Write what's on your mind

We must become pitless censors of ourselves

I want to twist off my head and offer it up to the lord. 'Please, send him somewhere else', I'll plead to thing.

is really late here but im not sleepy and i think staying up late in this place makes me suicidal, or maybe it is because i started to take a higher dose of my meds because my idiot doc told me to do it

I just want to be left alone but drama whores keep trying to annoy me. I don't even response; like stones while the river still flows. Still, the ripples are not worth. If only I could simply tell them to not tell me shit because we are nothing more than acquaintances.

>>9159163
I want this suffering to end

>>9159169

good album

I've probably read ten times the literature of an average person. Physically, I have done nothing with this knowledge, and feel no obligation to improve my life or the quality of anyone else's. I blame this on being well read.

>>9159535
fuck you

Japanese animation is only watchable because of it's global uniqueness.
While they love to copy each other,they are not so keen on importing ideas from other parts of the world,even when they do,those ideas come in "blocks",never alone.[1]
Essentially the same as instead of buying raw steel,you buy a bunch of cars and strip them of the steel parts[1].
This is the greatest strenght of their industry,but in my opinion one of the greatest weakness too.Instead of carefully picking ideas,they assimilate almost everything that seems even a tiny bit viable and compatible[3].This leads to unique idead bit when put to practice the faults start to show.

[1]Overseas ideas are already mixed when they are put into practice
[2]Cars presumably have steel parts
[3]With their culture.What is deemed incompatible is left alon

>>9159541
If you've read enough, and were honest with yourself you would come to the same conclusion.

Fuck this board is slow.
Fuck this board.
Fuck.

>>9159535
Same. By the way, this is the first and last post I will ever make on the internet. Farewell.

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>>9159181
>2017
>having depression

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the big ol' bubble round ass on this arabic girl who's begging me to tongue her asshole, no joke

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>>9159163
If this is going to be a prolonged thread then I'd have interest in posting within it

Because I want myself to be known by strangers on anonymous image boards

I have no idea what that compulsion is, ask God


What is on my mind...

I am listening to the MC5

they were proto-punk
They invented punk, fuck the sex pistols

What is punk?
Punk was a total dissolution of established protocols in a violent and orgiastic fashion

I think that most people aspire to something like this even if their approach seems more 'cooled', more intellectual, more researched, more defined, refined, ...

We want novelty

Novelty.

Each and every human being a source of novelty but

only if they access what they are as an individual and overcome the programming they were instilled with

we can all create that perfect novel of our dreams once we strive no longer to impress anyone but ourselves

no competition

the possibilities of the imagination within ourselves are adequate enough to create whole galaxies of novelty

whole

galaxies

of novelty

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>>9159724

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Freedom is the ability to be what you're not. Anything less is living death.

I'm a big guy.
I'm a big guy.
I'm a big guy.
I'm a big guy.
I'm a big guy.
I'm a big guy.

>>9159535
This.

Moreover reading fucked me up in ways unfathomable, drowned me beneath all those dyschronical voices of men, however (seethingly) beautiful they are. Sterne occupied a room behind my ribs, and so did Mishima; and so they are always quarrelling and jolting over my yearnings and it's just too many voices these days.

>>9159709
Do it faggot.

plastic penis electric dildo

>>9159535
>>9159628
>>9159613
>>9159987
sorry but lack of philosophical training is nothing to be proud of and it doesnt have to be your destiny. restart with the Greeks but this time read analytically and take notes.

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>>9159535
>"2 smart 2 act regular"
>being this much of a pseud

Literature and philosophy has been wonderful to me.
Maybe you just read a bunch of shit

>>9159163

i have a primal desire to put my hand around the neck of a korean bitch while i fuck the ghost out of her and have her flop like a koi fish out of a pond while screeching like a banshee during climax

sometimes i wonder why the best two candidates we could come up with in the final election came down to a pathological lying cunt using backdoor agencies to kill people off and a man who subtly tells you he has no idea what the fuck he is doing

i am chronically depressed by all these politically correct systems set in place to improve life that ironically make daily events more stressful than they already are

i wonder why i browse 4chan but occasionally i find something that piques my interest that is out of the norm of hyper pedantic autism and social pop culture perversion and is actually provoking of thought in itself

i wonder why this board ironically reveres infinite jest while falling victim to it's thesis

i'm conflicted if my ego is inflated, i'm full of myself, or i am genuinely vexed that as a 23 year old with a 9th grade education, i can probably produce more grasping and endearing pieces of realistic fiction than some new-age hipster kid from a liberal arts college that wasted their life obtaining a degree in creative writing or english

sometimes i put on a texas accent on a bus in public and act folksy like to put on a show for people that look like they want to kill themselves before they go to work in hopes they dont

I'm a senior in high school and have been dating my girlfriend for 3.5 years. Just found out that she has never wanted a boyfriend in college, she has always planned to break up before we left. Even if we go to the same school, which is actually very likely at this point, she just doesn't want to start college with a boyfriend. This is not how love is supposed to be /lit/. The entire time I have been temporary. I'm not sad that we're going to break up, I just feel embarrassed and a little betrayed. I don't know. I'm too young to decide if this is normal or not.

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>>9159163
I'm bored, shitposting and rolling for dubs while I wait for my porn to load.

>>9160646
You're still really young. you've been with this girl since you were about 15 and it sounds like she wasn't overly mature any way
>Just found out that she has never wanted a boyfriend in college
College will be good for you. you've had a gf for the past 3 years so you're obviously not an autist like most of the people on this site.
You'll find some one in college that you'll actually be able to have an adult relationship with.
>I don't know. I'm too young to decide if this is normal or not.
It is. most teenagers are dickheads.
>I'm not sad that we're going to break up, I just feel embarrassed and a little betrayed.
this is understandable.

cheer up lad. you've got some of the better years of your life ahead of you.

>>9160646
The "cock carousel" isn't just a r9k meme.

>>9160678
thanks for the kind words. I really do like her so I don't want to think it but you could be right for all I know.
>>9160710
yes it is

>>9160723
Have you ever been to a campus m8? Why do you think a girl wouldn't want to be chained with a bf around frat bros and muscular studs that roam in the campus? I'm not even judging here, college is casual sex central and you know it.

>>9160646
I can guarantee you will meet better girls than her at college. If you're normie enough to hold a girl for three years you're normie enough to not sperg out and fall for the first woman you meet. Your high school friends are all jackasses, and after you've made some friends at college you'll recognize the difference in quality.
It probably will continue to be embarrassing for a little bit, but trust me when I say you almost certainly do not want to be attached to anyone from high school. It's limiting and pulls all the baggage of when you were at your most dickish into your life.

>>9160734
Yes. Hurts to have a girl you love say she has to leave you because she would rather fuck a bunch of other dudes. 3 years is a long time for any relationship.

>>9160754
This

She did you a favour.

tfw she stopped responding on okcupid after exchanging 250 messages with me

>>9160754
Yeah I get that. I'd rather not be in a relationship with an expiration date though. Maybe I'm biased because my parents started dating in high school and have one of the best relationships I've ever seen and still had a ton of fun in college. They were even long distance for two years. If my girlfriend wasn't willing to work a little for our relationship maybe she should have told me when we hit a year together or something. I'm talking first kiss and virginity here.

>>9160757
If that is so then you dodged a bullet, you don't any girl that is 'settling down' for you but that would rather get double teamed by Brad and Chad.

>>9160770
you're gonna end up breaking up anyway so you might as well dump her for being a cunt

>>9160773
Lol. I knew coming to 4chan for girl advice would end up like this. Thanks though

>>9160782
Easy bud. At least she was honest

>>9160783
It's the harsh truth you won't find elsewhere. Women are lustful too.

>>9160786
so what she'll end up liking you more if you dump her make her cry for a few days and she'll come running back to you

>>9160787
You can be lustful and monogamous yikes. I know I am I'm a fucking 18 year old boy

>>9160768
After so many messages you should have dated her irl already.

>>9160793
Blame feminism.

>>9160790
great idea

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>>9160770
That sucks, bro. Have you considered breaking up with her now? Sounds like you're in the relationship for the love and emotional attachment, and she's obviously not. A few months single might help you clear your mind.
It's good to hear about your parents, and sometimes that does happen. But it sounds like your gf isn't interested in the same level of commitment, which, while shitty, isn't totally unprecedented for teenagers. She's immature and maybe fifteen years from now she'll regret having made up some arbitrary rule about not having a boyfriend in college. Or maybe she'll stay ignorant and bitter her whole life. Either way you don't want to stick around until she magically wises up. Life isn't a romcom like that. You need to be able to move past her. She's doing you a favor by showing you how childish she is. I know it sucks right now, but trust me, it's for the best.

>>9159163
humans are merely the reproductive organs of machines; once they learn to reproduce themselves, it will render humanity obsolete. the flesh of the new generation will be devoured by metallic maws and all the hopes of eternal life crushed by iron and silicon

>>9160797
it's only been three days

i think i went too lit on her

>>9160807
Thanks. She's saying she's changed her mind and that she had never really thought about it as in-depth as i made her last night. Either way i feel like I just convinced her not to break up with me, which hardly fixes any underlying issues there may be. Sucks

>>9160833
whenever my gf is a bitch i cheat on her try that

>>9160840
another great plan. keep them coming guys

>>9160844
i'm serious dude when my gf found a weird hair scrunchy on the floorboard of my truck that wasn't hers she sucked it better than she's ever sucked it before

>>9160846
ill give it a try..

tfw her little circle just turned green she's online

>>9160853
i remember this feel from when I was like 10 years old. No hate we just used gchat a lot back then. Same dude from above, still in this thread if anyone wants to chat still

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>>9160833
I can't pretend to know the whole situation, but I'd still feel uneasy if I were you. This is a huge red flag regardless of what she says now - if she really spent the last three years planning on breaking up with you while misleading you into thinking you had something permanent going, you can hardly start blindly trusting her again. It's ultimately up to you if you want to stay with her or not, use your best judgment. Just be sure to weigh the risks of her dropping you halfway through first semester. Ask yourself how much she actually cares about you.
One more thing, since you seem to be a very future-oriented guy: have you thought about what it would be like to be married to this girl? Have you thought about what you guys would look like ten years from now, or twenty? And has she? Have you considered what it would be like to be with her for the rest of your life, like your parents? Looking ahead to the future often helps to put these kinds of relationships in perspective.

>>9160783
>I knew coming to 4chan for girl advice would end up like this
Yea, honestly what did you expect.

Keep in mind that none of us actually know you and you shouldn't take any of our advice, positive or negative, seriously

>>9160094
Good post

lol any girl that would consider breaking up with a guy because she's starting college is obviously a hedonist slut
she's just treating you as something that gives her pleasure but when something better comes along she's gonna dump you? ha ha ha
fuck that

I feel like I spend too much time here

>>9160876
this

>>9160833
It sounds to me like she's a bitch, and that moreover, deep down you know that she's a bitch and you're trying to convince yourself of that fact. Otherwise you wouldn't have come to 4chan of all places to seek external validation. You don't want to be with this girl. You know it, we know it, and you want us to convince you that you know it.

>>9160879
I'm a big boy. I just like you guys. I'm gonna make my own decision.
>>9160876
I'd say I've thought about the future with her while remaining realistic. We've even talked about it some- normal couple stuff. She's saying that her older sister (kind of a slut lol) had told her she wouldn't want a boyfriend in college and she just listened. I definitely know her as someone who would kind of just blindly follow her advice. She told me that it was the plan but when she thinks about actually pulling the trigger and breaking up with me she finds it really scary. I feel like I believe her. Maybe I'm wrong but I'm not gonna throw this all away just yet.

>>9160908
stay with her but get a backup side girl

>>9160894
She's not a bitch. I know her very well. I'm on 4chan because I like this website and I'm not going to take your advice unless I feel like it's the right thing to do

>>9160910
sure thing

>>9160846

>Leaving your cock at the mercy of a girl's teeth in a situation like that

For what purpose?

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>>9159685
>not having depression

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>>9160941
>thinks a woman would bite your dick off over a hair scrunchy

Back to the couch, Schopenhauer

I want a purpose

>>9159685
Is not depression is manic depression
But I think that it is totally logical to be depressed in these times tbqf

>>9144767

>>9161026
i chuckled, good reference.

I'd really like to make a genuine human connection with someone, somehow. I don't even know what that would be, really. I'm confused. Also I feel stupid in many ways, like I should have done something with my life already, acquired a good grasp of some area of knowledge, learned a skill, etc.

Also, it feels like I'm in a transitory period with everything, but that's just an illusion. I think I'll make a change for the better in the future, that the "current me" isn't the "real me", that life won't always be this shitty, that maybe I'll finally take my life into my own hands and then begin really living, that I'll stop wasting time on trivial shit and then regret losing time. I don't think those will change, but they feel transient.

I was thinking: why do people pretend that there is a correct choice in politics? Politics is not about truth or ethics, its the study of how to obtain and keep power. So all these accusations of fake news and lying going on, of course they are. Politics isn't philosophy, its not about doing what's best for anyone.

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>>9161119
The zeitverschwendung seems to me to be a product of your reverent dread of sacred human connection. You want to do this, but tell yourself you can't do it, so you don't do anything but pussyfoot around what you really want to do by -- wasting time. Then you experience regret, or shame, which is your emotional instinct telling you that you're living a contradiction.

Take a walk without fearing or raging, for fuck's sake

>>9159169
John is both a babbling fool and a genius. I love him.

Kinda pathetic how I'm 22 and still when I watch a film like Dazed and Confused all my old insecurities charge up and my phoney self-assuring reasonings vanish. I guess this is a more honest state of being.

>>9163044
Maybe I'm being too despairing.

>tfw job I hate

It's bad bros. Hard to get out of bed in the morning

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That someone actually developed a show with the premise "What if Jack the Ripper had a time machine?" makes me think I could shit on a page, mail it to ABC, and in 6 months see ads for a show about a black man attempting to cope with the ever-present burden of white societal demands. And collect royalties in the meantime.

>>9163222
What do you do?

>>9163236
finance

>>9163238
Good pay?

wrote a brutally honest 6k word rant on why my life is shit, now it's just notepad file haunting my computer

I want to delete it and forget, but its all true

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>>9163238
Time to transfer to murders and executions

>>9163249
Post it?

>>9163249
learn from it you dingus

>>9163249
post it here and learn something from it. I once got very drunk and wrote myself a hate letter in my diary/journal/notebook thing. I can laugh about it now because it is so juvenile but it revealed some self loathing to me and I think I made a good effort to be more positive

>>9163252
>>9163255
>>9163326
I could drop a pastebin but i feel like i'd have to draft it again since it was never meant for reading

>>9163526
Just cut out anything that might compromise your privacy/identity. As long as it makes sense just post it. Trust me, no one is expecting much in regard to writing quality.

>>9163526
post it in its raw form.

Maybe it will give some chuckles/insight (the same emotion in the Native American religious conception) to the rest of us?

decided against posting it for a cavalcade of reasons, sorry to waste your time

Is anyone else here an embarrassing dreamer with ridiculous fantasies? It's at the point for me where I sustain myself on these dreams until reality arrives and sends me crashing down. Eventually I amble onto some kind of stability and resolve to tend to my mind as if it were a garden and my thoughts were its flowers. Often I fail. Occasionally I succeed and meaning and purpose pour into my life and nurse my volatile self esteem back to health, primed once more to runaway and do harm at the first hint of complacency.

I've observed this pattern of behaviour since I was a young teen and probably even before from when it didn't matter. All these years I've been able to do nothing about it. It is the only constant in my life. I've been thinking about finally going to see someone about it but I'm pretty embarrassed and I think rightfully so. What a fucking embarrassment.

>>9163628
No biggie man. Just do your self a favour and be honest enough with yourself to try learn from it.

>>9163252
>>9163255
>>9163326
>>9163628
>>9163653

fuck it

http://pastebin.com/raw/BAtFXzhG

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>>9163775
Shit nigga. That's some -- shit.

You've obviously done a lot of thinking though. Why not put it to some use? Stop taking yourself so seriously, if your life is so comically bad, and write a comic novel about the fucked up experiences you've had (J.K. Toole style, if you want a concrete reference). I'd read the fuck out of that.

>>9163775
Man, that was pretty uncompromising.

Out of interest, tell me something you like about yourself.

>>9163822
I'm amazing at video games

>>9163817
I plan on writing, but I need to read a lot more and work on not being so long winded

>>9163826
Eh, you don't have to read everything. Stephen King has to read two hours a day to write well because he's a goddamn mongoloid, if you can digest the same amount of information in twenty minutes there's no reason you can't spend the remainder of the time writing, or more, if you want.

Thank god for the rain which has helped wash away the garbage and the trash off the sidewalks

If I don't get worthwhile material to edit soon I will probably have a stroke
tnx

>>9163826
Where in your life do you see the extraction of joy being the most feasible?

You may have to set yourself free and just do what makes you happy.

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>>9159163
I see it now, not as a concept, but as reality - the objective is the subjective. The outer is the inner. Mind is not just thought, but is everything. All reaction to the "outer" is a conditioned response by two objects in the mind, by a relationship between concepts, me being one.

I see that if survival is all that the mind does, that is, to find a path towards something that is needed, then the purpose of the mind is movement. Much like the mechanism which points the sunflower towards the sun, the mind moves the body to a place in space and time in which it can replenish its resource.

So this is the purpose of mind, and mind is all that I am, and to survive is all that I can do, or rather, to overcome privation of the body (which sex is the most massive appetite which means that it's sublimation occupies the greatest part of mind). Or illusory privation which are spooks.

Fuck man.. Is this seriously all there is?

>>9164190
Deal with it faggot.

i should take a shower

and fold the laundry
and buy a shelf for the basement

i should also

pay the shoes i ordered
get the stain out of the sofa
stop picking my chaffed lips

but i know myself
i'll just shitpost instead

>>9160094
>sometimes i wonder why the best two candidates we could come up with in the final election came down to a pathological lying cunt using backdoor agencies to kill people off and a man who subtly tells you he has no idea what the fuck he is doing

Unfortunately for you it does look like you internalized republican propaganda. That's because factually speaking, trump has lied much more than Hillary has, but nobody cares about that because trump and lying has not been made as much of an issue by democrat propaganda.

oh Sarah I miss you so much why can't we always be together. Just want to kiss you....doesn't matter if we don't have sex I can jerk off while I lovingly eat you out. Love you so much why cant we just forget about the restraining order.

I AM THE ONE DONT WEIGH A TON DONT NEED A GUN TO GET RESPECT UP ON THE STREET

>>9164221
moreover it also annoys me how there seem to be more people whining about how much the 2 candidates sucked, than there are people who actually voted for bernie or a third party candidate.

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>Be me, 23 in university
>Writing a thesis about why I support Trump
>Living with a Jew
>Spend all night getting drunk and trying to make him admit that he would never introduce a Muslim girlfriend to his parents

Paranormal stuff always gets me but I can't seriously think about it as absolute truth. In fact I don't even think about my political afiliations nor my social attitudes as absolute truth. Everything seems so watered down and plastic in comparison to my expectations. Life is just a blanket waiting to be stenched by our actions. I'd sincerely rather a less cleared path but just because that would make me feel more validated about my decisions. Sadly the only thing trying to prevent my happiness or cheering me to get it is myself; no cruel antagonist nor evil conspiracy, just apathy and lack of motivation.
Also I'm a spic and writing in english really fucks my real prose. Whenever I read my posts I feel like a stupid asshole. I write way better in spanish but almost every imageboard is filled with otakus.

>>9164255
Lol there are spic imageboards?

>>9164221

His lying is so so obvious and shameless that I don't find it offensive. I can't be the only one.

When I'm suffering insomnia I like to listen to pseudo-scientific interpretations and hypothesisations of reality a la Terrence McKenna etc. There's something entertaining yet calming about them.

Last night at 4AM I listened to Tao Lin talk about how imagination, in the form of the internet, is the final stage of life's evolution on earth.

I don't believe them for a second, really, but they are fun thoughts to entertain. The way I see it, we can't know anything ever truly, so there's nothing stopping one theory from being any more true to any other. Science is just as much faith based as Catholicism, or Scientology or anything. I guess that's the basis for philosophy huh.

>>9164316
Hit the books kiddo.

>>9164267
Yes but they have less than 20 users or filled with /pol/ otakus. Whatever topic that isn't anime or memes is a dead thread.

Where does one find sempiternal love and friendship? I mean, is there anyone willing to commit and sacrifice to another person beyond all the vicissitudes of time and the shite we all hold inside? Or am I just daydreaming?

>>9160094
thank you

>>9164242
thank you

How will Jotaro win at this baseball game?

I wonder if I shitpost here- will anyone notice?

>>9159163
Everything is fucked up.

>>9164597
muda da

when i have an idea, they become true in other reality?

I can't stop thinking about sex and how much of a imbecile loser for not being able to connect with women and have fun.

How i can write a postmodernist analysis on Don Quixote without sounding edgy.

>>9164775
Shit man I have this same problem. I've had some genuinely beautiful girls be interested in me but I can never seem to get a meaningful rapport going. I don't sperg out or anything I'm just boring and reserved.

>>9164799
> I'm just boring and reserved.

That's what I say to people when they ask about me, but the truth is that I've an OCD-like daily routine that it's really hard for me to break out of without anxiety episodes. Even when I manage to change something I inevitably go back to what I did before.

the worst feeling is just as a thought reaches your tongue and its mangled into steel-beam words, like some defunct forge and an incompetent blacksmith with colloquial know how enough to commercialize steel but innovation's across that atrophying oak bridge and you've never mustered the urge to go because obeying those massive voices only broke you before

anyway it's terrible to know your thoughts are always imitative or replicable, as if collectively, humanity's waiting outside your room with baited breath to snatch your soul and release your drained corpse into the blackened cosmos where everything's already done been lived died

every match i strike thinking, this is it, it's the new one, flickers and warms my little finger before i realize i've already forgotten it, them, whatever, and somehow, my idea becomes tangible, and theft, but was it really because i could never even give name to it. and how to steal thoughts. but that's a plebian concept already overwrought in simpler minds. (don't youu forget about meee)

full circle. hm.

>>9164438
You are daydreaming.

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>>9164438
>sempiternal
>sempiternal love and friendship

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I'm fucking terrified.

A meaningless series of colors and fragmented images of things I've recently seen. Pieces of songs annoyingly loop to fill in for the lack of noise present. It's a living hell.

I'm 23 but I feel like I'm already done with life, I have no real passion or dreams. From now on I'll probably just do exactly as much as is required of me to survive but nothing more. Is this really what life is like for everyone? Part of me thinks that this is just a part of maturing but then I don't see how people can be happy at all or strive for anything.

I was not like this before the depression. I'm not currently depressed but it has permanently changed me. When I finally stopped taking the medication I thought my life would be revitalized and I would actually start living again, and for a few months I convinced myself that that was true. Now I understand that I will most likely never recover from this.

My life is over and I'm tired.

I was born in a lower caste of society and unconsciously use that as an excuse for being a failure, but the truth is that if there's anyone who would be able to climb the social ladder that it would be me.

Consider this:

IF material is ultimately the basis of all the Universe then Time most also consist of material matter.

MAYBE the material that has eluded scientists for decades is simply Time in material form that our instruments are unable to detect.

PERHAPS Time is infinite but Space is not.

CONSIDER that the Big Bang originally spewed Time out (almost like a canvas) for Space to rush into. This answers the question as to what the Universe is expanding into.

ONCE the Universe reaches critical mass and has nothing to expand into, then we go back to a singularity, and another Big Bang is created.

IF then, the Universe is simply manifestation after manifestation of the same event with radically altering spatial qualities and our consciousness is simply the arrangement of matter, perhaps reincarnation, is after all, in a Timeless quantity, the most logical answer as to what happens to us after Death.

Does reading books about broad and different subjects make me smarter?

Does reading fiction?

>>9166195
Stop watching meme degrasse tyson videos

>>9166246
I saw Cosmos once and immediately forgot it.

>>9166195
>IF material is ultimately the basis of all the Universe then Time most also consist of material matter.

Where do you think this nonsensical speculation will lead you exactly?

>IF then, the Universe is simply manifestation after manifestation of the same event with radically altering spatial qualities and our consciousness is simply the arrangement of matter, perhaps reincarnation, is after all, in a Timeless quantity, the most logical answer as to what happens to us after Death.

Ooh you're a schizophrenic! Rock on dude.

>>9166261
If the Universe is purely physical surely there must be a manifestation of Time present somewhere, even if it's in a dimension we have yet to comprehend.

>>9166200
No.

>>9166318
>pick up a stranger from the airpot
?

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>>9164775

My prostate hurts, I don't care.

got 4 phd rejections right in a row after getting waitlisted at 1. have 4 more to go but it's not looking good. it'll be a year out after i finish this master's but feels like a punch to the gut with every one that rolls in.

I think you are all pretentious losers who will unwittingly contribute to the vilest flood of atrociously destructive irresponsibility the world has seen in decades.

I think you are all spiritually disabled and perceptually impaired. I think you're not even as smart as you'd wish, which is hard to tell you directly, since you all believe you're at least "special" in some vague way you cannot really articulate or, at the least, equally vaguely, and inwardly, comprehend.

>>9166434

Why do you think we're so awful? All we do is discuss books and shitpost.

>>9166434
>you are all pretentious losers

>unwittingly contribute to the vilest flood of atrociously destructive irresponsibility

come again

>>9166605
I think you are all pretentious losers who will unwittingly contribute to the vilest flood of atrociously destructive irresponsibility the world has seen in decades.

I think you are all spiritually disabled and perceptually impaired. I think you're not even as smart as you'd wish, which is hard to tell you directly, since you all believe you're at least "special" in some vague way you cannot really articulate or, at the least, equally vaguely, and inwardly, comprehend.

>>9166536
Maybe

>>9166434
projecting

>>9166195
If you look deeply into "material" all you'll find is form and it's behavior.

>>9166792
Is consciousness not just bodies dictated by impulses?

>>9166816
Consciousness, being a concept, can be defined and encompass whatever you put into it.

But yeah, I can see consciousness being a relationship between a body(concept, form, aggregation, heap) and an impulse.

I've starting making analytical youtube videos and I've become obliged to read literary criticism books to become better but they're all boring and not helpful. I'm not entirely sure what to do and I feel that it would be silly if I make a thread on /lit/ asking for recommendations. Essays are not helpful as they are less about introspection or examining a particular work, and I don't have a good frame of reference whether some literary theory I've read equally applies when making videos.

>>9159163
It takes small steps for form healthy habits. Trying to take my first steps now, though I still feel like an infant crawling on concrete with scraped knees. I'm currently at odds with myself. I can't tell if I legitimately lack the creative ingenuity to create something original, or if I lack the discipline and drive. Half measures avail us nothing: the person. I want to come to a point where I at least feel like I'm scraping my full potential, though part of me is frightened by the idea that my best might merely be mediocre. The fear of failure doesn't envelope me, but the fear of coming second. Total failure I'm used to. It's a comfier concept knowing that you've failed entirely without trying rather than trying and not succeeding entirely. It leaves room for the speculation on the nature of my, yours, anyone's, true potential. Can I be original? I am on small scales. Even if I do something short of magnificent, if it's original, I'll be happy. The new is the only thing I truly prize. Disrupt and innovate, on any level. Do that, and some sense of fulfillment will creep into your life you flip-flopping miscreant you. You don't want to live, yet you don't want to kill yourself: yet you want both. Half measures avail you nothing: the person. Change it. Challenge it. Cherish it, you cheesy half-swiss fuck.

Ok, I will.

Je ne sais plus quoi en faire. L'en étant cela qu'il ne faut pas dire à haute voix, faute de quoi l'on tourbillonne hors de l'être vers quelque chose de secondaire, au mieux -- on tombe dans la décadence, la vrai: l'oubli du nous-mêmes. Je ne sais plus quoi faire des jours, ils me semblent pauvres et stériles. La lecture me glisse sous les yeux et je me retrouve a fixer le mur; puis à me recroqueviller dans cette chaleur que seul mon corps sais maintenant m'offrir. Un pénultième acte de pitié, en opposition à une froideur perçu de tous parts -- par cette vie que j'aime à souffrir.

>>9159163
self destruction is cowardice
it's the world one should harm

>>9168088
What if by seeking to harm the world, one also equally desires to harm one's self?

i have no idea what to do with my life

>>9168113
Kink-shaming IS my kink...

I want to shoot myself because I am stuck in a rut without a way to get out thanks to both my actions and those of others. The fact that it's only staying the same and not getting worse is supposed to be comforting but is instead depressing.

The place that I applied for a job a month ago too (that didn't contact me) put up the same ad for the job I applied for. I wasn't even considered, apparently.

>>9166434
how are you not also contributing to "the vilest flood of atrociously destructive irresponsibility the world has seen in decades."?

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I want to go downstairs and eat some cereal but there is a stranger in my kitchen so I'm just starving

I don't really want to to have sex unless I know the girl is really into me, will enjoy and won't regret it, but that's never gonna happen so I prefer to be a virgin.

>>9159163

I keep finding little tangles of dust and red hair all over the place even though it's been a month since she's even been in my room.

All women consistently leave garbage in your room whether they mean to or not. I think it's an automatic thing so they can even torment you when they're not around. Man am I glad I shook her. Life is much simpler now.

>>9159163
everything i insult people for online i've recently discovered in myself tenfold

Where do people torrent now?

I haven't found a working one on kickass in a month

>>9168819
Like what?

>>9166419
good luck anon

>>9168845
torrent what

>>9168865
flac

>>9168139
The notion that one must "do something with their life" is a bourgeois myth.

>>9168797
Dude just go get some cereal, it's your house

>>9168814
I used to have a similar mindset. Women are not as picky as you think, and having mutually enjoyable sex comes fairly naturally to most people. If you have a literal micropenis or something, then I'm sorry

>>9168819
Ayyyyy

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>>9168889
>Dude just go get some cereal, it's your house

I did it!

should i read the bible before i read paradise lost?

I want to shit and clean my room but I'm too lazy. I'd rather watch cartoons.

>>9159956
6u

>>9159163
I honestly don't know why I come to /lit/. I always end up being the one giving out helpful advice while my own queries are invariably met with meme answers.

Yet here I am, back yet again.

Everything I read and consume has me coming to the same fateful, terrifying conclusion of reality

>>9168889
>If you have a literal micropenis or something, then I'm sorry
No, it's average, what made you think I had a micropenis? Anyway, my greatest worry is that I might not be as dominant and virile and girls might up resenting me.

>>9159163
Last night was me and my friends' last night of Mardi Gras before we graduate high school.

Really sad that our days of partying together and doing the things that high schoolers do are over. Also a sobering reminder that everything must come to an end someday.

Sad vibes

>>9168959
Is there anything in particular that you want to vent about anon. what's got ya feeling blue?

>>9169040
>Anyway, my greatest worry is that I might not be as dominant and virile and girls might up resenting me.
Dude, think about it this way. Given all the porn you've watched in your life till this point, you at least have some idea what you're doing. I know a lot of people go on about porn not resembling "real" sex at all, but compared to your parents generation, you've got a wealth of knowledge, all available at your fingertips! Anyway,given the fact that you kind of know what you're doing, your situation is somewhat similar to a trainee chef. You're like a chef who has access to all the freshest ingredients, but still hasn't learned how to put it all together. But once you learn, which you will quickly, if given the chance, you'll be making restaurant quality meals in no time.

Don't worry about the girls resenting you. If you get to the point of getting them to sleep with you, assuming they have even a minimal amount of maturity, they wont hold it against you for being a little fumbly your first few times. Think about it this way: would you hold it against a girl if she didn't really know what she was doing her first time? You probably wouldn't.

Anyway anon. I hope this helps :^)

>>9168909
Read the Bible, then read Euclid's first six books of Elements.

>>9169069
I wouldn't but guys are different, unless the girl is a real cunt or we would never resent her as long she is trying, plus they are the 'passive' partner most of the time so there's not even that much in a way of requirements for a woman to be good at sex. A girl my age want someone who can handle and 'guide' her when fucking and to know all her spots and so on.

But thanks for helping though, I know I might be overthinking, I just don't want to feel like I'm less of man.

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i must read more tolstoy. i must take up gardening, stop being racist, consider adopting vegetarianism, and i must go outdoors more. i must drop my propganda-rooted love of the military industrial complex and preach non-violence, i must work to accept the immigrant and the less fortunate, i must renew and improve my faith in jesus christ. i must finish my book and strive to live authentically. i must eventually throw off the shackles of technological society which seeks to turn human beings into domesticated dogs that are fat and happy but do not know what it is like to howl at the moon anymore.

>>9165579
How can it be over if it hasn't begun?

>>9169116
>I know I might be overthinking, I just don't want to feel like I'm less of man.
Don't worry man, these are perfectly normal preoccupations to have. Your libidinal drive and the associated fear of impotence/castration effect almost every act of your life.

>A girl my age want someone who can handle and 'guide' her when fucking and to know all her spots and so on.
This isn't necessarily true, in your case, I think if you get to the point of finally getting with someone, they'll be aware that you're still a little rough at it. This isn't a bad thing. The fact that you finally get them to do it means that they obviously like *you*, as you are. At best they'll probably find it endearing. At worst, you might both find the experience a little underwhelming, but that doesn't mean that you'll be able to work on it with a little time and practice. A lot of couples report some of they're best, most intimate sex after years of being together.

The sexual act is amazingly intimate. In a way that's hard to describe in words, especially when you're doing it with someone that you actually have feelings for. It's an act which you are both active participants. Almost like a conversation, by it's very nature there isn't much room for passivity, from either of you. But this isn't a bad thing.

Anyway, if you're really unsure about what you're doing you can always start by eating her out.

>>9169142
If it hasn't begun yet, when will it and in what form?

>>9169187
When you find true love anon

>>9169173
>>The sexual act is amazingly intimate. In a way that's hard to describe in words, especially when you're doing it with someone that you actually have feelings for. It's an act which you are both active participants. Almost like a conversation, by it's very nature there isn't much room for passivity, from either of you. But this isn't a bad thing.

I like the way you described it and it does seems like a an amazing connection, however in those times of casual free sex this seems rare (and I live in a place very prone to that), all around me I see guys rating women as boobs such and such, ass such and such; girls rating the dudes by his dick size, endurance and wealth or whatever else.

And I can't even blame them, there's so much pressure coming from everywhere that we should 'enjoy' life and not waste time, that having fun, going out and do crazy things is such an accomplishment that if you fail at it there's something wrong with you (and honestly, I don't deny this, I think I might have some deep psychological issues) that this comes naturally to them, while for me the natural 'course' is being alone to avoid this pressure and the uncomfortableness of being watched and judged all the time.

Maybe I'm just fucked up.

>>9169173
The conversation bit I understand. But I was reading that Gass thread, with his description of good sex in the OP, and I have to be honest that the self loss is more or less impossible for me.

If I can't even lose myself after drinking a liter and a half of Crown Royal, how am I supposed to lose myself voluntarily to another person?

>>9169204
I'd probably rephrase that to "if". Thank you though.

>>9160768
she still hasn't responded yet

do yall think she's playin hard to get? :)

>>9169317
Someone else is already dicking her.

>>9169341
yeah found proof of that on her twitter

>>9169354
Link?

>>9169381
yeah right

Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color / racial background?
No

>>9169390
>Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color / racial background?
>No

What that has to do with anything?

Group sex (with 3 or more people):
It seriously interests me.

tfw my okc crush is getting gang banged by jamal and tyrone and leroy

>>9169047
can someone reply and tell me it is all going to be alright? College is better than highschool right? Even though it's missing all the youthful innocence?

>>9169261
How old are you anon?

>Maybe I'm just fucked up.
We all are.
>the uncomfortableness of being watched and judged all the time.
This feeling is universal.

>>9169280
>I have to be honest that the self loss is more or less impossible for me.
I'm assuming that both these replies belong to you. This self consciousness that you're referring to ties in with the discomfort of being watched that you mentioned above, as you're probably aware. The Others gaze is terrifying. and it's also one of the defining features of our existence.
Having said this, I don't believe that this emotional guardedness that you've created for yourself a)has always been there, and b) is present all of the time.
>how am I supposed to lose myself voluntarily to another person?
We probably won't ever lose this inadequacy. It's not like there's a question that we can answer that will then solve all of the issues that we've created for ourselves in regards to our obsessive self-scrutiny.
The best we can do is compromise.
Allow ourselves to forget our *selves* in the instant. This isn't a permanent solution. I don't know what is. maybe faith.

I know this will sound pretty dumb. and I'm sorry, I don't have anything else. If my life was going well I wouldn't be up at 2 in the morning on 4chan.

If you haven't already, Kierkegaard and Sartre would be good reads for you anon. Also, unironically DFW

>>9159535
A fool that walks goes farther than an intelligent man that sits.

>>9169400
>College is better than highschool right?
It is. You'll remember highschool as one of the most cringeworthy periods of your life.

>Even though it's missing all the youthful innocence?
For most people, College is just a period of delayed adolescence.

You're going to be alright

>>9169403
The second person to whom you responded is different, I am the liter and a half of Crown Royal guy. You seem like a level headed fellow, so I thought I would posit a question.

I don't use the word "self-consciousness" in the way you use it to mean "consciousness of how I am perceived by others." I mean it as it sounds, strict self-consciousness, the knowledge that I am the only one who can be me. My problem is, every great description of sex seems to make some appeal to "ego loss," which to me can only be a negative thing in the sense of the way you use the word "self-conscious."

When I write something I like, or sing something I like, or generally perform a joyful action, I am more myself than at any other time. My question is, how can the greatest joy be tied to the loss of the thing that enjoys it?

I like Sartre and DFW (DFW especially), not the greatest fan of Kierkey though, reading Camus kind of soured me on him

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she finally responded boys

>>9169505
Good for you lad:)

>>9169520
distracted with school stuff my ass

>>9169505
>coalburner

Drop her.

going

to

chi-land

with them CHINKS

>>9169403
I'm 24, and no we are different posters.

>Allow ourselves to forget our *selves* in the instant. This isn't a permanent solution. I don't know what is. maybe faith.
But what if the other person doesn't mean the same? Either through harsh words, personal distancing or gossiping there's lot of ways a woman you slept with could misuse this self-abnegation you offered her and use it for selfish purposes of validation or sadism.
I guess my best bet is to find someone in a similar condition.

>>9159169
Is this a quote? I feel like I read it somewhere after listening to Maus and recognized it, but didn't note where I read it.

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>>9169591
it's from the final boss of philosophy

Let's have bad sex so I can masturbate to the memory the next couple of days.

>>9169595
Doust?

>>9169572
Has somebody hurt you?

It annoys me everyone on here just posts about relationship shit in these threads. In spite of /lit/s pretensions nobody here thinks about anything other than people's approval and fucking.

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>>9169637

>>9169646
Can't dodge the Rodge.

>>9169630
In a way, yes. It wasn't that bad as I implied but being a not-attractive and inexperienced (and not so fun be with as well, I admit) dude I know I'm very vulnerable, to people regretting doing anything with me and protecting themselves by trying to take distance.

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I have always thought politics and sociology were facinating but I have to stay clear of modern politics or sociology because it drives me insane.

>>9169637
It's true, everyone here should post on /adv/

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women find me too privileged

also, I can't remove the fish odour from my crotch no matter how much I wash it

>>9169572
Shit nigga, this exactly what I think the problem is with saying you have to "lose yourself" to have good sex! You think you have to abnegate yourself to have a meaningful relationship. How, then, do women "like confidence"?

"Women like confidence" is code for "Women like geniuses" is code for "Women like men who are themselves," and vice a versa. If you abnegate yourself to her, she will see you as abject; she will see you as an object of intellectual pity rather than romantic love.

Your self-hatred has made things so much clearer to me, I thank you for posting

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>>9169674
You should get that checked

>>9169674
How's is your diet?

>>9169643
dont stop bb

I actually watched this whole thing.
https://youtu.be/KgmoMO66uPg

>>9169712
Is that literally just people stating the number of sexual partners they've had?
That's really fucking boring.

>>9169730
It's so hypnotic, the music is great and plus the ending (jump to 4:33:49).

>>9169643
Don't waste your opportunity with this girl on a stupid meme just because this guy payed you out>>9169556


you obviously liked her enough to write this>>9160768
>tfw she stopped responding on okcupid after exchanging 250 messages with me

>>9159163

i always think about the eventual light at the end of the tunnel which is an earth that befalls into a constant state of necrosis and becomes so uninhabitable that we become mole people living in tunnels and only the elite get to colonize new planets

i often think about how The Deer Hunter as a film in itself was ahead of it's time and i find it disturbingly more relevant than most current films about war in regards to PTSD and other encapsulating other things about military culture that i have experienced myself

i wonder what spawned my dream last night where i raced a snowman in a floating recliner trying to outspeed my pickup truck

im irritated when i think about relationships and my perspective on love which is skewered and has been deduced to nothing but a pheromonal exchange where two forces are either attracted to one another like magnets or you have money for a prostitute at the time

if i have a kid i want it to be a girl because boys destroy shit and i dont have enough things in life to be destroyed, i am already emotionally dead on the inside so a daughter cant possibly say anything to me that would kill me on the inside unless my son ends up being a faggot tranny thats emotional

anime went from iconic to hyper autismal childish dogshit since the 80s 90s and most people that indulge in it these days are insufferable eternal children

last night i had a terrible nightmare where a woman of much beauty was laying ontop of me naked like a bodypillow and i couldnt get my dick up, i never want to know this feeling ever again

>>9169705
yesterday I ate:

apple
yoghurt with banana and oats
white bread with cheese
chocolate milk
hamburgers with fries

today I ate:

apple
yoghurt with banana and oats
tuna sallad

staying up all night to annotate this story was a mistake. making that supporting force directed graph was also a mistake.

why do i have work so early in the morning. fuck it, i'm having ice cream for lunch.

>>9169769

i tried okstupid once and afterwards i became disheartened that its match system paired me to a bunch of SJWs that i wanted to put dog collars on and fuck like a wild mustang in the saharra desert

>>9169769
>>9169781
lol your other messages sounds so pretentious, but please keep going, i love watching people crash and burn. it's like reading YA fiction while drunk.

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>>9169784

>okstupid

>>9169740
Is there any appeal beyond the ironic concept of taking Garfield and turning it into an edgy "mindfuck" short? I really don't get the super positive feedback in the comments

>>9169759
Might be the dairy stuff.

>>9169790
Not that I see it to be honest, I watched mostly for the hypnotic and soothing value of the looping present in the video.

>>9166434
Everyone is special anon. Even you are special, which is exactly why you wrote your special post to share it with all of the special people here
I'm special too

>>9169781
She's filing a restraining order on you as we speak.

>>9169784
Y-you could put a dog collar on me and f-fuck me like a wild mustang in the sahara* desert

>>9169784
Dude, mustangs don't live in the sahara. The closest thing you'll find to a horse, to say nothing of a mustang, is an oryx or a gazelle.

lrn2metaphor

>>9169435
Sorry about the confusion.

This is an interesting question, and I don't have an answer to it.
I was trying to find the Gass passage that you were referring to but I didn't have any luck. having said that feel free to completely disregard most of what I've written desu
This 'self-consciousness', that you're referring to in this post, as I understand it is Identity, or sense of self.
>When I write something I like, or sing something I like, or generally perform a joyful action, I am more myself than at any other time.
This Identity is intrinsically linked to self awareness as the other anon was describing it. Man is a social being. If you want more on this you should check the last psychiatrist, or at most just read this blog entry
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/10/the_story_of_narcissus.html
he's possibly one of the better thinkers of the past 20 years. He takes a very pessimistic view of the individual but does a good job of explaining the interplay between "consciousness of how I am perceived by others." and "knowledge that I am the only one who can be me."

I don't think that the sexual act requires the loss of this 'I'. On a personal level, I'm not even sure that this ego-loss is possible, or worthwhile.
If anything the sexual encounter is a reconcilliation between two souls.
Maybe what has to be lost is the agony that results from constant self awareness. rather than our Identities themselves.

Also, I'm sorry but it's quite late in the morning and I'm sure that this post inevitably came out a mess

>If I can't even lose myself after drinking a liter and a half of Crown Royal
Drink more, or drink less

>>9169658
>In a way, yes. It wasn't that bad as I implied but being a not-attractive and inexperienced (and not so fun be with as well, I admit) dude I know I'm very vulnerable, to people regretting doing anything with me and protecting themselves by trying to take distance.
Do you want to write about your experiences with this girl?

Also, what country are you from

>>9159163
Oh Staël, if wasn't for the 2000 lire of credit with the French crown/empire/crown your novels would never been published.

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>>9169801
>>9169812
>>9169869
Dude, why would you blow your chances with her like that

>>9169956
>This Identity is intrinsically linked to self awareness as the other anon was describing it. Man is a social being
I see what you're getting at, but I feel like the other anon has become so bound up in this social dimension that he has completely lost his selfishness. The selfishness (your society with yourself) must always come before true (authentic) socialization. If you start defining a man in terms of his qualities ("Man is a social being," "Man is a political animal," etc.) you gain understanding of the general "Man's" qualities but lose the ability to relate to the individual you're speaking with. To me, "Man is a social being" means "There is no greater aid to your own understanding than another's."

>the sexual encounter is a reconciliation between to souls
This makes sense to me.

>>9159169
great album. john maus is one of my favourite people.

>>9169956
>Do you want to write about your experiences with this girl?

It was nothing special, for better or worse. I think it was what it's called on the internet a beta orbiting case, except in this case we actually made out and kissed a few times, I don't know if that counts as beta-orbiting. Naive, 20 year old me thought she genuinely liked me and wasn't using me both for her self-esteem and her school assignments (she was 18 and in the last year of HS). She just generally just acted contradictory manner towards me, at the same time keeping me close using her body, and pushing me away with derision and low-key mockery (I wasn't aware at the time of how unattractive my face is). Once I wasn't 'necessary' anymore I was tossed aside, but I guess every young man goes through this so for me more of a cherished memory of coming of age than anything.
I'm Brazilian.

>>9169956
>I don't think that the sexual act requires the loss of this 'I'. On a personal level, I'm not even sure that this ego-loss is possible, or worthwhile.
>If anything the sexual encounter is a reconcilliation between two souls.
>Maybe what has to be lost is the agony that results from constant self awareness. rather than our Identities themselves.


Following Hegel, sex is both a loss of individual self and the first, most immediate form of the universal self.
https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/hegel/works/ph/phc1ba.htm

>>9168083
Ce n'est pas parce que c'est un board en anglais que tu dois négliger ton orthographe, l'ami. J'aime ton écriture cependant ; tu sonnes comme les cousins du Québec. Peut-être en es-tu ? Peut-être même n'est-ce pas ta langue natale et dans ce cas je passe pour un beau connard. Lis L'avalée des avalés de Réjean Ducharme si ce n'est pas déjà fait !

>>9165579
Same here, dude. Except I don't even know how to survive. Doesn't it make you sad, reading about all the shit people have accomplished in their 20s? I'm always surprised when I learn that people my age have already made something of importance. I feel like I've been stuck in my teenage years, developmentally. I think of all the things I haven't done and despair.

>>9170251
>accomplishments

I ran the largest technology systems integration in business history as of 2002-2003. Now the factory is sold off, the systems are all obsolete and superseded, the companies involved are dead or on the rocks, and not one byte of data or a single thing made there are in service anymore.

hooray.

>>9164190
i'd die happy if lady gaga sat on my face

>>9170298
Honestly I wouldn't count business-related things as accomplishments. Those are mostly transient and don't matter much in any meaningful way. What would count is creating something, something that you would be proud of after you're finished creating it. If not creating, then at least finishing the greeks is fine as well, I guess.

>>9170800
>I can't help but feeling very evil writing all of this, taking advantage of a younger and admittedly less thoughtful person than I

How do you know you're taking advantage of her? Maybe she's taking advantage of you.

Maybe she was molested at a young age by a man with aids, and has made it her mission to spread aids to any man who wanted to fuck her.

Or maybe like most human beings she just enjoys having sex.

I guess we will never know.

>>9170827
I deleted it because I felt disgusted

I think I slept around 15 hours yesterday, but was too tired to keep track. Could have done the same today, but my friend has a surprise later for me, which I surmise is tickets to an NBA game, so I'm trying to stay awake for that.

I think I'm getting depersonalization or whatever it is again, where everything feels dreamy.

There's a tornado warning in my area too which is also adding to the surrealism of my day. Started Ender's Game earlier and I'm really enjoying it. It not only reminds me of the books I would read as a child, but it makes me feel like how I did as a child. Good stuff.

>>9170864
The dude above you is right down, fucking this girl is less 'disgusting' than being condescending and assuming she's less thoughtful than you.

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>>9169869
if she's a bit smart she'll realize how butthurt and childish you are. Congrats. Maybe she did was focused on school for some days and you totally fucking ruined it.

repent now.
say you're sorry to her.
get on your fucking knees, you worm.

Here's a poem I wrote(this introduction and clarification in parentheses are part of the poem):
you will never have a gf
even if you want a gf
you will not get a gf
because a pure gf

is impossible to obtain
in the current year
for you

so it goes

So I lost my virginity (27) last week and the things were awkward with the girl afterwards and a few days later I screwed everything up so she just leaves me on seen on whatsapp. Fair enough.

For the last couple of months I've trying to find something to be passionate about, before it was videogames and shit but not anymore. A week before the event I though I found nirvana or some shit I wasn't thinking anything but I was pleased all of that is gone now.

I sit here and really dont feel like doing anything, not even try to search for girls as I've realized that sex without love is pointless for me. I have written 200 words of some shit but still bored to death

>>9171126
>screwed everything up

Too clingy?

>>9171148
Somewhat around that, but we didn´'t used condoms and I just I was like "take the pill now!" not that violent but apparently she wasn't happy with my insistence.

But before that the day after the sex she was distant so I'm not really sure

Good news boys, wife let me out of the cuck shed to post on /lit/ for a few hours.

How is everybody?

>>9171167
meh, first post in 4chan in like a year

i haven't been interested in a girl for ages now,a girl offered to have casual sex with me and i turned it down because i honestly just didn't care.

i used to class myself as a hopeless romantic, i'd be interested in a new girl every other week.

now i'm not sure what to do, i'm starting to doubt i'll ever find anybody

>>9171162
Did you came inside? You shouldn't have said anything anyway, maybe mention or ask in passing if she's on bc but that's it.

>>9171199
No I didn't, and I knew the chances are low.

I was playing it cool at first but then I was at the office all day thinking and thinking and there was no one to talk. It was most likely an anxiety attack what I had that day, so I probably looked like a psyco thank god I didn't saw her just a whatsapp audio and two missed calls FUCK, This is going to be a funny story in a few years

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>>9171126
>virginity (27)
>videogames
>trying to find something to be passionate about

>>9171209
Next time, settle the question of birth control BEFORE penis goes in the vagina.

>>9171126
>3 years to wizardom
>throw it all away

>>9171217
I know man, actually it went like this. She was like go in is okay, but we dont have condoms I say and I take her hand so she doesn't puts it in but THEN I decide I want to rub it and I was at the entrance and all the thinking went to shit.

>>9171216
I don't like videogames anymore, and is not because I find them childlish or anything. I just cant play them anymore wish I knew why.

>>9171225
actually it was more like 2 years at this point. I wouldn't recommend you do it if you are not in love with the person

I can't finish writing this novella. I'm 3/4 of the way through what I thought the initial word count would be, and I can't fucking finish writing it. I paused for a short time to collect my thoughts between paragraphs. I thought about the story. Then I thought about it some more. It has magically gone back and forth from a Lovecraftian thriller to a Dickensian tale of humanity in my mind, and I am trapped by consideration like a centipede that cannot figure out which leg to start moving. The mere act of thinking about it sinks me further into the quagmire.

>>9171256
Just write, you will fix it later

>>9171241
this was kind of cute to read.

anon i hope you're doing ok, you seem like a decent person. maybe you just need to change your diet and listen to a good album to get your energy going?

This has been on my mind for the past few days:

Am I going to hell?

>>9171275
Yes, shouldn't have touched yourself so much.

>>9171267
Luckily I have my brother and three friends that are surprisingly supportive with me being emotionally confused

>>9171267
According to my beliefs probably, but there are so many possibility. Just sit and think I guess if you truly search for the truth it will let you find her

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>>9159163
The main reason there is a predominate and vocal group that champions left wing politics and ideology comes from the intrinsic ease to which one can advocate 'progressive' liberal values. It is the path of least resistance. Where once liberalism was the struggle, now left wing politics as become a catchphrase, catch-all banner, which allows opportunist 'good samaritans' to herald a 'good' cause for to underpin their pursuit of fame and fortune without the slightest inkling of fear of criticism.

>>9159231
there is no doubt in my head that i have once written somethng exactly like this.
It will get better

>>9159987
omg just shut up alrdy

>>9159163
>this thread is a pseudo circle jerk

>>9164303
thats the thing. He's out in the open. All the others work in the shadows.

>>9160908
This is one step down the long road of learning to not give a fuck. It will hurt but everything that's worth something does.

>>9164190
>Reaches the part of awakening where the outer is understand as the within
>is this seriously all there is?

Uh... give some thought to the immaculate conception and what it means to give birth to something without external influence. In essence much like the universe created itself out of nothing, so too does Mary give birth to Jesus out of nothing. But what then does this mean? That the greatest of all being comes from nothing. Well, energy cannot be created or destroyed, so what can come out of nothing? Thought. Consciousness. That is the everything. When God looked upon the blackness and darkness of everything around him he had a thought, and there was light. And You my friend are God.

>>9168077
if you work to have it adored by others, then you will inevitably fail. If you write to give yourself self-expression and happiness within yourself then fortune will come to you. Do not chase you dream, it will always be out of reach. Let it come and it will.

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>>9168889
>bourgeois myth
Yes. Alexander the Great conquered many great lands because he was bourgeoisie.

>>9169134
Eh Hem. WHY on gods green earth would you want to stop being racist of all things?
Preach non-violence? Why go against nature? Learn what turn the other cheek actually means. Its not pacifism.
As long as you do not hook up to the technical singularity let technology aid you. Farms in Jesus' day used tools.

>>9171479
This is actually quite accurate, my life has improved since I stopped being dominated by desire and just went with the flow.

I want to do something with art now but for the art itself to enjoy myself and maybe if I can get an smile on someone better. But I just can't find what, I'm going to try acting hope I have some talent

/lit/ is one of the most self-aware and self-critical boards imo. If you want to know what self-centered and narcissistic posters actually look like, go do /adv/ or /soc/.

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>>9170988
>>9170004
:'(

>>9171275
>Am I going to hell?
you're already here

I want to post bitching about my life and shit but I feel like it would be pointless

holy shit dudes she really did write back

>>9172645
Go for it anon. I'll read what you have to write.

tfw you wait for your okcupid girl to write back for three days but in the meantime you jerk off and lose all interest in having a gf

really need to start masturbating at least once a week

Tfw I was trying to score a maybe date with Oxford smartie and the thread got deleted.

Time to read Ethan Frome and cry.

>>9172174
Poor thing. If we were friends I would send you nice messages while you waited.

I wrote a lot on books in my OKC profile but no one seems to care about that portion.

>>9172661

I think about things I've done and said in the past (including recently) that were just awkward and stupid and it just makes me hate myself. Especially this: about a year and a half ago I had a psychotic break from undiagnosed bipolar disorder, during which I did some really retarded and embarrassing things. It lasted for about two months. I ended up doing something illegal and now I'm on mental health probation; I've been on it for a year now, only have a year left to go. I don't try to dwell on the past, negative memories just invade my thoughts and I end up feeling awful about myself. I've been trying to an hero for a while now but I just can't go through with it. I can't even get drunk and do it because for some reason I can't stomach any kind of alcohol. The doctor said yesterday that I had "elevated liver function" after reading my blood test results, so it may have something to do with that. It just sucks, everyday I just relive the past and I can't even stop it. I try so hard not to think about it but it just forces a reaction out of me.

>>9172738
Some people would kill for a psychotic break

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>>9172721
>tfw mods actually do their jobs

>>9172721
Still here lol. You read my stipulations, i hope.

>>9172742

It was pretty crazy. Not something I would ever want to happen again

>>9172757
I did! I'm fine with that, I'm traveling around during the summer so I don't mind taking the gamble. Which part of the states are you in?

If you're serious I'll leave a throwaway.

>>9172721
>>9172757
>>9172780

send me proof of your phd program at this throwaway. Will provide proof that I am said person in return. [email protected]

My loneliness has taken over my thoughts, day and night. It's sapping my will to do much of anything. I want to improve my situation, but after failing so many times additional attempts feel like self-inflicted mockery. Further, I know this feeling is ridiculous but I still can't get rid of it. Complaining about it feels dumb, and I feel dumb for writing this post.

>>9172738
Think about how you can change your life for the better and work toward it instead. Then you'll see these negative experiences as a stepping stone to get to where you needed to be.

I hope things are looking up for you soon anon.

>>9172738
>I ended up doing something illegal and now I'm on mental health probation
What did you do?

>I can't stomach any kind of alcohol.
This must suck.
Although it's probably for the better if you're planning on killing yourself

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>>9172791

Good advice, thanks!

>>9172799

Something embarrassing I prefer not to mention. And the only thing I can stomach is the Blood Orange Margarita at Chili's lol

>>9172833
Was it a sexual crime

>>9172780
Also, East Coast.

>>9172738
>I think about things I've done and said in the past (including recently) that were just awkward and stupid and it just makes me hate myself.
You made mistakes in social situations, you can learn from them and attempt to better yourself. Getting caught in a negative-thought loop is something we're probably all familiar with, it's easy to treat yourself like shit. If you think you're shit, there'll be a lot of memories and reasons to support it
>It just sucks, everyday I just relive the past and I can't even stop it. I try so hard not to think about it but it just forces a reaction out of me.
>I've been trying to an hero for a while now but I just can't go through with it.
I feel you, man. Until you want to change and change your opinion of yourself, it's really hard to stop thinking those thoughts. It's easier to entertain notions of an heroing than it is to at least attempt to better yourself / learn / find enjoyment in life. Instead of losing your sense of the moment by entertaining every fucked up thought to it's fucked up illogical conclusion, try and think why you're thinking those thoughts and really think about it; are you just thinking those negative thoughts because you conditioned yourself that way, before you learned more about yourself? are you thinking those thoughts because you think of how those people are thinking of you now?(which doesn't matter because they've thought what they've always thought, what you realize afterwards doesn't change that). It's easier to believe that you're trash than it is to change; dont you think u've been punishing yourself enough?

let’s say hercules fights crime, advocates for good/justice in his life.
some homeless guy needs a place to crash and hercules invites him in. lets him stay for a while.
hercules rarely does this - he was open but knew to be careful of friendship.
homeless and hercules grow closer, and hercules begins to think they understand one another. or could at least try? ..

when hercules is out crimefighting and saving the world, the last thing he wants to do is fight with someone. or have to see evil. after all, he’s tried hard to avoid it despite having to deal with it in the real world.

the homeless man, who barely knows hercules, uses the fact that hercules is gone for hours and assumes he’s out committing crimes and raping old women. what? hercules has no intention of even thinking about the matter. hercules is being accused of weird, terrible shit by someone he thought could have been his friend. would you be annoyed, hurt, in disbelief at the audacity/delusion, or what would your character feel?

hercules either:
a) kicks him out and says nothing to prove to him that hes a hero in disguise (all of hercules’ old friends and family know), because it’s not worth the effort - and if someone doubts him in the first place he probably has issues or wasn’t good to begin with / would probably end up crazy later on,

or

b) should hercules have “”proved”” himself or had to have explained everything to someone who was rude enough to accuse him of trash and doubt him in the first place? he sure as hell doesn’t seem like a friend (homeless) after doing that so does hercules need to waste any energy on countering his suspicion with the truth? does he owe this to somebody if he could care less what that person thinks, since that person doubted him which made him really unfaithful or terribly un-friendly in hercules’ eyes?

lol i hope this made sense thank you :(

>>9172785
>>9172883
Sorry it took a while, I got called away. Sent an email!

mojo finds batman joking online on an icelandic message board saying haha i must crush those demons what shall i use bbubblegum or candypop? xD
and the homeless is like “omg ur a murderer”

is it the mojos fault for misinterpreting the batman’s jokes and denouncing him based on false perceptions? (mojos brain is riddled with suspicion, maybe he was hurt in the past who knows) or is it batmans fault for not explaining to homeless whats up?


> what if batman doesnt think its worth proving to him because hes probably a bad person? (moj seems shady for totally getting people wrong when he didnt even try to find the truth about batman or ask batman, he believed in some weird psycho story he had in his head) what if batman doesnt think mojis worth the truth. whats real.

dropped imo?

>>9172951

I do punish myself when I shouldn't. Like you said, people are gunna think whatever they want. I really don't know what to say tho, the an hero thoughts ARE just a cop out and I know it's a stupid idea but it's just comforting to know that I have control of whether I live on or not. Thanks anon

why does batman or hercules have to explain himself to someone who doesn't even deserve an explanation to a joke or the history behind it? reasoning - purpose? why do people care so much about proving to each other? only if that person is worth it, i would. but you fucked up by treating me like someone who was out to do you wrong, and that killed any feelings i had. that's why i just.. i was so heated because i couldn't believe what you were thinking, and then the fact that you could dare even try to think that way.... and then i wondered if i lacked empathy and maybe its natural for you to misunderstand since you obviously don't know the truth. but to start off a friendship with doubt and suspicion is not what i would call a friendship. i don't see how you can treat people so terribly. i may not seem like it but i'm fragile too. i wanted to open myself up to you but you pasted anothers image on me, misled me and i have no idea what you thought of me or what your intentions were, but being treated suspiciously/ unfairly / as if i could have ever done anything to you or anyone else... well, it hurt.s . and you would know if you were a friend. i'm happy i didn't get to tell you anything deep about myself. i'm tired. and i dont want to have to fight with someone i liked. especially someone who i wanted to know me the best. or most. i hope you find someone you like one day and have to fight off their delusions before you even get to say hello. lets just say you'll be so horribly mindfucked and question what the fuck is going on, and i wonder if you will have it in you to want to explain to that person and set them straight.. or walk away not caring because if he was trying to doubt you in the first place, he probably has no intentions of anything remotely good / didnt know you ffrom the get go / was never interested in you or truth. i would walk away, too. and i'm happy you did. :)

and i'm sorry i never wrote you the letter. you see, i'm very bad at putting disappointment into words. it makes it real. and it hurts. i wish i could have told you what it was, what the sardonic humour and satire came from, my purpose in writing and everything else and beyond, even from the beginning of all the things you misunderstood.. but i think writing it in paper would have made it so much realer. the fact that i would have to let go and delete (you) after sending, the fact that my disappointment would become even more real.. and even if you had read it and you finally saw what the truth was and believed me, it would be too late. because i would have been hurt that i had to do that in the first place. i think judging people is the worst, and you judged me before you even knew me. many many times.

so sometimes, i think it's okay
to be misunderstood. to be thought of falsely. so what if they think you are a carrot when you are a hare? i don't care what they think. caring is the evil. shame on me for thinking we could be friends. let alone anything else. good luck with yourself.

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here's to meeting in another universe, and cheers to noble legacies.

https://youtu.be/iLZMdM7aLn4

To want and not to have, sent all up her body a hardness, a hollowness, a strain. And then to want and not to have- to want and want- how that wrung the heart, and wrung it again and again!


>I can't sleep, I keep thinking about you and everything we could be. I've charmed better men (and women) with my silk and smoke, but not you. I can't do that to you. Could you love someone as hideous as me? I've never felt more vulnerable.

I think that if we become pitiless censors of ourselves, most of the people would be mute the majority of the time. Not that it's a bad thing, but still.

>>9173056
Is the recipient a female? somehow I'm getting strong "Letters to Felice" vibes here.

My mom is bringing me along for her 2-week trip abroad, and I'm really anxious about it. I'll spend most of the time walking the streets by myself. It'd be nice to meet people and talk to them, but I have no idea how to do that.

>>9173960
>My mom is bringing me along for her 2-week trip abroad
how old are you?

>>9174085
27, why do you ask?

>>9174089
You shouldn't be traveling with your mom dude.

>>9174091
This is what I was worried about. Is it that weird? She asked me too, she said that she doesn't want to be alone. It's not really a hassle for me because I'm not working at the moment so I've got nothing keeping me tied down haha.

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>>9174112
Yeah it is man.