Princess Applejack

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Here is full archive of the stories in condensed, easy-to-read form with all chatter in-between removed.
Check out the pastebin here:
http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessApplejack

Curious what happened last time?
Check out the previous thread here:https://desustorage.org/mlp/thread/27651717
You are completely new and have no idea what is going on? There is a wikia with an overview of all characters, a complete timeline, previous thread recaps and explanation of the various concepts used in these stories!
Check out the wiki here:http://princess-aj.wikia.com/wiki/Princess_Applejack_Wiki

Confused about when a character first showed up or who they are? Want to know when an arc started?
Check out character notes and details here :
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1PsMAwLcIdC3IYxezAV9Ko4neEguNvc3eQqQqiTCxdDs/edit#gid=2119378650

Check out the 'Princess Applejack: Re-Cut Edition' here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15cv3kqExr_vOM0JkUh4dqnvVKxJ5Z-P1KHwE8Z7aG0k/edit?usp=sharing
And finally, while most of the thread is very much clop free, we have a pastebin in case you're feeling a little more naughty with your writing, find it here. http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessAJAfterDark please upload any like it to a pastebin so they can be added out of thread.
And above all else, enjoy your stay at /paj/!

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First for Pinkie

FIRST FOR SHINING/PINKIE(I have no pic.)

>>27704484
>>27704485
TEN
FUCKING
SECONDS

>>27704484
>>27704485
Beat me outright. Nice job, nice job, you two.

>>27704491
Ten seconds is all he needs!

>>27704509
Thank you, Fuzzy and or Buzz.

OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~

>Tia? Gotta question.

"Applejack? No, I have a cake. I have a massive, sweet, DELICIOUS looking cake. Do you freaking see this? It's as big as me, and just as tasty!"

>Too bad, Ah' gotta question.

"Don't make me be drastic!"

>Bring it.

BOOM!

>No, the gun ain't gonna scare me off.

"That was a bomb!"

>Ah'm the bomb, thank you, so bring the noise more iffin' ya' want me ta' feel the beat.

"..."

>Ah've been listenin' to DJ PON3. But mah' question is, when's the age of consent for fillies? Is it when they get their cutie mark, or-

"NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!"

>Ah' just wanna know for legal reasons-

"NOOOOOPPPPPEEEE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!"

CRASH!

"NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPEnope nope nope. nope.....ope..."

>...And now that yer' unguarded, come'ere wonderful... mmmm, just as delicious as she said-OH SHIT!

"IIITTTCHHHHH-"

BOOM!

>>27704561
>Using a distraction to steal her cake
Classic.

>>27704485
It's growing on me, even if I want them to remain solely friends.

>32
"Nurse"
~~

>...Hey, I just thought of something.

"What is it, bugg-er patient?"

>That kind of ties into it, is this hospital capable of providing me love? I think I might need some love before I get out of this bed.

"..."

>...What kind of services-

SLAP!

"I don't even feel racist anymore! The best kind of racist!"

SLAM!

>Wait, nurse? I was being serious... nurse? Nurse I mean actual love! ACTUAL LOVE! My food! I need love food! Put love in my mouth! Or other places, I'm not picky! Nurse!? NURSE!?... I'm going to starve in here.

>>27704634
They're fun, but I never got a romantic vibe off them.

>>27704561
Oh god,
This made me remember Spike.
He's gonna die in there.

File: 476525__safe_solo_pinkie+pie_animated_cute_diapinkes_loop_crystal+ball_madame+pinkie_artist-colon-themightyshizam.gif (275KB, 950x534px) Image search: [Google]

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Pinkie Preview Prophecies

>Applejack tries to be smooth.
>Pinkie can do a mean Cheeks and Gong impression.
>Rarity forgets that ponies are kinda dumb.
>Dash and Fluttershy accidentally knock over a Filly Scout and pays for it.
>Harry is smarter than the average bear.
>The CMC find themselves without a paddle.
>Special guest star, Hugh Heifer from the Playcolt Mansion!
>Crepe fanservice!

>>27704811
>Cheeks and Gong impression

...ponks not here, maaaaan

>AJ
“Chrysalis”
‘Cadence’
~???~
~~~

>Nope.

‘It’ll be fun!’

>Ah’m not doin’ it, nope. Not gonna happen. No way, no how.

‘Chrysalis, help me out.’

“Do ittt. Doooo itttt.”

‘Chrysalis stop helping me out.’

>This whole mess is baloney, why would Ah’ have to dress up fer’ the maretonians?

’Because they appreciate that! They love regalia pieces and they love looking good, it’s important to make a good first impression!’

>But Ah’ don’t wanna dress up.

‘Applejack, really. You don’t have to prove that you’re tough or don’t like girly things-‘

>Actually, Ah’ like dressin’ up. Ah’ had a ball designin’ stuff fer’ the gala, and Ah’ rocked that dress, thank ye’ kindly.

‘Oh… then what-‘

>Ah’ doubt yer’ abilities to pick out a dress for me, is all.

‘I can’t believe you said that!’

>Was it gonna be pink?

‘…’

>Why don’tcha tell her to dress up, iffin’ it’s so important-

FWOOSH!

“CHANGELING BITCHES!”

>…that is not good for Rarity’s industry.

‘Applejaaaack, we need to do this.’

>Fine, Ah’ll ask Rarity for help.

‘Good enough for me, if hurtful!’

>Can ya’ stop lookin’ like a dang circus hooker now?’

“Why does everyone keep saying that!?”

~I think it looks nice!~

>Hush up, Celly, we know what’s in yer’ closet.

~You just don’t understand fashion!~

>>27705117
So that's why Rar took so long not to hate her...

>Fuzzy
“Buzz”
~~~

>Annndd COMING AT YOU LIVE, IT’S FUZZY AND THE BUZZ!

~Fuzzy and the Buzz in the Morning, 97.1!~
~It’s kinda like that.~

“Top story toDAY! The princesses have declared they’re meeting with representatives from Maretonia!”

~And that mare is TONIAD!~

>What the purpose of this meeting is or why it’s happening hasn’t been disclosed yet, but speculation says it has something to do with a new economic shift from the Changeling Hive. And before you ask, no, they’re not going to start charging you to throw tomatoes at Buzz, that’s still free.

“OOOHHHH!”

~That one was a watermelon!~

>But speculation aside, there are also concerns about current state of allies and if this will shake those up.

“For moral boosts, they’ve been sent pictures of Fuzzy trying to go on a date. Their response was “Well, at least I can’t mess up that bad!”

>OHHHHHH!

~I brought my mint condition comics for luck!~

“We’ll keep you updated as it happens, and give you a blow by blow so you know what to expect!”

>And yes, that includes the blows of whatever mare notices that Buzz looked at her for more than a second and needs to make it stop.

“OHHHH”

~ATATATATATA! You are already dead!~

>While you wait, chill out with the relaxing tunes of the Backstreet Colts, I want it that Hay!

“GOODNIGHT!”

>>27705294
>Dat FOTNS

Lost.

>>27705540
Loading at f/b isn't a matter of if, but when.

>Idris
“Cheese”
~~~

>…

“…”

>…

“…”

>…

“…So are you going to leave-“

>Almost.’

“You’ve been saying that a while now.”

>So I have, so I have….

“…”

>…liiiittle longer.

>>27705935
Huh. Forgot all about them.

>>27706158
Cheese is fucking cursed.

>>27702611
Welp, we need to prepare for the next thread.

>>27706254
FUCK

What do we do?

>>27706387
If the domain gets restored, then we don't have to do anything. Otherwise, it's a simple matter to replace the urls. Not really anything to freak out over.

>Actarius
“JJ”
~Worm~
~~~~

>AHHH
“AHHHH!”
~SCREEE!~
SLAM!

~~~~~

>AHHHHH
“AHHHHHH!”
~SCREEEE!~
SLAM!

~~~~

>AHHhhhh…
“AHHHHHhhh…”
~SCREEEE!~
SLAM!

~~~~

>Ahhhh.
“Oh ahhhh, so scary.”
~Scree.~
SLAM!

~~~

>…
“…Where the fuck are we now?”
~Scree!~

>No, we don’t know the way out, that’s the problem!

“Some worms, I swear.”

~Scree!~

>Wait, did he just say Claustrophobic?

“How the heck did you just hear-“

~SCREEEEEEEE!~

>…

“…Huh.”

>>27706254
Aww bummer.
Well, this is why I keep a backup with archive.is
Assuming if the domain doesn't get restored, replacing the links to cuckchan is going to be a little annoying. I know it's ctrl F replace, but still annoying to fix links.

>SA
“Pinkie”
‘18’
~~~

‘Thank you so much. The papercuts… they were getting uncomfortable.’

>Anytime, Eighteen! You know I’m always here for you.

‘Awww… you know, you look like that riled you up a little bit, how’s about I help you… relax?’

“I’m right here.”

‘She can watch.’

>Eighteen! I can’t believe-

“Go ooonnnn.”

>…

“What? I honestly want to see how far you guys go. This sounds like it’ll be funny.”

>Pinkie!

‘You heard her, let’s prove her wrong!’

>Eighteen!

“Snuggle her!”

‘Snuggle me!’

>Oh no you don’t, I see a trap when I see one!

CRASH!

“…He didn’t go for it.”

‘Meh, here’s your twenty bits anyway.’

“No, you keep them, it was all worth it.”

>AH HAH!

“GAH!... But… how! You jumped out a window!”

>A clever ruse thanks to a giant me doll!

‘…Pinkie, you’re having a bad influence on him.’

“Him? I’m starting to think he’s having a bad influence on me…”

>>27706387
>Implying anything could kill our princess.

Long live /pa/

>Cloudchaser
“Derpy”
~~~

>Huh, looks like the fighting stopped… good job, me! Not a scratch on you!

“You did great!”

>I really did, didn’t I? No collateral damage, no fires, no nothing! Everything came out juuuust fine.

“Yep! Nobody died either!”

>That right there? That’s how you know it’s a victory.

“So, should we go see what it was all about?”

>Why would we do that? It’s over, nothing to see here.

“Oh, I suppose that makes sense. “

>Of course it does, it came from me! Now, help me move this tarp full of crabs over to the lake.

“Why?”

>Because crabs need water, duh!

“…I cannot argue with that, but don’t crabs live in the ocean?”

>What’s the difference?

“Saltwater has a higher salt count than freshwater-“

>Bah! Don’t you know crabs are naturally salty?

“I didn’t know that!”

>That’s why you leave the thinking to me, now drag!

“… I do not understand sodium count of shellfish.”

>>27706933
He's gone full Pinkie!

RUN

>>27706994
Truer words ain't never been uttered.

>>27707308
>Implying running will help

Too late.

>Rarity
~~~

>And…finished.

It would have been chilling how confident she was it wouldn’t be hard to get this approved, since it would be voted on in only a few weeks. It was a sudden proposal, yes, but one she had the upmost confidence wouldn’t be shot down, or defeated.

A part of her was happy she felt so sure, yet another part sad.

>It could probably be defeated… if only someone would care to stop it.

The meeting room, the one supposedly here to answer any questions ponies may have, remained empty save herself. Six other desks, counting Spike’s, all vacant and without a head.

>All in favor of putting this to a vote say Aye… Aye… all opposed?

Nothing but empty silence answered back.

>I suppose the Ayes have it. The Watchpony act will be put up for a vote.

A slow, sad smile crossed her face as she stamped it, the first real piece of work for Equestrian law she had ever done.

She supposed, considering it’s contents, she couldn’t have picked it better.

>I can only hope they’ll not be too hard on me.

>>27707409
And here comes Rarity to make things worse!

>>27707454
Don't be so pessimistic, you never know.

>>27707483
Yeah dude, she might only maim someone instead of almost killing them.

Be optimistic!

>>27707454
Fuck you, I believe in Rarity.

>>27707502
Sounds like a slogan, ha!

>>27707576
I just imagined seeing a 'Fuck you, I believe in Rarity' sticker while going down the highway, and can't stop laughing.

>Dash
“Fluttershy”
~~~

>Now, I’m not racist or anything-

“Wonderful way to start a conversation.”

>-but I have to know, are griffons naturally magical like us? Can they do cloud stuff?

“Gilda could walk on clouds and was in flightschool with you. Allegedly. I wouldn’t know, I didn’t go.”

>But does that mean they’re magical like ponies? Can… can they get cutie marks?

“That’s silly, griffon’s with cutie marks?”

>Yeah, I guess that would be super weird.

“Super weird.’

>Make no sense at all.

“And be so sudden!”

>If anything, that would be racist, implying other races need to be more like ponies.

“Unfortunate implications at best.”

>Yep, that’s dumb.

“…Did the world just shake?”

>I try not to think too hard about it when it happens.

File: Believe_in_Rarity.jpg (41KB, 500x300px) Image search: [Google]

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>>27707502
same...a part of me is expecting this to be another set up to throw Rarity under the bus again though.

>>27707627
Why imagine? I made one!

>>27707880
It's... beautiful.

>a part of me is expecting this to be another set up to throw Rarity under the bus again though.

I'm not worried about that, wouldn't fit the modus operendi of our writefag buddies. It's always
>They fuck up hard
>Changeling gets fucked up
>Things get better.

Even the best Aj Arc, Applecrazy, followed this.

>>27707915
And cue this being the time they want to buck the trend, just to fuck with us.

>>27707880
Freaking amazing. Perfect thread header, too.

>>27707880
I don't know why I love this so much.

>>27708006
>Next thread header is "Fuck you I believe in Rarity" and "Fuck you Applejack knows best" side by side.

>>27708078
Fund it. Right now. I love everything about that.

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This is kind of fun. I made another one.

>>27707841
Ahahahah, that would be dumb.

Oh god...

>>27708123

>If ahm reelected as Princess I swear ta build a wall to keep that dang Liam Neighson out and protect them little green critters!

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>>27708078
>>27708083
>>27708147
It's not side to side, but here's one for Applejack too.

>>27708147
Even when she's a trump parody she's actually somewhat sensible.

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>>27708160
>It's not side to side,

Easy squeezy!

>>27708160
>>27708185
Per.
Fec.
Tion.

>>27708123
>>27708160
>>27708185
There is no part of this I don't love.

>>27708168
>Somewhat sensible

You fool! Walls only make him angry! And he's never not angry!

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>>27708078

>>27708261
So then, situation unchanged?

>>27708185
I love this series, I really really do, especially during moments like this.

>>27708292
Ye-

No, wait, shit... maybe she is sensible even in parody.

>>27708270
And I love it.

>>27708185
>Iffin Ah'm elected, Ah' swear to do all the paperwork, find every fault in Equestria, never stop looking to make it better, and make sure that big white horse at the top has to answer for every single solitary inane question I come up with. Ah' will not stop asking questions until either she dies, Ah' die, or everything is fixed!

"How is that different from what you normally do?"

>...HUH.

>>27708379
>>27708379
"Also, are princesses elected,or-"

>Ah' get it!

>Twilight
"77"
'Cheerliee'
~Harry~
~~~~

A rare sight happened on that day. The sight of pony, changeling and bear, together in perfect harmony. Together, as one, staring openly at the teacher.

>So this bear... Harry... has been acting as Ponyville's guard this whole time.

'Volunteer guard, but yes!'

>He's been going around, protecting the town... and arresting ponies?

'Well, I don't know if he arrested anyone, actually.'

>Oh good, because that would open up so many uncomfortable questions, and Celestia knows we don't want that right now!

"How have I never noticed this!?"

'That's a good question. He's a bear. It's not like he was hiding it. That's on you, honey.'

~Grugh!~

"You shut up! You punched me in the face, for no reason!"

'Harry!'

~Grugh!~

'No, I don't care that you were offended that he got picked over you, and I don't care if you were mad! That's no reason to hit my buzzybaby, especially when he hadn't even said yes yet or knew you wanted the position at all!'

>Buzzybaby?

"That's what you took away from that!? THAT!?"

~Grugh!~

'I know you did good, and you deserve recognition! You've been doing a pretty good job, excepting the time you gathered the woodland creatures into an army and tried to take over ponyville... twice.'

"WHAT!?"

>So that's what Fluttershy meant...

"WHAT WHAT WHAT!?"

~Gurgh!~

'No, you're not better. Really, tell me. How many times have you actually taught anyone?'

~Gr-~

'PONY someones?'

~...Grugh.~

'See? You never even try, and you never even taught the other animals how to fight! Take it from a teacher, you've been completely neglecting this very important part of the job! You're just not ready to lead something like a guard yet.'

~GRUGH-~

'However... you do have dedication, so how's about a compromise? Since my buggybottoms at least has some experience training the guard, why not have him show you how to train them?'

~...Grugh rughh ahhgg.~

1/2

>>27708714

'Now, see, that you say that worries me. If we waited for you, the guard would take longer to train. There's a reason she came to him first, you know. With honeyhuggles as the captain, then at least ponyville can train new guard quickly and protect ponyville. You do want to protect Ponyville... right?'

~...gurgh rguh.~

'Wonderful! I knew you'd understand. You and him are going to be an amazing team. Isn't that right?'

Years upon years of dealing with hard to handle, or to be frank outright stupid children made her able to take any look in stride. Even the double whammy of the princesses doofy if vacant look or the changelings flabbergasted face.

>Suuure! A bear is the second in command of Ponyville's guard, why not? Why not bear? So long as I can go back, why not bear?

"WHAT!?"

'I knew you'd agree! Now, how's about we all sit down and have some tea? I know how you love it!'

~Grugh gurg guh, rguh.~

'Oh you! Ahahahah!'

"...what!?"

'Don't you get it? No more lumps, because... well I thought it was funny.'

>Hee hee.

'She gets it!'

Together, pony, princess and bear shared a wonderful laugh together.

"...I miss the caves, where everything made more sense."

>>27708727
...I wasn't the only one hoping for a team up, right?

>>27708744
A teamup against Harry or this thing, where it's 77 and Harry going to team up?

>>27708744
Teamup to fight Harry? Naw, Cheer would've curbstomped him, bearpunch was way more funny.

Harry/77 teamup?... Isn't that what we're getting? That's what I took away from it, 77's going to be the brains and Harry is the brawn.

>>27708727
>The changeling who has literally seen more shit than a sanitation worker is the one who thinks this is crazy shit.

>>27708989
He's not wrong.

Look at the facts. Dangerous animals in the cave tried to eat you for web of life reasons, not tried to give you a citation for loitering.

>>27705117
Thank you for remembering that AJ isn't a stereotypical "Ah hate pretty dresses" type.

>>27708770
>>27708868
Lemme clarify: Team up between Harry and 77 was what I was hoping for when this started.

>>27709064
Right? Everyone gets that wrong.

>>27709111
Oh, yeah, me too. I'm super happy how the story ended up, it was funny, absurd and never serious, and come the end we have the setup of a confused 77 who has to work with Harry to get Ponyville a guard, lotta potential there.

It's exactly what I was hoping for too, and I'm glad we're getting it.

>>27709145
Someone start up the funky 70's cop show soundtrack!

>>27709111
Of course you weren't, this is fucking amazing. All I wanted was
>Comedy
>Fight
>At the end, 77/Harry are going to run the guard together

Anon fucking delivered.

>>27709157
>Straight laced vet
>Hair trigger rookie with something to prove
>Together, they're Bug N Bear, Ponyville DP!

>>27709365
>Bug N Bear
>Not Bugsby N Papa Bear

Do you even watch cop shows?

>>27709491
>Two words for the second name

What cop shows do you watch?

>>27709521
Bizzaro cop shows~

Good ni...morn...godless hour where no one should be awake, thread.

>>27710104
Faust could not hope to comfort us at such a time

>>27710113
Where she fails, coffee succeeds. Morning, /pa/ls.

File: 160463__safe_pinkie+pie_sleeping_headphones_artist-colon-maplesunrise_nightcap_night+cap.png (302KB, 1000x1000px) Image search: [Google]

302KB, 1000x1000px

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[RD]
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your hosts the Pink Pony Club! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and we try to increase the weird! Now for our main guest...RAINBOW DASH!!!
Singular clap from Cadence who's smiling and looking stoned. DT plays synth music using TBDRLIATU.

[Hi Pinkie. Glad to be-]

>Have you ever licked yourself hoping you'd taste like candy?

[...um I guess?]

"Did you taste good?"

'Heh, expecting good taste from Rainbow Dash.'

Pinkie tears out a chunk of her mane and eats it.
>I know I have good taste.

"That's cannibalism."

'Only if we eat her. She's just eating herself out.'

[I think this conversation is too fast for me.]

Cadence sheds a tear.
"I'll never know how to eat myself out."

DT chomps on Cadence's neck.
"AHHHHHHHH!"
Cadence runs smashing into Pinkie's desk with DT hanging by the teeth.

[What the f-]
Freeze frame on a confused RD.
>Until next time.
Life in the late night show~

>>27710363
I think the evil dream clonesare loose

>>27710363
>the ppc trying to eat each other

Ohhh myyyyy~~

>>27710932
Pushing it! Takei!

>>27709365
I've hit it! Fuzzy and the-

Shit

>29
"MM"
'Zecora'
~Trixie~
(???)
~~~

>...

"..."

'...'

~...HOW MUCH FREAKING LONGER IS-~

KRAK-THOOM! Lightning, somehow, flashed in their cells, and from the misty darkness, she appeared.

(HARK! Who hath summoned us to this most wretched place-)

>Oh thank Love. Princess? Can thou tell thine workers to release our friend?

"I tried, but apparently being a mayor only gets you so far."

'And I have no political clout of which to speak. I'd change that, but I'd bore of it in a week.'

~HELP TRIXIE!~

The vein above the princesses head throbbed, and her teeth began to grind.

(Thou called us down to bail out the crazed magician after a bender!?)

~TRIXIE DID-~

>She did not go on a bender most foul! She stumbled across a breakout, and with her magical might faced Sunset in battle to prevent having her mind taken!

~...That, Trixie did that.~

(Uh huh.)

"Look, you can't have your student locked up right? That looks bad on you."

~Erm... actually...~

Three heads in shock swiveled to the unicorn, now fidgiting with her hooves.

~Trixie... may have decided she doesn't need to be the princesses ward anymore.~

>...What!?

"Trixie!"

'Why would you do this, you silly little thing! Why throw away all she can bring!'

>Yes, she may not be perfect, but thine princesses magical knowledge and might is certainty a boon to be had.

The princess of the night only preened a little smugly.

~Well, she's the one who said Trixie wasn't allowed to help you guys!~

>...What!?

Everyone swiveled right back, to the much less smug looking princess.

(We said no such thing!)

~Yes you did! You said if Trixie ran off to the city of Canterlot when it was being attacked by Chitania, she was no longer your student! You stuck with it too, you didn't even come with her to Canterlot!~

>What!?

"Wait a minute, what!?"

'Holy shit, there is no way that is true! Clear up what was meant by you!'

The princesses stare went blank for a second, as she put it all together.

1/2

>>27711800

(Oh... ohhhhh...)

They stared, and waited.

(....oh...)

And waited, and waited.

(...T'was a test.)

~Are you fucking kidding Trixieeeehhheeeee!~

She glared, but said nothing to the changeling until he stopped stepping on her hoof.

(Yes, t'was all a test to see your resolve and if you thought being a student was more important than the magic of friendship or something, you passed!)

"Or something?"

'Not to criticize your method or anything. But if the test was over, why were you not seen?'

(Friendship.)

~What does that-~

(GUARD! RELEASE THINE PRISONER! WE HAVE DECIDED WE BELIEVE HER, AND SHE IS NOT CHARGED WITH A CRIME ANYMORE!)

It took a lot of hoof crunching to keep Trixie silent while the guard came up, and unlocked the door.

(We thank thee! Now, if that is all, we have... business! Important business to be had! Royally important!... Tata!)

In that same bout of stars that had brought her, she left.

>...
"..."
'...'
~...Are you fucking kidding Trixie?~

>Thou really picked us instead of-

Roughly, she shoved past him, and walked towards the exit.

~TRIXIE IS GETTING A DRINK!... You can come if you'll pay!~

The three remaining equines shared a look, and shrugged.

>I could use a drink.

"My world needs some stability."

'I'm starting to worry more about who is at the very top. I'll start drinking, and not know when I'll stop.'

As one, they followed their friend, the one they had stuck down with while she screeched, yelled, annoyed and insulted them without fail the entire time. There wasn't a doubt they'd do it all again. The way the unicorn slowed down her walk until they could keep pace told them she knew that.

The way she smiled said, if she had to do it all again too, she would.

The guard just thought to himself he did not get paid enough for this shit.

>>27711806
...Oh yeah, nobody told Lulu what happened, she just kinda had to figure it out when she got there.

Heh.

>Guard
"Guard 2"
~Centritrain~
~~

>Oh mighty bug thing, what do you want?

"We're questioning it, not worshiping it."

>It's about as worshipable as everything else around here.

"What about the princess? Raises the sun, immortal, all that cool stuff."

>But she's also gotten her ass kicked a ton, and I once saw her flip her shit at being asked a question. You're telling me that's godlike?

"...Certain gods, yeah."

>Sucky ones?

"Ohhhh, let's not go there."

~SCREEE!~

>What do you want!?

"It keeps flicking it's claw thing at us."

>...Fuck, maybe it does want to eat us.

"That is not my fetish."

>Screw this, we'll go ask Princess Twilight, she has to know what they eat, and if it's us, we bail.

"Sounds like a plan."

>Oh great big bug, we beseech thee to let us flee until we return and we shall seek much knowledge in the meantime!

"...Much knowledge."

>Gods don't give a fuck about grammar.

"Fair point."

They shuffled off, leaving Centitrain to sigh, and look forlornly at the bag they had left behind yet again.

She was seriously getting hungry.

>>27711854
She's...not a very good teacher.

>>27712004
Which is ironic, she's pretty decent for kids.

>>27712016
She's in reality, so out of her element.

Hard to bring amazing visuals when you can't just wave it away as dreamshit.

>AJ
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
~???~
~~~~~

>Alright, we're all set, Ah' think, now what?

'We wait?'

"Waiting is boring!"

>Ya'll would starve to death in a day as a farmer.

"That... is factually correct, but not for the reasons you're implying?"

>Ah' mean iffin' ya' could grow love.

'Love doesn't just grow on trees, Applejack.'

"And the award for most nonsensical out of context line goes to...!"

>Pretty much everythin' you have ever said.

"Applejack is an idiot."

>Yeah, ya' also get the award for 'most factually incorrect lines', what's your point?

"HAH! But seriously, how long is this going to take?"

'Well, we invited them, so we have to wait for the letter to reach them, wait for them to decide if they can make it, wait for them to find an opening in their schedule, wait for them to send the letter back for confirmation, send a letter back confirming we got it, then wait for them to actually come over on the specified date.'

>...No, Chrysalis is right, this is boring.

"Victory!"

'Well I'm sorry rulers of nations can't just teleport across continents to answer to whatever silly little whim need be answered to in Canterlot!'

>... "..."

'Shut up.'

>Iffin' that worked on me, Celestia would be a happier mare and we'd still be payin' Blueblood to surf around on a yacht.

"And if it worked on me, Applejack would be a happy mare."

>Now yer' just tryin' to make me look wrong.

"Don't have to try, Applejack."

>Conflicting messages!

'Can you all just-'

SLAM!

>...Twi? What in the hay happened to you!?

~Bear.~

"What?"

Instead of answering, she nodded, and walked past them.

>... "..." '...Okay then.'

>Ain't we gonna-

'You're not getting out of this!'

>But... she's actually-

'No! No more tricks!'

>...

"Holy shit, I finally understand the mare who cried wolf."

LAST THREAD RECAP! OH MY GOD IT'S A BEAR EDITION!
>12 and Screwloose go to the castle, and after some bantering with the guard Haymaker decides to let them in.
>Once inside, a certain someone drops a certain toy with a plush rear in front of them. 12 quickly says he'll get the Chitania toy back to 56, who SL does not know.
>Treehugger is not getting caught.
>The changelings run out of bullets, and proceed to panic.
>Except for 13, who mindzotzes anyone who tried to take her guns.
>42 continues to bomb at standup.
>Coudchaser and Derpy continue to fuck up.
>18 finally loses her shit, just in time to learn that she's out of ponies to see for the day. Unfortunately, another threat arises, the paperwork monster is back.
>When Acty is ready to give up JJ finally finds a way out! Right into the caves.
>Needless to say, he goes back in, and he's got a giant monster worm on his tail.
>Cadence finally sees Celestia and tells her about her plan to invite the Maretonians over to train Aj and Chrysalis. Celestia says no.
>After some convincing, she changes her mind, but only because Cadence promised that AJ and Chrysalis would write a friendship report like the good old days.
>Pinkie finally reveals why she's been testing all this stuff with Shining, she wants to build a smaller Partyland 2.0 out in the Empire, away from the city.
>Reluctantly, after much convincing, he agrees.
>Lyra still can't get noticed.
>Dash can't go inside, her office.
>Two makes a powerful projectile.
>Trixie passes the time by helping out ghostkids.
>Quicksilver is happy to be alive, until Gambling comes for him.
>The nurse is disappointed that 32 didn't try to hit on her.
>Maud is jealous of Pinkie.
>Twilight goes down to Ponyville, and sees the one she resigned to talk to about becoming the captain of the guard, 77.
>After a long talk, she asks him if he wants the position, and he starts to answer.
>Then he gets punched in the face.
>By a bear.
>Harry the bear.
1/3

>>27712233
>A battle quickly begins, and Twilight is forced to ask "Why bear, tho?"
>The two go back and forth, 77 using his wits and skills to match Harry's strength. When that runs out, he shapeshifts into a bear, and the two start wildly punching each other.
>Eventually, the bearpunch runs out of steam, and the both collapse.
>Right about then, Cheerliee arrives on the scene, and when told why Twilight was down here asks why she didn't ask Harry first.
>77 in turn asks "Who the fuck is Harry!?"
>Sunset realizes they need more for their Empire, and sends Chitania out into the mountains to destroy a competitor in crime so they can take over his business and brainwash him to open up routes to get more stuff.
>After easily defeating him, Chitania continues to wonder who it is pulling leading this charge against the gods, but is sure it's worth it for the power.
>The changelings, out of bullets, play 'pew pew' with the empty guns.
>Trixie learns it was 29 who charged Sunset, and starts strangling him.
>She releases him when the point out the logic in that.
>Dadling and Batmom have no alone time thanks to baby.
>Derpy should not chase waterfalls.
>A debate about who is prettier, AJ or Chrysalis arises.
>Spitfire's attempts to motivate the airforce goes poorly.
>Pinkie cannot own an elephant.
>Barley Sheen gets into the 'sugar'.
>Lightning Dust goes beneath Canterlot to answer a call.
>10 learns of the princess meeting, and declares the whole world is going to be watching.
>42 spends non-violent time in the magic room.
>The CMC lose Sweetie Doll when she ducks into a toyshop, and they have no money. So Sweetie Belle takes an older gentleman into an alleyway and gets money.
>By kicking him in the shin and robbing him, obviously.
>Zephyrious has been revealed to be running the Griffon empire while his parents are away.
>Shining helps out with building Partyland with 'incentives'
>Pommel lanents he knows nobody's name, except for Coco, who is still a guard somehow.
2/3

>>27712239
>Shining learns of the Maretonian meeting from a paper.
>Fluttershy realizes she hasn't seen her animals in a while
>42 plays in the simulator with giant bugs.
>Gambling catches Quicksilver, but before he can break his legs, QS has an idea how to get him money.
>Shining hears 18's call for help, and she's off!
>Silver Spoon calls out Pennydrop for looking suspicious when she, DT, Gwen and said businessmare head towards a big elevator, much to Diamond Tiara's horror.
>She keeps going, calling out everything that looks off about this, and as a result PD doesn't know if she can be trusted to keep what's down there a secret. DT says she can, but SIlver Spoon makes it worse when she asks if DT wouldn't say something if whatever down there was illegal.
>Finally, PD says that as a compromise, DT can go down there without SS, and if she feels like SS can handle it and not blab, then she can go get her.
>SS, as an alternative, says they could just go back to the room and keep having fun.
>After some back and forth debate with herself, DT picks Pennydrop and Gwen, and Silver sulks off, even when DT is promising her she'll come back in just a minute.
>The three go into the elevator, and descend down into a new world.
>SA is unfazed by the paperwork monster, when he really should be.
>Chitania comes home, tired after destroying the rival crime boss, and Sunset is waiting for her. When her doubts become apparent, Sunset calms her by explaining all the ways she's going to make Chitania strong.
>Her fears go away, when Sunset says she's going them all pay, and she smiles.

>>27712243
As always, if I missed anything, do what'cha do!

>>27712243
As always, thanks for doing what YOU do, these recaps help.

>>27711806
>Princesses can just let ANYONE off the hook at any time, whenever they want

That's kinda fucked.

>>27712416
Well, it's not so bad, I mean it could be worse.

They could get to decide if you live or die on a whim.

>SA
"Pinkie"
'18'
~~

'YOU WANT TO MAKE A WHAT!?'

>Told you so.

"And I told you, it wasn't Partyland's fault! It was the result of being too big, holding too many ponies, and too many things going wrong that nobody could have foreseen! It's not my fault it all fell into endless chaos, I just wanted to bring the laughs! I JUST WANTED TO BRING THE LAUGHS!"

'The logical side of me does see the argument, but the louder side of me is scared.'

"So don't go on it!"

'I'm just worried 42 will go up and we'll never see her again.'

>Pfft, that's silly, I'd go get her if it took too long, I'd miss my punchbug.

"Awww."

'Would you miss me?'

>Of course I would! I'd bubble up there the moment I noticed the paperwork being higher than 'not there'.

'...'

>I'm using it as an indicator, not use.

'I'll take it!'

>And changing the subject before that can stick, a Partyland would bring in some tourism.

'We're a giant city of crystal, we're pretty unique already!'

>Yeah, but what is there to do around here?

'...Stare at the crystals?'

>...

'Fiiiine, I'll approve it.'

>I already did.

'...Oh, right, forgot you're higher up on the rung than me... this feels weird.'

"Bet'cha that's not the first time she said that!"

>What? Yes it is.

"...Oh.. oohhh, so you haven't-"

'Nope.'

>Haven't what?

"Wow, Fluttershy is going to be sad."

'Huh?'

>What!?

"...Partyland, yaayyy!"

>I am so confused.

'For once, me too.'

"Yayyyyy, forget everything that just happened.

>...

"yayyyy..."

>>27712416
I think that's called a pardon.

>>27712613
>"Wow, Fluttershy is going to be sad."

I keep forgetting that running gag.

>>27712691
Obviously, but it's still super creepy that anyone, anytime, can get pardoned of any crime they want without any review or looking into it.

It's scary.

>>27712879
Yeah, but... that's how monarchies work.

>>27712944
NC
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~

>NEW RULE! We can't pardon anyone without consultin' with all the others princesses on the matter!

"..."

>What?

"Haven't... haven't you been the one doing all of the pardoning?"

>Ah' didn't pardon Nightmare Moon or Discord.

"Fair enough, but what about... everybody else?"

>Er, look, this is more for me than all of you.

"Applejack... are you addicted to pardoning?"

>AH' JUST CAN'T QUIIIIT!

"Don't worry, there's a support group."

>Is it just you, me and Shiny?

"..."

>...Ah'm good with that.

>>27712965
To be fair, Aj has never forgiven anyone unless the situation forced the matter.

>>27713021
... Friendship, everyone!

File: 131375118050.png (75KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

75KB, 500x500px

>>27712879
Let me get this straight, we have caves with monstrosities, a changeling who's capable of destroying cities at will and is roaming, a town that's near some giant Ursas, a bog with a hydra, a demon portal at a school, and you're scared of someone getting pardoned without review...okay. That's rather low on what I consider super creepy and scary in this universe to focus on, but okay.

>29
“MM”
‘Zecora’
~Trixie~
(Bartender)
~~~

(HEY! Fuck off!)

>What? Why?

(We don’t serve your kind around here!)

>Why I never-

“Hold up, remember what happened a bit ago. Can you be a little clearer? Who don’t you serve?”

‘This is an important matter, of which we need to hear. So please, make your statement a bit more clear.’

~And be quick, Trixie needs a drink.~

(You know who I mean…)

>…
“…”
‘…’
~…~

(…Older mares, we have to keep this place looking young and hot, little miss gray. You three can go in though.)

“WHAT!?”

>Thine mayor dyes her hair, she’s rather pretty young.

“NINEY!”

(Oh! So sorry, didn’t know you were going for the milf look, that I can respect! Head right on in!)

“…WHAT.”

~Trixie isn’t questioning, she’s drinking!~

“…”

>Welcome to our world.

‘All you can do is drink. Come with us, and no longer think.’

“…huh.”

>>27713266
Next to none of that is by the heroes, though.

It scarier when it's one of the good guys making changes like that without review, because we know they're fallible.

>>27713509
I guess I must be desensitized, because between the paperwork monster, the guy who talks to ghost children, the fungi, and Lavan, I can't find that scary at all.

>>27713266
>It's a "hurfdurf this isn't realistic so why do you care about this small but technically important tidbit" post

Pls no

I get enough of that from the /got/ threads

>Changeling
“Changelings”
~~~

>Pew pewwww!

“Wait… is this kinda stupid?”

“Yeah, I’m feeling stupid.”

>Well, what else are we supposed to do? We can’t just sit around here, that’s boring! Even Facepunch is losing it’s luster! Facepunch sucks!

“GASP!”

>I said it.

“But what else can we do?”

“I dunno… build stuff?”

“What the heck are we going to build?”

“That would take time, effort, a whole lot of work for very little reward!”

“But it would last, I guess? As opposed to what we do now…”

“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
>…Pew pew?

“P-pew pew…”

>>27713878
Get'em some legos. It'll work fine.

>Celestia
~~~

>Hrm… should I reconsider my choice? Is it really worth the possible war, all the strife and economic problems this could cause, all the worry it will bring me, all that it could do to me, my citizens, and our way of life, just to train Applejack to be better at politics? Is it worth it, in the end?

Thoughtfully, the pony paced over to her closet, the one that held her most precious possessions, and opened the door. Inside, stacked perfectly neatly, were dozens of letters, all from her most favorite student.

When she saw the dust atop the letters, she knew the answer.

>Yes.

>>27713957
>Five minutes later
>They look at the carnage

"...noooooo...

>Dash
“Fluttershy’
~~~

>…

“…Huh.”

>So, the animals have apparently formed their own mini society… that’s neat.

“I should probably study this.”

>I actually think you should stop that rabbit from eating whoever it is he’s trying to eat.

“It’s a carrot.”

>How many carrots move like that?

“…It might be a snake.”

>…

“I should-“

>Should probably do something, yeah.

>Cantie
“Cantie2”
~~

>Huh, apparently they’re going to build another Partyland.

“After the first one?”

>I don’t question this shit, all rulers are crazy.

“That’s the damn truth.”

>…So you ever wonder how they get this information so fast?

“Constantly.”

>What did you come up with.

“No matter where you are, no matter who you are, no matter what you’re doing, somewhere, just over your shoulder, there is a changeling, and they are watching you, and recording everything to give to that reporter.”

>…

“…”

>…I… I think I just wet myself.

“The terrors never stop, just so you know.”

>>27714321
>Chrysalis immediately walls the place off and calls her species done.

>>27714885
>Majesty why!?

"So that it can't escape."

>That's ridiculous! You can't just let us all starve on the moronic idea that somehow legos will come out and-OW! OH GOD THE PAIN!

"THEY'VE ESCAPED! AHHHHHHHHH!"

>That really hurts-OW!

"IT'S SPREADING! BURN IT ALL TO THE GROOOOUUNNNND!"

>>27713052
AJ's the pragmatic one, you're thinking of Pinkie.

>>27715043
Wait, wouldn't Changelings be the perfect ones to fight the oncoming lego hoard?

>The... the legos... the slip right into the holes, and don't hurt....

>WE CAN FIGHT!

>WE! CAN! WIN!

>>27707880
>>27708270
>>27708123
>>27708160
>>27708185
Is it bad that I would vote for someone who ran for office with these?

>>27715297
Yeah, probably.

If you're voting for the kind of person who puts "Fuck you" on the sticker, odds are they're a wannabe trump. Not Trump, a wannabe Trump.

Don't vote for wanna bes.

>>27715278
>No... NOO!

>THE SHORT BLOCKS ARE ASSEMBLIIIING!

>WE'LL NEVER SEPARATE THAT!

>>27715452
>YOUR FANGS!

>USE YOUR FANGS! RIP THEM APART!

>LEAVE NO SET ASSEMBLED! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

>>27715472
>GLLK! GLLKKK!
"So thaaaat's why they said choking hazard on the box.... OH SHIT!"

>77
~Harry~
~~

>Uh... so, this is a paper, it's for filing paperwork... which is what I have to do now, I guess. Huh, ironic seeing as I'm one of the few not named Applejack.

~...~

>Anyhooo, yeah. Paperwork, which we file. Everyone thinks it's all about the fighting and the kickass battles, but in actuality there's a lot of paperwork for any event. Anytime you do something, you have to file a report.

~...~

>...Sooo, how's about we start with something small? Just fill out this name and address form, and we can get started.

~...~

>...Do you need a pen? I have a pen.

~...~

>Do uh... look, I don't want to sound insensitive, but can you... write?

~GRUUUGHH!~

>Okay, I'm just going to put this out there, and you can judge me as you want... I have no idea if that was you being angry at me, sarcastically calling me a dumbass, or anything in between. I'm totally lost here.

~GRUGHH!~

>Oh... OH! I see! Grugh! I get it!

~...Grug?~

>I lied, I don't get it.

~....~

>This is going to be a challenge.

>>27715472
>*Chew chew*
>...Ah've madeh terribeh mistakh.

>There is a lot of blood coming out of your mouth.

>Chall shomene.

Goodnight, thread.

>>27716354
Night, anon.

Concerning the Stellaris play through, since we haven't seen an update in quite awhile, I'm thinking of working on "Cake War" stories using various RTS and Grand Strategy games.

Gonna see if I can make them humorous enough to post em.

Today is the day, brit/pa/ls

>>27717127
???

>>27717380
What he said. What's up?

>>27717380
>>27717384
Probably the vote whether or not to stay in the EU thing.

>Celestia
“Spike”
‘Jetset’
~~~~

>I’m not going to sugarcoat this, I neither have the time nor the inclination to do so. I feel at this point, we’re past coddling pleasantries, yes?

“…’Kaaaay, and while you feel that, I happen to feel that your choice of the word ‘sugarcoat’ pertains to our current surroundings. By the way, whoever programmed this version of Sugarcube Corner outdid themselves, I didn’t think it was possible to catch the diatbeetus from simply looking.”

‘What the dragon said.’

>I thank you. Now then, to start with, know that I appreciate the work you two have put forth in service towards Canterlot and Equestria as a whole. Spike, you and your Gun Club and your A-Team are absolutely invaluable.

“Aww, well, you know….”

>And Jetset, your skills as a covert special agent are peerless. Up until recently, no one even knew you existed. That’s how good you are.

‘Your praise is too much, my Queen.’

>Not your Queen, dear. Now then, Spike… this was meant to be a trial specifically for Jetset-

“I know, I know, I know, but come on! Look, honestly, he’s not the only one with issues right now, ‘Tia. I got a clawful of ‘em, I can admit that."

>That you do. In fact, the both of you have such severe psychological problems that it’s starting to become a detriment.

Both of her would-be protectors exchanged glances, confusion ever prominent, before turning back to her, silently yearning for an explanation.

>Spike, point-blank, you’re a kid. Don’t give me that look, you are. You are a baby dragon with an old soul, and to this day I regret allowing you to get your claws on that gun. I regret it with a fiery heat that not even my own sun can provide.

“Well… I don’t. I don’t regret it, at all. 'Cause Charity saved lives, even before she had a name she was doing cool things! Nobody hardly paid me any attention before I started using her, everyone just thought I was an annoying little dragon!"

1/?

>>27717744

>And that’s what you had every right to be. An annoying little dragon, and when you got that gun I know exactly what ran through your mind.

“…How do I work this thing?”

>No. ‘I have the power.’ You suddenly, finally had something that people respected and feared, so they respected and feared you by association. It granted you special privileges, it gave you power and control in equal parts… and aren’t those just so befitting for a dragon to possess? Fear… power… control.

When Spike attempted twice to refute that claim, only to wind up with nothing to say and his lips floundering, Celestia scoffed.

>Listen. Simply because of your heritage, those were items in your repertoire that you would have naturally gained. As you grew. But that gun… it gave them to you too quickly, and you didn’t know what to do with them. Except pull the trigger. For every problem there was a bullet ready to solve it. Right? I mean, look at Mayor Mare, she sure straightened herself out for a moment there after you paid her a visit.

Instead of answering, because yet again he had nothing to respond with other than the obvious, Spike plucked a small diamond from the platter of snacks before them and gave it a pouting lick.

>That gun became a coping mechanism, a symbol to all that you weren’t just some little dragon to be messed with. And that’s fine, we all need a little something to help us prove ourselves, to ourselves, every once in awhile… but one thing you absolutely cannot do is allow doubt to cloud your mind while you’re doing it. Because then you get conflicted, you start second-guessing, and protectors can’t second-guess or else they put themselves and those they care about in jeopardy. You have to be sure, you have to be ready. Above all, you have to be resolute. That’s what we’re going to be working o-

“GURGK!”

2/?

>>27717747

>…

“GRRRRRGH!”

‘…’

“MGGGH RGGGGGH HBBBGGGH!”

‘…Should I? I mean, I really shouldn’t have to but still, should I?’

>Please, and hurry, he’s turning purple. …Er. Purple-er.

WHAM!

A half chewed diamond flew from Spike’s mouth and bounced over the table when Jetset thudded him over the back, and for a moment of stringent silence, Celestia merely stared as Spike coughed himself back to normal.

>You know, I think if you had choked to death in this simulator… like, actually choked on a fake diamond… I think I would have just left. Laughed and left. Cancel the sun tomorrow, I’d probably OD on laughter.

“Cruel!”

>But true. I still love you, though.

And she punctuated that by tapping him on the nose with the end of one of her gloriously long wings.

>Now, as I was saying, we’re going to work on that. If you’re going to be a protector, you can’t constantly be riddled with such defeatist thoughts.

Jetset nodded, his unnaturally steely gaze lingering on his Queen’s wing.

‘Indeed. In our line of work, like I learned a long time ago, one cannot waver in their decisions. I… that lesson was beaten into my skull, over and over… and over… and over… until I dreamed about it, until it was the only thing I knew how to do. Eliminate the threat.’

>And that’s how you wind up doing more harm than good, my little soldier.

3/?

>>27717751

It was never a good thing, hearing such a stern edge seep into Celestia’s usually serene tone, but it had, and Jetset couldn’t keep his ears from folding back.

>I said I wouldn’t sugarcoat this, and I won’t. Where Spike’s problem lies in hesitation… you don’t hesitate nearly enough. In fact, I’m fairly certain that word doesn’t even exist for you at this stage. If I had to stick a label to it, I’d call you a hothead, Jet, like one of those rookie guards from the old comics. You kill first, ask questions never. At the very least, you could immobilize the target for later interrogation, but no. Sometimes, if I’m honest with myself, the only reason I allow you to continue to be my Solar Agent is because I know you....

She paused, not due to a loss of words, but because Jetset was visibly trembling. The interior of Sugarcube Corner was not cold in the slightest, purposefully made such when it was programmed, but there he sat, trembling in his chair… eyes squeezed shut… face scrunched up….

‘I… I’m sorry… I’m sorry I… I don’t m-mean to disappoint you, it’s just… I’m n-not good at anything else… I can’t…’

“Jet…? Hey, Jet, man… are you o-”

The same wing that booped Spike over the nose caught him squarely in the mouth, silencing him.

Slowly, carefully, Celestia was nodding.

>It’s not about what you can’t do, Jetset… it’s about what you’ll be able to do. Right now, you’re struggling—you’ve ‘been’ struggling. By yourself, and it’s hurting you. I’m changing that, dear. Because, as I was saying… sometimes, the only reason I allow to keep being my Solar Agent, despite a track record that’s been in a current freefall, is because I know you.

Still trembling, Jetset remained silent, waiting for her to continue. Even Spike was leaning forward, turning an ear toward her.

‘My… my Queen?’

>Hmm?

“Aren’t you, uh… you gonna finish?”

>I believe I did.

4/5

>>27717754

“So just because you know him? You know him what?”

>Just that. It’s because I know him. Jet, while Spike’s lesson will be overcoming hesitation and self-doubt, yours will be a practice in restraint. I have the honor of being one of two souls who know what you’re really like underneath those shades, even if I still find your stare disturbing. And because of this, because I know you, I know what you can and can’t do. And this? This is something you will triumph over, which is why to this day, in the face of your cutthroat actions… I still believe in you.

‘But… but what if I-’

>Jetset, if you can’t believe in yourself, then don’t. Believe in me, who believes in you.

“Weirdly awesome.”

As he gave a fierce nod, Jetset’s trembling ceased and he blinked his slightly red eyes.

‘I will, my Qu-… Princess.’

“Holy mother of diamond dogs….”

Celestia smiled.

>See? We’re learning already.

5/5

>>27717757
Oh thank god!

Was worried they were forgotten.

>>27717751
Alright, cautiously optimistic where this goes

>>27717747
>Right? I mean, look at Mayor Mare, she sure straightened herself out for a moment there after you paid her a visit.

Actually? I think kind of funny that she didn't. She admitted she just burned herself and try to do better, but the quality of work remain the same. As long as it was sent out they didn't even care, but she right said it wasn't that great when she was doing. She did what he said because she was scared, she didn't do it well.

>>27717757
Finally! Get your assess in gear!

>>27717579
Who gives a fuck about that?

>>27719028
Me do

>SA
"Pinkie"
'18'
~~~

'So, Partyland... how many great date spots is it going to have?'

>Eighteen!

'I'm just saying that I'm not investing anything unless I get a tunnel of love.'

"Deal!"

>Why would you... ohhhh...

'...'

"What?"

>Sure, we can go.

'EEEEEEEE!'

"I don't get it."

>You don't need to, trust me... it's special.

>>27717757
I'm stoked we're finally getting some Spike development, but I'm a little unsure as to what exactly she's talking about here.

Okay, so at first, she points out that she regrets giving him the gun, because when he had it, it became all about power, fear and control, it was a way to simply get respect, something she admits he would have gotten later anyway.

But then she says his problem is... hesitation? What? You completely lost me there. How does that work? Lack of hesitation is why he almost killed two surrendering prisoners, lack of hesitation is what lead to him almost executing Chitania on the train and leading to everyone almost being killed in retaliation, lack of hesitation is the whole reason that he became Spikezilla, because he went straight to shooting 7 without even a question, he's no better than Jetset there. That she jumped from pointing out his real flaws, that he thinks the gun gives him respect, or even more damning that he gets this respect through fear which is something she should absolutely denounce, is especially jarring.

Spike doesn't need to be less hesitant, and he sure doesn't need to be more determined, he's more reckless than Jetset ever was and has caused way more damage. He's not a protector with that gun, he's a guy who uses fear and intimidation, and that's exactly what needs to be ripped out before he becomes a big dragon, or else he's going to become a monster.

>>27719156
>or else he's going to become a monster.
Cue Chitania to the rescue.

>>27719156
I'm actually trying to think of a single time he hesitated... Blueblood? He was more toying with him, but I guess that barely counts? Well, that's going to be an awkward conversation later.

>29
"MM"
'Zecora'
~Trixie~
~~~

>I think thou has had enough.

~TRIXIE WILL TELL YOU WHEN SHE'S HAD ENOUGH!~

"Trixie? Really, that's enough."

~YOU'RE NOT TRIXIE'S MOTHER!~

'Cut back my friend, before you do something you will regret. You're free now, no need to lose yourself again just yet.'

~TRIXIE DOESN'T GIVE A FU-~

>Language! Thine words shall reach little ears

~IT'S A BAR!~

>...Er-

~Right, right, Trixie forgot about that... TRIXIE HAS NOT HAD ENOUGH!~

>Oh, very well... bartender! More salt cubes, for the road! None for me, thank thee, I am going to be pulling the cart.

"Thanks for being the designated driver, niney."

'Shame you cannot partake in these things, they are simply divine! Had you asked, I would have without hesitation shared mine.'

>Sigh... such is the life of the sober one... bartender! Give me a long island iced tea while you're at it!

"What's that?"

>I do not know, but it sounds simply divine! I'm sure it'll be just what I need before we hit the road. Do you want any?

'None for me, thank you very much. I do not wish to lose the dehydrating touch.'

>Sigh....

>>27719156
>>27719193
>>27719258
TIME FOR ANON TO REWRITE

>>27719299
He doesn't need to rewrite it, just work that into the story. It is a test after all, it's about subverting expectations to learn.

>>27719156
Sadly this is true, the story is good, but Spike's whole deal is he needs to STOP trying to be the gun of Equestria, not learn to pull his hair trigger faster.

Spike
>needs to let the gun go
Jet
>needs to learn to not go for the kill, with Princess Pardon as his queen.

However, the double talk is good for the status quo should we ever decide to use him in battle again.

>>27719299
Yeah, no. I'm not rewriting that. I know what I meant by hesitation despite this anons >>27719156 wholly appreciated words. And I mean that sincerely, gives me more to work with.

>SA
"Pinkie"
'18'
~~~

'With Chrysalis and Applejack... Cadence, our Cadence, is working with Applejack... and CHRYSALIS... to make them not shit at politics.'

"Hee hee, you said our."

>I couldn't believe it myself, but there it was, plain as day.

'Mind, blooowwnnn.... that she would actually think that would work, I mean.'

>It's going to be a challenge, but she can handle it. She's a lot stronger than most believe, after all.

'I guess, but no matter how strong your head, when you start ramming into a brick wall all you're getting is a headache.'

>She's not that bad.

"Yeah, Applejack is a lot more politicy than you give her credit for!"

>I actually meant Chrysalis.

'Annnd, you're both wrong.'

"Okay, there was the griffon thing, but other than that one time-"

'What about her working with Chrysalis?'

"...Two times-"

'And the buffalo back in Appleoosa before the pie war.'

"How do you even know about that one!?"

'I read.'

>She does that.

"Well, what has Chrysalis ever done?"

>Er, you were supposed to be on my side.

"Shhh, I've got a plan!"

'I guess she got Shiny, the stallion who she... you know... rehuhrehuhrehuh with before the wedding? She got him to like her, feed her, let her sleep in his bed and then house her whole species. That's... something? Though I'd love to see her do that twice.'

"...Well when you put it like that, it makes Shiny sound silly."

>HEY!

"I'm just saying."

>What happened to the plan!?

"Plan was abandoned, you're on your own sinking ship now!"

>I was the one saying Chrysalis wasn't that bad!

"I know, when you weren't looking, I switched ships with you. I'm just that quick."

>THAT-... that uh... huh.

"Damn, I'm good."

'...So have you two just been hanging out, or-'

>Don't question it. I don't.

"I'm back to being the crazy one! WOOO!"

>>27719156
>, he's more reckless than Jetset ever was and has caused way more damage.

This is true, because Jetset only tried to kill 7 onscreen, because he has a raaaaging hateboner for the guy.

>>27719606
>has
Had, but I get you.

>>27719606
>He hated the racist jackass who constantly belittles his Queen

Nooooo...

>>27719635
He may not have a murderboner, but he probably still has at least a hateboner for the guy. He's hatebonery.

>>27714773
~Bravo two! Bravo two! They're onto us! They're learning! We have to... oh, wait, nevermind, he said changelings. Phew... no no, just keep blaming it on them, they'll never know. Ahhh, thank Faust for racism.

>>27719734
Fucking ninjas!

>>27719343
>Upon review, I think I found the problem. You both need to hesitate a lot more... A lot more. You know what? Just mostly hesitate. In fact, hesitate so much you don't move. Do all hesitation.

>>27719156
>>27719343
>Spike
>>needs to let the gun go
FUCK NO!
Would you guys stop trying to take his gun away?
It pisses me off, that every time I mellow Spike out, it goes straight back to Spike's a monster with a gun. I don't know why I even try. I will drop every story I have before he lets go of Charity. As a Spike writer, I will put my foot down on this. Don't take Charity away.

>>27719846
Jet really should though
>>27719931
He doesn't need to put Charity away, but he also shouldn't go back to the gunslinger he started as. Which is what was implied. Celestia is the one who gave him the gun and threw him in pit fights to get more cake funds, she is sounding like she wants her child solder back.

OOCO
>Spike
“SA”
‘Poindexter’
(Chrysalis)
{Celestia}
^Cadence^
~18~
-42-
~~~~
>Wooo! New editions!

“All new buffs, nerfs and rules baby!”

‘New classes!’

(Look at these books! It’s fucking insane!)

{Books! Plural!}

^This would be super exciting if I knew what any of that meant!^

~I shall put my math to it’s ultimate use, making the most powerful character of all time~

-I have memorized every word, and any deviation will be… punished.-

>It’s a whole new world with all new adventures and all new lands to explore! So many characters! So much lore!

“What are we waiting for!?”

‘Let’s go already!’

>Alright! You find yourself on the outer rim of-

(CAST ADVANCED SEDUCTION ON SHINING ARMOR!)

“OH COME ON!”

(Don’t worry, it’s new style! Which means not only do we get a buff for doing it, we get an additional bonus for variety!)

{WHO MADE THIS!?}

~Nerds, mostly.~

‘I resent that, we'er perfectly normal.’

(You are literally playing as a female wood elf with most of your stats in ‘fair looks’.)

'I like to feel pretty in pretend.’

^SHINY NO! I’ll save you! My love fairy can break any mind enchantments!^

-Actually, that was nerfed. You can’t do that anymore.-

^Oh… well, she can redirect magic-^

-Nope-.

^Weaken spells?^

-Nuh uh.-

^…Shoot her?^

-They’re non-violent.-

^Then what can I do!?^

-If you kiss him, he gets healed from most status ailments like poison. You can affect charisma scores better than any other class. You can fly. Annnd, you can talk to trees.-

^…^

-Oh, and if you sleep with a team mate, he gets immunity from any status aliment. Sorry, he or she, it’s not specific.

^...^

TABLEFLIP!

(GAH!)

^New game!^

{Er, Cadence? Favored niece of mine? You… you could’ve just asked-}

^NEW! GAME!^

(Awww, I was gonna get to fuck Shiny.)

>The more things change, the more they stay the same.

“…Planned this.”

>Never have to, Shiny, never have to.

>>27720031
>but he also shouldn't go back to the gunslinger he started as
That could still happen, and we could make it funny this time around instead of whatever it was before.

>AJ
“Chrysalis”
‘Cadence’
~~~~

‘Look, I think I know the problem here. You need to be a little more confident talking to important ponies! Really work into it, you know?’

>…hey, big politician, how you doin’?

“Really?”

>Well, it worked in the dang show.

“Whatever show that is, it’s awful.”

>Rarity made me watch the dang thing!

‘…I like it.’

“Derision withdrawn.”

>Pffft, could ya’ make it anymore obvious?

“I really don’t see how. Seriously, how.”

>Well, you try to be smooth then!

“…I command an entire army and personally took down the most powerful pony on the planet.”

‘That’s your leadin!?’

“Well, they respect power, don’t they? Nice way to show them you’re packing.”

‘That’s all wrong! All wrong! They’ll get the impression you’re hostile or hard to work with!’

“….Have you met me?”

>Look, let’s just try again… ya’ll have very nice wings.

“Thank you! Yours are rather robust as well.”

‘It’s… a start?’

>Betcha yer’ pretty skilled with those.

“Oh, you have no idea.”

>Maybe ya’ wanna show me sometime?

“I’ll consider it, but since they have been such wonderful hosts to me, I really would insist we bring along the royal couple with us, make a time of it.”

>Ah’d be offended iffin’ ya’ didn’t bring them!

‘Great! Good job, that’s much better!’

>…

“…pfff-“

>”FFTTAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!”

‘What?’

>”AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

‘Whaaat!?’

>”AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!

‘…Oh you guys suck!’

>AHAHA! S-save it fer’ later, Caddy!

“Night’s still young, after all!”

‘HRMPH!’

>”AHAHAHHAHAAAAah.. ohhh…”

>Heh, So ya’ just had ta’ slip in bringing Shiny?

“I know what I like, and what I like is big, white and full of sweetness.”

>…Ah’ feel dirty now.

‘GOOD!’

>>27720624
Weirdly open vibe from ya there, AJ...

File: 1361137214743.jpg (134KB, 826x594px) Image search: [Google]

134KB, 826x594px

>>27720274
>tfw nobody remembers your funny gunslinger Spike stories.

>SL
“12”
~~~

>No way. There’s just- no, I don’t believe that.

“It’s true, though.”

>No, you’re lying. To me. You are lying to me and for some reason you seem to think this is okay. That disturbs me on some level…

“But… I’m not?”

>Okay, let’s say you weren’t. Right? Let’s saaaaaay it’s true, I just gotta ask… WHY?

“Um, different strokes for different folks?”

>I can understand that, I really can. I mean, shit, the things that stroke me right would make Princess Alabastar Ass herself twitch, and she’s probably seen some mad shit in her long years.

“I… I really don’t want to envision what someone with that much life has seen sexually.”

>Too late. But seriously, he goes for the backdoor? Like, purposefully? No one lied to him and said ‘hey, kid, got some treats stuffed up my ass, why don’t you go take a look?’ Nothing like that?

“Far as I can tell, no. Just a natural attraction.”

>But we freakin’ poop from there!

“Wow, we’re really going to have this conversation, aren’t we? We’re really going to do this when I have literally licked your hooves even before you’ve washed them, Screwloose.”

>Hey, I don’t shit from my hooves, pervert!

“BAD IMAGERY BAD IMAGERY HOLY SHIT!”

>Serves you right! Why would he want to go stuffing his face in some mare’s ass for?!

“I find this hilarious as all fuck that you, you of all ponies, are disgusted by probably what is the most vanilla of kinks.”

>There’s a difference between kink and disgusting, pervert, not exactly a thin line there.

“You’re telling me no pony’s ever tried to do anything with your hindquarters? Seriously?”

>What? Yeech! Of course not! They’d get bucked from here to Luna’s vacation home on the moon!

“Hivemind above, I thank you for this bounty of information, sincerely yours, Applejack Twelve.”

>…The fuck’s that supposed to mean? Why're you staring at me like... no.

“Yes.”

1/2

>>27720962

>I said NO. Twelve? I swear to Faust, if you come near me….

“What? I’m just reaching for his doll.”

>You reach for it then, go ahead. You reach for that, but if you reach too far you’ll be minus a hoof, know that.

“You know he doesn’t get any sexual pleasure from it, right? It’s just a thing he likes to do because of the warmth and-”

>Ewewewewewewwwww stop! Stop talking!

“This has suddenly become the best day of my life.”

>It’ll be the last day of your life if you even think about- GET AWAY FROM MY BUTT YOU WEIRDO!

The speed at which Screwloose tore from the room gave birth to another version of that legendary technique, dubbed the Clownboom.

Well, not really, but she did jet from the room at a speed that caused Twelve to smirk, even chuckle somewhat as he retrieved his hivemate’s doll.

“So this is what it feels like to be the predator for once. Feels nice, heh.”

2/2

>>27720820
We still remember the Mustangs getting blow up, no worries. He means it not devolving back into what it became.

>>27720820
I remember, and I miss them...

>>27720820
Course we do, me especially. I was an avid writer of Spike back in the day.

>Pennydrop
“DT”
‘Gwen’
~~~~

It never got old.

No matter how many times she would hear it, no matter how many times it would happen, no matter how or how little often it would occur, it never got old when she saw that fire, that spark in the eyes of those who considered themselves powerful, the things lighting up within their brains. She never got enough of it, no matter who they were.

Be they foe, or in the case of those beside her, friend, she never got enough of watching their eyes go wide, their jaws go low, and their breath go short.

>Yep.

“It’s… it’s…”

>It’s only a little bit under halfway done.

She never got enough of when they leaned forwards in shock, their already high expectations blown away even further.

‘How could you possibly pilot that thing?’

>Hmm? Oh, don’t be silly, I’m not going to pilot it. After both times needing to be rescued, I think I learned my lesson. No, not me…

She didn’t even have to look to know that a mouth was already shining with a thin line of barely contained drool.

>Someone much more worthy is going to be heading that.

She could already hear the squeal of joy.

>Ladies, I give to you… the future! And, the next time she shows her face… the last thing Chitania will ever see.

It never had, and never would get old, when she saw them smile.

“Daddy will never believe me…”

>>27720977
...I did not see that coming.

>>27721815
Neither did she. Boomchickawowwo--sorry sorry.

>29
“MM”
‘Zecora’
~Trixie~
~~~~

“Niney… N-niney… niiineeeyyyyy…”

>Wahhhha?

“Yer’ goin’ th wrong wah.”

>Am nahhhh.

‘She speak da truth! We’re going bashuth!’

~Ya’ made that up!~

‘It’s hard ta’ do this when I’m all blah… so I just make up stuff like habalaah.’

>We’re fiiiiiyn.

‘Niney, yer’ goin’ the wrong waahhhh!’

~Show Trixie sha way ta’ go home! Shesh tired and she wants to give some… wait, shomethin’ ain’t right there…~

>We’re goin’ home, ish fine.

“Nineyyyy, yer’ goin’ the wrong waayyy.”

‘Everything is all wrong up in here. So just go and balamazere…’

>Wha’s that even meeeean?

“Dunno… but we should be goin’ down, not up…”

>We can’t do thaaat, there’s no desk to… oh…

Blinking, unsure eyes looked up, and looked down.

It took some time before he put to together he was literally climbing up the side of a building.

>…huhhh… shink we tooka left there.

“Spoder mare, spoder mare, shootin’ sticky stuff in mah hair… hee hee!”

~Truckky gets it!~

‘BLEGH!”

>Right in sha window! Two points!... Wait.

(OH COME ON!)

>…We should prolly ask fer’ directions.

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OoCO
>Spike
"Rarity"
'Animal'
[Ponies]
{AJ}
~~~~
Spike climbs through the window of a warehouse. It's pitch dark. Spike uses the flashlight attachment on Charity. He looks around while adjusting the pair of sunglasses he's wearing.
>...Rarity can you actually see through these enchanted sunglasses?

"Perfectly, darling."

>Good, because it's dark, and I'm wearing sunglasses. Visibility isn't that great.

"I'm sorry sweetie. I didn't expect the first time you were going to use it was going to be at night."

>Eh, it's alright. I'll get used to it because...I wear my sunglasses at night~

"Spike..."

>Right, focus.
He puts a sucker in his mouth like a cigarette.
>If we catch the pegasi running this illegal animal trade deal we can get that much closer to finding Caramel Sandiego...what kind of animal was it again?

"A parrot eagle."

>...is that a parrot that's like an eagle or an eagle that acts like a parrot.

"The latter."

'*squawk* The latter.'

Spike raises an eyebrow and walks over to a cage.
>Whoa, I've never heard of a bird that's both parrot and eagle.

'Everypony's heard about the bird! *squawk*'

"It's a really rare bird. A talking eagle would fetch quite the high demand. I'm surprised they didn't leave a guard."

'Get the money. *squawk*'

>Meh, these guys are idiots. Can't expect much from them. Let's free the bird after the deal.

'Free Bird! *squawk*'

"Somepony's coming. Run!"

>Crap.
Spike jumps into an empty red barrel.
>...double crap.

"What? The barrel is empty."

>I...I don't feel safe.

Spike hears the sound of an opening door.
[Now that we confirmed the money my boss is quite happy give you a new Parrot Eagle.]

[It looks majestic.]

'Get the money. *squawk* Run!'

[...what does it mean by that?]

"Spike, can you peek over the top and see them?"

>Ehhhh...I kind of don't want to attract any bullets this way.

[Oh we were just going outside to check if you had the bits.]

'These guys are idiots *squawk*'

>...uh oh.

1/2

>>27722141
[Oh, so you think we're idiots?]

[Wait, we didn't say that.]

'Can't expect much from them. *squawk*'

[Are you trying to hustle us? Trying to take our money and run?]

[No no, of course not! You're taking the bird's words out of context. Shut up bird brain!]

'Let's free the bird after the deal. *squawk*'

[We should have known you'd double cross us! Waste them!]

[SHIT!]
Spike can hear the sound of gunfire and someone knocking the cage over.
*BANG BANG BANG*
[Get my bird!]

'*SCREECH*'

[Gaaarghh-]

Spike peeks over with Charity out and gets hit in the face by someone's eye ball. It falls on his lap looking at him.
>"AHHHHHHH!!!"

[AHHHHHHH!!!]
*BRADADADADA BANG BANG BANG*
[It ripped my wing! It ripped my wi-aaargh!]

[Say hello to my grand mama in Tartarus!]
*BANG BANG BANG...BANG THUMP*
There's a dead silence.

>"..."
Spike looks out of the barrel again and sees a carnage of bodies.
>Holy-moley...I didn't even shoot anypony!

"We should...we should check for survivors."
The parrot eagle lands on his head.
>...we have one at least.

"Hey, a survivor. This is going better than usual."

[*squawk* Move the other red barrel up there.]

>"...other?"
He looks up and sees a red barrel falling down from a shelf.
>...fu-
*BOOM*

~Castle~
{Hey sugarcube. Any luck on Caramel San-}
A smoking Spike walks in with the Parrot Eagle on his head.

>No, but I made a smoke buddy.
2/2

>>27722085
>Nightguard
“NG2”
~~~

>Should… should we intervene?

“You know the rules, no direct intervention where others can see.”

>He’s scaling the wall, though.

“Them’s the breaks.”

>His breaks are going to be his limbs.

“We’ll catch him if he drops.”

>I feel like we should just stop this on principal.

“Hey, that’s the dayguys job. If they’re slacking, put it in a report.”

>Kinda weird we don’t have the same job.

“Princess Luna is a weird mare. A weird… beautiful… wonderful mare.”

>Really dude?

“Well, I cannot lie, and you cannot deny.”

>Really!?

“Ask Fifty Six, he’ll get it.”

>Ugghh.

“…You ever wish you could climb on walls too?”

>All the time.

“Yeahhh… me too.”

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are they trying to communicate to you pones

>>27722162
Heh.

Missed this.

>>27722162
Hopefully, I gave it a touch of everything.
>Horror
>Violence
>Comedy
>Death
>Explosions

>77
~Harry~
~~

>Alright, since the writing thing was a bust, let’s try working on your pony skills.

~GRUGH!~

>I mean that in the sense of personal skills, social stuff… which, thinking about it, I admit is weird that I would call it that, being a changeling. Huh, I might be getting absorbed into the culture and not noticing.

~…Gurgh?~

>I’m just worried about my heritage, is all. My heritage of being a proud, half bug half pony monster who took the disguise of loved ones of different ponies and griffons and through that gained their love and affection for food.

~…~

>You know what, I’m saying it wrong. Look, all I mean is that you need to learn to speak more sociably with… with…

~….~

>…This is going to be very difficult.

>>27722732
Not a whole lotta horror, but it had the other stuff.

>>27720164
>Spike's finally back on top!

>>27722787
TWILIGHT! We need a bear translator!

>Changeling
"Changelings"
~~

>Pew... pew... pew...

"...pew..."

>...

"...So uhh..."

"Yeahhhh..."

"It's um... nice in here.'

"Not as much sun."

"Way less sun!"

"And the walking!"

"Oh thank love, no walking."

"One spot baby!"

"And shiny!"

"Wayyy less leaves or bricks."

"This place? This place is amazing."

"...."

>...We used to be cooler.

>>27723656
They have a point, they used to be wayyyy cooler than they are.

>>27723363
>Okay, it says... grugh.

"..."

>I think he might be fucking with us.

WE OUT MY /PA/L'S

>>27724491
Is... is that the new "goodnight, thread?

I actually kind of approve

>>27723869
Coolness has plummeted harder than the £

Boop

>Applejack
"Celestia"

>Hey, Celly?

"No, Applejack"

>Trottingham just "left"

"...Left?"

>Yup, some vote went on without us knowing, saying they left the "Eee, You"

"....Oh......Oh dear"

>Care to explain?

"Ah, I suppose you haven't heard of the Equestrian Union...No?"

>Wait... that was a thing? I thought it was just some dumb old tradin' bloc within Equestrian cities?

"Wellllllllllll, not entirely"

>Well?

"It was a .... project that I enacted around.... say a few hundred years ago"

>Never knew tha-

"Moot point, I proclaimed it as a means for Cities to have easier trade routes and all"

>So, why'd they leave?

"The whole thing.... maaaaaaaaaay have been a little overzealous project by me, in regards to.... express deliveries..."

>...No

"Of Trottingham hardcake"

>....Y'all came up with some grandiose bloc market... just so you could get more cake?

"Yup"

>And they left because

"Their entire economy was bakery based"

>Aaaaand?

"Cake demand has fallen, sharply"

>So, they just left.

"Yup, just.. *poof*"

>So-

"Don't say it, Applejack, we all know you don't need to say it"

>>27724988
/pa/, political update you never would have known without them

>>27725678
Always in the know.

>>27724988
Should this be ooco?

>>27724988
>Less cake caused a problem.

What talk of Madness is this?

>Luna
“29”
‘MM’
~Zecora~
(Trixie)
~~~

>Thou called me, a princess of Equestria itself, one of the grandest and longest lived beings to ever exist, one of the most powerful, most influential creatures to ever walk the face of this planet, thou called me… to drive thine cart.

“Werr too smarshed.”

‘Hee hee, he shaid smarshed.’

~Help before we fall dune and are blasrhsed, we’re a widdle shitface smarshed.~

(The sick and dizzy me isn’t feeling so hot.)

>I…I don’t… you want me, A PRINCESS, to drive the cart.

“Cumaaahhhn, washa gonna do instead?”

>Royal work!

‘…’

>Important things!

~…~

>Leading the nation!

(…)

>…Meeting other ponies? Tis a weekend, and we are clearly wanted at all the hottest parties!

“…”
‘…’
~…~
(…)

>…
~~~~

>Do not touch thine radio.

‘Are we sheeere yeh?’

>WE WILL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE!

“Loooud.”

~BLEGH!~

(Trixhies cape is gonna get stained… oh, nevermaynd, it hit the floor. Whew!_

“Shorry bout yer’ floor, luba.”

‘Hee hee, ya’ shaid loob.’

>WE’RE A DAMN PRINCESS, THIS IS BULLSHIT!

>>27726822
And the night guard just laugh.

>SA
“Pinkie”
‘18’
~~~

‘Thanks for saving me, Shiny.’

>Come on, you know I’d always come to your rescue.

‘Yeah… you always would, wouldn’t you? Whenever I need saving… you’re there.’

>Whenever you need me.

“Oh for cookies sakes, KISS HER YOU FOOL!”

>Mwah!

‘Eeee!’

“Oh, wow, didn’t think you’d actually do it…”

>Is this a surprise to you?

“Little bit.”

>What about… if I huuuug her?

‘Eeehee!’

“This is kinda shocking yeah.”

>More huuugs?

‘Eeeyay.’

“I… have nothing to say to this, you’ve left me speechless.”

>What if I- wait, you’re speechless!? You!? OH DEAR FAUST IT’S THE END TIMES! ALL IS LOST!

CRASH!

“…”

‘…Did you guys come back from going out drinking by any chance?’

“Silly Teeny… life doesn’t make that much sense.”

>>27727261
That's both adorable and silly.

In short, perfect.

>Spitfire
“???”
~~

>Is there a reason you jumped out the top of your castle, or were you just being insane? I’m being serious here, you almost died.

“Shut up and keep flying.”

>You’re heavy, Shiny.

“Then fly harder.”

>I’d bet you want me to do that, wouldn’t you.

“Yes.”

>...Not gonna play my game, are you?

“I’ve made terrible choice out of an attempt to out-Pinkie Pinkie Pie, I’ve proven I’m just not ready for games, nor capable of winning them.”

>Uhh huhhh…

“…Not even going to ask?”

>Sure, are you stupid or something?

“Considering I just jumped out of a freaking castle… I’m open to at least admit it’s a maybe.”

>>27727691
Sanity is a hell of a drug.

>Pinkie
“18”
~~

>Is he dead?

“Nahhhh, he probably gets tips from Celestia all the time.”

>Is she good at jumping out of buildings?

“I saw trophies. Literal trophies in her room.”

>I’ve been robbed!

“Oh no! Someone whipp off thing fiwwy whipp off!!”

>…

“…”

>…Hey, Eighteen? What you BONGin’ on about?

“Me no makee boom, just want time fo fiwwy!”

>Fiwwy neveh gonna find time, that WONG! She not even find lice!

“Why she wanna find lice? She itch enough already!”

>Ohhhh ho ho hoo!

“Hooo!”

>…You think Chineighs ever get offended by the stereotypes in Cheeks and Gong?

“Hey, they were fucking funny, anyone would be proud to have them on.”

>The only thing they were proud to be on was… well, pretty much anything they could get a hold of.

“OHHH! Heh, I love those two crazy kooks. They still alive?”

>Shocking, yeah! I thought they were dead a bunch of times.

“Fucking hoaxes.”

>Right? Jerks.

“…We should-“

>We should make sure Shiny’s alive, yeah.

>>27728057
>Swapping out stoner stereotypes for Chinese ones

... I don't know if Cheech and Chong would be proud or not.

>>27726635
Supply and demand yo

>>27728138
>Cheech
>Chong
>Offended

I don't think you know them very well.

>Pommel
"Haymaker"
'Buckler'
-Peacetrotter-

>Alright folks, clock is ticking and every second is another where these bastards could be trying to get out of dodge. I want patrols locking down every way out of the city, I want any and all parcels sent from the vicinity of that pizza place checked, and I want all of us at our best. Canterlot hasn't had a lot to be happy about lately, but I'd like to think exposing a bunch of rotten mobsters who've been taking advantage of them will give the morale a little bit of an upswing.

'Yeah, nothing makes people feel better than finding out they've been POISONED!'

>Well yes, but this could put us on the road to getting actual sugar instead of this weird...magic sugar.

"I knew artificial sweeteners would be the death of me."

'Y'know, I'm just gonna point out this city's full of assholes...and that guy DID say this sugar makes you an asshole.'

>We got no way to prove that the tainted sugar is the cause of literally every mean thing this town did.

'Says the guy who dealt with an ancient evil empire influenced by a squid in a diamond.'

>...

'What? I listened when you were drunk and rambling that one time.'

>MOVING ON! Our main raid will consist of a squad lead by myself and the Lieutenant consisting of eight guards and two Peacetrotters.

-DIBS!-

>...

-...uhm, I mean...I am happy to volunteer to secure the city's safety.-

>Is there a reason someone painted a cutie mark on that one?

'That one? Brushstroke's been doing it for all of them. It's pretty cool, they got names and every-'

>Right, yes, ok. You and...you, you'll be coming with us. The rest of you will supplement the guards stopping any of them from getting out of the city.

-Woo! I mean...acknowledged.-

"You heard, the Captain, folks, let's move out!"

>...

'See now my comic book idea isn't sounding so stupid, is it?'

>77
“Harry”
~~~

>Okay, so plan juggling had flaws. I admit that, I’m ling enough to admit that, it needs work.

“Grugh?”

>No, I don’t know why I thought you juggling would give you a better understanding or ability to write, I’m just throwing stuff at the wall here.

“Grugh.”

>Can you at least say something different so I feel like you’re actually talking to me?

“Grugh.”

>I’m serious, it sounds like you’re making fun of me. I have a very low tolerance for those making fun of me.

“Gurgh!”

>Yes, that includes bears. Bears making fun of me hurts my self esteem. I’m already self conscious about the eye patch, thank you.

“Grugh?”

>I know, it’s silly, but sometimes I wonder if Cheerilee looks at other ponies and thinks ‘Wow, those two eyes are sexy, I wish I was with someone who could rock depth perception’. I mean, how do I compete with that? Drawing a little eyeball on the patch? I tried that, it had mixed results… sorry for sounding werid.

“Ragreh.”

>…

“…”

>…it’s a start.

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>>27728385
Hey, someone actually remembered that the Peacetrotters can learn and are capable of gaining a personality over time. This pleases me a lot.

>>27728476
Oh yeah, I had an idea for it during that Chitty in the library thing with the shady guard coercing his 'trotter to do that book transport thing for him. Same story I mentioned the painted on cutie marks in.

>Changeling
“Changelings”
~~~~

>OH DEAR LOVE, WE’RE PATHETIC!

“We suck!”

“We don’t even do that, that would actually be closer to what we normally did!”

“If you’re Fourteen, maybe.”

“HEY!”

>No! This is what the ponies want!

“Come again?”

>This! All of this! This is what they want! They want us fighting, stupid and scattered! They want us going at each other’s throats while we sit around in a tiny little stadium!

“It’s… actually really, really big.”

“Fucking huge ling, ask Fourteen, he’s seen them.”

“COME ON!”

>They want us to sit in this hole and rot! They want us to die out one by one, withered away into nothing! So long as we’re in here, we’re doomed!

“Well, not doomed.”

“We could just leave, the door’s right there.”

“I just don’t wanna, it’s hot outside today.”

>Don’t you get it!? We can shitstomp Canterlot! We can outfight the greatest military on the planet! Why are we still acting like a pony riot would ruin us!?

“…Okay, he has a point with that one, why are we afraid of that?”

“You’d think we’d just fight and win.”

“Unless Discord was there, admittedly.”

“Oh, right… that’s why we’re afraid of that, he’s broken as fuck.”

>But even so! We’re changelings! We’re masters of the mind! If anything, we should be the only species on the planet who would actually stand a chance against him! But, no, we just gave up!

“Is this leading to coup talk? Cause we went down that road already, didn’t end well for anyone.”

“Isn’t he an ambassador now, and we’re living in the one place that doesn’t hate us?”

“…Okay, so it went well for everybody, because sometimes life lessons get a little messed up.”

>NO! Our Queen is strong, she is wise, and she is beautiful!

“Gaaayyyy!”

1/2

>>27728718
>She’s just been wooed by contentment, she just thinks everything will be fine thanks to the words of the ponies! She’s still as powerful as she ever was, and she probably wants to take those risks, but worries! She just needs to know we’re behind her, we will join her, and we’re willing to risk it!

“Risk what?”

>EVERYTHING!

“Needlessly vague, and loud. I’m right here, jackass.”

“Don’t be a racist.”

“It’s cool, I met a donkey once and he didn’t mind when I said it, that means it’s okay.”

>We need to show her, our QUEEN, that we are still strong! We have not grown weak under the umbrella of the ponies, we have not grown complacent, and we do not want to be forgotten!

“…sooo, facepunch? I’m feeling facepunch.“

>We need to give her the message! We’re changelings, and we’re not going to die in here! We need to go outside and do… something!

“Something.”

>I haven’t worked out all the details yet, but something! Anything! Anything would be better than this! Who’s with me!?

“…Well, I guess I don’t want to die in here.”

“Couldn’t be that bad… could it?”

>YES! FREEDOM! FREEEDOMMM!

“Yeah! YEAH! Freedom! Being able to do stuff! All that good stuff!”

“I want this!”

“Let’s be cool again!’

“You there! Go tell the Queen! Let it be known, we wanna live! Not survive! We want to live!”

>YESSSS!

SLAM!

“…Okay, so if the Queen kills him or locks him up for heresy-“

“Pretend we had no idea, we know the drill.”

“Just double checking.”

>>27728724
In fairness, he does just sound like a more sane, if screamy, 32.

Lets see where this goes.

>>27728476
In all honesty, it's probably the weirdest unexplored facet of the world. That they do that, but we get no reactions about it.

Like, remember how weirded out Twilight was with BBB? She even wanted to disassemble him, and everyone kept commenting how strange he was, even Blueblood admitted he didn't understand how he was acting like he was. While we later got an answer(he's running on a prototype love-core, and literally being full of love for 10 is having a weird effect on him, and overriding his old programming since its introduction an emotion into it.) for a long time everyone was all "the fuck is he doing this?"

Nobody really questions it with the PT's though, which is a shame, as it kinda takes the magic and mystery out if it. This new technology that is suddenly developing personality is just... There.