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Can you guys read and criticize the opening to my book?

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Thread images: 4

Anonymous
Can you guys read and criticize the opening to my book? 2017-03-05 02:32:26 Post No. 9190366
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Can you guys read and criticize the opening to my book? Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:32:26 Post No. 9190366 [Report]

"Sits the man, name of Jon; croSSed legs. Focus he does on paper in hand. Intterupt to reach for pipe - wood! Pipe, there is not. Look forward he does, set down is paper. Plump and orange, is at there feline, smoke it does the pipe. "Garfield!!", cries the man he does."

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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:33:13 Post No.9190369
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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:33:13 Post No.9190369 [Report]

sure, post it.

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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:36:42 Post No.9190383
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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:36:42 Post No.9190383 [Report]

>>9190369
That was it, in the OP.

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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:38:05 Post No.9190387
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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:38:05 Post No.9190387 [Report]

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>>9190366

it's fucking perfect.

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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:39:22 Post No.9190395
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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:39:22 Post No.9190395 [Report]

>>9190366
You are not James Joyce, but I have seen worse things in print.

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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:39:41 Post No.9190396
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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:39:41 Post No.9190396 [Report]

>>9190366
Learn English.

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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:40:07 Post No.9190399
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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:40:07 Post No.9190399 [Report]

>>9190383

Oh uh...yeah then. Yeah it's, you know, it's there. Just nice and...right there. So...that's good.

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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:47:53 Post No.9190433
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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:47:53 Post No.9190433 [Report]

can't help reading in Yoda voice

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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:50:35 Post No.9190440
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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:50:35 Post No.9190440 [Report]

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>>9190366

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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:52:15 Post No.9190445
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Anonymous 2017-03-05 02:52:15 Post No.9190445 [Report]

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>>9190366

woah

Thread posts: 10
Thread images: 4

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