Write what's on your mind.

>>9316743
I feel like I love God but I hate creation.

How funny situations are in retrospect.

Ready to die but not ready to kill myself

>>9316940
This is my feel listening to nostalgic shit on youtube and drinking from the bottle desu

Somewhat OP related, I'm trying to find a girlfriend who would allow me to watch as she took a shit on the floor. And just one that's into female scat/messing in general.

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bird dog mouse louse rat cat. put them all in a bag. skip down a dark alleyway dragging it. stop and slam the--no no no a court will read this into the record--no my lover will find this on the database--be yourself be normal be yourself. Tall skinny dark handsome man with money who goes home and cooks a tuna steak but i am out of salt how to season. woman i need a woman they never swipe right on me only me on them it's tiring and perplexing because i am those things. i would like a coffee now to stay up and maybe wander down the street to a pub. maybe she's there watching the television waiting for someone like me whose brain is nothing but mushy soup and worry.

getting tons of reading done this year and its fricken rad my dudes

I'm pretty much finished with a book mentioned earlier here today. Pond by Claire-Louise Bennett. An anon suggested it in a "books which will be considered classics in fifty years thread". I think anon suggesting this book is very silly.
Her very short stories are quite good though. I wish she were more ambitious throughout. If she talks to the right people, she might put out a novel worth suggesting in one of those threads, but as it is, this collection goes nowhere near the discussion.
Was further tricked into reading it by Eimear McBride's praise on the back of the book. Her debut novel was wonderful. THEN SHE USES THE SAME FUCKING STYLE IN HER NEXT BOOK. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MS MCBRIDE

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>tfw I've browsed /lit/ for years and have never once accidentally clicked on /mlp/

i'm at the point in my life where i can understand that my disposition works in cycles, and that this recent depressive phase is just that. it will come to an end and i'll find elation and motivation once again. this allows me some comfort and perspective intellectually, but unfortunately not viscerally. oh well, had a good run recently. i hope by summertime i can be back to where i was.

I am embarrassed again, because I thought I was at a good place. I thought I had been doing well, and to feel myself return to where I was is disappointing and embarrassing. It makes me feel like I am not actually in control. It makes me feel childish. I thought I was better - and better than this.

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>>9317560
>TFW an anon describes exactly the way you feel

It's 7 AM, and I'm still awake, though my eyelids are starting to feel heavy, or at least weary.

I shouldn't have had that caramel macchiato. I didn't know it would have as much caffiene as it did.

I don't know what to do. I feel kind of dejected and depressed, but I don't know why.

I'm scared of black people, but not for the usual reasons. I'm afraid that they actually stupider, and that there is a hierarchy of races. That would be scary because it would mean that there would be no way of saving them or any of the worse races, of which I am partially a part.

This thought was haunting me all day. It started at barnes and noble when I read an interview in the paris review by a black/jewish author. I noticed that his mother had been a (european) jewish woman, and that he seemed to show some european characteristics, and I wondered if that was the reason he was a successful writer. His jewishness. Because intelligence is inherited from the mother, after all (as surmised by schopenhauer and later confirmed by science).

Later that night, I spent my time reading wikipedia articles on african countries. They all still seem so tribal. It's so frightening to imagine that they'll never, ever become as stable as white countries.

Cause WTF do we do, then? Nobody wants to admit that Africa is still shit. Is it really all white people's fault? Or are black people actually generally dumber?

Thoughts like that always make me feel guilty, but I secretely suspect that they're true. It's not a self-aggrandizing thing, either. I'm not some genius guy. In fact, I'm very lazy, and almost entirely ineffectual...

I don't even know what I want to do, at all. I was listening to Jordan Peterson lectures while playing Brutal Doom: Project Brutality with the Hell Revealed Mod and he was talking about how you should make a plan for your future. You should have a goal to strive for. And I realized that I don't really have a goal.

I don't like the stuff I'm doing in college, but I have no alternatives. And not just in a market sense. I mean I don't even have any ideals. I'm just not interested in anything. I don't have any hobbies or activities I enjoy. And I can't think of anything I'd even like to try. Nothing appeals to me. I feel totally lost.

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Going to drink tonight after my sorta-gf who is still in a long-term relationship but swears she loves me goes to a party with her bf

eyy

>>9318766
You've never learned to expect anything from life, it seems. Have you read Hesse?

>>9318781
no, I haven't.

I think I do expect something from life: a purpose. Or at least something I'm interested in enough for me to want to spend time doing it.

being in love isn't worth it

head hurts like fucking goddamn shit, had to or have I? Fuck the cats can feed themselves. Cats man shit Catshitone Cats quoting Knievel catchphrases like wow. Damn I' m getting dizzy.

good boys have no place in the rebel's den

I hope I'll be able to finish my play this summer, before I change both in outlook and style thus no longer agreeing with the ideas and the style of the first half of my play, and having to abandon it. I'm afraid I've perhaps already changed too much.

>>9316916

fuck man same. I feel like I love God but I can't stand people, and it troubles me that God loves people so I should as well, then I realize I am a person, and become scared that my love for God is based on a kind of narcissism and that's why I find it hard to love people unconditionally yet find it easy to love God.

The more I intentionally mediate on God and direct my thoughts toward God the more I feel a drawing away from myself and towards some great change, which I then resist, and I end up feeling sick in my own skin, like the spirit man is actively rejecting the animal man

I'm supposed to know what I'm doing/I don't know what I'm doing/nobody knows what they're doing/this is how it is.

>>9318766
This question is going to come across as unnecessarily confrontational because people who ask it are usually trying to score rhetorical points, but: how many black friends do you have?

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>>9316916

You're on to something.

Just as I thought my throat was better, today I wake up with trouble swallowing again, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

>>9319019
I don't have any. The closest is my one of my friend's girlfriend is black.

>>9318766
What's your racial background?

>>9319059
I will try hard to not sound like a self-righteous piece of shit here, but please be generous if I'm unsuccessful.

>I don't have any.
I kinda guessed, but I didn't want to presume by phrasing it as "do you know any black people?"

Anon, it's a lot easier to conceive black countries and communities as flawed when you view them holistically through the lens of statistics and generalized statements, but then you end up forgetting that the mass noun of "people" is comprised of a lot of proper noun "persons". When you get to know specific individuals - intimately, I mean - you realize stuff like skin color isn't an intrinsic determinant of anything. That's not to say race doesn't affect the kind of people we are, but that's solely on account of the way we're socialized in the face of extrinsic values originating from long-standing and arbitrary hierarchies of people or places.

When you combine that knowledge with the perspectives you gain through relationships with people of color, when you come to realize that those extrinsic values shape people but they are nevertheless people and thus reducible to the same kinds of fears, anxieties, hopes, and comforts that you are, you'll realize that a lot of the ugly stuff you read comes from a legacy of systematic oppression and ongoing institutional biases. And at a certain point when they've been repeated enough, these ugly statements just become self-fulfilling prophecies because entire communities have to struggle with the value judgments and accusations of irrationality for so long that they stop wanting to even try to make themselves understood, and entire generations are born into a state of racial immanence.

I'm not sure if what I've said makes any sense or isn't too hollow and preachy, but I genuinely think the best way to allay your fears about the world is to get out there and live in it.

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>tfw

>>9319141
I thought it was irish/italian but online dna test says it's anglo/"mediterranean"

I'm hungry

Oh hither thither wither nither
Hitherto and hitherfro, nonsense talk and babbly folk
Babble rabble, tabble fabble
Oh realm of glory, oh tealm of flory
Flower flower, bloom and ploom
Toom to gloom, tomb of flowers
Encased in mud, hidden, furtive
Liars. Liars all, liars none
Wherest be thine glory, oh darkness?
Gone liketh thy liars? Or perhaps thy lyres?
Wherest the music gone? Slipped into the cracks.
All the little notes gone like plip and plop into nothing
Notes of nothing, plip plop, drip drop
Dip dop, nip nop, flip and flop
Oh wavering fire, flip some more
Flip and flop in the air, thy glory shines!
Flip beyond my sight, flop till you're none but cinders
Wither nither, wither nither
Whether wither, neither nither
Thither! Hither!

>>9319143
I think the only solution is what you are talking about, a direct experience of other people.

Cause right now, I intellectually understand the perspective of race as something wholly socially constructed & re-reified--it's consistent, but I don't feel moved by it in the least. The system covers the information that I've gotten from the world, but it seems to take a round-about way of getting to it. I mean it doesn't pass occam's razor, compared to the naive, bad one. But that's really just a heuristic. And whenever you have to drag in heuristics, you know you've already failed.

I've felt this before in relation to Christianity. The whole system covered all the information I got from the world, but because I was missing the direct experience, I didn't feel moved by it in the least.

So the only path out is through a direct relationship with someone else. So I'll try to do that, IN GOOD FAITH! Cause so many smart people believe it, so it is probably true, or at least worth a try.

I'm scared and confused and anxious about the future

>>9319163

>having that kind of view
>that gorgeous bookcase
>spacious apartment
>yet resorting to VR bullshit for girlfriend simulation

You and every single human who craves the companionship of others disgust me.

Here I am on lit. I was supposed to retrieve a file from the Internet to know how I'm to write a work due next week, but I got dispersed.
No matter. Later on today, I'll present to the new folks on my project what we're working on and what their jobs are. I believe I did a nice job separating their jobs, but I feel like the structure I imposed on them isn't being beneficial at the moment, I'd like to give the complicated task to the genius guy, but I wouldn't like to overload him with work as well, because he'll have others. Still, he said he wouldn't mind helping out with research, so I'll most likely give that task to him now, thinking about it.
I will go down these stairs in front of me into the library below and start doing this work as soon as a I finish writing this post.

>>9319225
>But that's really just a heuristic. And whenever you have to drag in heuristics, you know you've already failed.

Exactly, my guy. There are no heuristics for life, they're just a simple tool for quickly sublimating data otherwise too broad or complex to interpret.

And therein lies what's what's so wonderful about experiencing other people and their perspectives - nothing is too broad or complex, and you have your entire life to do it. You don't need to rush, you don't need to postulate on the final product. Just expose your sincerity however and wherever you can; when other people finally pay you back in kind you'll realize it was worth it.

>So I'll try to do that, IN GOOD FAITH! Cause so many smart people believe it, so it is probably true, or at least worth a try.

If this is what motivates you to put yourself our there, then grab onto it and never let go.

>>9318776

You're the back up, my dude.

You know this.

Have more respect for yourself.

How fucking hard I will pump my biceps tomorrow at gym.

Real fucking hard

>>9319367
This. You're just one of her backups. Don't wait for her. While she's out getting post-party porked, make sure you have a pig of your own.

>>9318776
>even thinking of calling such a deceitful whore your gf

Step it up, senpai.

Statistics are an impenetrable occult art and if I hear the phrase "suppose we have a fair die" another time I may well go bananas.

>>9319322
Thanks for your calm, good advice.

If you are still there, can you recommend me how to begin? I've been having difficulty interacting authentically with new people for several years now. It's like I'm blocked somehow. I can be myself, sort of, with my friends from elementary school, but it's hard for me to be honest with anybody else.

So it's not just a problem with people of different races, though that problem is contained within it.

What do you think I should do?

I'm wondering if I should write more My Little Pony fanfiction. I've written some fairly famous fanfics, or at least they're famous within the brony community, and I have more story ideas. I'm also an original, non-fanfic writer too, so I wonder if I'd only be wasting my time with more fanfiction. But I do legitimately have more fanfic ideas.

>>9319496
When you write, what is your goal? Do you do it to make other people happy, or to have fun? Do you want to last a long time, or be a bright sizzle in the pan?

Don't approach these questions like the cliches they are, please! Just ask these questions to yourself, and then tell me the answer.

>>9319496
Gas yourself

>>9318786
Read Hesse

>>9319367
>>9319390
>>9319400
I realize all of this, but I'm so starved for attention and physical contact and intimacy and romantic feelings that I'm going along with it anyways
Also, I think she's a bit too naive to know what she's doing

>>9319508
I suppose in the end I write to please myself. I enjoy telling stories, and I enjoy writing prose that I think is beautiful and harmonious. Being both a storyteller and a stylist makes me happy. It's what I've taken up as my purpose in life, and it makes me happy to do it.

>>9319540
Well, do whatever you can not to get too emotionally attached. Fuck her brains out regularly just be looking elsewise. Even if she leaves her bf you're not going to want to be with her.

>>9319587
I'm her main guy, she rarely sees him now and only when he really begs her to and gets obnoxious, he's doing it to save face more than anything (I know the guy and other people that are still in contact with him). Then again, you might be right and I'm getting used, I don't know
I'm already emotionally attached, and I genuinely feel bad about crashing their relationship (it last for 4 years before that). She's attached too, almost too much. Really, the whole thing hinges on me not having asked her to break up with him yet, which I think she would do. I'm not exactly clear about what I'm doing desu

>>9319535
ok. where to begin?

>>9319575
That's a great answer! Do you find that writing fanfiction leaves something out of that combo between plot and prose? Which choice, between "serious" fiction and fanfiction, would allow you to enjoy what you do the most?

>>9319625
Demian, then Siddartha, then Steppenwolf, then whatever you want

>>9319625
Well, I suppose fanfiction is constraining. I try to follow the established plots and characterizations of the show in question when I write it, which I think is what you really ought to do. Anything else would be inconsistent and out of character. Meanwhile, serious fiction is original fiction, which means I can establish characters and their setting purely according to my own wishes.

I enjoy them both for different reasons. I suppose I enjoy the serious fiction best. I really should focus more on that.

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...and then they cut all contact. Even though they occupied the same building. Could practically see one another's ghost thru the windows. Sometimes asleep, sometimes walking. Nightly silhouette.

A friendship perhaps dissolved in time, not space.

To hell with everything, he'd often write to her. She never replied. She was a woman after all. A suffering sea under the pull of the moon. And he, just a mere drunk.

>I miss you, Daria. I just...

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Why am I so jaded?

I'm ready to let everything go so I can hit rock bottom, only to start over again. You must tear down the rotten foundations to rebuild a beautiful building

I want to meet new people, especially women, but my avenues to do so are limited. I befriended some people in college who are always willing to go out, but I've come to realize that I don't really feel compatible with any of them. We had a few similar interests but mostly we just got drunk together. Whenever I socialize with them it's a very alienating experience in which I feel surrounded by people who are not at all like-minded, which includes not just them but also the various other sorts who hang out at the places they bring me to. I don't think it's a matter of being 'better' or 'worse' but rather an issue of compatibility.

I have friends from childhood whom I still feel close with, but they're generally not a sociable bunch. When we do meet it's to do something isolated from anyone outside the group. There are a few of them who do enjoy going out and with whom I have done interesting things and met interesting people, but these moments are sparse.

>>9319491
That's a difficult question for two anonymous strangers to hash out, but I'll try to pass on what's helped me out.

First, to begin, you need to put yourself in a position where you feel comfortable being expressive and there will be other people who share that sentiment. What I'm about to say is going to come off as incredibly generic to the point of being unhelpful, but there's a reason for that: whenever you bond with someone or share a moment of understanding, it's going to be unique. You can't forecast it, and there's no general rule for consistently creating intersubjectivity between specific people.

So go where the people are. Take up a hobby and join a relevant club; audit a class at your local community college; volunteer for an organization that means something to you; go to a bar and only have a drink or two but talk to the patrons. I know this stuff is bland, and that list is obviously far from exhaustive. But you gotta be around people before anything else happens.

As for authentically communicating with other people, including people of other races, that's something I've had a lot of trouble with before. I know why it was the case now - I went to a liberal arts college where an immense amount of social capital was attributed to correcting other people, and casual interactions were frequently pageants to show how woke you are. I ended up struggling to feel comfortable in public because I was afraid of attracting undue attention and the criticism (both spoken and unspoken) that would accompany it.

Getting over that, for me, wasn't about deciding that I didn't care what other people think; kind of the opposite, in fact. The first and most important thing that's helped me be genuine around other people is to expect and welcome being challenged. I don't mean be antagonistic, I mean be forthright and without pretension - don't let someone talk to an image you've confabulated to present your tastes or education or ideology, present the gestalt those things have allegedly built. A meaningful exchange is almost always going to begin with some brand of confrontation. Being forced to defend yourself helps you learn about people - you included. This is WHY you share your experiences with people and simultaneously encourage them to do the same with you: so that someone else, who is the aggregate of a million billion different little pieces of life crystallizing in a singular way, can introduce to you a different angle of understanding something that you've both been assigning the same name to until now.

You're never going to reach that moment unless you're honest and unvarnished with people. You can be afraid about coming across as incorrect, or uncool, or out of touch, but you can't let yourself be opposed to having other people think that about you. You need to mobilize that fear and challenge others to challenge you.

I'm not sure if any of this helps or if I even understood what you were asking, but I hope so.

>>9316940
Read A Confession by Tolstoy

>>9319696
That's great. Sounds like you're saying that you need a kind of dialectic in order to bond, and that that dialectic comes out of honesty with others. I've never thought about it like that, but it really makes sense.

I hate that lib arts crimethink shit. My friend quit his school because he couldn't bear it.

>don't let someone talk to an image you've confabulated to present your tastes or education or ideology, present the gestalt those things have allegedly built.
That's quite an elegant way of saying to be honest. Nice

This is great. Next time I talk to someone, I'll do it.

Thanks!

just found some authors from long lost threads in the archives.. I've succeeded for the day.

>>9319696
> I went to a liberal arts college where an immense amount of social capital was attributed to correcting other people

Which one?

>>9321181
there has to be more on your mind that just that, friend

The thing I want most in the entire world is some kind of reserved discursive space where I can politely ask girls to sit on my face, assure them I'm not a rapist or a creep, and plead my case as to why they should consent to do it. I'm completely harmless and sane, I will just never have sex in a thousand years.

I feel like if I could get past the initial barrier of women assuming I'm going to rape them, they would at least hear me out. I'm not going to stalk you or anything. I actually just want to politely ask someone to pity me enough to sit on my face once in a while. I'm not saying even one in a thousand women would consent, but eventually, maybe somebody would.

Honestly? I'm thinking about a 17 year old girl who always smiles at me when I see her and makes stupid jokes at my expense. She has brown hair that she always styles different, green eyes, and freckles that I fawn over every time I see her stupid face. I can't even do things right now without being distracted by her, without thinking of her. Is 22 too old to make a move on her? I have to have some sort of conclusion.

>>9321216
you really should stop watching porn and masturbate less

>>9321226
It's not a libido issue. I rarely masturbate and when I do it's not to porn. It's that I'm likely going to be celibate for the rest of my life, and I've seen friends luck their way into pity sex before, so I wish there were a way of asking sympathetic female friends for 'platonic' intimacy.

I don't even want sex, really. I just want to experience things.

My friend died some weeks ago

Since that, ive been thinking whats does it mean to have the most of life, because i came to realize that death is nearer than we think. We see in movies stories, but she never came that close to me.

Im trying to see the bright side of everything in life, but its not so simple.
i dont think that getting drunk, partying and eating junk food is making the most of life, but my lifestyle is not too, i eat well, study and try to do the things i want, but thats not enough

i really think that everyone have this feel, maybe everyone is waiting to their real lives to start, but they wont

>>9321235
>I don't even want sex, really. I just want to experience things.
i can sympathize. i mean i do want sex, but mostly as a means for some kind of validation. new experiences are nice too.

Not really hungry, but feels like eating something. Could explain my chubbyness. Also: should get to sleep

>>9321216
hire a prostitute maybe? Especially since it sounds like you're not really interested in actual romantic relationships

>>9321188
Alright, fine. What's on my mind is that I haven't socially adapted well in my youth. I'm really hoping I can turn this around in college, and make some great friends, but I'm worried that it won't happen.

>>9321224
(22/2)+7=18

sorry bruh

As an actual answer, you should probably wait until she's graduated high school or at least reached the age of majority. You're old enough to be a college graduate; both her peers and yours would find it kinda strange to date someone her age.

>>9321286
>I'm really hoping I can turn this around in college, and make some great friends, but I'm worried that it won't happen.
didn't happen for me but maybe you'll fare better

>>9321290
Word, I guess I'll just try to avoid her and wait for the feeling to die down

I can only enjoy things once they've happened.

All heard the trumpets, but few saw the return of His holiness. As though the world became mute, His words filled the air stifled with the plume of battle:

"I am the way, the truth, and the light. None shall come to the father except through me."

And so, the wrath of JOHN CENA was brought down upon the peoples of Middle Earth.

i think i'm actually going to kill myself. i really hope there's an afterlife. there probably isn't, though.

>>9321340
You'll go to hell if you kill yourself.

I'm scared of this new busboy job. I'm literally autistic, have OCD and ADHD. I've become a compulsive lier. I say anything to get people to think I'm interesting or have a personality. I want to be quiet and left alone. I make a fool of myself regularly. Have stopped reading too.

I made a character development Web for an idea I wanted to write about. No idea where to start.

>>9321349
i was baptized though

doesn't that count for anything?

jim raised me up.
he hit me and it felt like a kiss
jim brought me back.
reminded me of when we were kids...

>>9321391
No, youd still be mudering yourself, which is a fucking big deal. You'd most likely go to hell. Think about it. Your life is a gift from God, and how do you think He would feel if you squandered it?

>>9316743
I haven't suffered enough to earn anything. Good work isn't created by comfortable people.

trying to curb my drinking a bit with a 2 night per week limit. tonight is night number 2. anyone else drunkposting tonight?

>>9321431
Degenerate

>>9321340
Why kill yourself when you want to keep living (in the afterlife)?

Are your current circumstances really so inescapable that you cannot start anew, as one would in the afterlife?

>>9321436
um excuse me but i'm over 21, therefore drinking is just good, clean fun.

>>9321409
Isn't posting on 4chan another way of squandering my life? How does God feel about me now?

杀杀杀

>>9321302
I'm sorry, guy. I don't want you to interpret my generalizations as gospel, I can only give a stranger's impression. I don't know you or her or the context in which you know each other; five years isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things, but at her age it counts for a lot.

As someone who squandered a lot of similar opportunities, I can say that you should avoid cutting her out entirely if your emotions can bear it (and it's fine if they can't). It's good to have meaningful relationships with members of the opposite sex, and a lot of people don't take the time to do it unless there's a romantic/sexual angle involved.

In any event, good luck. Love yourself.

>>9321282
A degree of chubbyness in a male is an extremely amorous ideal to me. If I mention this, do I make the subject more comfortable, or more self-conscious?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiqwdLt5kaQ

>>9321463
He probably thinks you're an insufferable faggot.

>>9321513
>A degree of chubbyness in a male is an extremely amorous ideal to me.
huh really? is that common? not that guy but i'm very self-conscious about my belly

>>9316743
I am contemplating how to most effectively deeply study multiple subjects concurrently. I have been studying philosophy, mathematics, and computer science, with a little bit of physics, but it's mostly been half-assed so far. I'm looking to sit down and put in more effort into strengthening my foundations.

The first problem is: what should I study? Is it really wise to attempt to study multiple subjects? Would I be better suited to laser-focus on a single subject, leaving everything else as curiosities? If I had to learn only a single subject, I'm not sure how I'd pick. I'm not comfortable with the idea that I will die without ever having learned (deeply, not superficially) any of those subjects that I have mentioned - except maybe computer science. Actually, the main reason I am learning computer science is because that is what I'm getting my degree in, and I no doubt need to learn extra skills outside of my courses if I want to make a living. Mathematics and philosophy are more "passionate" interests, if you want to call it that. But this is a tangent.

The second problem concerns the details of implementation. When should I study, and when should I study which particular subjects? How do I avoid giving in to laziness and letting my study plans fall to the wayside? I am currently thinking of studying every day in the evenings, when I have particularly large chunks of free time. I also feel that a rotating schedule will be most effective - where I study one subject for a few days at a time, then go on to another subject for another few days, etc. and then repeat. My concern is that any schedule that I come up with will feel sluggish - the pace of progress will seem hopelessly slow. I think of reading a 500 page textbook, where each page must be deliberated over for a good chunk of time. In the few days I dedicate to that subject, I would only read maybe a few pages. It would take many months to read an entire textbook, and then in each subject there are many many many textbooks to be read.

I don't know why I wrote all this, except that it's helpful for me to write out my thoughts. I expect nobody else cares about this. But that's what the thread is about, I guess.

>>9321532
not that anon but reminded me of this

http://www.maxim.com/maxim-man/dad-bod-physique-more-attractive-live-longer-2016-11

>>9321224
What the fuck we're in somewhat similar situations. I'm 21, interested in a 17 year old. It feels immoral, yet it seems absurd that it's immoral to like someone so close to the arbitrarily-chosen cutoff point between sexual immaturity and maturity.

>>9321224
Just do it.
>>9321545
you too

>>9321409
i realize that it's a gift to be alive, i really do. that's the hardest thing about all this. but i just can't do it anymore. if he didn't want me to squander my life, he shouldn't have made me autistic.

>>9321539
well this is fairly comforting at least

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>>9321532
I'm not sure I'm not a girl, so I wouldn't know what they talk about. sorry guys

Just, for me, the shape of men is so much better with a touch of boldness and rounding out. To me, too much musculature without a bit of fat gives too much definition. I only like what's inside the realm of "chubbiness" though, anything in the realm of obesity or just below it doesn't appeal to me, and I don't really have a "fat fetish".

>>9321615
i've got more chub that the guy in that painting but i'm not obese. people who haven't seen me shirtless call me skinny.

>>9321539
>being unattractive makes it easier for women to believe you won't leave them
kek thanks maxim

>>9321565
>it's not my fault I'm a loser

>>9321565
>i just can't do it anymore
Have there not been times in your life when you felt genuinely happy? Think of them. They may be difficult to see in the current cloud of negative emotion you're in. If they exist, then chances are your life is not hopeless. You may need to alter the aspects of life that you focus on. Some parts of life are gated-off for certain men. Accept this, and cater to your abilities and disabilities.

Emotions cloud judgment, and make us do irrational things, like kill ourselves. You seem to have an internal conviction that killing yourself is ultimately undesirable, yet, in your current emotional state, all you can think about are what you perceive as the negative parts of your life, and how much you wish to escape them. The only solution, surely, is to escape life entirely. Step away from your emotions, and you will easily see that this is absurd. There are other solutions to this problem. The only rub, perhaps, is that these solutions require some effort. If you lack any sort of personal meaning attached to your life, then it can be hard to justify making these efforts.

(Not that you should take advice from a stranger on 4chan. Don't blame me if you kill yourself. These are mostly just ramblings. I don't actually know what I'm talking about.)

I'm addicted to porn, as I'm sure the majority of you are. The thing that I cannot wrap my head around is the fact that I'm not addicted to porn itself, but rather the feeling of fulfillment it gives me in a unfulfilling life. It feels as if there is a void in my heart that must be filled with something to keep myself going, but instead of filling it with love for a hobby or people, I've succumbed to wasting time on xvideos or something of the like. I acknowledge the problem, but I have yet to act on it.

>>9321903
yeah i basically think it's impossible to make it through life without some kind of a project, even if that project ends up just being masturbating 4 times a day, and shitposting in between.

i want to know if love is wild, i want to know if love is real

>>9322022
Can be. It is.

But it's difficult to evaluate the love that is real and the love that isn't. And misidentifying leads you to become a frog poster. Be careful.

Why do atheists hate us so much? Why are they so stubborn? I pray for them.

>>9322180
why do you believe in god?

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>>9322208
Because I would be wrong not to.

I'm tired and hungry and feeling as though I'm regressing as a person in general. Which isn't true. I've always been a shiter.

>>9319660
That's absolutely awful

I wake up drenched in sweat everyday now.

/fitlit/ is nice but there's no place like home

>>9322180
They want to free you and be freed from you.

>>9316743
Why am I so lazy? I could have filled gaps in my education ages ago but instead I watch animu and post dank memes while being unable to form a sentence without a spell checker

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Glad those dumb normies are finally gone.

I feel like I need to cry (like a breakdown sobbing and shuddering cry) but I'm also too detached from my emotions to do so. I constantly have a lump in my throat that I can't get rid of.

>>9316743
the best way to enjoy a coffee is to have a little bit of the fatty chocolate icing from a piece of cake on your tongue somehow this absorbs and misdirects the heat which would otherwise burn you and be unpleasant. at the same time the coffee flavor is mellowed and interacts with the residual chocolate flavor to form a really interesting kind of inter-mouth emulsion not entirely unlike what i imagine bulletproof coffee would taste like and not mechanically unsimilar to when you were a kid and you'd shovel handfuls of cereal into your mouth and follow it with milk forming some kind of inter-mouth cereal bowl. the best sorts of things are discovered by accident for two reasons: the first reason is because those things are by definition inconceivably good from the standpoint of an average person before they'd discovered those things, the second reason is because then you have this pleasant inter-mouth surprise of either coffee and chocolate emulsion or the supreme convenience of having an entire bowl of cereal sub-system in your mouth all at once.

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Why did An Hiro remove /z/, anyway? Or was it moot?

But holding Y for a little while so you run faster for a little while isn't really worth it, because you could just run from the start at normal running speed while you were busy holding down Y for more speed.

>>9316916

Read Nietzsche.

i haven't menstruated in over half a year but fear i may be pregnant even though he didn't even cum inside of me and if i were ovulating at the time i would've had my period already

>>9321903
abstaining makes you feel like you're doing something good. fulfillment in asceticism, self-control, resisting. feels so much more better than cumming

>>9322034
lovey dovey gooey emotions are present in both real love and infatuation, so i agree, it's difficult to distinguish actual love from lust / infatuation. gotta stay keen.

>>9323139
Same buddy. I can't remember the last time I cried though so it's kind of hard to reminisce.

>>9316743
Thinking of recording myself driving from Santa Barbara to Bakersfield at 5am and having a pseudo solo podcast. Mostly visual aesthetic for that early morning glow when you drive, but also somewhat therapeutic.

>>9316972
Good... luck? I don't fuck around with that shit, straight to ole' regular sex for me desu.

>>9317096
>God-tier

>>9318776
Anon, c'mon. Break it off, and also tell the bf if he doesn't already know for lols.

>>9318795
Depends on the definition, and if you have been in love, than you aren't in a state of never having been in love, so comparing is difficult. Yes, there is the before you were in love, but you cannot compare that to now since you aren't that person now that you have changed after having been in love.

>>9318810
Godspeed, creative endeavours are great even if they are failures.

>>9319041
Ricola?

>>9319232
Aren't we all, except for me.

>>9319683
I've always enjoyed FLR. Uncle of mine owns a property opposite an unfinished one of his projects.

>>9319691
This depends on how old you are, you sound maybe 20-22?
Take more courses, take the extra step to meet people and join clubs, like book clubs or someshit, or make your own book club, whatever. Don't imagine getting drunk is the same as networking, drinking is simply socializing.

>>9320544
Que?

>>9321253
Sorry for your loss, anon. Hopefully through grief you find peace and tranquility.

>>9321310
...And I can only be in places where I already am.
...Dumbfuck.

>>9321368
Replying to you is likely a bad idea since it continues your attention-seeking, but oh well.

Read more, see therapist, get better, find hobbies, meditate, think, paint, write, etc, et al, and fuck off.

>>9322253
*Shitter. Relax, anon. Get some food, but not junk food.

>>9322728
>new fetish acquired.

>>9324065
You should probably go see a doctor unless you are 40-ish. Actually, just go see a doctor.

>>9324112
menstruation anon, here. i'm almost 19, i'm going to the doctor next week because of paranoia. i stopped having my period because i stopped taking birth control suddenly + lost weight at the same time, which shocked my body. i also probably have ovarian cysts. gonna get this all sorted out.
the fact that you replied to so many people is extremely admirable. have a good day.

>>9324112
>new fetish acquired

T-Thanks?

>>9324112
>you sound maybe 20-22?
Close, 23. I'm finished with school so more classes isn't an option, and I'm not aware of any local book clubs or anything similar.

>>9324124
Good to hear.
>>9324139
Are you in a bad climate or is it some alternative aspect?
>>9324157
Hmmm. I think higher up another anon talked about this, yes, >>9319696. Hopefully that helps, even a little bit.

>tfw no Catholic gf

>>9324176
I think it's because of my sore throat.

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>>9324216
>Catholic
>not Protestant

>>9324267
>wanting a white trash skank for a gf

>>9324176
That post has valuable info on how to connect with people but I still feel a bit in the dark on how to meet them. I guess I'll just have to look for interesting semi-social events and places and throw myself toward them.

>>9316743
I have distaste bordering on irrational hate for PoMo and Gnosticism.

>>9316743
It's been 10 days since the last day in which my books have not made me money. Feels good. I'm nearly 9000 words into my sixth book. Also feels good. So in these 10 consecutive days (so far; still a lot of April 2nd left) in which I've made money, I've earned an estimated $24.51, which means I'm averaging over $2 a day even though there's still plenty of time left today to get more. So if I can keep this up for the next three months then when I get paid for said months at the end of September I should receive over $200. I won't maintain it though; as I write and self-publish more I'll be getting more sales, and constantly doing promotions will also help garner more readers. So theoretically I'm at the point now of making over $800 a year which is easily a free month's rent plus a couple hundred dollars or so to play with. I think it's entirely possible however that by the time May rolls around I'll be making $4-5 a day in sales as well as KENP/KU page reads. I hope to have this book finished by the 10th, at the very latest the 15th (entirely possible), and so by May I will either be well into book #7 or possibly even in the process of having it self-published.

I still can't believe I self-published a novelette, a novella, and a novel in the month of March... in that order. VERY cool, even though I didn't do all the actual writing in that month. I'm looking forward to writing a prequel someday but it might not be for a long time yet, we'll see. I wonder what I'll write in November; DEFINITELY going to take part in that 'writing month' thing. Who knows, maybe I'll make my first 100,000+ word novel then.

What a fascinating man.
https://youtu.be/SthKs40ClCY

>>9324374
NaNoWriMo or somesuch, right? What do you write?

>>9324408
That sounds about right. I write fiction, mostly zombie survival so far but also a bit of erotica, action, and drama. Hope to tackle historical fiction and romance one of these days though probably not both combined, we'll see. I like to try new things and see what I am and am not capable of as a writer.

>>9324374
fantastic. good luck in life. please don't give up.

>>9324471
Haha thanks. Believe me, I have no intention on giving up, not when things are going so good. I'm living in a homeless shelter at present but I'll soon be moving to a different place with the help of Social Services. Got some great resumes to pass out once I get myself situated there, and so within a month or two I should be standing on my own two feet once more, paying my own way. In spite of this seemingly low point in life, my writing keeps me outrageously, almost disgustingly optimistic for the future. So if I have no intentions on giving up NOW, it's entirely possible that I never will. Cheers, and thanks again!

Is it hypocrisy to act like a fool yet expect others not to mock you?

>>9324510
Yes, in an absolute sense. Niche situations where it is not hypocrisy may exist, but off the top of my head I don't have an argument for their relevance.

>>9324510
it depends on whether one is aware one is acting like a fool and if it's intentional, if they desire to be mocked. foolishness is subjective, as dumb as that sounds. hmm.

I'm seriously feeling that post-/fitlit/ motivation. I already read plenty and exercise daily, but I'm going to work harder at other areas of self-improvement. Going to start lifting, force myself to get out of the house more, and quit drinking alone. I want to realize whatever potential I have and be the best version of myself I can.

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>>9316940
>>9316956
my dudes

People think of death as the ultimate freedom but being dead looks no different from being alive to me, what are your thoughts on this?

>>9324726
I highly doubt both of your assertions.

i feel like getting better in school and social life because of a girl named Jesusa

80% of the people on this board are sociopathic pseudo-intellectuals who are here because they want to feel smart. You are not.

I want to find more people like me.

>>9325131
>80%

>>9325143
follow our prophet PBUH

It doesn't matter.

>>9318766
>Because intelligence is inherited from the mother, after all (as surmised by schopenhauer and later confirmed by science).
This was debunked a long time ago. It's a myth. No trait is inherited solely from one parent.

>>9316743
porn is a portal for demons

>>9325334
Y chromosomal traits are often inherited solely from the father.

>>9325131
Yes that is true :)

I want to go back in time and strangle Plato to death.

>>9326108
He'd kick your ass bro lol

>>9325342
Care to expound, mate?

>>9326159
I think he just called your sperm demons. You should beat him up. Unless you're a cuck of course, in which case feel free to release more demons.

The thought of sex really grosses me out.

>>9327241
The thought of doing dishonorable things grosses me out

I forget where I've placed items moments after placing them somewhere but I will never forget the fact that David Foster Wallace taped his wrists together before hanging himself so he couldn't back out.

I'm clingy.

>>9327304
>David Foster Wallace taped his wrists together before hanging himself so he couldn't back out.
That's really fucking edgy. I wouldn't have the balls to do that.

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>>9327241
>>9327248
The thought of being this fucking spooked grosses me out

Actually, now that some time has passed, I think it's funny

>>9327241
the thought of being a human and all that that entails sometimes grosses me out.

>>9327338
How's that a spook?

I've been stuck living in the past for the fast few months. Everyday i cycle through very major shortcoming or failure I've endured. I feel shitty and get little work done.

The biggest issue is the last relationship i got out of. The girl i started dating seems completely different from the one I split with, and i can't help but feel i fucked up more than enough times throughout the whole ordeal. I regret not manning up earlier and just breaking it off. I asked her instead, as we weren't doing anything a typical couple would. We'd see each other once or twice every other week, and she wouldn't let me touch her. Not romantically, sexually, or friendly; she'd just brush me off and say it was because i "tickled" her, when she was just repulsed by me. I should know, she told me on more than one occasion that I wasn't attractive to her.

It really came to a head when she told me she played a strip game with my best friend in his car late at night as he was driving her home from some party. I don't know which is worse; that he proposed it or that she complied. Either way, it hurt and there is nothing i regret more than not driving over to that guys house and punching him in his fat fucking face. He shouldn't have done what he did, especially when he has a girlfriend himself.

I wanted to break it off there, but i didn't because i'm a lousy cuck. I told myself to play my cards right so as to not lose the friends i had made through her. I didn't know a lot of people around then, and was scared they'd all turn away from me if i broke up with her even though I was in the right. So i put up with her for another three months without saying a thing, and I hate myself even more for that. What happened has just been festering inside me, and i just want to get it out. Don't see why it has to be my problem that she did what she did.

Finally got to break it off quietly, she went off to college and i used that as an excuse for us to break it off. Didn't take long for her to find a new slew of guys to hang around with, while i'm jerking off six times a day in my room. It's not like i haven't been trying though. Got a girl some flowers for valentines day, but i feel i just weirded her out even though i didn't make it a romantic thing. Got a girls number and took her on a date, but I could tell she wasn't interested. Left and right, seems all the good ones are getting snatched up just as i find them.

Worst one on my mind is a good friend of mine, Abby. Dunno why, but everytime i get to talk to her or spend time with her i get that stereotypical fluttering in my stomach. I'd like to address it and get it squared away, but i don't know how in this situation. especially with her going to a different college and potentially being a lesbian. Shit's difficult, but I'm not giving up yet because i have to hold onto the fact that though I may be a fuck up and have acted like a bitch, i'm not a quitter.

>>9327338
What is a "spook" and what does it have to do with my hardon for virtue?

>>9327386
Depends on how you mean "grosses." If it disgusts you in an existential way, that's fear, and so a spook. If it disgusts you in a physical way, you're asexual.

I have nothing to live for. I have no goals or dreams. I don't like anything.

>>9327428
Nothing? I find that hard to believe. Everybody has got something that they have associated pleasure with, even pain.

>>9327438
>living for pleasure
Uhhhhhh wyd?

>>9327428
>>9327449
Are you so broken that you can't even live for yourself?

>>9327407
Virtue is a spook, so it has all to do with your hardon

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>>9318766
You're fine anon, coons are inherently stupid.

They don't think two steps ahead.

I'm beginning to wonder if I actually have become great after all, if all my striving and effort actually has paid off.

>>9316940
Thank you for this, anon. I have been trying to form a similar sequence of words for months now.

>>9327438
Ok, I was being a little dramatic. I like playing drums and watching films, but that isn't going to get me anywhere.

>>9327452
Living for pleasure is too easy.

Becoming the vessel of your ambition is super k, as meme-tier as it sounds.

sexual frustration and low self-esteem


time to fap

How can I live a fulfilled life if I want to work in the humanities but need to survive?

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>>9325131

>80%
>not 100%

>>9327581

Come to terms with the fact that a career in the humanities should give you all the fulfillment you need already outside of life's bullshit, including economics.

Also get a hobby.

>>9316743
I don't even save numbers anymore. The least I can do if someone seems visibly offended is call the number then hang up so it's in the call log like a malignant social obligation. It's a reminder of how fleeting all the relationships in my life have become in the past few years. I wouldn't have it any other way.

>>9321539
this is misleading, if the woman is herself attractive she'll use that as a green light to cheat, knowing that complacent chubby guys correlate with them not leaving her.

>>9316743
Every day is a good day

>>9327617
I love u!

>>9327449
Referring to "no likes", sorry my post was ambiguous.

>>9327510
This is a question only you can answer, but keep in mind that there is someone who gets shit on for a living. So at least you aren't them, I hope.

>>9327523
How much of life have you experienced? If you have experienced all there is, and come out the other side playing drums and watching films, then sign me up. Try new things, explore new things. They won't jump into your lap, you have to get them, contrary to /leftypol/.

>>9327562
To each their own, my guy.

>>9327568
Have you tried exercise?

>>9327645
>>9327645
>>9327645
As it has been and will continue to be. Reminds me of the peace I had when I was a child and would pray on carpets facing the ocean.

I wanna start reading because I feel as if I could become fedora-tier enlightened by it, assuming I read all the greatest philosophers, political theorists and economists. However, I don't know where to start.

Also I want to become more culturally literate in general.

>>9327523
>that isn't going to get me anywhere
How so? You could become a filmmaker, or a musician, or both.

>>9328252
As meme as it sounds
Start with the greeks

fitlit was heaven

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im so fucking tired and i don't want to go to work. I haven't read a book in ages I have just been so tired and sore.

>>9328247
>Have you tried exercise?
every day

Reading great authors it's self-evident how stupid I am. I have no thoughts in my head, no moral, political, ethical dilemmas that would make crap out tens of philosophical books or 1,000 page monolithic works of literature.

Nor do I have any opinions about anything. Got nothing to say. Wish I wasn't a fucking brainlet.

>>9327562
"To live for yourself" is not "to live for pleasure."

Fuck this world

Got creative in my writing for a day. Then I stopped the next day, losing all motivation. This is the worst.

>>9317019
I like this

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it's twelve thirty on a rainy afternoon; I sit in my suburban listening to the rain beat off the top of my truck.

I am on break from doing community service at the salvation army. The thoughts that keep going through my head are that of memories pleasant and painful...

that woman.....
that stupid September night.

the woman faded off somewhere...

I'm almost done my probation sentencing .

I need to make more money and I need to get over this crap...

I need a better job.
I need to express myself.
I need to keep a smaller circle
I want more our of this life...

How could a man be content with just watching moontoons and living in a world that is make believe?

Why would someone mindlessly obey frightened authorities who make rules and judgement calls based of of "you might get hurt" or "it's bad for you." ?

what happened to trying things out, getting it wrong (or right), and forging your own opinion?

How can there be a proper reward with no risk..... ?

>>9329595
i like you

It hurts just being myself.

>>9329914
I like being myself. I believe if I keep going with the motivation I've been sustaining for several months now, that I can become a full-time author within 1-2 years. I think what you need, anon, is purpose. Purpose can make a huge amount of difference in one's outlook on life. Purpose, goals, something to look forward to, something to aspire for, to strive towards.

>>9316743
Arab Nasheed music is really good for lifting and aesthetic ecstatic visions of abstract psychedelic dream-scapes. I recommend everyone try listening at least once.

>>9329474

tfw decent problem solver when the need arises, and can shit out a decent McEnglish Essay when required, but never think about much in my own time, and can't articulate why I like certain books/composers/etc over others

This is an especially hellish existence isn't it famalama

>>9316743
Rec me a film lads

>>9330319
Get Carter

>>9330319
Visitor to a Museum
On the Silver Globe
The Fireman's Ball

>>9330322
This is Michael Caine plebshit

Is it okay for me to be here?

>>9330319
Some films I liked recently are Diary of a Country Priest, Vampyr, and Babette's Feast

>>9330319

All entry level shit, but whatever I like em

Synecdoche NY
Doomsday Book
Magnetic Rose
Lola Rennt (hope you're not a monolingual pleb)

>>9330340

I haven't been able to find On the Silver Globe goddamn anywhere, should I just download it?

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>>9330381
>he doesn't torrent all of his films

If by "should I download it" you mean "would I be more likely to find it if I try to download it," the answer is yes.

>>9330268
Yep. I wish I had strong opinions about anything.

>>9329588
Motivation is temporary, and will only take you so far. In time you must replace your temporary motivation with determination that you create yourself. I've been writing and/or editing for just about 7 months and 8 days now with very few days spent without any writing or editing whatsoever. I hate editing, but I do it anyways. I love writing, but I don't always feel like writing, but sometimes by pushing myself a bit to get started I can start rolling. I've been sick for several days, miserably so, but each and every day I managed to pump out at least 1500 words. Today, probably around 80% over whatever flu/cold I had, I've written over 3500 words, and I'm all set to write more. Had a bit of writer's block, kept the story in mind, got an idea after finishing Supper while sipping at my coffee so wrote it on a napkin. Now, I'm going to write it in what will be my 6th book.

Motivation is only temporary.

All I want is to be wrapped up with you, while we read, while we listen to music. In our own little worlds together.

I want it more than anything recently, life exhausts me and I need an anchor. I know I'm weak but I hope that doesn't matter too much.

We will feel safe and it will be quiet.

>>9330557
Are you published?

Great work ethic, bro. I'm inspired. I wrote 3 books so far, 1 published, but I need the motivation to read more. I feel like my intellect is not up to par and all I've written, well, it's that sort of naive feel-good stuff. I write and edit easily; editing is my favorite part, strangely enough. But I don't have the maturity of education to back up my hours easily spent writing and editing my work, which is the easiest part for me. Motivation!

>>9317019
I like you.
You're British too?

Pls respond.

>>9330602
Self-published, and in spite of what much of /lit/ seems to think of self-publishing, it is a perfectly viable way for an up and coming writer to get their start. 3 books sounds good, how long have you been writing? To be fair, I've been writing as basically a hobby for just about half my life now and only recently started writing books, so I've got some degree of experience behind me in terms of creative writing which is probably why I've managed to finish 5 books in 7 months (3 novels, a novella, and a novelette). This sixth one should be finished before I reach my 8 month mark, and it will be a novel. I figure somewhere between 70,000-90,000 words, but I can't say for sure. Been self-published for approaching 5.5 months but I'm already making some money. Nearly $50 in the month of March, and if I can keep it up, April should earn me over $60, potentially over $70. I don't write for money however, I write because I love to write, but it just so happens that apparently people think that what I write is worth money to some extent. It feels good.

>>9327388
Don't give up.

I can't connect with men I meet in real life. I go on 4chan to pass the time and happen to fall in love with the imagined faces of anons. I like to fantasize about these people who don't exist. If I knew there were more female posters I'd imagine my friendships with them too.

Thought I'd finished with this place years ago but life is becoming bland again and this is the only thing that brings me joy.

It occurs to me that I'm pathetically infantile.

>>9330651
Self-publishing is much better. Especially with those .99 ebooks. I will be self-publishing from now on, for .99 deals - great deals.

How long does it take you to complete a rough draft, and how long to complete the full edit?

I've been writing since a kid. Poetry, then non-fiction, then fiction/non-fiction. Basically turned into a writer mid-teens and never quit. My ideal is to write short philosophical novels alongside deeply thought out philosophical non-fiction. Need some time to read more books and get an education though!

>>9330610
Yes.
So what, fuck u

>>9330734
Ok

I want Spaft

>>9330732
I'm purely into fiction. As of right now I don't have any interest to get into philosophy or non-fiction but I'm sure as time goes on I'll be wanting to dabble in more and more. $0.99 is certainly a great deal for the readers, and not too shabby for the writer. You'll get $0.35 of that. You get 35% of eReader sales unless you set your price at $2.99 or higher. At that point you get 70% royalty which is where there's quite a bit of money, but you sort of have to prove yourself to your reader base before you can start getting cocky and making your Kindle stuff $2.99. But let me do the math for you; 70% of $2.99 is $2.05, at least that's what you'll end up getting. I think my recent 5th book was the first one I set to that price, and it's a sequel to my first book which has been my 'best-selling' one so far though obviously I'm not exactly raking in cash by the thousands here lol

I really depends greatly on how long it takes for me to complete a 'rough draft', and I've found that lately I haven't even been needing to edit. My first book had to be edited because I had some inherent issues in my writing that I didn't know about, simple things like writing 'living room' as 'Living room' with a capital L for some reason. I capitalized north/south/east/west even though you're only supposed to do that if it's in conjunction with a specific place. I also used both all-CAPS as well as italics when stressing words, but I really shouldn't have been using all-CAPS nearly as much as I was. Now, I only ever use it in dialogue, and even then it's only when things get REALLY fucking loud. Outside of dialogue it's basically non-existent now except for things like explosions.

In the month of March I've self-published three books; a novelette, a novella, and a novel, in that order. The novelette took something like two weeks, then the novella I fucking pumped out at lightning speed; nearly 29,000 words in around 4-5 days, over half of which was written in just one day on March 14th when I wrote 10,000 words in about 6 hour's time and in a full 24 hour period wrote 15,500 words. The novel I actually wrote the majority of, around 90%, DIRECTLY after writing my first book and before I started editing. So I went through that novel (my 5th book), edited it to fix all the mistakes I mentioned (took me about 7-8 days if I recall correctly for 64,000-65,000 words), and then on the day I finished editing I wrote about 6,000-8,000 words or something like that which ended up being the ending. I'd say it turned out rather well, and I made about $16.50 within 6 days with that book alone, though was also getting sales from others at the same time.

About 4000 words written so far today, by the way. Still quite a few hours to go yet, hopefully I can get past this minor case of writer's block and come up with some good ideas.

>>9330793
Very inspirational, bro. Isn't it the greatest? You get into that mood and just spill onto the page for hours and hours in a zone.

Thanks for your time, bro. Got me motivated. Which is what I needed.

>>9330832
No problem, I hope the motivation maintains, but yeah when you're in that zone and ideas are steadily flowing through you and you're pumping out page after page after page, it feels amazing.

>>9318985
I want more than anything for the pain to stop, on a side note for the first time in my life I've distanced myself far enough from my family to take my life and not cause them pain.

I feel like my life is going well, and I have a bright future, but it's missing romantic love. For lack of trying mostly. It's so easy to imagine how life would be different if you just said something or made a different split-second decision

I asked out a girl earlier. The question itself wasn't even humiliating, even though she declined. She was polite and seemed appreciating and even if that was just a facade so what? The part that fills me with anxiety is that it was in a quasi-public environment. I know that in reality nobody gives a shit about or even notices what I do, but it's hard to shake the feeling that the spotlight is on me, and I really hate that feeling.

Someone once told me that much of Sartre's fiction deals with that feeling. I've been meaning to read him anyway, but how true is that assessment?

Wanting love just so you're not alone is pathetic.

>>9331176
It's common for people to fear the reactions of others in public. For instance, if you get insulted in private and defend yourself, it may go nowhere; however, if you defend yourself in public, due to onlookers, it may develop into a fight.

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>>9317096
>accidentally
cuz you do it purposefully amirite?

>>9331319
pwnd lol

>>9331288
Wanting love at all is pathetic.

>>9316743
I'm 24 and I've peaked in terms of my handsomeness

>>9331723
Not necessarily true. Look at George Clooney, quite an attractive man for his age. In the group Rooster Teeth one of the lead guys, Bernie or something like that, looks better now in his 30s or maybe 40s than he did a decade ago. There was another example in mind but I forgot it. Huh, I wonder how Jared is doing in prison... strange that he should pop into my head while thinking about old dudes, you'd think for him to pop into my head I'd have to think about young girls.

Robert Downie j.r. is another example; I think he's more handsome now than he was in the 80s, and I also think he looked a bit better in the 90s than his 80s. Then there's people just don't seem to age after a certain point, like Steve Martin. Johnny Depp seems to be similarly doing quite good, so really we'll just have to wait and see if you're going to get uglier as you age, going to get more handsome, or just stay the same.

If you are female however, then in all likelihood yes, you will not look better as you get older. It's possible you won't age TOO bad, but generally, women age like milk while men grow distinguished like fine wine.

>>9330728
The idea that somewhere across the planet is a women who reads my posts and fantasizes about me being some sort of handsome patrician or whatever is almost enough to justify getting out of bed in the morning

i will always be insecure about my man boobs

also my friend texted me about eating some food "in 30 minutes" 2 hours ago but now hes ducking my calls and im very hungry and im wondering if i should just starve it out

>>9332085
>not getting /fitlit/

>>9331965
All your examples aren't more handsome because they got older lol. They're more handsome with a different haricut, or facial hair, or different clothes.
You didn't provide one real example.

>>9332098
2lazy

>>9324068
>it's difficult to distinguish actual love from lust / infatuation.
No, that's not what I meant, that's very easy. I meant from the love you manufacture and the love that is organic.

>>9332107
U gotta wanna do it. Don't do it if you don't wanna.

>>9332098
>gymcel-litcel hybrid
SAD

>>9332117
i dont wanna, i just wanna magically wake up with the qt from my shakespeare class as my gf

>>9319597
I'm kind of in the same sitch but purposely avoid her for months at a time. I never asked her to break up because I don't date girls who cheat. Still I can't help loving her

I'm completely ignorant when it comes to music theory, so to decide which composer or piece I like more I take recourse to feelings.

>write an essay for class with frustration and hatred
>get a 93

>get assigned to write another essay
>hey, writing ain't too bad; I'm actually enjoying this
>get a 75

i ain't tryin no mo

>>9332226
that's perfectly acceptable, specially when talking about 20th century classical, as a lot of pieces are like intellectual exercises.

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>>9332120
>working out and/or reading
>not gay(no homo)
The jigs up nigger

>>9332238
I don't like the atonal stuff though.

>>9330319
Cache
Werckmeister Harmonies
Close-Up

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>>9330319
Escape From New York.

im in a world filled with absurdities not least of which is myself. my diversity as a human being alone are a microcosm that the world is- in the sense of variables alone which are too many to really worry about analyzing because you'll die with sorting through contradictions and exceptions to those things you thought were correct. your world view will always be limited in scope by the sheer scope of viewpoints there are in the world- and there is always something or someone out there to prove you wrong. to live a life searching for truth is an interesting but unfulfilling waste of time given this reality. it's best said to act, not think, and enjoy your time here. unfortunately for those whom constantly seek enlightenment are constantly pulled back to this never ending search for truth- the moments in which we act naturally and without restrictions from the fear of what others will judge us by are the best and most free our happiness will ever be. but then we loop back around to the restrictions society and community place upon the individual which are rooted in good faith but are constantly being tampered with by insincere and interests whom seek their own gain. unfortunately what makes this world an interesting place is the diversity of personalities that exist and interact.-if everyone were smart it would be a boring place, the dumb people are the ones who make this world an interesting and bizarre place.

Death death death fuck kill joy. I'm missing a purpose and I don't care. I care. I wish time moved backwards so I can see where I'm going. I wish I could live forever in a coma. I I I I I it's all about me, I wish I was the only person on earth. That's pretty selfish of me but it wouldn't matter if it was true. It's not stealing if you don't get caught. Maybe if I was addicted to hard drugs I'd have more of an excuse to indulge in escapism, it'd be an easy excuse for someone else to sort my life out for me at least. I love to hate myself it makes me feel important.
I should do more stream of consciousness to clear my thoughts.

I've been indulging in eroguro for porn lately because it's quite gratifying sexually and emotionally to see cute girls essentially as objects being broken. It creates a connection because I introspectively see myself as broken and projecting that physically onto a woman creates an intimacy while still allowing myself emotional control. I can express myself emotionally while maintaining a stoic guard.

>>9332066
I'm happy that we can both benefit from the situation even if it is a little pathetic.

I read your post in a Scottish accent.

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>>9333222
Nice

There's a big get a'brewin

>>9316743
I slept with a really beautiful girl on Saturday. Didn't feel like a golden god in the morning tho and when we left for coffee she told me she hates me but she'll want to see me again. I feel strange.

>>9333252

>>9333265

Very soon I will be free from the screen. I've received its blessings, the music, the films, the information. Now, I can either remain in front of it until my retinas melt off and my soul withers, or I can remove myself from the socket and enjoy the charge as a free agent, a biological organism, with arms and legs and intent to use them.

Miracles don't seem to be enough to convince atheists, and I'm increasingly starting to believe they're not meant to. Miracles are for the faithful, to bolster and strengthen the faith they already have.

>>9333362
>what is confirmation bias

>>9333333

I will never share any of my writing with anyone outside of my intimate circle of friends because I know full well it's autistic shit that doesn't even have the decency to be somewhat original or creative.

Also I'm pissed I napped too long and didn't get to the gym with enough time to diddlylift.

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>>9316743
I don't get the transcendental deduction.

>>9330557
Thank you for the words of inspiration.

>>9316743
I just wish my penis would work the way it's supposed to. I hate having delayed ejaculation. I haven't ejaculated from a woman in like 4 years.

>>9333517
I wish I could cum at all. I'm on high dosage of Cipralex for my depression and I can't cum at all and I'm slowly losing my will for sex. It's extremely frustrating to have sex for about two hours without cumming. It feels like my dick will peel itself off.

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He's one of the few mass shooters with a known marked grave. I developed a fondness for him after reading his juvenile court documents, and I instilled this fondness in a few others who were interested in similar crimes because I suppose they're a bit angry and vexed with life, and so like me they latch onto other personalities that seem vaguely dissatisfied with life in the same manner as themselves. One of these friends and I mused about driving down to Nebraska in the summertime to visit his grave. I can't decide if I want to leave flowers as a meaningless embellishment to feel like a caring human being or if I want to steal his skeleton and hide it in my closet to keep as a personal trophy. My friend did claim his shin though if we ever make it to Bellevue, so it wouldn't be a complete skeleton anyway. Maybe I should just go with the flowers. Doing nothing after all this time poring over it seems unbearable.

>>9327388
Read the book of pook

sort yourself out

>>9332104
I'm not going to argue. The bottom line is they look damn good, potentially even better than when they were younger. In the case of Bernie he DEFINITELY looks far better than when he was in his 20s. Anyways, if it makes you feel better, no, you will never look any better than now. Yes, you will be a terribly ugly but relatively human-looking thing when you get older. Congrats, you win. Now go be ugly elsewhere.

>>9333454
No problem, I'm glad my words have inspired people. I wrote some more yesterday, by the way. Pumped out nearly 4000 words by the time I was finished, and now I'm all set to write some more. I'm HOPING for 5000+, but we'll just have to wait and see. Depends on whether the ideas and imagery will be forthcoming or not. Sometimes my mind functions a bit sluggishly, and other times it just seems like I can't stop. Cheers!

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>>9333717
you're definitely on a list now bud. LOL

>tfw wagecuck

>>9317019
I read this like some type of shitty slam poetry

>>9333795
A list for... people who feel compelled to steal skeletons? Oh please. The NSA has more pressing matters, surely.

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I don't know what or what doesn't exist anymore.

Over the years, my ability to fantasize and daydream has diminished dramatically
I used to be able to entertain myself just by turning inwards, but now I am almost entirely reliant on media
Unfortunately, I have no idea how to correct this, if it is even possible

>>9333333

>>9333910
It is possible and it's really rather simple, but you're probably not going to do it: spend less time on the internet and watch less, and read more.

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Well @realDonaldTrump, at least I will go down as a president!

Ooga booga if if if uhh uhh ahh ahh if if if if

Okie doke!

there's literally zero reason for being alive if you're ugly like me

I fucking hate muslims!

>>9333970
Obama's biggest mistake in office.

>>9333769
>No problem, I'm glad my words have inspired people.
You've actually gotten me to complete my script and it's looking good. So, again, thanks.
Or maybe today is just another motivational period. Who knows.

I realized I'm happier when I socialize.

I have a close circle of friends and I have no problem socializing but I need new people in my life.

How do people meet with new people nowadays?

Almost everything post-Nietzsche philosophy is pure psychology axiom-based babble.

I wish people would stop using Hegel as a boogeyman and actually try to understand him.

>>9334010
Ride it out as long as it lasts, but remember that it's temporary. Motivation can only take you so far, and after that it's got to be fueled by your own determination to keep going even if you'd rather be doing something else. If you don't push yourself to do it, nobody else is going to do it for you. I've got about 3500 words finished and it's not even Noon, I'm hoping to be able to manage 7000+ words by the end of the day at this point. We'll see. I can push myself to keep writing, but it all depends on if I can keep ideas and imagery coming to me. Coffee helps, I find.

My life feels like a continuous hallucination. When I close my eyes I am in a completely different world. First a haze in grey tones are black and white, a kind of mist which slowly but surely clears up, giving way to bright colors, often with a lot of green. Green of the jungle, of a man-made forest, of grass parks in an urban setting, trees, grass, vegetables, fruits. Other colors will join. Fences will appear, cottages, family houses, apartment blocks, shops, skyscrapers: human life sneaks in. People are there only on special occasions: to populate an amusement park, a concert, a fair, a shopping mall. They are almost like mannequins, humanoid robots, doing their part in a play. I didn’t mention yet the seas, lakes and streams I see, which look often very unreal, like the whole world behind the curtains of my eyes.

There is a part of me still autistic, most probably has always been so. I am on my own, playing a small part in a world which isn’t mine. Mine is a dream world, in which I move like in a museum full of old artifacts or bright modern art. Alone in the world. Always asking myself how it would be not to be alone. How it would be to have someone who is part of my world. With whom I can laugh, smile, kiss, exchange views, hug, walk around, and who will be part of the complot, my complot against the wider world.

Life is one big lottery and I win continuously smaller prizes, very small prizes. Sometimes a little bit larger one, but I have a tendency to screw those up. They will lead to nowhere. I cannot handle reality, except maybe during emergencies, as they represent the world outside the normal order of the day.

So now holding pro-family and even mildly conservative values means I'm a fascist and dangerous? That borders the schizophrenic.

>>9334017
such as?

I have fantasies about fighting men I see, hand-to-hand until one of us dies, more than I do about fucking women

Is it because I'm in a relationship? Is this what true love is? I've never felt so transformed as I have now, since I committed to being with someone for the rest of my life

I hate Vienna and all its inhabitants, the fucking jews and immigrants. I want to go back

>>9334545
>Write what's on your mind.
>such as?
You missed the point of the thread and showed how buttblasted about your existentialism babble is based on psychology nonsense.

Keep trying.

thinking about rekindling my relationship with my ex. we were broken up for about 4 years and during that time i sank into extreme misanthropy and cynicism and was well on my way to becoming a certified wizard living in seclusion hating society and the world and having no hope for humanity, but hopefully having found some purpose or personal ambition and being happy striving towards it. but now, we're talking again and i like these old feelings of companionship and affection, and maybe people arent so bad if theres a bright eyed, innocent, passionate and optimistic girl out there like this that could maybe act as a filter for me to see the world through, showing me , perhaps, that all the bullshit i see around me in people and society is, at a deeper level, something to observe in awe, or something to learn from, something to live for. perhaps ive been looking at it from the wrong perspective all this time, and maybe this girl is the key to unlocking it, and removing all this pessimism from my mind.
or maybe im wrong and this is what love does and maybe im fucked either way, and it ended last time for a reason and people are shit they cant be trusted, can i even trust her again?
hmm

>>9334571
ewww people socialize at night having fun and dancing all night, can't you be more ewww

>>9334578
i want to know how your purpose gave you hope for humanity

>>9334623
i predict it wont. if i continue down this path i will hate every single person i dont know (which is, apart from a handful of people, all of them). i never implied having some purpose or ambition would give me hope for humanity. we're doomed, and thats for sure, atleast until we reach posthumanity.
anyways,this is a future possibility,.and i think at some point in my life, id learn to be happy with myself and with whatever i can contribute to the world, whoever its inhabited by. theres something greater to strive for in this world than those who inhabit it, and that is a strong instinct of mine. im not saying 'god' but i mean more like, 'the end goal of the universe'. i feel like creating and producing 'things' is the most noble and enlightened way to live. everyone has something to do or give for the greater good (by this i mean the path towards the Ultimate Truth), the only problem is that most people dont care, especially in our current age of mass consumption.
anyways, short answer is - it wont.

>>9334662
oh
i thought you implied that your purpose made things seem better

>>9334499
ANTI-FAMILY
ANTI-STATE
NO DOGS NO MASTERS

no future at all
suicide looks tempting as fuck

>>9335435
>>9335435
im so fucking sad and depresssed, i wish i had someone to speak to

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>>9334565
I know that feel. My scarred knuckles and stressed joints remind me of the thrill every day. No normal fight will do anymore. I want to fight a hopeless battle so I can cast aside my self-imposed inhibitions without regret and lose myself, I think that's what it means to live.

>>9319655
Not the same guy, but do what makes you most happy. That's what i'd say.

>>9321216
take off the mask.

>>9322022
Oh you can show me. Beyond the Palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard
Girls comb their hair in rearview mirrors