Greentext Critique thread

(cont.)

>Part IV: he finally has a good income, meets a lot of influencial people, gets his own place, can do whatever he wants, fucks all the girls he wants.
>At the same time, he realizes his paintings are starting to be not as good as before.
>His depression starts to come back slowly.
>tries to find why he is feeling so lonely and empty even though he has everything he always wanted.
>He believes it's because he cant see the blonde girl anymore.
>He starts taking long walks in the mornings and notices certain patterns and parallelisms with his life.
>For example, he sees a couple other young hobos that look like himself, some other pseud kids that look like himself, some old guys that look like himself, etc.
>At the same time he starts feeling like the blue eyed guy that was once his good friend is stalking him.
>he then begins seeing his face in every billboard, every guy he sees in the street, etc.
>He starts to question his own sanity and decides to kill himself.
>He gets a gun and just before he shoots himself, he realizes that maybe the only thing he lacks and the reason he feels like shit is because he thought he had love when in reality he didn't, and when he actually had love, it got away from his life because of his own stupidity.
>He realizes his real love was never his ex gf or the blonde girl, but the blue eyed guy.
>He starts crying about how much he misses him and starts masturbating furiously to him.
>After he cums, he grabs the gun and walks towards his apartment's door and goes out, leaving an open ending.
>The reader doesn't know whether he is going to go search for him to ask for forgiveness, if he's going to kill himself, if he's going to shoot the blue eyed guy or what the fuck he is going to do.

It will be full of homoerotic innuendos and strong discussion on topics like sex, drugs, life, depression, religion, art, etc. After the end, the reader may also realize that our main character also started doing weird shit and having a weird life as he so strongly wished by the start of the book, but without forcing it. It all came eventually, in an unintended, natural and spontaneous way.

This sounds stupid. You sound stupid

>>9270963

I wouldn't make it past the first part. It's so cliched.

Be more creative. Art is a celebration of the imagination.

>story takes place on a small, rocky, remote island in the far north
>In the winter months, night time lasts for weeks
>A primitive tribe lives on the island
>the only source of fire is in the center of the island, and all fire is taken from that primal fire
>A religious order tends to the fire and passes down wisdom and oral history to the tribe, they are the shamanistic elite
>Young man is being trained to tend the fire, a sacred duty
>One day he steals from the fire and starts his own fire
>The elders come to punish him, they put out his fire and he runs away
>Spends weeks roaming the beaches, eating dead animals to survive
>Returns to the ceremonial fire
>Puts it out
>No fire left on the island
>Almost everyone in the tribe dies during the winter
>Young man builds a canoe and sails south

>>9271172

good (although a little heavy-handed) concept that dives into the toilet

>>9270963
>>9270964
good idea generally but as >>9271138
said, it's too cliche

>>9271046
kys

>>9271172
I see no point in this story. I mean, literally nothing happens, no philosophical argument behind it other than "lol, fire iz god"

>>9271198
Can't you tell how >>9271172 is a clear allegory for the Catholic Church's centralization of religion and iron-fisted rule of Europe and the protestant revolution by Luther which ultimately stripped away the Church's control, contributing to the decline of Christianity in the West?
Fucking dilettante, get out of here.

Honest question, isn't there any danger that some Anon will simple save your green text, write it downand publish it as his own?

>Oyster farmer and child artist prodigy
>crippling anxiety as he can't look at women
>goes to college while in 10th grade, gits gud, makes pretty sculpture
>thinks sculpture is judging him so he sells it and hates it
>gets approved to a college he doesnt apply for
>travels to another state to go there
>shit gets weird, person who picks him up at the airport drives him to the middle of the ocean and kicks him out
>ocean swallows the sculptor, spits him out in a cave
>theres an old man there and a monster called the Warden. Also theres a giant statue of Neptune and other lost art there
>Old man tortures him and forces him to create art for the cave. Monster acts as enforcer
>this continues for 45 years
>sees his sculpture in a vault
>freaks out
>kills the old man, kills the monster
>returns from the cave.
>the world above has been through a terrible war. all art is outlawed, no history books say why its outlawed, people just sit and watch digital recordings all day
>man travels to his childhood home. nobody is there
>sails out to sea on an oyster skiff, eventually lands at an island port town
>sees a giant mountain on the shore
>starts carving into the mountain a giant statue of Helios
>people start to watch him work
>the world cant understand
>they go to capture him but he left already, into the sea, where he presumably dies.

>>9271262

Honest answer, if someone can turn a bunch of random greentext points into a legitimate novel, or even a short story, I'd say he deserves the "glory". It's kinda easier said than done. Who here has actually managed to finish anything?

>>9271574
I've finished a novel, but it's virtually unpublishable and I'm interested in trying. Right now I'm working on something more mainstream that a publisher would actually enjoy reading samples of.

>>9271930
I don't think that there's such a thing as an unpublishable novel in this day and age since you can always publish it on Kindle under a false name. You could also make it free, since you're not planning on making money with it at least you could use the feedback

>self described nice guy and and aspiring fantasy author in high school covets the love and camaraderie his peers have so effortlessly while lashing out and being hostile at them
>creates unflattering parodies of them in his books
>lusts after girl in school
>hates her for not recognising how much better he is than her other boyfriend
>as his obsession with her grows his ability to implement his will on the fantasy world he's created slips
>makes a last ditch effort to make contact with the girl at a party, winds up sexually assaulting her
>fleeing imminent reprisal from the girl's boyfriend and his goons he returns home to finish his book
>kills self at dawn with book's final chapter serving as his suicide note

>>9272104
>>9272104
This is the plot to a Disney Channel original movie with some edge lords concepts.

>>9271574
Uh, ok then, i'll give it a shot.
>set in the 90's
>small town surrounded by the woods
>main character is a butcher, lives in the farm
>2:45 AM
>he is alone, cleaning his home after a party when sees a creepy transmission of weird warnings on the tv
>At same time a couple of friends who are going back home from the party see a bright light above the rode, the car dies
>next day the butcher receives a call, friend's families asking if the spent the night there
>call the police and go after them
>find empty car, doors open, cellphones inside, key in the contact
>cellphone frozen at 2:45 AM
>proceed to check with the police, apperently lot's of people went missing that night
>next night, another transmission on the tv, more specific warnings, more people going missing
>main character decides to investigate transmissions
>stumble on a suspicious character in the a black van near tv estudio
>calls police, new character is detained
>people from the army helping the police
>Army technician says the van didn't had equipment for a pirate signal, "he would need the right tools and and help from inside"
>dude is an Ufologist, thinks tramissions and people going missing are alien related, is released because "that's stupid"
>still has enough info on the transmisions that main chracter wants him around
>both try to invade tv estudio for leads, are stopped by a technican who just got fired for not stopping the pirate signal
>Shaddy army people lurking them, military technician is watching,when inquired over radio tells superiors they might have a lead
>butcher, "aliuns" and tv tech leave the place trying to figure the transmissions
>Another transmission, "stay home, avoid the light, don't answer the door", more people going missing
>main character goes back home, stop after seeing something naked, pale white dashing across the road
>grab flashlight and chase it on foot thinking it might be a lead, hell, might be a fucking alien
>forest getting dense, no sign of the pale thing
>sees some sort of bright light on the sky, trees hidding most of it
>"avoid the light"
>nope fast into the woods, stops after hearing a loud snap somwhere ahead, stumbled on a shack, goes in
>flashlight dies, tries cellphone, screen frozen, won't work
>stumble on something in the dark, touches it, it's cold, immediately thinks of a dead pig hanging from a hook on the ceiling
>realise what he just touched, nopes the fuck out, finds police by the road and calls for help
>a few momments later. Police comes out of the woods, tell him they found the town's hobo, naked and hangged
>"the people from the shelter were looking for him, he wasn't showing up for a few days now..."
>"was it him i was chassing?"
>"...no... you said it yourself, he was already cold when you found him..."

That's about half.
Sorry, english is my second langue, already have a good chunk of it writen in my mothertongue.