Post the first two sentences of whatever you're working on.

>>9255622

I thought about posting on that website again, but the kids just told me to kill myself and that my prose was shit.

It occurred to me, that my life is shit, my writing shit and posts shit.

La serpiente vio del árbol caer dos frutos que el viento arrancó.

Y después de comer la carne de ambos, tuvo una visión: al atardecer, más allá de los ríos y montañas que rodeaban su residencia, se alzaban dos torres; a contraluz sus siluetas se revelaban dispares, y sus sombras se prolongaban y parecían fundirse en una sola, uniforme e inmensa.

"Dead niggers don' tell no tales."
Old Man Henry "Crow Killer" James used to tell this to me.

I never expected to fall in love with a prostitute. I wish that I had never met you.

He was a boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? He was a punk

>>9255624

You're the guy that got blown out in the critique thread.

>>9255640
Continue....

>>9255645
New money, Suit and tie. I can read you like a magazine.

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>>9255630
Does it end with you getting sent back?

To my annoyance, a pretty woman was trying to talk to me. She insisted I must have some good stories, a strapping space engineer such as myself.

"Look, I'm married," I lied.

"Oh! Sorry..." She returned to her seat, shooting me curious glances throughout the bus ride.

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Become existence and non-existence.
Exist and don't exist.

>>9256876
This works entirely as a piece of flash fiction too.

I like it.

The Race War began five years ago and with that the world was plunged into chaos. It started in Europe then eventually found its way into North America.

>>9257079
Thanks

Kissy kissy, schmoopsy poo – a one-and-atwo-anda-I-love-you! I had an erection.

P., der jung war, war kein Musiker. Jedenfalls nicht im Sinne einer Berufsbeschreibung, sehr wohl aber in dem einer von ihm für sich vorhergesehenen Bestimmung.

A voice, I give you

Come to life
And follow me

>>9257346
>Deus Vult 2

>>9255622
“Oh just one more…” he stammered as he rested against the bar, figures whirling around him as he looked up at the bartender.
“You’ve had enough, Frank.”

He walked down the street and spotted a tortilla and squatted beside it and spat and picked it up and ate it and stood and noticed a man staring at him and said ye that happened. He spat and walked on

>>9258965
Title: Quest of the Illiterate Spitting Tortilla Spotter

As soon as I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

Something I wrote recently.

"The English occultist Aleister Crowley (1875-1947) is responsible for a very large body of literature. He is also responsible for a very small series of surviving spoken word recordings, which are thought to have been recorded from 1910-1914, although some sources in some cases suggest later recording dates, perhaps circa 1920, or even 1942."

He kept the door to his apartment tightly locked. A flee would have trouble finding its way inside.

>>9255622
Simon has been presented many times with passionate monologues, and each time he has listened quietly and excitedly. His unusually sharp degree of interest is easily recognized, and always taken by the speaker as proof that their words are especially valuable.

>>9259524

jeez that's bad

A spill of conversation pours in from the outside through the walls. The hum of the fan isn't loud enough to drown all out their voices. He reaches for the pillow beside his head and places it over his ear. He perceives it's a symbolic but futile gesture. The ringing of the fan's motor begins to pick-up. It's all he can hear now. The voices dissipate under its siren. The drone becomes ambient. The motor cries for attention. Alone with his thoughts, the silence is maddening. Just one clean break is all he needs. He'll call for a new hook-up in the morning and overdose the night following. He was a joker, a smoker, a midnight toker. He got his loving on the run. Woo-oo-oo--ooo-ooo-ooo Woo-ooo-oo-oo-ooo

>>9259755
and then he raeps them?

>>9259811
yse

>>9259816
thot su

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>>9259524

>>9255622
"Call me Ishamael."

"Oh... harder Ishmael, fuck me harder!"

>>9255640
breddy guddd

Write verse in metric feet

>>9258776
I really want this to be real, but then at the same time I would cringe too badly if it were.

>>9259633
Either shitty foreshadowing or we don't need to hear about the theoretical flee.

writingsentencesatallnotjustusingcontinoustextliketheancientsfuckingplebmaybeiwillthrowyouadothereortherebetweenmywordslatersoyoucanpossiblyunderstandalittlebitofthem

>>9260152
WRITINGSENTENCESATALLNOTJUSTUSINGCONTINOUSTEXTLIKETHEANCIENTSFUCKINGPLEBMAYBEIWILLTHROWYOUADOTHEREORTHEREBETWEENMYWORDSLATERSOYOUCANPOSSIBLYUNDERSTANDALITTLEBITOFTHEMSORRYFORGOTTOPUTEVERYTHINGALSOINCAPITALS

>>9255622

Waking up to a loud crash rarely means something good is happening. It’s never “CRASH! Mom made pancakes!” or “CRASH! We decided to adopt a Golden Retriever!”

Jona thought that all she had to do was reach out, and someone would take her hand. However, at the ripe old age of twelve, she got to learn that that was not the case at all. This long lesson began during an unusually cold spring, when Jona mustered the courage to sneak out of her home.

>>9255631
jej

>>9255622
I've been having a lot of trouble keeping food down recently. Every bite I take abates my hunger a little, but each bite hurts me in the pit of my stomach, too.

Sleets in the afternoon came down while Martin drove home. Twenty minutes there, and twenty minutes back at the end of the day.

>>9260070
Harpoon me, Ishmael.

>>9260167
Pls b8, pls

>>9260145
It's a book that is right now going through review with Amazon. Whether the entire book would be cringeworthy or not is up to you I guess. The main character is KIND of a beta, but he does prove himself to be a pretty good fellow.

>>9255622
*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
So that's me, the President of the United States

>>9260203

Are you writing a roadtrip?

>>9260391
>>9259633
You fucking spelled flea wrong, you fucking idiot.

>>9255622
Eat Da Poopoo. He said

Man these are bad and pretentious.

"Fuck me with that big fucking nigger dick!" My wife screamed.
Tyrone's balls slapping against her ass gave a percussive beat to my rhythmic weeping.

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>>9260552
Feel free to contribute. I'm sure you're working on a masterpiece.

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>>9260482
No I didn't. >>9259633 This guy did. Those two posts came from two different people. My two sentences are...
>>9258776
These.

not that it made a difference. i just don't like having the inside of my nose touched.

>>9260619
You start a sentence with capital letters.

"It was all a dream, Salt-n-Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine."

>>9260637
Filthy capitalist...

>>9260637
you don't make my rules and stylistic choices

>>9260669
"Line up my adversaries, blast on sight. And fuck your boyfriend bitch, I want some ass tonight."

It's not the posts that bind the clotheslines being too far apart, so they dip in angry countenance to the curvature of the Earth. It's not that feeling of malaise too impotent to complain about but potent enough to know it's there.

>>9260615
who cares? The fact that you took time to point this out is even more retarded than the typo.

>>9255622
A screaming comes across the sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare to it now.

>>9263874
Is English not your first language?

His teachers always regarded him as special, brilliant even and praised him often. However, these laurels and compliments made our hero satisfied and content. In other words, he wad told so often he showed great potential it stopped him from ever tapping into it.

>>9264042
"wad"

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>>9264083
I like "wad" better.

>>9264157
Sez you

The sun was high in the sky and only a small breeze carried some welcome freshness to the passengers of the ships. The Trinity was reaching its destination and Thrista could barely suppress a wide smile at the the thought of finally coming home.

Go fuck yourselves. Fuck your mother, fuck your grandmother and fuck your sisters.

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>>9264616
Whose voice should I read this in? If you don't specify, I'll assume Iron Sheik's.

>>9264629
She's an ageing theatre star.

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>>9263885

>>9261943
Now THIS is an interesting first two sentences

>>9264616

E-d-g-y.

Night. Clear sky above.

He hit ctrl-x, closed the chat window and turned to his faithful machines. "We are totally, royally fucked this time, my friends."

"Call me Ishmael" - Now that would be completely dishonest and a plagiarising way to start.

Now only one enemy remained. Two, if you counted god.

Lucky loser, the comical top hat man cried, touching his belt as I wept raising my hands, sifting the air like the prophets did, in search of an open sky soul, misery beneath. Lube up your butt, boy, I'm going in hard.

Joyce looked at herself in the mirror, her butt looked full and pleasantly plump in her new pantsuit. She was the baddest bitch in the law firm, and now had the ass to prove it.

>>9255622
For years I've had this recurring dream where I'm four years old and walking down the Coney Island boardwalk, which is totally empty except for me, but it sounds as busy as it always has been. The Ferris Wheel's going strong, kids are screaming... all the happy, fun shit you'd expect just with no-one actually around.

>>9266181
Sounds interesting. But did you need to add "shit"? Comes off as needlessly aggressive and edgy.

I hate the sounds of footsteps in the house, there seem to be too many, I know the distance from the end of the hall to the door to my room and it is not so far and I feel there are moments similarly in my childhood that i have missed, that have slipped past my notice and are now divorced from myself and thought.

>>9265932
Holy.... i want more....

>>9266201
Just part of the character.

>>9266181
Just write 'but it sounds as busy as always'. I'd also do something to emphasise that the sounds are disembodied, as in, objects of their own:

'but there are still the sounds, as if the boardwalk were as busy as always.'

Something like that, not quite that.

>>9255622
I was standing on the balcony of an old opera house, hollowed out to make room for angry music and angrier sex.

There's an anxiety staccato heartbeat of electronic music sweeping at a crowd of people, young and drunk and screaming into the void, begging someone will hear and answer with their lips.

Sunset found her squatting in the grass, defecating. "Twilight Sparkle, what in the world are you doing," Sunset Shimmer said.

>>9266299
Wouldn't it work better as " Sunset Shimmer asked" or "Sunset Shimmer demanded"?

>>9260474
No, it's a surreal daydream about inspiration. That opening line is just a kind of dull opener, to give you a sense that the real scenario of the main character's doings are boring and worth going off into a daydream for.

>>9266311
Don't dignify that shit with a response.

Also,
http://malcolm-wood.com/Saidisms.html

>>9255630
Borges why are you lurking 4chan/lit/?

>>9266320
"I'm coming too," he ejaculated.

If God is so Forgiving...

Why is Satan still in Hell

law of obligations: definitions and clauses
a valid contract requires a consensus by all parties involved. The consensus needs to be of at least two parties(...)

>>9266339
Because only one enemy remained. Two, if you count God.

>Ghjeti, native born; holding up the corpse of a Southman by his hair, wailed at the others. They dashed her son against the rocks.

>>9264042
He is not my hero.

>>9266181
Death cab?

>>9266351
I'm afraid I don't follow.

10/04/16 New board for 4chan Pass users: /vip/ - Very Important Posts
06/20/16 New 4chan Banner Contest with a chance to win a 4chan Pass! See the contest page for details.

>>9266379
Look up a song called coney Island by a band called death cab for cutie.

>i can hear the Atlantic echo back
>roller coaster screams of summers passed

Just one of many similarities.

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>>9255622
>The cold that greeted Harald past the hall's doors was all-encompassing, but it alone was not the source of the icy feeling that coursed up and down his spine, and clasped around his heart and lungs with a frigid, steely grip. Thick flakes of snow swam slowly through the air before him, leisurely approaching the city of Erikstad from above to blanket the wood-shake roofs of its many longhouses and sheds.

I'm shit at being concise :(

>SJWs always say they're not racist because you can't be racist against white people. But is this really true?

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To be or not to be?
I know nothing.

>>9269252
Shouldn't be two sentences, goober

The contract was signed and so the man pulled out his horse-like member and lay it on the table. The unexpected length and girth of the semi-swollen limb caused the nameless girl's eyes to widen accompanied by a short yet deep and audible breath.

>>9255622
Jake had been taking a nap in his booster seat. “Mom! I’m hungry! Could we have chicken strips?”

Juniors in the Total Hill House Hammond series got a sunny Sunday in Scotland – though Saturday testing was soggy. For most this became the season opener after the abandoned Clay Pigeon round, but the JICA Junior British protagonists have had a round in between at Three Sisters, Paul di Resta and Jordan Wise sharing the wins.

>>9266030
kek

>>9268866
Well, I'll be damned.

I emptied the glass and looked through the bottom. This lens amplified Brandon's face until he loomed large before me.

In one practiced motion he depressed the two left pedals and employed the parking break. He didn’t leave the car right away.

>>9270930
This would be more effective if you first described the grotesque shapes of the face before revealing that you are looking through an empty glass, i think.

>>9266346
edgy but i'd read it

I should like to tell you about the false start, the long year and the sudden seat-belt stop at the end. Here's how it happened.

>>9255622

From the apartment upstairs came the muffled cadence of language. Other people lived here too. Not in this apartment, but here, in this sleek high-rise - wall to wall, floor to ceiling. Solitude has never been more gregarious.

"Red thunder will bellow beneath heaven's pores, desolate match strikes alight in poor man's eyes mirror; slimline teapots cracking wide, handle broken off, balanced on palm's back, turned inside out and pale, stars that slur one's speech floating side to side darkly, cry hope men! with lungs water filled, upside down and whirrling around, skyward words, whispering, waves inbetween, cry hope!" continued the professor in a kind of high pitched sing sangy voice as he looked down at his new young lover, who rested fitfully, lashed as he was with duct tape to the side of his stolen hovercraft, his head lolling gently in the breeze, and as they soared over the buildings of downtown St. Paul to his secret lair he mused that the boy was much like a sweet ripe juicy peach, except for him not being a fuzzy three-inch sphere produced by a tree with pink blossoms and that he had internal organs and could talk.

>>9271918
Holy run-on sentences Batman!

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Well @realDonaldTrump, at least I will go down as a president!

Ooga booga if if if uhh uhh ahh ahh if if if if,

Okie doke!

>>9255622

"I cummed on a nigga. He stank."

When you end up making a career of something you loved doing, you ought to be happier, but Diyarbakir was easily the least intriguing city to write about that I could imagine.

>>9271962
Is this the most epic comeback in history?

>>9271918
>he mused that the boy was much like a sweet ripe juicy peach, except for him not being a fuzzy three-inch sphere produced by a tree with pink blossoms and that he had internal organs and could talk.
kek

Now only 1 enemy remained. 6 million, if you counted the jews.

Her mouth foamed as the dog fucked her in the ass. This wasn't just any Tuesday night for our beastiality prone main character of this book, Donna Boyd.

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C'était une de ces calmes soirées d’été chez mes grand parents. J'étais dans le petit couloir mal éclairé qui menait au séjour, la voix monotone du téléjournal de 20:30, que mon grand-père, les yeux cloués à la télé, suivait religieusement, servant de fond quand mon père m'annonça que j’allais l’accompagner à la chasse le lendemain.

Braaap. Is that a little bit of nugget on the rim, dear?

>>9271990
7.5/10 kinda dull
>>9271470
7.5
Perhaps would work in the context of a book and not a thread but seems contrived.
>>9270930
6
Who's Brandon?
>>9269320
5
o
>>9269305
7inches/10
>>9266342
N/A
What is your book about

>>9272057
It's a personal compendium used for studying of definitions and clauses of law of obligations, uni yo.

>>9272073
Nice

>>9272037
Cont...
This was a different from the golden retriever she let fuck her most every Tuesday for the past 8 months, this one belonged to her neighbour. If all this sounds like expositions then shut the fuck up- this book is self aware. The dog which currently had its claws digging in her naked sides as she felt it hump sporadically was named Russell and was one she was supposed to be sitting for her neighbour, clank.

>>9272037
Good prose. Are you wrighting the bestiality Lolita?

>>9272090
Maybe..

>>9272082
This is not me but I'm on my phone right now so I can't post the rest

We are cosmic playthings, you and I. We've been tossed around together, in the hands of gibbering gods and articulate demons, and here at the end I'm not afraid of them. I'm afraid of you.

>>9272109
Kinda corny desu.

>>9272212

Yeah, I agree. I just wrote the first thing that came into my head to see if I could get something started.

Up until an hour ago, I had been entirely certain of my place in the world, my plan for the future. The falling ash, gently dusting everything that had once been whole, put lie to all of that.

Nigger. Nigger!

>>9272285

I like this but either change or remove "my plan for the future", kinda jarringly colloquial in the middle of that nice prose

>>9272317
Would replacing it with "my goals" work? It seems more succinct, at least to me.

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"Oh fuck," the old detective croaked as he reached for his buzzing phone on the nightstand. Eyes rolling over to the alarm clock reading 3:33AM, he misjudged the distance and sent the worn Motorola clattering to the floor.

His tormented screeches would ring out for eternity, as he wallowed in this empty limbo.

But Penn and Teller were not a forgiving duo. Their magic knew no bounds.

>>9272413
Kek

>>9272413
That's three sentences

God watched two opponents face off, already well aware of who the victor would be. He was also aware that he would be next.

>>9272422
Actually it was two, if you count God.

>>9272439
I don't count God, so it was only one sentence
0/10 too short

>>9272454
"But God counts you. He counts all of us, because we're all his little cherubs." He said as he thrust his magnificent cock deep inside of her. But as he said that, he heard the Windows XP shutdown sound echo through the room. Within seconds her vagina would close for business, slicing off his peen in the process.

Alright I'm going to bed.

>>9272493
Night anon

>>9272493
Night, probable Ausbro.

>>9272524
Still up. How did you guess I was Aussie? I'm trying to pin point where I slipped.

>>9272533
You are a native English speaker and it's nighttime where you are.

At best LGBTBBQROTFLOL is a series of behavioral genetic disorders that effect a very minor amount of the population even when grouped together like that.

If that is the case than it is down right idiotic to feel obligated to create fictional representation to the degree that has already been made.

Sadly what can easily be regarded as a dysfunction has been practically deified by liberals as a force of "progress".

It is a pretty funny argument because so many believe in cultivation theory, that media can alter perception of reality in young children to make them more violent or aggressively heterosexual.
Many would take issue if one was to insinuate that if media truly has hypnotic power that it could not be used in laymens terms, to turn kids into a bunch of fucking fruity faggots.

I have watched a lot of anime with token gay characters all the same, never really comes off as some kind of pandering, mostly played for jokes.
In cartoons it is used for "virtue signaling" and treated with an absurd amount of reverence.
That isn't progress, that's coddling.

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>>9272541
Actually aside from everything I've said and this sentence explaining it. I don't speak a lick of English.

Nighty night, Hombre.

>>9272553
*affect
*than
*downright
*'to create fictional representation': either make this plural or precede it with a definite article
*'that if media truly has hypnotic power that': you get only one 'that', and you have to break up 'if...power' with commas; decide where you're going to put your 'that'
*used, in laymen's terms, to (i've made two changes, adding a comma and an apostrophe)
*progress; that's

t. mtf

>>9272599
Ya got me, I didn't actually write this. It's from a /co/ thread.

>>9272613
Why did you copy and paste that post, if you knew it had so many errors in it?

>>9272628
I found it funny. Here's the thread if you want a laugh and to see /co/ and /pol/ really go at it.

>>>/co/90763977

>>9272643
I don't really like comic books or politics or 4chan's sense of humour very much - mostly I like correct grammar, and other things to do with writing - but thanks for explaining and showing me a thread you enjoyed.

>>9272401
would be god if the detective were a frog.

>>9272751
Plot twist: he is.

>>9269231
just what we need right now, another joyce plagiarizer

>>9260167
Holy... I want more

>>9272832
I'm not going to bullshit you and tell you I have some meaning in writing like that. It's simply really fun to write and, if the reader is like me, incredibly fun to read

Finnegans Wake blurs the lines between prose and, basically, puzzle and I don't think we have enough of that around

>>9273141
The reader is never like you, though. Only you are like you. A puzzle needs purpose, some meaning behind the puzzle. That is the reason why adults with autism are often seen puzzling, but not normal people. Like the great DFW said: Uhm, well it's a difficult question really, but, well, I guess you could say that the worst kind of student work I received over the years uhm comes from students that believe just because THEY wrote something it has to be interesting to the reader, which really isnt the case, I think.

OH NO WATCH OUT MY ASS IS LEAKING

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFPPPPPPPPP

>>9273336
>A puzzle needs purpose, some meaning behind the puzzle.
I can think of two ways you meant this but neither really apply

If you mean that a puzzle can't be a puzzle in and of itself, I totally disagree. Logic puzzles and jigsaw puzzles and mechanical puzzles don't have any "meaning" or substance to them beyond the simple elements of the object, the path, and the goal. I don't see why the same can't be applied to prose.

If you mean that the book itself must have meaning, even that is up for debate, but the planned book (as I see it) does have meaning, a lot of it.

>The reader is never like you, though.
Of course, but that doesn't mean that there are no people out there that won't enjoy it. I'd never force a book like that down anyone's throat. I'm aware it'd appeal to a very narrow audience. I like to entertain the thought of completing it anyways, even though I most likely never will

The Fool was the name the Winter gave to him. As a man of nothing, he did not have the tiny least a bit of desire to keep it until it's meaning surfaced itself on her death, like a stamp on the papers he was given later for the actions he did, or rather, didn't.

I was forced to fade into the real world momentarily, where we all go around like smiling corpses and agree, above all else, to pretend that anything is meaningful. I was never properly acclimated to this, so I sought help at the liquor store before my appointment.

The 29 year old primary school teacher crouched behind a carefully selected tree she had arrived at after walking far enough away from the rows of houses to be positively out of sight. Her panties were fully removed so as to avoid being peed on and she waited with eyes tightly shut for the stream to begin flowing .

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Equality gives rise to challenging questions which are not altogether easy to answer. Is it a relation?

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>>9273343
I am such a child

Arthur was perched precariously on a toilet seat located in the girls bathroom of his highschool. He had intruded there to jerk off in one of the stalls and so far he was having a blast listening to the self conscious sounds of 14-18 year old girls urinate just a few feet away from his straddled naked body.

>>9273474
>>9273454
Thinking of compiling a collection of urine short stories that are not particularly erotic or smutty but actually have acute social commentary layered in there

Would anyone read?

>>9273480
Sure. Send me a copy.