Writing General

>>9951209
I typically jump through a couple different stories I'm writing. I guess they suffer since I can't focus my full capacity on each one, but at least I don't find the experience dull. I'm also just writing for my enjoyment, don't really plan on publishing anything.

Show don't tell it's a great way to start but isn't the end (Hesse and Melville tell more than show)

He smelled the unmistakable scent of burning flesh as screams of agony drifted through the air. The villagers, the sleep still in their eyes, in various stages of undress, ran around like panicked ants every which way. Most of them quickly dropped limply and lifelessly to the sand below. His Comrades fired endless streams of bullets upon the sea of attempted escapees, lit by their muzzle flash in an otherwise pitch black night, all of them looking identical. Black armored full-body suits, tinted helmets hiding any human face, metal spikes protruding from their shoulders. Usually it was the look of a warrior—here it was the look of an Exterminator, which he was.

Other Comrades circled the outside of the perimeter, orange and red flooding from their flamethrowers and igniting the mud, wood, and, rarely, brick shelters and houses compacted together in the tiny village. The Exterminator heard a sudden succession of thunder as some Comrades threw aluminum canisters into the mix. Wispy light grey smoke dispersed through the air, mixing with the black of the burning homes and draping itself over the people within while the towering fires swirled higher and higher into the night sky. The sights and sounds and textured formed a rich symphony of carnage and he was witness to its genius composition.

A woman came running out of the town, somehow evading the heavy gunfire of his Comrades. Her dirty and ash-covered face was streaming with tears as she cried and yelped running from the destruction behind her. Her clothes were rags at this point and he could see from the blood covering her body that she’d probably been trampled in the chaos. He lifted up his muzzle and fired rapidly, watching her hit the ground before him without a fight.

He spotted the Sergeant standing further back, arms folded, surveying the scene. There would be no way of knowing but the Exterminator had a sense that the Sergeant was filled with pride at his work. He walked over to him.

“Sarge,” he said in casual greeting. His leader simply nodded slightly in acknowledgement.
“You really think he might be in one of these villages?”

“Almost surely not,” the Sergeant said gruffly, shaking his head. “There’s no evidence of any sympathizers or revolutionary cabals here. The idea of a galactic dissident of his caliber hiding around isolated from any friendly organizations on some worthless little moon is laughable.”

The screams had died down as the villagers thinned in number. Soon the gunfire stopped and the crackling fire was all that could be heard. A small mobile excavator dug clumps of earth from the ground and laid them in a pile off in the side, forming large trenches. Those would be the graves.

(1/2)

>>9951942
He reflected on this new knowledge. “So why come here at all? Wouldn’t it make more sense to go and clear out high-priority areas first?”

The Sergeant hesitated. “Well, you never can be too careful. Might as well go from closest targets to furthest. And it’s not like money is any concern; we’ve got one hell of a budget, y’know. Besides; these clean-ups send a message.”

“Message?”

“Yeah. When rural and agricultural workers all over the Allied Systems hear about our liquidations, you think they’ll cause problems for us or want to help out the dissidents? I say not bloody likely.”

The Exterminator thought about this as he watched the crumbled rubble collapse in on itself even more and his Comrades picking up and dropping bodies in the trenches with unceremonial carelessness. The symphony was over and all it left were chills running down his spine.

(2/2)

thoughts?

How do you guys plan your stories?

I always have problems with things like that. When i write I only wrote about big turning points and barely focus on the little things.

Also, can someone recommend me a book about writing? Something that can teach me about metrics and fluidity, that kind of thing.

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Warning, pure neurotic self-spillage

I feel completely lost. I overthink everything. I never feel as if I am writing "properly", and can't decide whether this is a completely baseless notion or if I really need guidance. I have OCD and depression. Should I just write whatever? I feel worried that I waste my muses when I write about things that I want to express properly. Knausgaard said he wrote as if possessed by a demon, trance-like and uncritically, but also mentioned, if I'm remembering right, the experience/maturity he needed to write his confessional books. Should I write about my life and what I know? Will I spoil and alter my memories? Are there things I should let ripen?

"Suddenly... all hell broke loose as the weather became a prologue!" I yelled and said descriptively!

>>9951988
There is no book that will teach you how to write well. You just need to read things more analytically.

>>9951942
Lot of redundant descriptors in the same sentences, a definite lack in coherent narrative voice and tone, lack in fluid rhythm, and the allegory is extremely polarized between heavy handed and completely absent at different parts.

Few things, you need to simplify the action in the story to both paint a better picture to the reader, show narrative tone, and improve the rhythm. You have big problems with using commas and trailing with "and" extension. Don't say
>Most of them quickly dropped limply and lifelessly to the sand below.
Say
>Most of them dropped as lifeless ragdolls to the sand below
Where you can combine different adjectives into a single descriptor. I just used a simple simile here. The more you can combine like concepts into a single descriptor, in general, the better the picture you can paint for the reader. It's not that the story isn't clear, it's just that I could be so much more if you added more details

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>TFW you cannot help but edit everything youve written before continuing
>TFW when you spend the next hour staring at a paragraph worried about flow and if it makes sense instead of worrying about where it is taking the reader

Why

>>9952005
Writing is a passion, Anon, whatever drives you to it is more power to you.

I likewise only write when I'm in semi-possessed state where my imagination goes wild.

>>9951209
Why did you post such a terrible image?

>>9952006
I like this.

>>9952042
Thank you very much, anon. I'm seeing it with a fresher pair of eyes now that I know what my main problems are.

>>9952061
this is what people tend to do when they have nothing to write about.

you are probably a boring person.

>>9954023
Nah I have an entire story planned. It's just getting it out.

>you are probably a boring person
Can't argue with that tho

>The call came from out of the blue. But maybe that's a little too strong. After all, we're talking about my father here, who maintained the right to call his daughter at any moment around the clock while she was studying abroad. Emphasis on "any moment"—the phone rang at the strangest times. Usually, it wasn't for any particular reason; he would return home from a night of drinking, or finish a night of work in the early dawn, and impulsively think to call that daughter who had gone overseas. But I wasn't allowed to be flippant with him when I picked up the phone. If he didn't like the way I was responding, he would go into a tirade: What are you doing studying in America, anyway? My voice couldn't betray any sign of sleepiness or a bad mood. But at the same time, if I was in too high of spirits, he would give in to dark suspicions: Are you on drugs? And so, I had come to anticipate these calls from my father. Every time the phone rang, I picked it up with some degree of trepidation. If I managed to make it through the phone call without incident, I would set the receiver back on the hook with a deep sense of relief. All of which is to say, this is the same father who blurted out to me, "I'm in love with someone."

beginning of a short story

>>9952042
Damn bruh, fire critique

>>9951209
On keyboard, any other form is plebian and servitude.

>>9952061
>>9954023
>>9954384
No, that is what a beginner writer does since they're self conscious about how they come off as a writer. Spoiler alert, typically those anxieties aren't all wrong.
It's about sticking to it, and graduating through the phases of becoming a better writer. I highly recommend taking time from prose and really diving into poetry's deceivingly deep waters. Becoming even a decent poet will help you become quite skilled with prose. Poetry forces you to find not only the right word for the image, but the right word for the rhythm as well. >Think 'blue sky' fits the image perfectly? Too bad it's the last metric foot of the line, and you're writing trochee not iambic. Try again!
But when you return to prose you're not limited to rhythm, only diction. And having clear diction becomes nearly effortless without rhythmic restraint. Not to mention your vocabulary will have become much more refined as well.

>>9951209
A good enough writer can do all those things and get away with it

Here's my best advice,

your story has to be more interesting than 4chan. Or twitter or whatever website compels you to waste a day spamming f5.

>>9955056
this would be better in a dialogue between them instead of having to explain everything.

>>9955204
yes but most people aren't good writers. any list like that is intended for beginners.

I want to write a nonfiction essay but don't know where to start. I feel like I need a prompt or something to get started.

How do people just write thesis papers or pamphlets?

>>9955204
You have to know the rules before you can break them well. While amateur attempts are laughable, the real slog is reading a mediocre writer who thinks they're good enough to go around the rules.

>>9955282
Find a subject you don't mind researching for an extended length of time. Most student papers suck because the student picked something at random and didn't care enough to pick a topic they cared about. Search about and mull over a few concepts you want to learn more about and feel like you can expound upon.

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Please do NOT bully.
Bitterness. The heat almost burned his tongue. It was how he normally drank it - black. It wasn’t that he hated sweetness, or that he was some sort of crotchety hermit who could never taste joy; he simply couldn’t be bothered to tear open the sugar straw, risk spilling it all over his hands, carefully peel off the lids of two tiny packets of cream, and then spend a minute stirring it all. It just didn’t fit into his schedule. Besides, Norman Wells was not one to trust anything he didn’t make himself. He knew all about artificial sweeteners (the only “sugar” provided by the small café on the corner of Oak and Main St.), and was convinced it was a one way ticket to cancer. Could he be bothered to look into these claims? His schedule was tight, and better safe than sorry, so again, he drank his coffee black.

I've always wanted to write, so I decided to stop wanting and start doing. The problem I'm facing now is that I don't actually know how to write. I end up writing short, useless vignettes based off of stupid thoughts after hours of sitting there in front of my keyboard with writer's block. Nothing even worth sharing with anybody else. I want to write short fiction, but I don't know what I'm doing. I have loose ideas, but I don't know how to turn them into a narrative.

Can anybody give me any advice?

Should I buy an electric tyoewriter y/n

I have neuroses about technology and hate screens and a major tendency to write pages, decide they suck, and then delete them rather than try and find ways to improve them.

I also inevitably get distracted on a computer.

>>9956619
Yes. I do my best writing on my manual typewriter because I have to think more about what what I'm going to write, and I'm stuck with what I write until it's time to write the next draft.

>>9956629
Cool
Any one you would recommend?

>>9956643
I use a Brother 100 Correction, which is the only typewriter that I've ever used, so it's the only one that I can personally recommend. It has limited features compared to other typewriters, though.

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Hi /lit/, am I completely retarded if I want to use this writing format? (being completely serious and unironic)

>>9956885
Extremely retarded, yes

>>9956888
why? tell me why

I'd give critique but I'm too bad for it. So here's my stuff:

Ever thought about how funny life is? One day you have your darling that you smooch and cooch, and the next you both avoid each other on the street and even just a mention of their name at a sitting is enough to ruin the mood. By that point you're worse off than before you met. At that point you'd be better off if you never met. A random stranger passing you by hates you less.

And it's always the smallest of things that ruin it. One moment of doubt, and it's gone. You could punch a stranger on the street and they'd never remember you enough to avoid you two weeks later or care if they heard your name. But one word to your dearest can be enough to create more bile and poison than whatever you could ever barrage someone with out in public. Sometimes it's not even what you said but what you left unsaid, Jesus!

No seriously, just think about it: you shared a part of your life with someone. A part of your inner hopes and fears, your most intimate moments. Your soul. And then you two are worse off than Jerry who insists you can't refund that badly crumpled cheque or Joe who spills gas on your car cause the pressure is too high and he's a new employee. Would Mike, Assistant Manager ever give two craps if you sighed with the wrong tone or made a joke at a stupid moment?

I mean shit, even the symbol of the greatest feeling ever, the greatest amount of trust you can put in someone, marriage, is just a teeny tiny metal scrap. Would a bank care if you tried to put it for collateral? No, that won't do, unless it has cut diamonds on top. They want a house or a car. Something big, important. Expensive.

But with humans the make or break lay always in the small minutiae of things.

You could do everything you can to prove someone how much you love them, but one mistake and you may as well have never even tried. Worse, it's precisely BECAUSE you tried that the mistake is now fatal.

Morale of the story; never try. Because nobody gives a shit about people who never tried. Only those that tried and failed garner hate. The closer you get to love, the more it burns.

Would anyone care about Hitler if an entire nation never fell in love with him and his ideas? And really, who wants to be Hitler? Fuck love.

>>9951209
>to better encourage
Don't split infinitives.

>>9956958
Pretty good. Some grammatical mistakes here and there. Drop the last line about Hitlel, the one above it is fine enough as a finisher and unnecessary Hitler references are stupid.

>>9951942
Don't give up the day job.

>>9952005
>I have OCD and depression
That's been done a million times. Try to be more original.

How do you come up with stories, characters, settings, etc?

I have a grammar question. Let's say you have a character quoting someone else. Is this correct?:

"And I said to him, 'Yeah, that is a shitty post.'"

Mainly wondering about the punctuation

>>9955283
Agreed, but instilling the idea that there are unbreakable rules of writing will ultimately hamstring amateur writers and ensure they can never progress

>>9951945
>thoughts?
You're a teenager who reads comics.

>>9957025
Maybe
"And I said to him: yeah that is a shitty post."

I guess if you went autistic you could use double ""."" but that just looks ugly imo.

>>9957025
You could go the Faulkner way and do it like this.

"And I said to him, Yeah that is a shitty post."

>>9956885
can you just please use the traditional method? that is really cringy

>>9956891

Unnecessary visual noise. I don't need to be told the speakers of the third and fourth spoken parts, I can infer it from context, so putting the names is a waste of space. Using Italics to demonstrate actions could be forgiveable, although it's often used to show thoughts. Since you have the italics to indicate action, the meme arrows serve no purpose other than making me think of a 4chan post. You have a whole blank line between each dialogue, the amount of white space created is kind of a waste of paper, you'll end up making any printed book considerably thicker and heavier while offering no advantage.

Everything you did there can be done clearly using the standard writing method for dialogue, you're simply reinventing the wheel but with more disadvantages.

Damn dude, I gotta figure out how to write stories. I feel like i have a basis of writing skill that I can start with, but coming up with a plot that isn't a 2d sci-fi allegory seems tough. Maybe I should embrace that, just to get going.

when ever i write something my friends tell me it is too predictable. but when i change it to something different it feels too random and unnatural. how do i fix this?

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Who was in the wrong here?

It's from /tv/

I self-published my first proper book today, it is a collection of short stories on birds.

Here is a little bit (if anyone is interested I'll link):

A good rest was all I needed. Now with my tired old back stretched out, I can tell another tale for you. It’s a tale I’ll need vigour for. Vigour and strength are required because of my obligation to punch anyone who calls me a liar, or questions the true events of this story – doesn’t matter who speaks out, a pirate, a prince, a pauper or a poet – be it man, woman, or child - I’ll wallop them. Especially the children! They’ll need to hear and learn from the journey of the Great Gnesher - that is if they want a chance at surviving the jaws of this vicious life which we have all been involuntarily thrown into.
The strange adventures of the Great Gnesher and her fearsome crew have been argued about for the past two decades, from sailor inns to princely halls across the globe. I am sure many a fist fight has been fought over the facts and events of her journey, I am sure because many of them I have started myself. Decidedly, I am getting long in the tooth and my fists merely bruise fools rather than break off their jaws. It is time to set down what I saw as a crew member during my time on the Gnesher. Hopefully, when I pass onto the next life there will be room at the Great Feast for a writer - because I fight today with pen and paper rather than sword and axe.

Can we talk about genre fiction here or just "literary" stuff?

I enjoy both, but I mostly enjoy things that blend the two (Le Guin, McCarthy, PKD, etc.), and that's what I'm trying to write.

>>9957305
As reddit-tier as this advice sounds, you are right, just keep writing and you will learn more than anyone could tell you here. Not to say you shouldn't be self-reflection in that process tho

>>9951945
I think your prose is nice but the subject is boring as all hell.

To me at least.

>>9957539
I feel the same way, and I must persist. Reddit or not, I'll put it to use.
Appreciate your advice.

>>9951209
I don't mean to hijack this thread, but it seems to be the most appropriate one to ask this question in; there is a book about literary theory and criticism, written conjointly by two authors.

If anyone could point be to the name of the book, I would be very, very grateful.

>>9951945
>>9951942
Stupid anime bullshit.

>>9952006
10/10

>>9952042
>>9956984
>>9957679
damn lit, you guys are savage

i thought it was pretty good

>>9957520
Would read

>>9956984
>>9957068
>>9957679
Oh yeah, no this is real helpful. Great critiques guys, you're really the fucking Siskel & Ebert of the literary world. Spot-on, in-depth analysis.

Fuck you.

>>9956958
Hey Woody, we're tired of your schtick. Retire pedo

George left the steamer at dawn, and wandered through the docks - thoughts rushed, his worries, as they often did, took possession of him. Helen was back at the wooden cabin, sleeping calmly. How would they get out of there? The atlantic voyage had been long and tiring, and walking itself made George sick, bring memories of the terrible winds they had faced just after leaving Liverpool. The world was different down south. Many had gone to the North instead, and regret is always a possibility. The deed, however, had been done. The tickets back were too expensive, and even then, leaving would be cowardly. A good man does what he must do to provide his woman. There was much talk of work in the sheep pastures in the southern provinces. The climate was less arid than the regular, cold and bitter plains of central Argentina. Buenos Aires was not an option; serving caudillos and their cohort of admirers and brownosers was not an option for an englishman. They are above these things, these peripherical places and arrangements; they had been in Empire, these people run their country like a town, marry eachother and produce inbred children for generations over and over.

>>9957907
yeah, fuck their "critiques"

i thought it was fine. nothing particularly wrong with it. one thing i would suggest is to extract cliches and other attempts at poeticism from your writing. phrases like: "The symphony was over and all it left were chills running down his spine" or "The sights and sounds and textured formed a rich symphony of carnage and he was witness to its genius composition" are found in the head of any genre writer and aren't good.

also "ran around like panicked ants". seek original images and metaphors

>>9958003
Thank you very much, anon. I'll keep those in mind in the future. I do have a habit of falling back on cliches when I can't think of unique imagery and I absolutely need to work on that.

I do like being critiqued, but it has to be something I can work with, like your post. Just telling me that I suck doesn't help anybody.

>>9956885
just write a screenplay you faggot

>>9957959
OK but a lot of obvious exposition crowbarred in...'the atlantic voyage' etc, I shouldnt feel im getting backstory so obviously. Also the last two sentences are a little incoherent. Is the main character an English aristocrat down on his luck? Not sure but thats what I got

>>9958039
You do suck though. Sorry. The fact that your brain goes to Siskel and Ebert when you think 'criticism' is a strong indicator you're not well read enough to write anything of worth.

>>9958201
dont listen to pseuds

providing 0 critique in critique threads other than "you're shit" should be a bannable offense

>>9956502
Good sense of voice, I feel like I get a good sense of who this character is just from the asides. I dig it anon

I feel like I've gotten worse through time. In the past year, my stories seem to have become meandering, the sentence structures awkward, plots dull, descriptions unneccessary.
What am I doing wrong?
Not native english speaker, btw (and I don't write in English)

>>9956995
I buy them online

>>9958201
I don't read literary critics because I'm not a fucking moron who needs other people to tell him what his opinion should be.

I am worried to write stories from a perspective that is like my own, or deals in thoughts that I've cultivated from my own perspective. I don't know if there's as much of a distinction there as I feel it, but basically, I am worried to write from a first-person, close-to-my-own perspective. Why? Because I feel like it could get dangerously close to self-insert territory, or some kind of proclamation of grandness or uniqueness... Pretentious, when I don't want to be. But I guess that's sort of unavoidable as a writer.

I just get nervous when I start to relate to a character or default to a perspective close to my own as the MC/narrator. Makes me want to write in an omnipotent way, and I haven't got ahold of that style yet.

Anyone else have/had this anxiety at one point?

Someone begins to say something, but DeMarne raises his hand to them, whispers into their ear,

“He will explain the process, please let Mr. Gelderman concentrate,”

“Imagine,” says Shearer, “that you are taking off in an airplane. Leave your arms on the armrests or in your lap. Imagine that a weight is building at the top of your head. Allow the weight to bring your head wherever it should go. Go slowly. And with your eyes closed, visualize the color blue. Form an image in your mind of the color blue. And now objects which are blue...the sky or a car. Make up your own…”

The coolant pump finishes its cycle.

The room drops away from Gelderman into a silent garage in Nijmegen, all of its articles washed out but for the frame of a bicycle, the plastic handle of a shovel, some sections in the paint of a cabinet which have not flaked away, the label on a bag of potting soil... Beneath the cement floor is a bird with blue feathers. She is singing and the notes are being written in blue ballpoint pen on the back of a napkin…

“Now you visualize red the same way...and now green...and now you walk through a door. You have been here before. Many times. The smell of something is coming from inside. Something is cooking. Something you haven’t had in a long time. There is a plate of it on a table inside. Come to the table. The rest of the room falls away. There is only the table, the plate of food on it, and a chair. The chair is the chair you are in. You are already sitting in it. Reach out for the plate. Eat the food,”

Fulmer and a few others exchange glances.

“Now count from zero up to fifty again. As you do, you continue to eat from the plate. Each bite you take does not disappear from the plate...you have eaten from this plate before. You use only your hands, but they never need to be cleaned. And now you are full. You stand. The room returns. The smell of the cooking remains. Now you return to the door. It is open. You walk outside and you close it behind you.”

The coolant pump cycles on.

>>9951209
2lazy2write but good at editing and brainstormer af, is collaborating an option? I am totally okay on sharing a publication, not sure how to start though.

>>9951209
>never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue.

I completely disagree. Which sounds better,

"Fuck you!" Henry said.
"Fuck you!" Henry shouted.

>>9959155
Honestly, I feel like dialogue tags should be used relatively infrequently to begin with.

If the reader can't tell who's speaking, something is wrong with the writing.

>>9952042
>lifeless ragdolls

As if live ragdolls existed. Omit redundant combinations of nouns and adjectives.

>>9958796
Blogging

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>>9956958
You use the phrases "by that point" and "at that point" one after another, might want to fix that. Also I would cut out things like "no seriously" and "I mean shit" because it implies what you are saying is crazy. Other than that I enjoyed reading this very much.
>>9957520
Tone seems kind of inconsistent. I chuckled at the walloping part but then he goes on to make a philosophical statement. He sounds like a comically violent character, I would push that more.
>>9957959
Good but I'd like to see more visual description. Last sentence kind of reads awkwardly. I would split it into two different thoughts.

Here's my shitty story excerpt.

https://pastebin.com/ANg7hvfS

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>>9955283

I'm pretty sure that this specific list is a joke, however. I agree that there ought to be rules, but not these ones. The only thing I really keep in mind is why I write. One's intentions ought to dictate one's style. That's it.

>>9951443
Honestly, show don't tell is fucking AWFUL advice, to the degree that I seriously suspect it's a means for more competent writers to poison the well of budding new talent and keep the competition thin.

Show, don't tell invariably produces tryhard writers who end up not fucking telling anything. Just describing random, banal events ad nauseum because they feel it's somehow necessary and that telling a story like a real person would is way too naive or obvious or whatever.

Fuck "show, don't tell." Good writers tell far more than they show.

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I write because I desire to be loved and feel like I ought to do something to deserve it, I write because I want to do something that I would love and thereby be permitted to love myself. If I truly loved myself I wouldn't write at all. I would find myself a career and a wife and stop pretending. I write because I hate myself, and have come up with the best way to prolong my suffering, an impossible goal, an unreasonable demand, and no plan B.

>>9959257
nice awful advice again

the real advice is:
>tell a bunch with little if any showing in scenes of low tension or zero tension
>show in scenes of medium tension, and maybe tell some things
>show as much as possible in scenes of high tension

Anyone got any writing prompts? I want to write a short story but don't know what to write.

>>9957291
Thanks, I'll definitely think about this. I want the book to be taken seriously after all

>>9959155
>not doing
>"Fuck you!"

>>9959192
Christ, that first sentence alone.

>>9951209
>that pic
>rules in writing
>rules
Hahahaha.

>>9960061
How about you provide some critique instead of giving some vague condescending remark?

I am planning on writing a piece of fiction heavily inspired by my real life in a first person narrative. However, I'm thinking of calling the prime character of the story nothing but "You" throughout.
There are several reasons why I am doing this, the two most important ones being You's significance to my story and an implicit reinforcement to my obsession with You.

How viable is this?

Does it become too cringy after a while?

On a search to find out why my writing sucked so badly I learned about Motivation-Reaction Units (MRUs) and how prevalent and effective they are in writing. I believe it could help me tremendously but I cannot write using the MRU method naturally, but when I try just adjusting my writing to the MRU format during the editing process, I feel as if I end up completely destroying and dismantling what I've written and more often than not I'm stumped on how to take what I've written make it work in an MRU format.

Anyone have any experience with practicing MRU and have tips/advice for me?

>>9960156
I've seen it done in short stories, but I honestly have no idea how it'd work in something full length. I do think that perhaps it might get distracting, but I don't really know.

I've thought about doing the same thing though, so you're not alone with that idea.

>>9959192
I don't know what the other guy's talking about. I liked it quite a bit.

Some notes: Third-person present tense isn't very common and I suspect it's because it's fairly awkward to read for long stretches. I would strongly suggest at least considering the past tense. Secondly, I think the pacing is a bit sporadic. It starts off fairly slow and then immediately dives head first like a roller coaster and into the scene change; I'd recommend either stretching the scene out or cutting quite a bit of the first half's descriptions. And for a final super small nitpick: A Soviet astronaut is a cosmonaut.

>>9958791

So since this is the xteenth time nobody has given me feedback I'm just going to offer some general advice since I guess nobody wants to demonstrate how one can do better.

If you write for the express purpose of being rich, cool, or otherwise successful by some metric, stop right now and read a book.

Writing is not fun most of the time because "doing" good writing will force you to examine yourself at some uncomfortable level and you will often not like what you see.

OP's picture is just okay. It can be (it has been) defied and IMO very little good writing has been accomplished by obeying some set of rules. Nearly all really great writing has been made by flauting some rule in such a way that it makes a point. Rules are silly in general, but if you don't have a (well articulated) point, then you are just being a kid if you loudly oppose them.

If you are a "rules" person, I have nothing against you, but I do have some advice for you.

Rule number one is that you need to go outside and listen to people talk and you need to talk to them. Go talk to a stranger and listen to them talk to you.

Rule number two is to dedicate writing time to yourself every day. It doesnt matter how much time as it's every day. It will not always be productive. You will probably waste more than a couple hours.

Rule three is to simply pay attention all the time to the world around you. This should be rule one probably. If you aren't actively thinking about the world around you, your life, the newspaper article yoy're reading, or the people you interact with, then what are you going to write about? Pay attention. Things are always happening. How much "something" is happening in you right now? What about that guy next to you in line? What about all the people who will stand in the same line today?

You will not be some crazy ass Joyce (or whoever you venerate) lady or gentleman on your first (or second or hundredth) try.

Less is usually more.

Always tell the truth. If you can't do that, then tell *your* truth. And if you can't do that, then portray something at some point as the truth.

You can't go wrong with expressing your love for something in clear, concise terms. Either nobody in the world loves that thing you love and you can feel good or you will attract people who love that thing you love.

He'd made an impressive stockpile of potboiler blog posts on his favorite website and compiled the ones that he believed were really worth it into a single document with the aims of eventually dropping it dramatically onto an editor's desk and exclaiming "Cut this down, I dare you!" in a triumphant bravado he had never before. The important thing about them, even more than the perfect prose he'd spent more time on than he could even try to count, honest, ...wait, what? ... was the well-known and self-evident fact that they were, in a word, correct. Right. They were the Truth, the answers, the big fire that finally blew out the flame war, these posts, ya see, were his long past responses to online arguments, posts which navigated into the "reasonable" aspects of both sides and found that well hey, they're more or less the same thing man, how bout that, although one would swear they were more articulate when one authored those wondered-over mindward wanderings. Long time ago.

I've been reading a lot of Pynchon and Nabokov.

>>9960216
I suppose I'll have to go along with it and see how it works out. Thanks.

>>9960260
I agree. Talking to people in real life is crucial if you want to write well. I'm an extreme introvert, and I have little desire to be around other people.
When somebody asked me about some of the writing I've done, I tried to explain to them about my projects, and found myself tripping over my words constantly. I just wasn't well-practiced in expressing my mind to other people. I learned the 'flow' of a conversation that comes naturally us in real life is important to understand when writing dialogue.
After forcing myself to speak up in conversations for practice, I found my mind flows a lot better, and my sentences form themselves naturally without requiring me to think about them before-hand.
Granted if you're just a normal person who talks to friends all the time then this is a non-issue.

>>9960260
I agree with your views on rules. However, as is the case with any creative work, starting with a set of rules might help those who want to start off with it. As they get more comfortable, they can begin to push the limits of those rules and then finally break off from them.
I suppose it is a very personal thing.

The point you make about writing daily, is it really necessary? I am not really able to give some time to write regularly and would write in short bursts when I have time and motivation.

Will writing while I am reading something affect my writing? Do I finish reading and then start writing?

>>9960297
I would say it depends on what your goals are. If you're planning on writing a novel, then writing daily is probably important.

If not, then writing in bursts is fine in my opinion.

>>9960306
Reading something while writing is probably beneficial.

>>9960307
It is a novel, so I'll try to get some of it done every day.

Appreciate all the advice, I would give some critique but I'm not really confident about critiquing anyone yet, nor would I know how to. Good luck with your writing.

>>9956502
The way you include his full name doesn't sit right with me desu senpai, other than that, very nice.

>>9960233
Alright, thanks!

>>9951988
I happen to be someone that can just start writing. I wrote this in like five minutes and I entered an extending version into a flash fiction contest ($5 entry, $1000 prize).
>Distant shade showers comfort on towers made to touch the sky. When the light blinds those too small to find the sparkle of the stars, too far from lands both scarred and shone, a happy wanderer sits alone on his throne below the fields and above the sea, where he sees the heavens touch his Earth. He lives and dies and no one cares but someone cries. Some dare to live their lives as he tried. Others reach high, while one touches the sky.

>>9956569
Go out and live your life. Then write.

>from a random page of my novel

The students wore brighter colors, more expensive clothes, and had better toys. Their minds and mouths moved quicker, but were less precise. They were not the kind of students he was used to. They would find his accent and acumen foreign, from a part of the country that is only country, shackled to old world ideas and customs long since academically erased – or so he thought.
The woman leading him stopped and turned around in front of a full lecture hall. She pointed at a cord on the leftmost side of the lectern.
“Plug that in to your computer and the projector will do the rest.”
She wished him luck and waved at the students. He didn’t see the motion mirrored among the crowd. She turned and left him alone with the horde.
Their chatter quieted as he hurried across the room. He looked up at the mass of students as he put his bags down. His warm hello was met with blank stars, popping gum, and a few gentle yawns. He plugged the cord into his computer and was momentarily blinded by light from above. The massive white wall behind him was suddenly a reflection of his desktop – an old bust of Augustus artificially hued with sepia styling.
“Let me just get this up and going…” he said in hushed tones.
He bent over the screen and winced. The light was still in his eyes, but he knew where to click. A collage of pictures and words appeared behind him. He stood tall and clapped his hands together. His mind was moving fast – illuminated sweat dripped down from his brow and wet his shirt. Silence seized the crowed until the lecture began...

>>9960297

My point was that if you are a "rules" person, then have a rule about daily writing.

What does /lit/ use to write? Good ol' pen & paper, Google docs, or some other word processor?

>>9951209
tip 11 write legibly

>>9960604
>crowed

>>9956885
Don't do this. Innovation needs to add something that makes the novel worth reading, not take away vital aspects just to be different. It is redundant after only a few lines, and it isn't done with much tact. I can see where you thought you were going with it, but I can't imagine it working well. You'd be better off doing McCarthy style dialogue, honestly, because at least that doesn't make the reader feel as if his hand is being held. At the very least cut out the names and let the scene dictate who is speaking for the reader. I don't mean to shit all over your parade, but this just isn't going to work friend.

>>9952121
This state can be induced by forcing yourself to write for a while.

>>9956502
I got bored

>>9957959
nah... stop trying to be someone else

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>>9958584
I worry that I'm making myself into the subject of the stuff I write, rather than the stuff. Self love above love; self love isn't real love at all...

Attached Chesterton post was what got me worrying... and that story by Borges where he writes that Shakespeare had no personality...

Obvious counter-points:

Dante, Joyce, Kafka, Borges himself, Proust ffs.

There have been many authors who have spoken about nothing but themselves who have soared to the infinite heights of immortal fame.

Writing is supposed to be fun, anon. Have you forgotten that already? It's childlike imagination + adult intellectual, emotional, & spiritual capabilities. Just go nuts and have fun.

Ok that's a little too eat pray love to be good advice. But I really empirically don't think you should worry about doing a self insert. If you're honest enough, all self-aggrandizement will burn you, and you'll notice it and even probably develop as a person, I don't know...

>>9958791
Pleasant writing.

>>9959192
>present tense
delete DIS?

>>9959278
You tell yourself this, but try going a few weeks without writing. You'll see it's no neo freudian thing... the muse is really beaming x-ray messages into your brain and you have to get them out for the good of the soul of the world.

There's nothing that says a good poet can't have a happy life. Look at Shakespeare. Shakespeare!

>>9959401
I can give you a few I thought of:

A man finds a girl in a cage in the woods.
*
A detective has to save the mother of a criminal he’s never met. (Saving someone you’ve never met)
*
Two assassins hunt each other in a desert.
*
A scientist travels back in time to the garden of eden to prevent the fall.
*
A man in the far future reminisces about a (female) scientist he’d known in his youth.
*
A traveller explores a ruined park.

***

I used to "not beleeeeeve" in writing prompts, but I was a big faggot for that. Kudos on you doin em.

>>9960156
Doesn't sound that full of energy desu. If it doesn't work you can just find+replace lol

>>9960202
Reading about this MRU shit was pissing me off until I realized it's just one of those nets that's big enough to encompass anything that's not retarded. Are you really writing your stories in reverse chronological order, anon?

Here's a tip: try writing them as if you were just speaking them to someone else. Don't write down anything you'd be too embarrassed to utter with your own mouth. This practice diverts diglossia and cuts the fat bigtime.

>>9960260
Good advice!

>>9960270
lol this is pretty funny. Keep goin

>>9960604
sounds like you have contempt for man

>>9957504
the critique is mostly correct.

>>9960595
payments for submission are scams.

>>9960784
ballpoint pen and spiral notebook, focuswriter

>>9960595
should be either all poetry or none

Regretting one’s mistakes is widely considered a useless effort by most people.


But I could not tell you how many countless nights I have laid awake in the desert, gazing into the stars and wondering what could have been. How many years I have wasted in pursuit of cleansing my sins. These are the things that have tormented my mind since I learned the news of his heresy many ages ago.


Learning from the past is crucial, but dreaming of different outcomes is futile. Yet I always found my mind drifting back to linger on that wretched day. It has been nearly a decade, and I can still think back to that moment as if it were yesterday. I can remember the smell of burning meat, the heat of the scorching sun, and the echoing voices of the villagers. They pointed and whispered my name as I departed from the temple on my quest to find him. I felt a shame more painful than any wound as I marched towards exile.

But the most haunting thing I learned that day was how fickle fate could be. With just one meaningless decision, my life was now doomed to be spent undoing the damage of my incompetence. How could I allow my judgement to slip so carelessly? Why could the council not see that I was genuine in my intentions?

But the elders finally gave me an opportunity for redemption: Kill the heretic, and I may reside alongside my brothers once more.

I will find that harbinger of lies, and purify my soul with his blood.

>>9960916
Don't really know what you're saying. Write more clearly, even if you have to sacrifice complexity to do so.

>>9960926
Just an excerpt from my novel. Context is built up behind it for the reader.

>>9959327
The real advice is "do whatever supports your artistic endeavor". Maybe you want it banal, maybe you want to somehow counter the flow of an intense scene. Maybe you want a smooth, well crafted read like you described. The only advice is that each story to his own.

>>9960929
Just the same, the second sentence doesn't seem to follow from the first.

It starts with the word "but," which makes me think that the speaker is about to say something favorable about regret. But they don't... they just say that they've spent a long time ruminating on the past.

>>9960939
Cool thanks I'll rephrase it. I modified that one line already guess i skipped over reading it out loud to myself.

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>>9960604
I really like this.
>Their chatter quieted as he hurried across the room. He looked up at the mass of students as he put his bags down. His warm hello was met with blank stars, popping gum, and a few gentle yawns.

This part seems choppy though

>>9958791
I would cut down use of the ellipses, replace them with description of the manner that he is speaking in so you don't have to rely on them.

>>9960916
Missing question mark in the third sentence, and you need to use contractions more.


Here's mine
https://pastebin.com/3iz8GcQm

Can someone give examples of excellent essays?

My essays are shit right now.

>>9960604
erase "or so he thought"

Hi.

Any good literature to learn how to write books, write characters, ect...?
I have an idea for a book I wanna write and want some feedback.

it's regarding a upside down world idea inside the earth crust, here are some scenarios:
(english is not my first language so they're not going to be written in that)

1. It's 1966, a hole was dug into the groud deep enough to penetrate the earth's crust. What was discovered there was a completely new underground continent. A young entrepreneur and some of his friends want to take adventage to go down there and get the minerals for money. They develop some suits/devices that make gravity reverse itself while in that part of the world, it needs some kind of 'fuel' if the fuel runs out gravity becomes normal for that person. They go down there and shit happens and stuff.

2) a fairy tale, where bad kids get send down there.

3) juvenile literature, A 13 year old kid finds a hole in his garden, and goes out to explore it with friends. then end up in a world under the earth's crust and they can't get out. They must find a way to get back home. Along the way they'll meet interesting Mystical creatures, some more kind than others.

>>9961223
Modern: any of Borges' essays.

Old: Montaigne

>>9961247
The Juvenile lit book will feature mythical creatures like with references to real people, like for example: A stalin-like imp army saying that communism is great. but the moral of that chapter that it sounds great but in excecution is a horrible idea. Little stuff like that. It won't be called communism but another word but it'll be like the same thing. I might have a smart-ass older sister character coming with them saying "So it's like communism?" where she's a fan of that concept, to make the kids understand that I meant that with it.

Thank God, this thread broke me, I no longer feel the need to write.

>>9961277
How so?

I couldn't stand him looking at me, he was somehow trying to disguise his attraction to me, but I still could notice it. I kinda felt sorry for him, but I wasn't really worried about his person, I wouldn't go there to help him in anyway, I just wanted him to stop looking at me, I wanted to not have that buzz on the back of my head reminding me of such a disgusting being staring at me and fantasizing about both of us in a love story scene. While I was sat in that train, I felt a singular mix of emotions, don't know but, I liked the attention that was directed to me, but I didnt like that it came from that guy. I mean, it seems that he hadnt taken a shower for a while, his greasy hair and neck with a considerable baldness, it was just sick, I felt nauseous about that. I couldnt stop thinking about how the world was lacking some decent and honored males, I mean, look at that guy, he was disgusting, he was pitiful. I mean, someone would probably like him, but it wasn't me for sure.


Please rate, is it worth my time to make some shortstory's or is it just a pseud material?

>>9961298
Because fuck the fans, I'm the real Slim Shady.

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>>9961206
Thanks for the feedback.

Your writing is very intense lol.

Try to focus on verse and meter.

>>9960899
It's a donation, which I was happy to do. Small magazine that can barely afford to have a decent website. $5 is nothing.

>>9960849
Thank you for the kind post, it makes a lot of sense to me.

>>9956995
The first story that i wrote last year started with a scenario i imagined: A girl wakes up tied to a chair. Bloody. Battered. With multiple cuts in her torso. And a man known just as "the mentalist" giving her meaningless monologue just to mess with her.

Once I started writing that scene, the personality, the physical appearance, her back story and the world around her began to come to me. And then the mentalist's, etc. Of course, i didn't write as i come up with things. I put everything in a doc for future references. As I ironed the characters so the direction of the story,

How do you come up with yours, anon?

>>9962036
the fuck is this

>>9962224
I think it is the same dude who posted this bs writing every day/week during the spring. Just ignore his gay ass

>>9951209
She doesn't waste any time. Neither do you; you're hard as a rock already, probably something else in the tea. She's got you in her arms (!!!), trunk cradling your head, and now you're on the ground, and she's squatting over you, lining you up. You don't understand. Beyond the obvious: there is... there is no way you can pleasure her. You're just enough for normal guys and gals (you assume), but she might as well finger herself, for all the good you're going to do. She swallows you whole in one stroke anyway. Scratch that. Your dick was made for this moment. You're gaping in bliss and your eyes are just about rolled back, and this time, it's not the drugs. She gets a steady beat going, and reaches back to undo her bra. You knew she was stacked - no garment could hide the business she was packing - but what spills out as she throws her last piece of modesty aside is more than you can handle. Can you even lift those? You're not even sure you could lift those. They're exquisite, even to a guy who leans towards guys.
And they are literally leaking milk, a stream running across tea plate areolas, down, under, and dripping off the nadir of her bosom. You want to taste. She knows. She leans forward and pulls your head closer. You feel the chicken bumps on the deep gray skin of teet, on your lips. Taste the salt of it, the sour sugar of the milk. Your tongue flicks at her nipple, and suddenly you're clamped on and suckling for dear life. The stream of milk quickly becomes a steady flow, sweet, intoxicating, filling your mouth and throat; you moan in between laps and draws and hear her coo encouragingly. Her body has not let off wrecking your cock for an instant, mind you. You still don't understand what's happening, but you're not afraid anymore; not of her husband walking in on you; not of the fact that you might have been drugged (no, you were definitely drugged); not even of what might happen if the 400 pound elephantwoman decides to stop being so gentle with runty little you. No, there is no fear now; only "here." And your last worry is pretty much unwarranted; though she is indeed letting you feel her weight, she stays as comforting as ever; her heavy frame surrounds you, the full of it, her massive, soft chest enveloping your face as completely as she has consumed your manhood with her hungry nethers. Her milk first pools in your belly, then fills it, distends it, cartoonishly; and between the two, you realize that she's claimed you, surrounded you, inside and out. You lose track of yourself. You collapse into the idea of warmth itself.

>>9951942
>>9951945
This reads like a Saints Row Two fanfiction.

>>9956995
Imagination and depth of thought. Not being borderline retarded (yet still pretentious) like most people here helps.

>>9960306
Notes from Burroughs...
>what the fuck?
Notes from Kafka...
>what the fuck?

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>>9960872
>A man finds a girl in a cage in the woods

>>9956502
The opening part feels chliche, especially the 'it wasn't that he hated sweetness', also 'the heat almost burned' sounds plump

>>9956995
Dreams, random ideas that pop into my mind when I don't expect it

“Dan, I implore you to see reason. Grok is not who he says he is!”

Dan rolled his eyes as he agonized over which sprinkle-covered donut to take. Kate always seemed to be following him into the greenroom, complaining about this or that. He settled on the pink frosting donut. “Kate, enough of this. Grok is one of Channel Infinity’s most valued employees. In less than three months, he’s risen from a mere intern to a Senior Editor! Talk about dedication.”

Kate resisted the urge to pull her hair out. “Yes, and I have been pointing out every day of those past three months that Grok is clearly an infiltrator from the Terrestrial Alliance’s greatest enemy. How can you not see that he is a Grokian? For Christ’s sake, look at him!”

Both of them turned to observe the eight foot tall, green-skinned, horn-covered editor standing in the corner. He started intently at them while munching on a large bag of potato chips. “Grok feels uncomfortable. Grok feels he should not be hearing this discussion firsthand.”

Dan raised his hand in a placating gesture. “No, no, Grok. You’re fine just where you are.” He turned to face Kate. “You are being incredibly insensitive. Perhaps you owe Grok an apology?”

Kate rubbed her eyes and sighed in exhaustion. “Dan, doesn’t it at least concern you that Grok is physically identical to a Grokian?”

“What about his nose? Grokians don’t have noses.”

“That nose is obviously paper mâché. It isn’t even painted the same shade of green.”

Grok raised a claw in protest. “Kate knows Grok self-conscious about nose discoloration. Grok thinks Kate being deliberately hurtful. Grok would also point out he is from cluster of planets near Grokian system. Much physical resemblance but no affiliation.”

“Ah, see,” Dan said in satisfaction. “He’s from a neighboring planet, just like his work visa says.”

Kate clenched her fists. “A planet that can be found nowhere in the galactic records.”

“Kate, just drop it. Don’t you have a job to be doing?”

“I’m an investigative reporter! Well, I’ve investigated Grok and I’m reporting what I’ve found. Some more findings: Grok is named Grok, the most common personal name, by far, among Grokians-“

“Grok actually popular name galaxy-wide. Grok is very pretty name.”

“-he’s been staying at the station late every night, after everyone has left-“

“Grok very passionate about his work.”

“-and he speaks in the third person, a trademark of Grokian culture!”

“Grok just eccentric.”

>>9951209
I tried to do a piece with a simple voice.

There’s a Norway rat under my birdfeeder. It’s small and meek. When even a tiny sparrow started at it it fled and hid up the browned old Christmas tree leaning against the feeder.
Rats are awful. They start small and meek, but after weeks of eating my birdseed they get fat and greedy. Birds learn to stay off the ground because rats charge at them and bite their legs. Worse, I think the rats spread disease. I watched two chipmunks writhe themselves to death on my driveway in the summer sun before I decided to shoot the Norway rats.
They scurried to the compost heap if I so much as opened the back door. So to kill the Norway rats, I used an X-acto knife to cut a flap in the window-screen in my bathroom. The only gun I have is a shotgun, and I didn’t want to whing a bird accidentally, so I used a bow. I sat in the sink and put my feet on the toilet and held back the 60-pound draw of the bow, waiting for a good shot.
I missed the first few times because I wasn’t used to using the heavy and blunt rodent-head, so I switched to a practice tip. What did I care if I ruined the meat? No one eats rat and no one wears rat-hide.
When I shot the first rat, I had to pull a foot of arrow out of the ground. Only the bloodied fletching had stopped the arrow from going right through. I carried the rat-kebab to the edge of the backyard, but when I remembered that the dog was buried there I scraped it off into the compost instead. I used my shoe.
I got the rest of the rats within the week and used fishing line to sew the flap in my screen back down.
Now there’s another Norway rat out there. It’s really my fault. I was selfish and wanted to keep the birds all summer and didn’t stop feeding them after the winter, and some rat got wise.
I don’t want to unpick the stitches in my screen or ruin another arrow by shooting it at the ground. It’s fall and maybe the grackles will bully it away from the feeder. The red-tails will have an easier time seeing it once the leaves fall. The dog’s dead, so maybe the neighborhood cats will come into my backyard again and kill something for a good reason for once. Maybe the Norway rat will go away and
I won’t have to think about it anymore.
But if it stays and gets fatter and more Norway rats start showing up, I’ll have to weave my arrows through the migrating birds, the ones who didn’t stay, through five kinds of woodpeckers and past brilliant redstarts and goldfinches, and they’ll smell blood and never fly by again. The birds vanish just the same when a hawk gets a snake as when it gets a sparrow.
No, I have to kill this Norway rat, and I have to kill it now.

>>9960595
Listen to Pink Floyd much?

How come up with stories and characters.

My biggest problem is my self-insert syndrome. Since I'm so self-conscious about my faults and shortcomings, I'm either injecting them into my stories or trying too hard not to.

My other problem is that I'm not sure whether I should write with my audience in mind, or not concern myself with them at all. It really affects my prose and it ends up ranging between purple and simplistic.

>>9962808
I like it

>>9963900
Write with the notion that your audience already loves you.

But until then, Molly and Irene will look out towards the capitol building and finish the ambassador’s bottle of wine. Irene will explain how It’s a Wonderful Life is her favorite movie, how she is so glad to have someone to spend Christmas with, how she hasn’t had this much wine since her wedding.

She will explain how wonderful Hector was, how he used to laugh, how he was in the army, how she used to love him (oh, how she loved him), how he was present for the Cuban missile crisis and drove a truck down to Florida with the wind whipping through his thick black hair, how he cried on the phone that day, how he was a volunteer firefighter and how he once went to put out a fire in a bar and the men wouldn’t leave until they finished their beers, how he drove a motorcycle and drank gin and would take their daughters to school in the morning and so on and so on. Snow will begin to fall outside.

She is so glad not to be alone.

And as, miles away, white phosphorous rains down on the shadowy ruins of Aleppo, as Russian infantry wades towards Eastern Europe across waist high snowdrifts on the Siberian tundra, as the White House staff watches the first few flakes of the long, upcoming Winter descend onto the lawn and bemoans the Obama administration’s recent cuts to America’s nuclear infrastructure, Irene will cry into Molly’s hair and think fondly of Hector.

I have autism and I honestly don't understand how to write "realistic" people. Aren't there all kinds of really weird people, so pretty much any character you write will be "realistic"?

>>9951209
I've tried writing but anytime I do I read it and cringe really hard and get embarrassed that someone will find it

>>9964237
>Aren't there all kinds of really weird people, so pretty much any character you write will be "realistic"?
Sure, but a universe peopled entirely by autists is going to feel a bit uncanny to anyone who isn't an autist.
Solution: Write exclusively to an autistic audience.

>>9964323
Write in code or shorthand.
I actually use the latter as a lightweight form of obfuscation, since most of my material is NSFW.

>>9964224
That's actually great imo.

>>9951942
Not terrible but there are some cliches I think. It's like you're writing that scene from apocalypse now.

>>9964237
If you understand that you're autistic then you can at least understand that you are not the same as normies.

>>9964497
Thank you

And so amidst the mechanical ruins of war and the horizon of a sullen chemical landscape, he smiled with vitality. But for the other man far away, the solitude of the city offered no respite or joy. Besieged by circumstance, they judged their lives differently: the one looking onto his friends and the sun, conceiving that he lived in a beautiful land; the other staring upon the masses, and fading into the capital he often called the hellscape.

So /lit/ I would really like to write again but it's as if my brain is atrophied these days. I used to write a ton in high school, wrote a couple of plays that placed in competitions and was my English teachers pet. I even got my high school girlfriend because she fell in love with my writing. I haven't been able to do it in years though, I got depressed and gave up on it, don't even have any of my old work anywhere. I have no idea where to start, nothing makes me feel inspired to do it anymore. I'm not even depressed these days it simply hasn't returned to me for some reason.

>>9962776
this is fucking garbage, jesus christ

why is /lit/ full of such terrible writers

>>9964674
>>9964674
Sounds like you're just being a huge pussy. Nothing you did in high school matters anymore. Most people who excel at writing fiction in high school grow out of it because they discover it is a solitary, time consuming, and often unrewarding hobby that's difficult to keep at with work and university. If you actually value it, then knuckle down and write.

>>9964785
Then give some advice for him to improve.

>>9964914
fine

it read like Reddit: The Excerpt. The dialogue is utter shit and "le so ironic le look how fahnny i am so sarcastic le, look the IRONY LE LE LE" and the prose is completely and utter juvenile fanfiction-tier nonsense. it doesn't even kind of begin to reach STEPHEN KING levels of prose, who is a garbage prose writer in and of himself. but at least he knows how to write something halfway coherent that doesn't make me want to blow my brains out.

tl;dr: guy who wrote that steaming pile of horseshit is a fucking lost cause, should seriously blow his brains out

>>9960306
It will influence you up to a point. If you're just starting to write, it will influence you a lot. With time, as you develop and get to understand your own style, you'll be less easily influenced. It will still influence you then, but at least you'll be conscious of it and be better able to control the extent to which it does.

>>9964960
Much better.

I write in my journal every night unless I'm thinking about killing myself and really want to follow through with. Have a composition book filled up almost and started last year.

I've been wanting to write a story but I have a very minimal writing style. It's in conflict with a novel.

is 50k words enough for a novel? got 16k now and im about 1/3 through the ploy

>>9964999
>is 50k words enough for a novel
It's plenty. If it's good.

>>9964999
That's short. But short novels are okay if you've conveyed the entire story flawlessly.

>>9964785
>why is /lit/ full of such terrible writers
I think a lot of people might not be native English speakers. I don't know why they're trying to write in English instead of working in their own language though.

>>9965035
Because English is the language that matters.

>>9951209
>never use a verb other than said

"'Please don't hurt my family!' John said to the home invaders."

Naw.

>>9965039
There's often less competition in other languages and if you're actually good and successful you can always get translated.

>>9965040
A lot of shit on that list is wrong. Prologues can be effective in books if done right.

>>9965058
>A lot of shit on that list is wrong.
That's because there are no rules in writing. There can be advice that's generally good, but you can do anything as long as it works.

>>9962036
wish you were a girl so I could steal you from this frivolousness and take you like a quick spring gust tickles her loins as it passes

>>9962714
I was thinking like a detective story. It's not meant to be porn, honest. I saw a tumblr photo of a girl with dirty feet sitting on a pediment staring into space and I thought: By Jove, there's a STORY here

>>9964224
bugs

easy on the geography

byt it's decent imo, reads well.

>>9964237
Yeah, people are so different that it doesn't matter. As long as they're all interesting...

>>9963838
Just write. Ideas will come.

>>9960872
>Are you really writing your stories in reverse chronological order, anon?
I'm not sure what you mean by that, that's not what Motivation Reaction Units are.

>>9965110
Skimming it, it seemed like the idea was that you need events in your story to ggo like this:

Cause -> effect

Is it more than that? Before you answer that question, I honestly don't think that writing can be taught. Since when has an MFA coughed up someone you get intellectually horny for? Seriously. I get that form is important, especially in more commercialized zones like screenwriting and stuff, but I don't think that formal stuff applies to stories.

Honestly your writing probably sucks (if it even does) because of inauthenticity (dishonesty) or a low XP level. The former can be harder to defeat than the latter because you can't just grind for it, but it can also be easier if you have the Bawls to not care what /lit/ or any of your other cynical hater friends say and just go for it, totally alone and lose yourself in the process.

>>9964237
By "realistic", people often mean consistent and multidimensional.
Consistent: They must act in a relatively coherent way and not do constant 180's unless there's something in the story that prompted it.
Multidimensional: While it's good to have one defining characteristic that separates each character from the rest, that must not be all they are.

>writing incredibly disjointed character descriptions free-flow as ideas bubble to the surface
Now to think up a proper setting for them, and then figure out the introduction, flow, etc.
Man, it's been so long since I've bothered to write.

>>9959155
"Fuck you!"
Henry slammed his fists against the table in the center of the room. He was frantically pacing the room now, his anxiety flaring. His temper was raging faster than the blood in his engorged veins.
"You're a real fucking piece of shit, you know that? I should kill you. Give me one good reason I shouldn't. Fuck you!"

>>9964785
>>9964960
Yeah, you're right I guess. I just really want to be good at writing because I have literally no fucking talents or skills to speak of.

>>9964652
a bit confusing here, might be because i have no context. it's interesting though.
>>9964224
the past present and future tense is all over the place. mainly in the last half of your post. unless thats how you want it.

>>9964652
I'm going to need some context because I'm a bit confused.

>>9951942
>>9951945
Not terrible, but not great also. There are however errors.
>His leader simply nodded slightly in acknowledgement
Should be acknowledgment

>Her clothes were rags at this point and he could see from the blood covering her body that she’d probably been trampled in the chaos.
Remove From.

>Usually it was the look of a warrior
Should be a comma after usually.

Sorry I couldn't do more. I'll Probably read it if it ever published.

here's mine own work I just worked on ten minutes

As I sat on my balcony, I contemplated on everything that had gone awry in such a short time. My only solace is that Hassel's carefully laid plans for capturing me were not unfolding as he thought it would and that might prove to be the cause of his undoing. Still, I mustn't allow myself to think I have won yet; he's still out there scurrying like the rat he is. No doubt he's planning on what to do next, as should I if I'm to rid of such nuisance.

I could already see the effects that Hassel and I had done to Chicago in our scuffle. Police cars jammed the streets as police helicopters filled the night sky searching for us. Fire trucks and ambulances were also dispatched, but they were inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Still, they offer a sort of relief to my conscience knowing the damage would be limited, and those wounded would receive medical attention.

>>9962735
It's supposed to be cliche and mundane. I'm not trying to forge some new literary medium. Ideally it's going to be a story about an average guy in a slightly unusual situation and his bizarre rationalizations of the world around him. It's self criticism of my pseudo-assburgers.

What the fuck have I been doing for these past six years? I used to spend my lunch time writing in the library. I spent an extra year in highschool making up lost credits and I remember junior students in my creative writing class would come to the library and ask to read my stories. After all my friends graduated I felt liberated, I was able to completely re-write my role in school, I wasn't a gamer playing World of Warcraft, I was a smart student that always raised his hand whenever the teacher asked for volunteers. I've taken a wrong step on my own.

I'm letting my story be written by the world around me. I wonder if I'm the only kid my age that compares himself to Alexander while changing trash cans at a gas station? If I spent every day trying to be great I believe I could do it. I believe that publishers in New York would be calling my cell phone trying to contact me. Its insane of me to have these types of images in my head when I haven't earned any of them. Why do I think I'm special when I waste every single day?

I've spent 52 minutes tonight thinking about who I'm choosing to be with my actions every day. If spending an hour in recollection every night made me actually pursue my goals during the day I'd be lifetimes more productive than I am right now. Sometimes I wonder how me wasting away is changing the world, what type of people am I never meeting, who is succeeding now that I'm not competing with them? I could change everything by just changing my actions in the future. If I quit than it will never be the turning point in my life.

How do I discover/build my writing style?

>>9966003
Try to emulate your favourite authors until it becomes your own style.

racist, ageist, sexist, ... the fear of assumption has engrossed all people to fervently fight against it.

If we are truly individual and unique, the plight of everyman only worsens. Old couples enjoy the afternoon sun and share conversation purposefully. Our assumptions of their wisdom, benignity and goodness allows them to fade with dignity.

All mothers are gifted the virtues of maternity and the noble and exalted character of such responsibility.

Assumptions and stereotypes are essential to anneal the irreconcilable reality of our personal character and the projection of ourselves.

>>9965108
Write what?

>>9966461
Write about a UPS driver that is a serial bomber. Or write about whatever you want to write about because whatever is suggested here will seem like a shit idea because you didn't think of it. P.S. Ideas are basically worth nothing by themselves.

Is poetry on topic for these threads? I've been gone for a while, what happened to /critique/?

>>9965577
I'm unsure if this is something you've written or your unironic thoughts.

>>9965262
Great example

>>9966461
What comes to your mind.

>>9965522
it's supposed to be about two young men, one who finds meaning and joy fighting as a soldier on a post-apocalyptic frontier world, and another who stays and lives a discontented existence on an ecumenopolitan planet. more generally they both have shitty situations, but the first guy's is preferable for the reasons of freedom, naturality, etc.

here is a revised version

And so amidst the mechanical ruins of war and the horizon of a sullen chemical landscape, Roy smiled with vitality. But for John far away the solitude of the world city offered no respite or joy. Besieged by life, they judged their situations differently: the one looking onto his friends and the sun, conceiving that he lived in a beautiful land; the other staring upon the masses, and suffocating beneath the capital he often called the hellscape.

>>9967518
It just sounds clunky to me. Also too literal for my tastes, "they judged their situations differently" sounds like something out of an essay not a work of fiction.

rate my poetry

why not merely the despaired of
occasion of
wordshed

is it not better abort than be barren

the hours after you are gone are so leaden
they will always start dragging too soon
the grapples clawing blindly the bed of want
bringing up the bones the old loves
sockets filled once with eyes like yours
all always is it better too soon than never
the black want splashing their faces
saying again nine days never floated the loved
nor nine months
nor nine lives

>>9967531
by clunky do you mean too many adjectives too much imagery in one sentence?

i feel as if the first sentence is bit too long,
and perhaps this is the clunkiness you're talking about.
my attempt at stripping it down, making it less heavy:

And so, under the horizon of a sullen chemical landscape, Roy smiled with vitality. But for John, so far away, there was no respite or joy. Besieged by life, he could not look onto his friends and the sun the way Roy did. The world-city loomed over him, and as he stared upon the masses he faded away into the capital.

>>9967402
Unironic thoughts. Sorry for blogposting.

>>9968031
That's a lot better!

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I'm going to actually struggle for success. I don't care if my submissions are shit. Working on the same first chapter over and over again isn't going to do anything for me and I'm never going to get better at writing that way. I'm going to start writing with purpose and start taking swings at other writers like I'm a hungry boxer looking for a knockout. I don't give a fuck about people with disabilities but I'm going to submit something to this.

http://www.txdisabilities.org/p2p-submission-rules

>$500 cash prize
>no entree fee
>5,000 word story
>4 days away

Who wants to start living up their passions just like in my japanese shounen sports animes? SPRING OF YOUTH MOTHERFUCKERS.

My dad burnt the toast this morning. I came into the kitchen and saw the cup of tea fall from his trembling hands. Then he was crying among the fragments, piecing nothing together. He said I was ungrateful. I had a bad night last night. It was hard to sleep. The air felt heavy. I was warm and dry for the first time in a long while. It made me think back and I got confused. Dreams and memories came mixed together. I saw a black crow fly against a pink sky. In a dark room among big statues somebody called you. They were wrapped in dirty bandages. You answered in words I didn't understand. You went to them in the shadows. This morning I'm not so hungry. Somebody told me there's people who live in their dreams. For them it's life that isn't real. I saw your skin again last night it was clear and white. The smell was in my nose and my stomach was tight. Mr Scaggs appeared from over the heap of the hill and he was richer than any of us with copper wire he'd found in a secret place! People said he should share it like we'd agreed but he wouldn't. He said he'd have a bed that night. He laughed and said his belly would be full. Then he shook the copper at them. They got mad and fought him. Then someone picked up a stone and hit him. And then they all did. Mr Scaggs got mashed up really bad and his head was all over the place. I got sick then. I wish there was somewhere I could go. My arms and my legs weren't mine any more. The worse thing was that -- not the loss of my money -- my legs, my eyes they were no longer mine. My sex drew back into itself tight and dry, closed up. I could not make my thoughts. I'm scared that there's nowhere different. They said they'll be clearing this place out soon. Where can we go. I crave solitude. My hope and wishes recede. I only want not to be. There was a dark green tree in the corner with some big yellow flowers in front of it. You kicked a ball over the fence. There's got to be one breath after which there doesn't come another.

>>9968097
A woman will win.

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>>9968097
>sharing the link
You fool. Soon the aspie money shall be mine.

>>9951209
I'm an uber driver, so every day I wake up between 4 and 5 AM and start doing uber. Eventually I'll end up at an airport where the wait time to pick up a rider is over an hour, and I spend this time reading books. Recently I read 2666, Notes From a Dirty Old Man, and Girl With Curious Hair all while waiting at airports, and now I'm reading Don Quixote. Driving is such a brainless activity that it gives me time to think about what I'm going to write next in my novel, and I get inspiration from the things I read between drives.

Once I get home I watch a couple youtube videos, and then write until I'm satisfied for the day. After that I play video games a bit, but you can't let yourself play games until after you've done some writing. Usually asleep around 8PM.

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>>9968544
Winning means nothing if there's no good competition. The money is worth less than knowing I ripped it from the hands of other aspiring writers.

>>9968958
sheesh chill out anon

>>9952061
The thing that helped me with this problem is laying on my belly with my head to one side, not looking at the screen or keyboard while I write. Upped my productivity considerably and I can hammer out 1k words in about an hour. Kind of gets taxing on the shoulders though.

>>9965121
MRUs are is more like this:

Paragraph 1- What is happening (the objective)
Paragraph 2- How the character(s) react (the reaction).

What I've been doing all my life is mixing the two in paragraphs whenever I pleased, because to me I started a new paragraph whenever it 'felt right' versus a specific reason. But it doesn't flow right that way, but I can't get my writing to flow right into that format.

But, you're right that it's probably just not having much experience. Write more, get better. And it's funny you say that about cynical hate friends because most people who I discuss my writing with are incredibly supportive, the person who made me realize my writing sucked was my brother who read one of my short stories and was absolutely honest with me.

The weight of the entire pallet came down on him, obliterating his lower half and pinning him to the sidewalk. You might imagine that the body couldn't handle such a trauma, but people saw him blinking, for a little while, watching the sky, seeing the birds depart and the clouds crawl away, When ti happened people were afraid there would be more, other unseen cranes carrying more loose loads falling from the sky, adding them to a rising score of half-pinned bodies bleeding out in public spaces. People edged closer, off their sidewalks and into the street, over his way as they assuaged their fears and watched him all serene. "Who was he?" People were curious, why was he so unlucky? "It could have been any of us." A mother scanned the birdless, cloudless sky before ushering her children out of cover, over to see the man blinking up against the vivid blue, to watch, to learn. A crowd, a whole audience, as if a show just let out and needed some place to go, made their way up the street, grateful it wasn't them and sad to see him go. The congregation drew near, sullen. The man didn't die yet,and with that look on his face they could tell he had something to share, sights on something no one could see. The young mother, overworked and scared for her lives reached out, bent a knee and held his face as he looked away. "Why has this happened, she asked. He couldn't answer that, not that his expression told them he didn't know, but with serenity and peace he did manage to say: "I always knew it was gonna end this way."

Hey /lit/, how do you structure or map your short stories? I'm pretty noob when it comes to creative writing, right nowI'm just dropping down key events in bullet points like some kind of autist.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

>>9967508
Nothing
>>9966490
>write whatever
What do I write though? That's why I asked. How do I come up with an idea myself?

>>9951209
What do you do about these anxieties:

>I want to self-publish writing with my name on it
>I don't want to be embarrassed by my writing
>How do I know when it's "good enough?"

I might admit publicly ownership of my nom de plume, and then deny it afterwards if it becomes too embarrassing

>>9965522
So I take it it's atrocious then?

>>9962714
People keep saying you should be honest in your writing

What is more honest than that?

>>9965035
Because for some languages there's no platform to submit literature in hopes of receiving criticism.

I want to be better at writing but I don't think that's possible for me without feedback. I'm stuck with translating my work to English. At some point I've considered giving up my first language in favor of English, spending way too much time editing so I could pass as a native speaker.

That's why I cringe every time an anglophone says literature is dead. Try making progress using a language only 15 million speak.

>>9970286
If anything, you have an instant niche market waiting for you. Any word in English is just lost in the noise of globalism

>>9951945
Dialogue makes no sense. Sarges first paragraph is extremely verbose and then you switch him to a casual dialect, almost friendly and passive in tone. Also for something which is clearly high concept you chose to show us an excerpt with almost no world building.

>>9970115
>and then deny it
Admit it AFTER you've been accepted, not before. Once you admit your guilt it's too late for damage control.

>>9951942
>>9951945
>Usually it was the look of a warrior—here it was the look of an Exterminator, which he was.
Remove
>which he was

>>9960604
This is my favourite that I've seen in this thread so far, however there are moments where it feels quick-cut, the style and why I liked it steadily died, in my mind, as this segment went on.

How far you in this novel and can you give a synopsis.

Also:
>quieted
>stars
>crowed

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Getting a girlfriend who writes would solve every writing issue I have. And no, poems don't count you BPD monster

Is it worth it to attend poetry recitings at cafe shops or are they generally just garbage?

>>9972942
How can anyone say, dude?

>>9951209
The esspresso bar at Queens and Dundas was dying. It's automation fragmenting into quivering puddles of muddy brown thought. Akin to the ruin of it's product dispensery, holed with ceramics, leaking sludge. Somewhere a facecam recorded the whole thing, the aparatus it reported to uncomprehending. There were no casualties, no hostages. No one was injured and nothing was stolen. Yet there was a death. A death of information. A closing of a few dozen eyes. Reported as drunken vandalism. No one thought to question the precision of the drive by, or the costly ammunition. No person anyways.

>>9972981
nonsense

Pat’s squelching foot squelched, secreting puss and fluids. His stinking sock was soaked with puss, and Susan told him that he had better air it, and get his foot out of that stinking sock. Pat obliged, and pulled the puss-filled sock from his slimy foot. Then he steeped it in the bath until the clean water turned putrid. When he finished his foot bath, he took his foot out of the bath and walked with his foot on the bathroom floor. Susan screamed: Don’t put that thing on the floor, or we’ll all get infected! And so, obligingly, he hopped, hopping to bed from the bathroom floor.

>>9972942
Do you ask /lit/ before tying your shoes?
Just fucking go. If you like it, go again. If you don't, don't. Wtf do you expect anyone here to say?

>>9974568
Pat’s squelching foot squelched, secreting puss and fluids. His stinking sock was soaked with puss, and Susan told him that he had better air it, and get his foot out of that stinking sock. Pat obliged, and pulled the puss-filled sock from his slimy foot. Then he steeped it in the bath until the clean water turned putrid. When he finished his foot bath, he took his foot out of the bath and walked on the bathroom floor. Susan screamed: Don’t put that thing on the floor, or we’ll all get infected! And so, obligingly, he hopped, hopping to bed from the bathroom floor.

‘Look at you Pat, pathetic.’ He was lying on the bed with his foot sticking out, letting it air. ‘Nothing has changed, except the sheets. And they’ll need changing again, now that your fungal foot has infected them.’

He tried to soothe Suzan, but she would have none of his schoomzy soothing. Susan was too seething to be soothed. The soothsayer told her not to be moved by mulish men; that she was a headstrong woman who should take care of herself before others. She picked up his shoes and threw them out back, beside the empty bottles of booze.

‘Suze…’

‘Suze…’

‘Suze!’

A weak whimpering voice called from the bedroom window. He was feeling sorry for himself and bowed his sodden head in shame. When she came, he raised his sodden, shameful head and said

‘Suze.’

Her hands held her hips and she pursed her lips.

‘What do you want, Pat?’

‘I’m sorry Suze, I won’t do it again, I promise!’

She felt somewhat sorry for his sad sodden head, but resolutely, she said

‘That’s the last, Pat. If you come in like that again I’m leaving.’

‘Don’t leave!’ He said to her as she was leaving the room. She left him to sulk, and sulk he did, with a petted drooping lip which drooled as his head began to droop. Soon he was asleep, his sticky foot still sticking out the bed.

Are there any *good* free online sources for tips/guides on creative writing? Specifically short stories.

>>9974639
I liked the dialogue, and some of the word play. At times your adjectives were less cute than trying, but it worked sometimes.

>>9975080
Thanks. I just spat it out as a reaction to my athlete's foot, and have actually grown fond of the idea. Will trim it up and attempt to make a story from it.

>>9951209
Point five is important and good. LITERALLY every other point is fucking terrible. Never use a verb other than said to carry dialogue? Avoid detailed descriptions of characters, places, and things? Good lord, what the fuck is this?

>>9969581
Someone read this one please.

>>9951209
Never use a verb other than said

I understand all of the list except this one. Why? I can think of quite a few good variants of said.

>use dialect sparingly
Irvine Welsh: hold my beer

>>9951209
Turn your fucking phone off at night, and don't turn it on the next day until you've written 1000 words. Finally started doing this and I've written thousands this week.

>>9959155
"Fuck you leatherman!"

>>9951209
>avoid detailed descriptions of anything
Well i guess every great piece of literature goes in the trash.

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Can anyone please recommend me a good book to improve my writing?
Every time I try to write a story or whatever I run into the many problems I have, from not knowing how to describe a scene to my shit orthography.

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>>9952008
Weird how writing is the only art form where people expect the artist to develop in isolation.

Painters, sculptors, musicians, dancers, filmmakers all go to school and learn from teachers. Writers just write?

Have some nuts to go with your bullshit

Any thoughts on this opening sentence for a paper I'm writing?

If we purpose to suppose ancient history from ancient legend, little can be certain, but for one: that a mighty race, once situated in a land between two rivers, had achieved that rare threshold of prosperity to which one can only attribute all the glinting products of civilization; they had, through means long since passed into obscurity, and in a language that would bear no relation to the tongues of Greece or Rome, furnished for themselves, hidden away among extant inventories and records, a poem in no familiar metre, on tablets of no common script, but an ageless parable, and doubtless an epic: one whose rediscovery over five thousand years later would earn it, in admiration by posterity, a deserving place aside the epics of Homeric Greece.


>>9977112
I think reading quality literature, especially authors whose styles you wish to emulate, would do far more to improve your writing than any books specially tailored to doing so.

>>9956502
Genuinely impressed anon. Good job.

>>9977142
>I think reading quality literature
Reading quality literature doesn't tell you how the sausage gets made

>>9977295
You are right, it still takes effort to deduce patterns in syntax, word choice, rhythm, and so on.

p.s. pls critique my sausage

>power went out
>lost my unsaved character drafts
>no desire to try to remember and rewrite the drafts, no desire to write ANYTHING now
Goodbye, /lit/

>>9959257

I've noticed GRRM does this a lot, where he shows us a bunch of crap nobody cares about, when he could just as easily relate it through an anecdote.

>>9977321

I take it your not using office or libreoffice software then? Because you can easily reload documents after an outage. Also check temp files.

>>9977335
I scribbled it down in Notepad so it's probably completely utterly gone.
I should use a legitimate writing software, really, but I don't write enough to bother with installing something.

>>9977344

google docs require no installation

>do this becuz i sed so
Fucking dogmatists.

>>9977362
>google docs
Fuck that, I'd rather not save my writing online where it can be accessed by whoever the fuck so desires. I'm sure Google doesn't give a shit considering I'm not writing hate speech/etc but I abhor the idea of them having access to my text nonetheless.

>>9955283
>the rules
There are no rules, you tool.

>>9960784
Ballpoint pen, A5 notebook, take it anywhere, write anywhere. I edit when rewriting it on to computer.

>>9951942
You've gotten a lot of feedback, and a lot of negative shitposters. Keep up the hard work. You're lapping everyone not asking for critique.

>>9961326

>She's got you in her arms (!!!)

Stopped at the triple exclamation marks. I want a narrative not a facebook post.

What do you need to make a solid, relatable character?

>>9970040

>How do I come up with an idea myself?

I often listen to music, especially instrumental stuff from movies because its designed to be emotionally evocative. I try to imagine a person feeling whatever emotion or scene or whatever I feel the music is trying to convey. Then I imagine what is making him feel that way, death of a loved one, passed an exam, returning home from a war alive, whatever feels right. I usually listen to the same song several times, each time adding details to the emotional scene in my mind. Once the powerful scene is established firmly in my mind, I attempt to convey it in writing. After that, It just needs context, which is the rest of the story that leads up to that particular scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCMafpo-6Io

Son returning home to his parents after being lost at sea for ten years. Or try anything on that channel, just don't read the comments whatever you do. At least, this is what I do to write stories. I worry it's excessively melodramatic, but that's kind of what I want to write anyway.

>>9977445
Step one is to not be a shut-in or an asspie, and I really mean that. Take bits and pieces of various people you know or know a lot of and cobble it together.

>>9977142

I feel like I'm reading a documentary, which is good. Your sentence is the size of a paragraph. It's too many phrases to bring together into a single point. By the time I'd got to the end, I'd forgotten what the first half was saying. I picked up on your meaning but it took a second read through. Either I'm a brainlet or it needs more clarity.

The double use of the word ancient at the beginning bothers me.

>>9977445
Why would you want one?

Should I write smut y/n

>>9970040
Go to wikipedia and press "alt shift x" for a random article, Copy and paste part of the article then go to another random page and copy and paste part of that, Repeat until it's 4 or 5 paragraphs then rearrange, rewrite, and smush it into a story.

Character flaw that contradicts a character; bad idea?
For example; a character that is meant to be confident and bold, but is prone to episodes of intense self-doubt and feelings of weakness/inadequacy because of past failings.

>>9978935
meant to be or is?

>>9978935
Dunno, sounds pretty hard to convey effectively. It'd have to be something specific which triggers these episodes of self-doubt

>>9955056
That's a very nice flow you have. It doesn't stutter or awkwardly say anything. Your use of tirade was a little silly, and perhaps you could just stretch out some of these sentences because right now you are jumping from emotion to emotion much too quickly.

>>9957025
Sidestep it and summarize the dialogue. Simply: I told him it was a shitty post.

>>9977112
Ron Carlson Writes a Story.

>>9969581
I liked it up until the end.
Why was the mother "scared for her lives"? At that point it feels like fear made way for shock and sorrow. I also don't see anyone ever asking such a question. Doesn't feel right and doesn't convey anything important. I also don't like his reply.

How about this:
The young mother, overworked and unsure, reached out and knelt beside him. Her hand on his shoulder, his face turned towards some far, far away place. Not knowing what to say, she whispered so only he could hear her: "I'm there for you. What is your name?"
His breathing was calm. With an expression of serenity and peace, he stayed quiet, looking at that far, far away place.

>>9979845
Thanks. It is pretty vague, more of an emotional piece but I am interested if I can take this start and add some meaning to it. I like the ending, for a off-the-top piece, just cause it kind of rhymes or has some poetry to the sound of the words. Glad to hear it was at least interesting till the end.

>>9951209
Set limits for your writing.
Language restaints; such as no inkhorn terms.
A set number of words/letters.

>>9960849
Source on that paragraph?

I've had this idea for a book I've wanted to write for a while. My question is, is it better to thoroughly plan it scene for scene first so you know exactly what's going to happen and when, or is it better to just have a general idea of where the story is going to go but otherwise make it up as you go along?

>>9965040
>>9976062
see
>>9959155
and
>>9965262

>>9952006
kek
10/10

>>9951443
Agreed. I find that adverbs are especially bad in a lot of cases: they're either redundant or they feel as if they're dictating the readers interpretation too much. You want to imply things with simple writing and let the reader fill in the blank in order to have them feel like a participant.

>>9951942
Perhaps its subjective/personal but a few ways to tighten this up. A) decide if this should be drawn out and suspenseful with build up or B) Visceral and direct.
>Screams of agony.
I think its obvious it would be of agony. Wouldn't it make sense to just say screams?
>Drifted
Seems dissonant to the chaotic scene you intend.
>The villagers, **sleep still in their eyes** ran around half-naked like panicked ants.
Still a somewhat cliched description, but more concise.
>limply and lifelessly.
Redundant, and why would they fall lifelessly when they were panicked before? Did something happen?
>endless streams
Maybe I'm a stickler, but they aren't literally endless.
>sea of...
cliched.
>lit by their muzzle flash.
If they were lit by something as small as a muzzle flash it would imply that it was a pitch black night.
>looking identical. Black armored full-body suits.
Confusing follow up makes it seems like you're describing the victims in armor.
>Exterminator, which he was.
Self evident it would seem.
>Comrades.
Seems strangely formal instead of just going with something like "The Others" with a preceding sentence for clarity if necessary.
>The Exterminator
Confusing change of tense. Feels like it went from 2nd to 3rd unnecessarily.
>fired rapidly.
Extremely redundant. Fired is all you need here.
>**and** watched her hit the ground dead**.
Or else describe her death.

>>9951945
>Reflected.
More to preference, but I think that again this is redundant and self-evident. His question already expresses him having done this. All that that line accomplishes is simplify and waste space.

>>9951209
A dry wind blew vast withering snowdrifts across the desolate lands and gathered buildups on the gray concrete slabs of old bombed out superstructures. L-shaped streetlights canted over the streets and the husks of automobiles lay in wait, almost as if they were with the intent to ambush the sniper. Holding his armament in lowready, he ran the bolt, ejecting the cartridge into the snow, where curdling smoke pulled off in tendrils like the arms of an ephemeral octopus.

A rambling and faintly coherent list ran horizontally across your eyes. Another god damn /lit/erate fuck, writing in a style which 2/3rds belong to two Pynchon books and the last maybe to a classic, something American and rustic otherwise Russian, flexing prosaic muscles that no longer wow just slide on to periphery, glint with all it's conscious affecting, into the unseen holding, holding... No one makes it to the end of these things, riding the familiar structure up and down along a line lulls everyone like memorized bus routes. You know what to expect. You've read all the same books we have. But if you make it through it you might never look at collapsed barns or country roads the same ever again. Might just change your life.

>>9981343
I've never read a Pynchon book but OK.
I guess you're trying to say my writing is generic but some more concrete criticism would be nice.

>>9981416
Who are you?

>>9980734
Chesterton, Heretics, chapter about Whistler

>>9958003
Yeah it was fine. The only minor problem with it was that it was completely boring and totally gay.

I just fapped to a character I wrote lads...

>>9982312
Same.
I imagined my heroine bathed in orc blood as she dominates my weak willed Paladin Hero.

>>9982312
I just wrote a character singularly meant for the purpose of fapping.

>>9977132
Do you suggest any resource? I tried searching in university library, but I think that in my country there's no serious study about writing. Only shitty "How to write a novel in 30 days" books, that's practically the only ones the internet suggest me to read.
Actually I don't even care so much of writing, because yes, I love doing it, but I feel like a completely ignorant guy who doesn't even know how to read a poem, or why Joyce is more important than King. And I don't think I can produce anything significant.

Yeah, I'm really the stereotype of a boring Eng. student if I have to go on 4chan to say that I want to study an art.

>>9957907
I put at least as much thought into my critique as you put into your prose.

Here's the first paragraph of something I'm working on.
The PI gave out a hearty sigh as he lit his cigar under the bathing sunset of the early evening. Sinking into his chair at his bargain antique desk (as antique as scuffed old folk’s home mahogany gets) with his file cabinets loaded on the far side of the entrance to the right of the window and the left of the detective and his desktop with another, larger desk behind him with cabinets and binders for recent cases, the private eye grew impatient and anxious. As entertaining as the internet was, and as eye catching as the large plants flanking the window could be for adding to the sight of the beach as it thronged with summer enjoyment could both be, he found the absence of his client quite uneasy at a time when his river of clientele trickled pathetically in the face of recession. Thankfully, a birthday gift from his engineering cousin allowed him to bury those worries somewhat as the smoothness of the cigar burned them away leaving him to glaze his eyes over the scenery. After all, the old man was only five minutes late. Setting an alarm-
KNOCK! KNOCK!

I'm looking for books to improve my abilities to write better essays/thesis. Does anyone have anything good to recommend? I'm not looking for books to improve my grammar.

>>9983695
Practice makes perfect. Pick a topic, figure out how long you have, plot out how much time should be spent on which premises of your argument and which ones should lead into the others. Then keep working at it until its convincing to yourself. Maybe argue against something you believe in for that matter.

Less is more in essays especially. Adverbs, unnecessary adjectives, redundancy, superfluousness, etc are all bad. Never repeat yourself except when necessary

"Cease to be, clueless concubines! I am the law!" he bellowed as his flirtatious foes charged, his distinguished forearm - strengthened by years of slaughter and furious masturbation - levelling the Instrument of Justice at the throng and unloading instantly. The .950 caliber rounds tore through his foes like wine through the liver of Bacchus, but their ranks quickly filled again, a veritable hydra of supple breasts and repression. A few heftier harlots had broken rank and now closed in; Dangerous remembered the wise words of the great Ludwig - "make sure to humiliate the fat ones" - and delivered a devestating dropkick to the portliest of his aggressors, before taking *her* legs and swinging her about like an Olympic hammer before releasing the mass of adipose tissue and remorse in the direction of the others, their spines shattered by the unbearable weight. The flying body tore through the walls of the cult chamber, leaving a moonlit opening through which Dick Dangerous made his escape."

Will post more if any lads want

>>9983954
Keep going anon.

>>9951988
Endings are hard (at least, for me). Sometimes I just come up with a great ending, go back to the beginning, and work from there. Believe me, there are plenty of stories out there with great first and second acts with terrible endings that ruin everything.

https://heavenlydayblog.wordpress.com/

There are three stories on this page I wrote and "published" half a year ago.
I'm not crazy about them. Someone might enjoy them.
Sort of bordering on weird fiction, fantasy, horror, experimental, I suppose.
Some have good parts I think.

>>9983959
Here's a section from a different chapter.

“Baxter Bacchus, man of many womanfolk, most prevalent pimp of the Passion Palaces, what do you desire this morning?”
Bacchus stroked his prominent and diamond-encrusted jaw and drank from his grand goblet a draft of red wine, artificially aged for twelve centuries, pondering what he might take for his breakfast – perhaps some traditional American cuisine, or a taste of the finest offerings of the Nordic peoples; maybe even a sampling of the exotic stylings of the Orientals or Africans? As he issued a command to his robotic attendants for more Colombian powder, he came to his usual conclusion, as all men of the pimphood are naught to do – he would have them all. He brought down his mighty cane upon the marbled floor, and the dishes were lined up: four of the planet’s finest asses, laid out before him. Bacchus dined voraciously upon their sculpted curvatures and was fulfilled, for, as a pimp, he had surpassed the merely human need to eat. The hoes were carried away at the clash of the cane, for now Bacchus’ day could truly commence. As he returned to his ponderous position, the grand scrying pool began to bubble; he waved his hands absentmindedly, and the hoes beneath him hoisted his throne high into the air, carrying him to the pool’s edge. Bacchus threw a gold doubloon into the waters, and the shrill sounds of the voice of Little Ricky, the head of his Ro-Bo-Hoes division, resounded throughout the tantric temple.

>>9983865
Yeah, I get the basics. I'm just looking for something that can help me with structure. I'm making essay videos on youtube and I want to improve. I've written a few good things that I'm somewhat proud of and have been popular, but I still don't think I'm 'good'. At least, not on a level that /lit/ would deem 'good'.

>>9983959
>>9983981
Here's a piece from the first chapter. Haven't edited it in some time but same character.

Detective Dick Dangerous lithely leveled his hefty hand cannon – seventy-seven centimeters of severe steel, mirroring the merciless mug of its master – at the inquisitive invader of his office. The crook, caught and concerned, countered with a flying four-fingered fist towards the face of the irate investigator; but this rage was rapidly riposted by the gnostic gumshoe, who coolly kicked the crazed criminal back before deftly discharging six slugs in swift sequence, bloodily blasting to bits the base, blundering buster.
The looker laughed and languidly spat:
“Foolish fraud, to thieve from a trained tail is a task not to be tackled, a crime that cannot conclude. Even an occupied and ornery oculus was capable of conquering you.”
Ceasing his speech, the searcher’s soul shuddered with satisfaction. To deal death to doers of deeds most devilish delighted his dignitary, the law, his lone lover and loyalty, the bringer of the bright and beautiful. It hastened his heart, to serve his shepherd with strength and style. The detective always discerned to describe: this ‘style’ was specifically separate from the waning wake of frivolous fashions – for his form, the governing genre of his guise, was one of explicit and energetic exaggeration, not of childish clothing. All accomplished acts acquired an absurd and aroused air, for the fierce and fearsome fellow – our enduring exemplar, dashing dick Dick Dangerous – ravenously and rapaciously reveled in the rapture of life, in the shattering and subjugation of sanguine sinners, and to prevail as a priest of passionate penalties.

>>9983981
>>9983997
Naught isn't a word which should be there. I think you meant ought or wont.
Otherwise, keep it up my good man
Do you expect to get this published? Made into a comic book? This is good shit.

>>9984004
Thanks for the tip. Been busy with schoolwork so I get sloppy since I'm pressed for time. I hope it would get published one day, despite the silliness of it there is actually a plot.

>>9984010
Hey could you give me advice up at >>9983692
. It's a slow start and I haven't got much so it would be good to have an honest opinion.

>>9984017
I guess I would say there's a bit too much description of the mundane stuff.

When I started writing I idolized guys like McCarthy who don't really describe much at all, but have since kinda moved past that phase. There's something to be said for it though, because I feel like you're trying to reflect the boredom the PI is feeling by describing his shabby and boring office surroundings. There are shorter and sweeter ways of conveying his boredom and need of new clientele, I mean.

>>9984044
Cut back on the descriptions, got it. Should I find some replacement so it isn't too bare then, like focusing more on him glazing his eyes over the window?

File: 1496202532747.jpg (55KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

55KB, 640x640px

The lone lodge had stood on the far-side of the lake since he was a boy. It had never changed besides the occasional growth and removal of moss and mold over the years . Like a living thing, these changes seemed to happen on their own. In twelve years only one man had seen its caretaker. But empty cabins were more common in the North often only sheltering the rare seasonal hunter or camper. Four thin walls and a dirt floor without a roof felt like a god given gift once the arctic wind seeped inside your clothing. If you were lucky enough to have a floor or a hearth it was bound to be only the remnants of whatever some animal had left behind.

And yet, barely visible, within the thick brush of ever-greens the Lodge remained. From a distance it was easy to overlook: the oak-panels of its exterior lay beneath bark and branches scavenged from the forest.

The inside was warm, and almost inviting. A wood stove, bed, coat-rack, and a small basement just barely large enough for a little boy to sleep in.

>>9984064
Yeah, focus on the character. The reader has just met this character and don't know how he feels or how he'll react to stimuli yet, so I'd get his feelings and thoughts across first.

>>9984075
Thanks man. Keep up the good work.

Does anybody know of any contests they are willing to share? I find working towards a goal like a contest helps me write.
Preferably ones with no entry fee.

>>9983997
THOTS BEGONE

>>9964224
>Russian infantry wades towards Eastern Europe across waist high snowdrifts on the Siberian tundra
this doesn't make any sense. are they on a training exercise or something?
the rest of it is ok though

>>9962776
I like this, even if it is cliche

Very quick stuff I decided to try. Obviously incomplete. I'm specifically interested in knowing how I come across. I fall in a reverie of sorts when writing, so I go through the motions very smoothly once I start. Be brutally honest thank you thank you. Start of a short story. Of course I agree with the bus part. Again, this was literally 5 minutes of stuff.

Written by a boy with the slouch of a sloth and hands like 1906 San Fran. The names of the characters will be given as needed.

Characters: Parrot,

The sky was dotted with clouds like the bedroom of a young child. Little packs of white wool, all uniformly about five centimetres wide, forming a seemingly infinite wall. Nothing seemed quite as novel to Parrot as this was, because he had himself come up with that little simile. And it was true, unquestionably so. And it wasn’t a “game changer.” There was no grand prize to accept for that.

Moving on, both he and… this. . A large blue rectangle covered his view of the other side of the street. The bus arrived. There could be melancholy to this statement, as there is in all that a person may understand. Parrot believed this because a child’s bedroom could evoke so many different emotions for so many people. It could revive a memory of a home far away. Or of a childhood pet. Parrot smiled at that. But perhaps it could remind you of evil, inescapable evil, from which stubby little legs couldn’t run. Parrot stopped to give a moment to this solicitude.

By now, of course, he had sat down in his seat. The sunny warmth of the leather spread to his buttocks humorously, tickling him so much he shivered.