>self publishing

>publishing

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>>9571233
>90% of the sentences start with the subject
>about 60% start with "she"

i read it all, god bless this faggot i hope he keeps writing

like mary sue dark elf chick isn't going to be turned into a film someday

>>9571317
ya I do that too but only in pre-edit. I just do it when i know ill go back and rewrite and wanna get down the plot

>Dre likes to sell dope

>>9571351
>dark elf not getting raped

>>9571450
That's a bad habit mate.

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This shit reminds me of how I used to write, holy fucking shit I am glad I stopped writing like that. You give these fags a Legend of Drizzt book and they all write like this. I wasted 600 bucks on a short story class at community college when I was there because I had to take an elective and some mongoloid wrote some shit that read like an Assassin's Creed fanfiction and the writing style reminded me so much of this. Is this a common writing style for fantasy?

Even if this was written 1000x better do people actually read stuff like this? This is just narration for an RPG or something. Go play Skyrim ffs

>>9571608
i need to know if Veldriss Myth can level-up her bow

there might be intra-weapon romance scenes

>>9571233
>I read the whole thing
Jesus Christ. People actually enjoy reading stuff like this? The first two pages were just pointless descriptions of her outfit. That writing was horrendous and uninspired. Nearly every sentence is just telling me what this girl I don't care about is doing. And the rest are not so subtly telling me about the authors fantasy of being cucked by a dominant amazoness.

Time to go read another short story from Winesburg, Ohio to bleach this from my mind before I sit down to write for the night.

>>9571652
are there dark elves in ohio

>>9571233
>that paragraph

I call it the: "I only wrote 20,000 words but I want a 200 page book" style

>>9571661
No but there are some qt black haired girls that are quite unruly

>>9571233
I recommend you go read some of Sanderson's work (Way of Kings) and compare his prose to yours... you will immediately notice some stark differences. As a start, don't begin every other sentence with 'she', and try varying the lengths a bit more. Short is sweet.