Write what's on your mind.

Can you get to the fucking point, Plato?

My future is like a view from a window glass in a foggy day

>>9174101
I wish I lived before the internet so I could avoid these distractions that make my life so banal.

I wish more than anything that I leave my mark enough on this world to be remembered, but I fear all the trappings of modernity have rendered our time on his earth so insignificant that few of our contemporaries will be remembered.

I am only 18 and already I feel as though I have not yet done enough and I will expire as yet another insignificant being unremembered and unimportant to everyone and everything in the future

I'm a never nude and I'll die alone anyway.

>>9174106
OKAY BUT FIRST IMAGINE A SHIP GLAUCON
A SHIP NEEDS ITS CAPTAIN

>>9174159
Homer will inevitably pass into the abyss, anon

File: impostor-syndrome-cartoon-823x1024.jpg (199KB, 823x1024px) Image search: [Google]

199KB, 823x1024px

>>9174101
I have seen the most depraved, pathetic, obnoxious individuals transcend their shame and guilt to prolifically document their depraved lives an in so doing become heroes. Faced others that expose the darkness so others do not have to.

I have seen intelligent beautiful minds expel their genius outward to the masses and be revered as much as they have been misunderstood.

All manner of pleb and prodigy alike create self involved works and in so doing transcend themselves.

What am I consuming? I transcend with them to regard their art as truthful. In leaping over the cliff and trusting the subject is documented honestly.

Of all these creating creatures making fame and fortune there is one common thread. They see their ideas as being worthy of others. I disagree yet consume all the same. Is it merely the notion that ones inner world should be known to others that makes that world worthy of other minds?

These creators of every stripe, ideology, vice and assumption share just one. That their ideas matter. I envy them. I envy their nativity.

Who will see my hero's journey? Who will understand the tragic hero who's only enemy is the most terrifying truth of art. The un-slay-able beast. The inherent fact that one cannot document their lives and live authentically simultaneously. I will die unaccomplished in my purist well of torment.

Yet I don't believe I resent every self directed work as a two faced pantomime. Am i simply ensuring my ideas themselves remain un-slay-able? Why can't I create fearlessly? Where does a good artist go when there is no good art? But that question is contrived. What am I trying to solve? Is it just a way of distracting myself?

>>9174217
>I have seen the most depraved, pathetic, obnoxious individuals transcend their shame and guilt to prolifically document their depraved lives an in so doing become heroes. Faced others that expose the darkness so others do not have to.
>I have seen intelligent beautiful minds expel their genius outward to the masses and be revered as much as they have been misunderstood.
Stopped reading here because I need examples. Examples or I'll never keep reading.

>>9174159
>angst

>>9174101
That image gives me false nostalgia, I was born in the late 88' but I grew up on a lot of residual North American pop culture and the style and attitude of the times were all around me, my family and friends. Something about the innocence and confidence of these old 80's magazine ads conjure memories that I never had, others which I'm still not sure if I dreamt them up.

>>9174101
great, more stomach pain
eating enough is too hard
weed-fucked appetite

>>9174101
After lurking /lit/ for a a few(?) months, I've finally decided to read a book.

So I read the first 2 chapters of The Stranger.

It's okay, but the writing style makes me feel like I am Mersault and I become so terribly bored because that's what he seems to always be in the book.

I think I will continue reading it, intellectual flexing contests and what not.

>>9174230
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmbeE81YMwc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaP8oZHVDqc

Everytime I see a cute woman I want to kill my self.

>>9174257
And here I thought I was the only one.

File: 1488253674360.png (803KB, 770x784px) Image search: [Google]

803KB, 770x784px

People who post on these 4chan boards about losing motivation, attention span and whatever other important faculty they feel they've underutilized are fools. The easiest shit to do in life is to retreat from those things you know are impeding your development. If something is pulling you forward, don't pull back; use the momentum of that force against it and vault over to scramble.

I want to do a PhD in med science in Prague but my (Czech) girlfriend of 5 years wants me to find a steady job (accountant), "settle down" and have kids.

I understand the practicality, but I'm stubborn.

File: seen2muchshit.gif (4MB, 260x195px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 260x195px

God, I fucking love RPGs. I hope the one I ordered arrives tomorrow. Man, I want to go outside and read and smoke, but it's so gray. You think it's too cold out to enjoy it?

Fuck, I want to get fucking wasted. Franny better answer. She'll probably say no because she's so lazy. I hope she appreciates how much money I'm willing to spend on food to bribe her to come out here.

God, I can't believe I spent 14 bucks on shrimps. What a moron. That's what I get for not paying attention to the price tag- you even looked, dumbass, and you couldn't find it! You shouldn't have bought it. Fuck.

I need to get drunk. Should I finish that Joe Hill book? What am I supposed to do with that fuckhuge box? Cut it up, retard. Fuck me. God, I have to do my dishes. I hate doing the dishes. I wish I had a bigger place, then I would have some space to work.

I've spilled and knocked over a lot of shit lately. That didn't happen before. Oh GOD. Is my brain deteriorating? Am I getting fucked up? Oh god, I'm almost 30. Maybe my teeth will fall out. Alzheimer research discovered a way to regrow teeth. That's nice. If I become a drooling retard, at least they'll be able to fix my teeth.

Oh no. I think I'm gonna cry.

File: images.png (8KB, 205x246px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 205x246px

>>9174101
To truly avoid misanthropy one has to live in complete isolation.

>>9174255
What the fuck is that shit

>>9174318
>>9174318
Same feel here

>>9174245
smoke more

File: 1484790687514.jpg (94KB, 631x529px) Image search: [Google]

94KB, 631x529px

I accidentally inhaled some cranberry juice whilst drinking it. I had a coughing fit for 5 minutes and now my balls hurt

>>9174245
Sounds like you have Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome (CHS), which is a documented medical condition. Do you find yourself dry-heaving after you smoke, and taking many showers/baths to relieve the nausea?

I am feeling happier now. There are a lot of things I want, and almost all of them I can't have right now for some reason or another. I am alone, I have no real friends, but I've always been isolated since I was a preteen, even when I had some friend groups. I can't choose my circumstances, so why should I let them have such an enormous effect on my mindset? I don't feel strong feelings anymore, I can just laugh and get mildly upset, so why not laugh? Laugh at myself, at all my meaningless desires, at my pseudointellectual mind, and most of all, at my constant self pity, or more accurately, my arrogance.

>>9174367
cranberry juice is so tart. i even wrote a shitty haiku about it when i was 12.

>>9174375
i'll be your friend. we can laugh together.

I like these threads because they make me feel like less of a fuckup.

File: 1331690529322.jpg (12KB, 487x287px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 487x287px

I have a creepy rapist face.

Giving blood has become an obsession for me. They send me a letter announcing when they're in town yet I still find myself checking online every other day to see if dates have been published. Everything else I do seems worthless, so the idea of doing something so simple that might make a real difference to another person has taken hold of me. You could say it's a form of prostitution; I sell my body and get paid in self-esteem. Another aspect to this is that I'm a literal faggot, and putting a willy in my mouth would disqualify me from donating. It has become a convenient excuse for me not to do anything about my stillborn romantic and sexual life, as if I'm some sort of martyr preserving my virginity for the greater good.

All in all a pretty absurd situation. I reckon you could get a good short story out of it if you ran with the bodily fluid imagery and implied a fetishistic motive.

File: 1405994513890.jpg (118KB, 680x503px) Image search: [Google]

118KB, 680x503px

>>9174101
Why is everyone so hypocritical? It's like one thing and hate the other thing, but they are similar. It's agree one thing and want to destroy the other thing, but they are similar. Why am I so hypocritical?

Even after thinking that I've cleared them up like small scummy ponds, I find more. They create themselves out of nothingness to contradict what you are thinking. There is but one way, strenuous intellectual rigor. Something that would require completely changing everything, even things you like, about yourself. I know such a thing is not possible for me to pursue in my current mindset, but even if I did... would I like what I see on the other side?

>>9174574
"Strenuous intellectual rigor" is not the way. You yourself are the way. Change nothing save what you want to change, and hypocrisy will vanish like a stale fart through an open window

I'm wondering whether to re-read the Presocratics before I take up The Upanishads.

Is psychiatry just a meme? I thought I was pretty well adjusted until I started getting emotionally close to a girl and broke out in a cold sweat. I pretty much ran and I think it hurt her. Also I have irrational fears about trusting other people or vulnerability in general. At first I figured it was typical young man angst, but it just keeps getting worse.
Considering going for therapy, not sure it's worth it, though. Money isn't an issue in this case.

>>9174604
Therapy (psychology) is useful, psychiatry (pill-pushing psychology) is indeed a meme.

>>9174177
This.
Anon needs some growing up.

>>9174574
I've been warming more and more to the idea that we are the room we're in, and that consistent character is an impossibility, let alone consistent belief systems.

It could be a comforting or disconcerting thouht depending on how you look at it. But wait long enough and how you look at it will change.

>>9174217
Neat.

>>9174583
You are right. As a famous samurai said, all that you need is in yourself. And every path I travel down, I see that more and more. I come back to what is most important; what I crave the most. Not recognition or fame or love, but discipline. That is the heart of my issues and the brain of my anxieties.

File: IMG-20170227-WA0006.jpg (131KB, 1296x729px) Image search: [Google]

131KB, 1296x729px

BTOPOE ПPИШECTBИE

Bce шиpe – кpyг зa кpyгoм – хoдит coкoл,
He cлышa, кaк eгo coкoльник кличeт;
Bce pyшитcя, ocнoвa pacшaтaлacь,
Mиp зaхлecтнyли вoлны бeззaкoнья;
Кpoвaвый шиpитcя пpилив и тoпит
Cтыдливocти cвящeнныe oбpяды;
У дoбpых cилa пpaвoты иccяклa,
A злыe бyдтo бы ocтepвeнилиcь.
Дoлжнo быть, внoвь гoтoвo oткpoвeньe
И близитcя Пpишecтвиe Bтopoe.
Пpишecтвиe Bтopoe! C этим cлoвoм
Из Mиpoвoй Дyши, Spiritus Mundi,
Bcплывaeт oбpaз: cpeдь пecкoв пycтыни
Звepь c тeлoм львиным, c ликoм чeлoвeчьим
И взopoм гнeвным и пycтым, кaк coлнцe,
Bлaчитcя мeдлeннo, cкpeбя кoгтями,
Пoд вoзмyщeнный кpик пecчaных coeк.
Bнoвь тьмa ниcхoдит; нo тeпepь я знaю,
Кaким кoшмapным cкpипoм кoлыбeли
Paзбyжeн мepтвый coн тыcячeлeтий,
И чтo зa чyдищe, дoждaвшиcь чaca,
Пoлзeт, чтoб внoвь poдитьcя в Bифлeeмe.

I was sad earlier but now I'm pretty happy

いまはもう自分は
罪人どころではなく
狂人でした
╮(•˘︿ ˘•)

Nothing broken is ever broken it just has a new use.

>>9175204
yeah. not degrading in a landfill, for example.

File: stonerseal.jpg (27KB, 500x335px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 500x335px

>>9174101

There isn't a sufficient amount of words, nor enough digital space on this internet or any other in any potential and possible future, which can hold the sort of emotions the human being goes through and subsequently purges when you kiss your father's brow and he takes his last gasp.

My Old Man's dead, my personal encyclopedia- my book of knowledge long before cables flowed across the blue water's blackest underside and connected continents together. I am unfathomably incapable of fathoming the next moment, never mind the next day.

I lack the sufficient philosophical language to express my thoughts clearly.

i want lunch i want lunch i want lunch i want lunch

while lunch is coming hello english tea cookies :^)! i shall eat u

>>9174101
I got feedback from my learned friend today on something i wrote.

He said "It feels like you're projecting your confusion on to the character. When she was saying confusing stuff to her friend i felt like you were saying it, not her.". I don't know what to make of it. Sounds like i should fucking kill myself.

i have a big girl crush
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaZWu0PgV3k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATEdlqlo3pQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_g9wmya2D1E

woe is hunger

Small and thin is the penis I have.

>>9175348
post excerpt

>>9175309
now i want english tea cookies
i hate you

>>9175298
Same.
Im stuck in some middle ground between thought and intelectual intuition sometimes. But I suspect that its usually a "only rarely a man has the guts to confront what he truly knows" (badly re-translated from spanish) case.
Confront" meaning: observe, make something available to conscious thought.

>>9175348
Post part of it and I'll tell you what I think.

t. anon

just got my latest rejection:

>This piece has a certain charm to it, especially if you like Kevin Smith movies (like jay and Silent Bob--which I do), but those are not the type of stories we generally publish here unless they are really unusual and strong enough to evoke laughter. This one didn't reach that level for me.

Kinda weirds me out. Like....the only thing similar with kevin smith is it takes place in a gas station, but the tone is totally different. It's not even a comedy, I mean there's some funny things in it, but it's supposed to be a pretty depressing story.

Also chose this magazine because that's pretty much exactly what they publish.

also makes you wonder what kind of writers these guys are, they don't have to say Jay and Silent Bob, we fucking know what you're talking about when you say Kevin Smith. And it's kind of pretentious and insulting when you say, "Certain Charm,"

Oh well though, they're nice enough to give feedback...

File: sadboys arizona.jpg (69KB, 530x530px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 530x530px

I want a qt gf but I also want a qt bf.

>>9174159
So, be different. Rise above it all.

I, as a male by birth and orientation, came across a mutible orgasm.
I feel sick, thinking of it makes me feel depraved and i have a slight urge in my gut to forgett it.

File: 1488354035479.jpg (530KB, 720x1080px) Image search: [Google]

530KB, 720x1080px

Happy Ash Wednesday, friends.

>>9175572
Can't believe Mardi Gras went by so quick

My sleep schedule is so fucked and by extension my metabolism so fucked that I'm waking randomly at 1 PM, 5 AM, 4 PM, or 12 midnight. It's incredibly disorienting and depressing and I'm mostly running on coffee and cigarettes at this point.

File: 1478829488712.png (433KB, 466x700px) Image search: [Google]

433KB, 466x700px

I envy my well-off neighbors so much, they look so happy.

I just wrote that because I'm sleep deprivated and I looked at my wrist

old friends that I
don't talk to anymore
old friends that I
don't joke with anymore
gave me this bracelet
So we'd never say goodbye
a lie we all glorify
a lie that we all fell for
we knew we'd drift apart
but we did not face it
I tought it'd break my heart
old friends that I
don't care for anymore
left me with this bracelet

Sounds very pretentious and emo to me, but it's what my mind shitted out
English isn't my first languange, I'm not even sure everything rhymes

>>9175622
They're probably beating their wives and attempting to solicit sex from minors online.

>>9175637
I really doubt both parts, the dude used to be a police officer.

>>9175287
wtf

>>9175287
I fear the day when I'll have to face what you just faced

Be strong

Or be weak

Whatever makes you happy on the long run

>>9175491
never use a colon after a verb.

gay sex seems like it would be very awkward and tiring

>>9174414
Me too. It's nice to see other people voicing feelings you thought were unique to yourself. But it's also sad because we're still all alone here. A lot of the time, imageboards is the only way I can connect to people. It's hard to imagine all this not being anonymous, having to go through the initial meeting phase, etc. We wouldn't ever get to the point where we could comfortably share things like in this thread.

>>9175298
Eh, at least you don't lack the cognitive ability to do so.

I on the other hand...

>>9175640
HAH!

>>9175717
Frotting >anal sex.

>>9175749
what the hell is frotting? i see this in m4m ads all the time

>>9175756
grinding your junk together through clothes

>>9175762
It isn't through clothes.

>>9175762
that seems gayer than ass fucking

>>9175768
huh.

>>9175769
it is.

>>9175769
But much more hot.

Hmm why isn't it Friday yet. Fuck.

Her

>>9174914
Aй лaйк зe opиджинaл бeттep.

>>9175845
literally this

I fucking hate job hunting.
Come on you sons of cunts, gimme a job, and make it full time. I have skills, just gimme a full time job.

>>9175870
I was job hunting for like a year. I got two degrees, couldn't even get a job at a gas station. Nobody even called me in for an interview.

I just wrote stories about it the whole time.

Penis still hurts when touching and can't get fully hard. I think I should just chop it off.

Time is the most unfair and prevalent force in our universe.

>>9175899
I've been having some sort of erection problem for almost 3 years now, and at times it makes me feel less-than-human, other times I'm glad I don't have to be inconvenienced by all that sex shit. Most of the time I don't think about it, I'm as sexless as a snail or something equally sexless.

>>9175892
It took me 2 years to find my last job. And this was with full-time job hunting. Anyone who was looking for unskilled labor had high standards like 20+years experience, an Oxford degree just to bag groceries at walmart.

I attempted to write, but I was angry, depressed and frustrated to the point I couldn't write. I ended up reading whatever I could grab when I was a warehouse volunteer.

Now that I graduated trade school, I've only gotten one interview and they are still going through other applicants.

>>9175975
My problem is still recent so I hope it goes away on its own, you never went to an urologist?

>>9175988
>an urologist

>>9176067
Sorry, is that wrong? Non native here.

God I hope this story gets published so I can justify dropping out of law school

I have nothing more to say

>>9175988
That's what I thought at first when my dick broke. Nothing really changed since then. What happened to you? I'm curious. Seems like a lot of things in life are smuggled in like that, under the pretense of being temporary. Then they just never leave.

Went to a doctor once, he gave me some expensive tests to do, and that was that.

suicide is the answer

>>9176094
>>9176078
>>9175927
Are you the same guy?

>>9176089
Nothing 'happened', my prostate, balls and dick and the whole area started to feel sore all the time a couple of weeks ago. I live in a poor South American town with no health insurance so I don't even bother, it's not like I'm going to use it anyway.

Anything showed up in your exams?

>>9175862
Generally I must say even not very stylistically complicated English translates rather poorly into Russian, and more often than not results in rather prolix text.

>>9176124
Did you start taking any meds lately or anything like that?

I indefinitely postponed the tests, and then sort of just forgot about them, figuring I wouldn't have enough money for whatever it is, and it's not like I need it anyway, yeah.

It's interesting reading about sex and how it provokes near-religious experiences in some, and realizing that that whole ostensibly spiritual part of it can be removed by removing the physical part. But also it's a bit sad that I won't get to find that all out first-hand because I have something like sexual anhedonia now. It'd be interesting to read about this in literature as well.

>>9176115
Yes.

>>9176193
does that mean your sex drive went away?

File: 1488128994814.jpg (564KB, 1024x1012px) Image search: [Google]

564KB, 1024x1012px

you can build the most technologically advanced, geometrically innovative structure a hundred billion dollars can buy and fucking middle class consumerist shits can find a way to completely destroy it just by their presence alone

god I fucking detest "open" architecture and their democratized, vulgarized, banalized spaces
give me hidden architecture, give me authoritarian architecture, give me architecture that buckle the knees and break the backs of the unworthy

>>9176193
Not really, only thing I did was start stretching my foreskin to cure my phimosis, but that seems like the least of my problems now.
Unlike you though, my libido is still pretty high. Do you masturbate?

>>9176211
Is that trilogy of posts your suicide note? I liked the posts btw, original.

>>9176216
Yes, but not completely. Don't know which went first, the sex drive, or the hardness.

>>9176233
>Do you masturbate?
Yeah, but it feels nowhere as good as it used to, and it's a lot more effort than it's worth. At first I didn't at all, for about 2 months maybe. Then maybe once a month or so. I miss the enjoyment and the rush I got from endlessly browsing porn pics. I still look at porn, but it's not what it used to be.

I hope the thing you have passes quickly. Don't put it off, go see a doctor. Must be infinitely worse when you still have a libido.
Also, don't cut it off, peeing would become really messy and inconvenient.

>>9174101
First of all, sorry for my poor English, I've started studying it only 6 months ago.

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me.
I'm usually fine and dandy, but everything something unexpected happens I sperg out, and I mean it.
Two hours ago I've moved out. My mother complained about leg pain earlier on, so I told her not to help me bringing any baggage downstair. She doesn't listen to me and start helping me, and I start SCREAMING for at least 2 hours.
That was enough to trigger a rage that was so intense that bought me screaming extremely mean things to my mom for 2 hours, while looking literally insane.
Now, I was right in most of the things I was saying, but that doesn't justify in the slightest that behaviour, and the sheer ostivility I've directed towards my mother. At the end she was a mess, saying sorry to me while crying.

Now, from this description you may be picturing me as a complete autist, but I'm usually not. I live a secretive life, always isolated, but from the outside people see me as an industrious guy who always study and read (wich is basically what I've done for most of my life), so these outbursts should be considered as something completely out of character, even if deep down I know that they're a fundamental part of my personality. I'm ashamed by it, but I have the impression that this is how my brain is wired. Everytime it happens I know that what I'm doing is fucked up, but for some reason I literally can't limit this behaviour.
I may catch the crazyness of what I'm doing and shut up for a few seconds, but after that I'll just explode again, almost like I've forgotten everything I thought 10 seconds earlier. Eventually I'll make the same consideration again, and I'll forget it after ten seconds again. This is a vicious cycle, and I know that I'm capable of going on and on for hours, if not days unless something happens that remove the person I'm mad at from my sight (in this case my mom had to go back to his house to make dinner for my dad).

It also should be noted that this happens only with the people I trust the most. I would never have such a behaviour with a stranger, but if the offender is a close friend, or a close relative, I'll just go on my way and make a fool out of myself.

Why?

>>9174159
You could shoot up a place desu

>>9174101
thinking of some stories for a gag book like the Hypersphere some friends are helping me write

>>9176540
Wow, that's really relatable, I recognized myself in a lot of the things you described. What's your mom and your relationship with her like? I'm trying to see if we have more similarities, because I might have a theory as to why.

Basically is that timid people like us have an inverse part of personality (maybe everyone does -- no idea), and that certain events and conditions bring it out. The more shy a person is, the more severe their outbursts. Like, I remember I almost broke my screen by throwing a phone at it and missing because of some minor annoyance, like losing a match in Quake or something like that. Other times not so minor, though. Like with relatives and other people.

>>9176595
>What's your mom and your relationship with her like?
She has always been somewhat overprotective, and I've always refused her protection by isolating myself from here even more.
She always wanted to spoil me, and I always refused to get spoiled.
She's extremely fond of me and at this point I'm 100% sure I'm the only reason she's still alive (she is clinically depressed, still don't know about myself though, I've never got diagnosed by a therapist). She always hugs me, gives me money when I don't have any (my family is fairly wealthy) and is extremely proud of me in general (and to be fair I've given her lots of reasons to be so).
Our relationship is extremely pacific until something like this happen.

On my part I feel true affection for her, but I have no interest in being around her (but I don't think it's something pathological, I'm pretty sure it is somewhat normal to not want to hang out with your parents in your 20s, especially if you don't have much in common with them).

File: 1488412385816.jpg (23KB, 300x239px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 300x239px

I just want to be a better writer.

File: 216.jpg (92KB, 764x938px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 764x938px

>>9174101
Having a vicious cycle where I'm not satisfied with how quickly I'm writing but I also feel that what I am writing is shit but I also want it be read and appreciated by someone impartial to me.

i'm equally compelled and repelled to create and it's making my depression worse.

I never feel anything. I never do anything. I never want anything. I have no hobbies. I have no interests. I'm not even there.

I look at everyone else, almost everyone else in the whole world, and they are there. They know their lines. They know what they want, and they never have to fake it. There's no pretending. I'm lost. I can't even come up with a good punchline. Everything feels half-formed and ugly, and my stomach hurts. I feel so lost.

>>9174514
you have a very active life

>>9175287
sorry anon

>>9175298
no, your thoughts are muddy

think better thoughts

>>9175502
those magazine guys never get it

I've been in one, they never get it.

don't post in a magazine you stupid faggot, post it online

>>9175569
came across? what do you mean?

How are you supposed to write a female character if man has yet to understand the psyche of women?

>>9177685
its not that much different , dont overthink it.
ex. male writers have written women characters since we started writing lol

>>9177690
Then why not just make every character male?

>>9177685
if you can recognize that a woman is speaking to you, then you already have what it means to be a woman inside you

>tfw no shawty brazilian gf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byXfKMEmVZc

>>9177692
what are ya, some kinda gay?

File: 1487233783885.jpg (305KB, 1079x1069px) Image search: [Google]

305KB, 1079x1069px

>Do I have a hairline / stress fracture on my finger.
>Why do my vertebras move and crack.
>How can I earn nuff money so I could help my father and mother.

>>9177685
Vahahahahahaha.
Create an ambiguous character, everchanging, incoherent, amoral, narcissistic, overemotional, selfish, irrational, but with a special charm and a touch of mistery covering it all, capable to enchant the most rational of men and put a ring on them.
Good luck

>>9177690
And they usually gave them male traits, making them stable, rational, intelligent, etc. Not the ideal way of doing it imo.

Reading the work of Michel Foucault, I find myself at once agreeing and disagreeing with the heart of the work. One one hand, it is a practical way of understanding how and why modern human social order has come into being, and on the other hand, I find it completely futile, as I believe modern human social order is contrary to the essential nature of human beings as a collective of conscious sentient beings.

More and more, though I agree and am engaged with socialist thinkers as well, I find that there is no purpose to explaining an ideal society that will never come into existence, as the ideal state of being is possible in even the most extreme and oppressive conditions.

I'm tempted to stop reading and start praying.

>>9177850
michel, like all french sophists, makes many basic methodological errors in almost everything he does, far more enamored with fighting back against the man and society than with proving the truth or moving the envelope of understanding forward

File: large_children_of_men_blu-ray1_1050_591_81_s_c1.jpg (79KB, 1050x591px) Image search: [Google]

79KB, 1050x591px

I have nightmares every night. It's been like this since spring of last year. Some nights are better than others. Sometimes I hallucinate before I fall asleep and I grind my teeth even when I'm awake.

Is there going to be an analogue revival? Look at that warm, friendly, vibrant photo. I don't think of the 80s as cheesy. I'm Gen Z, I'm so disconnected from the 80s and early 90s that I can't even slightly understand why those hairstyles and designs were popular. I've absorbed so much vaporwave culture that irony has become irrelevant to my eyes and ears and I can't objectively judge it. All I know is that it seemed really cool and Trump is the new Reagan.

>>9175634
nobody? At least tell me if it rhymes, I'm not sure about my english prononcation

>>9177905

It's kind of nice, poignant. I think it rhymes but I don't know if you're following a rhyme scheme or not or if you're trying to make it metered because I don't know that much about poetry desu.

Do you know any cures for constant nightmares?

>>9177910
I don't, sorry. I don't get nightmares that often. But when I get them, it's because my sleep schedule has been all over the place for the plac for the last days, so maybe try going to sleep and waking up at the exact same time everyday? I know it might be hard to do, especially since ypur mind will associate sleeping to bad experiences, but try it

>>9177680
I had a mutible orgasm.
She gave me a blowjob and i came 3 times i like 5 minutes. She didnt stop threw the whole ordeal.

>>9177894
Aw man. Nightmares. I've had nightmares since I was just a toddler, I don't even consider it a bad dream anymore unless I wake up screaming.

And I didn't grind my teeth when I was awake, but when I was asleep. It got so bad, that my mother used to massage my jaw while I slept. I have no canines. They're ground completely down.

But if you're having them so suddenly, and so abundantly, did something happen last spring?

>>9177910
i had constant, horrible nightmares due to depression (common symptom...). they completely went away once i got therapy and medication and haven't returned since (no therapy/medication since two years now).

maybe consider it

>went to the second hand bookstore today
>old lady comes in, is returning a Margaret Atwood novel says she found her too miserable
>my stressed and tired brain thought she'd said Ayn Rand (don't ask me why)
>i laugh and smile
>the old lady sees me and asks if i've read her
>i say no but 'she's the one who says love is a selfish emotion right'
>awkward silence
>woman replies: sounds like her

I paid for my copy of Absalom, Absalom! and got outta there

File: 1417479064581.png (92KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 600x600px

>>9177928

I stay up at unnatural hours studying or just shitposting so that could be part of it.

>>9177987

Yeah, I switched to a new program at school that is a lot harder and more stressful than the one I used to be in.

>>9177994

I'm pretty depressed, but I'd been depressed for years before I got the nightly bad dreams. I'm glad you're not having nightmares anymore anon.

>>9174165

If this is serious, I have questions.

Do you wear short cutoff denim in the shower?

Have you ever tried sleeping nude?

>>9174286

Some people are afraid of their own success, and find comfort in depravity

>>9174301

Czech girls are cute, and you're probably not capable of becoming a doctor.

Even if you are, it has one of the highest suicide rates of any major profession, and the 3rd highest rate of sociopaths in a profession. Kinda gives you an idea of what work environment you would be in if you became a doctor. If you went into research, it would be as fulfilling as being an accountant, but you wouldn't have a qt gf czech girl

>>9175870
>>9175892

Personality is by far the most important thing. You can hire any 2 people from a group of 10 applicants. They are all qualified. You go with the 2 cunts, or with the 2 people that you want to see every day for the next few years?

File: 51PG3kC92KL._SY400_.jpg (44KB, 310x400px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 310x400px

I probably will never live in Vancouver house, or any other building designed by bjarke ingels.

Are there any Malta bros itt

>>9175892
>>9175870

I feel you anons, going through this right now. can't even get a basic bitch casual job and trust me its not a personality thing, its just so insanely fucking competitive. a hundred people applying for a piece of shit minimum job? no way you're getting that over some nepalese immigrant who will happily be exploited for all he's worth, besides that its just a numbers game. you NEED to know someone already there to get you a spot. it's the only way i've ever got a job and it's the only way anyone i know has ever got a job. where i live, there are just too many people applying for the same positions.

I think I have a serious shot at getting published. I've already won awards for my writing and I've been stockpiling short stories to ship out to literary journals. I've also been following the progress of alt-lit writers and indie publishing houses and from what I can tell what they look for is a beefy resumé and something of an established social media presence. Doesn't seem too difficult if you've got the chops for it.

I'm not expecting it happen this year or next. But I think if I keep my head down and keep at it it's not an impossible dream.

>>9178134
I'm only nude in the shower but it's always very quick, I'm disgusted by my body, specially the genitals.

>>9178230
?
As a result of some childhood trauma?

I can't stand the way I look

>>9178323
I don't think it's just an episode, I was always disgusted by my body.

>>9178527
Oh. Thats unfortunate.

I feel like a whirlpool swoosh

I think transsexuals are a divine gift for men.

File: tumblr_n1vil9xgOm1qhhu5so5_400.gif (194KB, 400x266px) Image search: [Google]

194KB, 400x266px

Is it weird if a masturbate to my female friends.

I imagine it's something most people do but I've never read or heard of anyone who speaks about it.

>>9178230
>I'm disgusted by my body, specially the genitals.
this probably comes from satan

>>9178883
I think it's pretty normal, I prefer not to myself as I don't like to sexualise my friends. I think it changes how I think about them and how I behave around them. It just keeps things simple.

>>9178883
Kind of? I mean, I think it's something people avoid because of the emotional relationship, but I think jerkin' it is pretty uh, carnal? It doesn't always mean anything.

All I can really say is that yeah, I'd probably be a little weirded out if friends of mine admitted to jerking off to me.

The biggest problem, I think, might be, some people might extrapolate that you only see them as fap material, whether that's true or not.

So, I guess, keep doing it if you want, but don't admit it. What they don't know can't escalate into a screaming fight, right?

boycott girlcott e-i-e-i-oh!

>>9178901
How do you mean?

>left a love note in random library book
>3 months later
>passing by the section again, decide to check
>can't find note
>found a reply instead on another page

ohhhhhhh. should i leave him a dried flower next?

Before you were born, do you feel like you remembered whiteness or blackness?

While sleeping this morning, I had a dream about the eternal recurrence. I was in the form of a child, and I was walking hand in hand with an adult female, like an older sister or relative. We were going somewhere, and we were in a flat, open sunny space, similar to the pictures of the bikini atoll during the nuclear tests, and distinctively american. We were rounding a corner of some houses (as usual in dreams, geometry often contradicts itself), and then I saw our destination, the space elevator. It was bright white, like an astronaut's suit, and stretched endlessly into the blue sky. That exact moment, my eyesight pierced through the blue sky, into the blackness of space, through which I saw an abstract vision of all the pain, suffering and feelings of inferiority of myself and of all of humanity leading up to this sight of indescribable beauty, and I said to the woman that all of existence was validated as a prerequisite for me alone to experience this single instant.

Just then I fully understood the eternal recurrence, not only on an intellectual plane, but with all of my being. But it was only a dream, not reality. Is it my fault for not living in a way that allows that feeling of absolute yes-saying to happen? Is it my cowardice? Can I change my ways or am I biologically fated to live a life of regret?

All contracts written in meat are Satanic.

I gave up masturbation for lent.

>>9175927

Matter itself is evil, primarily.

fucking hate this stagnation, everyone is making money and traveling somewhere, has wonderful relationships with people while I'm stuck with no degree, no job and little money and shit country

Just started investing in the stock market for the first time ever.

I'm a really shitty person, despicable in every way, and everyone rightfully gave up on me.

>>9176540

It's called an autistic meltdown. I'm not even kidding, that's actually what it's called. Google it.

Anyway, for only six months of English your are pretty good at it, even if you aren't speaking in real time.

>>9177894

I'm pretty good at sleeping. By that I mean that I have a lot of experience with dreams and semi dream/wake states. One thing I've learned is that your dreams are almost always a reflection of the true state of your mind: the deeper you that you're not always aware of. If you're having nightmares during the night, in a sense the nightmares are always there even when you're awake, but they are easily suppressed and filtered out by your conscious mind. There is some other turmoil going on in your mind that is affecting your dreams.

>>9179268

What is your definition of reality? What about dreams makes them "not real"? Sure, they don't seem real now, but surely they are real in the moment, yes?

>>9174574

People aren't inherently logical. Don't worry about sometimes being illogical, its just your nature.

>>9179621
Well, replace real and unreal with conscious and unconscious. I could never experience something like that in my conscious state, and often in dreams you (or maybe just I) don't experience things directly, you just know that you experience something.

>>9179555
>le everyone else is happy maymay

I am torn between going to school for engineering or for a great books program. I finally have enough money to attend a good school but I don't think I can handle living in precarity for the rest of my life.

File: 1488466923061.jpg (62KB, 396x382px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 396x382px

>>9178659

>>9178124
i was depressed for years before they started, too. but it was an especially bad phase when they started

>>9180170
You probably never came to Brazil.

i can't tell anymore if my periods are just late or i'm pregnant and the uncertainty is driving me crazy.

>>9180202
Does the possible father know about this? I remember this happened with one of friends' gf and he almost died of a heart attack, pretty funny in hindsight.

>>9179634
That's very interesting. My dreams are like a completely separate reality to me. I experience everything as if I were actually there, and everything we're actually happening. Because of this, I consider dreams to be in a sense real. As there's is no way to know that my dream isn't real in the dream state, life as I am experiencing it right now may not actually be real either, and it's my hunch that it's not. I've had dream switching dreams before, and there's no reason why this can't just be one more level.

>>9180202
it only gets worse when you're stressing about it. just relax, take a pregnancy test if you're over a week late. and if you're really paranoid- go to the doctor and get tested there too.

>>9180362
My dreams are weird, I can instantly tell when I'm not dreaming, but when I'm dreaming I never seem to consider whether I'm dreaming or not. In dreams I often just know things, without that actually being observed or represented in any way outside of my mind in the dream.

>>9180362
this reminds me - I had a dream in which I took acid recently (I have never taken acid IRL) and the 'trip' lasted what felt like an hour. It had all the hallmarks of your stereotypical acid trip, melting walls, voices etc. so it made me wonder... just what is the difference between a trip in a dream and a trip in real life? for all intents and purposes the dream trip is just as 'real' as the real trip, it felt real when i was in it. i suppose the eventual realisation that it was not real however undercuts some of the more long-lasting effects of an acid trip - e.g. ego death. interesting thought though.

The idea that I could ever be a proper writer is absurd, and maybe literature is dying anyways

File: 1473513501005-fit.jpg (9KB, 261x192px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 261x192px

>>9174101
Left my stable job with good people and good long term prospects for a boring ass industrt job with double the pay.

I regret my decision. My day to day has suffered immensely and I feel like I can see my whole life stretched out in front of me. I feel like I am wasted here.

Money is not everything.

>>9179605

This is interesting. I dream what feels like hundreds of dreams every night, no matter what, and they're always unsettling in some sense or another. Not scary, but deeply provocative in a bad way, I guess. They're especially unsettling when they are clear and obvious reflections of issues I'm struggling with IRL.

Recently I've been struggling with whether or not to go to the doctor for a mental health screening. I'm in a bit of personal rut atm - unable to find a job and a number of non-crucial minor health issues - and i've been feeling low as all hell. an unshakeable kind of sadness that feels deeper and more entrenched than regular sadness. the problem is, there are days when I don't feel sad at all and I go about my life completely normally, and during these days I can't even imagine how or why I was ever so sad on those days before - and it makes me question whether I was actually sad or if it's all in my mind. Anyway, my biggest fear is that if I tell people I think there is something wrong they won't believe me, or, they'll think I'm exaggerating and being a drama queen or something (part of me knows this is a projection, but it still a real fear to me).

Anyway, a few nights ago I had a nightmare that I was kidnapped and tortured by the Chinese government. It was scary no doubt, but at no point did I feel in any excruciating or permanent pain. When I was eventually freed, I was for sure a little shaken but I was far from traumatised. However, when I tried to tell people how scary it had been, no one believed me. They said things like 'it can't have been that bad' and 'you're exaggerating' - the scariest part of the dream was that I knew they were right. It WASN'T that bad. But I still thought it was something that I SHOULD have been receiving SOME sympathy for right? I was literally kidnapped by the Chinese government? That should be scary enough in its own right yeah?

Anyway, fucking hate these weird metaphor dreams.

I want to write some scifi but I keep trying to base the entire fundamental laws of this is scifi universe off actual reality but I don't understand physics and all that shit so it's hard.

File: a_j_ayer-_51.jpg (43KB, 576x576px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 576x576px

>>9180696
>base the entire fundamental laws of this is scifi universe off actual reality
I always thought it would be interesting to write hard scifi ground in logical positivist empiricism

I don't know how someone would go about doing that without it being extremely boring

>>9180712
>spend your whole life studying the laws of the universe in order to someday write a great story based on actuality.
> Inadvertently discover the keys of the universe becoming god and creating actual stories off your understanding of how the universe works.

>>9180655
see if you can get your old job back. i also had peak salary when i was hating my job. mostly all i had were more toys to show for it but i did have better vacations from my job.

Good night /lit/.

>>9174101
I think I had some kind of head injury or mini-stroke because when people talk about stuff I did in high school, or people who went to my high school, I have no idea what they're talking about.

File: Love_From_StPepe.png (20KB, 640x480px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 640x480px

>>9180740
Good night sugar.

>>9174318
why avoid it?

just lol at it

How does it feel to be sexually desired?

>>9180873
>Middle aged men stare at your tits and give you weird looks.
>Men catcall you while you're literally just walking down the street.
>Random guys send you penics on facebook.

If you're lucky, the person you're interested in may say something like "oh, you look attractive". She/He may or may not deliver the good stuff in bed.

tl;dr: it feels fucking overrated.

>>9181100
Yeah, but you're a woman so being desired and lusted over is pretty much the default, nothing special.

>>9181180
Men are desirable to women in the sense that out of the teeming, writhing mass of gray dullards and unexceptional chaff whose destiny is to get trampled on the factory floor, occasionally a freak accident will produce a shining golden god worth allowing to enter your precious womb.

Men love women in the sense that I'm in love with the librarian who smiled and touched my arm yesterday. I'm a little in love with you just for using a first person pronoun that implies you're a woman.

It's not the same. Men are constantly crushed by desire that wells up from a level of instinct too deep to be controlled or even understood by conscious thought. Women's love wafts and occasionally coalesces like a fine mist around a guy in their upper consciousness' representation of him. When I desire something, it's like two pigs fucking while Wagner plays too loudly in the background. When you desire something, you send a text to your girlfrand saying
>There's just something about him :)

I think if I weren't a Christian I'd be an uncontrollable narcissist and megalomaniac.

>>9181375
well written, but come on- you know both sides have experienced those scenarios in their own way. use your sharp mind to do something more productive than perpetuate this kind of unhelpful thinking.

arguing that your desire stems from an inset instinct you can't control is no better than those women who actually believe we all have an internal baby clock that will go off. it's silly and doesn't solve your problems.

I got prescribed 50mg tramadol and I just took double and I'm feeling goooood. Wish this stuff didn't wreck my stomach after though.

>>9181291
No, it's fairly easy to mask beauty by blending in. If I don't want attention then I'll put my hair up, wear no makeup (don't do it anyway), wear masculine/oversized clothes, and walk with a purpose. Works fairly well, but not perfectly.

>>9181440
>>9181427
post feet

>>9181449
you first, senpai

I am transferring my novel into a notebook.
A real chore, it has taken a few days, so I decided to get drunk to keep the spirits up.
Now, I can't read what I have written.

>>9181440
And for a man to go form his default state and be desired he has to spend years in the gym or work his off for a good paying job (which you should be doing anyway, but whatever). Compare the amount of energy required from both for 'getting out of the default', as you say it's easy for you to just choose to be desired or not, men go through different hardships in the romantic life and I want you to understand this.
Why are you talking about yourself anyway?

I think a lot of people in this thread are sad and need Jesus. I realize that's an absurd thing to say and it's easy to dismiss or be flippant about, but it is what's on my mind. He who has ears to hear.

>>9181469
Peace be with you, Anon.

>>9174318
>>9174336
We only speak about being sick of men when we can no longer digest them, and yet have the stomach full of them. Misanthropy is the result of a far too eager philanthropy and "cannibalism," but who ever bade you swallow men like oysters, my Prince Hamlet?

I may be gay

>>9181469
>tfw if christ came down in this moment he'd find me alone, masturbating in my room.

>>9181554

Christ is always with you, he's basically smacking that pud right along with you, man.

Such an useless, wasted day
I hate being so unproductive like this, makes me feel like hot garbage

i wish i had /lit/ friends.

>>9181574

pulling!

>>9181574
It's a sobering thought.

What the fuck am I doing with my life

>>9181575
Productivity is a spook

Alone is the most important thinker of the 21st century.

>>9181857
>muh narcissism
But yea, I agree with you

File: audiobooks-1024x481.jpg (160KB, 1024x481px) Image search: [Google]

160KB, 1024x481px

I've recently considered getting audiobook versions of my favourite works and listening to them during my commute and even during my designated "serious reading" time. Every once in a while, a certain sentence, phrase, word or expression will stick in my mind, and I can only imagine that listening to someone reading can enhance the pleasure I already derive from my favourite authors.
Has anyone else here done this? I don't mean to replace the reading experience, but only to supplement it. Do you have any favourite audiobooks? Recs?

>>9181891
He was redpilling us on feminism way before /pol/ and cia.
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2013/03/dont_hate_her_because_shes_suc.html

Also on numales
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2013/09/real_men_want_to_drink_guinnes.html

In any given capitalist environment the proletariat will revolt against the repression of the bourgeoisie, after a brief period of socialist rule emerges in a classless society governed by the community corporation.

>>9178907
>I think it changes how I think about them and how I behave around them.
I don't know. For me, It does and it doesn't. While I know that my obsessive watching of pornography and masturbation has probably caused me to see women differently, I've always felt that the proper depths of the depravity are normally sequestered to the masturbation itself. I objectify women in everyday life but I only totally debase their figures while in those brief 15 minutes of ecstasy. The masturbation makes me both more and less horny. even in their regard.

Think of the period of post-coital tristesse immidiately after ejaculating where everything you just did repulses you, and then the subsequent baselining to your normal level of horniness. I don't know if I look at them differently because I don't have anything for reference.

>>9178928
I've always felt guilty about doing it. Imagining myself fucking them.

I don't like any of them in a romantic sense. I just find it easier/more normal to get off if I'm fantasising about someone from reality, as horrible as that sounds. I still care about them as friends.

I imagine it would have been the normal mode of masturbation before the advent of easy-access HQ porn. I don't know, It's always felt like something that a lot of people, particularly guys, would be guilty of, but it's inadmissible.

It's just always struck me as a little weird to beat off watching porn and to imagine yourself fucking the pornstars, purely watching the images on the screen. Wanking is more introspective than that, it exists in the psychic, much more than the visual. when you masturbate, you imagine yourself in situations that are both in and beyond your grasp. The porn stars don't hold any relevance to us. They're just images on a screen. Although people obviously do imagine themselves fucking the porn stars so I don't know.

>All I can really say is that yeah, I'd probably be a little weirded out if friends of mine admitted to jerking off to me.
I'd be kind of flattered if they did masturbate to me. but yeah I wouldn't want them to tell me.

>So, I guess, keep doing it if you want, but don't admit it. What they don't know can't escalate into a screaming fight, right?
I'm a weirdo but I would never do something like that, don't worry. I just find it easier to confess these things to the collective id of this board.

File: 1488400057368.gif (1002KB, 169x168px) Image search: [Google]

1002KB, 169x168px

I'm going to become a great writer.

>>9181919
If you're reading it it's for you

I should really stop avoiding what I want to do most. Am I addicted to being in bed? Sloth will be my downfall.
I like the fact that there is a MikuMikuDance banner depicting Touhou character models with moustaches. I remember using MMD in 2009 a lot.
I'm glad I am able to experience love. I hope I don't vomit tomorrow--I'm leaving my house for the first time in months, and I am scared. I am so very, very scared. Agoraphobic hazes, barf-bags taken from my mother's stepmom two years ago, surgical masks lied neatly in a nightstand drawer.
I keep asking myself "What's wrong with me?"
Then I remember the answer.

File: 1468095522764.jpg (6KB, 120x120px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 120x120px

>>9178883
>>9182206

>Is it weird if a masturbate to my female friends.

I do this all the time. It's not weird at all, your female friends are still female after all. People fap to all sorts of bizarre things, as long as you don't do anything objectionable in the real world it doesn't matter what you do in your thoughts! Plus I guarantee you that your friends have fantasized about some pretty weird things themselves, you're not the only one.

You shouldn't feel repulsed after fapping, I usually feel relaxed and cheerful unless I looked at some really extreme porn. Then I feel a bit grossed out and regretful.

>>9182223
Whats the answer anon

File: 1454225954914s.jpg (3KB, 124x93px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 124x93px

>>9182233
thanks anon
>You shouldn't feel repulsed after fapping,
a lot of it is muh catholic guilt desu

>>9174217
Here's your solution, write for yourself, not others. Write about your experiences so you better understand yourself through them.

You talk about your consumption of art, to learn about the infinite experiences of others, but try exploring the equally infinite world that lies within.

Write for yourself, about yourself, and you'll have nobody to impress or warp your vision.

>>9180296
we're trying to have a baby. but i don't want annoy him with my paranoia. i've already had a miscarriage, so i try to not get his hopes up everytime i'm a few days late. it's enough if one of us is on edge.

>>9180487
i have promised to not take a test without my husband and he won't be home till next saturday. now i hope everyday that i either get clear pregnancy symptoms or just start my damn period already.

feels relieving to atleast rant to someone...

File: 3454.png (47KB, 184x182px) Image search: [Google]

47KB, 184x182px

>>9182293
autism -> severe obsessive compulsive disorder -> agoraphobia -> panic disorder

>>9182312
Can I ask, as a married woman, what brings you to a shithole like 4chan.

>>9182361
came here as an angsty teen and stayed.
i don't think it's a shithole. it all depends on how you use it.
i had phases were i didn't come here for a long time but i like it to waste time.
i think it's a bit less "pure consumption" than just watch movie or ((read a book)) and a bit more stimulating than scroll memes.
i had so many educational and cathartic discussions on here over the years, i wouldn't want to miss it. i met some dear friends and i like the honesty people show here because they are anonymous.

i especially value the creative boards like lit and ic, since you can usually get very constructive and unbiased input on your work. which is a rare and immensely precious thing.

>>9182206
Huh. Well, you seem like a decent enough guy. You just have a weird sexual habit. I wouldn't worry about it- everybody has at least one.

Where's tommyposter?

File: 1457023329079.jpg (15KB, 209x202px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 209x202px

Today I took a 75 mg vyvanse so that I could get some drawings/writing done, but instead I just jacked off like 8 times.

what are prescription opiates like in terms of pleasure? what are benzos like?

what i'm looking for in a drug is just pure pleasure. but i don't want it to be a recreational kind of pleasure, like it makes a party better or something. i want it to be a feeling of pure goodness upwelling from the core of my soul or something.

happiness always feels like something that my consciousness encompasses, rather than encompassing my consciousness. i always think my way around it and ruin it. even booze, it feels like the "real me," the un-drunk guy, is still there "underneath" the drunkenness, which is only hitting the external "layers" of my consciousness.

what's it like to be on morphine?

>>9182487
Heroin.

File: 1487832138103.jpg (15KB, 300x300px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 300x300px

I would like to try and attain higher levels of knowledge about the world i live, but my reptilian brain won't allow me to expend the calories on anything other than mind numbing time wasting shit because the world i live has been structured to keep me enchained to a form of psychological slavery to the few activities that don't make me sad or worried.

>>9182590
>reptilian

he knows

File: you.jpg (148KB, 696x931px) Image search: [Google]

148KB, 696x931px

I'm a 25 years old manchild addicted to internet and video games

File: IMG_0728.png (356KB, 572x380px) Image search: [Google]

356KB, 572x380px

>>9182590
JSUT CHILL

File: 1487726014565.png (90KB, 265x258px) Image search: [Google]

90KB, 265x258px

>>9182594
Give up video games, man. They're not healthy for the soul.

Most of what we all do is a neutral act, like 4chan however, video games are a poisonous one.

File: 1470362173555.jpg (29KB, 320x320px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 320x320px

>>9182597
but how

File: 1440965167896.jpg (556KB, 696x3155px) Image search: [Google]

556KB, 696x3155px

My skull

File: 1488425694820.jpg (185KB, 552x529px) Image search: [Google]

185KB, 552x529px

>>9182598

I actually have been through the trials and tribulations of letting go of video games addiction and have done so successfully, and would like to help.

Maybe give me a layout of your daily routine, and how video games fit in?

>>9175870
>actually wanting to be employed

Do you really want to become a wagecuck?

>>9182609
>browse a few boards looking for interesting threads
>play for 30 min - 1 hour
>bored
>back to 4chan

there you go

>>9177662
>They know their lines
>They know what they want
HAH! Please rethink these points

File: 1458634232093.jpg (39KB, 540x720px) Image search: [Google]

39KB, 540x720px

>>9182602

I haven't seen that image in a while.

File: 1488420401130.jpg (19KB, 214x400px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 214x400px

>>9182622
I suggest listening to podcasts. And then graduating from there to books, perhaps buy yourself a kindle.

Everyone goes through a phase where they hate 4chan, and resent it's hold over you. I think it's easier to just accept it. And let it fade naturally, rather than fight against what it is.

I don't think I will ever feel like not a mess.

>>9179555
What's your life like? Where are you from? I recommend smoking weed. It won't remedy any of those things, but it helps to cope in a way.

>>9182602
Twain hated his name, that's why he changed it. Only dickheads call him Clemens.

Team sports is good for the mind.

Absolutely miserable week. V lonely and self doubt was seriously encroaching upon my mind.

Played futsal with my team mates for 3 hours and now i feel athletic and refreshed.

Find a casual friday league friends...it really does help

I've read more than 2500 books and I have no opinion about anything one way or the other.

Fuck me.

>>9183085
I don't think that's true. Maybe you're just not used to express your thoughts about what you read using language.
Or maybe you read very superficially and for a 'wrong' reason: compulsion? love for language itself without caring about the content?
....now I need to know why. Care to explain?

My life made a 180, nightmare to a wonderful, surreal dream. Agony to living.
And still, i expect to wake up one day.

As of today I started going cycling again and it feels so fucking good. I had started to sense that my heart was getting weaker and weaker.

>>9183185
How so? Can you tell us?

>>9183235
I ate a doodoo.

>>9183229
I got an exercise bike recently and I'm losing weight, feels pretty great desu

>>9183235
Years of depression =>Suicide attempt => psychiatry => meds, meeting a woman of a kind i didn't even know did exist => plans for future, quiting my job, starting studies again (philosophy, finally something i want to do, i always studied sth. that would promise me good money), starting to do art again (a lot of the therapy resolved around art).
Everything feels perfect, so surreal.
Not so cool: i think cypralex made me impotent.

>>9183270
Yeah, I heard psych meds do that, is it permanent?

>>9183279
Well...hopefully not. Have to ask my doc next week. Kinda scared now.
Any good tutorials for tongue techniques to please the woman?

>>9180667
>>9180667
>>9180667

People always misunderstand dreams in thinking that they are metaphors. They are much more direct than many think. They can really only be interpereted by the person who had them, since they're the most familiar with your own mind.

One of my primary's frears is being stuck in a situation that I can't control. Also, i cometimea compulsively work against my own interests, sometimes masochistically. Thus, many of my dreams take place in situations where somebody else is in control. I'm trying to convince them to do something which I know is the correct thing to do, but they keep finding excuses. There's no metaphor in there. Interpreting the dream is just trying to find out "why might a person think of this specific scenario?".

Throughout my childhood I abhorred the controlling nature of my teachers. Thus, many of my dream schools are about this.

>>9183308
I think it's better to ask your girl what she likes.

>>9182635
>I suggest listening to podcasts. And then graduating from there to books, perhaps buy yourself a kindle.
I second this. Worked decently for me.

>>9177662
You're comparing everyone else's highlights to your behind-the-scenes. Think about it, when was the last time you thought about something embarrassing someone else did, versus something you did?

As for the not feeling and not wanting, that sounds like depression bruv, you should see a therapist. Not some 'here let me toss you a script for whatever's on the side of my pen' psychiatrist, but a real, honest, 'lets get in your head and fix the problem' therapist.

>>9177662
Force yourself out of your comfort zone and you will know what you want.

>tfw can't believe in god even if i agree with philosophical arguments supporting his existence

what's wrong w/ me

>>9183846
Exactly.
>Cant believe in god
You didnt say God, but god. Continue from here. Good luck.

>>9174101
gonna watch a film tonight lads give me some recs

>>9184226
Lost Highway

I think I'm a little girl

>>9184226
Nightcrawler
Funny Games
Dogville
Full Metal Jacket

>>9184248
I can be your daddy.

>>9174101
I'm a sucker for this girl, it makes no sense, I can't concentrate although I really should, I'm too strict with people, I can't reach my weight goals, I read a book about buddhism or some of that mumbo-jumbo and what stuck is that intent is crucial, but I really can't find any goals or visions too appealing, I'm just kind of going with it

>>9184270
>I read a book about buddhism or some of that mumbo-jumbo and what stuck is that intent is crucial, but I really can't find any goals or visions too appealing, I'm just kind of going with it
What?

>>9174101
I hate the way I've spent the large majority of my life. I've wasted so much of my time playing video games, browsing the internet. I don't practice my music enough and I'm fucking smoking weed all the time. I'm lazy and I need to spend my time better.

I watched a YouTube video by Nerdwriter about The Office. I don't usually watch his videos but this particular one really struck me.

He talks about theory of mind, and how David Brent tries to manually shape his co-workers' view of him in a positive light but obviously in doing so he does much more harm than good. He also talks about how the other ridiculous character has such a weak theory of mind that he can be mocked without him even realising that someone's mocking him.

I realised that I'm a lot like these oblivious characters. I look back on my life and realise how much easier it would have gone if I hadn't been so bothered at making sure everyone liked me. It probably would have saved a lot of embarrassment too.

I honestly would prefer to watch the Saw series back-to-back than one episode of The Office. I find it that uncomfortable, and I think its because it shows me the ugly truth of just how I appear. I hate embarrassment that much.

I realise this looks ridiculous and I know it is. It irritates me that I am as old as I am and how I appear to other people causes me as much grief as it does. I feel like only plebs should worry about these kinds of things.

Not that how I appear matters now, I'm practically a ghost.

I've recently read Zygmunt Bauman's Liquid Modernity, and was particularly struck by a chapter where he talks about the people who become, supposedly though their own merit, something of an "example" of what others should aspire to be in the modern society. He uses Jane Fonda and her quotes to make this point.

I'm thinking about writing something using the same light on e-celebs and the role they serve as "exemplar people" to the Millenials.

I want hard to have the same faith I had as a kid. I want to be able to respect and trust God again. But now I feel too sour and too cynical to go back to them. I feel like shit. How can I come back to God without first being able to 100% believe in him. I'm so lost, I don't know what to do.

>>9184563
You can't come back, it doesn't matter how hard you try.
Wait. Have you read Nietzsche? If you havent, dont. Start reading Aquinas, Lewis, etc
If you have, and you understood something, then theres no coming back. Cant lie to yourself back again.

Yesterday I wrote a research paper in 6 hours. I'd planned to spend more time on it, wanted to get an earlier start on it. But I ended up forgetting the deadline, and had to write it in a panic. I should pay more attention to those things. I should really do more work, generally. This whole semester I've been slacking off, and it's not because I don't like reading or writing essays or I've had anything better to do, it's just apprehension, really. That's probably also why I haven't had anything better to do.

I didn't start to love her because of her impalpable beauty, I started to love her when I saw her virginity; her air of innocence and nativity. I loved teaching my lover everything. I loved taking her by the hand running, showing her my favourite parts of the world in giddy glimpses like a snapshot montage of what I could give her if she only gave herself. Give me her soul if she could just open up. she never knew what it was like to lose love. And we loved each other, and I never felt so loved and in love. When we made love, the world closed in to just my room under the blankets, and when we went out to dinner, there was nothing beyond the table we sat at. I don't know if I ever stopped smiling with her, dopey, looking straight into such an innocent, beautiful soul. I began to see the world with her in the frame; holding my hands out to make box with my fingers in two L shapes. Walking on the edge canals of Amsterdam faking like I'd push her in, or feeling art at museums, or at parties laughing, or her cleaning my cuts on my face after fighting some men at a bar. She became part of my life and part of me. Her innocence, her true beauty was that she was a tulip that would never wilt, a beautiful purple tulip that always seemed to grow deeper and deeper in my heart, taking root in it slowly until it held it completely and felt it had always been apart of it. She trusted so willingly, so naively, so truthfully. I was so happily jealous of her. Being with her was like seeing a baby smile for the first time, a dog jump and push you to the floor licking your face, balancing on a train track knowing no train will come. I miss that feeling of not being scared for the future. I miss that feeling of being loved completely. I miss not being alone in this world. Now more than ever with her gone, there is a black scorch burn, a ash silhouette in my life's snapshots of what I wanted it to be. There is no girl kissing me furiously atop the Eiffel Tower as Im giving her roses, no girl leaning deeply into my chest as we look out to the ducks in the river next to my house, no girl lying naked on top of me telling me her secrets she never told anyone before, telling me how she couldn't live without me, telling me she would rather die if she knew she would never see me again. The girl that haunts my dreams slowly burns to ash scattered by the gale, the wind of time that slowly takes us all. Little by little, she escapes me in some sort of sick torment. I will never forget her amber eyes, her body, or her laugh however. Or at least I think, I don't know anymore what I do get to keep. Some nights I wake in a hot sweat just to puke in my waist basket knowing I ruined it between us, knowing I ruined her. Now she is no longer the innocent flower I fell in love with. She is no longer a virgin to sex, to true love, or to true heartbreak. That girl is gone, scattered in a gust of wind across endlessly flat fields, never to be seen again.

>>9184690
holy fuck
are u me

>>9184690
Separare your shit in psragraphs.
Otherwise, almost anyone will read you.

>>9184258
Pleb

>>9184226
The Hunt

>>9183023
Are you English?

>>9181552
Faggot

>>9184716
no one*

>>9184716
sorry I just went for it mate, I hope its cool with you

It's horrible to watch someone you love dying and to be physically frightened by their appearance. Eyes glazed over and chaotic, rolling over, moaning in a hospital bed. It's awful to the extent that you don't want to be with them. But is it selfish to just neglect them? They can hear you and know you're there, but just can't communicate with you. So you need to be there for them and stay strong, surely. I'm unable to put on a strong face and it's my own fault for being so selfish.

>>9184702
maybe

>>9183319
>They are much more direct than many think.
My dreams are so fucking direct, I'm actually kind of offended. I think my subconscious thinks I'm a moron.

>Have a dream where I'm in a long cage with myself.
>Only light is in the middle.
>Other me goes into the shadow
>I call for me to come back
>Fucking won't.
>Big goofy ghibli tar monster fuck with giant razor sharp teeth and glowing red eyes outside the cage.
>Dances around mocking me.
>Don't know what to do.
>Try to escape.
>Fuck up.
>Monster eats me.
>The entire fucking time, SEPARATION ANXIETY SEPARATION ANXIETY SEPARATION ANXIETY is being broadcasted on loop over a PA system.
Real subtle, me. Thanks for that.

>>9184746
No problem friend.

>>9184744
Ok, thanks.

I unironically fap to lingerie models.

File: 1365475090228.jpg (418KB, 747x1417px) Image search: [Google]

418KB, 747x1417px

Maybe it's not the best place for this but I don't want to start a new thread.
Wich one should I go for first, knowing that even though I am not a native english speaker, I still want to read them in english, so something not too old-timey and understandable enough should be nice

>>9184495
The part about them being exemplar people was written before:

"Stars—spectacular representations of living human beings—project this general banality into images of permitted roles. As specialists of apparent life, stars serve as superficial objects that people can identify with in order to compensate for the fragmented productive specializations that they actually live. The function of these celebrities is to act out various lifestyles or sociopolitical viewpoints in a full, totally free manner. They embody the inaccessible results of social labor by dramatizing the by-products of that labor which are magically projected above it as its ultimate goals: power and vacations—the decisionmaking and consumption that are at the beginning and the end of a process that is never questioned. On one hand, a governmental power may personalize itself as a pseudostar; on the other, a star of consumption may campaign for recognition as a pseudopower over life. But the activities of these stars are not really free, and they offer no real choices."

>>9184807
also I already read farenheit 451

>>9180202
>>9180296
Several years ago I was having a really bad bout of hiccups for about a half an hour. My live in girlfriend at the time was amused, then annoyed by it. She leaves the room, and comes back a short while later. As I am still hiccuping, she throws her arms around me and just holds me while I spasm uncontrollably. After a minute, she pulls away and looks me in the eye, telling me she loves me and kisses me. Then, she tells me she's pregnant. I am dumbstruck, the only thing in my mind is "what the FUCK" as the only thing in my ass hits the floor. A few seconds go by, and she starts screaming in laughter. She was bullshitting me, but she cured my hiccups.

I actually have a lot of guilt for that relationship because I guess I was using her, what with the doing shit all to help around the house and roping her into an open relationship and generally being too much of a sperg to be a decent boyfriend. I left her for someone who was basically the same person as me, except she had gotten published and I never tried, thinking that nobody will ever give a shit about the fucking idiot faggot ghost stories I am unhealthily obsessed with. Which was also a bad move

>>9184807
I haven't read all of those, but Siddharta. You could also read it in your native language, it doesn't matter I suppose.

>>9184906
I hope you never actually get anyone pregnant.

>>9184619
I read Nietszche but didn't really understand shit and got bored.

>lie
But I don't want to lie to myself. Having faith is not lying to yourself. Is admitting God as an inherent truth to the universe. Just like you accept that 1 + 1 = 2.

>>9184226
what genre?

>>9184925
Me too, life in our culture is awful, and condemning someone to 100 years of it because I was doing something gross to escape myself for an evening would really be a dick move

>>9185117
Good goy.

>>9185124
just for the record and because you're speaking directly to me, if you stopped clinging to the idea of any kind of group identity and embraced the fact that you are simply an individual that could never live long enough to have anything but a limited perception and understanding of the world, you might reach a state of contentedness with yourself that political shitposting will never give you

Today I came to the admittedly very banal observation that it is almost impossible to be profound in the age of smartphones. Anyone who has used one in any non-phoning-related way is lost. It is like the act of swiping on a screen sucks anything resembling wisdom out of the person doing the swiping.

I just wish she where here so i wouldn't have to worry so goddamn much. I think i'm too jealous for a serious relationship man.

File: 8f7007c7e85f7d201d6ccd4445e04f39b7bd0d530c6b0b52646510368e13d9d7.jpg (24KB, 500x518px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 500x518px

>>9174101
See my momma cryin'
Can't do shit about it but I ain't really tryin'
Tell my sis' to go to school
While I'm sittin' in my room and my brain cells is dyin'
Yeah I do drugs
It ain't warrant no discussion
My homies in the closet
Wit' all the pills that he's crushin'
Days roll by
I don't see no repercussions
Til' my luck runs out
N I'm in my cell buggin'

>>9182613

I'm under-employed, and I want to utilize my welding skills.
Plus I have expensive hobbies and interests.

>>9185583
My (turkish) friend and I have interesting conversations about sociolinguistics, mostly because we both agree to not read or google anything on the topic. We simply learn by asking people that speak other languages questions we've been asking each other.

>>9175287
My dad died when I was 3... my life's first memory is waking up to my mom screaming the night he died... his hospice nurse ended up being my student teacher in 3rd grade.. i hope he was a good man and you appreciate the time you had with him...

>>9184918
well thank you anon