IRL /lit/ stories

Haha :)

>>9231762
Thats what you get for being a poser and not reading all your books and trying to understand them before buying more.

The only excuse I can see for not doing this is if you own a book that requires another book to understand that you don't own.

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>grocery store has this $1 table of charity books
>find infinite jest with the nice original JEST cover
>score of the century
>im about to scan it and woman's supervisor comes by and says oh that should be more
>they agree on $5
>i put the book in my bag slightly annoyed
>woman says, "even if only get through a few pages thats still infinity"

>>9233456
Most writers and critics have libraries of books they haven't read. It's pretty normal. Not sure why you're so autistic about it.

>mom catches me reading the Bible
>no mom it's not what it looks like. i was reading it to destroy theist rhetoric.
>where the fuck did you get this drivel?
>mom, it's a friends Bible. he lent it to me.
>you're grounded. give me the book, NOW!
>NEVER! i will be a martyr if i have to, mother.
>*spanks me with wooden spatula*
>*loud sobbing*
>ok, im sorry, mommy. please stop hurting me.
>stay in your room. no dinner.
>yes ma'am.

>>9233674
I forgot to mention she took the Bible.

>>9233674
Did she jack you off as punishment too?
How far is your mom's ass.

this one is classic
>so you read war an peace?
jup (almost embarrassed)
>whooooow how long did it take?
less time than you on all harry potter books
>but it's soooo hard and advanced
no it isn't
>weird looks

>>9233680
*Fat

>>9233674
I remember my mom looking worried when I was reading a Bible, in a 'I hope my son doesn't turn into those freaky looking pearly-white smiling mormons' kind of way

>>9233651
Why would you still buy it if they raised the price on you, autismo? just make 'em reshelf it or haggle.

>so you write poetry
Yes
>would you like to write me a poem about a dream I had
No
>wow no fucking need to be so fucking rude you fucking piece of shit virgin

okay

>>9234066
This is why you're still a virgin

>>9234355
unlikely

>>9234388
Yeah, it's probably because you're a gay nerd who writes poetry lmao

>>9234399
good post

>>9233663
>implying OP is a writer or critic

>>9231762
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdumO88JMxw

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>Join my university literature society
>Stand on the edge like a sperg while everyone else makes friends
>Girl takes pity on me and asks what kind of books I like to read
>Uuh well I like Thomas Pynchon
>"Oh really who is he"
>Oh god now I need to explain who Thomas Pynchon is
>"He makes uuh these funny books"
>Girl smiles like shes thinking "Oh so hes retarded, poor guy"
>Eventually I just walk home and never go back again
I thought there was el funny memeo greentext story here but there wasnt

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>>9234967
>He makes uuh these funny books
you fucking autist
the best part is spergs like you are more intelligent and we'll read than everyone there combined

well* :^)

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Fine, although I'm going to get called an autismo
>Decide to read the Bible
>I'm an atheist but it's surprisingly good
>Develop some theological ideas about god
>No one to discuss them with, so just think about them on my own
>Couple of weeks after I'm done reading it
>Walking to McDonald's to get myself some sweet burgers
>See Jehovah's Witness preaching and trying to recruit people
>Think nothing about it
>Go to McDonald's
>It's fucking closed for another 30 minutes
>Decide "fuck it" I'll go talk to him, at least I'll have someone to discuss theology with
>Talk a bit, mention some of my ideas, ask some questions
>He wants meet up later and talk
>Say sure, hopefully I won't get indoctrinated
>Meet up with him in a café some days later
>Be prepared
>Talk to him about the Bible, back up my ideas
>He is impressed, says in all his years he has never met anyone with the same views as me
>I think he's bullshitting just to seem friendly
>Keep talking anyway
>We go way past time
>Find out a couple of weeks later that he left his church, and is now banned from Jehovah's Witness meetings since he "denounced" his faith and adopted my ideas
>mfw I basically converted a Jehovah's Witness
>they now hate me

>>9235075

>never actually says what his ideas are

This is how I know this story is false.

>>9233685
underrated post

>>9235085
I didn't mention them because it didn't really fit into the story. Basically it's rejection of God's omnipotence, and omniscience, not just relating to free will but in general. Recognizing God as a flawed being, albeit powerful. Then some stuff about stuff he can do that would limit his omnipotence, and paradoxes, although those last two aren't my ideas in full.

Also there is stuff about how you ought to interpret the Bible, how translations affect the content and meaning, etc.

Please don't turn this thread into "discuss this anon's theological ideas"

>>9233681
Are you a tard wrangler, dear anon?

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>>9235096
honestly good job dude he probably thinks you were an angel sent to him by god LMAO

>>9235075
golden kek if this is true

>>9235096
>rejection of God's omnipotence, and omniscience, not just relating to free will but in general. Recognizing God as a flawed being, albeit powerful
this is embarrassing

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>>9235075

Does this actually happen in some families? Like the parents are scared their kid will become a person with morals and integrity?

>>9235344
People don't like being exposed to their own insecurities, so they'll try to keep their friends and family down. You hear the same story over and over again on /fit/ about families insulting, crying, yelling, threatening, etc anons who are getting fit when their family is fat.

>>9235355
Ah that makes sense.

>>9235218
And pleb Christians will eat it up if it's presented to them with even the smallest amount of persuasion

>show friend my shelves
>wow, I didn't know you read so much!
>have you read all of these?
>tfw none of this happened because I have no friends

>>9234399
Dubs confirmé

>>9235355
that's why you have to escape you parents basement at all costs, i think most of these kids that can't get out of the basement have parents that at least partially are happy to have them there staying dependent.

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>yfw you realize 4chan is what Paris was to Hemingway and Joyce and the other great writers
>Rupi Kaur is our T.S. Eliot
>Tao Lin is our Joyce
>we're literally making history for the next generation of writers

>>9233674
>Life of a croat: a story in 3 acts

>Supposed to analyse excerpt from prose
>Student asks for context of the passage
>Teacher has no idea who wrote it
>It's Ulysses by Joyce, give context
>A for writing trash for rest of semester

>>9235692
>if only
We're all self-deprecating on hear, its part of the culture. Even if /lit/ is the place where all the great writers of the next generation met and talked, we would never acknowledge it.

>all you've got in your room is books. it's kind of sad

>>9235096
I have the same ideas, anon.
The whole christian introduction of omniscience/free will and omnipotence is just a glaring paradox that's been pointed out again and again throughout history.
>>9235218
Your face is embarassing.

>meet some lit girl while I'm working at a festival
>I had to watch the fire and was bored so I started talking to her
>hit it off pretty easily
>decide to go with her to one of the events on my break
>turns out we have the same tastes in literature, talk about Joyce, Fitzgerald, Huxley
>she gives me her number
>wants to go on a date
>I suddenly realize I don't find her attractive and just want to be friends
>never call her again

Yeah. Sorry for the quite literal anti-climax.

>>9233674
Montag?

>>9237427
>want to be friends
>never call her again

you're doing human interaction wrong

>>9233681
Found a picture of you, anon.

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>>9237911

>>9234388
If you'd have written that girl a goddamn poem, you'd have gotten some puss.

>>9237909
>wanting to be friends with someone who has bad enough taste that they'd date you
>>9237932
unlikely

>>9237940
Stop impersonating me, you literal virgin.
Digression: I still am a gay ass poet, and still haven't gotten some puss. I'll try novellas

>>9239130
i'm not impersonating anyone you literal virgin

>>9237427
You did nothing wrong

>>9235036
>we'll read

>>9239345
I swear, the grammer on /lit/ has gotten worse lately.

>>9233456
Most of the books I own were hard to find, if I see something from certain authors I am going to buy it no matter what.

>>9239851
Certain authors like whom?

>>9235096
You mean that God has to restrict his own power to allow something like reality to exist in the first place? Or that to create a being with free will hehas to give up power over that being?

>>9239863
Of I see Vollmann, Gaddis, Pynchon, McElroy, etc. in a used bookstore, I'm going to get it. One of my Vollmanns was at goodwill, which is unheard of.

One time I tried to read Finnegan's Wake on crystal meth.

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>>9239923
Well the restriction of his own power in order to create beings with free will is the whole idea with open theology, and on the surface I agree with that.

I take it further than that however, and argue that he was never "perfect" in the first place, i.e. he can make mistakes, be wrong about things, etc. This makes the whole "restriction of power" argument redundant, since there was no absolute power to begin with.

In my view there are different "levels" of omnipotence that people ascribe to God, each one further down limiting his power.

1) Absolute omnipotence
2) Non-contradictory omnipotence, like that Thomas Aquinas described, e.g. he cannot create a square circle.
3) Non-contradictory, self-preserving omnipotence, e.g. he can't create a square circle, and neither make himself not omnipotent. Like creating a rock he cannot lift. This level has a bunch of paradoxes (as do the earlier ones).
4) Self-restricting omnipotence. This is basically open theology.
5) Not omnipotent at all, he is flawed, which is my view.

That's probably the simplest way I can put it.

>>9235075
What version of the bible is it?

I'm not really sure what my religion is to be honest. I think I kind of believe in the Christian God? It's kinda fucky. I want to read the Bible but I just don't know which to read.

>>9235096
>God is a flawed but powerful human being.

Congratulations, you turned a Jehovah's Witness into a Mormon, dumbass.

>>9240187
People get strange about which version you should read. There are a couple of versions to stay away from, but most of them are pretty good. I recommend getting a study bible, I personally read the New Oxford Annotated Bible with Apocrypha.

There are some people that say that King James is the one and only version to read, but that's a whole different argument. I'd recommend reading the one I read, but take that with a grain of salt. As long as you pick a study bible I'd say you're good, since otherwise there' a lot of context you'll miss.

Also make sure you read up on what is considered canon by different denominations.

>>9233681
Never understood stuff like that.

"How do you read such long books?"

The same way as short books, but for longer...

>>9240164
juvenile
read more my man

>>9237058
You're retarded.

>>9235692
When will /lit/ stop memeing the "we move the culture" narrative

>>9241340
Never. We move the culture, pseud.

>>9240031
After a couple joints finnegans wake is the most amazing book ever

>>9240031
Kek

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>>9235096
> implying any of those ideas are original

holy fucking shit nigger are you even cognisant of any medieval theological dialogue i swear to fucking god every single cunt comes along and thinks he's the first person to make a syllogistic based critique or analysis of religious themes ain't a nigga even heard of christian apologetics i swear to god you fucking protestants are illiterate my god pick up some fucking abelard

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>>9231762
I know the feels, anon.

>>9233456
It's called being absorbed in consumer culture, you fool. Kinda like the never expanding amount of dildos you have next to your bedside table, only much less gay.

>>9245301
>holy fucking shit nigger are you even cognisant of any medieval theological dialogue i swear to fucking god every single cunt comes along and thinks he's the first person to make a syllogistic based critique or analysis of religious themes ain't a nigga even heard of christian apologetics i swear to god you fucking protestants are illiterate my god pick up some fucking abelard

LMAO this guy is right, you discovered Gnosticism, I dunno, 1200 years too late? Way to be on the cutting edge of thought you fucking monkey.

Confidential to quoted anon, be warned, I had to quit 4Chan for a bit when I'd type "fucking" in my phone and the autofill whatever would anticipate "Protestants."

>>9235075
>mcdonalds closed
this story is obviously false, still good story anon

>selling books to my fave used book store
>small shop in a big city, I know all the clerks/owners, they know friends of mine, etc.
>selling Mein Kampf because it's a shit book
>"Wow this is fucked up ... Whoever read this made a ton of notes in the margins."
>"Oh, heh, I was j-just d-doing research..."
>true but sounds retarded
>years pass
>Trump elected
>wearing my MAGA hat to celebrate in the days following election
>everyone hates me for it in my liberal city
>swing by bookshop on my way home from work
>EVERY SINGLE CLERK/OWNER is there for some reason
>browse awkwardly for five or so minutes and then leave
>now I'm "that fascist guy we know"

>Epilogue: Go there months later, one of the clerks starts complaining about Trump as if I'm on his side (in this city everyone assumes you are on their side about Trump)
>Moral of the story: don't smoke weed kids, it fucks with your memory.

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>>9235096

>>9235692
were not /pol/, we have no effect on real life

>>9245364
You should bought it back. That'd be for some good chucklez.

>>9245348
>>9245301
Except it's not Gnosticism, since it doesn't involve concepts of a monad nor emanation.

Again:
>>9235096
>Please don't turn this thread into "discuss this anon's theological ideas"

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>>9240164
You need some new perspectives on God. Read the Bhagavad-Gita.

>>9245364
>in this city everyone assumes you are on their side about Trump
what do you mean "this" city
that's every fucking city

>>9245384
Yet you keep coming back here and giving us your (You)s.

"A man who is everywhere is nowhere" - Seneca

>>9239829
phoneposters

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>>9234066
>>9234355
>>9234388
>>9234399
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THESE CONSECUTIVE DUBS

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>walking down street from work with professor
>have book in hand (compilation of Sheridan Le Fanu's short stories)
>she asks me what I'm reading
>"You wouldn't know."
>Retorts, "Ha, try me. I'm sure I would."
>Show her cover
>Her eyes meander over
>"I don't know that."
dum blonde roastie

Also, when I was a kid my mom would rip up any horror books I snuck from the library (Harry Potter, Goosebumps, even Riordan's mythological series). We were a super Christian family and she's devout asf. Also very paranoid.

Years later and in the current political climate her admonitions about Harry Potter appear well founded to me now.

>>9245370
Not in the same direct way. But I do think that, since this is where actual debate can take place between people from all kinds of schools of thoughts, ranging from rationalists to mystics, from marxists and hegelians to analytics, from traditionalists and progressivists to people who reject all of those labels, we are the ones who are transforming thought, whereas /pol/ is comfortably curled up its own asshole.

It basically comes down to whether you think that Alexander the Great or Aristotle had more of an effect on life.

>>9245577
It's amazing how right the Christians were about Harry Potter.

>>9246756
>>9245577
>It's amazing how right the Christians were about Harry Potter.

Redpill me pls

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>at social gathering
>drinking and participating in silly games like the herd animal I am
>some guy that's not part of the usual group of friends is there too
>starts talking to me about how he read nietzsche
>too embarrassed to admit I haven't read a word of what Nietzsche wrote
>he eagerly tells me about this theories and interpretations
>nod along and throw in some pseud remark whenever he asks me something
>completely convinces him of my deep knowledge of Nietzsche
>he goes on about how great it is to be able to talk to someone about Nietzsche and how he enjoyed the conversation

i'm pathetic

>>9246780
>gradeschool
>get bored in class all the time
>it's painful to wait around for minutes when a teacher asks a question and everyone else is clueless
>mom told me answering pupils questions is a teachers job
>my questions generally deal with alternative ways of solving math problems, why you couldn't formulate sentence x differently, and other types of "that's not all there is to this, right" type questions, and often enough their answers don't make sense
>some of them deal with that well, others really can't stand losing face and you can imagine the consequences
>do moderately socially retarded things like taking books with me to read on the bus every once in a while
>the kids in my class use any minor thing they can find as an excuse to make fun of me for half a week
>try to talk with people about my interests
>they just look at me like I'm a fucking alien or something and keep their distance
>those are my gradeschool years

>middleschool
>the people who really had it out for me end up in the same class as me
>try to ruin my reputation from day one
>still, it's only three of them
>try to watch cartoons and other kids tv shows to fit in
>ask what videogames my classmates are interested in and try to play them as well
>get a trading cardgame that's popular in our school at the time
>people start tolerating me
>start parroting things they want to hear
>my reputation just keeps on improving
>actually make a few friends for the first time since kindergarden
>but really it's all a sad illusion
>I'm just playing a role because I don't want to be bullied
>noone fucking cares about the things that interest me
>and I have learned not to open up to anyone

>highschool
>come across 4chan
>you can say what you want without having to fear the social consequences
>each post is a seperate entity
>If you say something controversial and people disagree with you, you can debate them
>if you say something legitimately retarded and people point it out, you can change your views
>without ever having to worry about social consequences or your own self-image
>find /lit/
>realize that I haven't read a book on my own in years
>my life had been completely eaten up by the effort of trying to fit in

And I've been trying to move forward ever since. Not sure I would ever have opened up a book of my own accord again (not even talking about classics, just books in general) if this place didn't exist.

>roommate asks me what book I'm reading
>Confessions of a Mask

>>9247012
This a book about panda tables?

>>9246780
Fug, that might have been me. I was once on ecstasy banging on to someone about Nietzsche but I don't remember much besides that.

Northern Ireland?

>>9246780
That might have been me, I've had several drunken nights where I talk about Nietzsche or Wittgenstein like an autist. Norway?

i had a period of rambling about pynchon when drunk/high/drunk&high thanks to /lit/

A couple weeks ago I did 5 grams of magic mushrooms and I ranted to my friends about Ulysses and Finnegans wake for a bit

>>9247054
>>9247060
sorry i live in jamaica

>>9246997
I know this isn't real and you're really a dog or a girl, but I enjoyed it.

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>buying some cheap edition of Locke's Essay
>oh sorry this copy is damaged, I can lower the price for that
>barely noticeable tear on the cover
>got it for like 4$

>>9239863
whom'st've

>>9246780
that was most likely me. i get drunk and gush about nietzsche, stirner and kierkegaard

>>9247712
I'm neither a dog nor a girl. Glad you liked it though.

>>9245301
>are you even cognisant of any medieval theological dialogue
Nope and there's no good reason to be. Also, it's spelled cognizant.

>>9247742
That's expensive.

>Final year Lit/Hist student
>Pick Film adaptation to make up credit
>First assignment is free reign
>Half the class pick Harry Potter and other normie tier books
>I wrote about the language in A Clockwork Orange and the music in Kubrick's adaptation
> Focused on the music around the rape scenes
>When going around the class I told my classmates this
>Looked at me like some sort of monster
>Fucking Normies