Let me begin by saying that the Infinite Jest pipe is a huge

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Let me begin by saying that the Infinite Jest pipe is a huge personal achievement for me. I hope the Infinite Jest pipe is written about in my obituary and becomes the main focus of my Wikipedia page. I might even name my first child "Infinite Jest Pipe."

Creating a pipe like this is not easy. It takes care, precision, and time, but most of all, dedication to your craft. To make this pipe, you will need a power drill, a straw, some tape, and a copy of Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace.

This was the first time in my 23 years of existence that I have ever used a power drill, and likely my last too. I am simply not to be trusted with power tools. In my first draft of this article, I actually encouraged readers to get stoned and use power tools because, damn, it is so much fucking fun. (It's especially rewarding if you are drilling a hole in a book that you absolutely could not finish and that has been haunting your bookshelf, taunting you, and making you feel guilty about your millennial attention span for, like, six years.) But now that I am rethinking the situation sober, I do not—I repeat, DO NOT—recommend using power tools while stoned, no matter how fun it is. (It's very fun.) I refuse to feel responsible for some stoner with poor judgement sawing someone's arm off while using a chainsaw to make a pipe out of an oak tree.

Anyway, to make an extremely long process short, what I essentially did here was drill a hole through the top of the book with a power drill. I then put a straw through the side of the book and taped the pages closed around the edges. The straw makes it easier to inhale all the smoke and the tape creates an airtight seal.

I give the Infinite Jest bowl a 9.5/10. I would've given it a 10/10 if it was a book I actually read and enjoyed, and an 11/10 if the book wasn't written by a white dude.