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Sentence structure

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Hi /lit/ I didn’t study English to any professional degree and I find that when I am trying to write I experience massive crises about sentence structure. I could write the same sentence a million times, it seems, and I have no idea how to choose one over another which means that instead of writing stories or chapters I just end up re-writing sentences and paragraphs over and over again. Is this due to me not understanding some basic grammar rules - is there something I can read to help with this, or do I need to become less autistic and picky and just run with what flows first time?
Let me show you the kind of basic sentence that can hold me up for hours:
The fighting had stopped in the city centre and it had gone quiet, except for the occasional shot fired off in the distance as skirmishes carried on in the outskirts.
The fighting in the city centre had stopped and it was quiet, save for the occasional sound of shots being fired off in the distance – skirmishes carrying on in the outskirts of the city.
Occasionally there was the sound of shots being fired off in the distance, as skirmishes continued on the outskirts of the city, but the fighting had stopped in the city centre and it was quiet.
Although skirmishes continued on the outskirts of the city, but for the occasional sound of shooting far off in the distance, the fighting in the city centre had stopped and it was quiet.
It was quiet, save for the occasional shots fired off in the distance. The fighting in the city centre had stopped but skirmishes continued in the outskirts..
There’s five versions but I’m sure there are many more. When you break it down there are several things which can be variable:

· Whether you begin the sentence with the fighting, the shots, the quiet or the skirmishes (am I missing a basic rule here?)

· Whether/where you put the word ‘occasional/occasionally’ in relation to the shots

· ‘Except’ versus ‘save’ versus ‘but for’

· ‘The outskirts’ versus ‘the outskirts of the city’

· Use of commas, etc.
Now I know this is real OCD level analysis but I feel if I can grasp some basic rules I might be able to get over this? I am hoping there is a simple explanation as to how to write sort of a basic sentence which I have somehow missed?
For example, I wouldn’t even know whether to write “The dog jumped over the wall, stopped, and barked” or something like “Jumping over the wall, the dog stopped and barked”. English is so confusing to me!
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you should read this: http://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/

your first and second sentences can be misinterpreted. It's not clear whether you want the 'quiet' to refer to the city centre.

third version probably shouldnt have the first comma, but then it becomes kinda long so idk.

fourth version of the sentence is either grammatically incorrect or simply very confusing to read, since it sounds like your second clause refers to the first.

fifth is fine. definitely the best one. i think 'on the outskirts' is more normal to say, although 'in the outskirts' should be correct too.

if there is the chance of ambiguity, occasional/occasionally should go directly in front of whatever it's affecting. this being /lit/, i give you an example by the DFW himself, using the operator 'only':

“I fed the dog.”

“Did you feed the parakeet?”

“I fed only the dog.”

“Did anyone else feed the dog?”

“Only I fed the dog.”

“Did you fondle/molest the dog?”

“I only fed the dog!”

for except/save/but i think you should just pick based on how easy it is to read and how many times you've used the word already

if you have multiple grammatically correct versions of the same sentence, then you should pick whichever is easiest to read, or whichever most emphasises what you want to emphasise. These are both very subjective.

for the sentence you wrote at the end, it depends what you mean to say. your first version of it implies that the dog jumped, then stopped, then barked; your second version implies the dog stopped mid-jump and barked at the same time i.e. he stopped/barked while jumping.

there are no catch-all basic rules, only guidelines. english is stupid.

or you could just ignore all this and get published anyway. people do it all the time.
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>>9768477
i accidentally referred to 'only' as an operator, my bad.
>>
Just find the one that sounds best to you and fits well with the sentences before and after. In my humble opinion, the second sounds far better than the other four options. If you can't come to a conclusion using analysis, just go with your gut feeling.

>>9768477
stop your retarded fucking reddit spacing you dumb cunt
>>
>>9768318
English sentence structure is complex like any other language. While the fundamental rules are fairly straightforward, the permutations and slight differences change the internal mechanics and sentence "tree" a lot. I would suggest buying an intro to grammar textbook and reading through it on your own. I took a grammar course last semester and even as a native speaker I learned a lot about how to craft better sentences and why things are like they are. This is the textbook we used https://www.amazon.com/Introduction-Grammar-English-Revised/dp/902721168X It's fairly short, written simply, and has a lot of examples and practice exercises in addition to being relatively cheap.
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>>9768318
You can read Lolita by Nabokov if you want to see English stretched to it's absolute limit.

Developing your own style and way of approaching these is a good method.

First is alright. 6/10
Second is 7/10
Third is crap and extremely confusing with a way too long run-on sentence, 2/10
Fourth is the ideal choice. 9/10.

You start and structure the sentence focusing on what is most important to you and/or the audience.
Don't hold the audience's hand, 'the outskirts' is more concise and gives the place more intrigue.

>>9768576
Why so angry, anon? Do you need a hug?
>>
and but so
>>
The fighting had stopped in the city centre, leaving only the distant sounds of gunfire from the outskirts.
>>
>>9768318
These are just my feelnpings as a layman. An amalgamation of advice picked up elsewhere.

Think about what is important to what you want to say. What do you want to convey? What do you want it to mean and how is this best accomplished? Think yourself into the situation - what would you notice, feel and smell in which order? What would stand out and how would that affect the order of your events in your sentence, paragraph?

I liked the second one the most.
>The fighting in the city centre had stopped and it was quiet, save for the occasional sound of shots being fired off in the distance – skirmishes carrying on in the outskirts of the city.

I imagine there was a battle going on before that. Noises, confusion, chaos, terror all around and suddenly - silence. The fighting stopped. That would strike me. 'City centre' grounds the (in)action. The way this sentence is constructed feels very natural, flowing from immediate time and local place to occasional gunshots far out accented by the break before the description.
It has a certain melody or voice to it that matches what is said and when it is said.
I like this anon's take (>9768885) for the same reason.

Something else I picked up somewhere: Stop worrying and learn to love the flow. Craft the story, scribble down the bareboned skeleton framework noting whatever stroke of genius comes your way and when you're done, refine it.
None of the five sentences are unique in that they can each be reconstructed from one another, so why worry about that now when you could be fleshing out the rest?
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>>9769313
To add my own take:
The fighting had stopped in the city centre, leaving only the distant sounds of gunfire from the outskirts. The fighting had not stopped there.

Also, why are you writing in English, OP?
>>
Read "it was the best of sentences, it was the worst of sentences"
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