Is this a good line?

i dont get it, but i'm only 9 years old so what do i know

>>9396536
Hi John Green

It sounds like something made for a "Worst Line Imaginable" contest.

Don't focus on razzle dazzle bullshit and keep to writing what's honest and true. Even where lofty, grandiose sentences succeed they don't succeed for long (meaning they fall quickly out of fashion and the next generation laughs at them).

No.

jds

Depends on who wrote it, I would t want to look like a pleb by insulting this if it was written by a /lit/ approved author.

>>9396536
The understatement fails. The sentence begins with understatement, then ends with her being the most important thing in the universe, which reads like a high school level poem. Cringeworthy is the word.

Waking up to a loud crash rarely means something good is happening. It’s never “CRASH! She was standing on the balcony holding the universe together!” or “CRASH! The railing was quite flimsy.”

>>9396566
It would be bad no matter who wrote it.

>>9396536
In this moment, I am euphoric

>>9396579
holy... i want more...

>>9396566
>>9396582
i just googled it. Salinger wrote it

>>9396573
>The sentence begins with understatement, then ends with her being the most important thing in the universe

Top notch analysis. You went to Harvard, didn't you?

>>9396536
a bit much. Instead you can say "she was holding the city together" or "with the night on her shoulders"

File: uQLhgYb.png (12KB, 621x104px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 621x104px

hmmmmm

>>9396588
Is that not a good analysis? How would someone better educated put it? I'm just a pleb novelist.

>>9396603
your analysis was fine, >>9396588 is a retard.

>>9396587
It's a fucking copypaste of Shakespeare. Haven't you read The Tempest? Second act, look it up.

>>9396603
You just stated what was apparent to anyone with half a brain. It wasn't "analysis," but a really dull and mindless play-by-play.

>>9396608
Read more, shitwit.

>>9396618
>Read more, shitwit.
i'm trying!

>>9396536
>>9396549

>She wasn't doing a thing that I could see, except there was all these people staring at her, I thought she was a jumper until I saw her face.

People are always doing that, staring at you if you're a jumper, or famous,i heard one woman start gasping really loudly, boy are people phoney.

I wish old D.B was here, he could write her into falling.

>>9396618
>how dare he answer the question that OP has asked
>le dumb plebe xDDD
This board is 18+. Please, fuck off.

>>9396536
Really depends on what's around it. Is this a Terry Pratchett/Niel Gaiman kind of story, or is it a Kerouac/Salinger kind of story? Or is it a Nicholas Sparks kind of story?

>>9396618
And on this day, anon delved deep into his arsenal of insults, to grand accolades, whispering under his breath, "shitwit," at which time the whole world fell into a swoon over his terribly efficient ad hominem dismissal.