In your fanciest prose, describe this painting.

some something velvetine darkness something something terror

>>9284936
Son goes in.
Hi son.
Hi dad.
Struggle.
Son is kill.
Dad is sad.

End..

>>9284936
I just spotted Ivan Ivanovich sitting on the rug with his dead son Ilya. Frankly, I'm shocked. I just cant believe this. I'm going to need some time to process this.
...Ugh.

azure

>>9284936
Nigga's dead yo

>>9284936
You see this, right here? Can we, like, talk about this for a minute? Because I know y'all just fuckin' LOVE this painting and like, okay, it's a classic or whatever, but does nobody else see how fuckin' PROBLEMATIC this is? Of course it's a picture of fucking white males as usual. Like, you could draw anything, but it just HAS to be fucking cishet white dudes, because your little brain is incapable of empathizing with anyone else. And don't even let me hear you say some bullshit like 'Oh, people in Russia were/are white' because 1) that is some historical bullshit, Russia has always been diverse, and 2) IT'S YOUR FUCKING PAINTING YOU CHOSE WHAT TO DRAW. Like seriously? For real? You draw all these crazy unrealistic physically impossible facial expressions but the idea that Ivan the Terrible might be a PoC is too much for you? LIke, what the fuck? PoC existing is a bigger fantasy and a bigger stretch to you than some pasty white fuck turning into a ghost because oooh mah god, he bonked his son? Please, excuse me if I can't emote over some dead white asshole, meanwhile PoC are dying in the streets every fucking day and we can't even get a little presentation. FUCK Donald Trump and FUCK white people. Smh, goodnight y'all.

>>9284936

Ivan fluttered his fingers, gently teasing the moist, quivering opening of his son's wound. A gentle moaning breath escaped the younger man's lips as Ivan nibbled at his ear and whispered "come with me, to my pleasure room". Then he brought out a ping-pong racket and, with practiced adroitness, spanked the young man's clitoris.

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there once was a tsar named ivan
who gave his heir a good climate to thrive in
but his son was a dick
got whacked with a stick
prayed for a miracle but caused the death of his kin

>>9284978
You know nothing, John Green.

The sad Ivan sat on the mat

>>9284984
I have no words

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>>9284936
Mooooooooozart!

>>9284936
Brother's Karamazov alternate ending

some post raphaelite gumbo a look of terror, death so everyone thinks its deep whys he got a hockey stick nigga

>>9284936
Musk and dust overcome by the terror of a last breath.

probably sleep deprivation

>>9284978
Good

>>9286696
I come to these threads to cringe and laugh at you

>>9284978
lmao

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>>9284936
Everyone on this board is too severely depressed to take an honest attempt at your challenge.

>>9284936
lmao why he kissing that dude tho? what a gay

So blank and shocked, his expression, mocked my horror. The blood. My god, the blood. Shh, Son. Come closer. I'll keep you safe.

>>9284936
BRAAAAAAAAAAAPP

>>9286784

>too severely depressed

*cowardly

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>>9286784

>>9286696
Thanks for the heads up.

>>9284936
I DISAVOW THE CZAR

>>9284950
>sad
Is that all you see

>>9284936
For sale: princely shoes, never worn.

>>9284936
whats the red stuff coming out of his head?

>>9284978
Is this what passes as clever satire on /lit/ now?

>>9287123
>spend time writing post
>think 'this is so clever i bet the guys on /lit/ will get a kick out of it
>it gets insulted instead

I'm crestfallen...but you know what? I'm not going to let it get me down. I will just have to try harder next time. I will make my satire edgier, cleaner, more on-point, more thought-provoking.

Thank you /lit/ for keeping me on my toes and inspiring me to be the best I can be. I don't want to be some wannabe, I WILL get better at shitposting satire.

>>9287123
its a good imitation, actually

>>9287175
it is, though, since its almost indistinguishable from real stuff i see all the time

>>9287123
no

>>9287192
no, thats not me, and youre wrong, there are real people who say stuff like that almost verbatim, all the time

i wouldnt even say thats what all leftists sound like or anything, im not an alt-righter, but pretending those people are made-up cartoon characters is either dishonest or wrong. hate to say "explore the internet more" because it sounds pathetic, but maybe you should if youre going to deny the existence of certain character types.

>>9284936
>The blood of his son spread like a colorless flame, burning up all the air in the room, all the air in his lungs, sulfur clinging to his skin and hair so that he was entirely consumed by the thing he had done. The flame was then a great storm, and a hot copper flood was upon him, and he was drowning in it. His own blood ran cold as if it was his that had been spilled. The sound of a pulse, suddenly horrible, pounding, suffocating, at once a roaring fire and a tempest—"Damn me! I have killed my son! Lord, turn your eyes from me. Come, Lucifer, and bear me to hell! Oh, damn me, I have killed my son! I have killed my son!" But as a fire is snuffed, and a flood recedes, that infernal pulse faded to a whisper, and Ivan was alone, and he wept.

>>9284947
velveteen
>>9284984
6.5/10
>>9286789
pretty good, but i want more than just dialogue

>>9284936
As walls of the palace finally stopped echoing of screams, beams of light have halted, impudently refusing to follow the pathing of fate, as if to mock the tragedy, illuminating the streams of blood that finally sealed their silken robes, like letter containing this end, which Ivan, for so long thought he avoided, but has only been nearing it with his each deed. How far away did Pskov seem now. How far and unimportant, like Warsaw or Riga or any other damned town across the north's leaf covered fields; but sometimes, too late we see what is really important, too late we realize what is happening in our own back yard with our eyes covered by gold and glitter of China and Byzantium, by all the God-damned Pskovs and Rigas of the world we live in. How warm can even the coldest heart get, but as it justly often is, too late for it to matter.

>>9287481
Yeah, this is not yours, is it.
If it is, gtfo of here and go write, youre good.

"Wowza" said Tyrone Pantalopes as his tumultuous tumble rumbled. The red reminding him of a bloody steak with the crimson hitting the red potatoes turning the white mash more rose than anything else. "I sure am hungry" with mad eyes he stared in the crazed eyes of the lost father. Tyrone last his father in a rather unexpected potato famine. He held his father, ironic he thought how the father is holding the son. "Too many rugs" there was too many rugs.

I know you loved this rug, Ivan. The stain may not come out though.

Gloom and red and rotten caking blood were playing out upon the eyes that reddened and that stung with tears as sunlight low but blinding stole into the room and gently rusty tang from what had done the awful deed was tasted in the mouth that still yet lived along with copper from the dead man's ruined life.

>>9287512
what did you not like about mine anon? if you don't mind my asking
i'm >>9287239

>>9284936

The cane clattered to the ground as the old man collapsed. I grabbed his torso and, collaboratively, we broke his fall. He was pathetic, falling overhimself in his night gown and cap, surrounded by the books which he never read. The books which could have saved him, lay in a layer of dust. He sobbed into my chest, and I looked up to nowhere in particular, the smoke and air burning my eyes.

>>9287796
Sorry, I honestly don't know how to express it. I recognise good prose when I read it, but I can't quite put into words exactly why I like something and dislike some other thing. The anon I responded to is better writer imo.

>>9287552
>...as sunlight low but blinding stole into the room and gently rusty tang from...

I would suggest putting a comma after "Sunlight", its a bit confusing as it reads right now. Also I have no idea what "gently rusty tang" means. Thats one long ass sentence. I'm not sure if you meant it to be confusing as satire or not. Bits of this decent though.

>>9287865
jesus christ this reply is cancer

the post you're praising is riddled with grammatical errors and is just all-around poorly written, clearly by someone who knows english as a second language. it's laughably bad, it's the worst in the thread, you have shit taste, please leave.

Something Wrong
I hold my Head
Ivan gone
My heir dead.

>>9287989
fuck you tripfag

"His body was stiff and heavy, with a cruel effort Ivan's muscles struggled to place his son's head on his chest in a hug of complete desparation, clenching his head, longing to feel the eminating life from his son and in turn getting nothing but the cold dreaded emptyness of complete lifelessness, lifting his gaze from his son the realization hits him, but this time not by pure capricous instinct, this time the realization is a thought materlized inside his mind,overburdingly accentuated as if written with capitalized letters weighing more then a building crushing his momentarily relative sanity completely "MY SON IS DEAD", this thought seemed to suck the light out of the room like a vaccum leaving nothing but a father and a son, one alive and one dead, illuminated by a slight gleam of now forshadowing the coming of a bleak future."

>>9288766
i hate tripsfucks too but he's correct

>>9284936

"He brushed too hard," the guy thought.

>>9284936
"I got wrecked son, there's no two ways about it"

>>9284936
The crimson hue of the floor rug reiterating the violence of the scene. The elderly man cloaked in black, suggesting he is Death. Although, he seems horrified at the death of this younger man, so tragically lost. However, the horror in his eyes hint that he may be the cause.


meh.

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>>9289191

>>9284936
Stained... Stained, he lay dead in the hands of his own blood -- stained by his own blood. Dying, he heard the heart slow down, not his, but his brother's, upon whose chest he lay his head, breathing his final breath.

>>928917
If I've ever read a boring prose.

>>9287481
Boorish and long winded first sentence

The blood cooled and the silence rose. A sense of finality swept over the old man, and he knew the pulse he felt in his hand was merely his own. He clutched the soaking, bloodied locks of his son's hair, slick and grown, and briefly recalled the soft, downy newborn hair it was long ago. Years flashed by in moments, and moments stretched out eternally. Images and fragments hung frozen in his mind. The lifted arms, the wide-eyed shock. The body falling to a pathetic crumple, the dull, tremendous thud on the floorboards. He sat there alone, hearing only the sound of his own labored, panicked breathing, lost but bound by inescapable fate.

>>9287239
>>9287481
Shit
>>9287517
bretty good

>>9289371
>Years flashed by in moments, and moments stretched out eternally.
This is the only part of this that's shit

the rest is stronk

>>9289467
Appreciate it. I agree with you on that sentence reading back on it now. But it's touching on an idea of memory I'd like to explore more, but it's tricky avoiding the cliche.

>>9284936
Wide eyes eye widely lips which crest upon shattered crown; father's hands clutch tenderly the waist and temple of son. These same hands stained crimson: warm yet cold: warm as snow. Uprooted furniture and threadbare rug, landscape of a battle fought yet unwon. Abraham clasps Isaac, ram unfound.

>>9290892
holy shit that's fucking awful

>>9290892
I wouldn't call this "fucking awful" like the other poster but it feels indulgent and aimless. You seem bent on abstracting and venturing into reference and wordplay, but only for the sake of showing off.

>>9290961
t. brainlet
>>9291008
OP asked for fanciest prose, not best prose

>>9291016
>OP asked for fanciest prose, not best prose
Oh my bad, congrats on writing aimless, indulgent garbage.

>>9287156
do you ever get claustrophobic in that little mind of yours

And I see at once all the years I’ve given. The road I laid down, inch by inch, these cracked hands working over the crumbling, broken teeth of this place. The path for him to follow. Just there, in the sun.

Footprints in dust. Filled with blood, washed away. What is left?

My God, I have forgotten green

>>9289191
A++

Crimson like marmalade on the palace steps. What a man. What an era. Holding fast his dying son like the passing eons of his legal system. Do enough as a man and you will do a disservice in history. What broad strokes are painted in the pages of history textbooks. What fine minute arcs of paint are fashioned on the canvas of eternity.

couldnt respond because brother who uses the same ip got banned for shitposting for a day just moments arter i posted this

>>9289241
it probably stands out because its not as emotionally engaging as the first one
just to warn you, long sentences are my style, this one is not even that long-winded compared to how i generally write

writing short, simple and emotionally engaging is not really my thing

>>9291030
What does that even mean? How can writing be aimless and indulgent? You're the same kind of person that doesn't like a film because it 'tries too hard'.

Alarmed by the noise the bodyguards came running towards the entrance. Realizing what had happened they quietly closed the doors so as not to meddle in family affairs. Inside the Hall the Tsar held his dying son, begging for mercy and shielding him from further blows by an invisible attacker who taunted him from the shadows. This evil presence soon grew bored with the ridiculous carpet spectacle and disappeared, leaving behind the stick which had caused the mortal wound. Iwan had always thought of himself as a lonely man, but now he knew the true taste of being alone. He remained frozen and his lips touched the cold head of his son when the sun went down.

>>9291233
I tried offering something constructive for you initially and you've only devolved into a defensive manchild. Get fucked.

>>9291278
Your criticism was stupid though. There's nothing wrong with reference and wordplay, and frankly what other point is there for using reference and wordplay in prose other than to show off? Don't get so defensive yourself, manchild.

>>9291331
>frankly what other point is there for using reference and wordplay in prose other than to show off?
I almost took the time to give you a thoughtful reply, but then I read this. You're beyond hope.

>>9291344
So your actual answer is that you don't know. I was hoping we could actually have a conversation, but clearly you're a bit dim.

>>9291354
Your reaction to criticism couldn't be more childish. No wonder your prose is shit, you don't seem to have the capacity for anything but praise. You don't need writing advice, you need therapeutic help.

>>9291264
Lot of weird syntax and clunky word choice, but there's some interesting things going on here. Is English your first language?

>>9284936
he deed

>>9284936
What. The. Fuck.
Like wtf.
The emotion is so real.
I need a break.

>>9291412
not native speaker, i just wanted to bump with something

>>9291412
Are you retarded? I'm trying to find out what the fuck you were on about mate, but every time I try and engage you start attacking me. Just fuck off.

>>9291454
You can pretend you were "trying to understand" but all I see is some very simple, clear criticisms and someone going into hardcore denial mode in response. Nice victim mentality you got there, sorry 4chan doesn't treat you with kid gloves like your creative writing course.

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>>9287239
This is good anon

>>9291539
I don't understand what you meant when you said I was showing off, that's all. How do you think referencing and wordplay should be done anon?

>>9287481
horrible

>>9284936
His so's dead and Ivan is pretty fucking distraught, senpai

>>9289175
you don't even know about grammar, you don't put commas where there should be periods, it makes things look weird capiche?

I see people like you on f-list all the time. Learn to use periods

>>9290892
erase it all but the last sentence

>>9291632
thx for constructive criticism senpai :)

>>9287239
>The blood of his son spread like a colorless flame
How can anyone read past this shit? It's like the most cliche writing in a high-school class. It's vomit inducing

and thus began ivan the 5ths reign of terror

>>9291620
I really value well-done subtly with respect to reference and wordplay. Both things can add a lot of depth to a piece, but also can be misused in a way that I find distracting and (as I've said) self-indulgent.

I like the ambition of the first sentence, but I think most of the wordplay disrupted the basic sentence structure, not to mention the overall emotional tone. Feels like a case of putting the cart before the horse.

The Binding of Isaac is a great source for reference here, but here it doesn't extend much further than namedropping. I probably wouldn't even explicitly name them, but use well-known descriptions and associations with the story/characters and parallel them to the main narrative. As a reader I like uncovering those references on my own, instead of having them be spoonfed to me, so I try to do the same when I write. The ram reference was the one saving grace for me.

>>9284978
hahaha

>>9287989
>>9289186
What grammatical errors?

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>>9291729
>try to check up what post is being discussed
>click 10 replies back and I only get autism
>give up on finding anon's story
you proud retarded faggots are the worst type of garbage humans

>>9291729
Thank you, that's genuinely really helpful. I'll take it into account in the future anon.

>>9287989
>>9291754

>clearly by someone who knows english as a second language
true
english is my second language
possibly i did some mistakes in grammar which i cant see

>>9291754
All of them.

>>9291773
Point out some

>>9291054
I like this one. I think.

>>9291702
I stole that idea from blood meridian i think. Yeah I'm not much of a creative writer but I like the painting so I figured I'd give it a shot.

>>9291768
Who the fuck invited you to talk

>>9291830
kys

>>9291828
would you kindly explain to me whats wrong with my writing instead of repeating its shit
>>9287481

>>9291832
>it's an 'anon joins conversations without asking and then complains when people tell him to fuck off'

>>9291839
Should have added
>episode
onto the end, but you get the point, faggot

>>9291839
>>9291840
>corrects himself like I actually took the time to read either of the posts

>>9284936

The panic overtook him first, and then the nausea in turn. Cradling his son, his expression was that of a man not long for this world. The deathly pallor of his face served only to accentuate the spattered blood of Ivan, and as his blood ran colder now, he felt that fading warmth between his fingers, ebbing away like all the wasted time. Holding onto his corpse as if for dear life, he realized that he was - for not only would the law hold him to account, but also God. In one fell swoop, he had made himself an outcast of the world: no comfort now, no peace. Der Getalgente, he will take his place upon the gallows soon, and there to depart.

>>9291900
>in turn.
awkward

>The deathly pallor of his face served only to accentuate the spattered
more tedious than rewarding

> he felt that fading warmth between his fingers
bad

>like all the wasted time
lazy asf and why would anyone bother reading further if you are not going to put in any effort yourself

>>9291845
>it's an 'anon points out a flaw in a post he claims he didn't read' episode

>>9291836
That's not me saying that.

>>9291913
>12 year old cannot grasp the difference between involuntarily glancing over the first sentence and actively reading a shitpost

>>9291912

This """critique""" is way worse than the original post.

Please kys.

>>9291923
bitch you can't write

>>9291918
oh sorry
it is just stupid when you come to one of these threads and nobody is being constructive

>>9291939
it's more annoying when people like you post their shitty writing and then get confused in simple dialogues while misusing the quoting functionality

>>9287481
Needs to be streamlined. Far too many sentence fragments. The sentences are nearly unreadable. Also the whole indirect discourse thing going on with the my gods and God damns is really played out. Invites eye rolls. Try writing real sentences instead

>>9291947
well i post shitty writing here because maybe i might get some insight in whats shit about it (i would have asked real people if i ever socialized with any)

>confused
im not confused
>misusing
im also not misusing

>>9291772
i'll go through it and point out what's wrong. don't let this discourage you from writing, just keep working on your grammar. i could only tell you knew ESL because you make mistakes which native speakers wouldn't. if you want me to go through and point out every single grammatical error i will, but there are upwards of a dozen and i don't think it would really be constructive.

>>9291960
>if you want me to go through and point out every single grammatical error i will
Please do

>>9291950
>sentence fragments
>indirect discourse
thats the core part of my writing style, i could never part from it, if i did it wouldnt be me

>>9291960
>esl
what does esl mean

>>9291922
>it's an 'anon desperately tries to salvage his dignity by defining what a glance is on a Mongolian sheephearders biannual newsletter site' episode

>>9292027
>it's another post from anon that i'll never read

>>9284936
Thy red soaked figure embraced by thy father a last instance.

>>9292041
noice

>>9291960
wheres my grammar check m8

>>9292035
>it's an 'anon pretends he's too cool to read my shitposts' episode

>>9284936
Pyotor held his son in his arms as he did decades ago when he was a lad, crying from the pain of a scraped knee, a game of racing along the manor's gardens, the blood from his head flowing like the rain and the slippery stones, the peeled skin not even ghostly faint after the years of love and bickering. The pleasant smell of his hair mixed with the thick tobacco in the air, just as when he had taken him in carrying him like a dead dog to warm near the century old chimney, now his body went colder as the warm blood left his temple, sobbing as he cleaned the wound with a rag and water, the body now heavy with limpness and departure of life.

>>9291972
english as a second language.
>>9291964
why does someone who isn't the author want me to correct the author's grammar?

>>9292068
he obviously does >>9292047 and what's wrong with someone else wanting to see the grammar mistakes you've noticed?

>>9287517
kek

>>9292068
>>9292074
ive thought you understood that i wanted to see it

>>9284936
A man is dying.
Another tries to comfort.
Life is short and bleak.

>>9291116
a little much, but I like it.

i ass the ass because this painting is the ass

>>9284936
Somethin wrong
I hold Ivan head
Tsarvich gone
A nigga dead

>>9284936
The consequence of a Livonian conflict, yet Ivan did not weep for the wounds of the people. Rage stole through his spine through to the threads of silk on the robes, like a demented elixir clinging to each and every bodily fiber he had left. This was a pure agony. Blood congenially trickled from the sons head to the fathers tense, unyielding hands. Almost as to placate his dying son, the broken man could only utter a succinct "y'all heard of the black eyed peas?"

The young Tsarevich lay prostrate on one of the fine rugs adorning the chamber, blood already beginning to seep from his crushed skull. His father, having only just realized what he had done, fell to his knees and began to embrace his heir.
Now that the rage had cleared from Ivan's head, he could see the consequences of his actions. He begged the lord to bring his son back, to heal him, forgive his sins yet the pleas were only heard by the cold chamber walls. All the riches in the kingdoms could do nothing to heal his son.
The Tsarevich was dead and the Tsar had killed him.

(I don't value my writing at anything higher than spergy babbling, I'd be surprised if this was even mediocre)

>>9292108
in my opinion its better than 90% of expressionist-quasiavangarde babble that gets written here

>>9292123
Thanks friendo :^)

>>9292123
What're you on about lad

>>9292157
it has normal, descriptive sentences, unlike the short, punctuationless, scatterminded frankensteins /lit/erates usually praise
what i like the best tho is the way it abruptly ends adding to the effect

its simple tho and could be more complex and more sublime, but as an average writing its solid

>>9292047
>As walls of the palace finally stopped echoing of screams
not really wrong but only makes sense to say "the walls of the palace," rather than "walls of the palace." also, something echoes screams or a scream echoes, but "echoing of screams" doesn't make sense
>beams of light have halted
you changed from the past tense to the present perfect in the middle of a sentence, it should just be "beams of light halted"
>impudently refusing to follow the pathing of fate, as if to mock the tragedy, illuminating the streams of blood that finally sealed their silken robes
maximum number of commas a sentence should normally have? maybe 4 or 5. number of commas this sentence has? 8. the commas up until here are all correct, but there's way too many clauses for this to be good style.
>like letter containing this end
this doesn't make any sense grammatically, i'm not sure what you're trying to communicate here
>which Ivan, for so long thought he avoided, but has only been nearing it with his each deed.
first comma is unnecessary/wrong, we say "which Ivan for so long thought he (had) avoided." again, weird past-tense-to-present-perfect change. also, 'each' doesn't mean the same thing as 'every,' you have to know when to use which. also, if Ivan is nearing something, we say "this thing, which Ivan has been nearing," rather than "this thing, which Ivan has been nearing it."
>How far away did Pskov seem now.
not going to say this is wrong but it's unorthodox, the reader would expect to hear "How far away Pskov seemed now."
>across the north's leaf covered fields
should be leaf-covered, hyphenate multiple adjectives when they're acting as one adjective. "the big blue sky" is fine, but "the blood red" sky is not, because 'big' and 'blue' are independent of each other, while 'blood' is a qualifier for 'red'
>; but sometimes,
you see conjunctions after semicolons sometimes, so, again, it's not wrong, but it's unorthodox. there's nothing wrong with picking and choosing grammatical idiosyncrasies that fit with your style, but when you use them often or when you use them inconsistently, the reader will just interpret it as bad writing
>too late we see what is really important, too late we realize what is happening in our own back yard
look up comma rules and follow them. there should be commas after both "too late"s
>Byzantium, by all the God-damned Pskovs
no comma here


this took me like 8 minutes m8, it's not exactly something you can just instantly do.

Struggler thought of himself a warrior battling the waves,but with experience he learned That he was to the current no different from a drifting wood,Small powerless,find no solace neither above or below.The cirrent left him to a shore,deaf and with a pile of Salt in his mouth.sand kicked and took the ashes of his boy with it.looking back again,sand washed away from between his toes,he knew That he wouldn't make to the shore

>>9292123
>>9292108
>>9292149

Is this a po-mo Russian novel?

>>9292105
good but fancy prsoe doesnt mean just thesaurus the shit out of evrerything, try giving it weight.

>>9292066
I like the back and forth but it's disjointed, try to link the scenes better.

>>9292171
yea, im not really at home with the english tenses that much because perfects dont exist in my lang, i remember having problems because of it back in my school days too

walls and the was the part i thought whether to put it or not, but in the end i didnt because it seemed nice without it lol

>like letter containing this end
i compared his fate to a letter he has been writing with each thing he did,
like each time when he abused his loved ones he wrote another part of the letter which was finally sealed by this murder

about commas, i dont use commas the proper way intentionally and i intentionally make such long sentences
i use commas when i want to slow down, or highlight a certain part - if i imagine myself reading that part slower, ill put a comma regardless of whether if its right or not, if i imagine a part going faster ill leave it out
same about ;
habit from writing poetry

>the reader would expect to hear How far away Pskov seemed now
also, habit from writing poetry, and i dont want to put it taht way
i realize what sounds more natural and that reader would expect it, but i just dont care
this sounds better to me so ill put it this way

>>9292253
then it was "like the letter containing this end," not "like letter"

if you're "doing the wrong thing intentionally," all i can tell you is that it's not successful, and that it makes your prose really hard/unenjoyable to read. there are ways we can alter the pace of our text without resorting to bad and inconsistent grammar.

if you can't get out of a poetry headspace when working with prose, don't try to write prose. it's not going to be successful. poetry, at least the type you write, is "easier" than prose, because it can be highly stylized in such a way that you can force the reader to see some ideas as more important and, like you said, can force the reader to progress at a certain pace. when you try to write prose from this headspace of being able to force the reader to read exactly how you intended, you'll fail every time.

also, why care about negative feedback, why ask for even more negative feedback, when you're working from the logic of "this sounds best to me, so i'll do it this way, because i don't care about the reader"? certainly that's a fine way to write, but it doesn't make sense to even entertain a critique in that context.

>>9292170
I don't see the merit in describing it as normal. All writing should have stylistic flair; to aim for normality is depressing.

>>9292309
now i believe we've reached your subjective view of undesirable and unsuccesful
if you like hard prose and dislike genre mixing thats your thing

i can get out of any headspace, im not bound to poetry, i just dont want to, because this seems better to me
genre mixing and maniristic writing do exist
its just that your taste is different and thats no ground to describe something as worst and utter garbage

>why care about feedback
lol because how else are you gonna improve unless by getting feedback

>why ask for even more negative feedback
i like to know how people think
even those who have different taste than me

>>9292171
>>>too late we see what is really important, too late we realize what is happening in our own back yard
>look up comma rules and follow them. there should be commas after both "too late"s

what? >too late, we see what is really important, too late, we realize what is happening in our own back yard

that reads awkward. what rule is that

>>9292351
also to add that even turgenev wrote with a bit poetic style

>>9292372
also nabokov and wilde

File: tumblr_ojoqtlalCn1r76rl9o1_1280.jpg (73KB, 584x744px) Image search: [Google]

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>>9292351
how are you going to improve if you write off both objective and subjective criticism, twerp. i would consider thomas hardy to be a writer of "poetic prose," or joyce, both writers who i really like, or nabokov, who i don't actually like but who still deserves to exist in that category. i would consider your attempt at "poetic prose" unsuccessful. i also think it's the worst in the thread. and my taste is ample ground upon which to make those judgments. also, you're annoying.

>>9292353
bfy(.)tw/Ar7B

if you want to talk about 'awkward,' let's talk about people who use noun-adjectives to modify verbs

>>9292422
>lmgtfy in 2017
>not even used properly because it wasn't obvious from the conversation what i would need to google

i guess memorising grammar rules doesn't need any intelligence

>>9292422
>how are you going to improve if you write off both objective and subjective criticism
no, i simply write off that criticism which says that i must give up of the core part of my writing style

>you are annoying
i am an annoying person in general and anyone who ive spoken to has confirmed that, but i dont know how does stating it openly matter
i think the same about you and yet i havent expressed that (until now) and didnt intend to

>i also think
>i would consider
exactly my point
>my taste is ample ground upon which to make those judgments
how humble of you

>>9292449
but thanks for the keywords nonetheless. also lol at the unnecessary attempt at showing off google fu

File: I AM SO PROUD THAT US WHITE PEOPLE INVENTED READING AND WRITING.png (15KB, 714x66px) Image search: [Google]

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>>9292449
>2017
>not being able to see an adverb that introduces a clause and think "yes, this is an introductory adverb"
>not spending 5 minutes to learn how to most effectively utilize a tool you use more than 10 times a day

>>9292484
tripfags are absolute cancer

>>9292484
the rule you were referring to may have been any whatsoever, so asking about specifics isn't unusual outside of your bubble

also
>using utilize instead of use to sound smarter

>>9292516
he broke pretty much every comma rule but i said that right before i said "you need a comma after 'too...'" so i thought it was pretty obvious that the rule was that you need a comma in that instance, between an introductory adverb and a clause
also
>not making fun of me for lazily saying 'utilize' instead of 'use' to avoid using the same word twice in a row instead of making it readable some other way

>>9292532
touche, that would've been a better observation

>>9292532
>he broke pretty much every comma rule
exactly
i did it on purpose
and im proud of it

>>9292066
that last line could be expanded and made real fancy. you can do it.

>>9292545
>i did it on purpose
don't be silly, you have to first know the rules before taking credit for breaking them on purpose


>inb4 picking on my intentionally misplaced comma

>>9292559
>you have to first know the rules before taking credit for breaking them on purpose
i dont care about comma rules and even if i did know them i would still do the same

is this better senpai :)

Afraid to lose control
Caught up in this world
I've wasted time, I've wasted breath
I think I've thought myself to death

I was born without this fear
Now only this seems clear
I need to move, I need to fight
I need to lose myself tonight

Think with my heart and move with my head
Open my mouth and it's something I've read
Stood at this door before, I'm told
Part of me knows that I've grown too old

Confused what I thought with something I felt
Confuse with I feel with something that's real
Tried to sell my soul last night
Funny, he wouldn't even take a bite

>>9292601
is this from one direction?

>>9292545
you are like a little kid who says he doesn't want his mothers attention but pulls on her skirt anyway

>>9292656
Why do you use a tripcode?

>>9292683
so i can find my old posts

>>9292710
ironic considering i mistyped it here so the code is different

"Forgive me son, it was not me.", Ivan whispered towards his dieing son. But the son never spoke back, so he was never forgiven he thought, abstract ideas were now ushing trough his head, beeing a Tsar after all was no different than playing a party of chess in a quincanx shaped boxing ring arena full of fighters whose carpopedal-attachments were three times the size of the median Homo Sapiens Sapiens. But a king didn't have time for this nonsense, so he thought about giving heir to his son.

>>9284978
Good post, sad post