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Anonymous
Why we love to hate JK Rowling 2017-07-19 11:47:13 Post No. 9778973
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Why we love to hate JK Rowling 2017-07-19 11:47:13 Post No. 9778973
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For a young man in the 21st century, J.K. Rowling embodies just about everything that he hates about his own mother, but can't outright say to her. An aging neoliberal single mother with an inflated sense of self-importance using twitter to cope with her increasing irrelevance. The sort of woman who hasn't seriously thought about any of her opinions, but feels the need to push them on to others and condescend to anybody who might think differently.
She is an archetype. Neither insightful nor funny nor controversial. She is a consummate mediocrity basking in the praise of similar mediocrities the world over who have projected their own aspirations on to her, satisfied that somebody like them is a billionaire. Her Christianity is an accessory. She takes everything that she's been taught by public school and daytime television and fashions a god out of it.
She conceives of public affairs in the nebulous terms of "love" and "hate". The fact that an action might fall outside of either of these two categories, or that something she deems "hateful" might in fact be the wiser choice has not occurred to her. Despite this, she is shockingly easy to bait into a bitter, spiteful rage. Furthermore, her generosity only extends as far as her personal comfort. At the end of the day, it's little more than virtue signalling and if social opinion undergoes some vast sweeping change then she'll fall in line.
In many ways, she's already missed the boat. Her brand of comfortable feminism has already fallen out of style. She just doesn't know it yet. The second wave man-hating sexual phobia that sees rape everywhere. Its frigidity is evident in her writing. Then the bizarre merger with proud slut queer positivity. The post-hoc declarations of characters' sexual proclivities. The rationalization of racial retconning. It's like she discovered a Harry Potter fan tumblr, followed a couple links, and incorporated whatever she saw, resulting in an incoherent schizophrenic worldview. That's probably exactly what happened.
Her name is fucking Joanne. Need I say more?
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And one more thing. She has a surprisingly nice pair of tits that I'd really like to suck on.
She looks a lot like my own mother, but with nicer hair and way nicer tits. In fact, she's basically a more attractive version of my mother, which is great since the only thing that really held me back from fantasizing about my own mother is that she just wasn't good looking enough.
Rowling really seems like the kind of woman who'd suck her teenage son's dick. I mean it.
She gets back from le ebin GIRLS NIGHT OUT XD!!! Plastered out of her mind from sipping too much shiraz or perhaps pinot grigio. Maybe she and THE GIRLS even passed around a blunt at Samantha's house. I always find it funny when Gen X women think they're being SO BAD smoking weed. Mouth full of the most expensive cheese available at Tesco and whatever crackers Georgia had to get rid of. She's cackling with laughter and sobbing as she lurches in through the front door. She has zero self-awareness when it comes to her emotions, but defends them with religious fervor.
Clumsily, she makes her way toward the living room where her son is playing video games. She sits down on his lap, suffocating him with her embrace and exhaling the stinking fumes of cheap wine right into his face. For a couple minutes, she rants about what a BITCH Leslie at the office is, before muttering the he's the only on who understands her. Briefly, she looks into his eyes, trembling all over. Then she locks her mouth with his and begins to kiss him passionately. At first he is paralyzed, but his mom is kind of hot and he'll probably never have another chance like this. He's thought about it before. He kisses back and before long she's between his legs, pawing at his penis like the cats she collects. She takes it in her mouth and sucks it like she's back in college. She's STILL GOT IT.
The next morning, she pretends not to remember anything, but blames him for the incident, finding subtle ways to punish him.
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Good Lord, anon
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I would insult you for this post JK, but it's actually the best thing you've ever written by far.
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Post of the year for sure
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>>9778974
>Mouth full of the most expensive cheese available at Tesco
This gets strangely specific.
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>proxyfagging your own thread
stop
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That was quite a journey, anon. Pretty decent prose too, memes aside.
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That was....kinda hot.
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>>9778973
Go home JK, 4chan has no time for you
In other news, someone forward this desperate attempt for attention to the Washington Post. Poor, poor JK
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I like how it starts as a legit criticism of JK Rowling with only a subtle hint of what is to come, but quickly devolves into an incestuous fan fiction.
You should really email to a newspaper, they will surely begin to read and continue simply to see where this bizarre critique ends.
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>>9779151
Im guessing post 2 is by someone else
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>>9779128
Cant you tell the person who posted this was Tao Lin?
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>>9779194
Nah re-read the first post there's too much about his mother to be a separate author.
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bretty nice :DD
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>>9778973
Success breeds jealousy. It's the same reason why /lit/ hates Christopher Paolini. Both authors write complete garbage that is aim towards teenagers and they make a shit load of money because of it.
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>>9778973
Wow. A lot of people are trying to make OC copy pasta today.
Is it because of that Bugs Bunny thing earlier today?
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>>9778973
Anon I think you might be the chosen one spoken of in the Bloomian prophecies.
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>>9779575
Link?
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I see...
So this is the power... of threadkino
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>>9778973
if this is true, monsieur, then there must be incest porn fantasies that by my estimate would constitute some 10% of the entire internet and by the year 2030 may constitute some 25% and at an accelerating rate, faster than global warming (the jewish conspiracy theory)
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go to bed, jk
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>>9778973
>neoliberal
the complete opposite
>self importance
not at all
>using twitter
she stays away from social media
>no opinions
she's a strongly opinionated woman from politics to art
>condescending to people who think differently
isnt this the same as the aforementioned smugness?
>not insightful, controversial, nor funny
only the last applies
>weird mundane crypto religion
no, she is very spiritual. not the abrahamic faiths tho.
>black & white view
is your mom a plebian, anon?
>feminist
just a worse egalitarian, ugh
>attractive
that bitch is ugly as fuck. I see hotter 50 yos on the street every single day
my mom is much prettier, looks like a parisian teen crossed with a shy polish jewess, but is neither
I love you ma. hoe you're reading this.
good thread, op. made me realizw how blessed I am~
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>>9781064
this is a very bad post
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>>9781064
you may have gotten away with one or two of those, but then you chose to overcommit.
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>>9778974
>In fact, she's basically a more attractive version of my mother, which is great since the only thing that really held me back from fantasizing about my own mother is that she just wasn't good looking enough.
>pawing at his penis like the cats she collects
>The next morning, she pretends not to remember anything, but blames him for the incident, finding subtle ways to punish him.
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>>9778973
>For a young man in the 21st century, J.K. Rowling embodies just about everything that he hates about his own mother
cringe
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I know this is pasta but the misuse of 'neoliberal' very well sums up this type of insecure internet rage; the confused terms and misdirected rage and the ignorance
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>>9778973
So Rowling is everybody's mom and that's why is so hot to hate her and then want to fuck her?
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>>9778973
>neoliberal
This alone is bad enough
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>>9779025
It means she mistakenly thinks she's made it to the middle class. If you were British you'd understand immediately.
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>>9778973
This was really enjoyable to read. A decent case study with some minor analysis.
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>>9778973
>>9778974
I don't know how fully I agree with any of this but you did a great job writing it.
>Takes everything she's been taught by public school and daytime television and fashions a god out of it
Jesus just call her a normie and make a frog noise.
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>>9778973
Well its authors and actors pushing their political views when nobody cares what sort of people they are, but their works alone.
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>>9778974
oh she's hot
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Her son and daughter.
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>>9783249
The look in their eyes
You just KNOW
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>>9783249
why does her daughter look both 16 and 40 at the same time?
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>>9783260
Like Ginny in the film epilogue
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>>9783249
>British "people"
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