Princess Applejack

>>25301100
1. https://archive.today/f0oQ3
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51.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/20740272/
52.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/20855918/
53.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/20948915/
54.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21045744/
55.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21159397/
56.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21278151/
57.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21405993/
58.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21510114/

>>25301107
59. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21619890/
60. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21715642/
61. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21858107/
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103. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25046878/
104. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25132701/
105. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25222467/

>>25301125
Here is full archive of ALL the stories in condensed, easy-to-read form with all chatter in-between removed.
Check out the pastebin here:
http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessApplejack


Curious what happened last time, or just wanna know what happens during an active thread?
Check out the previous thread here:https://desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25222467
You are completely new and have no idea what is going on? There is a wikia with an overview of all characters, a complete timeline, previous thread recaps and explanation of the various concepts used in these stories!
Check out the wiki here:http://princess-aj.wikia.com/wiki/Princess_Applejack_Wiki


Confused about when a character first showed up or who they are? Want to know when an arc started?
Check out the character notes and details here :
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1PsMAwLcIdC3IYxezAV9Ko4neEguNvc3eQqQqiTCxdDs/edit#gid=2119378650

We have begun working on a big project to fix up old stories and make this crazy world more coherent and accessible to new readers who don't like the thread format.
Check out the 'Princess Applejack: Re-Cut Edition' here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15cv3kqExr_vOM0JkUh4dqnvVKxJ5Z-P1KHwE8Z7aG0k/edit?usp=sharing
And finally, while most of the thread is very much clop free, we have a pastebin in case you're feeling a little more naughty with your writing, find it here. http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessAJAfterDark please upload any like it to a pastebin so they can be added out of thread.
And above all else, enjoy your stay at /paj/!

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First for Ponk

>>25301169
Can't bonk the ponk!

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>>25301100
Good evening Princess Applejack I was wondering what your thoughts were on the ESRB system. Personally I think they are unfair because my m...... housekeeper says that they are too violent for children. Can you please put a ban on the esrb?

-signed
Not Button Mash.

Ps: I think your pretty if that helps the chances of removing it.

>>25301217
It's /pa/

None of the main cast get bonked, not even the married one!

I'm on thread 80 now.
I assume sunset survives as a zombie/changling.
What do they do with her when they kick varoulius out? is she actually gone?

>>25301282
So then that is an accurate statement.

Check and mate.

>>25301334
>Second spoiler

I do not know to which 'who' you are referring, if it is __________Sunset_____- then no, she is not. If it is ______Varry bo barry_____ then yes, she is.

She has two possible 'endings' and it's left up to you to pick which one you like as to what afterlife she ended up with.
I like the second one a lot more...

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Pinkie Preview Prophecies

>Applejack gets into a banjo duel with another pony.
>Chrysalis and Pinkie have a dirty joke off.
>Fluttershy explains that life finds a way.
>Rarity and Twilight develop an enchanted charm bracelet.
>Rainbow Dash and Gilda get drunk, but they still have to do drills.
>Luna pranks Celestia.
>The Crusaders unmasks a ghost.
>juicy fanservice!

OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~

>Hey, Celly? Gotta question.

"And I hold in my hoof the power to destroy this world and all you love. Which, I ask, will you risk for such a simple question?"

>Granny.

"WOW! Okay, WOW!"

>Ah' ain't riskin' nothin', Ah' just wanna watch ya' try ta' outfox mah' granny.

"...Fair enough. So, what was your question?"

>Ya' seem relaxed fer this.

"I've found a bit of... stress relief."

>In the tub, ya' mean?

"Oh no, did you see-"

>Ah' don't care what'cha do ta' who under that water, and Ah' don't wanna know.

"...wha-"

>SAID AH' DON'T WANNA KNOW!... Mah question is, do we have a government mail system? It seems kinda random. Like, Ah' get having competing businesses, but shouldn't we have an official one for the common folk to use?

"..."

>...

"...Shit. Well, the short answer is, uh... we HAD one, but..."

>...

"Ieeeee... burned it down."

>...

"...Don't you want to know why?"

>No.

"Oh... okay, so-"

>So this all yer' fault.

"Okay, that's just stating a fact."

>As opposed ta' all the other times?

"...right through the heart, AJ, right through the heart..."

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>>25301482
Meanwhile somewhere in a chaotic realm.

>>25301334
Do you really want that spoiled for you? It gets pretty emotional with her.

LAST THREAD RECAP, OH SHIT PD WHAT ARE YOU DOING EDITION
>Big Mac and Granny, after getting spooked by the changeling still being an apple, confront AJ about not visiting them.
>That's when AJ learns that Applebloom has not, in fact, been at the farm. She panics, naturally, but after she remembers she was supposed to go camping this week, reasons that Applebloom is just moping in her room back in Canterlot since she cancelled so aburptly, and feels bad about leaving her behind.
>Speaking of Applebloom, she and the other two come across a spooky house in the middle of nowhere during a thunderstorm. Naturally, they decide hypothermia death is probably preferable to going inside.
>Until the house drops a bowl of candy for them, of course, in which case Sweetie is now all for this shit.
>After she's snapped up, they feel that leaving Sweetie to die is more preferable than going inside, but it seems Winona has a moral compass. They all get locked in.
>29 faces more trials that Luna hopes will teach him lessons. Unfortunately, all they do is confuse and make him annoyed, since he can't follow her string of specific logic, which makes her angry and annoyed.
>Also, 29 kills a chipmunk in one such 'test', thinking its an illusion... it uh... it probably wasn't...
>GambLing doesn't know if gambling is illegal... if that makes any sense...
>Dinner at the CE house with special guest, Stormy Flare!
>Mane-Iac cheers Chrysalis up.
>LD is worried about Fleetfoot and Soarin' being back on.
1/4

>>25301876
>Fluttershy finally learns what Seven is doing. It turns out, he's using changeling mind-magic to stimulate parts of the brain of predators in order to give them sentience to understand the concept of 'love' better, hoping to turn them into a farmable resource so that they do not need to drain ponies anymore. He tried with smaller animals like rabbits or the like, but couldn't manage, predators are all that work. We learn he managed this because Bubbles, the Timberwolf, had been experimented on previously for this exact same thing, and that allowed him to move forwards.
>However, it currently isn't working as planned, he's putting in more love to make them think and advance then he is getting back, which is why he is so frequently sickly.
>Now, Fluttershy is faced with a dilemma. He is clearly upsetting the natural order and giving minds to things not meant to have them, but he is not hurting them or the like. He asks her if she wants him to shut it down and make it go back to normal, and she flees.
>She goes to the moon, where she meets none other than discord. During an argument, it's revealed one issue she has with this is that he's changing someone who can't give consent and granting them abilities they may not even want... just like herself.
>Discord is still bitter because he thought he was helping when that happened, so he doesn't see why everyone is always on his case about that. He brings up a planet to prove the point that chaos is just plain better than order, and that Twilight certainly brought chaos into Fluttershy's life as well.
>Fluttershy comes to a realization that some chaos IS good, but when it came all at once, she couldn't handle it.
>Discord admits that he was just trying to help, and she consoles him. Together, they both come to a realization
>At last, she understands what she needs to do, at least partially, and thinks she needs to go talk to someone.
2/4

>>25301893
>SA and 18 go off on their date, AND... nothing is going wrong. Nothing. Everything is fine.
>Eighteen is going crazy waiting for the earth shattering kaboom.
>Applejack is putting the changeling to work down at Ponyville in hillarious ways.
>Twilight is almost done with her orb-reader thing, and thinks Chrysalis is going to be just so happy about it!
>OOCO event, Chrysalis and Spike are still under Canterlot, and Chrysalis does not want a gun.
>AJ has a tender moment with Big Mac
>Chitania goes down to Ponyville, gets lost.
>Cadence, without telling anyone, cancelled her plans for the night that prevented her from going out with Shining and 18 because it hit her that she doesn't know if 18 is in disguise, and if two Cadences get seen the jig might be up. She muses that she's been feeling more and more useless lately, and the idea that this could take away her one good thing, that she beings happiness to her subjects, by making them wonder if it's even her helping them is too much.
>Chrysalis sneaks up on her, and Cadence reacts reasonably... by shooting and then biting her.
>However, with some prodding, eventually Cadence starts to spill about some fears she's been having..
>Back at the Gryphon Kingdom, Pennydrop begins her final plans! Just before Lavan can reach the kingdom, she reveals what she's been building this whole time, METAL DEER HAWK... which is odd because it's a giant mechanical gryphon...
>She engages Lavan in battle, why slyly implying that there was nothing else interesting for him to see. She pulls out all the stops and weapons, none of which manages to actually damage Lavan, but during the course of a desperate act they find out Lavan really fears rainbows for some reason.
>After a long, drawn out battle, she forces Lavan out of the kingdom with one final, explosive attack, which also doesn't hurt him. However, he understands that's all she had, and decides he's seen everything interesting here and decides to leave.
3/4

>>25301905
>Gwen is overcome with joy to the point of tears that they protected her subjects, and as one the other kings hail the forever more king and queen of Af Gryphonia!
>Beside them, Pennydrop can't help but feel like it's actually her she's cheering for...
>Unknown to the royals, they weren't the only ones there. Several airships, hidden from each other too, carrying the dignitaries and royals of others in the world, including Saddle Arabia and the Yaks or what have you, watched the battle, and ask if they want to sign on.
>Needless to say, they all do, and thus Fawntaine Futuristics gains a lot more customers, and Pennydrop's power... grows.
>The world is changing.
>And all the while, Applejack is having fun.

Hoo boy, bigguns dropped last thread. Love me some politics but hoping this one gets a little more personal for the crew.

As always, if I missed something, then you've found my secret that I am not in fact a robot, so please don't tell my mechanical overlords, and tell me about it when it's safe or else they'll shoot me with lasers. And I can't get shot with lasers, I'm driving later.

Don't drink and get shot with lasers, /pa/.

>>25301924
Thanks for summing that up, didn't have time for a 13 part story today...

>AJ
"Sunset"
'Pinkie'
~~~

>...Huh.

"And you complained to me."

'She's got a point, Jackie, this kinda is setting a bad example for your student.'

>Sunset, don't ever do what Ah' just did.

"But it's okay when you do it."

>Yep.

"...Okay."

'Really?'

"I've learned not to argue. That made me a changeling-zombie thing... somehow... so I'm just rolling with it."

'Ah... so are we actually going to go help those guys?'

>They kinda brought it on themselves.

'By doing what you said to do?'

"And then did yourself?"

>Yep.

"..."

'...I think you need to rethink this teacher job.'

>Why? This is easy as buckin' on a sunny day.

"...that changeling just got crushed by a hay pile."

>Is he dead?

"...nope."

>See? Easy as pie.

'...maybe I wasn't the best influence on you...'

>>25302428
Do as she does, not as she say- er...

Do as she says, not as she do- er...

...Just do it.

>>25301282
Sidecharacters also don't get bonked... sometimes.

Other times they do.

It's very odd.

...Hey, I just realized.

Where the fuck is Sombra?

>>25303240
Liam Neeson is a very persuasive man...

>>25303240
Story wise, he doesn't really have much to do. Sure he has something you want done but he has very little connection to the rest of the main plot. Everybody else is just more interesting

>>25301542
More like pile of ash. She's got some dark secrets in there...

>>25303032
As with all things it depends on whether or not it's funnier if they don't get it. If it's funny year to deny them or only imply it, that's what we do. If it's not particularly funny one way or another we tend to be kinder. It's all about the comedy.

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>>25303588
Oh, no. I just wanted to give a nod to the mailpony that tried to deliver to Discord.

Was it referencing an old story because I don't remember her burning the mail system.

>>25303404
Always Sombra's lot...

>>25303767
Always about the comedy indeed

Morning thread.

>>25305096
Hey, play it is open if you want to take a swing at it. Not like anybody is going to stop you.

OOCO
>AJ
"Twilight"
~~~▪

"So let met get this straight. You want me to put landmines... in your bathroom."

>That's the short of it, yep.

"LANDMINES... in your bathroom."

>Just make sure you tell me where ya' put 'em. Me, and nobody else.

"..."

>...Yep.

"... is this to blow up my brother?"

>W-whaaa? Noooo.

"..."

>...hoping to hit Celestia too-

"OUT!"

>You'd understand if they did it to you-

"OUT I SAID!"

>fine... thought we were friends... rassafrassa...

LEAVES!

"...pfft, as if, Shiny can come in my bathroom anytime he wants, even if I'm using it! Doesn't bother me none... I even kind of like it..."

>18
"SA"
~~~~

Nothing had happened yet.

No explosions, no blasts of any number of substances, no trips and medical emergencies, no battles for life, not even any fire.

There wasn't even any fire.

Instead, she had learned Shining had a love for collecting comic books, which she knew, now knew his favorite book series about a grizzled old solider, and ants.

Apparently, Shining loved his ants.

"So that's when mom said "If you even think about messing this up, I will personally set you on fire, son! Don't think I won't! Honey? Tell him!" and dad just kinda nodded... needless to say, the rest of Twilight's birthday was a liiiitle awkward."

Nothing, absolutely nothing was going wrong.

Yet she still felt like there was something that was going to happen, something... big.

"Hey, you know, I know you don't like to talk about it too much, but uh... what was it like before all this for you?"

...Shit.

>Um...

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want."

>...I guess... I probably should eventually...

"..."

>...There was this one time Chrysalis totally set a church on fire.

"Now this I HAVE to hear- wait, anyone dead?"

>Nobody was in it.

"This has raised further questions, explain."

Could it be possible?

Could really nothing go wrong?

...Nah, something was going to explode, she just fucking knew it.

>So it started with a clown...

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Derpy]
{ShadowDerpys}
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and my show makes better sense when you're sleepy! Now for our main segment...running!
Canned applause from DT's backpack as Pinkie carries them all.

'...why did it do that?'

>When will you learn not to question things when I'm around?

"...she has you there."

[Just leave me. I'd slow you down.]

>Hey, don't say that. We're not going to leave you to the shadows!

'I probably could.'

"You're not helping."

'I'm just being honest here.'

[I'd understand if you did. I'm a useless pony who can't do anything right. If you take me with you, I'll probably make things worse.]

"...you're not useless."

[You don't even know me princess Cadence.]

Cadence looks straight on.
"I don't care...you're not useless..."

'Hey, now that I'm looking around, this dream Ponyville has all the streets mixed up.'

>Oh...that explains why we haven't reached Sugar Cube Corner.

'Really? That was your plan? What are we going to do at Sug-'

[AAAAAAH!]

>"'WHOA!!!'"
They all tumble over.

>Why'd you scream and make us fall?

[Look at your hooves!]

The shards embedded in Pinkie earlier turned into small Shadow Derpys
{No escape!}
DT checks herself and finds out she's covered in small eyeless Derpy shadows.
{We've got you now.}

'They're crawling in my skin!'

>So much for healing our wounds at Sugar Cube Corner!

"Is this real?! What should I do?!"

They try to brush themselves off.
>I still have a plan, but we need to get to Sugar Cube Corner. Fly up and look for the pink sugary building

Cadence flies up and scans her surroundings.
"...I see it!"

>Good, now fly-
Cadence scoops them all up and zips through the air.
>This is good, but we probably shouldn't crash through the window.

"Okay."
They crash through the door leaving a shape of themselves.

>>25307104
LNPP

Never ceases to be mindfucked and awesome.

>>25306862
IT'S THE ONLY WAY, TWI! THE ONLY WAY TO BE SURE!

>Finish up last thread
>Pennydrop played everyone, including MOTHERFUCKING LAVAN

You know, it would be pretty poetic if the final boss of /pa/ was an earth pony who lied as often as she breathed, sought magic and power with reckless abandon, and actively sought control of Equestria for herself..

She's pretty much nega-AJ.

>>25307458
Also
>Prefers robots over hard work
>Isn't totally self reliant, prefers to have others do her dirty work
>is actually good at business.

>Chrysalis

>I suck. I must commit Sudoku
she commits Sudoku

Everything is instantly better for it. Equestria becomes a utopia, Chitty's heart explodes, Penndrop turns herself in, Lavan fucks off, and Spike, now taller and buff and totally a badass who can beat all threats, fucks Applejack and Rarity.

>>25307634
>Chitty's heart explodes,

BAD END

Fuck you, Chitty's awesome.

>>25307718
She just sits there until the collective Gojira-boner needs seeing to

>>25307737
She sits there being funny, you mean. Funny and cute with 13 too.

She's one of the few side characters who is funny even when not doing her 'thing'

>>25307718
So good end if Chitty lives then?

>>25307860
I guess still bad end for me since I actually Chrysalis's story and want to see it fullfilled, but for sure Chitty dying is a bad end. Fucking love megabug.

BAD END.

>>25307839
Probably because she has multiple 'things'

Her Momma subplot, getting lost, her thing with PM, her subplot with the librarian, her interactions with AJ, her backstory stuff... Oh, and she brings the best action sequences, that's a thing too.

She has more than 'a thing', I guess?

>>25307634
>Shiny still doesn't get laid, even in a utopia

HAH!

>29
"Luna"
~~~~

If he heard another carnival theme in his entire life, it was going to be a sign there was no merciful god, and that he was not saving ghost children, he was exploding them.

Not all that bad a fate if this was the alternative.

>...Are thou even trying?

Randomly, a clown walked out in front of him, hit him with a pie, and rolled off.

>I'll take that as a no.

"Of course we are! We.. well, of course we intended this to be, uh... w-well, the circus is a sign of the fun of youth, so we have... uh..."

>Thou have what?

"...oh! We're symbolizing that thine ego is a joke?"

As if in response to such a claim, he was run over by a clowncart very shortly.

>Ah... ha ha, ah ha ha, ha. I have been slain with laughter and inspiration. Thank goodness thou was here to show me the light that mine sense of self worth is some kind of cosmic joke.

"Er-"

>Thou does know jokes are meant to be watched and participated in, right? You are encouraging me to continue, because it brings others joy. Which I knew, thou simply does not understand the difference of types of joy. Hardly surprising.

Strangely, there was no strangling, no barking of anger, nothing.

Simply... silence.

"...I don't get it..."

The darkness came rolling in waves, until it consumed the faux funhouse she had created. It left behind... nothing. Nothing but empty, black darkness all around.

>...Well? What is mine next test?

Silence once more, but this time it felt different.

This time it felt... lonely.

>Hello? Princess? What is mine next test?

Nothing.

>...Teacher?

Endless, unfathomable, nothing.

>...Luna?

On and on, forever more, leaving him alone.

Leaving him... cold.

>...well, that's at least one lesson learned...

>>25308154
EQUESTRIA was a utopia. Didn't say anything about Crystal Canada. But on that note with >>25307634
>Shiny has his blood lust sated and loses a suitor.
>Cadence is still asexual but has one less opponent.
>18 and/or 42 inherits rule of the hive and promptly integrate them with society.

>>25308373
...So it's still a bad end for the CE.

Not complaining, just pointing out that absolutely none of that sounds anywhere near as good as the other stuff. It's essentially
>Shiny stops being mad at Chitania and Sunset, but the rest of his life is the same
>Cadence never had 'opponents', she knew full well she hadn't just won the bowl, it's on motherfucking lock for the rest of time, so all she lost is a buddy who occasionally saves her kingdom and is attracted to her husband but never does anything with him
>18 hates the hive with a passion, so it all falls on 42, who has said multiple times she doesn't think she could handle being Queen, and probably couldn't, and now has to deal with one of her friends being dead.

This is all pretty awful for them, on the whole. Again, not complaining, just saying. Little lopsided.

>>25308417
It was meant to be. I just had a though of what would hateboner of Bugbitch AJ/Spike (even though we mostly fixed that) would think would happen if the one that they view as the cause of all problems dropped dead exaggerated with the view of some anons.
I had nothing for the CE because they are, as you pointed out, a net negative without her. Whereas the only ones on the Canterlot side that needed her (aside from companionship) was Fluttershy and Twilight but we fixed that.

>>25308417
Think the joke is
>She doesn't even live there or interact with Equestria as a whole, or cause any of the problems since the Hive is in Canada, but if she killed herself all problems would be fixed.

Das da' joke, mang.

>PD
"Gwen"
'Idris'
[???]
{???}
~~~~~

"Didn't take you for one who enjoyed the party life."

Her response was a lopsided smile, and slamming her cup to the table. She felt that said it all.

>Keeping a professional face has it's limits.

"Indeed... as I'm sure my husband can attest to."

His response, in turn, was a bellowing belly belch as he too slammed a cup to the table.

'If I had to shake one more talon or give one more speech, I was going to shove this crown right up the nearest royal ass and tell them they could have it.'

"And thus, the Af Gryphonia dynasty crumbles, in the grandest of ways."

>Pffft, not after all I just had to pull off, you'd better not. If you guys threw in the towel now, You'd so not get a Hearth's Warming card this year.

"Hearth's Warming?"

>...Oh, right. Nevermind.

"Still, while your party skills are impressive, they are sadly..."

[WOOOOOO!]

"Nothing compared to his... sigh."

The response from her youngest son was only to swing by on a banner, hanging by nothing but his hind a female gryphon on each arm.

'Rather disappointing that he was the only one who didn't manage to sway anyone...'

"I can't say I'm surprised or even disappointed at this point."

>Hey he looks fun to me.

"No, if you want fun, you have to go to-"

{AH-HEM!}

"...that one."

The mare slowly looked over her shoulder, to the odd thing frantically poking at her side with one hoof, while a book hung taut in the other.

>I think one of your robots is malfunctioning. Also, betrayal, this is clearly not one of mine.

{Vekir is not robot, she is morlock!}

>Oh, I see... what the fuck is a morlock?

{Ehhhh, sun demon is hidden behind tarp, Vekir should be fine.}

>Am I supposed to know what that-

With a CLICK her helmet fell away.

>SWEET HUMPING CELESTIA ON THE BACK OF A BULL!

{No, Vekir is Morlock! Not... thing you said!}

>What the fuck!?

{Morlock! Vekir is Morlok! Morlock ambassador, to be precise! Morlocks live under Sisslestia castle!}

>...Okay...

1/2

>>25308993

"You reacted remarkably well to that."

>I don't even care anymore at this point. What can I help you with, er, Veker?

{VEKIR!}

>Sorry.

{Vekir is ambassador who is visiting Catbirds to learn of Catbird things! So, since you are friend of Catbirds, Vekir wishes to be your friend as well!}

>...Sure, you know what? Why not.

{HUZZAH! Friendship has been made!}

>Just out of curiosity, what, exactly, is the 'sun demon'?

{The sun demon is the great thing in the sky that steals the souls of the morlocks! It rips them from body and turns body... TO GOOO!}

>...

"They melt in the sun, apparently."

>They melt? Like... melt melt?

{Puddles are left!... That is not a huzzah.}

'They're, uh... quite interesting.'

>Yes... you certainly seem as such.

{Vekir thanks you!... Would you mind signing Vekir's book? Sisslestia princess said she needs to get one from all leaders in order to prove she is Ambassador worthy!}

>All leaders you say?... Hrm... tell me, what is the point of all this, Vekir?

{We muchly wish to trade! Brother Rekulk is trade with City of White, but we muchly wish trade with whole big world! If Vekir Ambassadors good enough, everyone will trade with morlocks!}

>...Tell me, Vekir, if I managed to set you up with meeting the other leaders, would you like to trade with me?

To say she had wonder in her wide, innocent eyes simply did not cut it. She looked, for all the world, like she had found the secret portal to candy and puppy land... and she was allowed to eat both.

{THAT WOULD BE BEST MISSES DROPPED PENNYS!}

>Pennydrop.

{That is what Vekir said! Thank you so much!}

>Oh, don't thank me... today is all about helping friends, after all...

"...Ignoring how creepy you sound when you're drunk, How nice!"

'Yes, very kind of you.'

{HUZZAH! Vekir will remember this!}

>...just helping out...

"Seriously, I'm cutting you off."

>I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

HEADTABLE!

>I've had enough....

{Vekir thinks this is going to end great!}

>>25309017
...This is going to end SO BADLY

>>25309114
Everyone is pretty much going to be fucked if PD gets at the monsters and minerals beneath Canterlot.

>>25309142
Fuck the monsters and shit, she could have a factory UNDER CANTERLOT

Someone needs to so something, like... now?

>>25308154
There is no utopia perfect enough,

It simply does not exist.

>32
"Actarius"
~~~~

>...Pshoooo... my, what a boring day.

"Yep."

>With the new at ease attitude towards my species, I've been fielding less and less complaints here recently.

"Yep."

>And of course, they never had much interest in us to begin with.

"Nope."

>So... I'm mostly waiting. There is nothing that needs filing right now.

"Yep."

>...If only there was something interesting me and you and I could do.

"..."

>...If only there was something...

"..."

>...On this desk, perhaps? Or really anywhere, not picky.

"..."

>...Something... fun?

"...Do you juggle?"

>I can juggle certain things if you want, yes.

"Well, I mean, if you're not good with it, you shouldn't go past balls."

>Oh, I am a wizard with balls.

"Huh. Cool! Lemme see!"

>...Did you just actually hoof me juggling balls?

"Wha? Are these not your type? They work great for JJ."

>...

"...Boss?"

>ARRRGGHHH!

SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM!

"Awww, don't be so hard on yourself, juggling isn't for everybody!"

>...one of these days you're going to get it, and I won't know what to do.

"Don't you mean you'll get it?"

>.......

"The juggling, I mean."

>WHY MUST YOU CRUSH MY DREAMS!?

"I thought I was being supportive..."

>ARRGHGHHHH!

>>25309713
No, see, HE'S never getting laid.

Because, like 29, it's just plain funny if he never gets none.

Be honest with me. Does ANYbody EVER get laid here? No? Thought so.

>>25310190
Oh sure, plenty of characters.

Dadling and Batmom, obviously.
77 and Cheers go at it plenty.
Twi's mom and dad are kinky as shit.
Pinkie's Parents are FREAKS in the sack.
Seven's been banging that scientist mare, Spike even walked in on him, sorta.
Pommel and Daw bang plenty.

Ton of others I'm forgetting too, but if you're a side character, you've got a decent chance, it's just funnier when it doesn't happen in canon.

NC they fuck like rabbits, though.

>>25310250
Sweet Note used to all the time, obviously.

Librarian Mare is in a very active relationship with her wife(girlfriend?)

Fleetfoot and Soarin' probably banged LD(Yes, at the same time, I assume.)

Your chances of getting laid are totally inverse to how much screentime you get, with one exception. 55 isn't banging that red headed chick because she's one of those proper 'Not before marriage' types. Aside from that? Hide from the camera, and you might get you some.

>>25310300
Sombra, Flash, Fizzle, Arkwardling, Arana, Blueblood... All of them exceptions to the rule? Step it up!

>>25310344
He forgot the qualifier "You have to actually be IN a relationship" for it to work, otherwise you never get laid.

Works for Seven and SN because it tied into their plot, but you notice all the others getting some? In a relationship.

If PJ started dating Haymaker with her current level of screentime, they'd be going at it so often Blueblood would never get the castle clean, for example. Gotta be IN a relationship first, otherwise you get nothing.

>>25310406
>He forgot the qualifier "You have to actually be IN a relationship" for it to work, otherwise you never get laid.

Actually, yes, exactly that. I cannot believe I forgot that line, because it was literally the whole reason I brought up 55(He was the exception to the rule since he's in a relationship but isn't getting none.)

Everyone else? 10, Haymaker, QS, Gambling, The Rainbolts and so on? You don't get you none unless you're actually dating/married to someone.

>>25310300
>Fleetfoot and Soarin' probably banged LD(Yes, at the same time, I assume.)

I beg your fucking pardon!?

>>25310512
Not him, but
>Day before Hearth's Warming, FF and Soarin' are at the WB headquarters
>They are seemingly the only ones there and have been there a while, and are super fucking shocked to see Dash there, because everyone else is gone for the holidays
>Then Dash goes back to her office and she finds LD on her desk in racy lingerie.
>LD, presumably, had no idea Dash was going to be there either, because how could she have known?

...I mean, how the fuck else am I supposed to read that scene? What, that she was just waiting? That they turned her down? They were still party-buddies at that point.

Oh, and later we find out that she bugged their uniforms, SOMEHOW. Again, how else do you read that? FF and Soarin' totally double-teamed her.

>AB
"SL"
'???"
~~~~~~

>Okay, so, this went south pretty fast.

"YOU THINK!?"

*Arf!*

>Thank you, Winona! Just... thank you, thank ya' so much, Ah' just never would'a known it iffin' it wasn't fer' you. A right revelation, that's what this was!

"What did she say?"

>Ain't gotta gaddng clue, but Ah' don't want her mad at me till she cuts us out of the GADDANG GIANT SPIDER WEB!

"...I think it's something else, actually."

>What else could it possibly be!?

"I dunno, just looks more like a... what do you call it, those thing butterflies come out of?"

>Chrysalis?

"No, not her, the butterfly thing!

>Chrysalis.

"NOT THE BUG! THE THING THE BUG COMES OUT OF!"

>CHRYSALIS GADDANG IT! IT'S CALLED A CHRYSALIS!

'I think you mean cocoon.'

>...Or cocoon, yeah, Ah' guess that works.

"..."

>...wait... where... where was...

"..."

'Would you like some candy?'

>...
"..."

>"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"THIS WENT SOUTH SO FAST!'

*....Arf?*

>>25310344
>Sombra

...uh... slight issue there.

>>25310881
I've seen enough hentai to know that's bullshit.

>>25311117
I mean, he's a floating head anyway.

Just use your imagination.

>>25310575
You don't know, maybe LD was just following her around in her lingerie, just waiting for a moment when she was alone.

Waiting...

OOCO
>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'SA'
~~~~~

>I'm starting to think this was a bad idea.

"SHUT IT ALL DOWN!"

>Really?

'Yeah, really?'

"SHE said it was a bad idea. Her. Her bad ideas are the worst ideas."

>HEY!

'Hey, you don't know, that might mean it was a really good idea!'

>FUCK YOU!

"Do you really want to take that gamble? What are we risking in exchange? We just naturally have good ideas, we don't need to lean on chance."

>FUCK YOU TOO!

'Where would we be if we didn't take a chance on her ideas?'

>FU... uh... was that bad?

"..."

'...'

>FUCK YOU!

"...It's not that big a deal anyway."

'Yeahhh, we can do better.'

"Come on, Chrysalis!"

>...I still wanted to play croquet, I just thought it was a bad idea because you don't know the rules...

"Coming?"

>...Seventy Seven will play with me, assholes.

>>25311631
OOCO
>Chrysalis
"77"
~~~~

"Er, Majesty, while I am glad you wished to spend time with me, and I certainly love having a partner for this since Cheerilee finds it incredibly boring, uh... I wish you'd stop scowling."

>I'M FINE.

"Oh... okay... so, uh, your serve?"

WHACK!

"...You were supposed to hit the little poles, not the.. not the princesses head."

>DOUBLE POINTS!

"Right... right, double points..."

>>25311702
NC
'Luna'
~~~~

>ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATION!?

'You broke her skull!'

>That just means I was doing it right!

'...'

>Wait, shit...

~~~One war later~~~~~

'HOW!? Our lands, all our armies, DECIMATED! We're ruined! You control everything!'

>Huh. That actually went really well for me... OH SHIT! NOW I ACTUALLY HAVE TO RULE AND FIX THIS PLACE!.... Fuck that! You deal with this, bitch!

BLAM!

'...Everything went better than expected.'

>>25311964
>It all goes horribly wrong at the end, just after it looks like she's won.

Can't say it's not consistent.

>>25312040
Eh, depends on if she's hospitalized or dead.

Admittedly, her luck was always going to run out eventually, but still.

>>25312214
Maybe she's like Celestia now after all the love, and that's just a brief vacation.

So she has to keep doing it over and over and over and over...

>>25312380
And thus, this time, it's Celly who goes "HAH!"

>>25310443
Huh. Is there anyone in a relationship besides Shiny who isn't having sex? Outside of omakes, I mean.

>>25312873
Spike, kinda? Dunno if he counts since he's in jailbait wait territory.

>>25312873
Not in a relationship, No. We just like torturing him.

>>25313229
Hey! We gave him the one, we are not monsters.... Mostly. Unless chrysalis is involved. Then we can get kind of mean.

Or if we talk about Chitty'a backstory, them we get downright sadistic.

>AJ
"Sunset"
'Pinkie'
[???]
{???}
~~~~~~

>...Huh.

"What?"

>Is it just me, or is everythin' going... too well.

'Noooo.'

"What do you mean?"

>Ah' just mean that Ponyville seems ta' be givin' us less hassle than Canterlot did.

'Applejack no.'

"Huh, you know, I did notice that too. Think it's because Ponyville has had to put up with them more?"

>Dunno, maybe we're just nicer round these parts. For whatever reason, it's just goin' good.

'Stop, please stop.'

"Well, thank goodness for small blessings, right?"

>Yep! Who knows, we might be able ta' wrap this whole part o' the trip up in no time!

"Then what?"

>Dunno, guess Ah'll have ta' start figurin' that one out. Thought Ah' was gonna have ta' take longer for this, but as long as this keeps up like it is...

'Applejack why.'

"Huh. So we're just banking on nothing going wrong?"

>Somethin' really wrong would have ta' happen ta' mess this up.

'You're doing this on purpose.'

>Yep. Looks like smooth-

Thoom.
>...Looks like smooth-
Thoom.
>...Looks like smooth sailing-
ThoomthoomTHOOMTHOOM

>What in tarnation!?

'You did this. You called this, you monster.'

THOOMTHOOM THOOM THOOM!

CRUNCH!

>...
"..."
'...Your fault.'

{Princess A-}

[There! Okay! We found them! They're right there! They're right in front of us! Are you happy now!? Is this not what you wanted!?]

{Mom! I'm trying to talk to the princess!}

[Just call her Apple pony, it's what I do.]

>No ya' don't.

[What did you say, Apple pony?]

>...Ah' hate you so much.

[That's no way to talk to your buddy.]

"WAIT WHAT!?"

>Is there any reason y'all are down here?

[We're visiting.]

{MOM! Let me talk!}

>So... yer' gonna be here... for more than a minute?

"Annnd, most of Ponyville are running back inside their houses."

>...Shit.

'YOU DID THIS!'

>You say somethin', Pinkie?

'...this is the grave you chose...'

>>25313608
Not really trying that hard, Pinkie.

>>25313724
Face it, some part of her wanted to watch it all burn ... a very very big part of her...

>>25310190
We make up for it by having omake shiny be a complete and utter manwhore.

>>25313608
Huh, what a coincidence. That was the only place she did not smash

>>25313358
Yeah, I don't know what this is about her back story that just set us off, but we got terrible pretty quick. We just kept piling it on and on and on. ...

>>25307839
I do wish she would do her thing more often though. She always brings the best fights. Not saying these recent fights haven't been fun, but we always go the extra mile with her for some reason. Need me some mega bug bite in my life.

>>25314751
Which means she is now ready to come back and finish the job. Nothing escapes the punch for too long. Nothing.

>>25307839
I agree. I actually rather like her being a side character doing funny things.
Except for the Cordyceps fight with Spike, I don't typically feel any tension in Chitania's fights since she seems to just plow through everything. I pretty much expect her fights to be curbstomps.

>>25315357
... But she lost the fight against shiny, and Twilight outsmarted her, and then DT showed her up by exploding the robot in her face, and then she got a hole blown in her. She actually has a pretty standard track record. I mean, all the fights are good, but they're hardly one sided. Even chrysalis was winning pretty hard.

If she's against the main character, it's actually not that certain

>>25315357
> don't feel any tension
But isn't she the antagonist in most her fights? You're supposed to think that the protagonist is going to lose. There would be less tension if she didn't normally curbstomp stuff.

Not much of a villain opponent if our heroes aren't fighting against impossible odds, or at least seemingly impossible ones. Nor is it all that exciting if they just have to hit her. Every time somebody wins it's because they outsmart her, that's more interesting in a fight then just the punches.

It's why the fight against SPike was so good, for once she had to be the one who outsmarted them, and just punching it just wasn't going to cut it. Same deal when she is the antagonist, they got to think

>>25315460
and almost every one of those, I couldn't feel any tension at all while reading because I get the impression that she's impervious.
>then she got a hole blown in her.
Oh I guess that's the one I skipped because not only did I feel no tension during that one, (mostly recall curbstomping the crystal empire), it was too serious for me and was a bummer to read. Then I'm forced to read a 20+ post story about a fight that I'm only loosely interested in and about a character that I don't want to invest in. I have short attention span and it wanes the longer the fight is, so I end up reading curbstomp, curbstomp, oh the main characters did something, curbstomp, curbstomp, something, something, oh it's over now and I'm exhausted from reading.

I'm a fight junkie myself sure, but I find her fights draining to read, so her fights just aren't my cup of tea.

I'll stick to her short comedy moments.

>>25315557
Oh no, the fight with Spike was good to me because for once I finally got the feeling that Chitania can actually get hurt for once and therefore challenges my preconceived notion that she can't be hurt.
The others were she curbstomps until my attention is just gone and I don't feel like reading about her fight anymore.

>>25315855
You missed the Demon!Sunset/Chitania turnabout? Geez, talk about missing the important part.

>>25315907
Honestly, I didn't like it and lost interest in Sunset because of it. I was having a better time reading about the Mane6 and the A-team taking on the underground base. That was fun. Short and to the point. Sunset/Chitania's story? A lot less fun and it'd be rather unreasonable to make me keep choking down a long story I don't like. I'll just take the cliff notes version that's easier to digest.

>>25315460
>... But she lost the fight against shiny


...I'm struggling to think who DOES lose to Shining at this rate

Morning, Verizon

>>25316677
..?beg pardon?

>>25309017
>and she was allowed to eat both

You magnificent yet still utter bastard! I was at work!

>>25316425
Cadence.

Actually in all seriousness whoever the ot says. He managed to beat chitty despite her shrugging off and healing everything she ot hit with before (all the others combined didn't even get to loosen the lid on that pickle jar) BUT he was utterly ineffective against varry even when teaming with caddy and chrissi.

Seriously the dude is exactly as strong or weak as is needed for the story at any given time.

>>25317159
Screw you phone.

Ot 1: plot
Ot 2: got

>>25317159
To be fair though, the former wasn't running off the crystal heart

>>25317159
Well dangit it all I mixed up my words.

What I meant to say was, when has Shining actually LOST a fight, cos all my memory serves is him tanking every one on one fight

>>25317593
Early thread 42?
Actually early thread pretty much everyone. Up until the chitty thing he was not a hitter really.

>>25317593
Lets tally it up!

>Early thread
Constantly lost to 42
>Pre robot invasion
Defeated, but was hospitalized by, a robot Spike
>Robot invasion
Defeated some mooks, but ultimately was a failure against the horde, and did nothing in the finale fight wise
>Gala
N/A, no battles happened there
>Chitty
First true Victory, was hospitalized for weeks afterwards
>Trainfight/Under Canterlot
Was not present
>Partyland
Defeated the Pie sisters and their dad in a game where everyone was nerfed
>PL finale
Defeated mooks, was almost killed by giant robot and did not participate in final battle
>Fillydelphia
Was not present
>Nightmare Night confrontation
Was not present
>Cordyceps invasion
Ineffectually fought mooks with Celly and Spitfire, did not manage to defeat any and was defeated by Cordy-Spike, then did not participate in final run
>Variolus
A whole lot of getting his ass kicked and not stopping anyone.
>OnO
...Does this count?
>Maud
Won.

On the whole, he's actually got a really damn shitty track record during events.

>>25318055
Exactly, because most of the time the plot doesn't need him to win.

>>25318055
MEANWHILE! Spike's tally

>Early thread
Several offscreen mooks
>Tournament
Defeated most fighters before deciding to double-quit with 42
>Pre-invasion
A LOT of robots, only injury was not during a fight.
>Invasion
Lost to Flash, but then tore through the robots to defeat Blueblood
>Gala
Nothing happened
>Gunclub tournament
Won against DT, lost to 42
>Chitty
Did not stop her
>Under Canterlot
I think he beat 42 for the 'right' to go under, then Tore through hundreds of monsters
>Trainfight
Hit Chitty twice, both of them sneak attacks, but did not stop her, that was by Twilight
>Partyland
Fought mooks, then held off the horde while Twi and co went and got FS
>Fillydelphia
Wasn't present
>NMN confrontation
Wasn't present
>Cordy
Shot a bunch of mooks, then got taken over after he wrecked 7, post that is not applicable as it was Cordy, not Spike.
>12 rescue
Was awesome, like everyone else
>OnO
I don't think this counts
>VS Buttercup
Initially got curbstomped thanks to a sneak attack, but then did the most damage when he shot her in the back.

Damn, his track record TROUNCES Shiny's. Early-thread manloveboner for Spike really helped tip the scales, I'm noticing.

OOCO
>Pinkie
"Dash"
'Twilight'
[Applejack]
{FS}
~???~
~~~

>Okay, so, that last Pinkie Party Pouncers? Didn't go so well.

"STICK ON A DAMN NAME!"

>Whoa whoa whoa! No swearing! Those beeps cost money, you know!

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just a little cranky because EVERY insurance agency has dropped me! Every one of them! They won't take me in after the last time I got exploded!"

>...doesn't... doesn't Equestria have free healthcare?

"HINT! HINT!"

>Ah. I see.

'Huh. Where's Rarity? I thought she was your posh and or wildcard.'

>I refer you to Dash's previous rant. That's not a wildcard, that's a homewrecker.

'So-'

>So we're waiting for the season finale to bring her back, she'll probably be a fan favorite.

[So why am Ah' here?]

>Because I got a lot of complaints about that one, they think you need to be more involved because of reasons. So, now you're the stick in the mud who tells us not to do stuff, and then we do it anyway. Try to scream "PINKIEEE!" at the top of your lungs while you do.

[What!? That's silly! Make Fluttershy do that stuff, Ah' like having fun!]

{Um... I don't mind doing that if you want to make Applejack the wildcard.}

>Pfft, APPLEJACK!? The WILDCARD!? Come on! She's as predictable as the sunrise on a day when Celly is sober.

[...]

"N-nooooo."

>What? What are you.

[...What... did you... say?]

>...Ha! I haven't got any explosives this time! You can't blow me up!

[Oh, okay, so those bottles up there ain't alcoholic.]

>...Twilight?

'Assuming she hit them with a big enough force and with an incendiary attack of some kind, boom.'

>A-applejack, let's think about this.

[Oh, Ah' thought about it.]

{Oh dear.}

>What are you going to do!?

[What am Ah' gonna do, ya' say? Well...]

~~~

[WOOOOO! DONSHA KNOW YER' ALL MAH VERY BESH FREEEEINDS!]

~MY WORD!~
~Most unorthodox! MOST UNORTHODOX!~\
~Our party has been crashed!~

>...
"..."
'...'
{...This did not go the way I was thinking.}

>...Freaking show stealer!

[MAH VERY BESH FREEENNSSHHH!}

>>25318427
That's the AJ I wanna see!

Getting drunk and fucking up!

>>25318255
This was part of the reason I started hating Spike. He got attached to AJ very early and started winning fights essentially in AJ's steed as main character. Before the harem brigade came to be it was the adventures of Captain Canterlot. Keep in mind that during the first 20 threads Spike spent multiple stories fucking with Shiny as a DM (which is why I am glad Spike spent the OnO arc getting fucked with).

To LNPP Anon. I just noticed that you taught Cadence how to use the whips. Good callback with her weaponry.

>>25318556
Can't please everyone I guess. I really enjoyed spike getting a bit of the spotlight. Not like he gets it much anywhere outside the thread.

>Chitania
"AJ"
~~

"Seriously? Can ya' please leave?"

>Don't tell me how to live.

"Ah' asked nicely."

>That sounded more like 'fuck you' than nicely.

"Have ya' ever heard it the other way?"

>Oh of course, I've heard it many times when they were begging me not to keep punching them.

"...Just go."

>Still telling me what to do.

"At leas Ah'm bein' hones this time."

>You get pity points, nothing else.

"...Gonna be like this?"

>I enjoy the simple things in life.

"Really gonna be like this?"

>I think I am, yes.

"..."

>...Nothing?

"...ya' ever had an apple?"

>...

"..."

>...Meh, I'll try anything once.

"...hrm..."

>>25318782
Don't get me wrong I'm not rooting against Spike all the time, I just didn't like him for some of the things he did. Like being agnsty with his child solder routine yet loving being able to pull out a gun to get others to listen (glad he actually lightened up on that). That we had to argue for threads on end to finally get shippers to agree he is jailbait. That he agro'd Chitty when she was being civil. His entire involvement with Vally girl Twilight. Actually since he put more holes in 7 I have been fine with him and since he got karmic justice 15 threads ago I am warming up a bit. hate was a strong word in my last reply, I just started off wrong and it took a bit for him to stop doing things I didn't like to cancel out the good he was doing.

>29
"???"
~~

>Teacher?

The endless void seemed to hold him as he wafted through it, weightless, yet carried all along all the same. Time had ceased to mean anything in such a place. If it had been a minute, an hour or more, he could not tell. It was all an instant, yet everlasting to him

>Teacher? Uh... I perhaps feel mine earlier comments were... in haste? Not to say I was not correct, of course, merely that I feel that maybe mine words were not as carefully chosen as I am known to be on most occasions. Perhaps I should have put a little more thought into what I spoke... Teacher?

He swam left, or at least what he assumed to be left.

Nothing but an endless, empty void.

>Teacher really, cease this immediately! I have word that needs done back at home, send me away this instant! I have limits to what I will stand and thou have clearly crossed it in leaping gaits! Away with me, back to mine home and residence! Away I said!

Alone.

>...Zecora and Marey will come for me, if this is how thou wishes to act! They will get thine sister and have her force my release quick as my wit! This is unacceptable! I am not some thing to be held like a child against mine will! Release me! Release me I said!... RELEASE ME!

Simply... alone...

>...They'd come for me. I... if they did not, then mine cousin would! He would miss me! I would be missed! I would not be forgotten so easily! They would face anything, even you, to get me back! They would not stand for this!

"Nobody is coming for you."

At last, a voice.

And how he had wished it was not so.

>Yes they are! They will see to it that I am rescued!

The voice did not even answer him this time, merely content to let him float in nothingness.

>Nothing to say!? No challenge for me this time!? SPEAK! Go on! Tell me more lies! SPEAK!

He felt it again.

The nothing.

>...Hello?

For the first time since he had come in this place...

He felt it.

>...They would come for me. They... I am not that much of a bother...

Doubt.

>>25318427
Did not see that coming and I love it.

>>25319075
.... Er, they probably would.

Don't see 56 not being a bro here.

>7
"Buttercup"
~~~~

"Her am not back yet."

It was not the first time she had said that, he very much doubted it would be the last unless the one in question revealed herself, yet he never seemed uneased by the matter. He was content, merely by the act of helping Bubbles back into her bedding so she could rest. Despite her monstrous size, she was always one to get tired if things became too hectic.

And, undoubtedly, they had been.

"Me am not going back."

It was not the first time she had said that either. He also very much doubted it would be the last, regardless of what was to come.

>Stop worrying, it will be fine. I'm prepared if she says no.

"How? Her... Strong. She am stronger than..."

Than me, he finished in his mind. He knew how much that irritated her, even if he could not help but feel relief that she understood her limits. He always worried about her, most of all...

>It will be fine, I said.

"... Me going to stay with you?"

Fear, now that was something he wasn't used to hearing in her voice, no matter how much she tried to hide it.

So why, he wondered, did it make him smile?

>Yes, Buttercup, you're staying with me. You, Bubbles, and of course...

He didn't say it. Nor did he need to.

>It will be fine.

"...okay."

She believed him, he knew she did, without question.

Now... If only he could be so sure himself.

>It will be fine. Just wait and see...

>>25319444
Trips don't lie.

Bros b4 hoes, man. If 29 is bro enough to turn down his best shot for the little guy, 56 would be eternal shit-tier if he picked moon booty over him

>>25319688
A wise pimp once said "I'd take many things over a ho. A nice sandwich for example. But a brother? Aw hell no!"

>>25319747
Damn straight.

>>25319688
>Picking between moonbutt or Bro-tier guy who saved you and carried you around for a fucking year and is now doing all sorts of stuff to help you out.

...That's a surprisingly hard choice. I mean, yeah, he's a great bro, but... moon-ass.

Feel me?

>>25320312
Moon butt and love of butt is literally what keeps you alive and indestructible.

Speaking of, since some horrifying monster amoung you contrived to separate him from his love of booty, how is he getting by?

>>25320527
If I had to take a stab in the dark, I assume 29 is keeping him charged.

Guy does literally everything else for him.

>Cadence
"Chrysalis"
~~~

She had listened.

A rare event for her, she had listened. She had not said anything, or mocked her during, or even let out a single one of her trademark laughs. Perhaps it had been a rare moment if altruism, perhaps it had been a grander sign of some kind of understanding that had at last made it through into the skull of the ever slow on the uptake changeling Queen.

Or maybe it had something to do with the dumbfounded and totally lost look that she was so desperately hiding behind flame after flame whenever Cadence just so happened to look away.

That might've been a contributing factor.

>I know it's selfish, but is it really so wrong to hope that everything would fall apart if I wasn't here? Is it really that selfish to just kind of hope that maybe I'm vital in some way? I'm the princess! I mean, look at my cutie mark! Look at it! I was destined for this, literally! Literally destined for this! I was all set to be the princess of this place before I even knew it was a place! Is it really that selfish!? What, am I just supposed to be like "Oh sorry, destiny, I guess you got it wrong on this one! You were looking for the maniac with the paperwork knack!"

For, while she had initially come in with the best of intentions, those intentions had long since been lost to sheer, nullified stupefaction. She had no idea what, if anything to say, and were the princess able to peer through the illusions of stoic understanding plastered across her face, that would be plain for her to see as well.

But luckily, or perhaps unfortunately depending on how one looks at it, she had no such ability, and continued on unabated.

>I'm trying really, really hard with this stuff too! But just... how does she do it!? Is she literally reading everyone's mind to learn it? I'm not even mad if she is, just share! Share your stupid mind magic so I can actually fill out more than some basic forms! Just share! I share!

1/3

>>25320905

She continued on, and on, and on, until all she was left with was a deep, sad sigh, and shoulders that would have hit the ground had they not been in their sockets.

>...You know the sad part? This whole... this thing with Shining, it's just... it's almost like it's not even a big deal anymore. It's feeling less and less important as time goes on, but this... thinking about being found out just keeps stinging, because I just want to know that they need me... not Shiny, I know Shining needs me. H-heh, the only good thing about this stupid position, I know he... he needs me, and I need him, but... what about them? If someone found out today what I really do, would they just say... thanks, but we don't need you? Would they just shrug and say instead... you can go now, we're covered....

She kept slumping lower, and lower, until her stomach and chest touched the cool ground, and she lie there, prone before the Queen, as she had been so long ago, yet somehow in even worst circumstances.

>...Why am I even a princess anyway?

The question hung in silent air for a time. Never grasped, never taken. The question remained, the Queen letting it hang there as her mind was alight with thoughts that burned as hotly as any flame she had ever conjured, as powerful as any magic she had ever cast.

And as hollow as any lie she had ever told. She could not, no matter what words she tried to bring to her silver tongue, think of a single word to be spoken in comfort or in wisdom. The Queen, the one who prided herself on spinning words so intricate any spider would bow in awe, found nothing to her beck and call. She relied on her flames to hide her, as she always had, even as she desperately searched to no avail for the words Cadence sought, to be the one to solve this problem as it so needed to be.

The question hung in the air, remaining untaken, and never grasped.

2/3

>>25320919

Cadence, however, did not. She was lifted, by hooves endlessly stronger than hers, and forced to look into green eyes. Forced to watch as flames appeared once more, and that look fell away. Taking away the powerful look that the Queen always held, and instead...

Something else.

"Do you want me to set something on fire?"

It would have been something that tore her side in half, had it not been said with such an honest and desperate voice. The simple way she said it, much like a child asking if their parents wanted them to put up their toys because they had been fighting. For as horrible as it was to say, very seldom had she ever heard the Queen sound more honest, if ever.

>...Yes.

It was not healthy, it was a distraction and nothing more. This would fix nothing, solve nothing, but...

If only for the night, if only for this moment.

She was going to have some fun watching Chrysalis set stuff on fire.

"HAH!"

The Queen could provide no answers, she could not speak with sage advice or cunning words of wisdom in the grand scheme of rule. She knew what she knew, and that was it. She could not, no matter how much she wanted to, answer a single question for Cadence. She could not answer them just as she could not answer the questions of her own that threatened to crush her skull with their implications, the thoughts of advancement and rule that weighed on her every bit as powerfully as what Cadence herself was pressed down upon today.

This was all she could do. Make it easier, take the load off for just a little while, for the both of them. This was what she knew.

It would solve nothing.

It would answer nothing.

It would fix nothing.

But, if only for a night, if only for a moment.

They were going to have some fun.

I feel like this "Cadence is revealed to the public as a sort-of-fraud who doesn't really /do/ anything" kinda HAS to happen.

I mean ALL the characters know the gig, but then again nearly ALL the characters are somewhere somehow in the upper-most echelons of power while the peons below are blissfully ignorant.

For one thing Harem and Co. cannot go on living this lie, dang

And I get the whole "the common pone is a dumbass" but Sweetnote is a common pone but she suddenly swung a left hook and made herself important by saying how said Main Characters are utterly distanced from the normal citizenry

wew lad to think ol' Element of Honesty has been effectively shtum on these things to her family is something

>>25321024
>wew lad to think ol' Element of Honesty has been effectively shtum on these things to her family is something

...could you repeat that in english?

>>25320929
Awwww.

That's pretty adorable, actually. She's not smart like Celly, so she just does what she can, and it helps.

Gold star, bugbitch

>>25321024
I mean, I know Cadence doesn't do a lot of paperwork and stuff but being able to maintain and fix the searing crystal of love that effectively powers the city must count for something.

>>25321203
What this guy right c'here said.

>>25321567
It does, but it kinda makes her seem less like "Someone who is ruling over you and protecting you" and, well... maintenance guy.

>Looks like ya' gotta busted Crystalmajigger, gonna have ta' get that fixed right quick if you don't want the smokeamathings getting in.

>>25321916
Cadence in worker overalls is a strangely sexy thought...

>Pinkie
"Chitania"
'AJ'
~~

>...You know, I don't think me and you have ever actually talked.

"That is for the best, you seem annoying."

'Trust me, she's right... er, bout that bein' for the best, Ah' mean. Not the... yer' not annoying.'

>Oh yeah!?

"...What part of that are you 'oh yeah'ing to?"

'Mite confused mah'self.'

>Well, if that's how you want to play it!

"Play what? What am I playing?"

'PINKIE NO!'

SPLAT!

>Now who's annoying!?

ZOOM!

'...O-oh shit...'

"...huh..."

'...'

"...huh..."

'...'

"....huuuh..."

'...Why ain't ya' stompin' stuff?'

"I... I've just gone completely numb... she hit me in the face with a pie..."

'...'

"...I don't... I... I'm Chitania! I can grow a hundred hooves tall and smash stuff! I... and she..."

'...'

"...Huh."

'..huh...'

"...She is annoying."

'She can get like that, yeah.'

>>25322563
So is she just going to snap when it hits her, or have we found Chitty's weakness?

>>25322563
>Pie Chitania
>???
>Become friends with Chitania
>Profit.

I semi-expect her bringing out the welcome wagon and sing a song.

>>25323082
NC
>Cranky
~~

>Don't fight it... just... just accept it.

"..."

>...Just accept it...

"...I'm slightly afraid."

>THEN IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE

>>25322563
[Pommel]
~~

[Princess? Is she bothering you?]

'N-'

"Yes, I am bothering her. She is very bothered. Are you going to do something about that?"

[I might.]

"...I ate you. I ATE you. I didn't even mean to! Completely by accident, even and I didn't even care enough to chew when I did! My act of walking with my mouth open is so far beyond you, I didn't even notice! What the fuck are you going to do!?"

[Politely ask your daughter over here.]

"..."

'...Er-'

"I'm going to punch him."

'Please don't.'

"I'm going to punch his STUPID FACE OFF-"

SPLAT!

"..."
'...'
[...Is that a pi-]

'STOP GAWKIN' YA' IDJIT AND RUN BEFORE HER BRAIN TURNS BACK ON!'

[Wellsolongasit'saprincessorder-]

ZOOM!

'......'

".......huh......."

>>25323471
Kryptonite found!

She can't handle wanton stupidity.

>>25323779
Orrrr...
NC
{???}
~~

{Thaaaat's right, just shut down, no thiiinkeee, no thinking about anything at alllll... completely blank, no thinking... no SMASHING... goood... goooood... that's a good mama...

>>25324046
...Well that got creepy fucking fast.

>Twilight
"??"
~~~

>Chrysalis? Hellooo?

She had come down in a flash, an instant there and gone from Canterlot to the Empire, hurrying all the way with nothing less than a winning smile on her face.

>Chrysalis? Chrrryyyyssalis? I have something to teelllll youuuuuu...

"My Queen is, sadly, missing at the moment, I expect she is out having fun."

>GAH!

Perhaps it was magic or fear that allowed her to stick to the ceiling. Whichever one it was, the stoic helmeted changeling looked far less intimidating upside down.

>...Do you have to sneak? Really?

"I do not sneak, I merely walk very quietly. Two very different things."

>I'm a bit of a literary freak, so I disagree.

"It's true. If I was sneaking... I would be trying to kill you."

>...Charming!

"I've been working on my standup."

>Well, you're going to give Pinkie a run for her money at this rate.

"Just for that, I will try to walk louder around you."

>Awww, I see why Cadence likes you best.

"...H-RHM! What can I help you with, Princess Twilight?"

>I'm looking for Chrysalis.

"I gathered. However, she is not likely to reappear before she wishes to, and I have no idea where to find her. I was more questioning what you were looking to her for, exactly?"

>Ohhh, nothing biiiiiigggg...

She was singing, practically, as she dropped from the ceiling.

>Just little old Twili-Wily just FINISHED IT!

"...Finished what?"

>The thing!

"The thing."

>The. Thing. All done.

"... the thing?"

>The THING!

"...Oh! OHH! Oh! The thing!"

>That thing!

"Oh my... so you can-"

She nodded so fast, her head was liable to pop off her neck at any second.

>It's done! It's ready! It's... it's going to change everything.

"Oh... oh my..."

They shared it, their happiness, and their smile. They shared it together, and they both thought the exact same thing.

>"She's going to be so happy!"

The wait was going to be unbearable.

Yep, just so excited. Just. So. Excited.

This is going to hurt

>>25324889
Why do you think she's out having fun right now? Because it's all going to end to end. Let her have her fun while she can...

>>25325080
... well that's a bit of a bummer.

Now I kinda want it never to end, but I guess that's the point

>>25320565
>TFW he's probably going to pay for his college.
>TFW 56 probably doesn't even understand just how big an impact 29 makes in his life
>TFW he'll always be second two moon butt in the little guy's life
>TFW he'll never understand how lucky he is to have such a great ___dad____

>>25324046
The thought that 13 subconsciously keeps her mother in check through her mental prowess is a very frightening concept to me.

>>25324628
Oh shit. This is gonna suuuuuuck

What does Tweelot think the ORB is going to do? Seriously? I cannot remember.

Cos from the sound of it she thinks it'll pour forth a stream of Nice Things and Kittens

>>25327170
Teach Chrysalis how to get to her afterlife. Yes her afterlife.

Makes sense now?

File: happening.png (990KB, 2453x3157px) Image search: [Google]

990KB, 2453x3157px

>>25327170
Let's ask the one pony who was in contact with it! Sunset, mind explaining what the orb will bring to us?

>IIIIEEEAAARGGGGHH! STOPSTOPSTOP, MAKE IT STOP! THE VOICES GNASH ON MY MIND! THE DEVOURER OF MINDS WILL COME AND HER CRY OF A THOUSAND MOUTHS WILL ANNOUNCE THE END OF THE WORLD! IA! IA! IA! HIVEMIND F'THAGN!

Well, that answers that. Apparently, it contains eldritch lore that will destroy the minds of mortals as they let Lovecraftian horrors from beyond the veils into Equestria.

Nothing can go wrong!

>>25327254

.......................................

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

>>25327261
To make her most loyal drones into Queens of their own by hijacking the slumbering knowledge of the dead Queens in the Hivemind/Changeling Afterlife.

>>25327286
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA FROM THE GET GO TWILIGHT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA IN THEORY

>>25327298
Because she wants to find out Changeling history, biology, powers, weaknesses and psychology. Since all records can't be read and only what Chrysalis knows can be recorded.

Twikight honestly thinks she is about revolutionise Changeling health care and historykeeping.

Chrysalis thinks she is about to become the next Changeling overlord. Maybe have a place of her own at last.

Basically, they are like those guys who first discovered what a nuke actually does when you launch it at something.

Given giant combat robots are now normal across several countries, this world is on a highway to hell.

AJ really needs to get on that "Make Equestria a Utopia based solely around rural farms and villages" damn quick before the world is swamped by waves of metal, magic and greenspit

>>25327257
Is that why they waited so long to finally use it? Because they were waiting until they could handle it? Unlike sunset, who is just an idiot who jumps in stupidly.

>>25323223
>just let it happen. It sucks at first, but once you lay back and accept it you'll find your long lost love and before you know it wind up finally achieving your goal of getting married to the mare you wandered all across the world lookin' 'get.

'My primary goal that sent me wandering across the world was to fist fight the gods.'

>...

'...what?'

>nevermind, you should fight as hard as possible and you will deserve everything you get.

>>25327901
Well it was actually pulled out of sunset. The remnant of variolus. Also at was in contact with it and went crazy. Because it does that. Even chrysalis went a bit villain mode with it. The wait has been for twi to get it to be 'safely' usable.

>>25327328
Because rural villages are the perfect defense to magic, metal, and greenspit?

>>25326019
I like to think he knows at least somewhat, even if he doesn't really understand it. Face it, changeling just don't know what a father figure is. It's not their fault, their society just doesn't have an equivalent. Fathers are just supposed to be the harbingers of the new hive, that's all.

I think as he learns more about other societies, it'll hit him.

And it will be adorable.

>>25328814
I was referring back to earliest threads where the joke was AJ would turn Equestria into Nothing but Farms

>>25329138
Thought the joke was ponies were afraid she would try that but she had no intention of doing so

>>25318427
I want to see more Apple Jack silliness now, think she might go for a swimming beach day thing aft the pond? Just relaxing, swinging about if a tire swing....

File: Can't handle it.gif (973KB, 500x213px) Image search: [Google]

973KB, 500x213px

>>25329055
>MFW one day, sometime in the future, 29 comes home from a long day of officework and orphan saving, and wants to curl up in bed.
>But juuuust before he does, he looks at his mail.
>There's a letter to him.
>Inside is just a simple card that says... happy fahters day, to the only dad better than any plot, even moons!

>>25329310
Damn it, anon... just damn it....

>>25329296
OOCO
>Celestia
"SA"
'??'
~~
>Okay, this, right here? This is is why you're mah whitey.

"I liked this, yeah."

>Yep, nothing but a big old lake, plenty of time, and me and my whitey with no worries about someone walking in on the bathroom.

"Plenty deep too."

>Oh, Bubblehorse, so eager for me to go down already?

"Just love that look on your face, what can I say."

>Oh, you! Now, if you don't might, just put your hoof on my head right there, annnd-

'CANNNOOONNN BALLLLL!... OH WAIT CRAP CRAP CRAP-'
>GAH!

SPLAH!

"...Applejack, nice to see you here."

'OH COME ON! This here's mah spot!'

"I didn't see your name on it."

'Well, Ah' spelled it once, but it drifted off pretty quick.'

"..."
'...'
"...UGH!"

'Finally hit ya'?'

"That is so... glllgg..."

'Like that one, didja? Haw... but seriously, get outta mah' lake.'

"This isn't your lake."

'Ah' claim this lake in the name of Equestria!'

"We're already in Equestria!"

'Ah'm ahead of the game.'

"We were here first!"

'First is the worst and all that.'

"Well, then one of us is still the best, because first is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest."

'...Ah' thought that was treasure chest?'

"Which do you have right now?"

'...crud got me there... can we just share?'

"Well, I guess that is the friendly thing to do..."

'Great! Get up here, dang it!

>GASP!

'Stop tryin' ta' get some white licorice and swim ya' ninny, yer' supposed to stay above the dang water!'

>...Wait, do you think I'm-

SPLASH!

"Hey!"

'Hey, ya' wanted the lake, didn't ya'? Well, TAKE IT ALL!'

SPLASHSPLASHSPLASH!

>BUBBLEHORSE NO! I'll save you!

SPLASH!

'Oh, so it's like that, is it!?'

SPLASH SPLASH!

"Nobody assaults a princess in my presence!"

'Ah' am a princess!'

"So you say."

'OH, IT IS ON NOW! Ah' do too much work fer' that shit! TAKE IT ALLLLL!'

>"BRING IT!"

SPLASH!

>Chrysalis
"Cadence"
~~~

There was exactly one benefit to living in a hellish landscape of ice all around your shining beacon of hope in the middle of an otherwise inhospitable tundra. Exactly one upswing to the endless bitter cold and waves of solid water and ice. There was one, count it, one joy to be had in this.

>BOOM BABY!

You could blow it up as much as you want, and nobody would even notice, let alone call you on it.

"Eee hee hee!"

Cadence had never been one for wanton destruction herself, to be truthful. In fact, she rather despised it most days, so messy and loud and nobody but the one causing it looks like they're having the least bit fun, but this was infectious. The utter joy that radiated off the Queen at her side seeped into her like a plague, and flowed through her blood just as surely.

>Oh, fuck, I love this. You know how often I really got to cut loose back in the day? Fucking never. BOOM!

"Hee hee!"

She couldn't help the giggling, didn't even want to, as she herself parted the snow with a blast from her horn. She flew this way and that, shooting all about at nothing but mounds of emptiness and cold, pink pretty powers sent off without a care or regard.

"This... this IS fun!"

She hated to admit it, she really did.

But it was.

This, right now, was more fun she'd had in months... if not longer.

This was magical.

There had been worries, when this all started, fears that threatened to consume her.

But for now, just this moment, to both her and the Queen, everything was forgotten. All of it gone with a single cry.

>"BOOM!"

They never wanted it to end.

>>25329527
While yes, this is heartmeltingly cute, I'm not the only one who finds it a little weird she's so okay with what she thinks is happening, right?

>>25329820
She knows the deal, and she ain't getting in none of that.

>>25329310
...Stop trying to make me like 56.

It's working...

>>25329936
>She knows the deal
Ahh, Applejack think it's carnal sexytimes of a sort, but it is actually happy drownytimes instead.

Quite the difference

>>25329952
>>25329952
Seriously though, shiny is not immortal...one miscalculation and boom: dead. Or dainbramaged. And then twili falls to the dark side. And the penny drop invades with robot armies o a dozen nations, and chrysalis makes a half dozen queens who immediately revolt once they have their hives and homeland to attack all other nations, and 7 grants sentience to the forest creatures and the horrors below which rose to assault the surface and civilization, and Lavan frees red who summon the other two back to form a force of chaos and nothingness, while cadence looses her mind in grief and becomes a brutal despot! And then dragons! Because!

We are one mistake away from a grim, dark future of equestria where to be a pony in such times is to be one of an insignificant number and your end shall be met only with the laughter of thirsting pseudogods...

>>25330114
Don't worry! Celestia will save her!.... And she can save herself cos lol immortal.

....Doesn't explain what do if BOTH go lights out.... huh

>29
"???"
~~~

"Alone."

It thundered in his head like a bomb in his ear.

"Alone."

It rang to him to his very core, shaking the bones like they were twigs in a storm.

"Alone."

Every word a knife that carved into his skull with such precision he could not stand its pain.

"Alone."

>ENOOOOOOUGH!

He fired off, again and again in every direction. Every scrap of power he held, cast out in defense.

"Alone."

>ENNOUUUUGH!

He hit nothing, damaged nothing, did nothing but cause the world to come alight in brief flashes of green.

"They will leave you."

The images came again. Faces, not of anger or of hate, not of disgust or of malice, but...

Annoyance.

One by one, the faces he knew. Mayor Mare, Zecora, Trixie, even his little cousin, all of them, every one.

Annoyed, and leaving him.

"ALONE!"

>I SAID ENOUGH!

His power was faltering, his magic running low.

His anger, however, was in no such short supply.

>What is this supposed to teach me, what am I to learn!? Are thou really so desperate to feel better you would inflict on me something like this!? Is this what you wish, to see me suffer!? What is this supposed to teach me!? What am I to learn!?

"Nothing."

>...Nothing? NOTHING!? This did not even have a point!? Oh, that is it! I have had enough! Begone with thee! Away! Send me away, I do not wish to be thine student anymore! I do not wish to learn from thee! This has been nothing but a nightmare, and I want no more! NO MORE YOU FOUL THING! NO MORE!

Silence, haunting silence, was his only answer.

>Well, what does thee have to say for thineself, LUNA!?

~Mostly how that isn't me.~
1/2

>>25330492

>...Beg thine pardon?

The voice that had called to him had been much more familiar, much more as he knew and nothing like the one that had taunted him so. Much kinder.

Much more... apologetic.

~Ahem. Twenty Nine? Mistakes have... unfortunately been made.~

>Thou does not say.

~We, in our brief bit of regret, sadly let out... a thing, by accident.~

>A thing?

~A dark thing.~

>And that thing would be...

She needed not answer, it came to him all the same.

Came in the form of a mare beyond compare, frightful and massive in scale, a thousand stars in an endless night forming it's frame so powerful.

She need not answer, yet she did all the same.

~Tantabus.~

>...I'm not supposing this thing is friendly, and merely wishes to teach me life lessons?

Without warning, a single tendril of the night wrapped around his neck, and squeezed.

~It does not.~

>Ah... I see....

~...~

>...help.

>>25330114
Huh. Kinda dark to say, but if PD did snap and invade, a half dozen Queens would be super useful....

>>25327257
Hence why they spent fuckloads of threads being like
>Okay, we need to be ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY SURE this thing is not going to eat our fucking brains.

>>25330862
And yet, SOMEHOW, it's still going to go wrong.

>>25330697
Only if they are on your side. If they are on their own side, as has been more constantly true, they're just another horde of encroaching, implacable darkness.

>>25330350
Assuming by her you mean twili...I don't think she can.

If twili lost shiny she would lose it completely descending into madness to protect all her friends by making sure they were all constantly safe, no matter who must be ground to bloody screaming dust to ensure that safety. She'd basically be the reason equestria turned into the imperium of pone.

>>25331055
Yes, but still.

Pretty damn useful to point at your enemies.

>>25330502
.. oh, shit, yeah, that's still a thing in this time line.

Fuuuuu

>>25330114
... That sounds fucking awesome.

I mean, not the whole horror thing, just that free for all sounds fucking amazing.

>SA
"18'
~~

...Nothing was going wrong.

Nothing bad was happening.

Nothing was exploding, no crying babies, not even a ninja. Not a single one.

>So then I said "Twili! Get that out of your mouth!" And needless to say, that was the last time we went rooting around in mom's drawer...

"Pfft, you think that's bad? I once walked in on Chrysalis's mom totally tanking an infiltration. You have not seen sadness until you see a mare's face collapse realizing that the guy she was after wasn't, shall we say, 'playing for that team'.

It was easy, it was without peril.

It was... nice.

It was so very nice...

>Pfft, know that feeling.

"Whoa HO!"

>I mean in that I once had to watch 8-bit go after a mare for three hours before he caught on. I uh... I was too shy to talk to her myself. Dodged a spear there.

It was everything she was hoping for.

It was everything she had wanted, and more.

"Speaking of dodging spears, you know I once infiltrated the yaks? Wow, those guys are assholes."

And yet...

Something was off...

Something...

>Eighteen? Kinda faded there for a sec.

"Hm? Oh, as I was saying, so it all starts when I light a candle wrong."

...Something was missing.

Her night was amazing, and fun, and everything she wanted.

But something...

Something was missing.

"And that's when the spears came!"

But no matter, she'd find it later.

After all... she had the whole night to find it.

>Hey, I know that guy!... Yeah, he can't have children anymore.

And nothing... was going wrong.

>>25330892
Like any solution, sometimes there is no good solution, at all

>>25331083
I meant "him", woops

File: metal gear rising applejack.png (112KB, 512x1024px) Image search: [Google]

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There are people in this thread RIGHT NOW who do not think the end game scenario for Pennydrops escalating arms race is not to go for a Pennydrop vs Applejack in a one on one full Metal Gear Rising Final Boss Fight.

>Character called 'Jack
>Dog with a sword shows up
>"I HAVE A DREAM!" something something mighty powers in pones hands
>"You're not greedy, YOU'RE BAT SHIT INSANE!" something something works to help and protect the weak
>Bizarre sciency nanom-INFUSIONS, SON! vs tried and true Earf Horse power fights
>Something something kindred spirits, same motivations, different actions
>Both worked their ass off to get where they are, one sorta given a whole new body and had to work around all that
>Certain characters eyes go red when reeeeeeeeeally pissed.
>Two characters who hold a lot of power but have never been in a brawl/fight/laser death battle like all the rest
>Oh and also cyborgs can show up or something

It won't be 1:1 but still.....stiiiiiiiiiiiiill

>>25330114
In other words, WH40K with ponies.

There is a place where grimderp can exist. That place isn't Equestria.

>>25332124
>Princess Applejack vs Infusion and Armored powered Pennydrop
Ehhhh-
>Set to RULES OF NATURE!
MOTHERFUCKING SOLD

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>>25332377
>>RULES OF NATURE!
>Not to It Has To Be This Way

>>25332045
Point.

Sometimes, there's just no really good answer, or really good win. Sometimes *A* path seems tempting, but there's no way to make it work, and you have to go through the path that works instead. It'll be harder, obviously. If it wasn't, you'd take that path right away. Easier answer isn't always wrong, most times it's actually pretty right, but sometimes the easiest and fastest answer just plain... isn't right.

>Flash
"Fizzle"
~~~

>Huh... so, uh... I guess we're in good with the gryphons now? Huh... you know what, this is pretty good! We actually did pretty well! Nobody got hurt or assassinated, and now we've got actual allies now. This is... pretty good! This is great! Things are finally looking up now!

"Hey, quick question, since we didn't get a chance to sabotage them, what are the odds they're going to think we were legitimately trying to help them assassinate the prince?"

>...MOTHER FU

>>25332124
>End of thread is literally Equestria VS everyone else with the allies she's made

Fuck. Yes.

>>25332757
At least you showed up.

OOCO
>AJ
"Pinkie"
'Chrysalis'
~~~

>So, is this just what y'all do sometimes? Make cakes?

"Well, I try to, she mostly just wrecks stuff because she can."

'I apologize for nothing. I also lick the batter, and don't apologize for that either.'

"She likes batter."

'LOVE the batter, you can always tell how much love is in it by how you churn it.'

"She churns it pretty good."

'Oh, you flatterer, we all know you are legendary at churning the batter, even a changeling couldn't compare to your skills, and we're very... adaptive.'

"I have to make up for the fact I don't have holes in my hooves for better grip."

'Or massively long tongues to clean up all the best places.'

"That tongue is pretty universal, I've found."

'Works on anything, yes.'

>...

"...Hee hee."

'Oh, her face is always priceless. She never gets-'

>What're ya' laughin' at? Far as Ah' can tell neither o' you have had anyone do the frosting for you in a long time. Always have ta' get it yer'self, dont'cha? Well... at least that tongue and those hooves are pretty skilled by now, ain't they?

"..."

'...'

>Ah'll see mah'self out.

"...Huh. So she does get it."

'My mind has just exploded.... I might never recover...'

"You win this round, AJ..."

'..blooown...'

>>25333846
>At least that's one thing gettin' blown round here!

'TOO FAR! STEP TOO FAR, APPLEASS!'

>>25333846
You're one to fucking talk, AJ.

At least the frosting they're after is actually ready to be shipped instead of still on the production line.

>>25327321
To be fair, they don't know it's a nuke, and they're trying to only use it for knowledge, not power.

It's like if the library of alexandria was behind a nuke.

>>25334398
At least the frosting SHE wants is unattached.

...anymore.

She kinda waited till he didn't want the original one because she became too fat and needy and wow I just realized this is kinda shitty timing...

Good thing AJ can't have Spike's kids, I guess!

OOCO
>42
"2"
~~

>Two, normally you are very well behaved, and I would like to call on those times. I say this, because if you don't get down from there right now, I'll go back to pretending you are the adult you seemed to be instead of the child you actually are. Now, BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

"I can just fwoosh 'em! I ain't gotta actually brush them!"

>You cannot! We can't fwoosh off bacteria!

"...wait, can't we? Then how do we change how we smell?"

>BY...

"..."

>By...

"..."

>...huh...

"..."

>...BRUSH THEM!

"NEVAH! I won a smarty battle, I ain't gotta!"

>That isn't how this works!

"Is so!... See? Won another one!"

>... If I ever have children, I'm raising them military style.

"I'M THE SMARTEST!"

>...And then sending them to military school...

>>25335770
>42's kid ends up being the rebellious little asshole always getting arrested.

You know it's true.

>>25336161
On the flip side, Cadence's is the most well behaved, normal of them all.

Because she's secretly plotting to take over the world and consume it with love.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Derpy]
{ShadowDerpys}
~~~~
>Welcome to Sort of Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content pretty much doesn't matter, and I'm not dead! Now for our main segment...Timed Muffins!

>"'[Uuuuugh]'"

'...you know I probably could have shot out the window. We didn't have to go THROUGH the door.'

"Sorry. Why are we here?"

>I had a theory. If we're in Derpy's dream, That would mean she'd want Sugar Cube Corner full of...

[MUFFINS!]

Every shelf was stocked with muffins. Piles and piles of muffins everywhere they looked. The Shadow Derpys on Pinkie and DT perk up.
{Did she say muffins?}

{I heard muffins.}

{Muffin time?}

{Muffin time!}
The shadows and Derpy start munching on muffins.

>Hey it worked.

"Your plan was to feed them?"

>Yup. It's all she ever ordered, so maybe they like them too. I'd figured it would distract them and let us regroup.

'What happens when the rest come?'

Some Shadow Derpys crash in.
{Wow look at all the muffins!}

{Oh my gosh, I love muffins!}

{Muffin Monday already?}
More and more pour in.
{Muffins!}

{Mine!}

{No, it's mine!}

{I saw this one first!}

Derpy stands in front of a large pile of muffins, growling.
[Get your own muffins!]

{You see, you have a very large assortment of muffins, and we'd appreciate it if you would share them with us. Are we not part of the same whole?}

[I'm going to put my hoof up your hole if you try to touch my muffins!]

{...we tried. FOR THE MUFFINS!}
They dogpile Derpy and a cloud of fighting is formed as more go for the same muffins.
{Mine!}
{No, Mine!}
{Mine!}
[MIIIIIIINE!]
Derpy grows larger than the ceiling can handle until she breaks through the roof.
[THESE. ARE. MY. MUFFINS! RAAAAAAAAAAWR!!!]
She shoots lasers from her eyes and melts a few shadows.
*PEW PEW PEWPEW PEW*

>"'...cool.'"

>>25336620
Everything went better than expected!

>>25336620
Oh thank god. I got worried yesterday.

Need my lnpp fix

Good night thread

>>25337566
Goooood morning, /pa/l.

>>25337227
Me too, and good morning

File: 3__2__1___by_scootiebloom-d9fajye.png (1MB, 1421x1000px) Image search: [Google]

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Luna]
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I'm giving people an extra dose of Pink! Now for our main segment...STORYTIME: THREE LITTLE PONIES!
Applause. Luna appears in a wolf costume.

[We can't believe we're doing this.]
She walks up to a house made of clouds.
[LITTLE PONY, LITTLE PONY, THOU SHALL LET US IN!]
The force of her voice blows away the house of clouds and Cadence.

"WHAAAAAAA I DIDN'T EVEN SAY MY LIIIiiine! *ding*"

[...whoops. We will tone it down. Perhaps the next house will yield better results.]
She walks to the next house made of gingerbread and frosting.

>Life in my dreamhouse~

[Little pony, little pony, thou shall let us in!]

>Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.

[Then we shall huff and we shall puff and we shall-]

>Wait, you're not going actually blow my house down are you?

[Is that not how the story went?]

>Well yeah, but-

[BLOW THY HOUSE DOWN!]
Blows the house down. Pinkie pops up from the debris.

>...you didn't have to be a bitch about it...oh hey, that doesn't have to be censored?

[We are what they call, Alpha bitch. Now assume the position to be eaten.]

>No, wait you don't have to do tha-

She moves on to the next house.
[Little pony, little pony, thou shall let-]
*BOOM*
A rocket had landed nearby leaving a crater.

'That was a warning shot!'
DT sits on top of house made of concrete and steel.
'I've 4 machine gun turrets, 2 sentry guns, 2 sniper nests, an Apache helicopter, a concussion missile tower, and 500 missiles. I dare you to blow this house down.'

[...that seems excessive...this is not how the story goes.]

'In my version, I fill the wolf with lead.'
*DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA FWOOSH BOOM*

[Leaving leaving leaving!]

'Moral of the story is don't build cheap houses, and be the bigger bitch against the other bitch.'

>This extra story was sponsored by Sweetie Drop's Bon bons. Bond over a bon.

>>25339306
Well, now I have to buy some bonbons

>>25339469
I hate it when stories make me hungry for stuff

>>25339306
Damn, DT ain't fucking around.

She would totally be all right wing nut in this world

>DT
"???"
~~

She wouldn't admit she ran, not to Twilight, not to her daddy, not even to Silver Spoon. She would not admit she ran to Twilight's lab today, or any other day. She wouldn't admit it, or say it out loud, and would deny it with everything she had if asked.

But when nobody was looking... she most certainly 'moved at an optimal pace' to that lab.

>Twilight! Prepare to be amazed, not that you aren't always going to be amazed simply from working with me, but in this case be really amazed! I've got a... an... Twilight?

Perhaps, in her haste, she had probably actually made contact of some sort with the princess, that would have at the very least prevented her from talking to herself for this long.

>Twilight? Hello?... She didn't say she was going anywhere today.

Yet, despite this, her lab was void and empty, save of course the never ending assortment of creations she held within it.

However, as she eventually found, there was one new addition.

>~Dear DT, made a breakthrough, have to go, will talk later....~

The note fell to the ground shortly thereafter, useless now that it's task was done.

A familiar feeling.

>...Fine, I didn't want to tell you anyway...

She huffed, striding out of the lab with her head held high, and her nose to the sky.

>Not like I need to tell you, I can just do it myself. I do it plenty anyway, never needed you before. Silver Spoon will help me, I don't need you to... to...

She wouldn't admit it, not to Twilight, not to her daddy, not even to Silver Spoon.

But it kind of stung that Twilight hadn't even thought to ask her to try out this new 'discovery' or talk about her with it, whatever it was.

>...I don't need you to-

"A-hem."

She jumped, her hoof instinctively going for Sexy in defense, only to realize to her horror...

He wasn't on her back

>>25340420

If the prim and suited pony looking down to her noticed her look of terror, he didn't mention it.

"A letter, madam, from a friend. Thank you for seeing me."

His mission seemingly done, he walked away with a bow of respect, and a nod of understanding. He made his way off, leaving the pink filly alone with nothing but the emptiness she felt on her back, and the weight of the envelope in her hooves.

Once the shock at last abated, she tentatively scraped at the top, and pulled the letter free.

>...Pennydrop wants to what now?

Well, she supposed...

It wasn't like she had anything else going on today.

File: nyet nyet nyet nyet.jpg (127KB, 400x545px) Image search: [Google]

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>>25340431
Blyad

>>25340431
Her not noticing taibbilob is what makes this so sad...

>>25339306
Noncanon
>Applejack
"Celestia"

"This is irresponsible you know that right?"

>Don't care havin' fun.

"This goes against everything you bug me about!"

>Still havin' fun! Can't hear you!~

"The expenses alone for a swimming pool filled with apple sauce is absurd, don't you know how badly its going to clog the pipes?!"

>Y'all just sore that y'all didn't come up with it fer cake, ain'tcha?

"I want one too!"

>Nope!

"But you got a swimming pool filled with YOUR favorite food!"

>With a snap of her hoof the princess of all things apple and paper brought forth a stack of paper work to land with a thud on the ground.

>Covered under personal expenses through my own coin and with a legitament clause.

"Like what?!"

>Disposal of over stock apples o'course!

>AJ
"Chitania"
'13'
~~

>Are ya' done with your little inspection yet?

'Don't rush me!'

"Don't rush her."

>Ya' ain't gotta repeat everything she says.

'She's asserting via repetition!'

"I'm asserting via repetition."

>...Are ya' doin' this to annoy me?

'I'm not doing this to annoy you!'

"I'm doing this to annoy you."

>...

'I might be doing it to annoy you a little.'

"HAH!"

>NO!

'...'
"..."

>Absolutely not! The smashin' the city, Ah'll look past, the disrespect, okay, the fact ya' look like yer' gonna smash this place any second? Dealing with it. But that? NO! Ah will not, will NOT DEAL WITH TWO QUEENS DOIN' THAT STUPID LAUGH!

'...'
"...HAH!"

POP!

"Holy shit, a blood vessel in her eye just blew."

'What... uh... what does that mean?'

>It means the conversation is over.

"..."

>Family tradition.

"...seems legit."

What IS 13 up to and why don't I like it


...


wellitscosshe'soneofthemshiftyfolkbutSTILL

>29
"Luna"
~~

>IF THIS IS A LESSON I SHALL BE SO FURIOUS!

It was toying with him now, much like a cat to a mouse. Dropping in massive blocks whenever he skittered this way and that, making a makeshift maze to run through whenever he found he could have made his way to an exit that was, most likely, not the least bit real.

"Tis not! We... we are sorry, in our feelings of... nevermind, all that thee needs to know is that the Tantabus is a creation of our own, a way we used to... nevermind, all that you need know is that it is a being that will twist thine mind in horror, seeking a way to get out into the real world!"

At her words, he came to a dead stop, an egotistical smirk crossing his face as he did so.

>Well then, if it is a being of the mind I fight...

Without warning, he grew. Suddenly towering over the maze the being had created. With a simple stamp of his hoof, he summoned the symbols of night and day to his call, the sun and moon swirling around him in perfect harmony.

>Then this thing shall know fear, as it faces a foe it knows not the power, A CHANGELIN-

WHACK!

"Ooooo~.... Are thou arlight?"

The single leg that stuck out of the massive fly swatter twitched, which she took to mean in affirmative.

>I... I am not yet defeated, I can still

WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK!

"...Now?"

>Ow... b-but I can still-

PSSTTTT!

>AHHHHHH!

"The bugspray just seems a touch mean..."

The Tanatabus did not laugh, nor did he know if it could. It did not smile, for it had no face.

But it exhumed nothing less than a feeling of mirthful radiance as it summoned a giant hoof to stamp on him.

>...this might not be as easy as I thought...

>>25341251
Okay, that was legitimately a good 29 moment.

A+

OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
'SA'
~~

"I think she's lost her mind."

'Really? What tipped you off?'

>I'm not crazy, ya' dingus!

"Tell me one part of what I am seeing that isn't crazy."

>Ya' ain't looking in a mirror.

'Needlessly harsh, we just care about you, really.'

>Look, iffin' Ah' can't sit back and occasionally eat mah'self a tripple appleglazed fudgepacked caramel coated brownie topped and double sprinkled cake, what's the point of livin'?

"...Living, you say."

>Oh please, what's the worst that's gonna-HRK!

THUMP!

"Heart attack?"

>A-AH' DIDN'T EVEN EAT IT YET!

"Yeah, I'm fine due to the fact that my body probably just eats diabetes at this point, but just being in the room with this thing is probably not healthy for anyone else-"

'GLK!'

THUMP!

"SHINY NOOOOO! NOOOOOOO! TAKE ME INSTEAAAAD!"

>...Really?

"Oh come off it, you're immortal!... and he doesn't nag me!"

>Really.

"Don't you give me lip!"

'I-I'm dying.'

"Shut up for a second, I'm asserting my authority!"

>...

"HA!"

'I-I think she just passed out.'

"What makes you think that?"

'...'

"...oh... OH SHIT! Cakes are bad for you!? WHAT WORLD IS THIS!?"

>>25341415
See, AJ, this is why Shiny gets invited to happy bath time, and you don't.

Very CD

>56
“???”
~~~~

pompf

…That? That sound right there?

That was the sound of a tired little changeling colliding face-first with a throw pillow.

He buried himself deeper into that plush, dark softness and just fell limp.

It smelled sweetly of apples, which made sense. He’d seen Applejack Prime sit on it countless times in the past, which also made sense as to why this was his favorite pillow.

But at the moment, he was too sore to even enjoy the scent.

His trainer, the one his cousin had paid premium bits for, was everything she claimed to be, and more. Soooooo much more. Not only was she a top-notch trainer, but her plot? Oh sweet not-mom, her plot was the very definition of temptation.

>But I won’t! Ya hear me? I won’t stick a bum so easily!

“First, the word you’re looking for is ‘succumb’, Fifty-Six.”

>GAAAAAAAA-

“And second, lower your tone in my presence.”

>-AAAAAAAaaaaaholycraphow’dyagetinhere?!

“Better. I entered in through the front door seven minutes before you did. I’ve been sitting in the corner watching you.”

>…’Kay. ‘Cause, yeah, no, that’s not creepy’re anythin'.

“No, it’s called recon.”

>What’s recon?

His trainer stared down her muzzle at him. It was a blank, analyzing stare that lasted for the span of three breaths.

“You know what recon means, Fifty-Six.”

>I… I do?

“And you also know who I am.”

>Well, duuuuuh! You’re my trainer!

“No. No, I’m not.”

>Umm… yeah, ya a-

She fell over him like the coldest of shadows, pressing her face into his so quickly that he fell back on his haunches, his ears flattening, mouth snapping shut to an unspoken order.

“You know… who I am. Think.”

1/?

>>25341657

Think, she commanded. And he did. He thought, and thought, and thought some more, but as the seconds passed in that stringent silence the only answer he kept circling back to was ‘the big-booty mare’.

So in an effort at prolonging his short life, he kept thinking.

However, his mind seemed-

Booty.

-pretty adamant-

Ass.

-about one thing-

Plot.

-and all he could see were-

Moons.

…Moons.

He blinked, then proceeded to slowly glance into the face of his… trainer.

>Y-you’re… no way… it’s y-you? R-really?

Those hole-ridden ears of his ears bolted upright through his mane, twitching with excitement.

>It is… it is, isn’t it? It’s you!

His baffled realization seemed to gratify the mare whose wings shot out to either side with a grand flourish, her face suddenly darkened by a storm of shadows from nowhere. A pair of yellow, feline-esque pupils pinned Fifty-Six to the floor.

“Yes, my new hopeful recruit, it is indeed the ‘me’ that you have sought for so long. I am….”

She paused, clearly for dramatic purposes.

“The Lunar Guard Captain.”

While Fifty-Six continued to look awestruck, possibly having passed out while sitting, the night captain glanced about, her wings faltering in the silence.

"...Right. One more time."

She cleared her throat, those impressive wings once more spreading out to their full, empowering width.

"I said, I am... the Lunar Guard Captain!"

Her voice was clear, booming, full of command! ...And yet nothing followed it. Which was cause for some annoyance if her slight frown was any indicator.

“Well, that was a hundred bits down the drain. I should have known, though. I really should have. Whenever I try to plan something, something else always guffs it to hell and back.”

2/?

>>25341667

Fifty-Six didn’t respond. The stars of admiration in his eyes were too wide for speech. But she continued as though he’d asked a question.

“I’d paid the weather team to have some thunder go off when I introduced myself. Just a little boom to add to the effect, make it special, you know? Something to remember. It’s not every day the captain of the night guard shows herself so when I do it has to leave an impression, I think."

She ignored the way Fifty-Six had now progressed to nonsensical sputtering and put a hoof to her chin in thought.

"Maybe we should try this again tomorrow. Can we do that? The whole purpose of doing it now was for this entrance… the very same entrance I’m now realizing I wasted a week planning out while impersonating your real instructor-”

>WHERE THE PLOT HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THIS TIME?! I'VE BEEN LOOKIN' EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!

"Where have I... been?"

When she looked to the youngling, she saw he was red-faced, still most certainly awed but upset.

"I've been doing my job. Since the very first day you harassed my Princess, I've been watching you. Closely. Every moment you got within ten feet of her, I was within five feet."

>Really? Oh oh oh! Did ya see where I almost kissed her? In the Ferris wheel thingy? That was-

"One of the many moments I thought I'd have to risk all out war to get rid of you. However, that plan got nixed once I discovered that aside from your mountain-tier durability... you're the most innocent thing I've ever seen. You and the other little one that hails from the Empire."

>...See, I wanna feel touched by that, really, I do, but the 'risk war' and 'get rid of you' parts keep me at an emotional distance....

"Good. Because I've found that the best part about innocent things? It's so much fun breaking them."

3/?

>>25341682

She'd begun to circle him now, her gait slow and purposeful, staring down at the top of his blonde mane.

"So much fun... molding them. Watching them chip and crack, then being the glue that puts them back together stronger than before."

>I... guess?

"And you... you with your dream of flying with my Princess. Laughable. Ha. Wait, that deserves a double-take. Haha.”

>...Go ahead an' laugh, miss trainer mare lady, that’s okay. ’Cause it won't be a dream for much longer. I'm gon’ fly with Luna.

It was rare that one could speak of an unknown with such certainty and dogmatism that they inspired others to genuinely believe it was obtainable.

"Huh."

Yet Fifty-Six pulled it off magnificently, and he proceeded to glare at the captain. It came off as more a pout than anything but the meaning, the intent, was there.

She allowed him that look. It was what she wanted to see, that conviction. Then she turned from him.

"As you are now, flying with her is indeed a dream... but perhaps, with your dedication, you can makes dreams a re–"

BOOM

Neither Fifty-Six or the lunar captain so much as flinched when a mighty clap of random thunder cracked off in the distance.

>...

"..."

>...Was that, uh... was that the thu-

"Yes."

>Well... not exactly money wasted then, eh?

"Not money, no. Just my life. Just my time and dreams."

>Aww.

"Save your pity, little one. You're going to need it for yourself soon enough, because your first step towards getting into the Lunar Guard is... simply finding our common room. Fare thee well, Fifty-Six, I wish you... luck!"

And again, as with her inaugural greeting, the Lunar Captain's tone of voice and sudden flare of wings made it seem as though something harrowing might follow.

Except, again, nothing did and both she and Fifty-Six were left looking at one another in an awkward silence.

"...oh, come the heck on, seriously? Really seriously? Does nothing want me to win today?"

4/?