>"Alright Anon! I have a new plan to help get you laid!"

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>>25937347
"I'm all ears."

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>>25937347
Does it involve you on muh dick?

>>25937347
Does this involve a graveyard again?

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>>25937347
Shim, can't we just bang? We don't have to date, but, you know, I'm a guy, you're a girl, we clearly like and trust each other, so what's the harm in some casual sex? Like, seriously.

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>>25937347
>she better be /fit/

>>25937391
This is what I want to know about every female and some males. If your friend's good looking enough and you're single, why the hell wouldn't you want to fuck him/her?

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>>25937391
That's really not how it works, anon.

You don't negotiate with girls when it comes to sex. They hate that. You do what a real man does, you conquer. Make a physical advance. First base was invented solely as a permission slip. If she reciprocates, you're gold.

>mfw offering dating tips on /mlp/

>>25937432

Because women and metrosexual males are bonkers, and would rather play mind games with you instead of getting into a meaningful relationship.

>>25937452
Anon. Realistically, that's bullshit. It all comes down to looks, and certain traits that you're judged by, as with friends, parents, and family.

>>25937432
It is a difficult subject to broach, trust. I've had varied success with FWB in the past. In my experience most women tend to want a serious relationship as well as sex. Not sure if this is also true of guys.

>>25937432

>fucking with your friend

Disgusting, no good looking girls share my interests

>>25937452
Yes, I typically wouldn't go about proposing sex so bluntly, of course. There is some tact and flirtation involved. Best method I found (albeit an obvious one) is to, so long as you are both friends, open a dialogue on sex. If you can get to the level where you can both talk openly about sexual matters a FWB situation is a likely next step so long as you're both down to plow.

>>25937474
That's a shame, Anon. Perhaps you should join a club or go to some meet-ups.

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>>25937403
This.
>tfw no muscle girl gf
>tfw a lot of IRL bodybuilders aren't attractive
>>25937432
This. Why aren't people having casual sex more often as friends? It's not like it's a sacred ritual where only you and the chosen one have to be in the missionary position with the lights off for the sole purpose of procreation.

>>25937467
Of course, but even good-looking men will make a pussy as dry as a desert by acting subservient.

And if you're not physically attractive, you have little chance of scoring unless you assert some level of dominance, both physically and socially,

Point is, dominance is always better than subservience. I have asked for sex once in my life, and it was the worst sex I've ever had. All other times I just claimed it. Worked like a charm more often than you'd think.

>>25937500
It's not a bad strategy. The important thing is that you appear fearless and confident in your delivery. If you talk about sex, and you're acting really awkward about the whole thing, it will probably backfire like a motherfucker.

>>25937432
Because years of bullying by my peers and rejection by the opposite sex has made me to not be nearly as open with others as I lead on. It's easier to appear shallow and uninteresting than put yourself out there. Also, I can't into reading signals. I never know if a girl is attracted to me or not

>>25937524
My excuse is that all my past candidates all have bf's now. But I think, whether you agree with it or not, sex is a big deal. It isn't something to be taken lightly. Not everyone wants to give themselves to everyone else. I think it is largely a matter of trust and security. You need to be able to trust your partner and you need the confidence that your intercourse won't have any negative social repercussions, which it may depending upon the social circles you keep (fucking trust me on that one).

I don't think most people are keen on casually fucking people within their immediate circle of friends and relations due to the potential for awkwardness and a social schism. Best to find a FWB outside of any current social circle. This, however, requires hard work and some hunting.

>>25937545
An interesting strategy. I'll have to try claiming it in the future. My one concern is the whole matter of consent. Personally, I need to be sure they want it. Provided I read the queues correctly, then yeah I can see it being effective to wordlessly advance.

>>25937616
I too struggle with signs and signals. I always wonder if there's some grill out there admiring me and is totally dtf but I just don't know it.

>>25937626
That's true. But if you have sex with strangers, things like STDs or false accusations of rape or fatherhood occurs. And personally, I'm not the type for an intimate relationship.

Regardless, I see and agree with your point. I just wish sex wasn't a big deal here. From my understanding, it's almost trivialized in places like Japan (albeit for the wrong reasons).

>>25937666
>My one concern is the whole matter of consent.

See, this is the one thing that almost makes me hesitate to offer my take on sexual advances. I know that there exist some draconian laws regarding rape accusations in the west, and the last thing I want is to encourage someone to walk straight into a false accusation.

You just have to be cautious when it comes to these things. However, when women falsely accuse of rape, I don't think it really matters to them whether the consent was given verbally or physically. In my experience, most girls get off to dominant advances, and her enjoying herself might even lower your risk of any false accusations. I have heard of crazy examples where guys were accused because they didn't perform well enough in bed.

Tip number one for avoiding false claims: Never sleep with a girl you know has a boyfriend. She has a very obvious motive to retroactively withdraw her consent in that situation.

>>25937703
True, strangers bring with then risks. That is why my strategy for FWB is a longer process. I take the time to get to know them for a little while before I make a move. I won't proceed unless I know if they're clean, insane, etc. And at this stage in my life I, too, am not looking for anything serious.

Perhaps we should just join a swingers club.

Does anyone have the green of anon finding out his gf sunset is a boy

>>25937774
>Never sleep with a girl you know has a boyfriend.

Honestly, I couldn't bring myself to do that anyway. Loyalty and fidelity is a big thing for me. I expect it in myself and others. Those who cheat are the literal scum of the Earth in my eyes. Accordingly, I could never bring myself to bang another dude's girl and make her disloyal. I would lose all respect for myself and her. Some say "just cause there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score", but that saying irritates me.

>>25937833
Yeah, I agree. I do not want to c u c k some poor guy with a whore girlfriend.

If I shared a mutual attraction to a girl who was already in a committed relationship, I would do what Leo did in The Departed: Tell her to take a few weeks to think about it, then to give me a call if she's still interested at that point. It's not worth ruining someone's relationship over cheap physical attraction.

>>25937545
Yep, this is true, but still bullshit. I prefer being passive, so I'm not even seen as a potential mate.

>>25937966
Cuck isn't filtered anymore, just so ya know.

>>25938014
Unless you look like Ryan Gosling, you're probably gonna have to change your preference, family.

Girls who like shy guys exist, but you maximize your chances by learning not only to rule, but also by loving being the ruler.

>actually giving sex advice on a pony image board during a record-breaking dry streak

>>25938037
cuck

baka

desu

senpai

>>25938109
Glad those are still filtered

>>25938109
Ah, I see the other ones are still filtered.

Why allow one but not the others? I'm not complaining about the return of cuck, but I don't get the inconsistency.

>>25938102
Nah, I'm in no hurry. No point going for someone you're not compatible with in the first place.

>>25938112
You prefer smdh, tbqh, and family?

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>>25938132
Nothing wrong with taking it slow, family.

Ponies are superior to disgusting 3D pigs anyway.

>>25937432
tl;dr it's extremely bad for your brain
psychology
not tl;dr enough: your brain requires a minimum of time to trust anybody, and sex is one of the more deeply settled mechanisms of the human psyche needing certain "markers" (deeply symbolic) and messing up with them is particularly damaging to the emotional circuit of the brain

yes, it does sound pretty informatically, but that's pretty much studying psychology

PS: promiscuity is a certan little "death" to your emotional centre

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This book has existed for fifteen fucking years. Read it.

>>25937500
Just remember, it's a demand not a request.

>>25938178
When I was in college, there were pamphlets warning about "hook up" culture. Said stuff like you'll feel empty and used up.

>>25938178
I think men and women operate on different levels when it comes to this, but rampant promiscuity does often correlate with societal decay.

I'm very much in favor of bringing back brothels. I think that's a lot healthier for society than hook-up culture.

Vid related.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um3EmS9DKsI

TL;DW: The number of different sexual partners in a woman's life correlates with higher risk of mental illness, more marital instability, and overall less happiness.

>>25938257
Correlation is not causation, anon. I personally believe that the things you listed are the factors that sometimes lead to sexual promiscuity, not the result of such.

>>25937347
ITT: kissless virgins discuss how to get women, apparently.

>>25938112
smhtbhfam

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>>25937347
Friends with benefits with Sunset green when?

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>>25938399

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>>25938414

>>25937391
>What the hell Anon?!
>We're twins, remember?

Solution to problem
Or new problem

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>>25938425

>>25938432
"...fuck no, my hair isn't as fucked as yours."

>>25938414
>>25938425
>>25938438
gosh go away with your crap-pictures. i'm embarrased i even have to defile my STORAGE MEDIUM by having them in my browser cache.

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>>25938438

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>>25938455

>>25938379
>ITT: kissless virgins discuss how to get women, apparently.

Speak for yourself, buddy.

>>25938500
wew lad, here's your reply.

>>25938379
I bet you kiss girls you faggot.

Does anyone have the older pastebin that has a large amount of caretaker anon/disabled derpy greentexts, or the one were anon is forced to take care of derpy as punishment, and ends up abusing/fucking her a lot

>>25938257
>>25938338
In this case they correlate, and not only that, they amplyfy one another, cumulatingly.

>>25938204
That's exactly what happens, but as in any addiction-type behaviour, the denying element belies the severity

So, yes - friends with benefits and "hook up" culture is bad for relationships, mental health (not kidding) and society

All these fucking mind games, rape allegations, societal contrivances, etc... seem like it's not even worth trying. Specially when you stop to think about the odds.

I'm ugly short and fat. I try exercising and eating right, nothing changed. Sure I feel healthier but everything else is the same.

Then again it might just be a case of sour grapes. So disregard what I say, I'm 3.5 years away from being a wizard.

wtf am I doing with my life?

>>25938747
>they amplyfy one another, cumulatingly
You forgot to include a 'may' in there. Just stick it right in between 'they' and 'amplify'.

>>25938772
You don't want to better yourself
Nobody wants to better themselves, and especially not others for themselves
Nothing is certain, and what is certain is positively illogical
Welcome to modernism
How I manage to have a social life? I basically lobotomize myself by drinking lots of shit before going out

>>25939393
I do have a social life but it either consists of other equally incompetent males as me or males who's only contact with females are their significant others. It's as if all my relations are dead ends at least in that respect. And yeah lots of drinking.

>>25939393
>>25939517
That was banter
I don't really drink much

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>>25937452
>You do what a real man does, you conquer. >Make a physical advance.
Dating tips from the pussy master himself, Filthy Frank

>>25937347
>You were Anonymous
>And you were hanging out with your best and only friend Sunset Shimmer
>The two of you just kinda had the whole outcast thing going on
>And the common rejection brought the two of you together as friends
>SS:"Alright Anon! I have a new plan to help you get laid!"
>Not this shit again
>Ever since she found out that you still had your V card she's been thinking up ways to try and help you lose it
>For some reason they always felt stupidly contrived and over thought out
>You sigh
"What's your brilliant plan this time sunset?"
>You ask with as much sarcasm as possible
>SS:"Well, why do you think it is that no girl likes you?"
"Gee, isn't that the million dollar question. Maybe it's my looks..."
>SS:"Nope! It's your personality! Hating everybody won't get you laid! You have to be less of an introvert and more of an extrovert!"
"Oh boy! I can't wait to become a social person who just gets along with everyone! Maybe I'll join the football team!"
>SS:"R-really?"
"No Sunny. I refuse to join any type of sport or club or anything. Remember when you told me it would be a good idea to join the crochet club? Cuz "that's where all the females are"?"
>SS:"Well, it was pure logic! Only girls like that stuff right?"
"It was me and Granny Smith because no one at this fucking school likes crochet."
>SS:"It have an idea! Why don't you get slick black hair and a leather jacket!"
"Have you been watching Grease again?"
>SS:"N-no! I was just thinking you could pull off the grease look well!"
"Well I would need hair first for that Sunset."
>SS:"Hmmmm... What about... what about going to one of Pinkies parties? She had them every Saturday night!"
"No. No way. There is no way I am going to one of those high school parties just to hear all about stupid shit I don't care about."
>SS:"Come on Anon! That's the only way! Party girls are supposed to be super easy!"
"You need to stop watching all those High school movies."
>SS:"And you need to get laid!"

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>>25939954
Dayumn.

>>25939954
>"You need to stop watching all those High school movies."
HA!!

>>25938465
why would she be taking her bra off while sitting on a laundromat?

>>25937347
"It better not involve me socializing with a bunch of st--"
>"It totally involves you socializing with a bunch of strangers."
>Motherfucker.
"Look, Sunset," you say, pinching the bridge of your nose. "I appreciate the concern you have for my dry dick, but let me assure you that this honestly isn't that big a deal. Besides, I make sure to water it on a daily basis in the shower."
>"Aw, come on. It'll be totally fun. We'll both get to make new friends, and I'll finally be able to get the last of my friends laid."
>She gives you a friendly nudge, and you raise an eyebrow.
"Are you just using me to blow your overly-inflated ego or something?"
>"Oh, blow me."
"Fuck you."
>"The party's at Flash's place. 8 o'clock. How does that sound?"
>She takes off and gives you a wave before you can respond.
>"See you then! By tomorrow morning, you'll finally be a man!"
"I'm not going!" you shout after her, but Sunset doesn't seem to acknowledge it.
>Fucking Sunset.
>You're totally not going to be there.

__

>"Anon! You came! For a moment I was worried that you chose to jerk off to porn tonight instead."
>Joke's on her. You did that before coming.
>Sunset takes your hand, and the two of you walk up to Flash's doorstep.
>Colorful lights seep through the curtains, and muffled rap music can be heard booming from within.
>"Nothing feels better than a real, living, breathing girl's insides. Trust me. It's absolutely heavenly."
>As opposed to what? A corpse?
"And you know this, how?"
>"Who do you think you're talking to?"
>She knocks on the door, and a few seconds later it opens, revealing Flash.
>A blast of warm air and the stench of sweat and booze fills your nostrils.
>"Hey, Sunset! Anon! Good of you guys to make it!"
>He extends a fist, and you bump it.
"Sup, Flash."

>>25940474
>"I guess Sunset's pretty persuasive to drag you out of your room, huh?"
>"Me? Nah," she says, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "Anon here came all by himself. He's hungry for some action."
>You roll your eyes, and Flash tries to stifle a small laugh.
>"There are drinks on the tables. Help yourselves."
>"Will do. Let's have a shot, Anon."
"You go on ahead. I'll catch up."
>Sunset enters the house and disappears amongst the dimly-lit crowd.
>"She's at it again, isn't she?" Flash asks.
"Yep."
>He gives you a comforting pat on the shoulder.
>"I can give you a good excuse to leave early. Give you a drink full of Ipecac or something."
"Nah, I'm good. I still have some dignity to protect."
>"Alright, dude. Let me know if you need anything."
"Will do."
>You bump his fist again and join Sunset at the kitchen counter.
>She's holding two shots.
>"Some liquid courage for the road to Valhalla."
>Or the hospital.
>You take a glass and clink with hers.
>"Cheers!"
"Cheers."
>The two of you down your shots.
>The liquid burns as it goes down, and you try not to cough.
>Sunset takes it like a champ, though.
>"Alright! Now let's go find a pretty girl!"
>And with that, she takes your wrist and starts dragging you around.
>Oh boy, here we go.

whats going on in this thread?

>>25940201
Because she is using the motion of the laundry machine to masterbate.

>>25940488
>When it comes to being a wingman, Sunset actually isn't that bad.
>Being a girl definitely gives her an advantage in that area.
>She would go up to some girl, make some conversation, have a few laughs.
>Then she'd cue for you to join in, talking about something that both you and the girl have in common.
>After you're established in the conversation, she'd leave to "go get a drink," or "use the bathroom," leaving you alone with the target.
>What her playbook of hooking up her buddies doesn't account for is how bad you are at talking to girls.
>"So, Sunset's told me that you write stories," Minuette says. "What're they about?"
>Stories? As in the shit you post on an anonymous image board dedicated to a show for little girls?
>Fuck.
"Uhhh, I experiment. Romance, scifi, thriller. They're pretty bad, though."
>Your eyes scan the room for Sunset, but she's nowhere to be seen.
>"Aw, don't be so hard on yourself. If people actually read it, then how bad can they be?"
"Trust me, they're awful."
>"Are you published?"
>This feels more like an interrogation than a conversation.
>Maybe you can get laid in the prison showers.
"N-no. It's all online."
>"Oooooh. What website?"
>Fuck fuck fuck.

>>25940704
>You can feel the sweat beading on your forehead.
"Uh, you probably wouldn't know. It's pretty niche."
>"Try me. Maybe I've heard of it."
>You don't want to say it aloud. That's how you become a massive faggot.
>Maybe you can test the waters with a reference.
"Are you aware about, uhhhh, prepping the bull?"
>Minuette raises an eyebrow.
>"Huh?"
"Yeah, it's, uhhh, when you blow a well-endowed black guy so that he can--"
>Wait, why are you explaining it to her? If she doesn't get it, then it's a no go you fucking idiot.
"...fuck your partner," you barely finish before you can stop yourself.
>A silence ensues.
>You blew it, Anon.
>You're a faggot now.
"I-I'm gonna go get a drink," you say, your face feeling rather heated.
>At least the darkness can hide how furiously you're probably blushing right now.
>You leave Minuette to herself and start making your way as far away from her as possible.
>It looks like you'll never be able to speak to her again.
>"Ohhhhh, prepping the bull. Misheard the guy for a second there," she says to herself, giggling a bit. "Yeah, I totally know what that is."
>She looks around, then pulls out her phone.
>"This party sucks. I wonder what's on /pol/ right now."

>>25937347
Not without prior marriage inclusively prenuptial agreementif she really loves me and not my assets

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>>25941170
>"A prenup?"
>"B-But anon, don't you trust me?"
>"Why should we even marry if you can't even trust me?"
>"A marriage should not be founded on mistrust, anon."
>"I can't believe you fear that I would ever hurt you. I love you."

>>25941858
Don't be sad, at least you'll have Mr. Car

>>25940720
More

>>25937347
For the tenth time, Sunset, you have a perfectly good vagina and if you're not willing to donate it to the cause, then I can't trust that you're fully committed to getting results here. This is like trying to cure cancer while refusing to touch the miracle drug that's sitting on the conference table.

>>25940720
continue

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>>25940720
>This party sucks. I wonder what's on /pol/ right now

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>>25938747
>>they amplify eachother.
yes dipshit, if you keep doing something that feels good isntead of addresses the problem it will exaberate the problem. that doesn't mean what you are doing is by its lonesome, bad for you.

>>25941966
>>25942060
It's getting late for me, so I won't be posting tonight. Someone else can hijack it if they want though.

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>>25941928
Where the car at tho

I want to have sex with Shimmer

>>25942824

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>>25940720
>tfw you have to dodge telling people about where you write
It hits too close to home.

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>>25938178
I could get behind this idea. I haven't had too many sexual partners in my 23 years, gfs and FWB included. I'm a guy, I should be trying to destroy that pussy every night, right? I should want to bang as many girls as I can, so says the majority of society. To not do so is deficient. Yet I can't shake the feeling that I somehow lessen myself with each woman conquered. The more women I rack up the less respect I tend to have for myself. I feel as though I am cheapening myself for Me as well as any current and future lovers. I shudder to be that guy who finally finds the One and wants to settle down and has to admit that I have slept with 30+ woman. Were our roles reversed I would turn and walk away from that woman, feeling, admittedly, a little sickened and sorry for her. I expect things of myself. I have standards. I think it is fair to hold people equivalent to my expectations of myself, at the very least, so as to avoid hypocrisy.

Or perhaps it is all a defense mechanism because I don't get a lot of pussy. You decide, /mlp/.

>>25938399
Try pic related. I-I wrote it...

>>25938379
Eh, say what you want. I've been in relationships before, and I could easily have sex with quite a few girls that I know.

I'm not saying I'm full on alpha tag, God knows I'm not. Hell, the only reason why I haven't been getting any is simply because I don't want to.

>>25945246
*fag

Fucking autocorrect.

>no hooves
Pass.

>>25945267
Haha! Nice meme! You're just like one of us! You're a part of the /mlp/ gang now!

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>>25937347
It better not be a Five-year plan

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>>25945365
Neat, I was wondering when I'd get this stock reply! Having seen it around so often you can imagine my surprise!

>>25938465
"Oh... Don't stop on my account. Please, do your 'laundry'."
>"..."


"And that's how your mother and I got together!"
>"Oh my god, dad! I don't want to hear this!"
"Oh, then you REALLY don't want to hear about our first date. You see, right after I blew my load deep in her-"
>"AHHHH!"

>>25945862
>You will never have an awkward moment with your roommate Sunset.
>She will never go in heat despite being in human form so she tries many ways to ride it out.

>>25937347

>You sigh.
"This again?"
"Your last 'Perfect Plan' (trademarked) ended with me in the hospital on an IV, after nearly puking myself inside out."
>And now you never drink anything she gives you.
>Seriously, what the hell was in that shit?

>>25937347
bump

>>25946154
Horse hormones

>>25937347
>Anon
>Getting laid
>Ever

Damn if you do and damn if you don't. It's as if the only winning move is not to play.

A friend described it like chasing a shadow... if you go after it just runs away.

>>25947091
Have you not read 99% of the stories on this board?

>>25945662
>no hooves
is itself a stock reply, so you're hardly one to talk there.

>>25941858
"Why do you object?"
"I thought you loved me - me!"
"Why should we even marry if you can't even love just me?"
"A marriage shouldn't be founded on money, Sunset."
"I can't believe you'd sign the marriage but not the prenuptial agreement. I love you, not your wealth."

>>25945152
Welcome to the Modern(TM) world and its lies. Humans are a monogamous species and we're designed to not create genetical mongrels and/or mental neglected individuals

>>25945152
I-I love you for writing this.

>>25938178
I don't remember the details or source, but I once came across an article saying that people would acquire cells from their sexual partners that would stay in(near?) The brain. The more partners someone had in the past, the less likely they would remain loyal to any current partner. Supposably the more of these cells you acquired would make it more difficult to commit to a partner or even family/children you had.

Don't know how true this is, and iim recalling it from memory so I'm sure I butchered it, but the post reminded me of it. Tried searching for it, but can never find anything on my mobile

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>>25950020
>people would acquire cells from their sexual partners that would stay in(near?) The brain
>Supposably the more of these cells you acquired would make it more difficult to commit to a partner or even family/children you had

>>25950020
That's not how biology works.
>Supposably
That's not even how the English language works. Go back to grade school.

>>25949317
>Humans are a monogamous species

No we're not

No mammal is

Even if you have a primary partner, a third of us still cheat

It's natural

>>25950113
It's natural that we have our instincts, but as a species with as much of a social structure as we have, what is "natural" isn't necessarily what happens or what we determine to be "right."

>>25949317
>Genetical mongrels
Nice job sticking two words together in a way that actually works without meaning anything clear. If you're implying that we're not rigged to breed different traits, you're only somewhat right. We have uncanny valley for a reason and a predisposition for people who look a great deal like ourselves, but we also are often attracted to people with strikingly different looks than ours.
>Mental neglected individuals
Is THIS talking about how we detect deformities and problems, then choose to not breed with them? That would make sense from an evolutionary standpoint, but humans have societal constructs that can take place over our instincts.

This isn't black or white, folks. There's a ton of shades of gray. Not acknowledging both sides is a mistake. It's a long game we've played where we were one thing, but are able to be something different through willpower.

>>25950113
iron ore is natural, refined iron isn't, steel even less so
society refines our instincts
killing weak babies and potential rivals is natural, but we humans decided not to do so

>>25950335
you're clearly illiterate
the anon was talking about incest and mentally unstable children from single parent households (look it up, statistics)
just because reality isn't dealing in black white absolutes doesn't mean everything's relative

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>tfw I've never even had a friend who so happened to be a girl

I'm not socially awkward or anything, but no woman has ever wanted to develop even a normal friendship with me.

it hurts... but at least I've got my bros...

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>>25937403
>She better be /mu/

>>25950839
Oh, no. I was quite aware that incest was part of the subject. I only touched on our attraction to the "like traits" to point out that people could be attracted to their own kin on that value, but of course our mental development pushes us away from doing so.

Just as well, the rearing of children wasn't part of the quoted line, though "creation" was.

You sound high and mighty suggesting your last point there, but it doesn't counter what I said. I did, in fact, suggest that there are a lot of shades of gray, but I also did say that both hard concepts should be acknowledged. We are neither entirely instinct-based nor are we entirely above our own predispositions. But we absolutely aren't just one or the other anymore, so I would go so far as to say that everything is relative.

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>>25940720
>"I wonder what's on /pol/ right now."
I died tbqh

>>25950980
>you sound high
close, i'm drunk
>own kin
that's called paternal framing - making babies outside of your ethnicity fucks up the genetics and the mental health of your children

>>25950874
Trust me, having a majority of your friends be women does not help with your romantic prospects.

>>25950020
I heard that too
I fucking love science

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>>25951165
I mean, not even one man...

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>>25938198
Sick, bruh, does it have bomb ass tips to improve my negging game?

>>25951199
I'm sorry, m8. I wish you better luck in the new year.

>>25940488
I like this solely because Flash isn't the author's punching bag.
9/10

Bumping for green

>>25951789
Last bit of green was 26 hours ago.
Time to let the thread die.

This thread was made a year ago XD

>>25952371
I know where you live, faggot

>>25951256
There's an entire chapter devoted to the traits of the "Anti-Seducer".

I got love for you all, but I'm tying to murder you niggas
Trying to make sure that your core fans never of you niggas
They don't wanna here not one more noun or verb from you niggas

>>25937347
okay, what you got?
>"Kidnapping girls! or boys if, you know, you're into that."

You write your name with a sharpie
I write mine in stone

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>>25937452
Those tips suck ass

>>25938432
>"What the hell Anon? We're twins, remember?"
"Yes... and?"

>>25955825
>bumping ded thred
let it die, anon

>>25949606
S-Senpai...

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>>25956383

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>>25940720
tfw no pseudo-red pilled gf

>>25957196
That's because they don't exist.

page 10 save

writefag come back

>>25938257
>Heritage Foundation
Not this shit again senpai

I am the result if putting persistent pressure on cole

>>25939954
More

>>25940720
Moar

>>25941858
If you really love me, prove it.

>>25950020
microchimerism

>>25940720
pls moar

>>25957196
Why is that German wojack in a British trench

>>25940720
she got a good taste in interwebs
>>25957196
feel you there, senpaibro
>>25958599
you'd be surprised, who-has-dubs, but if you can't find the polished diamond then you make yourself one

>>25961802
Wojak, pronounced, Voyac, is a /Pol/ish name - and the meaning's fitting

>>25940720
>A hand grabs you from behind, and you turn to find yourself facing Sunset.
>"So how'd it go?"
"It didn't go at all."
>Your wingman puts a finger to her chin in thought.
>"That's a shame. I could have sworn that the two of you would have been a perfect match."
>You shrug.
"Yeah. How tragic. Now how about we forget the whole 'let's give Anon AIDS and a baby' thing and call it a night?"
>"Not a chance."
>She starts pulling you up the stairs and down the crowded hallway, and you do your best to not bump into any of the couples who seem to very interested in one another, judging from the way they're feeling each other up.
>It's almost as if you're in hookup central.
>You can hear the creaking of old springs coming from within a closed room, meaning that either a couple partygoers found a couple of pogo sticks to mess around with, or they're doing a very rigorous exercise with just one.
>That was a penis joke, by the way.
>"Hey, Anon. Have a refreshment."
>Sunset hands you a small paper cup filled with what appears to be water.
"Thanks. I was getting thirsty," you say, your throat parched. "It's not much though."
>You greedily down the thing in one go and almost spit it all out. However, your table manners keeping you from spewing it onto the floor.
"That wasn't water," you sputter.
>"More hard stuff. If I'm going to get you laid, you're going to need it."
>You can feel your insides burn as the strong liquor begins its journey into your system.
"Why? To give me beer goggles or make me more social?"
>"A little bit of both."
"I'm beginning to question the ethics of your actions."
>Sunset looks around as she walks you down the hallway.
>"Psh. You're at a booze-infested party filled with hormone-pumped students, most of whom are below the legal drinking age and whose parents likely don't know what they're up to. We'll question the morality of high school partying once you're dead or screwed."
>Maybe Sunset isn't the best influence after all.

>>25961953
>She stops in front of a closed door and gives it a knock.
>"C-come in!" a feminine voice shouts from inside.
>"I went ahead and came up with a 'Plan B,' just in case you could get past the whole 'talking to girls' step. The only way you could possibly mess this up is if she gets knocked up."
>You cross your arms and take a step back.
"What did you do?"
>She looks off to the side and gives an innocent smile, twirling a lock of her hair with a finger.
>"Oh, nothing much. I just found someone who would very much like to get to the 'point' with you."
"Me? Specifically?"
>Sunset nods.
>"Yep. It would be rude for you not to, uh..."
>She gives a light cough.
>"Return the favor."
"Did you give her my consent without obtaining my actual consent?"
>"Oh, don't be such a party pooper," she scoffs, rolling her eyes. "As if a guy would ever say no and actually mean it."
>Before you can give her an educated lecture on male consent that you've read on an imageboard consisting mostly of virgin males, she opens the door and pushes you inside.
>The door shuts immediately after.
>You try to open it, but the door won't budge. The girl is stronger than she looks.
>That bitch.
>"A-anon?" a familiar voice says in the room.
>Wait a minute. You recognize that voice.
>You turn around to find the source, and your jaw almost hits the floor.
>A nerdy girl wearing nothing but her underwear and glasses sits shyly on the bed, twiddling her fingers and looking at the floor.
>Her face is beet red from either embarrassment, booze, or both.
"MOONDANCER?"
>She gives you a sheepish grin and waves.
>"H-hey, Anon. How's it h-hangin'?"
>Your brain is still reeling from the initial shock.
>"I mean hangin' as in, uh, how's it g-going. N-not as in, well, how your d-dick is hanging. Because, you know, of course it's hanging because of g-gravity. Unless you're erect, th-that is..."
>Your brain finally reboots. Should probably update its software sometime.
"MOONDANCER?"

>>25961968
Fucking bump, holy shit

>>25961968
>Of all the people you would expect to not be at a party...
"what are you doing here?"
>"O-oh. Were you expecting s-someone else?" she asks, a little heartbroken.
"Yes. I mean, no. I mean," you stutter, shaking your head. "What are you doing at this party in the first place?"
>"W-what's the matter?"
>She stands up and gives you her best bedroom eyes, putting her hands on her surprisingly well-shaped hips.
>And to be honest, your slightly intoxicated boner is very confused.
>She's not the prettiest of girls, but she's far from the ugliest.
>But you never expected her to have a thing for you...or anyone, really.
>Well, she did ask you out to the fall formal one time. But you thought that she was joking.
>Something tells you that that wasn't the case.
>"Can't a studious g-girl have some fun every n-now and then?"
>Isn't studying considered fun for people like her?
>She walks towards you, making sure to sway her hips with every step. Where did she learn this?
>Suddenly, Moondancer trips on herself and falls forward.
>You instinctively reach out and catch her, and her body slams into yours.
>Is it just you, or is it getting a little hot in here?
>"O-oh, Anon. Th-this is just like my Japanese animes. I mean, you're not the smartest or strongest guy at school, but..."
>Gee, thanks.
>"Hey Anon?"
>She's pressing her body against you rather tightly, and that's causing a certain part of you to get excited.
"Y-yeah?"
>"Want m-me to...give you the old lickaroo?"

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>>25961968
Just when I thought all hope was lost, you have returned!

>>25962191
Please let Anon fuck this up really badly. It would be the most humorous way to go.

>>25962219
Then a intoxicated Sunset gives him a pity fuck.

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>>25962191
>The old lickaroo
Moondancer you're trying so hard but god damn

>>25962191
>>"Want m-me to...give you the old lickaroo?"
I just realized what kind of person you have to be to fully understand this line. What have I been doing with my life?

>>25962191
>Your boner halts at half-mast as you process what she just said.
"The what?"
>"The, uh, you know..."
"Did you say...'lickaroo?'"
>Her eyes shoot wide open.
>"Did I just say that? R-really?"
>Her face is practically a tomato at this point.
>"Oh no. I c-c-can't believe th-that I s-said," she says, covering her hands in utter embarrassment.
>You're starting to feel a little bad for her, as is your dick.
>Maybe you could give her a pity fuck.
>After she gives you the old lickaroo, that is.
>"I was thinking about what not to say, and th-then I remembered the g-greentext about..."
>Greentext
>
"Wait a minute."
>She peeks at you from under her fingers.
>You're too saturated with alcohol to care at this point. Let the spagooter runneth over.
"Do you lurk numberchan?"
>"N-numberchan?"
>A pause.
>"M-maybe?"
"What boards?"
>"W-w-what?"
"What boards do you lurk?"
>She's starting to shake now.
>"/horse/"
>Holy shit.
>A /horse/fucker in the flesh. Just like you.
>Holy fucking shit.

>>25962512
>You're starting to tremble from a combination of excitement and autism.
>That or you're having a stroke.
"WHO'S YOUR WAIFU?" you shout, barely able to contain yourself.
>"Dusk Sh-shine."
>You can't take it.
>Sweet heavens almighty this is too much.
>A laugh escapes from your lips. Then another. You're in hysterics now, clutching your sides. A tear runs down your face.
>"W-what's so funny?"
"Dush Shine a shit," you say, wiping your eyes.
>Her eyes frown, but there's now a smile on her face. A genuine one.
>"Oh yeah, who's yours?"
"Bubble Berry."
>She scoffs.
>"Waifuing a dumb slut horse in the current year? Please," she retorts, her stutter gone.
"Says the duskfag. How does if feel sucking Hazbro's dick with those wings?"
>And so the two of you sit down and have an actual conversation about a show for little girls, talking about episodes and drama going on in the fandom.
>Are you going to look back on this and cringe? Probably.
>Is it autistic? Absolutely.
>Are you having fun?
>Actually, you--
>"WHAT'S GOING ON?" a third voice shouts from the doorway.

>>25962518
This is probably the best possible way for you to get cockblocked by your autism.

>>25961888
/pol/ak trips
I'd a /pol/ka

>>25962191
>>25962257
>>25962324
I don't get it, what is "The old lickaroo" I'm just a horsefucker lvl 2 sorry.

>>25962665
>cockblocked by your autism
This hits very close home...

>>25938747
Please give me some peer-reviewed studies on this so I can once an for all shut down anyone who didn't believe me when I've been saying this shit for fucking years.

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>>25962765
It comes from a greentext story, pic related. Also, at least give yourself some credit for trying to talk to women.

>>25962765
newfag

>>25962518
I need more

>>25937432
Because you fuck your significant other, the one who you carefully picked out of many as the best you can possibly get to be the mother of your children. When people start fucking their friends they become less able to form lasting relationships. Also, if people had large amounts of casual sex I can guarantee you about 60 percent or less of men would get most women (as opposed to the "80-20" rule which i think is an exaggeration of a real occurrence).

>>25962518
"Oh hi Sunset," you say to the not at all amused figure standing in the doorway.
>"What exactly are you DOING?"
"We're talking about tiny pastel horses. Wanna join?"
>Moondancer giggles.
>"Oh, for Pete's sake!"
>She barges in.
>"You're supposed to RUT her, not BEFRIEND her!"
"You never really told me why it's so important that I got laid."
>"You don't understand, Anon," she seethes. "It NEEDS to happen."
"That's not really an explanation."
>"And you're the biggest pussy I have ever met!" she shouts.
>Everyone on the floor stops what they're doing and watches the scene unfold.
>"I give you a girl on a silver platter, and what do you do? You sit down and have a little CHAT."
>She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes.
>"But that's fine. I always have a backup plan."
>She grabs a bottle of vodka and takes a deep chug.
>"I didn't want to do this. Not in a thousand years, but you leave me no choice. Anon?"
>Sunset wipes her mouth and coughs.
>"You're going to fuck me."
>A couple ooohs come out from the growing audience.

>>25962907
"WHAT?"
>She throws off her clothes and stands before you completely naked. She has a determined look on her face.
>"Oh no, she's hot," Moondancer whispers to herself.
>Your wingman turned rapist takes a step towards you.
>"Take off your clothes, Anon. This ends tonight."
>"Fuck her, Anon!" a bro shouts.
>"Fuck her! Fuck her!" the crowd starts chanting.
"Fuck you, Sunset!"
>Sunset start teasing her nipples with her fingers.
>"Do it, Anon. You know you want to."
>You start backing up to maintain your distance, but your back soon hits a wall.
>Not getting laid is going to be harder than you thought.
>"The more you resist, the longer it'll take. Just give me your seed and get it over with."
>Your seed?
>What does she mean by this?
>You're running out of options, Anon.
>She's blocking the exit. The crowd's cheering you to give it to her. What do you do?
>And so, in an act of sheer desperation, you do what any drunk, horny teenager would do in this scenario.
"My body is a temple!"
>And you jump out the window.

>>25962907
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

>>25962920
Does Sunset have some contract that requires Anon to have sex in order to keep an extra-dimensional being from devouring the world?

>>25962920
this shit golden muh nugga

>>25962920
Pastebin this

>>25962953
da comrade, da

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>>25962920
My sides

>>25962920
15/10 bravo.

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>>25962920

>>25962920
>Inb4 she chases Anon and rapes him on the street.

>>25963210
im not sure if i want this to happen or not

>>25963219
It would be funny though.

>>25963232
you're not wrong

>>25963232
He would start saying that rape doesn't count as losing his virginty because he didn't give consent. So Sunset would try more causing chaos and humor

>>25963267
But Sunset doesn't believe in male consent.

>>25963267
Maybe Sunset is in heat.

>>25963299
Then have Anon gloating around her about still being a virgin and how he still is. And then Sunset getting pissed

>>25963329
Which causes more sexual tension.

>>25963353
And laughs

Stop telling the writefag how to write his fucking story. Your ideas are shit. All of them. Every single last one.

If any of you had a decent idea, you would be writing about it yourself.

>>25937347
You are aware of course that the only fool proof plan would be to seeds me yourself.

[Spoiler] I'm okay with that I'd it's the plan[/spoiler]

>>25963393
We are discussing the story and providing ideas incase the writefag runs out of them

>>25963393
You're right, but you're still a fag.

>>25963393
>implying the writefag doesn't get ideas from the readers

>>25963393
We're not telling him what to do. Ever heard of predicting?

>>25963393
Did your anger have a vasectomy? Because it sure sounds impotent.

>>25963210
>Rules of Nature.mp3

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>>25963210
>>25963472

>>25963440
It isn't impotent if the one person in this thread who matters listens.

Write for you. Don't write for them. That's how you get Ep 100.

>>25963578
Way to miss the point of the other responses to your post.

>>25963393
>getting this mad over ideas
I bet you're real fun at parties

>>25962920
Stopping for now. But anyone can hijack it if they want.

>>25963647
Write a story of your own, consumer.

>>25963665
Welp. Never mind. You dun good, but I'm jumping ship from here.

>>25963393
found the new same fag and the same new fag

>>25962907
>>"I didn't want to do this. Not in a thousand years, but you leave me no choice. Anon?"
That bitch!
>>25962920
>>"Oh no, she's hot," Moondancer whispers to herself.
Squiddancer
>>25962920
>>She's blocking the exit. The crowd's cheering you to give it to her. What do you do?
>>And so, in an act of sheer desperation, you do what any drunk, horny teenager would do in this scenario.
>"My body is a temple!"
>>And you jump out the window.
KEK

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>>25963674

new bump general in t-minus...

>>25937347
Marry me?

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>>25962920

>>25937347
Sunset I've told you already i don't want to have sex

>>25938465

The fact that this is in public makes it all the more hotter.

>>25962920
>"My body is a temple!"
>>And you jump out the window.
I'm dead

>>25962907
Threesome?
>>25962920
There was no threesome.

>>25961802
he conquered it

>>25950020
"Telegony" is a theory in heredity, holding that offspring can inherit the characteristics of a previous mate of the female parent

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>>25962818
Kek
Thanks Anon!

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>>25962920
My fucking sides

Bamp

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>>25950922
>she better be /tg/

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Boop

Bemp!

>>25964144
Called it.

>>25968700
Sunset thats not how you eat

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>>25967923
What a lovely neight that would be

>>25967923
who is that semen demon pony OC?

>>25967923
that OC pony 2 cute

>>25962518
Aww, now he and Moondancer can write beautiful greentext together.

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Bumparoonie

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Bemp!

I could give this thread the old bumparoo

>>25967923
>a /tg/ pony
I would wife that mare in a heartbeat

>>25962920
>You know those scenes in movies when a character's falling in slow motion?
>Apply that to this specific moment.
>Time seems to hit a snail's pace as you begin your descent from the second floor.
>Some peaceful song seems to be playing in the distance.
>Your stomach lurches.
>Your balls shrivel.
>Your arms try to find something to grab in the air.
>But can you really blame yourself?
>When put in a situation when you have to choose between getting funky with an aggressive but hot girl and jumping out a window, wouldn't everyone choose the latter?
>No? Just you?
>Well everyone can go fuck themselves.
>You're not a damn lemming running off a cliff.
>Says the guy who ran out a fucking window.
>Oh well.
>Just close your eyes and wait for your body to hit the...water.
>You bodyslam into Flash's swimming pool, causing a big splash that hits a couple nearby partygoers.
>Everyone watching winces and ooohs.
>"That's gotta hurt," someone says.
>And it does.
>Pain consumes your entire being like a fire.
>You scream underwater as you hug yourself, bubbles running up your face and onto the surface.
>Why did you have miss the concrete?
>Eventually, you regain your motor functions and break the surface with a big gasp.
>Looking around, you see a sea of concerned faces.
>"That was fuckin' sick brahski," someone says.
>You're too winded to respond.
>After sucking in more air, you drag yourself out of the pool and try to shake some of the water out of your system.
>You look up to see Sunset looking out the window.
>She does not seem amused in the slightest.
>Her bare breasts do look nice in the moonlight though.
>But enough sightseeing.
>You have to get out of here before Sunny touches your peepee.

>>25974707
>"Hey, Anon," a familiar voice calls nearby. "You alright?"
>You look around and see Flash waving from a grill. He's wearing an apron that says "Kiss the Cook (and say no homo if you're a dude)."
>Oh, thank goodness. A friendly face.
"Flash," you say, taking a moment to cough up some pool water. "Your ex is fucking crazy."
>He puts some fresh sausages onto the grill, the smell of freshly cooked meat filling your soaked nostrils.
>"She can be a bit aggressive at times, but Sunset's a really nice person once you get to know her. Who's she trying to match you up with this time?"
"Herself."
>He pauses before flipping a patty.
>"Huh. She must be getting desperate."
"Can you explain to me why it's so important that I have someone diddle my fiddle?"
>Suddenly, you hear a splash behind you.
>"Welp. You're fucked, bro," is all he says.
"In what way?"
>You turn around to see that someone just dived into the water. Judging from the hair, that someone is...
>"On a side note, how do you like your wiener done?" Flash asks, not even looking up from his grill.
"Which one?"
>A head pops up from under the water, and people are applauding the apparently expert dive.
>Here's Sunset.
>She gets out, her body glistening wet under the outdoor lights.
>This would usually arouse you, but your dick is currently trying to make its way into your body like a frightened citizen outside a locked bomb shelter.
>You can almost hear the air raid sirens.
>"Did you really think that you could get away that easily?" she says, displaying an emotion that looks like the cross between smugness and annoyance. "Now stop making a scene and make some love."
"You're the one making a scene with your stupid butt! Now can you please tell me why it's so important that someone rides my rocket?"
>She lunges at you, and you leap out of the way, taking off away from her.
>Sunset starts chasing you around the pool, her arms outstretched like some sort of zombie.
>"Get over here!"
"Eat my ass!"

>>25974724
Why do I have a sinking feeling that Sunset is going go Rules of Nature on Anon's ass?

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>>25974724
>>"On a side note, how do you like your wiener done?" Flash asks, not even looking up from his grill.
>"Which one?"

>>25974752
>"And they run when the sun comes up."

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am enjoy

>>25974724
>Everyone else just watches in mild amusement as the hunter chases its prey.
>You break off towards the exit, but Sunset slides in and blocks it off.
>"There's no escape, Anon! You're not coming out until you come inside!"
"Fuck you and your wordplay, you crazy bitch!"
>"If you don't give up, then we're going to have to do this the hard way!"
>She lunges forward and grabs you by the collar, throwing off your shirt in an expert manner.
>You try to break away, but she tackles you to the ground and undoes your belt.
>She's practically clawing at your crotch.
"No means no!" you shout, frantically crawling away from her.
>Her grip on your pants causes them to break free of your body, leaving you in your underwear and a sock.
>But Sunset pounces on you again.
>Her lips make contact with yours, her tongue invading your mouth like it's Poland.
>One of her hands reaches into your underwear and start stroking your very confused dick.
>It starts to harden.
>With all the strength you can muster, you push her off of you, allowing you to breathe.
"Leggo my eggroll!"
>She falls back into the pool, bubbles breaking at the surface.

>>25974967
>You slowly get up and try to catch your breath, trying to ignore the half-chub poking at your boxers.
>Flash walks up to you and hands you a hot dog.
>"Here ya go. You want some ketchup on it?"
"S-sure," you reply, staring blankly at the spot where Sunset went underwater.
>Flash begins to apply some ketchup onto your dog.
>Suddenly, the water begins to turn red.
>People in the pool begin to panic and swim out upon noticing the discoloration.
>Looks like blood.
"You know what? I don't like ketchup anymore."
>Flash looks up and notices the change in his pool.
>"Is this some sort of prank?"
>And with a great explosion, a figure bursts out of the water and into the air.
>You look up to see...
"Sunset?"
>She looks a bit like Sunset, but different.
>Demonic would be the fitting term.
>Aw, shit. It's that one incident at school all over again.
>"Haha!" she shouts, her voice deep and sinister. "I'm finally free to conquer the world!"

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>>25974975
My mind is full of fuck right now.

>>25974975
Oh shit.. looks like Sunset is on her period again. Quick someone call the fire department and get her ice cream.

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>>25974975
>>She looks a bit like Sunset, but different.
>>Demonic would be the fitting term.
>>Aw, shit. It's that one incident at school all over again.
>>"Haha!" she shouts, her voice deep and sinister. "I'm finally free to conquer the world!"

The bitch was a succubus

>>25974975
"Ah after 10 thousand years I'm free."

>>25974975
>What the fuck is going on?
>"You! Human!" she booms, pointing a pointy finger at you. "Thanks to your lack of male initiative, I am once again in control of this body! Sunset is no more! And as my way of saying thanks..."
>Everyone around you suddenly stops what they're doing and remain completely still. Their eyes seem to become...empty, their mouths agape.
>"You will have to make love to everyone here!" she says with a rather evil laugh.
"Th-that doesn't sound like nice reward."
>"I'm not nice!" she snaps. "Now entertain me with your mortal whims!"
>A hand places itself on your shoulder.
>"Bro," Flash says, his eyes seeming to look past you. "I've wanted to tell you this, but since the day we met, I've always wanted to..."
>He strokes your chest and kisses you on the neck.
>You immediately jump back and put your hands defensively in front of you.
"What the fuck bro? Say no homo! Say it!"
>He walks towards you, biting his lip.
>"All the homo."
>Oh no.
>You're gay now.
>You back up into what feels like a pair of soft melons, and two arms snake their way around your neck.
>"Forget him, Anon. He doesn't have what you want," a voice coos.
>You turn around to find a girl looking at you hungrily. She's holding her bra in one hand and tosses it lightly at you.
>"No need for protection. Fill me with your baby batter."
"D-don't you have gonorrhea?"
>"Psh, details."
"No, th-thanks," you reply, backing up from her and Flash.
>Fucking everyone here is probably going to kill you.
>But maybe there are worse fates to--
>Something rough and wet licks your hand, and you turn around to see a dog looking at you excitedly, wagging its tail.
>It's a male dog.
"Oh no."
>"Oh yes!" Sunset says gleefully.

>>25967923
Almost Aryanne-ish, likes shadows over camelo--- canterlot, even if the game sucks with only two.

Its time to play hide the sausage. I roll a natural 20. No saving throw for you... Now lift that tail..

>>25975054
Rita Repulsa pls go.

>>25975108
oh my fuck, I don't know what to feel right now.
oh double fuck, where'd my sides go?!

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>>25975108
Anymore coming tonight

>>25975184
Carlos continues to deliver the punishment

>>25975108
>"Anon! What about us?" Moondancer calls from the second floor. "W-we can roleplay! I'll be D-dusk Shine and you c-can be Bubble B-berry!"
>Nope. Not your fetish.
>Besides, Dusk Shine a shit.
"I give up!" you shout to Sunset. "I'll fuck you! Just make it stop!"
>"It's too late for that. Now man up and accept your reward."
>A group of girls and guys tackle you and hold you to the ground.
>You squirm and struggle, but they've got you restrained.
>A hand reaches into your pants, followed by a wet sensation that makes you seize up.
>There are so many people on top of you that you can't see who it is.
>Please don't be a guy or dog.
>Your mind is panicking but your dick doesn't care. Faggot dick.
>With superhuman strength that can only be summoned by a guy getting molested by mind-controlled drones, you manage to get an arm loose and elbow someone, causing them to fall off in pain.
>Several more blows to the human pile and you free your other arm.
>Fuck fuck fuck.
>Half of your brain is yelling at you to stop being such a pussy and let it happen, and the other half is telling you that this is bad.
>"Maybe we can stop Sunset after we've fucked everyone," reasons one side.
>"Woof woof," says the other.
>That's enough to make you start punching desperately into the sea of mindless sluts around your lower body, knocking them off one at a time.
>Finally, there's only one person left, whose head is bobbing up and down on you.
>You reach out a hand and pull back her hair.
>Oh, thank goodness. It's a girl mouth.
>You reluctantly shove her off and stuff your wet dick back into your pants before getting up and trying to figure out what to do next.

>>25975461
f5 f5 f5 f5 f5

>>25975461
>How do you even stop this?
>You can't run forever.
>The crowd is closing in on you.
>The girl who was blowing you wipes her mouth.
>"Aww, you didn't let me finish," she says with a vacant smile.
>If you fuck any of them, does that make them the assailant, or you?
>Maybe a philosopher wrote something about it.
>Sunset's still flying above the scene using her wings, watching everything unfold with her stupid smug face.
>How can you even stop her now? Last time you checked, you're not a magical girl.
>You don't know if a gun could put her down, if there even is a gun to find.
>Maybe you could use something else.
>But what?
>You eye a water gun at the edge of the pool, dripping with Sunset's demon period.
>It's not much, but it'll have to do.
>But first, you have to distract the crowd.
"Alright, everyone!" you shout to your potential rapists. "If you all beat the shit out of each other, I'll fuck the last man, woman, or dog standing!"
>They all stop, but someone speaks up.
>"And why shouldn't we just take turns with you instead?"
"Because I can maybe cum three times tops tonight."
>"Fair enough."
>Suddenly, battle cries fill the air as all the partygoers enter one big brawl.
>People are getting punched, kicked, bitten, and even suplexed as they compete for your seed.
>You bob and weave around the battle, trying to make your way to the water, er, blood gun.
>A girl accidentally bumps into you while fighting with someone else.
>"Hey! You hurt Anon!" a swole guy shouts before tackling her into the ground.
>Fuck. You hope no one dies tonight.
>Finally, you make it to your weapon and give it several good pumps.
>All those nights jacking off finally paid off.
>You line up the sights and aim at the mastermind, trying to account for gravity.
>"Do you really think that would do anything?" Sunset asks?
>You pull the trigger, and a strong stream of period flies into the air and hits her square in the face.

>>25975809
>"Ew, gross!"
>She starts rubbing her eyes, trying to get it off.
>"Some even got in my mouth. Blech!"
>You rapidly re-pump your weapon and fire again, this time hitting her in the wings.
>"Aaaaaaagh!"
>And with that, she falls to the ground.
>You rush over to her fallen body, unsure what to do next.
>It's unlikely that you can overpower a demon in CQC combat.
>Fists won't work.
>You suddenly notice the angry erection in your boxers.
>No, Anon. Rape is bad.
>Remember those PSA's at school?
>"Don't rape. Otherwise everyone's going to think that you're a mean person and will shake their heads at you."
>But fuck it.
>You have no choice.
>Sunset tries to recover from her fall, resting on her elbows, but you tackle her face-first into the ground.
>"Get off of me!"
>She's still not wearing any clothing, and her rear is in the prime position for purging.
>At least you'll get to brag that you fucked a literal semen demon in prison...while getting fucked by Tyrone.
>You pull off your underwear and line yourself up with her entrance.
"I'm sorry, Moondancer," you whisper, although you have no idea where she is. "I'm cucking you for your own sake."
>"What are you doi-- AAAAGH!"
>You plunge yourself deep into her vag, a hot and wet sensation immediately surrounding your dick.
>It's like you're fucking a sauna.
>Your balls slap against her as you hilt, then you pull out until your tip is almost out before slamming back into her, working yourself into a regular motion.
>"Stop it! Stop it!" Sunset protests.
"How do you like them apples? Huh? HUH?" you shout above the wet slaps.
>She's trying to crawl away using her arms, but it's no use.
>You're defiling her into submission.
>Finally, you feel yourself tense up as your peak draws near.
>And with one final thrust, you hilt your foe and let it come.
"Begone, demon!" you shout as the floodgates open, wave and wave of your seed gushing deep into her satanic womb.

>>25975820
What the fuck is going on?

>>25975852
The story of how the antichrist was conceived

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>>25975820

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>>25975969

>>25975820
>"Nooooooo!" she screams.
>At first, nothing happens.
>But gradually, her hair recedes back to its normal form and her skin changes color.
>The extra appendages disappear, too.
>The fighting gradually ceases as everyone regains consciousness.
>They all look around, understandably confused, then look at you.
>You're giving them an equally shocked look, but then you realize that you're naked.
>And also inside one of your friends.
>You slowly pull out and sit down on the grass, trying to catch your breath.
>Sunset remains in her current position, face down and ass up.
>Some of your seed dribbles out of her.
>"Oh, my head," she says, getting up into a sitting position.
>She looks around at everyone, then at you.
>"What happened?"
"Oh, uhhh...you turned into a she-demon, and I, uhh..."
>You cough.
"Fucked it out of you."
>She leans back and spreads her lower bits.
>Some more of you falls out.
>"So you did," she says calmly.
"Look, I didn't mean to rape you. Well, I actually did. But you were a demon, and you were trying to rape me and make everyone rape me, so..."
>Prepare your anus, because you're so going to prison.
"Even stevens, right?"
>Sunset gives you a long stare, mouth slightly agape.
>"I turned into a demon?"
"Yes."
>"And you raped me to save me?"
"Well, when you put it that way, I--"
>She wraps you in a warm, sweaty, bloody embrace.
>"You're a real friend, Anon. Thanks."
"I, uhh, what?"

>>25976069
>"And more importantly," she says, pulling back and grabbing you by the shoulders.
>"You finally got laid!"
>Everyone cheers.
>"Yeah! We knew you could do it, buddy!"
>"Ey, yo Flash. Your pool's fuckin' bloody as hell, mang."
>"Why does my mouth taste like dick?"
>"Bark bark."
>Fucking rape culture.
>Flash walks over to you and hands you a hot dog.
>"Congrats, bro. Here's a fresh dog. Extra big just for you."
"Th-thanks."
>He pulls you up and wraps an arm around your shoulder.
>"See? This party wasn't so bad after all."
>Sunset stands up and gives you a playful nudge.
>"Yeah. Aren't you glad that you have me as a friend?"
>A roughed up Moondancer walks over to you, making eye contact with your one-eyed snake. Her glasses are also broken.
>"H-hey, Anon? W-wanna do a collab g-green tomorrow after s-school?"
"Uhhh, sure?"
>"C-cool. See you l-later."
>She goes in for a hug, which you politely return.
>Sunset joins in, too, as does Flash.
>They're all hugging rather tightly.
>You can hardly breathe.
>"You know what?" Sunset says. "I think we all learned something about friendship today."
>You fucking hate this place.

>>25976090
Pastebin please

>>25976090
And so we see a new birth to Anon Out of Equestria, in which he hates being in Equestria Girls. The series of stories that doesn't need its own general, but should just infest and overtake Fingerbang, because they're pretty slow these days and it counts because it's human.

>>25976090
>"You know what?" Sunset says. "I think we all learned something about friendship today."

>Rape.
it defeats demons.

>>25976143
just 4u http://pastebin.com/RehdDr0x

>>25976226
Thank you c:

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>>25976090

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>>25976683

bemp

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>>25976090

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>"As your friend I would like to play a little game called 'haaaaaaaave you met Anon'?"
"No, Sunset we are NOT playing 'have you met Anon'!"

>>25937452
>>25937500
>>25937585
>>25938202
I'd try this but years of looking at the idiocy of feminism has made me deeply cautious that if I advance on a woman, they'll call me a misogynist/rapist/creep for doing so.

But maybe I'll try to be more confident while clubbing. A few girls have grinded on me in there and I replied the action, but unfortunately it never advance much beyond that.

S-Should I just go l-lewd and start pecking them when they do that?

>>25976226
Excellent. Even if Anon was a pussy who didn't bang sunset from the start..

All the homo...

>>25974856
>"With Anon's dick on the line!"

>>25977731
>Sunset trying to get FemAnon laid

I enjoyed the other story, but I desire this as well.

>>25974724
>diddle my fiddle
I thought I was the only one who said this

Clump

>>25976090
10/10 do this now>>25977731

>>25977731
what's Sunset's catchphrase?

>>25980032
RRRRRRRRIGHT UP THE BUTT

>>25979363
Does that tickle your pickle?

>>25978832
i second this notion

Don't die!!!!

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>>25962920
>My body is a temple!

Jesus assfucking christ my sides have exploded

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>>25976090
My sides will never know peace.

>>25978832
Except that FemAnon is gay as fuck, so Sunset tries setting her up with her various friends. Hilarity ensues.

>>25978832
>>25980019
>>25983351
"For the last time, Sunset- I'm not interested in the many hunky dudes you've conquered during your time as bitch-queen of Canterlot High, okay?"
>"Yeah, I think I've figured that out after the last half a dozen guys. You COULD have just told me that ladies were more your speed and saved a lot of awkwardness, you know."
>You groan.
>Everyday it's the same thing with this girl
>Maybe you want to put more focus on your studies during your more important scholarly years?
>Okay that was a lie
>You just want to spend your free time playing vidja and shitposting on numberchan
>"Look, I promise if none of these girls work out for you, I'll get out of your hair, okay?"
>You look disbelievingly into her eyes
>Her pretty, seafoam colored eyes
>Damn you, gay thoughts
>But it's not like she's going to give up so easily
>Might as well take the closest thing to that
"Alright- but once it's done, it's DONE. Okay?"
>"Absolutely, you have my word."
>She grins, positively beaming at what she thinks will be certain victory
>Not if you have anything to say about it
>All you've gotta do is blow these dates and then Sunset is honor-bound to stop playing "Have you met Anon?" with you.
>Piece of cake

>>25983432
proceed...

>>25983432
>"Alright, so Pinkie and AJ are hosting a shindig at the acres-"
"Did you just unironically use the word shindig?"
>"Don't be an ass, Anon." Sunset says, rolling her eyes
>"Anyways, there'll be a few people there I've invited who I think you might click with, okay?"
"Yeah, sure, fine whatever."
>She pokes you in the chest
>"Don't try and screw around on purpose okay?"
>Her expression goes from 'firmly disappointed' to much softer in a second
>DAMN YOU GAY THOOOOOUGHTS
>"I just want you to be able to have some fun, okay?"
>"All work and no play makes Nonny a dull girl."
>You let out the deepest sigh you can muster
"Twist my arm, why don't you! Fine, I'll LEGITIMATELY try and give it a shot."
>She brightens up after that
>"Good! So, party's at 7- see you there!"
>And with that she sashays off
>As soon as she rounds the corner, you pull out your phone and begin texting your closest bro
"Flash, you get an invite to the party tonight?"
>Flash Sentry, fellow appreciator of the female form and waifu stealing son of a bitch
>If didn't already know you were gayer than the Fourth of July, he probably would have been at the top of Sunset's previous "list of people for Anon to get nookie with"
>"Yeah u need a wingman?"
"Nah, code bacon man."
>"Aaaa the party is a ruse then"
>"Bummer"

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>>25983623
Sunset is the physical embodiment of "even the girls want her."

>>25983623
>"U still not telling SS that she's the one u wanna mack on?"
"I can't just tell her I like her that'd make me look like an idiot"
>"Ur a girl isn't that just supposed to be something spineless dudes lie to themselves about?"
"Eat a dick Sentry"
>"Nah, ur the gay part of our dynamic duo."
>"U got a plan at least?"
>You scratch the back of your head, thinking as you exit the school.
"Not really"
>"Groovy ok good luck at the party"
>You unlock your bike from the rack and flip up the kickstand
>"Yeah thanks for nothing Brad"
>You put up your phone, and pedal home faster than your gay thoughts can catch up with
>You lived in the nicest part of the suburbs, which was about a stone's toss from everywhere that wasn't the big city itself
>After only a few minutes you make it home, tossing your bag on the bed.
>Mom would still be a few hours before coming home
>Auntie would probably be home sooner
>Working at the school kept them both there pretty late though
>You catch a shower before either of them can get home and hog all the hot water with their bathing
>Probably just lounge around with bubbles everywhere and a wine glass in one hand, the fiends

>>25983848
>The hot shower helps melt away some of your frustrations
> Gotta at least smell nice at this party
>Especially if you want to maybe have a chance at getting the truth through Sunset's abnormally bacon covered head
>For someone who you got to know through her being your tutor, she really could be thick
>At least thick in most of the right places
>Shower time is totally gay-thoughts appropriate time
>After a few minutes, you turn off the water and dry yourself off
>The warm fluffy towel feels almost as good as the shower
>And just a few minutes later you are dry, dressed, and slouched over your desk browsing the internet
> Nothing good on your favorite numberchan board ever since the namesake's show went on hiatus
> Just a bunch of Gleamposting and "your waifu is shit" threads
>Even your favorite quest hasn't had a thread in two months
>The sound of the front door shutting snaps you back into the real world
>That must be your aunt
>Kinda weird that she's been living with you and mom for the last couple years, but mom said that she needed to be with family now more than ever
>Something to do with recovering from some kind of psychotic episode?
>Hearing that did wonders for your confidence in your own mental health
>You figure you might as well let her in on your evening plans so she can tell mom if you've already left by the time she gets home


And breaking for now so I can have some time to actually plan out where to go from here with this instead of flying by the seat of my pants, hope you're enjoying so far

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>>25984009
It's shaping up to be pretty comfy.

>>25984051
reptilian

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Bumping for more Femanon

>>25986149

Bump!!!!!!!!

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For the love of dykeshit, MOAR!