The futility of fighting depression

Yet, while this hatred of evil is slave morality, Christianity goes one step beyond, when it tells us to love our enemies instead of hating them, blessing the rulers and praying for them, while at the same time unequivocally stating that Satan is the ruler of this world, and that the whole world lies in wickedness, friendship with the world is enmity with God, and that Christ has already crushed all the authorities and powers of this world and put them under his mighty feet. Christ has already trampled the head of the snake and defeated Satan, the only thing Satan can do is bruise the heel of our Lord and Savior. Yet, the final act of the play, the End Times, the world kingdom of the Anti-Christ is still to come, but those with eyes to see and ears to hear know that this is the season of the harvest of souls. Oh, God, let me be purified by the time of your coming. Let me cleanse myself from all bitterness and all evil speaking, and let me learn to oppose the evil only with good.

Now some may consider it extremely hard and difficult to do this. To have the strength of character to say “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”, even as they crucify you. To really love one’s enemies, while many may agree that such a stance is moral, (of course there are those who disagree), but few find this stance of turning the other cheek, never responding to violence with violence, never taking revenge, but loving those who persecute you, few find this realistic. Yet, Christ says: “My yoke is easy, and burden is light.” And, indeed this can be understood. “Resist not evil”, it doesn’t really require any incredible action - just inaction in the face of being treated unfairly. Just taking all the strikes, taking all the false persecutions without falling to their level. Yet the natural man is disposed to take revenge, to defend one’s life and self-perceived “honor”. We are children of wrath by nature, and only through a spiritual rebirth can we see the light of total benevolence, total non-violence, the paradoxical truth of Christianity: who forsakes his life, gains it, who lowers himself will be exalted, and so on. Love thy enemies, and do good to those who persecute you. Curse not, even the evil-doers. Rebuke them, give them a chance of repentance, and if they do not accept your rebuke, and apologise, then shake the dust off your feet and move on

I had this dream today. I was once again in contact with the unconscious, it spoke to me and told the truth. How I shouldn’t be so negative and how instead of me being treated unfarily by others, for which I had unconscious, unresolved bitterness, my own behaviour was to blame. Through the voice of dream characters, friends from school, in that old school bus, this was made absolutely clear to me, because the total consciousness which generates the dream consist both of the conscious and the unconscious, thus it knows me far better than my waking consciousness ever can.

In the dream I was being segregated from others. Because of my negativity, I thought. So I protested and insisted why focusing on the problems, the 9/11 conspiracy, and all the evil mass murder and lies perpetrated by the elite is the only way to move forward. But the dream characters were able to show the immaturity of this position by showing me a philosophical book, full of symbols, and colours, it was nothing like I’ve ever seen in the world of waking consciousness. The unconscious spoke the truth and it was a hard lesson to swallow, yet there was no chance of arguing with it. The experience of that dream was closer to the truth than anything during awake-consciousness. In dream one gets closer to psychological truths, which are unaccessible during waking hours. The unconscious wants me to heal, it wants me to understand. Where comes such love - if not from God?

But, sorry for this repetition, this was what I exclaimed in the dream: that it was necessary to go through the darkness and focus on the problem in order to come to the solution. But the dream characters told me something else in response. They showed me a book. Telling how everything starts when a person produces the color “beige”, which in the dream meant an amateurish mistake, a well meaning effort, yet, something bland. And, only through producing this “beige” mistake, one could move forward to the pure white light. This was explained on one page, with the colors beige and white, and somehow this was associated with Hegel’s philosophy, and his concept of the Absolute, the ultimate goal of the historical process being the white light, while the beige was symbolising the dialectical historical process, where man’s consciousness develops through trials and errors, arguments and counter arguments, mistakes and corrections.

However, when I started turning the pages, there was other pages, with other colors, and other symbols. On the next page after the one describing beige and white, there was the colour Red, and the name of Jean-Paul Sartre, and all kinds of symbols, the shape of which I am unable to describe, nor remember. This book was incredibly interesting and seemed to hold true wisdom within it. Unfortunately as I eagerly began to study the book, the dream ended and I awakened. Feeling that the lesson of the dream had humbled me, and forced me to admit my own failures instead of blaming others, and that I should not be so cranky and gloomy and obsessed with such dark and difficult issues. Dreams are teachers, their helpful teachings come from the unconscious, and there is something very mysterious about them. Perhaps, if we really started to focus on dreams, and started listening to what they are trying to say to us, we could heal the whole planet and the whole society.

Oh yes, the dream world, how glad there is such a thing. Each night we go out of this world and into the inner world, full of imagination and drama and meaning. Only to wake up to the difficult situation of our daily lives. And dealing with the problems - which in my case have been overwhelming for quite sometime now. So overwhelming in fact, that I’ve had the spirit of giving up on trying to solve them for quite sometime now. It seems that I can not control my situation, I’m fully at the mercy of despotic powers over me, which can destroy me at any time they wish, and they have been doing so for quite some time now financially. Nothing is guaranteed, and there seems to be tremendous fluctuations in my financial situation. All of a sudden I might have tens of thousands of euros on my bank account, not fully understanding how. Taxes are returned, debt is forgiven, and everything seems good. I start making huge plans for investments and building a company. Then again, suddenly, without any control on my part whatsoever, vast sums of money are taken, and all of a sudden I have nothing left. Then again the money returns and goes away, with the fluctuations being so much greater than the money I have left, that it has become a certainty that any day a huge bill might come out of nowhere and take me to bankruptcy. In fact, given the trend in all of these events, it seems inevitable that sooner or later such a fluctuation is bound to happen and destroy me financially once and for all.

i just want you to know i didn't read any of this

The revenue and the expenses are somewhere around 40k, yet in my bank account at this moment there isn’t even a thousand euros. Can you understand how stressful this situation is? I mean obviously I can’t take any risks and invest in anything in a situation like this. Now, of course, like I said, I haven’t been making any money, only losing it for the past - well, basically, I don’t know, seems like years. So, I’ve really lost my will to live, given that I can’t control these things. What’s the point of trying one’s best if at any moment the despotic child-raping rulers can enforce a giant tax which makes me go bankrupt? So, it’s better to just sit, do nothing and pray for a quick death to take all of this pain and stress finally away. If life teaches anything, it’s that hope is always false. The seeming light at the end of the tunnel is always just another train coming in to crush me. If I could go to sleep and never wake up, it would probably be the best. I mean, I’ve tried, and I’ve failed. My whole life is nothing but a series of missteps and misunderstandings and disappointments. Year after year after year. So I’m tired of it all by now. It’s all been shit, and there’s really no one else to blame except myself.

Some moronic relatives are telling me to go to therapy because of my depression. What’s that going to do? How exactly is that going to solve anything? Is the psychiatrist going to help me kill myself? Will he help me put the noose around my neck? Will he help me load up the revolver? I mean, I guess he could probably give me some pills to overdose on. Therapy is for people who want to get better, not for people who want to die. I mean sure, you can try to fight depression, you can try to cheer yourself up, and you can treat it with various medicines -so what? In the end resistance is futile. I’ve realised this myself, when these waves of depression start coming in, and everything feels just horrible - you can do two things. Well, I guess technically there’s an infinite amount of options and perfect freedom, just like when dealing with any other situation. But, anyway, you can either try to think positively and make yourself happy. This takes tremendous energy and leads to a battle between the part of the psyche which is depressed and the part which tries to turn that depression in to happiness. The happy part is forced to use tremendous will power and energy, trying to stop the negative thought patterns and to replace them with positive ones. This can work, or it can fail. Ah, for example, if you look at how this stream of consciousness started, you can see, it was aiming for the positive. But here’s where it ended up.

So, the other way, is just to accept the situation, and for the conscious part to voluntarily join the unvoluntarily depressed part in mocking and complaining and hating on the self. There seems to be some satanic joy and relief in this kind of attitude, because of the absurdity and dark comical, humorous aspect of the whole thing. And, indeed, eventually, the problems might go away and the positive mood can return normally and naturally as time moves on.

Now, if I was ever to publish a writing like this through my social persona, it would be, without a doubt be seen as a “cry for help”, and “begging for pity”. What a disgusting scenario would unfold. And how shameful it would be! No, no, such a thing can never be done. But, it is possible to publish it anonymously. Why would anyone want to read it then? Well, doesn’t matter. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t, at least it’s somewhere.

The End

ok

I like it anon, you should write more :)

>>9336091
Thanks.. to be honest I have thousands of rambling pages like these on my computer.. things I've written and forgotten.. perhaps one day I'll be able to go through them and edit some best parts together and publish a book, who knows

>>9336153
If you ever get over your depression you'd probably read them and kill yourself

>>9336513
Haha.. well.. can't argue with that..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKgOhbBIKu4

I'd read it if it wasn't about depression

I'm sick of r9k woe is me shit

>The seeming light at the end of the tunnel is always just another train coming in to crush me.

Plagiarism isn't cool.

"In short, the true courage is to admit that the light at the end of the tunnel is most likely the headlights of another train approaching us from the opposite direction." - Zizek The Slobbering Slovenian

http://www.newstatesman.com/culture/tv-radio/2017/04/girls-hbo-hannah-adam-jessa-endgame-finale

>>9336656
I'm sure he's not the only one who's used this almost idiomatic cliche.

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Did he make all these memes as well?

You should put it up somewhere. I'd love to read more of it. I had to stop after the 2nd post when it got too personal and I don't care for you but it's good.

>Like Nietzsche says, evil is an idea of the slave, hatred of the ruler is slave morality, but indifference towards the rabble is morality of the rulers. They do not lose their sleep, hating the subjects, like the bitter subjects can lose sleep hating the tyrants

This is objectively wrong.

Tyrants can be indifferent to the rabble because the rabble are incapable of wronging them in any meaningful way. Tyrants hate those who wrong them even more than the peasant hates the tyrant who wrongs him. The peasant's hate is unburdened by hubris and arrogance, unlike the tyrant.

"remember that tragedies have no other subjects but the rich, and kings, and tyrants. No poor man fills any other place in one than as part of the chorus: whereas kings begin, indeed, with prosperity. " Crown the palace with festive garlands." - But then, about the third or fourth act: "Alas, Cithaeron, why didst thou receive me?" Where are thy crowns, wretch: where is thy diadem? Cannot thy guards help thee Whenever you approach any of these, then, remember that you meet a tragic player; or, rather, not an actor, but Oedipus himself."

Oedipus hated Tiresius. Atreus hated Thyestes. Achilles hated Hector. Hamlet hated Claudius.

>>9335761
Things are different now. Obamacare is basically a welfare government. This way of looking at things is old, obsolete, and outdated. Also, money doesn't come from air -- it comes from hard work, patience, and humility. With government-funded welfare programs and private scholarship programs, we are doing everything we can to help people join the middle class and live a comfortable wholesome life as part of a progressively enlightened civilization. At this point, if you're poor, it's because you've made some poor decisions, or perhaps you aren't from here and haven't met the right people yet, or perhaps you prefer the low-income lifestyle. Fortunately, there's a helping hand at almost every corner, so there's really nothing to worry about as long as you work hard, stay clean, and keep your chin up.

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>>9335761

Schoy, Imma get on my kNees and do the "Cha-cha-cha" by your command, my rage, our death-cry;

then I will be bent o'er by the regalness of thine hands, as you grasp me very earnestly for the over the "trillionith" time;

but to you, it's always the first time;

cuzz I keep cumming back to you, and you keep coming inside me.

I think you gots the problem with yo head yo-yo; you probably need some oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, and some other chemicals that aint C., BITCH.

>>9336762
Yes I agree but it's not that different from what I said. Sure they hate just like everyone else, but the point about slave morality is to a degree still correct.
>>9336772
How is money created? It's created out of nothing as debt. This is how the fractional reserve banking system works. And yes I'm not from America, as reading the story would have shown you. I mean where I'm from the welfare system is probably better desu, but I'd probably just rather die than start dealing wit the bureaucracy for handouts.

>>9336808
Too cryptic, very sophisticated vocabulary but obviously vicious mockery towards me. Well.. can't expect anything else from the internet.
>>9336755
If you like the basic Christian idea in the second post, I think it's really well presented in Tolstoy's What I Believe and The Kingdom of God is within you.

>>9336915

>Yes I agree but it's not that different from what I said.

There is a large difference.

Objectively what you said was that rulers do not actively resent their subjects, and that such resentment was held by subjects toward their rulers. "Why would they spend their time hating? Like Nietzsche says, evil is an idea of the slave, hatred of the ruler is slave morality".

It is generally true that rulers don't resent their subjects, and that is a fact worth noting.I didn't mean to dispute that, but rather to argue that to categorize the resentment of subjects to rulers as a 'slave morality' is inaccurate, and thus not useful.

As I pointed out, such hatred or resentment is generally held by most people towards those they believed have wronged them, including rulers. The point being that if such resentment is not exclusive to subjects, but is also held by rulers, it cannot possibly constitute a slave morality.

Framing the resentment of subjects towards rulers as a slave morality is inaccurate, because it fails to take into account the fact that rulers also resent. Such resentment is better explained by framing it as a reaction against a perceived wrong. (I'm not arguing its a justified or useful reaction btw)

>>9337086
Hmm ok what I was basically doing was paraphrasing Nietzsche's idea from the genealogy of morals.. maybe I don't remember it correctly, but as far as I remember he made that point that the whole concept of evil is "slave morality", (which I think is just his concept and thus basically should be defined by him) and the aristocrats have a totally different morality. But actually I disagree with his whole sentiment there, because he's against Christianity and I'm for it. So yes I would agree that Nietzsche's idea is inaccurate, and my own writing is very incoherent. I'm going on about fighting evil with good, fire with water, then I just jump in to the whole question of do the elites hate us, but it seems like there's some ideas missing there because I was just writing stream of consciousness, so probably in my mind came to the whole idea of how I've been so resentful and feeling hatred towards the ruling elite and going through this inner conflict of trying to forgive them and love my enemy and so on.. so it's very incoherent and your probably right about everything. :D

But I'll just go to sleep now this thread can die

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>>9337146

I agree for the most part about your notion of fighting evil with good, and not returning evil for evil.

Something just clicked when you presented Freddy's notion and I took it as an opportunity to formulate a critic of Freddy - you then got me to to elaborate that critic, which required me to think hard about how to articulate what I meant. A very useful exercise.

>>9337176

critique*x2

Fucking spellchecker