Critique my work before it's published!

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I recently took up a personal project with the end goal of having it published. I have already received bids on what I have from Penguin and some other notable publishers, but I figured I would crowdsource some of the critique.

Thoughts?

I am planning on expanding it to a trilogy, but as the world develops I might do more.


CH.1 - My long dong -Figgy Guzzi

The morning sun brought my morning boner, as i pulled back the covers, I was greeted by the warm, familiar scent of smegma. Bliss, is the only word that could describe the pure state of euphoria that washed over my ravaged body, after laying my eyes on that magnificent dong. They say that dongs can't be long, I shall be the one to prove them wrong.

Ch 2 My wonderful ass

full of life and stool.
Its stench makes me euphoric
It comes from my ass


Ch 3 Go Go Go

After admiring my extremities in the mirror, i decide it is time to begin my day. The rancid stench emanating from my butthole reminds me of something i need to do- a morning ritual. I need to go get breakfast at the local chinese restaurant. I descend from my house steps and begin my tireless journey. My long dong drags behind me as the euphoria from my recent defecation carries me aloof. I pass my neighbor’s porch and recite my morning greeting “Hello there beautiful buttercup of mine!” She looks at me with disgust, takes a wiff of the air, gags, and closes her door. I continue on my way. Eventually I reach downtown, where I find Man Hong’s Chinatown Eatery.

Ch.4 Long dong at Man Hongs

The looks I received from the faceless passerby’s was of little consequence to me, for I had just seen an angel. My “beautiful buttercup” is the sun to my sky, not one day passes that I do not stare longingly into her window. Her name… Razborki. Never before had I laid my eyes on such perfection, a living embodiment of the goddesses Aphrodite and Athena, for her sheer beauty was only matched by her quick wit and intelligence. As I walked into Man Hong’s, my hopes were high that Hong had just made his famous fresh dumplings, for one, because I love dumplings, but that day also happened to be a very special one indeed. It was the 100th day mark since I began stroking my dong in honor of my darling neighbor. “One Long Dong Dumpling Surprise please.”, I said with near reverence, the words flowing familiarly out of my mouth. “Sure thing, coming right up!” Hong quickly replied. Man Hong was an old family friend, and he had heard many a tale of my magnificent dong, naming a dumpling in honor of its girth. With my thanks, (and a fresh box of dumplings) I quickly dashed out of the eatery with my long dong bouncing along right behind me, hoping with all earnesty that my darling buttercup had just finished her daily theater rehearsal.