Write what's on your mind

Waiting for literal years for answers that never arrive is bringing me to madness.

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In Kanye's Gorgeous he states, "and what's a black beatle anyway? A fucking roach? I guess that's why they got me sitting her in fucking coach".

In this meme, Kanye is pondering on the nature of the Pterostichus melanarius (Latin for black beetle). In comes Ringo Starr with none other than Billy Preston. Widely considered the fifth beatle and, wait for it, the black beatle. And there you have it /lit/.

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Is sexual curiosity and experimentation only a thing for young people and once you become uggly and decay you should settle into the normal formal way of life through marriage?

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Bugs...easy on the carrots.

Suicide

>>9801103
very nicely done

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>>9801090
History is written exclusively by historians. The sheer amount of unrecorded time that has passed us by is staggering. All notions of the past are conditioned by and inextricably linked to the present. History is a chain of men with spyglasses telling each other what they see. All it takes is one charlatan to turn history into a farce.

How many places have I seen through other's mouths? How much time have I spent in other's dreams?

"The men of old took all they really knew with them to the grave... what you are reading there is only the dirt they left behind"

>>9801131
do you mean it, friend?

>>9801090
I want my life to have a set routine. But I'm too absorbed in playing video games with my friends to try and set one up. I wish computers were not that important for daily life. Maybe since I'm going to uni they have computer labs I can use instead.

Ezekiel is awesome, it's like a highlights reel of Israelite prophet tropes. Crazy visions, shitting on the Israelites, prophecies of doom, prophecies of restoration, it's all there.

Jeremiah on the other hand is a snooze-fest. Very repetitous and lacks interesting imagery. Lamentations sums up the message a lot better.

>>9801195
no fuck you

>>9801188
This is an interesting concept, what then do you think about the phrase "History is written by the victors."

Is that last quote of Zhuangzi?

>>9801261
is this the same anon, don't lie?

I was outside doing work and missed the call for a job I had literally applied for about six hours earlier. I called them back and was told the office had closed for the day and to call back in the morning (with a specific name to ask for).

Am I boned? Should I just apologize for missing the call or tell them why I missed it and that I attempted to get in touch with them?

>>9801226
>I want my life to have a set routine.
Why would you want your life to lose its spontaneity?

>>9801339
Nah I think I've missed that call with almost every job I've gotten. The real world doesn't treat you like your parents.

>>9801352

Phew. This would be the first "real" job I had that didn't involve working for someone else or someone I know. I'm so tired of the stress from running a small business with someone I'm willing to accept minimum wage just to not die of a heart attack when I turn 30 in three years.

I have no sense of purpose or direction. I apply for jobs I know I'll hate and they rarely get back to me. I even apply to jobs I think I might like and they never get back to me. I need enjoyable novelty in my life but I don't know where to find any. Whenever I do find some it quickly eventually becomes routine, leaving me in need of more rewarding novelty. I don't think I'll ever really enjoy life, not in a long-term sense anyway.

>>9801372
Yeah man if they call you back it almost certainly means you've got the job.
Anyway as moz said: "was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now"

>>9801377
>Yeah man if they call you back it almost certainly means you've got the job.
This isn't remotely true

>>9801377

I think they're just calling me in for an interview. I was actually very surprised they called me back so soon and wish I had known earlier. It's for backroom stuff at Target. That's pretty relaxing, right? I won't really have to deal with people anymore and I can just be told what to do instead of telling others or dealing with myself.

>>9801347
I hadn't thought of that. I guess I'm okay with a little spontaneity, but it's not something I've always wanted or enjoyed, but maybe that's the point. Maybe I'm just idolizing the idea of having a simple life, and I thought that a routine was apart of that.

they won't take down the damn spanish thread.

>>9801383
It is for certain types of jobs
>>9801384
I worked at target once. Backroom seemed pretty relaxed and low responsibility but you will have to interact with people. They have this whole corporate culture of friendliness thing. or at least they did have. If you're antisocial I would wait until you are hired and if they call you out on it tell them you have aspergers.

>>9801424

I don't mind interacting with people as long as it's not shitty small-talk. I cannot do it and I don't want to. My conversations offline are very terse and straight to the point.

I'm also used to being friendly since my dog and I do SAR and friendliness (plus comfort training and things of that nature) are necessary. Everything is "sir" or "ma'am" by default simply because it seems more professional and helps focus people's attention.

I do legitimately have asperger's though. I guess it's a good thing I applied for backroom or store logistics.

I desperately want to fuck off to South America for a week. I wish the airfare didn't cost an arm and a leg. Once you actually get down there it's pretty cheap.

>>9801440
They will most likely respect that. What they hate the most is lateness and absenteeism. If you can bring a modicum of professionalism and competence to the job the management will treat you well even if your shitty coworkers wonder why you won't chat about rick and morty or whatever. Just do your job don't be offensive to customers and you could make management yourself. I have had a ton of experience in retail and customer service so this is not just bullshit.

>>9801456

I'm pretty punctual as I like to reconnoiter an area before I do anything around it. I don't get sick and barring a family emergency or something similar I highly doubt I'll be absent.

I don't want to be in charge of people though. I have been in charge of others for a decade and while I don't mind it if given the duty I won't volunteer for it. It's amazingly stressful even when things are going well.

>>9801450
Do you want to get robbed and killed?

>>9801482
Not him, but isn't Argentina, Chile, and maybe even Uruguay fine though?

>>9801485
Depends a lot of where you're going, think can get a sharp turn pretty quick down there.

>>9801502
things can*

>>9801103
anyone feelin this?

>>9801090
I'm nearing the state of trance. Beauty, o beauty

>>9801114
I can't decide if this is a lit of ck meme..
On my mind- you can spritz read a self-help book at >400 wpm, camus at 150-200, makes for fast and concentrated reading.
The audiobook/out loud reading feature of balabolka at top speed is pretty good, if too tired. Would recommend.

The fucking bitch was at it. Hopefully this time she's finished, but God do I hate seeing how much people love her while she can't give me any respect.

>>9801550
It's a /lit/ meme

>>9801406
A daily routine makes you so fucking productive, it's unbelievable. You can still be spontaneous in the evening or in the weekend or some shit like that.

4chan has had an adverse effect on my life.

i can't stop reading shitty warhammer 40k novels i torrented

the lore is so stupid yet interesting and the writing is legitimately young adult tier even "THE GOD" dan abnett is pretty fucking bad

>>9801563
Right that's what I had in mind. A weekday routine with time for flexibility on the weekends. It will especially help me during school having set times to study.

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>>9801586
Living has an adverse effect.

I want to curl up and sleep and never wake up again. Instead I have to stay awake, mindlessly pouring out content for others to enjoy. I don't like writing the things I write, but it's the only thing I can do that makes money besides slaving at a retail store.

i'm finally, calmly coming to terms with the fact that i will never have sex or a romantic relationship and will essentially be alone forever. for the last several years this has caused me a lot of anguish, but i'm coming to accept it with less pain now. the antidepressants i've recently started are probably helping.

>>9801885
I know fuck all about 40k outside of memes. But I started reading Ciaphias Cain because I heard it was like Flashman and Balckadder In space.

I was not disappointed.

I'm going to write every word that comes to mind starting NOW:

When have I told good people of that yarn that yelps in reaped solo and has given happens to gain Heather man in king house what forgiven house was not waxed for having heaven and hold it house.

ok that's enough bullshit

Excess of self-indulgence has killed the world. Maybe that's a trivial statement, but it is the oft-forgotten and truly devastating cause implicated by the consequences that stagger. There are very few people who undergo the process of emotional development because in their mindless pursuit of pleasures they have made themselves no different from children and brutes, an incontinent bunch preceding both virtue and vice. Passion yields only to force and I wish I could stamp out every self-sure wastrel that doesn't know what they don't know. There is nothing wrong with elitism. There is everything wrong with allowing people to enjoy what they enjoy. The Greeks were right about everything and I wish we had not lost sight of the true meaning of their inheritance

>>9801485
They are fine.
t. chilean

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>>9801090
I'm watching cinema in my bedroom. It's my favorite film, Man of Steel. The door squeaks open. My aloof younger brother wanders into my room and sits at the edge of my bed. I'm completely invested in the film at this point. He silently watches with me. Then he says it.

"Where's Hulk?"

I perspire slightly, however
I successfully ignore him. He walks out 30 seconds later and shuts the door.

>tfw

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Jon...easy on the existential angst.

*Paragraphs of how I feel and how I'm drowing*

I think I am going to write an epic poem. More specifically, I have a great story idea that I've been slowly developing for most of my adult life, and I think an epic poem is the right medium for it.

I read an article today about how even some of the most successful literary authors nowadays can't make a living wage off their work. Most of them, just looking at their income from writing at least, are below the poverty line. Their income also took an incredibly steep decline since e-readers and smartphones became prevalent. I think the article is a year or two old but I doubt things have changed for the better since then. This just reinforces my decision to go into a STEM field and pursue writing as a hobby.

>>9802968
>It's my favorite film, Man of Steel.
Please kill yourself, thanks

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

FUCK. FUCK.

>>9801090
im sexually frustrated and i hate women

Six Million And One
Six Million And Two
Six Million And Three seconds,
since I have gone outside
spending time in solitude
Six Million And Ten
Six Million And OnentyOne
Six Million And OnentyTwo

>>9803218
I feel you.

Man I can't believe how good I feel after writing this daily bit. I even did it while listening to black metal, usually I can't come up with anything when music is involved, but this one time my mind has churned out literary gold. I am not a fedora, this is just my blazing high. No substance can make me feel like this, it's like God lit me on fire, inhaled my smoke and kept me alive in Him. Feels awesome man.

>>9801111
checked

I crave for alcohol so fucking badly but it's already fucked me up and I have things to do this week. I actually spent everything but rent on food and utensils only so that I wouldn't go to off-license.

My thoughts swirl into a depressing hole, as we understand the truth of modern society--

the novel is dying and I've found it too late.

This greatly depresses me.

i embarrassed myself in front of this 10/10 chick who im p. sure wanted to bang me, though i was also p. drunk at the time and cant recall much.
anyways, she was cute and interesting, and i wish i didnt get so hammered so i could've talked to her and gotten her number. but she's a friends friend and ill never see her again.
feels bad man

>>9803480
what artist anon

>>9801090
I want to be with my wife's friend more than my wife. She's the better woman all around but I know that ultimately it wouldn't work out because those situations never do. I just masturbate to her facebook photos every other day instead and fantasize about life with her in between.

>>9803498
almost three whole albums spanned this conception:
Bloodthorn "In The Shadow of Your Black Wings"
Dissection "Storm of the Light's Bane"
Emperor "In The Nightside Eclipse"

>>9801485
the southern region of Brazil is pretty tame, too.

>>9803524
i tend to write to atmospheric bm, like paysage d'hiver

My sister has dengue fever.

>>9803515
Post pics

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Dark night of the soul

>>9801090
My girlfriend is empathetic, warm, intelligent and interesting to be with. However, I'm not very attracted to her. She has had bouts with anorexia and is currently gaining weight. I'm waiting for her to get boobs and curves and I deeply hope that they are beautiful because if I don't start finding her more sexually attractive soon we won't last much longer. And she seems too good to give up on

>>9801111
Nah, there are plenty of people who discover their love of kinky shit well after they're old and hideous.

>>9803777
Probably not what you want to hear, but it's a lot harder to find someone like you describe than it is to find someone physically attractive.

>>9803488
The novel's death will be excruciatingly slow. Like, in maybe 6 human lifetimes it'll be dead for real and a truly niche artform.

>>9803480
Sounds pretty fedora to me, anon

>>9802831
>posts on 4chan
>bitches about hedonism and calls other people children
At least see the log in your own eye, broseph.

>>9802592
You write ads and blog posts and stuff? How's the pay?

>>9802831
Back to the /a/ thread

>>9803218
Same.

>>9801090
Got a fan in the US, Australia, and now Germany. They all eagerly await my next book, and they all think my writing is hot shit. Feels fucking amazing. I need to do more writing. Over 500 words so far, need to get to my standard of 1500, and hopefully today will end up being 3000+.

>>9801111
You're only as old as you feel, and ugliness is very much based on perception. For example, I'm a chubby chaser. Obviously not to the point of obesity, but I do enjoy some extra padding on a woman. Meanwhile I know with certainty that there are men who do actively find obese women to be sexually desirable. There are not many of these types of men of course, but there are some, however I do understand that generally men prefer thin woman and that's all good.

Anyways, I'm only in my 20s and I intend on remaining single for many years yet, well into my 30s, and probably won't be until my late 30s or 40s before I consider having a kid. I've spoken to women who like older men, I remember several years ago (perhaps a decade or close to it) there was this one 29 or so year old chick that I was into. She didn't want some kid in his teens, well she was considering it, but she said she preferred men in their 40s or so, maybe even 50s. Likely both for experience and because they're more likely to have more wealth, but none the less when I'm in my 30s-40s I fully intend to continue going for the women in their 20s, but at the same time while in my 20s I'm curious about trying out some women in their 50s. I've already had a MILF of about 41-42 years old or so when I was almost 20 years younger than her. I also intend on trying a trap sometime since I do find them hot, and will probably try a submissive little skinny twink sometime just to see if I'm indeed bi or not. If I dislike the trap/twink, then I'm still straight. if I enjoy them (more than likely) then it confirms that I'm indeed bisexual.

In short, I intend to continue experimenting and exploring my curiosity, and I look forward to experiencing more fetishes as I find more sexual partners over time. I initially learned about and experienced rape fetish from a chick I dated briefly when I was still in my teens... intense stuff... but fucking hot. I started to like it almost as much as she did.

>Wanted to buy the new LoGH book
>Spent the money on classical Chinese literature, contemporary Chinese literature and a book by Krasznahorkai
I know I made the better decision, and that I will enjoy these books too, but I can't shake off the thought that I saved up money for something and then I spent it on something else, that is also something I wanted and I would enjoy.

>>9803202
Stfu. Citizen Kane is yours eh? Brown nosing the fat ass I see.

>>9804191
I take it you're not a huge Orson Welles.

>This above all, to thine own self be true

Do I have Shakespeare to blame for all the normies who've told me 'just b urself'?

>>9803202
Man of Steel is kino, faggot

I'm not racist but NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR

>>9804218
There really isn't a strong correlation between those two phrases. "Just b urself" is related specifically to your conduct in social situations, particularly courting/dating. "To thine own self be true" is primarily related to how your actions match up with your true desires and motives in general. It's about self-honesty and being consistent with your character and morals.

am I fucking up really bad? I know I'm fucking up a bit, but I thought since I'm on vacation and all, it wouldn't be too bad, but it doesn't feel that good either. I hope it's going to be ok.

Im so lost in life. People smile and laugh and Im just trying to keep up with them and their happiness but its too much. Im trapped in this maze of deception and I want to be a part of it too. Im just too tired of the game. I want the game to end.

There’s so much just too much too much information overloading my senses my mind can’t keep up with all of it it’s torn apart my brain i’m dying a slow death a slow slow death every day i can’t escape from the four walls and a roof a nice house in a pleasant neighborhood with kind people not too many undesirables i need to raise my children here what if their minds are polluted by filth-ridden monsters lurking behind closet doors in dark trenches beneath the bed beneath the floorboards

eyes all about all around gazing seeing perceiving me and i perceive them too they know i know this is what we wanted isn’t it? this is happiness contentedness log on to the usual place bombarded with a never ending feed of meaningless drivel indulgent nothing rambling self-importance god it’s unending it won’t stop and i can’t escape it a man with a camera in a cluttered room his tower of empty bottles collapses at the slightest breeze can’t concentrate on one thing can’t focus not with all of this noise all of these distractions (not like there’s anything worthwhile to focus on anyway)

I’m a big movie star you wouldn’t believe me if i told you yesterday i met with the ghost of a foreign ambassador and we hit it off real well but then i awoke and that wasn’t the case

My anxiety consumes me. I listen to Alan Watts in an effort to utilize his esteemed anxiety-relieving techniques; however, I am reminded that Alan Watts drank himself to death - he sought escape from life’s miseries at the bottom of a bottle - and my stomach sinks. Sleep is for the weak.

>>9803898
>Got a fan in the US, Australia, and now Germany. They all eagerly await my next book, and they all think my writing is hot shit.

I had a "fan" in the US who I thought I could depend on to proofread my shit, but it turns out he was just a poser who felt whining about being cucked by findom skanks on social media was better than honoring his committment.

Like, he always told me he didn't have time to read my work, but then I'd see him posting continuously TLDR tweets about how some such skank was this that or the other.

Long story short, I ghosted him and moved on. It's a shame. I literally feel like my cat gives more of a shit then my own family and "friends" like that fucktard.

>>9804700
He just didn't want to tell you that your writing sucked and he wanted to read no more of it.

>>9804708

Very funny, anon. But from what he DID read, he actually enjoyed it.

It's just that I couldn't get him to actually read more of it. And even if he felt like that, he could've told me. I'm not the sort to get triggered - if my work sucks, then let me know what I can do to improve it. If you don't give a shit or whatever, just say hey I don't feel like reading it instead of letting me on.

There was always an excuse. Truth be told, it was just the last straw on an already strained relationship.

>>9804700
Why would you have your fan proofread your stuff? My fans first got my book and read it before we spoke. I've offered a couple times before "hey, I can send you some of what I've written so far if you'd like to check it out" but they would always rather wait until the whole thing was finished, but sure enough when it's done I'd get some sales immediately and I'd soon hear back from them within like half a week. Also, all three of them are in their 50s/60s so that social media thing isn't much of a problem at all. I still don't fully understand why my biggest fans thus far are married or divorced older gentlemen but they're all big readers so when they say they love my work, I think it comes with quite a bit of weight behind it.

I don't do the whole 'proofread' thing, I just write and self-publish. I haven't been told by many that I have grammatical issues in my writing, and those that have brought it up said that it's basically a non-issue, doesn't negatively affect readability at all. Anyways, I don't ask these fans to do anything for me, I don't even ask for reviews though they would be HUGELY helpful. I just chat with them via emails basically like friends, since we have similar interests, and when I release more books they've thus far had almost nothing but praise. My first book is a little heavy on the sex, that's the most consistent criticism, but they don't think it detracts at all from how great it is. The fellow from Germany has said a couple times already that he looks forward to when people are contacting me asking to get the rights to movie deals lol Perhaps someday, but for now I just want to keep writing and self-publishing, but if I continue my progress for decades, which I intend to do, it's not impossible that someday I'll get noticed and people will want to put my stuff on the big screen or the small screen (TV). I've been compared to Elmore Leonard too, and his work lead to about 16 movies and a handful of TV series in his 60 years or so of writing, so that's quite exciting to hear.

>>9804762

I get what you're saying, anon, but I suppose my reasoning is that I'd like some feedback to make sure it's legit. I've been working on essentially my first novel. I've written a lot before, but that was all just shit I did to pass the time out of boredom and just for my own personal amusement. The book I'm working on is one I actually do intend to publish one day.

Sure, I could just wait till it was fully finished, but I tend to get excited because I truly feel I'm onto something with this story of mine and I want to make sure it's just right before I decide to publish it.

I also tend to be quite perfectionistic, so if it's not a certain way, then it's fucked. I know, that's not a particularly good tendency to have, but I've gradually been shedding it over time, although it tends to still appear now and then.

>it's not impossible that someday I'll get noticed and people will want to put my stuff on the big screen or the small screen (TV)

I would probably be very involved in any such adaptation of my work if I'm fortunate enough to have such a committed fanbase. I would want it to be presented as the novel depicted it, not as some such corporate exec wanted it.

I don't expect it, though, to be honest, and I really wouldn't be too bothered either - I write because I want to entertain readers. I have no intention of pushing an agenda or preaching to the reader - any characters I devise are simply just there for the story's sake.

It wasn't meant to be a full blown novel, though. I simply was writing a short story one day about a young woman and her misanthropic father that suddenly became the story of how AIDS killed Ronald Reagan and ultimately led to a Bonaparte ruled known universe a la Dune. Only instead of spice, it's historical artefacts like the Mona Lisa or pieces of the Berlin Wall. I just kept adding to the initial story because I was having a blast and it became a manuscript with tons of pages and even tons more of notes, etc (when I think of a cool quote for a character to say, for example, I stash it so I can keep it handy for the right scene).

Pardon my rambling, but I just tend to get really hyped when it comes to this stuff.

>>9804792
No book will ever be perfect. Finish it, release it, get feedback. My first book was halfway through its 3rd draft when I decided 'fuck it' and released it. Found out there were issues inherent in my writing style, so spent a month and a half or so editing it yet again (while it was still available on Amazon) and now it's in its final form. Now, less than a year later, I'm working on book #8 which will be the 5th in the series. I don't even edit anymore, though there's two non-series books that I know I need to edit and a third non-series book which I want to read over to see how good or bad it is, because it's done absolutely miserable in terms of paperback sales, eBook sales, and KENP. As for the sequels in my series a fair few people have read all 4 books thus far but I haven't heard anything bad in terms of grammar so it would seem I'm at the point where editing is unnecessary.

For screen adaptations, I don't think I'd worry too much about being accurate to the books. Stephen King didn't like the ending to The Shining but people generally love it, so I figure as a writer I probably don't know as much about making a good movie or TV show as someone who actually works in the industry so I'll leave it to them, whatever the changes will be that they make. I think I'll be heavily against male characters being made female or having character's races changed for no reason. Perhaps something that would go into this hypothetical future movie/TV adaptation contract.

As for your book idea, I have to admit that it sounds too weird for my liking, but I have less than a paragraph's worth of context so it might be better than I know. I'm not interested in reading it though; doesn't suit my tastes. Good that you're excited about it, but seriously, just finish it. Edit it once if need be, then release it. Take the feedback, revise if necessary, but it will NEVER be perfect. The sooner you finish your current book, the sooner you can work on your next book.

>>9804198
Arrogant twat he is.

At what point is it acceptable to stop chalking things up to coincidence? I want to call it cosmic entanglement, but I don't feel comfortable doing so because I staunchly refuse to be deceived by my subconscious into affirming nonsense. Nonetheless, I remain vexed. At what point do you end and I begin? Am I just imitating you? Are you just imitating me? Have we both been tricked by the uncaring dice of the universe into subsuming our wills under some idea of what the other is like based only on our fascination with those first few coincidences and our reflections in one another? Our favourite book, our identical habits, our similar family history, our similar insecurities: those I can chalk up to chance. But the way our opinions and passions shifted in perfect synchronicity, step by step, for months after we had openly and mutually declared our hatred for one another shocked me greatly once we finally reconnected. Our romantic lives ran in tandem and our bodies ran in tandem as we fell ill with the same uncommon afflictions at the same time - by some chance we even chose to be tattooed on the same day on either different sides of the planet. I know that I shouldn't know this, but it has come to my attention that you are lovesick for some pseudonymous fellow you've taken to calling Werther. I can only pray, my dear Lotte, that I am more to you than just the madman.

>>9804833

I appreciate you taking the time to discuss it with me, anon. You've been very helpful. You're right - I really do just need to finish it. I'm close to that - just need to tie up some loose ends, make sure the prose is readable, and then top it off with a well rounded ending.

As for my idea, I could go on for hours discussing it because it has a ton of layers (the idea was that I'd write a series of books going through my AH timeline that spans from 1902 to 40,000+ AD) but I'll just stick with basically, it's a story in which instead of cliche villains like Nazis and Russians, it's British supremacists, Neo-Bonapartists, and mysterious terrorists who gun down SJWs and alt-righters at rallies. It's meant to show how the human species went from Earth to becoming spacefarers, but instead of focusing on the politics and all, it's more of a look at a family trying to get through it all.

It won't be everybody's taste, sure, but hopefully enough will like it. If not, no matter - I'll just press onward.

Once again, thanks, anon. That's the sort of talk I wanted.

>>9804857
Write the book first, THEN edit. You shouldn't edit while the book is still in progress. Glad to have helped you out, good luck. I won't help to proofread and admittedly my interest in your story idea is limited (though not non-existant in all honesty) but you can email me sometime if you want. [email protected] I'm that shill J N Morgan often seen polluting /lit/.

Psychotic and sociopath behavior, whereupon unrecognized, must be the deemed cause for a large part of the world. There is nothing more irrepressible than the dysfunction of man - so much so, that it propagates droves and moves society in tandem.

Above-most all, I seek absolution in the face of god: and find myself humbled by the appraisal of another. The nascent observation of fellow men moves me in ways that days of thought on my own account cannot. Not for so much of the intellectual depth of the proponent; but the profoundness of insight that can be drawn from the things we part ourselves of, in our own vested search. I spent so long a period in a nihilistic daze. In that time, a coworker spoke to me about very simple considerations regarding Christ, and I, as I would, threw about small, placating platitudes to quell him...little veritable boom in lapse of quantity. My words were very faint on his ears. This should have been a warning to me: I had been lost in my own head. He brought about the topic of luck -- and that struck a significant chord. He said, (climbing a ladder in order to mount some wall bracket as he did): "If there's a god, he ain't a god of luck."

That statement alone might have snapped me out of 3 years of apathy. I have thought about it for a long time. Some could miscast his thought as throwing fate aside in favor of absolute determinism, but I obsess more over the certainty with which he spoke. This man had no formal education past highschool, what I gathered he barely got through that - from age 14 on he took to work with his hands and did nothing else lest it was volunteering for the church. His family, by far the most devout, ignorant and in-place grouping you'd find in the commonwealth of our state...and he told me, in passing, that he had absolute certainty in the existence of god. To me, that speaks worlds...that this man is either neurotic Atlas or he's Jesus Christ.

And so I would like to re-imagine myself more in his favor, for I have yet to see a will so unbreakable as that of the unashamed follower.

I want to die. Everything around me is awful and misery is the common thread that binds my life together. Not sure what thread is active that really involves a way out of these sorts of situations so I'm rather lost right now.

I have an interview tomorrow for Target with a TL. Don't know which TL it will be but I applied for backroom and logistics (I'm the anon above) and I'm wondering if they can help accommodate my schedule, so now I'm a bit anxious about it. I can't drive because I get really bad motion sickness when I do, so I have to rely on people I know who are reliable, but only when they're available.

I'm hoping for backroom and hoping I can just work on weekends or something. I could literally work all day on weekends and it wouldn't bother me. Weekday nights too wouldn't bother me and would fit my schedule.

If I tell them this will it count against me? The HR lady asked if I would be okay with early morning and since I'm desperate I impulsively said yes, but after sleeping and thinking about it it has me worried.

Test

>>9801111
Your picture, combined with the phallic quads, tempt me to the gay side.

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Today I had a moment of empathy and something broke in me. I was bitching with my colleague about our boss in a class-war kind of way when he mentioned that the boss' son (the little shit) had said that when our boss went home he just sat on the couch and fell asleep. I know it isn't a heart-felt scene, but the picture of that entered my head and I saw it so clearly and I suddenly felt feelings for this old man the same way I do for my infant son.

The reason that this was such a crushing blow was because it made me realize that I have lived in self absorbed egotism for longer than I can remember. It made me remember how painful sympathy can be. When I was a kid I used to feel so badly for my mom, raising us alone, with very little money; but I also felt humiliated by poverty, and that feeling has never gone away. I've behaved in grandiose, vainglorious ways ever since, and have thought of others very little, because to actually see them as people and to feel sorry for them brings up the pain I used to feel in torrents about my mom and my family.

Now, I'm not sure what to do with this. Something has switched on again. It is like regaining a sense, but it is painful and overwhelming. My urge is to sink back into selfish oblivion, or even to drug myself, but for right now I know that isn't the right thing to do. That's all I know.

Should I just end it already? I'm sure most of you would be compelled to say yes.

>>9805278
You're not responsible for other people. who cares.

Also...
>vainglorious
lol

>>9805281
maybe?

>>9805335
Empathy goes a long way. It's important, especially in a world as detached and uncaring as this one.

>>9805278
I can relate anon. I think it's important though that you hang on to this feeling of empathy without letting it consume you. I know how it feels; it's incredibly painful being highly empathetic. It's incredibly overwhelming, and you start obsessing over all of the sadness that other people feel, which in turn makes you more miserable.

It can begin to feel like there is no happiness in the world at all, and you just wish that you could go about your life without thinking or caring about others.

I think all I can say is that you don't need to feel guilty for the suffering of others. It's important to empathize, but don't take on everyone's pain. You don't need to feel guilty about your mom raising you or growing up in poverty. Nobody can be condemned for the crime of existing.

But please, don't try to numb yourself or dispel these feelings. And don't discard all of your empathy. This world is in woefully short supply of it.

>>9805363
Thanks at least it wasn't a flood of oh off yourself messages so that gives me some false hope.

>>9805281
shitposting on /lit/ wouldn't be the same without you mate

The mods themselves are SJWs women, what a surprise.

Back from China. Had my first girlfriend while I was over there but I broke up with her shortly before I left because I couldn't deal with having someone love me. She told me she loved me and I felt so sad that I couldn't feel the same.

It was her birthday the other day, I sent her an email but she never replied.

To think that someone in another continent has bad blood with me really gets me down

Man i really want to write a play because i suck at making words look beautiful and nice to read ,but im good at thinking of interesting situations,building characters and developing interesting narratives,but i just happen to be very very bad at the aesthetic department,which is something you likely can quickly realize as you read this post.It frustrates me to no end,but if i adapt what i see in my mind in stageplay format it will be way easier to write,since i wont have to care for making what i write sound pleasant,what do you think?i really like attention,im usually an attention whore that ruins discord servers,but i dont like to interrupt well structured and civil discussion,so i usually avoid posting in threads,fearing the idea of ruining them,but since this thread is for posting whatever,i feel free to blatantly ask for attention,please call me cute

>>9806270
But you arent. See a therapist

>>9805545
Thanks. I've actually been behind pushing a lot of shitposts and memes man. I feel like if I ever knew someone on here actually and we got to talking about shit then maybe I'd get some respect in my sad pathetic miserable life.

I wish I could afford an Aston Martin.

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I used to post on these threads before but now I just write on my blogspot

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I want something, but im not sure what it is that i want.

I always felt bothered by it, but maybe I could follow it!
I don't know how I'll do that though....
Hopefully.......

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The very slight possibility of me being the only one who thought about fractal fidget spinners is a perfect example of the non-atomic, non-causal, non-linear quality of Mind.

By the way, the smaller ones would float, possibly spin at a much slower speed relative to the main one.

>>9806430
An Asian Daddy like Mishima?

Crushed beyond comprehension, the rat found its end under a heap of metal speeding by at 60mph without so much as a care. He had seen roadkill plenty of times before of course, as well as dead animals in general, even once a particularly museum motorcycle accident that emergency services were in the process of cleaning up. Maybe it was the angry cloud full of rain speeding up towards him over the horizon much like that uncaring car, or maybe it was the call from his boss that morning to say that his contract would not be renewed for the next month, leaving him high and dry to find some new work before his savings ran empty. Whatever it was for some reason today the end of that rat’s stress filled scurrying captured his attention, and remained burned into his mind long after he had sped past it’s carcass on the road. It continued to invade his thoughts as he scoured about town for a coffee shop he could settle down at for an hour or so to unwind, as his ‘usual’ spot was still closed for renovations. It seemed to him that it had been closed forever but in reality it had been barely over a week. Time seemed to flow much slower here just like the river that snaked it’s way through the old port city, or maybe it was just his fowl mood as of late making things seem as if they were dragging along at an agonizingly slow pace. A man all his life used to the almost panicked rush of London now found himself agitated and sometimes even a bit anxious by how everything here seemed to share the same sense of ponderous drifting. This feeling came to him yet again as a man stepped out into the road before him without so much as a glance towards incoming traffic. Only an attentive eye and skilled last minute swerve saved the jaywalker from a nasty collision. He was speeding of course, the wayfarer always was; unable to settle down into the blissful rambling of his surroundings. That did not stop him however from giving out a frustrated honk from his horn while the man continued on his way down the middle of the busy highway without any bother. It was the little things like this that antagonized him the most. He could deal with anything, but perhaps it is the fault of all English peoples to crave what is quick, clean, and convenient. This place was none of those but for the moment it was as home as anywhere else. The traffic was beginning to pick up so he decided to end his search and pull off to the first cafe on the road. A fussy little place with too many tables crammed into too small of a space, but lucky for him it wasn’t busy. A hot tea and a small sandwich was enough for him now. Having given up coffee a few years prior, he had now become hopelessly obsessed with his tea as such he was very specific with his order, much to the annoyance of the server. He could see her eyes roll but he didn’t care

I hate how a single decision can have such a negative impact on your entire life. And I'm not going to pretend that it was that one moment that ruined me. But each successive decision after that was only possible because I said yes.
Yes to an innocuous favour. Letting someone I barely knew stay in my dorm room over a stormy weekend in November. I wasn't even her first choice. I was plan-F for her. How could I have known where that simple act of honest kindness would lead us?
Looking back, I can see the cascade of events that began there. She was vulnerable. None of her friends had helped her. She had had to rely on a guy she barely knew and almost certainly disliked. So that led to us drinking, which led to us drinking to much, which led to sex.
After that she talked to me a lot more. She expressed interest in a relationship. Not out of affection, mind you. I represented an affirmation at a point when she was desperate and alone. I suppose she was the same for me. I had been rejected by the girl I loved recently before.
So we entered into an unhealthy, sex-centric relationship. Not happy enough to love one another but happier than being alone.
And here we are, almost 4 years later, in that same relationship. Too deep now to go back, living under the same roof, sleeping in the same bed.
When I was younger, I had an ideal for a relationship. I wanted to marry a women that could be my best friend. Someone I could have fun with and be myself around.
We're not friends. We're not even all that close. When we're at home, we do our chores separately, we enjoy our pastimes separately. The only things we really do together are eat, drink too much and fuck.
I wonder how things could have been if I'd just said no.

Is self-hate the defining characteristic of our generation? I feel like everyone my age secretly hates themselves.

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I'm too lazy to live. But too lazy to die. I hate that I cannot be happy despite being born and raised in better circumstances than probably 90% of all humans who have ever existed, with access to all the wonders of modern society. I almost wish I was full-on batshit insane so that I could fully dissociate from reality. I have no goals, dreams, passions, or ambitions. I drift from day to day, partaking in distractions like books and the Internet in the hopes that they can keep the dark thoughts at bay and mitigate some of the psychic pain that seems to constantly plague me. I hate that I sound so generically angsty, but I can think of no other way to convey my stupid thoughts on my stupid life.

>>9803849
I'm the dude with the girlfriend - that's exactly what I wanted & needed to hear. Thanks friend

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>>9801188
Is that your history of History? Isn't that a farce of a Farce? How long are you going to keep blaming others? How long are you going to wait to become dust so the wind can carry you? If you live in others' dreams, make them your own; if you don't like them, change them. Don't pretend you see reality when you can't distinguish one thing from another. Don't talk of the perenniality of Nature's laws, of the union between Man and Nature, then say Man's laws are up for grabs.

No one knows where dreams start--knowing that keeps no one from dreaming. No one knows where the road ends--knowing that keeps no one from going.

I live for myself, that has never changed, and I have never pretended otherwise. I want what is Mine: If I can't be myself, how can I be human? If I can't be human, how can I be an animal? If I can't be an animal, how can I be an earthling? If I can't be an earthling, how can I be cosmic? If I can't be cosmic, how will I face what's beyond?

Pray answer, Old Man: Why does it rain in the desert?

Women scare the shit out of me, what the fuck am I supposed to do with them?

>>9801485
People who get mugged are usually junkies that go to the ghettos looking for cheap drugs. If you dont do stupid shit, its really unlikely anything bad will happen to you. Life is pretty chill down here.

>>9808852
Do you need to do anything with them?

>>9802640
Pros can be pretty cheap. If you want to know what you are "missing" you should try it. Knowing what sex was about made my celibacy much much easier. You arent missing anything as good as media makes it out to be.

>>9808953
kys

>>9808946
You tell me.

>>9801188
Funny thing is that even now with everything record and saved in HD, history (and the present) can still be manipulated

>>9808985
Well, unless you wanna reproduce, keep appearances, or have intimacy, you can get a prostitute. That's about it.

>>9809229
How do I into intimacy?

Baccalaureate exams (English and Chemistry) coming up and I'm horrible at studying. And even though English should be an easy laudatur (top 5%), I'm still kinda worried I will fuck it up.

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I am constantly confronted by the realization that I am immoral and weak. That I lead a vulgar life bereft of virtue. It bothers me.

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Who are they who are them who are why who are when who are now and occasionally then who would know who would show where to go friend or foe where and when again and again can't you say one damn day if it's okay?

Nay?

>>9809265
Without a woman? Keep a diary without intending to show it to anyone else.

I feel like i have no personality. Years of isolation has fucked me up.

>>9809377
No, with one.

>>9809390
I wouldn't know.

I've been tripping monthly this summer with a friend of mine who I was infatuated with back in highschool. We usually go with a mutual friend out to a state park and take either LSD or 4-aco-dmt. Over the course of these trip I've become more attached to her, I'm convinced I love her. I don't think she's into me that way, besides she has a boyfriend and lives with his family. This unrequited love is making me miserable and I know I should probably stop tripping with her, but I also have never felt so alive when I'm around her. This whole thing will probably end in disaster but I don't care.

why I still didn't die

>>9810669
Because no one wants you dead