeds to mess with her friends. Gimme a couple of hours, I have a idea.

>>27823837

godspeed my friend.

>>27823256
The short answer is 'because fetishes' which probably doesn't come as much of a surprise.

It's definitely worth considering, though, that probably 3/4 of the characters we've met in MLP have been females, and consequently they have the lion's share of appearances and dialogue. Meanwhile, although 'there are no girls on the Internet' isn't entirely true, PTFG is still overwhelmingly male (I wouldn't be surprised if Spacewolfe were the only grill).

Naturally, people are inclined to draw and write about what they're familiar with, even if they don't staunchly intend for it to be TFTG. I know I'm in that boat - the TG aspect is just an unintended side effect when I decide on a human type and pony for a TF - yet still close to 3/4 of what I've drawn in the past year has been human male -> mare.

>tfw you want to finish a story but you don't have the motivation
fuuuuck but I promised that I'd finish it

>>27824733
What's the story?

>>27825366
Adjustment, it was one of the first things I wrote and it was garbage. I've been wanting to re-do it because I liked the concept but I've completely fallen out with it.

>>27825440

Link to the original?

>>27823101
You should do a recolor of this for /bat/. Maybe do Echo.

>>27825609
I've taken the original chapters down now. They weren't anything worth reading anyway.

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>>27823608
Variety is good. Particularly when there's such a wide array of species to turn into.

>>27823615
I could see that being a part of it. Sexual situations are certainly going to be awkward in a new body.

>>27825440
>>27825968
It was an enjoyable story. I'd certainly like to read the revamped edition.

>>27823837
Waiting and seeing what you'll come up with...

Yea sorry guys I was gong to post a first part today but I spent way to long at my girlfriends house and was only able to do a quick outline of the story hopefully I can get something tomorrow

>tfw you want to start writing but you know you're complete shit at writing

>>27827980
Give it a go. Don't give up before you've even tried. You'll only get better with practice.

>>27827980
Putting down the first word is always the hardest part, and that mindset certainly doesn't help.
Here's the thing: if you're serious about writing, write 250 words tonight. Close your browser and set aside a half hour to write. You did essays in primary school that were longer; it's not a lot at all.
If you don't like how it comes out, toss it; no one will be any the wiser. And moreover, you won't have wasted much time at all.
But chances are, as you're putting down the first few words you'll start to get more ideas in your head - nuances of the characters, settings, some basic story direction, that you'll be eager to expand upon.

Hell, you already understand the correct usage of your/you're; you're honestly better off than half the writers on Fimfic already.

Speaking of writing, I might try my hand as well. Might be fun, so if anyone has any ideas for me feel free to suggest something. I'd prefer if you keep it male to mare, and have mind change be an element. Other than that, free game really, so fire away if you have any ideas for me to attempt to write!

>>27828743
Buttons Mom?

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All this talk about Eris reminds me of a shitty picture I drew ages ago. Enjoy.

>>27823101
I'm so happy you've made a Flutterbat tf. Looks great!

>>27828796

Possibly, I'm not too familiar with the whole Button's Mom character though. Might be tough to incorporate personality change aspects to that, unless you can like link me something to base it off of?

>>27828834
Neat

>>27828834
Noice

>>27828743
>have mind change be an element
it too much to ask for another "Sombra's slutslave" story?

>>27828743
Wereponies

>>27827458
Good luck with that.

>>27828643
Seems like good advice. I'll give it a try.

>>27833126

>>27831476
>>27828796
>>27830493

All good suggestions. I think I'll try my hand at the Buttons Mom suggestion (having now familiarized myself with the character and story regarding her) or maybe veer off and do something with an Octavia TFTG as I have an idea for that, so keep your eyes out for that within the next few days! If it all goes well maybe I'll continue to write and knock the Wereponies and slut slave suggestions too!

>>27833875
Sweet. Sounds good man.

Sevenpaperplates drew a new thing,
http://sevenpaperplates.tumblr.com/post/146983584423/have-a-transformation-thing

>>27823101
Is her bite infectious?

>>27834319

I'd let her Flutterbite me anyway.

Once I get my mouse working I think I'm gonna write something. Anyone have any ideas they want to see tried? Mind you, I'm definitely not the best at writing (As in, I'm complete shit) but I'm guessing any writing is better than nothing.

>>27834562

Maybe to start do something simple like a guy to one of the main six. Pretty open ended so you can throw some of your own elements in there and develop your writing skills should you wish to continue. Just a suggestion.

>>27834650
Yeah, maybe something much simpler like that would be a good idea. What length so you think is good for a story like that?

>>27834319
I'd hope so.

>>27834665

You could probably knock something like that out with 1,000 to 2,000 words, somewhere in the middle usually makes for good tf stories. Obviously opinions may vary and you could go up or down in size depending on subject and the amount of content you have, but personally I think that's a good starting number.

>>27834780
Alright, thanks.

>>27833875
>>27834562
Woohoo, we've got writefriends!

>>27834562
There were a few ideas given in response to >>27828743 and tf-sential mentioned wishing to see writing relating to his art.

>>27828743
>>27833875

If you're still looking for requests I've been waiting for a good male to Mrs. Cake TFTGAP for a while.

Elephant in the Room when?

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>>27836466
Five months ago so don't get your hopes up. I miss him too.

Idk if you guys like EQG stuff, but there is this:

http://bpassion91.deviantart.com/gallery/59309834/Mane-Attraction

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>>27837626
It's okay. Something about that guy's art style always seemed off to me.

>>27838020
Same. I can't place what it is, but I just can't really get into any of his art. I blocked his tag on Derpibooru just for the sake of his stuff not clogging my watched image list.

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>can't be the little mare

>>27838020
>>27838058

Fair enough, it's not for everyone. It is fun to look at for sure, but not something I can really get into if you catch my drift.

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>>27830493
>Sombra's slutslave
What about transformation into Queen Umbra, the slutty tyrant?

>>27834562
Here, think I'm gonna go with this guy's
>>27835808
Idea. Should be out sometime soonish, considering it's gonna be pretty short. Gonna write it all then post it in the thread. (Once I post it I'll have a trip on).

>>27838806

Ohhh, I like that. Have Sombra brainwash her into thinking she's his slutty queen. I might have to take that idea and run with it...

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>>27838806
>not wanting to be the brainwashed slut
>not wanting to worship that cock by showering it with gentle kisses
>not desperately hoofing your dripping wet pussy at just the thought of him pinning you down and rutting you

>>27835808
>>27835808
Here's my shitty attempt.
"Beautiful!"
>You were Anon, and before you set your best work yet.
>You had been baking for quite a while now as a hobby, but it wasn't until one of your more social friends was hosting a party that you had been able to use your skills.
>You weren't sure if it was normal for cakes to be at those kinds of parties, but considering you had never really been to any before you weren't going to question it.
>Only two more hours, and then the party would start.
>Only two more-
>You heard a crash as you clumsily knocked the cake down onto the floor.
>The cake that took you almost four hours to make.
"FUCK!"
>You were pretty sure that everyone in your apartment could hear that one.
>Oh well, you needed to work.
>Fast.
>You got out all the supplies you needed and got to work.
>You add in butter and sugar to your mixer, turning it on low as you put in the eggs.
>You fumbled with the tools you had grown so accustomed to as you started adding the flour, baking powder, and salt.
>You felt a sharp pain in your crotch as you continued.
>You ignored it, chalking it up to dehydration, and continued.
>Around halfway through the process, you felt the bones in your legs... Shift?
>You had no idea what happened, but it was damn painful.
>And you could barely use your fingers at this point-
>You glanced at the clock.
>Only an hour left.
>Actually cooking the cake took forty-five minutes, and the drive to the party took five.
>Against all logic, you continued.
>You didn't care if you died, you were finishing this damn thing.
>You rushed through the last portions of the mixing, and prayed that you didn't fuck anything up.
>You quickly put your cake in the oven (Thank christ you had turned it on earlier).
>You walked, awkwardly, over to a chair and sat down.
>You had no idea what was happening with your legs, but you really needed to see a doctor.
>After you were done, of course.

>>27839324
>You could finally rest after that mess.
>Actually, speaking of mess...
>The mess from your original cake was still on the ground.
>You really needed to clean that up, actually.
>Didn't want to drag in ants.
>God knows how bad they would be if they got into your cabinets.
>Getting yourself back on task, you grabbed a broom and threw away the main portion of the cake, grabbing a washcloth from your sink to clean up the remnants.
>Bending down to clean up the mess, you heard a sickening crack as a sharp pain came from your back.
>You screamed like a girl.
>You weren't even going to lie, that sounded exactly like a girl's scream.
>Well, more like a woman.
>Suddenly, you were brought back to reality by the stabbing pain in your back.
>Oh yeah, you almost forgot. Your spine hurt like all hell.
>In fact, you could barely stand up properly.
>This would make getting the cake to the party much harder...
>You glanced over at the oven.
>It was finally ready.
>You quickly got it out of the oven and started walking to your car.
>No time to ice it, or let it cool down.
>Twelve more minutes.
>Your whole body suddenly started tingling.
>You didn't care, you were getting to your car.
>Thank god no-one saw you on your way to your car, you probably looked ridiculous with the way you were walking.
>You had no idea what sick disease you were stricken with, but your skin seemed to be turning... Blue?
>It wasn't even as if it was cutting off oxygen access, it looked too light of a blue to be that.
>You shook your head and started your car, brushing a pink hair from your face.

>>27839334
>You were going to get the damn cake to the party.
>As you started driving, you felt your fingers tense up even more, drifting together.
>Fuck no.
>Of course this happens as you're driving.
>You, painful as it might be, manage to keep your dexterity for most of the drive.
>Your vision starts to blur as you approach the party.
>Your fingers fuse together as you stumble out of the car, your clothes tearing off of your now out-of-proportion body.
>As a cold breeze goes over you, running through the blue hair covering your form, a shiver runs down your spine (Which, luckily, no longer hurts) as you realize that somehow you were now a woman.
"Fucking fantastic."
>Yup, that definitely was not your voice.
>Giving up on walking normally, you bring it out of the car.
>Fuck. Oh yeah, you were on all fours and had no fingers now.
>You had no way to get it to the party.
>You got this far, you weren't turning back now.
>You, somehow, managed to get the cake from the car to your back, your... Hooves? The word came to mind for some reason... Seeming oddly dexterous for their looks.
>For some reason you found yourself thanking 'cartoon physics'.
>Odd.
>Your vision blurred further as you slowly trotted towards the party, your mind becoming fuzzy.
>Whatever was happening, it was not good.
"What in Celestia's name did I do to deserve this..."
---
"Beautiful!"
>You whistled a tune as you trotted in the direction of the party.
>Sliding the cake off your back and onto the table, you happily walked over to Twilight, the mastermind behind this party.
"Sorry, but it's not my best quality. There was an accident just two hours earlier. I know you and me both wanted the best for Pinkie, but I just couldn't do it fast enough.
>"It's fine, I'm sure she'll love it all the same. I'm honestly amazed you managed to scrape something together in such a short time."
"It's really no problem. I would never let down a friend."
there ya go

>>27839339
Pretty good, Anon

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They still fuck, but they used to too.

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>>27839339
Not bad. Thanks Anon.
One thing that was lacking was any mention of motherly hips.
Got a pastebin?

>>27839097
I'd have expected Princess Celestia (and the stallion) to have higher standards than that.

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>>27834319
>>27834667
tfw flutterbat doesn't exist to bite you and make you a batpony slave

>>27839339

Nice job on this bud!

>>27839339
Thanks anon.

Only critique is same as >>27839941
Gotta have mentions of motherly hips and ass when dealing with Mrs. Cake.

bamp

>>27840240
I don't think Fluttershy would keep slaves.

Hello ptfg i'm open to requests if there are any. Keep in mind that i'm a storywriter so no image requests plz or i will leave you thoroughly displeased.

>>27842426
Contagious TG followed by lots of lewd happenings?

>>27842426
Good to see you again. There were a few ideas posted further up the thread, maybe one of those?

>>27842700
It's been a while since i've written a lewd so sure
>>27842746
Maybe! Good to see you too.

Rereading Five Score. Was the main character's name always Dave? I could have swore it was Anon.

>>27843178
It used to be Anon, yeah

>>27843195
Why'd he change it? My immersion is ruined now.

>>27843178
You're right. I think it was changed to make the story more palatable to the fimfiction audience.

>>27843218
quit complaining shitlord maybe he's just a transdavid

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>>27842700

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>>27843832
Dude.
Hell yeah.

https://derpibooru.org/1196429

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>>27844046

>>27843218
iirc, the author didn't originally think a proper character name would matter because he was prettymuch writing chapter-to-chapter for PTFG.
He wasn't planning for it to be an incredibly long story, or to write for a broad audience.

That didn't pan out as expected.

>>27831476
A temporary, recurring transformation into a pony. The exact trigger is unknown. While transformed the victim suffers a compulsion to act cute and snuggly, enticing onlookers to pet them. With their defences lowered, the pony can spread the affliction onwards.

Any writers want to take up the idea?

>>27839042
Umbra's a slut of her own free will. Brainwashing is a weapon in her arsenal, not employed against her.

>>27847057

This is such a well done one.

There's too many TF stories trying to be serious with mindfuckery and shit. Any comfy greens?

>>27847305
will bake for you next time i sit down.

literally just came here to do this.

>>27847388
What.

>>27847487
i am going to write a more comfy green because i saw this thread and had an idea to write. so i'm going to write it.

>>27847577
What's the idea?

>>27847629
very slow transformation caused by exposure to equestria after he gets to equestria, makes the best of it, goes throughout his day with his left hand being a hoof. or as he grows different hair, like as if it was like hormone replacement.

of course this will evolve greatly as i write this and i get more epiphanies, what i write may or may not be something like this.

>>27847697
Cont.

but that's the basic concept. nothing intense, really SoL, lighthearted.

>>27847721
Sounds like a good idea.

>>27847731
it's an outsiders idea, not an idea coming from the veterans of this general, which i hope will be a breath of fresh air, which i get a hard on for when i find them in my generals, personally.

>>27838338
>tfw you have no dick and you must fap

>>27842338
http://pastebin.com/Tnb84VKR
I wish Pony Samsa /Wishmaster Samsa would come back.

>>27848140
We all do, anon. We all do.

>>27847305
Keyboard Masher?
http://pastebin.com/SLiRMr3v

>>27847697
Yes. I wish to see this.

>>27847697
"OW! Jesus Pinkie!"
>Pinkie let out a hearty "What?!" through the sound of your hand
"LET GO!"
>You try and fail to break your hand free of her mouth.
>This has to constitute a consequence.
>You yank your hand out of her mouth with a grimace.
>You see a bit of blood on the bite mark trailed its way across your fingers, ending at the last portion of your pinkie finger.
>Even your high school class ring has a scratch on its gem.
>Which means that Pinkie's teeth are harder, and sharper, than a gem.
>You've literally just been bit by the jaws of life, you realize… As the perpetrator runs off to do other Pinkie promises.
>You know what! You're not going to her birthday party!
>That'll show her!
>You squint your eyes, shaking your head in light confusion on how you could have possibly come up with a tamer revenge scheme.
>Since you've gotten here, though it doesn't take much to punish these ponies.
>You spill their chocolate milk, you can almost hear the angst white teen music playing in the distance, and the razor blades coming down on their hooves.
>No use cutting yourself over spilled milk.
"But muh chocolate" you say, pseudo arguing with yourself.
>You would cut yourself over spilled chocolate milk, you realize.
>You also realize, that you're not getting anything done, and that you've been staring at your blood soaked hand for about a minute now.
>You decide the best course of action is to move out of your current position, and into some other position that would benefit you greater.
>A radical idea, but it's worth a shot.

>>27850605
Go on

>>27850605
>After a couple of gasps at the seemingly ridiculous realization that you have moved more that twenty feet, you've made yourself comfortable in the waiting room of the local hospital clinic thing that ponyville setup after Pinkie Pie tried baking muffins.
>Fucking
>that horse is the incarnation of riding in the danger zone.
>You fumble around in your pockets, looking for a pair of sunglasses so you may finish your overplayed thought gag.
>Nobody in this waiting room would get why the asshole in the corner that's losing whole organs in the hole in his hand decided to put on a pair of sunglasses.
>But damnit you'd find it funny.
>You give up, with a light feeling of unfufillment, finding that you have no glasses to put on.
>After a couple of successful waiting operations, the nurse was finally considering weather you should live or die.
>"Anon?"
"Jesus about time."
>"she just smiles blankly, like an airline pilot.
>You wipe your blood soaked hand on her coat, and she jumps a little.
>Lets get this over with. You have to-
>Actually, you have nothing waiting for you.
>You're actually financially supported by Princess Celestia, you tell her bullshit about earth, and you basically get a slip that says 'Go Crazy, Bucko.' and then you go get drunk and try lighting ponies on fire.
>Not a bad life, so far.
>Twilight went up pretty well.
>but most of them are flame retardant, for some reason.

>>27850680
Don't even think of stopping this

>>27850680
>After a bit of sowing, you deem nurse Redheart a-okay.
>You throw your left thumb up, and you turn out the door, and back to your home.
>You down some cereal and milk, and fall asleep at the late late hour of about three thirty P.M.
>When you wake up, you're very well rested, and It seems Rarity had let herself in to shake you with her perfectly white hoof.
>You don't want to get up. And Rarity must've silently left by the time you woke up. the clock reads 8:34.
>You stretch, in an effort to greet your morning.
>You use your right hand to get yourself some cereal, and you silently eat it while listening to the radio
>Opting to stay in your clothes from the day before, you walk out while singing 'Handlebars' by the Flobots to yourself.
>After you really wake up, your question yourself on why you thought Rarity was in your house.
>Was It the smell?
>You don't know.
>by the time you got to the third verse of 'Handlebars' you were at twilights library, ready to better yourself and read some.
>A white pony on your left opens the door for you, and you walk in, Twilight isn't present, so you 'check out' a random novel for yourself, and you use her bed as your area of study.
>The covers shuffle below you and twilight comes up from the bed, a bit disgruntled.
>You conclude that you've actually woken up in the P.M. Hours, and it is actually Friday night.
>You look her in her shocked and disgruntled eyes.
"Welp, sorry."
>You throw off the covers, and Twilight's levitation grabs you on your left hand and jerks your body over, to the point that your hand was about two inches from her eyes.
>After a bit of contrived Twilight Brand Babbling, you kind of really wake up from the state you were in.
>You notice, the pony following you around was… you, in a way.
>Because your left hand was now cloud white, and about the size of Twilights hoof.
>With a bit of deduction, you conclude that you now have a hoof for a left hand.
>You didn't notice this all morn- evening.

>>27850869
>You can really go that long without using your left hand? You question.
"Impressive." you say, in response to your previous thought.
>"Indeed" twilight says nearly dragging yourself into the depths of her library.

>>27850875
So far so good. Soon Anon will collect the full set of hooves.

>>27847789
Borrowing a stallion's dick is always an option.

>>27838881
I was thinking she would be the ruler, no Sombra. But you're the writer. However you want to do it is good.

Took up a Sunburst TF sequence during Bronycon for some emergency funding. Expect that soon.

>>27853556
Sounds good.
Is it Flurry Heart's doing?

>>27824733
On an unrelated note, I just read and enjoyed your Draganon story.

>>27856219
I'm not sure how to feel about this.

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Would you accept her offer? What chaotic transformations do you expect would result from it?

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Green!

Also, a joke.
"Stop sending gifts to children in Africa. It's depressing getting a tamagochi that outlives you."

>>27856833
>You've made way to your room and tucked away for the night.
>Like a good bedbug.
>In the morning, you're awoken by the sun scratching your muzzle with it's yellowish color rays.
>Tired, you stretch your hooves and legs, making a couple small cracking noises as your joints, stiff from doing nothing all night return to existence and working order.
>You're still in the hive, far away from home.
>You sigh and roll on your side, staring into the mess of the paper cups, papers, books, and on the other end of the room you occupy and take as yours, a blackboard, covered in chalk writing, diagrams and charts with equasions sporadically laid in-between.
>When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back.
>And you feel like it's visible on you.
>With a couple lazy morning trots, you're in a bathroom attached to your quarters.

>>27856835
>Staring at you from the mirror, a tall, sleek black chitinous creature with two fangs slightly overhanging from the top jaw, a long name covering the left eye, in the messiest state of existence hair can have.
>Not to mention a long horn, curved and crooked in multiple places, with a crown visible on the edge of your reflection.
>Two ears tucked beside the head and a tired expression.
>With a low hum and flash of your horn, you levitate up a mane brush.
>Mane brush.
>Hair brush. How silly, equestrian colloquialisms in your earth vocabulary.
>Yeah, you miss home.
>Home? What is home?
>A place where you hang your cat?
>No wait, that's not it.
>A place where the loved ones are at or a place where you lay your head?
>Home, where is it?
>Everywhere or nowhere?
>You're getting philosophical again, you must be really hungry.

>>27856844
>You finish brushing your mane, and a minute later you're off to pick up breakfast in the local cafeteria of the hive.
>Soon later, you're carrying a cup of soy love, as you found the name for the complex chemical mix is between the cooks, personal, and everyone else except the bureaucracy.
>And a minute later, you're in your room, sitting in front of the board, staring at it, with a chalk levitated in your magical grasp, along with your breakfast.
>What's this one about again?
>Right, space connecting rips.
>You continue to write with the chalk, math flowing.
>An hour later you stare at the board and erase all of it with a sponge.
>It doesn't make sense.
>None of it, actually.
>A stable tunnel through the both universe bubbles wouldn't be possible to occur naturally.
>Both spaces are expanding and definitely not at equal pace.
>The tunnel would be stable for ten minutes at most.
>But this one has been running for weeks!
>Why does this one hold?

>>27856848
>The energy going through the spaces must be feeding it.
>Or the points are truly moving at an equally fast pace.
>It gives you a headache.
>Frustrated, you throw the chalk against the board.
>The chalk hits the board with and audible click, leaving splatter marks on the green board.
>When you're about to erase it, you get an idea.
>What if it's not a single tunnel?
>The six of you made six holes.
>What if there are multiple tears, but they anchor the single one?
>The main stable tunnel is made stable by tears around it, the rips holding the two universes together!
>You levitate another chalk and get to work.
>Around ten chalks later, you're at a filled board.
>You look back at your work.
>Yes, this makes a lot more sense.
>But why are the anchor tears stable?
>Why are the five tears holding the sixth one?
>Naturally?
>No, the energy required per second would be ridiculous.
>Something else is keeping the tears open and in a stable and traversable state.
>A divine intervention, something is supplying energy required.
>Such power levels are ridiculous, even with fusion available.
>Well, small scale fusion.
>Something the size of a F class star though, is a completely different story.

>>27856855
>A large sized star, could probably sustain the link, but not for too long.
>You get a paper and do some of the basic math involved.
>A couple months at most, but the star would be destroyed in a nova afterwards, destabilizing the tears.
>Or worse, if the star were to collapse into a black hole, it'd get endlessly fed with energy particles from between the universes, accelerating the black hole's decay, and ending in a mega explosion. Kind of an explosion that makes hair stand even when you think about it.
>Either way, the tunnel defies logic and science, well the logic and science you are aware of.
>You'll see tonight, the readings will come in eventually.
>And once they do, you'll have a more solid idea.
>For now, though, you still have a quantum superposition book to go about.
>And a theory about a universe connecting tear.
>Sounds like normal morning.
>When you finally get off the books, the sun is about to set.
>You yawn, and look around, the same old messy room, with the same old messy inhabitant.
>You fix your mane, and trot out to grab dinner.

>>27856855
>A cup of soy love later, you're sitting on one of the numerous terraces, staring into the horizon, with an ashtray and an almost finished cigarette.
>A messenger drone catches your attention.
>”Miss Regia, would you please visit the control room?”
>Right, the probe.
>You take one last drag from your cigarette, squishing the butt into the ashtray, accompanied by a small supplement of sparks.
“Lead on.”
>You follow the drone, the much smaller creature swirling in a mess of respect and fear.
>Oh yeah, you can also scent and hear emotion expressed by others, feelings dwindling in the air.
>You don't make much use of it, mainly because books don't have feelings.
>You should definitely get out more.
>A good half an hour later, you're at the mission control center.
>It's bustling with life, filled with anticipation, and a load of ponies and other creatures.
>Your friends are there too, happily enough.
>You take seat by Miro.
>”Ay, Non! Came to watch the show? They say the probe is about to exit hyperspace.”
“Nice. And we've got the front seats for the action. I bet you your entire cigarette packet that there's going to be a big star next to the rip.”

>>27856871
>Miro offers you her talon and you bump it with your hoof.
>You look up at the many large screens.
>Probe ETA -20 SECONDS
>COMMUNICATION DELAY 0.5 SECONDS
>HYPERWAVE TRANSMISSION STRENGTH 100%
>And all sorts of other diagnostics.
>What's more interesting, though, is what the main probe camera is showing.
>A swirl of silver, purple and white on a black background.
>You've read about this.
>The hyperwaves.
>The layer the probe is using is dense in energy radiation and some sort of a gravitational shield is deflecting it, the particles lose energy by photon emmision, showing lights in the characteristic colours.
>Not only it looks fancy, but the swirls can show and reveal the various field compositions and densities in the surrounding space.

>>27856878
>Rad, literally.
>You watch in ave.
>The ETA slowly counts down seconds in what feels like centuries.
>Soon, you'll know..
>And you're pretty sure no mathematics or physics can prepare you for what lies ahead.

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>>27856887
And that's it.
Have fun, PFTG.

>>27856844
Who wouldn't want to see that in their reflection.


>>A place where you hang your cat?
Brutal

>>27858234
I wish to be the music horse.

>>27850869
Pretty amusing story. I hope to read more of it soon.

What do you guys think about 2nd person stories? I'm writing one in 2nd person right now, but I don't want to go too far in if no one likes that format.

>>27859030
They're pretty good. You should definitely continue.

>>27859030
Second person is the norm around here so I don't think you have anything to worry about.

>>27859402
>>27859040

Good, glad to hear it. I'm newer to the community so just wanted to make sure. Thanks for the quick responces!

>>27859543
>>27859543
So what are you working on?

>>27860075

Pretty early on, but something to do with the whole "Our Town" episode. Figured it's a fun subject that hasn't really been touched upon from what I can see in the PTFG doc.

>>27860554
That sounds promising. There's certainly untapped potential there. I've only seen one related story and that was a pretty bad one on fimfiction.

>>27863132
Not only did she turn into a pony, but she turned into a Russian too!

>>27863150

cyka blat

>>27863150
Would that be a dealbreaker?

>>27863132
what would happen if someone played a song that turned people to ponies over, say, a stadiums PA system?

>>27865735
The world's largest ponification party.

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Have something absurd

>>27850875
>After a moment of being attached and tied down, twilight turns on a device of sorts, and all sorts of seismometer data piled onto the floor.
>You were trying to come up with a sarcastic comment, but twilight had silenced you with a gag of sorts.
>she took a ruler to your head, measuring your proportions, comparing them to the original data that was taken upon your arrival to equestria.
>Then she had taken a simple hoof to your forehead, and started rubbing it, you felt her go over a goose egg of sorts on your forehead.
>Your brain stops writing things down, and soon the gag is removed, and you try for a sarcastic comment, but you care to little to even try at this point, because you just wanted to sit in and jam to some music.
>Twilight lets out a harumph, mostly due to the fact that you really didn't want to hear you had to the count of five to live, or something along those lines.
>Twilight likes telling people about what she finds, but it seems that her friends don't care either.
>"What I found was-"
>She went on anyway, which means you have the obligation to be in the same room as her for the next twenty minutes.
>"Active magical based alpha particles, I call them, or AMBAP, for short-"
>You started feeling the same feeling as when you were hypnotized at that stage at the Dallas fair.
>Neat.
>"So going among this algorithm I can deduce-"
>Change. Yeah, that's pretty apparent.
>"Already grown one centimeter in either direction-"
>you close your eyes, scratching your hair with your one hand.
>"Does this make sense to you?"
>You shake your head, and Twilight deflates slightly, but she's used to being shot down, and she begins to compile her thoughts in laments terms. But you have places to be, and you push open the door with your Rarity hoof and get on home.
>Twilight tries to get your attention on the way out, but you're not having it. So you ignore her and leave, with the book you were going to read in your right hand

anons real gineric; will change

>>27866509
>You open the door to your house, and after a bit of exercise, you're in your comfortable, plush seat, accompanying you is your record player, playing equestrian swing and rock and roll music reminiscent of the music from the forties.
>You silently bob your head while reading up on making potions that mostly require Pegasus feathers.
>After you get done reading the hefty 102 page book, you place it on top of your growing stack of read books on the side of your chair.
>Your eyes ache after reading alchemy 101, and you turn in for the night, at about 3AM.
>Hey, maybe you'll actually wake up the nex-
>Your eyes open, and it's the next morning.
>You eyes go right down to your left arm-hoof-thing to access the damage.
>The hoof's fur has climbed up to your shoulder, and the bones have moved to accommodate the likes of a hoof.
>And you find it hard to move it left, unable to follow the range of a human arm.
>Emotional panic begins to well up in yourself, but you swallow it down by putting up the illusion of not caring.
>You blink twice, and walk out the door, and to sugarcube corner.
>Insecurity wells up in you as more an more ponies turn their heads to look at you.
>You shake it off as you see the building coming up.
>You have a feeling of immediate doom, and for some reason you really, really want to know what's happening to you.
>You turn around briskly, and head in the direction of twilights, suddenly found with the urge to know why you're mutating like you are.

>>27866653
I wonder how Pinkie would react. Will we be seeing a 'Congratulations! You're becoming a pony' party?

>>27866653
I'm loving this so far, keep it up.

There are a few places where I get tripped up by your phrasing, but the story's good, it has a good progression with a bit of mild suspense - fun to read. I look forward to your intrepid protagonist coming down with a full-blown case of pony

>>27866967
can i have some examples? i'm really used to writing much, much more detailed, more relaxing stories, but i toned it to normal levels for this write.

normally i'm like this
http://pastebin.com/FR2sSBGT

so if you highlight some examples, i'll probably be able to remedy this.

>>27865266
Depends. Would I be able to understand her or would she only speak in moonspeak?

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>>27867458
Language won't be an obstacle because you're going to be turned into a Russian pony too.

>>27867520
Final deal breaker would be the whole communism thing.

Being a pony?
Fine
Being a Russian?
Fine
Being a Russian pony?
Fine
Being a dirty communist?
Better dead than red.

>>27867548
Being Russian doesn't mean being communist anymore, m8

>>27867746
Hey, I had to make sure.

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>>27867548
>Better dead than red.
Right. Wouldn't want to end up as a bad OC.

>>27868149
>accidental haiku

Are there any second person Rarity TF in that archive?

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>>27869057
In short, no.
The only story I can think of involving TF into Rarity is Five Score, but I think that would be third person. There are also several stories where the TF is caused by Rarity.

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>>27867429
Sure thing! I apologize in advance if this gets rambly - my brain isn’t firing on all cylinders tonight. Ask questions if anything isn’t clear.

>Then she had taken a simple hoof to your forehead, and started rubbing it, you felt her go over a goose egg of sorts on your forehead.
>You open the door to your house, and after a bit of exercise, you're in your comfortable, plush seat, accompanying you is your record player, playing equestrian swing and rock and roll music reminiscent of the music from the forties.
[from the linked Pastebin, ln 86] >A voice to your left startles you, but does not leave you scared after, the voice was reserved, but slightly sad sounding, normal, reserved, like a perfectly drawn circle.
These sentences feel a bit long-winded when I’m reading them because commas register as only the briefest of pauses; they break up clauses but hardly even register to that ‘voice in your head’ you hear while reading. Significant subvocalized pauses are accomplished with things like em dashes, semicolons, periods (full stops) – things of that nature. That being said, the problem here ISN’T that the sentences are long in their own right. The problem is that you’re putting in a speed bump where there should be a stop sign, and trying to barrel onto a thoroughfare doing 60 in a school zone. These sentences should be broken into two sentences, ideally with a full stop separating them, because ultimately, they can stand alone as two sentences with their own subjects & actions. In a way, they’re two independent ideas. The break can also be accomplished with semicolons and em dashes, especially semicolons when the two ideas are very closely related. For more info, read up on comma splices: https://www.uvu.edu/writingcenter/docs/handouts/commasplices.pdf
e.g. >Then she had taken a simple hoof to your forehead, and started rubbing it. You felt her go over a goose egg of sorts on your forehead.

>>27870858
>Since you've gotten here, though it doesn't take much to punish these ponies.
I wanted to point this one out because it resembles a comma splice; however, both the clause before and after the comma are subordinate clauses. In effect, simply swapping the comma for a period won’t work because of the presence of the subordinate conjunctions ‘since’ and ‘though’.
http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/subordinateclause.htm

>Your brain stops writing things down, and soon the gag is removed, and you try for a sarcastic comment, but you care to little to even try at this point, because you just wanted to sit in and jam to some music.
[from the linked Pastebin, ln 54] >You quietly pick one of the small structures up, and place it in front of what you assume to be the master of this house's pet, curled into a ball on the floor, right in front of where you were laying, providing you with comfort.
These sentences are largely grammatically correct, but they don’t flow well with most people’s subvocalization because of their sheer length. I struggled with this exact problem late in high school and into uni – I couldn’t meter my sentence length. As a rule of thumb, I try to replace commas with periods as much as I appropriately can, and try to limit overarching sentences to 3-4 commas at most. Of course, this isn’t an iron rule by any means; lists are a noteworthy exception. It really applies to sentences with big, meaty clauses that usually have nouns plus verbs.
e.g. >Your brain stops writing things down, and soon the gag is removed. You try for a sarcastic comment, but you care [too] little to even try at this point. You just wanted to sit in and jam to some music.

>>27870869
>You've literally just been bit by the jaws of life, you realize
Sometimes you can also remove commas – thereby aiding the flow of sentences – by shifting clauses around. I don’t know why but this kind of thing distinctly reminds me of the Critical Reading SAT (a standardized test section in the US).
e.g. >You realize you've literally just been [bitten] by the jaws of life

>You see a bit of blood on the bite mark trailed its way across your fingers, ending at the last portion of your pinkie finger.
>She went on anyway, which means you have the obligation to be in the same room as her for the next twenty minutes.
I got tripped up by tense changes a couple of times, and unfortunately there’s no surefire way to get around them aside from careful editing.
e.g. >You see a bit of blood on the bite mark trailing its way across your fingers, ending at the last portion of your pinkie finger.

Aside from those things there were some little errors that I only realized on the second readthrough.
>she begins to compile her thoughts in laments terms.
should be “layman’s terms” – things of that nature
If I were explicitly tasked with editing this or just an even bigger Grammar Nazi than I already am, I’d call attention to them, but you know the rules of capitalization, contractions, all that good stuff. I don’t need to tell you what you already know… I would hope.
Also, take all this with a grain of salt, particularly because greentext, second-person, and stream-of-consciousness are all very unique beasts that frequently break the traditional rules of grammar. In mimicking thought processes, that’s going to happen; thoughts don’t have perfect grammatical constructs. Damned if I don’t love William Faulkner, but it’s certainly not on account of any grammatical rigidity.

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>>27870879
All that said, no one reads a story and says it’s good because it has good grammar.
I mean,
hell,
there are people who actually like Finnegan’s Wake.
You have a good story idea going, and that’s what really matters; this is all just me doing my best to help you become a better technical writer if you’re serious about writing. It’s a good skill to have… and trust me, there are a lot of people out there who lack it. So keep up the good work, maybe reflect on some of this, and I hope to see more from you in the coming weeks!

>>27870892

Yes but nobody reads a shitty story with lousy grammar and says anything about it at all, ever.

>>27870892
>there are people who actually like Finnegan’s Wake.

You are so fucking stupid you don't even know the story's name.

>>27870892


cancer

>>27872010

calm down idiot, there are people who do not realize not having an apostrophe in the name is actually important.

pg8

>>27872128
What are you complaining about? He's trying to help.

I'm sorry it took so long.

-------

“Shh, Rose, it’s fine. It’s just a movie!”

“I-I know, b-but…” I sniffed in heavily, the horrible sound of coagulated snot coming from my nose. “I c-can’t… I want him to make it.” I cried into Lily’s hooves as she held me tightly, rolling her eyes at my blatant over reaction. I knew how this movie went, and had never cried watching it before, but for whatever reason, I was affected ten times more than I usually was.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Lily sighed as she stroked my mane. I could tell that she was getting tired of my overreaction, but I found it impossible to stop the flow of tears or emotions, no matter how hard I tried. “Rose, he lives, remember? It was a packet of sauce, look!”

Lily pointed to the screen and I lifted my head up, watching as the main character stopped pretending to be dead and looked up at his friend that had “stabbed” him.

“See?” Lily said and I nodded, tears still dripping down my cheeks. It was a comedy movie, and I was reacting like this? I just didn’t get it, and neither did Lily. My mum was giggling at my reaction while Luna sat, blank faced as she watched the screen. The initial shock of profane language and gore in the movie had kept her silent, but now, she was silent because the movie had engrossed her so much that the only sounds she let out were laughs.

“Oh, Rose, I remember when I was like this.” My mum sat down next to me and placed a hand on my head. “I was about… six months into my pregnancy, and your father took me out to see Star Wars for the fiftieth time. I’d seen it so many damn times, but the scene with Ben Kenobi and Darth Vader made me cry like a little baby!” She chuckled at the memory.

“Y-you were l-like this t-too?”

>>27873431
I had happily returned to helping out my mum in the garden alongside Lily again, to my relief. Luna and Lily both agreed that I should still take it easy, but that wasn't going to stop me from putting in at least a few hours of gardening a day. Out of the garden, I still enjoyed the time I had spent with Luna, playing video games and talking about Equestria, but I felt I belonged out there in the dirt. Feeling the cool soil beneath my hooves, the smell of plants and flowers, and the cool fresh air on my fur, it was exhilarating. It filled me with a sense of life, the feeling that only Lily had been able to give me until I found this. I could tell that Lily felt it too, as every day, she walked back into our room with a content smile plastered on her face. She would lie down and rest in my hooves as she regaled me with the day’s events, no matter how minor. I sat and listened, smiling as she spoke, only speaking to ask questions or reply to hers.

It was weird, but I felt content. I enjoyed working the field with Lily and my mum. I enjoyed relaxing in the cool of the evening. I absolutely loved falling asleep next to my beautiful fiance every night. I knew a lot would change when Lily and I went to Ponyville, but I was getting more and more eager to return to my old life as the days went past. I only hoped that Luna took me up on my offer to come stay in Ponyville for a while once we got back. Maybe she could even meet Bonnie and Lyra!

Memories of my life in Ponyville had been returning quite rapidly over the last week. I remembered how I met Lily, how my feelings for her grew until I eventually started dating her. I remembered Bonbon and Lyra, as well as a few other friends that I spent time around. I remembered Minuette, a Unicorn that had moved to here from her home city of Canterlot to avoid the snobbish attitude of high society. Carrot Top, a local farm pony that I met through Lily who helped her grow her flowers in perfect condition. These were only a few of the friends that I had met, and couldn't wait to meet again once we returned.

“Rose?” I felt a hoof nudge my stomach. “What're you thinking about?”

“Huh?” I jolted, Lily bringing me out of my train of thought. “Oh, uh, not much. Just Ponyville.” I smiled at her. After the movie had finished, and I had sufficiently cried my eyes out, we had come upstairs and I was now lying in bed with her.

“I really can't wait to see all our old friends again.” I added.

“Yeah, m-me neither.” Lily said, averting her eyes.

“Hey, what's wrong?”

“I'm just… kinda worried, I guess.”

“About?”

“Our friends. I mean, for all they know, you passed away, and I spent the next few months shut away from the world until Discord turned up and…” Lily scrunched her muzzle, trying her hardest to fight the tears away. “What if… What if they don't want us back? What if they don't accept us?” the panic was rising in her voice. “What if… What if they think we're zombies!?”

I felt a strange urge to panic along with her rising in my chest, but I forced it down and closed my eyes.

“I d-don’t think our friends will hate us, Lily.”

“What if they're scared of us? What if they-”

“Lily, please!” I begged, some force in my mind almost pushing me to panic as it had before. “Calm down, okay? There's no point in focusing on the negative ways they could react, but if you like, we can ask Luna to have a talk with them before we show up. It'll give them a chance to process what's going on and they won't simply freak out the second they see us.” I put as calmly as possible, a struggle in its own right.

“Okay…” Lily conceded and dropped her head to my chest again. I breathed a sigh of relief, silently thanking my brain for not sending me into a panic like it clearly had wanted to.

“I love you, Lily. Our friends love us too, and I'm sure they won't be freaked out by us. We just need to take it slowly and be understanding. It's not every day that your two best friends, both presumed dead, come back into your life. We have to understand what they're thinking and give them time, right? Then they’ll accept us.” I said, almost trying to convince myself.

“Gosh, Rose, you're so smart.”

“No I'm not, I'm just… I dunno, but I'm not smart.”

“Whatever you say.” Lily giggled lightly and hummed as she rested her head on my chest. “Goodnight, sweetie. Love you.”

“I love you too, Lily.”

------

“Bonbon, please!”

“No!” The cream coloured earth mare screamed, backing away from me. I took a tentative step toward her only for her to leap backward in fear, stumbling over her own hooves and falling to the ground. “G-get away from me you freak!”

My heart stung at that single word. The absolute animosity and hate in her tone chilled me to the core.

“There it is!” I heard a call from behind me and swiveled around to see Lily, running at full steam from a group of ponies. Right at the front of the pack, levitating a spear in her magic, was Lyra.

“Lily!” I called out and galloped at full speed toward my beloved. I ran in between the mob, splitting them off from Lily and standing my ground against them.

“What are you doing!?” I shouted, my face contorted with confusion and anger.

“Rose!” Lyra stepped forward and brought her spear down. “You’re just as bad as her. You’re a freak of nature and you need to go back where you belong! In your grave!” She leapt forward, faster than I could react, and plunged her spear into my side. I instinctively cried out but stopped when I realized that although I had been wounded, I didn’t feel any pain from my injury.

When I looked back up to my assaulter, I noticed something peculiar. She wasn’t moving at all. Was this a…?

“Rose!” A panicked voice called from behind me. I turned around to see Lily stumbling back to her hooves. “What’s g-going on? Why do all our f-friends hate us?”

“I… I don’t think they do. I think this is a dream.”

“A d-dream? But… But you’re here? Wait, are you really here or am I just dreaming you are?” Lily said, her face half way between scared and confused.

“I don’t know. I think I am, but I guess you could just be dreaming that I am me? This is some M. Night Shyamalan buckery going on right now.” I joked, earning me a much needed giggle from my nervous marefriend. “If it is a dream, then… Well, I guess we can’t expect Luna to turn up to every one of our bad dreams.”

“You can for this one.” A new voice said and we spun around to see Luna, her - now usual - mane missing, replaced with the ethereal one that she had first showed herself to me with.

“Luna!” We both called out in unison and ran toward her, hugging her tightly. I looked up at her, relief flooding my mind. “S-so this is a dream?”

“Yes. What you two are sharing right now is called a Unity dream. When two ponies, usually those in love, have similar wants or worries, the magic in our bodies let’s us have shared dreams. I see the two of you definitely have the same worries.” She said glumly as she looked around the frozen dream. Lyra was motionless in front of us, spear thrust forward in her magic, while the angry mob behind them bared their teeth and shot hateful glares forward.

Almost like dust, their images began to blow away, reducing them to nothing but colorful clouds drifting in the dreamscape. Luna’s horn began to glow, collecting the dust in her magic before it seemingly disappeared. She breathed out and smiled at us.

“Are you alright?” She asked us.

“I-I guess so. I didn’t… I didn’t think I was that worried about this.”

“Sometimes, our dreams play tricks on us. Your worries are amplified in your own mind, so it makes sense that your dreams would appear so aggressive in theme.” Luna frowned before smiling slightly. “That, and you both seem to have a natural tendency to panic easily.” She added with a giggle. I tried to giggle, but the memory of the dream was too fresh in my mind.

“Our friends… Do they know of us? You know, the whole… being alive again thing?”

Luna nodded.

“They do, and I can assure you, they do not think of you as what you fear they do. You might have some ponies who are put off by your re-appearance, but in time, I am sure they will come to realize that you’re the same ponies they knew back then.”

“But…” My heart sank at a particular thought. “We’re not. As in, like, we’re not the same ponies. I know who I am, I am Rose, but tiny bits of Alex are still there.”

“Honestly, I think you and “Alex” have more in common than you think. You seem to think that now you’re Rose again, Alex doesn’t exist, but he does. He isn’t you, and you aren’t him, but deep down, you are the same in spirit. Ponies grow and change, Rose. You may have changed from who you were a little, but it is no different from you growing up, learning from your mistakes, and becoming a better pony as you would have if you stayed in Equestria.”

“I… I dunno, I still feel like ponies are going to think I’m all… different.”

Lily sidled up next to me and kissed me on the cheek.

“Rose, you’re you. No matter how different you think you are, and if they have a problem, they’re gonna have to go through me first.”

“Thanks.” I smiled at her and nuzzled against her neck. “Uh… Luna?” I said, turning back to her. “Would you be able to give us a little more of a… relaxing dream?”

“Of course.” She nodded, her horn lighting up, the vision of a quiet looking coffee shop appearing before us. Chairs and tables began to appear and we sat down after an apron wearing pony arrived and pulled the chairs out for us.

“Luna?” I said, looking back to the princess, who was now stepping away from us. “Thank you.”

“It is no problem, Rose. I’d do anything for a friend.”

----

this chapter sucks and I am sorry

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/322570/20/whats-in-a-name/chapter-seventeen

>>27873452
It's not a bad chapter

>>27870892
thanks b0ss, i've seen the issues you've highlighted when i was writing... mostly in the form of too many commas when writing.

>>27873431
Glad to see you're still around.

>>27825440
>Adjustment
You should post that here by the way, or at least link to the new chapters as they come out.

>>27876764
I'm trying to build up some word count first before posting it here, I'll post a couple chapters tomorrow maybe.

>>27876862
Got it. Things are taking shape nicely from what I've read so far.

>>27874451
>>27875284
It's very short and took me a month to write. It's Crapper than what I should have produced.

>>27876862
Ayy, glad to see you back here and writing again.

>>27876648
I can't believe you saved that.
I need to draw something competent for once.

>>27879563
Yeah, go for it.

File: 1468358269382.png (249KB, 880x700px) Image search: [Google]

249KB, 880x700px

If everyone turned into Rarity she would be Commonality.

>>27880602
When everyone's a Rarity, no one is.

The sweltering summer heat left a faint shimmer in the air. Rivers of fresh sweat ran down my face, back and arms. The summer months were when most of the work had to be done, but unfortunately it was also the hardest time to work. The other workers on the farm had spoken their praises about working further north, I found myself wishing that some of that cold weather could come south.

I grunted and gripped the wooden handle of the shovel, as a particularly devious clump of dirt obstructs my way. My palms started to burn slightly, the prickly feeling of the old wood guaranteeing that I’d have at least a few splinters by the end of the day. I grunted as the earth moved aside, a menial task for a menial person.

The farm owner had been complaining about the quality of the soil for weeks by then. He sent me out into the fields with only a busted shovel and told me to fix it for him. It amazed me how this man had managed to run a farm for so long, with so little knowledge on how to run it. Maybe he was just naturally dense, a lot like the soil I was forced to dredge through.

It was a miracle that anything grew out in those fields. The only source of water was a dirty little stream down by the road. One that often had garbage and various shopping carts thrown into it by local rowdy teenagers. Everything else was run down or coated in a fine layer of dust, demonstrating the disuse of most of the equipment in the sheds.

I was one of the few workers at the farm. There were three others who I rarely spoke to. We didn’t have much opportunity anyway. In-between preforming basic tasks for the land owner and collapsing into bed from exhaustion, there wasn’t any time to discuss things between ourselves.

>>27882562
And much like every other day, I ruined my hands out in the fields until sunset; only stopping once to get something to eat. Afterwards I carelessly tossed the torturous device back into the rickety shed and dragged myself back to the small bunkhouse that we were provided. It was only marginally better than the shed, to be honest.

The shed didn’t have any beds in it though, and unlike the shed this building was inhabited by the only other souls for miles around. They were all seated around the table playing cards. I ignored them and moved to my area of the house, a small bed and drawer awaited me there. On top of it was a picture of me and my longtime girlfriend, Lucy.

We were both smiling, her shimmering black hair and green eyes looking fantastic next to my rugged appearance. We had been forced apart by circumstance, with her going to a prestigious university. While she was gone, I tried to find some work nearby but was unable to. I was forced to settle on a job further south.

A pang of pain hit my chest, and I quickly placed the photo back, face down.

I slid my phone from underneath my pillow and cycled through my messages. I liked to keep in contact with my family. I never had much to talk about with them, but they always kept my spirits high with mundane stories about their own working week.

I scrolled past the last message I had received from Lucy.

“Goodbye.”

Finality. That was it. The end of all that work and time. I couldn’t let go, she was the only thing I looked forward to during my breaks away from the farm.

I slid the phone back and curled up on the uncomfortable mattress. I could have drifted off into a happier place, but instead it sent me hurtling back to reality. The scene played over in my head over and over, the hurtful words, the distant behavior. It took a week for her to say it, but things were on life support well before then.

>>27882569
It made me feel pathetic, worthless. Keeping a photo around of somebody who wanted nothing to do with me; even when the relationship had already facilitated it.

I slipped my phone back under the pillow and curled up on the covers. I didn’t feel like eating.

---

I tossed and turned through the night. The bed was uncomfortable and so were the cheap blankets. Eventually I grunted with frustration and slipped off onto the wooden floor. I was still wearing my clothes from earlier having not changed. The only sound was of the other’s heavy breathing. I envied them.

With a sigh I tip-toed out of the empty door frame and out into the moonlit fields. It was a full moon that night, big and bright. The lights were still on in the farmhouse, I slipped around it and out across the dirt road. Just up ahead was a singular tree on a hill, weathered and aged. With what little time I had away from work I often sat under it and let the day roll by.

A cool breeze rolled by as I let myself down and leant against it. I felt unsettled for a reason I didn’t know. My hair stood on end and my stomach rose inside my body. The wind picked up slightly, ruffling my messy brown hair. I scanned the area; watching the sparsely laid crops swaying in the dry fields.

The lights in the night sky began to blur and smear the black void with an orchestra of color. A strong hand gripped the hair on my head as my heart began to pound in my ears. Without moving a muscle, I felt like I had run a marathon. At first I panicked, was I having some kind of heart attack? MY legs felt like jelly as I attempted to crawl away from the tree and to the house for help.

The dirt scraped my knees, but for all of the pain I felt I made no progress, leaving me wallowing and croaking out for the attention of those already fast asleep. My limbs fell back to the ground, numbed and useless. My organs rose inside my body, as if I had suddenly taken off into the air.

>>27882581
Sick welled up in my throat as my body felt many sensations, none of them appropriate for my time or place.

Darkness encroached on my vision, my body burning into embers as I passed out.

---

I stumbled into nothing. My weakened body tumbled over once more, leaving me sprawled out on a hard floor. The acidic taste in my mouth and the moisture running down my chin indicated that I had expelled some of my stomach, but I wasn’t sure when. In fact I couldn’t remember much of anything.

My clouded vision cleared ever so slowly along with my other senses. I could feel the wind again, and the feeling of dirt under my clenched fingers. My breathing came rapidly and heavy as my brain caught up with my battered body. Still disorientated I tried to stand, but fell back onto my ass during the process.

Surrounding me was a blurred landscape, and a purple blob that seemed to be moving to and fro frantically. I struggled to understand the speech I could hear; two voices rung out, one naïve and childish, and the other of a young woman. I clenched my eyes shut as my retina burned; that couldn’t be right, it was night when I fell asleep.

Did I fall asleep? What was happening?

I rolled onto my back in an attempt to control my continuing nausea. It helped little, forcing me to gip as my throat convulsed. My hearing cleared slightly.

“Is he okay?” a young boy asked.

“I don’t know Spike, just give me a moment!” the woman responded, obviously distressed about the situation. A flare of panic filled my head, maybe I had been drugged and kidnapped by malicious forces! Malicious forces that recruited at a very young age.

“He doesn’t look so good.”

The woman sighed, “I know Spike, give me some space. I’m going to get him inside before somepony sees.”

Somepony?

>>27882591
I barely had time to ponder the strange phrasing as I was suddenly lifted off the ground. I flailed for a moment, but couldn’t feel the arms of anybody to carry me. By this point I was seriously freaking out (inside my head, of course) about the entire situation. My captors didn’t seem to notice my distress, and happily dragged me indoors. While I was glad to be out of the sun, I wasn’t so happy at the potential to be thrown into somebodies torture dungeon.

I was dragged onto something much more comfortable than the dirt, which relieved some of my very real and very rational fears.

“What are you going to do with him Twi?”

“Well, I suppose we should try to wake him up first, and we can go from there.”

“But Twi, he’ll totally freak out if he wakes up and sees us!”

“How so?”

“You said he was from somewhere far away right? So what if he’s never seen anything like me before!”

The woman chuckled, “Spike, I doubt he’ll be that scared of you. You only just reach his knees!”

“Just saying,” the child grumbled, “Don’t blame me when he starts breathing fire, and shooting lasers out of his eyes!”

“I don’t think he can do that.”

“How do you know? I’ll be in my room until the rampage is over!”

The woman tutted to herself. I could hear the scuttling of what sounded like claws and the door to the room slamming shut. I still couldn’t find the energy to peel open my eyes and hop out of bed, presumably before taking whichever kidnapper was still in the room in a headlock, followed by a heroic escape.

My mind was racing as I fell into slumber again.

http://pastebin.com/dELCBaxL
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/126506/adjustment

I felt a sour taste in my mouth from sleeping for too long.

The sheets were much more comfortable than I was used to back on the farm, seemingly knitted from actual wool. The pillows too, they didn't have straw in them, that was for sure, but actual feathers that didn't poke into the back of my skull. I felt a sinking feeling. It was obvious that I wasn't back in the bunkhouse, but somewhere else entirely. My first thought was that I'd been in some kind of accident and rushed to hospital, but the smell of wood and burning candles put that theory down before it could really begin.

So just where the hell was I? I had some kind of mask covering my eyes. Malicious kidnappers certainly wouldn't have put me into a comfortable bed. I could hear a door opening to my left, and the sound of hard shoes on the wooden floor. They intruder didn't seem to want to talk, rather than just wait and observe me.

I realized that they didn't know I was awake. I did have a mask covering my eyes after all. I elected to wait and see if they would give away anything about my situation, which they eventually did.

"Hm, this creature seems to be a heavy sleeper," the woman from before mumbled to herself, what followed was the sound of rustling paper as she scribbled something down.

Creature? That didn't sound right. Was she observing me? Had I finally lost my marbles, and been kidnapped by aliens? While in reality I was laying in a ditch somewhere? I decided to test the waters a little bit, reaching over and waving my arm at whoever was in the room with me. The woman gasped, "Are you awake? Can you understand me?"

Biting the bullet, I slowly arose from the comfortable bed and peeled open my crusty eyes. The room was odd, with strange, tiny furniture and wooden walls that almost looked as if they were ripped directly from a tree, grain and all. The windows were warped like I had walked into an M.C. Escher painting. Books covered many of the surfaces that remained free from other clutter

>>27882606
I glanced to the left, catching a brief glimpse of a moving purple blob before I shut them tight again. The creature gasped slightly and stepped back, a loud clopping, not unlike a horse followed. In my mind, I was thinking of ways to escape the situation, but in reality I was closing my eyes and hoping that I'd wake up back in my shitty bunkhouse. I gripped the sheets until my knuckles turned white.

"Where am I?" I asked, not expecting any kind of response.

The creature seemed surprised for a reason I realized shortly there-after, we somehow were speaking the same language. "You can talk?" she (I presumed it was a she anyway,) asked with wonder.

"Of course I can talk! Where am I?" I repeated.

"You're in my home, the Ponyville Library, located to the south of Canterlot, which in turn is the capital of Equestria!"

That was certainly alien to me. Wherever I was, it wasn't anywhere near my home. It's hard to describe what I felt like at the time, a creeping sense of dread, the sinking feeling in my stomach, or the feeling of injustice I felt having been taken away from everything I knew. Why, of all people, did it have to happen to me?

"Do you feel okay?"

What a stupid question, "No, no I don't." I shook my head and like tearing off a bandage, gazed upon the visage of my captor for the first time. It was a horse, a small, purple horse with multi-coloured hair and a little horn poking out of it's head. I briefly wondered if I had suffered a case of major head trauma, and reached out to touch it. I griped the thing's cheeks between my hands, it's fur was soft and most definitely real.

>>27882610
"Do you mind?" it mumbled. I backed away, pushing the sheets from my now sweaty body. Thankfully my clothes had been left intact; the only thing worse than what was happening, was the same but me being naked. Let's be honest, all things considered I was handling the situation with a masterful grace that future me can only look back on with wonder. I was really far gone.

"What the hell are you?" I asked to the talking purple horse.

She raised a brow, her face surprisingly expressive. "I'm a pony, my name is Twilight Sparkle."

"What kind of name is that?"

"What do you mean?"

"My name is Gerry. Does everybody around here have a weird name?" The room was silent for a moment as she mulled over my question, a sour look crossing her equine features.

"There's nothing weird about it Mister!" she scolded, "That's very uncalled for!"

"Woah! Sorry, I mean, I don't know anything about this... place." I stuttered. A tense silence settled over the room for a moment, before she smiled and nodded.

"Okay, apology accepted."

Just like that? I didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth but... anyway. The mare smiled at me, showing off her pearly whites before pulling a scroll of parchment from under the bed using her horn. By this point I had given up trying to rationalize what I was seeing, but still, seeing this little horse break the laws of gravity and cause something to float towards her left me gawking, open mouthed. She didn't seem to understand at first, but blushed when she realized I was staring at her glowing horn.

"Holy shit! How are you doing that!" I had exclaimed, scrambling on my hands and knees to get a closer look.

"This?" she responded hesitantly, "it's just some levitation, magic!" she explained as if it were the simplest, most boring thing in the world.

"Magic?"

"Yep!"

"As in, lifting things with your mind magic?"

>>27882615
"Well, of course."

"And there are other horses than can do this?"

"It's ponies actually, and yes, there are lots of unicorns here in Ponyville."

A silence hung in the room, as Twilight shifted uncomfortably in place.

"Where the fuck am I?" I sighed, falling back onto the bed. "Is this hell? Did aliens kill me or something?"

"I can't say I've heard of this "fuck" word before. Oh! This is an amazing opportunity to learn about your culture!" the purple only said, hopping from leg to leg like an excited child. "What's it like back home?"

"Can we save the interrogation for later please, I seriously need to get my bearings here!" I shouted. Twilight jumped as my volume before meekly backing away from the bed. "I'm sorry, but... I need a minute."

"I understand," Twilight muttered almost solemnly, but it was evident from her expression that she didn't understand why I was so upset.

"No, you really don't," I pointed out. "You've never seen anything like me before have you?"

"Well, certain literature mentions a race of bipedal creatures matching your description, but they're thousands of years old! There's never been any evidence of them actually being real."

"I said seen, not read, you've never even seen a human before!" I ranted, becoming increasingly tearful along the way.

"No."

"So where do you think I came from? I didn't just pop into existence right now, I'm twenty-two years old! I had a life, a job, a family!" I sobbed slightly. "And now I'm stuck in some fucked up town full of talking magic ponies! I'm never going to see another human again am I? I'm going to fucking die along in this shithole."

>>27882624
The wall that held me back had come crashing down in spectacular fashion. It was fairly humiliating to sob openly in front of her like that, but by that point I didn't care, I just needed to get angry at something, anything, to make me feel a little better about myself afterwards. There were no villains or evil wizards, just a force I couldn't understand or comprehend, one that had decided to bring me to another planet, hell, another universe.

"What the hell am I going to do! I don't know anybody, I have nowhere to go! I'm just some freaky, lanky fucker surrounded by magic quadrupeds. And no amount of well wishing, or apologizing is going to fix that bullshit!"

What was I meant to do? I didn't know anybody except her. She clearly didn't know how to react and I was glad, her silence spared her from another one of my little rants. I jumped out of the bed and pace the room, gripping my skull tightly between clenched knuckles. I felt a deep, rumbling headache approaching in my future.

I ran out of gas eventually, gasping and collapsing onto the bed once again and staring at the ceiling. Like a tipped over jug, I'd let out my water all over her nice wooden floor.

"I'm sorry," the mare whispered. "I had no idea."

How could she?

"If you feel like talking just... shout okay?"

...

The door clicked shut, and despite the circumstances I immediately felt regret. I needed to talk to somebody, so badly, but I'd laid my cards on the table, and now I had to sit alone and pout like a grounded child. Despite everything my pride kept me from running to the door and begging her to come back.

I rolled over and looked at the window, I needed to take my mind off things. I walked over and looked through, finding a tranquil view of a small village, it still shocked me to see other ponies walking the streets each one more vibrant than the last. I gasped to myself as I saw a winged one take off from the ground, waving goodbye to another.

>>27882635
I dried my eyes on my shirt and continued to watch, fascinated. Would I ever be able to fit in here? Everything was so different and fantasy like, how could a tall downer make friends in a place like that?

http://pastebin.com/5RjqpT7Q

Still not happy with this rewrite, but whatever. I'll stop here for now to make sure I don't clog up the threat with my shit. The TF part is still coming up. There are more chapters up on Fimfiction right now than in the pastebin if you want to read ahead.

>>27882650
Looks promising
I'll wait for the rewrite

>>27882650
Sweet

>>27882650
Added to the google doc.

>>27866653
>THUD THUD THUD!
>OH! I KNEW HE'D BE BACK!
>You trot to the door with a smug look on your face, ready to give one hell of a lecture on the history of transformations.
>You magically open the door.
>"Hey Twilight!"
>You deflate slightly, but not much.
"Oh! Hey Pinkie, is it your day off?"
>"No silly! but I have a promise to complete, so I came here!"
>You squint slightly, a little done with pinkies unplanned shenanigans.
>Whatever, you think…
"What is it?" you say with a mask of attention.
>"Rarity's going to be gone for a few days, so don't try to get anything from her until then!"
>That's it?
"Anything else?"
>"Nope!"
>She goes through a very strange combination for her pinkie sense, and you turn to start rummaging for your umbrella hat.
>"Woah! Uh… I mean… Anon's on his way here to wonder about his slow and maybe deadly pony transformation!"
>You turn to her. And squint.
>"Which reminds me! Thanks for reminding me Twilight!"
>She stops, and she just stares at your soul with her unforgivingly happy eyes.
>You just continue with no regard for her last sentence.
"Impressive, did you get that from your Pinkie sense?"
>you just a hoof out, rolling it around in a gesture of questioning.
>"No, I just kinda assumed that one…"
>Oh!... That's… You don't even know.
>"Well, I'm off to Fluttershy's to polish her boots! See you then!"
>Not a single period in her entire side of the conversation.
>You're impressed.

>>27885214
>>27885214
>ready to give one hell of a lecture on the history of transformations.
That's something I would listen to.

>>27885214
>On your way over to Twilights library, you see pinkie pie pass by… waving her head back in fourth as if she's broken into song.
>But all you hear is the sound of an instrumental as pinkie passes, so.. You suppose- that Pinkie's song voice is broken.
>"She's all yours!" she shouts out when she gets about one block behind you.
>Oh… Okay…
>You start, and fairly crash hard at rapping one of Eminem's earlier songs.
>Walking to the door, you start thinking of what to say. But the door abruptly pops open, and a more than excited twilight pops her head out.
>"Ah! Anon! I think you're here for some context?"
>You look down upon your hoof, which had begun going down to your waist at that moment.
"Y-yeah, please."
>You stuttered more out of distraction, more so than embarrassment or anything along those lines.
>"Well, it's caused mostly by a form of subatomic particle, with a catalyst of DNA."
>Your head jerks up, mostly- you thought, these ponies knew nothing about science… especially DNA.
>Oh, right.
>This might be because of the Princess's conversations with you.
>So they might not all be bullshit.
>"These types of behaviors are not unorthodox in bipedal organisms, as appropriated in the Shishniwah Colonies in the early 1300s, which were colonized by equestrians around that time, as when the natives, which had looked much like you, anon… but were much- much more uneducated…"
>She paused, and you noticed, that you had taken a seat in a desk, and she was reading off of note cards.
>You wonder for a moment on how you had simply blanked on that, but she continues.

>>27885645
>"ahh- where was i… right, they- err… /comingled/ with the colonizers for a year or so. And after that month, all the anon looking natives had succumbed of a strange disease. and it is written in great adventurer 'north seas's' journal that they had all transformed into ponies, all in spans of about weeks after comingling with the settlers!"
>Oh, by comingling she means sex. Neat!
>"They Had all started at the crotch, showing more and more equine styled nethers."
>She Draws a huge, accurate Horse Penis on the chalk board, fully erect.
>You now know what she does in her spare time.

>>27885658
>accidental sexual genocide
Whoops

>>27885658
>"After that, it had moved down until they're along the lines of ancient Human Satyrs!"
>She flips the board over, and in a moment she had a very detailed half you half horse on the board.
>With a Greek style posture, complete with another horse dick.
>You really tell celestia a lot about humans, don’t you?
>You wonder what they know about the Beatles.
>"Then From the nethers, approximately when the tail is four inches long, it would move from the waist to the top of the head, until they were then quadruped!"
>"Okay! Things to prepare for!"
>She brings up her cue cards.
>"If you happen to become female- which may or may not happen! Your going to experience female levels of arousal, which is much, much more intense than males whom undertake these transformations!"
"Only who go through these?"
>"Yes, anon… most mares only experience the level of hormones present constant in transformed ponies during the spring time. It's quite debilitating during finals week, to be honest."
>Okay, hoping for male!
>"If you happen to become a unicorn… it'll be unprecedented!"
"At this point, I just hope that my lower half transforms before my top."
>you look around the room, and lean in a bit.
"How long do I have, doc?"
>She looks at you and comes closer… after a bit of examination she simply states- "About Three Days and fifty minutes"
"Ah, so about Tree Fiddy."
>"Wait… what?"
>And with that, you walk out the door.

ALSO, EDIT! Month = Year.

https://derpibooru.org/1200287
This is pretty neat

>>27886103
>"Only who go through these?"
I think your grammar broke down slightly around this point.

>>27882650
Pacing seems off. Vocabulary and word choice are spot on.

>>27887358
U-unf

>>27887358
Poor guy

Did this weird fetish stem from you guys reading too much Animorphs when you were younger?

>>27891357
Courage the cowardly dog here.
Dino kangaroo episode for some reason.

>>27891357
Got scarred for life after that one Spongebob episode