/fimfic/ - FiM-Fiction Thread: Now with 37% more equality!

Futaloo get

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>kh&c, chapter 12

Time for wedding planning. Venue, dresses, the works. This is an even bigger deal than Cadance's wedding - it's Rarity we're talking about, Knight Elemental and Duchess of Lipizzan, not just some boring old superpowered immortal alicorn princess!

The Weatherponies (oops, that's racist - I mean the Undergrounders) have finally gotten their shit together and are planning to attack the wedding. Turns out Chaff Guarana himself isn't real big on the idea of flying right up to the "Sun Tyrant, Moon Dictator, and Lustbringer", but Silversteel's psycho stalker (Revanche) and her new boyfriend Candlewick get everyone to go along with them anyway.

By pure luck, Twilight's friends set her up with "Parrafin Wax" so she'll have a date for the wedding (several months from now). Parrafin Wax is, of course, Candlewick, Revanche's boyfriend. Twilight falls madly in love with him, and as a result he's able to gain access to all the magical defenses set up for the wedding. This part's actually kind of sad. As I recall, in AAG proper Twilight is foreveralone and occasionally gets angsty about >tfw no cf.

At the wedding, Candlewick and friends blow up all the defenses, allowing the Undergrounders to attack from the air. Revanche goes straight for Silversteel, knocks him out, and tries to drag him away. Celestia moves to stop them, but they blow up a warehouse and threaten to set off other bombs elsewhere in the city. The Undergrounders fly off, pegasi and gryphons carrying everyone else, and they set off the rest of the bombs because fuck you. They already jumped Rainbow Dash, and apparently no other pegasus could possibly catch up to them, so they escape unhindered.

>Rarity’s screams were unheard by a Canterlot that was otherwise occupied with pulling itself free of the hell that had been caused, but she didn’t care. This was between her and the one who dared attempt to thwart her happiness. “This isn’t over yet! IT. IS. ON!”

how to force self to continue writing

>>25629070
These fics appear to have some interesting worldbuilding. It's a pity that the story itself is so freaking insane.

>>25629111
Here, I read this recently and I think it has got a point.

----
You probably think that good ideas are like sports cars: You just bumble along, minding your own business, until a bright orange one whips around a corner and splatters into you, scattering your entrails across the road in the exact same way that your tearful mother will scatter flowers over your closed-casket funeral, which would make for a pretty great transition for your screenplay, if you ever got around to writing it.

Which you won't. Because you're waiting for inspiration, and inspiration is bullshit.

The reality is that art is work, and great writers know that. Franz Kafka wrote for a few hours every night. Maya Angelou wrote from 6:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. every day. At one point in 1979, Stephen King decided to get a vasectomy. Unfortunately, something about the surgery didn't really take, and a couple of days later while writing he started to furiously bleed from the area around his dick. But he refused to let his wife take him to the hospital until he finished the chapter he was working on. Because he had a schedule to keep.
----

Open a document and write. Just write.

>>25626088
>Hands.
was actually pretty fun even if completely pointless

though that may have changed. i read its original form and its been rewritten at least once already

>>25629486
>Now it's clowns and pies.

I dunno, I found the princess circus ponies pretty horrifying.

Would Sight Taker be a good name for a pony with a sextant cutie mark and a talent for navigation?

>>25629486
>It's all pure debate since the episode never states what form of time travel is being employed. It could be Back to the Future ripple effect, or it could be many worlds.
Multi reply retard strikes again.

First, Twilight said the spell "pulled them back, but whatever Starlight did in the past changed things here".
Second, Zecora said that changing something in the past changes how the future turns out, not that it creates an alternate future.
Third, if they did change timelines, then Starlight wouldn't be back in the past when Twilight used the spell herself, because in that timeline's past, they would never have met Starlight.

>>25630768
Good enough

>>25630768
kind of makes me think something else

>>25633651
>sight taker
>His special talent is making others blind

That could be bleedin tier character building right here.

Just hope you don't meet that guys brother who works at jubilees ranch. His name is Cherry Taker

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>>25633714
>Cherry Taker

>>25629001
>FiM-Fiction

GET OFF MY HORDE YOU FUCKING NORMIE

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

>>25630816
>pulled them back, but whatever Starlight did in the past changed things here

And how does that prove there are no alternate timelines? The timeline could have split around the Rainboom for all you know.

>Zecora

An alternate future IS where the future turns out differently. You could interpret her splitting the river as creating a whole new timeline of events.

>Paradoxes

Except that, each time Starlight goes fuck up the Rainboom, it pulls HER back. The original hating Starlight, and not a new Starlight from an alternate dimension.

I'd be much keener to debate with you if you didn't think your opinion was fact.

>>25634010
And for Zecora, her action was purely symbolic. There's no proof as to her actually knowing a change in the timeline happened before Twalot appeared.

>>25629175
I mostly agree with what you say, but you shouldn't downplay the importance of Inspiration as a creating force. It isn't a vital ingredient, but it can accelerate things in the first steps of planning.

frump

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>>25634010
>And how does that prove there are no alternate timelines?
...because Twilight explained that the explain works by putting them back where they were?
Seriously, what the fuck are you trying to disprove here?

>An alternate future IS where the future turns out differently.
But it's not an alternate timeline.

>You could interpret her splitting the river as creating a whole new timeline of events.
She didn't SPLIT the stream, you retard, she changed its course.

>Except that, each time Starlight goes fuck up the Rainboom, it pulls HER back.
I'd sure love some source on that. We've seen in the episode that she stayed in the past all along.

>I'd be much keener to debate with you if you didn't think your opinion was fact.
Thank God you're not keen on debating this with me, because you actually deny the facts. It's not my opinion, I am literally telling you what happened in the fucking episode.

>>25634126
Never said she did, but she explained how time works in the MLP universe.

>>25635514
>the explain
*the spell, no idea how that got in there

>>25634112
>>25634112
>>25634112

>>25635530
That prompt is absolutely worthless, even our OPs are better.

Anyone familiar with This Platinum Crown? Noticed it because it's apparently a sequel to The Best Night Ever, but it's a huge brick to catch up with (longer than Fallout: Equestria). Is it any good?

>>25635900
Isn't it a deadfic?
Apparently it's pretty okay, but I haven't read it. Seemed to be the next story arc in Sweetie Chronicles the last time I've read that, so I might give it a try at some point.

>>25635900
I loved it, but it is nothing like TBNE. The best description would be Game of Thrones without the gore and sex. Lots of nobles plotting against each other (there's at least a dozen characters, each with their own agenda, with alliances constantly being formed and broken), a very complicated storyline, and the occasional action scene. Basically, if you like stuff like Wheel of Time or A Song of Ice and Fire I'd recommend it.

>>25635950
It had a slew of updates a couple months back, but seems to have died out after that. I haven't read any chapter since April 2014, so I don't know what it's like now.

>>25635950
>>25635965
Oh. If it's unfinished and with an erratic update schedule like Night's Favoured Child I think I'll skip it for now.

>>25635514
>We've seen in the episode that she stayed in the past all along.
Now that's a load of bullshit. Rewatch the episode. Each time Twilight goes back to the past, she appears before the race happens. You do for example see Fluttershy falling to the ground. When she turns up in the past again, Fluttershy is not on the ground. Shimmer is still there, and remembers what happened. This is only possible if Shimmer also gets pulled back to the past as or after Twilight is sucked off into the future.

>>25635958
>Wheel of Time
Is it any good? I tried to read it but the constant Random Noun is a Name and the medieval stasis (Hate the stuff with a ranting kind of passion) shooed me off.

>>25636189
>This is only possible if Shimmer also gets pulled back to the past as or after Twilight is sucked off into the future.
This is also possible if it's one of the effects of the spell, or if the writers didn't think it through, which me and another Anon here agreed on before. If you really want to stick to little details of the part where Twilight and Starlight fight in the past, then tell me why Starlight doesn't appear in the same place as Twilight does when the spell pulls her back, why it doesn't pull her back at the same time as Twilight, and why she didn't know the effects of her changing the past if she's already seen it.

Random thought for a random smutfic idea, probably human/EQG, seeking opinions:

I'm sure everyone's familiar with the old trope of an older kid either with a fake ID or just recently of age who buys younger kids beer/liquor if they slip 'em a twenty or something, yeah? Great. So. What about that exact scenario, but instead of booze, it's an adult video/sex-toy shop?

Call the idea stupid if you want, I'm sure it is, but the more interesting question to me right now is, what character would make the most sense to want to make some extra cash buying porn for horny freshmen with disposable income?

>>25636484
>human/EQG
Coupled with the fact that you want to include a porn store and have no idea what character would even fit the situation, you should just write some normal human smut and publish it on Amazon for pennies to get some easy bucks if you're lucky.
Also, nobody in this thread will help you if you want to do human, anthro or EqG. That stuff is for writers who don't actually want to write about ponies, they just want easier recognition. If you can't do it with ponies, there's no reason to force it into pony fanfiction.

>>25636508
I thought we mostly hated anthro while human/EQG was at least tolerated.

Regardless, I'm more interested in the actual question of who makes the most sense in the scenario. I DO have candidates, I'm just interested in gathering a few other opinions.

>>25636653
No, we hate anthro for the same reasons we hate humanized and EqG.

I don't think any canon character makes sense.

What do people use for the name of the planet that Equestria is on? I'm fond of Equus, personally, but I know Pinkie uses the name Earth in HWE, so I'm conflicted.

>>25636827
Logical reasoning is that each species/language/whatever has a few names for the planet.

>>25636827
I've seen Terra a couple of times, so that could work too.

>>25636827
>I'm fond of Equus
Why? Ponies are only one of the many races that live on the planet.

>>25636827
Dirt.

>>25636865
We called Earth Earth even when most of it is water. Of course equines will call the planet Equus in their own language.

>>25636894
>We called Earth Earth even when most of it is water
Because earth is the part we live on...?
I mean, I wasn't there when they named it that way, but I'm guessing that's the reason.

>Of course equines will call the planet Equus in their own language.
Equestria is just one nation, it's not like we know if their Earth has mostly ponies on it.

>>25635514
>Crazy nigger puts her hoof in a small water stream
>And that, kids, is how time travel works.

>>25637011
>Because earth is the part we live on...?
That was my point precisely.
Griffons may call it Griffonia, zebras Zebraharaharaharaharaharaharaharaharaharhaharhahrhahahrhhahhraaa and diamond dogs Diamondagistan.

>>25637027
I'll take a word of a zebra shaman who's proven her knowledge is sound over a word of an anonymous poster on an internet imageboard who isn't related to the show staff in any way.

>>25635514
>That's not an alternate timeline

Definition of an alternate timeline from Wiki:

"universes that are separated from each other by a single quantum event."

Which can be anything. Like for example, a sonic rainboom.

>She changed its course

That's assuming crazy niggers know how time travel works.

>I'd love some sauce

dyewts.

She said that each time the spell works, SHE is pulled back. SHE. STARLIGHT FUCKING GLIMMER.

>You deny the facts
>For my interpretation must be how the episode happened

>>25637035
So you're saying other races literally live on top of their race's corpses?

>>25637056
> zebra shaman who's proven her knowledge

She only said that time was changed after an event was changed. Which pretty much anyone can figure out.

>>25637062
The griffins do it because of HONOR CODE LOL.
The zebras do it because WISE SAGES YOU DON'T GET THEM LOL.
The diamond dogs do it because CHAOTIC EVIL LOL.

>>25637059
>>Definition of an alternate timeline from Wiki:
that's not what i'm trying to say, I'm saying they didn't change timelines, they changed the way the timeline they were in unfolded

>That's assuming crazy niggers know how time travel works.
see
>>25637056

>She said that each time the spell works, SHE is pulled back. SHE. STARLIGHT FUCKING GLIMMER.
dyewts

Twilight was the one who said that. TWILIGHT FUCKING SPARKLE.

>>25637076
No, she said changing an event in the past changes how the future unfolds. She didn't say it creates an alternate reality, which is what he's arguing for.

>>25637085
MLP S5 E25, 15:55

https://youtu.be/IsvAq_jzRU0?t=955

>Sorry to disappoint you, but I created that spell to send myself back in time. So even when you cast it, I still get send back here.

>>25637085
>She said it changes how the future unfolds

Which may be anything from a ripple effect to multiple alternate timelines.

So basically, your main arguments stands on sand.

>>25637085
Last reply, forgot something.

>See post

Great cherrypicking anon. You remind me of that guy on plebbit taking Tesla's citation as a source to prove that the theory of general relativity was fake, and yet discarding all other evidence given by people actually doing research on the subject.

So timelines are the new Wingblade?
Just in time for new year, too.
I wonder what'll be next? we already had gore, wingblades, and the mechanics of time travel.

>>25637110
"Back here" meaning the past, meaning that when Twilight goes back to the present, Starlight may still be in the past, and when Twilight goes back using the spell again, Starligh gets pulled back a couple of minutes to the original destination point.
Thanks, now I have an explanation for why Starlight remembers everything other than bad writing.

>>25637121
So basically, that wasn't even close to being my main argument. I already provided multiple counterarguments to the multiple timelines theory.

>>25637135
>CHERRYPICKING
How the fuck is me taking a canon character's word over your flawed headcanon "cherrypicking"? You're fucking delusional.

>>25636337
>then tell me why Starlight doesn't appear in the same place as Twilight does when the spell pulls her back, why it doesn't pull her back at the same time as Twilight
Because the spell doesn't put them back at the same point in the past. SG gets pulled back to a point in the past that's slightly before the point in the past that Twilight arrives in. It's possible that the spell when originally cast just sends you X amount of time back, and since Twilight used the spell after SG she turns up later in the past.

>and why she didn't know the effects of her changing the past if she's already seen it
Because she hasn't seen it. SG does not get to experience the future, she gets sent back to the past before that happens.

>>25637218
>Because the spell doesn't put them back at the same point in the past.
I meant the same point in the past they arrived in before the spell was used again.
Your explanation is another possibility.

>Because she hasn't seen it. SG does not get to experience the future, she gets sent back to the past before that happens.
Then I agree with you. But that would mean she does stay in the past whie Twilight returns to the present.

>>25637342
About what?

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Leaving aside the glacial update schedule, what do you think about Sunshine and Fire?

I'm, uh, asking for a friend.

>>25637149
Just realized a big fault in my own argument. If they went back, they should definitely see themselves, for they're going in the timeline they changed. Instead, they just get in a whole new unscathed timeline, where everything would be going exactly as planned.

Maybe having the spell use a "reference" time, where everything is okay, and only have the futures evolve around what happened around the reference?

>>25637485
>>25637478

>>25637516
It may be some fuckery involving all the times they casted the time travel spell while already being under its effect, or the spell having a failsafe mechanism preventing the same ponies to be at the same location at the same time, which would make sense if you want to avoid paradoxes. It might be the same Starswirl's spell we've seen before, or it might be a version he improved after actually trying the first one once.
There are just too many explanations for these things, I don't think the writers meant it to be this complicated and therefore didn't think to actually explain anything. It may have to do something with average writers writing for a kids show for quick Hasjew bucks.

>>25637559
Well, at least we bumped the thread a lot.

Do you think they go this far on Fimfic?

>>25637605
What do you mean?

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>>25637608
Actually debate instead of pic related.

>>25637680
I share that man's feel, but I feel that way about Fluttershy instead.

>>25637694
Still, refusing ships for personal preferences seems a bit stupid.

>>25637700
What would be acceptable grounds to refuse a ship, then?

>>25637700
I feel that way about Pinkie Pie x Cheese Sandwich.

>>25637713
>>25637715
Actual canon and personalities?

It's like that namefag defending Starlight because muh waifu.

>>25637721
He wasn't defending her because muh waifu, judging from the posts he makes in this thread, I think he just genuinely likes discussing the lore and plot.

>>25637733
Pretty much everything I saw about him was that big wall of text full of speculation.

>>25637762
I've argued with him in this thread once or twice before that, and he did say he just likes discussion because it makes him reconsider his opinions.

I want somebody to write a cute Spike and Glimmer friendfic.

>>25637944
I was actually thinking about that. Like, maybe Spike and Glimmer make some ghost pepper ice cream while trying to clear the air about all the shit that went down in the finale.

>>25638046
Like, he wasn't there during the events of "Our Town" so he probably will have easier time bonding with her.

>>25638146
Still, he knows what happened and I feel like the S5 finale was worse than that.

>>25629001
>Over 9000.
>Also: Robot Prosthetics.
>Did that on the Technology isn't magic thread which is suprisingly still up. >>25348644
Where'd I go so bad in my writefaggery?

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what do u anons think about how much i have read on fimfiction is it to much?

>>25638210
You clearly have no standards, so who cares about what we think?

>>25638235
what i read no anthro
i have standards

>>25638244
That's not having standards, that's having common sense.

>>25638244
You've read a HiE story with multiple sequels.
I'm not seeing any standards.

boomp

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>>25629070
>kh&c, chapter 13
Last full chapter before the epilogue. Revanche has "rescued" Silversteel from Rarity's evil clutches, and threatened to kill him unless Rarity comes to fight her, alone. She plans to kill Rarity in the fight, thus guaranteeing Silversteel will be free to marry whoever he chooses. (Also, she's keeping him nice and drugged, so he can't object too strongly to this whole plan.)

Revanche's husband Candlewick was captured at the wedding, and out of guilt for the way he treated Twilight, he quickly gives up Revanche's location. Though obviously it's a terrible idea to send Rarity out there alone, without even some guards to back her up.

Celestia sends Rarity out there alone, and delays the guards' response so they won't be there to back her up. This is clearly the right thing to do, if only you had Celestia's wisdom and experience.

Rarity takes a train to the middle of nowhere, finds Revanche, and the fight begins. Revanche has been training for two years nonstop with her superpowered Redsprite pegasus magic, but Rarity had a few days' practice with some Royal Guards a while back, and she brought her enchanted battlescarf, so the fight is pretty much even. (Rarity doesn't even use her Element, because she is dumb.)

Rarity wins, of course, but at the very end she gets blown off a cliff and is headed toward certain death. Fortunately, Celestia picks exactly the right time to randomly change her mind and teleport Derpy into the air a mile above the battlefield. Derpy does a supersonic dive to catch Rarity, exactly like in Sonic Rainboom (but with less colors, I assume). Then everyone else teleports in to congratulate Rarity and help out Silversteel.

Then they do the wedding thing again, and it actually works this time. The end.

>>25639934
>those weird poses
>black clothing
>red pony
>superimposed special effects
I suddenly had a flashback about LtD. I doubt this is as bad as that was, though.

>>25639934
>Full saturation pone

How is Mythril even getting away with this shit?

>>25640042
wait, no
that's, uh
that's the wrong fic

>>25640064
What do you mean m8?

>>25640064

Here's a rule of thumb:

horny teenagers and scat --> Mythril
drama and FAMILY! --> Shinzakura

>>25640073
you DO know mythril moth isn't the one writing kh&c

>>25640089
12 in the night, okay?

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>>25640076
>forgetting farts
It's like you don't appreciate his art.

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>>25638210
read moar noob

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>>25639934
By the way, there was supposed to be new 7DSJ and/or AAG today (good timing, since I'll be done with KH&C tomorrow). But Shinzakura is being ~*~mysterious~*~ and apparently has extended the 7DSJ hiatus by another two weeks.

>>25640367
wat

>>25640367
low effort unfunny copypasta, kill yourself

So, are you writing anything?

>>25641347
I just finished my nonpony story, so I'm putzing around with expanding a few snippets I wrote on and off while working on my nonpony stuff. I don't actually intend on finishing any of these, but it's nice just to write little contained scenes to relax.

Currently I'm writing a Twilight x Blueblood shipping scene. Which reminds me, other than Marecator, are there any other good horse puns for map projection names?

>>25641888
Watermere Fluttershy
Sorry, that was horrible.

I just finished Crime and Funishment and my sides hurt. What are some other solid funny fics?

>>25629111
Have an idea you really want to write.

>>25630768
It works.

>>25630816
I was gonna debate, but I guess it's already over, and you did already bring up the issue of Twilight and Glimmer meeting themselves. There's also
>this is the second time I've come back and this world is even worse than the last one
But I wouldn't really count dialogue since I doubt the characters know any more than we do about the time travel rules.

>>25636285
>Is it any good?
I think the author died before he completed it and someone else came in and finished it, which had a less than positive reception.

>>25636827
I hate Equus since it implies Equestria's the supreme planetary ruler and is named after one species. Earth's not named Roman or Human, so why would their planet be named like that?

>>25637485
I had been reading it, since I love mirror universes, but I got out of reading it and have since forgotten the plot. I'm planning on rereading it once the whole thing is finished. If it's finished.

>>25637605
>Do you think they go this far on Fimfic?
There's Double Rainbow (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/836/double-rainbow), a time travel fic with a clusterfuck of a plot. And a huge amount of comment debate over just what the hell's going on.

>>25641347
I finally finished the weird bat pony clopfic. I'm gonna read through all 96,500 words once or twice to make any final edits and then I'll post a link to the prologue, hopefully tomorrow.

>>25642141
>And a huge amount of comment debate over just what the hell's going on.
As much as I hate fics where you dont know wtf is happening, I absolutely love when the comment section is filled with people who have no clue whats happening and feel the need to argue about it

>>25641347
I'm finally getting back on track on my Luna dram fic. My final project is due on Friday, and after that December will be nothing but writing for me.

>>25642141
>Earth's not named Roman or Human, so why would their planet be named like that?
Now, I don't like the name Equus either, but I could see the ponies of Equestria calling it something else than Earth/Dirt/Land.
I have three reasons for why you could end up using something else.
The first is purely linguistic.
Most languages call Earth (the planet) by some name that has roughly the same meaning as Earth, but I'm not aware that that's the case for all of them. Just because you call it Earth in English, and I call it Jord in my language, you could make a worldbuilding point out of calling it something else.
The second is cultural.
You call the Earth by different terms depending on the context you use it in. We "all" call it Earth now, because we generally have the view of Earth in an enlightened or more scientific way. We're talking about the planet, the astronomical object. That's a cultural thing. If you're talking about not Earth, but more about the realm we're inhabiting in a way that is perhaps more mythological, or more like an oecumene, you can use other terms. The Norse could use the term Manheimr, the Realm of Man, to refer to their known world. Didn't Jetfire call his world something like "World of Hooves" or the "Hoofed Realm"?

>>25642574
Using a oecumenical rather than an astronomical naming convention could be a great possibility to convey they way a culture views itself through usage of terms. It's interesting worldbuilding. If I tell you about a society of for example Ibex that call the world something that means "Home of the Ibex", what does that tell you about them?
Thirdly, it's just a good opportunity to worldbuild or make a narrative point.
People care about what things are named, especially in the fictitious worlds they read about. Naming something is a great way of making it stand out for people, and it's also a great way to reinforce the feeling that you're in an alien place, no longer on Earth, and therefore immerse them. As I've said it's a good way to show how a culture views themselves and the world. And lastly, people care about what names mean, and although it's kind of a cliché, it's a largely worthwhile fantasy tradition that names have meanings. It's much like actual folklore, and it's taken further. Valinor's name means something. Tamriel is also called the Arena, and the name means both Dawn's Beauty and the Starry Heart. All the names have meaning, and people who care about the worlds care about those meanings.

Christ, I apologize for this wall of text.

>>25642583
I'm not entirely disagreeing with you about Equus, because I think it's boring and uninspired, but I absolutely think people should grip the chance to try to come up with a interesting name for their world if if serves a purpose in the story they're telling.
Jesus Christ this was not going to be so long.
I realise there's not a lot of point to this, but it's late and I really felt like typing it out. Perhaps it's for my own sake.
I'll go sleep now.

Grump

Do you think Moth would like this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVoMubR4N0w

>>25642129
A Gay Old Time and Long Story Short, Things Went Down by Aragon.

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>>25644141
He loves it.
Just look at his happy face.

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Guys! Guys! Guise!

Okay! So, like, dig this:

>Fallout Equestria
>crossed with Conversion Bureau
>Main character encounters a shady merchant
>Turns into Cloud Kicker
>With a dick!
>But then ponies stop being able to see her
> ;_;
>So she flies west!
>Then the caribou attack.

Eh? Eh?


Ehhh?

>>25644741
Dumbest post I've seen in my life.

>>25644741
throw in some fart jokes and scat and ship a fuckton of your readers OCs with background poines and you will never leave the featurebox

>>25644749

Six star story, motherkeker!

You don't understand my genius.

>>25644782
I don't think there was any genius involved in that idea.

So I haven't read any of the updates for The Great Alicorn Hunt in the past week. Is there anything that'll make me uncomfortable or does RealityCheck manage to avoid inserting his ideology into everything?

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>>25646322
>does RealityCheck manage to avoid inserting his ideology into everything?
I don't know how to break this to you, Anon...

>>25646367
It was worth a try, I guess. It bothers me to no end that he's a decent writer. If he were a crap writer then I couldn't care less about his penchant for using his stories as vehicles for his Bible-thumping, but it annoys me to no end that some genuine talent is being wasted on someone who wants to tell me why the Earth is only 5000 years old.

bemp

bump again from page 7 before I forget.

Yet another bump.

>>25648670
>>25647940
>>25647462
>uncreative bumping before I can post my really thoughtful, funny and original bump
okay dude fuck you okay

>>25648754
Sure m8. Amaze us with your creativity.

>>25648765
nah man now I gotta wait for page 10
but of course some chucklefuck will bump on page 9 or earlier again
fuck this shit

>>25648780
Now's the time, bump boy.

>>25649518
>page 8

>>25649533
Congratulations, you wasted your own amazing creativity by not saging.

>>25649598
>saging
>working

>>25649609
This post is saged, it won't bump shit.

>>25649629
You could at least wait until we're off the first page.

>>25649642
We were dumb shit. We were on page 2, and if you bothered refreshing the page count, you would have seen the sage not bumping.

>>25649656
That's a big if, Anonymous.

Is there any Human in Equestria that doesn't turn into special snowflake human is more competent than ponies, all ponies want his dick, all ponies hate him for no reason at all or human is a massive edgelord?

Any good fics that fit those requirements?

>>25646396
He's high up there on the list of Batshit Insane Fimfic users right next to Chatoyance and Kudzu

>>25649780
None.

>>25649780
Honestly, Xenophilia was fairly alright in my opinion.

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>>25649852

>>25649780
Through the Well of Pirene
The standard "good HiE fic."

Project Sunflower
Very soft Sci-Fi first contact type fic that's mostly cozy SoL.

No, I Am Not A Brony, Get Me Outta Equestria!
Worth a try if you're really hankering for HiE that isn't complete garbage and follows the more standard HiE premise.

>>25649890
>No, I Am Not A Brony, Get Me Outta Equestria!
The name alone makes me not even want to look it up, and I'm actually interested in good HiE.

>>25649852
That one sounds terrible anon.

>>25649890
>Very soft Sci-Fi first contact type fic that's mostly cozy SoL.
I'm always on the fence with these because entire humanity and pony-world meetings always end up in massive clusterfucks and possibly war between worlds and the such. I'm more partial to stories in a small scale. Which way does that one go?

>>25649780
CSI/OTPP: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/76290/celestia-sleeps-in
The prologue is kind of dumb but after that it gets a lot better. The MC generally has no idea wtf is going on, isn't dicking anybody (or likely to at any point), and while IIRC a few ponies hate him, most are curious about the weird alien.

>>25649852
>all ponies want his dick

>>25649924
Stardust: Twilight goes to earth, and she's the only pony there for most (all?) of the story.

>>25646396
How about that bleedin fellow? How is his schtick? I see him in the thread sometimes. Other than regidar. Also him, whats regidars schtick?

>>25649924
The first contact goes much better than a lot of people would say is realistic, so it's almost like the opposite of those edgy warfics.

The story itself is told from the perspective of a human sent to observe the ponies after being transformed into a pony using technology (hence the soft sci-fi part) and living in Ponyville. She herself isn't really part of any official diplomatic relations with Equestria, so the story is mostly about her personally settling into a new world while politics happens around her.

>>25649956
>>25649956
>CSI/OTPP: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/76290/celestia-sleeps-in
I've had that one on my eyes for a while but never gone through it for a reason. The particular I'm searching for is human ends up in Equestria for reasons and ends up having SoL adventures with some drama and funny and sad and some serious and so on.

>>25649994
I think that's the premise of OTPP, but Celestia Sleeps In kind of turned me off with the random Luna/Trixie/Twilight subplot and Luna's characterization rubbing me the wrong way a bit.

>>25649994
Yeah, go read Project: Sunflower. CSI/OTPP is more about Dale learning about ponies / teaching them about Earth, adjusting to life in Ponyville, and that sort of thing.

>>25650056
>>25650100
I'll give Pirene, Celestia Sleeps and Sunflower a try. Thank you friends, have a nice evening.

>>25639934
>kh&c, epilogue

After the Weather Underground's rather successful attack on the wedding, the organization lies in ruins. Most non-pony members have left, and Chaff Guarana gives up control to Spinnaker (Candlewick's sister) and flees with his wife. Spinnaker and the remaining ponies plan to rebuild:
>“Have your town come to the Garden, and we will make this our first place of truth and purity. A place where pure hooves can shine.”
So somehow in the next 35 years, this organization turns from hippies who are all about species equality, to unicorn-supremacist neo-Nazis. Hope you're not expecting an explanation for that one.

Candlewick manages rescues Revanche/Tiger Lily before she dies, though both her wings need to be amputated. They flee together to Pony China, where they have a baby, who they name Twilight Lily. Soon afterward, Tiger Lily dies due to complications of foaling.

Even now, two years after the wedding, Twilight is broken-hearted over Candlewick, and wishes he would come back.

The chapter ends, of course, with the birth of Rarity's first child:
>The trip to the Infirmary could best be described as “pandelirium”. The three princesses went into overdrive, immediately cancelling all their previous appointments and gathering up the family. Celestia, cradling Rarity in her magic, immediately flew her over to the Infirmary, where the doctors had already been notified of the situation.
That's right, let's just drop LITERALLY EVERYTHING and ignore all governmental duties for a while - this is clearly more important than anything else that might be going on today.

And, of course, the final lines of the chapter:
>Rarity looked to her husband and he nodded. Turning back to her stepdaughters, she said, “Sparkler, Dinky, I’d like to introduce you to your little sister…
>“…Sandalwood.”


And that's all there is of Kind Hearts & Coronets!
Pastebin here: http://pastebin.com/Q99gprBM
No word yet on when the next AAG chapter will be up.

>>25650457
>immediately cancelling all their previous appointments and gathering up the FAMILY
Well...
At least it's consistent.

Is there a giant document somewhere with all the episode transcripts in one doc? It'd be really useful if someone ever needed to search for a specific word or references to a specific topic, like whether they've talked about flowers before and when.

>>25650547
Or you could just look it up on the wiki, where it mentions all kinds of flowers they've talked about, any info related to them and the episodes they were mentioned in.

>>25649976
Bleeding can surprisingly shitout a ton of words but he devotes them to cringy incest and pants-on-head retarded plot devices. He could write something good and he definitely has an "audience".

Regidar just seems to write. His stuff isn't strikingly different from the average Fimfiction writer. Him being an equally decent writer and having the most stories on Fimfiction (as well as a bubbly personality) keeps him from slipping to irrelevancy.

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>>25650584
>He could write something good and he definitely has an "audience".

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>>25650584
>having the most stories on Fimfiction
Not anymore.

>>25650632

Christ, how can people even do that? Of the 16 stories I've created, I haven't posted 11 of them (because they suck), 1 I outright deleted because it really sucked and of the 4 I did publish 2 of them are terrible.

I like Regidar though, he seems like an alright guy. I just have such a strict internal filter on what I write that I couldn't imagine publishing that many stories.

>>25650669
>I just have such a strict internal filter on what I write
That's the thing. They don't have that.
Why do you think The Chase has over two million words?

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>>25650628
>He could write something good
Anything's better than this.

>>25650791
He is literally unable to write anything that isn't a shitty crackfic. Have you missed the story he posted here about Rarity being raped by a caveman and giving a birth to his baby? He genuinely thought it was a serious drama story.

>>25649918
Despite the name, the TDverse is actually one of the better HiE series.
Hes aware of the show, but not a fan. ponies mostly annoy him, theres no horsefuckery, hes no destined hero of legend, hes not supercompetent, nor edgy, nor angsty. And its fairly well written.

>>25650100
>CSI/OTPP is more about Dale learning about ponies / teaching them about Earth, adjusting to life in Ponyville, and that sort of thing.
Its more about Dale thinking ponies are somekind of hyperadvanced spacefaring alien race and rying to figure out why their barely comprehensible space alien technology looks like steam engines, quills and thatched roofs while trying to teach Lyra the ABCs for a couple hundred thousand words

>>25650966
>TDverse
>verse
Oh no.

>Hes aware of the show, but not a fan. ponies mostly annoy him, theres no horsefuckery, hes no destined hero of legend, hes not supercompetent, nor edgy, nor angsty
So it's one of the two most popular HiE archetypes? Interesting.

>>25649976

We want Bleedin' to apply himself and stop writing LOLsoRandum shit, or go away.

We want Regidar to not off himself because Regidar is love, Regidar is life.

>>25650812
>He is literally unable to write anything that isn't a shitty crackfic.
I beg to differ:

>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/127159/death-and-fluttershy
Fluttershy finds herself in the bowels of purgatory, sharing a room with the embodiment of death himself.

>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/120098/black-mirror
Twilight is in a dark and mysterious mansion. She has no memory of who she is and why she is there. There are things that horrify in this mansion. Lets hope she survives...

>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/182164/showmare
Not many ponies live happy and fulfilling lives. Suffering is something that plagues sentient hearts for ages to come. A million lives flicker on and off as ages pass through the infinite universe. One showmare thinks about everything that she has experienced all in a call to answer, why has it turned to this?
She never gets an answer, only the whisper of the woods and the soft drops of her tears hitting the ground keep her until the end.

>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/251125/picnic-time
Everypony wants to have a nice old picnic.

>>25650980
>verse

Its not really a verse. more of a catch all term.
the main series is on its second sequel, but bronywriter also has several AU spinoffs and standalones all dealing with the same character

not a brony, wanderings..., and life... are the main series

breaking... was a discord heavy spinoff that I dropped and couldnt tell you much about

Little rarity is a MLD ripoff replacing the foreveralone faggot with TD and replacing worst pony with second worst pony

Alicorn princess is yet another AU spinoff. where at the end of MMC, twalot was exhausted so TD writes shit down for her. and winds up getting turned into an alicorn princess. its goofy.

and then theres a bunch of random shortfics all centered aroundshit thats not relevant to anything
So not really a verse, since its just BW writing a bunch of not-related stuff about one character.

like that other guy that does the nigel chalmers shit

>>25651110
You know that he only wrote Picnic Time because we told him to stop writing shit, right? And then he started bitching about it immediately.

>>25651110
I wonder why he hasn't continued Death and Fluttershy.
Maybe because even he knows he can't write anything that isn't shitty randumbness.

I mean, I'd love to be proven wrong and see Bleeding write something that is genuinely good, but I don't see it happening.

>>25651110
>first one
Skimmed over the first half of it, it has bad writing and worse grammar.
>"Now, now, Don't freak out! Your not exactly dead, well, not yet that is..."

>second one
>There are things that horrify in this mansion. Lets hope she survives...
Yes, really sounds like quality writing.

>fourth one
>One showmare thinks about everything that she has experienced all in a call to answer, why has it turned to this?
>She never gets an answer, only the whisper of the woods and the soft drops of her tears hitting the ground keep her until the end.
That sounds absolutely awful.

And I won't bother reading the last one either.

No offense, but are you Bleedin? There's no way anyone else here would actually think this is good.

>>25651127
That doesn't change the fact that it's not a crackfic, buddy.

>>25637485
Is that you, Bornin? Please write some more.

>>25651162
>No offense, but are you Bleedin?
No. And none taken...

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>>25651162
>And I won't bother reading the last one either.
Okay, scratch that, I tried to read it, but I can't.

>>25651192
>none taken
So you are bleedin after all. ;)

>>25651162

I know not everyone is a Hemingway or a Steinbeck but cmon, it's not -that- hard to write halfway decent prose.

I hope any aspiring horse word writer is mindful enough to read and do research on professional writers to help their skill. There's no shame in using influences and practicing. Thinking your writing is the shit and you don't need anything else is the best way to ensure your writing is going to be shit.

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>>25651202

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>>25651240
Holy shit, this guy is a riot.

>>25651211
But, thats too hard.

>>25651558
That's what she said, hey~o!
But seriously, put a iota of effort into your writing or get bent.

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>>25651663
>get bent.
Kanji get out

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>>25651696
Bending over is universal, Anon.

>>25650980
>So it's one of the two most popular HiE archetypes
what?

Uh, share something you're working on, or something you've read. I'unno.

>>25653100

CONTENTS BIBLIOGRAPHIC RECORD

Chapman, George, trans. (1559?–1634). The Odysseys of Homer, vol. 1. 1857.
THE SIXTH BOOK OF HOMER'S ODYSSEYS.

THE ARGUMENT.

MINERVA in a vision stands
Before Nausicaa; and commands
She to the flood her weeds should bear,
For now her nuptial day was near.
Nausicaa her charge obeys,
And then with other virgins plays.
Their sports make wak'd Ulysses rise,
Walk to them, and beseech supplies
Of food and clothes. His naked sight
Puts th' other maids, afraid, to flight;
Nausicaa only boldly stays,
And gladly his desire obeys.
He, furnished with her favours shown,
Attends her and the rest to town.
ANOTHER ARGUMENT.

.... Here olive leaves
T' hide shame began.
The maid receives
The naked man.

>>25653100
I've just read your post.

It was quite enthralling and kept my interest. However punctuation and grammar were abysmal. Overall I'd give it a 4/10.

How do I turn a greentext into a normal story?
A friend told me there was an option in MSWord to do it, but he can't remember.

>>25649890
>Project Sunflower
Very soft Sci-Fi first contact type fic that's mostly cozy SoL.

Right up until that one edgelord character shows up - Malchite or something - who simultaneously somehow is supposed to be a nigh-godlike entity for some reason on the Equestria side (whose big thing there pretty much ends up being something I could only describe in terms of referencing the old Bob and George webcomic because the comic did it BETTER)...then somehow gets even MORE stupid because the story pretty much screeches to a halt the moment the original MC's secret is out in the open and kind of does fuck all while Malchite pretty much turns into the age old stereotype alicorn OC guy who is just so awesome for reasons the author never quite explains (to the point it doesn't matter the colors aren't red-and-black because his mane is now made of some kind of magic bullshit IIRC). In fact, in the author notes "chapter" this is literally his feelings about that OC in a nutshell:
"I'd like to take credit for creating him, but honestly, there was no planning involved. He just showed up one day and introduced himself."

For the record, Malchite really didn't come off as being even Sombra grade threatening in this story, either.

>>25653278
Your friend lied to you.

Turning greentext into prose entails more than just removing the arrows. Greentext is by nature more concise than a normally written story.

You can just get rid of the arrows but the narrative would be very bland. Personally, I'd recommend reworking the greentext, fleshing it out a little bit more and turn it into proper prose.

>>25653278
Go to Review -> Transform -> I'm a Gullible Idiot and a Tool Tool

>>25653278
Ctrl-f, >, select all, then hit delete.

Then back out of that, hit ctrl-a and hit delete again.

Now write a story that isn't shit, the main character isnt named 'you' or 'anon' and utilizes proper grammar and punctuation

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After eleven months, the weird batpony clopfic's done. Because of how long it is, I'll post it a chapter at a time. Prologue's first. Tell me what you think.

(https://docs.google.com/document/d/1m4gbMNXOmq0w4kVxW-o5SuQF1ooK7pAYeoFtAMbTSSE/edit?usp=sharing)

>Title
Fight Club

>Cover art
Pic related.

>Genres
[Adventure]

>Rating
[Teen]

>Characters
[OC]

>Synopsis
Midnight Dream is your average bat pony. She's young, athletic, and agile. She has fangs, tufted ears, and leathery wings. She lives in Hollow Shades. But unlike most bat ponies, she's not in the Night Guard; instead opting to follow her special talent and fulfill her dream.

As it turns out, gardening doesn't pay nearly as well as the military does. With bills constantly piling up and demand for gardeners in a town full of soldiers at an all time low, she's desperate for whatever bits she can get her hooves on. And it just so happens there's a new “underground” fighting tournament in town that's paying rather handsomely.

Content Advisory: Don't let the tags or synopsis fool you: this story's a clopfic through and through—it just happens to use some of the more bizarre, if nonsexual, fetishes out there. Fetishes which include: flattening, body compression, vampirism, hypnosis, and oddly done third person narration.

It's repetitive as hell, way too long for the plot, and the fetish stuff and story stuff are constantly fighting each other for control. It's shit.

>>25642589
>come up with a interesting name
Absolutely, but "Equus" is practically fanon at this point. I don't think I've ever encountered a fic that didn't use it.

>>25650547
Sadly not. I've found just googling "mlp transcript [word you're trying to find]" works pretty well, though.

>>25651110
>Death and Fluttershy
>actually has a decent rating
Why does he still write shit, then? He knows what kind of fics are good.

>>25653100
See above.

>>25653672
>Tell me what you think.
But I can't talk about it.
jk, I'll read it now.

>>25653672
>Absolutely, but "Equus" is practically fanon at this point. I don't think I've ever encountered a fic that didn't use it.
I've never seen a fic that DID use it. The ones I've read that had anyone talk about the planet used "Earth".

>>25653692
I've seen Terra a few times, but mostly Equus.

>>25653672
I liked it.
I left a couple of comments, but I didn't notice anything wrong with it.

Regarding the title, maybe you could come up with a fancier title instead of just "Underground Fighting League" and use that instead, but it's just an idea.

>>25653390
His name is "Malachite", like the green gemstone. And you forgot the best part, where the edgy green-and-black alicorn OC gets "reformed" by getting mindwiped and aged-down to toddler level, and Celestia immediately hands over the entire government to her sister (in a tirme of minor crisis) so she can adopt "Prince Verdant" and raise him properly.

>>25653672
>clopfic
>[Teen]
EVERY TIME
Gotta love those fetishes so bizarre normies can't even recognize them as anything sexual.

Also, I ain't reading shit on google docs. Fimfiction link or GTFO

>>25654681
xTSGx porn:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5XK9HmXXg0

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>>25654712
It must be tough having an obscure fetish.

>>25654733
Sometimes. But if you get your jollies from inflation flattening or that sort of thing then old Saturday morning cartoons will give you more pleasure than all of pornhub, motherless, efukt and xhamster combined

>>25654739
At least it's not tiles.

>>25629111
>How to force yourself to write.

My hatred sustains me.

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>>25654754
>implying it's not the best fetish
>implying you wouldn't have categorized tile folders if it wasn't more socially acceptable or you weren't a pathetic normie wannabe
Fucking disgusting casuals, grow up.

page 10 already?

seriously page 10 in an hour?

we being raided, or is /mlp/ oddly active on a friday morning?

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>>25654971
>implying it's not the best fetish
I'm not implying, I'm ascertainging it.
The best fetish is obviously Ohio.

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Hey anons. Please give me feedback on my writing?

>>25656270
forgot my fic.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1g0C77eHirwEPlinI8zWIUY8fmJfQ76xUgac-mYAMoQU/edit?usp=sharing

>>25656286
You may want to allow inline comments, =.

>>25656319
did I do it?

>>25656386
You have to resubmit the link, friend.

my bad.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1g0C77eHirwEPlinI8zWIUY8fmJfQ76xUgac-mYAMoQU/edit?usp=sharing

>>25656417
>my bad.
yes it is your bad. its your awful even.

>Percivald. Heddwch.
totally pony name right thar.

Its not terribly written, but its not interesting either

>>25656417
It was okay to be honest. The descriptions stretched out for pretty long though. Exposition is good, but walls of text driving the reader away are bad.

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Polan kan into bump

>>25650457
How can he even get away with all this shit? Should at least one of his followers have his overpowered OC flags raise up?

I'm surprised self-insert OC ships aren't always coming directly on the front page.

>>25653278
>How do I turn a greentext into a normal story?

Just take

>Be you.
>Be lost in Everfree Forest.

and turn it into:

>It was as if he were lost in a sea of green.
>Light currents of air made the leaves around him gently ripple into an undulating field of emerald and jade colors that left the forlorn earth pony vaguely nauseous. Which way had he come from? Which way did he need to go? From time to time the faint scent of carrion wafted across his nostrils, and sent him staggering in a new direction, hide twitching in fear.

It's simple!

>>25658919
There are very few good reasons to ever use the word "undulate."

>>25653100
It took a bit for him to get adjusted to the tea, but Will managed to overcome its strong taste mixed with its heat and finally drank it.

“See? That wasn’t so bad.” Twilight Sparkle said to him. She sheepishly giggled. “I remember how, just a month ago, you could barely swallow it.” Will smiled. He looked at the calendar. “Something the matter, Will?” Twilight asked.

“Oh. Nothing… Say, today’s the big day, right?” He asked. Twilight simply raised her eyebrow.

“Huh?” Twilight asked.

“I mean, those guys from Maretonia will be coming soon, right?” Will set his cup down.

“Oh… Well, that’s not until tomorrow.” Twilight said.

“I mean, I should get going. Leave you some time to practice your greetings… You’re a Princess, right?” He asked Twilight. He looked at her wings, perhaps the only actual symbol of her being one.

“Yeah… But I don’t really have that much to practice… just smiling and waving. Watch.” Twilight smiled and waved to him.

“I see that, and you’re really good at it, but…” Will sighed. He knew that dodging the issue wouldn’t work. “Twilight… I’m trying to say goodbye.” He said.

“Huh? You’re leaving? Already?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah. I’m going to say goodbye to the others before I catch the next ship to Baldur’s Gate.” Will said.

“Okay. Are you coming back?” Twilight asked. Will said nothing and only let his fingers run along the walls of the Golden Oaks Library. He stopped just shy of the door. He shrugged and winced.

“Goodbye, Twi.” Will left the library and, as soon as the door closed, ran as far as he could.

>>25659082

When something undulates, you should use the word "undulate" to describe it.

Seems like a pretty easy rule to remember, really.

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>>25659218
English is a language with many, many pointless synonyms that add no significant nuances of meaning, and it is not desirable to use all these words.

What does "undulate" convey that "ripple" does not? Is there any situation where you genuinely think the word "oppugnant" is preferable to "enemy?"

>>25659097

Needs more undulation.

>>25659592
Opponent generally has an implication that the battle is desired by both people, like a competition or something. Also that the battle is currently occurring.
Enemy is a more general term.

Undulate, to me at least, has a negative implication, like it's something unpleasant to watch. Water ripples, a snake undulates.

>>25659592
See >>25660274
>Ripple
A plain surface that moves in small waves; water
>undulate
A elongated object that moves in S motions; snake.

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>>25659592
Do you even poetry? Or social class? Or work?
Some words sound better than others; some words can tell from which social field the speaker comes from, if she's well mannered or not; and some words are technical. For example, faggot and homosexual are synonyms, but they are from different groups: one is a slang word, considered vulgar, while the other is a purely clinical term.
And then, of course, there's a matter of old words and change of society and culture and traditions. If you were to write like a romance writer from the nineteenth century, none of your stuff would reach the shelves, because the editors would say that the words and style used and considered the norm back then are too old.
Then, there's the question of style. Use different words for describing and event, and you'll get a different feel of it. That's what James Joyce tried to do in Ulysses.
If you do not understand such simple matters, which can help you create believable characters and add to their personality a lot, what are you doing writing at all? In the end, language determines your reality, and you can gain a lot about a person in rel life if you pay attention to the words they use.

>>25659592
>anon's autism gets triggered by the word undulate
jesus fucking christ

>>25659592
>What does "undulate" convey that "ripple" does not?

That you're a nigger.

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>>25660634
>mfw French has no limits

>>25661786
Being quebonkian is handicap enough for true

>Re-balancing my life and writing with my work schedule is proving... difficult. As such I'm way behind on the next chapter of Harmony Theory. So it's not coming out for at least two weeks.
>Posted: Oct 17, 2015

>>25662077
Well, he did say 'at least'.

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words
about small horses
doing horsie things

Holy shit, How arewe going down so fast, it was less than an hour since the last bump.

>>25655657
>>25663128

afk bump

Here's Chapter 1, which contains the first bit of "clop." Hope you like steam presses and badly written puns.

(https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zXJ5gBfrbA2mR9JFpINup0F6UK2TDrDoX7KVjsQOv0M/edit?usp=sharing)

And the fight scene, because it'll be repeated a dozen times over the course of the story. That's actually one of my big concerns: that all the fight scenes are basically the same and only have the cosmetic difference of location, which results in readers getting bored by all the repetition. It's probably the biggest indicator the plot's just not there for a 96k story.

Thanks to everyone who looked at the Prologue. I get the feeling wordiness will be an issue too.

>>25654036
That would be good... if I could think of a decent name.

>>25654681
>Fimfiction link or GTFO
It'll be uploaded to Fimfic and Deviantart once the thread's fully determined it's shit and I've edited in some/all of the recommended changes.

>>25654712
That's not til Chapter 9.

>>25654733
I actually really like it. Not only do normies think it's "silly" or "cartoony" and I can post it on SFW sites, but I'm not inundated with porn and can relish the few pics or stories that are written.

>>25656417
Left some comments. It felt pretty long for such a quick scene. The descriptions could be trimmed down and tightened up and the vocabulary could be simplified to speed things up.

I'd also work on the pony names. Simple nouns and verbs are the way to go.

Basically, what >>25658196 said.

>>25660634
>using james joyce to verify anything
unemployed lit major detected

>>25664639
Youre being redundant, anon.

You could have just said lit major. Near future homelessness is already a given, as is being unemployable anywhere but starbucks.

>>25664749
eh

page 10 dead thread

>>25660359
I know what the definitions of these words are. I was wondering what they convey differently - the verbs, not the nouns.

Also, >>25660274, "oppugnant," not "opponent." That's a word. I only remember it because I found it in a thesaurus when I was 15 and foolishly thought it was worth using in a piece of writing.

>>25660674
The scourge of purple prose is a pretty common subject of discussion when talking about writing, guy.

I'm writing a fic currently and the fic's main cast features an OC. The vast majority of characters in the fic as laid out in my outline are OC's as well due to this being both an Extended Universe and an Alternate Universe fic, so naturally, I figured the canon parts of the cast would be rather lost on their vacation to OCland without a native to guide them. However, that doesn't stop it from being a red flag for people looking out for Mary Sues. The litmus tests tell me that the OC in question lands firmly outside Sue territory without entering anti-Sue territory, and he has little in the way of Sue-like qualities as far as I can tell, but even though I've put a lot of thought and effort into making him an interesting and three dimensional character in his role in the main cast group dynamic, I'm still slightly weary of it simply because there are so many things I have to be careful about if I don't want to ring too many alarm bells.

I have four chapters released already, with a fifth ready to be released in a few hours. The view count is *very* small, but there are a few fans. I've been told that the small view count comes, in no small part, from the fact that it has a lot of tags that people like to filter because there's a lot of shitfics that use those tags.

Now, I'm mostly concerned because absolutely nobody has commented on it, which means I'm not sure exactly what viewers think of the fic as a whole. In addition to the main cast OC, I'm also concerned about how effective my efforts have been to keep infodumps tolerable, the descriptiveness and fluidity of my prose, and internal consistency (this concern is likely a product of overthinking though).

I'm not entirely sure what I intent to gain from making this post. Probably just some reassurance, but I don't want to be lied to either. I will put my things on Google Docs and post that here if that's what it takes.

>>25665669
There's no need to be this autistic about OCs. If it's not a Mary Sue, great, nobody's got anything against OCs in stories. Hell, even some canon characters, like Twilight, can be considered Mary Sues.

If you want some feedback regarding the tags and description, post a link to your story here. Don't worry, nobody here will fuck your shit up. If you want some actual reviews, feel free to try, but keep in mind that sometimes nobody feels like reading anything.

>>25665773
I still feel like this is going to come back to bite me in the ass. Well, here goes nothing.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/299351/the-desert-phoenix

With the description I just tried to present the general premise in a way that doesn't make it sound like shit.

>>25665810
>Gore
>AU
>Dark
They were right, these tags are generally associated with pointless edge for the sake of edge that incorporate AU to avoid explaining anything.
Also, the lack of cover art WILL hurt you. It doesn't have to be amazing, but you should use something that doesn't look awful.

Also, no offense, but parts of that plot sound absolutely retarded. A "wasteland" that just happens to be in the middle of Equestria? A dormant army that only this one specific, insignificant pony can raise, but ONLY if she goes with this stranger who can't possibly have any proof of his claims? Totally doesn't sound like a trap, but definitely sounds like Starlight is the main character "just because".

And maybe it's just me, but you really don't have to thank your readers in the comments, it's absolutely lame, and you can achieve the same thing by simply replying to them when they ask something or whatever.

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>>25664639
>People like thing I don't like and don't think like I do
>Therefore they're inferiour to me

Your kind is the reason human history is a nightmare. But, in the end, James Joyce is a good litmus test for autism, since autists are the ones who struggle with understanding style, the liquidity and lyricity of language, and metaphors.
By the way, if you read Ulysses, you'll see that it's not as purple as people make it to be. I would say anyone with a good grasp of English language can read it. The main problem is that the book doesn't have a plot that keeps the reader engaged, and therefore most people give up.

>>25665810
So it's New Vegas? Wastelands and a hidden army?
Plus the author is a filthy Legionfag.

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>Fallout: Equestria Dwarf Fortress mod
You know, a DOWAS DF mod might definitely be interesting.
>all nobles are Diamond Dogs
>the only ones who can do menial tasks are alicorns, also cannot be nobles or join the military (but can be Hammerer and so on)
>gryphons exclusively as part of the military, more emotional and prone to tantrums than either other race

>>25665847
>but parts of that plot sound absolutely retarded
I can certainly see how, but they are addressed and explained in the narrative. A little bit in the first chapter, and more in depth in the rather infodump-ish fourth chapter. I also might have made some false impressions in my effort to make the description more concise and avoid spoilers (e.g. the wasteland is in the middle of Equestria; Starlight is the only one in the world who could can access the MacGuffin; the stranger is the only one in the world who knows where to find the MacGuffin).

And I did include the fic in the "Requesting Cover Art" and I fear that just ripping something off Derpibooru would be in bad taste.

>>25665872
I honestly didn't make that connection until now. I'm pretty sure a New Vegas ripoff has been done already, probably by a FoE author, so I wouldn't bother with it if that's what it was.

>>25665887
>I can certainly see how, but they are addressed and explained in the narrative. A little bit in the first chapter, and more in depth in the rather infodump-ish fourth chapter. I also might have made some false impressions in my effort to make the description more concise and avoid spoilers
Then you really shouldn't do that. You've went into too much detail regarding the plot while also trying not to go into too much detail, effectively making the story sound stupid. I'd recommend changing the description.

>And I did include the fic in the "Requesting Cover Art" and I fear that just ripping something off Derpibooru would be in bad taste.
And I fear you care too much about some fictional community guidelines you want to believe this website has. Just ask the author for permission and you're golden.

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>>25665887
>I'm pretty sure a New Vegas ripoff has been done already, probably by a FoE author
Actually, interestingly enough, there are TWO New Vegas ripoffs, both of which are canon to each other and set in different, but incredibly similar, parts of the wasteland.

>>25665891
I made a slight change. Deleted the entire second paragraph, thus removing the source of concern.

>you care too much about some fictional community guidelines
There a lot of fictional guidelines I care too much about, sadly. Maybe I'll get stock footage of a desert landscape or something, so I don't have to worry about getting permission from anyone.

>>25665896
You know, I'm not terribly surprised. Grimdark writers do have a strange tendency to go too far and give nothing redeemable to anything.

>>25665932
I actually think it's an interesting idea, especially considering most other FoE MCs are knights in shining power armors.

>>25665941
Knights in shining power armor are pretty lame. Hell, I didn't even like them in Fallout 3. Funnily enough, both the fic already mentioned and the one-off I did also have villain protagonists, so I certainly see where you're coming from.

... I just got the stupidest idea ever.

>Set in the MLP40k AKA My Brave Pony
>Twilight ends up being an Alicorn in season 3
>Raven shows up and kills her
>Because of her Alicorn status, her dying process is much, MUCH slower
>Celestia hooks her up to life support
>drains the lives of ponies daily.

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>>25666243

>>25666243
>>Raven shows up and kills her
But why would she ASRATH MITHRION SINTHOS! at Twilight?

>>25666492
Clearly, because she's been out sex-appealed.
That makes a lot of sense, right?

>>25665866
you really love the smell of your own farts, don't you?

>>25667493
does everyone not enjoy their own exhaust stench?

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>>25667493
You are quite right. I enjoy Scatology.

>>25666243
>he doesn't

I'm surprised Bleedin hasn't written a fic about Crystal pones consuming crystalmeth yet.

>>25668620
Stop enabling him.

>>25668620
>a tweaker falls through an lolportal to equestria, where he tries to smoke crystal ponies, the crystal heart, the crystal castle, etc

could be a fun spin on HiEs

>>25668620
Or ponies consuming Crystal Ponies as meth.

Top 3 cutest ponies in MLP go!

Any list that doesn't include Coco Pommel is objectively wrong.

>>25668923
Braeburn
Fluttershy
Caramel

>>25668923
What does this have anything to do with fanfiction?

More importantly, why does anybody give a shit about Flutter "Literally Retarded" Shy 2.0?

>>25668923
Fuck off.

>>25668956
What? the only connection I can think of is that CP has a soft voice too and that's it, other than that she isn't really shy.

>>25669000
>>25666666

>>25668999
Right, just a soft-spoken doormat.
Sorry, you're right, they have nothing in common.

>>25668923
Roseluck, Cherry Berry, and Sweetie Drops.

>>25669152
>Not putting Drops in first place

Is it normal that writing Sweetie Drops slowly turned her into my waifu?

>>25668923
Shetland
Icelandic
Fjord

>>25636827
Warning: severe autism follows.

I have not seen it used much but Tellus makes most sense to me. The setting is mainly a kid-friendly version of Classical Greek mythology, without the gods, but full of creatures from Greek myths. So, Tellus, the ancient Greek fertility goddess (no. NOT "Gaea." That's a different mother-goddess altogether and not one who was identified with the soil and by extension the whole world).

Note that the Greeks today use "Tellus" for the name of the planet, and the word has for millenia been used as a metaphor for the planet, the world, the fertile soil that sustains life. Sort of like "Earth," in other words.

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>>25669152
>Cherry Berry

>>25669217
>the Greeks today
Well I mean the Greeks are dead and today's population of Greece are just braindead arabs.

>>25669152
No, literally who?,and no

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>>25669233
>literally who?
The best pony in the show since S1, didn't you get the memo?

>>25669233
>Last no

What did you just say?

>>25669249
Dude just come to the understanding that yo waifu a shit. A cunty shit with pms

>>25669264
Bon Bon Be a shit too

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>>25669279
I'm not the guy who said it's his waifu, I just think it's cool that there's a background pony who's just angry all the time.

>>25669188
It's not a power ranking, friend. I just wrote them in the order I remembered them in.

>>25669220
What are you trying to say, autist? Or are you just spewing meme arrows?

>>25669233
And you are?

>>25669212
>Shetland
When will this meme end?

Anyone found some unusual music to listen to when writing?

Tango music is strangely pretty good for tension scenes.

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>>25669393
>meme
What are you on?

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>>25669374
>spewing meme arrows

>>25669414
>Top 3 cutest ponies in MLP go!
>MLP

>>25668923
M6-wise?
Ponka, AJ, Twiggy Piggy
Background-wise?
Cayenne, Berry Punch and Florina Tart

>>25669428
>spouting rib-tickling carrots

>>25669412
vidya game music seems fine for some stuff.

>>25669308
I'd be angry if I had cherries in my ass.
I mean, what kind of faggot do you have to be to have fruits as your CM?

>>25670186
>I'd be angry if I had cherries in my ass.
>in my ass
Well I mean who wouldn't.

New chapter is up https://www.fimfiction.net/story/166524/sunsets-on-spike-sunset-of-canterlot

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>>25670901
>“Oh yes Luna, I do want to help you if I can, Sombra must be taken do...” She is interupted as Twilight blast through the doors, blasting her hard even with her shield up. “You will not defeat Celestia you evil monster” She roars but then looks in fear as Luna steps forward to protect Starlight. “My princess, I… I didn't know she was listening, She must be a spy from your sister.” She smiles at the princess of friendship. “Does your sister fear you so much she must send in spies”

>“DOESN'T THOUST” She asks Twilight, her eyes starting to glow, “THIN SISTER FOR TO LONG HATH FEARED ME, BUT IF SHE WANTS A MONSTER WE SHALTH SUPPLY HER A MONSTER” She roars as dark magic engulfs her.

>>25672066
>THOUST
>THIN
>SHALTH

>these are words that the story actually contains

>>25672443
Um yes, and while Thin should have been Thine, I was using the official Canterlot Dialect.

>>25672464
Right, so, two things wrong with that:
1) "Ye olde english" is not the same thing "Royal Canterlot Voice"
2) "Thoust" and "shalth" are not actual words in any dialect of English

>>25672464
>Thin sister

So, Celestia is thin?

>>25672982
Well she is. Have you seen her neck?

>>25672066
“DOST THEE NOT?” She asks Twilight, her eyes starting to glow, “THINE SISTER FOR TO LONG HATH FEARED ME, BUT IF SHE WANTS A MONSTER WE SHALT SUPPLYETH HER A MONSTER” She roars as dark magic engulfs her.

Did I do Shakespeare a bit of justice here, /fimfic/?

>>25673506
Anything else,

>>25673506
>Shakespeare

This is not Shakespeare, this is a grammatical war crime.

>>25673506
>dost thee
>thine sister
>to long
>supplyeth
no.

>>25673945
I forgot to fix the third thing but I'm pretty sure the other three things are right.

>>25657550
>Pinkamena Dianne Pie

The character's pony name is Peaceful Rest.

>>25673967
They are not.

In the interest of being constructive:

1) Thou/thee works like he/him. You would say "does he not?" rather than "does him not?". So you should say "dost thou not?" rather than "dost thee not?".

2) Thy/thine works like a/an. You would say "a sister" rather than "an sister", so you should say "thy sister" rather than "thine sister".

3) At the very least it should be spelled "supplieth". I think it's also wrong to use the -eth suffix here, but I don't actually know the rules for that (you should look them up, and preferably report back with the correct answer).

You should also check up on the rules for "hath" and "shalt". In particular I think you want "shall" instead of "shalt" here, but I'm not sure.


Also, since when does Twilight have a sister?

>>25674046
It's not Twilight, learn to read context. It is Luna/Nightmare moon.

>>25674046
Well, I tried. It's not like the author of that fic even cares. That was the only update of his in almost *two years* after all.

>>25674079
You have fucked something up then.
>She asks Twilight
>THINE SISTER [the sister of the person she is talking to]

>>25674110
I didn't bother with the context either desu.

>>25674110
No she believes that Twilight is a Spy from Celestia. My sister, for to long has feared me, but if she wants to see a monster I will become one.

>>25674165
Then you have fucked up by writing "thine" where you meant "my". Thou/thee/thy works like I/me/my.

>>25674173
Well thank you, I wanted to make it sound like Luna and may have gone overboard

>>25674183
Honestly, your olde english is about on par with the rest of your grammar i.e., they're both pretty bad.

>>25674183
Will you stop speaking for me, you retarded idiot? He's right, and you're wrong. Get over it.

>>25674197
I was the original writer, sorry for the confusion.

>>25674197
>Will you stop speaking for me, you retarded idiot?
Who the fuck are you, and what are you talking about?

>>25674213
I'm this guy >>25673506 >>25673967 >>25674098. Judging by >>25674211 you got into an argument with the fic's author and it seemed to me like you thought he was me. Cambodian stamp collection imageboards can be a bitch sometimes.

>>25674233
Oh shit, I didn't even notice the second post was a rewritten version of the first. I thought it was more broken olde english from the fic.

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Which fics have you read that have had the best characterization for each of the Mane 6?

Here's Chap 2.

(https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UZZL_DSgAPEXk2MIvgejtVv0JfsTek5zc9CTH4CTRVs/edit?usp=sharing)

All the gardening antics Midnight does are my favorite part of the whole story, so that's not getting deleted even if it drags the rest of the story down.

You can also start to get a feeling for my concerns regarding repetitiveness and whether the fight scenes are boring. They really do make up most of the story.

>>25665887
>ripping something off Derpibooru would be in bad taste
Nonsense. So long as you drop a sauce, which can be done right when you upload the cover image, you'll be fine. Or you could snap a screencap from the Appleoosa episode.

>>25668923
>Coco Pommel
>using one of /mlp/'s flavors of the month
Sweetie Belle > Twilight > Dash

>>25669233
>literally who
She's the one who owns Twahlot Sporkules Bahloooohn.

>>25672464
It should be "thouest," "thine," and "shalt." Using all caps is not recommended. Try small caps [smcaps] [/smcaps] or emboldening the text instead to make it look nicer.

>>25675673
>Using all caps is not recommended.
but shes using the royal caps lock

>>25675767
and yelling is the only personality trait shes given in fanfiction

>>25675504
I feel like that question is hard to answer because their characterization even in the show swerves drunkenly between utterly flanderized, being totally out of character, and being deep, well-developed, relatable and very human characters, depending on writer, episode, and plot convenience.

>>25675673
>thouest
Interesting, I didn't know that was a word. But the internet says thouest/thou'st is a variant of "thou" when used as a verb:
>thou (third-person singular simple present thous, present participle thouing, simple past and past participle thoued)
>1. To address (a person) using the pronoun thou, especially as an expression of familiarity or contempt.
>If thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss[...] (Twelfth Night)
So that's still not the right word to use given the context. It should just be (the pronoun) "thou".

>>25677404
Thank you for the help, I am editing..