Write what's on your mind

Why the fuck is it "write what's on your mind?"
Why isn't it "in your mind" or even "from your mind"?
The preposition "on" implies that the "what" is a separate entity from the "mind" and which only bears a relationship of position.

Nigga, how could I possibly write something that wasn't in my mind at the moment?

I don't want anyone to be bullied ever again.

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>>9971255
Acne is destroying my forehead. Doctors don't know what to do. It feels bad but it isn't real illness at least. I still can't get it out of my mind. Maybe literature is going to help me with this one. The Magic Mountainhas been a great book so far.

>>9971255
I should start doing drugs. It seems like this Chinese cartoon was meant to be watched whil high.

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I drank about 7 beers too much and crashed my car into some barriers.. I left it on the freeway in the dark. The cops told me that I was found vomiting on the freeway gravel. It could have turned out worse but no the less my life is ruined for the foreseeable future. There's no love anymore, all are alienated. Lost all my friends from school when I had to drop out to spend time in jail. I'm in massive debt with no car. My parents consider me to be a burden and dislike me. There is nothing redeemable about my personality. I can feel the stiffness of death eating my inner senses.
>What do /lit?

These replies have reminded me how pretentious /lit/ can be.

4chan would be a lot better if they made a way to write posts somewhere besides this stupid little box that makes it impossible to proofread. i suppose they think it limits the response length and so helps the platform be more addictive like twitter, low thought high impulse responses keep users hooked, but come on, this fucking sucks. and don't tell me about some russian spyware chrome plugin that makes editing bearable at the cost of all the info in your contacts and calendar info being sent to st. petersburg.

A girl is in love with me, as far as I've observed, and I might be a bit obsessed with her, as well. Sadly, a relationship which I will have to end sooner or later will hurt her, and I don't want that. I wonder if she'll be okay with us being fuck-buddies.

>>9971372
Do you see the two diagonal parallel lines in the bottom right corner of the text box? You are welcome.

>>9971386
that is in my mind, pls go out

All I want to do is write, but I fucking suck. I write ten or twelve paragraphs, and then I can't write any further. How the fuck do people write whole books? I don't know how to stretch out a story over chapters, instead of just a few pages. The more I can't write, the madder I get.
I have surgery on thursday and I am not looking forward to it.
My grandma's going to visit on monday and I really don't want her too. My gym closed down and I gained a lot of weight back and she judges me for it, even if she doesn't say anything. Fuck.

I have some leftover pizza that I made from scratch yesterday in my belly, and a purring cat on my lap. Things feel right right now.

>>9971342
become a writer
people will eat that shit up

>>9971386
No one was ever in love with me. But I guess I don't deserve it.

>>9971507
Don't say that! I love you

>>9971531
I'm just too boring, I guess. Thank you anyway.

>>9971537
Find a way to love yourself, my man. Nobody will fall for you if you are not satisfied the least bit with yourself.

>>9971537
What do you believe you're boring?

I got a date oh well not sure if to go

Is too soon?

>>9971577
Why would you get a date and not go?

I gotta find a way to clean all this hair on my apartment ASAP

>>9971552
I see, things are getting slightly better lately but I'm still far away from finding some satisfaction with myself, but I think that's a good thing.
>>9971560
I don't go out to party, I'm not into "normie" hobbies, I don't drink, I just like to read and watch documentaries.

>>9971594
haha it's ok, you will find someone
how old are you?

>>9971600
25

>>9971579
I said yes because I was curious of knowing more about this person but I don't really know if I can go out with someone else that is not my ex partner. I feel like I'm being unfaithful

I'm having an anxiety attack and I don't know how to help myself. All of what I usually do is just making it worse. I hate myself. I don't know what to do. I feel like a failure, even though I know I'm not, but maybe I am? I want to fucking die right now.

I want to get buttfucked by a big cock/strap on but I'm too shy to do anything about it. I just want someone to play with my butt or suck some dick. And dress like a girl and shave my legs again like I used to. If only it didn't take so long to regrow hair.

Evidently abstaining from masturbation is turning me into a brainless closet sissy once again and to say the truth I am in love with the novel feelings it gives me every time. I can spend the entire weekend (and I have before) transforming myself into a trap in photoshop and basking in the girly feels I get from it. But every time I realize I'm wasting my life and go back to fapping, work and life start to feel like pure hell again and I lose all energy until I start holding it in again for 4-5 days. Cut out both masturbation and my sissy practices I just get incredibly antsy and uneasy as if I'm constantly being flooded with stress hormones..

All of this has been going on for half a decade if not more and still there are no changes in power of these affects, not more not less, ever since I started exploring my tranny fetish more deeply.

I often think about how to approach these issues from a philosophical or psychotherapeutic standpoint but I have little to show for it.

That's what I was just thinkgen bout in a nutshell

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Humanity started to make a lot more sense to me when I realized we all evolved from rats

>>9971616
see a therapist

>>9971616
Have you thought about accepting Christ?

>>9971255
Got another paperback sale, nice!

>>9971635
This, read Kirkegaard and St Paul.
My Father's house has many rooms

>>9971632
My last therapist was a fucking shitheel. I know all my problems, that's not the issue. The issue is that it doesn't help. I can use skillz, and distraction and medication. It's just... I get these phases. I'm stuck right now because I can't do anything for the rest of the year because I've got an OP coming up and I had to unplug the phone because my dad's going fucking crazy and probably dying and he calls be 5 or 6 times a day and I can't take it anymore.

>>9971635
yes. I'm not religious, but I love... I love the idea of religion and I had a phase where I collected crucifixes because the idea that it made other people happy was enough and I like listening to songs, just sitting in the back row of a chapel and listening. That helps, but I can't right now.

>>9971662
Keep looking towards God Anon, even if you do not find him there is nothing else in this world worth doing than pursueing the Love he makes possible

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>>9971632
>therapists

Into the trash they go unless they're Lacanian psychoanlysts

>>9971622
Good luck with that, just be careful and don't get an STD because of a reckless decision.

>>9971622
Jesus, your father really did a fucking number on you kid

>>9971671
>lacanian psychoanalysts

lol ok kiddo

>>9971696
They're the only practitioners who will actually listen to your situation and help you understand it instead of just handing you a bunch of spooks

>>9971703
you have no idea what you're talking about
Have you ever had a conversation with an actual therapist?

>>9971716
I have, multiple in fact, went through sessions of CBT
Biggest crock of bullshit I ever dealt with, total waste of time

>>9971724
Hahaha CBT. I went to CBT and those fucking people there nearly destroyed me. Not the therapists, the patients. Of course I had a meltdown when they told me staying would be detrimental. All I could say is that I wasn't good enough and I had failed. Toxic. Toxic. Good idea, but borderliners are fucked up and having more than 3 in a room is dooming everyone to fucking destruction. Stupid monster bitches.

>>9971724
You need to know what and why do you want to go to therapy, once you know about it you have to choose which model or intervention better fits for you. CBT might have not been the one for what you wanted to sort out.

>>9971735
Fuck you, borderlines are the future of the humanity, you're just a neurodegenerate who can't handle us

>>9971745
Haha, suck my dick, I'm borderline too, fuckbrain

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>>9971739
>Oh my magic potion didn't work, its because you should have taken the other one

Its all horseshit bud.
You can't work with the mind until you have a solid philosophic foundation, your pseudo-science is next to useless

>>9971331
Sunburns peel away ache- your condition will improve if you go out more (assuming you're not already taking meds with side effects that will react poorly to sunlight).

>>9971755
I had a friend who was a serious leper with acne during highschool, he tried fucking everything to get rid of it but nothing worked.
Sometimes you just have to accept your life is going to be shittier than it could be

>>9971765
A C C U T A N E

>>9971765
Perhaps I said it with too much certainty, but honestly getting occassionally sun burnt helped control my ache better than pills did.

I'm 23 and I've realized that most people my age age grown up, or at least in the process, while I feel myself to be only 16 or so still. I haven't really felt like I've ever belonged with any particular social group, but this marks a new stage of alienation for me.

In some years, I'll become the guy who doesn't know what "he wants from life", or "where it's going" among people who're working towards goals and have a grip on their lives. People around me seem to be marrying at an increasing rate, even though I thought that the whole idea of marriage is passe. Relationships become more serious, the people are less likely to go somewhere by themselves without bringing their girlfriends along, and everyone seems more dull and staid with each day.

Is it the sex, being the only thing that continues to bring them joy and pleasure as time goes on, so they just cling to that? Is it society's idea of a normal life and what course it should take, that makes them form these little 2-men cells and more or less isolate themselves from other people?

Here I sit, state of mind unhinged.
Wonders of the universe in every corner of the world.
Monotonous routine day in and day out, only to fulfill another mans purpose.
Alas I look to a golden future, as my self grows stronger I carve the path.
Time is a friend, but also my foe.
So here I sit, fighting my content.
Cultivating the Golden Flower.

>>9971821
"Spooked"

>>9971816
Christ you an insufferable faggot, I do not envy the people who have to deal with you

im writing a fantasy novel, and the plot seems good, yet my self-doubts are holding me back and make me triple-check every sentence before i continue

otherwise, life's okay

Also, recommend me some books about Kafkaesque social interactions in the 21st century. I'd like to read about people and their lives. I've tried reading The David, but I found the prose to be too ostentatious, and getting in the way of the actual message he was trying to impart too often.

>>9971864
>Kafkaesque

What the fuck do you mean by this

Does anyone else get diarrhea or gassy right before you have to do something stressful? Like a tough test or a presentation?

>>9971879
Yeah, stress can do that

>>9971879
I get coughing fits.

>>9971876
Stuff that is surreal, but not in a "lmao drugs" or "schizophrenia" kind of way, but more like plain odd stuff that is out of the ordinary, but not implausible. I don't really know myself, yeah.

>>9971315
I'm getting bullied by my ex and she's slowly starting to manipulate me like before. Here we go again--

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>>9971978
I got you covered pham

I have only one desire in this life

not to be balding

balding is the proof that god doesnt exist

>>9972025
No balding is proof God hates certain people, hence why its so common among Jews

>>9972029
I want to cure it but I also care about health and I'm scared of taking some pills that will fuck me up

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>>9972025
If you stress about it then it speeds up.

>>9972047
Just accept no woman will ever love you as much as if you were the exact same with hair
Some of us are short, some of us are ugly, some of us have little dicks. Your thing is that you're bald (although you may be some of the other stuff too)

>>9972060
No man the thing is that I'm balding not bald, I havent accepted it

and it bothers me beacusee I have pretty hair that I always loved and so did women

if I had a manly face then being bald wouldnt be a problem but I have a soft face

Why the FUCK can't i find any information about the book i'm reading without getting spoiled ? Authors themselves spoil the end right at the beginning, if you look up anything closely related to the book on google you get spoiled immediatly

>>9972067
Some women are really into bald men. Some are hotter than those who aren't. Considering that even the chaddiest Chad will never get with all women, it's irrational to be that upset about, though I sympathize. The point you want to take is that different women will like different stuff and if you have the right qualities they might not even care. They will care if you're insecure about it, though.

If that doesn't help, hit the fucking gym, hit it hard, and work on your neck and traps and all will be well.

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>>9972099
>Some women are really into bald men.

>>9972067 #
The funny thing about being a bald guy is that you stop counting, you'll never be seen as someone who deserves respect and affection, you'll never be identified as a protagonist. You're relegated to a marginal camp of weirdos and old people

I wish I got laid in high school
I've gotten laid since then but it honestly doesn't matter to me. What I really want is to have done it back then, when I wanted it most.

>>9972099
>If that doesn't help, hit the fucking gym, hit it hard, and work on your neck and traps and all will be well.

Oh great, you can go from the bald faggot to the over-compensating bald faggot

>>9972102

Well probably not if you're a pencil-neck NEET, but then balding isn't your biggest problem.

>>9972115

Or ya could, ya know, develop other attractive qualities. I'm just giving the most simple solution to a man insecure about his appearance.

>>9972129
And I'm saying there is no solution, nothing will ever bring him to being the man he could have been with a full head of hair. He'll always be less of a person and that's what he needs to come to grips with not your Joe Rogan tier bro wisdom

>>9972060
I'm practically impotent. I can't really get my dick up, it feels numb pretty much all the time, and orgasms (whenever I can force myself to have one) don't feel like much.

So it still could be a lot worse.

>>9972025
It's funny, I was just thinking about that myself. My hair's been falling out at an increased rate, and I think the hairline receded a bit, though it's not very noticeable yet. But it's sad because I still consider myself to be young, certainly too young to be dealing with this kind of shit.

>>9971978
Have u read one Mr T. Pynchon?

More specifically I think The Crying of Lot 49 has a lot of that stuff. Strip poker with 20 layers, getting mistaken for a transvestite, lawyer in a wetsuit getting chased along a beach by his clients, etc.

>>9972194
You'll be the only person who considers you to be young soon

Christ it feels good to have a big thick mane of Irish hair

>>9972206
Nope, saving the best for when I'm dead I guess. Thanks. I'll try to read it before all my hair falls out, ha!

>>9971255
I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE

I should have stayed in my shitty third world university and picked history, philosophy or sociology. I would have spent all day with my cool female friends talking about the political importance of eating with forks, but no, I decided fucking CS and now I will be behind a computer all the time.

I'm not even in my country, I'm studying abroad. I will have lots of money when I go back and probably enough free time to read Dugin and Zizek, but would I be happy? I don't even have someone to talk about that stuff. What kind of friends am I going to have? Those fags who think having more RAM is all what matters? None of them know about Nick Land. Fuck this gay earth. I only have you guys, my real friends and of course /his/, my weird friends.

ONTOLGICOOL PLS COME BACK I WANT TO PRETEND I HAVE A FRIEND WHOM I TALK ABOUT PHILOSOPHY

>>9972145

Ah.

To anon, I'm sorry you're dealing with balding. That sucks. But it isn't as staightforward as "hair=good, bald=bad." That kind of black-and-white thinking isn't optimal. If that were the case, MPB would have fallen out of the gene pool by now. I don't think that qualifies as "Rogan-tier bro-wisdom."

>>9972255
I want to add that this week I've been in omegle looking grills just to talk. Holy shit I'm so fucked up.

Good man that Cody.

>>9971864

you just dont get it

>>9972288
You're a sad entitled piece of shit. Please stop posting here

Stephen Cuck

>>9972304
I know, pls help me anon. I need a book that will cheer me up.

>>9972279
>If that were the case, MPB would have fallen out of the gene pool by now

That's not how genetics wor, there's tons of absolutely horrific indefensible shit caused by genes that stay in the pool for a variety of reasons

>>9972316
You don't deserve books. You are not ready

>>9972317

Too true. Yet, people with all kinds of maladies manage to get their dick sucked every day.

Don't fall for the archetype of the intellectual and business juggernaut with Greek statue appearance who also is a master of sex and piano. It's fictional for a reason.

>>9972340
ok, I'll return after I'm calm

All of my family that are my age are having kids and settling down. Fuck that noise, man. I couldn't fathom chaining myself down like that, especially when I have this much energy and vigor still in me. I don't understand how people can be young and happy living in their hometown in with no foreseeable future of getting out because they decided to create a little breathing liability. I mean, I get it, kids can be amazing life changing experiences. But damn, you're in your early 20s. Live your own life on your own terms before you centering yourself around another.

I wish would have threads about young adult books other than "muh nostalgia". I'd start a thread but I don't see any like it now and I don't want to be ridiculed while still not getting the discussion I'm after.

>>9972378
Stop being an insecure faggot, what the hell are you doing with your "freedom" that's so God damn important?

>>9972378
I broke up with my gf and dropped out of UNI because I wanted freedom

now she'll be pregnant any day and I'm unemployed and I did nothing with my life

>>9972393
Not too sure yet bud, but at least I have the ability to pursue whatever I want to my fullest ability once I find out what it is

>>9972416
Meanwhile those you're looking down on are hoping they will wake up every morning to a house full of people who love them
Grow the fuck up

>>9972450
Damn you got real butthurt real fast. Gave up on your dreams for a kid anon?

>>9972483
I actually have no idea what you're driving at Anon so I can only take that as a reflection of yourself

>>9971821
i like

I want to develope my writing and communication skills. I'm terrible with small talk and poetry.

I've lost control of my life.

Does the same person start this thread every time the old one dies? Is it someone different? Why do you want to know what's on my mind

I dropped around 700ug of LSD these past two days and can't even tell what the drug is doing at this point.

>>9972839
I have two tabs left and undecided if I should drop this shit rn

I/m not in a good place mentally desu

I wonder how the hell I'm supposed to make coffee as I like it. I like it with cream and sugar, you know, but it's a very delicate balance trying to compliment the coffee's taste without making it into sugary slop (see: glass-bottles of Starbucks drinks). About a week ago, I had it just right. The taste was still dark and thick, but slightly sweet too. If I can find a guaranteed way to replicate that, it'll be cool.

You know the old dig about Stephen Fry, that he's a stupid person's idea of a smart person? I think lower-income Americans like Trump because he's a poor person's idea of a rich person. The average working-class American, if they were as rich as Trump, would probably behave exactly like him. Hence his appeal.

>>9972108
Literally not true. There are countless examples in pop culture and if you look around you that prove you wrong.

>>9972861
If you're not in a good place, don't do it. That acknowledgement of not being in a good place + the want to do more is a dark spiral. Get help from friends or family if you can anon

>>9971255
I will never experience the 90s again, the prime of culture with Sailor Moon and TPPG

It hurts my soul

>>9972378
having kids in your 20s has one good use, you can blame them for your lack of achievement, "i couldn't go to college/start a business/travel the world/whatever all because i had to take care of YOU!"

Life is not worth living if I have to work full-time just for basic survival.
The thought of doing this for the next 40 years makes me want to kill myself.
The down time inbetween shifts is not sufficient for me to keep my sanity for much longer.

>>9973123
get a job that doesn't suck dumbass

I wonder how easy it would be to rent a garage and give yourself carbon monoxide poisoning in it. Surely there's no rotating guards that would notice the smoke

>>9973129
Alternatively, live with your parents and find some 30H/week job

It sucks you need to work, but compare with your ancestors, they had to spend most of the time just getting food, and as always remember actual thirld worlders

>>9973132
It should be easy, finding a garage to rent would honestly be the hardest part. And that's an easy task in itself.

Why would you do this though?

>>9973129
Easier said than done anon

>>9973137
I guess that's true. Maybe I'll try to alter my perspective.

>>9973139
After looking it up I decided against it. I guess carbon monoxide poisoning is actually super painful. Helium is the way to do it.

>>9973141

well it's easier than wasting the rest of your life doing some shit you don't enjoy

summer is almost over and i never really got ripped this year, usually by the end of the summer i'm in supreme shape with abs and veins and shit popping out all over the place, then eventually it gets too cold to work out in the winter and my body fat goes up a little bit, but this year it just felt too hot, i could never get into working out and running like in past years, now i'm in the same kind of shape i'd usually find myself somewhere in february, yet it's just barely september, i hope i can make it through the winter without becoming a fat fuck.

>>9973148
I've been applying for job opportunities that I am perfectly qualified for the past 3 years to no avail. I've proofread and overhauled my resumes, applied to openings the first hour they are posted, and have walked into the locations to follow up the progress of my resumes with the team leaders. It's a fucking nightmare.

>>9972493
"I don't understand you so that reflects who you are" ok

>>9973171
what field are you trying to get into? i agree job hunting is fucking hell, i'm about to start looking for something that pays more this fall, but i enjoy the job i currently work a lot, and i've had really fun jobs before this one too, but i've also had shitty grind jobs in warehouses which were pretty damn shitty

>>9973184
>warehouse jobs

that just reminded me of that propane smell from indoor forklifts, and the way cardboard boxes dry your fingers out, warehouse shit is truly awful, it's good to see that places like amazon are using robots more and more to make those jobs obsolete so no one has too suffer through it anymore, on the other hand some of the people who work those places really don't have any other options

>>9973171
I feel this and your frustration completely desu. But remember, it's the moment you stop trying that you hit the brick wall and lose

>>9973171
you have to go some place and say that you're not getting out until they give you a job

Writing is so hard I always have scenes of my current novel playing out in my mind but I can't seem to find a meaningful way to develop my characters and ship them to that scene

>>9973171
make sure to let everyone you meet know that you're looking for work, you don't have to be like some slick "networker" guy, but just mention it, oh hey i'm looking for work in whatever industry, sometimes you'll get job leads like that, of all the jobs of had probably less than half came from just spamming resumes, usually they are from somebody you know

>>9971270
Maybe it is a separate entity,its not like your though are yours to own.We know almost nothing about consciousness,but it seems though,in general,is a much more collective enterprise than we like to imagine.I can't quite remeber who said this,or even if this is the right quote,but:"You are the exponent of a dead philosopher.".

>>9972861
These past few days I dropped about 2700ug. I had a conversation with the physical manifestation of evolutionary goals about leaving the world as it is behind and seeking a place among the stars. I won the argument with something like we're a cancerous imperfect species and should die out on our planet and not poison the beauty of the cosmos.

And here I am still tripping but I'm back to normal. I'm pretty sure I expirenced nirvanna somewhere along my trip, as well as a dark place void of any happiness.

My expirence of nirvanna was great, and no words could describe the feeling. I just felt at peace. Not content, but not overwhelmingly hungry for something else.

Shortly after my "arguement" I sat in my room thinking how a large part of life just passed me by. I felt as if I missed some sort of "event" even though it was a hallucination. I pitied myself. I went through the elation of thinking I was "one of the chosen" to the realization that I was nothing special. The depression which followed this roller coaster was intense. I heard voices and couldn't get my mind right for about 20 minutes until I remembered that throughout history, it took pressure and termoil for people to want to pave a road to a better tomorrow.

There was a point where I would have been okay with putting a gun in my mouth and ending it, but I guess the real beauty in this trip has been expirencing that and still coming out on top. Not to mention my parents are away on a vacation and I don't want to messy the house I just cleaned.

Sorry for the blog

On Being Told Nine Eleven Was an Inside Job

Eight forty five ayem,
when supposedly nineteen men,
flying a Boeing 767,
crashed into two grandiose structures
made of grand steel
and modern concrete
at the heart of the magnanimous
New York City.
Incompetence is the first word
that comes to mind.
When a grand council of men,
fail to fulfill their duties,
defend their oaths,
yet they are praised.
However,
evidence thoroughly suggests,
that these planes
were non-existent.
The whole world watched that morning,
next day mourning,
of these inconspicuous planes
on the inconspicuous broadcasting networks,
expecting aid and relief.
What if it was known,
that the leader of these free people
read to America’s youth,
a storybook
for 30 minutes after he was informed
of the awful tragedy.
That the collapse
was more than likely a demolition
perpetrated by a known entity.
That the whole world
warned the leaders of these free people
and were ignored.
That proper training
and general guidelines
were ignored.
That the list of the “attackers,”
was released only hours after the attack,
never updated.
That radio communications
from New York firefighters
at the top floor of this grand monument,
indicated that the fire was under control,
and the structure would not collapse.
That the transcripts and records,
have never been released by the leaders of the free,
because it’s been opted that they are too dangerous,
for the free people to know.
What if I told you,
this momentous act of destruction,
the chaos that ensued,
the three thousand lives of innocent people
were lost
all in the name of the Patriot Act.
A jest.
Presented days after this tragedy,
in the aim to strip the rights
of every sovereign
in the name of freedom.
That those whom conspired
still roam freely.
Those leaders of the free people,
that council of the majority,
still joke of the day
the free people died.
That you,
the free people,
may rise against these foul men.
It is necessary,
to stay cautious,
for the Patriot Act
defends not the free people,
but defends those in charge.
For those in charge are the true patriots,
as they bareback the free people,
with their slander and lack of shame,
with their twisted morals.

>>9971342
Try to extract something valuable from your misery,if you can.Any individual is redeemable.

>>9973167
Tighten the restrictions on your diet if you're on one. At least you'll postpone the process a bit. Don't need good weather to eat right

>>9973197
Practice practice

>>9973207
hell yeah i fucking love acid man

>>9971609
Then just go with the aim of getting to know the person better.But if things start looking promising dont let that ex hag pull you down,unless maybe you really loved her.

>>9973171
>>9973201
this this this
Connections are everything

>>9973212
i think that's what i'm going to have to do, i eat pretty well usually, but sometimes i'll drink a soda, and a lot of times i'll eat stuff like cheese or rice just because it's so cheap and convenient despite having a lot of fat and carbs respectively

>>9971816
Why look at marriage that way?2 people who love each other an that are mutually honest represent a stronger force,at least regarding resistance to the suffering life has to offer.

>>9971609
you're letting someone that's not in your life anymore control what you do and don't do. You're blowing off a date because of a dead relationship. Was your ex an ex before you hit it off? No, she was a stranger that you took a chance with. Start thinking for yourself faggot

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As undead is to dead and alive, vaporwave is to progressive and conservative.

>>9971622
The more you wait the worse it's gonna get. Eventually you'll die wishing you had the balls to let a man play with your balls, forever regretful of your own hesitation when it was all there at the tips of your fingers the whole time

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>>9973248
i was so tempted to preorder that Lenin 2017 book from Zizek because it has that trippy varporwave cover, but then i realized aren't i a little old to be reading marxist stuff at this point? you have to be a young adult to really enjoy marxist writing, too much life experience spoils it

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>>9973267
Nah, go for it Anon. Zizek is not the kind of guy who's going to tell you to go burn cars.

>>9973267
And I should kill meself for not posting this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Afvt0o3yE

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I hate depressed people. If you're too much of a brainlet to at least become an absurdist you're better off killing yourselfm

>>9973291
The worst thing you can do to the deppressed isn't kill them, but make them laugh.

>>9973291
I hate you too anon.

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I really dont like parties and i really hate drugs but i really want to socialize with people. Where or how do i find people who share these characteristics with me? I feel like these people i want to meet are lost too. So i can never find them.

>>9973387
you'll probably have to get involved with something really lame and nerdy like pen and paper dungeons and dragons or maybe like pokemon conventions or something

I had a long talk with my ex that was on MDMA. I think I'm in love and I believe after all this time it has been always like that.

>>9971879
>presentation

My school year has yet to start, however I have already glanced at the syllabus for all my classes. Three fucking presentations I'll have to get through this year, I thought I was fucking done with presentations after I took my speech class online. Upon seeing this, I immediately starting freaking out, heart rate picked up like crazy and my right ear started to ring. I fear public speaking like the plague and perform far worse than the average student. I wish I couldn't give two shits about this, but it's seriously an issue to me and it's gonna stress me out continuously until I either die or somehow make it through all three of them. Fuck class presentations and fuck teachers that have them.

>>9973513
>took my speech class online

lolllllll what's next take gym online college is a fucking joke these days

>>9973267
>too much life experience spoils it

Thats dumb, Marxism doesn't just mean "Dude lets Revolution lmao", it means being able to understand society in terms of different relationships to Capital and how this results in groups of people with tied interests in how it operates

>>9973387
Go to church.

>>9973522
marxism misunderstands their relationships, capitalist "extract surplus value" as compensation for the risk associated with capital investments, but like i said it's important to read marxism, but once you reach a certain point it's time to move on

>>9973513
Shit, I know that feel.

The last two presentations I had to give were for a college internship and I'm a STEMfag. I really worry about presentations now since it seems like I'll have to be giving them even when I'm done with school.

>>9973535
>as compensation for the risk associated with capital

That's not really true economically, there are many investments especially at large income level which have neglible risk associated.
Regardless you need to be able to separate at least to a certain point, Marx the Revolutionary and Marx the Economist though I'll certainly grant both highly informed the other.
You can read and accept all of Marx's analysis of Capitalism and not actually seek a Communist "solution".
Like in your example, whether Capitalists means of making money is fair or not, it doesn't change the fact they are in a different position and control of property used to create wealth than the people they hire

>>9973606
>That's not really true economically, there are many investments especially at large income level which have neglible risk associated.

the more return you get the more risk you took. if you as a labor are getting zero percent of the surplus then it's because you took no risk. when you pick a job you can look for one with highest absolute wages, or you can assume more risk and take one that pays partially in wages and partially in equity. if the risk pays of you will profit massively, but more likely the company will fail and you will be left with nothing but your below market rate wages.

this is what i mean about life experience, spend some time working and investing and see how you feel about it. most people work for capital instead of owning capital because working for other people is so damn easy. also, many people both profit from labor and from investments. few people are pure labor or pure capitalists.

if you live long enough you will see "labor vs. capital" is a limiting way to interpret the world. ultimately, life is an exercise in risk management.

People only agree upon the results of a democratic vote because if both the majority and the minority were to collectively fight, the majority would most likely win. So, democracy is just a way of predicting the most likely victor between a fight of two different sides without bloodshed.

>>9973267
ok ima cop it, just for nostalgia for my commie college days, and as a refresher to brush up on my marxism in case i run into any crusty leninists and need to rap about establishing the dictatorship of the proletariat etc. should be a fun read, kinda looking forward to it

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>>9973808
also from the same series, this looks ... intriguing. although, tariq ali seems to crank out trotskyist tomes like hollywood cranks out x-men spinoffs, so who knows if it's anything more than a cash grab.

I can't stop being sentimental.
Already ruined a couple of relationships because of that. FUCK ME women don't understand sincere love.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUuusqy50yk

>>9973631
>the more return you get the more risk you took

Dude that's nowhere near true. You can make a shit ton of money buying land in Manhatten and just waiting a couple years until it pretty much inevitably increases in value
There is no real relationship between risk and Capital returns, just a casual tendency

I know what I want, but I don't know where to begin.

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Sick again, but not depressed at this moment. Same sense of brain-numbness that's been with me for weeks. I don't know who I'm writing this for, you or me.

I fill out the captchas before I write my post so I have nothing to worry about. Google's been making me do the same 4-5 captchas again and again, it's really starting to disturb me. Are they all out of data? Do they think I'm a bot?

Why can't I write anything? Last semester I was almost hitting my stride, to the degree that I thought I had something inside myself besides this awful feeling of emptiness (last phrase cribbed from my own thoughts, itself a rehearsed inauthentic phrase. Wow even when I'm just talking to myself I'm so stupid that my lazy eyes can't help roaming back across what little I've already done and tried to pick up those crumbs... what I mean is that when I think I'm watching the lines get typed it always ends up that I repeat the words above, on the line just above where the word is. It's so fucking stupid cause it doesn't make any sense, it's an animal mindset kind of thing and it hurts the lexical diversity and makes it so that nobody reads what you write, for good reason, cause it means that you weren't even paying attention, and not in a good way.

Fuck I'm getting so uncomfortable in this chair, and it's pretty comfortable, too, so stupid. Was this cause I had matcha tea like 8 hours before? I'm getting so foggy minded and exhausted all the time, even without this hot weather (why do I sound like a jew? I'm not as smart as a jew, but I have all the downsides)... what the fuck was I talking about ? Sophomoric use of swear words to try and conjure up a POINT to any of this ? Oh yes, to take a deep breath, expand on the post window, and admire what I've gotten to so far. Just long enough for me to gather my thoughts and remember what I was originally complaining about. It's getting to the point where I can't fucking function without these fucking gook candy bars my friend bought in a japanese airport. And that the shit. What happened to my sense of humor ? I'm afraid all these chinks I'm constantly surrounded by (lord forgive me) have killed my sex drive and made me dull and humorless. But lord do I pore over those dry discrete math textbooks like Buckminster fuller himself was two handed goosing me. that's just a tradition in the mainland, you know. Builds integrity and solidity of asian values. Learned recently that in my homeland, all of my surname were celebrated bards and poets.

What the fuck is wrong with my libido? I'm fucking borderline impotent recently, even the hotbutton mammalian nerve sysem configuration triggers that have been statistically chink designed to appeal to my own specific stoachistic bundle of psychosexual hang-ups and joys no longer has any draw for me. I often have little visions of the lord himself waving his magic hand over that part of my animal brain and turning it grey like in the drug commercials. Oh fuck out of time already.

>>9971342
Stay strong, if you can get through this, you'll be a big guy.

I know a guy who got a DUI and I really admire him today DESU. He works an honest living and he's got a beautiful kind wife. More than that from life it's hard to ask, maybe kids but I'm sure those are on the way. God bless OP

>>9974100
*anon, fuck I was typing too fast there.

>>9971507
I know what you mean. So much to matter for mutuals, you know? I mean that if they only told us about it, we'd never believe it. We'd think love would cost billions. That's not a boring apothegm, it's the fukcin truth

>>9971531
He's talkin about the rush of romantic love, not love more generally

And that's kind anon but without sacrifice it's just noise. Ouch that sounds bad of me doesn't it? but I myself just put my neck out for you to flame me and fuck me up for being rude. Tuff luv is real love cause it costs money.

>>9971859
Keep going. With practice, you'll get to the level where you can get some sentences right on the first try.

>>9972187
I have these exact problems... I tried so hard to get rid of my own sexuality, but now that it's gone I kind of miss it lol

>>9972112
:(

>>9972255
Dude you don't have to live in the third world, be happy for that at least. Zizek and especially LAND are jargonmasters, much better to do CS and better your future children 'n' shit

>>9972450
felt the tremors of this and my house is built on bedrock

>>9973110
Any time can be a golden age.

>>9973207
>I won the argument with something like we're a cancerous imperfect species and should die out on our planet and not poison the beauty of the cosmos.

fuck you, speak for yourself

>>9973875
explain what you mean?

>>9973207
>I won the argument with something like we're a cancerous imperfect species and should die out on our planet and not poison the beauty of the cosmos.

When you're even reddit when you're tripping its time to kill yourself

>>9974095
Stop competing with yourself Anon. There's nothing inside you anyway.

Atheists are the biggest edgelords

>>9972047
>I'm scared of taking some pills that will fuck me up
Yeah. I am like 90 percent sure that my dad took some balding pills in the early 00s and was permanently sterilized. (It may have been acne cream)

>>9974131
He means he's a faggot and he's annoyed women don't like faggots

>>9971879
yeah, I get anxiety shits. was anxious for a couple of weeks once and every morning I'd get diarrhea..

>>9971765
>>9971331
ACCUTANE you son/daughter (getting bitch female vibes desu) of a dog! and dont listen to that SUN PEELS AWAY ACNE retard.

go on accutane, it is the only thing that works pretty much 99.9% of the time, it's impossible for it not to work if we are talking about actual acne, not leper or mosquito bites etc.

>>9971372
>and don't tell me about some russian spyware chrome plugin that makes editing bearable at the cost of all the info in your contacts and calendar info being sent to st. petersburg.
you're a real autist.

dollchan is a godsend and I seriously dont understand how you goddamn plebs can still use imageboards without it.

also it's ukrainian, not russian. so yeah, stay afraid of that ukrainian shadow government harvesting your ladyboy porn preferences

Just wanted to pop in to say (You) guys are pathetic and this isn't literature.

I hate myself and I wish I was dead

>>9974379
so do I

I unironically identify with Kanye West and think that I understand him in many things and points on a human level.

>>9971467
I feel you buddy, I just can't write without getting angry at myself. It stops me from trying.

>>9974489
Yeah. I try to self medicate with alcohol, but I don't want to die of cirrhosis of the liver, and it doesn't really help. I try to take my ADHD meds, but it just makes me anxious, I have to do 20 things at once. I've just fucking accepted it, and write a little bit at a time. I can write more, but then I get bored after a few weeks, and I only have a couple pages. Death is preferable.

>>9974044
Same

I believe that I want a family, but I keep getting fixated on unavailable women. That's pretty much it.

>>9974558
>mfw memeing a girl into being mine
>mfw it works

wtf!

she was engaged when we met and now isnt anymore and we became so close

this stuff made me believe in le spiritual magic or however you want to call it. the rule of attraction, that SECRET movie and so on.

>>9974352
It's basically a containment thread for off-topic discussion. It's also the best consistent thread on /lit/.

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Why can't I just go back?

>>9974565
what does it feel like to have a woman liking you?

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>>9974565
>this stuff made me believe in le spiritual magic or however you want to call it. the rule of attraction, that SECRET movie and so on.

Believe in the memes Anon, you're doing God's work

>>9974597
best thing ever, i would push all my relatives into an industrial meat grinder just to have a magical mutual love until the end of times (minimum 1 year)

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>>9974604
yes in fact i was so thankful i decided to draw this as a humble tribute

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>>9974608
>>9974604
it's actually really interesting, i basically turned myself and my pattern of behaviour into a pattern of an impish cheeky meme from russian speaking imageboards, picrelated it's him the absolute madman

>>9974605
Damn, I'm jelly. I'm too boring and autistic to have that.

>>9974634
Then stop being autistic

>>9974565

I don't think I understand what the fuck you are talking about.

>>9971342
Follow the law

>>9974640
Ok.

>>9974645
really my man? really? because I would be down to explain to you and anybody else who might read, but should I? because maybe by teaching others the memeing magic i would hinder my own happiness? because we would meme conflicting things into existence?

anyhow, it was like magic at times, and in retrospective, it kind of was. how is it different from some magical ritual or a lengthy meditation or a sacrifice, when i lie on bed and just kindly visualise myself with her? not dirty fucking even though nothing wrong with that, but just sincere and truthful, kind and honest pastime with her? not even me AND her necessarily, just thinking kindly about her? just lying on bed and reveling in that? and doing that for some time, some prolonged time, send that love, unconditionally, not waiting or expecting something in return, and then she calls? how is that not magic? out of nowhere, when we didnt regularly communicate, that happens? or before that, when again we havent spoken for months, when i finally decide 100% i am going to a city where she also happens to be, even though for my own reasons (but she ofcourse was one of the reasons as well), when i do that, when i finally 100% decide i will go there she just contacts me out of the blue? are you going to say it's a coincidence? ofcourse not you dumb plebs, it's god's providence, it's memeing in life, it's the hand of god or gods. it's the good (me), the paladin, the shining beacon of decency and kindness, unconditional understanding and mercy and love and kindness to fellow humans, all of humanity together, and some individuals like her for example, being rewarded or rather spurred, urged to keep doing the kind things and the impy memes!

sorry for complicated text, even though it shouldn't be complicated, english not first language obviously and tfw2smart

>>9974670
fuck i should write a book perhaps if it all works out and i will call it THE KIND THINGS AND THE IMPY MEMES (or HOW I STOPPED WORRYING AND LEARNED TO LOVE ".....")
what?

>>9974670
>>9974673
You should read Lacan, you've stumbled on his solution to the problem of sexual difference

>>9974682
cool! reminds me of that time when i invented solipsism!

any particular books? i will fucking read him RIGHT now RIGHT NOW with proofs.

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>>9974670
I hope this abomination of a post is not real but then again, I've see people with far more idiotic beliefs.

>>9974670

So basically you lucked out with a girl who already had a thing for you.

Look, guy, I can respect that you might get a chance with a girl you have a crush on. It's not much use to me, though. I am too old to waste time on metaphysical maybes.

Good luck, I guess.

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I hate myself for being uncreative and lacking discipline to better myself. Whenever I start to do something (learn a language, learn to draw, etc) I give up after a while while others I know continue somehow. I'm just a shit person. Reading is easy I guess but even then I read like a retard, rereading sentences often and barely making it to 182wpm. I also don't read regularly and when I do I read little. I'm just a retarded, shit excuse for a person and should kill myself since I don't have the self-discipline to improve.

>>9974695
>here, some lowly scum says emitting rotten smells
ok bruvv

>>9974702
>I am too old to waste time on metaphysical maybes.
it's not like you have a choice big boy big guy big man my man.

>>9974702
>So basically you lucked out with a girl who already had a thing for you

That's not how girls work. Girls never already have a "thing" for guys, you make the thing yourself

>>9974095
Wow, we seem to have a lot of similarities in a lot of ways. Brain fog, exhaustion, impotence. It might just be that we have the "depressed personality", which is what happens to you when your true, authentic personality is completely devoured by long-term depression.

Either way, we could have been friends. Like you know, good friends that are written about in biographies: two young men, lost in the world, not content with their place in it, etc.

>>9971255
I am sitting in a greenhouse right now, because it is the only place around here where I have some sense of privacy in addition to a stable internet connection. The sun is kind of hurting my eyes, but there is little I can do about that.
Earlier I was working on a stone tile path that leads to my trailer, but I lost motivation around an hour ago. The paths get quite muddy when it rains and having the entrance all dirty makes me feel like a slob.
My gf is going to come back in a couple hours and I don't know how to feel about that. I think I love her, but at the same time she is kind of judgemental about me being on the internet a lot. I have always wondered why some people seem to be inable to enjoy themselves when they are alone. I imagine that having another fourty hours of free time every week would make me really happy. Although maybe that's not true...
We bought another trailer not too long ago. It's made mostly out of wood and is quite nice to look at. We already got new windows that I gave a coat of fresh paint and replaced the old putty, which became brittle. Removing the old paint on the outer side seems somewhat difficult, but I'm sure we'll figure something out about that. The windows are quite big, and we'll use the leftover wood that cutting holes for them will bring, to replace some parts where the wood started to rott on.

>>9974694
If you need background to Psychoanalysis and Continental thought I recommend picking up Joel Dor's introduction

>>9974717
>Girls never already have a "thing" for guys, you make the thing yourself
VERY good post

t. the guy from above.

but i would go further and say that you make ALL things yourself, just fucking do it man, just MOLD your reality, or not mold but what's the english word for making something out of metal? smolder? fukken smolder from the iron of reality, fukken HIT IT with your HAMMER COCK THUNDER COCK BIG BOY BIG GUY FOR YOU STEEL BOLT and make it.

when i started doing it i remember i felt like a god. i forged something, i made something, i shifted the paradigm, i changed the reality, i tore out a thread from the material plane and put it elsewhere and I truly felt like a god, truly GOD MODE, like going supersayan or something.

>>9974723
ALRIGHTY

>>9974116
That's funny, because I used to think the same shit before I became like this. I thought it was a chore and that it was keeping me from doing more important things in life, because I spent all my time masturbating. It felt really nice, I miss the way it felt, and the manic-like state I would get into when watching choice porn.

But now I realize that without my sexuality, unable to have deep human relationships, I'm something less than human now. It's what I've been realizing lately: the importance of sex in human lives and relationships (in a broad way), etc. Also I regret the fact that I won't be able to describe a lot of the "joys" of young age, namely fucking indiscriminately and just enjoying myself sexually.

How did you try to rid yourself of it? How did it happen? How old are you?

>>9971342
>There's no love anymore

There never was any.

>>9974707
You're not alone. People my age have read far more than I have, and generally did a lot more things than I have. I don't have anything to show for it, just regret.

>see woman in her early 30s being candid with a kid who wasn't hers

Is non-sexual sex a thing?

>>9974717
>>9974725

I guess I did something wrong when I built my universe, because every woman I meet that has displayed any interest in me ends up reverting to trick and tactics to suck up a little attention and then just walk away. At least until they want to mess with me again, which always happens after a few months.

>>9974765
>. At least until they want to mess with me again, which always happens after a few months.
well at least you have that! i havent had such an experience!

Any normal people here reading this shit with the same face as I am?

>>9974794
What is it that you find so abnormal?

>>9974797
If you have to ask, you won't care about my response.

>>9974794
I don't know, I can't see your face

>>9974798
I mean there is a lot going on in this thread. Some of the stuff seems highly absurd to me, but some people just talk about writing and stuff which I can kind of relate to. If you don't want to share that's cool I guess.

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>>9974794
>Any normal people

I've been working physically for a month now and failing to reap any rewards. I'm literally getting less money as my welfare was cut. My body aches all the time. The people I meet are ungrateful dicks who mainly drink, complain and steal (job involves helping the poor).

Convince me that labour, and helping those in need, is purposeful and that I shouldn't just go Raskolnikov on somebody.

>>9974876
Sounds like you should start stealing too

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I finally found the woman who was born for me to protect and love. She lives on other side of the world. I've been through plenty of relationships, heartbreaks & soul-mates. I'm not one to become enamored too easily. But this girl..

It's fucking killing me that the one I was meant to be with forever is nowhere near me. Every single sign from the universe in the last 2 weeks confirms it. This is a real happening and I don't know what to do about it.

I love her but am too afraid to say it because love is supposed to be for people who don't know about life and it breaks my fucking heart every time I think about her but also at the same time it fills my heart with the softest golden light and I am on a road trip right now posting from a cheap shitty hotel and I'm broke as fuck and nothing else in my life feels right but just writing about her feels right and even if I never get to hold her in my arms and make her feel beautiful and loved I am just so fucking grateful that I even got the chance to know her and I hope to god he hears my prayers and she gives me a chance and takes her own chance but my shitty self-esteem won't let me believe that all the good things she says about me are true and maybe she is just using me for emotional validation before the next chad comes along and that makes me feel like crying but I am in love with you Cristina but I know saying that would make you feel weird about me so I can't say it anywhere but here and I hope your back is feeling better and I will talk to you as soon as I get back to Colorado. Sorry about the run-on, reading a ton of Corncob lately.

>>9974910
Dude just stand tall and tell her, girls love this shit

>>9974768

You're better off not being used.

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>>9974932
I know, anon. I just don't wanna scare her off. Due to the nature of her job, she has men constantly falling in love with her & proposing marriage. I refuse to be just another guy on her list of dudes who are too immature to allow time & space for the complexity of these kinds of feels develop mutually.

But I do love her. So simply & deeply. If she is ever lost to me, I'm saying byebye to the world & jumping off the nearest bridge. it's that fucking deep yo & it makes me feel like a stupid little boy.

>>9974910
>love is supposed to be for people who don't know about life
What do you mean?

>>9974966
Fuck those other guys, they're just a bunch of losers. You're different.
Let her know that and let her know you mean it.
The longer you know her the more scary it will be for her when you do tell her, if she just thinks you're crazy now that's a good start

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>>9974982
About life, death, struggle, pain. Love is important but it's also a myth a lot of times. This is real though & it's blowing my mind so if I say something like love is supposed to be for people who don't know about life I don't always know what I mean because I'm just speaking from my heart here with no filter because that's what she does to me she makes me feel real.

>>9974983
You're probably right. It would crush me for her to have to give me "The Talk" - what a good friend I am & let's not ruin it etc etc. What do you mean about the part, the longer I know her. Can you expand a little on that, please?

Fuck.

>>9975000
Because when you know someone early on, things are in flux by its nature, you're prepared for sudden shocks like this, more open to changing dynamics.
If you leave it after a long time its a far bigger adjustment, like things this safe house you were standing on is suddenly gone.
Of course I can only speak with so much certainty, in either case I don't think feelings like this are something you can ever just ease someone into, it will always be a shock for her because its fucking nuts

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>>9975008
Thanks, anon. I'll be on the road for 4 more days. I'm going to really think about what you've said to me. I just want to be the one that the one I want wants me to be. There hasn't been a single moment in weeks when I haven't been thinking about her.

Fuck.

>>9971508
sad times desu
*hugs u*

>>9974966
sauce on that pic?

>>9975019
This is what life is made out of my dude. You're being asked to face annihilation but by God you'd be nothing otherwise anyway

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>>9975032
Andrei Belichenko

>>9975057
Spot on, anon. I'm glad we spoke. You sound like me when I'm not busy acting like a fucking moron.

I think I'm gonna tell her when I get home. Or try to.

>>9971255
I am muslim and cannot stand atheist. All of you are dumb, degenerate sheep who cannot think on their own and repeat everything they hear from their retarded parents and friends.

>>9975078

Is this a ruse?

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My biggest insecurity is my intellectual inferiority complex. Despite a successful career so far, the validation I crave is from the snooty, cultured upper-class types who read The New Yorker and have PhDs from one of the Ivies.

No matter how many classes I take I'll never get accepted into a premier academic program. No matter how much success I have in the business world it won't compare to the elites who have graduated from wageslavery.

>>9975150
don't worry my man. you don't need to prove anything to anybody, you just gotta be happy yourself. You said you're successful, right? So you've got a leg up already. There are always going to be people better than you, or pretending to be better than you. Don't let those envious thoughts get into your head.

I always say- want what you want, but don't want what other people got. You know?

Sit down - maybe next time you've got time off and really spend the weekend thinking about WHY you want them to acknowledge you. Drink some hot chocolate and sit on the porch and really turn it over. You don't have anything to prove to anybody else.

>>9975078
Muhammad was a pedophile

>>9975150
>Despite a successful career so far, the validation I crave is from the snooty, cultured upper-class types who read The New Yorker and have PhDs from one of the Ivies.

Thats funny, approval from them is unironically a mark of shame to me, I want to be actively hated by them

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The passage of time bothers me.
It's absurd. It was near the end of May mere moments ago. I've woken up in September. I'm late. Why is it happening again?

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I gotta tell her I won't do it. At this point it's impossible anyway. Ah well, here goes playing the bad son again. Let's see if we can take some smiles out of it.

>>9976077
Reminder that time is purely a convention to measure the general change undergone by the on going existence of things, and it becomes a spook to the ego if it sees it as something above and outside its own action.

>Why is it happening again?
Because you're doing it "again".

>>9971255
why does everyone here have to make reading into this dick measuring contest or a way to stroke their own ego? Why can't we just talk about books that aren't super deep? Most threads are so pretentious

>>9976326
Literally go to reddit if you want to talk about pleb books. I'm not spending my short time on Earth contemplating fucking Stephen King

>>9974313
Glad I'm not the only one. Do you know if there is a way to make it stop?

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Here is some gay shit

I am a very lonely 27 year old kissless virgin. I believe that existence is a curse and the only constant in life is suffering. Right now I'm in grad school, not entirely sure if I'll even graduate, and I honestly don't see myself living beyond 30, if I ever make it there. I have put my loneliness into words so often that I have come to the realization that no language exists to properly express my feelings properly. I have recently over the past year made real, true real-life friends for the first time and I love them dearly but ultimately, nothing is keeping me either besides my own cowardice.

I am tired of living life as an unattractive male. I also do not connect with 99% of people I meet on any fundamental level. I can talk to cute girls with no problems and I have several cute female friends (mostly taken and all that which is fine but good goddamn finding single girls I could feasibly date is rough.) I am not a superhero but I have gained the power of invisibility.

>>9971335
Beware

It really displeases me the fact that most women shave their pubes off completely.

>>9971609
Oh boy how relatable... I don't think i will ever be able to look someone in the eyes the way i looked into my ex's...

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You know that old "mind=blown" realization people always bring up about colors? The one about how your version of blue might differ from mine, but we couldn't know because there's no way to describe it? Well, today I realized that this is probably characteristic of the gap between how people experience the world - especially between healthy and mentally ill people. For example, I haven't felt lonely in years, and I often fantasize about going to live innawoods because having a job of any kind feels like torture to me. It's possible to get caught up in thoughts like this, but one crucial detail always stops me from taking it seriously: my memories. I still remember what it's like to have emotions, and enjoy things. It was almost divine. When I see people outside doing things and having fun, it looks like nothing to me, but it matters to them. They're alive. One of my fondest memories is when I discovered I had a crush on my friend's sister. And that time my friend called me over to go to the movies. I felt happy. I felt important.

Describing these sensations won't do them justice. I can't make you feel them, because I can hardly remember them myself. I just know I'd like them back someday.

>>9976471
The thing is though, whatever we may see there is still a spectrum of wavelengths that we all refer to. We all do do to differentiate objects, poison from edible.
As much as you would like to return to where you were when you were young you simply can't and never will. You have to look forward instead. Survey your landscape, stake your claim and make something of it. Otherwise you will only be attached to your suffering.

>>9976481
I'm not really stuck in the past; I just think of it often because they remind me how it feels to be alive. If I didn't do that, I'd forget that this isn't normal. And that's surprisingly easy to do, because there's no pain. Nothing upsetting. It's just empty. I've made a few claims so far, and landed a few, but it didn't make me feel good. Something's broken on the inside, and I don't know why. I just hope someday it ends.

>>9971270
>Write what's [weighing] on your mind

>>9971255
>And how should I presume?
Trying to be more like Eliot and less like Prufrock. But hell, I'd be happy just to meet the qtπ grill who moved in across the hall. Shout out to qtπ grill across the hall.

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>>9973208

>>9971255

>>9976441
Do they really? Are there statistics? Are you talking personal experience?

>>9971255
I wanna write something
not something big, but something that satisfies me
I have the vocabulary and ability to make a decent amateur story, but putting together story elements is so hard
I've been out of high school for almost 2 years and it always amazed me how little actual writing is taught in the US, english subject courses here are taught basically so the government can say that it makes people read and nothing else

>>9976602
He's talking personal experience as a virgin who watches a lot of porn

>>9976471
>You know that old "mind=blown" realization people always bring up about colors? The one about how your version of blue might differ from mine, but we couldn't know because there's no way to describe it? Well, today I realized that this is probably characteristic of the gap between how people experience the world - especially between healthy and mentally ill people.
It's characteristic of the physiological development gap of non-Russian and Russian speakers.

>>9976331
>implying you're doing any sort of actual fucking contemplation on a mongolian soup recipe website

>>9976610
I probably shouldn't have used that analogy. It's distracting and not really related to the central idea.

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>not sure if bi-curious or actually bi
What's wrong with me desu, I think anal is fucking disgusting for the most part because you know
>You're sticking your dick in shit
But it seems attractive now.

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Around 2 years ago I feel like my concept of time has sped up dramatically. My 8 hour work shifts feel like 4 hours out of nowhere. I guess it's just a side-effect of aging.

This is kind of a good thing. On the other hand the months are just zooming past me now. I feel like August just started a few days ago, and we're already well into September.

I live in a constant state of existentialism so I notice all these abstract concepts immediately. I took a look in the mirror and just stared at my face for 10 minutes like some kind of aspie. I took notice of all the little changes and lines across my face, fully accepting my true physical image, rather than the mental representation I had of myself.

In my mind I was always a 19 year old, and it's already been 5 years since then. Only now am I fully understanding the unstoppable march of time leading me up to my inevitable demise.

I didn't gain a depressed outlook on life from this, I just finally accepted that 'fact'. Time now has meaning to me now. It is a finite resource being spent every passing second.

>>9971270
Ancient greeks believed that imagination and sapience were different entities that existed independently, of a sort. Your imagination being on your sapience, but not a part of it

>>9976629

Maybe you just want boipussy. You can still be bisexual/gay without wanting to be on the receiving end.

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>>9976641
19 is a nice age to be. I completely wasted that year. I don't mean wasted only in the sense that I didn't do anything productive - I wasn't even having any fun.
I think I once looked forward to being 19.

I feel like I'm stuck being 16 and I'm 21. "Missed opportunities" is how I'd describe those years. Particularly the first. Sweet sixteen. I must've looked forward to that as well.
I suppose I've had a "depressed outlook" for a while now.

I made this post: >>9976077
I wouldn't say I've understood any of it, if anything, I'm only growing more confused.

>>9976641
>>9976727
Sort of in the same boat, 22. It got me kinda depressed and made my outlook quite bleak. If I force myself to stay productive and go out and drink/enjoy drugs as much as I can with my mates I feel pretty good, however. This is what I did ages 16/17-21 and I was rolling, high on life and on various drugs (I wasn't a frequent user, weekends with friends etc but even sober I felt a lot better than during my depressed state). Basically I think you just gotta socialize more, be/have some competitive element (even if it's just school -- social competition helps a lot in my case).

My 5c, works for me. Also I never stopped lifting/training and eating healthy, but I didn't enjoy it and it felt a lot bleaker. I kinda just waited for it to pass, it felt like a hole in my life. The lifting/eating healthy probably helped a lot too.

Gl my dudes

>>9976674
niggerstain

I think it could be interesting to write a "novel" where the whole book is just the pre-face/introduction to the novel, wih no real story. I don't know, it could easily be terrible

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Goodnight /lit/. Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. <3

>>9974745
#deep

>>9976778
Sleep tight, Anon.

>>9976629
I thank my lucky stars every day that I didn't turn out to be some confused faggot like this guy.

>>9976335
sadly I don't. it only stopped once I wasn't anxious anymore. didn't actually care too much about that though, the nausea was what sucked most

>>9974132
When we have all the potential to be the pinnicle of human evolution with all the knowledge and wisdom of the past, yet remain complacent, racist, ugly, and impefect, it's time for another ethnic cleaning.

>>9976965
The hypocrisy is overwhelming

>>9971342
>7 beers too much
7 beers is too much by itself.
Why the fuck would you drink 7 more than some unspecified large amount?

I have wonderful friends who are happy to listen to my autistic babbling about various topics, but I don't have any friends who have the same intensity of interest about any of those topics. So, on some unconscious level, I'm frequently aware that I'm not really talking WITH the person, but talking AT them. What I really want is to hear something of equal complexity and intensity in response, something fully engaged with what I'm saying, but I know it won't happen, so I sublimate that desire into the inefficient workaround of simply saying more things, elaborating more, carrying on a kind of conversation with myself in front of my friend instead of having a mutual conversation.

All my friends say they enjoy it, they enjoy talking to me in generally. And we do talk mutually, in between autistic rambling spurts. But on some level, I am really just talking at them sometimes.

Not only is this unfair to them, it leads to me being the one who wants to talk to people more than people want to talk to me. I'll get drunk and message every friend I know, desperate for someone who cares about aliens as much as I do in the moment. Even if they're polite and genuinely interested, it's still one-sided and kind of embarrassing, because their desire to talk is simply "desire to talk," and my desire to talk is "desire to talk" PLUS "dear god I need to get this idea out of my head so I'm not trapped inside with it any more."

I used to think it was about shared hobbies, but often people with the same hobbies still don't want to talk about them very much, or they don't enjoy having super complex discussions about minutiae of the hobby. I've only found one or two people who enjoy having rambling conversations about everything under the sun, jumping from topic to topic and sharing autistic overwrought perspectives with one another.

I used to think that gaining expertise in various things would mean I could have endless conversations with other experts. Instead, you quickly realize that most people aren't looking to be experts in their metier, but to tolerate it until the day is over and try to enjoy their off hours. The rare few experts are isolated and uplifted by virtue of being experts, and don't have time for conversation.

Life is mostly annoying.

>>9971622
do you even look cute enough to play the part

>>9971622

I feel so fucking disgusted at the thought ''men'' like you even exist.

>>9976965
BUGMAN

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This is like asking for a two dimensional bounded map of Saturn: it just can't fit the bill, dog. I don't even know where to start, so many pre/post/proto/sub/quasi/addenda/hypertext/endnote/asterisked-thoughts swirling around the porcelain up top. The brackish stew runs in a circular line, parallel overlapped with serial circuitry, transitive enmeshed with longitudinal. I don't have ADD, or children, but it is a chore to flesh out—vivisect the writhing contents for taxonomical classification in the form of a pseudo-essay doubledoublechin post.
The catapult is a thread away from letting it's spiked balls loose. I can taste the tension with the hairs on my neck. So many missteps, erased chalk-lines on the hopscotch grid. My ring finger insists on being used (ssssssssss)—time to get hitched I hear one of them say as I recall the blonde-haired blue-eyed belle of my balls from yesternights. Synonym: Gucci. What the devil wear? Poor rich girl, how strangely I long for some lack of dispassion after the passion simmers at a low boil and I let her go kissing the signed DNR. "Never been emotionally hurt by a relationship," I honestly tell her, knowing full well that she knows this time won't be different. And yet it's always different. The hope lingers varyingly, like fickle adolescent cancer in fourth wall breaking countries calling themselves developing unlike their children. The crystals. reacts to sunlight and the oohs and aahs react to the crystals. When does the experiment stop?
SSSssso the first thought when as follows: I'm going to drive to Washington D.C. and spew gray matter onto the sidewalk in front of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave wearing a homemade shirt reading "God Bless America" in red. In my pocket, ready to be extricated will be explicated further reasoning for having done so: not political statement, living just hurts and I don't want to no more. Sad: three cute little letters lined up at attention to salute the gutwrenching lieutenant misery who's not on duty never. The pastiche of a cliche of a spoof on a famous satire is ironically the spittle on the cannoli of my borrowed heart, she says after exclaiming that's what she said (emphasis mine).
Parsley. My first daughter (once self-identified) will be named Parsley, after her mother's inability to parse emotionally neglecting her pathetic excuse of a husband with breathing. LOL, which was first coined on a BBS (bulletin board system) called Viewline in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, in the early-to-mid-80s, that's a (mom's)spaghetti meatball.
How can we stay eternally relevant? Didn't the Greek's idolize immortality to legacy? How can one scrape (or penetrate) the cellophane wrap of sublimity enshrouding our tiny little home, ensuring both spatio-temporal universality as well as contemporarily (unbound) relevance in the aesthetic sphere? Does using big words help, or doubling-down on *ahem* ebonics style language like Young Thug or Christopher Reeve? How can I tell if an egg has gone bad?

Anyone can get fucked, it's just about lowering your standard until you find someone willing.

I just want attention.

My cage is too small, exoskeleton too tight.

Give me fame or give me death.

If you give me the map, I'll become the legend.

The theoretic is the applied.

No canvass is blank when beheld.

Post-pretentiousness characterizes my character.

Puff puff pass on the torch, ye monkey of the porch.

Prehistoric man, scared into caves at the sound of thunder
No point of reference in place to tell themselves that it was just a "hubbub of phenomenon". It was the voice of God, reminding them of the presence of higher powers, reigning the domain of Sky, omnipresent.

You had a cave, or you didn't.
Someone approaches seeking shelter from the wrath of god: not enough here, pal. Go away, poke, stab, thrust.

The first private property. The first conflict.
And thenceforth, the same exact property conflict. Slaves and owners, only ever a game of "who got there first."

Do you not own any land? What was the criteria, to begin with, for someone to own land? Did they "buy" it? No, just found themselves there, and killed anyone who approached. That is ownership. The whole world now is owned. There is none left for you or for me. No corner to sob in without someone on patrol telling you to move along. You must play their demented games of conflict, hiding from the thunder of god in terror. Every successive movement of civilisation is an outgrowth of this primordial condition. Nothing has substantially changed. The whole world is based on separation and conflict and terror, even though we now no longer need flee in terror when thunder resounds in our homes. We know better, but the historical tradition of property and conflict continues,.. we are not aware of the basis of civilisation. It is that. Terror, conflict, lack of resource,... The wilderness is no longer wild. We have tamed it. But now, we have yet to tame the habits and traditions which have created two world wars. They are still the modus operandi. Education, economy, industry, politics, religion, agricultere,... all now serve that same aboriginal beast that wanted the cave to himself and his kin, safe from the thundering rage of the god in the sky.

We are only changing the uniform of our base condition. A paradigm shift is underway, but has yet to occur.

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L’évolution de la pensée philosophique occidentale à travers les différentes époques modernes est le fondement de tout le consortium d’idée présente. De la logique dualiste, à la rhétorique moniste, débats enclavant l’existentialisme menant au postmodernisme, la philosophie est maintenant paresseuse. L’appel au logos n’est que moyen de convaincre que le pathos est rationnel. Cette méthode, appelant à la nature, çà l’idée innée du «j’existe» n’est que valable par le filtre de l’égo. Ce concept freudien, décuve du moi, balance élémentaire du «ça» et du «surmoi», est maintenant l’un des fondements de la philosophie occidental. «Dieu est mort, et nous l’avons tué», citation célèbre décrivant parfaitement la condition occidentale, démontre aussi la plaie qu’est le manque de sens sur notre Léviathan. Toute idée, puisque perçu à travers cet ainsi dit filtre, est critiquée non pas par ses fondements, ni par ses arguments, mais par sa provenance. N’est-il pas plus facile d’assumer une mauvaise foi à l’auteur, que de réfléchir sur le concept apporté? Mais encore, cette idée est autant plus présente chez les auteurs. Ceux-ci, lorsque critiqués assume l’incompréhension du lecteur. Pour certains, ces forces d’idée ne sont que mécanismes de défense, méthodes d’évacuation du stress, de l’angoisse pour ainsi dire.
Alors, face À ce dilemme, il est donc préférable d’émettre une question claire, et si possible, une solution. Mais émettre une question claire, précise et concise n’est pas un moyen efficace de présenter son idée, puisque c’est ennuyant.

>>9977642
What's your point froggo?

>>9977202
I feel you man. Being the smartest person you know fucking sucks. The best thing I can do is try not to go all out and ask them what they think and ask them to elucidate. It kinda works.

>>9977787
i somehow soubt either of you are the smartest people you know sinply because you read joyce and no one else cares

classic dunning kruger. some people you know can split atoms but unlike you they arent pricks about it and looking for a chance to jack off in your face about it

because theyre not contantly looking for a chance to brag, they can enjoy sports.

>>9977787
Yeah Brainlet's are there to stay still and let us to bounce our thoughts off them like a squash tennis wall. Don't feel bad about them serving their purpose

>>9977805
yes, they are slaves and you are the natural overman because of your ability to vote for bernie sanders and deconstruct jane eyre novels

brilliant

>>9977802
Woah, who let reddit in

>>9977815
I'm a successful CS grad too, not all of us are just here to overcompensate our other failings Anon

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>>9977802
>thinking you're smarter than most people you've met is automatically bragging
Shut up. There's nothing magical about intelligence. I give people the benefit of the doubt enough as it is, but I'm not going to pretend they'll somehow have satisfactory answers to questions they've had no reason to make themselves in their lives. Or what, do you think I randomly pick people on the street to ask them philosophical and literary questions?

>>9971255
the scooby gang members various sexual interactions
the same with captain caveman and the teen angels
oh, the possibilities!

>>9977816
t. reddit

>>9974741
I'm 22, I think (hope) it's just a temporary thing. I read this Christian blog that actually had some really insightful advice, and that sort of helped me for a time, but I always fell back into my own ways (so the blog probably had nothing to do with it). Then I fell into a kind of daze and stupor as described above, and my libido totally disappeared. At this exact moment, actually, I'm manic, incredibly, wonderfully so, but my libido is still basically gone.

But yeah, I can totally feel the lack of depth in me now... I'm sure it'll come back eventually. It has to!

>>9974427
I kind of know what you mean. Just the angle of realness. Cutting through bullshit, right?

>>9974670
This is a really beautiful post. I'm happy for you, anon.

>>9974707
Irrespective of your other concerns, anon...

reading isn't about speed, it's about understanding. Someone who deeply understands a text is more learned than someone who can speed read five in the same time.

If you want to be hard on yourself, ,know there's nothing stupider than holding yourself back. Beat up the part of yourself that holds you back.

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>>9974719
I don't think anything ever really disappears, anon. Hopefully we'll meet again someday, I lurk here often.

>>9974725
nigga stop this foolishness. You have the means to get what you want, don't get bogged down in bullshit pseudoscience.

>>9975150
>>9975194
fuckin this, anon, the hoi polloi in america, culturally, are fucking idiots.

Level up until you learn this. I respect your humility, but the level above humility is realistic appraisal.

>>9976383
Whatever we feel, we can express.

>>9976775
all in the execution

>>9977895
not the person you replied to,
nice image

>>9971386
tell her like it is
for great justice

>>9971616
alcohol

>>9972145
michael ironside?
john malkovich?
jason statham?

>>9972972
nailed it

>>9973112
come on, kids are the best way to fuck up your life

>>9973387
4chan

i miss you miss kitty

>>9977631
Not all animals flee at the sound of thunder or think it wrath. I see no reason to think early humans would.

>>9977933
Balls.

When my co worker had to leave early, my boss asked me to send some mails from my co worker's laptop. When I did, i found in my co worker's browser history some weird searches like "what to do if you are horny at work".
I kind of wanted to take a picture. When I realize it, my boss took the laptop away saying that said co worker was downstairs and asked for the laptop. Took the laptop because home office and shit.
Co worker was a girl
The room of the office we shared were always me and her. Boss was in another room down a hallaway

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>>9976335

Try propranolol for performance anxiety,it's what alot of classical musicians use before concerts.

>>9978551
You know what to do.

>>9978634
>that was 2-3 years ago
>She wasn't qt
>and unstable
>now that i think about it, she probably needed a good fuck

>>9974026
>You can make a shit ton of money buying land in Manhatten and just waiting a couple years until it pretty much inevitably increases in value

So why don't you take out a loan and buy land in Manhattan then since it's a guaranteed return? What's the matter? Too risky? Ohhh!

>>9978687
Why assume anon hasn't?

>>9978714
>Brainlet believes in risk-free returns

hey kid, wanna buy a bitcoin?

>>9978743
>assuming assumptions

you
(me)

everyone dies

>>9978639
>wasn't qt
damn
these are the worst

>>9978599
Will I have to get a prescription?