Rewrite Famous Stories

>>9345195
>Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed.

Capitalist pig deer Mulligan came from the shadows, bearing a bowl of Barbasol on which a looking glass and a razor resigned christianly

Atlas Shrugged

There's an "anti john galt" character that wants all the greatest minds to leave, and wants them concentrated in the valley, in order to kill them all with the sound weapon.
His goal is to be the only genius left and rule over the US, and then the entire planet. He's also anyi government and is seen as a third major player behind Galt and the state.

He thinks he succeeded but is made irrelevant by the coming second reinnessance and released human ingenuity and freedom of the common man. Galt proper knew this would happen and so never bothered trying to stop him.

>>9345231
I will allow it but ONLY if the new ingenuity includes an enterprising rock band that sings about freedom.

>>9345195
Maman died today. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was today, it's not like I'm autistic enough to have somehow missed it.

>>9345195
He had two enemies left; one, if you like to pretend God isn't real.

Anything Lovecraft

Sans racism.

>>9346961
Grotesque fish people lives matter

Lord of the Rings

Aragorn abolishes the monarchy.

"You kneel for no one." okay, that's swell for your pals. But what about all these thousands of people that you now rule over who have no idea who you are? Also, what's his tax policy?

I'd rewrite Harry Potter, but make it good. Basically
>it wouldn't have any retarded commentaries on race or manlets or whatever the elves were supposed to be a stand-in for
>kids would read it because it was good, not because it was popular
>it would have plain English
>magic is more than just a plot devise and would actually be creative and used outside school
>no romantic subplots
>none of the movies based on a kid's book would have a reason to be rated PG-13
>it wouldn't be British
>it'd have a completely different cast
>it'd have a completely different plot
>the author wouldn't shitpost about PewDiePie on Twitter

>>9348375
This is the only post in the thread that doesn't sound like an horrid idea thought up by a moron.