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Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

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Thread replies: 509
Thread images: 93

Previous thread: >>27440375

GoogleDoc Pastebin Archive:
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Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives:
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>>27490390
THE RING!!!!!!
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>>27490390
Praise the ring!
>>
please stop perpetuating this horrible meme
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>mfw dong ring
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>>27490529
>>27490521
>>27490403
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>>27490403
>>27490521
>>27490529
What ring? The wedding ring?
>>
off to a strong start i see.
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>>27490612
Now we wait for it to derail into changelings.
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>>27490637
I don't like this picture. Something about it just turns my stomach.
>>
>It was a pretty nice day our
>Not too hot, not too cold, not too sunny, not too humid
>You were laying on your back, staring up at the clouds
>It had been a... day, so like whenever you were having a... day you'd come out in the middle of the park
>During this part of the day the park was mostly empty, so you had solitude and quiet in which to enjoy your cloud gazing
>...
>That one looked like a lizard...
>And that cloud over there looks like a snowman...
>And that one looks--
>You continue to stare up at the sky as someone sighs and sits down heavily next to you
>"You know, ponies are going to get idea if you don't pull your pants down a bit."
>You picked your head up to see Bonbon staring down at you with that look on her face
>That irritated, exasperated, I've-seen-some-shit look that she always wore on her face
>And by always you meant ALWAYS
"My pants are fine where they are, thank you very much," you said, letting your head fall back to the grass
>"I can see your socks as clear as day, Anon," Bonbon commented. "And I'm sure if anypony else bothered looking they'd see them too."
>Your face scrunched up as she poked at your thigh
"They're just socks, Bonnie."
>"...You know there's a reason why ponies say you're loose, Anon."
"Says the little horse that doesn't wear any pants to begin with."
>With another sigh, Bonbon flops onto her back and joins you in cloud gazing
>You stare at the little earth pony out of the corner of your eye
>One of her eyes was staring back at you, her nose scrunched up
"...There any particular reason why you're here?" you asked
>You could feel the earth pony's side brush up against yours as she shook her head
>"Nope. I just thought that I'd come out and relax a bit. Maybe keep an eye out for any indecent exposure."
"I'm the most decent fucking person in town, candy butt."
>"Not with those socks on you aren't."
>Puff...
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>>27490612
There's 'le dong ring' shitposting the start of every thread now.
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>>27490663
>What was it with ponies and fucking socks?
>It's not like your tallywacker's out or anything...
>Nevertheless, you find yourself looking down at your legs
>You can hear Bonbon chuckle
>The candy mare let out a grunt as she rolled on top of you
>"So the colt isn't as loose as everypony says, huh?" she cooed, rubbing her furry little chest against your face
>Your hands find themselves at Bonbon's sides, your fingers dancing across her ribs as she wiggles against you, the smell of candy and sweat filling your nostrils
"Shut up you fucking duke," you say through a mouthful of fur
>"Why don't you get off your lazy flank and make me, stallion?" Bonbon challenged, leaning down and nuzzling the top of your head. "Come on. Make me you dirty, sock-wearing colt~"
>Bonnie's weight, though a deal heavier than you'd think for such a little pony, was comfortable against you
>You took a deep breath and closed your eyes as she finally found a comfortable position on top of you
>Though you had a feeling that you were getting horse raped, what with Bonbon following you here every time that you came into the park and laying on top of you, sometimes talking dirty into your ear, it was alright
>When ever she did this is calmed you down, so you weren't against it
>Bonbon let out a pleased hum, her marshmallow hoof petting the side of your face, her tail flicking back and forth
>All in all this could be worse

>Be Bonbon, aka agent Sweetie Drops
>It looked like the sessions were working
>He was becoming accustomed to your scent and your touch
>You could tell he was still a little resistant to your dirty talk but you were sure that it was only a matter of time until he got used to that too
>Good...
>Soon you'd have this monkey AND those dirty socks of his
>His sexy, dirty socks...
>AND his butt
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>>27490390
NO NO NO NOT THE DONG RING SHUAKAKAY!!
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>>27490703
The job that I applied for turned me down, it's really fucking hot outside, I'm in my underwear and I wanted to write something to make me feel a little bit better.

There's that thing. I guess.
>>
>>27490359
why not to try and continue with that concept or previously mentioned "for fun" part? It sounds good and promising in some way...
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>>27490714
It was good.
Hope you feel better soon
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>>27490703
Something new by LaP and Bonbon's in it! You have just made my day good sir.
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>Anon upon arriving to Equestria discovered he had magic powers.
>His powers which were concentrated in his right hand.
>One simple touch of the finger and a pony would instantly come.
>From that day forward he vowed to fight for stallion rights by sneaking behind ponies and touching them right on the flank, reducing them into nothing more than a shuddering mess.
>His thankless work advanced stallion rights movements by decades.
>That was until he accidently double-booped Princess Twilight sending her into a orgasm filled coma.
>Bad end.
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>>27490703
>tfw a qt mare will never assert her dominance by laying on top of you and rubbing your face against her tuft

Bruh...
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>>27490714
It was cute
Good luck with your job hunting.
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>>27490714
Thanks, broseph. Sorry to hear about the job hunt.
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>>27490714
What was the job?
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>>27491008
Bank Teller
>>
>Anon arrives in Equestria pre-NMM
>Anon lives in a small hut, located not too far away from where Ponyville will eventually be founded
>He has a large garden made up of all kinds of plants; not just food-providing plants
>He dotes on them lovingly, devoting almost his entire day to taking care of them
>Friendship is magic, and so his love makes his garden flourish.
>His plants slowly begin to grow self-aware
>Anon gets vine-hugs from his garden
>Years later, his garden is flourishing. It doesn't need him any more.
>Now the size of a small forest, he dubs his garden "Everfree", the wild and untamed.
>Eventually becomes closest bros to Luna and Celestia
>This leads to him becoming their herd-colt
>He moves into their dank Ye Olde Forest castle
>As decades pass, Anon's old garden continues to grow
>Eventually, Anon dies of old age.
>His last wish is to be buried in his garden
>The Everfree remembers Anon
>The Everfree loves Anon
>His body is incorporated (ie digested) by the Everfree
>Anon's spirit is now bound to this forest
>Anon is now the Grove Keeper of the Everfree
>Anon's death contributes to Luna's madness
>Celestia cannot bear to live by Anon's garden-forest any more
>She sets up shop in Canterlot (or Canterlot sets up shop where she decides to build a new castle)
>Everfree grows and grows under Anon's immortal care
>Timberwolves are grown to keep the local monster population in check
>Eventually, Ponyville
>Mane 6 venture out into the forest
>Anon greets them in plant-body
>Becomes wise old fatherly figure to pones
>Grants safe passage for his "children"
>Don't know how this factors into RGRE, but wanted to build up on sick forest-Anon idea
>>
>>27491176
Not RGRE enough.
But still pretty fucking good. Would probably fit better in the AiE threads
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>>27491176
Would read the shit out of.
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>>27491176
This seems like an innocent idea until you remember those fucking plunder vines.
Everfree Swamp Thing Anon never lost his libido. Celly and Lulu weren't kidnapped, Anon just finally got in touch with them and they decided to have some fun together.
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page 9 bump
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Macho macho mare
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What about the opposite of dryadnon
>All things contain magic
>Anon's natural magic resistance as an alien being repels and dissipates magic around him
>Plants wither, and even beings with higher magic density (i.e. Ponies) feel weak after prolonged exposure to him
>Many see Anon as a sign of bad luck
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>>27492543
>Shunned his entire life, Anon was finally buried at a forest in the middle of nowhere when he ended himself
>However, his influence spread throughout the woods, and it eventually adapted to Anon's unique aura
>Rejected by both Elysium and Tartarus, Anon was stuck in a limbo state, "sleeping" under the forest and unable to decay
>That is, until a group of ponies leading an expedition through the newly dubbed "Everfree" forest dug up Anon, now a zombie
>A kinda hot zombie
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>>27490714
The job I work at really fucking sucks (I work with actual retards) its really fucking hot outside, and my underwear clings to me like cellophane right now. This is cute, please continue.
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>>27492763
Special Education?
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>>27492763
>>27492796
HR?
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>>27492617
>the forest itself lashes out at any intruders
>considered more dangerous than the everfree
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>>27492835
>>27492796
Close, I'm a test engineer but we employ speds for menial manufacturing tasks as a tax kickback. they can range from entertaining to terrifying.
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>>27491473
Well, those vines were caused by Discord fucking shit up.
So the story could still work.
In AiE since it isn't RGRE at all.
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>>27492543
>Magic is an essential part of pony biology.
>Being without magic greatly affects how their body functions.
>Magicless ponies cannot use their natural abilities.
>Earth ponies are nowhere as strong as they where nor they can easily grow crops with their innate magic like they used to.
>Pegasi cannot fly because of how magic helps them impulse themselves and stay in the air, and their weather controlling abilities are gone.
>Unicorns cannot use any type of spells.
>No Special talents either, and you can say goodbye to their ability for speech and higher thought, because magic compensates for a lot of their central nervous system since most of their skull interior is composed of their eyes.

>The only thing left until their magic comes back is a cute, scared little horse who doesn't understand why everything seems so confusing now and why can't she do anything of what she could before.
>Scared and alone, she cannot do anything but run aimless through the forest and away from the big predator slowly closing in on her.
>She cannot do anything but whinny and cry expecting her inevitable demise after she blindly stumbles into a hole too deep for her to clim out of.
>And then the cuddles begin.
>>
How much of a voice of reason should Shining be? I mean, he's a colt, but he's still worked hard and succeeded.
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>>27493672
Zero. He's just a pompous ass that worked his way up the rankings with favors.
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>>27493672
He ought to be as reasonable as any woman in the 50s who worked to the top of the ladder.
Shining would be capable of amazing feats if he put his mind to it.

Whether or not his pride or hatred towards mares allows him to use his mind is another matter entirely.

Of course, >>27493692 is perfectly viable.
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>>27493672
What >>27493692 said.
He basically payed his way through the ranks with sexual favors, and he's a piece of shit.
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>>27493692
please no
no more needless punching bag characters
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>>27493672
Agree with >>27493700. Makes him more complicated of a character and allows for many more situations if you wrote him this way.
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>>27493753
There's never enough.
A cunt of a wife needs to be paired with an equally cunt of a husband.
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>>27493781

Shining dindu nuffin. It's not his fault his wife is a cunt.
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>>27493781
By bashing a character outside of canon, you're practically admitting that that character is a saint.

Why do you think Twilight is the adulteress in the marital problems threads (the ones I've read anyways before I lost interest)?
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>>27493814
Yeah, and why do you think Cadence is the one that basically told Anon to fuck off?
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>>27491176
>tfw the prompt you wrote from 6 months and countless threads ago is brought back up
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>>27493672
Excellent voice of reasoning. He took on a mare's job and earned his position at the top. By working with mares and fighting with mares and accomplishing everything that a mare can, he's matured a lot and got rid of that giggly sense of entitlement that most colts his age have. He's probably sick of the way colts act compared to mares.

When talking to a colt about, wanting to go to the spa, Shining's less likely to respond with, "well if she doesn't want to sleep on the couch then she'd BETTER pay for your spa treatment, coltfriend" and more with, "Tough teats, colt. You want that spa treatment? Get a bucking job and EARN it, you pansy."
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>>27493862
'Cause someone needed to be bashed.
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Is this still valid in RGRE?
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>>27493971

Eh, I definitely like it. That's how I would like Shining to be portrayed in most RGRE fics.

But then you wonder why he would marry a fuccfilly like Cadence if he's so no-bullshit?
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>>27494029
disgusting
>>
Well, this next scene isn't exactly how I planned things going, but it will work just fine.
I really need to stop getting distracted and just write. I can take a break when the story's done.
>>
>>27494080
She's the princess of love. Love makes people easy to manipulate. Perhaps he was too late to back out when he found out who she truly was, but kept his mouth shut so as not to cause a stir.
Such a scandal could weaken the crown, thereby the state, so he sees it as his duty to put up with her and leave no evidence to incriminate her.

He won't break her reputation until there is a ready replacement.
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>>27494167
>Finishing the story
Shuk pls no, what will I live for? You must post forever.
>>
>>27494205

Of course, what happens if he unintentionally knocks her up? Flurry Heart changes this.

A royal divorce, now even more scandalous with a child in the picture, does not reflect well on the crown.

Does that mean Shining is stuck in a miserable loveless marriage for the the rest of his life?

>Decades later on his deathbed, Shining tells Cadence that he never loved her and that being her husband was all part of his duty to Equestria
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>>27494270
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>>27494205
>>27494270
How does the crystal heart and Sombra fit into this narrative?
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>>27493672
>>27493971
>"Tough teats, colt. You want that spa treatment? Get a bucking job and EARN it, you pansy."
That doesn't sound like the Shining I know.
>>
>>27494451
What do you mean? Sombra is Sombra. Cadence used the Crystal Heart to banish/kill him.
If anything, you should be questioning the wedding.
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>>27494469

Neither does Shuk's version of Cadence. Your point is?
>>
>>27494469
In RGRE land he'd be facing not only the hardships of guard life, but also the stereotypes of his gender. Imagine how much more motivated he would be than canon-Shining if he knew there was a mare around the corner just WAITING for him to give up and cry like the pathetic little colt he is. If he gives up, then he proves them right.
>>
>>27494501
My point is that's not them
>>
>>27494572

>Cadence is actually Chrysalis's traitorous daughter.
>That's why she's so good at matchmaking, because she can literally sense love and the potential for love so she can eat it.

Does this make Venus one-fourths' changeling?
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>>27494625
Stop
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>>27494489
The crystal heart converts love into power, so Cadence would have to have sincere love to have destroyed Sombra with it.
You do bring up a good point about the wedding, both the power chrysalis got from Shining and the superpowered shield spell have to come from Shining's sincere, deep, and abiding love for Cadence.
>>
>>27494625
I choose to believe this
>Celestia and Luna are centuries-old alicorns of unclear origins who have the power to move the sun and the moon
>Basically goddesses given mortal form

>Cadence is just THERE
>Babysat some kid that one time ("Oh hello, 33% of the population of goddesses. I'm willing to pay you below minimum wage to watch over my daughter a couple of times a week.")
>No info on parentage despite being young
>Going by other alicorns and their cutie marks, Cadence's cutie mark means she's the best at and/or controls Love

And then the queen of a race of starving bug-creatures who need love for nutrition and are despised by almost everyone hit her in the back of the head and knocked her out.
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>>27490390
Can we get some Anon as Megaman on this thread?
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>>27494862
Sanic is the one who picks up all the rings, you casul.
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>>27494738

Point. Then that would require Shining to be a cunt in some way or for him to have an incredibly misguided view of who Cadence is as a person in order for the wedding to go as canon.
>>
>>27490637
>All alicorns have a flesh-like mobile suit
>Changelings just use a cheap, hard knockoff version of it made from chitin
>Twilight never grew wings-she just shrunk and magicked up a fresh suit
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>>27495048
>Princesses misbehave
>Anon takes their suits away and puts them on a high shelf where tiny little princesses cant reach them
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>>27495448
dawww
>>
>>27493672
I think he should be fairly rational, but at the same time he IS a colt-and one dumb enough to get swept off his feet by cadence.

My vote is to make him pretty reasonable, but not outrageously so. I want him to be someone that Cadence consistently underestimates yet he gives her reason enough to do so
>>
>>27495048
>she just shrunk and magicked up a fresh suit
But she was already a little pony.
Why would she shrink even more?
>>
>>27491037
You put 'MLP fanfic author' on your resume, didn't you?
>>
>>27493672
He should be sensible, hedoesn't need flanderising. Maybe he's a bit of an autist, but he's hard working, honest, and fair. He doesn't hand out favours to other colts because of the 'eternal fraternity'. He damn well worked his way to the top, and if he can do it, so can they!
>>
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>>27494991
That is some really bad bait there, Anon.
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>>27495048
>>27495448
But their heads would still be normal pony size. That's not cute, that's disturbing.
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>>27490714

I like you L&P, but you ain't getting a job any time soon. Shy of going full /pol/ on you the stats show that there have been a NET loss of actual jobs (if in the U.S. Around the world data may vary,) Countries are trying to take in immigrants by the droves to lower the value of labor, and even worse they are using the resulting poverty, welfare claims, and rising crime rates to control the people. Look at the test cases like Venezuela or Brazil.

Hope it gets better for you man, but really it won't. Fear this fall, for countries will as well.

>Pony bit trader tries to seduce anon with money.
>"I got bags of bits bigger then your balls."
"Are you sure about that?"
>>
>>27496876
The end of this year and next year are going to be real FUN.
>>
>>27496876
Sometimes I wonder if I should go full McCandless and wander the earth. I have decent wilderness experience and quality camping equipment, and it's not like I'm planning on visiting Alaska any time soon.
>>
>>27496887
But would you be able to fight and evade a group of looters willing to brutally murder you for the can of beans in your rucksack?
>>
>>27496886

The rise of the god emperor, The market crashing for reals this time, and maybe if the signs are true that 5% chance humanity will die will happen (guessed by that one accredited university study I forgot how to find again.)

>>27496887

You are much more ready then I am anon. I either have to weather the storm and possible become a slave to the NWO, or use my secondary plan of the 9mm I keep.
>>
>>27496904
Maybe Alaska is an option. You could live out there a long time with the right equipment and knowhow, and never see another human being.
>>
>>27494469
Why does that scene always get brought up?

You'd cry at weddings too if you were repeatedly mind-raped, your wife and your sister almost died, and absolutely no one noticed something was off despite both you and your "wife" acting weird at yours.

PTSD is fucking brutal.
>>
>>27492617
That's not a zombie though, that's a stingy jack.
>>
>>27497516
>>27492617
>Anon actually just took a nap in the woods
>Ponies decided he was dead, never bothering to check medically
>Being buried in the forest was just him lying against a tree with a green picnic blanket around him
>Anon returns during the night, with bits of plant stuck to his clothes, since he was stumbling around in the dark in a forest
>Ponies think he's a plant zombie now
>They freak out
>Royal Guard, Princesses, Elements of Harmony, Crystal Heart, are all called in
>Anon puts the ponies all in time-out for being too silly
>>
>>27495666
Hail, Stan!
>>
>>27497532
>Elements use gay-looking friendship laser on Anon
>Despite screaming an panic b/c giant laser pointed at his face, nothing happens
>Ponies panic again and run away
>Anon feels refreshed: like he got 8 hours of sleep, a full meal, a shower, and a blowjob
>>
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>>27497553
Reminds me of this
>>
>>27498329
>Okay, Twilight, you can do this.
>Your brother told you once before: stallions like a direct, confident mare.
>Nothing pisses off a stallion more than pampering them or treating them like they're special.
>This time you're going to get laid!
>This time you won't have to watch Rarity flirting with countless colts while you sit at the bar all alone!
>This time you won't have to tell your friends that you need to pee and then sneak out the bathroom window!
>DIRECT FLIRTING GO
"S-so... You ever fucked a horse before?"
>>
crosspostan gender reversal
>>27498275
Ponk can do what she likes.
You know she's the kind of gal who'd get plastic surgery just to make a prank work.

>Be Anon in Humanland.
>Go to college with ponko puh, your friend who you've known since kindergarten.
>Go to her place one night.
>Play vidya with her, watch movies.
>She wants to lewd you.
>You think lewding with her would be fun.
>You foreplay a bit.
>Clothes start coming off.
>It's just like kindergarten, naked fun times all over again.
>Your face is against her belly as you take her shorts off.
>FLOP.
>That's a penis right there.
>Right in your face.
>Pinkie laughs heartily at you.
>"Hahahahahapffffffff you should see the look on your face!"
>Her throes of laughter make his cock slap your face repeatedly
>"And now that you're down there, how about you give my lollypop a lick?"
>You wrap your lips around his firm rod and get to work
>It's only fair, after all the time's he's done it for you
>Oh that Pinkie Pie, what prank will she and the med students think up next?
>>
>>27497403
He's crying of happiness, what are you talking about.
>>
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>>27498411
Shyamalamadongring: it's Anon's dong!!! Ponko transpalnted herself Anon's dong!!!
>>
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>>27498523
Happiness... sure.
>>
>>27498556
>Dat Frank Mignola art style.
Unf.
>>
>>27492886
Stephen King would be proud.
>>
>>27498556
I want that on a T-Shirt.
>>
>>27498912
Then people laugh at you when you wear the shirt in public
You get mad and dispose of the shirt
You see another design on the web that you want on a shirt and you get it
It's a vicious cycle, really.
>>
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>>27498963
I've worn a T-Shirt with rainbow unicorns on it in public before.
Multiple times.
It's my favorite shirt.
Nobody has ever given a shit.
>>
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>>27498963
>>
Bumping with the promise of future green
>>
>when anon ended up in equestria nobody was their to help him
>he was in the middle of the everfree, alone
>he ended up going full caveman
>he lives in a cave, wears animal pelts and carry's a club around with him.
>one day while eating eating a dead animal (raw, he never learned how to make a fire) one of the pones find him
>ensue the pones trying to get the weird minitore colt out of the forest in the most sexist way possible.

im running low on prompts, i this will do for know.
>>
>>27500146
In English. Please.
>>
>>27500185
This. I'm sure the prompt is good but I can't make heads or tails of it.
>>
>>27500185
>>27500225
>Caveman Anon in RGRE.
>>
>>27500146
Don't bother with your dogshit prompts.
>>
>>27500146
>he never learned how to make a fire
Is he actually retarded?
>>
>>27500146
>eating a dead animal (raw
>Eating raw meat from the wild.
Hope he enjoys double-Equestria, because that meal is going to send him to the pony afterlife.
>>
>>27500395
It's an Alladin character.
>>
>>27500146
>nobody was their to help him
>their to help him
>their

Please come back when you get out of middle school.
>>
>>27500433
>>27500316
>>27500185
>>27500146
Welcome to RGRE. We love grammar and punctuated sentences.
>>
>>27500473
You say that like it's a bad thing.
>>
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fuck you people are mean
thats why you have dong ring
>>
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Remember Rarity in Estrus? I sure don't.

Continued from: http://pastebin.com/z353QYvn
Recap:
>Rarity enters Estrus early and cannot concentrate enough to finish a large order.
>Rarity wants to use Anonymous to satisfy her body's cravings for cum without getting knocked up.
>Rarity sets up a series of gem-harvesting jobs for Anonymous to do to keep him busy and away from other mares as well as to guarantee that she would see him every day when he delivered his mineral payload to her.
>Rarity tricks Anon into having dinner with her which results in her trying forcibly to remove his clothing and have sex with him. She tires herself out half-way through and Anonymous puts her to bed.
>The next day Anonymous drops off his latest bag of gems and Rarity has a frank discussion with Anon, ending with her requesting cuddles. Anon obliges her. This leads to sex.
>Shortly thereafter, Rainbow Dash turns up at the boutique. She's very drunk and is apparently being chased by Applejack. She pukes all over Anonymous and passes out, leaving the task of cleaning her up to Anon and Rarity. Rarity wishes that her first time sharing a bath with Anonymous would have been more romantic.

---------------------------

>You are Rarity.
>You sit there next to Anonymous and watch him clean the vomit out of your barely-conscious friend's fur.
>The only sounds that broke the silence are the splashes of tub-water and Anonymous himself humming a tune that you've never heard before.
>His shirt is wet and the sleeves are rolled up to his elbows; he had never looked so... normal.
>You could never imagine the Anonymous in your head doing something so trivial and normal as helping out a drunk friend.
>He would be in your boudoir trying on all the outfits you'd designed just for him while he patiently waited for you to finish up with Rainbow Dash.
>....he would have been smitten with you and your charm during your first dinner.
>>
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>>27500730
>But here he was, doing what any decent mare would be doing for her friend.
>He was much more down-to-Equestria than you thought he would be, but you suppose you should have known that.
>How long had you been friends with Anonymous?
>How many things about him did you dismiss because they didn't fit your ideal image of him?
>How well did you actually know him?
>You smile to yourself and focus on your work.
>Now is the chance to find out.

>You are Anon.
>You wipe your wrinkled, pruney hands on a towel and stretch your back to get rid of all the kinks you'd earned from sitting hunched over for so long.
>Your back ached and your hands were swollen and a little bit numb from the jobs that Rarity had given you of mining up gem deposits all over town.
>She'd admitted to planting those for a few reasons.
>The first was to keep you too busy to interact with other mares, which would risk you being won over before Rarity could snatch you up.
>The other reason was so that Rarity would be given an opportunity to seduce you every time you returned to Rarity's boutique to deliver the gems you'd mined for her.
>You reflect on the past couple of days and wonder if it had been just the gem deposits that had been machinated by Rarity.
>Spike had been meant to take your place on the farm that day, but he was sick.
>When the emerald-sprinkled cupcakes had been delivered to Twilight, she'd been surprised to see them.
>That meant that someone other than Twilight had ordered them for Spike; someone who had known that he was sick and had known Spike well enough to know what his favourite type of mineral was.
>>
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>>27500746
>And then there was the case of the missing underwear.
>You'd been content to chock it up to the dastardly deeds of some random mare (or stallion; these days?), but even something as trivial as that seems suspicious now.
>Was it a plot to deliver you to Twilight so that you would find out about the gem deposits on the Apple's farm?
>You shake your head and go back go work.
>It's all in the past now.
>You just wished that Rarity had been more honest with you.
>You don't know why she'd felt the need to organize a big series of events if she had just wanted him to fuck her; all she had to do was ask.
>You feel that the entire affair was very sweet of her, but are disappointed that she thought you needed hard convincing or had to be tricked into being romanced by her.
>You'd ended up landing a marefriend, yes; but you were worried about how Rarity would end up treating you now that she would be seeing the real you - not the "stallion" she apparently had put up on a pedestal this entire time.
>You hope your relationship will last.
>>
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>>27500752
>"Anonymous?"
>Rarity calls your name and you look up to her inquisitively.
>"I think Rainbow Dash is clean now, Darling."
>She lifts your cyan friend out of the tub and wipes her down with her magic, leaving you to drain the tub and clean all the bubbles and bits of gunk off of the interior and down the drain.
>With the cleaning taken care of, you follow Rarity out of the bathroom and into Sweetie Belle's bedroom.
>Rarity places Rainbow Dash (who started snoring half-way to Sweetie's bedroom) on her sister's bed and shuts the blinds.
>The two of you stand outside the bedroom door in silence.
>"Anonymous? I have a request for you if you're willing to hear me out, darling."
>You're curious; did she want more cuddling?
>Did she want to "beat the heat" with your dick again?
"Go right ahead, Rares."
>Rarity smiles slightly at the nickname and seems bolstered by your familiarity.
>"Could... could we go to my bedroom and cuddle?"
>She holds out a hoof when you open your mouth to speak.
>"JUST cuddling, dear. I believe that we've gotten off on the wrong hoof with this relationship and that we've rushed into things. I would really like to talk and to get to know you better as a pony."
>Rarity catches her slip-up and blushes lightly.
>"As a PERSON, I should say."
>Rarity struggles to maintain eye contact with you and trots nervously in place as she awaits your decision.
>This is exactly what you were looking for.
"I'd like that too, Rarity."
>Rarity smiles and leads you into her bedroom for some much-needed personal time with each other.

The End.

It took a long time and a couple of shitty sections, but I've finally done it. I hope that the people still reading my story about a pony in estrus enjoyed the good parts, at least.
>>
>>27500766
Coolio. Do you like Rarity?
>>
>>27500766
Tanks breh, hope joos feelin' bedder.
>>
>>27500793
I think she's one of my favourite ponies if for no other reason than that I really like the colour purple.
>>27500813
Thanks friend. Yup, I'm back up on my feet now.
>>
>>27500829
Purple?
>>
>>27500849
Why you postin' my favourite pony, Anon?
>>
>>27500903
>Liking purple
You have shit taste, and should not be trusted.
>>
>>27500987
Yeah, after reading The Exchange it took me a while to not give Twilight the side eye. In fact, I think the next time I trusted, and liked, her in a green was the Game Night series.
>>
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>>27501140
I fucking loved The Exchange.
>>
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Okay this probably isn't the place to ask, but generally everyone here is on the saner side.
What the fuck is going?

Shit porn baiting, troll threads, non pony threads

With no action by the mods in hours. Not even a while ago they deleted everything and it's mum just because it existed. Please can anyone explain this to me because it just doesn't make any sense.

Here have a classy horse for listening.
>>
>>27501370
Same. It's my favorite horsewerds.
>>
>>27501422
/MLP/ gets away with a lot so that we'll keep to ourselves.

mass deletion was because of a rouge janitor.

also
>classy horse.
>no mane.
die in a fire anon.
>>
>>27501495
That will be a pretty painful death
http://lostallhope.com/suicide-methods/statistics-most-lethal-methods
>>
>>27501422
NightmareMoonIRL.jpg
>>
>"--Just stop being such a baby, Lyra."
>"We shouldn't be here, Bonbon. We should get out of Anon's house right now. Somepony's going to find out and we're gonna get in trouble."
>You are Anon
>It was late-ish
>You were laying down in your bed, wearing your pj's, staring up at your ceiling
>It wasn't a very nice ceiling
>You didn't like that color of white, and the paint was chipping in places
>"I already told you, that slut isn't going to say a thing."
>Hey! Anon is NOT a slut! He is as pure as a virgin snowflake, missy!"
>"Yeah? Well that "virgin" snowflake let me rub my tuft all in his face THIS morning!"
>"LIES! You're a liar, Bonnie! A big fat smelly, butt-faced lair! Anon's pure! HE'S PURE DAMMIT!"
>You know what else you don't like besides your ceiling bedroom?
>Your locks
>You hated your locked because, for some reason, they couldn't keep ponies, who didn't have THUMBS, out of your fucking house
>You know that you kept saying that you were going to get better ones, you had the money after all, but this time you meant it
>"He's a sock-wearing slut, Lyra. Whether you believe that or not is up to you. Me? I'm gonna go in there and press my tuft right in that slutty face of his!"
>You heard your doorknob being turned, and not a second later your bedroom door was thrown open
"Get out of my house," you said with a yawn, not bothering to look toward your door
>"SEE? Anon doesn't want us here! We gott-Bonnie! BONNIE!"
>You could hear Bonbon's hooves clip-clopping against your wooden floor as she stepped into the room and made her way toward the bed
>"You know what? I don't think I'm going to do that, Anon," Bonbon said matter-of-factly
>Your bed creaked as she hopped into it, wiggling under the covers
>"In fact, I think I'm going to cuddle you ALL. NIGHT. LONG," she continued, rubbing herself against you as she crawled upwards
>Her head opened out of the top of the covers, and even in the darkness you could see the smile on her face
>>
AYY LAP
>>
>>27501593
Role reversal.
>>
>>27500766

Noice. 10/10 I have no faults with it. Saved for enjoying later.

>>27501593

Hope you're feeling better L&P.
>>
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>>27501532
>Set fire to self
>Lethality 76.5%

now I'm no rocket scientist but I'm pretty sure burning to death is 100% Lethal.
>>
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>>27501593
loiro is mai waifu
>>
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>>27501593
>> and even in the darkness you could see the smile on her face
>>
>>27501593
>Howcanmyponybethiscute.jpg
>"I saw them, Anon," she whispered, wrapping her hooves around your neck. "I saw that you were wearing those bucking socks."
"They're just socks, Bonnie."
>"They were the low-cut ones. Good. You know that I like those~"
"If you weren't so fucking adorable I'd throw you out my window for breaking into my house again."
>"You're such a dirty, sock-wearing slut, Anon. You need a mare to keep you on the straight and narrow."
"It's cold in here. My feet get cold, Bonbon."
>As she "forced" your face into her chest fur you could hear Lyra whimpering in your hallway
>"Luckily for you I'm just the mare for the job."
>Bonbon let out a sigh as she held you close, wiggling her body against yours so that the two of you were as close as possible
>"Come on, Lyra. This slut isn't going to say a THING. We can cuddle him all we want."
>You took a deep breath and closed your eyes
>5...
>4...
>3...
>2...
>1...
>You could hear Lyra making her way toward you
>She was trying to be quiet, but hooves on hardwood weren't all that subtle
>"N-Now, I'm just here t-to make sure you don't d-do anything to Anon, Bonnie," Lyra said as she climbed into the bed. "I-I'm not going to cuddle him at all or anything."
>Bonbon chuckled
>"More cuddles for me," she said, nipping your ear. "But, just in case you have second thoughts, you can take his back. Isn't that right, my little sock-slut?"
"What's with you horses and socks? I have to wear shoes and socks protect my feet from--"
>"Hey, hey, hey! Less lip and more cuddles, stallion. I didn't break into your house to hear you bucking yapping!"
>Bonbon tried to bite your ear again but a pinch on the rump straightened her out
>You found yourself sighing again as Bonnie nuzzled the top of your head
>You could already feel yourself drifting off to sleep with this big, soft teddy bear horse cuddling you
>...
>5...
>4...
>3...
>2...
>1...
>>
>>27501708
>With a whimper, Lyra pressed her furry tummy against your bare back, wrapping her hooves around your middle
>"F-Forgive me, Anon."
"Shut up and go to sleep, Lyra."
>"Y-You were pure and now w-we've defiled you. I've d-defiled you."
"You've broken into my house five times with week, Lyra."
>"I w-wish I was a stronger m-mare, Anon but I l-lose control around you."
>Lyra sighed as she nuzzled your shoulder
>You could feel her tail swishing underneath your blanket, even as Bonbon wrapped her's around your leg
>"I-It's just your socks. I-I can't help myself around your s-socks. They're L-lewd."
>You shook your head as you wrapped your arms around Bonbon's middle, making the candy mare hum in pleasure
>These
>Fucking
>Horses
>Mang
>>
>>27501752
Alright, I'm done. And don't worry, Anon's, I'll be fine.

I already have a job, two jobs in fact, so me not getting the the teller job isn't the end of the world. I'll just go out and try other places the next time I get a day off
>>
>>27501665
Always someone with a bucket of water who won't mind their own business anon
>>
>>27501780

I appreciate everything that you do.
>>
>>27501708

>not kicking rude stalker horses out of your house

For what purpose?
>>
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>>27501780
10/10 would be a sock slut again
>>
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>>27501752
I would totally big spoon those little mares.

At the same time.
>>
>>27500730
welcome back pluggins
>>
>>27501780
I'm going to shove Bonbon into my freezer until she gets ill.
>>
>>27501665
Flesh itself don't burn that well (not at the temperature of a common fire), the fire stop when it run out of clothes & whatever you hosed yourself in ... which mean the immolation may stop before you are completely dead.
>>
>>27501780
Good luck and thanks for the green
>>
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>>
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DOMINATE THE MARE
>>
>>27502548
>That title.
Nice.
>>
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>>27501593
>ALL. NIGHT. LONG


captcha: all the eggs
>>
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>>27490390
Damn this shit is hard when you can't fucking draw.
Bugwife was much more detailed, and with generous help from /bug/ I nailed her... Venus just looks wrong. I'll have to redo her face
>>
>>27503180
I was about to say, bugbutt looks pretty great but Venus is off.
>>
>>27503180
The snout is wrong on Venus. Too pronounced, I guess?
>>
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>>27503207
>>27503368
I copied Pencil-anon's sketch for the first pass. I'll try to iron her out on the second.
Maybe Lalieri will actually revise his sketch? Though I'll probably manage on my own.
I'll get to her eventually, I'm doing illustrations to avoid writing green, and I have much to avoid.
>>
>>27503368
Yeah, it is. I'll cannibalize Cutealoo's face for Venus.
Also, Venus' color scheme is a reverse Scootaloo. Swap the mane/tail and coat, invert the irises.
Venus is Reversaloo.
>>
>>27501370
Who doesn't?
>>
>>27503806
Twifags probably.
>>
>>27503806
faggots
>>
>>27503432
You know what? Who IS the donut hole size man? What's his story? What ever happened to him after he revealed how small donut holes were becoming?
>>
>>27504013
He was killed anon, in a freak accident. He tripped and fell in his shower, an unknown number of times, smashing his head through the glass the last time and bleeding to death from the wounds.

It would be a shame if something like that were to ever happen again, wouldn't you agree?
>>
>>27504013
He was found murdered in his home shortly after this picture was taken. He was stabbed repeatedly by a glazed twist donut. The bastards even left the donut inside him.
>>
>>27501780
strange, but I just got a bank teller job
I played the race card and they gave me the job pretty fast
I love not being white
>>
>>27504362
No don't say those things, you'll bring the /pol/ shitposters.

t. shitposter from /pol/
>>
>>27504378
are you Autralian?
>>
>>27504362
but it's seriously that easy
just be confident, act competent, yet humble
tell the interviewer you'd fill out the diversity quota nicely
I couldn't do that in Texas, too many other mexicans
Glad I moved to Pennsylvania
>>
>>27504401
I wish. Those fuckers have a talent for getting people mad unmatched by anybody else.
>>
>>27504432
honestly aussies aren't that bad anymore
it's the canadians you have to watch out for
>>
>>27504362
Fuck, this is exactly why i hate being a minority.

Minorities are generally bad people, but the only reason they can be is because whites allowing them to freeload on them.

Sincerely hoping for a race war.
>>
>>27504378
It's too late, Anon. It's always been too late.
>>
>>27504501
Trumps gonna win, he has better memes
>>
>>27504501
But to do that you'd have to be a nigger. Thanks but no thanks, Anon.
>>
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>>27504501
It's good minorities can't stop killing each other to actually accomplish anything.

We need more roof Koreans to thin out the nigger population. The more niggers chimp out, the more whites will start taking things into their own hands.

Even if trump loses which is unlikely, he would have set the precedent. The next 'trump' won't be as nice as this one.
>>
>>27496876
There's still going to be some movement into and out of the labour market, especially in the industries with high turnover rates.
>>
>>27504919
The catch being that you don't want to /be/ in most of the industries with high turnover rates.
>>
>>27497403
>repeatedly mind-raped
Probably actually-raped, too, if you consider the effects of the disguise, brainwashing, and maintaining the charade.

They kind of glossed over that.
>>
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>>27504933
Whelp, I can't say you're wrong.
>>
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>>27500146
mfw i realize my sleep deprived mind forgot how to spell.
>>
>>27504610
The Koreans during the LA riots were amazing. I would totally march into combat with them.
>>
>>27504965
It's like IT. IT used to be a good stable middle-class to upper middle-class career. Anymore though its a roll of the dice. H1B visas are killing the entry and mid level stuff, and you can't get the certs for higher level work without experience. You just don't hear about it because big corps are doing a good job of covering their tracks, and fired employees don't want to lose their severance or get sued.
>>
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>>27504996
If some kind of riot came to Toronto, i would gladly do what they did.

You must too, Anon. BE the roof Korean in your town, when the chimp out hits.

It's not about the Korean, it's about the roof.
>>
>ITT: /pol/
>>
>>27505045
Yeah, but it's the more or less polite'ish side of pol so I don't mind it. Though we're about as off topic now as we've ever been.
>>
>>27501752
>Bon Bon is the mare infatuated with Anon
>Lyra is shy with her crush
I like it. It's also been a while since there's been a "oh no ive defiled you anon" story
>>
LaP's story inspired me:
Ponies are already tiny, big-eyed, and fluffy. They're the baseline. They'd find something big, small-eyed, and furless to be adorable.

>Anon is the pony equivalent of an adorable, innocent anime loli character
>>
>>27505006
I'm the same anon you've been talking to since I mentioned movement in the labour market.

I also did some IT work when I was doing a sort of travelling / volunteering gig for a year. All of the people in the IT department I worked with advised that I never go into that industry as a profession. With the possible exception of maybe doing some network management.
>>
>>27501370
I can't seem to fine this "The Exchange" on the Google Docs file.

Could I get a link and a brief summary of what it's about? Including why it makes people hate Twilight?

>>27501140
Same with Game Night, if you please.

It's not spoonfeeding if I've already looked through the known repositories.

>>27501422
The janitors and mods on /mlp/ have been pretty fucked up and hateful about the board's existence ever since the Happening. Especially after the changing of the guard when m00t replaced most of the mods with his sjw friends. There are irc chatlogs of this if you know where to look, but I'm not going to link because I don't have them handy.
>>
>>27505313
Search it on Fimfic, it was uploaded on there a long time ago. I still have his pastebin version somewhere, but I doubt I can find it.
>>
>>27505313
The Exchange is an FiMFic story, not one from here.
>>
>>27505210
He's also tsundere
>>
>>27505313
And I think "Game Night" lies in this pastebin: http://pastebin.com/u/twilight_game_night
>>
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>>27505267
Never go into IT. Ever unless you can land a non-profit gig that will keep you out of the system and in a steady spot.

I was stupid and jumped on a private job instead of sticking with my safe non-profit one. Now I'm desperately trying to get away from the private sector.

STAY AWAY FROM THE MEDICAL FIELD AT ALL COSTS.

Things are looking up though, I might be getting a second shot at that non-profit again.
>>
>>27505210
>innocent anime loli character
Personally, I'd think they'd see him as a big lovable dummy, considering his relatively tiny eyes, small head, and gigantic stature.

>>27505313
>brief summary of what it's about
Essentially flutterrape but with Twilight instead. She goes so far off the deep end she loops past OoC right back into her actual show personality. Also, Anon is the man who grabs the sun
>>
>>27504440
>it's the canadians you have to watch out for
This... this sounds like it could make for an interesting story.

It's more involved than the newest Prime Minister being a fucktard, right?
>>
>>27505486
Trudeau Part Twodeau isn't that bad. Or at least that's what I tell people, otherwise I'm 'clearly' a Harper supporter.
>>
>>27505458
>Never go into IT.
It was a year of full-time volunteer work, with housing and food expenses for my group being covered by the program.

Basically, these places don't have to worry about insurance liability on their side of things, because this program covered it. The participants in the program do full-time work at real job sites and get to build up some professional skills and maybe some contacts.

It was a pretty good thing, overall. Very different from university, but now I have some stories to tell. Plus, 9 months of solid full-time volunteer work at a variety of positions looks pretty good on a resume.

The IT placement was just for a few months.
>>
>>27505486
yep, honestly you know it's bad when AUSSIES of all people lost the shitposter of the year award on /pol/
to the canadians
if you want to risk it, go to pol and see how many shitposts are canadian

also, there's massive amounts of hillary shills shitting up pol

just yesterday there were news articles about hillary finally getting indicted, but were quickly suppressed and removed 1984 style
>>
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>>27505634
>if you want to risk it, go to pol and see how many shitposts are canadian
I'm going in. Wish me luck.
>>
>>27505313
http://pastebin.com/u/getmeouttahere
Here.
>>27505398
With how wrong you are you must be new, I was in the threads it was posted in.
>>
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>>27505653
god speed to you brave soldier

>>27505458

there's also threads on pol about the scarcity of jobs and how bad the IT sector has gotten
>>
>>27505566
The one advantage of being a minority, is that when i call Trudeau a cuck they can't just call me a white supremacist and tell me to go away.

We need a trump tier PM.
>>
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>>27505730
>god speed to you brave soldier
I'm back.

While I found one thread that had some Canadian shitposting, which quickly vanished, the vast majority of the shitposting was from the states. I'm pretty sure I only saw that thread because I was looking for it, and it was specifically about complaining about canadians. Even inside the thread, they said that Canadians were the 2nd most redpilled people after the states.

As far as other miscellaneous shitposts, it was almost entirely US, or I couldn't see much of a pattern in them.
>>
>>27503432
Such a snout. I've checked my sketch and it's not so big there and with nostrils, kinda like Scootaloo's above, but it's hard to see on photo due to sketch size and many not relared lines below that drawing. Hm, maybe I really should redraw it all...
>>
>>27505973
you didn't spend enough time then
you need to spend at least one month in the trenches
>>
>Internet downed for several days straight
>Had nothing to do while itching to write
>Called technician, turns out it was just a broken broadband cable
>Got it changed free of charge
>All of a sudden don't want to write anymore
Feeling kinda artsy. Gimme some RGRE ideas and I'll try sketching. Who knows, maybe I'll do one after a good sleep.
>>
>>27506119
Anon preaching anti-RGR masculinist stuff with aghast stallions and lovestruck mares listening.
>>
>>27506119
Dadliest DadRarity and lawn mower
>>
>>27506119
CMC trying to spy on Anon in the shower
>>
>>27506119
Anon as the RGRE version of Christina 'Based mom' sommers.
>>
>>27506119
Anon trying to build Winona a dog house but keeps getting interrupted/bothered by AJ
AJ whose keeps popping in to make sure he's staying safe/ is just waiting till he gets tired or out of his depth and she can come to his "Rescue"

actually that might make a nice one shot
>>
>>27506194
>"What is he's doin'... hammer and nails! He's gonna hurt his tummyscratchers... I mean, dinger-fingers-whazzit!"
>[instinctive mare noices]
>BAM!
>Fuck!
>"Oh Celestia. Healing, pronto! No time to invent horsey-swears, need to save my precious!"
>>
I just want to be a huge male slut
>>
>Several mares of high-society are interested in the alien colt. Maybe even some of the princesses.
>Anon lets it slip that humans are mostly monogamous.
>Civil war breaks loose in Equestria, and Anon becomes the Helen of Troy.
>Yes, there is a grand finale with a giant mecha-horse made of wood and ponies storming Canterlot to pillow-fight the mares and cuddle the stallions to their sleeps.
>>
>>27506408
just be yourself!
>>
>>27505982
I think I'll manage. If you're really going to review something, review the last panel.
>>
Fuck yall niggers, yall get me hooked up with "Exchange"...it's 4 am and I'm still reading it.

I'm in chapter 7 and I'm loving it.
Fuck you Anons
>>
>>27506119
The cmc in their clubhouse with a shrine to Anon, Rainbow Dash conducting the service with a pair of boxers on her head.
>>
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>>27506475
I've read it several times.
>tfw he's not writing anymore
>>
>>27506449
I'll consider ('cause yeah, too cartoonish), but not right now. Busy with requested in previous thread "Twi-Pinkie-Anon" picture
>>
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Make her a mother.
>>
>>27505458
Good thing I dont live in america, then.
>>
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>>27506805
I don't want abominations
>>
>>27506995
Does this image gain jpg artifacts every time it's posted?
>>
>>27506428
You calling me a slut?
>>
>>27507027
looks like it.
>>
>>27507027
>JPEG artifacts are a kind of creature in Equestria.
>They are chamelion-like, changing colour to mimic that of the surface they rest on
>They like to live on artwork since instead of eating food, they gain nourishment from being looked at.
>>
>>27507219
They constantly cling to Anon's socks and the crotch of his pants.
>>
>>27506995
You're a bitter bugfag or what?
>>
>>27507263
>>27507219
>Censor bars are a result of related species that are monochromatic
>>
>>27507323
No, I'm a person with normal tastes.
>>
>>27507495
>Doesn't want to impregnate his waifu.
>Implies he prefers donkey pone to Sunbutt
>Normal taste
Try again buddy, you're the wierd one here.
>>
>>27507495
I doubt that.
>>
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>>27507541
If I wanted an actual horse I would fuck one, and not the pony that looks like one.
>>
>>27506159
This. Give Anon a smirk; he knows what he's doing
>>
>>27506299
>Is that there Anon makin' a house fer the dog?
>Heck! If'fin yer grandparents didn't have a house of their own 'til they done built it with their own four hooves, you'll be gosh-darned if you'll let the DOG get a house fer free that she didn't even earn!
>>
>>27507027
Look at the ring on her horn. It's the dong ring's legacy and it's poisoning the image.
>>
>One day a pony notices Anon's pointy teeth
>Pony knows that Anon eats fruits and vegetables
>What could the teeth be for then?
>Gets lewd thoughts - those teeth must be for when he mounts a mare and nips her neck and mane
>Rumours spread that the males in Anon's species are for sexual
>>
>>27507735
>"Humans are not for sexual!"
>>
>>27507751
>"Look at his teeth! They're made SPECIFICALLY for doing lewd things with the back of a mare's neck when he's mounting her! Human stallions are BORN for sexual!"
>>
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>>27507758
>"They are not l-lewd!"
>"Humans are a proud and noble race!"
>>
>>27507712
You bet your ass it's the fucking dong rings. Did you know they are also the #2 cause of erectile dysfunction, right after old age?
>>
>>27507949
My cousin had a dong ring. Now he sits down to pee (he says it's more comfortable)

>>27507822
>Said Anon, getting all huffy like an upset colt
>Meanwhile his pants legs accidentally got pulled up, revealing his socks.
>>
>Anon is a foalsitter
>Is wise to the reversed gender roles and is determined to be the hot, flirty babysitter
>"Wow! You beat me again, <filly of choice>! You sure are good at this video game."
>Anon leans in close
>"Can you think of anything you want as a reward~?"
>>
>>27507735
>Anon hears rumors
>Just laughs at silly pone
>"You meddle with lewdness you cannot comprehend."
>>
>>27507987
>youunderestimatemypower.dong
>>
>>27507987
Remember that one story where sexual is only vaginal sex? Celestia tries to teach Anon and Anon's shocked when she's never heard of anal or oral despite having "invented" several sexual positions.

>Anon introduces ponies to oral & anal
>Zecora is one of his first customers
>Zebra tribes worship statues of him as their fertility god
>>
>>27507987
>"I hear her cuddles with his mares once he's done with them!"
>>"Oh yeah? Well /I/ heard that he rubs their tummies and hums a lullaby until they fall asleep!"
>Anon feels equal parts excitement and regret that he's about to introduce proper sex to these innocent pones.
>>
>>27508014
>At a diplomatic function, Anon is there as Luna's beau.
>Anon looks like the RGRE Aphrodite/Venus-figure of Minotaurian mythology.
>Crisis of faith breaks out in the Minotaur Lands because they have first hand 'proof' that their Old Religion was real.
>Crisis also breaks out with the Yaks, as he looks exactly like a mythical death-god after he gets pissed and chases a pony with a tree-branch.
>Changeling spy freaks because it was said their race was spawned from a cruel pony sorceress and a 'deity with a dark-heart'.
>Sea Ponies just see him as a reverse-mermaid.
>Crystal Ponies try to hook him up with Cadence, much to everyone's irritation.
>Anon is fairly unaware, bored, and is more interested in teasing Luna.
>>
So I just asked this in Satyr: it's about incest.

Hear me out.

Horses have 64 chromosomes and humans have 46. It would take longer in a pony than a human for recessive genes to fuck up the offspring. Even producing Charles II of Spain took a bunch of generations of inbreeding. Any fucked up offspring would take a long LONG time to pop up in ponies.

Take a look at RGRE: The general agreement is that there are far, FAR more mares than there are stallions, right? Considering how rare genetic defects must be (via inbreeding) in ponies, do you think that incest would be far less of a taboo?

Like I said in Satyr, it would be interesting to read (or write) a story where Anon is casually informed one day that making babies with your family isn't super-weird.

I maybe might want to write something that involves incest and I want to know how receptive this board is to it
>>
>>27508105
fund it
I'd suck a hundred dicks to get this written by a good writefag
>>
>>27508121
Stop promoting incest. End of story.
>>
>>27508121
>So I just asked this in Satyr: it's about incest.
And you asked it here earlier and you were told to fuck off.
>>
>>27508121
Satyr loves incest. Go to them.
>>
>>27508121
>I-If I keep trying, m-maybe they'll eventually say yes
We won't. Incest and its associated drama belongs in its containment thread: >>27466373
>>
>>27508105
>yak death god is a shaved ape wielding a tree branch.
I like this idea.
>>
>>27508105
>>27508184
>>yak death god is a shaved ape wielding a tree branch.
>I like this idea.
"HAHAHAHA, YOU STUPID FUCKING CARPET. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CHOKED ON GRASS. GET IN THE FUCKING BAG, FAGGOT."
>>
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>>27508273
Oh yeah.
That was a thing.
>>
>>27508301
That's one of my favorite things to come out of teeg. Those were some fun threads.
>>
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>>27508121
>it's about incest
>Hear me out.
>>
>>27505721
Fuck, The Exchange feels too familiar. I'm not sure if I remember much of it. I don't even remember the threads it was posted on. Was it on a general? Did it spawn off of an OP prompt?
>>
>>27508504
Started out as green. Went forever, took forever between updates. Eventually he converted it to prose.

Honestly, for as much fun as it was when it dumped people who discover it now are better off because they can just sit down and read it. That release cycle was pain.

Still an amazing story, though. Parts of it give me chills.
>>
>>27508504
It's a flutterrape story so that's where it was posted. The celestia thread kind of adopted it because if the large focus on her.
>>
>>27508514
I thought it was ok. >rape stories are always kinda weird to me when Anon's the victim.
>>
Fuck you all! All this talk about Exchange makes me want to read it again...


....for the ninth time...
>>
>>27508514
There was a part in the story, about at the climax, where (actual spoiling of the story here) Twilight constructs a rune-covered evil round, stone flying device to obtain Anon in accordance with an evil core shard's instructions. (I can't remember it all).

It always reminded me of this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FK_QkS6uZeE

It's been so long. I should read it again when I get bored.
>>
>Fertility god Anon
more when?
>>
>>27507980
This Anon is a genius.
>>
>>27508121
> 64 chromosomes
> It would take longer in a pony than a human for recessive genes to fuck up the offspring
That's ... not how genetic work, Anon.
>>
>>27508728
What do you want from a victim of incest?
>>
>>27508640
>You're Diamond Tiara, and this is horseapples.
>You don't need a foalsitter. You have your cutie mark! You're practically a mare now!
>>"Make sure she gets dinner by 6 and you send her to bed by 9, okay? We'll be back by noon tomorrow so you can sleep in the guest bedroom."
>"Sure thing, Mr. Rich. You two have a good evening."
>The big minotaur thing closes the door and turns to you with a dumb smile on his stupid face.
>"Hey there Diamond Tiara. My name is Anonymous, but you can call me Anon. I'm going to be taking care of you for the evening okay?"
>Why is he talking like you're some kind of little foal?
>You're about to start making your totally reasonable demands for cake and ice cream, but then he walks out of the room.
>"I'll be right back, okay? Why don't you watch some TV for a few minutes?"
>Pfft, like you need to be told to watch TV.
>You'll put up with him - for now.
>A few minutes pass while you watch your favourite show - and then Anon comes into the room.
>Oh, filly.
>He's not wearing that lumpy sweater any more - the one that looked like those three dumb fillies threw up all over it.
>He isn't wearing those big heavy blue leg-covers either.
>All he's got on is a tight - TIGHT - shirt that doesn't cover his arms and some loose leg-covers.
>"I hope you don't mind that I changed into my pyjamas. You guys have better heating than I do, so I guess I over-dressed."
>He sits next to you and his leg-covers ride up a bit and...
>Are those socks?!
>oh mare
>OH MARE
>Keep it together, Diamond.
>You can't suppress the shiver that runs down your spine.
>"Oh, are you cold? I'll get you a blanket."
>When he returns, he drapes the thick blanket over you.
>His fingers graze your withers and you shiver again. Anon tuts and shakes his head.
>"Still cold huh? Tell you what, why don't you sit in my lap?"
>W-what?!
>He picks you up and plants you firmly against his crotch and drapes the blanket over both of you.
>You can feel his thingy on your butt.
>>
>>27508874
>>You can feel his thingy on your butt.
>And, filly, is he enormous.
FTFY
>>
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>>27508874
>>
>>27508874
>You and your foalsitter stay this way for most of the evening.
>Even though you're sweating bullets, you insist that you're cold - whatever it takes to stay in his lap.
>So here you are, playing video games. You're normally pretty good, but you're amazed at how quickly Anon took to the controls.
>Colts aren't supposed to be good at video games!
>That's practically a rule!
>Once or twice he's had to reach over you to grab something and he'd press up against you.
>This thingy would grind your but when he did that.
>It's been getting bigger all evening, and you swear to Celestia that you can feel it throbbing in time with his heart beat.
>You're just amazed that he can't smell all the fluids you're leaking on the cushion.
>>
>>27507980
I need this.

>>27508874
Kek
>>
>>27507980
>>27508640
>>27508874
>>27508913
>>27509043
I fully support this in every way possible.
>>
>>27507980
fund this
>>
>>27508874
>>27509043
I also support this movement
>>
>>27509043
lewd
>>
>>27508121
the casual poster on /mlp/ has 47 chromosomes, get your facts straight, faggot
>>
Has anyone done green of Anon in Reverse Gender Roles Saddle Arabia yet?
>>
>>27509900
No.
>>
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>>27508121
>>27509786
>Horses have 64 chromosomes and humans have 46
>47 chromosomes
>Only having double digits of chromosomes.
>Not even having a hundred.
Come on, you need to apply yourself.
>>
>"Diamond Tiara! Your dad said you need to take a bath before bedtime!"
>Ugh, you HATE bathti-wait.
>WAIT.

Soon.

>"Whoops! Diamond Tiara, did you splash me on purpose?"
>You put on your best innocent smile.
"Of course not Anonymous!"
>Anon just sighs and shakes his head before looking down at his shirt.
>"I'd better take this off before my skin gets all clammy."
>YES
>TAKE IT OFF
>Anon grabs his tight shirt by the bottom and lifts it up over his head.
>If he were doing it any slower you'd swear he'd be doing it on purpose.
>Look at those muscles.
>Do all colts have muscles like that?
>Not any of the colts in your class.
>Ohhh, you're getting a whole bunch of confusing feelings all over your body.
>"What are you looking at?"
>Oh shoot! You've been caught staring!
"U-uh..."
>Anon smiles at you and ruffles your mane.
>HNG
>do that again
>"Don't be scared, Diamond. I know I look different from ponies, but I'm - hey!"
>WHOOPS
>LOOKS LIKE YOU SPLASHED HIM AGAIN
>"My pants!"
>>
>You could hear birds chirping in the background as you took a bite out of your sandwich
>It wasn't a very remarkable sandwich
>Truth be told you hadn't remembered to make your lunch for work the night before, so all you had been able to whip up that morning was a peanut butter sandwich, a bag of chips, and a carton of juice
>The bog boy juice because you were a big boy
>But all in all it was an alright lunch
>Not great, not terrible
>5/10, the juice saved it
>It just needed to do its job and sate you until you got off work and got home
>You chewed slowly, staring off into nothing, not even tasting your sandwich really
>You were about to reach over and grab your juice when you felt a disturbance in the air
>The birds went silent, the wind picked up suddenly and without warning and the sun seemed to dim a little
>A movement at the edge of the bench that you were sitting on caught your eye, prompting you to look over
>You could see a mop of red hair and a pair of green eyes staring back at you, hungry predatory, adorable
"Hello, Rosey," you said through a mouthful of peanut butter, reaching down to grab your juice
>YOUR fucking juice
>Adorable or not this little pone wasn't getting any of it
>Especially since she didn't have anything of her own to trade for it
>"Yeah... Keep him looking right at you, Roseluck."
>Your nose scrunched up as Lily, who had somehow managed to sneak up on you, crawled into your lap
>Daisy, with a husky giggle had somehow gotten behind you, and was not wrapping her hooves around your neck
>She chuckled, giving your neck a squeeze
>"Hello there, colty~" she cooed in your ear. "What's a stallion like you doing alone in a place like this?"
>Your nose scrunched up even more as you looked back at her, taking a sip of your juice
>YOUR juice
>YOUR'S
>Roseluck, with a giggle of her own, climbed onto the bench with her sisters, effectively trapping you in a wall of flower horses
>....
>Goddammit...
>>
>>27510310
oh boy
>>
>>27510310
Need to boop the hay out of them for taking that juice
>>
>>27510310
>You were just trying to enjoy your lunch...
"Could you at least let me finish my sandwich before--"
>Lily grinned as she leaned up and nuzzled your cheeks
>"You know," she interrupted as Daisy nuzzled the back of your neck. "The girls and I were on our way home for some lunch when we saw you sitting on a bench all by your lonesome
>Roseluck grabbed your hand as she climbed into your lap with her sister
>"Yeah, and, being the gentlemares that we are, we couldn't help but come over and see if you needed company."
>She "sinisterly" giggled as she hugged your arm close against her fluffy chest
>"You see, it's not all that safe in this park, especially for a stallion. Especially for a stallion that's alone and wearing socks like the dirty little slut that he is~"
>You let out a groan as Daisy gives your neck another squeeze
>It's not a hard squeeze-- she was just a marshmallow horse after all--but at least it was the thought that counts
>... Or something like that
>"Yeah~ You never know if some no good mares might come around and try to make a stallion do things that he doesn't want to do."
"...You know that I could get up right now and walk away right?"
>"Yeah, like maybe hold him down and cuddle him on a park bench until he falls asleep."
"I weight a lot more that you guys; it's not very hard to pick you up and carry you around."
>"Maybe they'd make him run his wigglers all over their bodies as they nuzzled his face."
>Daisy tries to yank you sideways so that you're laying on your back on the bench
>Seeing that she couldn't move you an inch, her sisters joined in, trying to overpower you
>Rolling your eyes again, you let them slowly push you down, your juice still in hand
"You know I have to get back to work in like thirty minutes right?"
>Daisy, reaching over the park bench, grabbed your other hand and pressed it against her soft, furry chest just as Roseluck climbs up your body until she's face-to-face with you
>>
>>27509043
Um.. Quick question, what cushion? She's on his lap right. That ain't a cushion
>>
>>27510529
The couch cushion beneath both of them.
>>
>>27510516
You could start to smell the flowery, horsey scent of the flower sisters as Daisy and Lily gave your captured hands a squeeze
>"Don't take all day, Roseluck. I want my turn with this sock slut before he starts crying."
>...
>You look over at Daisy, who's holding the hand that you have the juice in
>...She better not drink that fucking juice
>That's YOUR fucking juice
>YOUR. FUCKING. JUICE.
>Roseluck grinned as she laid on top of you, "pinning" you down
>"You know you should have expected this," she growled, her mane tickling your face. "Wearing your socks for everypony to see like that."
"The socks are not sexual in anyway. I use them to protect my feet."
>"You're lucky my sisters and I decided to come over here and teach you a lesson first."
"Maybe I should just get sandals. Maybe I should look into that."
>"Other mares wouldn't be as nice as we are."
>Lily let out a groan as you gave her chest a scratch
>"Oh I think he's staring to enjoy this girls," she growled, leaning down to nuzzle your fingers. "I told you he was a slut."
>Both Rosey and Lily giggled, grinning down at you like the adorable little horses that they were
"...Can I at least finish my juice? Please?"
>"Ohh, maybe we should just take the little slut home and cuddle him all day and night. I bet he'd LOVE it," Lily suggested
>"Yeah, as much as I'd like to take him out in the open like this we wouldn't want anypony coming around and seeing anything that they shouldn't," Daisy agreed
>Roseluck licked her lips
>"So, what's it gonna be, my little sock slut," she purred, giving you Eskimo kisses. "Do you want your cuddles out here or somewhere... private~"
>You glanced once more at your juice
"...I'd like to finish my juice please."
>"At our house it is!"
>...
>Fucking socks...
>Fucking ponies...
>>
>>27510629
Alright, I'm done. I would have added some pictures but I don't have any of the flower sisters.
>>
>>27510643
WHY DO YOU LET THE MARES BULLY YOU LIKE THAT, LAP

WHY
>>
>>27510753
Because the JUUUIICEEE.
>>
>>27510802
THAT MAKES NO SENSE
>>
>>27510939
sure it does.

We must eliminate all the juice.
>>
>>27510954
ARYANNE, STOP SNEAKING INTO MY HOUSE TO RAID MY FRIDGE.
>>
>>27504362
>>27504421
People like you are exactly why LaP didn't get his bank teller job

Minorities being given special treatment in rgre green when?
>>
>>27510981
>Yaks
>>
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>>27510802
>>27510954
>>27510968
>>
>>27510981
All the time. Anon is a minority, being a non-equine, right?

He gets a ton of special treatment in most greens.
>>
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>>27511145
ahh well done. you've made the fatherland proud.
>>
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>>27510629
>You could start to smell the flowery, horsey scent of the flower sisters as Daisy and Lily gave your captured hands a squeeze
That sounds nice.
>>
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>>27511145
She's come to annex your heart.

I prefer her pegasus friend though.
>>
>>27511485
>>You could start to smell the flowery, horsey scent of the flower sisters
That's their marecum.
>>
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>>27511528
Oh.

Still sounds nice. And pretty hot.
>>
>>27511507
What's her name? Nurse Iron Cross?
>>
>>27511507
>>27511600
Dr. Manegala
>>
>>27511600
Kyrie
AFAIK she is more into bombing run than medical supply drop.
Would still cuddle.
>>
Since this is RGRE, how come we've never had one of Anon's stallion friends give him a makeover? That could be entertaining.
>>
>>27511942
Because sissy and trap fetishists in the past have tried to argue that their fetishes are how RGRE really is.
>>
>>27511942
Because anon would probably just push the annoyingly little effeminate horse over.
>>
>>27511942
>Shining Armour and Big Mac pretty much kidnap him after they promised they'd go'bar crawling' with him.
>Give him a 'makeover', much to Anon's horror.
>Backfires when Twilight, Cadence, Applejack, and Celestia keep walking into doors and that when they see Anon, like a bloke walking into a door when a beautiful woman walks past.
>>
>>27511996
Anon gets annoyed and undoes what he can when home but mares still hurt themselves staring
Anon goes about his daily business disgruntled
>>
>>27511982

But that would make them cry.
>>
>>27511996
That sounds kinda cute.
>>
>>27511982
>>27511972
But RGRE stallions aren't effeminate.
They are stalliony, while mares are marely.
>>
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>>27511996
Seeing someone like Celestia lose her composure for a split second before schooling her reaction back into neutrality would be entertaining.
>>
>>27511996
>>27511942
>Anon steps out of the stallion's boutique.
>His socks have been exchanged for sandals.
>His legs are cleanly shaven, smooth as silk.
>He's wearing a swim suit only found in competitive swimming circles back on earth. They go down mid-thigh, hugging his butt and hips, highlighting the bulge between them.
>He's wearing a small, but still loosely casual white t-shirt- which just begs to be soaked to show off his torso and abs.
>His hair is gelled in the most stylish mane-do that the stallions could think of in the short 4 hours they had. Flat on his head with a little spiral curl around his scalp.
>Only those who saw closely could see the concealer and powder on his face, covering his acne and blemishes- such makeup used my minotaurs, modified in Anon's skin color.
>Anon's awkward, shy look is really one of humiliation at having had makeup applied and his legs shaved. It does feel new and refreshing- he only admits to himself.

>The mares go splash and pass out. All at the same time.

TFW I have actually used concealer and powder at concerts and interviews, and have lost several bets where I had to shave my legs...hell, I'd fit right in in RGRE
>>
>>27512063
Fetishists just wanna fet, anon. Their generals fail and they come here to try to peddle their shit.
>>
>>27511640
Wait really that's a bit fucked up
>>
>>27493672
Bit late, but this is entirely on you what you want him to be.

If he got to where he was on his own merit, he should be an excellent voice of reason.

If he was a figurehead at best, then make him a bit emotional.

If he is just an airhead put there by being in with a princess, emotional and irrational would be best fit.

No matter what though he should be on point with what he does. Never really wrong but never taking the best routes either, all dependant on backstory.
>>
>patriot anon goes to equestria
>he decides to play "Yankee Doodle" on his phone
>pones think the song is lewd
>pones try to seduce anon dressed as this mysterious "Caption Washington" that anon seems to like so much.
>>
>>27512404
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzRhFH5OyHo
here's the link to the song.
>>
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>>
>>27512404
>>27512412
>Patriot!Troll Anon goes to Equestria
>Sings the following
>Ponies terrified of human princesses
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7iVsdRbhnc
>>
>>27512414
no
>>
>>27507964
After the incident where I woke up in the middle of the night, and it hurt to much to turn lights on, and tried to pee standing, I now sit as there is no mess whatsoever to clean.

Never understood the reason for wanting to stand after the first week.
>>
>>27512083
Celestia is 110% for lewd. She tries to hide it, but anon knows.
>>
>>27511942
Because it would threaten the average Anon's barely-there masculinity. Not even in writing can they escape their cripplingly-low self-esteem.
>>
>>27512936
heres yer (you) senpai
>>
Got something that could be fun to read, but not interested in writing it at all.

Anon gets dumped in equestria, and is the hottest shit ponies ever saw, constantly hitting on him. After a few months, they get anon to give them the D, however Anon is on the small size for how big he is, not micropenis, but ponies are assuming he would at least be a solid foot-foot and a half long and 3 inches wide. Most of the mares laugh at Anon, and due to the attention he was getting, the stallions refuse to let it go either.

One mare however (your choice) genuinely liked anon and doesn't care.

Cue next morning, a bunch of ponies see the mare walk out of anons house walking funny... there is no way something that small would so that in under a minute.

Within a week anon is bombarded with mares who want anon again, many of whom were laughing at anon's perceived lack of size.

Shenanigans ensue.
>>
>>27512962
>Opinions that aren't my own
>"Here's your (you)"
>>
>>27513064
Here's your (you)
>>
>>27513064
Have another (you).
>>
>>27512017
>Mares can't help but stare at Anon after he washes the make-up off
>What they saw was the equivalent of a nerdy librarian letting down her hair and taking off her glasses
>>
>>27513099
>>27513119
Oh (you), Anon.
>>
>>27513032
>Anon stands in the town square surrounded by the mares who laughed at his shrinky-dink
>He's victoriously helicoptering while playing an audio recording of him fucking the shit out of <mare> for half an hour
>>
*Cough cough* "Gah."
>You birth an oyster right into a handy napkin, clearing your throat
>Fold, and a toss-
>With a *thp* it lands in the trash can
>Excellent
>You are Anon
>And you got this cold after you went to the horsepital
>Seriously
>You went into get a checkup on your medical-grade booper
>and then... this
"Ugh... fuck me running."
>*knock knock*
"Uuuuuhhhh~"
>"Does that mean yes, Nonny? Ponice Chief Cuddle wings says I'm not allowed to assume anymore-"
"I'm Sick. Come in."
>You croak
>The door opens to a softly frowning ponka po and her timid yellow sidekick... yellow timid
>fuck you I'm actually sick
>"Oh no! I thought Pinkie was exaggerating when she said she hadn't stalked you in days-"
>Soft banana gently floats over to you, holding a hoof on your forehead
>"Hmm... not hot at all. No fever, aches?"
"No. Just this cough and the joys that it b-"
>aaah shit you inhaled a bit too fast
>For the next few moments you do your damnest to cough out your lung, Fluttershy patting your back. "awww... shh, shh. There there. Pinkie, let's help our friend-"
>"Oooh, we get to play nurse~?"
>"Y-yes, bu- no latex. No."
>Fluttershy stamps her hoof. "I'm not going to jail again, not for the same reason."
>You turn to look as Pinkie kicks off what looks like black socks. "Awww...."
>Waitwhat-
>"A-anon here needs to be cuddled until he feels better-"
"I'm serious, just give me a few days and some sleep and I'll be o-"
>Fluttershy quirks her eyebrow at you. "Anon, I'm very certain I know what's best-"
>Fuck you too animal horse. I'll rek u first-
>"and I know you need to stay warm. Ponies are naturally warm - between 97 to 100 degrees. Pinkie, if you'll demonstrate, I'll fix up some soup-"
"Nnnn-"
>You start to rise
>You'll be damned if you're gonna get coddled in your own house!
>This is your house!
>ROADHOUSE!
>Suddenly there's a warmth on your chest as four limbs wrap themselves around your torso
>>
>>27513032
>>27513199
>samefagging your own prompt
Still not interested
>>
>>27513269
Nah, I didn't same fag it mostly because if I did
Anon would be an asshole, fucking each mare one time, as best he could. Ruining them for other races all because they made fun of him for nothing he could help.
>>
>>27510529
She is a leaky faucet right now.
>>
>>27513265
>Your chest spasms, but Ponka's legs start rubbing your sides
>It feels... oddly soothing
>"Ssshhh... shhh... there there. Just feel my tuft on your chest... my tummy's so soft, isn't it? Let our heat be as one, Nonny~"
"Pank... stop... being so...innuendo."
>With a defeated *thumpomf* you land back on your couch
"Uugh..."
>You can feel her giggle
>"But Nonny, humans are for sexual - you told us all about Capt. Kirk-"
>Nnn
"No! W-we are a proud a-and noble race! We are not just for lewd!"
>"Mmm, then why don't you tell me to get off of you~" she murmurs to your chin, burying her muzzle in the crook of your neck
>You want her off, but, she's so warm
>So... warm and wet and-
"Pon... stop licking me-"
>"Mmm. No."
>You groan
>"Almost finished~" Fluttershy calls from the kitchen
>"So are you~" Pinkie coos
>You frown
>You're not a man that's easily irritated, but
>If somethin' rustles your jimmies, by golly, you're gonna rustle back!
>. . .
>ok you're sick fuck you brain
"I...I'm gonna toss you out if you try anythin-"
>Two blue orbs look up at you with mirth, care, and something... else. "Do, or do not. There is no try."
>damnit ponk
>Groaning, you roll onto your side to make the weight a little more bearable
>Doing your best, of course, to ignore Pinkie's widening grin and soft coos of encouragement
>Boner.exe wants to run
>[y/(n)]
>You cough again
>Nope. There's whiskeydick and there's sickydick, and they both work the exact same.
>The sound of plates-on-wood causes you to look up, meeting Fluttersy's concerned gaze
>"N-now Pinkie. Please scoot arou-"
>"Jetpack, got it!"
>Like a weird... gecko or something, Ponks scurries around you, hugging you from behind
>...This feels wrong
>YOU are big spoon
>You don't have time to complain as Fluttershy orders you to sit up, which you do
>After, yanno, another coughing fit.
>Fuck this sickness, bro
>"N-now, I brought you a mug of vegetable soup broth - just drink it slowly, ok?"
>>
>>27513400
>You grip the mug with both hands
>Mmm. Warm. Brothy. Delici-
>Hello
>The feathery, soft and deceptively HEAVY rump of Fluttershy lands on your lap, her forehooves wrapping around your neck
>"Ooh... poor thing.... all sick, all alone...."
"I...it's not a big deal. It's just a chest cold-"
>"No no no! That could be a big deal - what if it's pneumonia?" Fluttershy looks up at you, and you look away
>Your heart lives to see another day
>You feel her shift, an- oooh... lawd
>It's like two pillows made of down and muscle are doing their damnest to engulf your little man
>And speaking of, he's threatening not to be so little anymore
>Why-
>You tilt your head suddenly as Ponka's hot breath tickles your ear
>"O-oh, so-sorry Nonny... you ok~" she coos, nibbling an earlobe
>.....
>You look down at Fluttershy, who smiles sweetly up at you
>You keep your gaze fixed on her, and she...
>She starts looking from side to side
>ponescan'tintopoker.face
"Fluttershy, this isn't just a housecall, is it?"
>"Wh...what do you m-mean, Anon?"
"Is there anything in my broth-"
>She sits up ramrod straight. "N-no! No, I would never-"
"But you're grinding up against my dick."
>Fluttershy blushes... but she doesn't stop
>"I-I'm sorry... just... helping pon-people, and you're a defenseless colt that needs me, and I do have a crush on you... it's so many buttons at once~"
>Hmm
>You take a sip from your mug as Poink starts whispering suggestions to you
>"A-and, I mean... sleep is important when you're sick... and... and..."
>She looks you in the eyes, putting on her most serious face
>"Colts call my pussy night-quill cause it be puttin' them to sleep."
>
>You laugh for about 5 minutes straight
>And cough for another 25
>But as you lay in bed, you realize it was worth it
>Ponies really *are* warm
>Tonight was a 'they do care, but dang, ponies are so lewd. Just so lewd." kinda night
>>
>>27513269
http://imgur.com/2HHVIoR

You aren't particularly clever, are you Anon?
>>
>>27513639
shitposting ironically is still shitposting anon
>>
Okay, it's memorial day and I am a drunk slut for horsewords right now so here we go! plz forgive the shit writing and grammar that are present, am drunk.

>You tip-hoof out into the living room
>It’s dark, the only source of light keeping you from stubbing your hoof is coming from the new Lexicorp sign a few buildings out
>It’s either early morning or very late, your sleep schedule has been a mess ever since the robbery so you rarely know what time it is
>Back when you were living on your own it wasn’t a big deal, but since you had to move in with your roommate you try keeping quiet when going for a drink
>He could be out late or sleeping in depending and you try to be as little a burden as possible
>You open the fridge door and glance around past your roommate’s prepared meals until you find what you were looking for
>With a satisfying hiss-pop you pry the cap off your fresh bottle of mountain dew
>You take a quick sip and let the “real morning dew” taste tingle your tongue
>Having accomplished your goal, you shut the door and turn back towards your room
>As you are turning a quick glint of silver catches your eye and you nearly drop your drink as fear grips your heart
>Your roommate’s employee pass for the Maretropolis heroine museum is shining at you
>You let out a ragged sigh, embarrassment floods your cheeks and bad memories begin to form in your mind
>You take another sip of your drink to swallow down the sadness and continue back to your room
>At least now you know that it’s late, your roommate must be sleeping still
>You shut the door to your room behind you
>The brief respite outside your room made the heavy musk you had gotten used to strong in your nostrils again
>It’ll pass in a bit
>In a weird way you kinda like the musty smell
>Your hoof kicks an empty bottle of dew on your way to your throne
>You plop yourself down in your chair and set your bottle on the ringstained desk
>Your hoof hovers over the trackpad
>>
>>27513953
Shit, wait this story was sort of inspired by this post above >>27492543 but it's not about dryadanon before anyone gets their hopes up

>Did you turn your machine off?
>The dim light of your monitor blinks on, forcing you to squint your eyes slightly as your desktop appears
>You thought you had left it running while you were sleeping
>If you recall correctly you were doing a bunch of downloads and didn’t feel like waiting for them to-
>Ah yup
>A few newly translated H-games
>Some songs you were interested in
>Camrip of Plane Battles ep. VII
>Probably ling to be the first thing you do tod-
>Oh right, you forgot all about this one
>Some friendly Innominate on the nahc4 boards uploaded the translated Shadowcat doujin that was behind a paywall for way longer than it had any right to be
>Living in the city where Shadowcat operates just makes him your favorite hero to clop to
>Not to mention that you have a thing for minos as well
>Forget Plane Battles, some group of dykes already spoiled a major scene by spamming it on all the boards anyway
>You fullscreen the doujin and ready your clopping hoof

>Shadowcat is perched on the roof of an old warehouse out on some docks
>A full display of his massive bulge can be seen as he is squatting to peer down through one of the glass windows attached to the ceiling
>The suit is so tight each full virile testicle and even the tip of his cock can be seen
>”If those low ranking members weren’t fingering me around with their information then this should be the meeting for the weapon exchange” he mumbles to himself
>Shadowcat glances down his form and gently brushes a hand over his length, it throbs slightly in response
>”They better be here, and soon... Running those thugs down all night has gotten me all amped and I’m starting to lose my focus” he thinks
>Just as he was considering his info lead a bust, his pointed ears twitch as he hears the sound of a metal gate opening down below
>>
>>27513968
>Shadowcat tucks himself down to the bottom corner of the window, giving a very close up rear shot in the process
>Down below female voices can be heard
>Two groups are approaching each other, both a decent mix of races
>One group has a briefcase while the other has a stack of crates on a cart
>”This is it!” Shadowcat thinks to himself
>He again touches his cockflare, a small damp spot is forming on his suit “Gotta calm down though, confirming the location was the easy part” he warns himself
>Just behind him a shadow looms closer and closer
>”-o we have an agreement then eh?”
>The two groups stare each other down for a moment
>All the mares a firmly built with sizable teats
>The tauress holding the briefcase begins walking over to the mare standing out front of the other group
>Before she can hand it over though, a sharp whistle comes from above, “Oi! Looks like we have a guest ladies”
>Shadowcat lands roughly on the ground, eliciting a grunt upon impact
>Above, a gryphoness is smirking as she hovers down to join the rest
>Shadowcat quickly turns with his back to the floor, towering over him are the two groups he was hoping to surprise
>He swallows nervously as they all circle around him
>His body tenses, you can see the hard muscle in his arms bulge as fear begins to grip him
>”So we do ladies, the brave ‘hero’ Shadowcock has decided to drop in”
>Shadowcat slowly brings a hand down near his waist
>Just as his hand hovers over his belt a shimmer forms around his wrist and he is roughly yanked up into the air
>”Aah!” Shadowcat yelps
>”Oh no, don’t think you’ll be getting any of those fancy toys of yours out now.”
>The thugs drawing in closer all have their eyes fixated on his crotch
>HIs balls still bulge out in his suit and his cock is now fully erect and visible through his suit
>”Oh no, they can all see me!” Shadowcat shouts in his head, “This is bad"
>>
>>27513980
>”That’s right Shadowcat, we don’t got no fancy toys. It ain’t very fair of you to use those if you want to play…”
>The mare with the briefcase sets it down and reaches her free hand out to graze along Shadowcat’s thigh
>He reacts by pulling it away from her reach while she and the other thugs all laugh
>”But that’s okay Shadowcock, I know a game we can all play together…” she says with a lustful glint in here eyes
>Shadowcat’s face is shown clearly, you can clearly see the mix of excitement and fear in his eyes
>”No! S-stop!” Shadowcat begs as they manipulate him around, the suit he once wore is being quickly reduced to little more than tatters and both his arms and legs are bound
>One gryphoness hoists him up in the air, just high enough to put his crotch as eye level with the briefcase tauress
>She takes a finger and touches the flare of his minocock
>He gasps and tries to curl himself away from her as the other thugs look on with hungry eyes
>The tauress smiles triumphantly as she wraps a hand around the base of his cock
>”Struggle all you want Shadowcock but it’s pretty obvious that you’re enjoying this”
>”N-no!~ I-I’m not-“
>She extends her tongue out and takes a lap of his tip, drawing in his milky pre into her mouth
>Shadowcat cuts himself off in the middle of his response with a loud gasp
>”Oh please, you are practically leaking here. Who knew Maretropolis’ greatest hero could be such a slut”
>Shadowcat’s face is begin to fill with a rosy color as his arousal becomes even more obvious
>”Lower him down, we’re all respectable females here, even if our guest was uninvited we know how to treat a guy right don’t we ladies?”
>They proceed to degrade him in every possible way
>”S-stop! Your pussy is too small! It’ll never fit!” he cries out as one of the diamond bitches lowers herself onto him
>She ignores his cry and plunges his thick rod deep into her quivering depths
>>
>>27513992
>Shadowcat cries out in a mix of pain and ecstasy, his head throws back only to be caught and forced into the soaked pussy of the briefcase tauress
>She’s gripping him roughly by the throat, holding his chin up and forcing his mouth onto her swollen soaked lips
>”Mmn, you sure know how to use that tongue of yours shadowcock…” she says with a snicker
>Shadow cat’s nose is buried deep into the tauress’ tailhole, the scent is powerful but no matter how much he struggles he cannot break away from her
>Her lips, engorged with lust grind on his lips and chin
>She bears her weight down on him, taking away his breath
>”Why’d you stop? Don’t little cats like you love licking pussy”
>He resumes lapping at the tauress’s salty nethers
>A tight vice grips around his shaft and he lets out a yelp
>The tauress rises up off of him, “Stop! You’re too tight! Your cunt is going to rip my cock off!” he pleads with the diamond dog riding him
>The diamond dog is pulled off of him as another thug straddles over him, “You think that’s tight? I’ll show you tight…”
>They all take their turns with him, riding his tight muscular body, forcing his cock and tongue into every orifice they can
>”N-no! Two at once?! Y-you can’t!”
>The leacherous females squatting on either side of his cock have wicked grins on their faces
>They bring their pussies closer and closer to his long member
>It’s already slick and red with the constant abuse all the other thugs put on it
>His body is covered in many slick fluids ranging from a pale yellow to a thick white
>And-

“Hnng!”
>Your clit winks rapidly as your cunt squirts out wave after wave of marecum onto your hoof and on your seat
>You breathe out a sigh as your post-orgasm high kicks in
>A thin trial of frothy yellow fluid connects your hoof to your pussy
>You break it with one quick tug and look over the mess you’ve made
>You glance around for your cumrag but find it nowhere nearby
>>
>>27514003
>As you are looking around for it you hear a crash coming from outside your room
>With a push you wheel yourself back to your bedsheets and grab one of the corners to wipe your damp nethers off with them and-
>… Now what?
>You should go out there right?
>Your roommate probably didn’t hear it
>You press your ear to the door and listen intently
>Crunching of glass followed by a muffled thud
>You swallow as an old fear begins to grip your heart
>You snatch your replica Princess Epona Sword as it’s all you have that could be convincingly threatening and slowly open the door
>Peeking out into the living room reveals nothing
>Maybe it was just the neighbor-
>A low groan sounds out from the kitchen
>The fur on the back of your neck stands on end
>Swallowing down your fear you sneak your way over to the living room and peek into the kitchen
>On the ground, illuminated by the same Lexicorp light is a dark form surrounded by shards of broken glass
>It kind of looks like…
>It is!
>The pointed ears, lanky form, black suit riddled with hole-
>Uh oh
>You drop your “weapon” and sprint over to Shadowcat
>He raises his head just high enough to see you approaching
>His hand slides along the bloody floor and reaches out towards you
>”Citizen… I need your aid…” he says barely a whisper
“Sh-shadowcat?! I just clopped to you-“
>You stop that comment dead in it’s tracks
>Why are you so damn pathetic?
>A gasp from down below snaps you back to attention
>”In my drawer… I mean…” he pauses to let out a long groan, “Oh I don’t have the time to keep up the facade” he hisses while clutching his torso, “It’s me. Anonymous… I need you to get the kit in my bottom left drawer”
>It’s…
>It’s Anon?!
>You don’t dwell too long on this news as you dart into your roommate’s room to get the kit he was talking about
>Eyes dart around the room before spying the dresser you assume he meant
>>
>>27514008
>You nearly break the drawer pulling it out to reveal… little shorts?
>They all smell fresh and clean, you don’t spend much time outside of your room to see him but you’ve never seen him wear anything like these
>They seems so small, so tight, they must be…
>Focus!
>LEFT drawer!
>You dig through the opposite drawer and snatch what looks like a medical kit out and bring it back to him
>Anonymous is laying on his back now breathing heavily and weakly attempting to pull his outfit apart at the holes that were torn into it
>You drop the box next to him and he groans as he digs through it for a small vial of light blue liquid
>He pops the cork and quickly downs it before breathing a sigh of relief and slowing his breathing down some after
>”I need your help” he hisses, “Got maybe six or seven bolts… need those out”
>You look over his lithe form and can’t help but draw comparisons to the hentai you were just looking at
>The outfit is still pretty tight but certainly not nearly as revealing as a lot of images you've seen made it out to be
>You glance over the tears in his suit and jump when he nudges you with a pair of pliers
>”Don’t twist. Just pull back” he commands
>You shakily take the pliers in your hooves and position one over the bolt nearest you
>This is beyond crazy
>You must have clopped yourself silly
>The blood makes gripping the thing almost impossible
>After making a few, apparently painful, misses you finally manage to get a good grip and pull it out like Anon said
>He groans and lets off a muffled swear
>His breathing slows back down and looks to you, “okay… next one”
>You get the rest as Anon shakily pours some kind of thick liquid into the wounds you left behind
>Finally the job is done and you wipe a hoof over your sweaty brow
>Only to feel the full weight of what happened just now when you can feel Anon’s warm blood trailing down your face
>Your world goes dark instantly
>>
>>27514024
>You awaken to find yourself on one of Anon’s couches in the living room
>Laying across from you is Anon himself, a towel is underneath him and his shirt is stained in a few spots
>”Oh, you’re up.” he says quietly
>You try to look past him into the kitchen but can’t see from your spot on the couch
>”I’ll… get to that later. Promise” he says with a small smile
>Seeing the utter confusion on your face must be the reason his face drops
>He lets out a small sigh, “I bet your all messed up right now huh?”
>You nod
>”Yeah, well for starters, it really is me. I am Shadowcat.”
>Your mouth makes noise but nothing that could be considered words
>”So I work at the heroine history museum right?”
>You nod
>”Well, way back when I was offered a job there after getting rejected from places I would have rather worked like construction or police. I figured 'hey alright! Curator, or tour guide or something’”
>He laughs then groans and clutches his chest, “What a fucking joke. This backwards world stuck me in the archives room ‘for my own safety’” he grumbles
>You’re pretty sure the Heroine Museum does get attacked regularly
>”Well while I was back there, one day i come across this pair of horseshoes”
>He raises his wrist and you can see a pair of horseshoes clasped together in a way that they look like a bracelet on his wrist
>”I dunno what the deal is with them, nothing I could find said anything but I knew there was something up”
>He turns his wrist and you can see a faint purple shimmer come from the shoes against the Lexicorp sign behind him
>”I knew it when I was having just about the worst week of my life after finding them. Garbage dumped on me, ripped pants, late for work despite leaving way early, on and on and on”
>Your eyes are focused intently on the shoes as he speaks
>”I learned that they were unlucky horseshoes, like they legitimately generate bad luck. And most importantly…”
>>
>>27514031
>A wicked smile forms on his face, slowly you see the green of his eyes darken until they seem to glow the same purple color the bracelet was shimmering with, “I learned how to focus it”
>Your breath catches in your throat
>Apparently so does the spit you were swallowing and you start hacking as you try getting up to clear your throat
>Anon chuckles to himself, ‘Sorry, I’m on some heavy painkiller right now”
>When you have cleared your throat, you inquire more about his transition into Shadowcat
>He answers everything pretty plainly and if you didn’t believe him already you certainly believe him now
“So…” the question you’ve been thinking since believing him to be Shadowcat is burning on your tongue, “W-why did you let somepony like me move in with you?”
>Anon’s eyes lower for just a moment before he blinks them back up to look at you, “I uh, well, to be honest I needed a scapegoat.”
>You turn your head trying to make sense of his response
>”So let’s say “Shadowcat” is unmasked or whatever and revealed to be me. I just claim I’m a… heh, a copycat, and I don’t know who the real one is. If they say question you on my whereabouts on some nights what would you say?”
>You think on his question
>And the answer makes his earlier statement all click in your head
>”'In his room sleeping'? or 'working late’ or any number of things that would most likely pass for true in a lie detection spell”
>You nod and feel a pang of guilt welling up in your chest
>Someone exotic like Anon taking you in after worker’s comp wouldn’t pay enough for you to live in your old place suddenly makes sense now
>Not that you ever considered Anon truly like a friend or anything but, you sort of thought…
>”Hey, listen. Now that… the cat’s out of the bag, damn it, I uh, probably don’t need to be saying this or anything but-“
>You cut him off
“Don’t tell anypony. Yeah, I kind of figured…” you mumble
>>
>>27514039
>”Listen, I try to be very careful to not bring anything here. I’m not saying I’m going to be perfect, tonight’s slip was probably proof of that but… I’m sorry”
>Your ear flicks in his direction
“What?”
>”The drug that Witchdoctor gave me is making my brain all fuzzy still so I might not be making a lot of sense here but I want to tell you that I’m sorry. If I’m being completely honest I just don’t like being alone for very long. You are useful yes, but not just as a scapegoat. You’re always here, you’re safe, and I get a lot of comfort out of that. I know that it’s stupid and selfish to have kept it going this long but I just didn’t know how to tell you once I realized how dumb I was being. And… I’m sorry”
>The weight on your chest feels a lot lighter all of a sudden
“It’s… it’s okay Anon. I uh, think I-“
>You are cut off by some light snoring
>He’s completely passed out on the couch
>You blow air through your nose and retreat to your hovel of a room
>Only after shutting the door does your mind begin reeling
>Holy Tartarus!
>Your roommate is Shadowcat!
>THE Shadowcat!
>He's not actually a minotaur!
>You could settle all the arguments online right now!
>...You clopped regularly to your roommate
>…And you also can’t tell anypony about any of this
>You could make an innominate post but replies of ‘Pics or it didn’t happen” will run rampant as you should expect them to
>Instead you plop yourself down onto your bed and stare at the ceiling wondering what will come next

>Okay Anon, first night out on the prowl
>You’re fierce, your “lucky” and if comics have taught you anything it’s that criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot
>Plus it helps that you tower over most things and the things that you don’t you’re still bigger than
>That said, this world is crazy
>Powerful beings go at it every damn day
>You glance to the ‘bracelet’ on your wrist and smirk
>>
>>27514058
>And now you’re one of them
>The patrols you’re making several counties over are going okay
>Scared a few alley warmers
>Got a mugger just before making his move
>You can do this, you can totally do thi-
>”Hey mare, just leave me be!”
>The enchantments in the ears of your cowl to put you on par with pony hearing pick up a distressed voice nearby
>You scale up onto a low roof and take of in the direction of the confrontation
>Below you there are two mares, one of them is levitating something small towards the other
>The glint of silver sends a chill through your heart
>C’mon Anon, you want to make the most out of a shit situation you’ve been put in, this is the time
>You perch yourself on the edge of the building and listen in to make sure you’re not misreading this situation
>”Just drop what you have and walk away”
>”There’s no money here, I’m just running some equipment to the neighboring office. Honest!”
>Oh yeah, that sounds like exactly what you think it is
>You take in a deep breath and drop over the edge and down into he shadow of the alley below
>They both get startled
>You make some dopey quip towards the mugger
>It flies well over their head, or they’re just too frazzled to hear you
>The mare behind you is paralyzed with fear
>You try talking the mugger down, but when it’s clear she’s going all ‘cornered animal' on you, you decide to do a little showing off and push her further
>She launches her weapon
>You focus and cause the blade to catch a sudden wind to sail just past you
>How unfortunate for her
>…And after hearing a shriek, for the mare you were trying to protect
>The mugger bails and you’re left standing in a growing pool of your own cocky mistake
>You jump up form you place on the couch and groan slightly as the sharp pains hit your weary body
>Same dream as always
>The event that probably should have made you quit but instead drove you to be better
>The mare survived thanks to your swift action
>>
>>27514067
>Despite it being all your fault in the first place anyway...
>She really was doing some late night work, moving equipment for the company that was likely going to promote her before you stepped in
>She lost some motor function, your amateur detective work informed you
>Enough that not only cost her the promotion but her entire job
>She didn’t make enough to live on her own with just comp and you just so happened to be putting up roommate wanted ads at the post just outside of the physical therapy clinic she went to
>You look at the shut door to your roommate’s, the reason you became as good as you are
>The same crushing guilt that stopped you from reaching out to her as she slipped further and further away from everypony wells up inside you
>You don’t really remember what you said last night, you hope it wasn’t everything, not sure if you’re ready to deal with that
>But you do feel somewhat relieved looking at her door this time
>And now that the secret is out…
>You walk over to the door

>Oh mare this blows, playing some Underwatch to keep your mind off of last night was a terrible idea
>Your team is getting destroyed
>There’s no way you can
>[Cowpaties, batteries in my mouse died!]
>[LAAAAAAAAG]
>[Ah mare, dad’s shouting at me from downstairs]
>What?
>Oh no way!
>This is awesome!
>Your team might actually pull this off!
“This was really-“
>”Lucky?”
>You jump in your seat and take a quick glance to see Anon standing in your doorway behind you
>He smiles as the purple in his eyes fades away
>>
>>27514003
That gave me an uncomfortable boner.
>>
>>27514072
And that's all my drunk ass has to offer. Pretty much the entire goal of this story was to write what an RGRE hentai might be like and I needed more shit to justify it. Seeing the post about Anon being bad luck just kind of spawned all this shit.

>>27514082
Mission accomplished. preciate you reading Anon
>>
>>27514101
Glad to see you posting again, Frosty; even if it is just this once. Continue drinking. I will take my uncomfortable boner to bed with me.
>>
Anons entry into equestria is during a diplomatic function where he is teleported by *fuck if I know* into equestria with a vr headset, a laptop, a small table, his chair, while jerking off furiously, completely oblivious to the change in his environment

No real idea how to make this rgre but still a semi funny concept for anons 0 day.
>>
>>27514174
"I remember the day Anon came into our lives; pantsless, masturbating, and yelling something about being surrounded by cocks."
>>
>>27513520
Fucker...

Can't breath, the idea of Shy just looking so serious as she says that...

It's like someone doing something retarded when you know they should know better...nyquill hahaha
>>
>>27513400
Would be rather funny if after these shenagins these two silly ponies get sick afterwards, I know some people who get sick and they want to cuddle with their not sick partner and then act suprised when their partner is sick. Then they get pissy when they get sick after cuddling and sleeping with that other person...

There is a word for this brand of stupidity right?
>>
>>27514170
Thanks Anon! You're likely among the few at this point but reggardless that really means a lot.

I'll toss one more back just for you friendo
>>
>>27514366
What the fuck are you talking about. There's a crowd waiting impatiently outside for greens all the time.
>>
>>27514366
I'm reading.
I just prefer to lurk.
>>
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>>27513520
Aww, it's so coz- hello that Flutterbutt.
>>
>>27514072
oh fug that twist
>>
>>27514101
I like it and want more.
>>
>>27514366
Don't be so down on yourself. I think you're great
>>
>Anon runs a mafia
>Controls the salt trade and established a huge underground connection in the economy
>Only his highest operatives know his identity and gender
>>
>>27514612
i like it
>>
>>27514612
>Traitors to the gang are fed mashed potatoes and then cuddled into submission by the boss himself
>>
>>27514699
>fed mashed potatoes
what

does this have something to do with potatoes being a nightshade
>>
>>27514205
I always love the idea of anon being dumped into equestria in a compromising, or someone else's compromising position.
>>
>>27514747
Having a snuggle session while being poisoned seems risque for some reason.
>>
>>27514612
>The Advisor's identity is unknown.

>The location of her operations are the most well-kept secret in Equestria.

>Some say she lives in the dirtiest slums of Manehattan near the sewers.

>Some think that she is a foreign spy,

>or a noble working right under Celestia's nose.

>Others (mostly Poneunists) think that she is an EEEEEVIL corporate manager, using her connections to gain a huge load of money at the expense of the well-being and safety of ponies everywhere.

>In reality?

>Reformed and freed Ex-cartel boss Anon (a male!) lives in a little house in Ponyville, discussing human criminology with a pen-pal based on his life experience, unknowingly divulging his would-be "hypothetical" actions regarding starting and maintaining a salt-trade, mostly for his own entertainment (and his "underlings'" profit.) He thinks it's all a simulation or a game to sate his pen-pal's curiosity and active imagination.

>Whenever Anon unwittingly "orders" a gang's attack on the ponice in this "simulation," the very next day, it appears in the newspapers that there's been an attack on the exact same ponice station.

>He is completely unaware thanks to Twilight Sparkle, who believes that he's too delicate to hear news about criminal organizations, and hides the knowledge, actively preventing him from reading the newspapers.

>Anon just assumes that Spergle's just sperging out again, and that silly ponies wouldn't have interesting news to talk about anyways.

>Anon's glad to feel that his life-experiences as a former criminal have helped rouse the curiosity of some young mare interested in tactics and strategy. He knows she'll make a great captain of the guard some day.

>To cover the only hole in the plot: No one can trace his mailing address even if it were possible to find the higher-ups connected to the advisor (who are also well-hidden).

>Nopony can trace the mail because Derpy's in charge of it. Don't ask me to explain. It's Derpy. That says enough.
>>
>>27514699
>>27514747
>Sexy sock-wearing gangster Anon, whose face is always masked in gang meetings, and voice disguised by a magic/machine thing.

>Only reveals his masculinity, species and face to the gang's traitors.

>He cuddles (or fucks) them into absolute puddles of bliss before poisoning them.

>No one outside can hear them, and no one ever survives. No one ever knows Anon's gender of species.

>Until it's too late.

Holy crap. Thinking that with a female in place of Anon in a human world kinda turns me on...
>>
>>27514972
It has to be the sexy fema- I mean "fairer sex" alien criminal thing.
>>
>>27495031
Or he fell in love with best queen bug pone, and only met the real Cadence after the wedding.

Like that one short greentext. I think someone posted it in this thread.
>>
>>27514366
Another lurker here we missed you frosty
>>
>>27506409
What about throwing children off the walls?
>>
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>>27508121
If you like incest, there is a General for that...
Pic related.
>>
>Anon in RGRE
>Black Widower
>With his exotic look, acting, playing dumb and "just a colt" alibi he can get anything by any means from these thinking-only-about-lewd ponies
>No one suspecting him aside from some policemares, and rumors cannot stop a rich mares from trying to hit on him either
>>
>>27514972
"That wasn't me, I swear, a-and that case, I didn't know about su-sugar, and it wasn't mine and...and... Oh Faust, I don't want to die a virgin!"
>"Well, I can help you with that, pumpkin"
"Wha~mmfmf!"

Some time later

>"Ah dunno what is goin' on when they go to the "last meetin'" with our boss, but one hour to deal with somepony is too darn much. A new record for now"
>>"Don't you dare to question our boss methods, you do not want to be next?"
>>>"Lezz talking more doing, girlz. Zat body vill not hide itself. Although zat traitor in death looks happier that anyponi I have ever saw in my life. No one vill ever think zat zat waz a murder..."
>>"I don't even want to know what boss doing to make them look like that."
>"Ah still could do that in much less than a hour..."
>>
>>27514366
Don't lie to us Frosty, You're hiding because JGOG WHEN
>>
>>27513787
The backpedaling is real
AKA "I was only pretending to be retarded"
>>
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>>27514972
>>27516001
>>
>>27516301
Parents couldn't afford summer camp? Or whatever it s they do with brats in the summer in glorious pindostan.
>>
>>27516325
Can't wait for those edgy faggots to leave. I thought school didn't get out until the end of June.
>>
>>27516350
The warm weather makes them more active, so they start calling everyone out on samefagging, newfagging and edgelording.
>>
>>27516407
Ironically, all of their insults involve calling their opponent a child.
>>
>>27516434
They just hope that they won't become worthless when they themselves grow up.
>>
>>27516486
>Implying anyone on these boards have a future
Inb4 "oh yeah I have a sick job and like 15 girlfriends"
>>
>>27516494
>oh yeah I have a sick job and like 15 girlfriends
schoolboy_fantasies.txt
>>
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>>27516557
Luckily I'm older and dream of sapient marefriends. That's so much better, right?
>>
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>>27516675
>Luckily I'm older and dream
>dream
Just drop this shit already
>>
>>27512103
>concerts and interviews
Do we have a celebrity in our midst? Please sign by balls! Otherwise the boys will never believe me!
>>
Is this story rgre enough?
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/330263
>>
>>27516903
>http://www.fimfiction.net/story/330263

>Hot and bothered in the middle of gym class, a well-endowed Rumble can't help but notice Pipsqueak's ample bust. Pipsqueak himself, however, has eyes for Rumble as well.

>Contains: Bustyboys, large endowments, frottage, cute/awkward virgins, dick-licking, self-titjobs

>Anthro

No, it's literal shit.
>>
Go to bed everyone
>>
>>27516939
Fuck that it's noon.
>>
>>27517084
Listen to your father. Or do you want me to tell your mother when she comes home from work?
>>
So some Anon had an idea about Anon being mistaken for gods, thought I'd run with it.

Yaks

>"Gather round yaklings. And I shall tell you ancient tales."
>The little yaks gather closer round the fire, eager for the old yak's story.
>"Hear the tale of the Three Gifts of the Death God."
>"In ancient times, before the founding of our great nation, the gods walked with mortals."
>"The King of the Gods decreed he would find a permanent homeland for his people, for in that time we were nomads and homeless wanderers."
>"He gathered our ancestors and led them forth, with the other gods acting as protectors and guides."
>"But the road was long and harsh, our people were stalked by many dangers. One by one the gods fell, protecting our people from the perils of the world."
>"Until only the death god remained, for how can you slay Death itself. Anon! Lord of Death and Punishment! Sometimes he wore the form of a hornless minotaur at other times he was like a great ape of the jungle."
>"But always was his fur patchy and decayed, constantly it rotted away revealing his skin, pale and cold as the snow."
>"He led our people into the north, but they had no shelter for their tents had washed away in a flood."
>"So the Death God looked to the forest and taking many great trees in his hands, broke them. Thus he made wooden huts and gave us the gift of building."
>"It was at this time also that he gained the Branch of Punishment, but that is another tale."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>"GOD DAMN YAKS QUIT EATING MY VEGETABLES!"
>A man in rags emerges from a nearby hut.
>Pausing only to break a branch from a nearby bush and screaming obscenities he swipes at the intruding beasts.
>Leaves fly everywhere as the creatures flee terrified.
>>
>>27517120
>-------Present Day---------

>"But the journey was not over, our people grew afraid. All but one of the gods had fallen"
>"They worried that the Death god could not protect them from all the dangers of the world. For even death cannot be everywhere at once."
>"Then Anon stood forth and decreed that we would go into the mountains of the north, for the mountains and snow themselves were his servants and would rise to defend us in times of need."
>"Thus our people found what would later become our home."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>"Fucking yaks, muh garden, vegetables grumble grumble"
>The man in rags spots a yak in the distance.
>"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I'm moving house, somewhere there's no fucking yaks."

>-------Present Day---------

>"Our people where glad in those times. We had escaped danger and our great home was nearly built."
>"The khans of the clans turned to Anon and bade him take up the mantle of King of the Gods and Great Khan of our people."
>"But the Death God refused and more, decreed that he must leave us. Our people were saddened and confused."
>"The Elders asked him why he would refuse to lead his people and Anon answered 'All the other gods have fallen, there is none left to maintain the halls of the afterlife but I. And so I must go into the beyond and do the work of the many who have fallen'"
>"Thus our people knew the meaning of duty and perseverance. And to this day we hold to those lessons."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>"Ha fucking lost them. Stupid yaks. Where to now?"
>The man in rags observes the horizon in all directions
>"That forest looks good."
>>
>>27517132
Deer

>"Gather round young bucks, for it is your first mating ruck and you must know why we do this."
>"In ancient times when the forests were wide and wild. When they were not only the haunt of strange beasts but strange beings. I speak of the Unknown Shadow!"
>The young bucks look unconvinced, some even snickering at the Elder.
>"Unknown Shadow? That's just a story."
>"No. The Unknown Shadow, Anon in the ancient tongue. The God of Predators and Mating is real. And he is the reason we perform the Great Ruck. Listen well."
>"In ancient days, the woods were wild and the tribes wandered freely."
>"But danger was always near, for all year round a shadow stalked them. A being with the power to become one with the shadows and possessed with great and vile cunning."
>"The Shadow hungered for our flesh but he was no beast filled with rage and brutality, it played a devious game."
>"It stalked young doe in spring, emerging from the shadows it would seize hold of them and..."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>A man in rags wearing moss and tree branches with a small shrub on his head crouches over his bound prey.
>12 hours wearing a fucking tree and finally success, he thinks.
>But she's a bit scrawny, maybe I could follow it back to its herd. What would /k/ do?
>>
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>>27517139
>-------Present Day---------

>"Having taken her most secret juices and with them baited his trap."
>"The heavenly scent luring many a stag to his doom, until the Forest King decreed that it must end."
>"No more would the tribes wander at will in spring but instead gather for the Great Ruck. For there was safety in numbers."
>"The Stags would compete in tests of strength, skill and speed. So that future generations would inherit their virtues and evade the wiles of the Unknown Shadow."
>"Thus was its malice confounded but be wary of the dark places in the forest young bucks for the shadow lurks there still. And it still hungers."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>The man in rags and tree branches observes a great gathering of deer.
>"Look at all that meat. Wish I had a gun."

http://pastebin.com/9G2Xx8Ar

I promise the minotaur and pony ones will be more RGRE
>>
>>27517151
I am very amused by this.
>>
>>27517151
Bump b4 bed

and a welcome to the new writefag
>>
>>27517218
>He-Anon
>new writefag
Welp, someone's new here at least.
>>
"Thank you for seeing me, Princesses."
>You are Anon.
"I really appreciate y-your hospitality. It's.... Thank you."
>You are nervous as FUCK.
>The white alicorn - Princess Celestia - just smiles at you. There's a glint in her eye and the tips of her lips quirk into a knowing smirk.
>The blue alicorn - Princess Woona - is decidedly less collected than her sister is. She's twitching and shuffling around as though there is an itch she needs to scratch but feels that it would be rude to do so in front of you.
>Her eyes haven't left yours the entire time you've been here.
>"Think nothing of it, Anonymous. To turn down a stallion in need would be far below our station as rulers of this country. Wouldn't you think so, Luna?"
>Both you and Princess Celestia turn to look at Luna only to find her completely distracted, staring at you.
>The alabaster princess sighs and her horn glows.
>Princess Luna yelps and jumps as a small amount of skin on her rump gets pinched by a golden glow.
>Glowering and soothing her rear with a bit of magic, Luna glowers at her sister.
>>"S-Sister! Was that really necessary? Especially in front of a co-"
>"Let's get you shown to your room, Anonymous!" interrupts Celestia.
>How rude.
>"It's nearby Luna's and my own room just in case you need anything."
>Celestia shoots you a longing look that you almost miss before turning around and walking away to show you where you'll be staying.
>How did you end up with a room in the castle?
>You didn't even get a word in edge-wise...

Later

>It's been almost a year since you fell into Equestria with a VR headset over your eyes and your cock in your hand.
>Living in such close proximity to the Princesses, it was no surprise that you'd grown close to them.
>They treated you like family, much to your surprise.
>It was like having two big sisters.
>Big sisters who also sometimes acted like little kids.
>>
>>27517327
>On one day, they'd be showing you a piece of art and tell you their side of the story from when they were there.
>Other days, they wouldn't cheer up until you gave them a hug and read them a bedtime story.
>"Anonymous!"
>Celestia - or Celly, as you've come to call her - comes tearing into the room, barreling towards you.
>"Anonymous, Luna won't stop bothering me!"
>Celestia slows to a trot and clambers into your lap, wrapping her forelegs around your neck and nuzzling your face.
>Just moments later, Luna - Woona - sprints in right behind her sister.
>>"Anonymous! Whatever she said, I didn't do it!"
>See? Like children.
>You put on your best dad voice and prepare yourself.
"Girls? Tell me what happened."
>Predictably, both sisters each start yelling over each other as they frantically try to tell you their side of the story.
"One at at time! Celly? You first."
>"L-Luna called me fat!"
>You shake your head; Celestia's always been sensitive about her weight.
"Woona, is this true?"
>Luna's ears flop back and she lays down so that she's resting her head on your leg.
>>"I wouldn't have done if it she hadn't stolen my piece of cake."
>Celestia shifts uncomfortably in your lap.
>As usual, neither party is completely innocent.
"Did you steal your sister's cake, Celly?"
>"It wasn't like she was eating it..."
>Sighing, you hug Celestia tightly and give Luna some good ear-scritches.
>>
>>27517329
"Celestia; apologise to Luna for stealing her cake."
>Celestia shifts around and reluctantly faces her sister.
>"Sorry for taking your cake, Luna."
>Luna nods sadly and presses her face into your palm; she always WAS the more sensitive one.
"And Luna; you shouldn't poke fun at your sister's weight. You know how upset she gets when you do."
>>"S-sorry, sister. I won't do it again."
>Celestia nods into your neck and hums in acknowledgement.
"What have I told you two about getting along?
>"Sorry, Anonymous."
>>"Sorry, Daddy."
>There's a solid five-seconds of silence.
>Luna, realizing what she said, bolts up onto her legs and gallops out.
>That was just too adorable.

>A year-and-a-half into your new life in Equestria, and not much has changed.
>Ever since Luna's slip-up, the Royal Sisters have been treating you more and more like their dad.
>They go to you to solve their petty sibling problems; sometimes they want cuddles; other times they want you to make them sandwiches ("because they taste better when you make them").
>One time Celestia woke you up in the middle of the night and asked you if you could get her a glass of water.
>Half the time they don't even bother with your proper name; it's "daddy" this and "papa" that.
>Your new life could be worse.
>>
>>27517315
ForestGuardian wrote for RGRE before?
>>
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>>27517139
>What would /k/ do?
>>
>>27517151
Amazing. Keep it up friendo, you're doing the King of the Gods' work.
>>
>>27517151
This is entertaining.

>"Having taken her most secret juices and with them baited his trap."
l-lewd
>>
>>27517335
>>>"Sorry, Daddy."
>>There's a solid five-seconds of silence.
>>Luna, realizing what she said, bolts up onto her legs and gallops out.
>>That was just too adorable.
hhhngggg
>>
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>>27517335
Imagine what could happen if some mare try to hit on Anon, not knowing the fact that he's the daddy of the two most powerful mares in the world.
Very, very protective and possessive mares.
>>
>>27517756
>Anon, trying to bar-hop and pick-up mares?
>Said mares being dragged into the shadows when he goes to "powder his nose" (take a piss) by an overprotective Celly and Luna.
>Anon has no idea why he has such bad luck.
>>
>>27517756
>A Yak dignitary is visiting the castle and is walking through a corridor
>He approaches a corner and sees Anon standing there, talking to a mare that's out of sight around the corner
>An adult, female voice rings out
>"Thanks, Daddy! You're the best!"
>The Yak laughs, seeing this as an opportunity to establish dominance
"What kind of dirty pony-mare would call a disgusting creature like YOU 'daddy' at her age?"
>Around the corner steps Luna
>The Yaks did not get their demands met that day.
>>
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>>27518044
kek
>hfw
>>
IDEA DUMP
box pone and anon in RGRE

Iron will comes back to ponyvill he and anon end up in a flex off. The CMC, who were stuck in the back row, are found 2 days latter 1/2 drowned.
>>
>>27518178
>box pone and anon in RGRE
I'll see your idea, and raise you.

Box pone remakes its general if it wants more box pone stories.
>>
>>27518233
10/10, would read again
>>
>>27518233
Rock Teet? Does she have a nerdy hacker sidekick? She fights for maretiatism everywhere. Fighting injustice against thirdworld countries and super weapons.
>>
>>27518283
I tried to make a solid snake joke. How'd I do?
>>
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>>27518290
>>
>>27518296
I am not a big metal gear fan, so that was my best a attempt.
>>
Idea.

Mare of your choice is shopping, and when getting her bits out, one slips up, and she tries to catch it.
She fails, accidently hitting the coin and sending it flying.
It bounces off Anon's butt in the middle of the market.
Things happen.
>>
>>27517997
>Mares, who had the "pleasure" of meeting with Celestia and Luna in the shadows never speak about it.
>They're too marely, to admit that they were about to piss themselves from fear and all that.
>Instead, they tell their friends that Anon was simply too hard to seduce.
>All mares love a good challenge.
>Anon becomes the most desirable "prey" in the Canterlot.
>While Luna is distracting Anon in his room, Celestia gather all the mares in Canterlot for what they think is some boring public speech.
>The white alicorn raises her armored front hoof for all to see.
>"Mares of Canterlot! Do you see this hoof?!"
>She is answered with nodding heads and the shouts of acknowledgment.
>"Any mare and I mean ANY mare, who dares to try and seduce my father, will be hit by this hoof... repeatedly!"
>The look in the gathered mares eyes told Celestia that they understood her short message.
>Unfortunately, she forgot to tell them, who exactly is her father.
>The "hunt" for Anon continues...
>>
>>27517335
I wonder what would happen if Anon started dating common mares while Celestia and Luna still consider him dad?
>>
>>27518044
>the yak left with a sore rear
>>
>>27518424
Nothing good for sure
>>
>>27517756
>Implying anon's princess daughterus are not also for sexual.
Come on, it's not even real incest.
>>
>>27518395
I don't know if this is enough of an idea to warrant it's own green, but I'm sure luna and anon go shopping together from time to time *wink wink* *nudge nudge*
>>
>For once, Luna's past reputation of being Nightmare Moon is beneficial.
>It keeps other mares away from her colt-friend, Anonymous.
>>
>>27518494
>>*wink wink* *nudge nudge*
Thank you Anon. Your humour was too subtle for me until you put those actions in between asterix's for me. My sides are in orbit.
>>
>>27508121
>Inbreeding
Why? Just why did you ask that thing here as well?
>>27508151
I don't. I just want cute, funny, adventurous satyrs and family stuff. But if you try to start a discussion about anything in the satyr general, then those who do love incest will try and steer that conversation towards it more often than not.
You know what the really sad part is? Our general has a guy who seems to have dedicated his life to defending those who loves incest and all kinds of fetishes even if everyone tells them to shut up. I mean, if he was here right now, then you would not believe the rant he would've thrown if he saw the responses you gave the guy asking that question.
>>
>>27518650
>>Satyrs
Containment general is on the Board, bub.
>>
>>27517756
>>27518471
> Luna can tell from his dreams that Anon is getting pent up
> After confiscating a lewd magazine from his room, they get an idea
> They take pictures of their tufts and flanks and marehoods, all dyed and painted over to hide their identities
> Anon walks into his room that evening to find a box of tissues, an apology note for throwing out his magazine, and a replacement magazine
> Anon recognizes the proportions of those flanks right away
> Takes it as a subtle hint to let them catch him masturbating
> Conscientiously tries to fap to Woona and Celestia equally
>>
>>27518650
Make your containment thread better, or bugger off.
>>
>>27518707
Awww he is so considerate.
>>
>>27518708
This.
>>
>>27518650
Take your shit and leave. Don't try and act like your own unique brand of cancer is any less awful than the other board's just because you try and uphold a higher moral standard. It's like expecting people to be proud of you because you make a point of clean your ass properly after you take a shit.

Fucking satyr fags.
>>
>>27518807
Well I fucked my words up there. Forgive English, I am Russia.
>>
>>27518807
>>27518708
>>27518673
Oh go lick an outlet. When normal people cross over you lose your shit, but when the rapefugees will come I bet you will roll over and play dead.
>>
>>27518931
>normal people
>Satyr fags
Pick one, Anon.

>>rapefugees
How's your first day on /pol/ been, big guy? I like those buzzwords you've picked up on.
>>
>>27518673
>>27518708
>>27518807
What's this? The guy says he doesn't like what's going on in the thread but you lash at him?
>>
>>27518931
When a literal documented fetish thread tries to come in and impose their shit in a vague attempt to infiltrate into the main topic, that is when we tell them to fuck off. Incest lovers and satyr kid fuckers are not normal. Unless your talking about Trash. Which I will remind you, we are not.
>>
>>27518985
He has a thread to bring the problem up in, this is not it. We will not convert to his bullshit. By the by I smell you samefag.
>>
>>27518988
that's debatable
>>
>>27518988
>>Incest lovers and satyr kid fuckers are not normal
Agreed; let me make that clear. That being said, you take your fictional cartoon porn very seriously Anon.
>>
>>27518868
It is fine comrade.
>>
>>27519012
Way to belittle something on a board filled with people who like it, which you are taking part in.
>>
>>27519011
Hey when be comes by we have NO control over that. Well aside from deleting and banning whatever they post. And the porn only comes up early in the morning when no one is around. They do get deleted quickly when they wake up though.
>>
>>27519012
We aren't even talking about porn, just funny reversed gendered roles in 50s style ish Equestria.
>>
>>27519035
What did I belittle; incest? Remove your uncle's cock from your mouth for just one minute and think before you post.
>>
>>27519050
We are clearly talking about satyrs now. Take note of the post that I quoted (it's >>27518988) it's part of the argument about satyrs.
>>
>>27519052
Lol you are going full retard my friend. "you take your fictional cartoon porn very seriously Anon." Stop taking something seriously bro, i don't care about it so you can't either.
>>
>>27519064
The only reason we are talking about this is some shmuck thought it would be funny to defend some guy trying to come in push incest. We weren't even bring up satyrs till the guy showed up.
>>
>>27519074
I'm just making fun of that Anon for getting legitimately butthurt over fetishes that other people have. What's got your undies in a twist today, Anon?
>>
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Okay fuck it I tried simply lurking and waiting this shit out but fuck it.

If you want incest, satyr stuff, or some other fetish GO TO YOUR FUCKING THREAD!!! that's what its there for.

>but my thread is shit.
That doesn't mean we want to hear it here, go make it better or start a new one.

>They don't like my new and improved ideas so i thought this thread which has nothing to do with satyrs would love it
No go make your own thread, write your own green if you want it that much

Now leave!!!REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>
Ok Satyr thread we know you guys are dying because you cant keep your constant desire to fuck kids/daughters/son to a minimum. But coming to a well established thread, to annoy us to pander to you is not going to get you twits any sympathy.
>>
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>>27519097
>>
>You could hear the coffee hitting your coffee pot as you stood there, trying to blink the sleep out of your eyes
>There was a coffee mug in your hand as you stood there, wearing nothing but some thick woolen socks and some underwear
>All was quiet; not a creature was stirring
>The sun was just poking over the horizon as, with a yawn, you turned off your coffee maker and poured yourself a cup of the good stuff
>Setting your mug down onto the counter, you went over to your fridge and got some milk
>Setting the milk down onto the counter next to your coffee, you walked over and grabbed your pack of sugar that you had in your cabinet and a spoon
>Walking back over you set it down
>And promptly slide the milk, the sugar AND the coffee into your sink
>Because fuck coffee
>Fuck mornings
>Fuck getting up early
>And FUCK the code
>"--Come on g-girls. I'm j-just trying to take a bath here."
>"Aw, come on, Thunderlane, don't be like that!"
>"Yeah! We just wanted to come over and see how you were doing!"
>"...P-Please leave me a-alone."
>...
>You leaned over a bit so that you could look out of your window
>Sure enough, there were fucking bird horses perched up on your brand new fucking birdbath
>A place where bird horses SHOULD NOT BE BECAUSE EVERY TIME THEY'RE ON THE FUCKING THING THEY BREAK IT AND YOU HAVE TO BUY A NEW ONE GODDAMMIT!
>Exhaustion gives way to irritation as you slowly make your way out of your kitchen, walking through your living room and making your way to your front door
>As you walked through your living room you grabbed a boot
>Fucking bird horses...
>That's YOUR fucking birdbath...
>You paid for it with your money and everything...
>Fucking, cunting, pissing, shit...
>Your front door creaked as you opened it and stepped outside
>The cold morning air hit you like a punch in the chest, but you ignored it, stepping out onto your porch with your shoe in hand
>>
>>27519103
thank you based anon
>>
>>27519121
Awww shit. RUN, ITS OLD MAN ANON!
>>
>>27519105
Pretty sure it's just people shitposting by now, not actual satyrfags.
>>
>>27519121
Fitting music for beating burdpones from the burdbath.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv6-Jc5De_w
>>
>>27519149
Your implying there is a difference.
>>
>>27519121
>You could see Thunderlane sitting in the middle of your birdbath, covering himself with his wings as he nervously looked to and fro, his ears pinned against his head
>On either side of him, sitting on the very edges of your birdbath, were Flitter and Cloud Chaser
>...
>THAT'S HOW THEY BROKE YOUR LAST FUCKING BIRDBATH!
>THESE FUCKING STUPID BIRD HORSES KNEW THEY WEIGHTED TOO MUCH TO DO THAT SHIT AND THEY DID IT ANYWAY!
>"Hey, hey, hey, it's alright, Thunder, we're not going to do--OW!"
>CloudChaser fell off your birdbath like a sack of bricks as your boot smacked her on the side of her head
>Both Flitter and Thunder, in their surprise, began to squawk loudly
>Flitter dove away from your birdbath, her eyes wide and her hooves kicking
>As she did this Thunderlane, who looked equal parts terrified and relieved, took off into the air to go do small horse things
>"Bucking! M-MOTHERBUCKING, HORSEAPPLES!"
>"CLOUDY!"
>"GOTTAGOFAST!"
>You watched the prevailing chaos with a smug, yet tired, smile on your face
>A boot to the face might not stop these little fuckers from coming again tomorrow but at least throwing things at them made you feel a little better
>Yeah...
>You wiggle around in pain little horse
>That wasn't YOUR birdbath
>It's NOT your's you fucking gizzard
>In the midst of this chaos, Flitter watched Thunderlane disappear into the sky, cursing to herself, before her gaze snapped over to your tired, half-naked ass
>"Anon! What the BUCK do you thing you're doing?!" she snapped, her eyes narrowing
"Get off my property, bird horse," you said, yawning into your hand
>CloudChaser stopped her pain wiggling long enough to look up at her sister
>"Flitter! Where did--"
>"He got away, Cloudy! He took off before I could stop him!"
>Cursing, CloudChaser sat up, holding the side of her head
>"Bucking HORSE APPLES!"
>She turned her attention toward you
>"Anon? WHY THE BUCK DID YOU THROW YOUR SHOE AT ME?!" she demanded
>>
>>27519147
>"Quick, before he tells us his scary war-stories!"
>>
>>27519302
I WAS IN TEH NAM, YA FLIPPIN BIRD PANSIE!
>>
>>27519261
"Anon? WHY THE BUCK DID YOU THROW YOUR SHOE AT ME?!"
>"If you don't know why I'm upset, then I'm not going to tell you.
>Ugh.
>Typical colt.
>>
>>27519312
Pillow war, you faggot.
>>
>>27519329
I WAS IN THE TRENCHES YOU BRAT, WATER BALLON ARTILLARY, WATER BALLON ARTILLARY EVERYWHERE! I COULDNT SAVE MY FRIENDS! THEY WERE..THEY WERE (sniffles of depression) THEY WERE SOAKED TO THE FUR BEFORE I COULD SAVE THEM! I HAD TO CHARGE THE FRONT WITH A UNFLUFFED PILLOW!
>>
>>27518044
>>27518456
>the yak has to explain himself when he returns to the tribes empty-handed
>describes the strange situation and creature with annoyance
>suddenly an elder bursts out in a quaking voice, "THAT'S THE THE GOD OF DEATH OF ELD!"
>the Death God from the old tales is apparently the father of the two demigods that control the sun and moon
>oh
>oh shit
>the next delegation of yaks to arrive at Canterlot supplicates themselves before a confused Celestia, twisting their own teats
>>
>>27519261
"You guys know you can't get up on my birdbath," you pointed out. "I told you guys AND I have those fucking signs up all around my yard."
>Snorting, CloudChaser, With the help of her little sister, got back onto her hooves
>"We were THIS close to getting him," she muttered, looking up at you angrily. "And then you had to go and butt--"
>Her eyes drifted down from your face to--
>...
>Nope
>Not today
>It was too early to deal with this shit
>Shaking your head, you spun around and stepped into your house
>You were just about to close your front door when a hoof shot through the gap
>"Hey now, big fella. Where do you think you're going~?"
>...
>You could slam the door on that hoof...
>You could do it and no one would bother you for the rest of your day...
>You took a step back as both CloudChaser and Flitter opened your door and let themselves into your house
>"Yeah," Flitter said with a husky giggle, giving you bedroom eyes. "Just where do you think you're going~?"
>There was a sway in their step as they ascended upon you
>Their wings were extending and they were crouched low to the ground, as if ready to pounce
>"You know, I think you should make it up to us, Anon."
>"Yeah," CloudChaser said with a grin. "That shoe really hurt, Anon, and it wasn't very nice of you scaring Thunderlane away like that."
>Flitter licked her lips as you rolled your eyes
>Oh here we fucking go...
>"Didn't your dad teach you any manners? Well, luckily for you we're here to teach you all the manners that you need, you sock wearing slut~"
>...
>That didn't make any sense...
>Or did it actually make sense but you were just too tired?
>...
>Holy shit did you need to get--
>With a battlecry, CloudChaser launched herself toward you with a flap of her wings, hitting you square in the chest
>"I got him, Flitter!" she said, wrapping her wings around you. "Close the door! CLOSE THE DOOR!"
>>
>>27519429
Can we break her neck? I think she deserves a broken neck.
>>
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>>27519429
I heard from a reliable source that birdhorses are very aerodynamic, a quick punt and they can make it all the way to canterlot leaving plenty of time for Bonbon and Lyra to come back for more snuggling.
>>
>>27519458
He still have a second shoe...
>>
>>27519475
This is a excellent idea.
>>
>>27519482
Wait the comic thread guy? The hell you doing here?
>>
>>27519361
>"The last thing I remember before I fell asleep was prying a teddy bear out of my bud's warm, alive hooves. They found me completely tucked in."

>>27519401
>"...did you really just piss off the God of Death? Father of those who control the Sun and the Moon?"
>Chief Elder regrets folding to the male-centric equality movement and appointing a young bull as the dignitary.

>>27519458
He just say they tried to rape him. He has feather marks on his torso from when she wrapped her wings around him; the jury will believe him.
>>
>>27519494
No, I'm not Pencils. Just sketching for that thread sometimes
>>
>>27519429
"Don't you fucking slam that door," you said, looking down at the little horse who was to desperately trying to knock you down
>Thankfully, Flitter closed the door like a normal little non-rapist horse as you turned around and made your way into your living room
>"Oh I bet you were just WAITING to be cuddled you little slut," CloudChaser growled in your ear, her hooves rubbing against your back as her wings encased your body. "I bet you got dressed up like that just for me and my lil' sis~"
"You know, if you guys weren't so adorable this whole rape fetish thing might piss me off."
>"Yeah, you shake those socks you dirty little slut. Shake them for your momma~"
>You don't even stumble as Flitter flies up and latches herself onto your head just as you sit down onto your couch
>"Don't you worry, little stallion, my big sis and I will--"
>Both of the sisters let out squeaks as you wrap your arms around the two of them and give them a hard squeeze
>Not hard enough to hurt them, but just hard enough that their eyes bug out a little bit
"Quiet. Tired. Sleep. Warm." you say, yawning as you laid down
>Both of the pegasi felt warm and soft against you, their wings being the softest blankets that you've ever felt
>Releasing your bear hug, you reach up and begin scratching both of them under the chin
>Almost instantly both of them melt against you, groans escaping their lips as they snuggled against you
>Flitter, nuzzling the nape of your neck, wrapped her wings around both you and her sister, doubling your comfort
>CloudChaser, closing her eyes, cooed like a bird as she nuzzled your cheek before resting her head on your chest
>You wiggled on your couch, closing your eyes and doing your best to get comfortable
>After this nap you were gonna get up and you were going to the fucking authorities
>All of this bullshit was enough and you were sick and tired of it
>But for now you'd--
>"Hey, Anon, I just wanted to come over and--"
>>
>>27519458
I'd rather see a VERY jealous Bon Bon come in and wreck the birdhorses shit.
>>
>>27519529
>You cracked open an eye to see Lyra, with a bag in her mouth
>"...A-Anon?"
>Her eyes were huge and disbelieving as she let the bag drop from her mouth
>"M-Muh waifu," she muttered, taking a few steps backward. "P-Pure as the driven s-snow..."
"...Lyra, why did you come through my window?"
>"W-Why did you do this to me, Anon? I was supposed to be your f-first?"
"Seriously, why did you just come through the window? You know I have a door right? You could have just fucking knocked."
>"...Unless... Don't worry, Anon! I'll go and get help! I'll break you free from your curse!"
>You blinked in confusion as Lyra spun around and bolted out of sight
"Lyra! You fucking putz of a horse! This isn't a fucking anime!"
SLAM!
"HEY! Don't you slam that fucking door!"
>Flitter chirped like a bird, her back leg kicking as she wiggled against you
>...
>Fucking ponies...
>>
>>27519573
Alright, I'm done. Are you guys going to play nice now or am I going to have to go and get the barbell?
>>
>>27519586
depends, are you going to make anon stop being a fucking doormat to this shit?
>>
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>>27519573
By getting help she means getting Bonbon, who will literally kick the crap out of every birdhorse within a twenty km radius, thus ensuring Anon's continual purity and exclusive cuddle rights.
>>
>>27519595
The real doormat here is Lyra, playing the ultimate cuck as she watches her horsebando being double teamed and running away from it.
>>
>>27519595
I sure as fuck hope not, this shit is my fetish
>>
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>>27518970
If you kept quiet you could have passed as a smart one.
>>27519002
>By the by I smell you samefag.
5/7
>>27518988
I was trying to find a reason to tear into you, but you're actually not that bad. Just thought I'd let you know.
>>
>>27519601
>imlying Bonnest of Bons would defend the honor of a cuddleslut
>>
New thread when?
>>
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>>27519694
She would cause he's her cuddle slut, the only tuft getting pressed to his face is hers.
>>
New thread
>>27519796
>>
>>27519694
Anon is HER cuddleslut, dammit! If Bon Bon in an alternate universe made by the same author can love an Anon she openly despises for the first story, then this Bon Bon can want to keep her cuddleslut all to herself.
Thread posts: 509
Thread images: 93


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