anon cooks another portal to hell!

If it dies again, I'll continue in the AiE thread. Thanks for reviving the thread, though

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>>26750829
>So, what's for dinner?
Food.

Holy shit, I just read through the archive of the first thread.

My sides are gone

>>26750933
>If it dies again, I'll continue in the AiE thread.
FUCK

DO YOUR JOB YOU NIGGERS

Anyone got the pastebin?

rest in pepperonis

>>26751395
OhShit

>>26750829
POST THE PROMPT AND PB FAGGOT!!!

PB: http://pastebin.com/2N4vvMAz

Your punishment was not having one negroids

Vump

>>26753526
is this a german bump

>>26753751
Danke

anyother anons lurking?

>>26754613
no

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Tonight, Princess Twilight, you will dine on a molten chocolate cake infused with the ashes of Thundercats.

>>26746253
>The stallion just shrugs, diving back into the melee
>Cinnamon Bun is wrestling with a hulking monster. It looks like a Deathclaw, just with a pair of sizable breasts. Lust demons are stupid.
>Still, you don't fancy her chances. She clearly needs some encouragement
"Hey, Cinnamon! If you win, I'll let you clean my shoes!"
>Her face contorts in rage as she lets loose a very naughty word. Followed by several more, even naughtier words
>That seems to have put some wind in her sails, and she easily flips the monster, getting the upper hand
>Or should that be 'upper hoof'?
>You chuckle to yourself
>Heh, you should write that one down.
>With a final sip, you finish your whiskey
>To time move onto beer
>Turning away from the carnage, you rummage around in a cabinet, trying to grab a beer
>They're all the way at the back. You'd been worried the homeless/waiters would find them
>Shit, how far back are they? Most of your body is in the counter as you desperately search for your drinks
>Maybe the homeless ponies did find them after all...
>Your hand closes around one, right at the back
>Phew, for a moment there-
>There's a victorious roar from behind you
>Fuck!
>You might be missing something important
>"NO! IMPOSSIBLE!"
>SHIT!
>You pull out of the counter as the kitchen falls silent
"Did I miss it?! What did-"
>Chari is standing on a hopscotch square, one of its feet over a line
>Hopscotch has a smug grin on his face
"Is... does that mean Chari loses? I don't know the rules-"
>Chari lets loose a roar, and the rest of the mini-demons flinch away, fleeing back from the portal
"Someone tell me what I missed-"
>They run past Cinnamon Bun, who's holding the severed head of the deathclaw-demon in one hoof, a bloody cleaver in the other. She's standing with one hoof on the mangled body of the demon, breathing heavily.
>There's a claw swipe cut down her face, over one eye
>Wow. That's going to make an awesome scar.
"Is it over? We won?"

>>26755101
>Charisi hangs its head
>"I am your slave, Anon."
"Aww..."
>Truth be told, you're a little disappointed. You missed be the best bit of the evening.
>Hopscotch looks beside himself with glee
>"I did it, Anon! I really did it! I am good for something, after all!"
>He's practically jumping around
"Yeah, well done, Hops."
>At your words, he slows down
>He comes to a dead stand still, giving you a weird look, his eyes moist
>"A-are you proud of me, Anon?"
>Well, this is getting weird.
>Still, there are a dozen smelly homeless/waiters standing around. You have an audience, and old Anon never misses a chance to be overly dramatic
>Kneeling down, you bring yourself level with Hopscotch, resting a hand on his head
>Giving him your best fatherly look, you smile, proudly
"Hopscotch... I've always been proud of you."
>A single tear rolls down his cheek as the two of you hold that pose for a moment
>Then, he hugs you, tight
>Your audience 'awws', a couple even give loud sniffs
>Hehe, perfect. You love giving a show
>Hopscotch leans in to you, whispering in your ear
>"D-do you love me, daddy?"
>...
>You stand, dropping him
"I think that's enough of that."
>He quickly dries his eyes, still smiling
>"I love you too."
>Uh...
>Where was that beer? Alcohol may not be the best coping mechanism for this weirdness, but damn if it isn't an effective one
>As you're glancing around, you notice Cinnamon squinting at you from her good eye. She walks toward you, face pulled into a tight grimace
>"Anon. I hate you."
>You eye the cleaver she's still holding nervously
>"You stole victory from me, insulted me and gave me a ridiculous job, taunting me with your superiority. But you've taught me something important."
>She stops a few feet away from you
>"If you want to grow as a person, you need to be around people you hate. People you want to become better than."
>You raise an eyebrow

>>26755406
"Really?"
>She continues, her voice low
>"I've grown more in this last hour surrounded by demons and you than I have in the last five years, surrounded by my caring family and loving friends."
>She reaches up, grabbing her long mane with one hoof. She slices it off with the cleaver, leaving it cropped short
>"When I was fighting that monster, I thought about my parents. About my bothers and sisters. About my friends."
"Yeah, should probably have concentrated on fighting that big bastard instead."
>She ignores you, continuing
>"My love for them was worthless in the face of such a beast. You know what made me succeed?"
"The meat cleaver?"
>She shakes her head
>"My hatred for you. It gave me strength where love failed."
>You shake your slowly
"And people say love's the strongest force, huh?"
>Her eyes narrow when you say 'strongest'
>"I want to be strong. Fuck being a baker, I want to hunt demons. To crush their skull under my hooves, to see them driven from me. I want to hear the lamentation of their women-folk."
>This sounds terribly unoriginal
"Well, I'm glad you've found something you like."
>"I'm not ready yet, though, Anon."
>You shrug
"No worries. Practice makes perfect, they say."
>She lays her bloody cleaver on the ground at your feet, bowing low
>"Teach me, Anon. Teach me to channel my hate."
>You shrug
"Sure."
>"I want to serve as your chef-de-feu"
>You nod
"Good. You know, you were actually doing a pretty good of watching the old fire-corner."
>You point a thumb at the fire corner. Actually, now you look, it's more of a fire-wall than a corner
>The homeless/waiters seem to have noticed. They've all fled
>Shit
"Ok, scratch that. You've let it get completely out of hand. You're not even capable of literally putting fire in a corner."
>You shake your head as half the kitchen blazes merrily
"Mediocre. Hopscotch definitely wins the competition for best staff member."
>He gives a little fist pump
>Well. The fire's getting out of control. Time to leave.

>>26755567
"Chari! Carry me out the front door."
>It sighs
>"Yes master."
>As Chari kneels, you climb onto its shoulders
>It stands, and leads walks out the main kitchen door
>The commotion has roused all your guests from their pleasure-comas, and most are looking around in alarm
>Well, most are looking at you in alarm.
>After all, you just rode a demon out of a burning kitchen, trailed by a scary looking Cinnamon Bun and a rather happy Hopscotch
>To be honest, you were probably slightly more scared of Hopscotch than Cinnamon Bun after the whole "daddy" thing
"Guests!"
>All the ponies that hadn't noticed you do now. Behind you, smoke billows under the kitchen doors
"I'd like to thank you all for visiting the 'I dunno, I'll think of a name later. Can I not register a business without a name? Why are you writing all this down?'."
>They seem worried by the fire, but you're holding their attention
"I hope you all had a pleasant meal."
>There are more than a few satisfied responses from the crowd
"A round of applause for the chef?"
>You get a standing ovation. It says a lot that, even when the building they're in is burning down, your cooking was good enough for a round of applause and cheers.
>With a smile, you wave
"You're too kind, you really are."
>The applause dies down
"You know, two weeks ago I cooked my first meal in Equestria. Back then I'd never imagined that by now, just a fortnight later, I'd be sitting on a demon in a burning restaurant, addressing pony nobility."
>You get a few concerned looks when you mention the fire.
"Thank you all. You've really made my dream possible."
>What dream, exactly, you're fulfilling is anyone's guess. Though, to be honest, this kind of situation is pretty dreamlike
"It's amazing, it really is. A part of me still thinks all of this is unbelievable, like it's a prank or a dream or something..."
>You trail off, giving a short pause.

>>26755772
"Thank you all. Now, feel free to stick around as long as you want, but bear in mind the building is on fire. So, you know, don't stick around too long."
>You point to the fire exits either end of the warehouse
"The fire escapes are located here-"
>The ponies take that as a cue, and start to rush toward the exits
"- unfortunately, they're chained shut. So don't use them."
>They all stop mid rush
"Exit through the front entrance in an orderly fashion. And, ladies?"
>The handful of mares that aren't fleeing stare up at you
>You wink
"Have a lovely evening."
>A couple swoon
"Onward, Chari. To freedom!"
>The demon groans, then plods to the exit, between scores of screaming ponies.

~

>You stand outside in the cold air, watching your restaurant burn down
>All things considered, it was a pretty good opening night. One they'll talk about, at least.
>Crews of pegasi douse the flames with clouds, but it's too little, too late.
>You'd sent Hopscotch and Cinnamon home.
>As you admire the flames, a voice calls out to you
>"Anon! Thank goodness you're not hurt!"
>You begin to turn, but you're tackled into a hug from behind
>It's Twilight.
"Hey, Twi, how's it going?"
>"Forget about me, Anon! Are you OK? Your restaurant, it's burning! And we detected a massive surge in magical energy coming from-"
>You shush the horse
"Don't worry about it."
>There's a rumble as the warehouse-restaurant collapses in on itself
>"Did everyone make it out?"
>You nod
"I sent Chari in to get all the ponies out. Everyone's accounted for."
>"Chari?"
"Yeah. Some demon or something."
>Maybe it's your casual tone, but Twilight doesn't ask any follow up questions
>The two of you stand in silence for a while, feeling the heat from the blaze.
>"I was going to congratulate you on your restaurant, but it's all gone..."
>You shrug
"No biggie."
>"But Anon, what about your money! Didn't you-"
"Twilight. What does my apron say?"
>She glances down to your apron
>"All According To Plan."

END

Gold. Best story in a long time.

11/10 would 9 again

Loved it!


3/10 Amazing game -IGN

>>26755860
>END
YA WOT

>>26755860
>"All According To Plan."
I fucking love you

>>26755860
>>26756148
>>26756171

I lied about the END

>You nod
>Well, none of this was your exact plan. "All According To Plan" is a great motto, since it makes you look like some kind of tactical genius. Really it'd be equally relevant after any positive outcome.
"Exactly."
>You reach into a pocket, pulling out a small scroll which you pass to Twilight.
>She skims it
>"Insurance... in the event of a fire... total destruction of property... sum to paid no less than..."
>She pales
>"There's a lot of zeroes after that one, Anon"
>You nod
"All the zeroes."
>There are a lot of things you can do with that money
"I never wanted to do this long-term. Maybe a bit longer, then it's on to something else."
>"With that much money, you could move onto anything else."
>It's weird that the insurance company were willing to pay out that much to someone who had, on TV, bragged about how he burned a load of kitchen utensils and put them in a bucket 'for safety'
>Eh, whatever.
>You sigh
"It'll get boring fast, the cooking."
>Twilight gives you a sad grin
>"I can imagine."
"Sure, messing around with it will be fun... but it'll get old quick. And I don't get any real satisfaction from it. I'll never have any incentive to get really good or even just improve. Why would I? I'm already /too/ good. It's fun, but not something I'd want to do full time."
>She nods sympathetically
>You'd come clean to her, told her about how you've never cooked before.
>There's another rumble as part of the burning structure shifts, spitting glowing embers into the sky
"Still, I wonder why. Why I'm so good at it. Maybe I'll never know. I think I'm fine with that."
>You're OK with it. Maybe in this world, some thing just happen for no good reason at all.
>Twilight frowns
>"I did look into it, Anon. I know why your cooking is so... perfect. But I think, maybe, you're at peace with not-"
>You spin on the spot, grabbing Twilight

>>26756222
"Tell me the secret! Not knowing is driving me crazy!"
>You're not OK with not knowing. Maybe in this world, some things just happen for no good reason, but that sounds like a bullshit cop-out and you want to know the truth, damn it!
>"Are you sure, A-"
>You shake Twilight
"What's the secret formula to my success!"
>She pulls away, rolling her eyes at your theatrics
>"You're not going to like it."
"I don't like you not telling me."
>She sighs
>"It's a racial thing."
>You narrow your eyes
"You not telling me is a racist thing? You're racist?"
>Twilight gives you a deadpan look
>"You're a human. This is what humans do."
>You blink
"We cook well?"
>She shakes her head
>"You know how Earth ponies make good farmers, pegasi make good fliers and unicorns make good nobility, artists, philosophers and inventors?"
>You nod, though you suspect you know which race got the better end of that deal
>"Well. Humans are, generally, better at making things."
>...
>What.
>What?
>What!?
"What kind of weak-ass bullshit is that?! I'm good at cooking because I'm a human?!"
>She nods
>"Humans are, apparently, great craftspeople. It's not just cooking. Carpentry, alchemy, pottery... anything you try that involves making something-"
>This doesn't make any sense! You know for a fact your cooking was bad. Everyone who say it first thought it looked gross. Besides, you'd tried it yourself and it was the kind of food you'd expect to pull out of a bin.
>And not even a high-class bin, a really shitty-dumpster-on-Skid-Row tier meal
"Then why didn't I think it was great?"
>"Humans are immune to most magic, including their own."
>Well, fuck
"So, whatever I try I'll excel at and everyone will think I'm amazing, but it'll always be shit to me."
>She nods
>"Unless you put in the work to become really good, then yes."
>You hang your head
>"I'm sorry, Anon."

so much story

>>26755860
Breddy gud 10/10 :DddDdDddD

>>26756417
>Looks like you're cursed to never find true satisfaction in anything.
>Instead, you'll excel at anything you try, easily earning a fortune from any half-assed endeavour while the ponies worship the very ground you walk on
>You stand up a bit straighter as you keep thinking
>You'll be forced to live a life of easy luxury, never wanting for anything. Any time, anywhere, you'll be able to create something perfectly suited to its intended function.
>A faint grin appears on your face
>A sex-demon slave to serve your every whim as you breeze through life, no unfortunate ever touching you.
>And with a 'power' so loosely defined, you'll be able to find some ridiculous loophole to exploit, some angle to work with
"I'll never struggle for the rest of my life..."
>You smile broadly at Twilight
"On second thought... I can live with that."

~

>>26756455
Flawless story writefriend.
I enjoyed every second of it.

Could you post the paste please? I'd like to read it again sometime

>>26756455
>"...well that's nothing. I heard from a friend of mine down south about some pony they called "Fury". Word is, she took down a whole griffon raiding squad with her bare hooves."
>The wind howls around the lodge. This high in the mountains, there's not a lot do other than drink and share stories.
>It doesn't have a name, the lodge. It's not the kind of place you walk into by accident. No, it's the kind of place you go when you want to lay low for a while.
>Around the smoky bar are gathered the very worst society has to offer. Mercenaries, killers, thugs and thieves, the least of them with a half-dozen kills to their name.
>The kind of stories they share don't exactly make for the best bedtime stories
>A bulky Minotaur laughs
>"Griffons? Pathetic!"
>That gets a few derisive leers
>"Ever been to the Wild Desert? Seen a Sand Worm?"
>He gets a couple of nods, but most patrons shake their heads
>"Big as a building, and angrier than a... than a minotaur."
>The big guy doesn't exactly have a way with words
>"I heard there was one the locals called "The Eater of Worlds". It would just come out of nowhere and eat a whole fucking town."
>He takes a swig of beer, or of what passes for it this far away from civilization
>"So the local king sends out his army to kill the damn thing, his best warlocks, best soldiers... you name it. Anyway, they finally see this great big worm, the Eater of Worlds, they get ready to kill it, but guess what?"
>He gets a few shrugs
>"Someone'd beaten them to it. It's lying there, dead. And they see this figure standing on it, holding a meat cleaver. They rush to congratulate whoever killed the thing, but by the time they get there, it's gone. Headed into the deepest part of the desert. No water there, no food. No living thing could survive. Never saw it again."
>The room's quiet, everyone listening in
>"They called it the 'Butcher of the Sands'."
>No one speaks for a while, too busy enjoying their drinks

>>26756603
Not quite finished yet. Got to tie it all up nice and neat.

>>26756629
>Finally, someone speaks up
>"Ever hear about 'One Eye'?"
>There are nods, but a few people mutter that they haven't
>The old stallion nods
>"Reckon you can't beat old One Eye."
>The grizzled old pony takes a swig of beer, a well-worn sword hanging at his side
>"Couple of months back, there was this summoner out west. Good one, too. Managed to summon some serious shit."
>He shakes his head
>"Big, ugly demons. Lots of 'em, too. I was part of a group that dealt with... well, whatever we'd get paid to do. The easier the better!"
>He gets a few laughs from the other mercenaries.
>Why risk fighting an army when you could get a pretty penny torching villages and putting civilians to the sword?
>"Well, the price was big, big enough that we fancied our chances. The summoner was sending his demons out to raid the nearby towns. We headed to one, but when we got there..."
>He shakes his head, slow
>"They'd already attacked. But something had /attacked them back/."
>There are a few murmurs
>"Most of them were dead, cut to pieces. Torn apart."
>He looks around the room, holding his audience's gaze
>Apart from one bundled figure by the bar, he has their undivided attention
>"/Most/. See, there were a few still alive. We found one, in the rafters of a barn, hiding."
>He stresses the word.
>"/Hiding/. I damn near shit myself when it spoke. Just kept begging us to keep 'One Eye' away from it. That demon alone could have killed my whole group, but it didn't. Too scared."
>His eyes drop down to his drink
>"Whatever it was up against, this 'One Eye' was too much even for an army of demons. It didn't even fight when we put it out of its misery. It practically thanked us."
>He shudders at the memory
>"We tracked them back to the summoner's tower, but when we got there it was already burning."
>Hushed whispers run through his audience

>>26756661
>"Never heard of One Eye since. They never claimed the huge bounty, and none of the demons we found gave us anything to go on."
>A few of the misfits are shaking their heads disbelievingly
>"Now, I'm not a praying stallion, but I pray every night that wherever One Eye is, it's far away from me."
>With that, the stallion finishes his drink
>The room's as cold as its patrons are silent, the only noise is the howling wind battering around the wooden building
>The Minotaur who spoke earlier frowns deeply, eyeing the only patron who wasn't listening with rapt attention
>He points at the figure
>"You! This is Captain Killjoy, and when someone like him tells a story, you better damn well listen!"
>The figure cocks its head, but doesn't look round
>The Captain holds up a hoof
>"Let them drink in peace, Steel."
>"Fuck that!"
>The Minotaur stands, raising its voice
>"Our stories not good enough for you?"
>For the first time the figure speaks, her voice low and rough
>"Heard 'em before."
>"Oh, you have, have you?"
>The Minotaur turns to his friends, speaking sarcastically
>"Well, maybe little miss 'heard-'em-before' can tell us a good story."
>He fingers the axe swinging at his hip
>"And it better be a good one."
>"I don't tell stories."
>The figure turns around, wrapped tightly in thick furs
>"Oh, you don't?"
>Everyone subtly moves, their weapons a little closer to hand
>"No. I don't tell stories."
>The figure flicks her cloak back.
>"I /make/ them."
>Three scars run over her left eye, leaving it screwed mostly shut. A worn meat cleaver dangles at her hip. her coat is matted, broken regularly by scars.
>For a moment, there's silence. Then every person in the building rises at once. Half try to go for their weapons. Half try to go for the door.
>None of them are quite quick enough.

>Cinnamon Bun wipes the blood from her cleaver, whistling as she does.
>This is so much more fun that cooking or baking ever was.
>Speaking of, she wonders how Hopscotch is getting on...

>>26756684

~

>"... I had a few beers with him after that, and we were good as brothers. That's why he invited me to work at his first restaurant."
>Hopscotch beams proudly to his interviewer, who moves the microphone back to her mouth.
>"And what happened with the first restaurant? Even today, things are a bit... unclear."
>He shakes his head, holding up a hoof
>"Sorry! That's not my story to tell. If you ever do find Anon, I'm sure he'd tell it better anyway. Cool!"
>The mare nods. For half a year people had been asking Hopscotch about the fire, but he'd always kept his lips shut.
>"So, after the first one, Anon opened a second restaurant, the "Eh, names don't matter anyway". Again, you were Head-Chef."
>Hopscotch gives an excited little nod
>"I sure was! I think... well, it's funny. Anon was the best chef, but he did a lot less cooking. He left me to do more and more. He spent more time running things. And training Cinnamon Bun, of course."
>"Do you think he was upset about the loss of his first restaurant?"
>Hopscotch shakes his head
>"No way! He made a lot of money from that fire. A /lot/ of money."
>The mare nods
>"And he made even more from the second restaurant. You benefited a lot too. Do you think you would be a world-class chef without Anon's guidance?">
>Hopscotch shakes his
>"He was like a father to me. Without him, I wouldn't be the success I am now."
>For the first time, Hopscotch's face falls
>"I... I miss him."
>The mare pauses for a moment, Hopscotch staring wistfully into the distance
>"He's certainly left a legacy. The man who came out of nowhere, changed the world in a month then just disappeared. Five months on, and you, his student, are a successful chef in your own right. It's no surprise you miss him."
>Hopscotch nods, but doesn't say anything.
>"Any idea where he might be?"
>He stays silent for a long time. When Hopscotch finally speaks, it's quiet, thoughtful.
>"No. But I'm sure, wherever he is, he's having a damn good time."

~

>>26756716
>You sputter out the blue liquid
"What the hell, Chari! I said I wanted it to be perfect."
>The sex-demon bows low
>"My apologies, master. I'll take it back and make another."
>You shake your head
"Leave it. It's great. It's just not /perfect/."
>It's definitely a SHE now. You had her change her form to match your tastes. No more suspicious downstairs bulge.
>She likes it when you treat her like this. She likes it a /lot/.
>Guess too much time as the ruler of the Realm of Pleasure had her missing being on the bottom for a change.
>After all, change is the spice of life.
>You sip on your cocktail, lounging on the sunchair.
>Gentle, warm rays of sun peek through the palm trees, keeping you cool without being too warm
>The azure ocean sparkles like a precious gem, and the white beach that rushes to meet it stretches into the distance
>An assortment of beautiful females of all races splash in the water, their distant fun mingling with the calls of the sea birds, and the booming crash of the tide
>Maybe later you'll take a ride in your helicopter. It's really just a crate with some spinning planks on top, but apparently that's enough for flight.
>If you're a human, at least.
>Yeah. A ride in your helicopter, then a meal cooked by some real world-class chefs.
>You take another sip of your cocktail. Tasty.
>With a contented sigh, you squint into the perfect, blue
>Life is good.
>More importantly, you've got a feeling it always will be.
>Idly, you wonder how Cinnamon Bun and Hopscotch are getting on. You should organise a reunion or something.
>After a few minutes, you hear Chari coming back. She puts another glass on a table beside you.
>You take a sip.
>This time, it is perfect.
>Without even having to say anything, you sex-demon begins massaging you calves
>She's good.
"Higher. Higher."
>You give a content sigh as she works
"More mouth..."
>You lean back into your chair, hands behind your head
"Perfect."

>>26756736
The end for real, this time. Pastebin updated here:
http://pastebin.com/2N4vvMAz
It's also now public, so it should be easier to find without a direct link when this thread dies.

Hope people have enjoyed the story. I certainly enjoyed writing it.

Now it's that it's done, criticism, thoughts or feedback is much appreciated. If I know what I'm doing wrong, then I know how to improve for next time.

If anyone feels like continuing the story or writing other side stories with the same premise, that would be awesome. There's a lot more that can be done with the idea, that's for sure.

>>26756859
>The end for real, this time.
fug

>>26756859
Holy shit, that was good. Not much for criticism except that the jump to >>26756629 threw me off a bit because of so many new characters. It made me think I was reading a character who was retelling the story. Maybe discribe the characters just a tad more than just the one word you've given for each in order to ease the transition. You've done well in introducing and describing the scenery, so I guess give a bit of the same treatment to the characters, though not too much, as I understand that it would be awkward to describe every character in detail in the same fasion as for scenery. Maybe work it into their actions, like "he straightened his jacket", in order to make it less awkward.

As for everything else, I thought it was terrific.

Bump so others can see this glorious story

>>26758464
Keep the dream alive, anon.

>>26758464
I live
I die
I live again!

>>26756859
Fucking golden/10
We just need a drawfag in this thread...

>>26759082
This.

>>26750829
I made lunchables :3

>>26756736
This is some straight up orky shit.

>>26757790
Thanks. I'll make some tweaks to that bit in the pastebin tonight. I appreciate the feedback

>>26750829
I burned my salad...
enjoy these croutons, i guess

>>26750829
Quiche Lorraine and orange juice

>>26760959

File: perfectpancakes.png (761KB, 944x936px) Image search: [Google]

761KB, 944x936px

>>26756859
Thanks, Anon. Heartwarming feels when I realized Cinnamon Bun got a happy ending too.

>>26762850
Am I the only one who wants to hear more about Cinnamon Bun's adventures?

>>26757790
>>26760614
I just realiked that there may have been some miscommunication on my part when I said "It made me think I was reading a character who was retelling the story." I was refering to the the entire scene in >>26756629, not the stories that are actually being retold. Of course those are supposed to sound like stories being retold because that's what they are, and they are supposed to be flawed in some ways, as you've said "the big guy doesn't exactly have a way with words".

Tl;dr: Just in case you thought I was saying that the retold stories sound like retold stories, I wanted to clarify that that's not what I meant. Otherwise, disregard this post.

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>>26750829

>So, what's for dinner?

I made us some nice steaks. Getting the meat was really hard, none of your pony grocery stores seemed to have any; but after a while I ran into some cows just running around without any brands. So I bagged one with my trusty ol' .30-06 and butchered it for us. I cut us each a nice thick T Bone and I put the rest in your freezer.

>>26763144
Don't worry, your meaning was pretty clear. I think part of why it seems odd is that I was trying to change the narrative voice to try to make it feel different from the rest of the story. Not sure how well done that was, rereading it. I'll add a few extra lines to clear those bits up.

I'll also do a quick reread of the whole story, try to pick up the worst spelling mistakes and what have you

>>26763144
Made a minor change to the way that section's introduced. Line 2121:
http://pastebin.com/2N4vvMAz

Hope that makes it a little clearer.

>>26759082
Would love a drawfag

>>26762850
I think she got the best ending out of everyone. Probably the most interesting one.

Bmp?

>>26756736
>Cinnamon got a happy ending
>Hopscotch got a happy ending
>Anon got a "happy ending"

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>>26764568
Holy shit! Only just got that

>>26764554
Bmp.

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>>26750829
here you go pseudo-/ck/

twitch tv food

>>26750829
Steamed hams.

>>26765660

>Writefag finishes his story
>No new writefags appear
>Thus, another bump general is born

>>26767584
Bump

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>>26764000
I can't believe my shitty prompt inspired such an awesome story. We make a great team, based writefag.

>>26756859
Trio reunion epilogue when? I need more Cinnamon Bun

>>26769378
A green's only as good as its prompt. Thanks, Anon