Cynical & Depressed

No books for that, bro
Get help and start lying to yourself, thats the only way to make it
Good luck

Also my reason for asking is I cannot afford a therapist. I figured I'd try fixing the problem on my own. I know this is one of the saddest boards on here and I'm hopeful for some insight on this problem. Any help is appreciated.

>>9396622
Read the Enchiridion by Epictetus. It helped me.

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perspective.

>>9396636
As someone with experience with dealing with therapists: don't expect a miracle, you're just paying someone to do what an attentive friend could do. Therapy is made out to be far grander than it actually is, you aren't missing much. Unless you find it nearly impossible to maintain a few close bonds, they're not worth it. A psychiatrist would be, if you needed that much help.

My best advice, although I'm biased as this is how I clawed my way out myself, would be to find some creative outlet. I'm not talking about the kind of bullshit you might be fed - "Chuck paint at a wall for an hour, let go of your energy!" which is, by the way, complete horseshit. Take your creative work seriously. Practice for hours, see constant improvement and garner the ability to express yourself properly and gain respect from others, if it means much to you. I wouldn't advise self-help books, something more active and confronting always seems to be more effective.

Don't know if this will be of any use to you, but good luck with everything. I hope it works out for you.

Osho

Just check out amazon's self-help section, plenty of useful knowledge to be gained there. Also, hypnosis; you can find it on youtube, for self-esteem, confidence, whatever. It works wonders.

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>>9396622
I read Steppenwolf the other day. I realised that I will never just walk to a bar and find my Hermione waiting me there deus-ex-machina-like.

Whatever, best of luck, sometimes I think that getting out of depression is just chance, no matter how many books I read, no matter how much I improve my body, no matter if I ace university, nothing is gonna make that girl I loved and got loved back 5 years ago come back from the dead.

Life is pretty good tho still.

>>9396622
Myth of Sisyphus is good for actually taking on suicide/depression as a topic. You may be different to me, but politics and religion have given me some sort of worldview that isn't cynical. I'm still agnostic though.

I've gotten happier just going to University desu. It's not for everyone and wouldn't recommend all the debt, but it got mind out of the gutters of cynicism. Memes don't help, I try to run pages and hate to live up to expectations/or be constantly cynical and acrid.

>>9397656
Sad to hear. Hope you're doing well though.

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>>9397670
That's the point I don't know how I am doing. I don't get sad/happy, met this new girl and she started being boring after a while, thought I found a person to talk to about "deep" and "personal" stuff. Fast forward 2 weeks we somehow treat eachother like the average person, lying and doing shit just to piss eachother off. First date, we were already talking about our shit childhoods and abusive parents and somehow this just faded away. Felt like finding that girl from 5 years ago on a person and she was just a hypocrite looking for easy life and running away from her problems.

Sometimes I feel like everyone talks about facing their problems and they just run away from them in different speeds. I love people when I get to know them for a very short time, after I open up to them everyone feels like they are crying over so little, and when I don't cry everyone assumes the same for me. I'm sad after getting fucked by fate that I didn't do shit with women for 5 years and suddenly people treat me like I've never been in a relationship before.

Im tired, but neither happy nor sad.

>>9396622
How aware are you? Of yourself, your biases etcetera, of the ideas and ideological taint of your opinions?

Because if you are aware enough to learn humility, I'd recommend the book of Job.

>>9396631
If you take placebo and it works, it was real medicine. Truth is a valid belief.

>>9397656
If that's all you got out of it, you didn't read it properly.

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>>9396622

Read some essays by /lit/'s favourite motivational speaker, Schopenhauer (pic related)

>>9397745
The joke almost killed me. Ha ha ha

>>9397741
Actually im guilty. I lied, didn't finish it yet, Im at the point where Harry is tripping balls with the sax guy and he dreams/hallucinates of the first girl he ever loved or sth (after the wolf/man hallucination that made him sick).

I'm pretty sure that Hermione is kind of the DeusExMachina of the story, I mean like he wouldn't be able to shred his ego if he didn't meet her right?

Maybe she is an illusion he created himself, probably it will all clear if I get off my arse and read the last 50 pages or sth.

>>9397651
whats with all the rajneesh cultists lately? are we being colonised

>>9399188
>are we being colonised
No whitey, you are being diversified

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>>9396622
depends on your level. and what you mean by self-help. i'm going to take self-help to mean anything that helps your self. bing.

level 1 wanderlust - "goodbye, amelia" by simone felice, i am not jackson pollock by john haskell (<-nice compilation of short stories ranging from being about yes, jackson pollock, glenn gould, and other historical figures. orsen welles too, i think), the hero with a thousand faces by joseph campell, the alchemist by paulo coelho

level 2 general malaise, uneasiness - [poetry] any of e.e. cummings' works. his anthology is rad and full of range. billy collins is light and cheery. [fiction] the sorrows of young werther by goethe, amazing novel. if you're looking for company. remember bukowski, zbignew herbert*** definitely, leaves of grass by whitman.

level 3 just broke up with somebody - [poetry/prose] solipsist by henry rollins (didn't know he wrote, exceedingly surprised) [fiction]
siddartha (herman hesse), i see someone posted the myth of sisyphus. yes. the myth of sisyphus. sri isopanisad by srila prabhupada (<- vedic perspective on recurrence of suffering, spiritual perspectives on why, etc)

level 4 mushroom cloud-laying motherfucker, motherfucker - bhagavad-gita as it is*** for sure for sure, when you are engulfed in flames (not really self help but like, a very long stand up basically) by david sedaris, OOHH finite and infinite games by james carse (this is about free will and sort of applying the concepts in spirituality to cognitive-behavioral paradigms. very read worthy) oh yeah, can't forget, catcher in the rye.

I got out of a long depression by smoking weed and hanging out with an old friend. Really, that's all you need for a temporary release--some form of new perspective or experience to break you free from the negative feedback loops in your own mind. Of course, if there are deeper issues causing your depression those will need to be addressed in a process that might take a while....I found success in researching psychology and trying to figure out what experiences influenced my fucked up depressive perspective. Ideally, you'd want to find the origin of your issues--beyond just "I'm broke," but a comprehensive investigation of your feelings/responses to these issues...you'll probably need the help of many online articles/aids to really become aware of the irrationality of depressive thought patterns, especially if you've been depressed for multiple years and are at this point used to and comforted by it. The search for truth here may be fruitless, but it will comfort you to search.

Once you regain some confidence in yourself, I'd suggest jumping on the Stoicism bandwagon (or really any other form of "practical" philosophy that will forcefully keep your mind off of the regular depressive thinking habits).

Also, workout. Best of luck

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the parameters are set against us.
we don't get to choose are parents, core personalities, nor our temptations into depression and cynicism.
Use that cynicism to help you realize the reality and use improvisation and ingenuity to
overcome the fucking trap laid out for us.

From my personal experience self reliance is very important. Do not ever depend on lovers, parents, mentors or friends. They will let you down-- the cynicism reaffirms this because it's absolutely true. There is no guarantee any of these entities will not run out on you. Realize the most important element to pulling yourself out of depression is learning to stand on your own legs. Cynicism, while draining, is a useful tool to gauge actual outcomes. Have faith in yourself-- realize that suffering is normal and can only temper you while giving you some genuine depth.

You can always train your brain to perceive some physiological feelings like 'anxiety' as something positive like excitement instead of nervousness. A simple change of perspective it will propel you forward instead of backward. It's difficult but I wish you the best of luck.

>>9396622
workout, personally I do calisthenics since it's easily incorporated in my routine (can do it without leaving my apartment, it's free, and it don't require any equipment). it never fails to boost my mood and replenish my energy

books don't help directly in my experience, but it can give you a new, valuable perspective.