Anonymous in Equestria - Thread #1099

>>27785568
I need more of Anon getting help from changelings.
There is no problem a nice big black bug poner won't solve.

>>27793874
>Be Anon in Equestria
>Bug ponies keep breaking into your house during the nights
>The mayor wouldn't do anything to help when you complained
>Now you must take drastic action
>You will tell those children to fix it for you
>You are now at the childrens treehouse
"Children, i need you."
>"What is it, mister spacenigger?"
"I'm not a nigger. Also my house keeps getting broken into and I need you to stop the home invaders."
>"I don't know, you look pretty shifty, are you sure you're not a nigger?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
>"If you say so."
"Can you help or not?"
>"The Cutiemark Crusaders are on the case!"
"Thank you."
>You are no longer near the children ponies.
>You are now at home.
>You are asleep.
>You sleep until morning.
>It is now morning and you are no longer in bed.
>There are no bug ponies in your house
>Instead they are lying on the ground beyond your fence, covered in scorch marks
>The rest of the town is also covered in scorch marks.
>These children are good children.
"Good job, kids."

>>27794122
>Cutiemark Crusaders will never intentionally call you a spacenigger
There's that pain again.

>>27794122
Durnk you da best.

>>27794142
I'll call you spacenigga if it makes you feel any better.

>>27794394
Are you a filly?
It won't work unless you're a filly.

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>last thread lasted two weeks

>>27794573
Your contributions were great at least

>>27794638
Actually, I think I made exactly three posts in that thread

>>27794656
Good job.

>>27794122
Ha

>>27794573
>Anon's life lasted too long

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>>27793826
>Tripfags in Equestria
Also, nice Make Equestria Great Again hats those two are sporting.

>>27796658
yes

I'm not sure if I should post green here or in the RD thread

>>27798053
why not both?

>>27798066
Ight
>>27798053
Posting a redo of an old story that I was doing. Told you guys that I'm not dead, I'm just really slow
>You fucked up.
>You’ve fucked up a million times before, but never this badly.
>Your ears are ringing.
>Your back is crippled by a tremendous, burning pain.
>It feels like you were stabbed with lit sparklers.
>Right now you’re lying face down on the cold ground.
>It takes all the strength that you can muster, but you manage to push yourself up a little.
>Only about a foot, just enough so that you could observe the situation.
>You struggle in doing so, not so much because of injury, but shock.
>There’s fire.
>Bits of gore everywhere.
>A satchel full of supplies that you packed for your practically suicidal mission is just out of arm’s reach.
>Directly in front of you is a familiar, light blue horse.
>She’s unconscious.
>Right next to her is a backpack that you packed with explosives that should be detonating soon.
>You try to get up, but it’s too much.
>You’re both in the shitter and it’s all your fault.
>You wonder how your time here would have been had you not been so recklessly stupid.
>Of course, that’s what got you this far in life in the first place.
>You are Anonymous.
>That’s not actually your name, but it’s what these ponies called you.
>You aren’t very sure how you got here; however you were sure of a few things
>You’re a fucking moron
>Princess Celestia is a bitch
>Playing with fireworks is a bad idea
>You were going to die here because you did just that
>So was one of the few ponies that you truly cared about
>And Twilight was going to commission a statue, painting, plaque, or some other shit in your “honor”
>It’ll be a monument to your sins

>You hope that the kid at least made it back safely, that would mean that you actually did something right for once
>However, in your current state you can’t do much more so you just kind of lie face down in the dirt

>>27798170
Relax, take as long as you need.

https://youtu.be/Hs_oKyFjflk (Chuck Mangione- Give it all you got)
>You open your eyes and rub some of the crust away from them.
>The upbeat flugelhorn of Chuck Mangione shakes you from your slumber
>It’s your phone letting you know that it’s time to rise and shine.
>You let the alarm ring and enjoy the upbeat music as you prepare for the day ahead of you.
>First you need to pick your outfit
>You check your wardrobe
>The bulk of it is made up of worn and torn business suits
>Aside from that, you find some pocket tees, a few pairs of denim jeans, some shorts, a hotdog suit, and a pair of Groucho glasses
>That’s when you remember about IT
>IT is a suit, but not like any of your other ones
>IT is the type of thing one would normally only expect to see on a rapper
>It’s a special day though, so you might as well go out like a suave motherfucker.
>You pull out the spectacular suit and examine it.
>It’s a business suit, charcoal in color with barely visible pinstripes running up and down the blazer.
>Rarity embedded a lot of gems in the shell so the suit would glisten in the light.
>The tie that came with it has the same effect thanks to a handful of garnets and rubies in the threadwork.
>The buttons themselves are onyx
>The lining was made from a special material that Rarity bought from a designer in Baltimare.
>It’s as soft as silk, yet extremely durable
>Kinda needed considering the abuse you put all of your other clothes through
>Like most of your clothing, the suit is branded with a set of three diamonds just left of the collar.
>It is, without a doubt, the fanciest piece bit of clothing that you have ever owned.
>The suit itself was a gift from Rarity after you kept an eye on the Carousel Boutique while the marshmallow pony paid a visit to her store in Canterlot.
>A job well done considering there were only three times that Sweetie Belle almost torched the building to the ground.

>>27798268
>But you digress
>While you could stay here all day and admire the attention to detail and the sense of pride that went into making this, you have shit to do
>You head to the bathroom to brush your teeth and knock out your three “S” routine.
>Once you finish, you go downstairs and prepare a nice omelet with a bowl of oatmeal on the side.
>With breakfast out of the way, you go back upstairs to get dressed.
>There you realize that you never turned off the alarm and the song has just been repeating this entire time.
>You turn it off and don the clothes before looking in the mirror
>Kanye ain’t got shit on you
>As you look at the face of a man who now looks like a cross between Liberace and Agent 47, you can’t help but smile.
>Today is a big day after all.
>It’s the day that you are granted status as an Equestrian citizen.
>It’s been a long road, but through hard work, dedication, and a lot of help from Twilight and Cheerilee, you finally met the standard requirements for a provisional citizenship.
>You were now proficient with the local language, familiar with Equestria’s history, and educated on its culture and customs.
>Then there were the not-so-standard requirements
>Some were reasonable; others were what you referred to as “faggot shit”

>>27798320
>You have to live in the outskirts of whatever city or town you decided to reside in.*
>(in this case you chose P-Ville because it's cheap and gave you the convenience of being able to meet with a princess whenever)
>Both your income taxes and property taxes are to be considerably higher as a result of not accepting Princess Celestia as your deity.
>A special stamp will be placed on your identification indicating such heresy
>You are not allowed to mention anything relating to science or religion from your home without prior allowed from either Princess Celestia or her former student, Twilight
>Saying or writing anything that could discredit, deny, or disprove of Celestia’s role as a goddess
>Nor could you bring up any sorts of politics that could potentially damage the ruling oligarchy
>You are forbidden to eat any meat other than fish
>You are to surrender any foreign weapons that you had to the government
>You are to have monthly meetings with at least one of the princesses at least once a month*
>Your house is subject to random searches*
>You cannot purchase alcohol, but others could purchase it for you*
>You are forbidden to wander outside between midnight and 07:00 AM without an escort, unless there’s an emergency or you were outside on official business. *

>>27798346
>You are to have locks placed on your doors and have at least two locks in place while you are absent, and one while you were home*
>If you were to marry a full citizen or become the legal guardian of one, you would become a full citizen, lifting the conditions that were marked with asterisks
>Some conditions are to be nullified upon adoption of the state religion
>You are to keep a plaque of these conditions in your home as so you would not forget them*
>Lastly, as a way of saying “welcome”, Princess Celestia mercifully presents provisional citizens with two free root beers per day
>You check the time on your phone
>06:38 AM
>You still have 22 minutes to kill
>You decide to get undressed and rub one out real quick
>Can’t have Mr. Woodcock sticking out in Twilight’s face
>You undress and then start to think of the princess and her mom’s ass
>Aaaaand you’re done
>You clean up and check the time
>06:40AM
>You end up spending the next half hour crying
Unfortunately that's all I have available for now. My newest job rarely leaves me with enough free time to get a decent chunk of writing in

>>27798364
YOU CAN DO IT!

>>27798474
Thanks anon, slowly going to work my way when I find the time. Should be a lot quicker to update now that I figured out a direction in the story that first bit took me almost 2 months. Such is the life of a commercial driver.

Here's what I have so far on the reprise
http://pastebin.com/MJcr1ApS
Here's the original
http://pastebin.com/tMwmbgzz
Kinda killed my own story in the later chapters, as for the grammatical errors, MS office kinda took a huge shit on me

>>27798364
>that feel when you didn't really wanted to live in horseland
>and the green made you want to immigrate in ponystan even less
All it's missing is a nice pony Gulag somewhere cold.

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>>27798474
>>27798364
DON'T LET YOUR MEMES BE MEMES.

>>27800090
STAY ON THE PATH!

>>27800090
JUST DO IT

>>27799430
Who did that old green where Anon was a Soviet-syle border official, and at one point denied Twilight's passport when she no longer matched it when she sprouted wings?

>>27800521
You mean the Papers Please gif where player worked on Equestria-Earth border?
>there will never be /mlp/ version of the game
>you will never deny mintpone entrance to human world
>you will never call security as she begs you to let her through to her lifelong dream
life isn't fair

>>27800612
You will never have pone A.I.
You will never have a programmable pony robot waifu.

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Dear AiE
It's the weekend of the fourth
I'm mildly buzzed before noon
I want to write
Feed me requests.

>>27801017
Knight anon is torn between his old dead lord and swearing fealty to Celestia/Luna.

>>27801017
The Main 6 and Celestia watch you through a crystal ball and judge your actions, while drawing comparisons/reacting to differences between our world and theirs.

Everything is horrible.
The whole world is doomed.
We're all gonna die.
This thread is cancer.

>>27801017
[Small colorful ponis] wants to go on an adventure, Anon won't stop playing Oblivion

>>27801017
Anon has to euthanize ponies at the Ponymart. He gets Prince Blueblood and doesn't feel too bad about it this time.

>>27794558

You have to appreciate her technique. She knows to cradle the balls as you work the shaft.

>>27801171
That's fucking disgusting.

>>27801223
I know right? No way a kid like that could blow such a big load.

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>>27801017
Amerinon teaches the equestrians about how once a year he and his countrymen blew up shit for fun and gave the middle finger to grandpa Angleland. Also beer.

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>>27801058
>"Ser Anonymous."
>A familiar voices calls out to you from the throne room
>With a ticking huff, you get to your feet and hurry towards the door
>Well, as fast as your armored body can hurry anyway
>CLANK-CLANK-CLANK-CLANK goes your armor
>It's enough to announce your presence, but you drop to one knee anyway after clearing the portal
"It is my honor to be in your presence again, Princess Luna."
>"And my pleasure to see you once more, Ser. Rise."
>You do so without objection
>The dark mare looks most regal, seated on her throne
"As you have reached out to me, it would appear that you have had some measure of success in contacting my Lord. Tell me Princess, have you found a way for me to return to my homeland?"
>"You are correct in that I have managed to contact your homeland, but I cannot say the same of your Lord."
>Pausing for a brief tick, you nod your head
"This is understandable; my Lord is a busy man. Then you have reached out to the Chancellor and he has been made aware of my present situation?"
>"No, not the Chancellor either."
>Another pause as you tick that one over
"Then I must ask, Dear Princess, who it is that you have contacted?"
>"Why, the Minister of Primacy of course."
>Tick.
"There is no-one of such rank."
>Princess Luna scoffs and waves a hoof in your direction.
>"Nonsense, I spoke with her at length."
>Tock.
"There are no female ministers. You are mistaken in your claim to have contacted my homeland, Princess."
>The crowned mare puffs out her cheeks and pouts at you.
>"I assure you Ser Anonymous, that this Minister of Primacy declared herself as leader of your homeland. Or more precisely"
>The pony looks thoughtful for a moment before bobbing her head
>"More precisely, she claimed that she was the leader of a nation in which your kingdom is a part."

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>>27801820
>Tick.
"That is incorrect. My Lord is beholden to none."
>Tock.
>"Perhaps so, but this Minister claims your dominion as her own."
>Tick.
"Then she is incorrect."
>Tock.
>"Ser,"
>The Princess gives you a short, weary look
>"I do not believe that she is."
>Tick.
"...I do not understand."
>"Your lord is dead, Ser Knight."
>To-
>Inside your head, your thoughts grind to a halt
>Inside your chest, something stops
"I do not understand. My Lord was fine prior to my arrival here one week ago."
>A dark frown etches itself across Princess Luna's face.
>"Ser Anonymous, the passage of time is strange. What has been but seven days for you, may have been seven centuries for your homeland. Your kingdom is no more."
>A whirring sound begins to grow between your ears
>You start to stammer
"That, is incorrect."
>"It is the truth."
>The vacant feeling in your chest grows deeper
"Incorrect, I would know the passage of time. I am my Lord's Time Keeper."
>Somewhere in the distance, your audible sensors pick up the sound of one of your springs ricocheting off into the distance
>But it all feels so very far away now
>Princess Luna steps away from her throne, trotting down towards you
>She is dark, but also beautiful, quite unlike the terrible feeling welling up in your chest
>"Kings and kingdoms are temporary."
>Her voice is as smooth as oil, slightly soothing the pain of the grinding gears inside your body
>"But I shall last an age, and more. And I shall need someone trustworthy to count the years. But, sleep for now."
>And like that, your clockwork innards stop
>You hunch forward at the inexplicable stillness of your body
>As your consciousness begins to shrink, Luna smiles out at you, a winding key held tight in her magical grip
>"Fear not, Ser Knight, we'll have you back in working order soon enough."
>And that was how Ser Anonymous became unwound for the fourth time
>And also how he entered into the golden age of his fifth winding.
I'm so out of practice

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>>27801839
>clockwork Anon
>clockwork automaton
>clockwork automata in general

>Things have been going well, very well. You've already got five medals.
>Sprint, javelin, wrestling, swimming and marathon.
>Only one of them is gold but that's pretty good for the most unathletic man in the world.
>Though as the only man, you're also the most athletic man in the world.
>A conundrum for the philosophers.
>It's not all gone your way though. You washed out of the figure skating.
>You blame that one on not being gay enough to figure skate.
>And not having the right physique for spandex.
>And then there was the figure flying.
>As much as building a jetpack inflated your ego, one look at what the other competitors were doing sent you back to the locker rooms with the proverbial tail between your legs.
>You're crazy but not that crazy.
>Which just leaves three events, Tae-Hoof-Do, Ice Archery and the Aerial Sprint.

>>27802647
>You are Striking Hoof. Master of Tae-Hoof-Do and owner of the Canterlot Dojo.
>You've been drawn in the final bout against the human.
>Unfortunately you've been unable to witness any of his matches, his technique is a mystery.
>But he must have some to have progressed this far.
>You did see his wrestling though, he has reach, strength and is rather unorthodox.
>To be on the safe side you engage in an acrobatic display of kicks, spins and flips.
>In a novice such a display would be a sign of arrogance, not at all in keeping with the Way of the Water Hoof.
>But you are a master, fully in control of your emotions and well aware that the battle begins in the mind before the body.
>The human responds by singing. Loudly.
>"YOU'RE THE BEST AROUND!"
>He then extends his arms above his head like two rearing snakes.
>"NOTHINGS GONNA KEEP YOU DOWN"
>He finishes his stance by standing on one leg like some kind of wading bird.
>"YOU'RE THE BEST AROUND!"
>It looks like a stiff breeze would make him lose his balance.
>"NOTHINGS GONNA KEEP YOU DOWN"
>You share a look with the referee who only shrugs in response.
>The referee sweeps a hoof down "Fight."
>Best end this quickly....

>>27802655
>You are Princess Twilight and you felt that one from here.
>You should have put an end to this long ago.
>Every match has begun and ended the same way.
>Anon would yell out his ridiculous war chant and adopt some kind of Monkey Pone-Fu stance.
>The challenger would approach and Anon's leg would snap out like a viper.
>And each challenger would be flipped onto their back with a broken jaw.
>Twelve broken jaws! TWELVE!
>This isn't honorable Pone-Fu, the art of self defense!
>It's a bucking brutal assault!


>"Anon are you in here?"
>You need to talk to Anon about what happened earlier, hopefully you'll catch him before the archery event.
>"Yeah I'm here Twilight."
>Anon walks out of a changing cubicle.
>"Anon what the buck are you wearing? Nevermind I need to talk to you abo-"
>"How are my seams Twilight?"
>"Wha-"
>"Perfect. Every time. I tell ya, you've got to be a man to wear tights."
>Music starts up from nowhere. Music? Anon doesn't have the power of song...
>In unison all the cubicle doors open and a dozen Anons step out all dressed the same.
>"We're Men. We're men in tights. We roam around Equestria looking for fights!"
>Wha- Who? How? Singing? Anons!
>"We're Men. Manly Men! We're men in tights. Yessss"

http://pastebin.com/bE32yUhX

>>27802664
Ow my fucking sides!

>>27801839
I second >>27802233
This is a thing I would like to see more of.

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>>27802655

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>>27801137
>Another lazy Sunday at the store
>You lick your finger and turn the page of the magazine in front of you
>An action you almost immediately regret, as you can taste a bit of leftover pet shampoo now roiling around in your mouth
>With all the decency you can manage, you spit into the trashcan under the counter, take a swig of water, and go back to looking at job openings around town
>The overhead chime chirps a few times, the electronic dinging letting you know someone else has entered the store
>With a tired sigh, you call out
"Welcome to Ponymart, home of the Pony Paradise Parlor; your one stop shop to poni while you pony. Today's specials are twenty-five percent off on hay bales and buy-two-get-one-free on all pony toys under five dollars."
>You don't even bother to look up as a pony scampers her hooves across the slick linoleum floor, all but dragging her owner towards the treat section
>Same as always
>Yup, just another boring Sunday at Pon-
>The door chirps again
>You sigh
"Welcome to Ponymart, the home of Pony Para-"
>"Excuse me."
>A woman's hurried voice cuts you off even as she strides to the desk
>Lifting your head, you give her a once over without breaking your practiced bored expression
>Well, judging from the designer outfit and handbag, she's an uptown girl, or at least good at faking it
>At the sneer on her face, she's probably been used to living in her white bread world
>Deciding to cut off that train of thought before the ponies in the kennels pick up on the thought vibrations and launch into a musical number, you drone up at her
"Can I help you?"
>"Yes I'd like to inquire about one of your services."
>Cue the vacant stare, coupled with slack jaw
>A small thrill makes itself known in your belly as she begins to huff in irritation at your apparent ineptitude
>It's the little things that make doing this job worthwhile after all

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(whoops, wrong pony)
>>27804375
"Uhhh, okay. Well, we usually only do Spa Services by appointment. Do you have an appointment?"
>She bristles
>"No, I do not."
>Of course she doesn't
"Oooh."
>Taking a deep breath through your teeth, you reach down and open up the schedule book
>The pages are completely blank, of course
>Everyone goes over to the Posh Pony Pampering Palace now
>But you flip through the pages anyway, making small sounds with your mouth
"Mm, you've really put me in a tight spot, ma'am. I mean, we're reserved all day today."
>The woman glances around, entirely disbelieving while you maintain your practiced 'neutral clerk face'
>After taking a cursory look around, the customer glares at you
>"I'm rather sure there's no one else here at the moment, and I truly am in dire need of assistance with my little pony."
>Sighing through your teeth again, you lean over the counter and take a look at the pony on the other side
>Pretty fine specimen; pristine white coat, flaxen hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a stallion to boot
>Turning your attention back to his owner, you raise an eyebrow
"So, what, the mare next door's gone into heat and he's neighing at the door all night, so you want him fixed or something, right?"
>"No, no, not at all like that. You see, I'd like to put Blueblood-"
>A snicker erupts, unbidden, from your throat
>Both pony and owner shoot you a glare that you attempt to wave off as you put on a smug smirk
"No, no, I just think it's perfect. Please, what brings you two to Ponymart?"
>"I would like to put Blueblood down."
>And, just like that, your smile is gone
"What!?"
>The woman recoils and Blueblood prances backwards a few steps, while the other equine and human customer in the store peek around a corner, curious at the sound
>You smile and try to wave them off while the woman hisses at you through her teeth
>"Do you mind? I'm trying to keep him calm!"

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>>27804383
"Well, I don't usually have customers come in and ask me to put down a perfectly healthy looking pony!"
>You snap right back, glaring at her and then looking to Blueblood
"What's his deal anyway? Why go so extreme on a good-looking pedigree like that?"
>The woman's lip curls into a sneer as she says
>"He sleeps on my bed when I'm at work."
>Wait
>"And he whinnies all night long at the window."
>What?
>"And he's absolutely impossible to train!"
>She can't be
>"Not to mention the stink!"
>You sigh and bring a finger to your forehead
"Okay, so, basically you don't like that he's a pony."
>"More or less. Banana Fluff was a much better behaved pony than this hooligan."
>Regaining your composure, you drop your hand and shake your head.
"If that's the case, you're better off just putting him up for adoption or selling him if he's too much trouble for you."
>"But"
>The woman tears up a little
>"He's my baby."
>Oh Jesus fuck, she's one of those
>She's probably got every pony she's ever owned stuffed and residing in the family lounge
>Poor Banana Fluff...
"Look, no offense but if that's all it is, then I'm not going to do it. I know ponies are the greatest thing since the Beets, but they're just like any other pet."
>Reaching down, you stroke Blueblood under the chin with the knuckle of your index finger
>The stallion lifts his head and dons a regal pose as you pet him
"See? A little love and compassion and-"
>And that's when he bites down on your hand.
"FUCKING SHITS!"
>It's not hard enough to draw blood, but it still hurts!
>He starts to nicker violently and shake his head, with your finger still attached
>Finally pulling yourself free, you grip your finger in your hand and glare at him
"Cunt."
>The horse snorts, while his owner smirks
>"Did I mention the biting?"
"No, you did not."

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>>27804401
>"So, you'll do it then?"
"Even still-"
>"Eight hundred dollars."
"Pardon?"
>As you gape at the woman, she smirks
>"You heard me; eight hundred, on top of the costs."
>Running your tongue over your teeth, you shake your head
"You're a real bitch, you know that?"
>"Says the man about to take the deal."
"Sure. Let me get this customer taken care of and we'll get started. You can head to the back and start filling out this paperwork."
>The woman nods, taking the clipboard from your hand and moving away from the desk
>It's another five minutes before you can shut down the front end and get to the rear of the store, hounded by the nickers and whinnies of the ponies as they press their snouts to the glass
>They're going to want to play pretty soon, possibly after you finish with Blueblood
>It ought to make you feel better anyway
>Pushing open the door, you glance over to the woman as she's hunched over the clipboard
"Alright, you have everything sorted out?"
>"Mostly, though I'm a little confused about question three."
>You pause for a moment, then shrug
"Really? It's pretty straightforward, they just want to know if you've ever been sexually intimate with your pony."
>The color rushes out of the woman's face as she coughs
>Oh, that's a big yes
>No wonder Blueblood thinks he can sleep on the bed.
>"But, why, who would..."
"I don't know, all I'm supposed to say is that it's a bad idea to do those sorts of things if you want a mild, easily trainable pony."
>Reaching out, you take Blueblood's harness from her hand and give one last, long look
"Now are you sure you want to go through with this? He's a fine specimen, and you can't take this back."
>The owner stares for a moment, then nods her head.
>"Yes. Yes he's simply too much for me."
>You sigh and shake your head a little in shame.
"Alright. I can't let you into the room, but you can watch through the glass, if you like."

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>>27804413
>She puts on her best smile as you lead Blueblood towards the door, waving at him a little as he glances back and nickers uncertainly
>Once it's just the two of you, you place a knob over his horn
>It ought to dilute any magic and make it relatively harmless
>For a young stallion, that would be absolutely essential
>With a small grunt, you lift the pony onto the table and strap down his hooves
>Blueblood squirms in obvious discomfort, but you continue on with the task set before you
>With nothing left to do, those big blue eyes look up at you, failing to understand the situation at hand
>It's enough to break your heart
>Reaching down, you pat his cheek gently
"It's all right buddy. This will be over before you know it."
>He snaps at you again, but you're quick enough to pull your fingers back this time, wearing a cheeky grin
"Too slow, Blue."
>Reaching away from the counter, you turn a small knob and step back away from him
>The room begins to fill with mist, and the counter rattles violently as Blueblood attempts to escape
>Once the room is suitably filled however, his thrashings switch to a series of small, uncertain sounds that only ponies can manage to make
>That's how you know it's time and you step back through the mist, back into his line of sight
>Blueblood, already panicked, freezes when he catches sight of your now masked face
>Extending your hand, you let loose in a guttural growl
"You are a BAD. PONY."
>Blueblood quivers on the table, and you double down
"BAD. PONY."
>If pony's teeth could chatter, you're quite certain his would be
"OBEY. YOUR. MOMMA."
>Nostrils flaring, terror dancing across those pretty blue eyes, Blueblood squirms still
"YOU. STINK!"
>A thundercrack echoes through the room's sound system
"NO. BITING!"

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>>27804422
>The rest of the process continues in much the same way, with each of the issues his owner had raised on the clipboard being brought up in turn, and then repeated with various means of discouragement
>Ponies are naturally pretty smart, so they understand, but can occasionally be willful
>So it's necessary to 'put them down'
>As in, point out their failures
>It's a pretty awful process to be honest, but some owners like the whole 'fear of god' bit
>It can really frazzle the pony's brain though
>Make them develop ticks
>Whatever
>She's a cunt anyway
>After about an hour, the mist clears and you approach the now piss-sodden counter without your mask
>Shushing the stammering pony, you cradle his cheek in your palm, you steadily unhitch Blueblood from the table and lead him back out into the waiting room
>Where, quite promptly, he charges at his 'momma' and begins blubbering
>As she dotes on her now compliant stallion, you give her a look
"Just so you know, putting a pony down is really a one time thing. You need to take time to train him properly, because if he starts acting up again, a second round is just going to make him more belligerent than before."
>"Yes, yes, of course."
>The dismissive hand-wave isn't doing much for your confidence in this broad
>Whatever.
>After settling her account, and pocketing your bonus, you reopen the store and go back behind the counter
>Tapping your finger against the magazine, you sigh and go back to reading
>Hopefully your replacement will be here soon so you can go and wrestle with the foals in the back.
>Just another lazy Sunday at Ponymart...

shave the ponies

>>27801017
Do all these many ideas I've had lately but have been too busylazy to get done

pg 9 boop

>>27804433
Neigh/10

>>27802664
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G59JnM4JKNQ

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>>27801839
This is precisely what I needed

>>27804433
I'd read more of this.

>>27804433
Please sir moar

>>27807590
This.

Remember, do not engage Anonymous unless you have received the proper training.
He can make even the strongest of ponies cry and run to their mommies.
We are unsure of his techniques, but needless to say he represents a serious hazard to happiness and friendship.

>>27808489
>all he does is start arguments about skub

>>27808520
You take that back you skubfucker.

>>27808684
I never said if he argues pro or anti-skub

Actually, he just keeps mixing it up as to which side he's arguing on
Most ponies can't even tell to begin with, and on the rare occasions when one does point it out he just starts screaming at them as usual along with whatever pony he was arguing with, who at that point has gotten so involved in the argument that they feel compelled to yell at the "skub bystander", or whatever Anon decided to call them at the moment

>>27808730
>"I don't understand Anon."
It's simple Twilight. You're either pro skub or anti skub.
>"But I don't even know what skub is."
It's the basis of every human friendship and if you don't respect my culture then we can't be friends.
>"But!"
CHOOSE!
>"FINE, pro skub."
>You smile as you pull her into a hug.
You've just made an enemy for life you skub bitch.

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>>27808684

>>27809627
She can scrunch all day long, but Anon is going to make this a skub free town.

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>>27809686

>>27810304
Little do ponies know, scrunching is Anon's fetish.

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Who's the most American pony and writer?

>>27810773
opple

>>27802664
>Thou are Princess Luna, Glory of the Night and Mistress of Dreams.
>And thou can barely stop thyself from squealing in delight.
>Thy Champion, Anon, is but one medal away from victory.
>Your victory more precisely, your mind already conjures images of rubbing your nose in cake because thy sister may not.
>A cheer from crowd heralds Anon's arrival on the field.
>The sight is strange, Anon's wings are huge, the size of his torso even while at rest.
>How has he concealed them until now?
>Anon takes his position at the start and his wings unfurl, iron grey and bald of feathers.
>And such an impressive wingspan, thine own wings begin to rise.
>"FOR THE EMPEROR!"
>You have no time to comprehend what emperor he speaks of, for at that moment he launches skyward with the sound of thunder on a plume of fire.
>Thunder. Fire. Wings. Of course it makes perfect sense. Anon must be part phoenix!
>But this is not time for such thoughts, a month of cake hangs in the balance.
>Returning your mind to Anon's performance it's clear he will not seize the gold medal.
>He has the edge on speed, indeed he is swifter than even the Wonderbolts.
>But his finesse is poor, he flies wide to take even the simplest turns.
>Thou art on the edge of thy seat as he approach the final stretch.
>*CLAAAANNGGGGGGGGG*
>ANON! NO! He's hit the last flight ring!
>Come on my champion, keep going. Cross that line.

>>27811717
>----Meanwhile in Anon's head----

>JESUS FUCK CHRIST!
>That was a bad one. Stupid.
>A brief glance to the left reveals the wing is bent out of shape.
>Throwing caution to the wind, ha pun, you put the pedal to metal.
>Hoping to cross the line before you totally lose control.
>You can already feel the pack trying to spiral.
>Wrestling with the controls, you just about manage to cross the line before losing it.
>The only thing you can do now is close your eyes, cover your head with your arms and hope you don't die.
>....
>....
>You feel a heavy impact that knocks the wind out of you.
>And the sound of metal shearing apart.
>Also the sensation of spinning end over end.
>The unpleasant and bizarre thought enters your mind that this experience is remarkably similar to falling down a flight of stairs.
>Eventually you come to a halt and open your eyes, the world won't stay still, everything keeps spinning.
>You can just about make out a Moonbutt looking down at you.
>"ANON! THINE WING! MY CHAMPION! SPEAK TO US!"
>Stomach to brain, we need to vomit.
>"I'm ok Lun-BLLRRGHHELLLL"

>>27811738
>----2 weeks later in Canterlot----

>It was nice of the princesses to invite you to lunch.
>Cake and coffee.
>Strange Celestia isn't eating any.
>You'd heard she loved cake.


And we're done. http://pastebin.com/bE32yUhX

>>27811757
huehueqa

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>>27811757

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>>27811757
This was amazing!

>>27810773
Trick question, the characters are all voiced by canucks, with the exception of Discord

>>27813968
The people from our hat count as Americans when they're in the entertainment industry.

>>27814038
Canada is just a place we haven't annexed yet.

>>27814400
soon

>>27794394
You have to use the hard R you nigger. It doesn't work otherwise.

>>27811757
don't come to these threads but read your stuff and its good
god anon was great

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>>27814648

>You are Anonymous, and everything changed the day the fire nation attacked.
>And by fire nation you mean this horrible burning diarrhea.
>Pinkie dared you to drink the entire bottle of hot sauce, and you did because you're no pussy.
>But now you're paying for it.
Oh God!
>A pink hoof reaches out from the bathtub as Pinkie pats you on the leg.
>Twilight didn't approve of Pinkie and you making bets on stupid things. That and she's convinced that you are not able to make your own decisions.
>So she forced Pinkie to sit next to you while you unleash the colonic hellhounds.
>Poor you, poor Pinkie.

>>27815849
>So she forced Pinkie to sit next to you while you unleash the colonic hellhounds
damn it i lost it at this part

>>27815938
A guy I used to carpool with and I came up with a bunch of poop euphemisms to combat the horror of living in Manhattan, KS.

>>27816068
seems legit

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This could work on ponies too.

Shitty crosspost
>Day NaN in MMOQuestria
>You are Anonymous, level human human human.
>Pinkie Pie, level 3 Earthpony Bard wants to trade.
>"Morning 'Nym'!"
>You accept the trade, a chocolate muffin for your nothing
>You eat the muffin, somehow not actually removing it from your inventory, which you still haven't figured out the actual location of.
"Thanks Pinkie"
>"buying bf"
>You have -4 STR for being male so it's RGR enough

>NEXT TIME ON NOT GONNA ACTUALLY GET WRITTEN: "Overflows, underflows, and you" by Mahatma Ghandi
>Anon has -4 STR perma-debuff for being male
>Drops his STR below 4
>Is now STRONK
>Mares are mad jelly
>Maybe ascends to princesshod

>>27816806
hax/10

>>27816806
>"Overflows, underflows, and you" by Mahatma Ghandi
I wonder how many people get this.

>>27817543
For those who don't, in the first Civilzation game, the Ghandi AI had a negative debuff on likelihood to use nukes. Get something that lowers it even further...

>>27817543
>Day counting is hard in Equestria.
>You are Mohatma Ghandi, superstar keytar player and political activist.
>The inhabitants of this realm are pleasant enough.
>But you think it would be possible for them to be more pleasant.
>You begin writing speeches and petitioning the leaders of this peaceful nation.
>They respond to you with non-violence.
>Two can play at this game.
>You abstain from kicking the shit out of the messenger they send.
>The mayor does not have you hauled off in the middle of the night.
>The town princess does not have your books burned.
>Wait, you haven't published any books in this world.
>You publish some books, they become bestsellers.
>She does not have them burned.
>You host a rock concert and the crowd is polite and genial, not a hint of rioting.
>The authorities do not have the stadium set ablaze.
>You write a polite letter inviting the heads of state to discuss matters with you over tea.
>Your words are backed with nuclear weapons.
>They send a response agreeing to attend.
>Their words are backed with the power of the very sun and moon.
>Together you enjoy a pleasant afternoon together.

>>27818102
>Day it all goes cold
>A traveler born of the stars explores this barren desolate world
>Charred ruins tell of proud civilizations and their quests across the globe
>Stained walls and etched carvings give praise to what one would usually associate with peace
>The only contrary evidence being a small tablet depicting two tea cups
>Each with an accompanying glass of milk, but one is crossed out
>A strange set of symbols to represent the extinction of an entire planets, perhaps the image holding a special symbolism for the old inhabitants
>Something the scholars will debate for centuries to come

Are there any stories where Anon becomes leader of country ( but not Equestria, only some other like Crystal Empire or Griffon Kingdom, ot he create new ) and have not the best relations with royal sisters? Maybe not open war but political wrangling or they treat him like a threat becouse his country became to powerful. Something similar to story about Manos by Human Superiority.

>>27818010
Actually, Ghandi in Civ I had a warmonger score of 1
When the option rolled around, he tended to pick "democracy" as his ideology or whatever the Civ I equivalent was, which reduces warmonger score by 2, changing Ghandi's from 1 to -1, which ends up being 255
This also tended to happen at around the same time that civs started getting nukes

>>27818683
http://pastebin.com/CzAxmMzp

>>27816068
Everyone needs a hobby.

>>27816806
ha

>>27819399
I do not feel any better for reading that story. It was an interesting concept but fucked itself 3 ways to Sunday.

>>27820649
But you don't feel worse?
Everything worked out fine.

>>27801700
>Day MOTHER FUCKING FREEDOM on Earth
>Be pony
>Today is a holiday you think the humans call "America Day"
>There is a parade going on down on Main Street
>You love parades
>You also love candy
>And as it so happens, there's candy being tossed at the parade
>It's mostly for children and foals, but you take the LIBERTY of grabbing some for yourself
>You've also decided to show your holiday spirit by dying your mane RED WHITE AND BLUE
>Firetrucks and other emergency vehicles follow the floats with their sirens on
>One truck is blasting the national anthem
>Another is throwing Bud Lights from the bed
>There is a formation of Marines marching behind the trucks
>A bald eagle lands on a nearby light post
>A convoy of military vehicles follows behind
>Soldiers fire automatic weapons into the air while waving the American flag
>Some parade-goers drop their FREEDOM fries to fire their weapons into the air as well while also reciting the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
>Women drop their panties all over
>Children cry from all the PATRIOTISM
>Looking to the sky, you see the Blue Angels fly over in diamond formation before breaking off and trailing colored smoke
>The walk home is awkward due to your raging FREEDOM boner
>You kick a feminist in the dick on the way
>GOD BLESS AMERICA

Sorry I'm late. No pc access yesterday and PiE is dead.

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>>27821131
MURRICA/10

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>>27821131
Thanks fampai

>>27821334
;_;7

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>>27821131
MURICA FUCK YEAH!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R5A0pg4oN8

>>27820870
Depends the value of what could have been done with the time.

Given that it's still vacation for me and I have nothing better to do other than write greentext I'd say you're right.

>>27816068
fellow kansasfag i see
hows the sheer boredom treating you?

>>27823141
3rd kansasfag. This state is cheap enough i can NEET comfortably. No need to leave the house when you only want to die,

Hey guys I'm looking for a really old story, I think it was about anon having guns and stuff, he goes to Tartatus at some point to kill Discord, and I think he fucks one of the princesses? Or maybe both.

>>27823159
Gonna need you to narrow it down a little, buddy.

>>27823170
Well it was kinda long, at least like 13 chapters, and I'm pretty sure Anon fucks Luna but then a tower she's in gets blown up by Discord and she loses her memory, so Anon fucks Celestia. But he also gets mad and uses magic to teleport to Tartarus or Hell or something to kill Discord, with like guns and shit. You'll make my night if you can find me this story.

>>27823159
>>27823184
I forget the title but it was whatever story R/T wrote.

>>27823158
go indulge in our states copious amounts of alcohol and drugs

>>27823242
I'm under 21 and dont know anyone here

>>27823141
I only had to live there two years. I got the hell away from that place as soon as I could.

>>27823323
we can conceal carry without a permit now so that's cool other than that its still boring as shit here in Topeka

>Be Anon.
>Ponies won't let you conceal carry.
>Which isn't a problem because you don't have a gun and you don't know how to make one.
>You do however carry a hammer on your belt everywhere you go.
>So when ponies talk shit they get hit.
>Really though they just ask you to help fix things.
>You don't even need nails or anything. Just whack it a couple of times with a hammer and it's fine.
>This place is weird.

>>27823848
Felix pls fixit

Crosspostan FIGHT NIGHT
>>27824458
>Anon wrestles pony.
>Is on the ropes until the fourth innings, where the pony is getting tired.
>Pony falls asleep in the middle of the field.
>Crowd sees a sleeping pony and assumes it's night time.
>They can't see the sky, it might well be past their bedtime.
>They all fall asleep too.
>Soon Anno is the only one awake in the entire stadium.
>Spends the next three hours pickpocketing the sleeping ponies.
>Referee wakes up after that, sees Anon's offside, and declares competitor pony the winner.
>But in the end, who really won?
>Anon does not care, he has a huge sack fulla cash.

>>27824624
Ponies have no pockets. He was fingering buttholes the whole time.

Crosspostan MAGICAL BOY ANONYMOUS SORCERER
>Be Anon in Equestria.
>Last night you met a white pony that made you a magical boy in exchange for being granted a wish
>Silly pony, you'd have accepted a free wish for free.
>Like any sensible person, you accepted the fuck out of that deal.
>Then you wished for a wizard tower to go with your magical powers.
>And now you're a fucking sorcerer.
>Things are looking up for you for once.

>Anon is in Equestria.
>First day there.
>He's on drugs so he's not freaking the fuck out.
>His first contact with pony culture is a poster for the my little human show.
>He is seen in the distance by several ponies over the course of the day.
>None are believed.
>Anon decides he needs somewhere to stay in this strange new world.
>When in strage, do as the strangers do.
>Strangers live in strangers' houses.
>Anon picks a house and goes inside.
>The pony comes back to their house and discovers Anon.
>"Why is there a human in my house?"
"Don't be silly, humans aren't real."
>Pony is convinced they are going crazy.
>Since mental illnesses are stigmatized, the pony decides to hide this.
>"If I just ignore it, it'll go away"
"Sure, whatever. Mind passing the butter?"
>The pony ignores him.
"Wow, rude."
>Anon gets up, walks around the table, and takes the butter to put on his food.

>>27825314
More of this.

>>27825936
Say please

>>27826608
Please you glorious motherfucker.

>>27826864
Tell him not me

What kind of story should I write next? Sexy times or Knightly times, I can't decide.

>>27827659
While I always love sexy times, knightly times would be cool too.

whynotboth.filetype

>>27827659
monster hunter/witcher anon ?

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>>27827702

Interdasting

>>27828594
Play some Skynyrd maaaan

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>>27828943
"no"

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>>27829001
fine

>>27829001
This was the worst meme.

>>27830555
I'd actually forgotten it was a trigger.
I'll be sure to include it now just for you.

>>27827659
Anon having sexy times with a suit of armor while ponies watch in confusion.

>>27829001
woop

>>27827066
>>27826864
You should get to writefagging too.

>>27825936
>Anon's in Equestria more.
>He's underground now, in some pony's basement.
>His mission? Discover why ponies have basements.
>It's not just him being thick either.
>His new house has a completely empty basement.
>As does the one next to it.
>And the next one from that, too.
>As far as he can tell, none of the ponies ever go down into them.
>The doors and stairways connecting these strange basements to the upper levels show clear signs of disuse too.
>Why would these ponies go to the trouble of excavating an extra level under their houses but never use it?
>It's not just a crawlspace or anything, these basements are constructed just as nicely as the rest of the buildings.
>They have lighting, carpets, walpaper, and some even have plumbing fixtures such as sinks installed.
>One basement was just a big empty bathroom.
>Curiosity drives Anon onwards.
>Onwards to discovery.

>>27830802
>Anon and Armorwaifu are in love.
>Can true love flourish between space ape and magical defense construct despite their differences?
>CLANG CLANG

Xpostan Brit minos
>>27832589
>Be Anon in Englandquestria
>It's basically like regular Equestria except that all the ponies talk funny and have bad teeth.
>You open your cupboard and find you are all out of waifu.
>You can't make your pancakes without that!
>You need your pancakes!
>You have to have some waifu around here, you're sure you got some last week.
>You don't have any waifu.
>You leave your house and venture forth to obtain this critical ingredient.
>The marketponies tell you they've sold out when you ask them.
"I need some waifu."
>"Oi guv'nor, we're all owt orf dat."
>"Innit." the keeper of the next stall over adds.
"Fuck."
>"Faaarrrrrk." the shopkeeper agrees.
>You leave the town market and continue your search.
>The next town over might have some maybe?
>You go to the fast travel cart and travel to Minotitville.
>"Aye, would ye look at that bald scunner over there."
>"Och, I'd have him blow me bagpipes"
>"Hey ye oveh thare, fancy a drink? We can go get a round at the poob."
"Sorry, I need to get my waifu first"
>"Aye, ye'll nae find any waifu that way, come let us give ye a han'."
"Okay."
>You go with the two minotits and they lead you to the town's general store.
>Inside is an old looking mino bull behind a counter.
>"Ey Laddie, oor frund 'ere needs a mite wee bit of waifu." the first minotaur cow tells the shopkeeper.
>"Coming ri' up Lassie. You an' Luddie sweet on the shaved chappie 'ere?"
>"Aye." The two mino cows reply.
>"Ye' sure e's no a poof like the lastun?"
>The two female minos turn to each other and hurredly mutter to each other.
>"Nae ye, boot we like oor oods"
>"Are ye a poof then, sonny?" the old shopbull asks
"No, I'm not into men."
>"You'd best watch ye'self aroond these two thun, they'll have you giving it oop their ye-knoo-whuts as soon as look at ye." The shopkeeper gossips.
>"Un jus' 'tween yew un me, uf I coul' stull ge' i' oop these two'd prublly be sheathing me shillelagh" he adds.
>He passes you your box of waifu with a wink.

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*Irritated horse noises*

>>27832700
Crosspostan special yank edition
>>27833128
>Day Half of the Northern bit of America in Equestria.
>You wake up and ride your mobility scooter into the kitchen to have breakfast
>You begin shovelling things into your big fat yankee gob but notice something strange.
>There's nothing going in!
>You look down and see your food is gone, presumably stolen by mexicans like your jobs.
>This means you're out of waifus, your favorite of favorite foods.
>You go to the mall and they're out of them
>You pick up an extra gun and flag while you're there, gotta support our troops.
>You cry a manly tear of pride at all the people your army has killed in the name of FREEDOM.
>So beautiful.
>You scootle over to the next mall over, the Wisconsin Malty Mart.
>Some cowgirls speak in their incomprehensible Wisconstian accent
"I need waifu. Big hungry."
>"[WISCONSIN NOISES]."
>You follow after them as they lead onwards on their cow-spot-pattern painted scooters.
>The waifu department attendant is also wisconsiniteian, so you don't understand a word she says either.
>You get your waifu in the end.
>And eat it.
>Just according to kikeaku.
>Translators note: Kikeaku means plan

One-shot time!
Write a story based on what you last listened to.

>>27834354
>what you last listened to.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLLnHBdh7P8
I guess it's a waifu story?

>>27834793
>Fetishes that go to far the OST

>>27834793
Or about anal sex.

>>27834828
>not wanting to penetrate a puckered pony ponut

what are you, a faggot?

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>The grand galloping gala. Hopefully nothing will ruin it this time
>You even took precautions and bribed Celestia into not sending Anon a ticket
>You calculated that he's the most likely to be the troublemaker this year
>Normally a student bribing a teacher would be a huge no-no but sacrifices have to be made sometimes
>Though you still don't know what Celestia would want with 2 gallons of frosting and afternoon tea with Rarity
>"BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!"
>Oh no, not again
>"I HAVE THE POOOOOWWWWWEEEEERRRRR!"
>Part of the wall explodes inwards and there stands Anon, loincloth clad with sword in hand
>And Discord is with him
>Could this get any worse
>"COME ORKO! SKELETOR AND HIS NEFARIOUS ALLIES WON'T DEFEAT THEMSELVES"
>Discord is cackling with glee. He's going to find your purple hoof kicking his poop chute if he keeps encouraging Anon like this
>With a swing of his sword Anon smashes the buffet table in half, then his eyes meet the ice statue centerpiece
>"YOU'LL HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN INSIDIOUS ICE GOLEMS SKELETOR"
>Anon shatters it into a billion pieces with a single punch, ice shards raining down on everypony
>"Always remember learning and knowledge are important. Because knowing is half the battle."
>"That's the wrong cartoon Anon."
>"Quiet Pinkie. COME TEELA, ORKO AND BATTLECAT! WE MUST AWAY!"
>Grabbing Celestia and Luna, slinging one on each shoulder, Anon leaps through the nearest window disappearing into the night
>A guffawing Discord floats after him
>"Anon is such a butterbrain"
>You don't like swearing but Anon makes you so mad
>"Aw don't be angry Sugarcube, he only gets like that once a month. Though I wouldn't mind if he wore that there loincloth more often"
>As Applejack rambles on about Anons toned butt and rippling muscles all you can think about is breaking into his house and burning his supply of loincloths

Old green just to bump the thread.

>tfw you've read so many stories by so many authors you can't remember who wrote which story

>>27835463
>not wanting to plough a perfect pony pussy

what are you, a faggot?

>>27835463
>>27837105
The PROBLEM is that we only have one dick with which to penetrate.

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>>27834354
>Be Anon.
>On Earf.
>Suddenly a gamma ray burst hits Earth destroying everything you love and as a bonus everything you hate
>Luckily for you, you were wrapped up in a tinfoil bodysuit at the time.
>If a tinfoil hat can keep away them government waves away a suit should be even better protection.
>Turns out much to the frustration of the snake people Shadow NSA you were right all along.
>Also it worked great to turn all that ultra powerful electromagnetic goodness into some kind of star trek technobabble spacetime warp transporting you to a new dimension.
>Flashing into a new reality with a muffled zap and a hint of ozone you fall to your knees on the soft grass in the fields outside of Ponyville.
>Wow! A whole new world! A new beginning for you to shape as you see fit.
>This is your second chance and it will be great!
>Unfortunately for you the atmosphere is mostly a mixture of nitrogen and carbon dioxide.
>Gasping, you fall to your knees.
>Collapsing into a crinkly tinfoiled heap on the soft grass the last song you heard springs forth into your fading mind as you fall back and your vision tunnels as you look up to the warm sun.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JH5xdrlE2dM

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>>27838733
Who's the artist for that?

>>27838912
If you looked at the filename, you'd know it's sunibee.

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>>27839076
Fuck me apparently I'm either blind or illiterate, didn't see it.

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Anon has failed us today.

>>27839238
Maybe he doesn't enjoy the smell of desperation and books.

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>>27839259
How do you explain this then anon?

>>27839331
He wants snu snu.

>You stare at your pillow, the one given to you a few months ago. The feathery cloud wrapped in fabric has served you well, and you replaced the one on your bed for it.
>Tonight though, tonight you gaze at the one blue feather held in your hand. The one you pulled out after the tip poked your face.
>It was no coincidence Rainbow Dash was the one to give it to you.

>Creepy doesn’t begin to describe it. Just what sort of bird brained idea, if you’ll pardon the expression, was this? A pillow made out of her discarded feathers?
>It is like something from those stories of crazy chicks that bleed themselves into the food and then offer it to their unsuspecting crush.
>Well, you’re not going to dance around the issue. Tomorrow you’ll ask her about it straight up. For now you’ll just rest your head on your arms.

>It’s a picturesque morning like always. It kind of loses its appeal when it happens so often. A raincloud that wasn’t preplanned would be nice.
>You pop the crick in your neck as you stroll through town. There’s no real direction in your steps, you’re just making yourself visible. Leave it to Dash to find you first; she always does.
>As if hearing your thoughts, a shadow sails over you and then dives in.

>”Hey Anon. What’s up?”
>Dash floats in front of you, wings lazily flapping to hold her up in her pseudo standing stance. You catch yourself staring for a moment too long before answering.
“Not much. What are you up to?”
>”The usual. Bust up a cloud here, move a cloud there, same old same old.”
“Mmm. Not to change the subject, but had one of the feathers poke through the pillow last night.”
>”Heh, yeah? Kinda surprised it held up this long with that heavy noggin of yours.”
>There is no change in her voice or shift in her mannerisms. Dash is far from the best actor so there should have been something. If she was worried or nervous that you found out she wasn’t letting it show.

(1/2)

>>27839876
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but the feather looked like yours.”
>”That’s right. Took months to collect enough.”
>She’s so nonchalant about it; did she think this was normal?
>You go quiet as you try to think of what to say. While the seconds pass in silence her regular self morphs to scrutiny as she pushes her head forward and narrows her eyes.
>”and…?”
“And it’s kind of weird that they’re yours.”
>Her features soften and she slightly reels back; her head shooting up. Her eyes lose their intensity and mellow in want.
>”Why?”

>She really doesn’t understand.
“It’s…too personal? I mean, they came from your body.”
>Her face contorts and she pulls her front legs close.
>”Don’t be a weirdo, they’re just discarded feathers.”
“That’s not true. Wouldn’t you find it strange if I gave you a necklace made out of my old teeth?”
>”Yeah. Who would want that?”
>This isn’t working. Change of plan.

“Okay, ignore everything else. How come you gave the pillow to me?”
>”Because you’re my friend, and all my other friends already have one. If I knew you’d freak out I would have given you a hat or something.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. You gave a pillow to all of your friends?”
>Rainbow’s front legs sag back down to their neutral position, and she grins with satisfaction.

>”Yup. Cheap yet personalized. Saved myself a bundle plus the headache of trying to find something each pony would like. Heh, pretty brilliant if you ask me.”
>Everything was because Dash is a…cheapskate?
“I hate you sometimes.”
>She’s practically giggling as she flies closer and jabs your arm.
>”Come on, admit it. Best pillow ever, right?”
>The comfort, the flexibility, the scent of rain.
“It is a fine pillow.”
>”Ha, knew it. Now let’s go have some fun.”
>The two of you make way into town to stir up some trouble.
“You’re still getting the shittiest hat I can find for your birthday.”

(2/2)

>>27839880
Rainbow Kike?

>>27840613
Not really, she just sees the wisdom of homemade gifts.
It's actually a very nice gesture. The fact that it costs next to nothing is an added bonus.

>Be Anon, but ponies don't hold that against you too much.
>Sure they don't invite you over for dinner and they make sure you're never unsupervised around children, but it's not like they hate you or anything.
>You did notice that they always seem to have a pony or two follow you around when you go out of your house.
>They keep their distance, but they never let you out of their sight.
>The lack of trust hurts, but it's better than being imprisoned you guess.
>Who knew that commenting on the fragrance of a pony's privates on a hot summer day would get you in so much trouble.
>And would it kill some of these mares to wash themselves once and a while?
>It smells like a fish market around here!

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>>27839880
Nobody gives me teeth necklaces.

oi

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I'm curious.
Wasnt thread #1000 along time ago? Like, years ago?

>>27843173
8/9/14

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>>27843575
Thanks breh.
It just makes me so goddamn nostalgic.
A thousand threads in what, a year and a half? Cant remember when /mlp/ was created.
And now just under 100 threads in just under two years.

I lomg for those days of old, when this whole board was full of life. It was insane and infuriating at times yes, but better than now. Now it feels like it is all slowly dying

>>27843636
aie 1 to 1000 was 2 years, 5 months

Ye olden bait is old

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Since yet another pity partyboy is trying to bring people down again with his sadassery instead of creating content, hows about tossing out a request.
Besides, I'm bored and it's hot outside.

>>27844421
Anon tries to set up a computer network in Ponyville and has to answer the same stupid questions over and over.

>You are Anon. And you're tied to a bed in Rarity's place.
>Not how you had imagined spending whatever ponies call saturday.
>It was unexpected, but then getting kidnapped by brightly colored ponies is not something anyone expects.
>"You've forced us to take drastic measures Anon. You were oblivious to our advances."
>Oh Twilight you silly pony. You knew exactly what was going on.
>Those advances got ignored deliberately. It's not that you're against fucking a pony, quite the contrary.
>But you've seen sad ponies. And having to choose one over the others and make lots of sad ponies?
>Well that would be tough to do.
>"We'll be back shortly, remember you brought this on yourself Anon."
>And with that they file out of the room.
>Pretty clear you're gonna get fucked, you don't tie naked people to a bed unless you're gonna fuck them.
>Knowing Twilight and silly cute pony behavior in general this is probably some ass backwards competition.
>Whoever fucks you best gets to be your special somepony or some shit.
>....
>Hope they come back soon, your nose is getting itchy.

Just the intro, more tomorrow.

>>27844421
Anon misses home so the ponies all try to pretend they are humans for him. They are all incredibly racist about it.

>>27844482
>>27844458
hmmmmm

>>27844482
Lyra in blackface singing songs about cotton pickin, Bonbons in a janitor overall. Twilight is in khaki pants and eating mayo
Bonners is actually hisponic and the janitor

>>27844458
Is the router plugged in

>>27844482
Do this, it's the best one.

>>27847115
is breddy gud

>>27841758
Well duh, they take years to make and you're not worth it

crosspostan a cautionary tale
>>27848881
>Day femanon in RGR Equestria
>Cute ponies are cute.
>Thunderbro Lane is over again to hang out.
>You watch the xbox together, both longing for the day when Equestria finally gets the technology to repair your television.
>Man you miss vidya.
>You deserve this though.
>Your friends always warned you this would happen.
>But you didn't listen.
>"FemAnon, don't be a consolefag, one day you will be stranded on an alien world without a television and then you will regret it."
>You wish you'd listened to them.
>If you used a P.C. you could just play your games on some spare royalty.

>>27848379
aw

slightly abridged crosspost
>>27850050
>Be Anon in Equestria.
>Little pony bites you and run off cackling.
>Be VampireAnon in Equestria.
"Vaht ze fuhk vas zat? AH AH AH AH"
>Why are you talking like this?
"Goddamnit Anon, fix your voice."
>Off in the distance you see a town
"Vun building AH AH AH"
"Tvo buildings AH AH AH"
>You turn away from the town and just look at the ground as you walk
>When you arrive you find the town is run by magical ponies
"I fvucking hope these vuns aren't biters too"
>"Hi!
>One of the ponies has come up to you.
>It's black with red racing stripes and a spoiler strapped to it's back
>"I'll show you around town if you get this crap off of me"
>"You'vve got a deal"
"Vun sticker AH AH AH"
"Two stickers AH AH AH"
>"You don't need to count them, just get them off of me"
"I'm not doing it bvy choice. Evher szince one ov you poniez bit me zis schit haz been happening."
>"On second thought, I'll show you to the horsepital first and then we can deal with my problems. Yours sound much worse."
"Tvank you, lets do zat"
>The unsightly pony leads you through the town
>As you go you have an urge to count the ponies.
"Five ponies AH AH AH"
>You really hope these ponies can help you.
>This shit got old really fucking quickly.

>>27845549
Applejack just wears cowboy boots

crosspostan from what i thouht was here to here wher i thought it was for but it actually wasnt
>>27850864
>Be Assassin Anon in Equestria.
>Elite hired killer.
>Back on earth there wasn't a target you couldn't handle.
>You personally killed the leader of Seal Team Six after he turned traitor for Al Ibaba.
>Recruited by the leader of the horse nation, Princess Celestia.
>Deployed under her trusted underling Pinkie Pie.
>Your mission:
>"Bake some alien cakes for me or something."
>"I'm hungry enough to eat like forty, so make as many as you can."
>"Bro I know you got this."
>"Yours, Princess Celestia."
>This will be your hardest mission yet.

>>27838727

>>27851416
Ew gay

>>27850701
And talks about her second amendment rights all the time.

>>27852246
I'm starting to like her more now.

>>27852475
Confirmed for best pone.

Figured I'd link this since it has Anon in it.
>>27853174

>>27853723
Holy shit, Anon corrupting flurry is 10/10

>>27854241
sokay I guess

>Day sexy night in Equestria.
>You and your marefriend Twilight Sparkle were enjoying a nice romantic dinner.
>Twilight had been your rock since you came here, you could barely think of anyone else these days.
>You sigh.
"I love you Twi..."
>She blushes. "I love you too, sweetie."
>Heh...
>You lean over across the table.
"I love your more, Bookworm..."
>Twilight catches on and leans over too. "No I love -you- more, Monkey."
"No, ME more, Purplesmart."
>Twilight shakes her head. "ME more, Mr. Hands.
"-ME- more, Purple Drank~."
>"No -ME- more, biped~."
"Magic horse~"
>"Snarky Ape~"
"TwiWhite~"
>"Nonny~"
"Twoplot~"
>"Anniebelle~"
"Twilight Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits Fart Turt Twat Sparkle."
>Twilight takes a deeeeep breath.
>"Anon Ass Lick Faggot Piss Shit Caca Poop Turd Zebras Kikes Butthole Dickmunch Shitting Dick Nipples Pegging Barbra Streisand Esquire III Ph.D MD. Lord of Idiotstan~"
>That hangs in the air for a bit.
"Twi...I can't."
>She bites her hoof and levitates a big book over to her. "Oh no! I didn't do something wrong, did I!?"
>You shake your head.
"No just...these "erotic insults" are TOTALLY killing my boner."

>>27850701
>>27852246
And wants to build a wall.

>>27850913
REEEEEEEEEEEE
My suggestion:
>Fed up with this shit, I'm a highly trained assassain.
>Assassinate Princess Celestia with a bullet to the head.
yus bich

>>27857364
>>27857735
>>27856368
>>27856368
Are you the same /b/tard who keeps shitting up generals? I can tell it's the same person because you act like an autistic 10yr old.

>>27857762
Also;
>>27856413

>You are Solar Guardsmare Gallant Protector and this may be your toughest assignment yet.
>A foul beast has been spotted near the Everfree.
>And not just any beast, a beast of legend. Even more legendary than the yeti.
>The Eater of the Dead.
>A twisted, vile creature that seeks out the bodies of the recently departed.
>To fall upon them with a terrible hunger, consuming their flesh and grinding their bones to make bread.
>It's whispered that even manitcores run rather than face it.
>Even with an entire platoon behind you, you still feel a little nervous.
>Luckily the Princess herself is here. The beast doesn't stand a chance.

>You are Anon and it's a beautiful day.
>A day to sit in the sun, drink lemonade and eat a ham and cheese sandwich.
>Oh look guardsponies. Celestia must be coming for tea again.

>>27857937
Yes please.

>>27857937
>Be Gallant Protector
>To your eternal shock the Princess commanded you to wait outside.
>She entered the beasts lair alone.
>No doubt trying to reform the vile fiend.
>The princess sees the good in everycreature, it's why Equestria loves her.
>It's been silent ever since she entered
>But you stand ready to leap into action.

>You are Anon and Celestia is giggling and blushing like teenage girl talking to her first crush.
>"Anon stop it. We have to wait for my Sister.
>But you don't let up. You couldn't stop if you tried.
>"Quit it." she whines.
>"You're impossible Anon."

>>27858859
>Be Gallant Protector, an increasingly nervous pony.
>A short time ago the Princess of the Night arrived.
>Truly the creatures fate would be sealed. It couldn't stand against both of them
>The princess ordered you to remain outside no matter what you heard.
>But you've been hearing the sounds of a struggle taking place inside.
>It's been going on for 15 minutes.
>You want to rush to your princesses aid. But orders are orders.
>The princesses know what they're doing.


>You are Anon and Luna is writhing on top of you.
>"ANON! IT IS TOO MUCH!"
>You can't see shit, she's wrapped her tail around your head and her butt is rapidly approaching again.
>"WE CANNOT HOLD ON ANY LONGER!"

>Be Gallant Protector.
>The Princesses have emerged, disheveled and tired.
>But Victorious! The best is vanquished.
>The Princesses look at each other, still breathing heavily.
>"Truly Sister. This Twister is a most enjoyable game. Perhaps we shouldst also try this Monopoly Anon speaks of"

>>27858859
I like the way you think. YOUR HIRED!

>>27859186
ayy

>>27859186
That got me

>>27860467
u ok?

>>27844475
>After what seems like an eternity Fluttershy enters the room.
>It was probably only ten minutes but being tied to a bed is really boring.
>"I brought you a sandwich Anon. I thought you might be hungry."
>Aww Flutter butter being as sweet as usual. Diabeetus.
>A plate is set on the pillow and Fluttershy hops onto the bed.
>"Hate to break it to you Flutters, but I kinda need my hands to eat."
>Fluttershy giggles.
>"Oh don't worry Anon, I'll feed you."
>Cool, you're going have a hot slave girl feeds you grapes like you're a roman emperor.
>Except it's Flutters and a sandwich.
>That's a wierd thought.
>Getting knocked out during the kidnapping may have fucked with your perspective.
>Fluttershy picks up the sandwich with her mouth and holds it out for you to bite into.
>Eventually the sandwich is down to the last bite and the Lady and the Tramp moment you saw coming a mile away finally happens.
>With the most chaste kiss in history.
>You and Fluttershy lock eyes. Instinctively you lick your lips. Oranges.
>Penis Online. All systems Nominal.
>Christ it's been a long time, that kiss got you rock hard.
>Flutters breaks eye contact and- JESUS CHRIST

>>27861341
>The sensation of tightness, warmth and a hint of moistness shoots up your spine like lightning.
>"YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME!"
>Flutters ain't fucking around. That's hot.
>All you can do is squirm and buck your hips as Flutters pounds down on you like a jackhammer.
>Thoughts of resisting obliterated by a need to fuck after so long without sex.
>Suddenly Flutters halts, her slit hovering just out of reach.
>"SAY YOU LOVE ME!"
>What? You want to-
>A single drip of fluid leaks from her impacting right on your tip.
>ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL
>Love? What? Penis NO!
>Another drip.
>"I LOVE YOU"
>Your roar it out and Fluttershy slams down like she's trying to shatter your pelvis.

>-----10 minutes later-----

>Fluttershy is still panting. You wish you had a whiskey.
>"I hope you liked that Anon, I did."
>Flutters takes off hovering in the air.
>"But it's Rarity's turn next."
>U wot m8?
>She flies out of the room, a trail of drops following her.
>Kinky.

It's my first time writing a proper lewd story. Be gentle.
http://pastebin.com/mCf1U63e

>>27834354
>Lightning crackled across the darkened sky.
>Anon, encompassed in dark magic, stood towering over Twilight's limp and crumpled form.
>She expelled a faint cough and the dirt near her muzzle became speckled with red.
>"How could you do this?" she asked in a strained voice.
>Her eyes were clouded, glazed with memories she was reliving.
>"When you first arrived... you were so confused. But still happy and eager to befriend everypony... to give them help if they needed."
>Anon turned his gaze across the lifeless battlefield, noticing the fallen Elements.
>Twilight quietly giggled, snapping his attention back.
>A pitiful stream had trailed down her cheek.
>"Pinkie was the most excited I think... to make a new friend. Despite all that you've done today, I still believe... I still hope that the one we met back then is still inside somewhere."
>She drew in a ragged breath.
>"But I just want you to know that..." her voice faded low.
>Her final words came out in a barely audible whisper Anon almost struggled to hear, but they were words that would reverberate within for an eternity.
>"I forgive you..."

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Guys, how do I git gud at writing? I got the structure and mechanics down for writing "a story", but I guess my storytelling is just too generic or lackluster or something.

>>27862132
>any of us are good.
Just do it. It gets better as you do more.

>>27843173
>This isn't my push mower

>>27862215
Well yeah, I've been writing here for a little over 2 years and my grammar and structure certainly got better.
Maybe I'm just a boring person and lack the kind of creativity everyone else seems to have. My best friend on skype even told me they stopped reading whatever I published because they just did not care for what was going on. "It drags on, the characters are flat, the interactions are boring and static" are some of the criticisms I've received. I tried making things a bit more exciting, but they said it felt forced. I dunno, I'm probably not cut out for it and it took me this long to figure out.

>>27862265
You should just add more fireworks
Fireworks are awesome

>>27862321
>Day well-past-the-4th in Equestria
>Anon and Ponk were firing off the rest of the mortar shell stockpile
>Today they decided to get creative
>Sitting in lawn chairs on top of a hill, sipping some ice cold cider, the mortar tube tilted toward town
>They were pretending to siege Ponyville
"Prepare another volley from canon one."
>"Aye commander!"
>Pinkie picked a propelled popper and put it in place
>Anon flicked a lighter and set the fuse
>Seconds pass and the shell launched from the tube with a THUMP
>"Shots away..."
>Panko and Anon followed the smoke trail with binoculars
>There was a flash of colorful light followed by report
>"Direct hit on the primary target! The school house is on fire!"
>Twilight's angry face filled the view
>"Pinkie! Anonymous! The entire Ponyville fire brigade is scrambling to put out your mess!"
>Pinks screamed
>"Enemy has discovered our mortar location! Orders commander?!"
"Disable the equipment and abandon post! We'll rendezvous at the second launch site!"
>"Way ahead of you, boss..."
>Pinkie had already strapped a brick of firecrackers to the launch tube and lit the fuse
>The two of them ran off while Twiggles was distracted by the repeated popping
>"Argh! You're both going in the dungeon when you're done playing your little game!"
>Anon and Ponk laughed as they approached the Everfree forest
>This wasn't a game
>This was war
>Some ponies just can't handle the heat
>It Ain't Me starts playing

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BASTINATOR

>>27862265
Watch cartoons.
Even stuff you think you wouldn't like, just watch them.
I've rewatched nearly every Disney movies with an 'adult' eye, and it really helped me understand story telling.

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>>27862265
>>27862132
You could try having fun.

Any good Ember stories?

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>>27862627
The REAL Bastion.

>>27862036
That is good sad its a one shot.

>Be Anon.
>Sitting in pony jail because you may have bad touched a filly.
>Scootaloo was asking for it.
>No really, she broke into your house three times a week and tried to ambush you in the shower.
>You broke down and gave her the D just to make her go away.
>Of course she told everyone in town.
>So now you're sitting in a jail cell with a guy named Power Bottom who keeps talking about how he's going to spoon you tonight until you get hard and then he'll ride your dick like he stole it.
>Equestria is weird.

>>27863559
No, not many dragon stories at all, really.

>>27862618
Is good.

Crosspostan pony story
>>27865699
>Be Pony, a pony in Equestria.
>Your parents were not very imaginative.
>You and your friend Anonymous are at a party.
>Both of you are doing party things.
>Drinking, eating, pinning the tail on the donkey, running away from the donkey.
>After you and the gals lost the donkey in the streets, it was back to party games.
>but as time went on you started getting a bit buzzed.
>Neither you or Anonymous are lightweights.
>You've had like three ciders.
>He drank a whole bottle of ponyclear.
>Then asked for another.
>Damn that apelien is scary, packing away those.
>They have like 8% alcohol in them.
>Fucking ayys.
>If only...
>"Onward, mighty steed!"
>What?
>WHAT?
>Anonymous just climbed onto your back.
>You trot forwards, driven forward by some instinct.
>You don't really pay attention to where you're going, just letting him guide you.
>Your attention is more focused on his penis.
>You can feel it on your back, a layer of fabric separating it from you.
>You've only seen it a few times, back when you were both much younger.
>You really hope that you'll get to see it again.
>And maybe do more than just look.

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>>27865919

>>27863559
maybe

>>27865919
When the hell do you SLEEP, Drunk?

>>27867818
Sleep and sanity are for the weak.

>>27865919
This is best post

>>27867818
Durnk is actually 3 people who sleep in 8 hour shifts so they can post on 4chan constantly.

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We all could use a little snu snu now and then.

>>27861366
>-----A short time later-----

>The door swings open and Rarity enters.
>"Hello Anonymous"
>Clearly trying to sound as sultry as possible
>"It's time for-"
>The sultriness dies instantly
>"Oh my this won't do at all, this is impossible."
>"How could Fluttershy makes such a mess and-"
>A horrified expression crawls across her face.
>You know instantly she trod in fluttershy's fluids
>"EEWWW EWW EWWW OH CELESTIA NO!"
>For someone who's presumably about to fuck you she's very squeamish about it.
>"There must be some cleaning supplies somewhere..."
>You can't quite see what she's doing but it's plain she's rummaging through everything in room.
>"Rarity."
>"Ap Bap bap, let me deal with this Anon."
>This whole rape dungeon thing is quickly turning into housework.
>Disappointing, cause flutters kinda put you in the mood.
>"Curses."
>Guess there was no cleaning supplies.
>"Very well Anon, we shall have to improvise."
>Rarity jumps on the bed and you find yourself face to butt with Rarity.
>So that's what it looks like.
>Then she drops, two pillowy mounds of fluffiness impact obscuring your vision and you feel wetness against your nose.
>Rarity shifts slightly smearing a bit of wetness on your lips.
>It's all the encouragement you need.
>You're a dog sometimes.
>Tongue darting, thrusting, buttcheeks grinding, smothering.
>Finally a small flood of liquid and a scream of ecstasy.
>Rarity dismounts, standing on legs turned to jelly.
>You look at her expectantly.
>"I'm sorry Anon but I just can't touch your... stallionhood, when it's in that condition."
>Is she blueballing you?!
>"A lady does not have sloppy seconds with the 'slop' still present."
>Son of a bitch!
>"I shall remind the girls to bring a towel"
>You're too shocked to protest as she leaves the room.
>Son of a fucking bitch.

>>27868851
>not washing your junk in the sink first
You disgust me.

>>27869424
If I remember correctly Anon is tied up to a bed, and the mane 6 are taking turns with him. Kinda hard to wash up when you're tied down.

>>27869453
>Not putting in the effort.
Lazy too

>>27870361
rad

>>27870361
I need more Ponko in my life.
What were some of the more gooder greens?

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>>27871521
This is relevant to my ponk-related interests

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102KB, 263x278px

>>27870361
>It's well animated
>But it's worst horse
Oh...

Can I get a pony body, so I don't die from being the only creature in equestria without a protective layer of magic/cartoon?

>>27872695
>Be Anon
>You're just walking along, minding your own business.
>No specific destination in mind, just kind of walking to enjoy the view.
>Ponyville is picturesque in every way.
>Only one problem though; The ponies that live within.
>They constantly endanger your life because they think that you have the reality-bending physics they do.
>For example, the other day ponies were literally jumping off a building and bouncing up like a fucking trampoline.
>You've had Rainbow chase you with a stormcloud so she could zap you as a prank.
>The ponies she did it to just had their manes frizzed up, not a single injury. How could she know it would kill you?
>You'd stay in your house to be safe if they couldn't just teleport in somehow- unicorn or not.
>Just another day of trying not to die via naive ponies.

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>>27862132
>>27862265
Read some intense books to give yourself an idea for what to aim for.
I could give some generic feedback like add in more detail, description, work towards improving areas that feel flat but that'd hard help.
It's hard to say what you need exactly unless you tell us which stories you mean and who you are. So either post your paste here or pm me on skype faggot and I'll help you out as best I can sin.aie

>Be Anon in snekquestria
>Twilight Snakle is following you around, trying to be stealthy as she observes you
>She is not doing a good job of hiding
>She's in your house wearing bits of plants taped to herself
>At least Lyra Snekstrings, the creepy stalker snake, is actually somewhat competent at it
>She's usually in the trees outside, where it's harder to see her.
>You usually only notice her when her girlfriend Bonbon Snekbon comes by to get her, since Bonbon doesn't care about not being seen.
>You were trying to read, but having a snake as wide as a man dressed in bits of tree stare at you from behind a curtain is kind of distracting.
>Especially when she's mumbling her observations out loud.
>Maybe you can convince Lyra to give her lessons?
>She's probably going to want to do that weird thing where she licks your hands again though.
>Fuck it, it's not that bad sitting there letting her do whatever that snakey thing she likes doing is.
>Next time you see Bonbon, you'll ask her to pass on the request.
>You're pretty sure Lyra is watching you, but you're not sure where exactly she is.

>>27873029
go to bed anonpencil

>>27873118
>sin.aie
>anonpencil
Mate, you're quite the fuckstick.

>You bite into the plum danish you bought from Sugarcube Corner this morning. It's a little stale. Likely from yesterday's leftovers. Pinkie still charged you like it was fresh. At least she was nice about it.
>You live in the top floor of a two story house. The occupant beneath you is absolutely not a guard keeping track of you. He of course is very polite when you make small talk in front of the house.
>Better than Rainbow Dash who electrocuted you with a storm cloud the first week you got here. You spent a month in the hospital. She goes around telling everyone that she can "keep you under control" or "put you down if needed."
>Her punishment was that she has to pay your rent. You made sure to pick the most expensive apartment they were willing to give you. It is all the revenge you're allowed.
>You do understand why they're so hostile. The last humans to show up here was a Roman Legion about 2000 years ago. It did not end well.
>They have a whole mythology about humans here now. It isn't very flattering.
>Twilight was interested in your take on human history. What you could remember of it anyway. You were not always the best student in school, but you were able to give her a rundown of what your species has been up to.
>Celestia and Luna were cordial, but you get the feeling that they were a little scared of you.
>You'll win them over eventually you guess.

>Rainbully Dyke
Why is she always such a bitch?

>>27874270
Well someone has to be.

>>27874006
>The occupant beneath you is absolutely not a guard keeping track of you.
Brilliant. May I borrow this directly for the green that I will never post here nor finish?

>>27874397
Of course you may.

>>27873137
Shhhh. It's okay Durnk.

>>27874862
Wut?
That's not me.
I'm me.

>>27873137
Go to bed, Shinobi.

>>27875038
>>27874862
It's obviously you in disguise.

crosspostan a horrible mess
>>27875790
>Be Anonnon in Equustra
>Find unicorn
>Its fockin magic
>When life gives you magicc, make milkshakes
>Thats what you do
>You put it in the fridge to make it cold though first
>When it's cold you put the unicorn into the blender
>"Darling, please don't blend me"
"But how will i have my milkshake if i dont?"
>"Oh dear, it's sweetiebelle all over again"
>"How about i make it for you instead? ypu just go and wait away from all the sharp knives and dangerous power tools"
>You go to the workshop to wait for her
>Make a dick sword with your lather and shit
>Now you can ficht while you fuck and fuck while you fight
>Fucken metal
>"Dear, it's ready"
>You go back to the kitchen
>The unicorn is gone
>But you have a milkshake on the counter now
>Fuck yeah milkshake
>You drink your milkshake
>Today was a requests sometimes go unfulfilled kinda day