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motivation letter check

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File: dogeeee.png (91KB, 265x265px)
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Could any native speaker take the time to check my motivation letter? English isnt my first language so I would be very eager to hear a native speaker's opinion.

My interest for your professional Bachelor of Computer Science has emerged over the last year. After my graduation, I had a hard time figuring out where I would see myself in the future, I lacked goals and direction. And because I didn‘t just want to half-heartedly choose a degree for the sake of studying, I started to inform myself about all the different degrees and their job prospects over the next decades.
It didn’t take me long, especially with the use of the Internet, to see where the future is heading to – automation. And after having repeatedly been made aware of how fast that next revolution – namely exponential – could come, a desire to be part of that future awakened.
At first, my health background made me doubt that desire. These doubts vanished quickly, mainly because I am confident in my logical thinking abilities. But also because of my marks in maths and physics, which strengthened that confidence. (Of course, I am fully aware of other class sections‘ advances in maths, but I already have started catching up.)
After my decision to pursue a technical degree, I knew it would either be in informatics or an engineering degree. But the fact that I immediately started to look up what programming languages one should learn, shortly followed by me making my first «Hello world » java program, kinda solved my predicament. Since then I have grown to really like learning the java basics through solving problems. And now with my first experiences I am really eager to learn new maths and to develop further my programming skills.
And that’s why I have chosen your professional Bachelor of Computer Science. This bachelor isn’t just going to teach me the knowhow, but also how to apply that knowledge to create programs and to solve problems- so I can immediately enter the workforce.
I am motivated, mature and have a goal, combined with my logical thinking and creativity, I believe to be an eligible candidate for your program and I would be very thankful to get the opportunity to give proof of that motivation. I look forward to your positive response. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours faithfully,
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>>9817057
>Computer Science
kek, enjoy your shit job
>>
>>9817063
My NEET detector goes off kek Try learning java it really is fun
>>
>>9817057
>And because I didn‘t just want to half-heartedly choose a degree for the sake of studying, I started to inform myself about all the different degrees and their job prospects over the next decades.
I would change to:
I didn't want to just half-heartedly choose a degree for the sake of studying, so I started to...

More incoming
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>>9817126
I concure, thank you anon
>>
>>9817057
>It didn’t take me long, especially with the use of the Internet, to see where the future is heading to – automation. And after having repeatedly been made aware of how fast that next revolution – namely exponential – could come, a desire to be part of that future awakened.

It didn’t take me long, especially with the use of the Internet, to see where the future is heading(*) – automation. (*)After having repeatedly been made aware of how fast that next revolution – namely exponential – could come, a desire to be part of that future awakened.

(*) indicates a change
>>
>>9817057
>At first, my health background made me doubt that desire. These doubts vanished quickly, mainly because I am confident in my logical thinking abilities. But also because of my marks in maths and physics, which strengthened that confidence. (Of course, I am fully aware of other class sections‘ advances in maths, but I already have started catching up.)

At first, my health background made me doubt that desire. These doubts vanished quickly, mainly because I am confident in my logical thinking abilities and (*)my marks in maths and physics strengthened that confidence. (Of course, I am fully aware of other class sections‘ advances in maths, but I already have started catching up.)
>>
>>9817135
>>9817140
Thank you anon, really appreciate your help.
>>
>>9817057
>After my decision to pursue a technical degree, I knew it would either be in informatics or an engineering degree. But the fact that I immediately started to look up what programming languages one should learn, shortly followed by me making my first «Hello world » java program, kinda solved my predicament. Since then I have grown to really like learning the java basics through solving problems. And now with my first experiences I am really eager to learn new maths and to develop further my programming skills.
>And that’s why I have chosen your professional Bachelor of Computer Science. This bachelor isn’t just going to teach me the knowhow, but also how to apply that knowledge to create programs and to solve problems- so I can immediately enter the workforce.

After my decision to pursue a technical degree, I knew it would either be in informatics or engineering (*?). (*)However, the fact that I immediately started to look up what programming languages one should learn, shortly followed by (*)making my first «Hello world » (*)Java program, (* too casual)solved my predicament. Since then I have grown to really (*) enjoy learning the java basics through solving problems. (*)With that basic experience, I am really eager to learn new maths and to (*)further develop my programming skills.
>>
>>9817057
>And that’s why I have chosen your professional Bachelor of Computer Science. This bachelor isn’t just going to teach me the knowhow, but also how to apply that knowledge to create programs and to solve problems- so I can immediately enter the workforce.

(*)For those reasons, I have chosen to pursue your professional Bachelor of Computer Science. This (*?)degree isn’t just going to teach me the knowhow, but also how to apply that knowledge to create programs and to solve problems (*) so I (*)am ready enter the workforce immediately.
>>
>>9817145
>>9817148
Thank you for your time. You ve really improved my letter.
>>
>>9817057
>I am motivated, mature and have a goal, combined with my logical thinking and creativity, I believe to be an eligible candidate for your program and I would be very thankful to get the opportunity to give proof of that motivation. I look forward to your positive response. Thank you for your time and consideration.

I am motivated, mature and have a goal, (*)which combined with my logical thinking and creativity, I believe (*)make me an eligible candidate for your program and I would be very thankful (*)for the opportunity to give proof of that motivation. I look forward to your positive response. Thank you for your time and consideration.

The main problem grammatically was mostly starting sentences with conjunctions. Starting sentences with "and" is technically correct, but a lot of people believe it isn't or just dislike the style.
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>>9817161
Again thank you for your time and also for your tips. That's also why I asked in /lit/, many of you have a feeling how a sentence should be written.
>>
>>9817158
No problem, my man. Good luck in your application. We never needed to write letters for ours, so I was curious anyway.

Here's another change (both are correct (English kek) but it's probably more natural in the second):
>but I already have started catching up.
but I have already started catching up.
>>
>>9817175
True, it sounds more natural.

Thank you. I guess it is because we only have one university in our country (Luxembourg kek).
>>
>>9817057
Don't fall for the STEM meme OP.
>>
Please excuse my englando the thread.
Thread posts: 17
Thread images: 1


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