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What books will stop me from looking at everything through a very cynical, pessimistic lens?
My friends and girlfriend tell me that I'm very negative when I talk openly. It seems like every time I try and talk openly to someone, their eyes get wide, their faces shows concern, and they ask in a soft, worried voice if I'm alright.
I usually try to soften it with humor, which just ends up wit me saying something very dark and absurd. They kind of laugh, but I can tell they're still concerned about me. My friends go out of their way to ask if I'm alright, and my girlfriend always tries to get me to "open up". They're sort of concerned over how much I drink, too, and my girlfriend started dropping hints about "talking to someone".
I don't think I'm really that depressed. I think about killing myself sometimes, but that's more of a fantasy I play out in my head to put everything in perspective.
I hate being this person. People don't like to see someone they care about being miserable. I infect them when I'm around them. Sometimes I can fake a smile, and that puts them in a good mood.
I want to open up with people, be myself, but nobody really wants to be around who I really am.
To paraphrase Hesse in Steppenwolf, "You have to know what's worth caring about, and laugh at the rest". And I'm trying to sort out what matters and what doesn't, but that's two parts of the brain. I can rationalize things, but dull feeling in my chest doesn't go away.
have any books changed your perspective towards thinking about the world? have you read any book that left you with a hopeful, optimistic feeling?
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>>9395360
Rise and Fall of the Third Reich.
Many keks to be had. (Tfw 90% of references are from Nuremberg trial.)
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>>9395384
I'm negative not sociopathic
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>>9395360
You need The Good Soldier Svejk stat.
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>>9395455
isn't hthat just a satire. i liked the little flowers of saint francis
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>>9395384
>Fall of the Third Reich
That would make me more depressed desu senpai.
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>>9395455
why that one?
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>>9395500
It contains the key to happiness. Read it, what do you have to lose except a few hours?
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Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
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>>9395360
Bump
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When such as I cast out remorse
So great a sweetness flows into the breast
We must laugh and we must sing,
We are blest by everything,
Everything we look upon is blest.
If you suffer more than others, you can also feel greater joy than others. The whole poem is well worth a read. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/43294
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>>9395485
Wow edgy
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>>9398413
Good read
Thanks anon
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>>9395360
You could try to amuse yourself and read something made of 99% pure fun like the Stainless Steel Rat? For the hopeful feeling, All My Friends are Superheroes was a pretty sweet little read, but it seems to be liked and disliked in about equal measure so it's an odd one to recommend to someone. You can always embrace the cynical black comedy of Journey to the End of the Night to remind yourself that you still have a way to go before you reach the bottom.
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>>9395485
Kill yourself. Not a single person alive would miss you after a month or two
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