HOLY SHIT

>>9787019

OMG LITERALLY SCREAMING

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>>9787019
>BuzzFeed

>>9787019
I like the idea of A History of Magic as a real book but I know she will just shit out 100 pages and publish it. It should be a encyclopedic tomb of lore shit.

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For a young man in the 21st century, J.K. Rowling embodies just about everything that he hates about his own mother, but can't outright say to her. An aging neoliberal single mother with an inflated sense of self-importance using twitter to cope with her increasing irrelevance. The sort of woman who hasn't seriously thought about any of her opinions, but feels the need to push them on to others and condescend to anybody who might think differently.

She is an archetype. Neither insightful nor funny nor controversial. She is a consummate mediocrity basking in the praise of similar mediocrities the world over who have projected their own aspirations on to her, satisfied that somebody like them is a billionaire. Her Christianity is an accessory. She takes everything that she's been taught by public school and daytime television and fashions a god out of it.

She conceives of public affairs in the nebulous terms of "love" and "hate". The fact that an action might fall outside of either of these two categories, or that something she deems "hateful" might in fact be the wiser choice has not occurred to her. Despite this, she is shockingly easy to bait into a bitter, spiteful rage. Furthermore, her generosity only extends as far as her personal comfort. At the end of the day, it's little more than virtue signalling and if social opinion undergoes some vast sweeping change then she'll fall in line.

In many ways, she's already missed the boat. Her brand of comfortable feminism has already fallen out of style. She just doesn't know it yet. The second wave man-hating sexual phobia that sees rape everywhere. Its frigidity is evident in her writing. Then the bizarre merger with proud slut queer positivity. The post-hoc declarations of characters' sexual proclivities. The rationalization of racial retconning. It's like she discovered a Harry Potter fan tumblr, followed a couple links, and incorporated whatever she saw, resulting in an incoherent schizophrenic worldview. That's probably exactly what happened.

Her name is fucking Joanne. Need I say more?

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And one more thing. She has a surprisingly nice pair of tits that I'd really like to suck on.

She looks a lot like my own mother, but with nicer hair and way nicer tits. In fact, she's basically a more attractive version of my mother, which is great since the only thing that really held me back from fantasizing about my own mother is that she just wasn't good looking enough.

Rowling really seems like the kind of woman who'd suck her teenage son's dick. I mean it.

She gets back from le ebin GIRLS NIGHT OUT XD!!! Plastered out of her mind from sipping too much shiraz or perhaps pinot grigio. Maybe she and THE GIRLS even passed around a blunt at Samantha's house. I always find it funny when Gen X women think they're being SO BAD smoking weed. Mouth full of the most expensive cheese available at Tesco and whatever crackers Georgia had to get rid of. She's cackling with laughter and sobbing as she lurches in through the front door. She has zero self-awareness when it comes to her emotions, but defends them with religious fervor.

Clumsily, she makes her way toward the living room where her son is playing video games. She sits down on his lap, suffocating him with her embrace and exhaling the stinking fumes of cheap wine right into his face. For a couple minutes, she rants about what a BITCH Leslie at the office is, before muttering the he's the only on who understands her. Briefly, she looks into his eyes, trembling all over. Then she locks her mouth with his and begins to kiss him passionately. At first he is paralyzed, but his mom is kind of hot and he'll probably never have another chance like this. He's thought about it before. He kisses back and before long she's between his legs, pawing at his penis like the cats she collects. She takes it in her mouth and sucks it like she's back in college. She's STILL GOT IT.

The next morning, she pretends not to remember anything, but blames him for the incident, finding subtle ways to punish him.

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>>9787217
>>9787223
JESUS CHRIST LAD

>>9787310
>new

She's milking that franchise like I'd milk those tits.

I love this new pasta

>>9787223
>>9787217
Well-crafted kek

>>9787019

Harry Potter and the Refugees of Wewuzkangz

Harry Potter and the Intersectional Sorceress

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>>9787223
>She has a surprisingly nice pair of tits that I'd really like to suck on.
>She looks a lot like my own mother

Harry Potter and the Confusing Feelings

Harry Potter and the Unsafe Safe Space

Harry Potter and the Parent Teacher Organization

Harry Potter and the Wizard's Wifeswap

Harry Potter and the Haunted MRA

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Kekistan

Harry Potter and the Production Means Seize

Harry Potter and the Transwizard Tournament

Harry Potter and the MK Ultra Assignment

Harry Potter and the Human Rights Violation

>>9787019
>Books are a prequel involving Dumbedore's gay escapades as a young wizard and a sequel of sorts involving Hermione's white-to-black transition.

>>9787604
>a prequel involving Dumbedore's gay escapades as a young wizard
This is very likely. If she humanised him any more it would demonstrate to me that she really knows nothing at all about storytelling and everything was a fluke.

Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat's Assumptions

Harry Potter and the Mudblood Revolution

>>9787223
>>9787310

Love this pasta.

Harry Potter and the Great Replacement

Harry Potter and the Wizard Nationalist Movement

I like how JK Rowlings attempt to write a non-HP was such a flop she went running back to write more and more HP novels. Does she really enjoy writing this crap, or is this a cynical money grab?

Harry Potter and the Gender Scholar

Harry Potter and the Immigration Policy

Harry Potter and the Cuckshed of Secrets

Harry Potter and so on and so on

Harry Potter And The Big Fat Nigger From Dallas

>>9788430
she's a billionaire so any more money has to be just a drop in the bucket at this point. i may be optimistic but i have to assume she enjoys writing.

I can't wait for the SUBTLE COMMENTARY on Brexit / Trump

Harry Potter and FUCK DRUMPF AND FUCK WHITE PEOPLE

> Hogwarts' original founder was actually a Muslim PoC Womyn, whose identity was hidden using wicked sorcery by Salazar Slytherin. Slytherin was a muggle who could barely read. Dumbledore will NOT teach you this.

>>9787216
>tomb of lore shit
tomb is right

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Boipucci

Will accept if it involves Marauder-era hijinks and schoolboy Snape being bullied and possibly getting /ss/. He is made for it. Maybe by Lucius Malfoy's mother, because she'd probably be hot and would have interest in the new Slytherin boy.

And/or Voldemort back in Tom Riddle days. Everything else in the series is boring garbage.

Of course it will almost certainly instead be fanfiction-tier garbage of the character's spawn. Hold on, let me drink a bit so I can puke more voluminously.

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>>9787019
Harry Potter will take a surprising new direction

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>>9787602
>Harry Potter and the Human Rights Violation

>>9787631
>implying this wasn't apparent after the third/fourth book

>>9787019
Leave my shekels alone!

As I said in the other thread, will Harry Potter fight against Donald Trump and his band of evil Alt-Right white supremacists?

>>9788828
I'm willing to bet my left nut that is what will happen.

>>9788731
Why the fuck do you want good characters ruined by humanising backstories? Fucking hell, I can't think of anything worse than justifying their personalities with SJW crybaby garbage. Johnny Depp already ruined Willy Wonka and the Mad Hatter by making them human, what's next? Dumbledore? GANDALF? They're supposed to be more than human.

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>>9787602
>Harry Potter and the MK Ultra Assignment

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>>9787223
>>9787217
Thank you so much for this.

>>9788430
Money is not the object, she has too much of that already. What she wants is legacy, an army of young people suckling at her deflated breasts who will then carry her beyond death. She is a sad, lonely, rapidly ageing woman whose glory days have long since passed, and who wants to be important again, now and forever.

>>9787631
>literally hundreds of millions of people love a story
>she's a fluke; I really understand storytelling better than she does!

fuck off. No one thinks she is writing "serious literature" or whatever category makes you so hard, but to pretend like she accidentallied her way into writing the world's most famous story book is absurd

>>9788740
Harry Potter and the Final Solution

>>9788740
>Harry Potter and the Cross of Fire
>Harry Potter and the Cleansing of Sirius Black
>Harry Potter and the Order of the Klansmen
>Harry Potter and the Evola's Stone
>Harry Potter and the Prisoner of the Ashkenazi
>Harry Potter and the Mischling Prince
>Harry Potter and the Aryan Hallows
>Harry Potter and the Gas Chamber of Secrets

>>9787019
We did it reddit!

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Is the magical school setting the only reason HP is popular?

>>9790140
If so, just waiting for the magical school shooting to happen desu

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>>9788740

nah more like this

>>9788964

>developing characters ruins them

You're actually retarded? If you think "unhumanised" characters are good, it's only so because they serve as a cartoon character of sorts, and the inconclusiveness allows you to project anything you want onto them, similar to the unwritten horror can be more scary than anything that could be written, because the person can project their own personal greatest fears onto it. It's a cheap cop-out for people with no creative talent who could write something better than the average normie could think up to fill in the gap.

Developed > undeveloped cartoons

kys

>>9788731
They aren't new novels. They're pseudo-history books written by a museum. Rowling had nothing to do with them apart from rubber stamping them.

>>9787217
>>9787223
NICE.

>>9789698
t. butthurt lady/teen

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>>9787223
>>9787217
That's some fresh pasta

>>9787019
she ran out of money shilling the clintons probably

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>>9788740

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>>9787217
>Her name is fucking Joanne. Need I say more?

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>>9787217
>>9787223

>>9790808
You're wrong, it's about tapping into archetypal symbols rather than rehashing jerry springer nonsense. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone (your blanket approach is ridiculous, of course you're right about most characters). But for SOME special characters, detail ruins their mystery and power.

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>>9787019
Joanne...easy on Harry

>>9790164
Wasn't that basically the plot of the 6th book?

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>>9787217

legs.. easy on the stretching