How about a poem thread

>>9591800
bit bothered by the "He"
replace with "She" and everyone is happy

This. It's the perfect allegory, but many don't read it as such;
They see the albatross / the king of the sky
as a any old, stupid bird --
But when comes the realization that l'albatros
is the poet / then they embark into Hades
bidden to a mast of a ship followed the siren song more dangerous than sleep.

>>9591800

Vain, not vein. Unless you were making a double entendre there that makes no sense.

>>9592135
well the "he" refers to the devil, I guess I wanted to keep it gender neutral that way ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

>>9592250
I am grateful for the correction but do you have something to contribute yourself? I am just curious..

>>9592283
apparently, /lit/ is all talk, no balls.
myself included.
I did write some poetry, just not in english

(not him)

The moonlight
It weeps in envy
For it wishes it could be
As haunting as your laughter.
As thrilling as your laughter.
Just as August skies
Wish they could be as warm
As your eyes.
As your eyes.
For nothing can compare
To the burning splendor
Of being by your soul
And finally feeling whole.
And to know
That if oceans bled away
Into voids of cold decay
I could say,
Could say
You were my best friend
And that I loved you til the end.
Til the end.
And that your laughter,
Coveted by heaven,
Was the anthem
To which my heart would beat.
To which my heart would beat.

>>9591800
The rhyme scheme is really confusing, and the punctuation is not consistent

>>9592593
what language?

You guys are meaner than most of my circles. Does the ending work?

Starfucker

Night sky gleams with pearls,
bright little beads of cum
bright souls that lifted out
of the mouth of giants
orbs of light like guide
less lanterns. Hold them
close to your breast
and feel the bumping night.

feel the breast of God
bumping in rhythm and
blue skies will shine
in your eyes like seaglass
so precious and manmade.

What isn’t made by man?
What isn’t made in our sight
and taste? Galaxies spin
like old vinyl and hiss Joe Meek.

Real gods have curved
spacetime to pull their
lovers around the rings they
bought them. Here I am
whirling around on this
wet marble, slick wet
lover, love whetting mover,
hoping to cook something up
that’ll catch the eye of Polaris.
Something nova and tilted,
so I can one day press against
that beautiful hell and become
nothing with the universe.

>>9591800
Imagery feels weak. Play harder on the binding elements without being so explicit maybe?

>>9592606
The final repeats not doing you any favors and the rhyming takes the seriousness out of the piece. I would recommend practicing sonnets until you have a better handle on rhyme and rhythm.

>>9592606
This is like a highschool
Creative writing project written by aggregates of other high school creative writing projects.