>Phantasmic sadness poured over her face as he leaned in to brush her lips a quantum entanglement with the phantom of his kiss hovering over her secret lips pursed inside a tangled pair of silk pink panties. The worms of earth will have to wait long for this flesh to die. Perhaps she will be burned? Now she is but quiet fourteen, her parents qua parents somewhere irrelevant in the water park, ironically under constant surveillance, he can't go back to jail, and no one see's anything behind steel bars. In this cold wet space of sunny sadness he had to act, he had to do something, he could not allow the essence of presence that belonged to him conceal more regrets than pardons so he started, slowly by trapping her body in the squeeze of his debased embrace, fingers to untie, drop goes the string that tied her one piece and now she's just a naked sacrifice at five feet four inches. On the wet concrete floor, to the sound of unimportant people and children going down water slides, SPLASH! She looked as she would were she waiting desperately on the toilet, a sad pain at a small rocket lodged in her the organ responsible for trusting a man ever again, strikes of grief against her wet body against concrete around sleeping steel, a drill pipe guilty of a shallow quarry weeping blood, crying inside of her, purging him self in portions of what was left of her self, totally pounded into sorry submission, now a tunnel for traveling through his saddest fantasies.
How's my prose?
>>9832962
>quantum entanglement
Stopped reading here
>>9832969
literally same
>>9832962
>Phantasmic
dropped.
>>9832962
Better than mine and probably most people on here.
>>9832962
You word salad like a pro, OP.
First sentence is unnecessarily difficult to follow. There is nothing there that would make me want to read more. Amateur and desperate.
>>9835104
Wrong
>>9832962
this is a joke right?
>>9832969
This. Cringy.
>>9832962
Bugs... easy on the bullshit.
Dial it back a bit, yeah? If this isn't a joke then you need to seriously consider the implications of the fact that you wrote a couple unimpressive lines, ostensibly with very little thought or revision, and expected us to - what? Pat you on the back?
>>9835642
Suck it?
>>9832962
obviously written by a genius