Hello, I'm collecting stories. Do you have any stories to tell?

There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it."

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>>27747874
OP is a faggot.

The End.

>Day scream-o-vision in Equestria
>You feel good today, even though you're going after the most dangerous rapist of them all
>Twilight Sparkle
>You know her trying to use magic to taste your "magic wand" and sometimes steals your undergarments
>You just want to get your underwear back without her getting in the way
>That sounds like a standard plot today
>As you're about to knock on her door, it flings open to reveal twilight
>She has a creepy smile on her face and she is dripping
>Is she on her estrus cycle?
>she lifts your body up with magic
>"Anon, I'm glad you're here! I have a problem that only you can fix!"
>Oh boy, better make it quick before you become her sex slave
>You reach into you pocket and get out a small piece of paper
>She yanks it out of your grip
>Fucking magic
>"What's this? A love note for me?"
>She opens it up but stares at it with a confused look
>"Anon, what's candlejack?"
>A scarecrow like head pops out of a book case
>"You called?"
>She turns to stare at him
Scream
>"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
>In a blur, she was tied up and dragged out of the library
>With her out of the way, you go to her room
>You found it on her bed, covered in her juices
>Damn, this thing needs to be washed twice!
>Her walls are covered with pictures
>Pictures of you
>You shiver and quickly take your leave
>Hopefully that's the last time i'll ever go into...
>The Twilight Zone

Good enough?

>be me
>fighter pilot
>flying my Vultee over the New Mexico desert
>Date is March 22, 1942
>all systems normal in my cockpit
>begin landing procedure
>suddenly a rainbow appears in the distance
>marvel at beauty before beginning decent
>rainbow suddenly banks toward me
>wtf.jpg
>apparition heading right at me, with increasing velocity
>call in UFO sighting to ground
>CO tells me to ignore it
>line up my landing
>apparition is suddenly on top of me
>flies over head, generating a large downdraft
>realign, but forgetting about downdraft
>I'm about 450 feet too low for landing
>tower doesn't notify me for some reason
>plow my plane into the ground about 50 yards short of the runway
Your friend ended my impeccable career.

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>>27747874
I once ate out a horse cunt
just like this

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>>27747874
you will love me for this, OP

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I have one, it's called the Ugly Barnacle.

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>>27747970
Once there was an ugly barnacle, he was so ugly that everyone died.

The End

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>>27747957

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>>27747979

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>>27747970
>>27747979

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>>27747874
>Once upon a time, you died and I lived happily ever after.
>The end.

>>27669563
Oh, you'll find a story alright.

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>>27747957
>>27747980
UNF