How's the opening line of my novel

Mr Jones says you can never be lonely when everybody loves you.

Meestah Jones e-says man can never be lonely when everyone laves you. Meestah Jones doknow nuffin about it, Jones is a whie man and he doknow nothin abou wha a girl of a man of the rod gotta go through, how alone youh can feel e'en wiff four brovers an sree yunger sisters der. No meestah jones is a smart man at science and art but he donow da struggles o a lil black girl at home, no sir whie man

How is it? Garbage.

Itt: children to young to have been graced by the counting crows magnificent debut album.

>>9136930

Go on

but what if I am dead inside

>>9137077
then you should make yourself dead outside by hanging yourself

>>9137080
I don't love myself that much

>>9136908
It was just okay back in 1993, and isn't good at all now.

>>9137141
are you kidding me. august and everything after is a fucking classic. critically acclaimed my man. one of the best albums of the 90s. kys.

>>9136908
ok. ok. wow. just... ok. you fucking faggot.

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Not OP but since there are no other opening threads, rate.

"I've never cared much for other people, and I'm pretty sure that no-one thinks that I'm anything special either. Which of these feelings came first: I wouldn't tell you if I knew."

I don't know if this is really a proper opening or if I should, as I originally planned, put it into a scene of self-reflection.

Not bad. How about:

When I think of heaven (deliver me in a black-winged bird)
I think of flying down into a sea of pens and feathers
and all other instruments of faith and sex and God
In the belly of a black-winged bird.

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>>9136908

>you you

>>9137176
Pfffff.....ridiculous. Not even in the top 20 albums of the 90s. And "critically acclaimed" doesn't mean shit and you know it.

>>9137250
lmaooooooo you must be young.