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Matt sloshed through the bog.
Swamp muck shackled his advance.
He fell to his hands as his feet sank deeper.
Frogs croaked all around as the insects screamed.
Matt did not scream. Calmly he allowed the mud, the roots and swamp to ingest him.
Lower and lower he sank.
The water sapped his heat.
Matt relaxed completely. Why would he feel anxious. This place was made for him.
Death wasn't close. Heaven was in this bog.
It was so pure. Untouched by civilization.
Finally the muck was level with his eyelids.
Time was slowing now.
Day and night came ferociously.
The insects rose and fed and bred and laid and died and cycled consistently.
The amphibians raced like darts leaving echoes.
The bog crept higher still.
Day and night stood still.
Twilight embraced him.
A gray light just bright enough to make out features shown constantly.
Sun and moon became moving streaks across the sky
like electrons in the nucleus.
The trees and vines began to burn with activity in the dullness.
Vibrantly growing and shrinking faster and further
The old was gone.
New began and before it was recognizable it was different.
Matt was under the cool water now, air bubbled up so slowly from his mouth
the muck filled his lungs in return.
He stopped breathing, no longer able to feel himself;
He could feel the bog around him.
He became intwined with the world around him.
Changing, feeling, entranced in the wholeness....
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>>9370317
The story seems to be reaching for grand significance, but i don't think it's there yet. The pacing is odd, there are also some inexplicable word choices. For instance, there are no electrons in a nucleus, so the imagery becomes confused. I'd be interested to see a refined draft.
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I wrote in one swoop so it probably doesn't make complete sense.
It comes at a time where in my life I am in love with a woman who is a devout christian and i came into the relationship atheist completely comfortable dissolving into the bog. Thank you for your input. I doubt i'd revise it, I don't really know how without modifying the original feeling i wasn't sure i was trying to portray.
Thank you for your input. It has been helpful psychoanalytically.
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>>9370317
This is what we call a 'prose poem' anon
Try elaborating on the reasons why he decided to commit suicide. The image of a man drowning himself is compelling, but, unless you're WB Yeats, flowery descriptions are not enough. Keep working on it.
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>>9370363
I hadn't looked at it as suicide, more a willingness to to succumb to nature. Thank you for explaining what class of literature this roughly fits into. I will have to look into WB Yeats I appreciate your input.
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For what it is worth, these are real pictures of the swamp I am imagining. I took these earlier today.
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You should revise this.
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>>9370369
If he is indeed 'succumbing to nature', then allude more to it, and the psychological and metaphysical implications thereof. You're onto something here though
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>>9370317
I liked it. It fizzled too fast though. There should be more to the ending. And please, no ellipses. Also, Matt is a stupid name. Nobody should be made to bear the name Matt.
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>>9370959
This is the Grand Kankakee Marsh in Northwest Indiana.
I really appreciate the criticisms here and intend to revise the little story. I create without knowing what I am making and so when I end up with a short story i'm lost on how to revise.
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