Impress me

I ran against Trump and my dad shot JFK.

>>9396994
I was bitten by a tiger

>>9396994
I was almost devoured by a tiger in the rainforest

I once produced nearly 200ml of semen in one 24 hour period w/o the use of viagra, amphetamines etc

>>9397016
Did you also fuck OP's mother?

I used to walk from town to town, never getting tired because my fitness level was so high.

I touched the snout of an ocelot through a zoo fence while being fully aware that it wasn't allowed because I'm a total madman.

I was born and raised in a suburb and went from one learning institution to another until I became a professor at a learning institution.

DFW is my favorite writer.

>>9397030
no. she was busy

I'm a virgin btw

I have had anal sex with two girls at once on more than one occasion and have the videos to prove it

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Climbed the left side of pic related while tripping on LSD. Then climbed down tripping and stoned, which was a lot harder.

>>9397140
what's the difference between tripping and being stoned?

>>9396994
I once drank 18 shots in the span of one hour and still managed to get home on my own two feet.

>>9397123
Post them lad

>>9397147
Tripping means you see weird shit, stoned means you feel/act weird.

>>9397123
Post them fag

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>>9397151

Currently reading The Acts of King Arthur and His Noble Knights by Steinbeck, just to add a pinch of /lit/

i know a lot of famous people.
ive managed to be the third wheel to a lot of groups and powerful people.
ive done a lot of drugs and yet nonetheless i work a pretty regular but well-paying job unrelated to anything im actually interested in (writing and stories etc) so i just read books to fill the void and most people think im smart. im also really nerdy yet not hideously ugly so that throws off a lot of people and allows me to blend into a variety of places and experiences.
it's a boring life but from the outside i bet it looks exciting though.

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>>9397204
OI!!!

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>>9397204
Nicely done lad

>>9396994
I was institutionalized as a teenager a few times and managed to work my way out of my rut and be at peace with myself
also transitioning

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>>9397204
HOLY SHHHHHIT DUDE

>>9397204
i simply do not believe that is you

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>>9397270

Suit yourself, cunt

*nuzzles your fur into a state aporia*
*glomples the gender roles you adhere to using deconstruction*
*pounces on your tail's structuralist notions of meaning*
rawr ;3c

>>9397276
face shot from video, current timestamped face shot and upload video to MEGA so i can download it

do it

>>9397286
Not him but

Why would anyone go through that much trouble to prove his sexual prowess on a romanian goat milking imageboard?

>>9397286

Why would I film my own face in a video of me fucking two nineteen year old chicks in the butty hole, faggot?

>>9397298
So that we can conpulsory fap like rabbits

>>9397298

pics of the 19y/o's

gotta clear the pipes this morning

>>9397298
Should've whispered some oldfag lame as fuck meme into the cam without the girls noticing so you'd be able to prove yourself years later to please the hordes of pseudos on /lit/

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>>9397304

Over my disgusting Steinbeck-reading face? Wow, you're a faggot.

Here's my stack for my upcoming road trip to Alaska.

>>9397270
>touched a rhinos horn, believable
>bitten by a tiger, believable
>threesome with two college age sluts, woah you gotta be fucking kiddin me

This one time I almost slept through an earthquake that left hundreds of people in my country without homes.

>>9397204

Were the women mentally ill or are you just the most charming cunt on /lit/?

>>9397712
>women
>mentally ill
redundant

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>>9396994
That's hard to say. I've:

fast-roped down a 40' drop using only my mitts
witnessed a suicide by gunshot
watched my estranged father die, surrounded by the family he left me for
listened to a numbers station in the middle of the Pacific
read the US Constitution (the document itself)
eaten a raw scorpion pepper a Trinidadian gave me
flown a single-engine aircraft
ran a mile in 6 minutes
climbed and sat atop the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacan
breathed CS gas
done 10 pull-ups in a row
lived in Hawaii for years
walked around inside the White House
currently swapping out my old daily driver's engine for a V8

Thanks, OP. I guess I've done some kinda cool things.

>>9397434
There's something so mystifying about threesomes that always astounds everyone. It would be mundane enough for a man to have sex with one woman, even two women consecutively, because managing to have sex with one woman is a completely unimpressive feat and nobody bats an eye at someone who has the skill to charm a single woman managing to charm several consecutively. But two women at once? Wew lad, you must either be incredibly gifted in charms or just so impossibily lucky to pull that off.

>>9397893
As a threesome veteran, it's more a function of accumulation of chances than anything else. Sure, there is a skill floor, but it's not much.

>>9397913
It just seems to me like something completely luck based. I've known guys with exxtensive track records in wooing women that have never had a threesome, and then there's this friend of mine, who had almost zero experience with women at the time, one night just fucked two girls out of the blue. There's no rhyme or reason to it, that's why threesomes have such a mythical status among men.

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>>9397298
selfie, millennial culture

>>9397925
But positioning yourself to capitalize on what is almost pure luck is one of the manly skills. The main thing stopping people is time (most people do not go through decades of active sexual marketability and tend to settle down within a decade or take themselves off the market) and negative social consequences for trying and failing (real and imagined).

I stood ankle-deep in the surf, soaking my leather mocassins and beach soccer sore feet, and urinated into the Mediterranean Sea on a beach in Barcelona while drinking a pepsi that a Pakistani shopkeeper gave me after warning me to stay away from that hoodlum que tiene la cara de un ladron whose cigarette I was smoking, still a little buzzed from the comped vodka tonics; the effects of a white substance called 'Charlie' I bought from a prostitute on the advice of a German professional gambler who called me Zabar; and the lingering feeling of a Chinese club girl's mouth on my 15 year-old cock.

>>9396994
I saved someone's life. But it's not a very believable story.

>>9398062
Tell it anyway anon

>>9397749

Sorry you had a shitty mom anon. I know, I tried her last night, she was loose in the pooz and bitchy to boot.

>>9398062
tell it. Won't be any less believeable than the rest posted so far.

>>9398072
It's a long story. I was at a festival with a bunch of friends. One morning we were all out of our tents talking, except for one friend. He refused to come out, even though everyone was calling for him. Some girls went to his tent, calling him, but he doesn't care and stays put. Because he stayed there for so long, he thought it would be funny to suddenly storm out of his tent. A guy-wire was stuck between his toes and he tripped. There was some blood so we told him to go to the first-aid station, but he refused.

The next day his feet became infected so he had to go to the first-aid station anyway. There they 'cleaned' the wound by opening it up with sand paper. His foot was hurting real bad and so he decided to take it easy, not to dance, and to just relax and enjoy the music.

We all agreed to meet up at a tent at a particular point in time that night, but my friend and I got separated from the rest of the group, and we still had an hour left to fill. We went to a tent where a comedy show was about to start. Music was playing, boring music really. As we waited for the show to start a song came along that my friend really liked, so forgot his foot and began to dance and jump like a wild man. After the comedy show was over, when we got up from our seats, his foot was hurting more than before. After a long discussion we decided to go back to our tents and to just hang out there.

We arrive, grab two charis and sit down. As we start talking we hear a low sound from somewhere, lasting only a second. We keep quiet for a few seconds but we hear nothing. We begin to talk again, but the sound repeats, a sort of groan. As we look around us we hear someone gurgling in one of our tents. We rush to the tent, open it, and look inside. We see one of our friends lying on his back, vomiting all over his face without moving a finger. We drag him outside, turn him over, and begin to clean his face and tent. He doesn't respond to what we're saying, he isn't registering anything that's happening around him, he only vomits and groans sometimes.

I still can't believe that this happened. If my friend hadn't decided to stay in his tent, suddenly jumping out wouldn't have been funny. If he didn't think it would be funny to rush out of the tent, he wouldn't have hurt his foot with the guy-wire, something he could've easily missed. If he didn't refuse to go to the first-aid station right away, his foot wouldn't have become infected. If we didn't go to that comedy show, where a song played my friend really liked among boring music, he wouldn't have danced and jumped, hurting his foot in the process. If we didn't decide to go back to the tent, after all those coincidences, our friend would've drowned in his own vomit. And to think that he got sick only a few minutes after we grabbed our chairs and sat down.

>>9396999
Hi ted

Also Praise Kek

I performed a Savasanah in my bed, closed down the five senses, and merely listened, saw, felt, what the mind saw.Like a millennial, addicted, attached, and always connected, it was very hard to do nothing but one thing. That thing was my object, my anchor, something reliable, at least for now, which was simply watching the breath.

When the rhythm was pleasant, the body was also pleasant, the mind was also pleasant. But it would return again, the stress of work, daydreaming of personal stories that had been edited for many years. Songs returning, my baby brothers 3AM cries. Those thoughts were non-voluntary and sometimes they would disappear.

I fucked the music, I made it cum.
I fucked the music with my serpent tongue.