Write what's on your mind.

she's going away to rehab soon. i fear that she won't want anything to do with me when she returns.

>>9294590
fucking hell why are all my contacts out of weed on a lovely sunny sunday like this?

I feel like smashing my chair against the wall

>>9294590
>see picture of rock
>write what's on your mind
Rock floor door rail sea clouds shadow

>>9294636
>She
Who
>Rehab
From what

Your fear is probably justified, but you never know

>>9294679
>See post by anon with words
>Write what's on my mind
Shadow dark green death poison snake killer

Almost one week being unable to eat properly and I'm ready to fucking kill myself.

Glib statement of crossroad in life. Twee sentiment that I think is poignant.

probably not going to get my book published because i've never been published prior to

:( feels bad man

>>9294685
a girl. a drug.

Hair

>>9294723
kek

If I should give up on this girl because she finds things I say and do embarrassing and I annoy her sometimes

>>9294743
Fuck her and dump her

Or become a huge cuck

>>9294590
Morals and Dogma

>>9294750
Well the reason I'm wanting to dump her is because if I let this shit slide now then she'll think she can get away with it in future
but telling her to fuck off and that I'm not going to change who I am if she doesn't like it will blow it up

Just don't know if it's worth roleplaying until I fuck her a couple of times or not

why do underpants have an opening on the front?

in love with a prostitute lads

I can't handle that everyone is having sex but me.

doing a poo

Trying to decide if I should call my friend today or not. I'm lonely and would love to talk to someone, but loneliness is also what inspires me to write.

>>9294773
fuck you

>>9294771
brutal mate

do the D A N C E
1 2 3 4 fight
stick to the B E A T
get ready to ignite
you were such a P Y T
catching all the light
just easy as A B C
that's how we make it right

My total lack of responses on this dating app must be because I don't have any pictures of me doing interesting things, r-right?

>>9294801
i know. shes not a streetwalker though. works in a brothel.

>>9294590

why is this asshole calling me up for weed on a fucking sunday

>>9294771
That's pretty /lit/.

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>>9294812
Is that considered better or worse?
I'm not well versed in the prostitute game

Doing a 2 week no-fap so that i can go to the red light district and cum really heavily on the belly of a prostitute that i saw a few months ago and almost fell in love with.

>>9294760
Try to judge how far you are from achieving that goal and ask yourself if its worth the effort
I would probably just get the fuck away from her, but thats me.

>>9294590

I stopped smoking weed to be more productive and now I feel less depressed, exercise more and I am becoming less of an antisocial shut-in.
But now the dreams are back and I always dream about my ex. I thought I was finally over her, but now I get reminded of her every single night. I wake up and I feel so fucking angry, it just ruins my whole day.
I tried to distract myself, but when I made breakfast the rage just took over and I smashed some of my plates and punched a hole in my cupboard. I just want to forget her, but the dreams are way to vivid every night. I can still see her face and her innocent smile when I close my eyes, I can smell her hair, feel the touch of her skin in my mind.
I'm this close to just saying 'fuck it' and start smoking and drinking again so the dreams can finally stop again.

>>9294835
it's a clean and legal brothe. she is really clean too.

>>9294817
really? i always thought i was supposed to be a writer but i dont' read books.

>>9294837
ya but she's real cutie you know
Am I under her spell bros

>>9294845
What about all her other Johns?

>>9294843
I will never understand how someone can get this attached to a woman. She is literally just that, a woman. Remember why she's your ex in the first place.

>>9294855

I wasn't really attached to her anymore, but now all the feelings and memories I associated with her are coming back because of these shitty dreams. When I wake up it feels like I just relived all the good and bad times I had with her. And then I feel this emptiness, like the breakup was just yesterday, even though I was over 4 months ago. And then I get really angry, even though I know it's just my brain fucking with me.

>>9294853
who cares. all girls have had plenty of dick in them. at least these dicks are wearing a condom.

>>9294875
oh, only 4 months. Ok it's still normal.

>>9294843
you're not alone, bro. this happened to me too. i ended up getting back with her and it's good now. you should try to get her back. she's probably the one and that's why is hurts so much.

>>9294876
Were they, though?

What about all those dicks that rubbed on her lips and tongue? Did they have condoms on?

>>9294882
It's been a long time since i felt the urge to call someone a Faggot this badly.

>>9294851
Of course you are.
Jerk off way more often and you'll be able to look at her without being blinded by your lust

Today is okay. Even if I don't put my weenie in a flesh hole.

Also Civ VI is pretty good, it's a relief to let the higher brain shut off for a few hours at a time.

>>9294884
>tfw made out for an hour with a 50 year old cougar that had 3 abortions and has never wore a condom before because ''it doesn't feel good''
I am 23. I am pretty sure i had at least 100 samples of DNA in my mouth.

>>9294900
Lol

Lemme tell ya, man, I have never been afraid of dying. But I am scared to die after a lifetime of feeling like dying.

>>9294843
>I tried to distract myself, but when I made breakfast the rage just took over and I smashed some of my plates and punched a hole in my cupboard.
This is unintentionally hilarious

>>9294900
fast times, lad

>>9294900
cor

>>9294893
It's been a long time since I was under someone's spell
can't say I'm too pleased about it

>>9294923
>>9294913
>>9294906
I can go into detail if you like. It's the usual:
>she is a co-worker making it easy for me to get to know her better over a long period (lol) of time
>2/10 face
>9/10 body
>she is greek
>she is 51

The way the people around here treat God is pathetic, a mix of genious of the lamp and Santa Claus.

I received an unusual text message last night.

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I recently found out just how bad i trully am at english. It being my 3rd language and all shouldn't bother me much, but it does. It's all because of /lit/ and that stupid thread about how big your vocabulary is. Apparently i am at ''12 year old kid who lives in the US''-level.

What do i do? I mean, it feels that the better i get at Japanese, the worse my English gets, the better i get at German, the more i neglect my Greek.
It trully feels that my limits are around 100k words split into X amount of languages. Is there such limit? My inteligence is average if that's any indication.

It goes:
>Greek
>German
>English
>Japanese

>>9294961
brainlet SPOTTED

>>9294958
Describe it.

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>>9294979

>>9294882

How long were you two separated? Under what circumstances did you two get back together?

>>9294693
>a girl. a drug
Often one and the same.

>writing a light hearted slice of life romantic comedy
>finished the first half
>the only way I feel like I continue the second half is if shit gets unnecessarily dark complete with cuckolding and attempted suicide

>>9295336
Good. Bit of reality into the mix

>>9294815
woah genius

fuck you

>>9295194
i am addicted to her. even though she doesn't really want me.

I have this weird bump on my scrotum. Most likely seems like an ingrown hair. I've been fighting the urge to pop it with a needle and watch the blood and pus come oozing out.

My willpower has ran out. I have two weeks until they kick me out of my courses. I pretty much just have to expend like a few hours of effort 4-5 times, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Even if I don't flunk out this month, I'm still going to be behind next month. I just simply stopped giving a shit.

>>9295392
Are you young enough to start anew?

>>9294672
pots

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I saw a post here on /lit/ about some guy who submitted some poetry to an anthology under a Chinese woman's name, and got it accepted, and they were forced to publish it even after he revealed the deception.

That seemed like fun, so I thought I'd give it a try myself. I created a Hotmail email address/Outlook account with a female alter ego, whose name I based off a character from Code Geass. Even managed to find a cosplay picture that looks real enough to use as my avatar, to heighten the illusion.

Now, I might as well aim for the top at the start, so I took one of my short stories that no one has seen, and that got decent feedback at a writer's group, and submitted it to the New Yorker. I'll probably also submit it to Tin House, too, as well as Prairie Schooner and a few others.

I'm pretending that I'm a 22-year-old girl from Los Angeles, so I'm both young AND female AND live on the left coast. We'll see what happens.

>>9295381
stellar except for most "most likely seems like an ingrown hair" could be shortened to "most likely an ingrown hair."

>>9295411
Probably. 21. Honestly, I don't really feel like starting over either. I just want to stay home and work on myself for a year, read philosophy, exercise, continue therapy, but I just don't have the resources to do so. Honestly the classwork I'm behind on is trivial and I know most of the subjects, or could learn in a relatively short timeframe. I just realized halfway through that comp-sci is absolutely not for me. I'm semi tempted to sell some of my stuff and get some poor paki to do my projects for me.

Destroy all mirrors

>>9294590
I don't even care that I'm impossible to love. I've simply embraced the fact that no matter what I do today, tomorrow, the next day, etc. I'm still just going to die in the end, and the same with everyone close to me. I simply don't care about my disgusting looks and personality anymore with this relieving realization.

>>9294688
Response of reassurance and consolation.

I feel so tired all the time no matter how much I sleep. I might go to a psychiatrist, but I think I don't deserve pills or help. It's because I'm too self aware. I figure that most of my problems can be solved if I just got out more, or got a job, but I don't feel like it. I'm afraid that a doctor would just tell me that same thing. I get flashes of energy occasionally, which makes me think that it's all in my head. My body's completely capable of expending effort and working, so what the fuck?

I used to think that I could be happy as long as I could draw, compose, or create whatever. It's getting so bad that I can barely muster the will to do those on good days. So I've been very fucking unhappy.

>>9295624
No one believes you. Not even you.

>>9294843
Good on you for quitting weed. But you sounds like a petulant faggot. Man the fuck up, pussy.

"Hey Mugi, I'd do anything for you, you know that! I'm just glad you invited me! hey, here's a schedule, I already circled the bands you liked so we won't miss anything!"

"Isn't this great? Oh hey, look, they're passing a bowl around, let's toke up when it gets to us!"

"Okay Mugi, you've smoked weed before right? No? Hahaha, it's fine, I'll show you how! See, this bowl has a little hole on the side you cover with your finger. Now, inhale from this spot while I light the lighter! And once you've inhaled for a few seconds I'm going to let go of that hole, it's going to give you a big rush of air and you're going to get way more smoke!"

"Awesome Mugi, that's a huge hit! You're going to start feeling pretty silly soon! Time for me to take a hit!"

"Aww Mugi, you feeling a little high? I will admit that was some strong shit! Makes the music a lot better huh?"

"What's that Mugi, you want more weed? Okay, I'll track some down for us. You're just a little pothead, aren't you!"

"Hey Mugi, that's it for the day, let's head back to our tents to unwind. I've got a ton of munchies and we've got a lot of weed left for tonight and tomorrow! Aren't you so happy?"

"Mugi... geeze you're super high, why are you being so touchy-feely? You want to what?! Sleep in my tent? Well... okay I guess..."

"Mugi! Hey watch it! I know it's dark but you're... Oh.. you're naked huh? Well, this is your first time right? I'll be gentle. Weed sure makes you horny huh? Don't worry, this will feel great."

Tonight I am not going to drink myself to sleep to quell my sadness. This has been my remedy every time I felt down for the past several months but tonight is the night to change that.

>>9295771
Go if your insurance covers it. But don't have any delusions about the relationship. They view your body as a mechanic would your car.

They want to brute force it into functionality but also keep it coming in for monthly tuneups. Go and get some pills to fix your brains already, jeez. You'll barely be a blip on this guy/s multi-thousand patient radar.

>>9295493
Oh please dude. After the military and running through stupid shit in my life I'm 29 and still working through community college. Taking courses here because it's cheaper than doing it at a university.

You're definitely not too late to switch majors or jump around a bit to live life if you don't like the current direction you're headed.

>>9296152
Been there, little by little. It helps more if you fill in that gap of drinking with anything to keep your mind off. Besides reading of course, try something new.

>>9296304
Obviously. It's just that I kind of just don't want to do anything. I just want to sit around and work on myself stress free for a while. That's not going to be happening.

>>9296350
I'm gonna start playing video games again. Figure that's a better use of my time than browsing 4chan while plastered.

I loved and hate her, and now she thinks im a creepy retard because the meddlings of my ((((friends))))

I must cast off her spell, and pursue superior women

>>9296222
>You'll barely be a blip on this guy/s multi-thousand patient radar.
I keep forgetting how insignificant I am. Well, I guess I'll make an appointment soon. I already decided to but, my delusion was putting it off.

born to die

world is a fuck

>>9296416
You need to be a superior man to get a superior woman. But hey, maybe you are, gl anon.

>>9296431
I will strive to become that superior man, friend.

I sometimes fool myself into thinking I am intelligent because I realize just how unintelligent I really am.

its a catch-22. Am I trying to deceive myself into intelligence once again by stating this? and again?

>>9296477
You can't know your own intelligence. You can get an indication by observing how you compare to other people, but your belief is always going to be poisoned by your vanity and or insecurity.

>>9296490
Indeed

>>9296477
Read Chekov's The Black Monk

this place is full of idiots and i hate that im addicted to it

>>9296510
You mean Ward Number 6 >>9296477

>>9296467
I believe in you

>>9296537
Everyone should just read more Chekhov

>>9296559
Agreed
But then this board would turn him into a meme..

>>9296069
I like this. I know it's a meme but I want more.

i hate myself
gonna go get high and bury myself in pot ash

Mad rush by PG just kicked in

Decent sober life in my sober living home

Skipped meds today. My life in review, on paper, wish id made it up. About to attend a mandatory potluck.

Bubble bath earlier with Steve Reich

Suicide preparation like im going on an exhibition

The failures that chronologize my existence, are the doubts of my own worth.

>>9296528
i agree with this

i'm using leechblock to progressively decrease my time spent here

I hate absolutely every stranger to me and I know exactly why
Humanity is no different from a culture of bacteria and I'm the one cell that has no desire to participate
Etc

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The more I simplify my life the happier I become.

got very drunk on saturday
chastising myself for being to social and personal with people
waited around in the cold for some girl
acted like she didn't know me when we met
cried on my kitchen floor
over her already
maybe
need to stop drinking

>>9297278
But you still have an Internet connection?

I actually enjoy getting sick.

Loss of friends, sanity, and things to do.

I'm a piss poor writer, but I had an idea of a story of a revenant in modern times who made a promise to his wife that he would return from war to see their daughter, as she is but a couple months old. She gets a letter some day saying he went MIA, and she cries. About 7 years later, she gets a knock at the door and he's there as, not aged a bit. They hug and he hugs the daughter then poof he dust now.

>>9297625
That's too cloy to get much readership in today's market. Make it about her schizophrenic relationship with him, culminating in their suicide pact which is in fact only her suicide

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>>9294590
i really like magritte's paintings.
they're very pleasant to me. sometimes they make me chuckle.
very often my dreams feel like this (pic related). i think it's sort of similar to what that character in mulholland drive describes as "half-night".
i wish i could fulfill my potential, socially. i experience it sometimes, those moments where i flow very well, where i speak naturally, where i can "be myself", as it were. but those moments are extremely rare, and between those moments there's no confidence, no ability to engage, mostly a preference for solitude.
no matter how many times i have an experience that leaves me saying "that wasn't so bad was it?" by the next time some social opportunity emerges i feel dreadful and hesitant.
i don't really recall a time in my life when i didn't routinely feel embarrassed. why is that? can i escape it if i don't know what a different state feels like, is it just how i am? sometimes i feel like, by acknowledging this sort of thing at all, i'm only acting out a role and reinforcing it.
while daydreaming, when thinking of being in situations i'm not, it can actually get to the point of getting angry or crying or something, as if i'm trying to simulate exactly what i would feel like in that situation, or if i'm trying to convince myself that i would feel that way. but it's about a totally imagined event. i wonder how much that sort of thing could be affecting different areas of my life.

I wonder if there's a problem with me. Whenever I work on a project I get half way into actually doing great work and then lose all desire to create more. It's infuriating because I want the motivation to keep doing it but I just feel nothing.
I feel like I need a motivation to keep going but I don't feel anything, yet I feel I need to feel the right 'boost' to see it through.

where do I go to learn more about cybernetics and accelerationism
how does one properly understand reading and his predecessors

/lit/ is the worst board

People are a culmination of their own individual experiences. Everything we do, who and what we're subjected to, every minute detail pertaining to us and those that we interact with come together to create what we see as our personality. To experience new things is to change ourselves, but nothing we could ever do would change who and what are at a fundamental level. The responsibility lies with the father to make us strong. The responsibility lies with the mother to make us enticing. From the moment were born, our lives are completely out of our hands. Regardless of what you do, as you grow you will never come out of the tracks that your circumstances at birth placed you in. When we reach adulthood were aupposed to be able to become anything we want. Theres just some things that were not all really supposed to do. Destiny, or God have a way of sorting everything out. Why should I try to defy either?

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Alchemy is nothing to laugh at.

>>9297717
I feel the same. I'm going to see a doctor to see if there's something wrong with me. It's torture, what you described. I see what others create and succeed with. Then I realize how low the bar is, and how much better I can demonstratively be, and nothing changes. I sit here doing fuck all. It's humiliating.

>>9297795
If you find a solution, do tell me.
Whenever I actually complete my work, I look back on it with absolute satisfaction and the response to my art is great, but even that desire for that satisfaction is not enough for me to keep going. I just feel nothing. It's horrible.

>>9297736
i've given it a chance and it has been a waste of my time

>>9297859
The thread won't be up by the time I make it to the doctor. I don't think it's an obscure problem to begin with, since we're going through the same thing. I'm sure the solution is already out there, some where.

>>9297752
I was shown a poorly-curated webpage detailing a fragmentary history of alchemy. I laughed at the webpage itself as well as the person who showed it to me.

Also, I hope that's only mud on the dog.

>>9297880
It's too specific of a problem to have a solution.
>help doctor I'm demotivated and feeling lazy to complete my work
>have you tried just doing it?

>>9294590
I feel like a slave to my desire for love, that illusory kind of love. THe popcorn romance type of love that exists only until we begin recognizing the human-ness of the other. Her sharing her icecream on a spoon. The perfect shape of her lips. How theres no tension in her thighs against mine. Does she know that our knees are touching? Does she know that every moment spent together is elevated by the fantasy of an old couple sitting on a park bench on a spring evening, us, the sun setting over the jagged shape of the pine valley mountains, the million shades of blue extending towards the coming stars. Our heavy eyes and still bodies in perfect understanding of one another. Two minds melted together from decades of experience, no need for communication - perfect communion, eternal acceptance. This love.

Only in the future can i be happy. Only in fantasy can i be happy. Only in thought exists the possibility of depth - depth of life. A promise which is sold by religion and the elders of society who need fresh bodies to maintain their tradition. Because death of tradition is like death of the mind, its the trivializing of a whole lifetime of experiences, which is considered to be life.

I am a river of tension, of feeling. COmmunication of plants with color, communication of the body with feeling, communication of society with ideas.

THough is illusion, as is this love.

Can I just die? TO exit the mind and bond with perfect beauty? To be nourished by that love until I am its perfect expression? to merge with fire. My heart and that of the eternal beating together and my being one with love? I meekly extend myself like a flower toward the sun, like a infant to mother - I want to be lifted.

Maybe she really was interested. Doesn't matter anymore, she moved on to someone else.

>>9297615
It might be for the better..
I recently lost friends because I confronted them on their destructive lifestyle and they took it personally.

The usual. Futility of life. Chance. Love - how I can not be loved.

It's interesting to see that what plagues the minds of this board most, is love. I, like, I imagine, many others - have this notion of perfect love in their minds, which I, from my INexperience have found to be baseless. Nothing more than a dream of a perfect world, that exist in our imaginations only. I daresay that the vast majority of women do not possess the depth that we are looking for. So, if they would at least share some of our interests, that should be good enough. Love is just an instinct to mate. What I am looking for, is just a person that I could stand being with for several consecutive days.

Alas, I am a dreamer, and everything I dream of seems probable and doable, except the acquisition of that perfect other.

Maybe chance will bring me what my soul desires most, but my mind places last. Chance has done me good in the past, but I do not intend to wait forever. As surprising as favorable unpredictive events are, what is more surprising, is our ability to create most of these events.

As such, I implore you, My Brothers in Words:
Do not wait for your life to pass you by, waiting for perfection in the external world. Create inner beauty, and with enough prudence, Chance will find you; unless - you find her.

>>9298612
Kek. So, you were the cuck of the group

>>9298464
You aren't the sonet mdma anon, right

>>9294693
Same. Except the drug.

>>9297717
check out microdosing with mushrooms

I will never.

>>9298758
Pessoa is that you?

>>9294768
Because you want a piece of softer material in contact with your balls and they don't stitch the piece all the way so stop digging your pants to find your key

What if we are actually controlled by women and are in a parody of reality.

>>9294773
Well the majority of people aren't fucking right now, don't sweat it

>>9294809
Dating app are not representative of the taste of the whole, but only the taste of users, you'll may be luckier in the wild, even ungliness is not eliminatory

>>9298773
Congrats, you saw through.
Now act accordingly

>>9294843
Love implies loss and sadness, it's not easy but you're strong enough to cope, the feeling will go away with drugs but it'll come back anyway, just accept that sadness is a part of your life just as much as love and happiness, they'll come back

>>9294884
That was low, nobody want to think about that

>>9294907
Why would you be afraid of the unchanged?

>>9294961
There's no point in knowing lot of languages anyway

>>9295336
I love unexpected shift of genre

>>9295381
You will suffer

>>9295458
George Sand would be confused

>>9295771
After doing some (very little research), I found that "doing more" is advised for people feeling constantly tired
Doing this for 2 weeks and it has worked for me since

>>9297636
That's too 2010 make it about discovering that schizophrenia can bend time

>>9297712
Try contemplation, suppress your inner monologue for some time, try to do it during social interactions, especially when someone is sharing something with you
be aware of your inner monologue, especially when you're remembering social interactions and don't give it too much credit

>>9298773
Well then women as we know them would be a parody of real ones which implies that they're better irl
>women as we know them are inferior
>the afterlife will be filled with perfect women
Are you an Islamist?

Was talking to a grill and realised that just because I see something as worthless monetarily it doesn't mean everyone else does and that thanks to capitalism I can't see the value of objects beyond money. It was kind of a revelation I had whilst writing in my diary, desu. I will have to apologise to her today. I also reminded myself that a relationship involves compromise and empathy. I have been single for a long time and I am pretty selfish, so it was hard for me to see from someone else's point of view.

It was a small enlightenment from my own darkness.

Right now: work and money. But more recently the realisation we are living in a post-modern society and anybody's attempt to apply rationality to reality is futile. Especially in the aftermath of the terror attack in Westminster, I found myself watching a live stream of the terror attack, and seeing people take selfies with dead bodies, and various figures like Tommy Robinson and groups of Antifas show up on the scene. It was all slightly surreal.

>>9294590
Just finished book #5, this was a sequel to my first book; I now am the self-published author of a small series. My mind is feeling quite happy. Though I'm feeling a little sick today, so I might wait until tomorrow to start my next book, Might be a third in the series, or maybe it'll be a fourth one-off. Then again my third book, an action novelette, was sort of set up to have a sequel of its own so that's an option as well.

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Men, including myself, really are toxic in their masculinity in some sense.

Women read books written by both men and women, but men dismiss almost all books written by women out of hand as "women's literature". The same is true for film or any other medium.

You know I honestly don't care about "women's literature" either, and maybe women do care about both sex's literatures naturally, but shouldn't I at least make an effort? I think so. At the very least another perspective on the world is useful to have: I mean I'm receptive to learning foreign or even dead languages for that very reason, so why shouldn't I be receptive to reading women authors for the same reason?

As a rational human I can choose my interests. So I'm going to choose to be interested in chick lit. I'm going to read one book written by a woman for every I read written by a man, or maybe one woman author for every two men if a 50-50 split makes women think I'm a faggot.

And you know most of the female authors I've read, which is very few, have been solid reads.

>>9298830
lol, kys

>>9299061
>knows 42 dead languages and speaks all current ones
>says "lol, kys"

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>>9294961
You literally can't learn more than a couple of languages to very high level. The brain just won't allow it according to science because language acquisition and retention so costly. Those polygots you hear about that fluently read/write/speak a dozen languages actually don't.

http://www.zompist.com/whylang.html

>>9298988

I don't like you.

>>9299081
>*and retention are so

>>9298983

I'm a writer too. I just finished a short story set sometime in the future where Amazon has given up on self-delivering tampons.

>>9299077
It seems useless to explain the charm and benefits of speaking multiple languages to a philistine such as yourself.

>speaks only English, devoid of any beauty and a utilitarian language
>shuns other languages
>wew

>>9299081
>cites a site that doesn't provide a sauce

You deserve a medal

>>9299089
Hahaha well, sounds uh, interesting. It'll be another up to 2-3 days before it'll be available on Amazon and Kindle, but once it is I'm going to line up another promotion. I had one from March 14-16 where I had my 3 books that I had at the time for free. This time, probably starting on March 30th or March 31st, I'll make my first FOUR books for free, and this fifth one will be put up for Kindle Countdown. Standard eReader price will be $2.99, but I'll knock it down to either $0.50 or $0.99, then eventually it'll go up for about $1.99, and in time will return to its original $2.99 price. My other four books are all only $0.99, so this sequel to my first book is a little bit more expensive than the others. Once I release the third in the series, which might be my next book or might not be for a few weeks or months, then this second in the series will probably likewise go down to $0.99 for eReader version and my latest one will be $2.99.

I write because I love to write, but I continue to experiment to better understand self-publishing, and this seems like a reasonable way of going about it. When I get the promotion on the go I'm going to release a guest article on a fairly well-read blog (not mine; it's someone else's), and I'll probably also let people know on /k/ since this will be my third /k/-related book. The first two, as mentioned, will be free, and this third one will be only $0.99US at most starting out on this Kindle Countdown. I MIGHT mention my free ones here on /lit/, but I probably will leave my latest one alone. People here REALLY don't like shilling, but it's not exactly shilling for the books I'd be giving away for free.

>>9299222
>>9299222
I'm French haha
Currently learning italien because why not
>charm and benefit
Yeah tell me about them

I hate the British accent so fucking much, I want to punch them all in the face.

>>9300156
>The British accent
>Thinks there's only one
I'm not even from, in, or ever BEEN to the UK yet I can see you're a fucking idiot. Though technically speaking of the 'British' might also include people who live outside of the UK.

>>9300171
I hate them all equally.

>>9297464
Sure. Internet is not much of a complication at all compared to things like having a lot of material possessions and relationships and wives and children and jobs and debt and cars et cetera.

The internet is relatively benign and a cheap source of good information.

>>9294590

'memes' are a social disease where one lemming copies another lemming because he/she is a sheep with no original ideas of their own and is incapable of thinking for themselves

>>9294590

these faggos don't even know I'm 16.

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Man I had this dream where I was playing Tekken 3 (as I did in real life for a while) and the game slowed down and Bryan said "I thank destiny for concealing my true nature so fools can be lulled into believing they can dance with death" (reference to him being a cyborg) while a big counterhit was happening on screen and I felt this savagery, like vapors of doom condensing on my skin. It was so intense.

>>9300703
dude weed lol

>>9300691
I know.

No matter how good the booze, no matter how decent the work, nothing comes close to putting your dick into a woman's vagina. People say heroin's better, you know? Bullshit. There's absolutely nothing more satisfying than having a woman take your dick. Not in her mouth, though, or any of that perverted shit. The vagina is made for cock. You can feel it opening up, little by little. Like she's still wary of you and on the fence, but she's slowly allowing you inside. Then, it overflows, it clicks, like a button on this jacket right here, and you feel the warmth of the vulva engulfing your cock. It feels like diving into honey. Then, you don't move. You listen to her gasp under her breath, and you allow her to take it all in and cherish it for some ten seconds. You kiss her on the left side of her neck. Then you start diggin'.

>>9298806
Fuck bitches and get money is what they want you do. Is the answer to life to be poor and celibate?

what's on your mind

>>9294590
I'm so depressed

>>9294590
smoke weed everyday

My jiu jitsu instructor told the class to make sure they have good hygiene and wash their equipment because someone smells bad, I hope he wasn't talking about me

>>9300642
edgy

>>9302120
Why the left?

>>9302231
Her left. More intimate.

>>9294875
If it's only been four months, then I promise it gets much easier. You're going to feel this way many times throughout your life, and it will at some point numb you. Get lost in something that is for you and only you. If you're not happy alone, how can you ever expect to be truly happy with another? If you can't make yourself content, you're going to have a hard time making anyone else.

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I keep dismissing any creative ideas i might have.
Even when im alone i cant express myself for myself.This is terrible and i dont know how to fix it.

>>9302331
4chan and the internet made you into a cynical post-ironic cunt probably

>>9294590
A sick black sludge. Suffocating. Wash away the black. Clean.

>>9294590
HE COMES TOM.

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>>9302337
Yes.
Wat nou?

>>9302385
Spend less time on the internet unless it's research of some kind. Stop substituting people in your life with strangers on the net. Look for new experiences. Stop saying you're busy.

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>>9302385
>Wat nou?

i've used the fake it until you make it method for a while now BUT IT HASN'T WORKED that isn't cool having a crush on your best friend. thinking that he's not the one hasn't helped much. the guy is a night owl, likes going out late at night & getting drunk, has been in an open relationship.......... STOP STO PSTO

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>>9302478
It was actually in reference to that south african newspaper when Hitler died..

Have drugs killed my brain, or is this temporary?

>>9294687
What happened?

>>9295493
>I'm semi tempted to sell some of my stuff and get some poor paki to do my projects for me.

Do this. It's a messy solution, but it is a solution, which is what you need right now. Don't let yourself silently implode.

Once you've done that, figure out how to start anew. Maybe switch majors, maybe transfer to community college, maybe something else, you're the only one that can know the right path. You'll be okay anon. Just don't let yourself implode.

t. a fellow mentally ill person who has done what it takes to survive

>>9295771
Do you drink coffee? That's what works for me. Also, like the other poster said, try to "do" more. Do your best to fill your day with activities you're actually excited for, and see if that helps.

>>9303014
Strep throat, feeling better now.

>>9295771
Get a keurig and a giant box of 5 hour energy shots. When you get up in the morning drink 4 cups of coffee and 1 energy shot. Lay back down, try to sleep. It'll work for maybe 20 minutes before it slowly starts to kick in.

Take 2 daily vitamins, 2 fish oil pills, and 2 aleve in the morning.

Start lifting. Or at least do some calisthenics around the house.

Go make friends. Have something to look forward to. Set goals.


Motivation is setting yourself up for success later. Who wants to cook when all their dishes are dirty? If you wash them, then your future self will want to do it.


I've also found audio books really help for house chores and driving and things like that, keeps me busy and entertained while working on mindless stuff I'd otherwise not want to do.

Healing is what I want to do, others brandish thier streaming wounds. Where are mine, so that I make them the source of their pride?

i contacted an old friend to ask about the difference of infatuation and being in love and she did not know how to react, so i tried answering myself

im still looking for an answer give me a second

I simply can't bring myself to do those projects, I have excatcly one week left...

>>9298904
No lmao just have a hunch

>>9302271
>Get lost in something that is for you and only you.

Could you give some examples of things I could try for this?

She told me after one year and eight months that she can't stand the way I look, act, and speak. She doesn't see the time I gave to here, only my unintentional eye rolls and slackened face muscles. She doesnt remember when i hold her and caress her hair, only when I forget to grab the laundry. She doesn't hear my words of love and laughter, she can only hear the conviction when I argue.

S.O. from WI here. You'll probably never hear about me again or care when I drive my car into a concrete divider. Thanks for giving me some good times /lit/, you aren't as bad as people say.

>>9303390
Damn, man. Isn't that a pain? Someone can't acknowledge that positive humanity you shared with them. Does she not remember or is she trying to hurt you? It would be irrational of course, but it would not be uncommon for someone to wholly reject that which you gave in order to make it easier on themselves.

>>9294961
is that james

>>9303390
jesus, giving up your life for a failed love, for a person that doesn't deserve your attention can not be more pathetic. i beg you to reconsider, although you're probably just being dramatic

>>9302532
depends how much drugs you took and for how long. chronic drug abuse does leave permanent consequences, but the brain can heal to a degree.

>>9303254
Literature/writing, studying (philosophy, history, science, psychology, and so on), travel, chess, cinema, exercise, biking, going out, etc.

I was a similar position years ago. I found solace in the arts (writing and reading for me is therapeutic) and heroin. I'm still hooked on both, so I would not recommend the substance abuse route, it's like the nuclear bomb option. Worked well, too well, even.

Why the fuck won't she just respond or leave me alone? She disappears for months without a word back and then just when I start being able to get over her she hits me with long sincere beautiful messages out of nowhere that just reels me back in helplessly. I don't think she does it on purpose, she's too up front and kind for that. But I just want her to stop torturing me. Tell me to go fuck myself and that you don't want to talk to me again so I can move on, or stop playing these games. I honestly think I would prefer her to just tell me to fuck off. I know she isn't as great as I feel she is, but her presence is like getting drugged and intoxicated and any realization to the contrary disappears. She beats me over the fucking head with love and drags me along and then just fucking disappears. Fuck love and everything about it. Make me cold and heartless and autistic and maybe I can sleep at night.

>>9299554
So, why are you learning italian, if you don't see any benefit in it? For the luls is too retarded of a reason. And even if you are in it for the keks, that's still a reason for learning it.

>Charm
You might travel at some point, and if you speak the language of said country, visiting there is a more pleasurable experience, because people will inherently be more kind and welcoming - because you speak their language.
Also, at least in my case, some languages appeal to my personality more, because of their style of expression: be it more direct or more eloquent. Furthermore it is a known fact that different ideas come to you, different thinking patterns, when you think in a language other than your mother tongue.

>benefits
What was already mentioned. Certain texts are better in their original language, if not all. Because no translation will ever perfectly express the context and emotions the author envisioned when writing in a tongue most close to him. There are also cultural implications in every language, different national characteristics are imbedded in each language. You can sense their most common thoughts and associative ideas; that is if you are fluent.
I imagine you're learning italian for travel and/or reading purposes. Italy is a shit country, with a rich history, but that's all they have going for themselves. Fucking gypsy nation. Much like France, lately.

>>9303560
She seems sadistic, and you a fool for letting her torture you. Block her number and remove everything that reminds you of her from your life. It's time to move on, buddy.

>>9294590
What's on my mind? I've got my first self-published book on a free promotion today and tomorrow (March 28-29). My last promotion was March 14-16 in which my first three books went for free and I managed to give away 126 copies. sadly only one of my books are for free right now, and for only 2 days instead of 3, but still hoping to break 100. Check it out here if you want! 100% free!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01M7S2Z0R

>>9303574
Well as I say there's no point in learning languages, of course it's nice and pleasant to read other languages and to speak with when you travel, but it's not worth "bothering"
I don't learn Italian for the "lulz", I learn it in my free time like I would watch a movie or shitpost here, for no reason but killing time
Also
>Fucking gypsy nation. Much like France, lately.
I have never been to south Italy but the north is not a "gypsy nation" at all, rather calm and easy with beautiful city and nature
France has good spots too, especially on the coasts, but a big part of the country is plain, desolated and boring, I'm not actually "french" btw, it's just my mother tongue

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I know this is an issue most of us who post here suffer, but I feel the need to share it regardless. I felt like in my teens I felt the most I will ever feel. My appetite for music and literature were at it's height. Everything brought me some sort of feeling.

Now I'm older. Now I feel hardly anything. I feel like I've lost all feeling, lost everything that made me what I am. I know people change, and I'm okay with that, but I feel like what was essential to me was somehow lost in growing up. How the fuck can I feel complete again? I feel like such a child for caring about something so abstract and pointless. I don't even know what I'm so upset about, except that I'm dissatisfied with something. What the fuck is wrong with me?

>>9303661
Stop consuming and start producing and use your feels to fuel your art

I've been unable to sleep the last two nights. I feel sick. I think my liver is diseased. Hah! Got you there. No but seriously I feel diseased, it's not good for my own image of myself to wake up every morning and spit out a big gob of blood that accumulated over night. Night, as in between midnight and six in the morning. I smoke too much to. And right now I hurt. I kind of wish I had something better to write, but the thing on my mind right now is simply physical pain. My feet hurt, my stomach hurts, too much for me to eat even though I am starved. My eyes burn, wanting to be closed. And that's just the problems I cannot do anything about.

tfw no gf

>>9303636
You're consistently debunking your claim that learning languages is pointless. As far as I can tell, you speak at least 2 languages, and are learning a third, italian. Pure boredom can not be the reason behind it, that would be idiotic. You claim there is no point in learning languages, and yet you are learning a new one. In my opinion, there are far more interesting things to learn and do than to learn another language, and yet you pick the one interest you rated as pointless. I'm sure you have several interests that are not pointless, as you say, and you could spend time on them instead of italian. On the other hand, that does not seem to be the case. So please, refrain from saying learning languages is pointless, if you yourself speak several. I also must say that I somewhat agree on your past point on dead languages. For the general populace it is pointless and useless. That doesn't make it so for a scholar or a person that receives mental masturbation from knowing these languages and reading texts in them.

>>9303699
Are you illiterate?

What OP said:
>Now I feel hardly anything.

>>9303661
It seems as though you are without ambitions and goals.

>>9303699
I know. But it's so easy to passively consume. I don't even watch TV and all I do is consume.

>>9303721
This too. I don't. I'm in uni but I'm thinking of switching my major because whenever I think of a career in my path I feel nothing but anxiety. I've started to admire materialistic rhetoric because I'm getting so anxious about establishing some sort of means for myself. I feel useless in comparison.

>>9303825
You need to find a passion in your life, to be able to not feel anxious. That means finding an interest that doesn't necessarily land you a job in the future, but could at some point offer you self-employment. The main point here is social security and that you do not feel like you're wasting your life. I believe there's a niche for everyone out there, you just might need to look harder.

>>9303715
Fair enough, you're right but :
>You claim there is no point in learning languages, and yet you are learning a new one.
I think it's the best way to learn new things, if you care, if you "bother", learning new things become unpleasant, I don't have to learn Italian but I feel it could be fun/helpful/etc, by seeing it as pointless, I don't have to force myself into it or spend time and energy thinking about it, yet I'm learning it, so my claim is rather about proposing a new approach to doing things and to learning things, one that suppress the struggle that comes with seeing something as important, as something you "must" do

>>9303716
>suffer
>I feel the need to share it regardless
>I felt like in my teens I felt the most I will ever feel.

>I feel like I've lost all feeling, lost everything that made me what I am.
>I feel like what was essential to me was somehow lost in growing up. How the fuck can I feel complete again?
>I feel like such a child for caring about something so abstract and pointless.
>I'm so upset
>I'm dissatisfied with something.
Who's illiterate?

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Standing in the lobby of the apartment, Phil felt and a vague nostalgic reminiscence rising up like mist somewhere deep in the back of his brain and he held it there; a certain dull brown tiling, off-white plastic phone receivers, the smell of musk. He saw himself three foot tall clinging to the hand of his mother, head craned up, always, her beige knee length rain coat, blonde bob cut. Colours stood out for some reason, though they were never vibrant, always worn and faded, (were things simply made duller back then?) his memory like a VHS tape, replayed and replayed and disintegrating.

I have to catch up on a year of economics in the next 3 weeks so I can impress this guy I think I'm in love with though I've never really talked to him.

>>9303825
>I know. But it's so easy to passively consume. I don't even watch TV and all I do is consume
>passively
>easy
You won't feel nothing but anxiety and boredom if you choose passivity and easiness, first you have to stop running from your feeling, if you consume all the time it means that you're "escaping", now try that : when you got a feeling, like anxiety, stop and pause, start really feeling it and stop your inner monologue, really feel the suffering don't analyse or escape just feel, you can do it, those are normal human emotions and you can cope with it, it won't last, after that a new feeling will come, it can be another "negative" one but eventually you will feel happiness, passion, etc, you just have to accept suffering as a part of your life, if you escape it you will also escape the others that you miss from your childhood

>>9303978
I see. It could be a neat way to trick your brain. On that note, you must have been rebellious, if you need to decide that something is pointless in order to not "force" yourself.

This also implies, that you tend to slack in school, since it's all "must" there.

No need to reply though, just analysing away.

>>9303996
Those are vague feelings, without substance; in my opinion. It's much like that feeling of boredom that sometimes possesses you, and you're not sure why. Can you elaborate that feeling and start to create? Hardly. But I am not much of an artist to say so.

>>9304013
You don't need to have in depth knowledge of the subject, just understand general theorems and establish an opinion on the current global/local situation. Most guys (not me, I hope), are actually pushed away if a woman seems more knowledgeable on a topic they consider themselves enlightened on.

To sum up, you don't need to become an expert. Just show interest and find some intrigues to get a debate going. Nothing sets aflame a guy more than a favorable topic.

Oh, and don't forget about politics. There is no economy without politics, that's just theory and is not applicable to the real world.

>>9304047
This still apply if I'm a dirty fag?

>>9304025
>if you need to decide that something is pointless in order to not "force" yourself.

>This also implies, that you tend to slack in school, since it's all "must" there

Haha you got me there, aren't we all like that? I guess not

>>9304031
>It's much like that feeling of boredom that sometimes possesses you
>Can you elaborate that feeling and start to create?
In my very humble experience as a musician, I found that this feeling of boredom is one of the best to create, you're right when you say that you can't "elaborate" it but you can still "use" it : it's when you're bored that you will search beauty with the most passion in order to escape boredom

>>9304085
Sure

>>9304101
Depends how broken a person is. Broken as in submissive. You can still decide that what's a must from others, can be a must for you. You might just need to have a clearer vision of the purpose it serves and then internalize it. Every means has an end, find it.

>>9304153
>You might just need to have a clearer vision of the purpose it serves and then internalize it.
>Every means has an end, find it.
I'm kind of doing the opposite, I'm basically a tree now, just growing and dying and being fine with it

>>9304179
I guess that works as well, in a way. You can still "branch out" hehe

>>9304189
I unironically found that poetic

>writing a dumb story
>easily write page after page with ease because I don't give a shit
>suddenly find myself too emotionally invested in the characters
>struggle to continue writing because now I'm self conscious and actually want it to actually turn out good now
Fucking kill me.

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>>9294590
I can't get into any of the universities I want to study at and I think i'll kill myself before the end of the year.

>>9294636
Why? Are you her drug dealer?

I feel mentally exhausted trying to read maldorer by lautremont. I wonder if other people feel this sort of exhaustion when trying to read a book, to the point where it feels like a physical exercise with the brain as some sort of muscle exerting energy. Or, I wonder if there's something wrong with my brain and I just feel mental exhaustion because my brain is broken.

It both bothers me and comforts me to know that at some point in the future the Earth will face an existential threat from beyond (or within) our solar system that will destroy the planet in a way so completely that it's hard to even comprehend. Anyone who's still living, if anyone at all, would probably have a few short hours to contemplate on the very nature of the chaos that the universe holds.

It's funny, we always talk about it. About how much crazy shit goes on in the universe. But one day, it'll happen to us. Our home. Long after we're gone, sure, but the notion remains.

This little piece of rock, which holds everything we know, has a mortal fate that's as certain as our own. I think it's kinda beautiful.

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Didn't drink last night and won't tonight either due to tests. Still feel the urge to, though it hasn't been as much fun lately. Haven't written or made anything in two weeks now, and I don't like how that feels. Like everyone else here deep down I feel like I could be a great writer and write the next gigantic meme masterpiece.

Reading Napoleon by Emil Ludwig at the moment, it's fantastic and I'm surprised I've never seen it posted here before. I stole it on impulse after a series of tedious and frustrating events.

>>9304901
I honestly think we will have colonized other planets when this happens.

>>9304965

Maybe small scale. I think the human race will die out long before large scale colonization is possible. Not to mention the technologies needed to reach the actual habitual planets "close" to us are more or less physically impossible (given our current understanding of the laws of physics).

>>9303538
Who? That's me.

I wish I were fucking dead. If I get failed out of this thing I'm going to kill myself. I wish that were something I could tell my evaluators. "Hey, I'm going to immediately and dispassionately kill myself because I have nothing else."

Everything sucks and I was doomed to fail from the start. Fuck life.

>>9306300
lol
Do it faggot

>>9306300
roll with it. ive made every bad decision in the past 10 years and im still kicking. worse comes to worst, you can always sell everything you have, live in your car, try to write something that will sell, and kill yourself if it doesnt. thats my fallout plan.

>>9294590
The little spark of poetry and inspiration within me is being eroded more everyday. I haven't had a little epiphany moment in months. I haven't had a day worth remembering in years. I'm watching myself and my family get older and nothing feels like I can change. I've stopped reading books or watching new movies. I don't care about meeting new people. And I don't quite know why

>>9294771
You need to meet more women. Trust me.

I have no interest whatsoever in understanding what they are singing in operas as long as it sounds beautiful.

>>9294961
humblebrag. You just want to hear how smart you are. Well, you're English reads pretty well. Congratulations.

>>9295771
Probably depression. I've a job dude, and its a struggle to get out of bed or go for a shave. But I don't want to go on anti depressants. It's just another form of navel gazing narcissism of our generation.My parents had fuck all and they are happy. I had everything right growing up. Never went hungry. Not giving into self pity.

is anyone familiar with Eastern spirituality?

How do you learn more about the practice of yoga? It seems like where I live, yoga is only a physical exercise and the spiritual nature of it is watered down.
Wtf is kundalini and tantra meditation? How do you learn to have kundalini sex? why do some people say you shouldn't fuck with kundalini if you're not ready?

>>9298869
>>9295771
yeah, this is useful advice. Go outside more, walk in nature, force yourself to interact with more people, and if you're addicted to technology, reduce your screen time.

I'm horribly depressed. I tend to pick up new hobbies to keep myself busy so that I don't kill myself. My hobbies don't hold my interest anymore.

>>9306427
Seem's Eastern spirituality or more specifically Buddhism has a lot of the ideas inherent in Stoicism & Existentialism. Seem's to be the most rational way or harmonizing various issues in life. You focus on the self and chip away anything superfluous. Ensures you don't get too tethered to the ether if you know what I mean.

>>9296152
That's what I'm doing tonight too. It's my birthday and I always ER terribly depressed. I'm working the bar tonight I have part time shifts at and my friends are coming in later after we close but my birthday always just reminds me of how useless life is in general and how much I hare myself I guess. I probably really do

>>9306427
There are multiple variants of 'Eastern' thought, often entangled with one another, and all of them are shit for their own reasons.

The perennialists might be a good place to start. Evola, Guenon, Coomaraswamy, Schuon. Coming out of the Advaita Vedanta or neo-Vedantist movement, they have good books synthesising Eastern thought for Western mystical praxis and metaphysics. But they're also a cult, like an actual cult. So be careful for real. I know people whose minds were broken by being depressed loners and constantly encouraged to do Sufi zhikr. The ones who were already pre-broken and just looking for a cult, the LSD types, are even more vulnerable.

The alternative tends to be either the infinite splinters of unserious and watered-down shit like you said. A surprising amount of it radiating out from the cult types anyway.

Then there's actual academic scholarship on the stuff, which can be good, but often it's either dry and lifeless, or the guys writing it are crypto-cultists anyway (surprise!).

The real answer is just that it's very hard to access 'authentic' Eastern traditions, because it all requires collation, sorting, and interpretation. No matter how you access it you're going to be getting it through many lenses of interpretation and bias. The neo-Vedantists and perennialists are one of the most organised and interesting sets of lenses, and they themselves warn against the fakes and degenerate traditions all over India, which duped many famous Western intellectuals. The whole 20th century has an undercurrent of these fads. Don't get too caught up in any one of them.

King Marke's broken hearted monologue is the best I've ever listened to.

>>9306630
I was wondering if it was worth it to get into Eastern spirituality because a lot of people seem to benefit and some devote their entire lives to it.
I have no idea how much of it is bullshit. you've highlighted the problem of it, and that is the likelihood of listening to charlatans.
how were those people broken exactly? Did it exacerbate mental illness or something?

I have no more libido whatsoever left.

The progress of my life is stagnant for now. With ample time to progress my self, I have failed to achieve much. I am overshadowed by my father's achievements and will to success, however he still treats me with great respect. He is a stoic man and he hopes for my success, I fear I will fail him. I work hard at my minimum wage job but what does this prove other than a stubborn will to work.

I will soon leave my truest companions that I have taken years to invest in. And for what? For a college education that I fear will cripple me financially. But it is what I must do.

I am weary, and I think of death. I feel quiet urges to end my self. I wonder if I will act on this. I am afraid what God thinks of this. And how I betray him each day, I am a nasty man. I am not a master of my self, but a slave. I have done things I do not even feel comfortable uttering here, and I hide from those actions. I become consumed by sin only to forget it and commit it once more, without end.

>>9304085
maybe but personally i also have a tender spot for fags who know more than me so i d k if that applies

>>9298744
no

>>9303552
I appreciate what you're saying and I totally agree, but it's more than that. I'll sound like a melodramatic jackass no matter what, but the short version is: no way to move out of parents house. Extreme anxiety, depression, and some heavy paranoid psychosis make this impossible because almost any job is impossible for me. Family is religious and won't let me get psychological help. All I can do is sit around and try to read. I have lost all my friends due to episodes of dissociative insanity and she was the closest I ever got to escaping and getting help. So, no friends, trapped with religious zealots who worsen my mental state, and my mental state is bad enough that I can barely work where I'm at now, a place that pays well but only through tips. I (much like many other people I would assume) am trapped in a sort of fever dream reality. Every day feels like The Judgement, and honestly existential literature and pulp horror are the only things that offer me any sort of solace or escape.

>>9303494
It's complicated. I have some bad mental issues (mentioned in my other reply) and I'm sort of trapped in my families house because of a lack of friends and credit score, and she mistakes my depressive episodes for laziness and my dissociative episodes for carelessness. I know i sound like a self diagnosing douche rn but it took me years to really accept that there's something wrong with me. I'm trying to be help but she was my only connection to the world outside.

I would like to walk through a circle of stones some time, just to see if any fairies show up.

>>9294808
its 1234 feist
good song tho

>>9308188
dude wtf is there no way you can access some sort of mental help?

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>>9294590
This book is so fucking good.

>>9298434
10/10 this genuinely moved me

>>9298988
>affirmative actioning your own psyche

wew

reading the brothers k and desperately wondering "when is this going to get good" (i have a sneaking suspicion it does, though im preparing for myself for the worst)

>>9294882
idiotic reply, c'mon anon...

>>9308188
Nigger, there's always a way. Say no to escapism and craft an escape plan.

Make your hormones work in your favor. Start doing cardio (aerobic exercises are proven to ease depression, working like a natural anti depressant). Also, fish oil. Although a better thing would be to eat fish 2x per week (omega-3 also works as an anti depressant, don't take pills, because if you overdose on omega-3, you get the opposite effect - unless, you inform yourself precisely about this matter)

Psychosis, save up money, consult a PSYCHIATRIST and get him to try you out with anti psychotics, or even better, get into a Cognitive behavioral therapy, proven to ease anxiety and paranoia long term. Exercise also eases anxiety.

Posture. Go to a doctor and ask him if he can check if you have scoliosis (it's a widespread problem nowadays, and most people are unaware of it). It is proven that good posture gives you confidence, as it subconsiously "lifts you above others". And as you might know, more confidence = less anxiety.

Another important thing is having goals and ambitions, a higher goal for you struggle for improvement. It can be whatever you like, real, or surreal, you just need to make a plan how you'll attain it.

All these things helped me out of the slums, considerably. Although I do not have heavy psychosis, I only hear voices.

Also meditation.

Good habits in general will give you the structure your life needs right now. When you start overthinking, sit down, take a deep breath and clear your mind. Either through mindfulness meditation or force conscience clear (more or less the same thing).

This is what I suggest to you, your philosophy to life does not need to change, just your attitude. If you need some kind of support, either a person to talk to or someone to motivate you, do tell and I will gladly help.

>>9308571
Haha all if this is bullshit. Im rich and don't give a fuck and literally laugh at you pleb scum who commit this much mental effort to trying to "correct" your huge defficiecnies.

Protip: people only respect money. Trump is president isn't he?

>>9307936
do tell anon, your dirty little secrets. I swear I won't tell anyone

>i'm genuinely interested

>>9298954
"thanks to capitalism"

yeah, more like thanks to you being a vacuous retard

>>9298954
Literally what?

No happier man than I walks the Earth.

>>9300177
They could steamroll you you faggot yank

>>9308584
lol, you're the one who will have the most shortcomings in the end, plebstein

>>9308188
Run away.
"How will I eat, buy x, where will I sleep" etc.
Doesn't matter, you will figure it out or waste away to nothing where you are now.
Driving around whatever country you're in a and sleeping in a car will be the best experience of your life. Steal your parents Money, steal their car, drive interstate and take the car to a chop shop, find a squat or a really shitty cheap shared apartment, apply for a super entry level job, find any job you can, this is easier than you think if you are really willing to work horrible jobs, there are still places to go. Fruitpicking for example, no questions asked. If you get busted pretend you're having an extended psychotic episode, let the police see this, explain your family situation, buddy up to a public defender and let the system get you the fuck away from your psycho family. Family is a spook in the sense that you only owe them what they give you. Ma gave you life and a miserable one at that, so what do you owe her?

Wondering how I can be a good writer if I'm not even a native english speaker.

>>9308724
write in your own language and find a good translator

>>9308731
That doesn't sound like a good way to go about it, as I'm sure it would be quite transparent to people they're reading a translated work.

>>9295194
damn..

Can't convince myself to make the right decisions. I don't seem to posses the fear of failure.

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>>9294590
A HAT

>>9308764
you fear doing the "right thing" because if you fail at that it means something and might crush you. so you choose to pursue bullshit where failure doesn't really matter.

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>>9308770
You're 100% right.

>>9308781
So, what is it you should do then?

>>9308811
Do bad things. Immediately. Find a dog and/or cat and fuck it/them. Then make some Chinese food with extra sauce.

>>9306405
The most obvious bait but my OCD won't allow it.

Your*

>>9308584
You seem stupid. You missed the point of that post entirely. Nobody gives a fuck what you think of them. The point was about improving yourself for your own sake, not to please others - certainly not some moron whose self-worth depends on money of all things. You'd do well for yourself to come to terms, sooner rather than later, with the fact you're building yourself quite a miserable life.
>people only respect money
It's quite the opposite. Nobody respects money. Only the most vapid, shallow people are attracted to you because you're rich, and they will soon swiftly discard you for the next guy because it's all you have to offer and it's not that special. There will always be someone who's more charismatic, better looking or more driven than you, not to mention more successful. Money is the least of reasons Trump got where he is. You're deluded.

>>9308985
Your a retard. Learn some grammer.

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>>9309005

>>9309012
Yeah yeah very funny with you're meme dog now go pick up a book.

>>9309015
I am done. I'm out.

>>9309018
God's speed, asshole.

I wish I could wear my pyjama pants in public and not be judged for it, no underwear. What a pleasant feeling.

>>9309108
I've done it in the summer.

>>9309112
Well, you were judged, but who cares. Being comfy is a good enough reason to not give a fuck.

>>9309203
>you were judged
What does that even mean? You'll be 'judged' for something by someone on the street no matter what you do.

>>9309203
>>9309217
There's "not giving a fuck about what others think" and then there's "oh shit, the people around me gave a fuck about me and now there are consequences".
As pleasant as I feel now, I don't want to be "that thirty something pervert who walks around publicly in his pyjama pants with his junk flapping about".

>>9309217
what this guy said >>9309256

being judged has a negative ring to it imo, while most of the time people just don't think about you at all, when they look at you, or they think how ugly/good looking you are, how well or bad you dress, etc. I would call these mere remarks

>>9308615
sometimes i browse craigslist m4m until I wack one out. Never really met anyone from there but I feel disgusted about that.

Fucked this fat girl in my car and she smelled so bad I regret nothing more.

My girlfriend I nonchalantly broke up with last year is now doing really good with her new man and I am only just starting to feel regret.

I am far too addicted to disgusting pornography and cannot perform adequately in sex.

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I just wish I could be someone better than myself

>>9309323
You can be; people change all the time.

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>>9309323

You can, anon. I know because I used to be you.

Read Prometheus Rising by Robert Anton Wilson

Then Condensed Chaos by Phil Hine

Then print this image out, throw a dart at it, and read whatever you land on.

>>9308120
I'll keep it in mind

I have a friend right now who is in boot camp for the Navy. He is scheduled to come out in a little under a month. He was a NEET and I hope he pulls through. The rate of people who do is around 85%, so I feel confident that he will, but I worry.

Hope your doing alright, A.

>>9308402
what is about?

>>9309003
>>9308584
he's right you're retarded if you honestly think money is the reason he won :3
you're the kind of kid who fucks around on his dad's dime because your parents adore you but behind closed doors they talk about in worried, hushed whispers because they realize you will never be as successful as them and as a person you will fail.
jk idk.

i dont have any friends and im pathetic